Latest / Twin Mom Life / It's Okay to Not Be Okay: From 2 to 4 Kids, Reflections From the NICU & Resilience with Cali Ryan

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It's Okay to Not Be Okay: From 2 to 4 Kids, Reflections From the NICU & Resilience with Cali Ryan · Twin Mom Life

• Cali: And when I was in the NICU, had so many moms messaging me like, it's so temporary. It's just a season. It's a blip on the radar in the scheme of things. And while it is, it also changes you in so many ways. Jess Sittig: Mm. Mm-hmm. Cali: And so I don't like to think of it as just a blip on the radar because it's such a significant part of not only like my baby's like journey, but also me developing and growing as a mom, like in general. Jessielee Sittig: Hello and Welcome to the Twin Mom Life podcast. I'm your host, Jess. I created this podcast to help build community, connection, and most importantly, friendships among moms of multiples. Being a twin mom can be amazing and magical. That twin bond is unlike anything I've ever witnessed, but it can also be isolating and overwhelming. I'll be chatting with other twin moms, diving deep into the twin experience. giving advice on what works for us so you don't have to learn the hard way. Juggling two babies at the same time is challenging, but I'm confident we can learn from each other and figure out how to raise these babies together. Jess Sittig: welcome to the podcast. So today we have Kelly, how are you doing? Cali: I'm doing great. Thanks for having me. Jess Sittig: Yes, of course I'm so excited. So can you tell us a little bit about you? I know you're an awesome content creator and a mom of four. Yeah. You're doing great. So can you tell us a little bit more about your family? Cali: Trying. Yes. Yeah, absolutely. So I I am married to my high school sweetheart. and we have four beautiful girls together. We have two older ones, a six-year-old, a three and a half, and then we surprise got pregnant with identical twin girls. So that leaves us as a family of six. and It's a life. It's a ri wild ride. Jess Sittig: I love it. And I feel like your content is so great because I feel like you do a really good job of providing tips and like the realness of like here's the logistics of how I do this. And I the added Cali: Yeah. Jess Sittig: layer of having other kids other than just twins. So Cali: I know, it's it's almost like hard to differentiate between like the twin content and the mama four content because it's like two totally different lives, like living in one. Jess Sittig: I totally feel that. I feel like I post a lot about having twins, but I'm a mom of three. I had a singleton first. So I feel like Cali: I know. Jess Sittig: I try to weave in like a three under three and then twin-specific Cali: Yeah. Jess Sittig: stuff. So I feel you on that. And like I never want to discredit the fact that I have three, you know, and you have four. Cali: Of course, yeah. I know it just having twins is just such a unique experience. It's like Jess Sittig: Mm-hmm. Cali: worth like honing in on that because there are so many like all the expecting twin moms, they're they're finding out and they have no idea what's what's to come for them, all the good things and the hard things and everything. So I try to like sprinkle in humor and like informational, educational kind of stuff, and just like my own experience so that someone can cling to it and Use it how they may. Jess Sittig: Yeah, I love that. And I feel like that's what a lot of moms are looking for, like that practical, like what are the the actual logistics that you're doing to get out of the house and go to the library Cali: Yeah. Jess Sittig: and manage meals and all of the things. So I love your page and your content. So I'm so excited to to dive into everything. But before we do, I always ask mamas if they had a chance to fill their cup or if you have plans to do so later today. Cali: So I actually did already today. This morning after I pumped, I actually went out for a morning run, which I honestly thought when I found out I was pregnant with twins, my third and fourth, I never thought that that would happen again. So the Jess Sittig: Hmm. Cali: fact that I was able to get out there and it was only I think it was eleven minutes that I was running outside by myself, like in my own head and thoughts and It totally filled my cup and just changed like the projectory of my day. So Trajectory Jess Sittig: I love Cali: of my day. Jess Sittig: I love that. I love that. I feel like getting outside, having a little bit of alone time, moving your body, all those things are so cup filling and necessary. And it's hard. Cali: Yeah. Jess Sittig: Like, did your girls just turn one? Cali: Yeah, they're a thirteen months, so yes. Jess Sittig: Yeah, I feel like that first year is just kind of a blur. You're figuring out the logistics, you're learning. And it's very Cali: Yeah. Jess Sittig: for me personally, it was very hard to find time to fill my own cup. And I really started doing that once they were one and then even more so when they're two and now they're three. So I feel like every Cali: Yeah. Jess Sittig: year that they get older, I'm able to do more and more things. So I'm so glad that you did that. And Cali: Yeah. Jess Sittig: good for you. It feels good. Like you never regret. Going outside and like working out, you know. Cali: I know, and we always do like a morning walk in the summer with my all my girls and we went out for a morning walk and Addy, she was like, this is so fun, like getting out together and I was like, you know, mommy already went on a run and she was like, You already ran like she was just like dumbfounded that I had already made time for myself and I was like, Yes I did. Jess Sittig: Mm. Cali: May have only been ten minutes, but I did. Jess Sittig: Well, and that's a good point too. Like they they are watching us always, you Cali: Mm. Jess Sittig: know. I feel like this summer I have gotten really out of the habit with like traveling and things, but I try to go to yoga once a week. And the Cali: Mm. Jess Sittig: kids typically know, like on Thursdays, mom is not doing bed and bath time. Like daddy is doing that because mom's going to yoga. So I need to get Cali: Yeah. Jess Sittig: back into that. Like I said, summer's been more loosey goosey. But I love that they know and they are starting to be able to respect that schedule and hopefully, you know, can carry that on and remember like my mom made time for herself. And I just think it makes us better moms. Cali: it's also so interesting because when we think about doing things for ourselves, like that mom guilt comes in, but in actuality it's really teaching them like deeper lessons than we think to always be Jess Sittig: Mm-hmm. Cali: taking care of yourself, showing them like how to just function as a adult and you know, always make space and time for yourself. So It like contradicts itself because it's such a good thing, but then we feel the mom guilt creep in and so it's hard to juggle those emotions, at least me personally. Jess Sittig: I I completely agree with you. And I do think it gets a little bit easier as your kids get older. I don't know