Latest / Reformed Thinking / Love Your Neighbor with the Same Commitment You Have to Your Own Well-Being | John Piper
Transcript
- 0:00Welcome to the Deep dive. We sift through stacks of ideas
- 0:03to bring you the core insights. Today we're diving into
- 0:07something really central from Jesus's teachings.
- 0:09It gets right to the heart of what it means to be human and
- 0:12what it means to actually love. We're working with some really
- 0:16helpful material from John Piper, specifically his thoughts
- 0:19on all that Jesus commanded. And we're zeroing in on those
- 0:21famous words from Matthew 22.39. This deep dive is for you, our
- 0:25listener, if you're wanting to really grasp these commands and
- 0:28you know how they connect to our lives, our desires.
- 0:31Yeah, it's a command that on the surface, looks pretty
- 0:34straightforward. Love your neighbor is yourself.
- 0:36Simple, right? But when you dig in, as Piper
- 0:39does, you find it holds this radical challenge.
- 0:43It can really reshape how we think about, well, human
- 0:45longing, our relationship with God, with others.
- 0:48So our goal today is to unpack that.
- 0:50We'll look at self love, what's in or missing the mark really is
- 0:53at its root. And importantly, how finding our
- 0:56ultimate satisfaction in God makes loving others not just,
- 0:59you know, something we should do, but something that flows out
- 1:01almost joyfully. We want to consider what that
- 1:04means for happiness, true happiness, and how we pursue
- 1:07what's genuinely good. OK, let's get into it.
- 1:09Matthew 22.39 Love your neighbor as yourself.
- 1:13The source material calls this very radical.
- 1:15Why? What makes it so, well, radical?
- 1:17Well, the material points out it's radical because it doesn't
- 1:19just like trim the branches, it cuts right to the root, the root
- 1:24of human brokenness and exposes it.
- 1:26And then by God's grace, it works to sever it.
- 1:29So it's not just about outward actions like being nicer.
- 1:32It's confronting the deepest stuff inside us, our inner
- 1:35being. It really goes deep, unlike
- 1:36maybe some moral codes that just focus on the outside.
- 1:39Jesus is going internal here. OK, the root.
- 1:42So what is that root of brokenness this command is
- 1:44getting at? How does the source define it?
- 1:47The source defines it pretty clearly says the root is the
- 1:49desire for our own happiness apart from God, and apart from
- 1:52whether others find their eternal happiness in God.
- 1:55Think about that for a second. It's not just about doing bad
- 1:57things, it's saying that underneath well all are
- 2:00shortcomings. All the ways we miss God's
- 2:02design is this drive to be happy.
- 2:05But it's disconnected, disconnected from God's glory,
- 2:08his splendor. And it's also cut off from
- 2:10genuinely caring if others find their joy in God too.
- 2:14So this command, love your neighbor as yourself, it pushes
- 2:17right against that fundamental disconnect.
- 2:19It's trying to re aim our deepest desires.
- 2:21You know, it's not just what we do, but why we do it.
- 2:25Especially when the why is just without God, without others in
- 2:29the picture. Like a like a plant trying to
- 2:31get sun from a rock. Maybe just won't work long term.
- 2:33That's yeah, that's a heavy thought.
- 2:35The source also uses another word for this root pride.
- 2:38How does pride link up with this disconnected desire for
- 2:41happiness? Right Pride.
- 2:43It's described as essentially the belief, the assumption that
- 2:47we could be happy without depending on God as the source,
- 2:50the ultimate source of joy. And tied to that, it's the idea
- 2:53that our happiness doesn't really need to involve caring if
- 2:56others find their joy in God. So it's a desire for happiness,
- 2:59which isn't bad in itself, but it's become corrupted, twisted.
- 3:05And the source says this corruption comes from 2 main
- 3:07things. First, we're unwilling to see
- 3:09God is the only real source of lasting joy.
- 3:12We think we can find it elsewhere.
- 3:13Money, status, whatever, independent of him.
