Latest / Postcards to the Universe / Dr. Gertrude Lyons

Transcript

Dr. Gertrude Lyons · Postcards to the Universe

• 0:09
  Speaker 1: Welcome to Postcards to the Universe with Melissa Capria. Do
• 0:13
  Speaker 1: you believe in magic? What if you were told that
• 0:16
  Speaker 1: all you had to do was get a little creative
• 0:19
  Speaker 1: and work a magic spell to bring anything you can
• 0:22
  Speaker 1: imagine into your life. Here on Postcards to the Universe,
• 0:27
  Speaker 1: we will share manifesting tips, postcards, creativity, abundance, and prosperity.
• 0:34
  Speaker 1: Here is your host, Melissa Capria.
• 0:38
  Speaker 2: Hey everybody, and welcome to Postcards to the Universe with
• 0:41
  Speaker 2: Melissa creating the life you crave. How are you guys doing.
• 0:45
  Speaker 2: I hope everybody is doing well. It's a Wednesday, my
• 0:49
  Speaker 2: favorite day of the week, and I have a great
• 0:51
  Speaker 2: show today. I have Visionary behind Rewrite The Mother Code,
• 0:57
  Speaker 2: Doctor Gertrude Alliance with me and she's going to join
• 0:59
  Speaker 2: me in just a few minutes. Just want to give
• 1:02
  Speaker 2: a big shout out to my regulars. Thank you so
• 1:04
  Speaker 2: much for tuning in each week. It means the world
• 1:06
  Speaker 2: to me. But if you are new to my show,
• 1:08
  Speaker 2: I want to say welcome, Thank you so much, and
• 1:12
  Speaker 2: I hope you enjoy today's show. I have guests on
• 1:16
  Speaker 2: all the time. I'd love to have these conversations with
• 1:18
  Speaker 2: people who are doing the kind of work that doctor
• 1:21
  Speaker 2: Lyons is doing, and we're going to talk to her
• 1:23
  Speaker 2: and you'll find all about that and just a couple
• 1:26
  Speaker 2: But if you want to listen to some other shows,
• 1:29
  Speaker 2: they're pre recorded on Home Times Radio in the archives.
• 1:33
  Speaker 3: You can hear them there.
• 1:34
  Speaker 2: I'm sorry they're not pre recorded post recorded on the
• 1:37
  Speaker 2: archives on Own Times Radio. You can listen to them
• 1:40
  Speaker 2: on any of the podcasting platforms that you subscribe to.
• 1:43
  Speaker 2: And you can also hear any show on my website
• 1:46
  Speaker 2: Postcards to the Universe dot com under podcasts, and there's
• 1:49
  Speaker 2: always a description in what the show is about and
• 1:53
  Speaker 2: who I am speaking with. So I hope that you
• 1:57
  Speaker 2: come back and listen to more and just let me
• 1:59
  Speaker 2: know your I would love to hear it. A little
• 2:02
  Speaker 2: bit about me. I'm an artist. I'm a photographer. I
• 2:05
  Speaker 2: have a book titled Postcards to the Universe, Harness the
• 2:08
  Speaker 2: Universe's power and manifest your dreams, and I talk about
• 2:11
  Speaker 2: manifesting in that book, and I use photography as a
• 2:15
  Speaker 2: tool for manifesting. I have people create a manifesting postcard
• 2:18
  Speaker 2: like a vision board. I photograph it when it shows
• 2:21
  Speaker 2: up in their reality and physical form, I share their
• 2:24
  Speaker 2: story and there's thirty of those in my book. So yeah,
• 2:27
  Speaker 2: check that out and make a manifesting postcard and send
• 2:30
  Speaker 2: it to me. You can find out how to do it.
• 2:32
  Speaker 4: I tell you.
• 2:33
  Speaker 3: I share how to set.
• 2:34
  Speaker 2: The space, how to create one, how to tap into
• 2:37
  Speaker 2: the energy to create one, and the address where to
• 2:40
  Speaker 2: send it, and if you have any questions, just reach
• 2:42
  Speaker 2: out to me and I would be happy to help.
• 2:46
  Speaker 2: So I started doing about a month ago these short
• 2:49
  Speaker 2: three to four minute videos talking about a lot of
• 2:53
  Speaker 2: the things I talk about on my shows, everything positive,
• 2:56
  Speaker 2: anything inspirational. I'm trying to saturate as much as I
• 3:01
  Speaker 2: can the world with inspirational things, right, because we see
• 3:05
  Speaker 2: nothing but tragedies all the time from the news, so
• 3:09
  Speaker 2: I'm like counteracting that with what's good about the world,
• 3:12
  Speaker 2: what's good about our life. So you can check those out.
• 3:15
  Speaker 2: I share those on YouTube, Instagram, and TikTok. And I
• 3:19
  Speaker 2: also started reading oracle cards. I created an oracle deck
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  Speaker 2: of the affirmation postcards that I've received and it's been
• 3:27
  Speaker 2: great and I love it, and I'm doing one every day.
• 3:30
  Speaker 2: So if you find an affirmation that resonates with you,
• 3:34
  Speaker 2: it was meant for you, Okay. So now let me
• 3:37
  Speaker 2: get to my guest. Doctor Gertrude lyonce she stands at
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  Speaker 2: the forefront of coaching and education in holistic women's development, parenting,
• 3:46
  Speaker 2: self love, and relationship fulfillment. As the visionary behind Rewrite
• 3:52
  Speaker 2: the Mother Code, she inspires women to embark on their
• 3:55
  Speaker 2: unique paths of personal transformation, drawing on her over twenty
• 4:00
  Speaker 2: plus years of experience and empowering individuals, couples, parents, and
• 4:05
  Speaker 2: families toward fulfilled lives, and Rewrite the Mother Code from
• 4:09
  Speaker 2: sacrifice to Stardust. A cosmic approach to motherhood, Doctor Gertrude
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  Speaker 2: lyons challenges, limiting beliefs and expands the concepts around what
• 4:19
  Speaker 2: it is to be a mother. Throughout her book, Gertrude
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  Speaker 2: blurs the lines that pigeonhole women into limited roles that
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  Speaker 2: ultimately disempower them. Rather than operating within a narrow conception
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  Speaker 2: of what mothering is, she invites readers to open themselves
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  Speaker 2: up to what is possible and see the truth that
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  Speaker 2: all women mother all that all women mother, and that
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  Speaker 2: mother energy is accessible to all of us, including men.
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  Speaker 2: Rewrite the Mother Code is a celebration of motherhood, bringing
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  Speaker 2: spirituality and community back into the experience and empowering women
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  Speaker 2: to be what they truly are the ultimate creators of
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  Speaker 2: their lives. And if you want to find out more
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  Speaker 2: about her, A highly recommend you do go to her website.
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  Speaker 2: It's www dot doctor Gertrude Lions dot com and I'm
• 5:06
  Speaker 2: gonna spell her name doctor Gertrude g E r t
• 5:10
  Speaker 2: r U d E Lions l y O n s
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  Speaker 2: dot com.
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  Speaker 3: Welcome doctor Gertrude.
• 5:15
  Speaker 2: Thanks for being here with.
• 5:16
  Speaker 5: Me, Melissa, Thank you so much. It's such a pleasure
• 5:20
  Speaker 5: and honor to be on your show.
• 5:22
  Speaker 2: I'm really excited and I love the fact that you
• 5:25
  Speaker 2: talk about that you don't have to physically birth children
• 5:30
  Speaker 2: to be embracing what the mother code is. So how
• 5:35
  Speaker 2: about if you explain it to us, what is the
• 5:38
  Speaker 2: mother code and how you got into this kind of work.
• 5:41
  Speaker 5: Yeah, no, absolutely, because it's well, that's like Joernie, I
• 5:47
  Speaker 5: think this, you know, has been an evolution for me
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  Speaker 5: through my own from the first time I started doing
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  Speaker 5: any personal growth and awareness work to then you know,
• 5:58
  Speaker 5: getting married and having children and doing that through the lens,
• 6:02
  Speaker 5: you know, as consciously as possible and realizing even in
• 6:10
  Speaker 5: an intentional growthful community and becoming a life coach and
• 6:15
  Speaker 5: coaching parents and families, it's still hard to maintain yourself,
• 6:22
  Speaker 5: maintain a connection to yourself, to keep putting your development,
• 6:30
  Speaker 5: your transformational opportunity in the forefront, and understand that that's
• 6:35
  Speaker 5: what's good for the whole family because we're One of
• 6:38
  Speaker 5: the major mother codes is that we're you know, particularly women,
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  Speaker 5: caregivers or people who identify that it's our job to
• 6:49
  Speaker 5: care for everybody else. So I really wanted to flip
• 6:53
  Speaker 5: that on its head because I saw it happened to
• 6:55
  Speaker 5: me losing myself and my children and caregiving, and to
• 7:02
  Speaker 5: then see what's possible when we keep on a self
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  Speaker 5: realization path and understand that, wait, this is possible, and
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  Speaker 5: it's something that benefits It actually benefits the whole family.