if you've noticed that with your other two, but like, of course, Cali: Yes. Jess Sittig: like my six-year-old still needs me, of course, but she isn't as dependent on me as like Cali: Mm. Jess Sittig: when she was one, when the boys were one. It seems like Cali: Yeah. Jess Sittig: everyone, it's just getting a little bit easier. I never want to say easy. It's getting more manageable because they are able to do Cali: Okay, that's a good yeah. Jess Sittig: some things on their own. own. So of course Cali: Yeah. Jess Sittig: I still have mom guilt, but it is less than when they were little. Like when Cali: Yes. Jess Sittig: they were little, I also felt guilty of like, my husband is not a babysitter, right? Like he's we're a Cali: Of course. Jess Sittig: team, but I'm like, I know it's a lot. So I would feel Cali: Mm. Jess Sittig: guilty leaving them. And then I would also feel guilty, I don't want to use the word burden. Like I would feel guilty leaving him in charge of everybody because I know it's a lot. So and I Cali: Mm-hmm. And and you're in it like day in, day out, so you know all Jess Sittig: Mm-hmm. Cali: the little cues and signs and whines and everything. So yeah, no, Jess Sittig: Yes. Yeah. Cali: I get that. I do. Jess Sittig: And that's gotten easier as they've gotten older, for sure, because Cali: I I was texting with a friend the other day and I was like, I think this year I might be able to live a little bit, like go to a coffee shop while the girls are in school with the twins and or or join a gym and have the twins go to the child care or something like where Jess Sittig: Mm-hmm. Yes. Cali: I can actually live life a little bit because you're right, that first year and not to make it seem daunting for the expecting twin moms, but it it really is just like you're really in survival mode because you're learning like a whole new way of life. You're keeping two, not just one, but two babies alive and well, and yourself. You're focusing on your recovery too. And it's just two impregnancy just it takes a lot out of you. And so that first year it was great. It was beautiful. I did try and soak it in as much as I could because I don't know about for you, but that this is our last. So I did try and really soak Jess Sittig: Same. Cali: it in. But that didn't make it any easier. And now I s I I'm kind of starting to see the light at the end of the tunnels. So Jess Sittig: Yes. And it's just like I would have never had the time, the brain capacity to have a podcast. Absolutely not. Like I started Cali: yeah. Yeah. Jess Sittig: thinking about it when the boys turned two. And then I really didn't like kick it off until the boys were two and a half. And I don't think Cali: Yeah. Jess Sittig: I even even when they were two, I don't think I would have had that capacity. Like Every month that went on, I'm like, okay, I think I could, I think I could do this. And there's no way that Cali: Yeah. Jess Sittig: I could have done it in their first year of life. So it's like, Cali: Yeah. Jess Sittig: it doesn't get easier, things get more manageable, and you get better. Cali: I like that. I like that. More manageable. Jess Sittig: Like you, you as a mom, you're like, I got this, I'm more capable. And yes, that comes with time, perspective, but that confidence Cali: confidence. Yeah. Yeah. Jess Sittig: is key. And you don't have that confidence right away, even as Cali: No. Jess Sittig: Having a singleton first, I had a little bit more confidence that I'd already been a mom, but I hadn't Cali: Mm. Jess Sittig: been a mom to two babies at the same time. Cali: Yeah, it's just a different experience and a Jess Sittig: Yeah. Cali: great experience, but a different experience. Jess Sittig: Yes. Okay. So you went from two to four. Can you tell us about yeah. Cali: Yes. Quite the surprise. Jess Sittig: Can you tell us about that story of finding that out and what that was like for you guys? Cali: Yeah. so I'll rewind to the beginning because it was actually really funny and I had posted like a reel or two about it and apparently it happened to quite a few other twin moms or moms of multiples. And so the whole year prior to me getting pregnant for the third and fourth now baby, Mike, my husband, he he was like, you know, we're gonna Try for the third, we'll try for a boy. We're gonna get pregnant with twin girls. But for the whole like year leading up, like totally joking, but like he must have had some sort of inkling. Jess Sittig: Sure. Cali: And so we go to we found out we were pregnant, and we go for our first scan. And first question he asks, triple check that there's just one in there. So she's like, you know, scan him, scan him me, scan him me. And she was scanning me. And she's like, Yep, just one, just one. And so we were sent off thinking it was just one. And then we were sent to MFM, the high-risk doctor, because I was being monitored for something else. And when I showed up there alone, I showed up and they laid me back to start scanning. And she puts it on my belly and she's like, they didn't tell me it was a twin scan. And You should have seen my face. I immediately started cackling and crying at the same time. And I was like, I thought she was legitimately joking and like she had heard that story somehow. But no, she was like, No, look, honey, there's two two heads on the the screen. And I'm looking and I'm like, I I I have to call my husband. And so that is how we found out. And that first scan was at like nine and a half weeks. So it was like, you know You should have been able to see two babies, but and then the second Jess Sittig: Yes, that's that's what I was gonna ask. Cali: one yeah, and the second one was at like almost fourteen weeks. So it was just a wild ride. So we had already announced that we were pregnant, we had already announced that it was a girl, and then and and then we found out it was twins. So Jess Sittig: my gosh, I didn't realize it was that many weeks later. Like there were several weeks where Cali: Yes. Jess Sittig: you're like, it's a singleton, or you probably weren't even thinking that because Cali: Yeah, yeah, several. Yeah, it was it was a really wild ride. So we had to do like a reannouncement and be like, just kidding. Jess Sittig: Just kidding. my gosh. Okay, so you were alone and you called your husband and what did he say? Cali: well, do you want me to do the censored version? He said, I effing knew it. And then he was just like, Wow, one of them better be a boy and I was like, I don't think that's gonna be the case. Jess Sittig: Right, you're like if we already got the blood test back, or is that how you guys knew the like a blood test? Cali: Yeah, and I guess i unless it shows that there's male genes or whatever that it's not. And so they were like, It's like Jess Sittig: Right, then it's it's not. It's just girls. Mm-hmm. Cali: ninety nine point six percent it's twin girls. But then the story goes on because they thought I was a die die pregnancy for like until I was like twenty weeks and then they found out that I was a mono die pregnancy, so they were identical. It was it's just like it was the most wild ride of our entire life 'cause something at every appointment