Latest / All Figured Out with Andrea Barr: Figuring Out Work, Life and Parenting / 23. My journey into maternity leave and tips for figuring out your career while on parental leave

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23. My journey into maternity leave and tips for figuring out your career while on parental leave · All Figured Out with Andrea Barr: Figuring Out Work, Life and Parenting

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  You're listening to the all figured out podcast, I'm your
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  host Aundrea bar. As a career coach for parents, a
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  mom and entrepreneur. And someone who spent ten plus
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  years in the corporate world, I still don't have it all figured
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  out and maybe you don't. Either this podcast, I'll share
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  tools and strategies that I use as my clients and in the many
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  areas where I don't have things figured out.
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  I'll be bringing you some amazing guest experts to help us
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  fill in the gaps. So tune in each week as we
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  explore how to make career and life decisions that truly work
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  for you, your family and your big goals.
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  Let's make moves. Well, today is a very different
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  and I would say, special day. I was asked by my dear friend
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  Taylor Aller who you heard on the podcast, the very beginning
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  of when we started this and decide.
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  Now, what I've had such incredible feedback on that
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  episode, Taylor Aller being a multipotentialite and her
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  sharing her story, go back and listen, I will link that in the
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  show notes. Anyways, I digress, Taylor Aller
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  is a friend of mine, we're in the same business Mastermind,
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  and she said, andreea, can I interview you before you go on,
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  man? If I was like, what a generous
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  offer first of all, and woo. Like kind of gave me
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  butterflies, I got excited. So thank you, Taylor for the
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  offer, and for joining me today and being willing to entertain,
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  whatever comes out of my mouth with my questions.
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  Thank you for having me. I'm so excited.
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  Thank you for saying yes, because well, obviously I'm a
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  big fan of your podcast and I'm happy to have been a guest on
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  it, but I listened to every single episode and I'm sitting
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  here going. When is someone Going to
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  interview her. When do we get to know these
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  answers? Thank you for saying, yes.
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  I'm so excited to dig into all the juicy.
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  Thanks. Thanks, and it's kind of a cool
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  time. Like I feel like these are
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  those. I don't know, leading up to
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  birth. As we both know from, we're both
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  pregnant with baby, number two. And I don't know about you, but
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  I don't remember a lot in the lead-up, kind of things are kind
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  of blurry. So, it'll be interesting to
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  capture this on audio. Yeah.
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  Oh my gosh. How special would that be to
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  look back onto? Yeah.
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  Yeah, and I have to call out the fact that we both have daughters
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  named Maddie. Mmm, that are like a month apart
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  and now our second babies are potentially going to be days
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  apart. So, unbelievable overlaps.
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  I know all I wanted to high-five at the hospital, but I think
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  we're at two different hospitals.
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  I know that we can are five imagine.
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  Okay, I was thinking about it today.
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  Imagine we name our kids, the same name again.
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  Oh my God, how crazy with the and you don't know what you're
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  having and we don't know what we're having no surprise.
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  I know. Who knows?
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  Maybe we'll whoa. Okay.
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  That would just be wild. We'll keep you posted everyone
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  in case you're interested. Stay tuned.
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  All right. Well it's okay.
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  Reigned over. Yes.
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  Okay. First of all, I have to know
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  what is the update. You've done a couple episodes on
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  your pregnancy on preparing for that.
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  Leave number two, can you give us an update of where you are?
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  Right now with your career with baby with life?
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  Just give us a little pin drop of where you're at right now.
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  Yes. And that that episode that I
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  did, where I said, we're having another baby was definitely a
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  strange one. So it's nice to have somebody to
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  chat with and have the back and forth because it was so funny to
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  just be talking into the mic solo and being like, hey,
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  welcome back to the podcast. We're having another baby.
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  They might not even know me, so this is not.
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  So yes, we are having our second baby.
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  Our daughter is to she just turned 2 and we are so excited.
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  I am. At least on this date
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  transparency. It is March, 9th 2023, and I am
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  35 and a half weeks pregnant, so we will be having a c-section in
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  less than a month. It's our had a C-section the
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  first time so going for that this time and we are really
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  excited. And in terms of work, I have
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  been focusing on my building up, my career coaching practice and
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  working with parents and supporting them.
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  In building and developing and growing their careers that work
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  for their life and their families while protecting family
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  time, and it's been a lot of fun.
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  And it's been so incredible to Niche down in that direction
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  where I was just a general career coach before.
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  And now I have the pleasure of supporting parents like, what a
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  gift and what, lovely people, you know, when working in that
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  field while pregnant where I'm like, fidgeting on the call or
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  You know, I'm like a minute late because I had to run to the
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  bathroom urgently like I'm just like, oh my God, I have to pee
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  so badly. Just people are like, oh girl,
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  we get it. I work with a lot of months.
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  I do work with some Dad's too, and it's just been so lovely.
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  Like, everyone's just so supportive and amazing.
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  And then, and then this other world inside my business has
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  really grown that I've actually never talked about and that's
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  curriculum design. So actually, you know, all those
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  different courses that you might see all nine specifically around
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  say like coach. In your personal development, or
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  I'm actually working on asleep course right now, with somebody,
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  which is really cool for newborns sleep.
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  I am supporting some of these people, these incredible
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  professionals and service providers and helping them build
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  their online programming and platforms.
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  So that's been a lot of fun and I am racing to the Finish Line.
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  I finish up next week, so I'm I'm kind of out of breath but
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  it's been so much fun. Good so so good and I have to
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  know what is Something that would be a big win for you.
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  Right now, as you're preparing for transition to Baby number
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  two, compared to baby number one.
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  Even what would be a big win? You're celebrating right now.
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  Whoo. Well, a couple weeks ago, I did
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  release an episode with my husband Scotty where I
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  interviewed him on his health journey.
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  And I think it's a huge family when that we are in such a
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  different place than we were two years ago this basically this
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  time two years ago and that's that's a huge win like we have
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  overcome so much. The trauma of even I guess like
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  what I was holding onto in terms of being pregnant and being a
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  bit superstitious. I've been working through and
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  overcoming that like at the beginning, I was like, right?
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  You know, at this point in my pregnancy last time, this is
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  what was happening with his health.
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  Is that going to repeat the cycle?
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  Like some magical thinking and weird stuff was like creeping
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  in, and I've really been able to like lean into that and work
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  through it and work with it. And I feel like a personal win
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  out of all that is just continuing to prove my
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  resilience and my ability to continue to move forward and And
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  survive and thrive. Like, last time we were
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  surviving, like we did survive, but we were barely surviving
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  like metaphorically and physically and this time I feel
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  like were as a little family Unit were thriving and and then
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  the second kind of piece of it is just in general like myself
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  individually. I would say a lot of the steps
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  that have taken throughout my career.
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  My own career Journey. Have position to me.
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  Positioned me too. Live this beautiful life with my
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  family right now and it's been so cool to see some of those
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  foundational pieces of getting clear on my own career.
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  Putting in a bit of work, going back to school, making these
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  what seemed like small little steps at the time and seeing
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  them all kind of play out and come to fruition and know that
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  when I had a family, this was the life that I really wanted to
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  build one where I was an entrepreneur.
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  When we're had flexibility, but I worked really freaking hard,
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  but in stuff that I really enjoy.
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  It's like it's all kind of coming to life and I'm about to
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  take a maternity leave, that's completely on my own terms and
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  it's just, yeah, it's just really cool to step back and
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  look at myself, from a, maybe a bird's-eye view and say, whoa.
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  You're like, you're doing it. Yes!
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  Oh my gosh, that is so we're celebrating that moment because
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  I feel like often and I'm sure those of you listening can
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  resonate, you always hit that moment where you just feel like
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  you're not doing what you think. Think you're doing and then to
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  have the flip side of that moment of like, wow, I'm
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  actually doing what I've always wanted to be doing and like this
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  was the vision I had two years ago, five years ago, ten years
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  ago, 15 years ago and is actually my reality right now.
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  Like that is an incredible feeling and I know as a coach
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  you get to help people achieve that feeling all the time but
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  that's so nice that you get that to, okay, do you see question?
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  We talked about the win, what sucks right now.
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  And what's really hard right now, what is, what is I don't
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  want to say a failure but what is a really big Challenge going
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  on for you right now. As you prep for baby.
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  Number two. Okay, I'm literally holding back
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  like indigestion, so there's no thumbs in my like Gaviscon
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  below. Hey want to sponsor the podcast
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  because I think you have to heavily pregnant lady's.
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  Heart, beating Tom's like candy? Yeah, I know, it's like my
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  ritual. Like people are like, what's
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  your like, nighttime routine. And, like, I lie in bed and
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  like, chew on my minty Tums, That's that's life right now.
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  You and me both? Yeah, I agree.
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  Okay, so that's not fun. What what, you know, okay, this
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  sounds like an interview question where you're like
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  turning it like a negative into a positive, which a kind of it.
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  So I'm going to continue to think on like a juicier answer
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  to this. But in my business I feel like
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  there's just such energy right now around my clients.
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  Like I was talking to a client yesterday on the phone who has
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  three offers In like basically, in hand or coming this week, and
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  we're like, talking about strategy and like negotiations.
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  And oh my God, it's so much fun. Like, I love that stage where
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  you see your hard work pay off. And I'm working on developing
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  some cool courses with some service providers and they're
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  just like, really, really cool cool projects and it's funny
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  because it just feels like I've reached this huge Pinnacle
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  financially, my business, to be honest, and in my enjoyment
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  level and It's been over the last couple weeks at its Reach
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  This height. And then I'm like, and next,
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  Friday's my last day Wawa, I know, we're like, how could I
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  like will you come back early? And I'm like, oh my God, wait
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  what? I like, you know, even a couple
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  months ago there was moments where I'm like hello like I was
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  just slower like I was like I'm some flows right?