- 3:15Second, we're unwilling to see other people as well, designed
- 3:18by God to share our joy in him. We kind of isolate our
- 3:21happiness, make it a solo thing instead of something we
- 3:23experience together. Delighting when others flourish,
- 3:25especially in God. You see it everywhere.
- 3:27Maybe online. Seeking validation for my
- 3:29happiness. Sometimes ignoring or
- 3:31downplaying others. So it's a self-sufficiency.
- 3:33So take God out as the source, take others out as sharers in
- 3:37the joy. What's left driving things?
- 3:39What's left, the text says, is the engine of pride.
- 3:43Picture that. A powerful engine.
- 3:45When God isn't the main source of our joy, and when we don't
- 3:48really care about others, good for God's sake, Then our own
- 3:51desire for happiness, which started out good, Remember, it
- 3:54gets warped. Pride, then, is basically
- 3:56seeking happiness anywhere but in the good of God and the good
- 3:59of others for his sake. And that pursuit, that
- 4:03misdirected drive for satisfaction, is what the source
- 4:06identifies as the root of all brokenness.
- 4:09It's the core problem. Everything else kind of stems
- 4:11from that. It shows that sin isn't just,
- 4:13you know, a list of rules we break, but a fundamental
- 4:16misdirection of our core desire for contentment, a self-centered
- 4:19pull away from God and neighbor. OK, let's go back to the command
- 4:22love your neighbor as yourself. It really does sound like Jesus
- 4:25is telling us, hey, you need to love yourself, doesn't it?
- 4:28But you mentioned the source makes a key distinction.
- 4:31Yes, and this is so important. He doesn't command self love, he
- 4:34assumes it. That's a huge point Piper makes.
- 4:37Jesus starts with something that's already there, inborn,
- 4:40deep, part of what makes us human, our natural desire for
- 4:43our own well-being. It's just a given.
- 4:45It's common to everyone. You don't have to learn it.
- 4:47It's wired in. It's described as a strong Basic
- 4:50Instinct for, you know, self preservation and self
- 4:53fulfillment. We want to live and we want to
- 4:55live well with satisfaction. It's natural.
- 4:57Like a baby crying when it's hungry.
- 4:59Exactly. That's a perfect example.
- 5:00It's that basic. So how does Jesus or the source
- 5:03interpreting him define this natural self love we all have?
- 5:07It's defined as the deep longing to diminish pain and to increase
- 5:11happiness. Very practical, right?
- 5:13Not abstract. Yeah.
- 5:14It includes wanting to live with satisfaction, seeking things
- 5:18like, well, food for ourselves, clothes, a safe place to live,
- 5:21basic needs. It's wanting protection from
- 5:24harm, from danger. It's wanting meaningful ways to
- 5:26spend our days, activities that bring some sort of contentment
- 5:29or purpose. It's seeking friends, people who
- 5:31value us, who spend time with us, that desire for connection,
- 5:35belonging. And it's also wanting our lives
- 5:37to, you know, count for something to have significance,
- 5:40to feel like our existence matters.
- 5:42These are all part of that assumed self love.
- 5:44The source even brings up a really stark example, suicide.
- 5:47That seems like the opposite of self love.
- 5:49How does that fit? Yeah, that's a tough one.
- 5:52Pascal's mentioned here highlighting his point that all
- 5:54men seek happiness. Even suicide, as tragic and
- 5:58misguided as it is, is presented in the source as well.
- 6:01A distorted act rooted in self love.
- 6:04It's seen as an attempt, however desperate, to escape unbearable
- 6:08pain. Maybe overwhelming
- 6:09meaninglessness, hopelessness, depression.
- 6:12The thinking might be anything is better than this.
- 6:14It's a terribly distorted seeking of relief, but it's
- 6:17still rooted in that fundamental desire to lessen pain, to escape
- 6:20suffering. It just underscores how
- 6:22incredibly deep that drive for well-being runs in US, even when
- 6:25it gets tragically quisted. We're not minimizing the pain
- 6:28here, just analyzing the impulse.
