Latest / One Voice Many Conversations / Crushing Strongholds #27-Guest Speaker Megan Stewart- Crushing Sobriety

Transcript

Crushing Strongholds #27-Guest Speaker Megan Stewart- Crushing Sobriety · One Voice Many Conversations

0:02
SPEAKER_00: Hello everyone.
0:04
SPEAKER_00: Welcome back to another amazing episode of Crusholds.
0:08
SPEAKER_00: This is a podcast where we turn pain into power, trauma into triumph, and a place where we get to expose the lives of the enemy.
0:16
SPEAKER_00: And how do we do that?
0:17
SPEAKER_00: We do that by sharing the grace and the love and the truth of Jesus Christ and by dismantling strongholds.
0:24
SPEAKER_00: Did you know that your voice matters, your testimony matters?
0:27
SPEAKER_00: And today I have an amazing guest here today to share an outstanding testimony.
0:32
SPEAKER_00: And it's crazy how I met this gal.
0:34
SPEAKER_00: I just ran across her on Facebook and we hit it off.
0:37
SPEAKER_00: We hit it like totally out of the park.
0:40
SPEAKER_00: We're becoming friends, and I've enjoyed getting to know this individual.
0:43
SPEAKER_00: Her name is Megan Stewart.
0:44
SPEAKER_00: She's been married for 10 years.
0:46
SPEAKER_00: She has a cat named Clarence.
0:50
SPEAKER_00: And she has an amazing testimony that I can't wait for her to share with you about how she hit rock bottom and Satan tried to take her out, but God had other plans.
1:00
SPEAKER_00: So I welcome you today, Megan.
1:02
SPEAKER_00: And if you don't mind, welcome aboard and come on in and tell us a little bit about yourself.
1:07
SPEAKER_01: All right.
1:08
SPEAKER_01: Good morning, everyone.
1:09
SPEAKER_01: Thank you, Mickey, so much for having me here.
1:11
SPEAKER_01: I'm really I'm excited.
1:12
SPEAKER_01: I've never done anything like this before.
1:14
SPEAKER_01: Um, but I have spoken a few times, um, just uh usually in person, never being recorded to try to re-watch it later.
1:21
SPEAKER_01: Um yeah, so today we're gonna uh splatter the batter, is what I like to say for Mago's Messy Bakery.
1:29
SPEAKER_01: It's my um my messy life and how everything comes to be because it ain't perfect, but it's beautiful.
1:36
SPEAKER_01: And it's mine.
1:38
SPEAKER_01: Um so yeah, a little bit about me.
1:41
SPEAKER_01: Um I am 31 years old, currently residing in Arkansas.
1:46
SPEAKER_01: Um, and my I am married.
1:48
SPEAKER_01: My husband's name is Brian.
1:50
SPEAKER_01: We've been married for 10 years.
1:51
SPEAKER_01: Um, he is currently residing in California.
1:54
SPEAKER_01: So I'm just kind of joking that now we're doing the long distance college thing because he's going back to school to get his teaching credentials, and I just applied um going to Brightwater College um to get my culinary degree.
2:07
SPEAKER_01: Um so that way I can have my own food truck.
2:10
SPEAKER_01: And so it's it's been an insane journey, but I'm so excited, so so excited to see where things go.
2:18
SPEAKER_00: That's really awesome.
2:19
SPEAKER_00: I would love to have my own food truck, just drive around and feed people.
2:24
SPEAKER_00: I think that would be great because I, you know, running a homeless ministry, I think homeless ministries should have a food truck.
2:30
SPEAKER_00: So we got to get these churches on board and be like, hey, let's come up with a homeless ministry where we can have a food truck, you know, for homeless people in the community.
2:38
SPEAKER_01: Yes.
2:39
SPEAKER_01: My um, my local church, uh uh Woodland United Methodist, had um one of our Fridays, like once a month or about every five weeks, kind of when the freezer was running low, we did what we called go meals.
2:51
SPEAKER_01: And so we would uh the youth pastor, uh Pat would go and buy, pick out a couple recipes and go buy all the stuff, and we would split our into our own teams based on how many people we had that night freeze group, and we would cook as teenagers in the kitchen.
3:09
SPEAKER_01: And we made would usually make between 30 and 60 meals, depending on portion sizing and everything, that were in to go boxes, had a scripture, had exactly what was in it, and anyone could come in at any time and take a meal, take a meal, heat it up, take a stack, no questions asked, no signing, just food-free habit.
3:28
SPEAKER_01: And so that's my like I want to feed people and I want to be happy, and I've always sold my baked goods or cook for people, and so I my ultimate dream is like a pay as you go food truck or like pay what you can food truck, pay it forward type thing, because I don't ever want someone to feel like, oh, I want to try that, but I can't afford it.
3:49
SPEAKER_01: Right.
3:49
SPEAKER_01: Because that's that's how I got my love of baking and cooking, is I don't want to pay$25 for that, but this is a beautiful and amazing.
3:58
SPEAKER_01: How can I make this at home?
4:00
SPEAKER_02: Right.
4:00
SPEAKER_01: And then moving out to Arkansas from California, where it is not as culturally diverse in many areas.
4:08
SPEAKER_01: Um Sonic is our main restaurant in my town with its two stop lights.
4:15
SPEAKER_01: So having being able to have my shoot my fill of sushi restaurants or you know, Indian food or Vietnamese or Thai, anything like that was like that that's not a thing.
4:27
SPEAKER_01: It's just not there.
4:28
SPEAKER_01: So I learned how to make these myself so I can enjoy everything at home.
4:31
SPEAKER_01: And it's such a passion of mine to just feed people.
4:35
SPEAKER_01: And that was ironically, the first way I was kind of introduced to Christ was through that, through cooking and through my youth pastor who saw me and became a huge father figure in my life and now actually owns his own Irish pub.
4:51
SPEAKER_01: It's beautiful, beautiful.
4:52
SPEAKER_01: Just so that way, same.
4:53
SPEAKER_01: He can have a meeting place for people to come, hang out, feel safe, and he can have his favorite food.
4:58
SPEAKER_00: That's awesome.
4:59
SPEAKER_00: That's really awesome.
5:00
SPEAKER_00: So, um, well, I met you through reading your testimony on Facebook, and it it it definitely resonated with me.
5:08
SPEAKER_00: Um, like I said, you and I have actually have a lot in common.
5:12
SPEAKER_00: Um, we actually used to live only 45 minutes from each other, which is crazy because we're so far apart now.
5:18
SPEAKER_00: Maybe one day we'll get back, we'll get back in the same area and run into each other.
5:21
SPEAKER_00: That would be so awesome to connect in person.
5:24
SPEAKER_00: But um, I'm really excited for our listeners today to hear about how you overcame um a really huge obstacle in your life that um where Satan literally was trying to take you out and um God intervened and and saved your life.
5:38
SPEAKER_00: And I can't wait to hear that story and have our listeners here because this podcast is all about crushing those strongholds that try to keep us back and try to keep us from those desires and the dreams.
