Latest / Hurdle with Emily Abbate / BONUS EPISODE: Emily's Story — How I Lost 70 Pounds, Fell In Love With Running & Finally Invested In Myself

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BONUS EPISODE: Emily's Story — How I Lost 70 Pounds, Fell In Love With Running & Finally Invested In Myself · Hurdle with Emily Abbate

0:00
Speaker 1: It starts with you everything that you want to do
0:05
Speaker 1: in your life. If you remember that you are the
0:08
Speaker 1: one holding the pen and the notebook is in front
0:11
Speaker 1: of you, and that you have the opportunity to write
0:14
Speaker 1: your story, that is where the magic happens. Hey, everyone
0:33
Speaker 1: and Leah body here popping in with a special episode
0:39
Speaker 1: of Hurdle from the AG studio. You know, this week,
0:42
Speaker 1: if you're listening to this in real time, is an
0:45
Speaker 1: off week for the show. I'm in between season eight
0:48
Speaker 1: and season nine, but I have been thinking a lot
0:52
Speaker 1: about how much has changed since the show started four
0:58
Speaker 1: years ago. I can't believe I saying that now Hurdle,
1:03
Speaker 1: about to be in its ninth season, has four hundred
1:07
Speaker 1: and fifty four episodes in the feed, saying that like,
1:12
Speaker 1: absolutely blows my mind, and so much has happened over
1:17
Speaker 1: those four hundred and fifty four episodes, Unbelievable conversations, a
1:21
Speaker 1: lot of personal growth, the creation of this budding community,
1:27
Speaker 1: and the through line to all of it, the connector, Well,
1:31
Speaker 1: it's me. It has been a long time since I
1:35
Speaker 1: have unpacked my story on the show, and a few
1:40
Speaker 1: weeks ago, maybe a couple of months.
1:41
Speaker 2: Ago, actually, I listened back to.
1:43
Speaker 1: Episode one, and I wasn't as like kind of mortified
1:47
Speaker 1: as I expected to be in listening to it, Like
1:51
Speaker 1: it was literally my first podcast ever. When I started Hurdle,
1:55
Speaker 1: I wasn't an avid podcast listener. I remember I had
1:59
Speaker 1: pages and pages in pages of notes of what I
2:01
Speaker 1: wanted to say, and I had spoken to so many
2:05
Speaker 1: other podcasters and had their best tips at my disposal.
2:10
Speaker 1: And regardless, I'm telling you this because for today's episode
2:15
Speaker 1: of Hurdle, this special bonus episode, I'm going to revisit
2:18
Speaker 1: my story I am four years later after telling it
2:22
Speaker 1: for the first time, going to reshare my story and
2:25
Speaker 1: give some insight as to where I have been, how
2:30
Speaker 1: I got to where I am today, and kind of
2:33
Speaker 1: fill in the details for those of you that may
2:35
Speaker 1: be newer hurdlers. Thank you for coming on this ride
2:40
Speaker 1: with me. No sponsors in this one, just me writing solo.
2:44
Speaker 1: So with that, let's get to hurdling. I recently ran
2:58
Speaker 1: my tenth marathon. I say that sentence and I smile
3:02
Speaker 1: every time, because yes, I'm proud that I've done this
3:09
Speaker 1: time and time again and that I keep showing up
3:11
Speaker 1: to do something both that I enjoy and also that
3:14
Speaker 1: is mega challenging, But more so that sentence makes me
3:20
Speaker 1: smile because I think of the girl in two thousand
3:23
Speaker 1: and three, who if you told her that she would
3:27
Speaker 1: ever run a marathon, she would have looked at you
3:30
Speaker 1: like you have twenty two heads, And yeah, that girl
3:34
Speaker 1: is me. And before I go on any further, running
3:38
Speaker 1: is a part of my story. But you do not
3:40
Speaker 1: need to be a runner to love. Listen to identify
3:45
Speaker 1: as a hurdler, listen to this show. I always feel
3:49
Speaker 1: the need to like kind of throw that into the mix.
3:51
Speaker 1: The act of running, however, taught me so much about myself,
3:55
Speaker 1: and for that I am.
3:57
Speaker 2: Truly truly grateful.
4:00
Speaker 1: We'll get to those in just a little bit, but
4:03
Speaker 1: let me bring it back to start. Back in two
4:08
Speaker 1: thousand and three, I was a high school sophomore and
4:14
Speaker 1: I didn't make my junior varsity volleyball team because I
4:20
Speaker 1: could not run a mile in under ten minutes. In fact,
4:22
Speaker 1: at that time, I could barely run it all. I
4:26
Speaker 1: despised running, and I had been conditioned at this point
4:33
Speaker 1: to believe that it was never going to be something
4:36
Speaker 1: that was in my wheelhouse growing up. I am one
4:42
Speaker 1: of two. I have a brother, he's four years older
4:44
Speaker 1: than me, And although I was definitely an active kid,
4:49
Speaker 1: my brother was like the athlete in the family when
4:52
Speaker 1: we were kids. He was the one that was on
4:55
Speaker 1: the track team, then the cross country team. He was
4:58
Speaker 1: always traveling here and there to play sport, and for me,
5:01
Speaker 1: all that stuff didn't come as let's just say, as natural.
5:06
Speaker 1: So as a result, whenever we would like get into
5:09
Speaker 1: a fight, he'd always quip at me and be like,
5:11
Speaker 1: go run a mile because he knew that at the time,
5:15
Speaker 1: I absolutely hated running. And so because of the taunting
5:19
Speaker 1: from him, and then because of not making the volleyball
5:23
Speaker 1: team because I wasn't capable of running the mile and
5:26
Speaker 1: the time cut off, I was made to believe that
5:29
Speaker 1: I would never be a good runner, and I was
5:31
Speaker 1: also made to believe that I wasn't good enough, like
5:34
Speaker 1: I was completely dissuaded from activity. And to this day
5:39
Speaker 1: that actually really breaks my heart, especially considering the statistics
5:42
Speaker 1: about women and young girls dropping out of sport at
5:46
Speaker 1: a greater rate than men do. It's something that I
5:48
Speaker 1: spoke with Slaine Flannigan about in our conversation last November.
5:54
Speaker 2: It's it's so heartbreaking.
