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How To Love Like Christ Without Being Used · ToddTalks--Spirit By Design: Your Weekly Survival Guide

• 0:33
  SPEAKER_00: Here we go again.
• 0:34
  SPEAKER_00: What's up, everybody?
• 0:36
  SPEAKER_00: And welcome back to Todd Talk Spirit by Design.
• 0:40
  SPEAKER_00: You know, today we're talking about something that we all wrestle with.
• 0:46
  SPEAKER_00: How do we get charity?
• 0:49
  SPEAKER_00: But how to love Christ without being walked all over?
• 0:55
  SPEAKER_00: You know, you've probably felt it that you give and give and give, and you just feel like people take and take and take, like you're a dormant, like your charity is just being walked all over.
• 1:09
  SPEAKER_00: How do you live a life full of charity without becoming a dormant?
• 1:14
  SPEAKER_00: That's what we're going to talk about today.
• 1:16
  SPEAKER_00: So this is something that a lot of disciples of Christ wrestle with.
• 1:20
  SPEAKER_00: Somewhere along the way, many Christians begin believing that saying no somehow means that you're not Christ-like.
• 1:29
  SPEAKER_00: I know that my wife has struggled with this a lot over the years.
• 1:35
  SPEAKER_00: People take and take and take, and saying no is difficult.
• 1:43
  SPEAKER_00: You're exhausted.
• 1:46
  SPEAKER_00: If you're constantly being taken advantage of, if you're carrying everybody else's burdens, you're not really living the higher law.
• 1:58
  SPEAKER_00: Um that's what a lot of people think.
• 2:01
  SPEAKER_00: That if if they do everything, if they wear themselves out doing, doing, doing for everybody else at the expense of yourself, that that is somehow Christ-like and Christian.
• 2:16
  SPEAKER_00: But that's not what Jesus thought.
• 2:20
  SPEAKER_00: What is it that Jesus taught about charity?
• 2:23
  SPEAKER_00: So today I want to suggest something different that charity is not weakness, it's not enabling, it's not abandoning wisdom, it's becoming like Christ.
• 2:35
  SPEAKER_00: Christ's life lived perfectly and he loved perfectly.
• 2:40
  SPEAKER_00: He didn't compromise truth, he didn't compromise the rules that he set up.
• 2:49
  SPEAKER_00: He didn't compromise boundaries.
• 2:53
  SPEAKER_00: So let's start with one of the most quoted scriptures on charity.
• 2:58
  SPEAKER_00: Charity is the pure love of Christ and it endureth forever.
• 3:01
  SPEAKER_00: Moroni 747.
• 3:03
  SPEAKER_00: Notice what Mormon doesn't say in that scripture.
• 3:07
  SPEAKER_00: He doesn't say charity is people pleasing.
• 3:10
  SPEAKER_00: He doesn't say charity means never disappointing someone.
• 3:15
  SPEAKER_00: He doesn't say charity is letting people misuse you, abuse you, take advantage of you.
• 3:22
  SPEAKER_00: He says charity is the pure love of Christ.
• 3:26
  SPEAKER_00: When we study Christ's life, it wasn't controlled by the expectations of other people, was he?
• 3:33
  SPEAKER_00: If you think of Christ, what do you think?
• 3:35
  SPEAKER_00: You think of him sitting, teaching, inviting, but never giving in to what other people are doing.
• 3:46
  SPEAKER_00: He called people to repentance.
• 3:48
  SPEAKER_00: He literally threw the money changers out of the temple with a whip.
• 3:57
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes he healed, sometimes he taught, sometimes he corrected, like I just said, with a whip.
• 4:05
  SPEAKER_00: And sometimes he just walked away.
• 4:07
  SPEAKER_00: Think about this.
• 4:09
  SPEAKER_00: After performing incredible miracles, Jesus often withdrew into the wilderness to pray.
• 4:15
  SPEAKER_00: Even the Savior recognized the need to step away from constant demands because people, once they knew what he could do, they wanted.
