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Episode 11 - Zombies and what not · Three Damned Dudes

0:36
All right, and welcome to the Three Damn Dudes podcast brought
0:41
to you by Rifle and Ratchet Refinishing.
0:43
Located in Taylor, MI, Rifle and Ratchet is a veteran owned and
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also automotive parts, game controllers, golf clubs, and
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really anything can fit in the oven.
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Their goal is to make you say wow when it comes out of the
1:12
case. And with that, gentlemen, I'm
1:18
now going to scroll up to the ad read that you guys were screwing
1:21
around with because I hid the ad read and I even changed it so it
1:26
would flow better. And I screwed myself up because
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I'm so used to reading it. Cock.
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What did you guys do? What is this?
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No, I've just been watching Jimmy fuck with it the whole
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time. I haven't done.
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Anything OK? Very well.
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Very well. Well, let me get this part out
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of the Ask a Vet questionnaire, because that's not where that
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goes. All right, boys.
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OK, What's everybody drinking tonight?
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No me the tried and true Miller Lite.
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We're both drinking water. I knew it was coming all.
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Right. So yeah, I'm again, as God
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intended, still drinking this booker's.
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It's crazy how long a bottle lasts when you just sip it and
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you don't chug it like an absolute degenerate.
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And with that, you water drinking hippies.
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Cheers boys. Oh cheers buddy.
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Now, Mike. Is.
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That is that like maturity? You're not just slamming it like
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a degenerate anymore, is this? Gross.
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No, that's years of, that's years of therapy and coming to
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terms with life. Yeah, that sounds like growth.
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That's gay. All right, Jimmy, would you
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rather suck one Dick 10 times or 10 Dicks one time?
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How much money is involved? It's the love of the game, man.
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Yeah, no money. And it's also a hypothetical
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question, so either way it was. One Dick.
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One Dick 10 times. Jimmy's really doing it for.
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Your love again. One Dick 10 times or 10 Dicks
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one time. I don't know if I could fit 10
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Dicks in my mouth, so I'm probably just going to go with
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one. No, you don't.
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You don't. It's not at the same time.
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I got a listen, I got a level with you.
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I think if you suck one Dick 10 times, there's a little bit more
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than just I'm sucking Dick tonight, you know, like there's
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a level of commitment there. There's we have, we have, we
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have something, there's a chemistry of some sort.
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And honestly, like I'm here for that.
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Like that's, that's what that's, you know, I think it's more
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intimate to have one Dick 10 times because you can call me
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many things, but a whore is not one of them.
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OK. So I'm just going to stick with
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one Dick 10 times and honestly, hopefully it works out, you
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know? So Jimmy's a romantic.
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That's what he's getting at. That's my answer.
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I'm. Sticking so so Gavin already
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knows this bit. This is a Donnie O'Malley bit.
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Yeah. And in your explanation, you
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literally hit the punchline because the way it goes is
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Gavin. Would you rather suck one Dick
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10 times or 10 Dicks one time? I got to tell you, I'm drawing a
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blank on the fucking skit. Like, I know the skit, I just
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don't remember how it actually goes.
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So. 10 Dicks one time easy. You suck the same Dick 10 times.
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That shows a level of commitment that's gay.
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Let's see, here's the thing. You literally.
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I think it's beautiful. Here's the logic though.
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You suck one Dick, you get to know that Dick so you can make
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it fucking come faster, so you don't have to be sitting there
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sucking Dick. You suck 10 different Dicks, you
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got to play fucking bop it every time to figure out how to get.
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Them to go he's so right. Like I know what he likes after
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a certain point. Like it's just, you know.
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And it's like spit on and twist his finger in the ass, boom,
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like there you go. Yeah, exactly.
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What if you do it wrong? You over sent like you, you over
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stimulate them and then you got to start from finish or start
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from scratch basically, you know, starts losing size and
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shit. It's just not good and I think
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we found a Cliff. You woke.
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Up. It's like, are you?
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Are you on fucking TikTok right now?
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What the hell? We're starting episode 11 off
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with a fucking bang. Hey I made it the first 7
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minutes without saying fuck that's improvement.
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I'm really on this growth kick today.
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I don't know if I like. It I, I don't either let's get
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out the recaps because I am I'm actually excited for for
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tonight's topic. So my daughter, this is this is
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an instance where she is my wife's child and not my child.
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I get back into the car after pulling cash out of the ATM and
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Ridley sitting in the back seat and she goes, Dad, I'm so proud
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of you. And I'm like weird, OK for what?
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And she goes for hurrying up. You fart because apparently I
7:31
took too long. And the whole time my wife is in
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the van with the kids going, God, can dad hurry up in there.
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It's not that hard. So I get out and that Ridley,
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her little 3 year old brain goes.
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Dad, I'm so proud of you for hurrying up, you old fart.
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Thanks kid. My goodness.
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Thanks. I mean, she's got the same.
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Child. You're an old man.
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Yeah, she did. She she got me good chicken
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fucker. The same child.
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Your daughter a chicken fucker? No, I was.
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I yawned. I fucking reaction.
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It was looking away and you just.
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I. Was, I mean like stopped me mid
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yawn to be like what the fuck? No, it's a reference to super
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Troopers. Good.
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Chicken pox like Mike. I didn't know you got chickens
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again, Weird. Not again.
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Maybe someday, but not, not now. This is the same child.
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This is the same child that on Valentine's Day when we're
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calling people and saying happy Valentine's Day because she's
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super into that shit. We called Jenna's mom Mimi and
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left her a voicemail. And I'm, I'm really working with
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Ridley to like, hey, this is the holiday.
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We say happy whatever the holiday is OK love you can't
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wait to see you. You know something nice at the
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end and like OK bye. Like just normal normal human
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stuff. This not normal barely human
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child goes happy Thanksgiving Mimi fart monster love you.
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Because one not, not Thanksgiving, not even close.
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But she was convinced that the holiday in February is
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Thanksgiving. Every holiday is Thanksgiving
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if. Every holiday is Thanksgiving
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and her birthday, except for Christmas.
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She knows that one. Your daughter is straight up
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program dude. That's all that is.
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Oh, I can't wait to walk in the house dressed like a cowboy.
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Ridley sitting at the table. Happy Thanksgiving, Pilgrim.
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Pull my 44 out and shoot it through the sliding glass window
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there. You go.
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Hold on, fucking what the hell was that running water in the
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back? Do you hear that too?
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It's my washer. You got the laundry.
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The ghost is doing laundry. OK, I'm willing to bet the
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podcast will not hear it. Yeah, I can.
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I can delete background noise like that.
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OK, I didn't. Even hear the air air
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conditioner click on that one time.
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Yes, Yes. No, no, I don't remember we.
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Guys did you guys did that? It didn't pick up.
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On the podcast I'm going to be honest, I've gotten to the point
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where unless I mark a clip that I have to go back for, I do the
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same thing with like the AI normalizing the audio and just
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post it. Stand by to get cancelled I
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guess. Do you still use that?
11:02
Ballsy. Yeah, and I've, I've actually, I
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figured it out. But anyways, I will be out of
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town for the next two episodes. But don't You Beautiful people
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worry your beautiful little faces.
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You nerds will still get your episodes.
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All right? It's going to happen.
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We will figure it out. And then to touch on to touch on
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last week's episode, the last thing I've got from my recap was
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my shower thought pretty much all week is remember that what
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you see on social media and what you see in the news is 9 times
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out of 10A subset of the information that's out there
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that you are being allowed to or targeted to see.
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So just remember that. And the moral of that story is
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to question everything. Don't form your entire opinion
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on a subject based on what some chick or dude on TikTok is up
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there complaining about. All right?
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Be a be a smart grown human being and do a little bit of
12:16
research. Figure out how you feel about
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it, not how somebody else is telling you to feel about it.
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And yeah, that's my recap. Jimmy, what do you got?
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I'm looking at that link you just you just sent.
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Let's see, hang on to do to do 'cause I have.
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Let's see. So we struggle.
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My kids are picky ass eaters, dude.
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I hate it. I don't know what happened, but
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my son, when he was just a wee lad, he would eat whatever you
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put in front of him, right? Didn't matter if it was venison
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like, if it was spaghetti, if it was meatloaf, if it was fish, if
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it was clam strips. These are all food that my son
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would eat when he was a wee little lad.
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Now that he's six, he will only eat chicken, fries, microwave
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burritos and cereal and just just junk.
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Dude. He won't even eat French fries.
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He'll eat mashed potatoes if they're the instant kind.
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We and we struggle with that. And then Maddie's boy is kind of
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the same way. Although her two year old will
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eat fruit, my son won't eat fruit.
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My son won't eat vegetables. We're like, we're like getting
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to the point where we're like starting to make him try them
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and eat them. And it's very difficult.
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But I got a win in my book though, because I tricked these
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fucking idiots to eat something healthy.
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And God damn it am I proud of myself.
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Like I like, I, I like, I'm so Maddie's at school.
