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A World by the Tale · Classic Short Science Fiction Stories

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Speaker 1: Section thirteen of twenty short science fiction stories by various authors.
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Speaker 1: This LibriVox recording is in the public domain. A World
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Speaker 1: by the Tale by Seton Meckeetrick. This is about the
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Speaker 1: best hated author on earth who was necessarily pampered and
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Speaker 1: petted because of his crime against humanity. Exactly three minutes
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Speaker 1: after the galactic left the New York apartment of Professor
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Speaker 1: John Hamish MacLeod p H D S c D, a
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Speaker 1: squad of U b I men pushed their way into it.
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Speaker 1: MacLeod heard the door chime, opened the door and had
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Speaker 1: to back up as eight men crowded in. The one
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Speaker 1: in the lead flashed a fensely engraved I D card
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Speaker 1: and said, Union Bureau of Investigation, your Professor mc leod.
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Speaker 1: It was a statement, not a question. No, MacLeod said flatly,
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Speaker 1: I am not. I've never heard of such a name.
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Speaker 1: He waited while the U b I man blinked once,
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Speaker 1: then added, if you're looking for Professor mac cleod, I'm he.
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Speaker 1: It always irritated him when people mispronounced his name, and
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Speaker 1: in this case there was no excuse for it. All right,
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Speaker 1: Professor mac cleod, said the U b I agent pronouncing
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Speaker 1: it properly this time. However you want it, mind if
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Speaker 1: we ask you a few questions. Mac cleod stared at
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Speaker 1: him for half a second. Eight men, all of them
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Speaker 1: under thirty five, in top physical condition. He was fifteen
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Speaker 1: years older and the oldest, and had confined his exercise
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Speaker 1: in the words of Chauncey debw to acting as a
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Speaker 1: pallbearer for my friends who take exercise. Not that he
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Speaker 1: was really in poor shape, but he certainly couldn't have
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Speaker 1: argued with eight men like these, come in, he said, calmly,
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Speaker 1: waving them into the apartment. Six of them entered, the
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Speaker 1: other two stayed outside in the hall. Five of the
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Speaker 1: six remained standing. The leader took the chair that McLeod
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Speaker 1: offered him. What are your questions, mister Jackson, McLeod asked.
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Speaker 1: Jackson looked very slightly surprised, as if he were not
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Speaker 1: used to having people read the name on his card
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Speaker 1: during the short time he allowed them to see it.
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Speaker 1: The expression vanished almost instantaneously, Professor, He said, we'd like
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Speaker 1: to know what subjects you discussed with the galactik who
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Speaker 1: just left. McLeod allowed himself to relax back in his chair.
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Speaker 1: Let me ask you two questions, mister Jackson. One, what
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Speaker 1: the hell business is it of yours? Two? Why do
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Speaker 1: you ask me when you already know? Again, there was
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Speaker 1: only a flicker of expression over Jackson's face. Professor McLeod,
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Speaker 1: we are concerned about the welfare of the human race.
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Speaker 1: Your cooperation is requested. You don't have to come barging
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Speaker 1: in here with an arm squad just to ask my cooperation.
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Speaker 1: McLeod said, what do you want to know? Jackson took
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Speaker 1: a notebook out of his jacket pocket. We'll just get
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Speaker 1: a few facts straight first, Professor, he said, leafing through
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Speaker 1: the notebook. You were first approached by a galactic four
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Speaker 1: years ago, on January twelve, nineteen ninety. Is that right? McLeod,
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Speaker 1: who had taken a cigarette from his pack and started
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Speaker 1: to light it, stopped suddenly and looked at Jackson as
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Speaker 1: though the UBI man were a two headed embryo. Yes,
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Speaker 1: mister Jackson, that is right, he said, slowly, as though
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Speaker 1: he were speaking to a low grade moron. And the
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Speaker 1: capital of California is Sacramento. Are there any further matters
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Speaker 1: of public knowledge you would like to ask me about?
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Speaker 1: Would you like to know when the War of eighteen twelve,
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Speaker 1: started or who was buried in Grant's tomb. Jackson's jaw
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Speaker 1: muscles tightened, then relaxed. There's no need to get sarcastic, professor,
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Speaker 1: just answer the questions. He looked back at the notebook.
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Speaker 1: According to the record, you, as a zoologist, were asked
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Speaker 1: to accompany a shipment of animals to a planet named Galakin.
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Speaker 1: You did so, you returned after eighteen months. Is that correct?
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Speaker 1: To the best of my knowledge, Jess McLeod said, with
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Speaker 1: heavy biting sarcasm. And the date of the Norman conquest
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Speaker 1: was AD ten sixty six. Jackson bawled his fists suddenly
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Speaker 1: and closed his eyes. McLeod, stop it. He was obviously
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Speaker 1: holding himself under rigorous restraint. He opened his eyes. There
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Speaker 1: are reasons for asking these questions, Professor, very good reasons.
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Speaker 1: Will you let me finish? MacLeod had finished lighting his cigarette.
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Speaker 1: He snapped his lighter off and replaced it in his pocket. Perhaps,
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Speaker 1: he said mildly. May I make a statement first? Jackson
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Speaker 1: took a deep breath, held it for a moment, then
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Speaker 1: exhaled slowly. Go ahead, thank you. There was no sarcasm.
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Speaker 1: I'm in McLeod's voice, now only patience. First, for the record,
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Speaker 1: I'll say that I consider it impertinent of you to
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Speaker 1: come in here demanding information without explanation. No, Jackson, don't
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Speaker 1: say anything you said. I could make a statement, thank you. Second,
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Speaker 1: I will state that I'm perfectly aware of why the
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Speaker 1: questions are being asked. No reaction, mister Jackson. You don't
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Speaker 1: believe that very well? Let me continue. On January twelfth,
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Speaker 1: nineteen ninety I was offered a job by certain citizens
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Speaker 1: of the Galactic Civilization. These citizens of the Galactic Civilization
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Speaker 1: wanted to take a shipload of terrestrial animals to their
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Speaker 1: own planet, Galakkin. They knew almost nothing about the care
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Speaker 1: and feeding of terrestrial animals. They needed an expert. They
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Speaker 1: should have taken a real expert, one of the men
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Speaker 1: from the Bronx Zoo, for instance. They didn't. They requested
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Speaker 1: a zoologist. Because the request was made here in America.
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Speaker 1: I was the one who was picked. Any one of
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Speaker 1: seven other men could have handled the job, but I
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Speaker 1: was picked, so I went, thus becoming the first Earthmen
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Speaker 1: ever to leave the Solar System. I took care of
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Speaker 1: the animals. I taught the galactics who were with me
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Speaker 1: to handle and feed them. I did what I was
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Speaker 1: paid to do, and it was a hard job. None
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Speaker 1: of them knew anything about the care and feeding of elephants, horses, giraffes, cats, dogs, eagles,
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Speaker 1: or any one of the other hundred of terrestrial life
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Speaker 1: forms that went aboard that ship. All of this was
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Speaker 1: done with the express permission of the Terrestrial Union government.
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Speaker 1: I was returned to Earth on July seventeenth, nineteen ninety one.
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Speaker 1: I was immediately taken to UBI headquarters and subjected to
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Speaker 1: rigorous questioning. Then I was subjected to further questioning while
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Speaker 1: connected to Apollo, electro and cephalograph. Then I I was
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Speaker 1: subjected to hearing the same questions over again, while under
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Speaker 1: the influence of various drugs in sequence and in combination.