5:56
Speaker 1: That we put in these barriers to entry for young
5:59
Speaker 1: women and girls to sport that are completely arbitrary.
6:03
Speaker 2: But I digressed.
6:04
Speaker 1: I won't go on a rant about that here now.
6:09
Speaker 1: Not making the volleyball team was the beginning, I would
6:13
Speaker 1: say to a decline for me in my health. Because
6:19
Speaker 1: I didn't make the volleyball team. I chose to get
6:23
Speaker 1: more heavily involved in the arts I was in my
6:28
Speaker 1: high school musical I would say like maybe three out
6:31
Speaker 1: of the four years that I was in high school,
6:33
Speaker 1: and I got heavily involved with a youth group called BBYO,
6:38
Speaker 1: which stands for a Benaghbor Youth Organization. I became my
6:42
Speaker 1: chapter president, and then I became the regional president, and
6:45
Speaker 1: I traveled for it, and all of that was a
6:47
Speaker 1: lot of fun.
6:48
Speaker 2: But I don't think I had.
6:49
Speaker 1: Any sort of regular activity like workout situation in the
6:57
Speaker 1: entirety of my teenage years. On a motional personal note,
7:01
Speaker 1: when I was sixteen and in high school during this time,
7:04
Speaker 1: my parents split up, and when I look back on
7:08
Speaker 1: the years like between, I would say literally most of
7:12
Speaker 1: high school I don't remember a lot of details. And
7:16
Speaker 1: I've talked about this a lot in therapy. I think
7:18
Speaker 1: it's like my like my body, my being trying to
7:22
Speaker 1: like protect me from this emotional trauma. I'm very fortunate
7:27
Speaker 1: in that I have a great relationship with both of
7:29
Speaker 1: my parents, and there's always just been so much love
7:32
Speaker 1: and I was never witnessed to any arguing or anything
7:37
Speaker 1: like that, like as far as I would say, separations
7:41
Speaker 1: divorces go. I don't know if this is like a
7:44
Speaker 1: good sentence to say, but it was probably as good
7:47
Speaker 1: as it could have been for me. Yet still I've suppressed,
7:51
Speaker 1: like so many memories from this time. And during this time,
7:55
Speaker 1: I then gained a ton of weight, and as a
8:00
Speaker 1: byproduct of that weight gain, being a teenage girl, my
8:06
Speaker 1: inner dialogue became absolutely awful.
8:10
Speaker 2: On top of that, the way that I was treated.
8:14
Speaker 1: And although I don't remember a lot from this time
8:16
Speaker 1: in my life, what I do remember are like the
8:18
Speaker 1: really high highs and the really low lows. And I
8:20
Speaker 1: remember that maybe when I was sixteen seventeen years old,
8:25
Speaker 1: I I was like dating a guy, and by like dating,
8:28
Speaker 1: I mean like we were like kissing in the hallway
8:30
Speaker 1: after school or something.
8:32
Speaker 2: And I'll never forget.
8:35
Speaker 1: That I walked by a table where he was sitting
8:38
Speaker 1: at lunch one day, and I heard his friends make
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Speaker 1: fun of my size, and I just went into the
8:48
Speaker 1: bathroom that was like one hundred feet away and locked
8:51
Speaker 1: myself in the stall and cried. I also remember being
8:56
Speaker 1: made to feel like I didn't fit in society based
9:02
Speaker 1: on the clothing options that were available to me at
9:05
Speaker 1: the time. I have certainly told this story on the
9:09
Speaker 1: show before, but when I was in high school, I
9:13
Speaker 1: mostly shopped at American Eagle. Man how things have changed.
9:18
Speaker 1: I think at the time American Eagle sizing. The biggest
9:21
Speaker 1: size that they made was A fourteen or sixteen, a sixteen,
9:25
Speaker 1: and today I know that their biggest size is A
9:27
Speaker 1: twenty four, so that's good. But I exclusively shopped an
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Speaker 1: American Eagle, and I would wear my American Eagle denim
9:40
Speaker 1: until I couldn't wear them anymore because the thighs at
9:44
Speaker 1: the top of the thighs, where my thighs rubbed together,
9:47
Speaker 1: they would get so thin and start to rip. And
9:51
Speaker 1: so I was on the brink of needing a new
9:54
Speaker 1: pair of geans and that they were ripping. And I
9:57
Speaker 1: distinctly remember this one night where my dad took me
10:00
Speaker 1: to the American Eagle store in the Trumble Mall, and
10:04
Speaker 1: it was a late late on a weeknight, and we
10:08
Speaker 1: went in there and I went into the dressing room
10:10
Speaker 1: and I brought in the jeans that I always go
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Speaker 1: to buy, the exact same pair, and I went to
10:15
Speaker 1: put them on and they didn't button and I couldn't
10:19
Speaker 1: get in them, and there were no other pants for
10:23
Speaker 1: me in the store. There was nothing else in the
10:26
Speaker 1: store that would fit.
10:27
Speaker 2: Me and my body. And I walked out of there,
10:29
Speaker 2: and I.
10:30
Speaker 1: Felt so defeated and upset and lonely because where was
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Speaker 1: I supposed to go, What was I supposed to wear?
10:39
Speaker 2: What was I supposed to do? Who?
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Speaker 1: No one understood how I felt in that moment, or
10:43
Speaker 1: at least that's how I felt at that time, because
10:46
Speaker 1: when I walked out of that store and I looked
10:48
Speaker 1: around the mall, there was nowhere else that I could
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Speaker 1: find clothing that would be okay for me in my body.
10:55
Speaker 1: I was the outsider. I was the exception. I felt alone.
11:03
Speaker 1: I went to college and come spring semester, I had
11:07
Speaker 1: probably gained the standard freshman fifteen.
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Speaker 2: So this means that between.
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Speaker 1: Age like sixteen and eighteen turning nineteen, I had gained
11:21
Speaker 1: a significant amount of weight, and I was at a
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Speaker 1: really low point. I was studying for a final my
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Speaker 1: spring semester, and I decided that I would procrastinate that
11:33
Speaker 1: final by weighing myself, because that is totally normal. And
11:39
Speaker 1: I looked at the scale that had been collecting dusk
11:41
Speaker 1: sitting under my twin XL bunk bed, and I pulled
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Speaker 1: it out and I tapped it and I got on
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Speaker 1: and I recall waiting for those numbers to populate.
