Latest / Funny Comedy | Laugh Out Loud / S5 Ep1: 🎤 Anjelah Unplugged: Her Funniest Hits 🤣.

Transcript

S5 Ep1: 🎤 Anjelah Unplugged: Her Funniest Hits 🤣. · Funny Comedy | Laugh Out Loud

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_00: Do you guys ever get cold days?
• 0:01
  SPEAKER_00: Do you know what cold feels like?
• 0:05
  SPEAKER_00: What?
• 0:06
  SPEAKER_00: What's a cold day for you today?
• 0:10
  SPEAKER_00: So l low 70s.
• 0:17
  SPEAKER_00: Time to pull out that turtleneck anti Kathy.
• 0:23
  SPEAKER_00: So beautiful here.
• 0:25
  SPEAKER_00: I'd move here to be homeless.
• 0:29
  SPEAKER_00: I'd do it.
• 0:30
  SPEAKER_00: I would.
• 0:31
  SPEAKER_00: Park it right there on the beach.
• 0:32
  SPEAKER_00: I'd call all my friends and tell them, you guys, I moved to Hawaii.
• 0:35
  SPEAKER_00: I live right on the beach.
• 0:38
  SPEAKER_00: You bought a house on the beach.
• 0:43
  SPEAKER_00: Sure.
• 0:47
  SPEAKER_00: I'll tell you where I would not want to be homeless though.
• 0:49
  SPEAKER_00: Any place where it snows.
• 0:51
  SPEAKER_00: I started thinking about that.
• 0:53
  SPEAKER_00: Like, the people who are homeless, what do they do at night when it snows?
• 0:56
  SPEAKER_00: Like, where do they go?
• 0:58
  SPEAKER_00: You know, I started thinking about if I was homeless and I lived somewhere where it snowed, I would call the police.
• 1:07
  SPEAKER_00: I would.
• 1:08
  SPEAKER_00: I would.
• 1:09
  SPEAKER_00: I'd be like, um, hello, police.
• 1:13
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, what kind of crime I gotta commit?
• 1:19
  SPEAKER_00: Where you will put me in jail from now till about the summertime.
• 1:27
  SPEAKER_00: Robbery.
• 1:34
  SPEAKER_00: Can you meet me at the 7 Eleven?
• 1:40
  SPEAKER_00: I hurt my back recently.
• 1:43
  SPEAKER_00: And uh, I know, I know, I know.
• 1:45
  SPEAKER_00: This is how you know you're getting older, you guys.
• 1:48
  SPEAKER_00: When you hurt your back, but you don't know how.
• 1:55
  SPEAKER_00: Like, I don't even have a cool story to tell you guys.
• 1:59
  SPEAKER_00: I can't be like, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 2:02
  SPEAKER_00: Uh last week I was surfing, and you know how I do it.
• 2:09
  SPEAKER_00: I went hard.
• 2:12
  SPEAKER_00: No, I was putting my socks on.
• 2:18
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 2:19
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I went hard.
• 2:22
  SPEAKER_00: I heard my back, so I went to go get a massage.
• 2:25
  SPEAKER_00: And this next part of my story, you probably won't even believe.
• 2:29
  SPEAKER_00: You're gonna be like, oh, she just made that up for a joke.
• 2:32
  SPEAKER_00: I promise you, I didn't make this up.
• 2:34
  SPEAKER_00: I went to go get a massage, and the guy who was giving me my massage fell asleep.
• 2:46
  SPEAKER_00: I know.
• 2:47
  SPEAKER_00: I know.
• 2:47
  SPEAKER_00: You're probably thinking to yourselves right now, like, mmm, how is that even possible?
• 2:52
  SPEAKER_00: I didn't know it was an option either.
• 2:56
  SPEAKER_00: Apparently, I'm really good at reverse relaxation.
• 3:00
  SPEAKER_00: I'm not a good cook.
• 3:02
  SPEAKER_00: And it's kind of embarrassing because I feel like cooking is a bragging right for men.
• 3:10
  SPEAKER_00: Like, men like to brag about their wives who can cook.
• 3:13
  SPEAKER_00: Like, you'll hear a guy say something like, Hey, my wife, she'll whip you up something good in the kitchen.
• 3:20
  unknown: Right?
• 3:20
  SPEAKER_00: Fellas, even if you're not married, but you have a girlfriend and you know that she can cook, you will brag to your boys.
• 3:28
  SPEAKER_00: You'll be like, hey, yo, son, my girl, tsss, flicker the flicker the wrist.
• 3:40
  SPEAKER_00: Or however you talk, I don't know how you talk, so my poor husband.
• 3:49
  SPEAKER_00: He can't brag.
• 3:52
  SPEAKER_00: Like maybe he can chime in a little bit with like, ah, yo, son, you see how fast my wife put in that to go order.
• 4:03
  SPEAKER_00: With extra ketchup.
• 4:06
  SPEAKER_00: That's wifey, son.
• 4:11
  SPEAKER_00: No, I can't cook.
• 4:13
  SPEAKER_00: I need somebody to teach me how to cook.
• 4:16
  SPEAKER_00: And don't just give me a recipe, okay?
• 4:18
  SPEAKER_00: Don't start tweeting me recipes after the show.
• 4:21
  SPEAKER_00: Because when I read recipes, I read them as suggestions.
• 4:27
  SPEAKER_00: Like when I see the list of ingredients, to me what that says is if you have any of these.
• 4:37
  SPEAKER_00: And I usually don't.
• 4:41