was like a new surprise. So Jess Sittig: Sure. Yeah, that's a lot to digest. So my story isn't similar to yours at all. Like we we Cali: Yeah. Jess Sittig: knew at our first scan at like six weeks that it was twins. You could very, very clearly see. I have die dye twins. So you could like see the sacks and stuff. Cali: Yeah. Jess Sittig: But you know, die-dye twins are mainly fraternal, but there's a chance they can be identical. So we were told Cali: Yes. Jess Sittig: they were fraternal, and I'm like, okay, I don't know anything about twins. And then yeah, maybe when I was like, 20 weeks we found out that we were pregnant with identical boys. And I was absolutely mind blown because I we did. We did the NIPT testing, but the Cali: my gosh. Did you find did you do like the blood work to find that out? Mm hmm. Jess Sittig: first ultrasound tech was like, no, they're fraternal, they're die die. Like that is the only option. Cali: Yeah, well, because they told us we were die dye at first and it's like a seventy thirty, like seventy Jess Sittig: Yeah. Cali: percent fraternal, thirty percent identical. yeah, the way that it was showing up on the scans, it looked the way my placenta was, it looked like there were two, but it was actually just one. And so as they grew and everything got bigger, they were like, wait, they're actually mono dye. So yeah. Jess Sittig: It's wild. That is all and probably because I feel like if sh the first ultrasound tech would have noticed that there were two, she you would have been able to see the sacks more clearly. Like the ultrasound from my six weeks, it is so unbelievably clear that there are two sacks. Because then as sure. Cali: So clear. I know. Well you best believe I went down like a rabbit hole like looking at all the different scans of twins. Now looking back at that first scan, I'm like, okay, like it kind of does look like there would be two like two babies in there, but you can very clearly see one and nothing in the other. But I don't know, I'll have to show you later. But it's I don't know. It was just it was really wild. Jess Sittig: Yes, absolutely. And for so long thinking, we're gonna have three as we planned. And then to Cali: Yes. Jess Sittig: pivot and be like, okay, we're going from two to four, that changes things like logistically, like Cali: Yeah. Jess Sittig: maybe you need a bigger car. That was the first thing my husband said was like, okay, we're probably gonna need a bigger car. And Cali: Well, it's funny that you say that because we literally had bought our minivan a week before finding out that it was twins and like thank goodness we went with the minivan and not like a crossover or something, like I don't Jess Sittig: Or Cali: know. It would have been crazy. Jess Sittig: I feel like you posted a car tour. I'm trying to think, what minivan do you have? Cali: The Honda Odyssey. Twenty twenty five touring, it's amazing. Jess Sittig: nice. Okay. I I also have a minivan. I have the Kia Carnival and I love it. I never Cali: yeah. Yes. Jess Sittig: ever thought I was gonna be a minivan mom. Like I I think I think they Cali: Well those like look like an SUV, so Jess Sittig: do. I've had so many people be like, this is a minivan, and then I hit the sliding door and they're like, it sure is, you know, which is the best. It is Cali: You're like, Yes. Yeah. Jess Sittig: I love it. Like aside from Cali: Agreed. Jess Sittig: the sliding doors, which is just like so key when you have a bunch of little kids, it's also very low to the ground. So if you Cali: Mm. Jess Sittig: have like a big SUV, you're having to like lift kids in. no, my kids can just like walk right in the car and lo they can just load themselves and literally that's Cali: Lift up. Lo load in. Yeah. Go. Jess Sittig: me. I'm like, we're going to the library. All right. Go, go, go. So Cali: Yeah. my gosh. I know. I can't wait until the twins are able to like walk and get in on their own. That's that's like a whole ordeal is loading the car with the two babies. Jess Sittig: Yes. Cali: That's one of those logistical things that I was like, How do you do this? But we figured it out, you know. Jess Sittig: Mm-hmm. My yes, as you do, you just you figure it out and you learn and you get a system. But it is so Cali: Yeah. Jess Sittig: nice to have help. My husband works from home and there will be some Cali: Yes. Jess Sittig: times where I'm like, can you just help me for three minutes? Because if I buckle one in and you buckle one in, then I've saved half of the time, you know? And then my daughter can Cali: my gosh, I know. Jess Sittig: buckle herself in. So sometimes Cali: Yeah. Jess Sittig: he's like, no, I literally cannot. And then sometimes he's like, sure, I'll come say goodbye and like buckle in a baby, or I guess they're not babies anymore, but yeah. Cali: Or even just like bringing one of them out to the car for you, like just having an extra hand to grab all the lunch Jess Sittig: Yes. Cali: boxes and water bottles and everything else. It's just so much stuff. Jess Sittig: That is the funniest thing. Yes. It takes me like four, like, you know, we've had a loosey goosey summer. So sometimes we'll go to the park and I'll bring lunch there. So I'll have like a cooler with lunches and then a bag and there are water bottles and you know, if we're going to the splash pad, then a beach bag with towels and an extra pair of clothes and it's just it's a lot. So if I could just Cali: I know. Jess Sittig: like if you could just help me do one trip, then I'll just save time. So it is nice to have an extra set of hands sometimes, but Cali: Yes, I agree. Jess Sittig: my goodness. Okay, so tell me about like the I know that there was NICU time and I want to dive into that. So what did the birth and after look like? Cali: So one of my girls ended up being severely growth restricted. Jess Sittig: Mm, mm. Cali: they almost dealt with that twin twin transfusion syndrome, but they like teetered the line of it. so we had to deliver very early because of that because the the my placenta wasn't offering her nutrients and it was like restricted blood flow for that. So We ended up having to deliver a thirty-four weeks VS C section and it was actually a great experience. looking back, we have videos from in the operating room, and I didn't notice in the moment when they were handing me Leighton especially, but when they were handing me the second baby, it was a very urgent situation because she wasn't breathing and she in the video she like turns like blue purple and I I just Jess Sittig: Mm. Cali: remember like watching that back like a few weeks after being in the hospital and I was like, my gosh, I had no idea how urgent that moment Jess Sittig: Mm-hmm. Cali: was. They like hand her to me, they're like whacking her, and then they all of a sudden like they just like leave and go up to the NICU. And and then next thing I knew, like I told Mike obviously to follow them up there and I was in the recovery room alone and then the nurse was so kind and wheeled me right up to the NICU to meet Mike and then see the twins again. But yeah, walking into that Mickey the first time, I don't think I expected like what