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Speaker 2: It felt like an eternity.
11:56
Speaker 1: And I looked down and I saw a number over
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Speaker 1: to hundred pounds looking back at me, and I was
12:03
Speaker 1: beside myself. I was beside myself because looking at that
12:08
Speaker 1: number made me finally come to terms with the fact
12:11
Speaker 1: that I was not okay. And it wasn't that I
12:14
Speaker 1: wasn't okay because of the number on the scale.
12:16
Speaker 2: I wasn't okay because I was an emotional mess.
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Speaker 1: I was unhappy in my body and I needed to
12:24
Speaker 1: do something about it. And so I did something so
12:26
Speaker 1: counterintuitive to me at the time, which was throw on
12:30
Speaker 1: that freshman high school volleyball sweatshirt and a pair of
12:36
Speaker 1: target leggings and some old sneakers and run down the
12:40
Speaker 1: four flights of stairs to my dorm, out the door,
12:43
Speaker 1: and sprinted down the street until I couldn't run anymore,
12:47
Speaker 1: which literally lasted for about like I don't know, maybe
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Speaker 1: fourteen seconds before I collapsed into this like soaking wet
12:54
Speaker 1: grass and looked up at the sky and was like,
12:56
Speaker 1: I am done. I need to make a change. I
13:01
Speaker 1: cannot live like this. I don't want to live like this.
13:04
Speaker 1: And I know that if I don't do something about this,
13:08
Speaker 1: no one's going to do it for me.
13:11
Speaker 2: And so it started. It started that night, I mean
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Speaker 2: it started the next morning.
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Speaker 1: I woke up and the first thing that I decided
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Speaker 1: to do was start to make healthier choices when it
13:21
Speaker 1: came to what I was putting in my body.
13:23
Speaker 2: You know, the great thing about.
13:24
Speaker 1: College dining halls is that you have access to absolutely
13:27
Speaker 1: everything whenever you want it. But the bad thing about
13:29
Speaker 1: college dining halls is that you have access to absolutely everything.
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Speaker 2: Whenever you want it.
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Speaker 1: And so I made a habit of like having a
13:36
Speaker 1: side of tater tots or ice scream with like almost
13:40
Speaker 1: every meal because I could, because I had this independence.
13:43
Speaker 2: And so what I.
13:45
Speaker 1: Started to do was not do that and to learn
13:49
Speaker 1: more about portion control. I as a tool went back
13:55
Speaker 1: to Weight Watchers at the time, and although I never
14:00
Speaker 1: really strictly followed the Weight Watchers now called WW plan,
14:04
Speaker 1: what did work for me was having to show up
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Speaker 1: at one of their centers every week and step on
14:10
Speaker 1: a scale and have some accountability. And I would drive
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Speaker 1: to the Weight Watchers center, which is about, I want
14:17
Speaker 1: to say, like twenty minutes or so from campus, and
14:21
Speaker 1: I would go way in.
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Speaker 2: Sometimes I would stay for the meeting, sometimes I wouldn't.
14:26
Speaker 1: And then I would immediately drive like a minute away
14:31
Speaker 1: to a drunk Dunkin Donuts drive through, and my like
14:34
Speaker 1: weekly treat for myself was a glaisstick donut. To this day,
14:39
Speaker 1: I still think of a Glaize stick donut as like
14:42
Speaker 1: the thing that I want to get when I want
14:44
Speaker 1: to treat myself. And I know that a lot of
14:46
Speaker 1: people have a lot of feelings about using food as
14:48
Speaker 1: a reward. I hear you, but it's like a sentimental
14:52
Speaker 1: thing for me because it was like an indulgence that
14:54
Speaker 1: I had during this crazy time in my life where
14:58
Speaker 1: I was learning about my iteration and I was never
15:01
Speaker 1: eliminating anything. The Gladestick donut for me represented that I
15:06
Speaker 1: could do both. I could learn how to eat better,
15:10
Speaker 1: love my body, and I could also have these things
15:13
Speaker 1: that like maybe weren't what other people thought about when
15:16
Speaker 1: they were trying to lose weight.
15:19
Speaker 2: That's still my philosophy today. Let it be noted.
15:22
Speaker 1: I really do believe that there's room for everything in moderation.
15:25
Speaker 1: I've never been a really big fan of any sort
15:28
Speaker 1: of elimination diet. I understand that individuals need to cut
15:32
Speaker 1: out things because of maybe sensitivities like gluten, for instance,
15:35
Speaker 1: But for me, growing up in a really big Italian family,
15:40
Speaker 1: learning to just love food for all of its goodness
15:43
Speaker 1: and wonderfulness. Even during my major weight loss period, I
15:50
Speaker 1: never ever, ever completely said this thing is off limits
15:54
Speaker 1: for me.
15:55
Speaker 2: I digress over.
15:58
Speaker 1: I would say about a year and a half, I
16:01
Speaker 1: lost about thirty to forty pounds, and like I said,
16:06
Speaker 1: a big part of that was learning how to eat better.
16:08
Speaker 1: I also started to integrate a lot more movement into
16:11
Speaker 1: my routine. At first, that movement looked like going to
16:13
Speaker 1: my college gym and like getting on the elliptical for
16:16
Speaker 1: a really long time. I wasn't really into string training yet,
16:20
Speaker 1: but yes, a lot of cardio I was working at
16:24
Speaker 1: a summer camp the summer of I want to say,
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Speaker 1: two thousand and eight, and I was about halfway through
16:33
Speaker 1: this weight loss journey, and I knew that I wanted
16:35
Speaker 1: to keep on it, keep at it, and I didn't
16:39
Speaker 1: have a gym available to me, and so I decided
16:44
Speaker 1: that I was going to learn how to be a runner,
16:48
Speaker 1: which again I told you, I was so conditioned from
16:50
Speaker 1: a young age to believe that running was just not
16:52
Speaker 1: in my wheelhouse. So this was a really scary thing.
16:55
Speaker 1: But when you have a goal, when you have your
16:58
Speaker 1: mindset on something, you realize that you are a little
17:02
Speaker 1: more willing than you used to be to getting a
17:05
Speaker 1: little uncomfortable in pursuit of better, and so I tried it.