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Speaker 1: The consensus at that time was that I was not lying,
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Speaker 1: nor had I been subjected to what is commonly known
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Speaker 1: as brainwashing. My memories were accurate and complete. I did
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Speaker 1: not know then, nor do I know now, the location
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Speaker 1: of the planet Galakkin. This information was not denied me
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Speaker 1: by the Galactics. I simply could not understand the terms
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Speaker 1: they used. All I can say now and all I
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Speaker 1: could say, then, is that Glakin is some three point
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Speaker 1: five kiloparsecs from Soul in the general direction of Sagittarius.
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Speaker 1: You don't know any more about that now than you
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Speaker 1: did then, Jackson interrupted suddenly and quickly, that's what I said.
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Speaker 1: McLeod snapped, and that's what I mean. Let me finish.
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Speaker 1: I was handsomely paid for my work in galactic money.
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Speaker 1: They used the English word credit, but I'm not sure
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Speaker 1: the English word has exactly the same meaning as the
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Speaker 1: galactic term. At any rate, my wages, if such I
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Speaker 1: may call them, were confiscated by the Earth government. I
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Speaker 1: was given the equivalent in American dollars after eighty percent
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Speaker 1: income tax had been deducted. I ended up with just
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Speaker 1: about what I would have made if I had stayed
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Speaker 1: home and drawn my salary from Columbia University and the
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Speaker 1: American Museum of Natural History. Please, mister Jackson, I only
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Speaker 1: have a little more to say. I decided to write
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Speaker 1: a book in order to make the trip pay off.
8:37
Speaker 1: Interstellar Arc was a popularized account of the trip that
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Speaker 1: may be quite a nice piece of change. Because every
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Speaker 1: literate and half literate person on Earth is curious about
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Speaker 1: the galactics the book tells everything I know about the
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Speaker 1: trip and the people. It is a matter of public record.
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Speaker 1: Since that is so, I refuse to answer a lot
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Speaker 1: of darnful questions, by which I mean that I refused
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Speaker 1: to answer any more questions that you already know the
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Speaker 1: answers to. I'm not being stubborn. I'm just sick and
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Speaker 1: tired of the whole thing. Actually, the notoriety that had
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Speaker 1: resulted from the trip and the book had not pleased
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Speaker 1: McLeod particularly. He had never had any strong desire for fame,
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Speaker 1: but if it had come as a result of his
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Speaker 1: work in zoology and the related sciences, he would have
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Speaker 1: accepted the burden. If his The Ecology of Martian polar
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Speaker 1: regions had attracted a hundredth of the publicity and sold
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Speaker 1: a hundredth of the number of copies that Interstellar arc
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Speaker 1: had sold, he would have been gratified. Indeed, But the
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Speaker 1: way things stood, he found the whole affair irksome. Jackson
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Speaker 1: looked at his notebook as if he expected to see
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Speaker 1: answers written there instead of questions. He looked back up
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Speaker 1: at McLeod. All right, then, professor, what about this afternoon conference?
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Speaker 1: That isn't a matter of public record, and technically it
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Speaker 1: isn't any of your business either, McLeod said tiredly. But
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Speaker 1: since you have the whole conversation down on tape, I
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Speaker 1: don't see why you bother asking me. I'm well aware
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Speaker 1: that you can pick up conversations in my apartment. Jackson
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Speaker 1: pursed his lips and glanced at another of the agents,
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Speaker 1: who raised his eyebrows slightly. MacLeod got it, in spite
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Speaker 1: of the fact that they didn't intend him to. His
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Speaker 1: place was bugged all right, But somehow the galacty could
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Speaker 1: manage to nullify their instruments. No wonder they were in
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Speaker 1: such a tizzy. Mc cleod smiled, pleased with himself and
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Speaker 1: with the world for the first time. That afternoon. He decided, however,
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Speaker 1: that he'd better volunteer the information before they threatened him
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Speaker 1: with the Planetary Security Act. That threat would make him angry,
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Speaker 1: he knew, and he might say something that would get
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Speaker 1: him in real trouble. It was all right to badger
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Speaker 1: Jackson up to a certain point, but it would be
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Speaker 1: foolish to go beyond that. However, he went on with
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Speaker 1: hardly a break, Since, as you say, it is not
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Speaker 1: a matter of public record. I'm perfectly willing to answer
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Speaker 1: any questions you care to ask. Just give us a
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Speaker 1: general rundown of the conversation, Jackson said, if I have
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Speaker 1: any questions, I'll ask them at the proper time. McLeod
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Speaker 1: did the best he could to give a clear picture
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Speaker 1: of what the Galactic had wanted. There was really very
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Speaker 1: little to it. The Galactic was a member of a
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Speaker 1: race that McLeod had never seen before, a humanoid with
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Speaker 1: red skin, fire engine, not a merry endi in, and
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Speaker 1: rather a pleasant looking face in contrast to the rather
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Speaker 1: crocodilian features of the Galactic resident. He had introduced himself
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Speaker 1: by an unpronounceable name, and then had explained that since
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Speaker 1: the name meant mild or merciful in one of the
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Speaker 1: ancient tongues of his planet, it would be perfectly all
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Speaker 1: right if MacLeod called him Clement. Within minutes it had
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Speaker 1: been clem and mac MacLeod could see that Jackson didn't
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Speaker 1: quite believe that Galactics of whatever race were aloof polite, reserved,
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Speaker 1: and sometimes irritatingly patronizing. Never buddy Buddy MacLeod couldn't help
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Speaker 1: what Jackson might think. What was important was that it
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Speaker 1: was true. What Clem wanted was very simple. Clem was,
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Speaker 1: after a manner of speaking, a literary agent. Apparently the
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Speaker 1: galactic system of book publishing didn't quite work the way
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Speaker 1: the terrestrial system did. Clem took his commission from the
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Speaker 1: publisher instead of the author, but was considered a representative
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Speaker 1: of the author, not the publisher. MacLeod hadn't quite understood
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Speaker 1: how that sort of thing would work out, but he
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Speaker 1: let it pass. There were a lot of things he
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Speaker 1: didn't understand about galactics. All Clem wanted was to act
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Speaker 1: as Mcloud's agent for the publication of Interstellar arc And
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Speaker 1: what did you tell him? Jackson asked. I told him
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Speaker 1: I think it over. Jackson leaned forward. How much money
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Speaker 1: did he offer, he asked eagerly. Not much. McLoud said,
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Speaker 1: That's why I told him I'd think it over. He
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Speaker 1: said that, considering the high cost of transportation, relaying, translation,
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Speaker 1: and so on, he couldn't offer me more than one
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Speaker 1: thousandth of the one percent royalties. Jackson blinked, one what
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Speaker 1: one thousandth of one percent? If the book sells a
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Speaker 1: hundred thousand copies as a credit copy, they will send
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Speaker 1: me a nice juicy check for one lousy credit. Jackson scowled,
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Speaker 1: they're cheating you. Clem said it was the standard rate
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Speaker 1: for a first book. Jackson shook his head. Just because
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Speaker 1: we don't have interstellar ships confined to our own solar system,
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Speaker 1: they treat us as though we were ignorant savages. They're
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Speaker 1: cheating you. High, wide and handsome, maybe, said McLeod. But
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Speaker 1: if they really wanted to cheat me, they could just
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Speaker 1: pirate the book. There wouldn't be a thing I could
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Speaker 1: do about it. Yeah, but to keep up their facade
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Speaker 1: of high ethics, they toss us a soop and we
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Speaker 1: have to take whatever they hand out. You will take it.