• 4:27
  SPEAKER_00: They demand it.
• 4:28
  SPEAKER_00: They need it.
• 4:30
  SPEAKER_00: That's why you had four, five thousand people following him, demanding his attention.
• 4:39
  SPEAKER_00: That can get exhausting.
• 4:43
  SPEAKER_00: President Thomas El S.
• 4:45
  SPEAKER_00: Monson taught, never let a problem be solved.
• 4:48
  SPEAKER_00: To be solved become more important than a person to be loved.
• 4:53
  SPEAKER_00: I love that.
• 4:54
  SPEAKER_00: That's beautiful.
• 4:55
  SPEAKER_00: But notice loving people doesn't mean allowing unhealthy patterns to continue.
• 5:01
  SPEAKER_00: Let me ask you something.
• 5:03
  SPEAKER_00: Have you ever helped someone, only to realize later that your help is actually keeping them from growing?
• 5:11
  SPEAKER_00: Parents experience this, leaders' experiences, friends' experience this, heck Tiffany and I have experienced this many times.
• 5:21
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes rescuing isn't the right answer.
• 5:26
  SPEAKER_00: It becomes enabled.
• 5:27
  SPEAKER_00: The Lord Himself allows us to experience consequences because consequences teach.
• 5:38
  SPEAKER_00: Consequences teach.
• 5:40
  SPEAKER_00: The scriptures say for it must needs be that there is an opposition in all things.
• 5:49
  SPEAKER_00: Growth comes through agency, through struggle, through learning.
• 5:55
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes I would say it's better to learn from other people's mistakes, but often as humans, we need to learn from our own mistakes.
• 6:07
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, just this last trip, Captain and I made a couple of mistakes and we learned from them.
• 6:15
  SPEAKER_00: It happens.
• 6:16
  SPEAKER_00: You learn from what you do or what you get wrong.
• 6:25
  SPEAKER_00: If Heavenly Father removed every consequence from our lives, we would never become like him.
• 6:31
  SPEAKER_00: President Dalin H.
• 6:32
  SPEAKER_00: Oaks taught our Savior's emphasis on loving our neighbor should never be interpreted as approving or condoning sin.
• 6:40
  SPEAKER_00: Love seeks another person's eternal happiness, not merely their personal comfort.
• 6:46
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes the most loving answer is not yes.
• 6:49
  SPEAKER_00: It's not giving in.
• 6:52
  SPEAKER_00: It's not bailing someone out when they're struggling.
• 6:57
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes love says, I believe you're capable of figuring this out or doing this yourself.
• 7:06
  SPEAKER_00: And that's where the word boundaries comes in.
• 7:11
  SPEAKER_00: Some people don't think boundaries belongs in the gospel, but it really does.
• 7:17
  SPEAKER_00: Boundaries are important.
• 7:20
  SPEAKER_00: Who created them?
• 7:22
  SPEAKER_00: God did.
• 7:27
  SPEAKER_00: The commandments that we follow, those are boundaries.
• 7:30
  SPEAKER_00: Temple covenants are sacred boundaries.
• 7:33
  SPEAKER_00: Agency itself requires boundaries to work.
• 7:37
  SPEAKER_00: Jesus said, be therefore wise as serpents and harmless as doves.
• 7:42
  SPEAKER_00: Matthew 10, 16.
• 7:45
  SPEAKER_00: He didn't say, be naive.
• 7:49
  SPEAKER_00: He didn't say trust everyone.
• 7:53
  SPEAKER_00: He said, be wise and harmless.
• 7:58
  SPEAKER_00: Those two qualities belong together.
• 8:01
  SPEAKER_00: President Russell M.
• 8:03
  SPEAKER_00: Nelson has repeatedly taught that truth and love are inseparable.
• 8:06
  SPEAKER_00: In one address, he said, the pure love of Christ is the answer to divisions, hatred, and contention that plague our world.
• 8:15
  SPEAKER_00: I would say all of those plague our world and are getting worse.