17:12
Speaker 1: It started with me buying some black cotton leggings from
17:16
Speaker 1: Target and a pack of Haines white menucks from Walmart.
17:20
Speaker 1: I think I also may have purchased new shoes at
17:22
Speaker 1: the beginning of that summer. And something else that I
17:24
Speaker 1: did was I purchased a size smaller at least one.
17:28
Speaker 1: I want to say they maybe were like a size
17:30
Speaker 1: ten or a size eight pair of jeans from Gap
17:36
Speaker 1: at the Clinton Crossing outlets in Connecticut. I bought these
17:39
Speaker 1: jeans and I hung them up on the back of
17:41
Speaker 1: my door in the cabin that I was living in,
17:44
Speaker 1: and they were like my reminder to myself that I
17:47
Speaker 1: was on this journey because when I purchased them, they
17:49
Speaker 1: did not fit at all.
17:51
Speaker 2: And so I bought all this stuff.
17:54
Speaker 1: I got my tools together, and I made the decision
17:58
Speaker 1: that every day I would get out and I would
18:00
Speaker 1: try to run and don't get it twisted. Like when
18:02
Speaker 1: I say like I would get out and run, like
18:05
Speaker 1: my running at first wasn't consistent, and that it wasn't
18:08
Speaker 1: like I was going out and running what I thought
18:11
Speaker 1: was a mile, Like I wasn't going out and just
18:12
Speaker 1: running a mile. And that was the thing. It was
18:15
Speaker 1: a run walk, It was a combo. And I didn't
18:18
Speaker 1: have any judgment over that. It was like, this is
18:20
Speaker 1: how I'm going to learn how to be okay with running.
18:23
Speaker 1: And so every day after lunch, I would go to
18:25
Speaker 1: my bunk or my cabin or whatever, and I would
18:28
Speaker 1: put on my black leggings and my white V neck
18:31
Speaker 1: and my sneakers and I would go out and run
18:34
Speaker 1: this route that took me fourteen minutes, and I would
18:36
Speaker 1: be absolutely drenched, and then I would come and I
18:39
Speaker 1: would rinse off, and I would go on with the
18:41
Speaker 1: rest of my day.
18:44
Speaker 2: And that was the beginning of something really special for me.
18:48
Speaker 1: At the end of the summer, I measured the distance
18:51
Speaker 1: with my car that I was convinced was a mile
18:54
Speaker 1: and learned that I had been running a half mile
18:56
Speaker 1: every day and that half mile took me fourteen minutes.
18:58
Speaker 1: And it could have been really, really easy to be
19:02
Speaker 1: angry about that and frustrated about that, but rather I
19:06
Speaker 1: was really proud because I learned to love that time.
19:09
Speaker 1: I learned what it felt like to invest in myself
19:12
Speaker 1: and that I was worthy of my own energy.
19:14
Speaker 2: And how special is that? Right? How could you be
19:17
Speaker 2: mad when that's the takeaway?
19:20
Speaker 1: And so with time, after that summer of consistent effort,
19:26
Speaker 1: I learned to run further, and that half mile became
19:29
Speaker 1: a mile, and that mile became a few miles, and
19:34
Speaker 1: then a five k And in the fall of my
19:37
Speaker 1: junior year, so this is fall two thousand and nine,
19:41
Speaker 1: I ran my first half marathon.
19:45
Speaker 2: Now that's a whole other story.
19:48
Speaker 1: I trained for that half marathon using a hal Haigden
19:51
Speaker 1: training plan off the internet. I think if you Google
19:54
Speaker 1: half marathon training plan. Hal Hagden's programming is the first
19:58
Speaker 1: thing that comes up. And I found this beginner half
20:01
Speaker 1: marathon training plan. And I was a junior in college
20:04
Speaker 1: and I had already lost like a bunch of weight,
20:07
Speaker 1: and I was feeling really confident and excited. And about
20:12
Speaker 1: a week and a half before that marathon I had
20:16
Speaker 1: worked so hard for I get a call in the
20:19
Speaker 1: middle of the night from one of my best friends
20:22
Speaker 1: at the time, who had recently graduated. He was living
20:27
Speaker 1: on Long Island that another one of our mutual friends
20:32
Speaker 1: was in the hospital in a coma because he had overdosed.
20:38
Speaker 1: About I want to say, maybe two or three days
20:41
Speaker 1: later he passed away, and that meant that his funeral.
20:51
Speaker 2: Was the day of the half marathon.
20:58
Speaker 1: I drove out to Island on a Thursday. The wake
21:04
Speaker 1: was going to be on Friday, and I went to
21:07
Speaker 1: the wake, and after the wake, we stood in this
21:12
Speaker 1: bar and my best friend at the time he looked
21:18
Speaker 1: at me and he said, and our friend who had
21:20
Speaker 1: passed away, his pledge name for the fraternity that they
21:23
Speaker 1: were in.
21:24
Speaker 2: It was Snowflake, and he said, Snowflake.
21:26
Speaker 1: Would want you to run the marathon, and I made
21:30
Speaker 1: a really difficult decision that day. I made a really
21:33
Speaker 1: difficult decision that day to get back in my navy
21:36
Speaker 1: blue Jetta and drive back to stores Connecticut and drive
21:41
Speaker 1: straight to a wal Mart and buy myself a pink
21:44
Speaker 1: Haynes T shirt. And in true sorority girl fashion, I
21:48
Speaker 1: was in kapak Apagama at Yukon. I decorated the hell
21:52
Speaker 1: out of that pink T shirt and drew snowflakes on it.
21:56
Speaker 1: I wrote my name on the back. I woke up
22:00
Speaker 1: the next morning and I ran that marathon for him.
22:06
Speaker 1: I remember crossing the finish line that day. I think
22:08
Speaker 1: I ran that half marathon in something like two hours
22:11
Speaker 1: and forty five minutes. It was nothing, you know, as
22:14
Speaker 1: far as running times go. The time wasn't superstellar, but
22:20
Speaker 1: I couldn't have cared less. I was so proud of
22:23
Speaker 1: myself that I had showed up there and I had
22:25
Speaker 1: done this thing, and that I was finally I believed
22:30
Speaker 1: that I was finally a runner. I was the thing
22:34
Speaker 1: that I was told for so long that I could
22:37
Speaker 1: never be, and from that moment I was better for it.