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  And and now it's like this who knows maybe that's like scarcity
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  complex where when you seem like a little less available people
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  are are more more. To it.
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  So it kind of feels. It feels sad to walk away at
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  this point. It's not walk away forever.
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  It's just a see you soon and time flies so fast.
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  But on the flip side of that, it actually does feel really good
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  to be leaving on a high note as well where I'm enjoying the work
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  so much. And yeah, hmm.
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  There's something so real to be said about that momentum and I
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  think any parent that is going to be taking a leave whether
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  it's a mother a father, a combination of both.
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  Like it's really, really Challenging when you build that
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  momentum before you leave, like, having that deadline of fish of
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  when baby's going to come, you know, knowing, okay.
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  I need to get this work done or have to hand it off or I'm
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  planning this change or I'm starting this thing or a
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  launching this project like all of those things require us to
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  build such momentum and it's very frustrating to press pause
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  on that I really really resonate as an entrepreneur myself and
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  the same thing like that demand of like squeeze everything in
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  before baby comes and the feeling that pressure and is
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  really When you finally make that momentum in your business
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  and then to press pause, there's a very, very real Gap to
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  whichever parent is taking the leave in that career Gap,
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  because then you're pressing pause on all this momentum.
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  And like you said the exciting part is that momentum in your
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  brain, still continues. At least it does for me.
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  I don't know about you. So then you know, you have baby,
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  you're on leave and your brain is just swimming with all these
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  new ideas and, you know, the momentum does still remain when
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  you get back there. But it's definitely a challenge
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  and kind of frustrating. It feels like you're a race
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  card. Just getting ready to idle.
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  And that's not a good feeling. Sometimes, totally, no.
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  It's so true know. And it's true.
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  You know what? I never thought about that, like
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  I always say, I always ask clients.
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  When do you feel most inspired or when does your mind like,
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  really go for me? It's taking a break and going on
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  vacation. And I know everybody says that
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  there's books written about, like the paws, and whatever.
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  But truly, when I'm on vacation, I have to bring a notebook with
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  me because I'm like, this flood tidal wave Taylor of ideas, just
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  coming at me. That's what we call Taylor on
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  our Mastermind, excuse. I felt that ideas.
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  Okay wait, I need to turn that question back on you because I
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  want to hear how you did it to you.
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  I had a mattli from a corporate job last time and now I want to
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  know the difference so well yeah to get to that too.
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  But again now it's the entrepreneurial side.
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  So how was that for you last time going on leave and then
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  this time are there. Any differences?
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  Are you changing anything? Yeah.
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  Yeah. I'm changing quite a bit.
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  The first time. Well like both of us we gave
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  birth in the middle of the pandemic.
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  So that was a pretty exceptional circumstance.
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  And And for both of us, this was our first child.
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  So you know, you kind of going in without knowing what to
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  expect anyway. And then in a pandemic are we
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  sick of this word unprecedented? It was just like Ken my partner
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  be there with me. Like am I wearing a mask when
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  I'm in labor? Like, you know, it just is the
• 13:34
  cafeteria open to have to order food for my partner.
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  Like just all these different things that you kind of, don't
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  really think about when you go to give birth.
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  That this time thankfully are not as much as of a concern.
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  You know, we have Only staying with us right now, helping which
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  was not allowed the first time and, you know, all these
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  different kinds of things. So, for the first time I had
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  fantastic advice from one of my midwives and she said, prepare
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  for options, not outcomes. And this is something we talked
• 14:00
  about before on the other podcast episode, but that is
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  sticking with me really hard. Because last time I planned for
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  those options which was really helpful and then I realized wow
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  like there's a lot of options. I didn't even use or want to use
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  or seemed extremely Appealing to me as I was going through it.
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  Which beginning? I thought, maybe I would want to
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  do these things and then actually going through it.
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  I was like, actually, no, that's not at all the parent.
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  I became. That's not the mom.
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  I want to be, that's not the business Notre.
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  I am. And I just really pared down a
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  lot of options. So this time I'm way more
• 14:34
  organized because I feel like I have less Options that are
• 14:39
  desirable to me that. I'm preparing for whereas,
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  before I just prepared for everything.
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  So I was like, I have no effing clue, what is good at all.
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  And this time, I'm like I think I have a general idea.
• 14:50
  At least of what I don't like and what I'd like to repeat and
• 14:52
  then there's still unknowns that were preparing for.
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  So yeah, I'm more organized. This time.
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  I would say I've got spreadsheets.
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  My freezer is full of freezer meals, I'm 37 weeks pregnant.
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  So you know, anytime baby can come.
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  So You know, those types of things are different.
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  And also, I Was preparing for a full year off last time and my
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  husband took he was prepared to take 18 months off.
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  Last time, we were taking it together.
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  And last time I had about six months, I was leaving my
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  daughter a little bit and she was starting solids and I was so
• 15:30
  itching to get back to work, it was not even funny.
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  And I thought for sure I'm going to be that Mom.
• 15:37
  That's going to take like the full year that's going to and I
• 15:40
  just couldn't. And at the same time, I was not
• 15:42
  ready to go full-time back into work and I didn't really prepare
• 15:47
  myself for this like weird in between where it's like I did
• 15:50
  want to work, but in a part-time capacity I don't want to go back
• 15:53
  full-time. I didn't want to win my daughter
• 15:55
  full time. I still wanted to be home.
• 15:57
  When my husband was home. I want to give him tight like
• 15:58
  it's this weird in between and we found a way and luckily as an
• 16:02
  entrepreneur, like you said that flexibility is there.
• 16:05
  We found a way that worked for us and I could go back to work
• 16:07
  one day a week and then two days a week and then, you know, three
• 16:10
  afternoons, a week and I was like, this is perfect.
• 16:12
  And then I did that for the rest of the leave and I was like,
• 16:14
  this is awesome. Like my work feels like my
• 16:15
  break. My husband gets time with our
• 16:17
  daughter one-on-one because when he goes back to work he's in the
• 16:21
  corporate world. So it's like nine to five.
• 16:23
  You know he doesn't get to see the kids as often so it was
• 16:26
  amazing to let them have, you know, the daddy-daughter time
• 16:29
  and they have such an incredible Bond and I totally think it's
• 16:31
  because of the time I went back to work a little bit and It was
• 16:35
  so rejuvenating. So this time I was like, well, I
• 16:37
  know I really enjoyed that. So that's the option.
• 16:40
  I'm pretty much going to prepare for because there's no sense in
• 16:43
  delaying all these other things so that I could prepare for 12
• 16:46
  months when I'm pretty sure. After 6 months, I'm going to get
• 16:48
  itchy again, I'm Gonna Be Inspired and I'm gonna want to
• 16:51
  go back and he's gonna want the time because he's also going to
• 16:53
  take a long leave again. So that's probably the major
• 16:56
  thing is I've I've allowed or given myself permission to have
• 17:01
  Matt leave. Look the way that I want it to
• 17:03
  because often we have this Idea of what it looks like, where
• 17:06
  it's typically the mother that stays home and she sees him as
• 17:09
  long as she can. And she does all these things.
• 17:11
  And in our household, it was totally different.
• 17:13
  Like, my husband was one stayed home.
• 17:14
  He was cleaning and cooking. And I was like, can I just go
• 17:17
  back to work a little bit? Like sure.
• 17:19
  Sounds like great, thank you. And I'm sure that first day went
• 17:22
  back to work, and I had booked like one or two hours of work
• 17:25
  and that was it like, just to test it out and that time flew
• 17:28
  by and I remember thinking after I have to go home now, like, I'm
• 17:31
  having so much fun. This is so great to be back.
• 17:34
  It's like I finally got Be in touch with myself again, which
• 17:38
  anybody who's been pregnant and giving birth, and exclusively
• 17:40
  breastfed for six months. I lost myself a little bit like
• 17:44
  pregnancy and like my body didn't feel like mine.
• 17:46
  My mind didn't feel like my, you know, and it was like a little
• 17:49
  reclaiming of myself and it felt so good.
• 17:52
  So this time I'm just embracing but it's going to look different
• 17:55
  and then like the typical and that's the option I'm hoping for
• 17:59
  most but again we'll see ya. Yes and we should say that.
• 18:05
  That you're talking about is being a massage therapist.
• 18:07
  So you were taking on clients that was the work that you were
• 18:10
  going back to, right? I went back million.
• 18:12
  Who? Yeah, I did go back to a few
• 18:15
  things. I went back to practicing at the
• 18:18
  clinic at a week. I took on one Consulting client,
• 18:22
  which was twice a month and then I taught remotely at the college
• 18:28
  one class and then between all of those I was like, ooh this
• 18:31
  one doesn't feel good. This one does feel good, this
• 18:33
  one feels really good. And then I got Kind of adjust.
• 18:36
  And then, within one or two months, it was basically just
• 18:38
  Consulting and practicing at the clinic, and then that's just
• 18:42
  kind of. Yeah, I think it was maybe Ten
• 18:46
  hours a week. That's what I did and that it
• 18:48
  just felt so good. So good.
• 18:52
  Yeah. So I'll see if we continue with
• 18:54
  that again, but I would love to know for you.