- 6:30And this next point really stood out to me.
- 6:32The source says this inherent self love of this drive for
- 6:34well-being is actually good in itself.
- 6:36What does that mean? It's clarifying that this trait
- 6:39comes from God. The source puts it like my
- 6:41father created it. In and of itself it is good.
- 6:46This really pushes back against the idea that any form of
- 6:48self-interest is automatically bad or sinful.
- 6:51Think about it. Being hungry and wanting food?
- 6:54That's not wrong. Wanting to be warm in winter?
- 6:57Not wrong. Desiring safety when things are
- 6:59dangerous? Not wrong.
- 7:01Wanting friends? Wanting to be liked?
- 7:02Not wrong. Wanting your life to have
- 7:04meaning to make a difference? That's not inherently wrong
- 7:07either. These desires were part of God's
- 7:09original design for humanity before sin entered the picture.
- 7:13So in their pure form, they're good.
- 7:15This helps to see the difference between say, healthy self-care
- 7:18and corrupted me. First, selfishness.
- 7:20OK, that sets the stage really well.
- 7:21Now let's get to the pivot point.
- 7:23Love your neighbor as yourself. That little word, as the
- 7:26material calls it, very radical with the significance of as ah,
- 7:30the ass. Yes, it's absolutely central.
- 7:33It means we're supposed to make our own self seeking and how we
- 7:36naturally look out for ourselves, pursue our own
- 7:38happiness. Make that the measure for our
- 7:40self giving. Put simply, the way you
- 7:43instinctively pursue your own well-being, that becomes the
- 7:47standard, the benchmark for how you should pursue your neighbors
- 7:50well. Being so, it's like a direct
- 7:51comparison. Exactly.
- 7:54It's setting up an equivalency Use your own drive for good as
- 7:58the blueprint for seeking their good.
- 8:00It's quite a standard. Can you give some of those
- 8:01specific examples from the source?
- 8:03How does this play out practically?
- 8:04Sure, it means taking that natural self focus and turning
- 8:08it outward. So as you feel that deep pang of
- 8:11hunger and long for food, that specific feeling, so you should
- 8:15long to feed your neighbor when they're hungry with that same
- 8:18gut level urgency for their relief.
- 8:20Not just drop off leftovers, but really feel their need like it's
- 8:23your own. Right.
- 8:24And as you want decent clothes for yourself, you know for
- 8:28warmth, dignity, so you should long for your neighbor to have
- 8:30the same, wishing them comfort just like you wish it for
- 8:34yourself. As you seek safety, maybe
- 8:37locking your door, avoiding bad situations.
- 8:40So you should actively seek comfort and security for your
- 8:43neighbor, put effort into their safety, their Peace of Mind.
- 8:47As you want friends, companionship, so you should be
- 8:50a friend, initiate, invite, be present for them.
- 8:54As you study hard for good grades, putting in the hours.
- 8:58So you should work to help your neighbor get good grades, maybe
- 9:00tutor them, share resources, encourage them.
- 9:02As you appreciate feeling welcome when you walk into a new
- 9:05group. So you should make an effort to
- 9:07make others feel welcome. Include them, introduce them,
- 9:09put them at ease. So it's not just what we want
- 9:12for them, but the way we go about pursuing it, the effort
- 9:14level. Precisely, the AS implies using
- 9:18the same well, the same zeal, same energy, the same
- 9:22creativity, the same persistence, all that stuff we
- 9:25naturally deploy for ourselves, deployed for them.
- 9:28Think about when you're in real trouble, how intensely focused
- 9:31you become, how inventive, how quickly you act.
- 9:34The AS means bringing that same level of earnestness, that same,
- 9:37you know, life or death, dedication sometimes to seeking
- 9:40your neighbors good. The measure is the intense,
- 9:43natural way we pursue our own flourishing.
- 9:46Be just as proactive, just as inventive, just as determined
- 9:49for them. OK, but honestly, hearing that
- 9:52loving my neighbor with the same zeal and energy I naturally have
- 9:55for myself, that feels huge, demanding.
