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Pamela, or Virtue Rewarded Volume 1 Letter 12 · The Samuel Richardson Library

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Speaker 1: Section twelve of pamela or virtue rewarded this is a
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Speaker 1: librivox recording all librivox recordings are in the public domain
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Speaker 1: for more information or to volunteer please visit librivox dot
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Speaker 1: org pamela or virtue rewarded by samuel richardson section twelve
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Speaker 1: monday tuesday the twenty fifth and twenty sixth days of
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Speaker 1: my heavy restraint still more and more strange things to
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Speaker 1: write a messenger is returned and now all is out
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Speaker 1: oh wretched wretched pamela what at last will become of
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Speaker 1: me such strange turns and trials sure never poor creature
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Speaker 1: of my years experienced he brought two letters one to
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Speaker 1: mrs jukes and one to me but as the greatest
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Speaker 1: wits may be sometimes mistaken they being folded and sealed
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Speaker 1: alike that for me was directed to mrs jukes and
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Speaker 1: that for her was directed to me but both are
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Speaker 1: stark naught, abominably bad. She brought me up that directed
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Speaker 1: for me, and said, Here's a letter for you, long
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Speaker 1: looked for, is come at last. I will ask the
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Speaker 1: messenger a few questions, and then I will read mine.
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Speaker 1: So she went down, and I broke it open in
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Speaker 1: my closet, and found it directed to Mrs. Pamela Andrews.
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Speaker 1: But when I opened it, it began, Mrs. Jukes. I
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Speaker 1: was quite confounded. but thought i this may be a
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Speaker 1: lucky mistake i may discover something and so i read
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Speaker 1: on these horrid contents mrs jukes what you write me
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Speaker 1: has given me no small disturbance this wretched fool's plaything
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Speaker 1: no doubt is ready to leap at anything that offers
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Speaker 1: rather than express the least sense of gratitude for all
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Speaker 1: the benefits she has received from my family and which
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Speaker 1: i was determined more and more to heap upon her
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Speaker 1: i reserve her for my future resentment and i charge
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Speaker 1: you double your diligence in watching her to prevent her
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Speaker 1: escape i send this by an honest swiss who attended
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Speaker 1: me in my travels a man i can trust and
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Speaker 1: so let him be your assistant for the artful creature
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Speaker 1: is enough to corrupt a nation by her seeming innocence
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Speaker 1: and simplicity and she may have got a party perhaps
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Speaker 1: among my servants with you as she has here even
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Speaker 1: john arnold whom i confided in and favoured more than
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Speaker 1: any has proved an execrable villain and shall meet his
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Speaker 1: reward for it as to that college novice williams i
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Speaker 1: need not bid you take care he sees not this
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Speaker 1: painted bauble for i have ordered mr shorter my attorney
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Speaker 1: to throw him instantly into jail on an action of
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Speaker 1: debt for money he has had of me which i
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Speaker 1: had intended never to carry to account against him for
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Speaker 1: i know all his rascally practices besides what you write
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Speaker 1: me of his perfidious intrigue with that girl and his
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Speaker 1: acknowledged contrivances for her escape when he knew not for
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Speaker 1: certain that i designed her any mischief and when if
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Speaker 1: he had been guided by a sense of piety or
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Speaker 1: compassion for injured innocence as he pretends he would have
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Speaker 1: expostulated with me as his function and my friendship for
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Speaker 1: him might have allowed him but to enter into a
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Speaker 1: vile intrigue with the amiable to favour her escape in
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Speaker 1: so base a manner to say nothing of his disgraceful
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Speaker 1: practices against me in sir simon darnford's family of which
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Speaker 1: sir simon himself has informed me is a conduct that
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Speaker 1: instead of preferring the ungrateful wretch as i had intended
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Speaker 1: shall pull down upon him utter ruin m colbrand my
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Speaker 1: trusty swiss will obey you without reserve if my other
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Speaker 1: servants refuse as for her denying that she encouraged his
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Speaker 1: declaration i believe it not it is certain the speaking
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Speaker 1: picture with all that pretended innocence and bashfulness would have
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Speaker 1: run away with him yes she would run away with
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Speaker 1: a fellow that she had been acquainted with and that
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Speaker 1: not intimately if you were as careful as you ought
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Speaker 1: to be, but a few days, at a time when
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Speaker 1: she had the strongest assurances of my honour to her. Well,
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Speaker 1: I think I now hate her perfectly, and though I
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Speaker 1: will do nothing to her myself, yet I can bear
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Speaker 1: for the sake of my revenge, and my injured honour
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Speaker 1: and slighted love, to see anything, even what she most fears,
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Speaker 1: be done to her, and then she may be turned
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Speaker 1: loose to her evil destiny. and echo to the woods
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Speaker 1: and groves her piteous lamentations for the loss of her
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Speaker 1: fantastical innocence which the romantic idiot makes such a work
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Speaker 1: about i shall go to london with my sister davers
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Speaker 1: and the moment i can disengage myself which perhaps may
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Speaker 1: be in three weeks from this time i will be
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Speaker 1: with you and decide her fate and put an end
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Speaker 1: to your trouble Meantime, be doubly careful, for this innocent,
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Speaker 1: as I have warned you, is full of contrivances. I
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Speaker 1: am your friend. I had but just read this dreadful
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Speaker 1: letter through when Mrs. Jukes came up in a great fright,
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Speaker 1: guessing at the mistake, and that I had her letter,
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Speaker 1: and she found me with it open in my hand,
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Speaker 1: just sinking away. What business said she had you to
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Speaker 1: read my letter, and snatched it from me? You see,
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Speaker 1: said she, looking upon it, it says Mrs. Jukes at top.
