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4 Ways to Reach Disengaged Students in Youth Ministry · Ministry Coach: Youth Ministry Tips & Resources

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: Today we're talking about four ways to help you reach disengaged students in your youth ministry.
• 0:18
  Speaker 2: Welcome to the Ministry Coach Podcast, where we give you weekly tips and tactics to help you fast-track the growth and health of your youth ministry.
• 0:24
  Speaker 2: My name is Jeff Laskola and this is Kristen Laskola.
• 0:28
  Speaker 1: And today we are talking about four strategies to help you reach disengaged students in your youth ministry, and we've all had those students that, for whatever reason, they're just not connecting, and I feel like there's such a spectrum of the type of kid who is not connecting.
• 0:50
  Speaker 1: Sometimes they're just shy yeah and they're waiting for someone to be like come on, sometimes they're a little more hostile, like they don't want to be there.
• 1:01
  Speaker 2: Parents forced them to go, and they don't want to be there.
• 1:04
  Speaker 1: Yeah, and maybe they're just kind of a like an independent type, and I've even had kids who, like felt almost too mature to be there, like you could just tell like, wow, you might be an 11 year old body, but you, you've seen some stuff.
• 1:25
  Speaker 1: Like you, you're like an adult, you know, and you're like, what these games, you know, what is this?
• 1:33
  Speaker 1: And so I just feel like there can be so many different reasons why students are not engaging super easily in your youth ministry.
• 1:42
  Speaker 1: And I will be honest, this is not like my foolproof plan to win people over, like this is just stuff I've defaulted to over the years and sometimes they don't Like there's been plenty of kids who it's just I don't think we're for you and I've seen them flourish in other type of ministries.
• 2:03
  Speaker 1: Or maybe they just weren't ready for like a church community, but maybe somewhere in the future they will be and so don't take their.
• 2:14
  Speaker 1: I think it's hard not to take it personally when they don't want to be a part of things or get discouraged.
• 2:22
  Speaker 1: You know, I feel like one of those two feelings is pretty common.
• 2:25
  Speaker 1: Like man, I just can't win this kid over.
• 2:28
  Speaker 1: Or wow, like, why do you hate us, you know, and so just there's could be like the levels of complexity underneath why they're not engaging could be far beyond what you could ever figure out or reach and have zero percent to do with you or your youth ministry.
• 2:48
  Speaker 1: Right, or maybe they do have a lot to do with you, who knows.
• 2:51
  Speaker 1: But all I'm saying is there's a couple of things you could do to try to engage them into community at church, because sometimes they really are ready for it and they just don't know how to jump in.
• 3:05
  Speaker 1: And that's where you come in, and I've seen like dozens of success stories where that kid was, like you know, just kind of a loner or didn't really want to talk or super shy or didn't have any friends.
• 3:19
  Speaker 1: And I just went to the baby shower of one this last week who's an adult married woman now, who I got to baptize, lead to the Lord, and she was like this shy little girl.
• 3:31
  Speaker 1: You know.
• 3:31
  Speaker 1: I'll talk more about her.
• 3:32
  Speaker 1: So first, in this strategy, it's not even like a strategy.
• 3:37
  Speaker 1: It's kind of just like what I default to.
• 3:39
  Speaker 1: I'm not like scheming, like wow, what is my strategy here?
• 3:40
  Speaker 1: It's more of just like these are things that I've sensed I should not like scheming like, wow, what is my strategy here?
• 3:44
  Speaker 1: It's more of just like these are things that I've sensed I should probably do this.
• 3:49
  Speaker 1: So the first one is you as the ministry lead, as the youth pastor, youth director, whatever.
• 3:56
  Speaker 1: It is so important that you be their first connection and I've noticed with some of my students that are a little more shy or a little more disengaged, me being their first connection has been really helpful.
• 4:12
  Speaker 1: It's almost like you are helping them feel safe until they get their wings to fly on their own, like I've had students who are very clingy with me because they know I'm a safe, like soft landing spot where I'm always going to welcome them with open arms.
• 4:32
  Speaker 1: I'm always going to include them.
• 4:34
  Speaker 1: I'm always going to make a big deal about them being here and excited and get them included.