- 9:58The source even says it can feel very threatening and almost
- 10:01overwhelming. Why does it hit us that way?
- 10:02Yeah, it does feel overwhelming, doesn't it?
- 10:04And the reason is we immediately jumped to this conclusion.
- 10:06If I really take this seriously, it feels like I won't just be
- 10:09loving others as I love myself. It feels like I'll have to love
- 10:12them instead of loving myself. Like it's a choice between their
- 10:15happiness and mine. It's gackling, a 0 sum game.
- 10:18There's this fear that if I pour all my energy, my time, my
- 10:20creativity into their well-being with that as myself intensity,
- 10:27then my own need for happiness, my own desires will just get
- 10:30constantly pushed aside, trampled, ignored.
- 10:34It feels like the neighbors needs will always come first,
- 10:36always have a stronger claim. And that makes the command seem
- 10:39like it could lead to, well, the death of my own happiness.
- 10:42Like I'll end up depleted, maybe resentful, definitely
- 10:44unfulfilled. You see people burnout and
- 10:47helping roll sometimes, right? Pouring out without being
- 10:50refilled. This command just on its own
- 10:52feels like it demands that kind of unsustainable self sacrifice.
- 10:55But this is where the first command comes in, right?
- 10:57Love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your
- 11:00soul and with all your mind. How does that connect?
- 11:03How does it solve this feeling of threat?
- 11:05Yes, this is the crucial connection.
- 11:08This is where the divine solution comes into play,
- 11:10according to the source. The source explains that the
- 11:13first command, loving God, totally isn't separate.
- 11:17It's the foundation for the second.
- 11:19It's what makes loving our neighbor truly possible, and it
- 11:21removes that feeling that doing so means our own happiness gets
- 11:24destroyed. In fact, loving your neighbor as
- 11:27yourself becomes a visible expression, the natural outcome
- 11:31of loving God first. So not 2 separate burdens, but
- 11:34connected. Connected and the first enables
- 11:37the second. It changes the whole dynamic.
- 11:39It provides the the source the power so that giving doesn't
- 11:42just deplete us. OK, so how does that work,
- 11:45practically speaking? How does loving God first stop
- 11:47loving my neighbor from feeling like a threat to my own
- 11:49well-being? Well the idea is this, before we
- 11:52try to make our self seeking the measure of our self giving,
- 11:56which is what love neighbors self seems to demand, we first
- 11:58need to make God the focus of our self seeking.
- 12:01There's a whole point of the first command.
- 12:03It means we take all those deep inherent longings of our self
- 12:05love. The desire for joy, hope,
- 12:08security, purpose, significance, all of it.
- 12:11And we direct them intentionally toward God.
- 12:13We aim all that longing at Him, seeking satisfaction in Him
- 12:16until He becomes the one who actually satisfies our heart,
- 12:19our soul, our mind. So redirecting the homing signal
- 12:22kind. Of exactly reorienting our
- 12:24internal compass. And when God becomes the
- 12:27ultimate source, the target of our deepest quest for
- 12:30satisfaction, everything shifts. Instead of trying to squeeze
- 12:33happiness out of finite things or our own efforts, we find it
- 12:37in the infinite all sufficient, God himself.
- 12:40And this isn't just us trying harder.
- 12:42It's seen as the work of the Spirit reordering our loves.
- 12:45This sounds like a fundamental change.
- 12:46The source is careful to say this isn't a cancelling out of
- 12:49self love. So if it's not getting rid of
- 12:50it, what is happening to self love?
- 12:53It's being fulfilled and transformed.
- 12:55That's the key distinction. It's not erased.
- 12:57It's re aimed and met when we direct that longing for
- 13:01satisfaction. All those deep human desires we
- 13:03talked about toward God, we actually find in him a
- 13:07satisfaction so immense, so deep it fills our entire heart.
- 13:11We find a meaning so rich it fills every empty space in our
- 13:14soul, giving purpose to everything.