• 7:15
  Speaker 5: It doesn't take away. So I mean, that's you know,
• 7:19
  Speaker 5: just a quick summary of what it is and we
• 7:21
  Speaker 5: can dig in some more. Yeah.
• 7:24
  Speaker 3: No, that's great.
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  Speaker 2: It's interesting that you said that because even though I
• 7:28
  Speaker 2: don't have kids, right, so I've made a conscious decision
• 7:31
  Speaker 2: not to have my own children, But interestingly enough, I
• 7:35
  Speaker 2: have such that mothering archetype because I've taken care of
• 7:39
  Speaker 2: my sisters. I'm the oldest. I had a special need
• 7:42
  Speaker 2: sister who passed away three years ago. So I've taken
• 7:44
  Speaker 2: care of my sisters. My youngest sister has kids, I'm
• 7:47
  Speaker 2: like the favorite because I'm like I was helping take
• 7:50
  Speaker 2: care of her kids when I'm with them right. And
• 7:53
  Speaker 2: now I've noticed as my parents have gotten older, I'm
• 7:56
  Speaker 2: taking care of my parents like I switched the roles,
• 7:58
  Speaker 2: Like I've become the mother. And my friends my whole
• 8:01
  Speaker 2: life have always come to me when they've needed support,
• 8:06
  Speaker 2: you know. So there's such that mothering energy, and I
• 8:11
  Speaker 2: have gone through that similar also, like I'm giving so
• 8:14
  Speaker 2: much of myself to everybody else, you know, like in
• 8:19
  Speaker 2: all relationships too, and romantic relationships, and it's like I
• 8:22
  Speaker 2: need to, like I needed to take a step back
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  Speaker 2: and mother myself. Do you hear me that I lose you?
• 8:33
  Speaker 5: Oh?
• 8:34
  Speaker 2: I don't know if I lost her. I don't hear her, Chris,
• 8:38
  Speaker 2: do you hear her?
• 8:44
  Speaker 3: Hello?
• 8:45
  Speaker 2: I think we got lot, we got cut off?
• 8:47
  Speaker 6: Hello?
• 8:47
  Speaker 5: We did I'm bad?
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  Speaker 6: Oh?
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  Speaker 5: There you are?
• 8:50
  Speaker 3: Okay?
• 8:50
  Speaker 2: Because I'm like, wait, so did you hear what I
• 8:52
  Speaker 2: said or did you not hear that?
• 8:57
  Speaker 5: Where I for some reason and I meant to add this,
• 9:00
  Speaker 5: I'm so sorry if I what happens with my signal.
• 9:03
  Speaker 5: I'm in Ireland and oh yeah, and I have a
• 9:09
  Speaker 5: strong signal, but somehow some calls have been dropping, and
• 9:12
  Speaker 5: I apologize.
• 9:13
  Speaker 3: So that's okay.
• 9:15
  Speaker 2: You know, Mercury's and I don't know if you follow astrology,
• 9:18
  Speaker 2: but there's a lot of planets in retrograde and Mercury
• 9:21
  Speaker 2: starts I think tomorrow or the next day, so we're
• 9:24
  Speaker 2: in the shadow period and I've already noticed like some
• 9:26
  Speaker 2: of that little that happens. That's what happens when you
• 9:29
  Speaker 2: do live like you just got to go with the flow.
• 9:31
  Speaker 3: But we're good, we're good.
• 9:33
  Speaker 5: We're here, we're back. But I did hear you say
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  Speaker 5: that you consciously chose not to have children, but you
• 9:39
  Speaker 5: you and you realize that you are still you have
• 9:42
  Speaker 5: this mother instinct and you're mothering. That's yeah. I think
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  Speaker 5: you probably said more than that, but that's that's what
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  Speaker 5: I heard.
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  Speaker 2: Well, basically, basically, I said that my whole life, I'm
• 9:53
  Speaker 2: mothered my sisters, my sister's kids. Now I'm mothering my
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  Speaker 2: parents because as they're getting older, and I've mothered all
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  Speaker 2: my friends and all my romantic relationships.
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  Speaker 3: I've always been.
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  Speaker 2: The caretaker of the nurturer, you know, like taking care
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  Speaker 2: of everybody, and I had to take the power back
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  Speaker 2: in a way and mother myself. Now, you know, nothing
• 10:13
  Speaker 2: against my mom. I have the best mom in the world,
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  Speaker 2: Like she's great. But you know, as they're getting older
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  Speaker 2: and I'm you know, I'm like, you know, I'm telling
• 10:21
  Speaker 2: them now what to do, you know, like do this,
• 10:24
  Speaker 2: do this, don't do this. Yeah, I have I have.
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  Speaker 5: My ninety five year old mother here. She flew over
• 10:32
  Speaker 5: to Ireland and she got here yesterday and it's it's
• 10:37
  Speaker 5: a lot of care, you know, brave of her. And yeah,
• 10:42
  Speaker 5: so I know right where you're at with that. But yeah,
• 10:44
  Speaker 5: that was something that I found when I was doing
• 10:47
  Speaker 5: my doctoral work that there were so many women, whether
• 10:51
  Speaker 5: they weren't in a place that they knew they wanted
• 10:54
  Speaker 5: to have children, weren't sure they were going to but
• 10:57
  Speaker 5: wanted to, or then you know, or had conscious chosen
• 11:00
  Speaker 5: not to. That it was so revelatory to hear out
• 11:04
  Speaker 5: loud that you know, we all women conceive, create, give birth,
• 11:08
  Speaker 5: not yes, the children if you choose, but to relationships,
• 11:12
  Speaker 5: to careers, to ideas, dreams, pets, but that the most
• 11:19
  Speaker 5: important person we need to mother is ourselves. So it
• 11:22
  Speaker 5: really is at the core of my work is to
• 11:25
  Speaker 5: honor that and you know, support us because you know, generations, honestly,
• 11:33
  Speaker 5: thousands of years, you know that we've lived in a
• 11:37
  Speaker 5: masculine dominated culture. You know that hasn't valued the feminine,
• 11:43
  Speaker 5: So we don't value ourselves and we don't even realize
• 11:47
  Speaker 5: we're doing it because it's so ingredt you know, we've
• 11:51
  Speaker 5: watched our mothers sacrifice, We watched you know, their mothers
• 11:56
  Speaker 5: if we saw them, and it's so wired into us
• 11:59
  Speaker 5: and ever everybody gets it when you hear it. But
• 12:01
  Speaker 5: then to actually do it and break those patterns, you know,
• 12:06
  Speaker 5: it takes some work, but it's yeah, it's worth it
• 12:09
  Speaker 5: for everybody.
• 12:10
  Speaker 2: So what what does that look like? What is mothering
• 12:14
  Speaker 2: yourself look like? And can you share, Like, what are
• 12:17
  Speaker 2: some of the myths, the mothering myths that we have
• 12:21
  Speaker 2: that you know, we have as a society, as a collective,
• 12:24
  Speaker 2: and especially what we put on women, right.
• 12:28
  Speaker 5: Yeah, I mean one that we're talking about here, a
• 12:31
  Speaker 5: myth is that you're you're not fully a woman if
• 12:35
  Speaker 5: you don't unless you have a child. Yeah, and you know,
• 12:39
  Speaker 5: that's your purpose, that's why you were put on this earth.
• 12:42
  Speaker 5: You know, that's a very strong myth, and that's been
• 12:47
  Speaker 5: ingrained so thoroughly ingrained in our culture. As if as
• 12:51
  Speaker 5: if that would if I always say, if that were
• 12:54
  Speaker 5: really the case, then once you did have the children
• 12:57
  Speaker 5: and they were raised in adult you just die, like
• 13:00
  Speaker 5: you there's no person anymore. You've done your thing and
• 13:05
  Speaker 5: you know, and now you die, So obviously that doesn't happen.
• 13:09
  Speaker 5: And so what is just the awareness I think, Melissa,
• 13:14
  Speaker 5: is you know, realizing that that's the case, and then
• 13:18
  Speaker 5: with whatever choice you make, and and the fact that
• 13:21
  Speaker 5: now in our culture we can make a choice. You
• 13:24
  Speaker 5: know that we we have more choice than we ever
• 13:27
  Speaker 5: than we ever have that it's how do you live that?