5:50
SPEAKER_00: Like, can you imagine how many people want to be in culinary?
5:52
SPEAKER_00: But if we're not living the dream, you know, if we have strongholds that are holding us back, um, we can't always be successful in that area.
6:00
SPEAKER_00: So why don't you share with us your testimony?
6:02
SPEAKER_00: I can't wait to hear it.
6:04
SPEAKER_00: Absolutely.
6:05
SPEAKER_01: I know how do we break those barriers?
6:07
SPEAKER_01: How do we unbind those chains?
6:08
SPEAKER_01: It's it's exactly how do we have access?
6:11
SPEAKER_01: Um yeah, so okay, I started um my journey.
6:21
SPEAKER_01: I guess it's there's always been a lifelong journey for me with my weight because I love food, as you can see, just from the first couple minutes and my pizza sweatshirt.
6:29
SPEAKER_01: It's a velociraptor eating pizza slices.
6:32
SPEAKER_01: Um it that's always been such a big thing for me.
6:35
SPEAKER_01: And so I found myself at 20 years old over 400 pounds, and I wanted to be a mom and I wanted to be healthy and I needed to get my stuff in order.
6:44
SPEAKER_01: So I um ended up having gastric bypass uh in 2018 and stuck to the diet.
6:52
SPEAKER_01: I lost my weight, I busted my butt, and you know, I saw that I needed I needed just that little extra help and to get there, and which is is a huge blessing because so many people it hasn't been that tool.
7:07
SPEAKER_01: Um, but I didn't do enough work on me uh to see my partner's face.
7:14
SPEAKER_01: And so I ended up with transverse addiction and I became an alcoholic.
7:21
SPEAKER_01: Um, it took about six months for me from trying my first drink of alcohol after my surgery to um being a full-blown alcoholic.
7:29
SPEAKER_01: And I'd had it was it was a perfect disaster of uh we were struggling with, I say we because me and my husband were struggling with mental health at the time, and um Arkansas doesn't have in 2018 didn't have the um capacity that it does now for mental health programming and assistance.
7:53
SPEAKER_01: And I ended up with a um head injury and not not for a big drum, but I fell and hit my head and ended up losing my job and having to be off work, and my depression got worse and worse and worse, and then the alcohol didn't make it any better.
8:12
SPEAKER_01: Um, so we moved back to California, ironically, a week before COVID became a thing.
8:18
SPEAKER_01: We didn't know, obviously, um to get so I could get back in with like Kaiser and get back in with California health insurance so I could get mental health figured out.
8:28
SPEAKER_01: Um, because I am diagnosed bipolar two now, um, which my therapist actually thinks is ADHD, but that's a whole other can of worms.
8:36
SPEAKER_01: And so I started, I played the rehab game a few times of this finally got out of control.
8:45
SPEAKER_01: I was trying to manage how I'm working and supporting me and my husband so he can go back to school because COVID just became a thing and everything is closed.
8:59
SPEAKER_01: So I was a Montsevier special needs teacher um during the day, or teacher's assistant technically during the day.
9:04
SPEAKER_01: And then I was also a supervisor at Starbucks, and I worked six or seven days a week, and both of those were full-time jobs.
9:12
SPEAKER_01: So it was really hard.
9:14
SPEAKER_01: It was really, really emotionally hard because I'm such a people pleaser and I just I don't want to talk to people and I want to help people in any way that I can that I didn't realize I was giving, giving, giving, giving so much of myself that I was destroying myself in the process.
9:30
SPEAKER_01: But I just like caterpillars, sometimes you got to turn to goo before you can turn into a butterfly, and that's okay.
9:37
SPEAKER_01: And especially seeing where I'm at now.
9:40
SPEAKER_01: Um, and so I went in and out of rehab, um, did sober living, tried um, you know, the different relocating, doing a geographic, and it just didn't do anything.
9:55
SPEAKER_01: Um from junior high till I had moved to Arkansas, I was very active in my church.
10:02
SPEAKER_01: Um, I didn't grow up in church.
10:04
SPEAKER_01: Um, my mom's position was your relationship with God is your relationship with God.
10:10
SPEAKER_01: And all I can do is teach you to be a good person and make good choices.
10:14
SPEAKER_01: Other than that, you do you.
10:16
SPEAKER_01: And so I've had some interesting love.
10:20
SPEAKER_01: Um I've been asked not to come back to a couple churches, not because of doing anything disrespectful, but because I wasn't allowed to ask questions.
10:28
SPEAKER_01: And I didn't understand that.
10:30
SPEAKER_01: Because if I don't know the religion and I'm trying to learn, I'm just asking, like, why is that not okay?
10:38
SPEAKER_01: Or why is this weird?
10:40
SPEAKER_01: What does that mean?
10:42
SPEAKER_01: Um, like even you and I were just discussing, uh, we had been discussing before we started.
10:47
SPEAKER_01: Um, I couldn't think of the Bible verse.
10:49
SPEAKER_01: And so I'm like, it's this is a story, but I don't have I don't have those stuck in my head.
10:53
SPEAKER_01: Ironically, when someone asks me for a Bible verse, Deuteronomy 29, 11, 25, 11 is the first thing that comes to my head because it was a joke when I was like 15 or 16 that one of the men and you used to tell one of the boys, and I'm like, I can't even remember it off the top of my head, but I was like, that's always the one that comes straight to be.
11:12
SPEAKER_01: So I had done short relapse and then try to get my stuff together.
11:18
SPEAKER_01: Short relapse, try to get my stuff together, and then um it all came to a head a year ago, pretty much a year and two weeks ago.
11:30
SPEAKER_01: Um, I was struggling at work and I um I don't I don't know what happened, I haven't asked, but um I came to you from a blackout, and my grandpa had woken me up and said, You uh you're gonna go move in with your mom.
11:48
SPEAKER_01: I love you, um, but I can't do this anymore.
11:52
SPEAKER_01: And I said, Okay.
11:54
SPEAKER_01: So I had about 12 hours to pack my belongings into a suitcase and get on a plane and fly to Arkansas, which is very hard if you're really hungover.
12:04
SPEAKER_01: Um, but I did it.
12:05
SPEAKER_01: And so one week before my 30th birthday, um, in 2024, I moved to Arkansas and to try to straighten figure it out, figure it out.
12:15
SPEAKER_01: And it didn't take very long for about a two-month, it was about a two-month um binge bender.
12:24
SPEAKER_01: Just I don't care.
12:27
SPEAKER_01: I don't know what I'm doing.
12:28
SPEAKER_01: Obviously, this isn't working.
12:29
SPEAKER_01: This isn't working.
12:31
SPEAKER_01: And it had gotten to where we didn't want to uh I didn't want to do any family parties.
12:39
SPEAKER_01: I didn't want to do go to my brother's house for Christmas because I wasn't getting to spend it with my husband and I wasn't getting to spend it with those that I was the closest with.
12:51
SPEAKER_01: So it was very bittersweet.