22:42
Speaker 2: So I'll fast forward a little bit.
22:44
Speaker 1: I mean, this was like I said right before I
22:47
Speaker 1: graduated college. I graduated college, I started working in New
22:52
Speaker 1: York City. I was down about a total of seventy
22:56
Speaker 1: pounds and done. I mean, so to speak on that journey,
23:00
Speaker 1: you believe weight losses like a forever work in progress.
23:03
Speaker 1: But I have now kept off a greater amount of
23:06
Speaker 1: that weight loss. For the better part of twelve or
23:10
Speaker 1: thirteen years I was working in New York City. Eventually
23:14
Speaker 1: I would move to New York City. I worked at
23:18
Speaker 1: a women's lifestyle blog called The Stir, which was part
23:22
Speaker 1: of a company called Cafe Mom, where I was writing
23:25
Speaker 1: everything from news and entertainment to a healthy living content.
23:32
Speaker 2: And after three and a half years working.
23:34
Speaker 1: There, a company that owned at the time Women's Health,
23:40
Speaker 1: Men's Health, Runners, World Prevention, Bicycling magazines, et cetera. They
23:45
Speaker 1: reached out to me because they were looking for a
23:46
Speaker 1: fitness editor. And I was so scared because, yes, like
23:49
Speaker 1: I was super interested in health and fitness. At this time,
23:52
Speaker 1: I had run more half marathons, I was working out
23:54
Speaker 1: all the time. All of my days started with me
23:57
Speaker 1: going to the New York Sports Club up on eighty
23:59
Speaker 1: sixth Street, which is certainly no longer there. I think
24:01
Speaker 1: it's an old Navy now, but I thought that it
24:05
Speaker 1: could get boring, like who wants to talk about health
24:08
Speaker 1: and wellness all the time? Like, what am I going
24:10
Speaker 1: to do after I don't know a month of it,
24:12
Speaker 1: I asked myself. I remember making a pro con list
24:15
Speaker 1: to taking a new job with my then boyfriend at
24:19
Speaker 1: the time of my cousin at Rodeo Bar in murray Hill.
24:23
Speaker 2: And I decided to take the job.
24:25
Speaker 1: And taking that job was the catalyst for like where
24:30
Speaker 1: I'm sitting here today and that I realized that it
24:32
Speaker 1: was really awesome when I could combine my passions with
24:35
Speaker 1: my work.
24:36
Speaker 2: And so while I was working at Rodale.
24:38
Speaker 1: As a fitness editor, I got certifications. I got my
24:43
Speaker 1: personal training certification. And I wasn't getting these certifications because
24:47
Speaker 1: I wanted to actually like go into personal training. I
24:50
Speaker 1: was getting these certifications because I wanted to be able
24:52
Speaker 1: to have smarter conversations with experts to create fact based.
24:56
Speaker 2: Content that served my consumer.
24:58
Speaker 1: So when anybody asks me for like my best piece
25:01
Speaker 1: of advice as a journalist, my best piece of advice
25:04
Speaker 1: is to choose a niche and get educated within that
25:07
Speaker 1: niche as much as possible. Although it can definitely be
25:10
Speaker 1: seen as a little bit of a hassle. When you
25:12
Speaker 1: get a personal training certification, every other year you have
25:16
Speaker 1: to do more education. They call it continuing education so
25:19
Speaker 1: that you can keep that certification. So for me, every
25:23
Speaker 1: other year, I'm like taking on a new skill. It
25:26
Speaker 1: started with that personal training certification, then I got my
25:28
Speaker 1: UESCA Run Coach certification, and then last year I study
25:32
Speaker 1: for my Precision Nutrition Level one certification. So I'm constantly
25:36
Speaker 1: on a quest for new knowledge as to expand what
25:40
Speaker 1: I know and better inform the people that I'm trying
25:42
Speaker 1: to communicate, which these days is.
25:45
Speaker 2: All of you. I worked as a fitness editor at Rodale.
25:50
Speaker 1: I got let go from Rodale because of just company
25:53
Speaker 1: wide layoffs, and five days later I landed an opportunity
25:58
Speaker 1: to interview for the fitness editor at Self magazine.
26:03
Speaker 2: I man freelancing.
26:06
Speaker 1: Being a freelance journalist is a lot of hard work,
26:09
Speaker 1: and when you are in your mid twenties, I would
26:12
Speaker 1: say that I was certainly not ready yet to thrust
26:16
Speaker 1: into that level of personal accountability. I had recently moved
26:20
Speaker 1: into my first ever solo studio apartment.
26:24
Speaker 2: I had big rent to pay.
26:25
Speaker 1: I think at the time, my rent was seventeen hundred
26:28
Speaker 1: dollars and when I got let go from my job,
26:32
Speaker 1: I was terrified, absolutely terrified. I was beside myself and
26:36
Speaker 1: I reached out to absolutely everyone I knew in my
26:39
Speaker 1: professional network and was like, let me know if you
26:41
Speaker 1: have anything that you need written, or anyone that you
26:44
Speaker 1: know that is looking for to hire. And Liz Plaster,
26:49
Speaker 1: who's been on the show twice, was working as the
26:52
Speaker 1: deputy editor at Self magazine, and she called me up
26:56
Speaker 1: and was like, I have an assignment. Do you have
26:59
Speaker 1: time for it? I need it like within three days.
27:02
Speaker 1: And at the time, being a veteran digital journalist, having
27:05
Speaker 1: three days to work on an article is like, I mean,
27:07
Speaker 1: that's a lot of time.
27:09
Speaker 2: So I was like, no problem. I turned the article.
27:11
Speaker 1: Around and then I think it was a day or
27:13
Speaker 1: two later she emailed me and the subject of the
27:15
Speaker 1: email was just fitness editor and it said when can
27:18
Speaker 1: you come in and chat? And so I went in
27:24
Speaker 1: and chatted the next day and it was the first
27:27
Speaker 1: time I ever also sat down with an executive editor
27:30
Speaker 1: of a magazine. Shout out to Suzandamatto and an editor
27:34
Speaker 1: in chief of the magazine, Joyce Chang at the time.
27:37
Speaker 2: And I walked into.