• 13:34
  Speaker 5: And how do you how do you then when you've
• 13:36
  Speaker 5: made whatever, the choice to have children to not have children,
• 13:39
  Speaker 5: then there's such a culture around doing it right, Like
• 13:43
  Speaker 5: then the myth is there's there's some right way to
• 13:47
  Speaker 5: do this, and you know, there's billions of books on it,
• 13:52
  Speaker 5: and there you know, whatever is dominant in the culture
• 13:56
  Speaker 5: now of how you're supposed to do it, you're supposed
• 13:59
  Speaker 5: to follow that, and and and all of that has
• 14:04
  Speaker 5: you know, I guess i'd called us a myth, but
• 14:06
  Speaker 5: it's it's kind of the result of living this way
• 14:09
  Speaker 5: is we've then tuned out our intuitive self. You know,
• 14:14
  Speaker 5: we've we've lost that sense of valuing you know, intuitive
• 14:19
  Speaker 5: knowledge or wisdom at the same level that we acknowledge
• 14:24
  Speaker 5: and you know, honor scientific uh, you know the facts.
• 14:31
  Speaker 5: You know what you can prove overtly, you know through
• 14:34
  Speaker 5: evident everything has to be evidence based and science based.
• 14:37
  Speaker 5: You know, turns out pretty much everything we've felt intuitively
• 14:41
  Speaker 5: you can find evidence for now you know true. But
• 14:47
  Speaker 5: you know, we we live in a culture that others
• 14:50
  Speaker 5: know better than us. You know, the experts, the doctors,
• 14:53
  Speaker 5: the you know, the psychologists. You know. And I'm a coach.
• 14:57
  Speaker 5: You know, I always say I I don't know better
• 15:00
  Speaker 5: than you. I'm just here to help you, hopefully bring
• 15:03
  Speaker 5: out that wisdom that resides within you, to learn to
• 15:06
  Speaker 5: trust yourself because I don't have magic answers. You know,
• 15:10
  Speaker 5: I don't know things any better than you do. I
• 15:14
  Speaker 5: may be able to shed some light or you know,
• 15:16
  Speaker 5: we can all learn new things from each other, but
• 15:19
  Speaker 5: you know, most what you want, what you need, what
• 15:22
  Speaker 5: you desire what you value, and so so much of
• 15:26
  Speaker 5: the work is that discovery of what that is, so
• 15:29
  Speaker 5: that then you can live a life more aligned with
• 15:33
  Speaker 5: your you know, your intuitive self, what you yearn for,
• 15:37
  Speaker 5: what you hunger for, versus what everybody is telling you
• 15:41
  Speaker 5: what you should do. And that's such a big one,
• 15:43
  Speaker 5: you know, And whether that's family, you know, family wiring,
• 15:48
  Speaker 5: whether you know it's cultural wiring, it's you know, you
• 15:53
  Speaker 5: really have to start building if you haven't a core
• 15:56
  Speaker 5: sense of self and you know, some self awareness, even
• 16:00
  Speaker 5: know that you have other desires other than what you've
• 16:03
  Speaker 5: been told you should do. So you know, that's that's
• 16:07
  Speaker 5: a big journey to go on. And then and then
• 16:09
  Speaker 5: when you're doing things that don't align you know, with friends, family,
• 16:16
  Speaker 5: you know, the culture, you know, you need to have
• 16:18
  Speaker 5: some skills to help you navigate people's strong opinions, you know,
• 16:24
  Speaker 5: people's judgments, right.
• 16:27
  Speaker 7: Like, well, that's not what our family does, or you know,
• 16:30
  Speaker 7: we we do it this way, or you know, the
• 16:33
  Speaker 7: doctor said you should do this, and I'm not, you know,
• 16:36
  Speaker 7: claiming that you shouldn't adhere to or you know, follow
• 16:42
  Speaker 7: doctor's advice.
• 16:43
  Speaker 5: You know, I'm not saying that, but you can. If
• 16:46
  Speaker 5: your intuition is telling you something that doesn't jive with
• 16:50
  Speaker 5: even a medical professional, you should explore it, right, you should.
• 16:54
  Speaker 5: Absolutely you should get heard by them, you know. And
• 16:58
  Speaker 5: I think that's where we start feeling. So we don't
• 17:02
  Speaker 5: have we're not empowered, we don't have agency with our choices,
• 17:07
  Speaker 5: and you know we need to you know, kind of
• 17:11
  Speaker 5: build the muscles, you know, to be able to stay
• 17:13
  Speaker 5: in there with ourselves. Right.
• 17:16
  Speaker 2: Well, it's true because we get so much put on
• 17:21
  Speaker 2: us from society. I mean, I know men do too,
• 17:24
  Speaker 2: but I can only talk from being a woman from
• 17:27
  Speaker 2: that perspective, you know, especially a woman who lives in
• 17:31
  Speaker 2: an unconventional way, you know what I mean, and decides
• 17:34
  Speaker 2: like no, I'm not having children. And now I'm older,
• 17:37
  Speaker 2: so I don't get the question anymore. But when I
• 17:40
  Speaker 2: was in those child bearing you know, like in the
• 17:43
  Speaker 2: height of that, you know, what do you mean You're
• 17:45
  Speaker 2: not going to have kids? Well? Well why not? And
• 17:47
  Speaker 2: you know, it was always like, well, what is that?
• 17:51
  Speaker 8: Does that mean that I can't have a fulfilling life
• 17:53
  Speaker 8: if I don't have judge? You know, And I know
• 17:58
  Speaker 8: it's just crazy, but but I want to go deeper
• 18:01
  Speaker 8: into what it means to mother ourselves because I have
• 18:05
  Speaker 8: met I know many people who were not mothered by
• 18:10
  Speaker 8: their biological mothers, meaning made them.
• 18:13
  Speaker 2: Their mothers didn't know how to mother right. And now
• 18:16
  Speaker 2: we're all adults and I'm watching them, a lot of
• 18:19
  Speaker 2: them learning to kind of, you know, find that balance
• 18:24
  Speaker 2: in their life and learn how to mother and nurture
• 18:26
  Speaker 2: and take care of themselves. But they were never taught.
• 18:29
  Speaker 2: So what could we do for anybody listening, whether you
• 18:32
  Speaker 2: had a great mom and not a great mom, you
• 18:33
  Speaker 2: were mothered or you weren't mothered, But how can we
• 18:35
  Speaker 2: mother ourselves?
• 18:37
  Speaker 3: How do we find that compassion?
• 18:39
  Speaker 2: And what should we do?
• 18:41
  Speaker 5: I know?
• 18:42
  Speaker 2: Right?
• 18:44
  Speaker 5: How do we think? And it's so true And I
• 18:47
  Speaker 5: really got this, you know, through the lens of when
• 18:49
  Speaker 5: I we did decide to have children and I became
• 18:53
  Speaker 5: a mom of children, and it's like I I'm just
• 18:58
  Speaker 5: givingly and it's an example for myself. But there's other
• 19:01
  Speaker 5: things I want to say about some steps you can
• 19:03
  Speaker 5: take no matter where you are on your journey. That
• 19:06
  Speaker 5: awareness was so stark. It's like I, I don't know
• 19:10
  Speaker 5: how to care for this child in a way that
• 19:14
  Speaker 5: because I didn't get it and so I you know,
• 19:16
  Speaker 5: I I got help, right I when when we can
• 19:22
  Speaker 5: break the model of you're just you're supposed to know
• 19:25
  Speaker 5: what to do. That's another one of the codes, the
• 19:29
  Speaker 5: mother codes, is if you have a child, you just
• 19:31
  Speaker 5: automatically know how to care for and love that child.
• 19:36
  Speaker 5: Right Well, like you said, if I haven't gotten that
• 19:39
  Speaker 5: and I'm not even giving it to myself or don't
• 19:42
  Speaker 5: know and didn't receive it as a child, how the
• 19:45
  Speaker 5: heck am I supposed to do that for you know,
• 19:48
  Speaker 5: this little being. So one of the ways, you know,
• 19:51
  Speaker 5: and I'm using this through the lens first of you know,
• 19:54
  Speaker 5: if if you decide to have children, is that some
• 19:59
  Speaker 5: things look come up like, oh, you know you but
• 20:04
  Speaker 5: I'm going to give this child the things I didn't
• 20:06
  Speaker 5: get to myself. I see this happen a lot. So you're,
• 20:10
  Speaker 5: you know, he heeping all this love on of this
• 20:12
  Speaker 5: child and affection and you know, but you're not getting
• 20:18
  Speaker 5: it for yourself. So one of the ways you know
• 20:20
  Speaker 5: to mother yourself is and it's whoever you're caring for.