• 4:39
  Speaker 1: What are we doing?
• 4:40
  Speaker 1: Let's play a game how was your weekend?
• 4:42
  Speaker 1: And they will kind of like hover next to me, like out of safety, until they get their own social wings.
• 4:50
  Speaker 1: And then some of them it's like, oh, remember me, like you never talked to me anymore.
• 4:54
  Speaker 1: That's okay, cause you have community now.
• 4:57
  Speaker 1: But I feel like the youth pastor being that initial soft landing spot for them is a really good idea because you, as the youth pastor or any ministry leader, I feel like one thing you really have to tap into.
• 5:12
  Speaker 1: And I started doing this without realizing I was doing it, and maybe it's because I'm a three on the Enneagram and we're very good at being chameleons Like what do you need me to be?
• 5:21
  Speaker 1: That's what I'll be today.
• 5:23
  Speaker 1: But that really worked to my advantage with these newer kids because I was trying, without realizing it, to have like the EQ to match their energy.
• 5:36
  Speaker 1: So, like I have a lot of energy, I can be like really hyper and silly and friendly and over the top Overwhelming.
• 5:45
  Speaker 1: That felt personal.
• 5:48
  Speaker 1: Jeff, are you overwhelmed?
• 5:49
  Speaker 1: I thought.
• 5:49
  Speaker 2: I was just adding to the list of things, sorry.
• 5:51
  Speaker 1: I wouldn't have said that.
• 5:52
  Speaker 1: I wouldn't have said that.
• 5:54
  Speaker 2: Overbearing.
• 5:56
  Speaker 1: I would have said, yeah, it could be overwhelming.
• 5:58
  Speaker 1: But like I tried to dissect their personality in the first few seconds of talking with them and it's like, what do you need me to be for you?
• 6:10
  Speaker 1: Because I can be up here or I can come down?
• 6:13
  Speaker 1: I totally can, Jeff, you know, and I can do everything in between, Like if you're wanting, like one of my students, he is just so silly and every time he sees me, like we start singing wicked even though I've never seen wicked like I just like pretend to sing along and he thinks it's hilarious and we do our little dances.
• 6:37
  Speaker 1: And then like another girl, she's super calm and so I just sit next to her and I talk to her about what she did this week and we talk about coffee and stuff like that and she's super chill.
• 6:49
  Speaker 1: And then another one just is like always just wants to be near me.
• 6:55
  Speaker 1: You know, like I put my arm around her because she always wants to be touching somehow or linking arms or holding hands.
• 7:02
  Speaker 1: Like she's very physical and I try to match their energy.
• 7:07
  Speaker 1: So because it's not like well, you're not being your authentic self, no, it's not a matter of being real or not.
• 7:14
  Speaker 2: It's almost just turning the volume knob on your, your, your energy levels up or down.
• 7:20
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 7:21
  Speaker 1: Yeah, that's a good way to put it, and I feel like that is like a talent.
• 7:26
  Speaker 2: I don't know if everyone does that or if that's just if they really put the effort in, it's not that hard.
• 7:40
  Speaker 1: It's not, and I find that it comes pretty naturally to me.
• 7:41
  Speaker 1: Like, um, this one kid used to always come and he was obsessed with his.
• 7:43
  Speaker 1: He had like a pet, like gecko or something, and he always wanted to talk to me about it and he like brought in pictures of it and I was very interested in his gecko and he loved to talk about it.
• 7:51
  Speaker 1: And so it's like, okay, I just know, and he didn't, and that was before he got it.
• 7:54
  Speaker 1: And so it's like okay, I just know, and he didn't, and that was before he got his wings.
• 7:57
  Speaker 1: And so it'd be like Kristen, oh my gosh, look at what my gecko did this weekend.
• 8:01
  Speaker 1: And you know, I'm like, oh my gosh, and I cared.
• 8:04
  Speaker 1: I wasn't like totally pretending, but it was like I was trying to pick up on.
• 8:08
  Speaker 1: What do you need for me?
• 8:10
  Speaker 1: Who do you need me to be right now for you to feel comfortable?
• 8:13
  Speaker 1: And I felt like that was my job and for me.