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Speaker 1: Of course, it was more of an order than a question.
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Speaker 1: I told him. I'd think it over, McLeod said. Jackson
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Speaker 1: stood up. Professor McLeod. The human race needs every galactic
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Speaker 1: credit it can lay its hands on. It's your duty
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Speaker 1: to accept the offer, no matter how lousy it is.
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Speaker 1: We have no choice in the matter, and a galactic
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Speaker 1: credit is worth ten dollars American four pounds UK or
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Speaker 1: forty rubles Sylviet. If you sell one hundred thousand copies
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Speaker 1: of your book, you can get yourself a meal in
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Speaker 1: a fairly good restaurant, and Earth will have one more
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Speaker 1: galactic credit stashed away. If you don't sell that many,
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Speaker 1: you aren't out anything. I suppose not, McLeod said slowly.
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Speaker 1: He knew that the government could force him to take
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Speaker 1: the offer under the Planetary Security Act. The government had
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Speaker 1: broad powers, very broad. Well, that isn't my business right now,
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Speaker 1: Jackson said, I just wanted to find out what this
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Speaker 1: was all about. You'll hear from us, Professor McLeod. I
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Speaker 1: don't doubt it, said McLeod. The six men filed out
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Speaker 1: the door alone. McLeod stared at the wall and thought
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Speaker 1: Earth needed every galactic credit it could get. That was certain.
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Speaker 1: The trouble came in getting them. The Earth had absolutely
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Speaker 1: nothing that the Galactics wanted. Well, not absolutely maybe, but
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Speaker 1: so near as made no difference. Certainly, there was no
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Speaker 1: basis for trade. As far as the Galactics were concerned.
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Speaker 1: The Earth was a little backwater planet that was of
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Speaker 1: no importance. Nothing manufactured on the planet was of any
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Speaker 1: use to Galactics. Nothing grown on Earth was of any
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Speaker 1: commercial importance. They had sampled the animals and plants for
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Speaker 1: scientific purposes, but there was no real commercial value. In them.
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Speaker 1: The government had added a few credits to its meager
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Speaker 1: collection when the animals had been taken, but the amount
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Speaker 1: was small. McLeod thought about the natives of New Guinea
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Speaker 1: and decided that on the galactic scale, Earth was about
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Speaker 1: in the same position, except that there had at least
16:40
Speaker 1: been gold in New Guinea. The Galactics didn't have any
16:44
Speaker 1: interest in Earth's minerals. The elements were much more easily
16:48
Speaker 1: available in the asteroid belts that nearly every planetary system
16:52
Speaker 1: seemed to have. The Galactics were by no means interested
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Speaker 1: in bringing civilization to the barbarians of Earth either. They
17:00
Speaker 1: had no missionaries to bring new religion, no do gooders
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Speaker 1: to elevate the cultural level of the natives. They had
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Speaker 1: no free handouts for any one. If earth Men wanted
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Speaker 1: anything from them, the terms were cash on the barrel head.
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Speaker 1: Earth's credit rating in the galactic equivalent of dun and
17:19
Speaker 1: Bradstreet was triple Z zero. A galactic earthship had, so
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Speaker 1: to speak, stumbled over Earth fifteen years before. Like the
17:29
Speaker 1: English explorers of the eighteenth and nineteenth centuries, the Galactics
17:34
Speaker 1: seemed to feel that it was necessary to install one
17:37
Speaker 1: of their own people on a new found planet, but
17:40
Speaker 1: they were not in the least interested in colonization nor
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Speaker 1: in taking over Earth's government. The Galactic Resident was not,
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Speaker 1: in any case a royal governor, and could hardly even
17:51
Speaker 1: be called an ambassador. He and his staff, a small one,
17:55
Speaker 1: kept more for company than for any necessary work, lived
17:59
Speaker 1: quietly by themselves in a house they built in Hawaii.
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Speaker 1: Nobody knew what they did, and it didn't seem wise
18:06
Speaker 1: to ask. The first Galactic Resident had been shot and
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Speaker 1: killed by some religious nut. Less than twenty four hours later.
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Speaker 1: The Galactic Space Navy, if that was the proper term,
18:18
Speaker 1: had come to claim the body. They came in a
18:21
Speaker 1: spaceship that was easily visible to the naked eye long
18:25
Speaker 1: before it hit the atmosphere, a sphere three kilometers in diameter.
18:30
Speaker 1: The missiles with the thermonuclear warheads that were sent up
18:33
Speaker 1: to intercept the ship were detonated long before they touched
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Speaker 1: the ship, and neither Galactics nor earthmen ever mentioned them again.
18:42
Speaker 1: It had been the most frightening display of power ever
18:45
Speaker 1: seen on Earth, and the Galactics hadn't even threatened anyone.
18:49
Speaker 1: They just came to get a body. Needless to say,
18:53
Speaker 1: there was little danger that they would ever have to
18:55
Speaker 1: repeat the performance. The national governments of Earth had organized
19:00
Speaker 1: themselves hurriedly into the Terrestrial Union. Shaky at first, it
19:05
Speaker 1: had gained stability and power over the years. The first
19:09
Speaker 1: thing the Union government had wanted to do was to
19:12
Speaker 1: send an ambassador to the Galactic government. The galactic resident
19:16
Speaker 1: had politely explained that their concept of government was different
19:19
Speaker 1: from ours, that ambassadors had no place in that concept,
19:24
Speaker 1: and anyway, there was no capital to send one to. However,
19:29
Speaker 1: if Earth wanted to send an observer of some kind,
19:32
Speaker 1: Earth did fine. A statement of passenger fares was forthcoming. Naturally,
19:39
Speaker 1: there was no regular passenger ship stopping at Earth, and
19:42
Speaker 1: there would not be in the foreseeable future. But doubtless
19:45
Speaker 1: arrangements could be made to charter a vessel. It would
19:49
Speaker 1: be expensive. But if a new Guinea Savage wants to
19:53
Speaker 1: take a passage aboard a Quantus airliner, what is the
19:56
Speaker 1: fare in cowry shells. As far as McLeod knew, his
20:01
Speaker 1: book was the first thing ever produced on Earth that
20:03
Speaker 1: the Galactics were even remotely interested in. He had a
20:07
Speaker 1: higher opinion of the ethics of the Galactics than Jackson did,
20:11
Speaker 1: but a thousandth of a percent seemed like pretty small royalties,
20:16
Speaker 1: and he couldn't, for the life of him, see why
20:18
Speaker 1: this book would interest a galactic Clem had explained that
20:22
Speaker 1: it gave galactics a chance to see what they looked
20:25
Speaker 1: like through the eyes of an earth Man, but that
20:27
Speaker 1: seemed rather weak to McLeod. Nevertheless, he knew he would
20:31
Speaker 1: take Clem's offer. Eight months later, a shipload of galactic
20:37
Speaker 1: tourists arrived. For a while it looked as though Earth's
20:40
Speaker 1: credit problem might be solved. Tourism has always been a
20:44
Speaker 1: fine method for getting money from other countries, especially if
20:48
Speaker 1: one's own country is properly picturesque. Taurus always had money,
20:53
Speaker 1: didn't they, And they spent it freely, didn't they? No? Not.
20:57
Speaker 1: In this case, Earth had nothing to sell to the tourists. Ever,
21:02
Speaker 1: hear of baileots. The Malaysians of the South Pacific consider
21:06
Speaker 1: it a very fine delicacy. You take a fertilized duck
21:10
Speaker 1: egg and you bury it in the warm earth. Six
21:13
Speaker 1: months later, when it's nice and overripe, you dig it
21:17
Speaker 1: up again, knock off the top of the shell the
21:20
Speaker 1: way you would a soft boiled egg. And eat it.