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I've got her youngest son and I've got my son and I've just
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had it like I made bacon, I made scrambled eggs and I made
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pancakes and they didn't want to touch any of it.
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Normally they'll touch the pancakes if I put chocolate
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chips in it, right? But this time they just wouldn't
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touch it. And it's just been, it's just
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been two weekends in a row of just shitty eating.
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And, and it really what it is, is my son is he's allowed to eat
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whatever he wants at his mom's house.
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That, that's really what, what fucks me is that he's just got
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no rules when it comes to eating.
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So it really puts me in a bad spot.
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But I, I was like, you know what?
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These kids need their protein. My son needs his freaking fruit.
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I, I was like, who wants milkshakes for breakfast?
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So I got a glass of milk, 2 pouches of the Essentials
15:14
breakfast protein, breakfast blend, and two bananas.
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I threw all that shit in there, hit the hit in the blender and
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blended it up. I threw some ice cubes in there
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to give it that milk milkshake texture.
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Dude, it was delicious as fuck. I drank it.
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I did put a little bit of Hershey syrup in it to make make
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it taste a little bit better because you know how that
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protein powder has that like chalky taste, you know?
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Yeah, so I was able to hide that with the banana and a little bit
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of Hershey syrup. But them fucking idiots a every
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bit of that milkshake dude. And they got 2 bananas and they
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got protein. They got all these other
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minerals and vitamins. And I was so proud.
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I was like, I was, I was son of Maddie.
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Like I was like, I'm going to get them.
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I was like this time I'm going to get them.
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I got this. I figured it out.
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I'm putting this in it. I'm putting this in it and
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putting this in it. I'm sending her Snapchats of me
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flipping the kids off behind their back so I don't see it as
16:07
I'm blending this stuff like I'm going to get them and then and
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then I send her a video of them drinking and I go, yeah, is that
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good? And I'm like, yeah, I was like,
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yeah, it's really freaking good, isn't it?
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Yeah, it's delicious. I didn't tell them what was
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there because I'm not an idiot. Did you do that?
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Then they're not going to drink it, you know, just out of spite.
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I was like, yeah, it's really good.
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It's good to have milkshakes for breakfast every now and again.
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Fucking idiots. But I, I got them, you know, and
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then, so that's kind of my weekly update as far as like the
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family goes, Valentine's was a huge hit.
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That was awesome. We had a good night.
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And then at work, this is kind of towards the end of the day
16:54
today, it was really funny. It was kind of like my
16:56
Tourette's took over a situation that was really, really
16:58
hilarious. And we have this guy, his name
17:01
is Steve. I like Steve a lot.
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And I work, I work with this guy named Mike.
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And Steve was doing something. And Mike is like, you're doing
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great, Steve. And he's.
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And he's like walking away. Like he's like walking farther
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and farther away. And Mike looks at me.
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He's like, Steve kind of likes it when you compliment him.
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Without skipping a beat. I go, you got a great ass,
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Steve. Like, I just sort of like,
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that's so quick. And Mike's like, that's not
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really what I meant. And I was like, yeah.
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But I bet he liked it. It's pretty funny.
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Yeah, that's it for my weekly recap.
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That's beautiful. Gavin, please tell me you did
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something this week. No, Only thing I'd do is go to
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the gym and like that's it. Nothing interesting happens.
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I don't have a family so there's no updates there.
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I have a Valentine's because I'm fucking single.
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So like I had a date with a six pack Ipas on Saturday.
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I think that was the most interesting thing that's
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happened to me, so. How'd that go?
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It was great until like the fifth one and then things
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started to get really fuzzy. I know I killed the 6th 1:00
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because I woke up and it was on my little high stand.
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Yeah, a little hazy. I woke up at like 3 or 4 in the
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morning in my bed. So that was a win.
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Wasn't like in the four or anything.
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And I was like, oh, I guess I fucking passed out.
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And that was, yeah, that was pretty much it.
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I don't know what you expect of me, man.
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Like there's nothing interesting to do where I'm at so.
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Yeah, that's fair. I could have been to, yeah, I
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could potentially have an exciting update next week.
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Might not be exciting till everybody else but.
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Yeah. Yes, if it's exciting, it's bad.
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And then we'll change our name back to Gavin's Last Stand.
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Yeah. Pretty much.
19:33
Yeah, I'm looking forward to your update next week.
19:35
It's I'm, I'm really looking forward to it.
19:42
All right. Any save rounds for weekly
19:45
recaps? You know what, I I do kind kind
19:51
of have a update when it comes to like alcohol.
19:55
Oh. Because I tried, I have a big
19:59
ass bottle of bourbon. And I was like, I need bourbon
20:03
for the podcast and what was it 2 nights ago?
20:08
I think I was like, I'm going to cook dinner and I'm going to
20:13
have I'm going to have some bourbon.
20:16
So I poured like I poured a glass of bourbon.
20:20
I was like this much bourbon. So I was like, I don't even know
20:28
what measurement that would be, right it.
20:30
Was that? That's a heavy pour.
20:32
It was. Several, several shots, probably
20:34
like 6 or seven shots. God damn dude, you're supposed
20:39
to sip it. And I did.
20:43
I turned it into an old Fashioned, put some ice cubes in
20:47
it and I tied, went on with this glass of bourbon and I'm I'm
20:55
done drinking. I'm not drinking no more.
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I didn't this shit messed with me and weighed like so I used to
21:02
drink not super heavy, but I bourbon was always kind of my go
21:07
to. So like I'm not like I'm
21:10
familiar with whiskey, you know, I'm going to stick to beers.
21:14
But it but it had been a while since I drank and been like
21:17
about a month since I've had any alcohol and I had that and it
21:23
was a good night. But then when I went to bed,
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dude, it like it dried me out. I had to wake up so many
21:31
freaking times to just get a glass of water.
21:35
And then I was, it was, I was so freaking dehydrated that I was
21:40
having dreams that I was drinking water because my mouth
21:45
was so freaking dry. I would wake up with dry mouth
21:50
so I'd and then I was having dreams that Maddie was just
21:54
being a real piece of shit to me.
21:56
Like it was just like I was having so many dreams, like so
22:00
many messed up dreams dude. And like I tossed and turned all
22:04
night. I felt like shit.
22:06
Like I just so freaking thirsty every I was so restless.
22:11
Every every time this asshole jumped off the bed and on the
22:15
floor or was getting into something in the kitchen, I
22:17
could hear him. I was waking up.
22:19
I got like, I hate this podcast thing, thing, guys, I hate it.
22:27
I need a new, I need a new, I need a new podcast box just to
22:31
fill everybody in. That just happened.
22:34
I have Hispanic neighbors. Hang on.
22:39
It's happening again. Some Spanish is playing in my
22:44
ears right now. Hang on, can you hear this?
22:50
No. You're lucky.
22:51
You're lucky. It's I'm connected to some.
22:56
So this thing it it's connecting to some.
23:02
Every fucker every time I fucking move it, dude.
23:05
Bluetooth disconnected, OK? They know.
23:07
They know that they're connecting to something.
23:09
So this stupid box is hooked into somebody's TV and it scares
23:15
the shit out of me every time because I'll be talking about
23:17
something then all of a sudden I, I like, I have somebody in
23:20
Spanish like it'll, it's either music or this time it sounded
23:24
like a news reporter was, was pretty like, pretty intensively
23:30
like intent. Like just yelling Spanish into
23:33
my ear scared the shit out of me.
23:34
I hate this. I hate this box.
23:36
I need a new, I need a new one. This one's defective.
23:39
Jimmy, do me a favor. Yeah.
23:41
Turn the Bluetooth off on your computer and let me know if that
23:49
happens again. Do you think I'm being hacked
23:55
tonight? No, no, I don't think that, but
24:00
I don't think. Maybe these?
24:02
Podcast boxes have Bluetooth, so the only other thing that you're
24:06
connected to, the only other thing you're connected to would
24:11
be Jimmy. Did you previously connect to
24:15
your neighbor's fucking TV? No, interesting.
24:24
It's so the first thing I hear is I'll hear Bluetooth connected
24:28
and then Spanish every time Spanish, right?
24:34
And so on my computer, on my list of what is this?
24:42
Where is MTP? Jimmy, I feel like there's a
24:47
hotline you could call that would take care of this for you.
24:51
Oh my God, I don't know what I thought you're talking about,
24:59
but the one that I thought of was awful and funny.
25:02
Anyways, but yeah, turn the Bluetooth off on your computer,
25:08
see if it keeps doing it. I'm curious.
25:10
I don't think it's my computer though.
25:12
Hang on, what is MTP? Let me let me Google this.
25:15
What is? Something traffic or transfer
25:20
protocol? Something Bluetooth?
25:25
It's showing up that is MTP on my computer.
25:32
What the fuck is it? Why a Bluetooth device shows up?
25:36
Media Transfer Protocol. Yeah, turn that off.
25:43
OK, I don't think it's my computer though.
25:46
It's it would happen. It's the only other.