• 18:56
  What is the difference for you? Because in my brain I've done
• 18:59
  the entrepreneurial, you know, Matt leave / Pat, leave with my
• 19:02
  husband's corporate and we're kind of planning to replicate
• 19:05
  something similar. But for you, it must look
• 19:07
  totally different because the first one was corporate.
• 19:10
  And now, this one is entrepreneurial.
• 19:11
  And I know we've talked to The Mastermind about the plan, the
• 19:14
  go by the seat of your pants. The Options the outcomes.
• 19:16
  Tell us a little bit about the difference kind of from 1 versus
• 19:21
  2 and how you're preparing for that.
• 19:23
  Hmm, for one it was Barry. What's the word?
• 19:29
  I would say more. It's more cut-and-dry.
• 19:32
  It was more black and white. There was, I had to, you know,
• 19:36
  give notice saying I was officially pregnant.
• 19:39
  I had to sign some paperwork. I had to say Midway of my
• 19:43
  pregnancy tell them when I thought that I would want to
• 19:46
  return to work, which I think I've mentioned it on the podcast
• 19:49
  before. I think it's such a strange
• 19:50
  concept. It makes sense.
• 19:52
  I understand they have to play on for like what are you
• 19:54
  thinking to do when you're gone but it's such a strange feeling.
• 19:57
  Be like writing February 20 22 down in 2020, I'm writing this
• 20:04
  down on some form. I'm like am I Bound by this
• 20:07
  turns out I wasn't but just it was it was all very strange but
• 20:12
  it was very black and white. So I was like, this will be the
• 20:15
  day that I finish. It was, you know, a couple weeks
• 20:17
  before my due date or at that point.
• 20:21
  I knew I had to have a C-section anyways, and then it was just a
• 20:25
  matter of kind of mentally, like checking things off the list,
• 20:27
  like, okay. Hey, this, this project I bought
• 20:29
  him and have to pass off. Like I have to train up some of
• 20:31
  the people on my team to be able to kind of take this over
• 20:35
  working with my counterparts to say, okay, when I'm gone, who's
• 20:38
  taking this on and they didn't backfill me, so it was kind of
• 20:41
  just playing a bit of jigsaw puzzle, all that, but it was
• 20:44
  very cut and dry and there was employment insurance.
• 20:49
  So they know what it's like going to be a paycheck, whether
• 20:51
  you think it's a lot or a little, it was something.
• 20:55
  So I Knew Too that I could be relying on that.
• 20:58
  Income and things like that. So A Very clinical or I don't
• 21:03
  even know what the word is yet, black and white, and this time
• 21:06
  it, we we get pregnant three months into my entrepreneurial
• 21:11
  journey. I think it was something like
• 21:14
  that. Like, pretty sure I finished up
• 21:15
  in my corporate job around Easter of last year and then a
• 21:20
  couple months in we found out we were pregnant and I was like,
• 21:23
  oh, okay. So the business has been going
• 21:27
  for Or here's a couple of years but as my side hustle.
• 21:30
  So I'm stepping into this side, hustle looking to build it into,
• 21:34
  whatever the heck I want and we get pregnant.
• 21:38
  So I couldn't even add that point where I couldn't even like
• 21:41
  fathom. What was to become of my mat
• 21:44
  leave, because I didn't even know what this business is going
• 21:46
  to grow to be and so fast forward to this point.
• 21:51
  I still don't know exactly what this mat leave is going to be.
• 21:54
  And I'm okay with that. We've talked about that on our
• 21:57
  Mastermind where there's this. The release like on one hand.
• 22:00
  I'm a total Gemini. I don't know.
• 22:02
  I'm not like a huge person into astrology but I really do always
• 22:06
  have two minds where I'm like I can be in play that corporate
• 22:09
  role and I can appreciate that. And I like that and I liked the
• 22:12
  cut and dry side of that with made it so easy.
• 22:15
  But then it's kind of fun to be on this side and be like, whoa,
• 22:19
  I have no Idea what my like really firm planets, like, I'm
• 22:24
  not had to write anything down. No, I'm not beholding to anybody
• 22:28
  really like, I told my clients, you know, this is my expected
• 22:31
  time off, but stay tuned. I'll just let you know and and
• 22:35
  that's that like I'm in charge which do crazy and there's some
• 22:39
  power in that and I think it's a good lesson for me to just
• 22:42
  release a bit then just say I know that too, I could have come
• 22:46
  up with this Five Point. Matt.
• 22:48
  Leave plan where I'm like, oh Okay, step one, I'm going to do
• 22:51
  this, step two, I'm going to do this.
• 22:53
  I'm going to leave it this day, come back on this day.
• 22:56
  But the one was, you know, the one thing that I learned from
• 22:59
  baby number one is like like you said, you can plan for options,
• 23:01
  you can plan for outcomes every kid's different, every person's
• 23:05
  different. I imagine every postpartum
• 23:07
  experiences different, like I've I've not yet had two babies,
• 23:10
  I've only had one so I imagine this is, this could be similar,
• 23:13
  it could be totally different. So, giving myself that Grace to
• 23:17
  just see how it goes. And I've got some plans Being
• 23:20
  organized by can be and then I'm going to be flexible.
• 23:24
  Wherever else I want to be flexible.
• 23:26
  Hmm. That makes total sense and it
• 23:28
  must be such an interesting shift to as a family dynamic, as
• 23:31
  well, because like you alluded to before there's a totally
• 23:35
  different family situation. You know, was Scotty's help with
• 23:38
  not having a toddler know, you do have to declare, you know,
• 23:42
  thankfully he's doing really well.
• 23:44
  You know, a lot of things look, very different that I'm sure
• 23:47
  make the flexibility more. Embraceable like if you have
• 23:50
  that Flexibility in the first situation, that might be a
• 23:53
  little bit more scary with everything else that you had
• 23:55
  going on. So that makes a lot of really,
• 23:57
  really good point that there was nothing, there were some
• 24:00
  anchors. Like I've said, I've given huge
• 24:02
  credit to my work, my organization that I worked for
• 24:04
  previously, where they were a really strong foundational
• 24:08
  support during that time, there was a lot going on.
• 24:10
  And they, they really provided us with a lot of support and
• 24:13
  this grounding like force where they're like come back whenever
• 24:18
  do whatever you need. I literally He went in for that
• 24:21
  emergency CT scan on November 30th and I never went back to
• 24:25
  work. I was supposed to work until
• 24:27
  February mid-February or beginning of February I suppose.
• 24:32
  So yeah, that was incredible. But you're so right on my gosh
• 24:35
  if I was an entrepreneur at that time and I was like messaging
• 24:37
  clients and then all of a sudden, one day I had an income
• 24:40
  in one day. I didn't hmm that would have
• 24:42
  been terrified. And yeah, everything tells how,
• 24:46
  I don't know if things work out the way that they need to, I
• 24:48
  believe That's so and I think that's something to that
• 24:52
  becoming a parent helps. You realize is like, there's a
• 24:55
  plan greater than yours and probably better than yours
• 24:58
  that's already in place. And I just gotta let that let
• 25:02
  that thing unfold. Just let that sucker reveal
• 25:04
  itself to you. And for the most part, it'll
• 25:07
  work out with or without your influence.
• 25:10
  So speaking of that on that influence, what would be three
• 25:13
  of your best tips? For other parents who might be
• 25:15
  listening right now, either going into a mat leave already
• 25:18
  in maternal and paternal. I'll leave.
• 25:20
  Maybe it's their second or third and they're thinking what should
• 25:23
  I do here? What would be your three best
• 25:24
  tips? Okay, well, I think the first
• 25:27
  one is the flexibility piece and trying to be flexible as much as
• 25:32
  you can. I know in working with clients
• 25:33
  that I have a more, I haven't, I have a flexible disposition, and
• 25:37
  flexibility is a huge value of mine, something of value in
• 25:40
  myself. It's something I value in other
• 25:41
  people, but to the battle, your combo, you are just like
• 25:45
  flexing, then he ever sometimes, I'm like I would not be okay
• 25:48
  with that your hair like this is so chill, it is definitely
• 25:53
  admire that in you. So So much, you are so so good
• 25:56
  at that. I mean, there's there's elements
• 26:00
  of my life where I am not chill whatsoever, but, but flexible, I
• 26:04
  am often flexible and I can, I like to see both sides, I really
• 26:07
  appreciate like a good debate and I could like argue both
• 26:10
  sides anyways, flexibility. And in that like the comparison.
• 26:16
  So you know I think comparison plays into flexibility and that
• 26:20
  we will look at what other people are doing have done in
• 26:24
  terms of their R, everything, career feeding sleeping, berths
• 26:29
  choices. Oh my gosh, the list goes on.
• 26:31
  And I know this gets pregnancy gets in like moms.
• 26:34
  And I don't know this whole Space gets a pretty bad rap.
• 26:38
  I think in that where it's like, there's everyone so judgy and I
• 26:41
  don't think it's judgy. I think it's just, we all care
• 26:45
  so much. And, and a lot of people just
• 26:49
  have such a great or potentially negative experience with
• 26:53
  something. Whatever that is that they just
• 26:56
  feel like it's their mission in life to like, share like and
• 27:00
  share with such Vigor and passion.
• 27:02
  Like, you know, this is the stroller.