• 20:24
  Speaker 5: I'm going to use you know, a child again in
• 20:26
  Speaker 5: this instance, as I'm holding and you know, sweetly talking
• 20:33
  Speaker 5: to or you know, giving some really loving energy to
• 20:38
  Speaker 5: this child or pet or you know, my my job
• 20:43
  Speaker 5: that I picture myself alongside that baby, so a really
• 20:49
  Speaker 5: deep way that you can mother yourself. And you know,
• 20:51
  Speaker 5: this is like meditation, kind of takes some practice. But
• 20:54
  Speaker 5: if I can start envisioning little me at whatever you know,
• 20:59
  Speaker 5: age or stage or you know, love that I'm giving
• 21:02
  Speaker 5: and I picture little Gertrude as I was holding you know,
• 21:06
  Speaker 5: my daughter Morgan, then I'm holding both of us and
• 21:12
  Speaker 5: it was profoundly healing. So this is kind of a
• 21:15
  Speaker 5: bigger way, right like in our in the midst of
• 21:19
  Speaker 5: what we're already because we're not suddenly gonna you know,
• 21:21
  Speaker 5: we're going to keep giving and caring. And so there's
• 21:27
  Speaker 5: two things I said there just to underline. One, if
• 21:29
  Speaker 5: you just find yourself like I don't even know how
• 21:31
  Speaker 5: to I love and hold a baby, you can. It's
• 21:35
  Speaker 5: a skill you can learn, right this is something it's
• 21:38
  Speaker 5: give yourself permission and have a lot of compassion for
• 21:42
  Speaker 5: that part of you that just doesn't what feels like
• 21:45
  Speaker 5: it doesn't come naturally to you because because you didn't
• 21:49
  Speaker 5: get it, and then it's like, okay, but something that's
• 21:52
  Speaker 5: going to be really loving to myself is finding ways
• 21:56
  Speaker 5: to give it to myself. So one is when I'm
• 21:59
  Speaker 5: giving it out others, I give it, I picture myself
• 22:02
  Speaker 5: and give it to myself. So that's, you know, a
• 22:06
  Speaker 5: way that I like to share because I don't think
• 22:08
  Speaker 5: people are always like, oh wow, I can do that right,
• 22:13
  Speaker 5: And I feel like it's something I do separately, like
• 22:15
  Speaker 5: I have to go off and take care of myself
• 22:17
  Speaker 5: and be away from But that's one way we can
• 22:20
  Speaker 5: do it alongside. Yeah, go ahead.
• 22:23
  Speaker 3: No, I was going to say.
• 22:24
  Speaker 2: What people don't realize is when you do stuff like
• 22:26
  Speaker 2: that and you're imagining that your your subconscious doesn't know
• 22:30
  Speaker 2: the difference that it's not real, that it is real.
• 22:33
  Speaker 2: I don't want to say it's not real. I mean
• 22:35
  Speaker 2: that it's not physically happening at the moment. You're telling
• 22:39
  Speaker 2: your higher your subconscious that that you're getting this, so
• 22:43
  Speaker 2: it integrates into your system.
• 22:46
  Speaker 3: Because you know, a lot of people think I'm like.
• 22:47
  Speaker 2: Oh, you're just faking it, you're pretending and all that. Well, no,
• 22:52
  Speaker 2: not really, you're imagining it. So you're you're telling your body,
• 22:56
  Speaker 2: and your body will have a physical reaction and it
• 22:59
  Speaker 2: will integrate into your nervous system and into your life,
• 23:03
  Speaker 2: and it does shift and change things.
• 23:06
  Speaker 5: It does, it really really does, and you might not
• 23:09
  Speaker 5: feel a big difference right away. And sometimes practices sometimes
• 23:14
  Speaker 5: you know, things that there is a certain fake it
• 23:17
  Speaker 5: till you make it, you know, yeah, you practice until like, oh,
• 23:22
  Speaker 5: now I'm feeling the benefits of this. Like that was
• 23:25
  Speaker 5: me with meditation.
• 23:26
  Speaker 3: It's like, okay, likes me too.
• 23:28
  Speaker 5: I would fall asleep, you know.
• 23:31
  Speaker 3: Me too, me too.
• 23:32
  Speaker 2: Now meditation is so perfect, it's so important. I do
• 23:35
  Speaker 2: it every day because it totally has changed my life.
• 23:40
  Speaker 5: Mm hmm beautiful. And you know that's a self mothering practice,
• 23:44
  Speaker 5: right It is something like that. So things that we
• 23:48
  Speaker 5: kind of you know, there's things that we might be
• 23:50
  Speaker 5: aware of or know that we would anytime you're like, oh,
• 23:55
  Speaker 5: should I do this for myself? Like is this what
• 23:57
  Speaker 5: I'd want to give a child? Then you can say yeah,
• 24:00
  Speaker 5: you know where they have a child enough. The other
• 24:02
  Speaker 5: one I like to share Melissa, that you know, maybe
• 24:05
  Speaker 5: isn't as as obvious because when I say self mothering,
• 24:09
  Speaker 5: you know, there's a whole continuum and range from basic
• 24:14
  Speaker 5: self care. You know, sometimes you're giving so much outside
• 24:18
  Speaker 5: your there's just like literally not even physically taking care
• 24:21
  Speaker 5: of yourself. So sometimes that's your starting point, right, it's
• 24:25
  Speaker 5: just to get for yourself, to get yourself more consistent
• 24:29
  Speaker 5: with the basics, and then from there you can build.
• 24:32
  Speaker 5: And one that I always, you know, want to kind
• 24:36
  Speaker 5: of make sure is in the mix is it's really
• 24:39
  Speaker 5: developing a healthy relationship with your emotions. And because that's
• 24:45
  Speaker 5: something that's so culturally limiting. You know, there's so many
• 24:53
  Speaker 5: limiting beliefs and uh, you know, paradigm to say, you know,
• 25:03
  Speaker 5: if you're a woman, you can't be angry. You know,
• 25:06
  Speaker 5: certain emotions are bad. I mean, we have so many
• 25:10
  Speaker 5: rules and beliefs around our emotions, and most of it
• 25:13
  Speaker 5: is you know, keep them to yourself or you know,
• 25:17
  Speaker 5: you shouldn't have them, Like how do how do I
• 25:19
  Speaker 5: feel less of any of them? But somehow we're all
• 25:22
  Speaker 5: supposed to feel happy, right, Like that one's okay, supposedly
• 25:26
  Speaker 5: it's happy or joy, but you really can't fully feel
• 25:30
  Speaker 5: that one unless you give yourself permission to you know,
• 25:34
  Speaker 5: get back in touch with it's a natural physiological part
• 25:37
  Speaker 5: of ourselves. What a neuroscientist, neuroanatomus that I love is
• 25:43
  Speaker 5: and I don't know if you've ever followed her Melissa
• 25:45
  Speaker 5: Jill Bolty Taylor.
• 25:47
  Speaker 2: Oh I know who she is, Yes, yes, I have, yeah, right, Yeah,
• 25:51
  Speaker 2: she's great.
• 25:51
  Speaker 5: Yeah. Some of her stuff and her hold Brain living
• 25:55
  Speaker 5: work is it's it's so accessible and just helped you understand.
• 26:01
  Speaker 5: But I love you know. One of her premises is
• 26:04
  Speaker 5: not premises, it's literal fact, is that we're we're emotional
• 26:08
  Speaker 5: beings that think, and in our culture it's you know,
• 26:13
  Speaker 5: we we think it's the opposite. We're thinking beings that
• 26:17
  Speaker 5: you know, have these pesky emotions, but they're you know,
• 26:23
  Speaker 5: and I know you are attuned to this, but you know,
• 26:26
  Speaker 5: our emotions are they're there are what guide us to
• 26:32
  Speaker 5: our into into our intuition. You know, they're what they're
• 26:36
  Speaker 5: they are what bring us closer to ourselves, to other
• 26:39
  Speaker 5: people too, you know, connection with spirit, and you know
• 26:43
  Speaker 5: it's this beautiful human part of us that that I
• 26:49
  Speaker 5: that we all you know, either turn the volume down
• 26:52
  Speaker 5: or off on that. Once we kind of put those
• 26:54
  Speaker 5: back in place, we really and learned to honor them,
• 27:01
  Speaker 5: start becoming aware of them, and then express them. And
• 27:04
  Speaker 5: I say responsibly, right, because you may may have grown
• 27:08
  Speaker 5: up in a household where anger was used very irresponsibly,
• 27:12
  Speaker 5: you know, and you only saw things get out of control.