25:49
It's the only thing. It's literally basically the
25:54
only option. Yeah, because these little
25:57
mixers don't have Bluetooth in them.
26:01
All right, so we'll, we'll let you know.
26:06
I'll let you know if it happens again.
26:09
Frozen for you too. OK.
26:10
Maybe turn that back on real quick.
26:12
I was about to say, you see the fucking pose that he is stuck
26:15
in? God for those beats.
26:18
In the background. Can you hear me?
26:27
Though. Yeah, I can hear you.
26:28
So for those of you driving to work, Jimmy is frozen in a very
26:32
stoic pose, staring almost violently at what I can only
26:39
assume is his laptop. And over his right are left, so
26:43
you'll see it over his left shoulder.
26:45
There's beads on the back of his recliner.
26:48
Just eyeballs deep in his own Dong.
26:53
And I'm so glad. I hope this is the scene that it
26:58
gives me the option to clip it for the thumbnail for this
27:00
episode that would. Be good.
27:03
Hope so. I can see it, I like, I see what
27:09
you're looking at and I'm starting to think that MTP is
27:14
my. I think you might need that.
27:16
In GoPro I. Think you need?
27:19
That remove the device, I don't know how to find it again.
27:24
Unplug it and then plug it back in.
27:27
Please stand by for technical difficulties.
27:31
As always, this wouldn't be an episode of The Three Damn Dudes
27:34
if you guys weren't brought along for our technical issues.
27:42
So hey, there you go it. Was in fact my GoPro, so let's
27:49
not remove that. All right, let's just turn the
27:51
Bluetooth off on your computer and see if you get connected to
27:54
again all. Right, hang on, because now I
27:56
got to go. Also, this is the first time
27:59
you've mentioned this problem. Is this the only time it's
28:02
happened or has it happened in like pre?
28:04
Oh, it happens all the time. Not happens all the time.
28:08
It happens when I'm every time I'm using.
28:10
So listen, it is the box. It is every time I'm using the
28:14
box. It's not.
28:15
Because it hasn't happened. Listen, I've.
28:21
Well maybe because I wouldn't be using it to the computer.
28:26
I was going to say it happened while I was playing video games
28:29
but I was using the computer to run discord so it is possible
28:34
but I only have when it comes to Bluetooth my monitor.
28:46
It's it's not what you're connected to.
28:49
It's something is connecting to you, that's the thing.
28:54
So you're not going to see. What really tan up the news
28:57
story? Wouldn't it?
29:01
Yeah, it's China. All right, So let's try.
29:04
China. Let's they're hacking my
29:09
computer all. Right.
29:14
It's because of that last episode when we figured out how
29:18
to save America. We're being targeted.
29:22
They're on our ass, dude. Yep.
29:24
As long as they're not. Keep an eye out for the movie
29:27
coming out next fall. If you liked our rant, let us
29:32
know. I I have listened, I have been
29:38
told and, and listen I need, I need you guys.
29:43
I'm talking to you the listeners.
29:46
I need you guys to back me on this because Mike does not have
29:51
my back on this. I want to talk about Epstein.
29:55
I want to get into that. And Mike is like, no.
30:00
And I had listeners that are like, yeah, do it.
30:04
So if you want to hear us get into that, let us know.
30:10
And if not, I'll leave it alone. Anyway, what the fuck was I
30:15
talking about before I got hacked by Puerto Rico dude,
30:18
because that shit was nuts. The Venezuelans, they're still
30:25
upset. Dude, you just.
30:29
Got to start playing Chief Keef, get back at him.
30:33
Yeah, there we go. Blair fortunate son all the
30:38
time. I isn't that Vietnamese?
30:44
Not the Vietnamese people. No, it's the theme song of
30:48
Vietnam. Yeah.
30:51
And above, so so is the theme song to Venezuela.
30:56
OK, OK, so bourbon bad dreams dry me out.
31:04
That's where we were at, right? Yep.
31:07
Made me feel like shit. But yeah, so I just.
31:13
I woke up and I was like, I told Manny I was like, I did not
31:16
sleep at all. She's like, I know you were kind
31:19
of all over the place last night.
31:21
She's like, I think it was the whiskey and I was like, I think
31:23
you're right. So I'm done with that.
31:29
It was not worth the buzz that I've got.
31:32
I think I'm just better off not drinking a hot liquor.
31:36
I think I'm good. So I would say.
31:40
You could you could try it again safely with like 2 fingers and
31:45
not a fucking fist as you're gauge for when to stop pouring.
31:51
Can we just take a minute? To appreciate what the fuck you
31:54
just said, we could try it. Safely with two fingers.
31:59
Instead of a fist. Why do you think I phrased it
32:02
that way? So, so Jimmy.
32:07
It's all about easing it in, yeah.
32:11
That is where I started and that is where I'm at.
32:15
Yeah, OK. Hang on, keep your.
32:17
Keep for for our listeners that keep your game right.
32:20
Here this is what Jimmy's video with.
32:23
Yeah, I was going to say. Mike is over here showing a
32:26
demonstration of the difference between 2 fingers and a fist.
32:32
Pick your glass back up. The way you were, the way you
32:36
had it. No, no, no.
32:39
The way you were holding it. Yeah.
32:43
You see where your pointer finger is?
32:44
That's where my whiskey stopped. Yeah, buddy, that's way too
32:47
much. What the fuck?
32:50
Fucking yeah. No wonder you woke up feeling
32:53
like shit. Jimmy, I hurt you, man.
32:58
Let's my God, that was that was my standard.
33:04
Not, not 21 anymore. Yeah, this is just user error
33:09
like. Fuck.
33:11
You've done this to yourself. Don't give up on bourbon because
33:14
you were an idiot. Hang on, hang on.
33:17
One, I'm going to get more water and two, I'm going to come in
33:20
here. I'm going to come back in with
33:21
my old whiskey glass. Hang on.
33:24
Oh fuck, I'll. Be right back.
33:26
This is where he shows us that it's a fucking pint.
33:29
Right. He just comes walking back in
33:34
with Das Boot. He's like here.
33:38
Oh. I have a story about a boot, and
33:41
then after Jimmy's done talking about his glass, we need to get
33:45
into our topic. Yeah, we'll be fine now.
33:53
Jimmy unplugged. Fuck.
33:56
Damn it. The listeners went longer
33:59
episodes anyways. Yeah, but I don't think longer
34:02
with filler, nothing really scratches that itch.
34:07
Yeah, whatever. Looks like they get what they
34:11
get. Listen, guys, we're just three
34:15
damn dudes, all right? We're just trying.
34:19
Hey, Jimmy's back. There he is.
34:26
Do you guys understand how fucking unfortunate it is to
34:29
host Oh? My God.
34:34
Yeah, and Jimmy came back with a baby pint glass, so yeah, no
34:39
shit. You had a bad time, bud. 12 oz.
34:44
Cup, I don't even feel bad for you.
34:46
That was your own fault. You shouldn't drink a Miller
34:49
Lite's worth of fucking whiskey. You'll have a bad time.
34:53
That was. That used to be a good time for
34:55
me though, like. You know what I want to actually
34:57
see? I want to see the fucking bottle
35:00
and see how much of A dent in it there is.
35:03
Yeah, what? You know what?
35:04
No, we'll do that later because. OK, so I have a story.
35:10
Fucking damn it, Jimmy, You just, you had, you had to get.
35:17
I'm fuck. I'm curious, I'm curious.
35:20
You know what? That's fair.
35:21
Yeah, for those of you driving again, sorry this hasn't been.
35:25
It's not our finest work, but it is funny, so fuck off.
35:30
Jimmy got up to go retrieve his bourbon bottle and now he's
35:35
back, and now he's putting his headphones in.
35:38
He didn't spit on it before inserting.
35:40
It looks bad. Just going to work, you know?
35:45
I walked over and I've seen it. I was like, oh fuck, I might
35:50
have went in for a refill, I'm not going to lie.
35:53
Oh my God. Fucking whole buddy brother.
36:04
OK. And that was a new bottle.
36:10
Damn near, yeah. Jimmy killed like 1/4 of a fifth
36:15
and he was complaining about having a bad time.
36:18
No shit you had a bad time, buddy.
36:22
You were. You were one fart away from
36:24
alcohol poisoning. You're about to spend
36:28
Valentine's Day in the fucking ER, getting your stomach pumped.
36:32
I don't even know, not in the fun.
36:33
Way. I don't even know how big this
36:36
bottle is. Like I don't think it says how
36:38
many freaking. It's like a freaking gallon
36:42
dude. Oh, it's one point 1.75 liters.
36:46
It's damn near a 2 liter Oh. He's got a fucking handle of it.
36:49
OK, cool. He killed a.
36:53
Quarter. Of a handle.
36:54
No shit you had a bad time. Oh.
37:00
Jimmy, we're old now. We can't drink like that
37:04
anymore. We have bad times.
37:07
You know what I'm going to I'm going to tell you a really funny
37:10
fishing story. Mike, you.
37:11
Really you? You really wanted to talk?