that whole experience would be for the next 32 days that we were in there. Jess Sittig: Mm. Cali: I kind of I guess you could say I was a little naive walking in there like, like they're just in here for some extra oxygen or care. I didn't realize how I don't know why it's making me emotional, but just like how Jess Sittig: No, because it is. Cali: involved and everything that whole experience would be. Jess Sittig: Yeah. I have talked to so many twin moms at this point. I think I'm almost to 40, 42. and it I know that both of your babies were in the NICU and I I definitely want to understand what was going on with both of them. But even with my baby bee and with a lot of other baby bees, it seems like it's worse for them. And I don't know if it's because they're in Cali: I yeah. Jess Sittig: there longer. Like my my boys did not have NICU time, but maybe they should have. My baby B inhaled a lot of amniotic fluid hours later was vomiting blood, like my five hour old baby. So he had x-rays and all these things. And it was my blood from like sucking up amniotic fluid. But it's always Cali: Mm. Jess Sittig: like baby B. So that really stuck out to me when you were telling your story. So Cali: Yeah. Jess Sittig: It's just interesting. Like I I wish there was more research about this. I feel like there's really not it's if this is all hearsay, like from stories I've heard from moms about Cali: Yeah. Jess Sittig: baby B having it a little bit worse off. So, Cali: You know, it's it is really interesting too because the whole pregnancy, our baby B Mackenzie, she was the one who she was measuring like less than one percent, and she came out less than one percent. Like she was tiny. Jess Sittig: Mm-hmm. Cali: but then once they were out of my belly, it was Leighton who had more issues, like breat like with her lungs and everything. So it kind of like flip flopped as soon as they came Jess Sittig: Hmm. Cali: out. Mackenzie was in the NICU. a few days longer than Leighton, but mainly just for like feeding issues. They have to meet certain milestones before they're discharged. but yeah, Leighton had more scares during her stay in the NICU, I would say. So it is it is interesting and there I feel like there has to be some sort of science. I know with Mackenzie, the reason why she like in utero had more issues was because of the way like her umbilical cord was attached to my placenta. Jess Sittig: Hm, okay. Cali: so like that is why for her. but you're right. It's always like it's always baby B. I don't know why. Jess Sittig: Yeah, it's really interesting. I'll have to look into that after to see if there is research on that because this has been like it's come Cali: I know, I wonder if there is. Jess Sittig: up so many times. So okay, Cali: Yeah. Jess Sittig: so 32 days in the NICU. So at 34 weeks, were you able to get the steroid shot for their lungs? Cali: So I did. I did two shots. I think it was two, maybe three, but two shots like the week before leading up to delivery, because we had planned it early. And yeah, I guess it helped Mackenzie and not lean. I don't know. I don't know if it like a one off thing or if she was just distressed when she came out. overall the whole like C section process was positive because like as they pulled her out there like everyone no one was really urgent yet and then things started happening. So I'm not sure but I'll tell you when you walk in the NICU and you see not one baby but two babies, like not that it lessens any other experience of just Jess Sittig: Hm. Cali: a singleton, but when you walk in and you see two of your babies in their cages, the isolettes, that are you know, heated containers basically for them to help them keep growing and hooked up to all these oxygen things and all the cords coming off them and not being able to hold them. Like it's it's a really difficult thing to walk through because, you know, I'm I'm rolled in there thinking, my gosh, I get to hold my girls finally. And like I don't I don't even remember if I asked, but I just knew that I c I would wasn't gonna be able to yet. so I was able to do a finger hold Jess Sittig: Hmm. Cali: and that's you know, that's about it. The first two days I think and then I was able to hold them. and the nurses in there like they were so incredible and I don't think it was until they were Two weeks old or something. I was just looking at it the other day that I was able to hold them together. Their isolates and and their cords and everything were like super far away in the room one room. We were blessed to have them both in the same room at least. So that was nice. But they were on separate sides of the room. And so it made it hard for the cords Jess Sittig: Mm. Cali: to stretch so I could hold them both at the same time. And one nurse, she like unplugged everything and replugged it into a different place that just like manipulated everything just so that I could hold them both at the same time. And I will never forget her. Her name was Lucy. And she just like she was like, we're making this happen for you today. And I just like Jess Sittig: Mm. Cali: I cried like all day because I appreciated it so much. And it's just one of those things that you'll you'll never for forget. and then after that I was able to hold them once a day at the same time. So I made that Hold be like two hours. Jess Sittig: yeah, I bet. that's making me emotional. That's that's so sweet and sweet Lucy. Cali: Yes, I know. And like, what a cute name too. Jess Sittig: Yes, I know. It's all it's all very sweet. I feel like the majority of nurses have like really sweet, special souls. Like I think it takes a really special person to be a nurse and go into a field of wanting to help people. But I have always heard that Cali: Of course. Jess Sittig: like NICU nurses are just like angels on earth. So Cali: Yeah, they're like a different breed. It it's it's insane. And like you leave the hospital and as hard as it is, and I cried every single night when I had to leave, Jess Sittig: Mm-hmm. Cali: but I knew that they were in such good hands and I could call the NICU at any hour of the night, like when I was up pumping in the middle of the night at home. I could call and just say, like, hey, did they like have they had any events or just check on them and make sure that they were okay. And then next thing you know, I would be there at eight AM the next morning. So I just I I can't thank the whole staff that cared for them while they were there enough. And I think any mom who has had a child in the hospital, but in the NICU especially, would feel the same. Jess Sittig: my boys were not in the NICU, but my daughter had like a pretty big medical event in April and was she had a seizure. It was awful. She was hospitalized. Cali: Yeah. my gosh. Jess Sittig: And I like I, you know, like you can empathize with someone like, gosh, it would be so hard to see your kids in the hospital. I remember crying so much for a lot of reasons. But then I talked to a mom who was like in the NICU really early and I was bawling during our interview because it was like the first time that I could actually semi understand what she went through. Because my daughter is sick. So