12:53
SPEAKER_01: Um and I knew that in order to um make it to Christmas, I needed to stop drinking by like the 21st or 22nd, based on okay, it's gonna take me this long to recover and I'll be sick and I'll be shaky, and then okay, if I stop now, then Christmas morning I should be good and I can we can do it.
13:15
SPEAKER_01: Because that's the you know magic thinking of an alcoholic.
13:19
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, and I remember having my bottle drinking through the 22nd, and then because we decided like eh, one more, one more drink.
13:34
SPEAKER_01: Well, just one more, it'll be fine.
13:36
SPEAKER_01: And so I had my bottle, and I remember it's probably one or two a.m.
13:43
SPEAKER_01: two to three.
13:44
SPEAKER_01: Um, so technically the December 23rd, 2024.
13:49
SPEAKER_01: Um I remember waking up and having to go to the bathroom, and it took me probably a good 20-30 minutes to get up off the couch to physically stand up because my muscles were so weak, and I was covered in sweat and just feel horrible, um, shaking.
14:08
SPEAKER_01: Went to the bathroom and climbed back on the couch, and there was probably two or three shots left, and I didn't want to take them, but I knew I was gonna throw them away.
14:19
SPEAKER_01: So I just cried.
14:22
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, it was hard.
14:24
SPEAKER_01: It was, I just I didn't know what to do, and I I said, like, mom, I'm not gonna make it this time.
14:31
SPEAKER_01: I don't, I don't feel good.
14:33
SPEAKER_01: Like my body isn't this is the worst I've ever felt, and I've had to medically detox and I've had a seizure before, so I I think I I'm not I'm not okay.
14:43
SPEAKER_01: And she said, Sleep it off, kid, you'll be fine.
14:47
SPEAKER_01: Just just go to sleep.
14:49
SPEAKER_01: And I remember just laying there crying, defeated.
14:53
SPEAKER_01: And as I took that last drink, I said, I'm done.
14:56
SPEAKER_01: And I prayed.
14:58
SPEAKER_01: I said, I need help.
15:00
SPEAKER_01: I'm done.
15:01
SPEAKER_01: My body can't do this, and I'm not I love everyone, and I tried my hardest for years, uh you know, about three years at this point of sobriety, of trying sobriety and failing, and just keep having very short relapses and just not getting anywhere that said, just please, God, watch over and let everyone know how much I love them.
15:21
SPEAKER_01: And I didn't try to do it this time, I just gave up.
15:26
SPEAKER_01: And um, then I came to on the 29th, intubated and restrained to a table, and had no idea what happened, no idea the circumstances.
15:38
SPEAKER_01: And my mom said she tried to wake me up Christmas morning, and I was uh unresponsive on her couch, just the nightgown I was wearing was just soaked and covered in urine and sweat.
15:54
SPEAKER_01: And I uh spent I think 11 days in the hospital um getting trying to get my vitamin levels back up and trying to just get stabilized.
16:09
SPEAKER_01: And it took about six months of um being sober and trying to just go to doctor's appointments and get as healthy as possible before I finally went.
16:20
SPEAKER_01: I'm sober, but I'm depressed.
16:22
SPEAKER_01: I'm not connected with AA, I'm not working my steps right now.
16:27
SPEAKER_01: I'm really, really excited that I'm almost at six months because six months is the farthest I've ever made it.
16:32
SPEAKER_01: And I it was within like two or three days of of me being right at six months.
16:37
SPEAKER_01: And so I reached out on Facebook.
16:39
SPEAKER_01: I just posted in my little uh county group and said, Does anyone know where any AA meetings are around here?
16:46
SPEAKER_01: Because it's a much more rural area than California where they're everywhere, they're like Starbucks.
16:52
SPEAKER_01: And right, I've I've met some amazing people, and just from opening up that prayer and saying, I need to find my faith again, and I need to find AA and get sponsored and do this program and do it right because I was given a second chance, and I was given this chance for a purpose, and I'm not gonna waste it.
17:21
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
17:22
SPEAKER_00: At what point when you woke up when you first woke up, did you realize that God saved you?
17:29
SPEAKER_00: Did you realize it right away, or or did it did it take you a while to go, you know what?
17:34
SPEAKER_00: I should be dead right now, and and God literally saved me.
17:37
SPEAKER_00: He must have some kind of idea, plan for my life.
17:43
SPEAKER_01: You know, I think it took it definitely took a couple days um from waking up because there was still there was a lot of like confusion and not a lot there the first first little bit.
17:53
SPEAKER_01: Um probably New Year's Eve.
17:55
SPEAKER_01: I'd say probably uh December 31st was when I was sitting in my hospital room and I was fully coherent.
18:02
SPEAKER_01: And I just it took me like two days of being awake to even ask for my glasses back.
18:07
SPEAKER_01: And I was just like, Yeah, I haven't seen for a couple days, but I don't know why that just I was like, do you happen to have my glasses?
18:16
SPEAKER_01: Like so it it took me a while to really realize to like I knew to put it that it was God, I guess is the best way to say that.
18:29
SPEAKER_01: That it was like I shouldn't have lived, there was no, you know, I shouldn't have.
18:33
SPEAKER_01: They told my mom, you know, everything was so depleted.
18:38
SPEAKER_01: Um and I did, and it I want to say like I realized that that was what was that that that is what had happened, and so I didn't want to give up my sobriety.
18:53
SPEAKER_01: But anytime I had been going through sobriety before, it was immediately okay, get a sponsor work your steps, go to meetings, get a sponsor work your steps, go to meetings, and it hit me at six months sober.
19:07
SPEAKER_01: I've done a few Zoom meetings, like five in the six months of sobriety.
19:13
SPEAKER_01: What do I do?
19:14
SPEAKER_01: And so I prayed.
19:16
SPEAKER_01: And I was like, well, obviously, it did good that night, and that was kind of the first night that it like hit me that I was like, maybe there is something to this.
19:23
SPEAKER_01: I know I called it my conversations with God when I was at Salvation Army and couldn't fall asleep, and so I would just talk to God, and so it was essentially like one of those kind of aha moments um that I you know opened up and prayed, and I immediately had posted into the group on Facebook, and I had also contacted a therapy my doctors to see how do I get hooked up with a therapist out here because I feel so much better when I'm talking to someone.
19:53
SPEAKER_01: And so I think that was kind of also along the plane of inspiration of being able to open up much more and share my story and be willing to put it out there as much as it hurts, because I was given a reason to speak and to feel comfortable talking in front of other people and talking to other people.
20:15
SPEAKER_01: And if I can do anything in my power to not to have someone not have to go through what I went through to get there, then that's amazing.
20:26
SPEAKER_01: But also, if I can help someone um who is there and at that point just say it's not the end, you're still kicking.
20:35
SPEAKER_00: How did your family um respond to you being in the hospital?
20:39
SPEAKER_00: How did your family handle that?
20:42
SPEAKER_01: I was terrified.