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Speaker 1: You ought in manners to have read no further. Oh,
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Speaker 1: add not, said I, to my afflictions. I shall be
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Speaker 1: soon out of all your ways. This is too much,
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Speaker 1: too much. I never can support this, and threw myself
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Speaker 1: upon the couch in my closet and wept most bitterly.
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Speaker 1: She read it in the next room, and came in
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Speaker 1: again afterwards. Why, this, said she, is a sad letter indeed.
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Speaker 1: I am sorry for it. But I feared you would
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Speaker 1: carry your niceties too far. Leave me, leave me, Mrs. Jukes,
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Speaker 1: said I, for a while. I cannot speak nor talk.
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Speaker 1: Poor heart, said she. Well, I'll come up again presently,
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Speaker 1: and hope to find you better. But here, take your
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Speaker 1: own letter. I wish you well. But this is a
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Speaker 1: sad mistake, and so she put down by me that
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Speaker 1: which was intended for me. but I have no spirit
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Speaker 1: to read it at present. O man, man, hard-hearted, cruel man,
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Speaker 1: what mischiefs art thou not capable of, unrelenting persecutor as
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Speaker 1: thou art? I sat ruminating, when I had a little
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Speaker 1: come to myself, upon the terms of this wicked letter,
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Speaker 1: and had no inclination to look into my own. The
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Speaker 1: bad names, fool's plaything, artful creature, painted bauble, Goo-gaw, speaking picture,
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Speaker 1: are hard words for your poor Pamela, and I began
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Speaker 1: to think whether I was not indeed a very naughty body,
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Speaker 1: and had not done vile things. But when I thought
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Speaker 1: of his having discovered poor John, and of Sir Simon's
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Speaker 1: base officiousness in telling him of Mr. Williams, with what
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Speaker 1: he had resolved against him in revenge for his goodness
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Speaker 1: to me, I was quite dispirited, and yet still more
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Speaker 1: about that fearful Colbrand, and what he could see done
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Speaker 1: to me. For then I was ready to gasp for breath,
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Speaker 1: and my heart quite failed me. Then how dreadful are
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Speaker 1: the words that he will decide my fate in three weeks!
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Speaker 1: Gracious Heaven, said I, strike me dead before that time
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Speaker 1: with a thunderbolt, or provide some way for my escaping
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Speaker 1: these threatened mischiefs. God forgive me if I sinned. At
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Speaker 1: last I took up the letter directed for Mrs. Jukes,
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Speaker 1: but designed for me, and I find that little better
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Speaker 1: than the other. These are the hard terms it contains.
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Speaker 1: Well have you done, perverse, forward, artful, yet foolish Pamela,
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Speaker 1: to convince me before it was too late how ill
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Speaker 1: I had done to place my affections on so unworthy
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Speaker 1: an object. I have vowed honour and love to your unworthiness,
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Speaker 1: believing you a mirror of bashful modesty and unspotted innocence,
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Speaker 1: and that no perfidious designs lurked in so fair a bosom.
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Speaker 1: But now I have found you out, you specious hypocrite,
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Speaker 1: and I see that, though you could not repose the
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Speaker 1: least confidence in one you had known for years, and who,
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Speaker 1: under my good mother's misplaced favour for you, had grown
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Speaker 1: up in a manner with you when my passion in
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Speaker 1: spite of my pride and the difference of our condition
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Speaker 1: made me stoop to a meanness that now i despise
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Speaker 1: myself for yet you could enter into an intrigue with
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Speaker 1: a man you never knew till within these few days
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Speaker 1: passed and resolved to run away with a stranger whom
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Speaker 1: your fair face and insinuating arts had bewitched to break
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Speaker 1: through all the ties of honour and gratitude to me,
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Speaker 1: even at a time when the happiness of his future
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Speaker 1: life depended upon my favour. Henceforth, for Pamela's sake, whenever
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Speaker 1: I see a lovely face, will I mistrust a deceitful heart,
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Speaker 1: and whenever I hear of the greatest pretenses to innocence,
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Speaker 1: will I suspect some deep-laid mischief. you were determined to
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Speaker 1: place no confidence in me, though I have solemnly over
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Speaker 1: and over engaged my honour to you. What, though I
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Speaker 1: had alarmed your fears in sending you one way, when
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Speaker 1: you hoped to go another, yet had I not, to
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Speaker 1: convince you of my resolution to do justly by you,
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Speaker 1: although with great reluctance such then was my love for you,
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Speaker 1: engaged not to come near you without your own consent
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Speaker 1: was not this a voluntary demonstration of the generosity of
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Speaker 1: my intention to you yet how have you requited me
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Speaker 1: the very first fellow that your charming face and insinuating
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Speaker 1: address could influence you have practised upon corrupted too i
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Speaker 1: may say and even ruined as the ungrateful wretch shall
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Speaker 1: find and thrown your forward self upon him as therefore
