Latest / I Do, Part 2 / What Women Actually Find Attractive In A Man

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What Women Actually Find Attractive In A Man · I Do, Part 2

• 0:02
  Speaker 1: Hey there, everybody.
• 0:03
  Speaker 2: It is Saturday, July eighteenth, and we have a very
• 0:07
  Speaker 2: fun conversation today that I think all of you are
• 0:10
  Speaker 2: going to be excited about listening to. We're tackling the
• 0:15
  Speaker 2: age old question what do women actually want? But the
• 0:18
  Speaker 2: fun twist is there's a new survey out about what
• 0:22
  Speaker 2: women say they want versus what men think they want.
• 0:27
  Speaker 2: And let's just say it couldn't be more different. And
• 0:31
  Speaker 2: with that, everyone, welcome to this episode of Amy and TJTJ.
• 0:36
  Speaker 1: You think you have your answers. You know what I want?
• 0:38
  Speaker 1: You know what women want?
• 0:39
  Speaker 3: I know you want. I'll start there.
• 0:41
  Speaker 1: Okay, what do I want?
• 0:42
  Speaker 3: I also know what women want? And the answer to
• 0:44
  Speaker 3: that is they don't know.
• 0:47
  Speaker 1: Really, you think we don't know what?
• 0:48
  Speaker 3: And with that, thank you for listening. This is simple stuff.
• 0:51
  Speaker 3: Oh I always say that I've said this to you
• 0:54
  Speaker 3: for a long time women, and we just say it jokingly. Now,
• 0:58
  Speaker 3: please everybody don't get crazy and go all love Island
• 1:01
  Speaker 3: casey on us. Here. What we're saying is women, it's
• 1:05
  Speaker 3: we make fun of it. You ask a woman, what
• 1:08
  Speaker 3: do you want? What do you want? What do you
• 1:09
  Speaker 3: want to eat for dinner?
• 1:10
  Speaker 2: Oh?
• 1:10
  Speaker 3: You can pick something. It's fine, all right, how about Mexican?
• 1:14
  Speaker 3: I don't want that? Right, You won't say what you want,
• 1:17
  Speaker 3: but you can definitely say what you don't want. So
• 1:19
  Speaker 3: that is what the experience and I always have fun
• 1:22
  Speaker 3: talking about.
• 1:22
  Speaker 2: I do think that is absolutely true in life. Sometimes
• 1:26
  Speaker 2: I'm open to a lot of things. But when I
• 1:28
  Speaker 2: hear something I don't like, I know it immediately. But
• 1:31
  Speaker 2: to describe exactly what I want for dinner, you're correct.
• 1:35
  Speaker 2: Maybe I might be a bit ambiguous or open to
• 1:38
  Speaker 2: all sorts of things until i'm not. But what do
• 1:41
  Speaker 2: you think women want from men when they're thinking about
• 1:43
  Speaker 2: a partner, when they're thinking about the guy they want
• 1:46
  Speaker 2: to marry. What are we looking for? Do you think?
• 1:50
  Speaker 3: Oh? Safety, stability. It comes in different forms in different ways,
• 1:55
  Speaker 3: But I would say safety protection or up there, and
• 2:00
  Speaker 3: that comes from stability, has a decent job, has a
• 2:03
  Speaker 3: good head on his shoulders, has benefits that were like,
• 2:06
  Speaker 3: There are very practical things I think women want, But
• 2:08
  Speaker 3: I think so often what they're told to excuse me,
• 2:11
  Speaker 3: what is being put out there that they're supposed to
• 2:14
  Speaker 3: ask for, is something more of a more of a
• 2:17
  Speaker 3: fantasy to always be, to always be treated a certain
• 2:21
  Speaker 3: way as a prince would treat you. And if you
• 2:24
  Speaker 3: take anything short of that, I think it oftentimes gets
• 2:26
  Speaker 3: in People says that you are compromising, You are not
• 2:28
  Speaker 3: being your whole self if you are not getting exactly
• 2:31
  Speaker 3: what you want. And society has told women, a guy
• 2:34
  Speaker 3: supposed to be this tall, make this much money, look
• 2:37
  Speaker 3: like this, treat you like this, give you this many
• 2:39
  Speaker 3: flowers of year. Data. There's like a list that you
• 2:42
  Speaker 3: all are given, and anything short of that is a problem.
• 2:44
  Speaker 2: You just named several things that men put at the
• 2:47
  Speaker 2: top of the list if you were to say, like,
• 2:49
  Speaker 2: rank them number one.
• 2:51
  Speaker 1: When a woman is looking.
• 2:53
  Speaker 2: To seriously data, man, what's the number one thing she's
• 2:57
  Speaker 2: looking for?
• 2:58
  Speaker 1: You look at a stranger. What is she hoping he has?
• 3:03
  Speaker 3: Oh that's a question for me.
• 3:04
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I'm asking you. What do you think women?
• 3:05
  Speaker 2: When women say women, a woman's at you know, either
• 3:09
  Speaker 2: she's swiping right or left on a dating app, she
• 3:11
  Speaker 2: meets somebody in a bar, and what would be the
• 3:15
  Speaker 2: traits that would make her want to have a relationship,
• 3:18
  Speaker 2: Like a physical trait, it.
• 3:19
  Speaker 1: Could be whatever. It could be physical, it.
• 3:20
  Speaker 2: Could be it could be a character trait. It could
• 3:24
  Speaker 2: be anything like, what what do I have in my
• 3:27
  Speaker 2: mind that I want to find a man who has
• 3:30
  Speaker 2: this for me to get into a relationship with him.