20:43
SPEAKER_01: I was waiting because my brother is very much the uh I love you to death, but I'm gonna tell you exactly how it is.
20:50
SPEAKER_01: I'm gonna tell you you pissed me off, and I'm gonna tell you you messed up.
20:54
SPEAKER_01: So I was honestly like, I didn't want to speak when I first woke up because I didn't know what happened.
21:01
SPEAKER_01: So I was like, oh my god, what did I do?
21:04
SPEAKER_01: What did I damage?
21:05
SPEAKER_01: What did I break?
21:06
SPEAKER_01: What happened?
21:07
SPEAKER_01: And once I kind of got the story, and I was waiting for that disappointment.
21:14
SPEAKER_01: I was waiting for that sadness in their voice or that anger.
21:21
SPEAKER_01: And I was met with nothing but love, nothing but we are so glad you're you made it.
21:27
SPEAKER_01: And my brother driving is paying.
21:28
SPEAKER_01: I couldn't imagine burying my little sister.
21:31
SPEAKER_01: I'm saying I don't want you to.
21:34
SPEAKER_01: I don't want you to.
21:34
SPEAKER_01: I don't want to.
21:35
SPEAKER_01: I want to be here and I want to be happy.
21:38
SPEAKER_01: Um, I just need to figure out how to do that, and I am, and I am, and it's been like three and a half months since I opened up, and you know, I'm I'm a little over nine months sober now.
21:51
SPEAKER_01: I think uh I have 300 days today.
21:54
SPEAKER_01: And thank you.
21:56
SPEAKER_01: And it's it's amazing, it's amazing.
22:00
SPEAKER_01: My life is insane and I don't have everything together, but it's beautiful.
22:06
SPEAKER_01: It's beautiful.
22:07
SPEAKER_01: And I pray every day and I get to see so many, so many blessings because I'm open to it.
22:13
SPEAKER_01: And once and it's like I've always felt intuitive and always felt like I don't know, this feels good, so I'm going with it.
22:22
SPEAKER_01: I let that guide me.
22:24
SPEAKER_01: I I let that be my light.
22:25
SPEAKER_01: And so I've been going with it and it feels good.
22:29
SPEAKER_01: And it's the first time in any sobriety that I haven't been.
22:35
SPEAKER_01: Oh my god, I just wish I could have a drink.
22:37
SPEAKER_01: Oh my god, I just wish this would be so much better.
22:40
SPEAKER_01: Um but I'm like, that's weird.
22:44
SPEAKER_01: I haven't had a craving.
22:45
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
22:45
SPEAKER_01: I used to not be able to go out by myself, or people would be terrified if I was anywhere alone because I would sneak alcohol.
22:52
SPEAKER_01: And now I'm like, no, I'm good.
22:54
SPEAKER_01: I'm cool.
22:55
SPEAKER_01: This is just me.
22:55
SPEAKER_01: I'm just weird.
22:57
SPEAKER_01: Now I have to apologize for being sober.
23:00
SPEAKER_01: I don't have this.
23:00
SPEAKER_01: I'm sorry, I was drunk.
23:03
SPEAKER_00: Isn't that it's so strange?
23:05
SPEAKER_00: Because I'm I'm I'm just, you know, people think I'm like obnoxious or whatever.
23:08
SPEAKER_00: I'm like, uh you could think whatever you want about me.
23:11
SPEAKER_00: Would you rather be this way or that way?
23:13
SPEAKER_00: Pick and choose your battles.
23:15
SPEAKER_00: Exactly.
23:16
SPEAKER_00: You know, I had to pick mine.
23:17
SPEAKER_00: You we all have to pick them when we're going through it.
23:19
SPEAKER_00: One thing I wanted to share about addiction though is um a lot of people focus mainly on the addiction and they go, oh, you know, you know, you're a horrible person or whatever because you're addicted.
23:29
SPEAKER_00: But the thing is, is there's a root to the problem.
23:32
SPEAKER_00: It's not, it's not that alcohol is the problem, it's the route that causes to take the turn to begin with.
23:37
SPEAKER_00: And it's the the self-doubt or the feeling like we we um for myself, it was like I never measured up, but the only thing that made me feel happy wasn't a drink of a drink of alcohol or you know, going to the club and and and having a happy, happy time because I was a happy drunk most of the time.
23:56
SPEAKER_00: Um on occasion I wasn't, but uh when I when I used to drink really heavy like that, but um a few times people would be like, Yeah, you need to knock that off.
24:05
SPEAKER_00: That was a bit much.
24:06
SPEAKER_00: But most of the time it was like, Oh, you were the life of the party, and you know, and and it's funny because um we we want to be the life of the party, but we want to do it sober.
24:15
SPEAKER_00: We just don't know how because we've been told that we we we will never measure up to that or whatever.
24:20
SPEAKER_00: I'm not sure what in your lifetime that you were told, or um in our life we're spoken lies.
24:26
SPEAKER_00: The enemy speaks lies, yeah, you know, through our loved ones, through people, through teachers, through all kinds of things.
24:33
SPEAKER_00: It only takes one person to say one thing that can destroy a person.
24:38
SPEAKER_00: Totally.
24:38
SPEAKER_00: And I learned that from a gal that um um was told one thing by her father, and the rest of her life for years it ruined her.
24:47
SPEAKER_00: One thing.
24:48
SPEAKER_00: Because she she really looked up to her father.
24:51
SPEAKER_00: But once he said, You disappoint me, she felt like she could never go back.
24:55
SPEAKER_00: And that's all it takes.
24:56
SPEAKER_00: So we so I try to, you know, help help people to try to understand that um the alcohol wasn't the problem, it was what caused you to drink in the first place that was the problem.
25:06
SPEAKER_00: So, what do you think?
25:07
SPEAKER_00: What do you think, what do you think was was a factor for you?
25:09
SPEAKER_00: What what do you think um took you down that road?
25:12
SPEAKER_00: If you don't mind sharing that, that might be a little too personal.
25:15
SPEAKER_01: Oh, no, absolutely.
25:16
SPEAKER_01: Because I've I've I've done a lot of therapy and a lot of self-introspection on it.
25:21
SPEAKER_01: Um and for me, I didn't I used to numb my pain with food.
25:28
SPEAKER_01: Food was everything.
25:30
SPEAKER_01: It was celebratory, it was sad, it was grieving, it was it's everything.
25:38
SPEAKER_01: My everything focused on it.
25:40
SPEAKER_01: And so if I'm happy, I eat.
25:42
SPEAKER_01: If I'm sad, I eat.
25:43
SPEAKER_01: If I'm you know excited, I eat.
25:46
SPEAKER_01: And once I couldn't do that anymore, and I was making, you know, I would get sick.
25:53
SPEAKER_01: And I mean, I didn't the the hunger, like the feeling of hunger went away.
25:58
SPEAKER_01: It's a it's a weird feeling to be like, I'm constantly thinking about food because I enjoy it.
26:02
SPEAKER_01: Now I just like cooking and baking to get it away.