- 13:16And we find a a wealth of understanding, wisdom, insight
- 13:20that guides and satisfies what our minds are really made for.
- 13:22So the desires aren't gone, they're just pointed to their
- 13:25true ultimate source, where they can actually be met.
- 13:27It's like finding the ocean after searching for satisfaction
- 13:29in puddles. So where does our happiness
- 13:32ultimately come from in this picture?
- 13:33It leads us to discover that God himself is the never ending
- 13:37spring of our joy, the infinite fountain, always full, always
- 13:41overflowing. And realizing that fundamentally
- 13:43changes how we see the second command.
- 13:45Loving our neighbor instead of thinking, Oh no, this is
- 13:48threatened. I can't possibly do this without
- 13:50losing myself. We discover something totally
- 13:53different. We find our own well-being isn't
- 13:55threatened by loving God first. It's actually secured.
- 13:58It's perfectly and perpetually supplied by him.
- 14:01This is close to Piper's idea of Christian hedonism, isn't it?
- 14:04That our greatest joy is found in God.
- 14:06Yes, that's right. The idea that pursuing maximum
- 14:09pleasure finds its only true fulfillment in pursuing God, the
- 14:12only source of infinite and lasting pleasure.
- 14:14It's not selfish. It's finding ultimate delight in
- 14:17the ultimate being. The source uses this really
- 14:20striking phrase. My love for him, God is the form
- 14:23of myself love. Can you unpack that a bit more?
- 14:25It sounds almost paradoxical. It does, but it makes sense in
- 14:29this context. It means that all those longings
- 14:31that define our self love, the drive for joy, security, meaning
- 14:35connection, are now directed entirely to God.
- 14:39And crucially, they are found and satisfied in him.
- 14:42So our self love in this transformed state basically
- 14:45becomes our love for God. They merge.
- 14:47They're the same activity. Our whole pursuit of happiness,
- 14:50our quest for fulfillment, becomes nothing less than the
- 14:53pursuit of God Himself. And the source adds that
- 14:56happiness is found specifically in Jesus.
- 14:58So our drive for joy doesn't vanish, it just finds its true
- 15:02infinite home in God, where it can finally be fully met without
- 15:05end. OK, this is where it all seems
- 15:06to connect. Once our self love finds its
- 15:08satisfaction in God becoming God love, how does that change how
- 15:12we love our neighbor? Right, so this fulfill self love
- 15:15now transformed into God. Love isn't seeking its own
- 15:17satisfaction elsewhere anymore. It's full.
- 15:20And this becomes the guide and the actual substance of our
- 15:22neighbor love. Our natural self seeking which
- 15:25got reoriented into God seeking, is now commanded to simply
- 15:28overflow, to extend itself naturally to our neighbor.
- 15:31So it's not a grim duty anymore. Exactly.
- 15:34It's not a forced sacrifice that drains you.
- 15:36It's meant to be a natural outpouring from a heart that's
- 15:39already full, already satisfied in God.
- 15:42The desire for our neighbors good starts to flow almost
- 15:45spontaneously from the abundance of good we found in God.
- 15:48You're not giving from an empty cup, you're sharing from a
- 15:51perpetually overflowing spring. The.
- 15:53Source. Give some really vivid examples
- 15:55of this overflow in action. Could you share a few of those?
- 15:58How does a heart satisfied in God actually love?
- 16:00Yes, the examples really help make it concrete.
- 16:03It's about seeing God's goodness in your own life and then
- 16:06eagerly wanting to extend that same goodness to others.
- 16:09So for instance, if you if you long to see and experience more
- 16:14of God's bounty, his generosity in providing food, shelter,
- 16:18clothes for you, and you recognize his hand in it, then
- 16:20you seek to show others the greatness of that same divine
- 16:23bounty through your own generosity flowing from what
- 16:27you've received in Him. You genuinely want God who fills
- 16:30your own need to overflow through you to fill your
- 16:33neighbors need too. It's giving with gladness, not
- 16:36obligation. Because you've tasted that
- 16:38goodness yourself. Exactly.