seeing in their ho seeing her in the hospital was awful. Cali: Mm-hmm. Jess Sittig: but like I can't even imagine like her as a baby like that. You know what I mean? Cali: I know. Jess Sittig: So it just I feel like, yeah, I After this year, I still will never understand what it's like to have babies in the NICU. But just like I got like a little bit of a taste where I'm like, my gosh, the the pain and the the emotion of of like that you just want to protect your babies and just that hope, Cali: Yeah. Jess Sittig: that hopelessness Cali: Mm-hmm. Jess Sittig: was really hard for me to like not being able to like fix it and control it. And yeah, I'm just so sorry that Cali: I I Jess Sittig: you guys went through that. Cali: No, I mean I'm sorry too that you did because even like even though, you know, it's not the same experience, also she's sick. So she she like can understand and process things more and so like that's a different experience in itself too, which in some ways c could make it harder because, you know, she might remember being in the hospital for however long and or what happened that put her in the hospital, you know, so it's just it's different, but it's like I think anyone with a sick child or a child in the hospital can relate to some capacity. Jess Sittig: Mm-hmm. Yeah. But it was really eye-opening for me, you know, after after that happened and being able to put myself in someone else's shoes like a little bit more realistically, I guess, you know. Cali: Yeah. Jess Sittig: would love to understand what the logistics looked like for you. I, you know, of course, having twins, it was very much on my radar that NICU could be a possibility. And I could never quite understand what that would look like with my with my daughter, like having a daughter at home. So how did that look for you guys having two kids at home and then obviously wanting to be at the NICU as much as possible? And did your husband have Cali: Sure. Jess Sittig: time off from work? Like what what were those logistics like? Cali: Yeah, it was really hard for especially our oldest who was five at the time, She didn't understand like why I was never home. couldn't fully process it, but we just kept saying, Jess Sittig: Hmm. Yeah. Cali: like, the babies are living in the hospital for right now, and mommy just has to go and like feed them and take care of them. And so it was hard for the kids to kind of process what was going on, but they didn't really miss a beat. my mom, God bless her, she really stepped in and she would come over she stayed here for a little bit and then she would come over every day and you know, take them to the library, take them to the playgrounds and it was summer, so like they needed to be occupied. And Mike also, he it's all in God's timing because the company that Mike was with at the time, he got four months off of paternity leave. So it was Jess Sittig: Amazing. Cali: actually crazy because he's no longer with that job. And it it just so happened that like with the twins and having the NICU stay and the twin pregnancy, everything, he got four months off. So he was really able to also just like be home with the girls and really he would take care of the older two while I was in the hospital with the babies, of course. And then for a while he was driving me back and forth to the hospital. So between my mom and Mike, like they had it covered at home and I could just really focus on being at the hospital with the babies. And I knew like in my heart that it was it was a temporary time. So while I felt bad not being home with the older two, it It just had to be that way for that season and you know, we're already like a year out of that, so Jess Sittig: I think that's such a good way to look at it. And I'm sure it was hard to look at it while you were in it because when Cali: Mm. Jess Sittig: you look a month is a long time to be doing that every day. Cali: It's a long time. Yeah. Jess Sittig: But what you did every day was very hard. But in her life, like she she probably doesn't even remember that month, Cali: Yeah. Jess Sittig: you know? So Well, it really does take a village. And I feel like I have learned that too with my husband having three kids. Like we have to divide and conquer a lot, even now, like not going through something Cali: Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Jess Sittig: tragic like having your babies in the NICU, but you divide and conquer a lot. So I love that. Cali: Yeah. Jess Sittig: Like it takes a village. I'm so glad your mom was able to help. What an amazing timing of the paternity leave. I that's four months is amazing. Yeah. Cali: It all just worked out and like I couldn't, we couldn't have planned it better, you know, like, and there was, Jess Sittig: Yeah. Cali: just like is how it worked out. So I'm really grateful that that's how it went in our experience. And just, I really, thank God every single day that that's how it all happened. And yeah, I mean, while it was a challenging thing to walk through, It also like kind of shaped me into a different type of mom, different, like Jess Sittig: Mm. Cali: I just have different priorities. I, you know, I changed my perspective on a lot of things. And while you're in the NICU, you're also seeing like other babies who are dealing with other challenges and they might be not to say like some are worse and some are better, but like, you know, harder things to navigate. And so it just really does just change your. perspective on a lot of things and it just makes me so grateful every single time I look down at them just that they're happy and healthy and basically thriving. Jess Sittig: Hmm. I love that. Well, okay. And I know that you tandem breastfeed now. So what did that look like in the NICU? Like how did the I'm sure it was a logistical nightmare. Yeah. Yeah. Cali: It's just, it's just been a journey. did you tandem nurse or what was your experience? You pumped. Jess Sittig: I pumped. I I tried to tandem nurse. And I will tell you after having this podcast and talking to so many moms, I wish I would have tried again because we Cali: Yeah. Jess Sittig: tandem nursed in the hospital, like right when they were born. Like my husband was holding a Cali: huh. Jess Sittig: baby, a nurse was holding a baby, and we tandem breastfed. And then we tried it again Cali: Yeah. Jess Sittig: and like they were so sleepy. I had them at 37 weeks, but they were still very small. They were 414 and 413. so Cali: yeah, yeah. Jess Sittig: you know, like they had IUGR. Yeah, my boys Cali: IUGR, yeah. Yeah. Jess Sittig: had that also, which is why I was induced at 37 when they had wanted me to go to 38. So Cali: Mm-hmm. Jess Sittig: I had some confidence because I breastfed my daughter for 15 months, and then that did not translate to tandem breastfeeding. So I Cali: Mm-hmm. Jess Sittig: just immediately started pumping in the hospital. And after talking to everybody, I wish that I would have tried to nurse them one at a time and then kind of eventually like gradually started tandem breastfeeding. But I feel like I started pumping in the hospital and then I was like, I'm a pumping mom. Jessielee Sittig: If I could go back in time, I