• 27:04
  You must get. You must get this new if you
• 27:06
  ever want to sleep again, and if you like the baby, just likes be
• 27:09
  safe. And it's like, whoa, you know,
• 27:12
  it's there's an intensity around it, but it comes from a place of
• 27:15
  love. And so, I think just recognizing
• 27:19
  recognizing that in yourself, recognizing one, comparison
• 27:21
  Creeps in and being Maybe a bit flexible with yourself and your
• 27:25
  mindset around the circumstances around your first in your
• 27:30
  postpartum period And whatever that looks like and notice when
• 27:33
  you're doing things out of comparison versus what innately
• 27:36
  intuitively feels right to you. And then that would be my second
• 27:39
  one. I mean kind of an eye roll but
• 27:41
  honestly, like intuition and it's huge.
• 27:45
  It's everything. I love getting information, I
• 27:49
  love researching things and I find that fun.
• 27:52
  Like sometimes I just can't really research.
• 27:54
  At night and research. Is that word?
• 27:56
  I don't think it is. It's so funny.
• 27:59
  I like kind of sometimes, get this, like, Spurt of, like, I'm
• 28:03
  so curious about this, I'm not like Google this thing or Google
• 28:05
  that thing. And so, I did that a lot and I
• 28:09
  find it fun. But then, at the end of the day,
• 28:11
  once I armed myself with information, Listening to your
• 28:16
  intuition so like I can actually give an example for this
• 28:19
  pregnancy. So it did have a C-section last
• 28:22
  time because I had placenta previa.
• 28:23
  So My Placenta was sitting on top of my cervix, baby was not
• 28:27
  going to come out safely. Like couldn't come out safely
• 28:30
  for her or me, you're my cervix. So c-section it was and that was
• 28:35
  great and there was no like questions about that.
• 28:37
  There was no choice. It was like medical.
• 28:40
  You have to do this this time. They're like, you've had a
• 28:42
  C-section before you have a choice.
• 28:44
  What would you like to do? Hmm again, that is where big
• 28:48
  comparison. I just can come in because
• 28:50
  people have opinions and you know there's a big Community is
• 28:55
  around like at all costs try to go with a vaginal birth and this
• 28:59
  and that or there's huge risks of or there is a risk, not huge
• 29:04
  risks. There is a risk of uterine
• 29:06
  rupture. If you go into labor, when
• 29:09
  you've had previously a C-section, it's very small
• 29:11
  chance, but it happens and it's catastrophic.
• 29:14
  So, I was like, what? The prison's, let's make this
• 29:16
  decision, like it's not medically necessary to have a
• 29:19
  C-section or to go with for vaginal delivery.
• 29:22
  And so to use this example, like what I had to do was just armed
• 29:25
  myself with information information that I felt.
• 29:28
  I had knowledge gaps in so that was talking to some friends like
• 29:32
  ever friend who did a vbac that was successful and got her
• 29:35
  opinion and it was talking to my OB who I love and respect.
• 29:40
  So that's huge. That like a really respect her
• 29:42
  opinion and she's a wonderful human and I trust her Her with,
• 29:46
  you know, as a surgeon and then getting all that information and
• 29:50
  being like, okay? So with that head, part of the
• 29:53
  decision-making now like what is my heart saying?
• 29:57
  And have of course, having that conversation with my husband,
• 30:00
  who of course is like your body. You do you girl?
• 30:02
  And I'm like, not helpful. I think, thank you.
• 30:07
  He's like what? I can't dictate this?
• 30:08
  I'm like, yeah, you're right. I'd probably be super mad if you
• 30:11
  like try to persuade me one way or the other.
• 30:15
  Oh, is that so? I mean, from this, like,
• 30:18
  long-winded answer explaining, why intuition that's just one
• 30:21
  example of the way that I made that decision and with my head.
• 30:24
  And the information that I had available to me, and my heart,
• 30:27
  and my intuition, I've decided to go for a C-section and I have
• 30:31
  zero qualms about explaining my position.
• 30:34
  If somebody's curious, like, I've explained it to a few
• 30:36
  friends, who have been curious not judgy, but I, by no means.
• 30:41
  Do I have any desire or like feel like, like what I'm saying?
• 30:46
  I'm having a c-section in this is why like none.
• 30:50
  And I think because of that energy, I haven't had anybody
• 30:54
  seem judgey toward like, nobody cares either.
• 30:57
  They're like bring that baby and safely to the world.
• 30:59
  I'm like I will do everything I can to do that.
• 31:02
  So that would be my second one and number three, lean on
• 31:09
  Experts. I think that these all kind of
• 31:10
  like play into each other. Now that I think about it when I
• 31:13
  think about The knowledge gaps or, you know, the situations
• 31:19
  where I've liked wanted to make decisions or wanted to, like
• 31:21
  tweak things in our routine. I'm somebody who really likes
• 31:24
  information, like I said, and I love a good expert.
• 31:28
  I love appreciate and respect somebody who is so niche in
• 31:32
  their craft. And clearly so passionate about
• 31:36
  what they do that, they decided to go to school for X, Y or Z.
• 31:40
  And I think it's just so so important and critical,
• 31:44
  especially in Use early parenting years to find the
• 31:47
  support of people that you truly trust.
• 31:49
  Again, doesn't matter. If your best friend loves XYZ
• 31:53
  practitioner, you go to them. Like for me, I used to hate
• 31:56
  acupuncture, I'm going to say it, he's to hate it.
• 32:00
  The couple really weird experiences and I'm totally open
• 32:02
  to all like natural forms of healing and stuff like that.
• 32:06
  But oh my gosh, I was like I can't get behind this and then I
• 32:09
  just found this person through somebody else.
• 32:12
  It was kind of a random connection.
• 32:15
  And now, I love acupuncture and I trust this woman with my life.
• 32:19
  So finding experts, if you're in that, like career transition,
• 32:23
  no. You don't do that alone.
• 32:24
  I'm here, you know, or I'll be below me here.
• 32:26
  But I'm back from that leaving the ball and I talk to people
• 32:31
  all day every day about being a parent and having a career and
• 32:35
  how to find that natural progression, where you don't
• 32:38
  have to, you know, sacrifice your family time.
• 32:41
  That's what I do for a living. So, you know, it's just an and
• 32:44
  you can Probably. Hopefully, everyone can tell how
• 32:46
  passionate I am about that topic.
• 32:48
  Like I do, run a free podcasts for this purpose because I could
• 32:52
  talk about this all day or day, so find the experts.
• 32:56
  So I guess in summary it's like flexibility, watch that
• 32:59
  comparison follow your intuition lean on Experts, I love and then
• 33:05
  throw all my advice out the window and do you know that's
• 33:09
  part of it, right? That's it.
• 33:10
  That's the intuition piece. It's like gather the information
• 33:14
  listen to these. He's you know different
• 33:16
  experiences or experts and then listen to your gut ultimately at
• 33:19
  the end of the day, I love that. So we talked a bit about before
• 33:23
  kind of the pause that happens in parenting where you know
• 33:27
  baby's arrived safely parents are good and healthy.
• 33:31
  Everybody sleep deprived a little bit delusional, you know,
• 33:35
  the minute you gotta play. Yes.
• 33:37
  Yes. And you kind of Hit The Sweet
• 33:38
  Spot in these temporary windows. Were all of a sudden.
• 33:41
  You feel like your feet are under you.
• 33:42
  Your brain starts to work in a normal way and then Things
• 33:45
  change and then you go back and sleep sleep regression and all
• 33:48
  of that. But there are moments that we
• 33:49
  talked about before where this pause and this huge life change
• 33:54
  because this is your first child.
• 33:55
  It's not only the birth of a child.
• 33:56
  It's a birth apparent, like your whole mind, your whole world,
• 33:59
  your whole perspective changes. And I'm really interested to see
• 34:02
  what that's like for baby number two.
• 34:03
  So we have to do a follow, but I imagine, you have that same
• 34:06
  shift of going from a family of one number to a family of
• 34:09
  another. What would be your best advice
• 34:11
  for somebody who's on that maternal or paternal?
• 34:15
  Leave. They're having some of those
• 34:16
  creative juices, maybe they're second-guessing, whether life is
• 34:19
  going, maybe just like you, they worked in corporate there.
• 34:21
  Thinking I have something else that I want to explore here and
• 34:24
  maybe now's the time to explore it.
• 34:26
  While I have this natural pause, maybe they have support coming
• 34:29
  in. They have savings that they're
• 34:30
  working on what would be something that you would
• 34:32
  recommend? They do to be able to set up
• 34:36
  maybe a possible career change or prepare themselves for a
• 34:39
  possible transition and that's also going to happen to them.
• 34:41
  Career-wise what would be your best tip?
• 34:43
  What resources do you have for us?
• 34:45
  Help help. Help.
• 34:46
  Okay, I do have a resource. I will, and I'll plug that like
• 34:50
  after my schpeel. I've so many ideas around this
• 34:52
  because I hear it so often I felt it myself.
• 34:58
  I'm curious. If I'll feel it again, you know,
• 35:00
  you think you'd like crack the nut in your like this is the
• 35:02
  Curt, like I talk. So highly about the work that I
• 35:04
  do. But who knows?
• 35:05
  Maybe it'll like shift bit. Maybe I'll have some new ideas.
• 35:07
  Okay. First and foremost always have a
• 35:10
  vessel to capture those thoughts.
• 35:13
  Mmm, do not rely on. A on your memory whether you're
• 35:16
  pregnant or not at any stage of life, I'm laughing because my
• 35:20
  mind is a sieve, like I'm I'm not even kidding.
• 35:23
  I've notes are notes and notes. Sorry.
• 35:25
  And yeah, I know my mind is like that when I'm not pregnant and
• 35:28
  so I was like, oh my gosh, oh my, okay, sidebar we have one
• 35:33
  optimization we've made in our life is to have a cleaner
• 35:35
  because for us, that's really important.