• 27:18
  Speaker 5: So you decide that anger is just bad and we
• 27:22
  Speaker 5: shouldn't have it.
• 27:23
  Speaker 3: Right, we hold out.
• 27:25
  Speaker 2: I don't mean to, I don't have to stop you,
• 27:28
  Speaker 2: but I just looked at the time and we're at
• 27:30
  Speaker 2: our halftime mark. So I want to talk more about
• 27:32
  Speaker 2: our emotions and we'll we'll pick it up in just
• 27:34
  Speaker 2: a couple of minutes. All right, everybody stay tuned and
• 27:36
  Speaker 2: we'll be right back.
• 27:41
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• 29:03
  Speaker 2: Hi. I'm Melissa Kaprio from Postcards to the Universe, Creating
• 29:07
  Speaker 2: the life you crave. Do you believe in magic? What
• 29:10
  Speaker 2: if I told you all you had to do was
• 29:12
  Speaker 2: get a little creative and work a dream spell to
• 29:14
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• 29:17
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• 29:21
  Speaker 2: a global movement for Manifestation, is a casting magical tool
• 29:26
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• 29:28
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• 29:32
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• 29:34
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• 29:39
  Speaker 2: casting out our desires with a manifesting postcard, we explore
• 29:42
  Speaker 2: our hearts and allow the alchemy of our dreams to appear.
• 29:46
  Speaker 2: And don't forget to tune in each week here on
• 29:48
  Speaker 2: Home Times Radio with my show Postcards to the Universe,
• 29:52
  Speaker 2: Creating the Life you Crave at four pm Eastern Time.
• 29:56
  Speaker 2: I share chips on creativity, abundance and prosperity, and you
• 29:59
  Speaker 2: will be introduced to the coolest guests, trailblazers, mystics and
• 30:03
  Speaker 2: creatives who enrich our lives. Hi, and welcome back if
• 30:13
  Speaker 2: you're just joining me. I'm speaking with doctor Gertrude Lyons
• 30:17
  Speaker 2: and we're talking about her work in the Mother Code,
• 30:21
  Speaker 2: Rewrite the Mother Code, how we mother ourselves, how we
• 30:24
  Speaker 2: mother others, and how we can you know, shift the
• 30:28
  Speaker 2: energy and how we mother ourselves so that it's much
• 30:31
  Speaker 2: more nurturing and healing. And you were talking about before
• 30:34
  Speaker 2: we took the break, Sorry to interrupt, that's the one
• 30:37
  Speaker 2: thing about then I have to talking about if you
• 30:43
  Speaker 2: grew up in a home that people showed a lot
• 30:47
  Speaker 2: of anger, or maybe they didn't show any anger, but
• 30:50
  Speaker 2: you felt it was simmering beneath the surface, right, and
• 30:53
  Speaker 2: now you're an adult and you have your own family,
• 30:55
  Speaker 2: and you're like, what do I do with these emotions
• 30:58
  Speaker 2: that I have?
• 30:58
  Speaker 5: I never learned how.
• 31:00
  Speaker 2: To deal with them in the in the right way.
• 31:05
  Speaker 5: Yeah, yeah, No, it's that you know that's I mean,
• 31:11
  Speaker 5: that's something that I feel was one of the biggest
• 31:14
  Speaker 5: gifts of deciding to go on a personal journey personal growth,
• 31:19
  Speaker 5: you know, uh, life path, right, and was the discovery
• 31:25
  Speaker 5: of my emotions and how much I was because in
• 31:29
  Speaker 5: my household where I grew up, there wasn't overt anger
• 31:32
  Speaker 5: but you but like you just described, it was simmering
• 31:36
  Speaker 5: under the surface or it was passive aggressive, but somehow,
• 31:41
  Speaker 5: you know, like I just felt like, okay, so conflicts
• 31:44
  Speaker 5: obviously something I should I should avoid. So for us,
• 31:50
  Speaker 5: for me personally, it was you know, in therapy and coaching,
• 31:55
  Speaker 5: having assignments to practice learning how to have emotions responsibly.
• 32:03
  Speaker 5: You know, we had a couple's coach that had you know,
• 32:05
  Speaker 5: my husband and I have a fight a day because
• 32:10
  Speaker 5: we were both conflict avoids, and you know, but we
• 32:14
  Speaker 5: were following the same pattern as our parents. Just then
• 32:16
  Speaker 5: passive aggressive stuff would come out. So it was everything.
• 32:21
  Speaker 5: You know. It might have started with us having an
• 32:23
  Speaker 5: assignment saying what we liked and didn't like about something
• 32:27
  Speaker 5: from our day, you know, with each other, and then
• 32:30
  Speaker 5: you know, eventually it came up to like you know,
• 32:33
  Speaker 5: have an actual like make up a fight, you know, yeah,
• 32:37
  Speaker 5: learn how to fight for me? Learn yeah. And the
• 32:40
  Speaker 5: first time I, you know, let myself get angry, I
• 32:44
  Speaker 5: thought the sky was going to fall, like, you know,
• 32:46
  Speaker 5: I was going to get struck by lightning. I didn't.
• 32:48
  Speaker 5: It was such an ingrained belief. So if you can
• 32:51
  Speaker 5: be in a safe environment to practice you know, these
• 32:55
  Speaker 5: things and start getting some flow going and then you
• 33:00
  Speaker 5: know the other part about being responsible, So if it
• 33:03
  Speaker 5: was the other end and you only thought yours, So
• 33:05
  Speaker 5: I'm afraid if I let myself get angry, it's just
• 33:07
  Speaker 5: going to go off the rails. Like you know, we
• 33:10
  Speaker 5: saw parents or somebody do that. That's another reason, you know,
• 33:17
  Speaker 5: it's it is like practicing a new skill. You can
• 33:19
  Speaker 5: practice that and understand like, oh, I actually just got
• 33:25
  Speaker 5: had an emotional trigger, and I can identify that and
• 33:30
  Speaker 5: then I can take responsibility and take care of myself.
• 33:35
  Speaker 5: It's not this person's fault. They just did something that
• 33:38
  Speaker 5: hit a very deep wound for me. And this happens
• 33:41
  Speaker 5: a lot, you know, in raising children, or if you
• 33:45
  Speaker 5: have you know, employees, or you have a boss. You
• 33:48
  Speaker 5: know people that you are or you're or you're in
• 33:50
  Speaker 5: a relationship, people close to you are going to stir
• 33:54
  Speaker 5: up unfinished business from our childhood, from our past, right
• 33:58
  Speaker 5: and so you know, the when we can start identifying
• 34:01
  Speaker 5: that that's a big self mothering is to go inside
• 34:04
  Speaker 5: and take care of ourselves. It doesn't mean that you
• 34:07
  Speaker 5: might not need to say something to that person, but
• 34:10
  Speaker 5: something that you know, you might say to me just
• 34:15
  Speaker 5: sends me, you know, to the to the moon and
• 34:19
  Speaker 5: with the upset. You know, the person next to me
• 34:21
  Speaker 5: by like what do you talk? What? What's the problem?
• 34:23
  Speaker 5: It's just because it hits something a chord so deep.
• 34:27
  Speaker 5: So you know that that is something but a practice
• 34:30
  Speaker 5: that I like to give that's very practically you can
• 34:32
  Speaker 5: start with. You know, you can do this one unsupervised,
• 34:37
  Speaker 5: you know, and it might not you know, be as
• 34:40
  Speaker 5: deep that the feelings game. And you can do this
• 34:45
  Speaker 5: with yourself, with a partner, with your you know, your family,
• 34:49
  Speaker 5: if you have children, where at some point in the
• 34:52
  Speaker 5: day and it's nice, you know, if you're if you
• 34:57
  Speaker 5: are doing in a relationship because you find out about
• 34:59
  Speaker 5: it each other's day. But each person has the opportunity
• 35:03
  Speaker 5: to share at some point in their day where they
• 35:06
  Speaker 5: felt fear, where they felt hurt, where they felt anger,
• 35:11
  Speaker 5: where they felt sadness and where they felt joy. So
• 35:15
  Speaker 5: pick a time and every you know, because we're feeling
• 35:18
  Speaker 5: all the time, as we've already said, right, and that's
• 35:23
  Speaker 5: like just one really good practice, whether you do it
• 35:27
  Speaker 5: every day or not, but just sometimes, and you then
• 35:30
  Speaker 5: start seeing like, oh, that's just I really am getting
• 35:33
  Speaker 5: to know that person more. You know, I get to
• 35:37
  Speaker 5: see into their day in a way that's much more like, well,
• 35:39
  Speaker 5: I did this, and then I did that, and you know,
• 35:42
  Speaker 5: but it's not the surface stuff you get to. You
• 35:46
  Speaker 5: just realize how much deeper and more intimate and closer
• 35:49
  Speaker 5: you are when you're speaking in the feelings language.