• 3:33
  Speaker 3: The height, kindness, uh, humor, Yeah, and again some things
• 3:43
  Speaker 3: are just practical. He needs to have a decent like
• 3:48
  Speaker 3: an education. Like there are certain things that are just
• 3:51
  Speaker 3: practical that check off on a list that I guess
• 3:53
  Speaker 3: you could say anybody would want. But yeah, just people
• 3:57
  Speaker 3: have women have a right guy? You supposed to a
• 4:00
  Speaker 3: guy does a certain height? Is height on your list somewhere?
• 4:03
  Speaker 2: That is absolutely something that many men think that women want.
• 4:08
  Speaker 3: Yes, now they think that because many women anywhere you
• 4:12
  Speaker 3: go out there will tell you that we hear do
• 4:14
  Speaker 3: we not? That is there ain't a woman that is.
• 4:18
  Speaker 3: You all gave us that instruction. You all have told
• 4:21
  Speaker 3: us what you want from a guy. And there is
• 4:22
  Speaker 3: a height requirement.
• 4:24
  Speaker 1: What do you think it is?
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  Speaker 3: Actually, I don't even know. I don't even know if
• 4:27
  Speaker 3: it's based on the woman's height. But as a height requirement,
• 4:31
  Speaker 3: I think here's the thing.
• 4:32
  Speaker 1: Hit.
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  Speaker 3: This might go along with it too. Rogue women don't
• 4:34
  Speaker 3: know what they want, but they know what they don't want.
• 4:36
  Speaker 3: They don't want a guy five to six that's true. Right,
• 4:39
  Speaker 3: that's true. Mostly that is true. Yes, all right.
• 4:42
  Speaker 2: So this is a new IPSOS poll that was released,
• 4:46
  Speaker 2: and this is what men think women want. Fifty percent
• 4:51
  Speaker 2: of men believe that physical attractiveness is a woman's top priority.
• 4:57
  Speaker 1: Oh no, god, no, isn't that crazy?
• 4:59
  Speaker 3: Oh no, no, no no.
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  Speaker 2: Then think that that was the number one consensus among
• 5:03
  Speaker 2: men polled in this IPSOS poll. They believe that women
• 5:07
  Speaker 2: the number one thing is physical attractiveness.
• 5:10
  Speaker 3: Okay, isn't that and that.
• 5:13
  Speaker 1: Includes height and all of that.
• 5:14
  Speaker 3: Yes, Okay. Now, if I watch Love Island, I would
• 5:18
  Speaker 3: think one hundred percent of women think that physical attractiveness
• 5:21
  Speaker 3: is number one. But again, that's that's the stuff that
• 5:23
  Speaker 3: gets put out there. He's got to be this hell
• 5:25
  Speaker 3: you just talked about the swiping. Swiping is just.
• 5:28
  Speaker 2: About Look, it is true, and I will say I
• 5:32
  Speaker 2: actually will go so far because we'll get into what
• 5:34
  Speaker 2: women said they wanted. But if you're being honest women,
• 5:37
  Speaker 2: that is the first thing that stands out. Now you
• 5:42
  Speaker 2: can get really ugly really quickly based on your behavior.
• 5:45
  Speaker 2: So I can say initially physical attractiveness, but it's not
• 5:49
  Speaker 2: number one. It's a part of the package. And to
• 5:51
  Speaker 2: say it isn't. Isn't I think being truthful?
• 5:54
  Speaker 3: Who's making that argument?
• 5:55
  Speaker 2: Well, because when you hear what women say with the
• 5:57
  Speaker 2: number one thing is I understand what they're saying, but
• 5:59
  Speaker 2: you can't.
• 6:00
  Speaker 1: We're not. I will.
• 6:02
  Speaker 2: I will give this away early on. Physical attractiveness isn't
• 6:06
  Speaker 2: the top two things? And I just think that it
• 6:09
  Speaker 2: is definitely a part of the package that you would consider.
• 6:14
  Speaker 2: You need to be physically attracted to the person you're with. However,
• 6:17
  Speaker 2: it isn't just about height and looks. You can be
• 6:22
  Speaker 2: attracted to somebody. Oh yeah, because of other traits. Oh goodness, yes,
• 6:25
  Speaker 2: but the physical stuff. Men put it at the number
• 6:28
  Speaker 2: one and women have not.
• 6:29
  Speaker 3: Okay, again, this is what guys think women want, yes,
• 6:33
  Speaker 3: oh no, no, no.
• 6:33
  Speaker 1: No, no, okay, thirty percent of men.
• 6:36
  Speaker 2: So the next highest thing that men think women want
• 6:39
  Speaker 2: is financial status.
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  Speaker 3: Yeah, yes, robes go anywhere, watch any show, watch anything
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  Speaker 3: on and any woman is talking about a guy has
• 6:51
  Speaker 3: to look like this and he has to make this much.
• 6:54
  Speaker 3: Is okay? Guys are fault. They're listening.
• 6:57
  Speaker 1: Yeah, that has never been on my list listening.
• 7:01
  Speaker 3: So yes, guys are following instruction.
• 7:03
  Speaker 2: Right now, That's okay. So the article went to say.