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Speaker 1: you would place no confidence in me my honour owes
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Speaker 1: you nothing and in a little time you shall find
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Speaker 1: how much you have erred in treating as you have
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Speaker 1: done a man who was once your affectionate and kind
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Speaker 1: friend mrs jukes has directions concerning you and if your
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Speaker 1: lot is now harder than you might wish you will
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Speaker 1: bear it the easier because your own rash folly has
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Speaker 1: brought it upon you alas for me what a fate
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Speaker 1: is mine to be thus thought artful and forward and
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Speaker 1: ungrateful when all i intended was to preserve my innocence
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Speaker 1: and when all the poor little shifts which his superior
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Speaker 1: wicked wit and cunning have rendered ineffectual were forced upon
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Speaker 1: me in my own necessary defence when mrs jukes came
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Speaker 1: up to me again she found me bathed in tears
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Speaker 1: she seemed as i thought to be moved to some
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Speaker 1: compassion and finding myself now entirely in her power and
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Speaker 1: that it is not for me to provoke her i
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Speaker 1: said it is now i see in vain for me
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Speaker 1: to contend against my evil destiny and the superior arts
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Speaker 1: of my barbarous master i will resign myself to the
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Speaker 1: divine will and prepare to expect the worst but you
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Speaker 1: see how this poor mr williams is drawn in and
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Speaker 1: undone i am sorry i am made the cause of
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Speaker 1: his ruin poor poor man to be thus involved and
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Speaker 1: for my sake too but if you'll believe me said
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Speaker 1: i i gave no encouragement to what he proposed as
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Speaker 1: to marriage nor would he have proposed it i believe
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Speaker 1: but as the only honourable way he thought was left
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Speaker 1: to save me and his principal motive to it all
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Speaker 1: was virtue and compassion to one in distress what other
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Speaker 1: view could he have you know i am poor and
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Speaker 1: friendless All I beg of you is, to let the
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Speaker 1: poor gentleman have notice of my master's resentment, and let
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Speaker 1: him fly the country, and not be thrown into jail.
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Speaker 1: This will answer my master's end as well, for it
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Speaker 1: will as effectually hinder him from assisting me, as if
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Speaker 1: he was in a prison. Ask me, said she, to
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Speaker 1: do anything that is in my power consistent with my
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Speaker 1: duty and trust, and I will do it, for I
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Speaker 1: am sorry for you both, but to be sure I
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Speaker 1: shall keep no correspondence with him, nor let you. I
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Speaker 1: offered to talk of a duty superior to that she mentioned,
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Speaker 1: which would oblige her to help distressed innocents, and not
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Speaker 1: permit her to go the lengths enjoined by lawless tyranny.
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Speaker 1: But she plainly bid me be silent on that head,
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Speaker 1: for it was in vain to attempt to persuade her
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Speaker 1: to betray her trust.' All I have to advise you,'
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Speaker 1: said she, is to be easy lay aside all your
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Speaker 1: contrivances and arts to get away and make me your
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Speaker 1: friend by giving me no reason to suspect you for
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Speaker 1: i glory in my fidelity to my master and you
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Speaker 1: have both practised some strange sly arts to make such
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Speaker 1: a progress as he has owned there was between you
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Speaker 1: so seldom as i thought you saw one another and
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Speaker 1: i must be more circumspect than i have been This
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Speaker 1: doubled my concern, for I now apprehended I should be
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Speaker 1: much closer watched than before. Well, said I, since I
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Speaker 1: have by this strange accident discovered my hard destiny, let
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Speaker 1: me read over again that fearful letter of yours, that
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Speaker 1: I may get it by heart, and with it feed
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Speaker 1: my distress, and make calamity familiar to me. Then said she,
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Speaker 1: let me read yours again i gave her mine and
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Speaker 1: she lent me hers and so i took a copy
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Speaker 1: of it with her leave because as i said i
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Speaker 1: would by it prepare myself for the worst and when
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Speaker 1: i had done i pinned it on the head of
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Speaker 1: the couch this said i is the use i shall
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Speaker 1: make of this wretched copy of your letter and here
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Speaker 1: you shall always find it wet with my tears She
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Speaker 1: said she would go down to order supper, and insisted
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Speaker 1: upon my company to it. I would have excused myself,
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Speaker 1: but she began to put on a commanding air that
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Speaker 1: I durst not oppose, and when I went down she
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Speaker 1: took me by the hand and presented me to the
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Speaker 1: most hideous monster I ever saw in my life.' Here,
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Speaker 1: Monsieur Colbrand,' said she,' here is your pretty ward and mine.'