37:13
You remember the last time I came to visit you?
37:16
Listen. Yeah, we, we'll, we'll tell that
37:19
story at some point, but just. Yeah, I think that was on one of
37:23
the unaired ones, yeah. We we were on a fishing trip.
37:30
We do a yearly. I used to do a yearly fishing
37:33
trip and I remember the boys were playing cards or whatever.
37:38
And I'm not a big card card game guy, but I'm, you know, I'll
37:42
come hang out for a little bit. I'm like at least one of the
37:46
nights because I like to go to bed pretty early.
37:48
I'm pretty notorious for just going to bed early, but usually
37:51
one night I'll I'll stay up and and hang out and I have a snap
37:59
like I have a Snapchat history on this night.
38:03
And it was pretty funny. It was me kind of progressing
38:06
you on throughout how my night was going.
38:07
And there's there's me with a selfie.
38:10
I look hammered. I'm like, this is I'm nine
38:12
whiskey's deep. Send help.
38:15
And I remember walking back, walking back to the my camper
38:22
and for some reason they got these stupid posts in the ground
38:27
and it was pitch black, right? Because it's the middle of the
38:30
night. They got these stupid fucking
38:34
posts in the ground that are waist high.
38:37
And I'm walking and it's a brisk walk.
38:39
I'm trying to get back to the to the trailer, right?
38:43
Somehow I clear it with my right leg.
38:47
I don't run into it. And then I go around it with my
38:51
left leg and I smack my Dick right on this post that's in the
38:57
ground and and and it's a brisk walk.
39:01
So I hit this thing so hard I bend over it fall on my fucking
39:07
face and the wind take the wind, the wind knocked out of me
39:13
through my tank. Like all, all the air just
39:15
freaking rushed out of my tank. And I'm laughing because what
39:20
I'm in pain. I'm trying to laugh because how
39:23
the fuck did I managed to clear up the both legs and hit it with
39:27
my balls? What's funny is my buddy Greg
39:34
heard me fall because what the hell is that?
39:39
I was like, one of them fucking posts took me out, came out of
39:42
nowhere. He's like, it's been there.
39:45
He's like, it's been there every year.
39:52
What's funnier is Greg is newer to that campground than I am.
39:56
I've been going for years, dude. It took me out.
40:00
Well, like it came out of nowhere.
40:02
He's like, bro, it's been there. Oh man, fucking funny.
40:08
Jeez. Fuck Mike, you, you had the
40:13
story. Fuck, what was my story?
40:18
About the boot. Oh, the boot, the boot, the
40:24
boot. So I was.
40:27
That's a bit different. Yeah.
40:30
I was in a different country for a training exercise at some
40:33
point. And the day after the exercise
40:37
wrapped up, right, we're all packing up, getting ready to go
40:39
home. But that's not the go home day.
40:42
The next day is. So we're back at the hotel and
40:47
there is a like this country, their officers club.
40:51
We were staying on post was right next to the hotel they put
40:55
us up in. And so we walked in, not in
40:59
uniform. And we're just hanging out with
41:03
with all these all these officers in their O club and
41:09
we're all drinking and I I get pretty fucking shithoused and
41:15
I'm sitting at the bar teetering on coherence and the bartender's
41:22
like, you want another one? And I went, yeah, I want another
41:26
one, but I want, I want to drink the next one out of the tip jar,
41:29
which was a, a mini boot. And she looks at me and she
41:35
goes, are are are you fucking serious?
41:38
And I'm like, yeah. And she's like, OK, takes the
41:43
tip jar, dumps the money out into a bucket, goes and washes
41:47
the boot. And from like down the bar, way
41:50
down that way, you hear some fucking drunk dude that belongs
41:55
there go, hey you, if you're going to drink out of the boot,
42:01
you got to fucking do it right? Everybody orders a shot.
42:06
All the shots go in the boot. You finish the boot.
42:12
And I'm thinking to myself, well, that wasn't in the fucking
42:17
fine print rut row. But I have already made a
42:22
Jackass of myself and demanding my next beverage come from the
42:26
boot. So there were probably 8 to 12
42:30
people sitting at the bar, including the team that I was up
42:34
there with. Everybody picked a shot.
42:39
All of the guys who belonged there picked double s.
42:46
So I had a concoction. Well, everybody, everybody paid
42:49
for the shot that they put in it because they wanted to see the
42:52
dumb ass get fucked up. I I have a quick question.
42:56
What was your rank? I was.
43:02
I just gotten back from my first deployment.
43:04
I would have been a Sergeant. Surprising, OK.
43:10
This was this was before I went to rehab, obviously.
43:13
Oh yeah, that explains it. Yeah, back when I was still
43:16
dealing with everything in a not healthy manner.
43:21
So the bartender gets done putting all these fucking shots
43:25
in this boot and I'm like, well, can't go back now.
43:34
And I picked this boot up and I just start fucking chugging
43:38
because I understand that with everything that went into this
43:41
boot, I'm, I'm drinking things that do not go together.
43:47
And there's a good chance with how much I've already drank that
43:49
I'm going to black out before I'm done.
43:51
So I had to drink fast so that I didn't black out before I was
43:55
done and break the tip jar. So I I finish it, set it down
44:02
semi aggressively and everybody like it got silent in the bar.
44:07
I set it down and it's quiet for another second and I look down
44:12
at the fucking dude and I'm like, there, you fucking happy.
44:16
And the whole bar starts cheering.
44:17
And I was like, fuck, yeah, this was this was my movie moment.
44:24
I don't remember much after that.
44:27
Obviously after like 16 shots straight to the fucking Dome,
44:33
which was so fucking stupid. I apparently, well my adult
44:41
there who I've talked about on the show before, he ordered
44:45
pizza. So I was eating pizza and
44:50
apparently also demanded a fucking Ice Cream Sandwich.
44:57
I had allegedly almost finished the piece of pizza and then
45:02
killed the Ice Cream Sandwich real fast and then started
45:06
chewing again. And my buddy Rob's like, what
45:11
the fuck are you chewing right now?
45:13
And I look at him and I, like, open my mouth and it's just a
45:18
chunk of pizza crust. And he's like, dude, where the
45:22
fuck you ate an entire Ice Cream Sandwich?
45:27
What? How?
45:31
And the next thing I remember is I'm like, fuck, I got to pee,
45:36
it's time to break the seal. I remember having that coherent
45:38
thought. So I walk over to the bathroom
45:41
and it's like a normal public restroom in this bar and I'm
45:46
wearing like loose fitting cargo shorts.
45:49
I undo the belt and my shorts fall all the way to the floor.
45:54
And it was one of those moments where like, like, right, I'm
45:58
standing in front of the urinal and I'm like.
46:08
And at that point I turn around and I see my adult good old Rob
46:13
standing there with his phone out taking a video.
46:20
So for the longest time my my picture on my Google account was
46:27
me standing in front of a urinal, khaki cargo shorts and a
46:31
black belt on the ground. That's where that.
46:34
Came from pair of Silkies. Yeah, that's that's the story
46:38
behind that picture. And obviously I survived that
46:43
night. I don't recommend doing that.
46:47
We're going to need that video. I don't.
46:51
I could fuck. I could probably get it, yeah.
46:55
Yeah. All right, I'll, I'll see what I
46:58
can do. You know, one of these episodes
47:04
we're just going to have to tell deployment stories or like TDY
47:07
stories or just stupid. Stupid stories or something?
47:12
But this episode is not that episode.
47:15
Because, ladies and gentlemen, tonight we're talking about
47:17
fucking Zom. Well, we're not talking about
47:19
fucking zombies. We're talking about.
47:21
I mean no, no, no, no zombies. Hold on, we.
47:23
Might depends on the zombie. Yeah, 100%.
47:26
She wasn't even all that dead, man.
47:30
Oh, fuck, Jimmy. I got to send you that that
47:32
movie. I owe you that.
47:36
All right, so we're talking about zombies tonight.
47:37
Oh, my God. I.
47:42
Don't want to? Share.
47:43
I don't want to say it like you don't want me to.
47:47
Say it. Let me go ahead and mark this
47:50
real quick, just in case. You're telling me that you
47:56
wouldn't hate fuck a zombie if it was your ex?
48:04
You. You made me say it.
48:08
I can't say I would do it. No, no I would not.
48:13
No is. Is this before or after we cut
48:16
their hands off? Yeah.
48:19
Just look. Just look.
48:19
Fucking handless, Handless stupid zombie bitch.
48:23
She's a fucking Christ. You can't.
48:43
You can't get out. Oh fuck's sake.
48:46
Oh God, I had more to add to that and the hands thing took me
48:50
out. You wouldn't hate fuck your
48:58
handless zombie X No, no I wouldn't I.
49:10
Don't know why but we're not having hands.
49:13
So fucking funny to me. All right, Alex, I need a
49:18
T-shirt. Just a zombie without hands.
49:24
Just make it look like a bitch. OK anyways.