• 8:16
  Speaker 1: That's really helped with some of the disengaged students, because I don't know like we're going to talk about the other connections they need in a minute, because it's not just you.
• 8:28
  Speaker 1: You can't be their end, all be all.
• 8:30
  Speaker 1: But right at the beginning, when they're very vulnerable, when they're a little scared, when they're a little nervous, when they're trying to get their bearings, you are a great person to do that.
• 8:41
  Speaker 1: A because, as the ministry lead, you hopefully have the EQ to be able to do that.
• 8:46
  Speaker 1: But also it means something when the person who gets on stage and does the message and is the teacher and is the face of the ministry, when they care about you.
• 8:57
  Speaker 1: It builds this trust that I just feel like nobody at church should seem untouchable or inaccessible.
• 9:09
  Speaker 1: It's like, oh well, don't bother her, she's the pastor, he's the pastor, he's busy.
• 9:14
  Speaker 2: In the green room right now.
• 9:16
  Speaker 1: Yeah, we are very heavy on that.
• 9:18
  Speaker 1: We're a large church, not that I need a green room, but our senior pastor is very big on.
• 9:24
  Speaker 1: We are a green room, free church.
• 9:26
  Speaker 1: If you're a pastor, you're accessible, you're approachable, you're available and we try to carry that out throughout all of our ministries of like, hey, if you're the person, it means a lot to people that you're like excited to see them, you know, and so let them, let them, let yourself be that soft landing place for a little while while they're trying to get comfortable right.
• 9:55
  Speaker 1: So that kind of moves into.
• 9:57
  Speaker 1: Try to get them to your midweek program so that you can get them into a small group.
• 10:02
  Speaker 1: So if a kid is kind of shy or disengaged and they're coming to your weekend services, try to get them to youth group at your midweek program.
• 10:12
  Speaker 1: So this one particular girl she was so cute, she never talked, she would just sit in her chair and I'd go.
• 10:19
  Speaker 1: You should come on Tuesdays to youth group.
• 10:22
  Speaker 1: I don't know, I don't know I can't, and I tried to develop like an affection with her and she was super tiny, so like I started calling her peanut.
• 10:34
  Speaker 2: And still.
• 10:34
  Speaker 1: Drea, drea.
• 10:35
  Speaker 2: Well, now you just said her name yeah, fine, it's drea.
• 10:39
  Speaker 2: I know this person, duh.
• 10:42
  Speaker 1: I know your name, name's drea well, there's nothing bad we're saying about her, so we can call her out.
• 10:46
  Speaker 2: Yeah, drea hi drea.
• 10:48
  Speaker 1: so I would be like come on, peanut, come to tuesday.
• 10:52
  Speaker 1: I don't know, I don't know.
• 10:53
  Speaker 1: Well, she finally ended up coming on Tuesday.
• 10:56
  Speaker 1: She got plugged into a small group.
• 10:58
  Speaker 1: She became one of the most connected kids at our youth group.
• 11:01
  Speaker 1: She came back in high school or maybe she was young adult to be a leader actually.
• 11:08
  Speaker 1: Well, I baptized her in junior high, performed her wedding when she was a young adult, just went to her baby shower two weekends ago and it was like weeks and months probably of me like come on you gotta go, please?
• 11:24
  Speaker 1: Oh, you would love it, just try, you know, because getting them from a weekend service to a midweek is this whole other level of connection, where now you're connecting them to another adult, their small group leader, and it can, the relational dynamic can grow beyond just you as the youth pastor, because I want and Dre and I are still close, obviously, and I wanted to be with her, but I also wanted her to have a more, a richer experience than just me, and obviously I have to be with other kids as well, and then, you know, starting to get connected to the other kids in her small group, and that's why it's so important to have small groups that are designed around the best chance of connection.
• 12:08
  Speaker 1: So that means gender specific, grade specific.
• 12:13
  Speaker 1: So that means gender specific, grade specific and I for lack of a better word, it's like vibe specific.
• 12:18
  Speaker 2: Yeah, that's if you're large enough to have that many breakdowns of small groups, right.