• 35:37
  I could like explain that in another episode or whatever and
• 35:40
  like you know, hiring help where and when possible but he Texted
• 35:45
  me we do e transverse. He texted me saying hi Andrea
• 35:48
  and he's like the sweetest guy. Jason big shout out of you if
• 35:50
  you listen to the podcast it's a husband wife Duo.
• 35:54
  He texts me saying hi Hunter. Yeah, I'm just wondering.
• 35:56
  Did you did you in fact sound that you transfer?
• 35:58
  Because I had sent him a text saying yes and no, I sent it to
• 36:01
  Scotty. I sent it from our joint
• 36:03
  checking account, your husband me to him back to the same
• 36:08
  account and so it's like takes the money out and then I can
• 36:12
  literally fit the transaction go back in.
• 36:14
  So yeah. Anyways, but that's also
• 36:16
  something I would do what I'm not pregnant, like just things
• 36:19
  like that. Like I just move so fast.
• 36:20
  So anywho, regardless of who you are, what stage you are.
• 36:26
  Have I say a way to capture thoughts because it's so
• 36:30
  different for everybody. All right, I don't believe in
• 36:32
  this whole like you have to write things down.
• 36:34
  I like to write things down, I like notebooks you might not a
• 36:38
  lot of people like the notes on their phone and it's very
• 36:40
  convenient. Other people like voice notes
• 36:43
  like voice. Note it out or Describe it,
• 36:46
  whatever it is. So have a way to capture the
• 36:49
  ideas and I actually want to pull a page out of Taylor's book
• 36:54
  and like you could even create lists, like I find lists can be
• 36:58
  really helpful. So sometimes, journaling can
• 37:00
  just feels so far away or unattainable for people because
• 37:04
  you're like, what I just sit there and be like, dear diary
• 37:06
  today. This is what happened versus
• 37:08
  just getting down to it and being like list of ideas.
• 37:11
  Boom, boom, boom, boom, boom. Right so much easier.
• 37:14
  So, Anyways, on that note I was thinking about like you and what
• 37:18
  you had said in our previous podcast episode where you're
• 37:20
  like you can have a not right now list and so you can actually
• 37:23
  make different types of lists where you're like this would be
• 37:26
  like something that I'd love to do when I retire.
• 37:28
  This could be something that I'd love to do during the mat leave
• 37:32
  something I'd want to like, accomplish your try or explore.
• 37:35
  This is something that I'm thinking about, post medley, or
• 37:38
  sorry, I should say paternal, or I'm parental leave those types
• 37:42
  of things. So, like just writing down,
• 37:44
  lists making About all the things that are coming up.
• 37:49
  What's one piece? So the second piece is be open
• 37:54
  to exploring what some of those elements are and finding maybe a
• 37:58
  first small step, or a medium step before jumping into some
• 38:02
  big step. So, I will say this again, and
• 38:05
  I'll say it, a hundred more times on this podcast.
• 38:07
  Get off LinkedIn, but you can go on LinkedIn if you want but do
• 38:11
  not click the easy. Apply button on LinkedIn.
• 38:15
  So you have this idea, you're sleep-deprived, you're like yeah
• 38:17
  I want to make a job change and you're like, yeah, I should play
• 38:19
  it. Like I'm at leaves kind of
• 38:21
  coming up in like a couple months and going back to work,
• 38:24
  but I really don't want to like I should apply for this job.
• 38:27
  Mmm, it's a waste of your time and it's if it's not done in a
• 38:30
  way that is really aligned with where you're at, what you want
• 38:34
  to do in that sort of thing. So but that aside, you can
• 38:38
  always apply for the jobs later but really like take the time to
• 38:42
  be creative and get clear on As you want to do.
• 38:45
  So, if you've done, I have another.
• 38:47
  So I have a couple of resources, there's one resource, which is
• 38:50
  my 5 step to Career Clarity. Which is kind of my, like, my
• 38:53
  main resource that I would say gets downloaded, the most all my
• 38:56
  clients go through it and it's kind of resetting your career
• 38:58
  vision and whether it's your first time or your fifth time,
• 39:01
  doing it, it's a really cool time to do it when you're away
• 39:04
  from work. So that could be a really cool
• 39:06
  resource to do and then I created a product called
• 39:09
  parental, leave career planner because it had a bunch of
• 39:12
  clients who are look going on Parental leave.
• 39:15
  And I created a planner for them just to select just like really
• 39:17
  think about what are some things that they could chip away at
• 39:21
  these are people who I would say.
• 39:22
  This is for the person who's typically in the stage where
• 39:25
  they're like, I know what's like 85% conviction that I don't want
• 39:29
  to go back to my job, or whatever it was I was doing and
• 39:33
  I want to keep some momentum going in like, where I want to
• 39:38
  take my career and I want to be doing that while on mat leave,
• 39:41
  which I'm totally behind as long as it's done.
• 39:44
  In a really intense. Over a because the last thing I
• 39:46
  would ever want somebody a friend, a client whomever to do
• 39:50
  is look back on their parental leave and say, oh my God, I was
• 39:55
  so not there and present mentally because I was focused
• 39:59
  on where am I going to be in a year or six months or whatever?
• 40:03
  No, taking too much time, too many thought, calories, too much
• 40:08
  stress, the petering along that without really seeing results or
• 40:12
  without really making any sort of Headway.
• 40:13
  And so, I made this guy Guide to essentially just help people
• 40:17
  like, okay, to this week, I'm going to do one thing for this.
• 40:20
  It's going to be at this time, fish babies, and it's going to
• 40:24
  be half an hour, and that's going to feel great and I'm
• 40:27
  going to look back at this point.
• 40:28
  I'm be like, oh yeah cool. I did one thing every week that
• 40:32
  was half an hour, 15 minutes long to move things forward in
• 40:36
  my career to to reach these career goals that I have and it
• 40:39
  doesn't have to be changing jobs.
• 40:41
  That could also be how might I reposition myself.
• 40:45
  To come back to work. You know in my corporate job in
• 40:47
  a different capacity or just, you know, I want to gain
• 40:52
  confidence. Like, how could I do that?
• 40:53
  How could I be more confident version of myself in a leader at
• 40:56
  work? What are some things that I
• 40:58
  could be doing over my parental, leave to upskill or whatever it
• 41:01
  is? And then I think I kind of
• 41:04
  touched on this before, but like you could start to incorporate
• 41:06
  some Hobbies like, you know, is there time in the week where you
• 41:09
  could be exploring, some things in a really low touch way and I
• 41:14
  see, What I mean by that is like, are there any hobbies that
• 41:17
  you actually kind of want to explore a bit more?
• 41:21
  Maybe you're nervous about it, but maybe you have more just
• 41:23
  time or like, more mental time to commit to some of those
• 41:27
  Hobbies. So, those are definitely be like
• 41:29
  a few things that would kind of consider and I will put those
• 41:32
  resources in the show notes, of course.
• 41:34
  So you can, please, I want to get my hands on those selfishly
• 41:39
  because you, you touched on something that I know for me is
• 41:43
  one of my biggest concerns because I went through it with
• 41:45
  my first, you know, parental leave is.
• 41:48
  I had an expectation of what I would want and I planted a
• 41:52
  planned for those options and the option that we ended up
• 41:55
  choosing was the one I thought was, like, least likely that, I
• 41:58
  would still want to have this like weird in between words.
• 42:01
  Like, I don't want to go back to work, but I do just a little and
• 42:04
  you know, thankfully, we were able to work that out, but I
• 42:06
  wish I had a resource like what you're describing, where I could
• 42:10
  sit down and dream up. What does that look like?
• 42:12
  Or how do I want things to change?
• 42:13
  And that Something to that. I know my husband went through
• 42:17
  as well and he went through career change, but you helped
• 42:19
  him with thank you. And he ended up switching
• 42:22
  industries from Tech to finance, and a lot of that was driven,
• 42:26
  not only by his passions like he's passionate both both
• 42:28
  Industries but it was more. So what is our family life going
• 42:31
  to look like when you're in Tech vs finance and what does that
• 42:34
  bounce going to look like? And he was looking at different
• 42:36
  positions within, you know, the company he was at and he was
• 42:39
  looking at different Industries. So I think there's something to
• 42:41
  be said to of exactly what you mentioned.
• 42:44
  It's not Even changing the career.
• 42:47
  It's what does that look like going back?
• 42:49
  Now balancing a family of one or four or seven like whatever that
• 42:54
  looks like. Maybe it's a raise or a
• 42:56
  different position that you're looking for.
• 42:57
  Maybe it's a schedule change, maybe it's a hybrid remote
• 43:00
  situation. You know, there's so many
• 43:02
  different options that are there and to have a planner that could
• 43:05
  kind of build in a way for you to think about that in a
• 43:09
  controlled non overwhelming. Paste out late, is that sounds
• 43:13
  like stuff on my dreams? Yeah, because it's a thing, you
• 43:18
  know, and becoming a parent you can really lose yourself in like
• 43:22
  defeating the diaper changes in the naps and that, you know, to
• 43:25
  be able to think this is a period of time at a super
• 43:29
  special and you want to be very present for.
• 43:31
  But I know for me, I also had like this mental ticker clock
• 43:35
  countdown going on where it was, like, I only have this much more
• 43:37
  time left. This much.
• 43:38
  I like the closer you get to the day that you've given yourself a
• 43:41
  returning to work. If you don't take the time to
• 43:44
  prepare for that. Not in a really healthy way.