• 7:07
  Speaker 2: The crux of the article, I think it was written
• 7:09
  Speaker 2: for men. Men have spent an insane amount of time
• 7:13
  Speaker 2: optimizing for the wrong things. That is basically what this
• 7:17
  Speaker 2: article is saying. And they say, the men who have
• 7:19
  Speaker 2: logged all those hours at the gym worked really hard
• 7:22
  Speaker 2: to get the big salary, practice swagger, all of that,
• 7:27
  Speaker 2: and that might get a girl initially to be attracted
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  Speaker 2: to you, but it's not what women actually need or
• 7:32
  Speaker 2: want in a long relationship.
• 7:34
  Speaker 1: Does that make sense?
• 7:35
  Speaker 3: No, I would take issue on this. It makes it
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  Speaker 3: sound as if tall, attractive, fit, financially sound guys aren't
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  Speaker 3: doing well, and I would take issue with that. Stop.
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  Speaker 2: I think I can tell you that that has never
• 7:48
  Speaker 2: been my go to I'm going to find a guy
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  Speaker 2: who's like that. In fact, those kind of guys, actually,
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  Speaker 2: I think, in a lot of ways for a lot
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  Speaker 2: of women are a red flag because you think they're
• 8:00
  Speaker 2: into themselves and they're they're looking for the next best thing,
• 8:03
  Speaker 2: always like it would be someone who I wouldn't initially trust.
• 8:05
  Speaker 1: I guess would be a good way for me to
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  Speaker 1: put it.
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  Speaker 3: Okay, So what, okay?
• 8:10
  Speaker 1: All right?
• 8:11
  Speaker 2: What did women actually say they wanted. These are the two,
• 8:14
  Speaker 2: so the top two of the men, the third. They
• 8:16
  Speaker 2: just had the top two and it was pretty overwhelming
• 8:19
  Speaker 2: because they just asked what does a woman want the
• 8:21
  Speaker 2: number one thing? And so fifty percent said physical attractiveness
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  Speaker 2: and another forty percent said financial status.
• 8:27
  Speaker 3: So you tell me, if you go ask women out
• 8:28
  Speaker 3: there and everything, we see that one thing you're looking for. Okay,
• 8:32
  Speaker 3: so you're telling me that women won't give an answer.
• 8:35
  Speaker 3: I don't want an attractive guy who makes a lot
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  Speaker 3: of money. That's not what I look for.
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  Speaker 2: That's come on, that's not what someone wants in a
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  Speaker 2: long relationship. It's not what's going to get you through.
• 8:45
  Speaker 2: So you did list some of the qualities, babe. When
• 8:47
  Speaker 2: I asked you what women wanted, and what the question was,
• 8:49
  Speaker 2: what's the number one thing? So sixty percent of women
• 8:53
  Speaker 2: the number one thing they said they wanted in a partner.
• 8:58
  Speaker 1: Humor. And I actually agree with that because.
• 9:03
  Speaker 2: You you make a girl laugh, and I'm telling you
• 9:06
  Speaker 2: there is an instant connection with you, babe. Obviously you're
• 9:09
  Speaker 2: wildly attractive, and you had a really nice job and
• 9:12
  Speaker 2: a really nice salary. Like, yes, you had all of
• 9:14
  Speaker 2: those things. So those were maybe just givens.
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  Speaker 3: You make it sound like I don't have a good
• 9:18
  Speaker 3: job and a good salary anymore.
• 9:19
  Speaker 2: You have a great job and a great salary together,
• 9:21
  Speaker 2: now right, No, you do, babe. So the point is
• 9:26
  Speaker 2: you made me laugh, and that was the number one
• 9:30
  Speaker 2: I would say, that is what attracted to me more
• 9:33
  Speaker 2: than anything, more than any of the other things. You
• 9:36
  Speaker 2: are funny and that was so attractive to me.
• 9:40
  Speaker 3: Okay, we have to take a little issue with Okay, fine,
• 9:42
  Speaker 3: I understand that sounds great, but okay, you can't. You
• 9:47
  Speaker 3: can't tell how funny somebody is across the bar, and
• 9:51
  Speaker 3: that will sustain you, but it won't get you in
• 9:54
  Speaker 3: the door. That's what I'm saying. Because the dude at
• 9:57
  Speaker 3: the end of the bar is hilarious and he by himself.
• 10:01
  Speaker 1: That's true. That's true. I think.
• 10:02
  Speaker 2: I think if you're looking there, I think maybe women
• 10:05
  Speaker 2: straight went straight for the quality versus acknowledging that obviously
• 10:09
  Speaker 2: there still needs to be a level of physical attraction.
• 10:12
  Speaker 2: And I really say physical attraction because yes, a lot
• 10:15
  Speaker 2: of other things can make you attractive, like humor one
• 10:17
  Speaker 2: hundred percent. But I do think that women aren't being
• 10:20
  Speaker 2: fully honest in this survey when they say the number
• 10:23
  Speaker 2: one thing, I'll be honest, the number one thing that's
• 10:25
  Speaker 2: going to make me initially want to explore a relationship
• 10:28
  Speaker 2: with you is your looks. That's just going to be
• 10:31
  Speaker 2: how's the first thing?
• 10:32
  Speaker 3: How's the question phrase to get into that.
• 10:33
  Speaker 2: I don't well, I just it was the number one thing,
• 10:36
  Speaker 2: the number one trait you're looking for in a man.
• 10:40
  Speaker 3: Tit you're looking for in a man?
• 10:41
  Speaker 2: And they said, and men said it was physical attractiveness
• 10:43
  Speaker 2: was the number one the overwhelming majority, and the overwhelming
• 10:46
  Speaker 2: majority of women said it was humor.