• 12:22
  Speaker 1: Yeah, and if not, at least start with guys and girls and then, if you can grow a little bit from there, break it down by yeah, greater age and then if you're bigger than that, it's definitely by vibe.
• 12:36
  Speaker 1: Like we have two sixth grade girl small groups because some go to this school and some go to that school and it's just a lot easier for people.
• 12:48
  Speaker 1: I always try to put people in a scenario with the best possible case scenario to connect.
• 12:55
  Speaker 2: Right.
• 12:55
  Speaker 1: Not like let's do a social experiment where you try to connect with someone you'd never connect with in real life.
• 13:02
  Speaker 1: It's like maybe, and sometimes that works Right.
• 13:05
  Speaker 1: I just feel like it's more experimental and we've talked about that a million times on the podcast, but I just want them to be with people.
• 13:12
  Speaker 1: That it's like.
• 13:12
  Speaker 1: I just want them to be with people.
• 13:14
  Speaker 1: That it's like I could see you being friends with this person.
• 13:17
  Speaker 1: So getting them in a small group is a really big deal.
• 13:20
  Speaker 1: And when they're in that small group now they have peers that are like them, that are similar.
• 13:26
  Speaker 1: They have another adult besides you who's keeping track of them, caring for them, including them and then making sure they're registered.
• 13:35
  Speaker 1: So like getting their info, their name, their address, all of that.
• 13:39
  Speaker 1: And you can even reach out to the parent like, hey, it's been so great to have Drea, you know, on Tuesdays, you know, hope she's liking it.
• 13:47
  Speaker 1: Reach out anytime if there's anything we can do to better partner with your family you know, just letting the parent know hey, we're here, I see you.
• 13:55
  Speaker 1: I'm glad you're a part of the church and I feel like even that gives you a better chance of getting the parent connected.
• 14:03
  Speaker 1: So if a kid is coming on their own and is kind of disengaged, I think you have a bigger chance of losing them if the parent is also disengaged.
• 14:12
  Speaker 1: You know we've had so many kids whose parents just kind of drop them off, which is fine, I'm glad they're there.
• 14:19
  Speaker 1: But I've noticed those kids tend to drop off at some point if they're solely responsible for getting themselves to church.
• 14:29
  Speaker 1: Like hey, can you drop me off, hey, instead of it's like, hey, we're going to church, to church, like, hey, can you drop me off, hey?
• 14:36
  Speaker 1: Instead of it's like, hey, we're going to church.
• 14:37
  Speaker 1: Those kids just have a higher rate of retention In my experience.
• 14:43
  Speaker 1: I'm sure there's cases out there where it's very different, but I would just say, in a general rule, that is my observation.
• 14:47
  Speaker 1: So, thirdly, get them connected to your leadership kids.
• 14:52
  Speaker 1: So this is where they have their small group girls or guys, but there's something very special about a leadership kid if you've done the work with them.
• 15:04
  Speaker 1: So my leadership team, it's called SOS and it's called students of service, and we talk to those students all the time about how to evangelize with your relational skills.
• 15:21
  Speaker 1: So I think we've always boiled down evangelism to can you recite the gospel?
• 15:27
  Speaker 1: And I hope you can.
• 15:29
  Speaker 1: I hope you know like the Roman's road and know the gospel, and if someone asks you for the faith you have within you, that you could give an answer for it.
• 15:38
  Speaker 1: I think there's another layer of evangelism to teach to our students, which is having just conversations with people, because here's a more likely scenario as far as I know.
• 15:53
  Speaker 1: I mean, I've been a Christian since I was four years old, I have never been cornered on the playground and a kid said why do you believe in Jesus?
• 16:01
  Speaker 1: Tell me right now.
• 16:03
  Speaker 1: But I have had kids ask well, what church do you go to?
• 16:07
  Speaker 1: Or why do you go to church, or like, what do you like?
• 16:12
  Speaker 1: Just more like conversational, and it could lead that direction, like when I was in elementary school I led my next door neighbor to Christ and I was like in third or fourth grade because I had the skills to do it.
• 16:28
  Speaker 1: So the gospel, you know, it is usually wrapped up in people skills and a relationship and a conversation.
• 16:37
  Speaker 1: And so teaching our kids, our students, how to simply like have good conversations with people, ask good questions of people, I think is a part of evangelism.