26:04
SPEAKER_01: But it was I think kind of the subconscious, like I'm upset about something, I need to numb myself, or I'm nervous about something, I need to numb myself.
26:15
SPEAKER_01: I didn't feel authentically me.
26:20
SPEAKER_01: Once I rediscovered it and I was like, I never got that phase of let's just drink and have fun, because all my friends were a few years older than me.
26:29
SPEAKER_01: So they were going to the bar and the clubs and doing all of that.
26:32
SPEAKER_01: And I was the young one that couldn't go.
26:36
SPEAKER_01: And so I drank at home.
26:40
SPEAKER_01: And I've I think I've been to a bar three times in my entire life, and I've never been to a club.
26:44
SPEAKER_01: I love to dance, but I've never been to a club.
26:47
SPEAKER_01: Um and so it took a long time for me to be able to look at me and go, I don't like disappointing people, and I'm worried that they're gonna be disappointed or I'm gonna do something wrong.
27:00
SPEAKER_01: So I'm gonna drink ahead of time so I don't have to worry about that.
27:03
SPEAKER_01: I'm struggling with this, so I think my headphones just died.
27:13
SPEAKER_00: Can you still hear me just fine?
27:15
SPEAKER_00: You're a little bit muffled, but not bad.
27:20
SPEAKER_01: I tried to charge them up before we got uh before we got started, but the beats died apparently.
27:27
SPEAKER_01: Um it took a long time for me to see like I'm upset, so I'm using this to drink.
27:37
SPEAKER_01: And I'm I'm definitely still doing a lot of work on um the kind of the root cause of like I don't know if there's even one specific or it's just a combination of everything and working through my background.
27:53
SPEAKER_01: And I'm I'm um I haven't been as active with a therapist just with medical stuff going on, but um I have an appointment tomorrow, actually.
28:02
SPEAKER_01: Uh so I think for me, the best thing has been able to talk to someone and kind of go back and see like why I chose that path and kind of what led me um to it.
28:18
SPEAKER_01: And I really, really as hard as it is, um it was for a reason.
28:25
SPEAKER_01: It was for a reason, and there was a lesson in it, and there's always a lesson in the pain, there's always a lesson in everything, and so now I'm at the how can I reflect and be responsible, reflective, and growing, but also um, you know, how can I how can I wait the take control, but also release control?
28:58
SPEAKER_01: Like how can I take control of my life?
29:01
SPEAKER_01: But I'm saying, God, you got the you got the wheel.
29:03
SPEAKER_01: My foot's on the pedals I'm going and I'm alive.
29:07
SPEAKER_01: You got the wheel and tell me where to go, and I'm gonna go with it.
29:10
SPEAKER_01: And so I'm just I'm cautiously optimistic.
29:15
SPEAKER_01: I don't I hate getting disappointed.
29:18
SPEAKER_01: Um, so I try not to get my hopes up too much, but keep things realistic and just do what I can, do everything I can to keep pushing forward and just keep what's the next right thing, the next right step.
29:33
SPEAKER_00: That's really good, actually.
29:35
SPEAKER_00: And I think that um we find our balance when we when we um when we lean into our faith in our in God, because the more faith we're supposed to have faith every day, every day, more and more faith every day.
29:48
SPEAKER_00: And sometimes that's not always easy to have, um, because sometimes we doubt ourselves in our own faith.
29:55
SPEAKER_00: We doubt our own faith.
29:56
SPEAKER_00: Like, I don't think I have enough faith.
29:58
SPEAKER_00: Well, you're doubting yourself again, you know.
30:00
SPEAKER_00: And then that goes back to your self-identity as like who you are and how you were up, you know, how you were brought up and just certain circumstances in your life.
30:09
SPEAKER_00: So um for myself, I struggled with food as well.
30:13
SPEAKER_00: And um, man, from when I was a little girl, I was just a little chunk a monk all the time.
30:18
SPEAKER_00: I mean, I was chunky, you know, and I got made fun of a lot.
30:23
SPEAKER_00: So so I mean it could just roll me down the hill, you know.
30:28
SPEAKER_00: I mean, there's some stuff they could say.
30:30
SPEAKER_00: And I laugh about it now because it's funny.
30:32
SPEAKER_00: I mean, it doesn't bother me anymore.
30:33
SPEAKER_00: But when I was little, it bothered me.
30:35
SPEAKER_00: And I would eat more, and it bothered me and I eat more.
30:38
SPEAKER_00: And I got up, I you know, I did that's why you and I are so similar, because I had a bypass too in 1999 and I was clear up to um um over 300 pounds, and I was 320 pounds the day I weighed in for surgery for my gastric bypass, but I had to lose like 20 pounds before that, and who knows how much I yo-yo'd before that.
30:56
SPEAKER_00: So I definitely can relate with exactly what you're talking about.
31:01
SPEAKER_00: But I think a lot of our struggles with with food or um alcohol, and alcohol and food, they're this they're they're both an addiction.
31:09
SPEAKER_00: Some people like, oh, you're an alcoholic.
31:11
SPEAKER_00: Well, you're a food addict.
31:12
SPEAKER_00: It's a you know, I it it it drives me nuts when somebody points the finger at somebody else because the addiction's different, it's not different, yeah, but it's somehow worse.
31:20
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, it's like I mean, some it could be, it could be depending.
31:25
SPEAKER_00: Like, I mean, I could eat a cheeseburger and it won't make me drunk.
31:28
SPEAKER_00: So I get I get where they're coming from with that.
31:30
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
31:30
SPEAKER_00: Um, you know, and it is my own health that I'm destroying.
31:34
SPEAKER_00: And the one thing about God is, you know, he wants us to have a purified temple, and for him to live in us, we have to have a t a um a purified body.
31:44
SPEAKER_00: And it took me years to to come come to that conclusion, like, man, I'm I'm it's not that God's mad that I drink alcohol, it's that God's not happy that I'm not taking care of my body, and he resides within me, you know?
31:58
SPEAKER_00: And so that made me think think a little differently.
32:01
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, and I had to start thinking about if God is in my home right now, if Jesus is in my home right now, how do I want the furniture to look?
32:09
SPEAKER_00: How do I want my how do I want the presentation to be?
32:12
SPEAKER_00: You know?
32:12
SPEAKER_00: Um, and yeah, we all can put on the facade because we all have, but um, you can't with Jesus.
32:18
SPEAKER_00: He's on the inside of you.
32:20
SPEAKER_00: He sees it all.
32:21
SPEAKER_00: He sees the dirt under the the rug and what shoved in the closet and and the thought process.
32:27
SPEAKER_00: And and it takes a renewing of the mind when we we start working on our identity and it starts when we start working on purifying our temple, which our bodies are our temple.
32:36
SPEAKER_00: And so I've gotten, you know, I've gotten really well or better at that myself, you know, because I, you know, I I you know, like I said, I went through a divorce and I became a I I lost the weight and then I started drinking.
32:47
SPEAKER_00: I went to sow my oats that I never did when I was in high school.
