Latest / New Manager Conversations with Fexingo: First 90 Days, Managing Former Peers, and Leadership Basics / How New Managers Can Give Constructive Criticism Without Crushing Morale
Transcript
- Lucas: So you've been a manager for maybe three months now. You've built rapport, you've delegated a few projects, things seem fine. And then one of your team members hands in something that just isn't there. It's sloppy, it's late, it's not the standard they usually hit. And now you have to tell them that — without them hating you or quitting. Luna: Right. And if you're anything like I was in my first management role, your instinct is either to say nothing and hope it gets better, or to pile on so much gentle cushioning that the actual message gets lost. Lucas: Exactly. So let's talk about how to give constructive criticism that actually lands. And let's use a real example. Say you're a new manager named Priya, and you oversee Marcus, a senior designer who's been at the company for four years. Normally Marcus is great, but his last two deliverables have been riddled with small errors — misaligned grids, inconsistent typography, a few broken links. He also missed a deadline by two days without communicating. Luna: So this is someone who's proven they can do the work, but something's off lately. That's actually harder than dealing with a consistent low performer, because you don't want to overcorrect. Lucas: Right. And the first instinct for many new managers is what I call the 'shit sandwich' — you say something nice, then the criticism, then something nice. 'Hey Marcus, I really love your use of color in this mockup. But the grid alignment is off and you missed the deadline. Your creativity is so valuable though.' The problem is, Marcus leaves that conversation feeling either confused or manipulated — he doesn't know what to actually change. Luna: And he might focus on the nice parts and ignore the critique entirely. I've seen that happen a lot. Lucas: So instead, Priya should use a framework called SBI — Situation, Behavior, Impact. You start by naming the specific situation, then the behavior you observed, then the impact of that behavior. It's direct, but it's not personal. It's about the work, not the person. Luna: Can you walk through what that sounds like in practice? For Marcus? Lucas: Sure. So Priya says: 'Marcus, in the client deliverable we sent Tuesday — that's the situation. I noticed three broken links in the footer and the type on the hero section was set to fourteen pixels instead of sixteen. That's the behavior. The impact is that the client flagged the errors in their review call, and our team lost some credibility. I need us to catch those details before handoff.' That's it. No cushion, no vague praise. It's specific enough that Marcus knows exactly what to fix. Luna: And notice she didn't say 'you're sloppy' or 'you don't care.' She talked about what happened and what needs to change. That's key. Lucas: Exactly. The brain hears 'you're sloppy' and goes into defensive mode — it's a threat to your identity. But 'there were three broken links' is a problem you can solve. So SBI keeps the conversation focused on fixing the issue, not defending the ego. Luna: What about timing? Should Priya bring this up right after she spots the errors, or wait for the scheduled one-on-one? Lucas: Good question. For something time-sensitive — like a client deliverable that's already gone out — I'd say address it within 24 hours. The feedback loses its power if you wait a week. But it doesn't have to be an emergency meeting. You can say 'Hey, can we grab ten minutes this afternoon to talk about the client project?' That gives Marcus a heads-up without making him anxious all day. Luna: And it's private, right? You never give critical feedback in front of others. Lucas: Never. That's a cardinal rule. Public criticism triggers shame, not learning. Always one-on-one, always in a neutral space — not your office with the door closed, not a conference room with glass walls. A quiet corner or a walk outside can work. Luna: So SBI handles the 'what' and the 'when'. But what about the 'how' — delivery style? Some people are really sensitive, others are more direct. Lucas: Great point. You have to calibrate. For a person like Marcus who's usually high-performing, you might add a framing like: 'I'm bringing this up because I know you're capable of better, and I want to make sure our team continues to shine.' That acknowledges his track record without using it as a shield. For someone who's newer or less confident, you might ask more questions — 'What was your process on this? What do you think went well and what could be improved?' Let them surface the issue themselves. Luna: I love that. It turns it into coaching instead of criticism. But what about when the behavior is a pattern — not just one mistake? Lucas: Then you have to escalate the conversation. The first time, SBI is enough. The second time, you say: 'We talked about the grid alignment and deadlines two weeks ago. I'm seeing the same issues again. I need to understand what's blocking you.' Now you're moving from feedback to problem-solving. Maybe Marcus is overworked, maybe he's dealing with something personal, maybe he doesn't know how to use the new design tool. Your job as manager is to figure that out. Luna: And if it's a third time, that's a different conversation entirely — one about performance improvement and maybe consequences. Lucas: Right. But most new managers never get to that third conversation because they either avoid the first one or botch it so badly that the relationship sours. That's why getting the first criticism right matters so much. Luna: One thing I've seen new managers struggle with is over-explaining. They give the feedback, then they justify it, then they apologize, then they backtrack. By the end, the other person doesn't know what the actual message was. Lucas: That's a huge trap. Keep it short. State the situation, the behavior, the impact. Then stop. Let the silence hang there. Let Marcus respond. If you keep talking, you're just making yourself uncomfortable. The silence gives the other person space to process and take ownership. Luna: And then you end with a clear expectation. 'Going forward, please double-check links before sending, and let me know if a deadline is at risk.' Not a threat, just a standard. Lucas: Exactly. So let's say Priya handles the conversation well. Marcus says 'You're right, I've been distracted with the new baby at home. I'll be more careful.' Then Priya can offer support — 'Do you need to adjust your workload for a few weeks?' That builds trust. Luna: But if Marcus pushes back — 'I don't think the errors were that bad, the client is being picky' — then Priya needs to hold her ground without getting defensive. She can say 'I hear you, but from where I stand, three broken links in a client-facing deliverable is not acceptable. Let's agree on the standard together.' Lucas: Yeah. And if the pushback is really strong, you might need to escalate — involve your own manager or HR. But honestly, most people respond well to clear, specific, respectful feedback. The fear new managers have is usually worse than the reality. Luna: Speaking of which, I think this episode is a great example of the kind of practical, no-fluff advice we try to offer here. If you've found these conversations helpful in your own transition to management, it's worth knowing that listener support is the only reason we can keep this show ad-free and focused on real-life scenarios. Lucas: Yeah. If you've ever used one of our frameworks in a one-on-one or shared an episode with a colleague, that's exactly the kind of signal that lets us know we're on the right track. And for those who want to chip in directly, you can do that at buy me a coffee dot com slash fexingo. Luna: All right. Back to the trenches. So we've covered SBI, timing, calibration, and handling pushback. Is there one thing you'd want every new manager to remember about criticism? Lucas: Yes. Feedback is a gift — but only if it's wrapped in specifics. If you walk away from this episode with one thing, let it be this: never say 'you need to do better.' Say 'these three things need to change.' The rest is just noise.