• 10:48
  Speaker 3: Traits characteristic. See, I don't even put those in the
• 10:50
  Speaker 3: same category, because a really attractive guy can be hilarious,
• 10:54
  Speaker 3: a really right you can you can have both. You
• 10:57
  Speaker 3: can have them both. That I'm comparing a physical something
• 11:03
  Speaker 3: to an actual characteristic or behavioral thing. Like it's says
• 11:09
  Speaker 3: I can be and have a personality. That's funny. We're
• 11:12
  Speaker 3: comparing like height and like they're not the same thing.
• 11:17
  Speaker 3: To me, it's a physical thing versus an actual personality.
• 11:20
  Speaker 3: I get you, those are two different things.
• 11:21
  Speaker 2: I get you, and I do think I do think that.
• 11:24
  Speaker 2: And like I said earlier, you can be just say
• 11:26
  Speaker 2: we have a physically attractive man, he can become instantly
• 11:30
  Speaker 2: unattractive based on his personality, how he treats women, how
• 11:33
  Speaker 2: he treats himself, his.
• 11:34
  Speaker 1: Habits, his all of that.
• 11:36
  Speaker 2: And you know, a guy who you might not initially
• 11:39
  Speaker 2: think is the hottest thing ever, can suddenly become wildly
• 11:42
  Speaker 2: attractive when they have traits like humor.
• 11:47
  Speaker 3: Yes, I would have liked. Again, I'm not criticizing how
• 11:50
  Speaker 3: they decided to do the survey, But if you ask
• 11:52
  Speaker 3: women or ask ment, what is the number one physical
• 11:56
  Speaker 3: trait women look for in a guy, that would interest
• 12:00
  Speaker 3: would have been different? Height, hair, eyes, smile, bodybuild that
• 12:05
  Speaker 3: to dip some women like a dad bought some. It
• 12:07
  Speaker 3: needs some like a guy needs to be cut like
• 12:09
  Speaker 3: an adonis. So I want, you know, It's just it's different.
• 12:12
  Speaker 3: So it seems weird to compare those two things.
• 12:16
  Speaker 2: I think they were trying to ask when they said
• 12:17
  Speaker 2: the number one trait you find to try or the
• 12:20
  Speaker 2: number one sorry, I have to get it right, what
• 12:22
  Speaker 2: women want? What's the number one thing women want in
• 12:25
  Speaker 2: a partner? And so that's how they put it, and
• 12:27
  Speaker 2: the men thought it was all number one physical attractiveness.
• 12:31
  Speaker 2: The women all thought humor. Now I thought it was interesting.
• 12:33
  Speaker 2: This is so female, like you're gonna laugh. There was
• 12:36
  Speaker 2: a caveat to the humor. So this was how they
• 12:40
  Speaker 2: rounded up women's responses. You don't have to be a
• 12:42
  Speaker 2: stand up comedian, but if you can make us laugh,
• 12:45
  Speaker 2: that is gold, especially if you can laugh at yourself. However,
• 12:49
  Speaker 2: there's a trap because you can go too far. This
• 12:52
  Speaker 2: makes total sense if you make yourself the butt of
• 12:54
  Speaker 2: every joke. Self deprecation isn't necessarily cute. You can go
• 12:59
  Speaker 2: too far with you if you're trying too hard like
• 13:01
  Speaker 2: some people. So they didn't want to have men read
• 13:03
  Speaker 2: this and go, oh, let me try to be extra funny.
• 13:06
  Speaker 1: It's not gonna work.
• 13:08
  Speaker 3: Yeah, I mean, folks, you're funny or you're not.
• 13:11
  Speaker 1: I don't agree.
• 13:11
  Speaker 3: It's kind of you're taller, you're not. It's just something
• 13:14
  Speaker 3: you can't do anything about. You shouldn't try to change
• 13:16
  Speaker 3: this necessarily. We get it. But the self deprecating part,
• 13:20
  Speaker 3: it's always I think that is attractive. Somebody can can
• 13:24
  Speaker 3: make fun of themselves and can laugh with themselves.
• 13:26
  Speaker 2: Yes, I agree, but I've always thought for me, there's
• 13:28
  Speaker 2: a fine line between funny and goofy. You're never goofy.
• 13:34
  Speaker 2: Funny is gold, Goofy is unattractive. There is a difference.
• 13:39
  Speaker 1: You know what I'm talking.
• 13:39
  Speaker 3: About, exactly what you're talking about, because you show pointed
• 13:42
  Speaker 3: out to me all the time and tell me how
• 13:44
  Speaker 3: there is nothing about me that is goofy. You do
• 13:47
  Speaker 3: not you even see guys do stuff onto you. I
• 13:49
  Speaker 3: cannot see you doing that.
• 13:51
  Speaker 1: And I'm like, thank god, because there is a line.
• 13:54
  Speaker 2: So that's I think the self deprecation can go to
• 13:56
  Speaker 2: like being goofy, where you're willing to make a fool
• 13:58
  Speaker 2: of yourself.
• 13:59
  Speaker 1: That to me is not attracted.
• 14:01
  Speaker 3: I understand that.
• 14:03
  Speaker 2: Okay, the number two and this was actually a close second,
• 14:05
  Speaker 2: so this is it wasn't that women ranked it. This
• 14:07
  Speaker 2: is fifty three percent of respondents said it was kindness,
• 14:12
  Speaker 2: and I do understand that. But again, I can understand
• 14:15
  Speaker 2: why that would be confusing and annoying to men because
• 14:18
  Speaker 2: to say that the number one what women want in
• 14:20
  Speaker 2: a man is kindness, I think a lot of women
• 14:23
  Speaker 2: because I went on to read it and looked a
• 14:24
  Speaker 2: lot too, And I'll tell you a really fun post
• 14:27
  Speaker 2: that I read, but it's not that like because people
• 14:31
  Speaker 2: say kind guys. Nice guys finished last. So this is
• 14:36
  Speaker 2: a tough call because men do. Do you feel frustrated
• 14:40
  Speaker 2: by hearing women say the number one thing they want
• 14:42
  Speaker 2: in a man is kindness.