32:49
SPEAKER_00: I didn't drink and stuff in high school, I was terrified of it.
32:52
SPEAKER_00: Um because I saw too much when I was a little girl.
32:55
SPEAKER_00: So I didn't want to be around.
32:57
SPEAKER_00: I I swore I was like, I am never gonna drink, I am never gonna be around that stuff, I'm not gonna have anything to do with it.
33:01
SPEAKER_00: And then I turned around and did it.
33:04
unknown: Right.
33:05
SPEAKER_00: So kind of like ate my own words there.
33:08
SPEAKER_00: But um, yeah, I feel like um once you find the balance though, with you know, you're overcoming that obstacle, and then you're like, now what do I do with myself?
33:18
SPEAKER_00: I'm so used to having the food as my comfort, the alcohol as my comfort, the alcohol made me happy, the alcohol made me this, the food made me this.
33:27
SPEAKER_00: It's like, where do I find that?
33:29
SPEAKER_00: My my advice to you and my suggestion is find it in Jesus because he's gonna give it to you.
33:35
SPEAKER_00: And he is the word of he is the word, and he is he's he's he's our manna.
33:40
SPEAKER_00: So when we're hungry, go go to the word first and then go eat a cheeseburger.
33:44
SPEAKER_00: If you still feel like you need one, go ahead and eat one.
33:47
SPEAKER_00: I don't tell people to deny yourself anything, but if you're struggling in an area with alcohol, if you're really wanting a drink, go spend some time with Jesus first, and then see if the the the urgency is still there because it he helps take it away.
34:02
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, he took it away for me.
34:04
SPEAKER_00: There's times when I'm just like, oh man, like I am gonna go get me a bottle, go get me a bottle.
34:09
SPEAKER_00: And and God's like, no, you're not.
34:12
SPEAKER_00: And I'm like, is that you, God?
34:13
SPEAKER_00: Like, you know, are you talking to me?
34:16
SPEAKER_00: And then I was like, okay, I need to have some time with God.
34:18
SPEAKER_00: And and the urgency went away.
34:20
SPEAKER_00: And it takes time for that to build up, and it takes time to discipline yourself and become obedient, and literally sitting at Jesus' feet and going, Oh, God, okay, God, what do you want me to do?
34:29
SPEAKER_00: And he's like, if I were to come into your home, how would you want it to look?
34:33
SPEAKER_00: If you offered me a glass of wine, that'd be one thing.
34:36
SPEAKER_00: But if you offered me a bottle of vodka because you're falling down drunk, do you think I'd be really happy with that?
34:42
SPEAKER_00: And so I really had to look at my whole situation and how I was living.
34:47
SPEAKER_00: And was I really pleasing God?
34:49
SPEAKER_00: Because the I already pleased I already disappointed everybody else in my entire life, I felt.
34:54
SPEAKER_00: Right.
34:54
SPEAKER_00: I did not want to disappoint God.
34:56
SPEAKER_00: And then I thought, oh man, I've already disappointed God.
34:59
SPEAKER_00: And God said, You haven't disappointed me.
35:01
SPEAKER_00: I just want you to, you know, straight, I want you to straighten up.
35:03
SPEAKER_00: That's what repentance is about.
35:05
SPEAKER_01: And that was just and that was that that was and that was the what I found for my family when I when I had expected the shutdown because of how serious this was, and it was met with, yeah, I'm disappointed that it happened, but I love you.
35:21
SPEAKER_01: And we're gonna get through this.
35:23
SPEAKER_01: And that's and that's how I imagine and how I picture God speaking to me.
35:28
SPEAKER_01: That's how it comes through to me is yeah, that fucked.
35:32
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, but I can't change the paths, it already happened.
35:35
SPEAKER_01: Right.
35:35
SPEAKER_01: What do we do now?
35:36
SPEAKER_01: And I find my I find God in my kitchen.
35:41
SPEAKER_01: I I'm able to, I'm frustrated, I'm angry, and I want to get this energy out, and I don't know how to get this energy out.
35:50
SPEAKER_01: So I'm gonna go bake and I put on my praise music and get it just puts me in such a good mood, and I just get to go and do this.
36:00
SPEAKER_01: And the fact that I know I'm not eating it, I mean I'm tasting the battery and looking my fingers along the way as sanitary as possible.
36:07
SPEAKER_01: But I know that I then get to give it to someone else to enjoy and to share and to see them genuinely light up.
36:14
SPEAKER_01: Because I mean, it's say what you want, but if you've ever had a meal that is made with love, you know it.
36:20
SPEAKER_01: You know when someone is just mass-produced and there you go, versus when someone cares about it, you can feel it.
36:26
SPEAKER_01: And if I'm getting that palpable feeling from Jesus Christ, then why can't I give people that palpable feeling with my food and share, I can only keep what I have by giving it away.
36:37
SPEAKER_01: And I'm taught and told to spread the word and meet people where they are and not tell them you're wrong or you're bad or you're the this or that or judgment or label or anything.
36:48
SPEAKER_01: You are you and God loves you.
36:52
SPEAKER_01: And whether or not you know it, or it's a random post on Facebook, it hits someone.
36:59
SPEAKER_01: It means something to someone out there.
37:02
SPEAKER_00: And that's I love that your family, um, even though they, you know, they they were worried about you, obviously, and they showed it.
37:10
SPEAKER_00: Um, but instead of just barking at you, they told you how much they loved you.
37:15
SPEAKER_00: And that reminds me of the scripture that we talked about.
37:17
SPEAKER_00: I'm gonna pull it up real quick because um the one you you mentioned earlier before we started recording, it says, so when they continued asking him, he lifted up himself and said unto them, He that is without sin among you, let him first cast a stone at her.
37:34
SPEAKER_00: And it's crazy because a lot of times we do forget that we've made our own mistakes.
37:39
SPEAKER_00: Like I said, some people will bark at bark over, oh well, food addiction is not worse than alcohol addiction or drug addiction.
37:48
SPEAKER_00: And I know there are differences.
37:49
SPEAKER_00: I'm not trying to compare food to drugs and alcohol, but food is also an addiction, right?
37:54
SPEAKER_00: You know, it is an addiction.
37:55
SPEAKER_00: Um, because when we're 400 pounds, we're addicted to food, right?
38:02
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
38:02
SPEAKER_00: Okay.
38:03
SPEAKER_00: No.
38:04
SPEAKER_00: You know, and of course, and we both did the same thing.
38:06
SPEAKER_00: We traded food for alcohol because we we wanted the same feeling that we got from food, but we couldn't have it anymore.
38:12
SPEAKER_00: We had to replace it with something, and we didn't know what to replace it with.
38:16
SPEAKER_00: And I always encourage people to um I literally do this with everyone get the word in your hand, and this is your replacement.
38:25
SPEAKER_00: This is your replacement right here, and let God speak to you through it because there's so much he's gonna show you, and you're not gonna be no one's gonna be perfect with it.