21:23
Speaker 1: Then you pick the pin feathers out of your teeth. Baylots.
21:27
Speaker 1: Now you know how the greatest delicacies of Earth restaurants
21:31
Speaker 1: affected the galactics. Earth was just a little two picturesque.
21:36
Speaker 1: The trusts enjoyed the sites, but they ate aboard their ship,
21:40
Speaker 1: which was evidently somewhat like a Caribbean cruise ship, and
21:44
Speaker 1: they bought nothing. They just looked and laugh and of
21:48
Speaker 1: course they all wanted to meet Professor John Hamish MacLeod.
21:53
Speaker 1: When the news leaked out and was thoroughly understood by
21:56
Speaker 1: Earth's population, there was an immediate reaction editorial in Pravda.
22:03
Speaker 1: The stupid book written by the American J. H. MacLeod
22:06
Speaker 1: has made Earth a laughing stock throughout the galaxy. His
22:10
Speaker 1: inability to comprehend the finer nuances of galactic socialism has
22:14
Speaker 1: made all earth Men look foolish. It is too bad
22:18
Speaker 1: that a competent Russian zoologist was not chosen for the
22:21
Speaker 1: trip that McLeod made. A man properly trained in the
22:24
Speaker 1: understanding of the historical forces of dialectic materialism would have
22:29
Speaker 1: realized that any galactic society must of necessity be a
22:33
Speaker 1: communist state and would have interpreted as such. The petty
22:37
Speaker 1: bourgeois mind of MacLeod has made it impossible for any
22:41
Speaker 1: Earthman to hold up his head in the free socialist
22:44
Speaker 1: society of the galaxy until this matter is corrected. News
22:50
Speaker 1: from Manchester Guardian. Professor James H. MacLeod, the American zoologist
22:56
Speaker 1: whose book has apparently aroused a great deal of hilarity
22:59
Speaker 1: in gloe galactic circles, admitted today that both Columbia University
23:04
Speaker 1: and the American Museum of Natural History have accepted his resignation.
23:09
Speaker 1: The recent statement by a university spokesman that Professor McLeod
23:13
Speaker 1: had besmirched the honour of earthmen everywhere was considered at
23:17
Speaker 1: least partially responsible for the resignations. See editorial editorial, Manchester Guardian.
23:26
Speaker 1: It is a truism that an accepted wit has only
23:29
Speaker 1: to say pass the butter and everyone will laugh. Professor McLoud, however,
23:35
Speaker 1: far from being an accepted wit, seems rather to be
23:38
Speaker 1: in the position of a medieval court fool who has
23:41
Speaker 1: laughed at rather than with. As a consequence, all earthmen
23:46
Speaker 1: have been branded as fools. Statement made by the American
23:50
Speaker 1: senator from Alabama. He has made us all look like
23:54
Speaker 1: jackasses in the eyes of the galactics, and at this
23:57
Speaker 1: precarious time in human history, it is my considered opinion
24:01
Speaker 1: that such actions are treason us to the human race
24:04
Speaker 1: and to Earth, and should be treated and considered as such.
24:09
Speaker 1: Book review literary checklist helv R III, Borneus Cluster, Interstellar
24:16
Speaker 1: Arc An Earthman's View of the Galaxy. Translated from the
24:20
Speaker 1: original tongue by Bonus Delf circa five point zero zero.
24:25
Speaker 1: This inexpensive little book is one of the most highly
24:28
Speaker 1: entertainingly funny publications in current print. The author, one John MacLeod,
24:34
Speaker 1: is a member of a Type three seven B race
24:37
Speaker 1: inhabiting a planet in the outer Fringes. As an example
24:42
Speaker 1: of the unwitting humor of the book, we have only
24:45
Speaker 1: to quote the following. I was shown to my quarter
24:48
Speaker 1: shortly before takeoff. Captain Benarley had assigned me a spacious
24:52
Speaker 1: cabin which was almost luxurious in its furnishings. The bed
24:57
Speaker 1: was one of the most comfortable I have ever slept in,
25:00
Speaker 1: or the following. I found the members of the crew
25:03
Speaker 1: to be friendly and cooperative, especially Nurne Cronzil, the ship's physician.
25:10
Speaker 1: It is our prediction that this little gem will be
25:12
Speaker 1: enjoyed for a long time to come, and will be
25:15
Speaker 1: a real moneymaker for its publishers. They haven't hanged me yet,
25:21
Speaker 1: McLeod thought. He sat in his apartment alone and realized
25:25
Speaker 1: that it would take very little effort to get him hanged.
25:28
Speaker 1: How could one book have arouse such wrath? Even as
25:32
Speaker 1: he thought it, MacLeod knew the answer to that question.
25:36
Speaker 1: It wasn't the book. No one who had read it
25:39
Speaker 1: in two and a half years before had said anything
25:42
Speaker 1: against it. No, it wasn't the book. It was the
25:46
Speaker 1: galactic reaction to the book. Already feeling inferior because of
25:50
Speaker 1: the standoffish attitude of the beans from the stars, the
25:54
Speaker 1: homeric laughter of those same beans had been too much.
25:58
Speaker 1: It would have been bad enough if that laughter had
26:00
Speaker 1: been generated by one of the galactics. To have it
26:04
Speaker 1: generated by an earth man made it that much worse
26:08
Speaker 1: against an earthman. Their rage was far from impotent. Nobody
26:12
Speaker 1: understood why the book was funny. Of course, the joke
26:16
Speaker 1: was over their heads, and that made human beings even angrier.
26:21
Speaker 1: He remembered a quotation from a book he had read once.
26:24
Speaker 1: A member of some tribal taboo culture, African or South Pacific.
26:29
Speaker 1: He forgot which had been treated at a missionary hospital
26:33
Speaker 1: for something or other, and had described his experience. The
26:36
Speaker 1: white witch doctor protects himself by wearing a little round
26:40
Speaker 1: mirror on his head, which reflects back the evil spirits.
26:44
Speaker 1: Could that savage have possibly understood what was humorous about
26:47
Speaker 1: that remark? No, not even if you explained to him
26:51
Speaker 1: why the doctor used the mirror that way. Now what
26:55
Speaker 1: thought McLeod. He was out of a job and his
26:58
Speaker 1: bank account was running low. His credit rating had dropped
27:02
Speaker 1: to zero. McLeod heard a key turn in the lock.
27:07
Speaker 1: The door swung open, and Jackson entered with his squad
27:09
Speaker 1: of you b I'm in, hey, said McLeod, jumping to
27:13
Speaker 1: his feet. What do you think this is? Shut up, McLeod,
27:18
Speaker 1: Jackson growled, get your coat, You're wanted at headquarters. McLeod
27:23
Speaker 1: started to say something, then thought better of it. There
27:26
Speaker 1: was nothing he could say. Nobody would care if the
27:29
Speaker 1: UBI manhaddled him, Nobody would protest that his rights were
27:34
Speaker 1: being ignored. If McLeod got his teeth knocked in, Jackson
27:39
Speaker 1: would probably be voted a medal. McLeod didn't say another word.
27:43
Speaker 1: He followed orders. He got his coat and was taken
27:47
Speaker 1: down to the big building on the East River, which
27:49
Speaker 1: had begun its career as the United Nations Building. He
27:53
Speaker 1: was bundled up to an office and shoved into a chair.