• 8:22
  SPEAKER_00: Christ-like love does not ignore truth.
• 8:25
  SPEAKER_00: It is anchored in it.
• 8:26
  SPEAKER_00: Boundaries aren't barriers to love.
• 8:29
  SPEAKER_00: They're guardrails that allow love to flourish.
• 8:34
  SPEAKER_00: And I knew a family that they caused a rift in the family because one part of the family wanted boundaries, and the other did not know what those meant.
• 8:53
  SPEAKER_00: Now I'm sure there were many other, many other things that happened, but eventually it broke the family apart.
• 9:06
  SPEAKER_00: Because boundaries are a requirement.
• 9:11
  SPEAKER_00: Christ-like love requires boundaries.
• 9:15
  SPEAKER_00: Otherwise, one side gets exhausted from overhelping, stepping in, being used, abused, stepped on.
• 9:30
  SPEAKER_00: Can I be honest with you?
• 9:32
  SPEAKER_00: I don't think most people struggle with charity.
• 9:34
  SPEAKER_00: I think they struggle with fear.
• 9:36
  SPEAKER_00: Fear of disappointing someone.
• 9:39
  SPEAKER_00: Fear that they'll be upset.
• 9:42
  SPEAKER_00: Fear that they'll stop liking us.
• 9:44
  SPEAKER_00: Oh no.
• 9:46
  SPEAKER_00: So we keep saying yes.
• 9:49
  SPEAKER_00: We keep giving in.
• 9:50
  SPEAKER_00: We keep giving of ourselves even when we're exhausted and have nothing left to give.
• 9:56
  SPEAKER_00: Even when the spirit is whispering, stop.
• 10:01
  SPEAKER_00: You're not helping.
• 10:04
  SPEAKER_00: The Apostle Paul reminds us, God hath not given us the spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.
• 10:11
  SPEAKER_00: 2 Timothy 1.7.
• 10:16
  SPEAKER_00: You catch that?
• 10:17
  SPEAKER_00: Power, love, and a sound mind.
• 10:20
  SPEAKER_00: Those three things go together.
• 10:23
  SPEAKER_00: Love without wisdom becomes enabling.
• 10:28
  SPEAKER_00: Wisdom without love becomes harshness.
• 10:33
  SPEAKER_00: Christ had both.
• 10:35
  SPEAKER_00: So President Jeffrey R.
• 10:37
  SPEAKER_00: Holland taught Christ-like love is the greatest need we have on this planet because righteousness was always supposed to accompany.
• 10:46
  SPEAKER_00: Notice what he said: love and righteousness, mercy and truth, compassion and accountability.
• 10:52
  SPEAKER_00: Those go together.
• 10:55
  SPEAKER_00: So one of the greatest gifts of the restored gospel is personal revelation.
• 11:02
  SPEAKER_00: James taught, if any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God.
• 11:06
  SPEAKER_00: James 1, 5.
• 11:08
  SPEAKER_00: Joseph Smith acted on that invitation.
• 11:11
  SPEAKER_00: Because of that prayer, the restoration began.
• 11:14
  SPEAKER_00: That same principle applies today.
• 11:17
  SPEAKER_00: When someone asks for help, don't just ask yourself, what do they want?
• 11:22
  SPEAKER_00: Ask Heavenly Father, what would you have me do?
• 11:27
  SPEAKER_00: Find out what He wants you to do.
• 11:29
  SPEAKER_00: Because we don't always know.
• 11:32
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes, what we think, when we think we're healthy, we're enabled.
• 11:39
  SPEAKER_00: And the Lord's telling us, don't do it.
• 11:42
  SPEAKER_00: Don't do it.
• 11:44
  SPEAKER_00: Other times, when we think it's too much, the Lord tells us, help this time.
• 11:53
  SPEAKER_00: President Henry B.
• 11:54
  SPEAKER_00: Irene said, as you prayerfully consider how you how to serve others, the Lord will guide you.