• 14:44
  Speaker 3: I think most men who just heard you say that
• 14:49
  Speaker 3: role there are Okay, let me be kind. All the
• 14:55
  Speaker 3: women are coming left and right now because I'm so kind. Hey,
• 14:58
  Speaker 3: swipe right, I'm kinda.
• 15:02
  Speaker 1: It's Carl, Carl from Love.
• 15:03
  Speaker 3: Carl's kind Carl.
• 15:04
  Speaker 1: But all the women love Carl because he was kind,
• 15:07
  Speaker 1: because he was kind.
• 15:08
  Speaker 3: And then every woman, all eight of you sitting on
• 15:10
  Speaker 3: the couch, said now I don't want to date Carl.
• 15:12
  Speaker 3: He's a nice gato. So why is that that is true?
• 15:15
  Speaker 2: This is an interesting thing they took away from the survey.
• 15:18
  Speaker 2: Women perceive kinder men as more intelligent. They perceive angrier
• 15:23
  Speaker 2: men as less intelligent, and that perception affects relationship satisfaction
• 15:29
  Speaker 2: for both partners perception. So the guy who leads with
• 15:32
  Speaker 2: aloofness like I'm too cool for school isn't coming across
• 15:36
  Speaker 2: as mysterious. Sometimes he's coming across as just not desirable.
• 15:42
  Speaker 2: But I think that's also confusing because don't we always
• 15:45
  Speaker 2: say that we like the chase.
• 15:47
  Speaker 1: Don't both sexes say we like the chase.
• 15:50
  Speaker 3: That's all ego talking.
• 15:53
  Speaker 2: Oh my goodness, Okay, I liked this. This is a
• 15:56
  Speaker 2: post on Reddit. I thought, whoever put this out there
• 15:59
  Speaker 2: on in this category? This was the like they had
• 16:02
  Speaker 2: a whole thing on what women want, what men want.
• 16:05
  Speaker 2: Women want to be loved by men, how women love. Sadly,
• 16:09
  Speaker 2: men tend to love women the way they love their
• 16:12
  Speaker 2: phone or their car. Women want to be loved like
• 16:15
  Speaker 2: whole human beings. When you love someone, their happiness is
• 16:19
  Speaker 2: integral to your happiness. I do that last line is
• 16:23
  Speaker 2: absolutely true for both partners.
• 16:25
  Speaker 3: Okay, And guys are again listening to that and going,
• 16:28
  Speaker 3: what are we supposed to do with that? What does
• 16:30
  Speaker 3: that mean? I mean, just okay, I don't know how
• 16:33
  Speaker 3: many other guys with listening here? What does that mean?
• 16:36
  Speaker 3: You want?
• 16:36
  Speaker 2: What it means that some men tend to say they
• 16:39
  Speaker 2: love their women because they treat them like their possessions,
• 16:42
  Speaker 2: like a surprized possession, and they control them and they
• 16:45
  Speaker 2: want them to be a certain thing.
• 16:48
  Speaker 3: That that is a broad that's a broad brush to
• 16:51
  Speaker 3: paint all guys with. Of course, of course, I don't
• 16:54
  Speaker 3: think that is fair I don't think that's accurate at all.
• 16:57
  Speaker 3: Treat Most guys treat women like their possessions and we
• 17:01
  Speaker 3: I don't know about nobody wants to be treated like that.
• 17:03
  Speaker 3: And sure those things happen.
• 17:05
  Speaker 1: And that was to the kindness part, just to be
• 17:08
  Speaker 1: the whole thoughtfulness. But I hear you.
• 17:09
  Speaker 2: The Karl on Love Island is really an interesting character
• 17:14
  Speaker 2: study for me because I was fascinated about how many
• 17:17
  Speaker 2: people loved him and were rooting for him.
• 17:19
  Speaker 1: And he is a nice guy.
• 17:21
  Speaker 2: He's the epitome of a nice guy, but he isn't
• 17:24
  Speaker 2: someone who I would have wanted to date. I wonder
• 17:27
  Speaker 2: what people listening felt about that as well. But when
• 17:29
  Speaker 2: we come back, there is advice for men. I can't
• 17:32
  Speaker 2: wait to hear what you think of this advice, babe.
• 17:35
  Speaker 2: When we come back, we will tell you what the
• 17:36
  Speaker 2: analysis what came out of this IPSOS poll. Welcome back
• 17:50
  Speaker 2: everyone to this relationship episode of Amy and TJ were
• 17:53
  Speaker 2: talking about an interesting conversation what women say they want
• 17:57
  Speaker 2: in a partner versus what men think they want in
• 18:00
  Speaker 2: a partner. This is based on an IPSOS poll that
• 18:02
  Speaker 2: was recently done. And look the analysis that came out
• 18:05
  Speaker 2: of it. The advice, perhaps that this poll is offering
• 18:09
  Speaker 2: to men is to first of all, be kind. Kindness
• 18:13
  Speaker 2: plays a significant role in both initial attraction and long
• 18:18
  Speaker 2: term relationship satisfaction. To me, that's a no brainer.
