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Love Your Neighbor with the Same Commitment You Have to Your Own Well-Being | John Piper · Reformed Thinking

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  Welcome to the Deep dive. We sift through stacks of ideas
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  to bring you the core insights. Today we're diving into
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  something really central from Jesus's teachings.
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  It gets right to the heart of what it means to be human and
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  what it means to actually love. We're working with some really
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  helpful material from John Piper, specifically his thoughts
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  on all that Jesus commanded. And we're zeroing in on those
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  famous words from Matthew 22.39. This deep dive is for you, our
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  listener, if you're wanting to really grasp these commands and
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  you know how they connect to our lives, our desires.
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  Yeah, it's a command that on the surface, looks pretty
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  straightforward. Love your neighbor is yourself.
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  Simple, right? But when you dig in, as Piper
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  does, you find it holds this radical challenge.
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  It can really reshape how we think about, well, human
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  longing, our relationship with God, with others.
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  So our goal today is to unpack that.
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  We'll look at self love, what's in or missing the mark really is
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  at its root. And importantly, how finding our
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  ultimate satisfaction in God makes loving others not just,
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  you know, something we should do, but something that flows out
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  almost joyfully. We want to consider what that
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  means for happiness, true happiness, and how we pursue
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  what's genuinely good. OK, let's get into it.
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  Matthew 22.39 Love your neighbor as yourself.
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  The source material calls this very radical.
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  Why? What makes it so, well, radical?
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  Well, the material points out it's radical because it doesn't
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  just like trim the branches, it cuts right to the root, the root
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  of human brokenness and exposes it.
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  And then by God's grace, it works to sever it.
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  So it's not just about outward actions like being nicer.
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  It's confronting the deepest stuff inside us, our inner
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  being. It really goes deep, unlike
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  maybe some moral codes that just focus on the outside.
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  Jesus is going internal here. OK, the root.
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  So what is that root of brokenness this command is
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  getting at? How does the source define it?
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  The source defines it pretty clearly says the root is the
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  desire for our own happiness apart from God, and apart from
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  whether others find their eternal happiness in God.
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  Think about that for a second. It's not just about doing bad
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  things, it's saying that underneath well all are
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  shortcomings. All the ways we miss God's
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  design is this drive to be happy.
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  But it's disconnected, disconnected from God's glory,
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  his splendor. And it's also cut off from
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  genuinely caring if others find their joy in God too.
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  So this command, love your neighbor as yourself, it pushes
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  right against that fundamental disconnect.
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  It's trying to re aim our deepest desires.
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  You know, it's not just what we do, but why we do it.
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  Especially when the why is just without God, without others in
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  the picture. Like a like a plant trying to
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  get sun from a rock. Maybe just won't work long term.
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  That's yeah, that's a heavy thought.
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  The source also uses another word for this root pride.
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  How does pride link up with this disconnected desire for
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  happiness? Right Pride.
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  It's described as essentially the belief, the assumption that
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  we could be happy without depending on God as the source,
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  the ultimate source of joy. And tied to that, it's the idea
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  that our happiness doesn't really need to involve caring if
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  others find their joy in God. So it's a desire for happiness,
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  which isn't bad in itself, but it's become corrupted, twisted.
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  And the source says this corruption comes from 2 main
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  things. First, we're unwilling to see
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  God is the only real source of lasting joy.
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  We think we can find it elsewhere.
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  Money, status, whatever, independent of him.
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  Second, we're unwilling to see other people as well, designed
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  by God to share our joy in him. We kind of isolate our
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  happiness, make it a solo thing instead of something we
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  experience together. Delighting when others flourish,
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  especially in God. You see it everywhere.
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  Maybe online. Seeking validation for my
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  happiness. Sometimes ignoring or
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  downplaying others. So it's a self-sufficiency.
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  So take God out as the source, take others out as sharers in
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  the joy. What's left driving things?
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  What's left, the text says, is the engine of pride.
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  Picture that. A powerful engine.
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  When God isn't the main source of our joy, and when we don't
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  really care about others, good for God's sake, Then our own
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  desire for happiness, which started out good, Remember, it
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  gets warped. Pride, then, is basically
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  seeking happiness anywhere but in the good of God and the good
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  of others for his sake. And that pursuit, that
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  misdirected drive for satisfaction, is what the source
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  identifies as the root of all brokenness.