• 35:53
  Speaker 6: Hmm.
• 35:55
  Speaker 2: That's a good idea actually, see now, I grew up
• 35:58
  Speaker 2: in a complete opposite. Always we yell, scream, fight, argue.
• 36:02
  Speaker 7: You know.
• 36:04
  Speaker 3: My dad is one.
• 36:05
  Speaker 2: Of seven and we have a big Italian family, and
• 36:09
  Speaker 2: I've watched him fight the siblings and we've all fight,
• 36:13
  Speaker 2: and you know, we fight, and so I've had to
• 36:15
  Speaker 2: learn to roll it back a little.
• 36:19
  Speaker 3: Bit because not everybody has that.
• 36:22
  Speaker 2: Kind of fiery you know, we're Italian. I don't know
• 36:25
  Speaker 2: where it goes with the culture, you.
• 36:27
  Speaker 5: Know, so.
• 36:30
  Speaker 2: I think, yeah, so so and some people can't handle that, right,
• 36:37
  Speaker 2: Like my when my ex husband was an avoid and
• 36:40
  Speaker 2: I was a fighter. So to me fighting was like
• 36:42
  Speaker 2: not the end of the world, but to him it was,
• 36:44
  Speaker 2: you know.
• 36:47
  Speaker 3: So it's interesting and and how we.
• 36:51
  Speaker 2: Process, you know, like like how we grew up and
• 36:55
  Speaker 2: and I'm not saying that was healthy, because obviously it's
• 36:59
  Speaker 2: not healthy to be, you know, screaming and fighting with
• 37:02
  Speaker 2: you and your family, but to learn appropriately to say
• 37:06
  Speaker 2: how you're feeling without attacking, like I've had to learn
• 37:11
  Speaker 2: to do that, Like I need to speak how I
• 37:14
  Speaker 2: feel without attacking you and making you responsible for my feelings.
• 37:20
  Speaker 3: And that takes work and practice does.
• 37:23
  Speaker 5: And practice right to take that responsibility. And that's one
• 37:27
  Speaker 5: of the one of the codes I have in there,
• 37:30
  Speaker 5: that it's not okay to argue in front of your children,
• 37:33
  Speaker 5: you know, yes, to argue irresponsibly, but to have just
• 37:37
  Speaker 5: like we maybe you know, don't know how to be
• 37:40
  Speaker 5: affectionate if we don't know that it's possible to disagree,
• 37:45
  Speaker 5: have an argument and then take responsibility, get to a resolution,
• 37:50
  Speaker 5: see it, see that emotion, you know, ride the wave
• 37:54
  Speaker 5: of it all the way through and see that you
• 37:55
  Speaker 5: can get to the other side. Like to me, you
• 37:58
  Speaker 5: know what a gift to know? Yeah, that's possible.
• 38:02
  Speaker 2: Yeah, so I and this applies for men to learn
• 38:07
  Speaker 2: how to mother themselves too, because a lot of men
• 38:11
  Speaker 2: friends and you know, I don't know if they would
• 38:16
  Speaker 2: be you know, turned off by hearing like what do
• 38:18
  Speaker 2: you mean mother myself?
• 38:20
  Speaker 3: You know, like if that makes them feel like vulnerable,
• 38:23
  Speaker 3: you know that they can't. But I think it's important.
• 38:26
  Speaker 2: That men learn how to mother themselves also to have
• 38:29
  Speaker 2: healthier emotions, because I want to go to my second
• 38:33
  Speaker 2: point is how can we as women not over mother
• 38:38
  Speaker 2: our partners because we're not supposed to be mothering our
• 38:43
  Speaker 2: partner our partners, right, they have a mother, So like,
• 38:50
  Speaker 2: how do we do you know, how do we help
• 38:52
  Speaker 2: men learn how to do that or for them to
• 38:55
  Speaker 2: do it to themselves and us not get caught in that,
• 38:58
  Speaker 2: you know, mothering our husbands and boyfriends and partners. And
• 39:03
  Speaker 2: I mean this applies and gay relationships too, so you know,
• 39:06
  Speaker 2: I'm yeah, it applies everywhere. Rightah, Okay, I'll let you
• 39:12
  Speaker 2: share your expertise.
• 39:15
  Speaker 5: No, you're great, You're just fought on with just one acknowledging.
• 39:22
  Speaker 5: You know, I'm sure sometimes you know, men here that
• 39:25
  Speaker 5: what do you mean like mother yourself? You know, they
• 39:27
  Speaker 5: live in a paradigm where unhealthy you know, Patcharcky hasn't
• 39:31
  Speaker 5: just you know, challenge women. It's challenged men to have
• 39:36
  Speaker 5: to be a certain way. And oh that's too soft.
• 39:40
  Speaker 5: And I you know, I got to be a manly
• 39:42
  Speaker 5: man and you know, be aggressive and assertive. And if
• 39:47
  Speaker 5: i'm you know, the right way to be a man
• 39:49
  Speaker 5: is just to show you know, those masculine parts of
• 39:52
  Speaker 5: myself and you know too, to let my feelings be there,
• 39:58
  Speaker 5: to show my vulnera ability, you know, because it's much
• 40:02
  Speaker 5: more of a of a mothering aspect to be vulnerable.
• 40:06
  Speaker 5: You know, men need to learn that it's okay. Just
• 40:10
  Speaker 5: like I think it's harder for women to be assertive
• 40:13
  Speaker 5: or competitive or in healthy ways because men are given
• 40:18
  Speaker 5: more permission to do that. Women are just a bit
• 40:21
  Speaker 5: if you're you know, you get angry where men are
• 40:23
  Speaker 5: just you know, men are considered like a you know,
• 40:29
  Speaker 5: not well not manly. I can't think of the right
• 40:31
  Speaker 5: word now. So one is is is just starting to
• 40:36
  Speaker 5: break down those beliefs, right and just know that that
• 40:39
  Speaker 5: is a mistaken belief. It's it's not true we all
• 40:42
  Speaker 5: have all those parts within us, and you know, I
• 40:48
  Speaker 5: think this is it kind of goes then when you
• 40:51
  Speaker 5: go to the what you're saying, like how do we
• 40:54
  Speaker 5: as you know, if how do we stop over mothering,
• 40:59
  Speaker 5: you know, the because they're not doing it for themselves,
• 41:03
  Speaker 5: so you fill the gap. You're trying to fill the
• 41:06
  Speaker 5: gap and do that. But we're in this paradigm where
• 41:09
  Speaker 5: then we feel needed and we think, you know, we're
• 41:14
  Speaker 5: helping them, when you know, in essence, we're not supporting
• 41:19
  Speaker 5: them to be okay with having it themselves, right because
• 41:24
  Speaker 5: we've bought into it. We you know kind of I
• 41:28
  Speaker 5: don't know if we want them to be softer and
• 41:32
  Speaker 5: and you know, do that one because it would take
• 41:35
  Speaker 5: our job away. And then two oh, I might feel
• 41:38
  Speaker 5: insecure if my man isn't you know right, you know,
• 41:43
  Speaker 5: my knight in shining armor or whatever, you know, like
• 41:46
  Speaker 5: the protector. He has to be, you know, rock solid.
• 41:50
  Speaker 5: And my husband and I have navigated that, you know
• 41:53
  Speaker 5: as much as I've you know, we yearn as women
• 41:58
  Speaker 5: to have them you know, be more compassionate, be more
• 42:03
  Speaker 5: overtly emotional, and then when they do, we're like wait
• 42:06
  Speaker 5: what wait, Then you get what you want and you're like, oh,
• 42:10
  Speaker 5: I don't, I don't know about this because you're you know,
• 42:18
  Speaker 5: so then you know, it's kind of it's this dance
• 42:21
  Speaker 5: that goes back and forth. You know. We we let
• 42:25
  Speaker 5: them know that it's okay to be soft and we
• 42:27
  Speaker 5: want them to and we let them know what we
• 42:30
  Speaker 5: need or want, and you know, and even help train
• 42:34
  Speaker 5: them and how to do it, and then notice when
• 42:37
  Speaker 5: they start doing it that I'm now uncomfortable and then
• 42:40
  Speaker 5: I get to go take care of myself in my
• 42:42
  Speaker 5: discomfort with their newfound freedom to have you know, more
• 42:46
  Speaker 5: of more of their emotions. So it's it. It goes
• 42:50
  Speaker 5: back and forth that way. As as we shift and
• 42:54
  Speaker 5: when anyone in a relationship starts growing and spanding there
• 43:01
  Speaker 5: or you know, changing even in ways that we've wanted
• 43:04
  Speaker 5: them to, we have to recognize that that's a change.