27:57
Speaker 1: Somebody shoved a paper at him. Sign this. What is it?
28:01
Speaker 1: McLeod asked, finding his voice. A receipt for two thousand dollars.
28:07
Speaker 1: Sign it. McLeod looked the paper over, then looked up
28:11
Speaker 1: at the burly man who had shoved it at him.
28:14
Speaker 1: Fifty thousand galactic credits? What's this for? The royalty check
28:19
Speaker 1: for your unprintably qualified book has come in? Funny man,
28:23
Speaker 1: the government is taking ninety eight percent for income taxes.
28:27
Speaker 1: Sign McLeod pushed the paper back across the desk. No,
28:31
Speaker 1: I won't. You can confiscate my money. I can't stop that,
28:35
Speaker 1: I guess, but I won't give it legal sanction by
28:38
Speaker 1: signing anything. I don't even see the two thousand dollars.
28:41
Speaker 1: This is supposed to be a receipt for Jackson, who
28:45
Speaker 1: was standing behind McLeod, grabbed his arm and twisted sign
28:49
Speaker 1: His voice was a snarl in McLeod's ear. Eventually, of
28:53
Speaker 1: course he signed no beer, mac asked the bartender, with
28:58
Speaker 1: a friendly smile. Yeah, Leo, thanks. Mc cloud pushed his
29:03
Speaker 1: quarter across the bar with one hand and scratched negligently
29:07
Speaker 1: at his beard with the fingers of the other. Nobody
29:10
Speaker 1: questioned him in this neighborhood. The beard, which had taken
29:15
Speaker 1: two months to grow, disguised his face, and he had
29:18
Speaker 1: given his name as mac affrey, allowing his landlord and
29:22
Speaker 1: others who heard it to make the natural assumption that
29:25
Speaker 1: he was of Irish descent. He was waiting. He had
29:28
Speaker 1: been forced to move from his apartment. Nobody wanted that
29:32
Speaker 1: dirty so and so Professor mac cleod around. Besides, his
29:37
Speaker 1: money was running short. He had never seen the two thousand.
29:41
Speaker 1: You'll get that when the Galactic Bank cashes your royalty check.
29:45
Speaker 1: He had been told he was waiting, not hiding. No,
29:49
Speaker 1: that was impossible. The ub I could find him easily
29:53
Speaker 1: when they wanted him. There was no place he could
29:56
Speaker 1: have hidden from them for very long. A man needs
29:59
Speaker 1: friends to stay hidden from an efficient police organization for
30:03
Speaker 1: very long, and John Hamish McLeod had no friends. Jack
30:07
Speaker 1: McCaffrey had, since he was a pleasant kind of fellow
30:11
Speaker 1: who made friends easily when he wanted them, but he
30:14
Speaker 1: had no illusions about his new friends. Let them. Once suspect, however, faintly,
30:20
Speaker 1: that good old Jack McCaffrey was really the Professor McLeod,
30:24
Speaker 1: and the game would be up. The UBI would find
30:28
Speaker 1: him again, all right whenever it wanted him, and McLeod
30:32
Speaker 1: hoped it would be soon because he was down to
30:34
Speaker 1: his last hundred bucks. So he waited and thought about
30:38
Speaker 1: fifty thousand galactic credits. The mathematics was simple, but it
30:43
Speaker 1: conveyed an awful lot of information. To make fifty thousand
30:47
Speaker 1: credits from one thousandth of one percent royalties on a
30:51
Speaker 1: book selling a five credits the copy one must need
30:54
Speaker 1: sell a billion copies nothing to it. Five times minus
30:59
Speaker 1: ten to the minus fifth power equals five point ten
31:03
Speaker 1: to the fourth power. Ergo x equals ten to the
31:07
Speaker 1: ninth power. McLeod drew the equation on the bar with
31:11
Speaker 1: the tip of a wet forefinger, then rubbed them out quickly.
31:15
Speaker 1: A billion copies in the first year. He should have
31:18
Speaker 1: seen it. He should have understood how many planets were
31:22
Speaker 1: there in the galaxy, how many people on each planet
31:26
Speaker 1: communication even at ultra light velocities would be necessarily slow.
31:32
Speaker 1: The galaxy was just too big to be compassed by
31:35
Speaker 1: the human mind, or even by the mind of a
31:38
Speaker 1: galactic McLeod suspected, how do you publish a book for
31:42
Speaker 1: galactic for galaxy wide consumption? How long does it take
31:47
Speaker 1: to saturate the market on each planet? How long does
31:50
Speaker 1: it take to spread the book from planet to planet?
31:54
Speaker 1: How many people were there on each planet who would
31:56
Speaker 1: buy a good book, or at least an entertaining one.
32:00
Speaker 1: McLeod didn't know, but he suspected that the number was huge.
32:05
Speaker 1: McLeod was a zoologist, not an astronomer, but he had
32:09
Speaker 1: read enough on astronomy to know that the estimated number
32:13
Speaker 1: of Earth type planets alone, according to the latest theory,
32:17
Speaker 1: ran into the tens of millions or hundreds of millions.
32:21
Speaker 1: The A man sat down on the stool next to
32:24
Speaker 1: McCloud and said something loud enough and foul enough to
32:28
Speaker 1: break the zoologist's train of thought. Gimme a shot, Leo,
32:31
Speaker 1: he added, in an angry voice. Sure, Pete, the bartender said,
32:36
Speaker 1: what's the trouble? Taurus, Pete said, with a snarl, laughing
32:41
Speaker 1: at us all the time, like we was monkeys in
32:43
Speaker 1: a zoo bunchum come in today. He downed his whiskey
32:48
Speaker 1: with a practiced flip of the wrist and slammed it
32:50
Speaker 1: down on the bar. Leo refilled it immediately. I shouldn't gripe.
32:55
Speaker 1: I guess got a half a credit off him. He
32:58
Speaker 1: slapped down a five dollar bill, as though it had
33:01
Speaker 1: somehow been contaminated. The bar became oddly quiet. Everyone had
33:06
Speaker 1: heard Pete. Further, everyone had heard another shipload of Galactics
33:11
Speaker 1: had landed and were at the moment enjoyed the sights
33:14
Speaker 1: of New York. A few of them knew that Pete
33:17
Speaker 1: was the bell captain in one of the big midtown hotels.
33:21
Speaker 1: McLeod listened while Pete expounded on the shame he had
33:24
Speaker 1: to undergo to earn half a credit a lousy five bucks.
33:29
Speaker 1: McLeod did some estimating taurists. The word had acquired an
33:33
Speaker 1: even more pejorative sense than it had before, and now
33:37
Speaker 1: applied only two Galactics bought nothing, but they tipped for
33:41
Speaker 1: services unless the services weren't wanted or needed. Pete had
33:45
Speaker 1: given them information that they hadn't had before where to
33:48
Speaker 1: find a particular place. All in all, the group of
33:52
Speaker 1: fifteen galactics had given out five or six credits in
33:56
Speaker 1: such tips, say half a credit apiece. There were perhaps
34:01
Speaker 1: a hundred galectics in the shipload. That meant fifty credits. Hmmm.
34:06
Speaker 1: They didn't need anyone to carry their bags, they didn't
34:09
Speaker 1: need anyone to register them in hotels, They didn't need
34:13
Speaker 1: personal service of that kind. All they wanted to do
34:17
Speaker 1: was look. But they wouldn't pay for looking. They had
34:20
Speaker 1: no interest in Broadway plays or the acts in the nightclubs,
34:25
Speaker 1: at least not enough to induce them to pay to
34:27
Speaker 1: see them. This particular group had wanted to see a hotel.