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  It's the core problem. Everything else kind of stems
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  from that. It shows that sin isn't just,
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  you know, a list of rules we break, but a fundamental
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  misdirection of our core desire for contentment, a self-centered
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  pull away from God and neighbor. OK, let's go back to the command
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  love your neighbor as yourself. It really does sound like Jesus
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  is telling us, hey, you need to love yourself, doesn't it?
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  But you mentioned the source makes a key distinction.
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  Yes, and this is so important. He doesn't command self love, he
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  assumes it. That's a huge point Piper makes.
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  Jesus starts with something that's already there, inborn,
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  deep, part of what makes us human, our natural desire for
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  our own well-being. It's just a given.
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  It's common to everyone. You don't have to learn it.
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  It's wired in. It's described as a strong Basic
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  Instinct for, you know, self preservation and self
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  fulfillment. We want to live and we want to
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  live well with satisfaction. It's natural.
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  Like a baby crying when it's hungry.
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  Exactly. That's a perfect example.
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  It's that basic. So how does Jesus or the source
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  interpreting him define this natural self love we all have?
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  It's defined as the deep longing to diminish pain and to increase
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  happiness. Very practical, right?
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  Not abstract. Yeah.
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  It includes wanting to live with satisfaction, seeking things
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  like, well, food for ourselves, clothes, a safe place to live,
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  basic needs. It's wanting protection from
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  harm, from danger. It's wanting meaningful ways to
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  spend our days, activities that bring some sort of contentment
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  or purpose. It's seeking friends, people who
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  value us, who spend time with us, that desire for connection,
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  belonging. And it's also wanting our lives
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  to, you know, count for something to have significance,
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  to feel like our existence matters.
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  These are all part of that assumed self love.
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  The source even brings up a really stark example, suicide.
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  That seems like the opposite of self love.
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  How does that fit? Yeah, that's a tough one.
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  Pascal's mentioned here highlighting his point that all
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  men seek happiness. Even suicide, as tragic and
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  misguided as it is, is presented in the source as well.
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  A distorted act rooted in self love.
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  It's seen as an attempt, however desperate, to escape unbearable
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  pain. Maybe overwhelming
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  meaninglessness, hopelessness, depression.
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  The thinking might be anything is better than this.
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  It's a terribly distorted seeking of relief, but it's
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  still rooted in that fundamental desire to lessen pain, to escape
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  suffering. It just underscores how
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  incredibly deep that drive for well-being runs in US, even when
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  it gets tragically quisted. We're not minimizing the pain
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  here, just analyzing the impulse.
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  And this next point really stood out to me.
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  The source says this inherent self love of this drive for
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  well-being is actually good in itself.
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  What does that mean? It's clarifying that this trait
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  comes from God. The source puts it like my
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  father created it. In and of itself it is good.
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  This really pushes back against the idea that any form of
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  self-interest is automatically bad or sinful.
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  Think about it. Being hungry and wanting food?
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  That's not wrong. Wanting to be warm in winter?
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  Not wrong. Desiring safety when things are
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  dangerous? Not wrong.
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  Wanting friends? Wanting to be liked?
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  Not wrong. Wanting your life to have
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  meaning to make a difference? That's not inherently wrong
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  either. These desires were part of God's
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  original design for humanity before sin entered the picture.
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  So in their pure form, they're good.
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  This helps to see the difference between say, healthy self-care
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  and corrupted me. First, selfishness.
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  OK, that sets the stage really well.
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  Now let's get to the pivot point.
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  Love your neighbor as yourself. That little word, as the
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  material calls it, very radical with the significance of as ah,
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  the ass. Yes, it's absolutely central.
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  It means we're supposed to make our own self seeking and how we
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  naturally look out for ourselves, pursue our own
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  happiness. Make that the measure for our
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  self giving. Put simply, the way you
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  instinctively pursue your own well-being, that becomes the
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  standard, the benchmark for how you should pursue your neighbors
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  well. Being so, it's like a direct
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  comparison. Exactly.
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  It's setting up an equivalency Use your own drive for good as
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  the blueprint for seeking their good.