• 18:22
  Speaker 3: Be kind. Yes, well we know this, don't we. You
• 18:26
  Speaker 3: shouldn't have to practice or tell yourself or remind yourself. Okay,
• 18:29
  Speaker 3: be kind, be kind. You're going to go over and
• 18:31
  Speaker 3: meet her, but be kind, be kind, be kind. You
• 18:33
  Speaker 3: don't have to do that.
• 18:34
  Speaker 1: You should have to or you aren't.
• 18:35
  Speaker 3: And if you need that tip is ridiculous. You do
• 18:39
  Speaker 3: not need to be told or explained or need to
• 18:41
  Speaker 3: go get coaching to be kind. You are or you
• 18:44
  Speaker 3: are not. All right, even if you are not, you
• 18:47
  Speaker 3: know that you should be because that's what people do.
• 18:50
  Speaker 1: Exactly, all right.
• 18:51
  Speaker 2: Number two, confidence doesn't need a room to prove it.
• 18:56
  Speaker 2: So they say that chill confidence, that's how they put it,
• 19:00
  Speaker 2: is the best way forward. That women are attracted to that.
• 19:03
  Speaker 2: So you're confident, but you're chill about it. You're not cocky.
• 19:06
  Speaker 2: That's basically what they're saying.
• 19:08
  Speaker 3: Okay, and in your face, confidence is just insecurity that
• 19:12
  Speaker 3: if anybody needs to show you how confident they are
• 19:14
  Speaker 3: then obviously they're not, and they're trying to prove something.
• 19:17
  Speaker 3: So yes, and confident put who I'm trying to think
• 19:19
  Speaker 3: of an in your face confidence kind of But what
• 19:23
  Speaker 3: does that look like?
• 19:24
  Speaker 2: Even like a cocky guy who we've seen it comes
• 19:28
  Speaker 2: out of the locker room.
• 19:29
  Speaker 1: Who thinks he's all that.
• 19:30
  Speaker 2: I mean, it's funny. I think a lot of it is.
• 19:33
  Speaker 2: And I think some people would actually just keep going
• 19:36
  Speaker 2: to Love Island.
• 19:37
  Speaker 1: It is. It's a front, it's a cover. It's not real.
• 19:40
  Speaker 2: People aren't Actually if you do have confidence, if you
• 19:43
  Speaker 2: do think highly of yourself, you actually don't project that
• 19:48
  Speaker 2: out in that way. So it's there is a distinction.
• 19:51
  Speaker 2: Make her laugh, but read the room. Shared laughter is
• 19:54
  Speaker 2: a meaningful pathway toward building a more lasting relationship. So
• 19:57
  Speaker 2: it's about, if you think about it, shared laughter. When
• 20:00
  Speaker 2: I was reading this, I was actually feeling confident about
• 20:03
  Speaker 2: our relationship because don't you think that's the thing we
• 20:06
  Speaker 2: share the most between the two of us is laughter.
• 20:09
  Speaker 3: And I'm not laughing at you and you're not laughing
• 20:11
  Speaker 3: at me. We're laughing together at something in front of us.
• 20:13
  Speaker 3: And even if it's something that I did or you did,
• 20:15
  Speaker 3: we're still laughing together. It's not no, it's never. No
• 20:19
  Speaker 3: one ever is the butt of a joke.
• 20:21
  Speaker 2: It feels is a good way to put it, because
• 20:24
  Speaker 2: that is dangerous when you start making laughter and making
• 20:26
  Speaker 2: jokes towards one another or yes, pointing out something that's
• 20:31
  Speaker 2: that's dangerous.
• 20:32
  Speaker 3: Oh and certainly if there are other people around, ooh, yes,
• 20:35
  Speaker 3: you can be making fun and a part of a
• 20:38
  Speaker 3: crowd laughing at your loved one. You should always defend
• 20:40
  Speaker 3: your loved one, even if they are the butt of
• 20:42
  Speaker 3: a joke.
• 20:43
  Speaker 2: Yes, yeah, that's kindness different, that's kindness coming in all right.
• 20:46
  Speaker 2: The other bit of advice, do not skip the emotionally
• 20:50
  Speaker 2: available part. Emotional safety creates greater intimacy. A lot of
• 20:54
  Speaker 2: women talked about this, and we hear emotional intelligence being
• 20:58
  Speaker 2: floated around all the time. But there's real truth to that.
• 21:01
  Speaker 2: And I don't know that that was anything that was
• 21:03
  Speaker 2: discussed when I was younger or when I was coming up,
• 21:06
  Speaker 2: and we all have the fantasy at that back in
• 21:09
  Speaker 2: the day, it was all about, yes, the man came
• 21:10
  Speaker 2: in and saved you. And but what wasn't described as
• 21:13
  Speaker 2: emotional safety isn't physical safety. It's emotional safety knowing I
• 21:17
  Speaker 2: can be at my worst and you're still going to
• 21:19
  Speaker 2: be there for me.
• 21:20
  Speaker 1: And that cuts both ways. Don't women?
• 21:22
  Speaker 2: Don't men want emotional safety as well from their partners.
• 21:27
  Speaker 3: I'm going right back to Casey right now. I'm saying,
• 21:30
  Speaker 3: we don't know how to express We haven't been given
• 21:33
  Speaker 3: the okay to say that we want that, so we
• 21:35
  Speaker 3: act out when we don't get it. So, yes, one
• 21:39
  Speaker 3: hundred percent right, But good luck getting a guy to
• 21:41
  Speaker 3: admit that or even to be aware of that being
• 21:44
  Speaker 3: something that he needs. But that's why it looks so different.