• 16:49
  Speaker 1: So if you can state facts, that scenario is, I mean, unless you're going to debate at some university, it's really not going to be as useful as okay, take that knowledge and your people skills and put them together, because the gospel is shared through relationship more often for a lay person you know, than like at the pulpit, you know what I'm saying.
• 17:16
  Speaker 1: So that might look like something like hey, a new kid comes in and you notice them, but you're with all your friends and you guys are giggling and talking.
• 17:27
  Speaker 1: Or you guys are playing basketball or Gaga ball and you notice them, but you're like nah, whatever they can take care of themselves Wrong.
• 17:36
  Speaker 1: What do you do next?
• 17:38
  Speaker 1: And so we go through possible scenarios.
• 17:40
  Speaker 1: Well, you say, hey, are you new?
• 17:43
  Speaker 1: I've never seen you before.
• 17:44
  Speaker 1: What's your name?
• 17:45
  Speaker 1: You get a temperature check.
• 17:47
  Speaker 1: Are they receptive and open and excited?
• 17:49
  Speaker 1: If they are, keep going.
• 17:51
  Speaker 1: If not, maybe tell them a couple of things.
• 17:54
  Speaker 1: Well, we're glad you're here, hey, if you want to join us for Gaga ball, like you know, we would love.
• 18:01
  Speaker 1: I could teach you how to play or do you know how, if you're sensing that they're a little like why are you talking to me, please stop.
• 18:05
  Speaker 1: And I'm so.
• 18:07
  Speaker 1: That's even an EQ skill to know when somebody is like thank God somebody's talking to me, yes, please include me.
• 18:14
  Speaker 1: And when someone's like cool bro, like back off and how to exit a conversation gracefully.
• 18:21
  Speaker 1: So these people skills will help them connect these disengaged students to know all right, new person, vulnerable person and I always say this person is at risk for maybe never coming back and hearing the full gospel if the first step of evangelism wasn't met with just we see you, how are you, who are you?
• 18:47
  Speaker 1: You want to hang out?
• 18:49
  Speaker 1: I feel like teaching our students how to do that.
• 18:52
  Speaker 1: So getting them connected a disengaged student with a student leader who's already maybe had these bugs in their ear about like hey, this is how we treat new people, this is how to talk, blah, blah, blah gives them another chance at connection because now a peer, someone their own age, that is solidifying.
• 19:12
  Speaker 1: Okay, the pastor was nice, the pastor saw me, the pastor cared about me.
• 19:17
  Speaker 1: There was this other adult, there were some kids in my small group, but now these kids seem like they know like how to include and talk, and they're warm and inviting and all of that, and so they've had all of these experiences to show.
• 19:33
  Speaker 1: Well, it wasn't just the one adult was nice to me and everyone else was a jerk but every.
• 19:39
  Speaker 2: Because they kind of expect you to have to be.
• 19:41
  Speaker 1: Exactly and that's what I tell my student leadership kids all the time.
• 19:44
  Speaker 1: I said if I was mean, like they would be like probably shocked Like what's going on.
• 19:52
  Speaker 1: We expect kids are a mixed bag, like some kids are mean, some kids are nice If they go to school, they know.
• 19:59
  Speaker 1: But to meet some kids who actually like included them and were kind and approached them and didn't just look at them and then like look away or giggle or I'm like that is so much more impactful than me.
• 20:18
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 20:19
  Speaker 1: You know so it's.
• 20:20
  Speaker 1: So now this person has hopefully had all these really great experiences with this like relational aspect of across the gamut Right, and then my last one number four, and then my last one number four.
• 20:36
  Speaker 1: The best way I can put it is find a win with this person, meaning get them to have fun.
• 20:49
  Speaker 1: And let me caution you, they're kind of fun, and so that's going back to that EQ thing of like some kids, if you force them to play a game, they're done.
• 20:53
  Speaker 1: They're like I was humiliated.
• 20:56
  Speaker 1: I am never doing that again, no way.
• 20:59
  Speaker 1: So you have to be careful here of what is like fun is very subjective, so you're looking for basically a memorable experience that they can look back on and say like that was the highlight.