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Speaker 1: let us try to make her time with us easy
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Speaker 1: he bowed and put on his foreign grimaces and seemed
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Speaker 1: to bless himself and in broken english told me i
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Speaker 1: was happy in de affections of de finest gentlemen in
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Speaker 1: de varld i was quite frightened and ready to drop
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Speaker 1: down and i will describe him to you my dear
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Speaker 1: father and mother if now you will ever see this
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Speaker 1: and you shall judge if i had not reason especially
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Speaker 1: not knowing he was to be there and being apprised
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Speaker 1: as i was of his hated employment to watch me
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Speaker 1: closer he is a giant of a man for stature
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Speaker 1: taller by a good deal than harry molitch in your
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Speaker 1: neighbourhood and large-boned and scraggy and has a hand i
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Speaker 1: never saw such an one in my life he has
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Speaker 1: great staring eyes like a bull's that frightened me so
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Speaker 1: vast jaw-bones sticking out, eyebrows hanging over his eyes, two
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Speaker 1: great scars upon his forehead and one on his left cheek,
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Speaker 1: and two large whiskers, and a monstrous wide mouth, blubber lips,
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Speaker 1: long yellow teeth, and a hideous grin. He wears his
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Speaker 1: own frightful long hair, tied up in a great black bag,
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Speaker 1: a black crepe-neck cloth about a long ugly neck, and
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Speaker 1: his throat sticking out like a wen as to the
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Speaker 1: rest he was dressed well enough and had a sword
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Speaker 1: on with a nasty red knot to it leather garters
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Speaker 1: buckled below his knees and a foot near as long
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Speaker 1: as my arm i verily think he said he fright
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Speaker 1: de lady and offered to withdraw but she bid him
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Speaker 1: not and i told mrs jukes that as she knew
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Speaker 1: i had been crying she should not have called me
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Speaker 1: to the gentleman without letting me know he was there.
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Speaker 1: I soon went up to my closet, for my heart
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Speaker 1: ached all the time I was at table, not being
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Speaker 1: able to look upon him without horror, and this brute
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Speaker 1: of a woman, though she saw my distress before the
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Speaker 1: sedition to it, no doubt did it on purpose to
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Speaker 1: strike more terror into me, and indeed it had its effect,
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Speaker 1: for when I went to bed, I could think of
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Speaker 1: nothing but his hideous person, and my master's more hideous actions,
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Speaker 1: and thought them too well paired, and when I dropped asleep,
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Speaker 1: I dreamed they were both coming to my bedside, with
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Speaker 1: the worst designs, and I jumped out of my bed
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Speaker 1: in my sleep, and frightened Mrs. Jukes, till waking with
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Speaker 1: a terror, I told her my dream, and the wicked
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Speaker 1: creature only laughed, and said all I feared. was but
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Speaker 1: a dream, as well as that, and when it was over,
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Speaker 1: and I was well awake, I should laugh at it
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Speaker 1: as such. And now I am come to the close
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Speaker 1: of Wednesday, the twenty-seventh day of my distress. Poor Mr.
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Speaker 1: Williams is actually arrested and carried away to Stamford. So
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Speaker 1: there is an end of all my hopes from him,
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Speaker 1: poor gentleman. His over-security and openness have ruined us both,
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Speaker 1: I was but too well convinced that we ought not
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Speaker 1: to have lost a moment's time. But he was half angry,
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Speaker 1: and thought me too impatient, and then his fatal confessions,
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Speaker 1: and the detestable artifice of my master. But one might
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Speaker 1: well think that he who had so cunningly and so
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Speaker 1: wickedly contrived all his stratagems hitherto, that it was impossible
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Speaker 1: to avoid them, would stick at nothing to complete them.
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Speaker 1: I fear I shall soon find it so. But one
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Speaker 1: stratagem I have just invented, though a very discouraging one
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Speaker 1: to think of, because I have neither friends nor money,
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Speaker 1: nor know one step of the way if I was
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Speaker 1: out of the house, but let bulls and bears and
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Speaker 1: lions and tigers and, what is worse, false, treacherous, deceitful