27:38
Speaker 1: Joyce's office and I sat down and I just kind
27:41
Speaker 1: of said to her without even like she didn't ask me,
27:44
Speaker 1: like why should I choose you for this job? I
27:47
Speaker 1: sat down with her in her like bright shiny white
27:50
Speaker 1: office on like something like the twenty seventh floor of
27:53
Speaker 1: the World Trade Center. I looked at her and I said,
27:58
Speaker 1: I know you're looking at my resume and you see
27:59
Speaker 1: it digital journalist sitting in front of you. But I
28:03
Speaker 1: promise you whatever I do not know, I will learn,
28:07
Speaker 1: and I will come into this magazine and do this
28:10
Speaker 1: print job better than any other person that you will
28:13
Speaker 1: interview for this opportunity. I don't know what the hell
28:16
Speaker 1: came over me, I honestly to this day, like I
28:18
Speaker 1: think about what I said to her in that office,
28:20
Speaker 1: and that took balls, But I think those balls they
28:24
Speaker 1: come from It's a sinker swim moment. Like I said,
28:27
Speaker 1: I had rent to pay.
28:28
Speaker 2: I needed.
28:28
Speaker 1: I needed this job not just because it was a
28:31
Speaker 1: good job, but because it was my dream job and
28:33
Speaker 1: because I knew that I was qualified for it and
28:36
Speaker 1: I wasn't going to let whatever like conventional wisdom or
28:40
Speaker 1: like the normalcy would say my career path up to
28:44
Speaker 1: that point be the thing that stood in my way
28:47
Speaker 1: from getting it. And the next day, I was cleaning
28:52
Speaker 1: up my studio apartment in an effort to de stress
28:55
Speaker 1: from the zillions of emails in my inbox, and Billy
28:59
Speaker 1: Joel was playing and I got a call from HR
29:03
Speaker 1: at Conde Nast and they told me that I got
29:05
Speaker 1: the job, and they asked me if I could start
29:08
Speaker 1: the next week. The craziest thing about that is that
29:13
Speaker 1: I don't think I would have applied for that job
29:15
Speaker 1: if I hadn't been laid off from my other job,
29:17
Speaker 1: because I would have also thought that I didn't have
29:20
Speaker 1: the experience necessary to go after something that was absolutely
29:23
Speaker 1: perfect for me. And so I always, always always say
29:28
Speaker 1: when someone asks me for a career advice, that there
29:30
Speaker 1: are two things that you need to keep in mind.
29:32
Speaker 1: The first thing is that you need to be your
29:34
Speaker 1: own biggest hype man, and that if you don't believe
29:38
Speaker 1: and stand firm in the fact that you can do something,
29:41
Speaker 1: that you are the person to do this thing, then
29:45
Speaker 1: you can't expect other people to see your potential. And
29:48
Speaker 1: the second thing that I say is jump before you're
29:51
Speaker 1: ready for so so long. You know, I had been told,
29:56
Speaker 1: you need to stay at this job for this long,
29:58
Speaker 1: don't pop around too often, et cetera. But at the
30:03
Speaker 1: end of the day, like at the end of your life,
30:05
Speaker 1: no one's gonna say, like, oh, remember when she left
30:07
Speaker 1: that job within four months because she found another opportunity
30:10
Speaker 1: that was bigger and better for her. Nah, I don't
30:14
Speaker 1: stay at Yeah, that's just not gonna happen. You gotta
30:18
Speaker 1: trust your gut. Every single day you have the opportunity
30:21
Speaker 1: to write your story. And what a beautiful, beautiful, golden
30:25
Speaker 1: opportunity that is. And so a week later I started
30:30
Speaker 1: as the fitness editor Itself magazine, and I had one
30:33
Speaker 1: hell of a time there. I worked itself for about
30:36
Speaker 1: a year before that magazine folded because gestures loosely, this
30:40
Speaker 1: is life. And during that time I did everything from
30:43
Speaker 1: interview olympians like Candice Parker and Jevi Stone and Simone Biles,
30:49
Speaker 1: to staff photo shoots, direct photo shoots, travel to Los Angeles.
30:54
Speaker 1: I once traveled. I told the story recently on a podcast.
30:57
Speaker 1: I pitched to my editorial team that we needed to
31:01
Speaker 1: know more about what was going on in the Los
31:03
Speaker 1: Angeles fitness scene. And I put together a seventy two
31:07
Speaker 1: hour fitness crawl where I went to as many.
31:10
Speaker 2: Studios as possible.
31:11
Speaker 1: I distinctly remember like running from a CrossFit gym to
31:15
Speaker 1: a plate studio, taking classes at both. I think it
31:18
Speaker 1: was four miles in between the two, and I was
31:20
Speaker 1: like getting paid to do that?
31:22
Speaker 2: What an insane What an insane time? What an insane time.
31:30
Speaker 1: I'm just sitting here shaking my head because it's insane, right,
31:34
Speaker 1: It's insane that because one day my freshman year of college,
31:39
Speaker 1: I decided that I was worthy of my own investment
31:41
Speaker 1: and that I needed to make some positive steps to
31:44
Speaker 1: take ownership over my health. Then I developed this vested
31:48
Speaker 1: interest in health and wellness and in becoming the best
31:52
Speaker 1: version of myself, and was able to figure out how
31:55
Speaker 1: to make a career surrounding that, and then kept manifesting
32:01
Speaker 1: on how to do more of it, how to level up,
32:04
Speaker 1: how to continually find things that served my greater purpose. Right,
32:09
Speaker 1: and when I was atself, that's when I really started
32:12
Speaker 1: to articulate what it was.
32:13
Speaker 2: That I wanted for my life.
32:16
Speaker 1: I was twenty seven, and I knew that my overarching
32:24
Speaker 1: goal in my life would be to help others navigate
32:28
Speaker 1: their own individual wellness journeys. I was on a mission
32:33
Speaker 1: to help other people feel less alone. I didn't want women,
32:39
Speaker 1: specifically to have to go through what I went through.
32:44
Speaker 1: Not that I don't think that there are a lot
32:47
Speaker 1: of benefits to the hardships and the hurdle moments that
32:50
Speaker 1: I went through.
32:51
Speaker 2: There are. But if I.