• 43:07
  Speaker 5: It's a change in the system. It disrupts, you know,
• 43:10
  Speaker 5: what we're used to because we'd rather be It's almost
• 43:15
  Speaker 5: you know, I don't know if you've seen this, Melissa,
• 43:18
  Speaker 5: but I've seen it a lot in my coaching, where
• 43:20
  Speaker 5: you know, someone will looks like they complain about their
• 43:22
  Speaker 5: partner or something, and I wish they could be like this.
• 43:25
  Speaker 5: I wish they could be like that. And then when
• 43:27
  Speaker 5: I've seen it in coaching sessions, and then when that
• 43:29
  Speaker 5: person starts doing it, the other one one doesn't notice
• 43:34
  Speaker 5: and celebrate just kind of expects them to. And then
• 43:38
  Speaker 5: or two, you know, it's so uncomfortable with it. They
• 43:42
  Speaker 5: they sabotage, you know, they sabotage the shift. So that's
• 43:50
  Speaker 5: where sometimes having you know, coaching or someone that can
• 43:54
  Speaker 5: be there in the moment with you when these come
• 43:56
  Speaker 5: up so you can point it out. It's one of
• 43:58
  Speaker 5: those things I love about couples coaching is it's like, wait,
• 44:01
  Speaker 5: you just missed the fact that he did that thing
• 44:03
  Speaker 5: that you've been wanting him to do, and they're like what, oh,
• 44:06
  Speaker 5: oh my gosh. You know. Or then when they do it,
• 44:09
  Speaker 5: you know, give some positive reinforcement, you know, like I
• 44:13
  Speaker 5: really like that you did that, and thank you and
• 44:16
  Speaker 5: acknowledge that they because we're so used to just complaining
• 44:20
  Speaker 5: about the thing they're not doing, and that we want
• 44:23
  Speaker 5: to very much positively reinforce shifts that we see in
• 44:26
  Speaker 5: each other.
• 44:28
  Speaker 2: Oh yeah, I see it all the time. I see
• 44:30
  Speaker 2: it with family, I see it with friends, I see
• 44:32
  Speaker 2: it all the time, and I just say laugh, I'm like,
• 44:36
  Speaker 2: you have been complaining about this forever and now.
• 44:39
  Speaker 3: He's finally doing it. What is wrong with you?
• 44:44
  Speaker 5: Right?
• 44:44
  Speaker 3: Yeah? Yeah, I think.
• 44:46
  Speaker 2: It's I mean, that's the intricacy of relationships, right.
• 44:49
  Speaker 3: They're here to teach us for sure.
• 44:51
  Speaker 2: And help us grow so much, so that doesn't surprise me.
• 44:56
  Speaker 3: But also like, but what I also want to know
• 44:58
  Speaker 3: for women.
• 44:59
  Speaker 2: Like you, I'm just going to use an example. You
• 45:03
  Speaker 2: married a child emotionally, and you do everything. You take
• 45:07
  Speaker 2: care of the house, you take care of the bills,
• 45:08
  Speaker 2: you take care of everything, the groceries, you do, take
• 45:11
  Speaker 2: care of the kids, you.
• 45:11
  Speaker 3: Take care of everything.
• 45:12
  Speaker 2: Right, How do women stop being like our husband's mother
• 45:18
  Speaker 2: in that way? I mean, like we're dealing with an
• 45:20
  Speaker 2: eight year old boy, not a you know, forty year
• 45:23
  Speaker 2: old man.
• 45:24
  Speaker 8: You know.
• 45:25
  Speaker 5: Yeah, no, it's so then you know where that often
• 45:31
  Speaker 5: starts as one, you know, realizing you're doing that and
• 45:35
  Speaker 5: realizing that that's, you know, something that needs to shift
• 45:42
  Speaker 5: or change, and that what the place I often start
• 45:50
  Speaker 5: with women with that is what are you getting out
• 45:53
  Speaker 5: of it? Right? Because even when we're complaining, what you know,
• 45:57
  Speaker 5: to start identifying there's some you know, there's some unconscious
• 46:03
  Speaker 5: things that you're not aware that, but there's there's even
• 46:07
  Speaker 5: though consciously we don't want to do it or we
• 46:10
  Speaker 5: say we don't, but there's something we're getting out of
• 46:13
  Speaker 5: that dynamic. So if we can identify that, you know, so,
• 46:19
  Speaker 5: I think I mentioned one of them earlier, like there's
• 46:23
  Speaker 5: the feeling needed, right, and but another one that comes
• 46:27
  Speaker 5: up is that we don't realize that we don't think
• 46:33
  Speaker 5: we can have it how we want it, or that
• 46:35
  Speaker 5: we deserve to have them take responsibility or ask for
• 46:42
  Speaker 5: help or you know, have the intention that they're going
• 46:46
  Speaker 5: to do, you know, the things that you've been doing
• 46:50
  Speaker 5: for them for however long. You know that you've been
• 46:57
  Speaker 5: thinking that I have to do all this because I
• 47:02
  Speaker 5: can't it's not okay for me to ask for help.
• 47:04
  Speaker 5: But I find it comes up a lot like once
• 47:07
  Speaker 5: you peel away some layers, it gets, you know, really
• 47:10
  Speaker 5: painful to see that I don't think I am worthy
• 47:16
  Speaker 5: to have it any other way, or that this can
• 47:20
  Speaker 5: be this can be a there can be more give
• 47:24
  Speaker 5: and take here that I can expect him to take
• 47:28
  Speaker 5: care of things and me and and really you know,
• 47:36
  Speaker 5: intend for that to shift and change in a way
• 47:39
  Speaker 5: that's going to make him uncomfortable. But you know, darn it,
• 47:44
  Speaker 5: like I deserve to have it how I want it.
• 47:47
  Speaker 5: And if there's you know, if I'm overmothering and overdoing that,
• 47:53
  Speaker 5: you know, first it might be that just that sense
• 47:57
  Speaker 5: of you know, this is a way I'm getting my
• 48:01
  Speaker 5: needs that that you know, unconsciously, I'm I'm you know,
• 48:08
  Speaker 5: I feel needed. I feel like I'm living out that
• 48:11
  Speaker 5: paradigm and this is what I'm supposed to do. But
• 48:15
  Speaker 5: I really don't like it. But I don't know any
• 48:16
  Speaker 5: other way, and I don't know, I don't feel like
• 48:19
  Speaker 5: it's it's okay and that I have the writer, I'm
• 48:23
  Speaker 5: valuable enough to have it be different, and yeah, you
• 48:27
  Speaker 5: know that.
• 48:27
  Speaker 2: It's It's interesting because it sounds like it's like the
• 48:30
  Speaker 2: same story. It always goes back to yourself, right, whatever
• 48:33
  Speaker 2: it is, it's always a mirror. And it sounds yeah,
• 48:37
  Speaker 2: like I know somebody who lives out the martyr archetype.
• 48:41
  Speaker 2: You know, we're also living out an archetype, right, So
• 48:44
  Speaker 2: if you're the martyr, then of course you're going to
• 48:46
  Speaker 2: do everything for everybody, because then you get to complain
• 48:49
  Speaker 2: about how nobody does anything for you because you're the martyr, right,
• 48:54
  Speaker 2: and that gives you a sense of importance. So you
• 48:57
  Speaker 2: have to always turn, you always have to the lens
• 49:00
  Speaker 2: back on yourself to see what's going on there and
• 49:02
  Speaker 2: then shift.
• 49:03
  Speaker 5: You know, I don't always like that, but it's so
• 49:06
  Speaker 5: true we don't.
• 49:07
  Speaker 2: So that's going to lead me to my question. As
• 49:10
  Speaker 2: you said, you'd love to work with couples. So if
• 49:12
  Speaker 2: you're working with.
• 49:12
  Speaker 6: A couple, do you notice that when one of the couple,
• 49:16
  Speaker 6: one of the persons in that relationship starts to do
• 49:19
  Speaker 6: the internal shift, that the other person starts to shift
• 49:22
  Speaker 6: automatically without even like trying necessarily or being conscious of it.