34:32
Speaker 1: They had wandered through it, looking at everything and laughing
34:35
Speaker 1: to fit to kill, at the carpets on the floor,
34:38
Speaker 1: and the electric lighting and such. But when the management
34:41
Speaker 1: had hinted the payment for such services as letting them
34:44
Speaker 1: look should be forthcoming, they had handed half a credit
34:48
Speaker 1: to someone and walked out. Then they had gone to
34:51
Speaker 1: the corner of fifty first in Madison and look for nothing.
34:55
Speaker 1: Fifty credits for a shipload three shiploads per year. Well,
35:00
Speaker 1: give him the benefit of the doubt and say ten
35:03
Speaker 1: shiploads the ear in a hundred years, they'd add another
35:06
Speaker 1: fifty thousand to Earth's re sources. McLeod grinned and waited.
35:13
Speaker 1: They came for him eventually, as McLeod had always known
35:17
Speaker 1: they would, but they came long before he had expected.
35:21
Speaker 1: He had given them six months at the least. They
35:24
Speaker 1: came for him at the end of the third month.
35:27
Speaker 1: It was Jackson. Of course, it would have to be Jackson.
35:32
Speaker 1: He walked into the cheap little room McLeod had rented,
35:35
Speaker 1: followed by his squad of men. He tossed a peculiar
35:39
Speaker 1: envelope on the bed next to McLeod. A letter came
35:42
Speaker 1: for you, humorist. Open it. McLeod sat on the edge
35:46
Speaker 1: of the bed and read the letter. The envelope had
35:49
Speaker 1: already been opened, which surprised him none. It looked very
35:53
Speaker 1: much like an ordinary business letter, except that whatever they
35:56
Speaker 1: used for paper was whiter and tougher than the paper
35:59
Speaker 1: he used used. He was reminded of the time he
36:02
Speaker 1: had seen a reproduction of a thirteenth century manuscript alongside
36:06
Speaker 1: the original. The copy had been set up in a
36:09
Speaker 1: specially designed type and printed on fine paper. The original
36:14
Speaker 1: had been handwritten on vellum. MacLeod had the feeling that
36:18
Speaker 1: if he used a microscope on this letter, the lines
36:21
Speaker 1: and edges would be just as precise and clear as
36:24
Speaker 1: they appeared to the naked eye, instead of the fuzziness
36:27
Speaker 1: that ordinary print would show. The way you could tell
36:30
Speaker 1: a synthetic ruby from a natural ruby is to look
36:33
Speaker 1: for flaws. The synthetic doesn't have any. This letter was
36:38
Speaker 1: the galactic imitation of a Terran business letter. It said,
36:43
Speaker 1: Dear Mac, I am happy to report that your book,
36:46
Speaker 1: Interstellar Arc is a smash hit. It looks as though
36:50
Speaker 1: it is on its way to becoming as seller. As
36:53
Speaker 1: you already know by your royalty statement. Over a billion
36:57
Speaker 1: copies were sold the first year. That indicates even better
37:01
Speaker 1: sales over the years to come. As the reputation of
37:04
Speaker 1: the book spreads naturally. Our advertising campaign will remain behind
37:09
Speaker 1: it all the way. Congratulations. Speaking of royalty checks, there
37:14
Speaker 1: seems to be some sort of irregularity about yours. I
37:18
Speaker 1: am sorry, but according to regulations, the check must be
37:22
Speaker 1: validated in the presence of your galactic resident before it
37:25
Speaker 1: can be cashed. Your signature across the back of it
37:29
Speaker 1: doesn't mean anything to our bankers. Just go to your
37:32
Speaker 1: galactic resident and He'll be happy to take care of
37:35
Speaker 1: the matter for you. That's what he's there for. The
37:38
Speaker 1: next check should come through very shortly. All the best,
37:42
Speaker 1: clem better and better. McLeod thought. He hadn't expected to
37:48
Speaker 1: be able to do anything until his next royalty check arrived.
37:51
Speaker 1: But now he looked up at Jackson. All right, what's next,
37:56
Speaker 1: Come with us, We're flying to Hawaii. Get your hat
38:00
Speaker 1: and coat. Macloud obeyed silently. At the moment, there was
38:04
Speaker 1: nothing else he could do. As a matter of fact,
38:08
Speaker 1: there was nothing he wanted to do more. It was
38:11
Speaker 1: no trouble at all for Professor MacLeod to get an
38:13
Speaker 1: audience with the galactic resident, But when he was escorted
38:18
Speaker 1: in by Jackson and his squad, the whole group was
38:21
Speaker 1: halted inside the front door. The resident, a tall, lean
38:25
Speaker 1: being with a leathery gray face that somehow managed to
38:29
Speaker 1: look crocodilian in spite of the fact that his head
38:31
Speaker 1: was definitely humanoid in shape, peered at them from beneath,
38:35
Speaker 1: pronounced Superorbital Ridges. Is this man under arrest, he asked
38:41
Speaker 1: in a gravelly baritone. Or No, said Jackson. No, he's
38:46
Speaker 1: merely in protective custody. He has not been convicted of
38:49
Speaker 1: any crime. No, Sir, Jackson said, His voice sounded as
38:54
Speaker 1: though it were unsure of himself. That is well, said
38:57
Speaker 1: the resident. A convicted criminal care, of course, used the
39:01
Speaker 1: credits of society until he has become rehabilitated. He paused,
39:06
Speaker 1: But why protective custody. There are those said Jackson, choosing
39:11
Speaker 1: his words with care, who feel that Professor MacLeod has
39:15
Speaker 1: brought disgrace upon the human race or the terrestrial race.
39:19
Speaker 1: There is reason to believe that his life may be
39:21
Speaker 1: in danger. MacLeod smiled rily. What Jackson said was true,
39:27
Speaker 1: but it was carefully calculated to mislead I see, said
39:31
Speaker 1: the resident. It would appear to me that it would
39:34
Speaker 1: be simpler to inform the people that he has done
39:36
Speaker 1: no such thing. That indeed, his work has conferred immense
39:41
Speaker 1: benefits upon your race, but that is your own affair.
39:45
Speaker 1: At any rate, he is in no danger here. He
39:48
Speaker 1: didn't need to say anything else. Jackson knew the hint
39:52
Speaker 1: was an order, and that he wouldn't get any farther
39:54
Speaker 1: with his squad. McLeod spoke up, subject to your permission, sir,
40:00
Speaker 1: I would like to have mister Jackson with me, the
40:03
Speaker 1: Galactic resident smiled, of course, professor, come in, both of you.
40:07
Speaker 1: He turned and led the way through the inner door.
40:11
Speaker 1: Nobody bothered to search either of them, not even though
40:14
Speaker 1: they must know that Jackson was carrying a gun. McLeod
40:18
Speaker 1: was fairly certain that the gun would be useless to
40:21
Speaker 1: Jackson if he tried to assert his authority with it.