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Speaker 1: men stand in my way, I cannot be in more
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Speaker 1: danger than I am. and I depend nothing upon his
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Speaker 1: three weeks, for how do I know, now he is
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Speaker 1: in such a passion, and has already been. his vengeance
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Speaker 1: on poor mr williams that he will not change his
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Speaker 1: mind and come down to lincolnshire before he goes to
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Speaker 1: london my stratagem is this i will endeavour to get
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Speaker 1: mrs jukes to go to bed without me as she
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Speaker 1: often does while i sit locked up in my closet
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Speaker 1: and as she sleeps very sound in her first sleep,
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Speaker 1: of which she never fails to give notice by snoring,
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Speaker 1: if I can but then get out between the two
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Speaker 1: bars of the window, for you know I am very slender,
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Speaker 1: and I find I can get my head through, then
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Speaker 1: I can drop upon the leads underneath, which are little
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Speaker 1: more than my height, and which leads are over a
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Speaker 1: little summer parlour that juts out towards the garden, and
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Speaker 1: as i am light i can easily drop from them
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Speaker 1: for they are not high from the ground then i
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Speaker 1: shall be in the garden and then as i have
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Speaker 1: the key of the back door i will get out
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Speaker 1: but i have another piece of cunning still good heaven
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Speaker 1: succeed to me my dangerous but innocent devices i have
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Speaker 1: read of a great captain who being in danger leaped
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Speaker 1: overboard into the sea and his enemies, as he swam,
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Speaker 1: shooting at him with bows and arrows, he unloosed his
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Speaker 1: upper garment and took another course, while they stuck that
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Speaker 1: full of their darts and arrows, and so he escaped
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Speaker 1: and lived to triumph over them all. So what will
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Speaker 1: I do but strip off my upper petticoat and throw
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Speaker 1: it into the pond with my neck-handkerchief? For to be sure,
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Speaker 1: when they miss me, they will go to the pond first,
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Speaker 1: thinking I have drowned myself, and so when they see
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Speaker 1: some of my clothes floating there they will be all
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Speaker 1: employed in dragging the pond which is a very large
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Speaker 1: one and as i shall not perhaps be missed till
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Speaker 1: the morning this will give me opportunity to get a
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Speaker 1: great way off and i am sure i will run
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Speaker 1: for it when i am out and so i trust
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Speaker 1: that providence will direct my steps to some good place
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Speaker 1: of safety and make some worthy body my friend For sure,
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Speaker 1: if I suffer ever so, I cannot be in more danger,
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Speaker 1: nor in worse hands, than where I am, and with
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Speaker 1: such avowed bad designs. Oh, my dear parents, don't be
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Speaker 1: frightened when you come to read this, but all will
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Speaker 1: be over before you can see it, and so God
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Speaker 1: direct me for the best. My writings, for fear I
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Speaker 1: should not escape, I will bury in the garden. for
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Speaker 1: to be sure i shall be searched and used dreadfully
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Speaker 1: if i can't get off and so i will close
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Speaker 1: here for the present to prepare for my plot prosper
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Speaker 1: thou o gracious protector of oppressed innocence this last effort
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Speaker 1: of thy poor handmaid that i may escape the crafty
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Speaker 1: devices and snares that have begun to entangle my virtue
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Speaker 1: and from which but by this one trial i see
22:53
Speaker 1: no way of escaping and oh whatever becomes of me,
22:57
Speaker 1: bless my dear parents, and protect poor Mr. Williams from ruin,
23:02
Speaker 1: for he was happy before he knew me. Just now,
23:06
Speaker 1: just now, I heard Mrs. Jukes, who is in her cups,
23:10
Speaker 1: own to the horrid coal-brand that the robbing of poor Mr.
23:14
Speaker 1: Williams was a contrivance of hers, and executed by the
23:18
Speaker 1: groom and a helper in order to seize my letters
23:22
Speaker 1: upon him, which they missed. They are now both laughing
23:26
Speaker 1: at the dismal story, which they little think I overheard. Oh,
23:30
Speaker 1: how my heart aches! For what are not such wretches
23:34
Speaker 1: capable of? Can you blame me for endeavouring, through any danger,
23:39
Speaker 1: to get out of such clutches? Past eleven o'clock Mrs.
23:44
Speaker 1: Jukes is come up and gone to bed, and bids
23:47
Speaker 1: me not stay long in my closet, but come to bed. Oh,
23:51
Speaker 1: for a dead sleep! for a treacherous brute i never
23:55
Speaker 1: saw her so tipsy and that gives me hopes i
23:59
Speaker 1: have tried again and find i can get my head
24:02
Speaker 1: through the iron bars i am now all prepared as