  SPEAKER_00: No, I need some fundamental training.
• 4:44
  SPEAKER_00: I need to know if I put something on the stove, does the flame need to be this big or this big?
• 4:53
  SPEAKER_00: Because I will burn some scramble eggs.
• 4:56
  SPEAKER_00: I'll burn a hard-boiled egg.
• 4:59
  SPEAKER_00: I said to my husband one time, I said, babe, good morning.
• 5:02
  SPEAKER_00: You want me to make you breakfast?
• 5:03
  SPEAKER_00: I'll make you some eggs.
• 5:04
  SPEAKER_00: He said, Yeah, how about over medium?
• 5:08
  SPEAKER_00: Huh?
• 5:11
  SPEAKER_00: How about some over medium eggs?
• 5:15
  SPEAKER_00: That's like the flame at medium.
• 5:25
  SPEAKER_00: Nah, babe, you put the egg in the pan, you make it medium.
• 5:30
  SPEAKER_00: Oh.
• 5:33
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 5:35
  SPEAKER_00: Well, I'm gonna put the egg in the pan.
• 5:38
  SPEAKER_00: But if it breaks, I'm just gonna scramble it.
• 5:46
  SPEAKER_00: You gonna have some medium scramble.
• 5:52
  SPEAKER_00: Some way over medium scramble.
• 5:57
  SPEAKER_00: It was his birthday.
• 5:58
  SPEAKER_00: I said, babe, happy birthday! You want me to make you breakfast?
• 6:01
  SPEAKER_00: He says, It's my birthday, why?
• 6:06
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, yeah.
• 6:07
  SPEAKER_00: It's to the point where if I cook, he thinks he's in trouble.
• 6:12
  SPEAKER_00: He smells some in the kitchen, he comes over, starts apologizing for stuff he didn't even do.
• 6:17
  SPEAKER_00: He's like, oh, uh, babe, um, I'm sorry, cuz uh yesterday I was um, why?
• 6:30
  SPEAKER_00: Don't worry, this isn't for you.
• 6:32
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, thank God.
• 6:35
  SPEAKER_00: My husband has a beautiful afro, so girls are always like, oh, can I feel your hair?
• 6:40
  SPEAKER_00: Uh you could feel my fist.
• 6:49
  SPEAKER_00: Wow, your little buddy's feisty.
• 6:59
  SPEAKER_00: My husband takes shopping seriously.
• 7:02
  SPEAKER_00: He does.
• 7:02
  SPEAKER_00: Like, he'll stretch before a good sale.
• 7:07
  SPEAKER_00: He will.
• 7:08
  SPEAKER_00: I'll see him in the living room, stretching it out.
• 7:10
  SPEAKER_00: I'm like, oh, you about to go work out?
• 7:12
  SPEAKER_00: Nah, babe, Macy's one day.
• 7:18
  SPEAKER_00: He's good at it.
• 7:20
  SPEAKER_00: If they gave out awards for shopping, he'd be a gold medalist for sure.
• 7:24
  SPEAKER_00: My husband is the Michael Phelps of shopping.
• 7:28
  SPEAKER_00: On the other hand, I'm Ryan Lochty.
• 7:33
  SPEAKER_00: Hey, I just came to have a good time.
• 7:44
  SPEAKER_00: My husband is dedicated.
• 7:47
  SPEAKER_00: He will look at every single item on a rack.
• 7:52
  SPEAKER_00: I'm hiding inside the rack.
• 7:56
  SPEAKER_00: Waiting to jump out and scare him.
• 8:00
  SPEAKER_00: He's like, t-shirt, t-shirt.
• 8:04
  SPEAKER_00: Angela, very funny.
• 8:10
  SPEAKER_00: My husband has the mentality of anytime you leave the house, you gotta be dressed to impress.
• 8:15
  SPEAKER_00: Right?
• 8:16
  SPEAKER_00: You gotta look good, you gotta smell good.
• 8:18
  SPEAKER_00: So sometimes we go places, he likes to pick out what he wants to see me wearing.
• 8:25
  SPEAKER_00: Otherwise, I'm just gonna wear yoga pants all day.
• 8:29
  SPEAKER_00: Because I might want to do yoga next week.
• 8:34
  SPEAKER_00: So sometimes he'll pick out my outfit for me, right?
• 8:37
  SPEAKER_00: He'll be like, all right, babe, put on these jeans right here.
• 8:40
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 8:41
  SPEAKER_00: My favorite.
• 8:42
  SPEAKER_00: This t-shirt.
• 8:44
  SPEAKER_00: I like where this is going.
• 8:46
  SPEAKER_00: And those stilettos.
• 8:48
  SPEAKER_00: So close.
• 8:52
  SPEAKER_00: My husband likes to see me in heels because women look sexy in heels.
• 8:57
  SPEAKER_00: It's just the truth.
• 8:58
  SPEAKER_00: Women look sexy in heels.
• 9:00
  SPEAKER_00: Just not this woman.
• 9:03
  SPEAKER_00: Not this woman.
• 9:04
  SPEAKER_00: And I'll tell you why.
• 9:06
  SPEAKER_00: Because I am bow legged.
• 9:14
  SPEAKER_00: See that?
• 9:16
  SPEAKER_00: See how my knees don't touch?
• 9:21
  SPEAKER_00: Trying my hardest.
• 9:25
  SPEAKER_00: So that means when I wear heels, I look like this.
• 9:38
  SPEAKER_00: I look like I rode my horse to the club.
• 9:56
  SPEAKER_00: If I'm wearing heels and I want to walk, I gotta bend my knees a little bit.
• 10:09
  SPEAKER_00: Yep, look like a camel.
• 10:14
  SPEAKER_00: Look like a camel trying to fold itself to get some rest of the colour.