38:34
SPEAKER_00: Everybody's like, Yeah, but there's a lot in here, and I've already missed the boat.
38:37
SPEAKER_00: I'm like, you know how many times I had to swim to shore before I got it right?
38:40
SPEAKER_00: I mean, and I'm still swimming to shore.
38:42
SPEAKER_00: Sometimes I still find myself.
38:46
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
38:47
SPEAKER_00: It's gonna take you just gotta keep on bouncing along, one little wobble at a time.
38:53
SPEAKER_00: Exactly.
38:54
SPEAKER_00: So just hanging on to that faith and and and just remembering that um, you know, we're all gonna face those struggles, and but conquering the strongholds, yeah, that's what you did.
39:04
SPEAKER_00: You you overcame it.
39:05
SPEAKER_00: And I'm so proud of you.
39:06
SPEAKER_00: 300 days?
39:07
SPEAKER_00: 300 days.
39:08
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, 300 days.
39:10
SPEAKER_00: I have not ever gone 300 days without having a drink.
39:13
SPEAKER_00: And I'm a Christian, but I don't drink like I don't, I mean, I don't drink like I don't drink like I used to drink.
39:19
SPEAKER_00: I still have a glass of wine or whatever.
39:21
SPEAKER_00: Um, but I've never gone, I've never made myself go to a sobriety to where I just cold, never drank again, you know.
39:29
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, um I learned moderation.
39:32
SPEAKER_01: It's you're able to recognize exactly, exactly.
39:36
SPEAKER_01: And for me, I didn't I wasn't able to get that.
39:39
SPEAKER_01: It's okay.
39:40
SPEAKER_01: So I I totally respect other people's, you know, drink, have fun, enjoy it.
39:44
SPEAKER_01: It is a it is an adult uh privilege.
39:49
SPEAKER_01: There we go.
39:50
SPEAKER_01: I'm like, it's a privilege.
39:52
SPEAKER_01: I'm not good at that.
39:53
SPEAKER_01: So yeah, I'm just gonna stick with my diet coke or mock tails.
39:57
SPEAKER_01: I love mocktails.
39:58
SPEAKER_01: I'm like, I want all the fruity fun mixology stuff, just skip the alcoholic part.
40:03
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, just like the Temples, the Shirley Timples.
40:06
SPEAKER_00: You know, it's it's funny because um they're they're just as good.
40:10
SPEAKER_00: And and and you know, I you know, you don't have to be drunk to have fun, but sometimes we feel like that.
40:15
SPEAKER_00: Sometimes when you have a even when you have a virgin drink, you just if it gives you that sense of that feeling, that that desire that you get right when you take the first drink, anyway, when you're going out to have that fun night, and you know, it's the same feeling.
40:28
SPEAKER_00: Um, you just gotta know how to distinguish the two and enjoy it.
40:32
SPEAKER_00: Exactly.
40:33
SPEAKER_00: And I love that like some people, and I and I love that you you recognize with yourself, I'm not able to do the moderation thing, I have to do the the completely absence.
40:43
SPEAKER_00: I have to have zero, zero, zero, I have to stay in my sobriety.
40:47
SPEAKER_00: And I don't encourage anybody to step out of sobriety ever or try the moderation thing because um if if that's how you are and you know how you are, you know, I definitely encourage people to stay in it for the long haul, um stay in their sobriety, you know.
41:05
SPEAKER_00: And I know some people that were like, oh, I feel out of sobriety for like a week.
41:09
SPEAKER_00: That doesn't mean you start over.
41:10
SPEAKER_00: That means you just pick up and you go on, you know.
41:13
SPEAKER_00: Exactly.
41:14
SPEAKER_00: People relapse all the time.
41:15
SPEAKER_00: Lose your time.
41:16
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, you just you you you just can't add those five days to your the five-day bids, you can't add that to your account, but you you know, you gotta pick up the pieces and keep going.
41:25
SPEAKER_01: And and the important thing is that you keep going.
41:28
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, get the word and go to an AA meeting, whatever.
41:32
SPEAKER_00: Yes, you gotta do.
41:34
SPEAKER_02: Exactly.
41:34
SPEAKER_00: You know, I encourage that with people.
41:37
SPEAKER_00: And um, yeah, I think it's amazing that um you you know yourself well enough to go, I know what I can and what I can't handle now.
41:45
SPEAKER_00: Um whereas before, um you didn't know how to handle it, you know.
41:51
SPEAKER_00: And once you recognize how to handle something, for one, I think it I think when you learn how to handle something, it's a it's a little bit higher step of um maturity in our life where we take a little bit, a little bit of a step like, oh, I'm actually growing up a little bit here.
42:08
SPEAKER_00: I'm doing I'm doing the grown-up thing for once, and I'm making a good decision for once.
42:12
SPEAKER_00: And that's a really good feeling.
42:14
SPEAKER_00: That's a really good feeling to up your game.
42:17
SPEAKER_00: You know, some people think, oh, you're not upping your game unless you're doing this and this.
42:20
SPEAKER_00: No, I up my game game because I made it 300 days.
42:22
SPEAKER_00: You have no idea.
42:23
SPEAKER_00: That is me up in my game.
42:26
SPEAKER_00: Right?
42:26
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, and you should be so proud of yourself for that.
42:29
SPEAKER_00: I think that's amazing.
42:30
SPEAKER_01: And I'm and I'm I'm so unabashedly authentically myself.
42:36
SPEAKER_01: Like the other night, uh, I was having dinner at Olive Garden because I had to have I'd have a liver biopsy, MRI, CG scan, and a parasitesis all last week.
42:46
SPEAKER_01: And I was like, let's celebrate my birthday.
42:48
SPEAKER_01: And our waiter, he goes, Oh, birthday drinks tonight.
42:51
SPEAKER_01: And I just laughed and I said, You can have my margarita.
42:54
SPEAKER_01: I was like, Because I can't have it.
42:56
SPEAKER_01: He's like, Oh, and I'm like, no, don't feel bad.
43:00
SPEAKER_01: I just can't do it responsibly and would rather not worry about that.
43:04
SPEAKER_01: So we'll just take it.
43:06
SPEAKER_01: And I and and it doesn't bug me, it doesn't upset me, it doesn't hurt me.
43:10
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, uh, you know, and I and I get that that everyone has their levels of what they're of sharing comfortability or ability.
43:18
SPEAKER_01: And so I hope one thing I want to do at a goal is is to kind of end the stigma about it that it's okay to be sober.
43:28
SPEAKER_01: You don't have to announce that it's you know it's that it's a special thing.
43:32
SPEAKER_01: It's it's what you're working on.
43:33
SPEAKER_01: And well, regardless of why you are choosing sobriety, you know, it it doesn't need to be so shameful or so scary to deal with addiction, you know, and to feel safe enough to reach out to someone.
43:48
SPEAKER_00: Exactly.
43:48
unknown: Yeah.
43:49
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I feel like um like well, like young people nowadays, um I think they're getting a little bit better at saying no, saying no, totally at it.