24:06
Speaker 1: soon as i hear her fast and now i'll seal
24:09
Speaker 1: up these and my other papers my last work and
24:13
Speaker 1: to thy providence o my gracious god commit the rest
24:18
Speaker 1: once more god bless you both and send us a
24:21
Speaker 1: happy meeting if not here in his heavenly kingdom amen
24:28
Speaker 1: thursday friday saturday sunday the twenty eighth twenty ninth thirtieth
24:34
Speaker 1: and thirty first days of my distress and distress indeed
24:39
Speaker 1: for here i am still and everything has been worse
24:42
Speaker 1: and worse oh the poor unhappy pamela without any hope
24:47
Speaker 1: left and ruined in all my contrivances oh my dear
24:51
Speaker 1: parents rejoice with me even in this low plunge of
24:55
Speaker 1: my distress for your poor pamela has escaped from an
24:59
Speaker 1: enemy worse than any she ever met with an enemy
25:02
Speaker 1: she never thought of before and was hardly able to
25:06
Speaker 1: stand against i mean the weakness and presumption both in
25:10
Speaker 1: one of her own mind which had well nigh had
25:13
Speaker 1: not the divine grace interposed sunk her into the lowest
25:18
Speaker 1: last abyss of misery and perdition. I will proceed as
25:22
Speaker 1: I have opportunity with my sad relation, for my pen
25:26
Speaker 1: and ink, in my now doubly secured closet, are all
25:30
Speaker 1: I have to employ myself with, and indeed I have
25:33
Speaker 1: been so weak that till yesterday evening I have not
25:37
Speaker 1: been able to hold a pen. I took with me
25:40
Speaker 1: but one shift, besides what I had on, and two
25:43
Speaker 1: handkerchiefs and two caps which my pocket held for it
25:48
Speaker 1: was not for me to encumber myself and all my
25:51
Speaker 1: stock of money which was but five or six shillings
25:55
Speaker 1: to set out for i knew not where and got
25:58
Speaker 1: out of the window not without some difficulty sticking a
26:02
Speaker 1: little at my shoulders and hips but i was resolved
26:05
Speaker 1: to get out if possible and it was farther from
26:08
Speaker 1: the leads than i thought and I was afraid I
26:11
Speaker 1: had sprained my ankle, and when I had dropped from
26:14
Speaker 1: the leads to the ground it was still farther off,
26:17
Speaker 1: but I did pretty well there at least. I got
26:20
Speaker 1: no hurt to hinder me from pursuing my intentions. So
26:25
Speaker 1: being now on the ground I hid my papers under
26:28
Speaker 1: a rose-bush and covered them with mould, and there they
26:32
Speaker 1: still lie, as I hope. Then I hied away to
26:35
Speaker 1: the pond. The clock struck twelve just as I got out,
26:40
Speaker 1: and it was a dark misty night and very cold
26:43
Speaker 1: but i felt it not then when i came to
26:46
Speaker 1: the pond side i flung in my upper coat as
26:49
Speaker 1: i had designed and my neck-handkerchief and a round-eared cap
26:54
Speaker 1: with a knot and then with great speed ran to
26:57
Speaker 1: the door and took the key out of my pocket
27:00
Speaker 1: my poor heart beating all the time against my bosom
27:03
Speaker 1: as if it would have forced its way through it
27:06
Speaker 1: and beat it well might for i then too late
27:10
Speaker 1: found that i was most miserably disappointed for the wicked
27:13
Speaker 1: woman had taken off that lock and put another on
27:17
Speaker 1: so that my key would not open it i tried
27:20
Speaker 1: and tried and feeling about i found a padlock besides
27:24
Speaker 1: on another part of the door oh then how my
27:28
Speaker 1: heart sunk i dropped down with grief and confusion unable
27:32
Speaker 1: to stir or support myself for a while but my
27:36
Speaker 1: fears awakening my resolution and knowing that my attempt would
27:40
Speaker 1: be as terrible for me as any other danger i
27:44
Speaker 1: could then encounter i clambered up upon the ledges of
27:48
Speaker 1: the door and upon the lock which was a great
27:51
Speaker 1: wooden one and reached the top of the door with
27:54
Speaker 1: my hands then little thinking i could climb so well
27:58
Speaker 1: i made shift to lay hold on the top of
28:00
Speaker 1: the wall with my hands but alas for me nothing
28:04
Speaker 1: but ill-luck no escape for poor pamela the wall being old,
28:10
Speaker 1: the bricks I held by gave way, just as I
28:13
Speaker 1: was taking a spring to get up, and down came I,
28:16
Speaker 1: and received such a blow upon my head with one
28:19
Speaker 1: of the bricks, that it quite stunned me, and I
28:22
Speaker 1: broke my shins and my ankle besides, and beat off
28:26
Speaker 1: the heel of one of my shoes. In this dreadful way,
28:29
Speaker 1: flat upon the ground, lay poor I, for I believe
28:33
Speaker 1: five or six minutes, and then, trying to get up,
28:37
Speaker 1: I sunk down again two or three times, and my
28:40
Speaker 1: left hip and shoulder were very stiff and full of
28:43
Speaker 1: pain with bruises, and besides my head bled and ached
28:48
Speaker 1: grievously with the blow I had with the brick. Yet
28:51
Speaker 1: these hurts I valued not, but crept a good way
28:55
Speaker 1: upon my feet and hands, in search of a ladder
28:58
Speaker 1: I just recollected to have seen against the wall two
29:01
Speaker 1: days before. on which the gardener was nailing a nectarine
29:06
Speaker 1: branch that was loosened from the wall but no ladder
29:09
Speaker 1: could i find and the wall was very high what
29:13
Speaker 1: now thought i must become of the miserable pamela then
29:17
Speaker 1: i began to wish myself most heartily again in my
29:20
Speaker 1: closet and to repent of my attempt which i now
29:24
Speaker 1: censured as rash because it did not succeed god forgive
29:28
Speaker 1: me but a sad thought came just then into my
29:31
Speaker 1: head I tremble to think of it. Indeed, my apprehensions
29:36
Speaker 1: of the usage I should meet with had like to
29:38
Speaker 1: have made me miserable. for ever. Oh, my dear, dear parents,
29:43
Speaker 1: forgive your poor child! But being then quite desperate, I
29:47
Speaker 1: crept along till I could raise myself on my staggering feet,
29:52
Speaker 1: and away limped I. What to do? but to throw
29:55
Speaker 1: myself into the pond and so put a period to
29:59
Speaker 1: all my griefs in this world but oh to find
30:02
Speaker 1: them infinitely aggravated had i not by the divine grace
30:06
Speaker 1: been withheld in a miserable eternity as i have escaped
30:10
Speaker 1: this temptation blest be god for it i will tell
30:14
Speaker 1: you my conflicts on this dreadful occasion that the divine
30:18
Speaker 1: mercies may be magnified in my deliverance that i am
30:22
Speaker 1: yet on this side the dreadful gulf from which there
30:25
Speaker 1: could have been no return. It was well for me,
30:28
Speaker 1: as I have since thought, that I was so maimed,
30:32
Speaker 1: as made me the longer before I got to the water,
30:36
Speaker 1: for this gave me time to consider, and abated the
30:39
Speaker 1: impetuousness of my passions, which possibly might otherwise have hurried
30:44
Speaker 1: me in my first transport of grief, on my seeing
30:48
Speaker 1: no way to escape, and the hard usage I had
30:51
Speaker 1: reason to expect. from my dreadful keepers, to throw myself in.