wish I would have better prepared for breastfeeding my twins. I had confidence since I breastfed my daughter for 15 months, but breastfeeding two babies at the same time is way different. Shelly created the twin mom guide to breastfeeding twins to provide practical, tangible, and reliable twin breastfeeding education and support. she's a twin mom. Registered nurse and IBCLC lactation consultant who specializes in twins and multiples. and has helped over 250 twin families and a handful of triplet families. The course covers breastfeeding basics every mom should know, but also covers the twin-specific help you're not going to find anywhere else. It addresses the biggest concerns that twin moms have, like how to build a milk supply for two babies, tandem feeding with both nursing and bottle positions, And supports both nursing and pumping journeys from a twin mom perspective. As twin moms, we face unique challenges, so finding a course made for us in mind is key. It's an online, On-demand course with over 60 video lessons, seven bonus downloads, and a private Facebook community. And the best part, it's only $99. Check out my link in the show notes to get your course today. Cali: You shouldn't have any regrets though, because you when you get home with twins, like whether it's like after a NICU stay or just straight up, like I can't even imagine if I didn't have the NICU stay to kind of prepare myself for the tandem nursing. Like if we had just been sent home, I would have been like, what the? what am I, Jess Sittig: Mm. Cali: what do I do? Like, and it's just so overwhelming. And it feels like that's all you do is just you just have babies attached to you. So I mean, Jess Sittig: Yeah. Cali: it's no better with pump parts attached to you all the time, but it sure makes for a lot of dishes. Jess Sittig: Well, the difference though, sure, and and people could help me. Like if my mom was here or my husband, like they could help me bottle feed, especially Cali: That's true. Yeah. Jess Sittig: in the beginning. I eventually got really good at like holding the bottle, like two bottles at one time. But in the beginning, I'm Cali: Mm-hmm. Jess Sittig: like, my gosh, they're so small and like what am I doing? So it was easier for people to help me. But I Cali: Of course. Jess Sittig: I had the goal, like it was a big goal of mine to tandem breastfeed, and Cali: Yeah. Jess Sittig: I I didn't. So When you talk about your Nick, you stay and now you are tandem breastfeeding, I'm like, okay, what was that journey? Like you started off pumping two, I'm I'm assuming. Cali: yeah, my, my pump and I were Jess Sittig: Ha ha. Cali: and are still best friends. we, we had a journey together, but in the NICU. So how they work in the NICU is they have like care times. So every three hours is a different care time. And with twins, they try and like separate it out by an hour. So I would basically have like two hours and then like a care time, a care time, two hours, a care time, a care time. That's just how our schedule worked. And. So I was pumping every two hours, probably for the first. Honestly, the whole time that we were in the NICU, every single two hours, and then at night I would go every three hours when I was home. And so I was strictly pumped and they were getting like tube feedings in the hospital. So they had like TPN, which is like the basic nutrients. And then they were getting my breast milk through the tube feeding. And then we would like try a bottle to start like in the first few weeks. and but they were burning too many calories drinking Jess Sittig: Mm. Cali: from the bottle so then they would just do it through the tube feeding. It's like a whole math equation in the NICU and it's I didn't understand until I understood kind of thing and so anyway I was pumping. I offered the breast in the NICU like a few times just to like let them like figure it out see that there was nipple there that they could latch to if they wanted to, but they were too tired. They didn't understand. But I will tell you, the second that they were discharged, which was on July 4th of 2025, they, the first thing I did when we got home was I sat down and I just tried the tandem nurse and they both just like popped on. And I was like, thank you, Jesus, because I, Jess Sittig: yes. Cali: I really, really, really was going to mourn the breastfeeding experience, because I nursed my other two singletons for like over two years each of them. And so I like, I needed that experience. And when they just like knew what to do, now there was a lot of work to be done, but they knew what to do. I was just like, my gosh, so giving them all those bottles and tube feeding in the NICU for the past month didn't affect this. That's amazing. And so they did catch on. Pretty quickly, we worked very closely with a lactation consultant though. So I don't want it to seem like I did this all on my own because she guided me through the whole process and we saw her like twice a week for the first few weeks that we were home. And so she would really help with like the latch and strengthening the latch and doing weighted feeds and all that stuff. So we were very supported in the process. Jess Sittig: I think that's great. I I think that's another like factor of a lot of the moms I've talked to, maybe all of them, is that there was a lactation consultant involved for everything. Like Cali: Yes. Jess Sittig: I had a lactation consultant with my daughter, which was so helpful. And then with the boys, we never were evaluated for like latching, but I had a lactation consultant help me with pumping. And like Cali: Mm-hmm. Jess Sittig: even then, I'm like, I maybe I should have found a twin-specific lactation consultant. But that was still very Cali: You know... Jess Sittig: helpful to understand like phalange size and you know, it gets complicated. Cali: Yes. Yeah, I had a lot of help in the NICU too. And I had pumped for a total of like over four years before. And this lactation consultant that I was working with in the NICU, she was teaching me all these new things, like different ways to pump to increase your supply and like how to do like massage pumping and fitting Jess Sittig: Mm, mm-hmm. Cali: properly and all these different things. And so had I not had her support through the whole thing. I don't know if we would be where we are today, because we're still tandem nursing at 13 months and I'm so happy. But back to how we got there is, so we would practice during the day doing the tandem nursing. I would still like top them off with a bottle because I knew that they weren't getting as much as they needed because they were so little too. They needed to gain weight and So we were doing the triple feeding. like I would nurse them and then give them a bottle of breast milk. And then while I was giving them a bottle, be pumping. So it was just like a whole process. Jess Sittig: It's so much work. Cali: my gosh, I know. And it just like feels like it's never ending. Like all you're doing is feeding. Jess Sittig: Mm-hmm. Cali: But it was temporary, you know? And so we would Jess Sittig: Yeah, yes. Cali: got to a point where we would be just tandem nursing during the day. And