49:40
The best bit of the show. So Oh my God, oh God, at this
49:55
point it's like becoming an like inside joke with the listeners
49:59
it. It's been the joke since episode
50:02
-5 it's always been the joke. I hope that it keeps evolving
50:09
though. There's.
50:14
Gonna be there's gonna be some to Mike's ex-wife by the time we
50:18
get to episode 50. My God.
50:21
She's gonna be unrecognizable. It's not.
50:25
It's just going to be a fucking torso rolling.
50:27
Down the. Street Jesus every season of the
50:39
show. There's a new.
50:40
Shirt that drops of just a zombie that's more and more
50:43
taken apart. The next drinking game we play
50:47
with Mike is pin the hand on the Mike Sacks.
50:58
Oh my God. All right, zombies.
51:01
Zombies. OK, before we get into this, we
51:05
need to Jesus Christ, all right? Are we getting out, boys?
51:27
Well, oh. God, yeah, we're.
51:31
I hope you guys driving to, I hope you guys driving to work
51:35
enjoyed that as much as Jimmy and Gavin did.
51:44
Jimmy's reactions keep getting me.
51:46
Like, I think he's good now look at him.
51:52
You know, if you guys end up having to record a solo episode,
51:55
you know what I just realized I gave you access to?
51:57
Post that shit. I know to post and edit your own
52:01
fucking episode. I know, I know, I've made a
52:04
critical mistake. We don't edit shit.
52:07
Nope. You're like, I'll teach you how
52:10
to edit. I'm like, no, no, don't worry
52:11
about it. We're good.
52:16
Oh geez. Oh my God dude, I'm all right.
52:21
Face is swollen. Are are we good to talk about
52:24
zombies now? Yeah.
52:26
I think so I. Think so, yeah.
52:28
All right. So I feel like the first order
52:30
of business is what kind of zombies are we dealing with?
52:32
Are we talking like not? Even dead.
52:35
Zombies. God.
52:39
Damn it. Where the fuck did that come
52:51
from? I wasn't even looking at him.
52:55
I don't know what happened. You see, the problem is, I said.
52:58
What kind of zombies are we talking about?
53:01
Jimmy's fucking brain went. The handless bitch kind, damn
53:14
it. Oh fucking crying.
53:27
That's the worst kind to catch man.
53:30
Become a sappy and your hands fall.
53:33
Often I have tears pouring down my face.
53:41
You know what the worst part about handless zombies is?
53:45
You can't even restrain them if you want to hate fucking
53:47
properly. Oh.
53:48
My God. So you can just slip the nubs
53:51
out of the handcuffs. Oh my God, drink some water,
53:59
fuck. Fucking handless.
54:03
Bitch. So I was trying to get Jimmy to
54:11
spill water all over his fucking computer and it didn't work.
54:23
Dude, could you imagine you're playing Left 4 Dead Net thing
54:25
comes as the fucking ham, a zombie that steals half your
54:28
shit. The animation is it just leaps
54:41
from across the land and straddles you and.
54:46
It's just straddles everyone else.
54:58
Oh, OK. Jimmy, you're crying.
55:01
Mike's dying in the. Corner.
55:05
Oh my God, I'm so sorry. Oh my.
55:13
God headache, now you know bourbon should fix.
55:16
That oh God, I haven't laughed that hard in a really, really
55:23
long time. Yeah, no.
55:25
That was, I know we. That was needed.
55:30
Yeah, I know we meant to talk about zombies like for real in
55:34
this episode, but I I definitely I needed that laugh it.
56:00
This episode is going to be so much better to watch on YouTube
56:04
than to listen to. Going to work.
56:06
What fucking guy, honestly what made me laugh as I took a sip of
56:10
water and I started to struggle and getting down and I look at
56:14
myself and the camera and see my fucking fat fucking face just
56:18
pull fucking water and it sent me over the edge fucking.
56:26
Hell. Oh, God.
56:30
All right, I'm good. Are are you fucking sure?
56:33
Sure. Oh God.
56:41
All right. But yeah, zombies would be cool.
56:45
As long as they have hands, I. Think depends on the
56:49
circumstance. Yeah, I'm not a medical doctor.
56:55
Depends on if you want to hate fuck them or not.
57:00
So I got into like a serious like Nah, like it kind of like
57:05
was like a heated exchange. I was talking to Maddie about
57:10
the zombie apocalypse, the zombie apocalypse.
57:13
And I was like telling her I was like, dude, I would love that
57:15
shit. Oh, it's like, I would I would
57:17
like I'd get the let off so much steam.
57:21
And she was like she like got upset and she's like, I think
57:26
about that all the time. It's not funny.
57:27
She's like, it's not, there's nothing enjoyable about that.
57:30
She's like everyday. Like she was basically like,
57:33
like she had put some serious thought into it.
57:35
Like, like, what are we going to do with the kids?
57:37
How are we going to keep the kids alive?
57:38
You know, what if one gets bit? What if one gets eaten alive and
57:41
we can't do anything about it to watch our kids go through that?
57:43
And I'm like, Jesus Christ, woman, just scaring the shit out
57:48
of me. Quit it, you know fucking just
57:53
nub nub that freaking zombies spending your kids out eating
57:56
it. Oh God.
58:01
Fuck. Well, so I think it would
58:03
heavily depend on what kind of zombies we're talking about.
58:06
Are these like Night of the living dead zombies?
58:08
Or are these like I am legend zombies and handless zombies is
58:13
not a fucking answer, Jimmy. I'm.
58:17
Sorry, every time I look at Jimmy, he's wearing fucking,
58:25
he's wearing the fucking Gray shirt.
58:27
So you see the. Shirt.
58:35
Oh God. For the 7th fucking time.
58:41
What kind of zombies are these? What kind of zombies are there?
58:48
Well, there's the slow dumb ones that get you with like
58:52
surrounding you, and then there's the fast smart ones that
58:54
Will Smith had to kill his dog over.
58:57
Oh yeah, yeah, those ones sucked, huh?
59:01
Yeah, I would make the argument that the type of zombies we're
59:06
dealing with largely very quickly informs whether or not I
59:10
fucking stick around for it at all.
59:13
What are the ones that the ones that were in the Will Smith ones
59:18
though? Like they wouldn't come out in
59:19
daylight, right? Yeah, but that's the shit part
59:23
about the sun is it goes away. And if you remember at the end,
59:29
the toward the end of the movie, they got smart because he put
59:32
artificial lights out and then they fucking turned them off.
59:35
I. Don't remember that movie?
59:39
Yeah, we're talking. Under the dog dying.
59:42
We're talking like I am Legend, the Last of Us fucking left for
59:47
dead zombies. Like I'm, I'm checking out.
59:50
I'm not sticking around for that.
59:55
Yeah, fuck that. Yeah.
1:00:00
Yeah, I don't know. Like if it was just me, totally
1:00:05
different story. Yeah, yeah, it's a hard one with
1:00:11
with the kids, you know, thinking about the kids and
1:00:13
shit. It is it is AI would be a
1:00:18
completely different person during a zombie apocalypse.
1:00:22
I know that, you know, I'm very, very compassionate, very, very
1:00:31
thoughtful person, very kind, very sweet.
1:00:33
But you know, when it comes to my ex-wife, when it comes to
1:00:38
that, I'll, I'll turn into your ex-wife really quick.
1:00:40
Fucking nobody. Nobody matters but me.
1:00:46
Fucking wow. But no, I so like what goes
1:00:56
through my head is like when we're driving and like we're in
1:01:00
the like rural areas, like I'll look at houses with like big ass
1:01:05
yards, like with a good vantage point and stuff like that.
1:01:09
And like I like, I make a mental note.
1:01:12
I'm coming here like this is my house.
1:01:15
If the zombie apocalypse comes, this is my house.
1:01:18
I don't care what happens to the people that are in it.
1:01:20
That is my house because I'm keeping keeping my family safe.
1:01:24
I will come in and take your home like and, and, and post up.
1:01:31
You know, it's, it's a pretty, pretty crazy, crazy thing to
1:01:36
think about, but hopefully, hopefully like zombies like
1:01:41
isn't a possible thing to achieve, you know, so because
1:01:46
that would suck. You realize 60 years ago people
1:01:52
said aliens aren't real? What's the thing?
1:01:57
You kind of have documented cases of zombies in nature, just
1:02:02
not in humans. Yeah, I mean, what do you call a
1:02:07
deer with EHD or whatever the fuck that is, dog?
1:02:11
That's a fucking zombie deer. And the big thing that when the
1:02:18
Last was blew up, because of the TV show that came out, there's a
1:02:22
species of fungi that actually takes over ants and like hollows
1:02:27
them out and then just kind of does its own thing.
1:02:30
And I'm like, that's fucking terrifying.
1:02:34
Have you seen the the parasite that lives in the water and like
1:02:40
infect spraying mantises and will lead the the praying mantis
1:02:44
once it's like fully grown back the water and a giant ass worm
1:02:48
that's like 9 inches long will come out of the praying mantises
1:02:51
ass. If it's those kind of zombies
1:02:53
I'm out. I'm not trying to deal with all.