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  It's quite a standard. Can you give some of those
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  specific examples from the source?
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  How does this play out practically?
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  Sure, it means taking that natural self focus and turning
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  it outward. So as you feel that deep pang of
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  hunger and long for food, that specific feeling, so you should
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  long to feed your neighbor when they're hungry with that same
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  gut level urgency for their relief.
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  Not just drop off leftovers, but really feel their need like it's
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  your own. Right.
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  And as you want decent clothes for yourself, you know for
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  warmth, dignity, so you should long for your neighbor to have
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  the same, wishing them comfort just like you wish it for
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  yourself. As you seek safety, maybe
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  locking your door, avoiding bad situations.
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  So you should actively seek comfort and security for your
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  neighbor, put effort into their safety, their Peace of Mind.
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  As you want friends, companionship, so you should be
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  a friend, initiate, invite, be present for them.
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  As you study hard for good grades, putting in the hours.
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  So you should work to help your neighbor get good grades, maybe
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  tutor them, share resources, encourage them.
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  As you appreciate feeling welcome when you walk into a new
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  group. So you should make an effort to
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  make others feel welcome. Include them, introduce them,
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  put them at ease. So it's not just what we want
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  for them, but the way we go about pursuing it, the effort
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  level. Precisely, the AS implies using
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  the same well, the same zeal, same energy, the same
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  creativity, the same persistence, all that stuff we
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  naturally deploy for ourselves, deployed for them.
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  Think about when you're in real trouble, how intensely focused
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  you become, how inventive, how quickly you act.
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  The AS means bringing that same level of earnestness, that same,
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  you know, life or death, dedication sometimes to seeking
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  your neighbors good. The measure is the intense,
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  natural way we pursue our own flourishing.
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  Be just as proactive, just as inventive, just as determined
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  for them. OK, but honestly, hearing that
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  loving my neighbor with the same zeal and energy I naturally have
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  for myself, that feels huge, demanding.
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  The source even says it can feel very threatening and almost
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  overwhelming. Why does it hit us that way?
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  Yeah, it does feel overwhelming, doesn't it?
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  And the reason is we immediately jumped to this conclusion.
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  If I really take this seriously, it feels like I won't just be
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  loving others as I love myself. It feels like I'll have to love
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  them instead of loving myself. Like it's a choice between their
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  happiness and mine. It's gackling, a 0 sum game.
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  There's this fear that if I pour all my energy, my time, my
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  creativity into their well-being with that as myself intensity,
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  then my own need for happiness, my own desires will just get
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  constantly pushed aside, trampled, ignored.
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  It feels like the neighbors needs will always come first,
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  always have a stronger claim. And that makes the command seem
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  like it could lead to, well, the death of my own happiness.
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  Like I'll end up depleted, maybe resentful, definitely
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  unfulfilled. You see people burnout and
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  helping roll sometimes, right? Pouring out without being
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  refilled. This command just on its own
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  feels like it demands that kind of unsustainable self sacrifice.
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  But this is where the first command comes in, right?
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  Love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your
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  soul and with all your mind. How does that connect?
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  How does it solve this feeling of threat?
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  Yes, this is the crucial connection.
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  This is where the divine solution comes into play,
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  according to the source. The source explains that the
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  first command, loving God, totally isn't separate.
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  It's the foundation for the second.
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  It's what makes loving our neighbor truly possible, and it
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  removes that feeling that doing so means our own happiness gets
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  destroyed. In fact, loving your neighbor as
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  yourself becomes a visible expression, the natural outcome
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  of loving God first. So not 2 separate burdens, but
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  connected. Connected and the first enables
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  the second. It changes the whole dynamic.
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  It provides the the source the power so that giving doesn't
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  just deplete us. OK, so how does that work,
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  practically speaking? How does loving God first stop
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  loving my neighbor from feeling like a threat to my own
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  well-being? Well the idea is this, before we
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  try to make our self seeking the measure of our self giving,
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  which is what love neighbors self seems to demand, we first
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  need to make God the focus of our self seeking.
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  There's a whole point of the first command.
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  It means we take all those deep inherent longings of our self
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  love. The desire for joy, hope,
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  security, purpose, significance, all of it.