40:24
Speaker 1: If Clym had been able to render the ubi's eavesdropping
40:27
Speaker 1: apparatus inoperable, it was highly probable that the Galactic Resident
40:32
Speaker 1: would have some means of taking care of weapons. There
40:35
Speaker 1: are only a few formalities to go through, the residents said, pleasantly,
40:40
Speaker 1: indicating chairs with a gesture. The room he had led
40:43
Speaker 1: them to didn't look much different from that which would
40:46
Speaker 1: be expected in any tastefully furnished apartment in New York
40:50
Speaker 1: or Honolulu. McLeod and Jackson sat down in a couple
40:54
Speaker 1: of comfortable easy chairs, while the Resident went around a
40:57
Speaker 1: large desk and sat down in a swivel chair behind
41:00
Speaker 1: mind it. He smiled a little and looked at McLeod. Hm. Ah, yes,
41:06
Speaker 1: very good. It was as though he had received information
41:09
Speaker 1: of some kind on an unknown subject through an unknown channel.
41:14
Speaker 1: McLeod thought, Evidently that was true, for his next words were,
41:19
Speaker 1: you are not under the influence of drugs or hypnotic compulsion.
41:22
Speaker 1: I see, excellent professor. Is it your desire that this
41:27
Speaker 1: check be converted to cash? He made a small gesture.
41:31
Speaker 1: You have only to express it, you see. It would
41:34
Speaker 1: be difficult to explain it to you, But rest assured
41:37
Speaker 1: that such an expression of will while you are seated
41:40
Speaker 1: in that chair, is impressed upon the structure of the
41:43
Speaker 1: check itself, and is the equivalent of a signature, except,
41:47
Speaker 1: of course, that it is unforgable. May I ask a
41:51
Speaker 1: few questions? First? McLeod said, certainly, professor, I am here
41:55
Speaker 1: to answer your questions the money? Is it free and clear?
42:00
Speaker 1: Or are there galactic taxes to pay? If the galactic
42:04
Speaker 1: residence had had eyebrows, it is likely that they would
42:07
Speaker 1: have lifted in surprise, my dear professor. Aside from the
42:11
Speaker 1: fact that we run our government in an entirely different manner,
42:16
Speaker 1: we would consider it quite immoral to take what a
42:18
Speaker 1: man earns without giving services of an exact kind. I
42:22
Speaker 1: will charge you five credits for this validation. Since I
42:26
Speaker 1: am rendering a service, the bank will take a full
42:29
Speaker 1: tenth of a percent in this case because of the
42:32
Speaker 1: inconvenience of shipping cash over that long distance. The rest
42:36
Speaker 1: is yours to do with as you see fit. Fifty
42:39
Speaker 1: five credits out of fifty five thousand, McLeod thought, not
42:43
Speaker 1: bad at all. Aloud, he asked, could I, for instance,
42:47
Speaker 1: open a bank account or buy a ticket on a starship?
42:51
Speaker 1: Why not? As I said, it's your money, you have
42:54
Speaker 1: earned it, honestly, you may spend it honestly. Jackson was
42:59
Speaker 1: staring at mc cloud bud. He said, nothing, tell me, sir,
43:03
Speaker 1: McLeod said, how does the success of my book compare
43:06
Speaker 1: with the successes of most books in the galaxy? Quite favorably,
43:10
Speaker 1: I understand, said the resident. The usual income from a
43:14
Speaker 1: successful book is about five thousand credits a year. Some
43:19
Speaker 1: run even less than that. I'm not too familiar with
43:22
Speaker 1: the publishing business, you understand, but that is my impression.
43:27
Speaker 1: You are, by galactic standards, a very wealthy man. Professor.
43:32
Speaker 1: Fifty thousand years by no means a median income fifty
43:36
Speaker 1: thousand a year. Yes, about that. I understand that in
43:40
Speaker 1: the publishing business one can depend on a life income
43:44
Speaker 1: that does not vary much from the initial period. If
43:47
Speaker 1: a book is successful in one area of the galaxy,
43:50
Speaker 1: it will be equally successful in others. How long does
43:54
Speaker 1: it take to saturate the market, McLeod asked, with a
43:57
Speaker 1: touch of awe. Saturate the oh, I see, yes, Well,
44:02
Speaker 1: let's see. Most publishing houses can't handle the advertising and
44:06
Speaker 1: marketing on more than one thousand planets at once. The
44:09
Speaker 1: job becomes too unwieldy. That would indicate that you sold
44:14
Speaker 1: an average of a million copies per planet, which is unusual,
44:17
Speaker 1: but not a miraculous That is why you can depend
44:21
Speaker 1: on future sales you see over a thousand planets. The
44:24
Speaker 1: differences in planetary tastes averages out. Now, if your publishers
44:29
Speaker 1: continue to expand the publication at the rate of one
44:32
Speaker 1: thousand planets a year, your book should easily last for
44:36
Speaker 1: another century. They can't really expand that rapidly, of course,
44:41
Speaker 1: since the sales on the planets they have already covered
44:44
Speaker 1: will continue with diminishing success over the next several years. Actually,
44:49
Speaker 1: your publishers will continue to put a billion books a
44:52
Speaker 1: year on the market and expand to new planets at
44:55
Speaker 1: a rate that will balance the loss of sales on
44:57
Speaker 1: the planets where it has already run its cour Yes, professor,
45:02
Speaker 1: you will have good income for life. What about my
45:05
Speaker 1: heirs heirs? The galactic resident blink. I'm afraid I don't
45:10
Speaker 1: quite follow you. My relatives, anyone who will inherit my
45:15
Speaker 1: property after my death? The residents still look puzzled. What
45:19
Speaker 1: about them? How long can they go on collecting? When
45:23
Speaker 1: does the copyright run out? The galactic residence puzzlement vanished. Oh,
45:29
Speaker 1: my dear professor, surely you see that it is impossible
45:32
Speaker 1: to or inherit money one hasn't earned. The income stops
45:37
Speaker 1: with your death. Your children or your wife have done
45:40
Speaker 1: nothing to earn the money. Why should it continue to
45:43
Speaker 1: be paid out after the earner has died. If you
45:46
Speaker 1: wish to make provisions for such persons during your lifetime,
45:50
Speaker 1: that is your business. But the provisions must be made
45:53
Speaker 1: out of money you have already earned. Who does get
45:57
Speaker 1: the income, then, McLeod asked the lactic resident. Look thoughtful, Well,
46:03
Speaker 1: the best I can explain to you, without going into
46:06
Speaker 1: arduous detail is to say that our government gets it.
46:10
Speaker 1: Government is not really the proper word in this context,
46:14
Speaker 1: since we have no government as you think of it.
46:17
Speaker 1: Let us merely say that such monies pass into a
46:20
Speaker 1: common exchequer from which or public servants like myself are paid.
46:25
Speaker 1: McLeod had a vision of a British crown officer trying
46:28
Speaker 1: to explain to a New Guinea tribesman what he meant
46:31
Speaker 1: when he said that taxes go to the crown. The
46:34
Speaker 1: tribesmen would probably wonder why the chief of the English
46:37
Speaker 1: tribe kept cowry shells under his hat. I see. And
46:41
Speaker 1: if I am imprisoned for crime, he asked, the payments
46:45
Speaker 1: are suspended until the rehabilitation is complete, that is, until
46:51
Speaker 1: you are legally released. Is there anything else that can
46:54
Speaker 1: stop the payments? Not unless the publishing company fails, which
46:59
Speaker 1: is highly unlikely. Of course, a man under hypnotic compulsion
47:04
Speaker 1: or drugs is not considered legally responsible, so he cannot
47:08
Speaker 1: transact any legal business while he is in that state.