• 49:28
  Speaker 3: Do you notice that?
• 49:28
  Speaker 5: Well, yeah, and you know there's a couple of things
• 49:33
  Speaker 5: that come up with that. It's it's so interesting, Melissa,
• 49:37
  Speaker 5: is you know that you do the work on yourself,
• 49:42
  Speaker 5: and you take responsibility and you start being and changing
• 49:46
  Speaker 5: things for yourself, and then suddenly you sometimes think the
• 49:50
  Speaker 5: other person has changed, but they really haven't changed that much.
• 49:54
  Speaker 5: You've changed and you don't get as hooked and and
• 49:59
  Speaker 5: as triggered by them because you've learned how to navigate
• 50:03
  Speaker 5: that for yourself. But at the same time, just what
• 50:06
  Speaker 5: you're saying is also true. It's you know, I mean
• 50:10
  Speaker 5: this happened in our relationship. I started taking care of
• 50:14
  Speaker 5: myself more and you know, working on myself. My husband
• 50:18
  Speaker 5: saw me, you know, growing and changing, and he's like, oh,
• 50:23
  Speaker 5: and I'm not saying it happened. This was kind of
• 50:25
  Speaker 5: more conscious where he's like, oh, she's gonna she's gonna
• 50:29
  Speaker 5: outgrow me, you know, like this is I'm I better
• 50:33
  Speaker 5: join this, you know, this this path and and that.
• 50:37
  Speaker 5: But sometimes people they aren't aware because you've shifted, you're
• 50:42
  Speaker 5: not as maybe you're not complaining as much about something
• 50:46
  Speaker 5: that they were doing because you're taking care you know,
• 50:48
  Speaker 5: of your internal self and because that dynamic, because the
• 50:53
  Speaker 5: fight is gone, well, they don't you know, they don't
• 50:57
  Speaker 5: do that triggering thing anymore because they're not getting at
• 51:00
  Speaker 5: secondary games like they were. Right, So interesting, isn't it.
• 51:07
  Speaker 5: It's so fascinating. It's really fascinating to see it is.
• 51:12
  Speaker 2: And I'm assuming that that obviously that applies in every relationship.
• 51:16
  Speaker 2: But even when you're mothering your own children, right and
• 51:19
  Speaker 2: trying to teach them how to be independent, because the
• 51:23
  Speaker 2: goal is for them to be able to grow up
• 51:25
  Speaker 2: and leave you right to leave and have their own life.
• 51:30
  Speaker 2: And a lot of children are so dependent on the
• 51:34
  Speaker 2: mothers who over mother and do everything.
• 51:37
  Speaker 3: They don't know how to do that, and then they're.
• 51:40
  Speaker 2: Conflicted, you know, with all these feelings about how do
• 51:43
  Speaker 2: I survive?
• 51:45
  Speaker 3: You know, it's just really really interesting.
• 51:48
  Speaker 5: Well, and that goes back to like, you know this,
• 51:51
  Speaker 5: cause this can happen both ways. But when you describe
• 51:54
  Speaker 5: to like you know how, to women, you know they
• 51:58
  Speaker 5: married a child, right, it didn't know how because that
• 52:02
  Speaker 5: and like I said, it can it can go both ways.
• 52:08
  Speaker 5: You know, they will find a partner. This is another
• 52:12
  Speaker 5: aspect you know, in working with couples or just people
• 52:16
  Speaker 5: that that we're then we we're then attracted to somebody
• 52:21
  Speaker 5: that's going to fill that same role. Right, You're going
• 52:26
  Speaker 5: to find the person that's gonna you know, pick right
• 52:29
  Speaker 5: up where the where you left off.
• 52:31
  Speaker 4: With with over with over mothering, right, And that other
• 52:35
  Speaker 4: person is the one who took care of everybody, Like
• 52:39
  Speaker 4: you said, I took care of my sisters, right, you.
• 52:41
  Speaker 5: Know, the family and I you know, you were always
• 52:44
  Speaker 5: the caretaker. So there's a pretty good chance you're gonna
• 52:47
  Speaker 5: you're gonna find someone who needs caretaking.
• 52:51
  Speaker 3: And I did, and I did.
• 52:56
  Speaker 2: Good news that's not happening again because I'm.
• 53:00
  Speaker 5: Right and now you can recognize it.
• 53:04
  Speaker 2: Right Yeah, yeah, oh my god.
• 53:08
  Speaker 3: So do you, doctor Gertrude? Do you work like do
• 53:11
  Speaker 3: you work with big groups? Do you work just one
• 53:13
  Speaker 3: on one coaching? Do you work with couples?
• 53:15
  Speaker 5: Like?
• 53:15
  Speaker 2: How if anybody's listening, who says, you know what?
• 53:18
  Speaker 3: I really could use some.
• 53:20
  Speaker 2: Coaching, because I think even if you're not having issues,
• 53:23
  Speaker 2: I always advocate that get a coach, get a therapist.
• 53:28
  Speaker 3: It doesn't and you don't have to have a problem.
• 53:30
  Speaker 2: Just to have somebody help navigate you on in your life.
• 53:35
  Speaker 2: It's been so helpful to me. I'm a big proponent
• 53:38
  Speaker 2: in that. So yeah, if anybody's listening, who says, you
• 53:42
  Speaker 2: know what, I don't know how to mother myself?
• 53:44
  Speaker 3: Or we could use that in our relationship?
• 53:46
  Speaker 2: How do you?
• 53:47
  Speaker 3: How do can they work with you?
• 53:49
  Speaker 5: Yeah? Well all the ways that you described?
• 53:52
  Speaker 2: So okay, good?
• 53:53
  Speaker 5: Yes, I work I work one on with one on
• 53:56
  Speaker 5: one individuals, with couples. My husband and I lead a
• 54:01
  Speaker 5: couple's group, you know, we do that. I lead a
• 54:04
  Speaker 5: mom's a mom's uh, group I lead retreats on self
• 54:09
  Speaker 5: mothering right now. Those are for women. I'm leading one
• 54:13
  Speaker 5: here in Ireland next week actually, which is why I'm here.
• 54:18
  Speaker 5: I love you know, I just too. It's like a
• 54:24
  Speaker 5: very like mother in place. Yeah, you know, but I
• 54:28
  Speaker 5: also you know, I mean I I have a podcast.
• 54:32
  Speaker 5: You know, other ways that people can you know, learn
• 54:35
  Speaker 5: things is through a podcasts. And you mentioned my new
• 54:38
  Speaker 5: book that just came out in May of this year,
• 54:42
  Speaker 5: My My Baby, I call it my third Baby. Uh
• 54:45
  Speaker 5: that's you know, that's it's where we mother, you know,
• 54:48
  Speaker 5: your mother a lot of wherever we create, you know,
• 54:52
  Speaker 5: I have creative energy. We're mothering, right so you know
• 54:56
  Speaker 5: we're I love working you know, direct with people in
• 55:01
  Speaker 5: real life but also on zoom you know, in those ways,
• 55:05
  Speaker 5: and and I I I a part of it will
• 55:09
  Speaker 5: always be what looking at whether you know it's working
• 55:13
  Speaker 5: with a man or a woman or a couple. It's like,
• 55:15
  Speaker 5: what are your the codes that you live by and
• 55:19
  Speaker 5: how do you want to live? Right? So I call
• 55:22
  Speaker 5: it your you know, rewriting your mother code so that
• 55:26
  Speaker 5: you know you can live the life that you want
• 55:28
  Speaker 5: that you're of your choosing, you know, from from that
• 55:31
  Speaker 5: vantage point, because then that's the way you can navigate,
• 55:36
  Speaker 5: makes their choices, decisions, and live your life in a
• 55:40
  Speaker 5: way that's congruent for you.
• 55:42
  Speaker 3: Hmmm, that's perfect.
• 55:44
  Speaker 2: And your podcast is it? Is it called Rewrite the
• 55:47
  Speaker 2: Mother Code so people want to live Okay, Yeah, it
• 55:53
  Speaker 2: was such a pleasure, guys. Check out her podcast. I
• 55:56
  Speaker 2: really enjoyed our conversation today, doctor Gurchrude, Thank you so much,
• 56:00
  Speaker 2: Thank you, thank you.
• 56:03
  Speaker 3: Enjoy Ireland. All right, everyone, thanks for listening.
• 56:07
  Speaker 2: Thanks for listening to Postcards to the Universe with Melissa
• 56:10
  Speaker 2: creating the life you crave. And I'm wishing everyone a
• 56:12
  Speaker 2: wonderful week filled with joy, abundance and love.
• 56:15
  Speaker 3: Peace,