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  And we direct them intentionally toward God.
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  We aim all that longing at Him, seeking satisfaction in Him
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  until He becomes the one who actually satisfies our heart,
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  our soul, our mind. So redirecting the homing signal
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  kind. Of exactly reorienting our
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  internal compass. And when God becomes the
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  ultimate source, the target of our deepest quest for
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  satisfaction, everything shifts. Instead of trying to squeeze
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  happiness out of finite things or our own efforts, we find it
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  in the infinite all sufficient, God himself.
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  And this isn't just us trying harder.
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  It's seen as the work of the Spirit reordering our loves.
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  This sounds like a fundamental change.
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  The source is careful to say this isn't a cancelling out of
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  self love. So if it's not getting rid of
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  it, what is happening to self love?
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  It's being fulfilled and transformed.
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  That's the key distinction. It's not erased.
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  It's re aimed and met when we direct that longing for
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  satisfaction. All those deep human desires we
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  talked about toward God, we actually find in him a
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  satisfaction so immense, so deep it fills our entire heart.
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  We find a meaning so rich it fills every empty space in our
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  soul, giving purpose to everything.
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  And we find a a wealth of understanding, wisdom, insight
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  that guides and satisfies what our minds are really made for.
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  So the desires aren't gone, they're just pointed to their
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  true ultimate source, where they can actually be met.
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  It's like finding the ocean after searching for satisfaction
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  in puddles. So where does our happiness
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  ultimately come from in this picture?
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  It leads us to discover that God himself is the never ending
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  spring of our joy, the infinite fountain, always full, always
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  overflowing. And realizing that fundamentally
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  changes how we see the second command.
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  Loving our neighbor instead of thinking, Oh no, this is
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  threatened. I can't possibly do this without
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  losing myself. We discover something totally
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  different. We find our own well-being isn't
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  threatened by loving God first. It's actually secured.
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  It's perfectly and perpetually supplied by him.
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  This is close to Piper's idea of Christian hedonism, isn't it?
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  That our greatest joy is found in God.
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  Yes, that's right. The idea that pursuing maximum
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  pleasure finds its only true fulfillment in pursuing God, the
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  only source of infinite and lasting pleasure.
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  It's not selfish. It's finding ultimate delight in
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  the ultimate being. The source uses this really
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  striking phrase. My love for him, God is the form
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  of myself love. Can you unpack that a bit more?
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  It sounds almost paradoxical. It does, but it makes sense in
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  this context. It means that all those longings
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  that define our self love, the drive for joy, security, meaning
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  connection, are now directed entirely to God.
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  And crucially, they are found and satisfied in him.
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  So our self love in this transformed state basically
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  becomes our love for God. They merge.
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  They're the same activity. Our whole pursuit of happiness,
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  our quest for fulfillment, becomes nothing less than the
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  pursuit of God Himself. And the source adds that
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  happiness is found specifically in Jesus.
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  So our drive for joy doesn't vanish, it just finds its true
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  infinite home in God, where it can finally be fully met without
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  end. OK, this is where it all seems
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  to connect. Once our self love finds its
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  satisfaction in God becoming God love, how does that change how
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  we love our neighbor? Right, so this fulfill self love
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  now transformed into God. Love isn't seeking its own
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  satisfaction elsewhere anymore. It's full.
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  And this becomes the guide and the actual substance of our
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  neighbor love. Our natural self seeking which
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  got reoriented into God seeking, is now commanded to simply
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  overflow, to extend itself naturally to our neighbor.
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  So it's not a grim duty anymore. Exactly.
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  It's not a forced sacrifice that drains you.
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  It's meant to be a natural outpouring from a heart that's
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  already full, already satisfied in God.
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  The desire for our neighbors good starts to flow almost
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  spontaneously from the abundance of good we found in God.
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  You're not giving from an empty cup, you're sharing from a
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  perpetually overflowing spring. The.
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  Source. Give some really vivid examples
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  of this overflow in action. Could you share a few of those?
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  How does a heart satisfied in God actually love?
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  Yes, the examples really help make it concrete.
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  It's about seeing God's goodness in your own life and then
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  eagerly wanting to extend that same goodness to others.