32:55
Speaker 1: Could make you feel less alone in your struggle, then
32:59
Speaker 1: I'm doing something right. If I can help you get
33:03
Speaker 1: through these hurdle moments knowing that there is hope on
33:06
Speaker 1: the other side, that you are capable of persevering through
33:09
Speaker 1: the moments that make you feel like you are at
33:11
Speaker 1: your lowest low, How lucky am I? And so when
33:17
Speaker 1: I got let go from self man, I remember I
33:23
Speaker 1: was at a sneaker launch from Nike. It was like
33:26
Speaker 1: that back to the future sneaker, the Air mag It
33:29
Speaker 1: was like a showing of the Air mag or something
33:32
Speaker 1: a Nike store and soho. And I was in a
33:35
Speaker 1: dressing room, like putting on some clothes, and I got
33:37
Speaker 1: a call from someone who tipped me off that the
33:40
Speaker 1: magazine was going to be folding. And went into that
33:44
Speaker 1: office that day and we were all called into the
33:48
Speaker 1: other in chief's office, the entire staff, and Anna Wintour
33:50
Speaker 1: walked in. This is like a total like movie moment,
33:53
Speaker 1: and we are all crying because we know what's about
33:55
Speaker 1: to happen. And she reads from a set of note
33:57
Speaker 1: cards and tells us that the magazine is folding.
34:00
Speaker 2: We all just lost our jobs.
34:02
Speaker 1: If you're wondering if there was like a lot of
34:04
Speaker 1: emotion there from Anna, the answer is no. And we
34:09
Speaker 1: all started like we were just we were wrecked. We
34:13
Speaker 1: went to brunch. I think I drank like a gaggle
34:15
Speaker 1: of bloody Mary's. But unlike the time that I got
34:17
Speaker 1: let go from Rhodale, I felt like I was ready
34:21
Speaker 1: to figure this one out. Like I didn't necessarily think, Okay,
34:25
Speaker 1: I'm really excited to start this next chapter as a
34:28
Speaker 1: freelance journalist, but I felt like I really had a
34:31
Speaker 1: solid network, especially because I was so rooted in the
34:34
Speaker 1: fitness industry at this point that I was ready.
34:37
Speaker 2: To handle whatever was going to come my way.
34:39
Speaker 1: And so I started sending out those emails and thus
34:42
Speaker 1: began what would eventually become like a year long journey
34:47
Speaker 1: of freelance writing and a really big year for self
34:51
Speaker 1: discovery and learning to push myself and run at opportunities
34:55
Speaker 1: and try new things. And it happened during this time
34:59
Speaker 1: as every but he always says that it does that
35:02
Speaker 1: I fell in love and I met someone that I
35:07
Speaker 1: ended up dating for like eight months, I want to say,
35:10
Speaker 1: in early twenty seventeen, and that would become a really
35:16
Speaker 1: big part of the reason why I ultimately started the show.
35:22
Speaker 2: I cared a lot about him.
35:24
Speaker 1: We had a lot of fun together, we had a
35:28
Speaker 1: lot of the same interests, and I think for a
35:30
Speaker 1: long time that was a really solid foundation for companionship.
35:37
Speaker 1: But what ultimately happened was it just wasn't the thing,
35:42
Speaker 1: And in the weeks and months that followed, I became
35:46
Speaker 1: like a shell of myself. I was sitting on my
35:50
Speaker 1: couch with a girlfriend of mine that was in town visiting,
35:54
Speaker 1: and we were eating ramen and I looked at her
35:57
Speaker 1: and I said, and this is October of twenty seventeen,
36:02
Speaker 1: I just so badly want to get over this hurdle,
36:07
Speaker 1: and the words came out of my mouth, and it
36:09
Speaker 1: just I went into I interviewed Sadie Lincoln, she's the
36:12
Speaker 1: founder of Bar three early on in the show, and
36:15
Speaker 1: she described something that she calls warrior state, which is
36:18
Speaker 1: when you are doing work that feels so purposeful and
36:20
Speaker 1: special that it no longer necessarily feels like work. It
36:23
Speaker 1: just feels like everything you're supposed to do. And in
36:26
Speaker 1: that moment, I concepted Hurdle. I concepted this idea for
36:31
Speaker 1: a podcast that I would talk to other people about
36:33
Speaker 1: the hurdle moments that they are going through, and everything,
36:38
Speaker 1: every ounce of my being started to be poured into
36:42
Speaker 1: this thing that I didn't know would become like my.
36:46
Speaker 2: Occupation, or at least a large part of it.
36:48
Speaker 1: Right like, when I started Hurdle, I thought that it
36:51
Speaker 1: was just going to be this thing that brought me
36:52
Speaker 1: joy when I felt as though like my life was
36:55
Speaker 1: at times without. And I started talking to a lot
37:01
Speaker 1: of podcasters and asking them for what worked for them
37:04
Speaker 1: and learning from them and taking meetings and buying coffees
37:07
Speaker 1: and doing all the things. And then finally, on December
37:10
Speaker 1: thirty first of twenty seventeen, Hurt launched in the iTunes Store.
37:15
Speaker 1: And while the rest is history, I feel like that
37:19
Speaker 1: was a rambling account of how I got to where
37:21
Speaker 1: I am now. But I do have a few key
37:23
Speaker 1: takeaways that I want to make sure that I run home.
37:26
Speaker 1: As I finish up this solo episode talking about my journey,
37:31
Speaker 1: I realized I didn't mention the first marathon I ever ran.
37:35
Speaker 1: The first marathon I ever ran was also in Hertford,
37:39
Speaker 1: the Hartford IMG Marathon at the time it was called.
37:42
Speaker 1: I ran that marathon in twenty and thirteen, in four hours,
37:46
Speaker 1: three minutes and nineteen seconds. And I don't know if
37:50
Speaker 1: I necessarily thought when I crossed that finish line that
37:52
Speaker 1: I would be doing it again, but I knew that
37:55
Speaker 1: I had kind of like summitted the mountain at that
37:58
Speaker 1: time in terms of like my personal wellness journey. I
38:01
Speaker 1: was just so proud that this girl who again time
38:04
Speaker 1: and time again was told that this couldn't be something
38:06
Speaker 1: that she could do because of her size or the
38:09
Speaker 1: way that she looked, or like her lack of motivation,
38:12
Speaker 1: Like I showed up and I did that one for me,
38:15
Speaker 1: like I did that first half marathon. Ultimately, I started
38:18
Speaker 1: out on that journey for me, but I did it
38:20
Speaker 1: for Snowflake. I ran that first full twenty six point
38:23
Speaker 1: two mile marathon entirely for myself, and from that moment
38:30
Speaker 1: I kind of learned that self care wasn't selfish. And
38:35
Speaker 1: that self care was going to be something that would
38:37
Speaker 1: carry me through all of the difficult moments.