• 21:17
  Speaker 1: That was the sweet spot.
• 21:19
  Speaker 1: Something good happened and for me that can be as little as an inside joke.
• 21:25
  Speaker 1: Right that evolves into like a cute nickname, like I was calling Dre a peanut all the time.
• 21:32
  Speaker 1: One of my favorite students.
• 21:34
  Speaker 1: He's very connected, so he's not that type of student, but he like, every time we see each other we just like salute, like he started a like saluting me and like he will freeze until I say like at ease, you know, and so it's like our fun little thing and it's a highlight.
• 21:52
  Speaker 1: Like every time I see him like, oh yeah, like our little tradition, you know.
• 21:57
  Speaker 1: Maybe it is getting them to play a game, a low risk game, where they won't be embarrassed like nine square or Gaga ball or four square, something like that, where it's not like I had to go up on stage and answer a question and everyone was looking at me you know, something like that.
• 22:15
  Speaker 2: Can we bring up the spotlights a little bit on this new student.
• 22:17
  Speaker 2: Come on everybody.
• 22:18
  Speaker 1: Oh my gosh, Can I tell you a dumb tax I used to.
• 22:21
  Speaker 1: Oh, I don't want to say it, it's so cringy.
• 22:24
  Speaker 2: I think you've already said it, have I Somewhere along the line?
• 22:26
  Speaker 2: Okay?
• 22:27
  Speaker 1: somewhere along the line.
• 22:27
  Speaker 1: Whenever we had a new student, I would make them stand up.
• 22:32
  Speaker 1: Did I make them stand up?
• 22:34
  Speaker 2: Yes, I did, I'm pretty sure.
• 22:37
  Speaker 1: Okay, you were probably there and I'd say what's your name, what grade are you in?
• 22:42
  Speaker 2: What school do you go to?
• 22:42
  Speaker 2: What's your favorite ride at Disneyland?
• 22:45
  Speaker 2: I don't like Disneyland.
• 22:46
  Speaker 2: What's your favorite flavor of ice cream?
• 22:48
  Speaker 2: I don't like ice cream.
• 22:50
  Speaker 1: Well, shame on me, for I mean no, a new person does not want to do that.
• 22:56
  Speaker 1: Some do.
• 22:57
  Speaker 1: I mean I worked with enough junior hires.
• 23:00
  Speaker 1: You know some.
• 23:00
  Speaker 1: Some of them are like attention.
• 23:02
  Speaker 1: Finally, you know spotlight, thank you.
• 23:06
  Speaker 1: But some are like what is happening.
• 23:09
  Speaker 1: Why is this church?
• 23:10
  Speaker 2: My worst nightmare is coming true right now.
• 23:13
  Speaker 1: Yes, so and then I would like give them a piece of candy, and then I would give them a piece of candy, at least I would give them a prize.
• 23:18
  Speaker 2: But it was so dumb I think the idea behind it is great, just minus the in front of everybody else, Like going up to them hey, what's your name?
• 23:27
  Speaker 2: What school do you go?
• 23:27
  Speaker 1: to what's your favorite ride at.
• 23:28
  Speaker 2: Disneyland, maybe not that.
• 23:30
  Speaker 2: I thought it was so cute and clever and I'm like no but I thought it was so cute and clever and I'm like no, it's mortifying, so cringy it's, it's honestly it's.
• 23:40
  Speaker 2: I mean, as an adult, when it's like a group of people that may not know each other, we're gonna go around the room.
• 23:44
  Speaker 2: I'm just like sweaty palms, so nervous.
• 23:48
  Speaker 2: I'm not listening to anybody else talk.
• 23:50
  Speaker 1: I'm like please don't let my voice crack and see, and that's why it took me so long to realize that, because I'm not that kind of person.
• 23:57
  Speaker 1: So I'm like sure, what do you want to know?
• 23:59
  Speaker 1: I don't care, I'm not shy, I'm very confident.
• 24:02
  Speaker 1: So, talking in front of a group of people, I'd be like whatever, whatever, whatever, dude, I don't care, I don't care, I care.
• 24:11
  Speaker 1: And then it took me years of ministry to realize okay, just because maybe you're the person up in front, because you don't care if the spotlight's on you.