• 12:00
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes that guidance is to help.
• 12:03
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes it's to wait.
• 12:07
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes it's to teach instead of to rescue.
• 12:14
  SPEAKER_00: True charity isn't measured by how much you give away.
• 12:18
  SPEAKER_00: It's measured by how much you help someone become more like Christ.
• 12:22
  SPEAKER_00: Paul taught in 1 Corinthians 13 3, though I bestow all my goods to feed the poor and have not charity, it profiteth me nothing.
• 12:31
  SPEAKER_00: Charity Charity isn't simply giving.
• 12:36
  SPEAKER_00: It's giving with Christ-like intent.
• 12:38
  SPEAKER_00: It's helping in Christ-like ways.
• 12:41
  SPEAKER_00: President David A.
• 12:41
  SPEAKER_00: Bednar taught that the Savior's ministry was about helping people become, not merely helping them receive.
• 12:48
  SPEAKER_00: Too many people help people receive.
• 12:51
  SPEAKER_00: Look at the government.
• 12:54
  SPEAKER_00: The government has been giving charity for 50 years, 60 years.
• 13:05
  SPEAKER_00: And not only has it not helped to get people out of poverty, in many ways it's made it worse.
• 13:16
  SPEAKER_00: This is because the old adage, if you give a man a fish, he'll eat for a day and he'll come back for another fish.
• 13:33
  SPEAKER_00: So it's a profound difference between helping someone become versus just giving.
• 13:41
  SPEAKER_00: We're not saying don't solve the problem.
• 13:47
  SPEAKER_00: We're not just trying to solve the problem.
• 13:50
  SPEAKER_00: We're helping people come into Christ.
• 13:53
  SPEAKER_00: That's the whole purpose of Christ-like charity.
• 13:56
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes that means serving, sometimes that means listening, sometimes that means setting boundaries and taking a step back and allowing someone to exercise their agency and struggle.
• 14:16
  SPEAKER_00: In Matthew 11, 28, Jesus said, Come unto me, all ye that labor and are heavily laden, and I will give you rest.
• 14:24
  SPEAKER_00: Jesus invites us to find rest in him.
• 14:27
  SPEAKER_00: Not exhaustion, not burnout, not resentment.
• 14:31
  SPEAKER_00: If your service continually leaves you spiritually empty, it may be time to prayerfully ask whether you've been carrying burdens the Lord never asked you to carry.
• 14:41
  SPEAKER_00: Remember, you can be kind without being controlled.
• 14:44
  SPEAKER_00: You can forgive without removing accountability.
• 14:47
  SPEAKER_00: You can love deeply without losing yourself.
• 14:52
  SPEAKER_00: That's exactly how the Savior loves us.
• 14:55
  SPEAKER_00: Fully, deeply.
• 14:57
  SPEAKER_00: He offers grace, truth, he honors agency, he invites change, and he never stops loving us.
• 15:06
  SPEAKER_00: That is charity.
• 15:07
  SPEAKER_00: Not charity with chains, but charity with Christ at the center.
• 15:15
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you for listening to another Todd Talk Spirit by Desire.
• 15:21
  SPEAKER_00: If today's episode resonated with you, share it with someone who may be carrying burdens they were never meant to carry alone.
• 15:31
  SPEAKER_00: Charity is the pure love of Christ.
• 15:34
  SPEAKER_00: Charity never fail.
• 15:37
  SPEAKER_00: Charity does not mean exhausting yourself.
• 15:41
  SPEAKER_00: Charity sometimes means stepping back.
• 15:48
  SPEAKER_00: Pray for personal revelation that you will know how to help others.
• 15:53
  SPEAKER_00: Until next time, remember discipleship isn't about pleasing everyone.
• 15:58
  SPEAKER_00: It's about following Jesus Christ with both love and wisdom.
• 16:03
  SPEAKER_00: God bless you, and I'll see you in the next episode.
• 16:06
  SPEAKER_00: As always, have a nice day.