38:39
Speaker 2: In my life.
38:40
Speaker 1: I would not be where I am today, however, without
38:44
Speaker 1: the love and support of my community. I think one
38:47
Speaker 1: of the biggest takeaways that I can tell you when
38:50
Speaker 1: it comes to fostering relationships as an adult is that
38:53
Speaker 1: it takes a really big person to allow people to
38:56
Speaker 1: play a role in your life that you wish that
38:57
Speaker 1: they wouldn't. I have had to, as a single woman
39:01
Speaker 1: in my mid thirties get to a place where I
39:05
Speaker 1: recognize that everyone is in a different season at different times,
39:10
Speaker 1: and I have some forever friends that I know will
39:13
Speaker 1: absolutely always have my back, and those are the people
39:17
Speaker 1: that I look to when I need help. Knowing that
39:21
Speaker 1: asking for help is not a sign of weakness, but
39:24
Speaker 1: rather an opportunity to get to where you want to be.
39:28
Speaker 1: I can say that I didn't really understand that at
39:31
Speaker 1: the beginning of my journey, and that is something that
39:34
Speaker 1: I want to make sure that I reiterate here.
39:38
Speaker 2: Regardless of you know, wherever you are, wherever you're.
39:41
Speaker 1: Listening to this, Knowing that asking for help can be
39:45
Speaker 1: the game changer, especially when you're still working on fostering
39:49
Speaker 1: those feelings of self belief because they're hard, right. That
39:53
Speaker 1: inner dialogue, man, that's a hard thing to get over.
39:56
Speaker 1: But with the right tools and the right help, you
39:59
Speaker 1: will get to a place where you understand and fully
40:02
Speaker 1: grasp the idea that you are the person that has
40:04
Speaker 1: the pen to write your own story, and every single
40:08
Speaker 1: chapter going forward. Another takeaway from my journey, self belief
40:13
Speaker 1: and self worth starts with you. That's why the word
40:16
Speaker 1: self is in front of both of those terms. You
40:22
Speaker 1: cannot let other people determine how you feel about yourself.
40:28
Speaker 1: You are the person that knows your intentions. You are
40:31
Speaker 1: the person that is in charge again of that pen,
40:34
Speaker 1: and so you owe it to yourself to be responsible
40:38
Speaker 1: for how that conversation is happening and your internal dialogue.
40:42
Speaker 1: There are going to be days where it doesn't feel stellar.
40:46
Speaker 1: You can be someone who appreciates and loves your body
40:50
Speaker 1: while still showing up in front of the mirror and
40:52
Speaker 1: being like, I don't feel that great in it today,
40:55
Speaker 1: and that's okay. The important part to that is that
41:00
Speaker 1: you do something about it. You take ownership over your body.
41:03
Speaker 1: You recognize that, Okay, maybe today's not my day, but
41:07
Speaker 1: I'll go for a walk. Later, I'll reach out to
41:10
Speaker 1: a friend and talk about how I'm feeling. Maybe I'll
41:13
Speaker 1: make a therapy appointment for next week, or I will
41:16
Speaker 1: prioritize doing something that gives back to my mental health.
41:21
Speaker 1: The ownership over my well being was the most beautiful, beautiful,
41:26
Speaker 1: beautiful realization for me was that it was within my hands.
41:32
Speaker 1: And although weight loss is a part to my story,
41:37
Speaker 1: the number on the scale also isn't the thing that
41:39
Speaker 1: determines that your weight is not correlated with your self worth.
41:46
Speaker 1: I'll say it again, it starts with you everything that
41:52
Speaker 1: you want to do in your life. If you remember
41:55
Speaker 1: that you are the one holding the pen and the
41:58
Speaker 1: notebook is in front of you, and that you have
42:00
Speaker 1: the opportunity to write your story, that is where the
42:05
Speaker 1: magic happens. So grab the pen, take that ownership, use
42:10
Speaker 1: your agency to get to where you want to be.
42:13
Speaker 1: And when you don't have all the answers, don't freak out.
42:18
Speaker 1: Don't fret because let me let you in on a
42:20
Speaker 1: little secret.
42:22
Speaker 2: Nobody does the thing that you have to do.
42:26
Speaker 1: And this is something that I've learned with time, is
42:28
Speaker 1: that when you don't have the answers, and you are
42:30
Speaker 1: seeking assistance, you have to let your guard down and
42:33
Speaker 1: ask for it when you need help. Don't let your
42:37
Speaker 1: ego be the thing that stands in your way from
42:40
Speaker 1: getting it. I needed help at so many points during
42:46
Speaker 1: my journey, I will need help in so many different moments.
42:51
Speaker 1: Going forward and asking for it and embracing the opportunity
42:57
Speaker 1: to get it, that's been one of the most useful, helpful,
43:02
Speaker 1: wonderful tools in my toolbox. And I recognize now kind
43:06
Speaker 1: of bringing this full circle four years in to this show,
43:11
Speaker 1: that you all have become the thing that helps me,
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Speaker 1: that lifts me up, that so much of this show,
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Speaker 1: it's creation, its foundation, its purpose is to help and
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Speaker 1: empower you. But in doing that, it's hard for me
43:28
Speaker 1: to articulate just how much this community has helped and
43:31
Speaker 1: empowered me. And so forty two minutes or so into
43:36
Speaker 1: this thing, I want to say thank you from the
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Speaker 1: bottom of my heart for following along with me, for
43:41
Speaker 1: keeping up with me, for being a hurdler, and for
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Speaker 1: being you because there's only one you, and that's pretty
43:49
Speaker 1: damn great.
43:50
Speaker 2: Under the rest of my weekend, another hurdle conquered. Catch
43:56
Speaker 2: you guys next time.
44:01
Speaker 1: A