• 43:46
  That feels good to you. It can be even more daunting,
• 43:49
  you know. And speaking of that return to
• 43:51
  work what type of advice or tips or resources, do you have when
• 43:55
  somebody gets back to work? Because that is a whole new
• 43:58
  transition. I know for me, when I went back
• 44:00
  to work, even though I really thoroughly enjoyed it, I was a
• 44:03
  totally different person, like 100%.
• 44:07
  Like, I can't even begin to tell you the ways.
• 44:10
  I was different when I returned to work being a mother versus
• 44:12
  not being a mother. And what type of Advice.
• 44:15
  Do you have for somebody who's going through that transition of
• 44:18
  being on this big pause? And now I'm going back into
• 44:20
  work, what would be your tips resources advice there?
• 44:23
  Well, I saw and i gaze off into the distance because it's a
• 44:30
  really tough one and I don't think I can sugarcoat that I'm
• 44:32
  such a positive person. I can always find the silver
• 44:35
  lining and this is one where it is so incredibly different for
• 44:41
  everybody and it can be. So, Incredibly challenging and
• 44:46
  so incredibly thrilling at the same time, like, it can be all
• 44:50
  the things at once. Kind of like having a child,
• 44:53
  like it's a lot of things at once.
• 44:55
  It is a really, really interesting experience.
• 44:58
  Okay, I'll share where my head is going.
• 45:00
  My head is going back to my own personal experience.
• 45:02
  And speaking from my experience, not the experience of others.
• 45:05
  And I couldn't have been more dialed for my return to work.
• 45:09
  Like I had really powerful conversations with my incredible
• 45:14
  man. Manager at the time, I advocated
• 45:18
  to have a slow gradual return to work of which I was granted.
• 45:22
  I put food in the freezer as if we were like, about to have
• 45:26
  another baby, I did all the things I got my hair done, I got
• 45:31
  a few new pieces. I mean, I worked in the retail
• 45:33
  fashion industry. So I went back to the store and
• 45:36
  I got a few new pieces and I was feeling good and I felt like I
• 45:39
  was looking good, you know? I'm just like doing all the
• 45:41
  things that pump myself up and I get back to work and even though
• 45:47
  I did all the things that were kind of like the external
• 45:50
  pieces, the one thing I think I negated a little bit was just
• 45:56
  remembering that the things that were present internally for me
• 45:59
  before we're still there. So I had reservations and
• 46:03
  hesitations around being in that organization being in that role
• 46:08
  and what it was doing to my mental health and who I was as a
• 46:11
  person when I was in that role, it was kind of a different
• 46:13
  person and a When I was starting to become that I didn't really
• 46:16
  like and it didn't go away because I went away and the
• 46:24
  people pleaser in me, the person who kind of can be a little bit
• 46:29
  perfectionistic and like really needs to get the job done to a
• 46:31
  certain like level or whatever. Like, I know that's all
• 46:34
  sounding. Like I like, oh, I'm just like,
• 46:35
  such a star. But no, like it was just some of
• 46:38
  these things that were like, actually not that healthy like
• 46:41
  taking time to like, you know, chat in the day and Build
• 46:44
  relationships, but then it would like make me have to work a
• 46:47
  little bit later. Like, all that stuff was still
• 46:48
  there. It didn't go away.
• 46:50
  Just because I had a kid and then I come back having a kid.
• 46:54
  We're like the five PM hard. Stop for me or 5:30 whatever it
• 46:57
  was was like so precious but then there's a side of me that
• 47:02
  was like but the job's not done at five.
• 47:06
  What like it that was still there.
• 47:08
  And I didn't I didn't actually reconcile any of that.
• 47:10
  I never like really faced any of the demons that I had leaving
• 47:13
  the job and that these were this was nothing crazy.
• 47:16
  This was not like I'm making this sound dramatic, but just
• 47:18
  all those little things and they started to pile up and I was
• 47:21
  like and it kind of hit that point.
• 47:22
  I've talked about it on the podcast where I was like, oh my
• 47:24
  God, I'm miserable and Scotty called it out and I I just let
• 47:28
  it hit this like volcano. So in hindsight Instead of
• 47:34
  focusing, I guess, instead of focusing on my mat leave around,
• 47:38
  like, should I go back? What should I do?
• 47:41
  Like, I did make the decision to go back.
• 47:44
  I wish that I kind of spent more time, like, with myself and on,
• 47:46
  like, with my mind and thinking about, like, mmm but did I not
• 47:50
  love about like myself or my circumstance or whatever like
• 47:55
  previously, and think about that versus Talking, the food in the
• 47:59
  freezer, which was really helpful.
• 48:03
  But, didn't we all have a good freezer meal?
• 48:05
  Yeah, well, it's a good thing, but it didn't really change and
• 48:09
  then that's what that would be. My other thing would be Because
• 48:13
  have said this on the pide, really don't know how else to
• 48:15
  say this. But like, garbage in garbage
• 48:16
  out, if you're leaving on a poor note, or you're leaving with any
• 48:19
  sort of hesitation about the work that you're doing or you're
• 48:21
  miserable, or you're burnt out, just because you take a pause
• 48:25
  and you come back sometimes for me I needed to come back to see
• 48:29
  just like did that space help and there was a lot of other
• 48:34
  reasons why I did go back as well that I won't get into but
• 48:37
  Scotty's Health was one of them to be honest.
• 48:39
  It was like stability that we needed in her life.
• 48:41
  Life. But but yeah, like if you're not
• 48:44
  kind of having those feelings that something to like really
• 48:46
  consider and think about when you're coming back, like it's a
• 48:49
  risk to go back. But I will also say and wrap
• 48:52
  this up with the fact that nothing is permanent.
• 48:56
  So, go back, do what I did. Sure, it's hard to quit, it's
• 49:00
  hard to like, ramp back up into something only to just have to
• 49:02
  like, you know, throw in the towel proverbial towel, which
• 49:06
  was the best move I've ever made in my life, but that's okay.
• 49:09
  Like, things can change you. Change.
• 49:12
  You can try things out that you don't like and then change.
• 49:18
  And I know to you have a workshop series that I took part
• 49:20
  in, that really helps like walk somebody through that
• 49:25
  accountability and it's perfect for any transition.
• 49:28
  But I was looking at it obviously because I'm going to
• 49:30
  be having a baby suit. I'm looking at it.
• 49:33
  Like, okay, how am I going to prepare for this transition?
• 49:36
  Because I don't know what it's going to be like to be a mother
• 49:39
  of two kids. I Don't know.
• 49:41
  It's going to be like now that my husband's in a different
• 49:43
  industry and like there's certain things I can anchor
• 49:46
  myself too. But like we've talked about
• 49:47
  multiple times already were planning for options to outcomes
• 49:50
  and it's so nice to have like your Workshop series or
• 49:53
  something like it where you can anchor yourself to somebody else
• 49:56
  walking you through this because you're going into Uncharted
• 49:59
  Territory. And like you said, like try it.
• 50:01
  See if it works out, explore it. Yes or no.
• 50:04
  But to have somebody that you could check in, or a course or
• 50:07
  Workshop series that you can check in with to think, like,
• 50:09
  okay, is this right? What questions do I need to ask
• 50:12
  myself? Where can I write down all these
• 50:14
  thoughts? How can I actually make the time
• 50:17
  to do this for myself because that was something I found as a
• 50:20
  challenge? You know, once my husband's
• 50:21
  leave was over and mine was over a kind of pressing play on like
• 50:24
  quote unquote, real life again and then we got pregnant.
• 50:27
  But just like you, it was like, I'll just kidding.
• 50:29
  Now, we're on a nine-month Runway, but you know, it was
• 50:32
  like, pressing play on that quote unquote real life.
• 50:35
  I was like, hey, I need an adult, like I don't have the
• 50:38
  same amount of time. I don't have the same amount of
• 50:40
  brain space. And like you said, like my
• 50:42
  boundaries are so much harder with my time because my family
• 50:45
  is my first priority but at the same time like I need to be
• 50:49
  cognizant of how my career my passion support my family.
• 50:53
  And what is that going to look like?
• 50:54
  And I really needed something like your Workshop series which
• 50:56
  is super helpful to like anchor me through that transition and
• 50:59
  to help me ask the right questions and to help me like
• 51:01
  set the right intentions and to check in with those values
• 51:04
  because there's so much pressure.
• 51:05
  When you become a parent like there's so much like we talked a
• 51:08
  bit about like the Judgment but there's also the financial
• 51:09
  pressure the responsibility like The expectations you had of the
• 51:13
  type of parent you're going to be are going to do screens.
• 51:14
  You're not going to do screens, are you organic or not?
• 51:16
  Organic, do co-sleep. Do know, I got all the things
• 51:19
  and like the last thing you want to do is feel lost when work is
• 51:23
  supposed to bring you that security.
• 51:25
  So yeah, I highly recommend plugging that for you, your
• 51:28
  Workshop series is so good, and I think if anybody's worried
• 51:31
  about returning to work or wanting to have an anchor, like
• 51:34
  it's such a doable and it's so short in the timing.
• 51:37
  Oh, my God, thank you. It's not something that's like
• 51:39
  18:00. Good.
• 51:41
  I got time for that. It is like so accessible and
• 51:43
  easy. So thank you for doing that.
• 51:45
  Okay my gosh you're the best hype woman ever.
• 51:47
  Can you come up with the ice just for everybody?