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  So for instance, if you if you long to see and experience more
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  of God's bounty, his generosity in providing food, shelter,
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  clothes for you, and you recognize his hand in it, then
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  you seek to show others the greatness of that same divine
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  bounty through your own generosity flowing from what
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  you've received in Him. You genuinely want God who fills
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  your own need to overflow through you to fill your
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  neighbors need too. It's giving with gladness, not
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  obligation. Because you've tasted that
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  goodness yourself. Exactly.
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  Or if you long to taste more of God's compassion, experiencing
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  His comfort when you're grieving, then you seek to show
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  others more of that same compassion by extending genuine
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  comfort to them in their sorrow. It's not just polite words, it's
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  real empathy flowing from having been truly comforted yourself by
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  God. If you value God's wisdom and
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  helping you navigate tough relationships, then you seek to
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  extend more of God's wisdom to others and their relationship
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  struggles, offering guidance rooted in Him because you've
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  seen its value. If you delight in God's goodness
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  during times of rest, finding real joy and peace, then you
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  extend that goodness by helping others find wholesome rest too,
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  maybe sharing your time or helping lift their burden so
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  they can rest. If you want to see more of God's
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  saving grace active in your own life rescuing you, then you
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  actively stretch out that same grace to others who need it,
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  becoming an instrument eager to share the salvation you've
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  received. If you treasure God's personal
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  friendship is faithful, it's through everything.
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  Then you extend that kind of friendship to the lonely being a
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  faithful companion, because you know how precious that is.
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  So that threat we felt earlier that loving my neighbor would
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  deplete me, it's gone now. Why exactly does neighbor love
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  not threaten self love anymore in this transformed state?
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  The reason becomes really clear and it's liberating.
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  Neighbor love doesn't threaten self love because self love has
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  become God love and God love. Our love for God, rooted in his
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  love for us and his infinite supply is not threatened.
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  It's not diminished, it's not exhausted when it's poured out
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  to others. Why?
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  Because God is the never ending spring, the infinite source of
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  our joy. And from that limitless source
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  love can flow boundlessly without ever running dry.
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  Our well-being is in the finite resource we have to hoard.
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  It's sourced in the infinite God.
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  It's an endless well we can draw from and give from.
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  So giving doesn't cost us in a sense, because the supply is
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  infinite. In the ultimate sense, yes.
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  When your deepest needs are met in an infinite God, extending
• 18:35
  that fullness doesn't deplete the source.
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  Like sharing sunlight, the sun isn't diminished.
• 18:40
  Wow, that really is a different way to think about these
• 18:43
  commands. It shifts it from feeling like
• 18:45
  this heavy burden, this impossible sacrifice, to, well,
• 18:48
  a joyful overflow. It gives us a whole new lens for
• 18:51
  looking at our own desires, how they connect to caring for
• 18:54
  others, and how it's all anchored in our relationship
• 18:56
  with God. It changes the picture of
• 18:58
  satisfaction. Precisely what this deep dive
• 19:02
  really shows is that real, genuine kindness and love for
• 19:05
  others don't have to come from gritting our teeth and
• 19:07
  sacrificing reluctantly. Instead, it can spring from a
• 19:11
  divine fullness, from being satisfied in God first.
• 19:14
  It invites us really to see their deepest desire, the desire
• 19:17
  for happiness to drive. So much of what we do finds its
• 19:20
  true home, its ultimate satisfaction in God.
• 19:23
  And when it does, we're actually freed up and empowered to extend
• 19:26
  that same good, that same pursuit of true happiness to
• 19:29
  everyone around us without fearing we'll run out.
• 19:31
  It's a picture of a truly flourishing life for us and for
• 19:34
  our neighbor. So for you, our listener, here's
• 19:37
  something to Mull over. If that natural longing for
• 19:39
  happiness we all have is actually a good God-given thing.
• 19:42
  Yeah. How might intentionally aiming
• 19:44
  all those longings toward God change your day-to-day?
• 19:47
  Not just how you seek your own contentment, but how you find
• 19:50
  yourself giving to the people you meet.
• 19:52
  Does it change how you view even small acts of kindness or
• 19:55
  service? It's definitely something
• 19:56
  compelling to think about. We hope this prompts some more
• 19:59
  reflection for you.