47:12
Speaker 1: But the checks are merely held for him until that
47:14
Speaker 1: impediment is removed. I see. McLeod nodded. He knew perfectly
47:20
Speaker 1: well that he no more understood the entire workings of
47:23
Speaker 1: the galactic civilization than that New Guinea tribesman understood the
47:27
Speaker 1: civilization of Great Britain. But he also knew that he
47:31
Speaker 1: understood more of it than Jackson. For instance, Diad MacLeod
47:35
Speaker 1: had been able to foresee a little of what the
47:37
Speaker 1: resident had said. Would you do me the service, Sir
47:41
Speaker 1: MacLeod said, of opening a bank account for me in
47:44
Speaker 1: some local bank. Yes, of course. As resident, I am
47:48
Speaker 1: empowered to transact business for you at your request. My
47:52
Speaker 1: fees are quite reasonable. All checks will have to go
47:56
Speaker 1: through me, of course, but I think in this case
48:00
Speaker 1: a twentieth of a percent would be appropriate. You will
48:03
Speaker 1: be handling fairly large amounts. If that is your wish,
48:07
Speaker 1: I shall so arrange it. Hey, Jackson found his tongue.
48:12
Speaker 1: The Earth Union government has a claim on that McLeod
48:16
Speaker 1: owes forty nine thousand Galactic credits in income taxes. If
48:20
Speaker 1: the galactic resident was shocked at the intimation that the
48:23
Speaker 1: galactic government would take earn money from a man, the
48:27
Speaker 1: announcement that Earth's government did so was no surprise to
48:30
Speaker 1: him at all. If that is so, I am certain
48:33
Speaker 1: that Professor MacLeod will behave As a law abiding citizen.
48:37
Speaker 1: He can authorize a check for that amount and it
48:40
Speaker 1: will be honored by his bank. We have no desire
48:43
Speaker 1: to interfere with local customs. I am certain that I
48:47
Speaker 1: can come to an equitable arrangement with the Earth authorities,
48:50
Speaker 1: said McLeod, rising from his chair. Is there anything I
48:54
Speaker 1: have to sign or No? No, you have expressed your will.
48:58
Speaker 1: Thank you, Professor MacLeod. It is a pleasure to do
49:01
Speaker 1: business with you. Thank you. The pleasure is mutual. Come on, Jackson,
49:06
Speaker 1: we don't need to bother the resident any more just now.
49:10
Speaker 1: But come on, I said, I want a few words
49:13
Speaker 1: with you, mc cleod insisted. Jackson sensed that there would
49:17
Speaker 1: be no point in arguing any further with the resident,
49:20
Speaker 1: but he followed MacLeod out into the bright Hawaiian sunshine
49:23
Speaker 1: with a dull glow of anger burning his cheeks. Accompanied
49:27
Speaker 1: by the squad, they climbed into the car and left.
49:31
Speaker 1: As soon as they were well away from the residence,
49:34
Speaker 1: Jackson grabbed mc cloud by the lapel of his jacket.
49:37
Speaker 1: All right, humorist, what was the idea of that? Are
49:41
Speaker 1: you trying to make things hard for yourself? No, but
49:44
Speaker 1: you are, mc cleod said, in a cold voice. Get
49:47
Speaker 1: your hands off me. I may get you fired anyway,
49:51
Speaker 1: just because you're allous. But if you keep acting like this,
49:54
Speaker 1: I'll see that they toss you into solitary and tossed
49:57
Speaker 1: the key away. What are you talking about? But he
50:00
Speaker 1: released his hold. Just think about it, Jackson. The government
50:04
Speaker 1: can't get its hands on that money unless I permit it.
50:08
Speaker 1: As I said, we'll arrive at an equitable arrangement, and
50:12
Speaker 1: that will be a damn sight less than ninety eight
50:14
Speaker 1: percent of my earnings. Believe me, if you refuse to pay,
50:19
Speaker 1: will he stopped suddenly throw me in jail. McLeod shook
50:23
Speaker 1: his head. You can't get money while I'm in jail.
50:27
Speaker 1: We'll wait, said Jackson firmly. After a little while in
50:31
Speaker 1: a cell, you'll listen to reason, and we'll sign those checks.
50:35
Speaker 1: You don't think very well, do you, Jackson? To sign
50:39
Speaker 1: a check, I have to go to the galactic resident.
50:42
Speaker 1: As soon as you take me to him, I authorize
50:45
Speaker 1: a check to buy me a ticket for some nice
50:47
Speaker 1: planet where there are no income taxes. Jackson opened his
50:51
Speaker 1: mouth and shut it again, frowning. Think about it, Jackson,
50:55
Speaker 1: McLeod continued, nobody can get that money from me without
50:59
Speaker 1: my consent. Now, it so happens that I want to
51:02
Speaker 1: help Earth. I have a certain perverse fondness for the
51:06
Speaker 1: human race, even though it is inconceivably backward by galactic standards.
51:11
Speaker 1: We have about as much chance of ever becoming of
51:14
Speaker 1: any importance on a galactic scale as the Australian aborigine
51:18
Speaker 1: has of becoming important in world politics. But a few
51:22
Speaker 1: thousand years of evolution may bring out a few individuals
51:25
Speaker 1: who have the ability to do something. I'm not sure,
51:29
Speaker 1: but I'm damned if I'll let the boneheads run all
51:31
Speaker 1: over me while they take my money. I happen to
51:34
Speaker 1: be at the moment, and through sheer luck, Earth's only
51:38
Speaker 1: natural resource is as far as the galaxy is concerned. Sure,
51:43
Speaker 1: you can put me in jail, you can kill me
51:45
Speaker 1: if you want, but that won't give you the money.
51:49
Speaker 1: I am the goose that lays the golden eggs, but
51:52
Speaker 1: I'm not such a goose that I'm going to let
51:54
Speaker 1: you boot me in the tail while you steal the gold.
51:57
Speaker 1: Earth has no other source of income. None. Tourists are
52:01
Speaker 1: few and far between, and they spend almost nothing. As
52:05
Speaker 1: long as I am alive and in good health and
52:08
Speaker 1: out of prison, Earth will have a nice, steady income
52:11
Speaker 1: of fifty thousand galactic credits a year. Earth, I said,
52:15
Speaker 1: not the government except indirectly. I intend to see that
52:19
Speaker 1: my money isn't confiscated. He had a few other plans too,
52:24
Speaker 1: but he saw no necessity of mentioning them to Jackson.
52:27
Speaker 1: If I don't like the way the government behaves, I'll
52:30
Speaker 1: simply shut off the source of supply. Understand Jackson, m
52:35
Speaker 1: m said Jackson, he understood. He didn't like it, and
52:39
Speaker 1: he didn't know what to do about it. One of
52:42
Speaker 1: the first things we're going to do is start a
52:44
Speaker 1: little information flowing, mc cleod said. I don't care to
52:48
Speaker 1: live on a planet where everybody hates my guts. So,
52:51
Speaker 1: as the resident suggested, we're going to have to start
52:54
Speaker 1: a propaganda campaign to counteract the one that denounced me.
52:59
Speaker 1: For that, I'll want to talk to someone a little
53:01
Speaker 1: higher in the government. You'd better take me to the
53:04
Speaker 1: head of the UBI. He'll know who I should speak
53:07
Speaker 1: to for that purpose. Jackson still looked dazed, but it
53:11
Speaker 1: had evidently penetrated that MacLeod had the upper hand. What uh,
53:16
Speaker 1: what did you say, sir, he asked, partially out of
53:19
Speaker 1: coming out of his days. Mc cleod sighed, Take me
53:23
Speaker 1: to your leader, he said, patiently, and of Section thirteen