1:02:58
That I'm not dealing with No 9 inch assworm zombies.
1:03:02
God damn ass zombie. I'm checking all.
1:03:09
Right. So I think for the sake of this
1:03:11
mental exercise, let's say that we're dealing with like Walking
1:03:15
Dead zombies. So not not super smart, but not
1:03:24
absolutely non functional. Still dangerous enough.
1:03:29
Yeah, Herschel, why you walk over Walker?
1:03:35
All right, So if we're talking about.
1:03:44
Trying to thought just left the fucking station and I forgot my
1:03:48
ticket. For some reason I thought you
1:03:50
were trying to show your hand falling off a zombie.
1:03:54
I was like, oh, we're revisiting this.
1:03:59
Nope, Nope. We have.
1:04:01
We have. What's the?
1:04:03
What's the tactic if it's Walking Dead zombies?
1:04:06
Because like I'm the type of dude, like when you see the, you
1:04:12
know, how like you see the big hordes of zombies like in the
1:04:17
cities and stuff like that, right?
1:04:20
Like I always think, man, you could deal with a whole lot of
1:04:23
them right now if you just dealt with it.
1:04:26
You know, make some freaking molotovs and just, you know what
1:04:31
I mean? Like at some point you're going
1:04:36
to run out of zombies, you know, they're not unlimited like in
1:04:41
the video games. So do you just clean an area out
1:04:46
and then that area stays clean for a while?
1:04:48
Or do you go somewhere where there's already not a lot of
1:04:53
people and then clear that area out and then set up like a, like
1:05:00
a, like a border, you know? I remember going to say, yeah,
1:05:03
it would depend on what your definition that area was because
1:05:06
like, do you know how many people on average are in just
1:05:11
like, even like a smaller city, it's still like usually like 10
1:05:17
to 20,000. Oh yeah.
1:05:19
For sure a. Lot of fucking zombies to clear
1:05:22
out. I wouldn't want to be in like LA
1:05:26
or New York or something crazy like that, you know?
1:05:28
I wouldn't want to not do that. Like that's like if you get
1:05:32
that's almost like you get the Army in there and clean that up,
1:05:36
you know, like, you know, necessarily that would be like
1:05:41
the worst. That's like Ground Zero type
1:05:43
shit. You don't want to be there.
1:05:44
Yeah, that's when you just so I can drop bombs on it and call it
1:05:48
the day. Yeah, yeah.
1:05:58
All right. So Jimmy, I feel like you have a
1:06:01
note here in the in the Google doc next to the topic for
1:06:06
tonight. Do you want to touch on that or?
1:06:09
I kind of did. I kind of did where like I point
1:06:12
to where I like look at houses and, and, and like that that's
1:06:18
going to be my house. Oh, that's what you meant by be
1:06:21
Genghis Khan? Yeah, like I'm not going to
1:06:23
well. That's not what I thought.
1:06:25
I'm not going to impregnate 10% of all the zombies and become
1:06:29
fucking. Well, that's good, because
1:06:34
that's how you get an unlimited number of zombies and life
1:06:38
becomes a video game. Yeah, I, I'm going to do that,
1:06:44
but no, I, I just. You know what?
1:06:47
That poses an interesting hypothetical though, because
1:06:50
when everybody thinks of zombies, you're thinking of, you
1:06:54
know, like average guy fucking 58 to 6 foot scrambling around.
1:07:02
I don't think I'm well equipped to answer this question because
1:07:05
I don't have a family or kids but like infant zombies running
1:07:09
up deal. What would your thoughts on that
1:07:13
be? Would there be any like
1:07:15
confliction there because you are?
1:07:18
Yeah, I'd be really like. Toddlers fucking like kid
1:07:23
zombies. Like would there be any
1:07:26
confliction there for you guys? You know what?
1:07:28
You know what I have to say about that, Gavin?
1:07:31
What? Jimmy, that'll make more sense
1:07:38
after I send you the link to that movie.
1:07:41
OK, I that would be hard, man. Like there was a the kids thing
1:07:49
is hard. You, you know, like picturing
1:07:52
like that's the hardest part about thinking about zombies,
1:07:55
man, is like thinking about my son seeing that.
1:07:59
And you know, you're like, you've got somebody that you've
1:08:02
got to watch over. You know, this like definitely
1:08:09
the lone wolf thing would probably be the way to go.
1:08:12
But for us dads, not really an option, you know, And then which
1:08:19
is why, like the scariest part to me isn't even the zombies
1:08:24
dude, It's the other people. Because I'm not the only person
1:08:30
who's thinking the way that I'm thinking.
1:08:31
And the only reason why I'm thinking the way that I'm
1:08:34
thinking is because I know that the other people are going to be
1:08:38
like that. I know the other people are
1:08:40
going to be way, way worse than the zombies dude, because
1:08:44
because fear is 1 hell of a motivator to do terrible things.
1:08:50
And, you know, we'll be like, something like that would would
1:08:54
take us back to like the dark ages.
1:08:56
And, you know, think about how cruel people can really be like
1:09:01
read, read a history book. Like right now I'm reading about
1:09:03
the freaking Comanche Indians, dude.
1:09:06
They were some cruel fucking people.
1:09:09
You know, the the farther back in time you go, the crueler
1:09:13
these people got, you know, and that's taking us back to the
1:09:16
Dark ages. So that's going to bring all
1:09:17
that cruelty back. So that's the scariest part of
1:09:21
the zombie apocalypse to me, is the other people.
1:09:26
It's all right. Let's let's start digging into
1:09:28
this, but divert away from what we're currently on.
1:09:33
So right, you need three things to sustain life.
1:09:37
Food, water, and shelter. How are you solving those
1:09:40
issues? Are you hunting?
1:09:43
Are you scavenging grocery stores?
1:09:46
Are you eating your neighbors? Or do you develop a taste for
1:09:53
zombie flesh cooked to probably an internal temp of 200 so very
1:09:58
well done as to hopefully kill the whatever the fuck caused
1:10:03
them to do that in the first place.
1:10:06
Well, zombie flesh is going to be rotten, right?
1:10:10
Yes. So you're not going to be.
1:10:11
Able. I think it would depend on how
1:10:13
long they've been in Zombie for. That's fair.
1:10:16
I'd still stay away from that. You just made me think of
1:10:20
something sick, dude. It's like veal.
1:10:22
You're just waiting for him to turn and then all of a sudden
1:10:24
they're harvested. Like that's fucking crazy.
1:10:28
You walk down to the grocery store and in the back it's just
1:10:31
a zombie farm. Yeah, this one's not ready.
1:10:35
They're ground mystery meat 1 shilling for a pound.
1:10:40
Hunting's not going to be that easy to do 100% of the time.
1:10:47
You know, think about how many times you've gone hunting and
1:10:49
you were unsuccessful. And it's, I mean, I guess
1:10:56
wildlife eventually would become more abundant.
1:11:01
That's assuming zombies aren't eating animals.
1:11:04
That's what I was going to say. That's assuming zombie animals
1:11:07
aren't a fucking thing. Yeah, I didn't even think about
1:11:11
that just now. Freaking zombie squirrels, dude.
1:11:15
Shit the. Zombie raccoon living in your
1:11:19
fucking attic. Oh, freaking zombie mice.
1:11:23
Like just like too small to shoot and freaking fast as shit.
1:11:28
Yeah, No, we're, we're, I don't want to talk about this anymore.
1:11:35
All right, let's talk about water then.
1:11:40
Oh. My God, that's.
1:11:41
The same question. You would have to have some kind
1:11:44
of filtration system because I mean, fresh water is generally
1:11:51
pretty easy to come by. Depends on where you live.
1:11:54
But in some more rural areas, kind of like where I'm at, like
1:12:00
you've got lakes, you've got streams, all that shit.
1:12:04
So as long as you know what you're doing, like a filtration
1:12:08
purifier, something pretty basic like charcoal or something like
1:12:13
that to get you started, like it's not that hard to do.
1:12:18
It's not the simplest thing, but it's kind of it's down there on
1:12:22
the list of kind of like first steps.
1:12:29
So I guess for so for food, are you relying on yourself or are
1:12:36
you going to raid and then same question for water?
1:12:45
That healthy mix of both. That's fair.
1:12:48
Yeah, it's when I can self-sustaining, you know, try
1:12:52
not to draw attention to yourself, but there's some
1:12:55
fucking idiot with, you know, a fucking rucksack on.
1:12:59
It's got £80 worth of shit in it.
1:13:02
That's mine now, sorry. OK.
1:13:09
All right. Let's talk shelter then.
1:13:11
Are you are you opting for a stationary strong point or are
1:13:14
you going to stay mobile? Well, mobile's probably not a
1:13:21
very good idea. You know, I would guess both.
1:13:27
I guess both could have I guess both could have their I guess
1:13:31
both could have their good talking points, but.
1:13:35
So right, if you're stationary from a resource perspective,
1:13:38
eventually you were very likely going to run out.