30:57
Speaker 1: But my weakness of body made me move so slowly,
31:01
Speaker 1: that it gave time, as I said, for a little reflection,
31:05
Speaker 1: a ray of grace, to dart in upon my benighted mind.
31:09
Speaker 1: And so when I came to the pond-side, I sat
31:13
Speaker 1: myself down on the sloping bank, and began to ponder
31:16
Speaker 1: my wretched condition, and thus I reasoned with myself. Pause
31:22
Speaker 1: here a little, Pamela, on what thou art about before
31:25
Speaker 1: thou takest the dreadful leap and consider whether there be
31:30
Speaker 1: no way yet left no hope if not to escape
31:34
Speaker 1: from this wicked house yet from the mischiefs threatened thee
31:39
Speaker 1: in it i then considered and after i had cast
31:42
Speaker 1: about in my mind every thing that could make me
31:45
Speaker 1: hope and saw no probability a wicked woman devoid of
31:50
Speaker 1: all compassion, a horrid helper just arrived, in this dreadful coal-brand,
31:57
Speaker 1: an angry and resenting master, who now hated me, and
32:01
Speaker 1: threatened the most afflicting evils, and that I should in
32:06
Speaker 1: all probability be deprived even of the opportunity, I now
32:10
Speaker 1: had before me to free myself from all their persecutions.
32:15
Speaker 1: What hast thou to do, distressed creature, said I to myself,
32:20
Speaker 1: but throw thyself upon a merciful God, who knows how
32:24
Speaker 1: innocently I suffer, to avoid the merciless wickedness of those
32:29
Speaker 1: who are determined on my ruin. And then thought I, and, oh,
32:34
Speaker 1: that thought was surely of the devil's instigation, for it
32:38
Speaker 1: was very soothing and powerful with me, These wicked wretches
32:42
Speaker 1: who now have no remorse, no pity on me, will
32:46
Speaker 1: then be moved to lament their misdoings, and when they
32:50
Speaker 1: see the dead corpse of the unhappy Pamela dragged out
32:54
Speaker 1: to these dewy banks, and lying breathless at their feet,
32:59
Speaker 1: they will find that remorse to soften their obdurate heart,
33:04
Speaker 1: which now has no place there, and my master my
33:08
Speaker 1: angry master will then forget his resentments and say oh
33:12
Speaker 1: this is the unhappy pamela that i have so causelessly
33:16
Speaker 1: persecuted and destroyed now do i see she preferred her
33:21
Speaker 1: honesty to her life will he say and is no
33:24
Speaker 1: hypocrite nor deceiver but really was the innocent creature she
33:29
Speaker 1: pretended to be then thought i will he perhaps shed
33:34
Speaker 1: a few tears over the poor corpse of his persecuted
33:38
Speaker 1: servant and though he may give out it was love
33:43
Speaker 1: and disappointment and that perhaps in order to hide his
33:47
Speaker 1: own guilt for the unfortunate mr williams yet will he
33:51
Speaker 1: be inwardly grieved and order me a decent funeral and
33:55
Speaker 1: save me or rather this part of me from the
33:59
Speaker 1: dreadful stake and the highway interment. And the young men
34:03
Speaker 1: and maidens all around my dear father's will pity poor Pamela. But, oh,
34:10
Speaker 1: I hope I shall not be the subject of their
34:13
Speaker 1: ballads and elegies, but that my memory, for the sake
34:17
Speaker 1: of my dear father and mother, may quickly slide into oblivion.