- 16:39Or if you long to taste more of God's compassion, experiencing
- 16:43His comfort when you're grieving, then you seek to show
- 16:47others more of that same compassion by extending genuine
- 16:50comfort to them in their sorrow. It's not just polite words, it's
- 16:53real empathy flowing from having been truly comforted yourself by
- 16:57God. If you value God's wisdom and
- 17:00helping you navigate tough relationships, then you seek to
- 17:03extend more of God's wisdom to others and their relationship
- 17:06struggles, offering guidance rooted in Him because you've
- 17:10seen its value. If you delight in God's goodness
- 17:12during times of rest, finding real joy and peace, then you
- 17:15extend that goodness by helping others find wholesome rest too,
- 17:19maybe sharing your time or helping lift their burden so
- 17:22they can rest. If you want to see more of God's
- 17:24saving grace active in your own life rescuing you, then you
- 17:28actively stretch out that same grace to others who need it,
- 17:30becoming an instrument eager to share the salvation you've
- 17:33received. If you treasure God's personal
- 17:35friendship is faithful, it's through everything.
- 17:37Then you extend that kind of friendship to the lonely being a
- 17:40faithful companion, because you know how precious that is.
- 17:42So that threat we felt earlier that loving my neighbor would
- 17:45deplete me, it's gone now. Why exactly does neighbor love
- 17:49not threaten self love anymore in this transformed state?
- 17:52The reason becomes really clear and it's liberating.
- 17:55Neighbor love doesn't threaten self love because self love has
- 17:58become God love and God love. Our love for God, rooted in his
- 18:02love for us and his infinite supply is not threatened.
- 18:06It's not diminished, it's not exhausted when it's poured out
- 18:09to others. Why?
- 18:10Because God is the never ending spring, the infinite source of
- 18:14our joy. And from that limitless source
- 18:16love can flow boundlessly without ever running dry.
- 18:19Our well-being is in the finite resource we have to hoard.
- 18:22It's sourced in the infinite God.
- 18:24It's an endless well we can draw from and give from.
- 18:27So giving doesn't cost us in a sense, because the supply is
- 18:30infinite. In the ultimate sense, yes.
- 18:32When your deepest needs are met in an infinite God, extending
- 18:35that fullness doesn't deplete the source.
- 18:37Like sharing sunlight, the sun isn't diminished.
- 18:40Wow, that really is a different way to think about these
- 18:43commands. It shifts it from feeling like
- 18:45this heavy burden, this impossible sacrifice, to, well,
- 18:48a joyful overflow. It gives us a whole new lens for
- 18:51looking at our own desires, how they connect to caring for
- 18:54others, and how it's all anchored in our relationship
- 18:56with God. It changes the picture of
- 18:58satisfaction. Precisely what this deep dive
- 19:02really shows is that real, genuine kindness and love for
- 19:05others don't have to come from gritting our teeth and
- 19:07sacrificing reluctantly. Instead, it can spring from a
- 19:11divine fullness, from being satisfied in God first.
- 19:14It invites us really to see their deepest desire, the desire
- 19:17for happiness to drive. So much of what we do finds its
- 19:20true home, its ultimate satisfaction in God.
- 19:23And when it does, we're actually freed up and empowered to extend
- 19:26that same good, that same pursuit of true happiness to
- 19:29everyone around us without fearing we'll run out.
- 19:31It's a picture of a truly flourishing life for us and for
- 19:34our neighbor. So for you, our listener, here's
- 19:37something to Mull over. If that natural longing for
- 19:39happiness we all have is actually a good God-given thing.
- 19:42Yeah. How might intentionally aiming
- 19:44all those longings toward God change your day-to-day?
- 19:47Not just how you seek your own contentment, but how you find
- 19:50yourself giving to the people you meet.
- 19:52Does it change how you view even small acts of kindness or
- 19:55service? It's definitely something
- 19:56compelling to think about. We hope this prompts some more
- 19:59reflection for you.