1:13:42
If you were mobile from a resource perspective, you were
1:13:46
rolling the dice with every place that you go as to whether
1:13:50
or not that place has already been rated or picked clean.
1:13:54
Just keep in mind there's no resupply coming anymore.
1:13:58
Like the semi trucks aren't going to come drop off food at
1:14:00
the grocery store. And like, like in that one
1:14:06
movie, if you ain't first or last.
1:14:09
Hell, you could be fifth. I was.
1:14:12
High. I was high on peyote when I said
1:14:14
that I lost my hands. It's one of my favorite parts of
1:14:23
the I don't know what to do with my hands.
1:14:28
I think I would I would start stationary in a in a well
1:14:32
defended or easily defensible position until I started having
1:14:36
to have that hard conversation of all right, where, where are
1:14:41
we getting more food from? Well, that's the thing.
1:14:45
If you start well, if you choose stationary in general,
1:14:50
eventually you were going to be forced to be mobile because you
1:14:54
will have to go out when you run out of things.
1:14:59
And that forces you to move. You'll have to move like further
1:15:02
and further away from where you originally started, because
1:15:07
whether it's you or other people like raiding the immediate area,
1:15:11
you're going to have to keep moving farther out to find
1:15:14
supplies. I think the prop, I think that I
1:15:22
think what you do is you find a group of people like, you know,
1:15:26
you've got your friends and family, you group up and you
1:15:30
start something kind of do it like fall out, you know, where
1:15:34
you build a civilization. Everybody's got their role.
1:15:37
Like all right, you're the farmer guy, all right.
1:15:40
You guys are our scavengers. You guys go out and get that and
1:15:44
then do bite inspections when they get back and shit like
1:15:46
that, obviously. And then I think that's the only
1:15:52
way because if you're going to do the whole, if you're going to
1:15:56
do the whole mobile thing as a lone wolf, you're kind of
1:15:59
setting yourself up to be that guy with the with the backpack
1:16:02
that Gavin was talking about. Because, you know, then it's
1:16:07
just become pub G. You know, you're basically, you
1:16:10
don't know what's around you. You don't know who's cause
1:16:13
'cause everything's always ever changing.
1:16:15
You don't know, like what could be in an area today could now
1:16:18
not be there or what wasn't there could be there.
1:16:20
Now you could be walking into that, you know, So you would
1:16:25
want to fortify, you would want to set up something and, and try
1:16:30
to set up restore resources that can be renewable.
1:16:36
And you know, I think that's the way to do it.
1:16:41
It's just you just got to hope that you've got a good people,
1:16:44
good group of people. Funny enough, I have a neighbor
1:16:48
who told me that I am the first person he's coming to when
1:16:52
there's a zombie apocalypse because I showed him my shit.
1:16:56
I showed him my 4:50 and then I showed him my AR and stuff like
1:17:00
that. He's like, well, I know who I'm
1:17:01
coming to if there's ever, you know.
1:17:04
You better walk in that door naked and unarmed.
1:17:08
Yeah, so, but yeah, I don't, I don't know.
1:17:15
It's it's a crazy thing to think about, man, I hope.
1:17:19
Yeah, right. It's hard.
1:17:23
This is a fun thing that it's a fun thing that we call
1:17:26
contingency planning. We, we have I, I don't know why,
1:17:34
but we have a little thing that we've been building like with
1:17:39
not building. We've got a little jar above the
1:17:43
washer and dryer machine that we're putting like stuffed up
1:17:46
lint in like start a fire and shit because lint is an
1:17:51
excellent fire starter. I'm not sure why we're, I'm not
1:17:56
sure why we're keeping that, but I'm not questioning it.
1:17:58
Whatever, we'll keep it. It's so the laundry ghost
1:18:00
doesn't set your house on fire. Yeah, he didn't put it in the
1:18:05
dryer yet, so it's kind of he's not really doing his job.
1:18:15
Where would you go if there was a zombie apocalypse?
1:18:23
Honestly, I'm going to. I'm going to stay put.
1:18:27
Yeah. I've got I've got an elevation
1:18:30
advantage. I've got access to fresh water
1:18:35
from a well as long as I've got power.
1:18:38
But when the power fails, I'm fairly certain that I could
1:18:42
build a big enough hamster wheel and put Ridley on it and
1:18:45
generate enough local power to pull water out of the ground.
1:18:48
I've also got a stream running through the front of the
1:18:50
property, so as long as nobody dams it up, there's water, food,
1:18:57
I've got any assortment of critters, and I'm also not far
1:19:01
from town where there are several major grocery stores.
1:19:08
But I'm also a stone's throw away from several interstates,
1:19:13
so if I've got a shit and get I also have that option.
1:19:18
Well, I would assume that the interstates are not going to be
1:19:23
a good idea, just like in The Walking Dead.
1:19:26
I do think that would happen. I think that they would get all
1:19:29
jammed up. I would definitely stay away
1:19:31
from that. I I'm I'm going to stay away
1:19:35
from stores, ma'am. Like maybe when first when like
1:19:42
unless you can hold up at 1 and fortify it right off RIP.
1:19:49
Like I don't know if you've seen God, what's that movie?
1:19:54
Homestead. I think it's called Homestead.
1:19:57
It's a movie. I know you're talking about, but
1:19:59
I haven't seen it. That's like the first thing that
1:20:01
they do. There was like an attack of some
1:20:04
sort, if I'm remember incorrectly, and the first thing
1:20:08
they did is it was a heavily armed unit.
1:20:10
They would hit up a grocery store and got supplies real
1:20:13
quick and got in and got out. Like that's the first thing
1:20:19
you're going to want to do because you're going to want to
1:20:22
stay away from there after that. Because one, it's going to be a
1:20:24
hot spot, It's going to be a hot spot for bad people and it's
1:20:27
going to be a hot spot for the zombies.
1:20:30
And you don't want that. So you're almost better off
1:20:34
steering clear of all of that and trying to honestly, what I
1:20:42
would do is I would loot houses. Like I would go, I would look
1:20:46
for houses like that look like they're not occupied and I would
1:20:51
go and loot those houses. Like, you know, there's going to
1:20:55
be like houses are going to have some sort, they're going to have
1:20:58
to have some. They might not be cutting the
1:21:00
grass and shit, but they're going to have some sort of
1:21:03
upkeep. Like you'll be able to pretty
1:21:04
quickly tell, OK, this one. Hasn't and if the windows are
1:21:07
boarded or not. Right, the windows are boarded.
1:21:10
Solid owners. Open or whatever, go in there,
1:21:13
clear the house real quick, see what there's, see what they've
1:21:16
got, you know, but that's what I would do.
1:21:24
But I'm, I'm staying away from stores, staying away from
1:21:27
heavily populated areas. And yeah, keep in mind too, if
1:21:34
you can find a body of water, go fishing.
1:21:40
It's always good. Catch a zombie lake trout.
1:21:44
Zombies Walleye seasons. Come and get some zombie
1:21:48
walleyes, you know? Go spear a zombie, Pike.
1:21:52
Yeah, there you go. Yeah.
1:21:54
Oh my God, could you imagine zombie fish?
1:21:59
No I don't a zombie bull shark. Oh my God fuck that dude I
1:22:06
already. Fish dude, I bet zombie fish
1:22:09
could survive on land. Being mobile on land is going to
1:22:15
be a little difficult. But zombie Snakehead, that's a
1:22:18
great question. They start.
1:22:23
Nope, they start cutting their hands off.
1:22:31
Doesn't say they're going to be the opposite.
1:22:32
Instead of their hands falling off, they just start growing
1:22:35
feet and they're going to walk around on the on the land.
1:22:39
Can't you imagine a fucking pan fish just pops out of the water,
1:22:46
sprouts some baby legs and he's like.
1:22:49
We had, we had this project. I don't remember what grade we
1:22:54
were in dude. I think it was high school.
1:22:57
I don't remember the kids name or anything.
1:22:59
Dude, he was a troublemaker though.
1:23:02
He was. He was not in school for long.
1:23:04
I don't know where he went. I don't know what happened to
1:23:06
this kid, but he, he was an idiot, but he was, he was, he
1:23:12
was not afraid to be a freaking a Jackass.
1:23:15
It was so funny. We were in biology and we had to
1:23:20
create, we had to like make an animal and give it like, like
1:23:26
we're like learning about like adapting and like evolution and
1:23:29
stuff like that. So it was like if you could take
1:23:31
a fish and or take take an animal and give them, you know,
1:23:35
one thing, what would it be in this dude?
1:23:39
True. And we you'd have to name it.
1:23:42
You'd have to give it a scientific name and like based
1:23:44
off of what it's got and stuff like that, using certain words
1:23:48
like I forget, like just like the Greek words like like it was
1:23:52
all tied in together, you know, like like and so this kid, he
1:23:56
draws this fish, no detail, just like a stupid freaking fish, no
1:24:03
detail at all. But then underneath it draws the
1:24:06
most fucking detailed foot. It was a huge fucking.