• 21:48
  Speaker 3: We're going through the same thing you all are. We
• 21:50
  Speaker 3: just don't know how to handle it well. We don't
• 21:51
  Speaker 3: know express it well. You all might cry, you all
• 21:54
  Speaker 3: might get irrational, you all might do all act out
• 21:56
  Speaker 3: in certain ways. What do we do? Go do some
• 21:58
  Speaker 3: locker room talk, Go start time all about about how
• 22:00
  Speaker 3: to bag make ourselves feel better. Go try to pursue
• 22:03
  Speaker 3: another woman to make us feel good and reassure us that,
• 22:05
  Speaker 3: oh yeah, I still got it. Oh yeah, this girl
• 22:07
  Speaker 3: thinks I'm hot. That's what we do, which is wrong,
• 22:11
  Speaker 3: which is wrong.
• 22:12
  Speaker 2: But you know what I do think that what you
• 22:13
  Speaker 2: just said hit me, and I think any woman listening
• 22:16
  Speaker 2: that was I think. We know it may be deep down,
• 22:20
  Speaker 2: but to hear a guy say it that you feel
• 22:22
  Speaker 2: the exact same things that we do.
• 22:25
  Speaker 1: You're no different than us.
• 22:27
  Speaker 3: We're human beings. We just society has told us to
• 22:32
  Speaker 3: react differently to those things. And my position as a
• 22:36
  Speaker 3: protector and a provider does not include space for weakness
• 22:42
  Speaker 3: for my emotions. So yeah, and again, I keep going
• 22:46
  Speaker 3: back to KC because when it all went down and
• 22:48
  Speaker 3: everybody was bashing him and all you eight girls on
• 22:50
  Speaker 3: the couch, I turned to you quietly and said, just wait,
• 22:54
  Speaker 3: this is Casey too. He is having a difficult time
• 22:59
  Speaker 3: and this is him as well. He's not some bad guy.
• 23:02
  Speaker 3: He's just a dude who doesn't, like the rest of
• 23:05
  Speaker 3: the dudes in the world, know how to handle rejection,
• 23:10
  Speaker 3: physical rejection, emotional rejection. We don't know how to react.
• 23:15
  Speaker 3: We can't sit in the corner and cry like Anaya did.
• 23:17
  Speaker 3: We're not allowed because that's not tough. Oh don't throw
• 23:20
  Speaker 3: black into that too. Oh hell no, we just were
• 23:23
  Speaker 3: going through it. Hey, we hurt like hell when you
• 23:25
  Speaker 3: reject us. We hurt like hell when you pick the
• 23:28
  Speaker 3: other guy, we hurt like hell. When you want somebody
• 23:31
  Speaker 3: two inches taller than my height is we hurt like hell.
• 23:34
  Speaker 3: But that's not what we do. We say f you
• 23:37
  Speaker 3: watch what I go do now stupid.
• 23:40
  Speaker 2: That's so fascinating, but it makes sense. And I'll say
• 23:44
  Speaker 2: the best for last. And I know you will laugh
• 23:46
  Speaker 2: because I have said this before. When I saw it
• 23:48
  Speaker 2: in print, I felt so validated. Safety does not come
• 23:53
  Speaker 2: from grand gestures. It comes from consistency. And think if
• 24:00
  Speaker 2: they come in and they they bring the flowers, or
• 24:03
  Speaker 2: they bring the balloons, or they make the big grand
• 24:07
  Speaker 2: gesture I'm taking you out, look what I'm doing that,
• 24:11
  Speaker 2: it doesn't fix the problems. It's consistency. It's the small
• 24:15
  Speaker 2: consistent acts of being there, of staying there, of listening.
• 24:21
  Speaker 2: It's the small consistent acts that I cannot stand the
• 24:26
  Speaker 2: grand gestures as a look at what I'm doing for
• 24:29
  Speaker 2: you moment, and I think.
• 24:30
  Speaker 1: You feel the same way. Maybe not.
• 24:36
  Speaker 3: Well, I'm pumping the brakes because I do like the
• 24:39
  Speaker 3: idea of grand gestures and big surprises, not public ones.
• 24:45
  Speaker 3: I like the idea of planning a trip, doing something unexpected,
• 24:50
  Speaker 3: no matter how big. Hell, buying a car, doing any
• 24:54
  Speaker 3: I love the idea of it, but too often it
• 24:57
  Speaker 3: feels like it's for the person. This is my performance.
• 25:02
  Speaker 3: Everybody show up here and watch how I do this
• 25:05
  Speaker 3: for her.
• 25:06
  Speaker 2: I'm such a good husband, I'm such a good boyfriend. No,
• 25:09
  Speaker 2: but you know what, when you said what, look, let
• 25:12
  Speaker 2: me make it clear. Having your husband or your boyfriend
• 25:16
  Speaker 2: or your fiance surprise you and say I am whisking
• 25:19
  Speaker 2: you a way to a Caribbean island right now. That's amazing.
• 25:24
  Speaker 2: But it doesn't fix or it doesn't create emotional safety.
• 25:28
  Speaker 2: It's exciting and it's wonderful. And I think if you
• 25:30
  Speaker 2: had those grand gestures on top of consistency, now you've
• 25:34
  Speaker 2: guys the perfect man.
• 25:36
  Speaker 3: Now it's I don't know where India and I don't
• 25:37
  Speaker 3: know where gesture. You're right, that's it. That's the difference.