• 24:24
  Speaker 1: Other people aren't that way, so be sensitive to that.
• 24:27
  Speaker 1: So you know, if they're a quieter kid, I'll be like hey, like, I'll play you in Mario Kart.
• 24:33
  Speaker 1: And they'll be like okay, you know.
• 24:34
  Speaker 1: And if they're like, if I can, I'll play you in Mario Kart, and they'll be like okay, you know.
• 24:35
  Speaker 1: And if they're like, oh, if I can tell they're good, I'll be like all right, if I, if you beat me, you know I'll get you, I'll give you a Coke.
• 24:43
  Speaker 1: Or you know, like, just create something fun in that.
• 24:47
  Speaker 1: Or if there's a few leadership girls around, maybe we'll be like hey, you want to be in our little volleyball circle or something like that, just trying to make sure that there's this memorable experience that was positive, that they look back on and they because chances are they're not going to be like that was a really good message.
• 25:08
  Speaker 1: I would like to go back to that church for a kid.
• 25:11
  Speaker 1: They will start listening to the message after they feel included and confident and comfortable, because the first few times they probably aren't hearing anything.
• 25:23
  Speaker 1: That's happening.
• 25:24
  Speaker 2: They're just like who am I sitting by what's going on?
• 25:26
  Speaker 1: What do I do next?
• 25:27
  Speaker 1: Okay, why is everyone standing up?
• 25:29
  Speaker 1: What game is this?
• 25:30
  Speaker 1: Oh no, what team am I on?
• 25:32
  Speaker 1: Because there's so many social factors that are noise they're probably like not even paying attention to your program elements.
• 25:42
  Speaker 1: So we really want to help push them through that so that their ears can all of a sudden open and they can lean into the message and into the worship and into the discussion, because all those social factors have.
• 25:55
  Speaker 1: Maybe we'll never solve them completely in adolescence, but at least we can quiet them a little bit for them.
• 26:02
  Speaker 1: And so, again, these aren't like four easy ways to take a disengagement, so it's just more like patterns of behavior, things that may help.
• 26:13
  Speaker 1: And if you have some success stories, I'd love.
• 26:17
  Speaker 1: If you're watching us on YouTube, I'd love to hear that in the comments, because you know I'm always learning new ways of engaging students because there's so many different types of kids and reasons why and you never know what method is going to like click with you.
• 26:37
  Speaker 1: You know it's not just like in the broad sense, everyone wants this.
• 26:42
  Speaker 1: It's like all right, every disengaged kid to me is almost like a puzzle of like what's your hurdle?
• 26:49
  Speaker 1: And how can I help you overcome it, or how can we overcome it together, because I want you here right right, you know one thing I didn't mention, but like, make sure you use their name, their correct name.
• 27:06
  Speaker 1: Um, I met a new boy at my Saturday night service this weekend.
• 27:11
  Speaker 1: Here's how this went.
• 27:12
  Speaker 1: You want to hear how dumb I was.
• 27:14
  Speaker 1: I said, hey, I've never met you.
• 27:16
  Speaker 1: What's your name?
• 27:18
  Speaker 2: He said you have met me no.
• 27:21
  Speaker 1: I'm not Hopefully not that dumb Like I had seen him before, but we never had a conversation.
• 27:26
  Speaker 1: He said I'm Jacob.
• 27:28
  Speaker 1: I said cool, nice to meet you.
• 27:30
  Speaker 1: Then we start service.
• 27:33
  Speaker 1: I'm up on stage and I say something about.
• 27:36
  Speaker 1: I pointed to him because he was sitting next to his friend and I was like something about yeah and Patrick, and blah, blah, blah and they just start laughing.
• 27:46
  Speaker 1: And I thought they were laughing because we were talking about dating and I thought they were getting all giggly and I was like come on, guys, like let's be mature, and they were just sort of like shaking their head and then like finally one of his friends raised her hand and she's like the reason we're laughing is because you keep calling him Patrick.
• 28:05
  Speaker 1: His name is Jacob.
• 28:08
  Speaker 1: I'm like that's not even close, like not even in the ballpark, and I literally asked you five minutes ago.