• 51:49
  I think okay so I know this is like your job you work with
• 51:54
  parents specifically you work with them around career changes
• 51:57
  whether it's within the same field, different fields all of
• 51:59
  the above somewhere in between. How common is it that you see
• 52:04
  parents transition career in that journey to becoming a
• 52:07
  parent? And what is it that you do for
• 52:11
  them? Em.
• 52:11
  And I know this because you helped my husband do this but
• 52:13
  please share with everybody else.
• 52:15
  What does that look like having somebody be with you through
• 52:18
  that and how common is it? Actually the parents change
• 52:21
  things when they become parents such a good question.
• 52:25
  I wish I could I wish I had a stat on it or could really
• 52:28
  answer with conviction as to how much more likely it is to change
• 52:32
  versus not my instinct. I'm just I'm honestly trying to
• 52:36
  like, kind of do the math but I would say that a lot of people,
• 52:40
  what's more likely is for someone to go through the
• 52:43
  contemplation of it versus the execution of it?
• 52:47
  And the difference between working with somebody or doing
• 52:50
  work on yourself, whether you're doing it as like self-study with
• 52:54
  your counselor or with a career coach.
• 52:56
  The difference is the outcome that you get when you are
• 53:01
  intentionally deciding, I will be staying in the current
• 53:06
  situation in returning to that. Or I will be making a change.
• 53:11
  The intentionality can give you so much peace because you have
• 53:15
  made the decision. So for me you know I have a lot
• 53:19
  of tools at my disposal and like I've said experts that I lean on
• 53:23
  and so I made that decision to go back to my corporate job in a
• 53:26
  very intentional way. It wasn't like, oh my God, what
• 53:30
  should I do? Okay, like him.
• 53:32
  I guess I'll go back to know. I was intentional.
• 53:34
  There was a reason why I went back and so I think that that's
• 53:37
  the That's a big thing and I think so.
• 53:40
  I actually don't even know like how, how much more you know, how
• 53:43
  often people will like actually make the change.
• 53:46
  But I would say that those who decide to make it intentionally
• 53:50
  are so much better off for it and like, create it creates more
• 53:54
  fulfillment and happiness like on the other side.
• 53:56
  So the people I've worked with who I work with and we go
• 54:00
  through, you know, a coaching program or we work together for
• 54:03
  a certain period of time and at the end there, like sometimes
• 54:05
  people are like kind of apologetic or like I'm sorry.
• 54:09
  Like I know what the very beginning I said, like I want to
• 54:11
  quit my job and I was like all gung ho but like I really I
• 54:14
  really just want to stay where I am.
• 54:16
  That to me is a huge if a person can say this is what I truly
• 54:20
  desire and I feel like I have the information at tied with the
• 54:24
  intuition to make this decision. That is such a wind.
• 54:28
  I mean, like, really shy away from working with anybody.
• 54:30
  Any clients I'm being honest who are, like, what's your rate of
• 54:33
  success for people? Landing a job, not a job,
• 54:36
  Landing coach. I'm a career coach.
• 54:38
  Help you get clarity on where you want to go in your life and
• 54:41
  how are you going to build that system and create that life for
• 54:43
  yourself? So that's who I am as a coach.
• 54:45
  But yeah, it's really the intentionality.
• 54:47
  It's getting clearer. It's getting super, super clear.
• 54:51
  That you are making the decision that is right.
• 54:53
  For you. Your family, your big goals that
• 54:56
  you have like that Workshop series.
• 54:57
  You were talking about. That's what that's all about.
• 54:59
  It's about setting a vision getting really clear on what the
• 55:02
  goals are and the steps that you need to take to get there and
• 55:05
  the steps might be do nothing. Stay the course, sign the
• 55:10
  paperwork and go back to work. Like that could be it, but it
• 55:13
  can feel so empowering and so incredible to do that really
• 55:17
  intentionally. I think, to something that's
• 55:19
  really important to note is it's really challenging to get that
• 55:23
  Clarity on your own, at least. I found that with returning to
• 55:26
  my work. I know my husband found that and
• 55:28
  it is just invaluable to have somebody either like andreea to
• 55:32
  walk through. I do this is her job.
• 55:34
  This is what she does. So, like, get on the wait list,
• 55:36
  folks for when she goes, back to work.
• 55:38
  But even if it's not like a certified career coach, even if
• 55:41
  it's just like a trusted friend or family member or we be a
• 55:43
  co-worker like your worker bestie or whatever that looks
• 55:46
  like, or maybe a parent, you've met on your parental leave, like
• 55:50
  somebody to talk to so that they can ask you these questions,
• 55:53
  because it's very difficult to try to just come up with these
• 55:56
  answers. Unless you have somebody
• 55:58
  thoughtful, somebody experienced somebody, who is non-judgmental
• 56:02
  objective as much as they can be, somebody who's willing to
• 56:05
  get to know you to check you on these expectations.
• 56:08
  Is that you think you have that you're like?
• 56:09
  Well you know what you say you want this.
• 56:11
  But really what I've seen from you is the exact opposite, you
• 56:14
  know, tell me where the disconnect is here, you know,
• 56:16
  those are some of the questions that I found most helpful of
• 56:19
  getting to walk with you while you were helping me and I know
• 56:22
  my husband found it super helpful and you're like, I'm not
• 56:24
  the person to land you the job. I'm like, yeah, you are.
• 56:26
  That's just like the smallest part of what you do, like,
• 56:30
  that's like a given. What you do, the bigger part of
• 56:33
  what you do is, you're getting people.
• 56:35
  The right job. That's the point because I think
• 56:37
  other career coach, Is are about like, yeah, sure success rate.
• 56:40
  We're going to get you a job. We're going to you hired x
• 56:42
  amount of days, or type of whatever.
• 56:43
  But for you it's more of that's part and parcel of the program,
• 56:48
  but your focus is getting you, the right job, especially
• 56:50
  because as a parent, that puzzle piece becomes very specific, you
• 56:54
  have daycare pick up, you have childcare options, you have meal
• 56:57
  prep, you have your own dreams, your own goals, your own
• 56:59
  boundaries, like to find that puzzle piece, you have to know
• 57:03
  what that looks like, every single Ridge in corner and you
• 57:06
  are so good at helping. People identify what that is for
• 57:09
  themselves and then finding them, of course, the puzzle
• 57:11
  piece and then clicking it in and you make it happen.
• 57:14
  Thank you for the work that you do.
• 57:15
  It is so helpful. Okay.
• 57:18
  I want to kind of wind this down a little bit.
• 57:20
  If you were to tell yourself one thing or what is the one thing
• 57:24
  you are telling yourself over and over as you prepare for baby
• 57:27
  number two, please share with us.
• 57:29
  What is that? Okay, my word of the Year this
• 57:31
  year is ease and not, he's in the way.
• 57:36
  That's like, what are the shortcuts?
• 57:38
  I can take. And what are the Like that.
• 57:41
  What's the easiest way to do? Everything?
• 57:43
  It's like asking myself over and over again.
• 57:45
  How might I find more? He's in this moment in this
• 57:49
  situation in this problem in this stage and and that's been
• 57:56
  really liberating for me. It's kind of what I did a the
• 58:01
  winter solstice episode. I did actually not tricky on
• 58:04
  December 21st. I did, I interviewed some tell
• 58:06
  Russell and then I did this winter solstice Workshop that
• 58:09
  she here. All the listeners and I was
• 58:13
  sitting in that and I was in her office and I like turned off all
• 58:15
  the lights and I lit candles and it was like a bit of a yoga
• 58:18
  flow. And it was so lovely.
• 58:20
  And I've never, really I don't think I've ever really set like
• 58:23
  a word of the year you might hear it on podcasts or whatever.
• 58:25
  And I was like she was just like talking about it and she was
• 58:28
  like come up with like a word of like how you're feeling right
• 58:31
  now and it was so clear. I was like he's he's hmm and
• 58:35
  that's why I'm whispering to myself a lot over and over is
• 58:37
  just like what's like the what's the Great version of the output
• 58:44
  in this moment, you know, like you're cooking and it's like, do
• 58:49
  I have to go with the like LCBO food and wine to remember that
• 58:53
  magazine in Ontario, the food and drink whatever that
• 58:56
  magazines called that they put out and they're like super
• 58:59
  complicated recipes with like all these like ingredients
• 59:03
  they're delicious. But they're insane.
• 59:04
  What can I go with like this really easy?
• 59:06
  Delicious recipe. That's going to taste great.
• 59:09
  That everybody loves. And it's like choosing the, he's
• 59:13
  over, choosing the complexity and the gripping.
• 59:16
  And this is just I've seen so many examples of how this has
• 59:19
  been serving me recently and like, you know, the ease of
• 59:22
  decision-making and, you know, deciding vbac or cesarean
• 59:26
  section like deciding mat. Leave returning, not like
• 59:30
  stability, all of it, all of it, like, just day-to-day examples
• 59:35
  to. So, I'm choosing I'm choosing
• 59:38
  ease and flexibility, of course, because that's just so it's who
• 59:44
  I am and it's what I need right now.
• 59:45
  So yeah, those are, those are things.
• 59:47
  I'm going to keep channeling but when I go off the rails Taylor,
• 59:50
  just whisper that back to me. Like he's, he's he's he's
• 59:57
  asleep. He's flexibility is so so
• 1:00:04
  helpful. And I think here, chatting with
• 1:00:07
  you, To view you but I'm like right, like there's so many
• 1:00:11
  things that I'm like, this is the standard that I want to hit
• 1:00:14
  it. So you know what how about is
• 1:00:15
  the standard is just easy. What if it's just the simplest,
• 1:00:19
  easiest way to get there and it doesn't have to be this big
• 1:00:22
  complicated thing. That isn't a 20%, what if it's
• 1:00:25
  like 20% easier if it's good? It's I take it like, put it like
• 1:00:28
  a percentage on it you know 5%. Like yeah.