then at nighttime, I would be giving the bottles. My husband would help me and he would do one bottle, I would do the other. And then, you know, back at it every three hours during the night. But then eventually we weaned those off and then it was just the tandem nursing and that's where we still are. So it was a long journey, but it also required a lot of support through the process and not just support from the lactation consultant, like support from the staff in the NICU, like offering me Jess Sittig: Mm. Cali: the time to pump and like sit down and just like relax while I'm pumping so I can produce enough. They helped me like take home things that smelled like the baby so I can like have their Jess Sittig: No. Cali: scent on me because it's harder to produce enough when you don't have the baby's like physically on you. And then like, Jess Sittig: Hm. my gosh, I never even thought of Cali: Also the support from like Mike, like making me food, refilling my water bottle, the support from my mom, like watching the girls so that I can sit down and pump or holding the baby so I can sit down and pump. it just, you have to have the support. And like, and so in order for it to happen, whether that's just pumping or, nursing, like both of them, feel like breastfeeding is a full-time job. And when you're doing it for two babies, it's like a full-time, full-time job, you know? So that is, Jess Sittig: Mm-hmm. What Cali: that's kind of like the timeline of how things went in a general capacity. Jess Sittig: Yeah. Well, I think it's great to hear that like the like the biggest things I'm hearing is like you nobody starts just like magically tandem breastfeeding. Like it takes time. Yeah, it takes time to Cali: I don't think that at all. Yeah. I think that's a big misconception. Jess Sittig: that was my misconception. And I don't know if Cali: Yeah. Jess Sittig: I f had some kind of like you know, I was naive or had this like level of confidence because I breastfed my daughter that that would translate into immediately being a being able to breastfeed my sons and that wasn't the case. So like Cali: I mean, I thought the same thing going into it too. I was like, this will be a breeze. I already know how to breastfeed. And it's just, Jess Sittig: Yes. Cali: it's totally different. Jess Sittig: Yeah. Yeah. So I love that. Like having lactation support and help from your village. Like I think that you brought up really good points. It's like people were helping nourishing your body because producing Cali: Yeah. Jess Sittig: milk for two babies takes a lot of calories. I remember Cali: Yeah. Jess Sittig: like I thought I was hungry when I was pregnant with the boys. When I was my I Cali: It's a different type. Jess Sittig: felt like I was a teenage boy. Boy, I was starving. Cali: Yep. Jess Sittig: Like my husband is normally like, Are you gonna finish your food? Like, I'll eat. I'm like, no, no, are you gonna finish your burger? Like, I will clean it. Yeah, I was so Cali: I need the extra. Jess Sittig: hungry. And I that's a big thing. do you follow Aloha Nutrition? my gosh. Cali: Of course, yes. Jess Sittig: when I interviewed her, it was super eye-opening for me of like how many women Cali: Yeah. Jess Sittig: are. Not even purposefully, but like just not nourishing their bodies, under eating, not getting enough calories, Cali: Yeah. Jess Sittig: especially while breastfeeding. Especially breastfeeding for two or providing milk for two. Cali: I know. Jess Sittig: Because your body know. Like I made a lot of milk, especially at the beginning. And then once I started Cali: Yeah. Jess Sittig: sleeping through the night, a little when I say that, I mean like a five hour stretch. Like I felt like my Cali: Yeah. Jess Sittig: production slowed down, but My body knew like how much milk to make. It was pretty amazing actually. So just the amount of milk you're making, you need a lot of calories. So I love that that you had support in so many ways, like support being nourished, support with your other children. And I'm just yeah. Yeah. Cali: Yeah, the other kids, yeah, because it's a whole process. I mean, yeah, if you don't have that, not that it's not possible, but it sure does make it a heck of a lot smoother Jess Sittig: Yeah. Okay. If you could look back at your NICU journey, if you could think of like your top three tips that you would tell a mom, whether that's like an item to bring or a mindset to have, like what would you tell a NICU mom going into that? Cali: one thing would be you don't have to act like everything's okay. Jess Sittig: Mm. Cali: Because I, getting emotional again. I would walk in there every day with a smile on my face. And I think like the second weekend, the doctor who mainly worked with us, he walked in, he was like, Cali, why are you smiling every time you come in here? And I was like, you know, I'm just trying to, you know, take an experience that isn't that much fun and, you know, just have like a positive outlook on it, I guess. And he was like, you don't have to be okay in here. You know, it's okay to not be okay. He used that phrase on me. And I was like, and I think I just immediately broke down in tears. We talked, I think, for like 45 minutes that day, just about personal stuff. Another thing too is like while Mike and I like we divided and conquered that whole time, having your babies in the NICU, having twins, having like four kids, like the whole thing, it's a lot on a marriage too. And Jess Sittig: Mm. Cali: I think that that's something that a lot of people don't talk about. And so we were dealing, you know, not anything negative, like super, super bad, but it's just like, you're literally just like, What is that phrase? Like passing each other. Jess Sittig: Like you're just like exactly. Like you're you're not really even connecting. You're just like talking about logistics. Like, yeah. Cali: completely. it's like in my head, I'm like, our babies are in the NICU, you don't even care, like you're not there. But I know that he's at home with the older two. So it was just Jess Sittig: Right. Cali: having all these things. Jess Sittig: I think that's really good advice and a really good point. Like that made me emotional. Like it I think we both have like a similar mindset where we try to see the bright side of things and we try to stay really positive. But like when something's really hard, it's okay to like let it be hard. And that's not Cali: Yeah. Jess Sittig: that's hard to be vulnerable. And Cali: Yeah. Jess Sittig: I'm glad that doctor said that to you. I feel like that's what you needed to hear, you know? Cali: I, it definitely was because it brought me to tears immediately. So clearly I was like putting on a front that just needed to be like erased and, and broken down. another thing would be to just accept any help that's being offered because I know I had, I had so many friends like asking to help and, and like how they could help, but I didn't even know like what to say or like what to ask for. Jess Sittig: Mm. Cali: And So I always say, if you have a friend or know someone who is in the NICU with their baby, send them money for coffee or send them the family dinner or