34:22
Speaker 1: i was once rising so indulgent was i to this
34:26
Speaker 1: sad way of thinking to throw myself in but again
34:30
Speaker 1: my bruises made me slow and i thought what art
34:33
Speaker 1: thou about to do wretched pamela how knowest thou though
34:37
Speaker 1: the prospect be all dark to thy short-sighted eye what
34:42
Speaker 1: god may do for thee even when all human means
34:45
Speaker 1: fail god almighty would not lay me under these sore
34:49
Speaker 1: afflictions if he had not given me strength to grapple
34:53
Speaker 1: with them, if I will exert it as I ought,
34:56
Speaker 1: and who knows but that the very presence I so
34:59
Speaker 1: much dread of my angry and designing master, for he
35:02
Speaker 1: has had me in his power before and yet I
35:05
Speaker 1: have escaped, may be better for me than these persecuting
35:09
Speaker 1: emissaries of his, who for his money are true to
35:13
Speaker 1: their wicked trust, and are hardened by that. and a
35:17
Speaker 1: long habit of wickedness against compunction of heart. God can
35:22
Speaker 1: touch his heart in an instant, and if this should
35:25
Speaker 1: not be done, I can then but put an end
35:28
Speaker 1: to my life by some other means, if I am
35:32
Speaker 1: so resolved. But how do I know, thought I, that
35:36
Speaker 1: even these bruises and maims that I have gotten while
35:39
Speaker 1: I pursued only the laudable escape I had meditated— may
35:43
Speaker 1: not kindly have furnished me with the opportunity i am
35:46
Speaker 1: now tempted with to precipitate myself and of surrendering up
35:51
Speaker 1: my life spotless and unguilty to that merciful being who
35:56
Speaker 1: gave it then thought i who gave thee presumptuous as
36:01
Speaker 1: thou art a power over thy life who authorised thee
36:05
Speaker 1: to put an end to it when the weakness of
36:08
Speaker 1: thy mind suggests not to thee a way to preserve
36:11
Speaker 1: it with honour how knowest thou what purposes god may
36:15
Speaker 1: have to serve by the trials with which thou art
36:19
Speaker 1: now exercised art thou to put a bound to the
36:22
Speaker 1: divine will and to say thus much will i bear
36:26
Speaker 1: and no more and wilt thou dare to say that
36:29
Speaker 1: if the trial be augmented and continued thou wilt sooner
36:33
Speaker 1: die than bear it this act of despondency thought i
36:37
Speaker 1: is a sin that if i pursue it admits of
36:41
Speaker 1: no repentance and can therefore hope no forgiveness? And wilt
36:46
Speaker 1: thou to shorten thy transitory griefs, heavy as they are,
36:50
Speaker 1: and weak as thou fanciest thyself, plunge both body and
36:54
Speaker 1: soul into everlasting misery? Hitherto, Pamela, thought I, thou art
36:59
Speaker 1: the innocent, the suffering Pamela, and wilt thou to avoid
37:04
Speaker 1: thy sufferings, be the guilty aggressor? and because wicked men
37:09
Speaker 1: persecute thee wilt thou fly in the face of the
37:12
Speaker 1: almighty and distrust his grace and goodness who can still
37:17
Speaker 1: turn all these sufferings to benefits and how do i
37:20
Speaker 1: know but that god who sees all the lurking vileness
37:24
Speaker 1: of my heart may have permitted these sufferings on that
37:28
Speaker 1: very score and to make me rely solely on his
37:31
Speaker 1: grace and assistance who perhaps have too much prided myself
37:37
Speaker 1: in a vain dependence on my own foolish contrivances then
37:42
Speaker 1: again thought i wilt thou suffer in one moment all
37:46
Speaker 1: the good lessons of thy poor honest parents and the
37:50
Speaker 1: benefit of their example who have persisted in doing their
37:54
Speaker 1: duty with resignation to the divine will amidst the extreme
37:59
Speaker 1: degrees of disappointment poverty and distress and the persecutions of
38:04
Speaker 1: an ungrateful world and merciless creditors, to be thrown away
38:10
Speaker 1: upon thee, and bring down, as in all probability, this
38:14
Speaker 1: thy rashness will, their grey hairs with sorrow to the grave,
38:19
Speaker 1: when they shall understand that their beloved daughter, slighting the
38:24
Speaker 1: tenders of divine grace, despairing of the mercies of a
38:28
Speaker 1: protecting God, has blemished in this last act a whole life,
38:34
Speaker 1: which they had hitherto approved and delighted in what then
38:38
Speaker 1: presumptuous pamela dost thou here thought i quit with speed
38:43
Speaker 1: these perilous banks and fly from these curling waters that
38:48
Speaker 1: seem in their meaning murmurs this still night to reproach
38:53
Speaker 1: thy rashness tempt not god's goodness on the mossy banks
38:58
Speaker 1: that have been witnesses of thy guilty purpose and while
39:02
Speaker 1: thou hast power left thee, avoid the tempting evil, lest
39:07
Speaker 1: thy grand enemy, now repulsed by divine grace and due reflection,
39:13
Speaker 1: return to the assault with a force that thy weakness
39:17
Speaker 1: may not be able to resist, and let one rash
39:21
Speaker 1: moment destroy all the convictions which now have awed thy
39:26
Speaker 1: rebellious mind into duty and resignation to the divine will
39:31
Speaker 1: and so saying i arose but was so stiff with
39:35
Speaker 1: my hurts so cold with the moist dew of the
39:38
Speaker 1: night and the wet grass on which i had sat
39:42
Speaker 1: as also with the damps arising from so large a
39:45
Speaker 1: piece of water that with great pain i got from
39:49
Speaker 1: this pond which now i think of with terror and
39:52
Speaker 1: bending my limping steps towards the house took refuge in
39:57
Speaker 1: the corner of an outhouse where wood and coals are
40:00
Speaker 1: laid up for family use till i should be found
40:04
Speaker 1: by my cruel keepers and consigned to a more wretched
40:07
Speaker 1: confinement and worse usage than i had hitherto experienced and
40:12
Speaker 1: there behind a pile of firewood i crept and lay
40:16
Speaker 1: down as you may imagine with a mind just broken
40:20
Speaker 1: and a heart sensible to nothing but the extremest woe
40:25
Speaker 1: and dejection. End of section 12