• 1:00:33
  When I think about like the the like that recipe like the LCBO
• 1:00:36
  magazine recipe versus the like Jamie Oliver one.
• 1:00:41
  I love me. Some Jamie Oliver.
• 1:00:42
  He's like you just throw it in plan.
• 1:00:44
  You just Whizz it up. You just I'm like yeah that's my
• 1:00:45
  kind of cooking. It's 20% easier but it's like
• 1:00:49
  100% delicious. Hmm the carbonara.
• 1:00:52
  Oh I'll put that in the show notes talk to me about some of
• 1:00:57
  my friend. Okay.
• 1:00:59
  I would love to know and I have been waiting and waiting for
• 1:01:02
  somebody to flip this question on you because ask everybody
• 1:01:05
  what is something you're still figuring out right now.
• 1:01:10
  I didn't see, I knew this was coming, but because I know you
• 1:01:14
  and still, I'm like, I'm not like my guests who like, have
• 1:01:18
  beautiful answers to this because they know it's coming,
• 1:01:20
  they're like this is exactly why I'm trying to figure out.
• 1:01:24
  Trying to figure out. I'm trying to figure out
• 1:01:26
  something before I even need to figure it out.
• 1:01:28
  I think so. Maybe I need to ease up there,
• 1:01:31
  but I'm trying to figure out how I will stay in Integrity with
• 1:01:37
  myself and making decisions during this like parental leave.
• 1:01:42
  That's just so ambiguous like. Yeah.
• 1:01:46
  So it's like, these are the questions I'm asking myself and
• 1:01:49
  I guess I'm like, I'm not trying to figure it out yet, because
• 1:01:51
  I've yet to actually enter that space like, Him the baby's still
• 1:01:55
  in there. So I'm curious about how I will
• 1:02:01
  evolve and be figuring that out as I go.
• 1:02:04
  And I think maybe I'm answering my own question and it's like
• 1:02:06
  continuing to channel like he's reflecting getting information
• 1:02:13
  intuition. Like maybe I should just like
• 1:02:15
  take all the things that I've said and I'm like spewing and
• 1:02:17
  everybody else in this episode and like in the back on myself.
• 1:02:20
  So maybe I'll listen back to this.
• 1:02:24
  But yeah, that's what I'm trying to.
• 1:02:28
  That's what I'm trying to figure out.
• 1:02:30
  That makes a lot of sense to me. I don't know if it's pregnancy
• 1:02:32
  brain to pregnancy brain. But yeah, all the things that
• 1:02:35
  you are trying to figure out all the things that you think you
• 1:02:38
  need to figure out. But really it's like all the
• 1:02:40
  things you said before, you know and I love where a conversation
• 1:02:43
  went today. Thank you so much for letting me
• 1:02:44
  interview you. I loved hearing about, you know,
• 1:02:46
  your advice with expectations and flexibility leaning on
• 1:02:50
  different, experts preparing in a way that's really custom to
• 1:02:53
  one person or two you finding somebody to walk alongside you.
• 1:02:58
  Checking those comparisons, thank you for sharing all those
• 1:03:00
  resources. So please check the show notes.
• 1:03:02
  I've always wanted to say that check the show doubts, they'll
• 1:03:04
  be like they're below. Leave a five star review and
• 1:03:08
  rating. Oh, there you go.
• 1:03:10
  And just personally, if I can say thank you, as well, for
• 1:03:13
  helping parents, just like me and my husband and so many
• 1:03:15
  others, the work that you do, one-on-one is absolutely
• 1:03:17
  incredible. And I know, just even some
• 1:03:19
  behind-the-scenes of things that you're cooking up and that
• 1:03:21
  you're planning yourself to think about and marinate on
• 1:03:25
  through your next parental, leave.
• 1:03:26
  And Yeah, definitely. If I think you have a waitlist
• 1:03:29
  if you do have a waitlist. So make sure if you're
• 1:03:33
  interested in working with Andre if you're wanting to see what
• 1:03:34
  she's up to check out her wait list because she's coming up
• 1:03:37
  with really cool stuff and stuff.
• 1:03:38
  She does already is like it's life-changing, you know, the
• 1:03:41
  most time you spend places is sleeping and working.
• 1:03:44
  So if one of those things is not working for you, you have a big
• 1:03:46
  problem. Audrey, I can help you with the
• 1:03:50
  work part. Like, let me tell you, it just
• 1:03:52
  is so so wonderful. So thank you so much for giving
• 1:03:54
  me so much of your time and letting me take over your
• 1:03:56
  podcast. And pick your brain and get some
• 1:03:59
  juice answers. It was so much fun.
• 1:04:01
  Thank you so much. Tyler, I so appreciate you
• 1:04:03
  coming and offering this and just being your naturally,
• 1:04:06
  wonderful, curious self and could think of no better person
• 1:04:10
  to interviewing. Oh my gosh.
• 1:04:11
  It's very hard to be interviewed to, by the way, I am very people
• 1:04:15
  who often hang up the line, like we stop recording people be
• 1:04:17
  like, oh my God, I blocked out. I have no idea what I just said,
• 1:04:20
  like I was so Ramblin Man, I'm feeling it.
• 1:04:24
  So who knows where that went? But that was great.
• 1:04:27
  Wait, Taylor's, this will be like our PostScript you recently
• 1:04:30
  ran, and we didn't talk about this, but you recently ran a
• 1:04:33
  conference, the P2P pasta Parenthood Summit.
• 1:04:36
  That was for pre-natal, postpartum weight and try.
• 1:04:43
  Yeah. Infant all the stuff, all the
• 1:04:45
  stuff around babies. Yes, it's up, still available.
• 1:04:48
  I'm actually, genuinely curious, can people still get access to
• 1:04:51
  the net, 100%? Yeah, the conference was a
• 1:04:55
  three-day conference called Pat's Parenthood.
• 1:04:56
  We Did it myself and my business partner?
• 1:04:59
  Diane, she's a registered public for physiotherapist.
• 1:05:03
  I'm a registered massage therapist.
• 1:05:04
  And we constantly see folks in our practice that are expecting
• 1:05:07
  hoping to expect planning to expect had a baby, postpartum
• 1:05:10
  have infants and they are just like, what do I do about
• 1:05:13
  feeding? What do I do about sleep?
• 1:05:14
  How do I get the grants from the government?
• 1:05:16
  How do I be able to do this? What about the relationship with
• 1:05:18
  my partner? How do I have sex after a baby
• 1:05:20
  like all of these different things and they're not in our
• 1:05:22
  scope? Most of them we have built out
• 1:05:26
  this like huge referrals. And her.
• 1:05:27
  And I were just sitting there commiserating on how hard this
• 1:05:30
  is for new parents to get connected to the communities
• 1:05:33
  that they need because he's experts exist.
• 1:05:35
  And the need is there like, where's the handshake?
• 1:05:37
  So, we developed this conference.
• 1:05:39
  That was a handshake between these experts and expecting
• 1:05:41
  parents, and this is our second year hosting.
• 1:05:43
  It was so much fun. We had over 500 guests, join us.
• 1:05:46
  We had over 30 speakers. I think 30-something sponsors we
• 1:05:49
  gave away like twelve thousand dollars worth of stuff.
• 1:05:51
  It was so gone. So yeah, that's past sorry but
• 1:05:55
  the recordings are available and they're super cheap.
• 1:05:57
  You can find them, I'll give you the link, we can make it in this
• 1:06:00
  room and people can check out the recordings, they can, you
• 1:06:04
  know, purchase the day of recordings or if they want, the
• 1:06:05
  VIP sessions to Andria's on a panel about working parents
• 1:06:09
  along with some other really incredible speakers.
• 1:06:11
  So, yeah, there's topics on pretty much everything you would
• 1:06:14
  need to know about your past to Parenthood and where, to get
• 1:06:17
  started with some of these experts and how to find the help
• 1:06:20
  that you need. And you can take what you want.
• 1:06:21
  Leave it you don't. Well.
• 1:06:22
  Thank you again till I so so appreciate you.
• 1:06:25
  And we'll have to do a little follow-up and Where are they
• 1:06:27
  now? And article?
• 1:06:29
  Same name are they expensive? Thank you Taylor and I'll talk
• 1:06:34
  to you very soon. I'm sure.
• 1:06:37
  Thank you for listening. You can access all resources
• 1:06:39
  mentioned in this episode via my website andreea bar.com, /
• 1:06:43
  podcast and let's chat on Instagram.
• 1:06:45
  I'm at andreea bar coaching and I reply that every DM.
• 1:06:48
  I get if you loved this episode, don't forget to quickly hit that
• 1:06:52
  button on your podcast app to give me a five star rating and
• 1:06:55
  drop in and review. It would truly in the world.
• 1:06:58
  And if you're like me and love to share things that you love,
• 1:07:02
  send this episode to a friend who you think would appreciate
• 1:07:04
  this topic. Thanks again for listening, and
• 1:07:07
  I'll chat with you next week. in the world.
• 1:06:58
  And if you're like me and love to share things that you love,
• 1:07:02
  send this episode to a friend who you think would appreciate
• 1:07:04
  this topic. Thanks again for listening, and
• 1:07:07
  I'll chat with you next week.