Uber Eats gift card. That's my number one tip because having meals taken care of, whether it's the family going through the experience, ordering it themselves, or you just dropping dinner off, that eliminates just like one less decision that has to be made for the whole family. then like, you know, like sending money for coffee. I treated myself to a coffee every single morning when I went into the NICU, cause that was like one way that I could just be like a normal person. Like, okay, Jess Sittig: Mm. Cali: let me go get my coffee and then I'm going to go deal with all this. And like, so that was, that was another thing that I always tell like when someone messages me and they're like, what can I do? My friends in the NICU with their babies, I'm always like, send an Uber Eats gift card or send her money for coffee and like that will be helpful enough. The other thing, and I don't know if it was just our hospital, is pack all your postpartum care supplies because they don't have those in the NICU. I was shocked to find out that Jess Sittig: Mm. Cali: when I went to the bathroom for the first time there that they didn't have all the, you know, postpartum undergarment care for the moms. Jess Sittig: Sure. I didn't even my gosh, because of course like you are recovering too. That's such a good point. Cali: Yes! Yes! Jess Sittig: And something that I wouldn't have I wouldn't have put together. Yeah, that's a great point. Cali: Yeah, now, I mean, when I didn't have anything with me because I figured that they would have it there and I asked them or I says they of course went beyond their means to go get it for me. But I knew from then on out I had to pack it myself. just don't forget that when you're packing up to go to the NICU. Jess Sittig: That's great. Those are all really great pieces of advice. And I mean, the one that is gonna stick with me like even even beyond this is like just reminding yourself that like it's okay to not be okay. Because sometimes Cali: Yeah. Jess Sittig: when it's really hard, you know, it's okay to to feel that like grief of this isn't this isn't how you thought it was going to be, and just like sit with Cali: Yeah. Jess Sittig: that and feel that. Cali: And it's like, everyone always talks about the NICU. And when I was in the NICU, had so many moms messaging me like, it's so temporary. It's just a season. It's a blip on the radar in the scheme of things. And while it is, it also changes you in so many ways. Jess Sittig: Mm. Mm-hmm. Cali: And so I don't like to think of it as just a blip on the radar because it's such a significant part of not only like my baby's like journey, but also me developing and growing as a mom, like in general. So I don't like to think of it as just a blip on the radar or just like such a temporary thing. Because while it is, it's just, it's an experience that really will change things in, in good ways, maybe some bad ways, but so many good ways too. Jess Sittig: I think that's such a good point. This is like I don't want this to sound dramatic, but you know, I told you about my daughter in April. And like after Cali: Mm-hmm. Jess Sittig: when I was like processing all of that, I'm like, there's kind of like the version of me that existed before that, and then the version of me that existed after. Like Cali: Mm-hmm. Jess Sittig: and that isn't just a blip. Like that's like a transformative. Cali: Yeah, exactly. Jess Sittig: Like you're you're a different mom, you're a different person than you were before that happened. And that's Cali: Now, I know people use that because, you know. Sometimes it's a relief when things end, you know, like certain phases and certain seasons of motherhood. So it's not necessarily like a bad phrase to use. I just don't think it's the right phrase. And I haven't even like Jess Sittig: Hm. Cali: thought of the correct phrase to describe the experience, but I know it's not just a blip on the radar. So. Jess Sittig: Yeah. Yeah. It's a lot more than that. Yeah, I think that's important to acknowledge that for sure. okay. my goodness. What an amazing conversation on going from two to four and having a NICU experience and what that was like logistically and on your heart and how it changed you as a mother. And this conversation has been so amazing and emotional. And I just really appreciate your time and your input. And I know that we just talked Cali: Yeah, no, I appreciate it too. And who knows, maybe we'll be back with part two. Jess Sittig: Yes, I know. There's countless countless topics that we could go into. Abs absolutely. So I know that you just gave some really good advice specifically for like a NICU mom, but if you could have a heart to heart with a twin mom or give her a piece of advice, what would you tell her? Cali: I would probably say not to compare your experience, pregnancy, newborn phase, the whole thing, your twin experience with a mom of singletons because it's just so different. And I say that because I am a mom of two singletons first. and it has just been different in so many ways and Jess Sittig: Mm-hmm. Cali: So I try, try never to compare the twins, like their milestones, their developments, their everything to that of my singletons. so, and even my friends who have just singletons, I would say not to compare your experience to them. Jess Sittig: Yeah, that's a such a good reminder, like for me personally as well. Like comparison, what what's the saying? Comparison is the thief of joy. And that is Cali: Yes. Jess Sittig: so unbelievably true. So Cali: And I find myself doing it way too often and I have to like reel myself back and be like, okay, wait, Jess Sittig: Yes. Cali: like everyone's experience is unique and being a twin mom is just that much more unique and we cannot compare. We can stand in solidarity, but we can't compare. Jess Sittig: Yeah, I feel like yes, I love that. I feel like it's human nature to try to do that. So I have to make an effort to be like, no, no, no, my experience is Cali: Yeah. Jess Sittig: is different and that's okay. So I appreciate Cali: Yeah. Jess Sittig: that reminder as well. Okay, well, where can Cali: Yeah. Jess Sittig: people connect with you? Cali: I am mainly on Instagram. The handle is at underscore Cali Ryan. And I try and share all things mom life, humor, tips, twin mom things, all the things. So follow me over there. I would love to see you. Jess Sittig: awesome. Well, it has been and I'll put that in the show notes, but it has been a great Cali: Okay. Jess Sittig: conversation and I have so appreciated your time and insight on everything. So thank you so much. Cali: Yes, thank you so much. So fun. It's a fun way to spend nap time. Jess Sittig: Yay. Yes. Jessielee Sittig: Thank you for taking the time out of your busy twin mom life to listen along. I hope this podcast shed some light on a topic that's been on your heart and gave you more confidence as a twin mama. If you know a twin mom, please send this her way. If you like what you heard today, please subscribe to the podcast and leave a review. Check out the show notes to be connected with today's guest and get discount codes for brands I love. See you next Thursday. Until then. You are made for this.