• 25:41
  Speaker 2: Just because or even on your birthday or whatever, like
• 25:44
  Speaker 2: the thought that went into giving you some big gift
• 25:47
  Speaker 2: or big experience. I love that, but it has to
• 25:50
  Speaker 2: be coupled with the consistency. It can't come after you've
• 25:53
  Speaker 2: had a vacuum of just you know, not being there
• 25:57
  Speaker 2: and then to make up for a lack of consist
• 26:00
  Speaker 2: and a lack of emotional safety. You think this big
• 26:03
  Speaker 2: grand gesture is going to fix things. I think a
• 26:05
  Speaker 2: lot of men do try that approach and it doesn't work.
• 26:09
  Speaker 2: But I agree like having that on top of consistency,
• 26:13
  Speaker 2: I'm never.
• 26:14
  Speaker 1: Leaving your side. That is the most amazing man ever.
• 26:17
  Speaker 3: You know what in any guy listening here, yes, majority
• 26:21
  Speaker 3: of our audience women for any guy listening, really, next week,
• 26:26
  Speaker 3: send your woman flowers just for giggles. Send it to
• 26:31
  Speaker 3: her office for no reason at all. Just send flowers
• 26:35
  Speaker 3: or you don't want to do that. On your way
• 26:37
  Speaker 3: home this week, grab a couple of sunflowers or whatever
• 26:41
  Speaker 3: her favorite thing is on the way give it to her.
• 26:44
  Speaker 3: On one morning she wakes up, make the coffee for
• 26:48
  Speaker 3: her that she makes for herself every morning, just to
• 26:51
  Speaker 3: every single day, leave a little note as you know
• 26:56
  Speaker 3: she's going to get ready where she does her makeup,
• 26:58
  Speaker 3: and say, hey, mabe, have a great one, looking forward
• 27:02
  Speaker 3: to tonight. Like little stuff means the world a flutter
• 27:07
  Speaker 3: Like you don't, I'm telling you, fellas, do these little
• 27:10
  Speaker 3: send flowers. They're more appreciated on days they're not expected.
• 27:15
  Speaker 3: You have an obligation to sit it on February fourteen,
• 27:19
  Speaker 3: you are obligated. Okay, let's get that out of the way.
• 27:21
  Speaker 3: It's just what we have to do Mother's Day. You
• 27:23
  Speaker 3: have an obligation Birthday maybe as well. On the flowers,
• 27:29
  Speaker 3: a random Wednesday to do it once every three months,
• 27:32
  Speaker 3: do it once.
• 27:32
  Speaker 1: Amazing.
• 27:33
  Speaker 3: It's those that's what you're talking about. Robes. When she
• 27:36
  Speaker 3: wakes up, breakfast is already there and waiting. Just take
• 27:41
  Speaker 3: something off her plate. When you're bringing her car back
• 27:43
  Speaker 3: to the house, you gassed it up for already.
• 27:45
  Speaker 1: Just little shit. This is nothing. It makes such a difference.
• 27:48
  Speaker 2: Even you sending me a text, we're hardly ever apart
• 27:50
  Speaker 2: that just out of nowhere, just says I love you.
• 27:53
  Speaker 1: That is everything.
• 27:54
  Speaker 2: And I remember the first small gesture you ever made
• 27:58
  Speaker 2: to me. I think this is the first. And you
• 28:00
  Speaker 2: remember my reaction when you had no idea. I just
• 28:03
  Speaker 2: put a box of sneakers on my desk that were
• 28:07
  Speaker 2: a University of Georgia Nike shoes and I came to you.
• 28:11
  Speaker 1: And what was my reaction?
• 28:14
  Speaker 3: You were crying over the tennis shoes. I said, what
• 28:16
  Speaker 3: the hell is going on? It was so I was
• 28:19
  Speaker 3: taken aback by it. I think this was after I
• 28:21
  Speaker 3: had gone to the Georgia Arkansas game. I think I
• 28:23
  Speaker 3: saw those shoes. This was way, This was years before
• 28:26
  Speaker 3: it crossed our minds that we might be dating.
• 28:28
  Speaker 2: It was just friendship. But that small gesture that you
• 28:31
  Speaker 2: thought of me, and you didn't make a big deal
• 28:34
  Speaker 2: about it. You didn't go here or here's something I
• 28:36
  Speaker 2: brought back for you. You just left it with a
• 28:39
  Speaker 2: small note just saying saw these and thought you would
• 28:42
  Speaker 2: like there was something and then you like one line
• 28:44
  Speaker 2: and just TJ and I burst into tears because it
• 28:47
  Speaker 2: was so kind and so thoughtful and it was just
• 28:50
  Speaker 2: a gesture that warmed my heart.
• 28:52
  Speaker 1: And we were.
• 28:53
  Speaker 2: Friends, but I just the fact that you thought of
• 28:56
  Speaker 2: me meant everything. So yes, it is those small acts
• 28:59
  Speaker 2: of highness. We can definitely say that is something women love,
• 29:04
  Speaker 2: want and need.
• 29:05
  Speaker 3: Yeah, but yeah, guys, don't worry five six and broke.
• 29:09
  Speaker 3: As long as you're funny, you're good and kind, funny
• 29:12
  Speaker 3: and oh yeah you gotta be kind kind, broke short.
• 29:17
  Speaker 2: And with that, everyone, we always appreciate you listening to us.
• 29:21
  Speaker 1: I may be Rovoc alongside d J. Holmes.
• 29:23
  Speaker 3: We'll talk to s