1:24:11
It was the same, it was the same size as the fish.
1:24:16
The fish had no detail. The the fucking foot had
1:24:19
Immaculate detail and the name of the species was fish with
1:24:24
feet and he fucking the paper up.
1:24:31
I was actually trying on this one because I thought the
1:24:34
assignment was cool. And he's like look at this it's
1:24:36
fish with me. Oh my God if I could remember
1:24:45
that fucking kids name dude. Holy shit that was funny.
1:24:50
What we don't realize now is that kid had a foot fetish.
1:24:53
Yeah. Yeah, for sure.
1:24:55
It was such a big fruit. There was detail in the
1:24:58
knuckles. There was so much detail.
1:25:04
In this foot. Oh fucking hell, I.
1:25:06
Think the teacher should have passed them just on that alone.
1:25:10
It sends them down to the art class.
1:25:15
All right, so let's talk about comms.
1:25:19
Are you concerned with communicating outside of your
1:25:24
either family or core group? To what end?
1:25:31
Though. I guess that's part of the Yeah,
1:25:37
I. Guess that's part of the
1:25:38
question. Are you soliciting for other
1:25:39
survivors or are you staying radio silent?
1:25:44
I think I would have to stay radio silent.
1:25:46
I would keep it on to where I could get incoming traffic and,
1:25:51
you know, keep tabs on everything, but I wouldn't make
1:25:55
my presence known. I would definitely solicit for
1:26:01
other survivors and I would create like a a soliciting
1:26:07
platform and call it only hands or something.
1:26:14
I would probably right. I'd I'd probably stay in the VHF
1:26:19
or FRS band. And I fucking heard that Jimmy
1:26:26
just shit his pants. God, I hope that comes.
1:26:30
I hope that comes. Through I hope that comes I was
1:26:34
adjusting I. That is.
1:26:39
She had to show Gavin on a mark. Shit, he is on it.
1:26:47
I I am going to clip that and that is going to say song.
1:26:53
Oh, I have a fucking mark button.
1:26:55
What? Yeah, we all do.
1:26:57
When did we get this? You can also.
1:26:58
Raise your hand still, it's still an option.
1:27:02
So I think like I said, I'm staying in the VHF for FRS
1:27:06
bands. Well, probably the 2 meter in
1:27:10
FRS bands. And I'm going to find a local
1:27:15
ish repeater, something that I can set up an OP around.
1:27:22
And I'm going to start going fucking crazy.
1:27:24
Because if you DF that, you're going to DF the repeater.
1:27:30
So I'm going to see who shows up and how they show up.
1:27:33
And that will largely inform whether or not contact is made
1:27:36
after that. Because if three dudes roll up
1:27:40
and fucking up armored trucks armed to the teeth, Nope, get
1:27:46
fucked. Not today.
1:27:51
But like, you know, if it's just one fucking dude that looks like
1:27:54
he's been through hell, maybe. I don't know.
1:28:04
We'll see. That's fair.
1:28:05
I could see it. Better probably use that as a
1:28:09
vibe check. But then you've got to be
1:28:10
careful because like your two meter band in your FRS, like
1:28:14
super easy to DF. So like if you're like, yeah,
1:28:21
I'm at this 8 digit grid and then they show up at your house.
1:28:27
You're like, ah, Buck. Well, that's not what I meant to
1:28:31
do. Yep.
1:28:37
And then the last question that I thought of on my drive home
1:28:40
from work. My fucking knows it just cuz I
1:28:42
got a mustache hair up in that shit.
1:28:47
How do you go about trusting other survivors or do?
1:28:56
You. No you don't.
1:28:59
You could faint it, you could act like you build the level of
1:29:04
trust, but at the end of the day it would still be every man for
1:29:07
himself. So I wouldn't trust them, and
1:29:10
they'd be a fucking idiot if they trusted me.
1:29:14
You're going to have like some some rite of passage like you
1:29:17
bring me 100 zombie scalps and then you can sleep in the house.
1:29:24
Nope, nothing like that. I mean, it could do something
1:29:28
like that, be like, yeah, do this and like I'll trust you.
1:29:32
I still just don't fucking trust them.
1:29:36
Yes, I mean I don't trust alive people now without zombies.
1:29:41
Exactly. So in that kind of environment,
1:29:44
like, yeah, every man for himself.
1:29:53
Yeah, that's fair. And I feel like we could
1:29:55
definitely dig in way deeper and do a lot of these topics.
1:29:59
Like my intrusive thought was, oh, for water, I'm going to
1:30:02
build a still and I'm going to half of the time make water with
1:30:08
it because the other half I'm going to have to make gasoline
1:30:11
for a vehicle. You make a still and the
1:30:17
government's going to show up and fucking destroy it.
1:30:22
I mean, this is the zombie apocalypse, so there's no
1:30:24
fucking rules so. They're still worried about
1:30:27
destroying it and coming and texting you.
1:30:30
Fucking zombie ATF rolls up in a fucking MRAP and they're like
1:30:36
kick your door in, take your still and just leave.
1:30:39
It's like what the fuck just happened?
1:30:45
Kick the door in, shoot your dog, take your still and leave.
1:30:49
They even shut the door on the way out.
1:30:52
They call a fucking zombie handyman to come fix the door
1:30:55
that they kicked in. Fuck.
1:31:02
All right, any other thoughts on how fucked up a zombie
1:31:06
apocalypse would be and how fucked we would all be if that
1:31:09
ever fucking happened? No, I think, I think whoever
1:31:15
complained about the length of our podcast now can stop a long
1:31:19
one, because here you guys go. Yeah, this one's like an hour 46
1:31:25
probably ish. I've got to end it the first 5
1:31:29
minutes out. We were over.
1:31:31
We well we were. I don't we were close to an hour
1:31:34
before so I don't know. What?
1:31:36
Yeah, we were right around before I hit the before I hit
1:31:38
the fucking stop button instead of a God damn mark clip button.
1:31:42
We're probably close to two hours.
1:31:45
Probably no great my wife was calling me.
1:31:50
My wife. I cannot wait to listen to this
1:31:55
episode again. Dude, I'm going to be laughing
1:31:57
so hard. Yeah, I just hope it translates
1:32:01
well and it's not, it's not too inside joke heavy.
1:32:06
No, it'll be fine. Which I don't think it will be.
1:32:08
So I think anybody who's been here since Episode 1, they're
1:32:11
going to get it. Yeah, I was going to say that
1:32:14
joke is with the audience, so. Yeah, they're they're in on the
1:32:19
inside joke all all fifty of our consistent listeners.
1:32:25
So do the math on what our episode averages.
1:32:27
It's like 50.7. Hell yeah.
1:32:32
People's. No, it's hell yeah y'all.
1:32:34
Now if you guys could go like our Facebook page and also like
1:32:41
or follow or whatever the fuck it is on Spotify, and if you
1:32:45
have an Apple product, show us some love on Apple Podcasts.
1:32:50
That would also be great. Because if you're tired of
1:32:53
hearing us talk about rifle and ratchet refinishing located in
1:32:56
Taylor, MI. The way that we get new
1:33:00
sponsors. We're just dying to get rid of
1:33:02
Luke, No. The way we get new sponsors is
1:33:07
to have something to bring to the table and that's something
1:33:10
to the something to bring to the table is your guys ears.
1:33:14
But we can't prove it if you guys don't let us fucking prove
1:33:18
it. So go ahead and like and
1:33:20
subscribe and follow and all that dumb shit.
1:33:23
And a teaser for hopefully soon, all of these episodes that we
1:33:29
have done and all of the episodes we will do in the
1:33:32
future will, fingers crossed, very, very shortly be on
1:33:39
YouTube. So you can watch sitting on your
1:33:43
fucking couch or doing whatever you're doing.
1:33:46
You can watch us on the screen at your house instead of
1:33:48
watching us on your little bullshit 8 to 12 inch phone or
1:33:53
iPad or tablet screen. Hell yeah.
1:33:57
So we're working on that now in the.
1:34:00
Dishes. Hell yeah.
1:34:03
In between episodes of lost hikers in the Appalachian
1:34:06
Mountains fucking. Love that shit.
1:34:09
I know, love. That shit.
1:34:11
And apparently handless zombies, you sick fuck.
1:34:14
Oh. Man, you ever had a nub job?
1:34:22
Oh, and. With that, ladies and gentlemen,
1:34:26
Jimmy, do you have anything else for our lovely fucking
1:34:29
degenerate to listen to this show?
1:34:32
Be rooting, be Tooting, and by God be shooting, but above all,
1:34:37
be kind. What do you got for us, Gavin?
1:34:45
Don't be an asshole. Hell yeah.
1:34:52
Reach out to your boys, reach out to your friends, reach out
1:34:55
to the people that you went through this suck with.
1:34:58
And you know, keeping with the topic of this show, we nub you
1:35:04
guys. Thanks for showing up.
1:35:07
We. Love you.
1:35:09
Love you. Bye.