44:00
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I I mean I've I've seen a lot um of our younger generation um adults like are in their twenties, twenty, you know, twenty to thirties that are just and they're they're they're being more responsible and they're just they're having a good time, but they're not they're not indulging in it.
44:16
SPEAKER_00: They're not making it something that is a band-aid.
44:20
SPEAKER_00: You know, it's just an occasional drink or whatever, or they're not drinking it at all.
44:23
SPEAKER_00: You know, I've I've seen that.
44:25
SPEAKER_00: So and I think that's amazing.
44:27
SPEAKER_00: But before we start wrapping up, I do want to ask you um if you would tell our listeners what what um bit of advice would you give to somebody who finds themselves in the same situation that you were in?
44:39
SPEAKER_00: What would you say to them?
44:41
SPEAKER_00: What would you what would you say to encourage them?
44:46
SPEAKER_01: I don't know if I necessarily even would want to have words to say to them.
44:50
SPEAKER_01: I would want to just give them a hug.
44:52
SPEAKER_01: Oh because sometimes words aren't necessary, just knowing that someone is there.
44:59
SPEAKER_01: Meet whether it's AA or God or whatever your vice or hardship that you're going through, there's always someone there that is going through something similar.
45:13
SPEAKER_01: And so my the best advice that I possibly can is to reach out, whether that's vocally and reaching out to a family member, a friend, uh, social media, or whether it's internally and you're praying or showing up in person and being able to go to church, there is always God or someone who is willing to listen.
45:37
SPEAKER_01: And if and I struggle with, you know, I'm I'm the kind of person that'll text and say, Hey, can we talk?
45:44
SPEAKER_01: Because I'm going through a really, really hard time and I don't know how to say, you know, I really need to just cry at you.
45:50
SPEAKER_01: And so one thing I've I've heard of now and and I'm taking into um practice is what I need to talk, and I really need that friend time, just telling someone I need eight minutes.
46:03
SPEAKER_00: I've heard that I need that eight minutes.
46:05
SPEAKER_00: Yep.
46:05
SPEAKER_00: Heard that that's good therapy.
46:07
SPEAKER_00: The eight minute therapy.
46:08
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, we started doing it.
46:10
SPEAKER_01: Of is this a is this a hey, I want to chat and catch up because I'm have a you know, I'm running an error, or no, this is serious.
46:18
SPEAKER_01: I need eight minutes.
46:18
SPEAKER_01: And that just means put down whatever I'm doing and I'm there for that call.
46:22
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
46:23
SPEAKER_01: Or they've stopped what they're doing and are there for that call.
46:26
SPEAKER_01: And it's it's a beautiful symbiotic relationship.
46:28
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
46:29
SPEAKER_00: And I actually love that that outreach because some people um um are afraid to say something.
46:36
SPEAKER_00: They don't know how to they don't know how to go about saying it, but saying it that way um is is is a way of speaking without speaking again, like what you said.
46:46
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
46:47
SPEAKER_00: You know, and and and you automatically know when somebody says, Hey, I need eight minutes, um, you know that they really need just a shoulder for a minute.
46:54
SPEAKER_00: It may not, it may not even be in and to the person listening, it may not seem like a big deal, but the person who has the problem, it is a big deal.
47:02
SPEAKER_00: What we do is we don't take account into people that are going through something, and to that person, it really is a big deal.
47:09
SPEAKER_00: You know, just because we have overcome it or we have gone through it or we think we it's not a big deal to us, it doesn't mean it's not to the person that's having the issue.
47:18
SPEAKER_00: Exactly.
47:18
SPEAKER_00: Or going through the stronghold.
47:20
SPEAKER_00: When when I was um when I was tackling my strongholds, um, you know, like you know, I I there's several strongholds that I had to overcome.
47:28
SPEAKER_00: The rejection, the abandonment.
47:30
SPEAKER_00: Um, like I I shared with you, I was yo-yo'd around as a kid.
47:33
SPEAKER_00: I was rejected a lot as a kid.
47:35
SPEAKER_00: Um, my mom only wanted me out of convenience, you know, to take care of her.
47:39
SPEAKER_00: And that's really a sad story.
47:40
SPEAKER_00: I laugh at it now, but but um I I was really rejected by her, and it really hurt me.
47:46
SPEAKER_00: And so going through those strongholds, I would tell people and they'd be like, oh girl, just put your big girl pants on and knock it off.
47:53
SPEAKER_00: Get up and dust yourself off and get over it.
47:55
SPEAKER_00: And and I was like, okay, fine, I will, you know, and I have to say, I'd get the attitude back and I'd be like, fine, I will act like and then I walk, I would what what would happen with that though is I would get all high and puffy and mighty about it, and then forget how much I needed God in it.
48:11
SPEAKER_00: Because now I got my big girl pants on, I don't need anybody else, including God.
48:16
SPEAKER_00: And so we got to be careful when we where our mindset is, and we gotta renew our mind.
48:20
SPEAKER_00: If we have a struggle, we need that eight minutes.
48:23
SPEAKER_00: God knows we need that eight minutes too.
48:25
SPEAKER_00: We could you know we can he's our source, we can go to him too.
48:28
SPEAKER_00: But I think that we need to be able to um understand that um it's not everybody's struggles the same.
48:36
SPEAKER_00: That's why I love talking about people's strong.
48:39
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, it is, and you can't get power out of it if you don't get through it.
48:43
SPEAKER_00: You have to conquer it somehow.
48:45
SPEAKER_00: Reclaim your power, yeah.
48:47
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, reclaim it.
48:50
SPEAKER_00: He wants you to reclaim it.
48:51
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, you gotta take ownership for it.
48:54
SPEAKER_01: He's there going, Yes, queen, do it.
48:59
SPEAKER_01: I think that's awesome.
49:00
SPEAKER_01: Awesome, awesome.
49:01
SPEAKER_01: That's how I picture God talking to me is like RuPaul.
49:04
SPEAKER_01: Like Group Paul.
49:05
SPEAKER_01: If you can't love yourself, how the hell are you gonna love somebody else?
49:08
SPEAKER_00: Right.
49:10
SPEAKER_00: Oh my gosh.
49:12
SPEAKER_00: So um now that now that you are sober, what is it that you like to do for fun besides baking?
49:19
SPEAKER_00: Um I read all the time.
49:22
SPEAKER_00: I'm a nerd.
49:22
SPEAKER_01: I read.
49:23
unknown: Yeah.
49:24
SPEAKER_00: Murder.
49:24
SPEAKER_00: You would love our bookstore.
49:26
SPEAKER_01: True crime.
49:28
SPEAKER_01: I watch a lot of documentaries and uh horror movies and stuff.
49:32
SPEAKER_01: That's that's uh my my kitten that I have, she's six months old.
49:36
SPEAKER_01: She's uh I got her on Friday the 13th.
49:39
SPEAKER_01: So we named her Clarice.
49:41
SPEAKER_01: So that way it'd be like, