Latest / Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families / #874 Make Every Moment Matter

Transcript

#874 Make Every Moment Matter · Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families

0:03
Speaker 1: It's the Happy Families podcast. It's the podcast for the.
0:07
Speaker 2: Time poor parent who just wants answers.
0:10
Speaker 1: Now, Well, Kylie. Right around the nation at the moment,
0:12
Speaker 1: we have parents of big kids, I'm talking year twelve
0:17
Speaker 1: experiencing in many cases a whole lot of pressure because
0:21
Speaker 1: year twelve exams are happening as we speak in several
0:24
Speaker 1: states and are about to happen in several other states.
0:29
Speaker 1: Really interesting time for parents. And next week we've decided
0:31
Speaker 1: that we going to offer a little bit of guidance,
0:33
Speaker 1: a little bit of help, a little bit of assistance.
0:36
Speaker 1: We've got some incredible interviews lined up.
0:38
Speaker 2: You're saying, we look, I'm actually part of this.
0:41
Speaker 1: Well you I believe that.
0:42
Speaker 2: I've been superseded next week.
0:44
Speaker 1: You haven't been superseded. You've always said that you feel
0:47
Speaker 1: like you don't know what to say in an interview,
0:49
Speaker 1: and so you've asked me, You've asked not to do
0:51
Speaker 1: the interviews.
0:52
Speaker 2: So we I mean, you decided to have a week
0:54
Speaker 2: of them, which means you're kicking me off the podcast.
0:56
Speaker 1: Speak of all the time you'll have for homeschooling.
0:59
Speaker 2: Yes, funny.
1:01
Speaker 1: Can I give you a little taster of who we're
1:04
Speaker 1: going to be chatting with go for it. Okay, so
1:07
Speaker 1: we're going to be having a chat with a guy
1:08
Speaker 1: by the name of Oh you know what. No, I'm
1:11
Speaker 1: not going to tell you. I'm not going to tell you.
1:13
Speaker 2: Are they all academics?
1:14
Speaker 1: No? No, no, no, they're absolutely not. In fact, the
1:18
Speaker 1: reason that we're having these conversations not all of them,
1:20
Speaker 1: but several of them didn't even finish high school.
1:23
Speaker 2: Are they all dat?
1:24
Speaker 1: But they've gone on to live incredible lives. Okay, yeah,
1:28
Speaker 1: gone on to live incredible lives. Not going to say
1:29
Speaker 1: whether they're male or female. I'm not going to drop anything.
1:31
Speaker 1: Some of them got into UNI and then dropped out
1:33
Speaker 1: of UNI. Some of them didn't even finish high school.
1:36
Speaker 1: Some of them finish high school and sort of just
1:37
Speaker 1: got on with their lives. The conversation is going to
1:40
Speaker 1: be so comforting for any parent who is raising kids
1:42
Speaker 1: who are struggling with school number one, but number two,
1:45
Speaker 1: these are also great people, and to hear their parenting story,
1:49
Speaker 1: their parenting experiences, I think is going to be brilliant
1:53
Speaker 1: as well. We're going to keep it really short, really focused,
1:56
Speaker 1: but super super helpful. Oh. I will say this though,
1:59
Speaker 1: at the end of the week, we're going to have
2:00
Speaker 1: a chat with an academic sorry, there's the academic good
2:03
Speaker 1: for you, who has been looking at the outcomes of
2:06
Speaker 1: kids who do and don't finish high school. And we're
2:09
Speaker 1: going to talk about why high school is important and
2:11
Speaker 1: why it is important for kids to be there, even
2:13
Speaker 1: though the rest of the week is about why school
2:15
Speaker 1: isn't that important, because we've got to have the balance
2:17
Speaker 1: and we've got to highlight that every child is different.
2:19
Speaker 2: Now is four against one balance?
2:22
Speaker 1: Well, we've got four anecdotes for great stories. But you'll
2:26
Speaker 1: be surprised. You'll be surprised by what the people who
2:29
Speaker 1: didn't finish school have to say about school. And there
2:32
Speaker 1: is one absolute ripper in there that will just blow
2:37
Speaker 1: you away and turn everything that you think about what
2:39
Speaker 1: I've just said on its head. It's I mean, gosh,
2:42
Speaker 1: this whole podcast could just be about how great next
2:43
Speaker 1: week is going to be, but.
2:45
Speaker 2: It's not going to be about that because Friday is
2:48
Speaker 2: one of our favorite days.
2:49
Speaker 1: Every Friday, it's all do better tomorrow. It's the day
2:52
Speaker 1: where we reflect on how we can be more intentional
2:56
Speaker 1: with our parents and try to be better. Why don't
2:58
Speaker 1: you go first today.
2:59
Speaker 2: A few weeks ago, we shared our big news that
3:02
Speaker 2: we had decided to withdraw our kids from traditional schooling.
3:06
Speaker 1: And when you said big news, I was thinking, hang on,
3:09
Speaker 1: that we just became grandparents, or that I broke my
3:10
Speaker 1: neck on my back, or that the kids are homeschooling,
3:13
Speaker 1: and you've gone with the least exciting of all three.
3:14
Speaker 1: But that's fine, that's fine.
3:16
Speaker 2: Well, it is my learning from this eighties Okay.
3:18
Speaker 1: I'm so sorry as you were, And.
3:21
Speaker 2: So I thought I would just give everybody an update
3:23
Speaker 2: on how our first few weeks of unschooling, because we
3:27
Speaker 2: haven't started homeschooling where unschooling at the moment has gone.
3:30
Speaker 1: I'm fascinated to hear what you've got to say about this,
3:32
Speaker 1: because there hasn't. I'm not going to say anything. I'm
3:35
Speaker 1: not going to make any judgments away, you go.
3:37
Speaker 2: I'm just going to put the con out there, the
3:39
Speaker 2: con straight away.
3:40
Speaker 1: One big con.
3:41
Speaker 2: The biggest challenge that I'm having right now is just
3:45
Speaker 2: finding our rhythm. It's really really hard to find your rhythm.
3:50
Speaker 1: Because you've kind of gone from having a life. And
3:52
Speaker 1: I'm not saying that in a rude way, but like
3:54
Speaker 1: you've had six hours every day where the kids have
3:56
Speaker 1: been at school, where you've been able to do all
3:58
Speaker 1: the things that run the house and run your life
4:00
Speaker 1: and things that matter to you, and all of a
4:02
Speaker 1: sudden you've lost that, And so now you're trying to
4:05
Speaker 1: be with the children and give them the attention and
4:06
Speaker 1: time and care that they need. But a whole lot
4:09
Speaker 1: of those things then they're compulsory. It's not like they
4:13
Speaker 1: were luxury items that you were You were living life,
4:17
Speaker 1: had a full life.
4:19
Speaker 2: Yeah, So that's that's probably my biggest struggle right now
4:21
Speaker 2: is just wanting to be more available and present with
4:27
Speaker 2: the kids. They're in my space all the time, but
4:29
Speaker 2: actually wanting to be intentional about what we're doing together
4:33
Speaker 2: and being constantly interrupted with the urgent of life. But
4:39
Speaker 2: there is a whole list of pros that we're experiencing,
4:42
Speaker 2: which I am just relishing and enjoying. So we've got
4:45
Speaker 2: the con out of the way.
4:46
Speaker 1: Yep. Great.
4:47
Speaker 2: It is a challenge, and I'm not I'm not I'm
4:51
Speaker 2: not denying that at all. But as we've started this process,
4:54
Speaker 2: I have been overwhelmed at how many beauty to fall
5:01
Speaker 2: things I'm recognizing and seeing and my kids that I
5:04
Speaker 2: have not been there previously. The first one is just
5:08
Speaker 2: this acknowledgement. I feel like I'm connecting with my kids
5:10
Speaker 2: on a level that I have not previously been able
5:14
Speaker 2: to do. I'm having conversations. These are actually, I'm going
5:18
Speaker 2: to say, child initiated conversations, deep, heavy, important conversations that
5:25
Speaker 2: they've been holding on to for so long because they
5:27
Speaker 2: felt like our busy lifestyle didn't lend the space that
5:33
Speaker 2: they needed to be able to share those things. And
5:37
Speaker 2: so being able to have those conversations that have opened
5:42
Speaker 2: my eyes up to the world of my children has
5:46
Speaker 2: been mind blowing and I'm going to suggest life altering.
5:51
Speaker 2: It has really created a connection with the children that,
5:56
Speaker 2: like I said, we haven't previously had, but they have
5:59
Speaker 2: felt heard and seen on a level that they haven't
6:03
Speaker 2: experienced before.
6:04
Speaker 1: I've seen it. I've watched it happening. Not that it's
6:07
Speaker 1: been without its bumps, but I've watched it happening. And
6:09
Speaker 1: there's been a softening in the kids and in their
6:12
Speaker 1: relationship with us.
6:13
Speaker 2: Yeah. Yeah, that's been that's been magic. I have loved
6:19
Speaker 2: watching how engaged our kids are in life. Again, there
6:24
Speaker 2: is an engagement that we have, we have been begging
6:27
Speaker 2: for with our children that has just felt all too
6:33
Speaker 2: hard in their lives. And now that we've taken the
6:37
Speaker 2: stress that school brought into their world, that has given
6:42
Speaker 2: them again space to engage in the things that fill
6:47
Speaker 2: their cup and light them up. And so it's I
6:52
Speaker 2: actually wrote it's I'm seeing an engagement in life but books.
6:57
Speaker 2: Our children love reading books, have had a great love
7:01
Speaker 2: of books, but with the busy schedule that we've been
7:05
Speaker 2: living for so long, they have engaged at different levels
7:09
Speaker 2: at different times. And our thirteen year old came to
7:12
Speaker 2: me the other day after just two weeks at home.
7:15
Speaker 2: She's like, Mum, I've read four books in the last
7:18
Speaker 2: two weeks. And that means that she's doing a lot
7:22
Speaker 2: of reading at the moment. There is a lot of
7:25
Speaker 2: downtime for her to do that, but she's lighting up.
7:29
Speaker 2: She's excited again. She's wanting to find new things to
7:32
Speaker 2: read and to discover, you know, what else is out there.
7:37
Speaker 2: There's also been I want to say zero, but I
7:40
Speaker 2: know it's not. But the sibling rivalry that we've experienced
7:45
Speaker 2: in the past has almost all but vanished because.
7:48
Speaker 1: It's just more emotionally balanced, right.
7:50
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, And so whatever rivalry is happening between Miss
7:55
Speaker 2: nine and Miss thirteen is so minuscule that it actually
7:58
Speaker 2: does not enter the equation.
8:00
Speaker 1: Yeah, it doesn't read a stage, especially compared to how
8:02
Speaker 1: it used to be.
8:03
Speaker 2: We've taken the TV away, Yeah, and what a difference.
8:07
Speaker 2: Ms Nin's really struggling with this. This is hard and
8:09
Speaker 2: every day we're still asking, but we're getting through the
8:13
Speaker 2: day without the TV. And that was probably one of
8:15
Speaker 2: my biggest concerns leading into this. How do I not
8:18
Speaker 2: have the TV on like all the time and we're
8:22
Speaker 2: prepping food together. I know that sounds like really bizarre,
8:25
Speaker 2: but I love that the kids are actually getting more
8:28
Speaker 2: involved in the food prep and they're actually again have
8:33
Speaker 2: the emotional space to try new foods that they didn't
8:36
Speaker 2: have before because everything felt overwhelming to start with. And
8:39
Speaker 2: now you're going to make me eat you know, a
8:41
Speaker 2: carrot or whatever it happens to be. So while the
8:44
Speaker 2: con is definitely big, finding a rhythm is hard. Yeah,
8:48
Speaker 2: and I am really struggling with that. These these pros,
8:52
Speaker 2: these experiences that we're having together are just beautiful. And
8:57
Speaker 2: to see the kids connecting and re connecting with themselves,
9:01
Speaker 2: with us and with life again is magical, So you
9:05
Speaker 2: know what I've got for it.
9:07
Speaker 1: So it sounds like it's a big tick at the moment,
9:10
Speaker 1: in spite of the challenges. Yeah, at the moment.
9:13
Speaker 2: Look, we haven't got a curriculum added into the equation
9:16
Speaker 2: and that will change the dynamics.
9:17
Speaker 1: Again, I hadn't chat with the kids about that. I
9:19
Speaker 1: was like, so, you know, there's going to be some
9:21
Speaker 1: learning soon and they're like, oh. Although I did say
9:24
Speaker 1: to our nine year old Emily, I said, I'm really
9:27
Speaker 1: concerned that you're not going to be interested in listening
9:30
Speaker 1: to us and being involved with learning once we really
9:34
Speaker 1: start home school. And she looked at me and she said, Dad,
9:37
Speaker 1: it'll be okay. I'm going to like my teachers. And
9:40
Speaker 1: I'm like, who are you tick? Oh that's us. She's like, yeah,
9:46
Speaker 1: I'm very excited about it. Okay, So for my older
9:51
Speaker 1: better tomorrow, I'm going to just share something that has
9:54
Speaker 1: really really stood out to me in the last couple
9:57
Speaker 1: of weeks. So I've caught a lot of aeroplanes lately.
9:59
Speaker 1: I've been in Melbourne, I've been in Adelaide, and I've
10:01
Speaker 1: been in Sydney. I've been all over the place for
10:03
Speaker 1: the last few weeks traveling galore is Sydney a couple
10:06
Speaker 1: of times in fact, and lately I've just been watching
10:12
Speaker 1: a series while I jump on off planes rather than
10:14
Speaker 1: working on the planes.
10:15
Speaker 2: So you mean, while the kids and I have been
10:17
Speaker 2: foregoing TV as part of an experiment to see how
10:22
Speaker 2: screens affect us, you are watching screens.
10:27
Speaker 1: The whole time you're saying this. I'm trying to think
10:29
Speaker 1: of a really great comeback, a really great explanation. But
10:31
Speaker 1: the answer is, yes, I have. I've got nothing.
10:35
Speaker 2: You deleted, Disney.
10:37
Speaker 1: I have no defense. I have no defense. Oh my goodness,
10:40
Speaker 1: I didn't actually speechless. I just I don't know that
10:45
Speaker 1: I can say what I was about to say because
10:46
Speaker 1: I don't want the kids to hear what I was
10:47
Speaker 1: about to say. All I'm going to say is this,
10:49
Speaker 1: there's a series on one of the streaming platforms that
10:52
Speaker 1: we have a subscription to about restaurant life. Restaurant life
10:58
Speaker 1: that might explain a little bit to you about why
11:00
Speaker 1: my behavior in the kitchen has been so focused lately.
11:04
Speaker 2: Well, I did notice that your breakfast the other morning
11:07
Speaker 2: was restaurant worthy.
11:08
Speaker 1: It was, wasn't it?
11:09
Speaker 2: It was? I've been really tasted delicious.
11:12
Speaker 1: I made an on that was so good you had
11:13
Speaker 1: to try it like I, and it was the best
11:15
Speaker 1: on what I think I've ever made.
11:17
Speaker 2: I'm really down to the presentation. You'd even drizzled your
11:21
Speaker 2: best semch vinegar all around. I had a little bit
11:24
Speaker 2: of rocket on the side.
11:26
Speaker 1: Yeah. So this show, it's called The Bear, and I
11:30
Speaker 1: need to just really quickly highlight every now and again
11:33
Speaker 1: when we do reviews of stuff that we've seen. I
11:36
Speaker 1: don't have any appetite at all for really course in
11:38
Speaker 1: vulgar language. And it's been really hard to watch this
11:41
Speaker 1: show because the family and the restaurant, there's an enormous
11:46
Speaker 1: amount of dysfunction, and there is a lot of course
11:48
Speaker 1: language and vulgarity in the program. But the show itself
11:52
Speaker 1: is possibly one of the best shows I've ever seen
11:55
Speaker 1: in my life ever. I mean, it is incredibly good.
11:57
Speaker 1: Anyone who's watched The Bear would know what I'm talking about.
12:01
Speaker 2: It's a food show.
12:02
Speaker 1: No, it's not a food show. It's a proper drama.
12:05
Speaker 1: It's not like there's nothing there that tells me how
12:08
Speaker 1: to cook an omelet. I just watched them cook one,
12:10
Speaker 1: and I was like, I can do that, and so
12:13
Speaker 1: it's inspired me in the kitchen, but that's not what
12:14
Speaker 1: my old A Bit of Tomorrow is about. It's not
12:15
Speaker 1: about me cooking. And I'm trying to do this quickly.
12:17
Speaker 1: I promised you i'd be fast, and you keep on
12:19
Speaker 1: taking me on tangents, so let me quickly finish. There's
12:21
Speaker 1: this really beautiful scene halfway through it.
12:25
Speaker 2: We're still at the TV show.
12:27
Speaker 1: Halfway through one of the episodes in season two, where
12:30
Speaker 1: one of the most challenging characters in the whole show
12:32
Speaker 1: has a massive change of heart when he goes through
12:35
Speaker 1: a new work experience program. I'm just going to call
12:38
Speaker 1: it that, so I don't give any spoilers to people
12:41
Speaker 1: who haven't seen it yet. And as a result of that,
12:45
Speaker 1: he has a really beautiful, in depth conversation with the
12:47
Speaker 1: head chef in a restaurant. She begins to tell him
12:52
Speaker 1: the story about the father that she had but never
12:56
Speaker 1: had much of a relationship with until he died, and
12:58
Speaker 1: she went through his journals and saw all the detail
13:02
Speaker 1: that he made notes of in terms of the way
13:05
Speaker 1: he lived his life, and there was one way that
13:07
Speaker 1: he signed off every single journal entry. And just as
13:11
Speaker 1: she's getting to the real crunch of the story and
13:14
Speaker 1: that last line she gets interrupted and we never find
13:16
Speaker 1: out what it was, except as this guy walks out
13:20
Speaker 1: of the restaurant for the last time, he looks up
13:21
Speaker 1: to where the clock is and there's a plaque underneath
13:24
Speaker 1: the clock, and it just says, every second counts. That's
13:31
Speaker 1: a theme that seems to be perpetually running through both
13:34
Speaker 1: series of this show, The Bear that every second counts,
13:38
Speaker 1: And the whole time I've been watching it, I've been
13:40
Speaker 1: so swept up in the drama and so caught up
13:42
Speaker 1: in the fascination that I have with the incredible work
13:45
Speaker 1: that people do when they work in kitchens and prepare incredible,
13:48
Speaker 1: beautifully plated meals for us to enjoy. I've just accepted
13:52
Speaker 1: that in the kitchen, every second count. You want to
13:53
Speaker 1: make sure that you've got great food and it's ready,
13:55
Speaker 1: and it's played and it's presented, and it's served up
13:57
Speaker 1: nice and hot, and everybody's working hard and every second counts.
14:00
Speaker 1: But once I got that additional context from this headschef
14:03
Speaker 1: sharing the story about her dad, it stopped me in
14:06
Speaker 1: my tracks. I put the iPad away while I was
14:07
Speaker 1: on the plane, and I stayed out the window and
14:10
Speaker 1: I thought, Oh my goodness, this is the lesson of life.
14:13
Speaker 1: This is not a kitchen lesson, this is a life lesson.
14:16
Speaker 1: Every second counts. We've got to make the most of
14:18
Speaker 1: every moment. We've got to stop staring at our screens
14:20
Speaker 1: and I don't know, just fiddling our thumb, twiddling our thumbs,
14:24
Speaker 1: fiddling our thumbs, fiddling with our thumbs, twddling our thumbs,
14:26
Speaker 1: whatever it is, and make the most of every moment.
14:29
Speaker 1: Every moment counts. Every moment has the potential the powerful magic.
14:36
Speaker 1: And I've come home from my last trip and I'm
14:41
Speaker 1: just so committed to making every second count with the kids.
14:45
Speaker 1: So I got home and I had some work to do,
14:47
Speaker 1: but I made sure that there was story time with
14:49
Speaker 1: the kids, and I made sure that there was hugs
14:51
Speaker 1: with the kids. And because we're so fortunate to live
14:53
Speaker 1: on the Sunshine Coast, one morning, I just said, hey, kids,
14:57
Speaker 1: let's jump in the car and ice and early, and
14:58
Speaker 1: we're going to go to Noosa and walk on the
15:00
Speaker 1: beach and go for a swim in the water while
15:03
Speaker 1: the sun comes up. Making the most of every moment.
15:07
Speaker 1: You don't have to live on the coast to do
15:08
Speaker 1: that though, like you can go for a walk in
15:10
Speaker 1: the park, or you can sit on the front porch,
15:11
Speaker 1: or you can breathe in your living room and just
15:16
Speaker 1: soaking up that time together. For me, that's my older
15:18
Speaker 1: better tomorrow because there's been so much going on with
15:21
Speaker 1: becoming grandparents and with the whole homeschool thing that we've
15:24
Speaker 1: taken on with the two youngest kids, and with me
15:26
Speaker 1: breaking my back and my neck and still having to
15:28
Speaker 1: travel and work, and I've got a book that I'm
15:30
Speaker 1: trying to write, and all this stuff is sort of
15:32
Speaker 1: building up and building up and building up, and it's
15:34
Speaker 1: the pressure and we've got to get that plate served up.
15:37
Speaker 1: To use the restaurant metaphor a little bit further, but
15:39
Speaker 1: every second counts, and for me, my older better tomorrow
15:44
Speaker 1: is I don't want to spend one second on Facebook
15:48
Speaker 1: or social media doing anything that takes me away from
15:51
Speaker 1: the stuff that matters most. What can I do to
15:52
Speaker 1: make most of the moments. So that's my older better tomorrow.
15:55
Speaker 1: Tell me that that was inspiring, Tell me that that
15:59
Speaker 1: really just got you going.
16:03
Speaker 2: Well, I'm looking forward to an omelink tomorrow morning.
16:05
Speaker 1: Yeah, omelet coming up just for you and that would
16:08
Speaker 1: have been way faster, except you kept on asking me
16:10
Speaker 1: all those questions about the TV show and it was
16:12
Speaker 1: not about the TV show. Have a great weekend everyone.
16:16
Speaker 1: We're so grateful you choose to listen to the Happy
16:18
Speaker 1: Families Podcast. We hope that it inspires you to greatness
16:21
Speaker 1: in your home. Make every moment count. The Happy Families
16:24
Speaker 1: Podcast is produced by Justin Roland from Bridge Media. Craig
16:27
Speaker 1: Bruce is our executive producer, and for more about making
16:30
Speaker 1: your family happier, visit us at happy families dot com
16:33
Speaker 1: dot a