• 28:15
  Speaker 1: So they thought it was hilarious.
• 28:17
  Speaker 1: So then the girl's mom was working at church, like volunteering on Sunday, and she's like oh man, we took Jacob home and they were laughing the whole way home about you calling him Patrick.
• 28:29
  Speaker 1: And then they were talking about SpongeBob and making all these jokes, how he's Patrick, and now it says I'm like it ended up being a win well, I created a memory for you but yeah, so maybe next time I see him it'll be our little inside joke.
• 28:43
  Speaker 1: But I felt so stupid like I.
• 28:45
  Speaker 1: Literally it was just like what's your name, jacob?
• 28:48
  Speaker 1: Great, I get on stage and patrick over there way to go.
• 28:53
  Speaker 2: Also, why are you calling him out from stage?
• 28:54
  Speaker 2: Anyways, it made sense.
• 28:56
  Speaker 1: I know it wasn't embarrassing, it made sense, I think I said I had to move a kid and I said go and sit over there next to Patrick.
• 29:04
  Speaker 1: Pat for the layperson Patty.
• 29:07
  Speaker 2: We did another episode similar to this, but specifically how to get introverted students engaged in your youth ministry.
• 29:14
  Speaker 2: So if you want to check that out, go ahead and watch that or listen to that on the podcast.
• 29:18
  Speaker 2: Question of the day this week is what is a pet peeve you have about other?
• 29:29
  Speaker 1: drivers Too slow.
• 29:30
  Speaker 1: I thought the question was too slow.
• 29:31
  Speaker 1: Your question is slow.
• 29:31
  Speaker 1: No, I hate when they go too slow.
• 29:32
  Speaker 1: I probably drive too fast.
• 29:33
  Speaker 1: I need to work on that.
• 29:34
  Speaker 1: But yeah, when they're, I'm just like what are you doing?
• 29:38
  Speaker 1: Like, put some pressure on that pedal, let's go, so I it just starts to give me a tick.
• 29:45
  Speaker 1: You know when yeah but I I never pass people.
• 29:49
  Speaker 1: You know, I try really hard just to be like okay, so I'll just tailgate instead wow, no, I'm just kidding.
• 29:56
  Speaker 2: Which brings me to my tailgating I can't stand it when you are going the speed limit and someone is like that pressure tailgating you, like I'm gonna get so close to your bumper to force, like if you're on the freeway, to force you out of that lane.
• 30:12
  Speaker 1: Which I'm like if I'm going the speed limit, you can go around oh yeah, I I just move my rear view mirror so I can't see them and I just, that's smart, probably not safe.
• 30:21
  Speaker 2: Um, yeah, so mine is I, I don't like, I don't like tailgaters when you are going to speed limit and they're just like riding you, forcing you to, you know, to move over.
• 30:31
  Speaker 2: The other one I'll do really quickly is when someone gets mad at you and they're at fault, they'll honk or flip you off or get mad or whatever and you're like by the letter of the law.
• 30:43
  Speaker 2: Sir, you were in the wrong there.
• 30:46
  Speaker 2: That bothers me yeah, so anyways put in the comment section below what is something that you have a pet peeve about in regards to other drivers?
• 30:54
  Speaker 2: All right, this is our community comment of the day.
• 30:56
  Speaker 2: This comes from youth, now one who says I would just like to say that I've had an opportunity to work with the youth in a more important role lately, leading and teaching while my pastor takes a break from youth ministry roles to focus on other things, and this podcast has helped with a lot of different things for me planning, teaching, et cetera.
• 31:13
  Speaker 2: Thank you, you're welcome.
• 31:17
  Speaker 1: Thank you for that comment.
• 31:18
  Speaker 2: Really, ministry now, youth now, oh, sorry, thank you so much and thank you guys for watching and listening and we'll see you next time.
• 31:25
  Speaker 1: do you want to be a better youth pastor in this next year?
• 31:29
  Speaker 1: Good, are you looking for ways to be a more effective leader than stick around?
• 31:36
  Speaker 1: Cause we were?
• 31:38
  Speaker 2: My annunciations were all over the place in that intro, but that's okay, winky face.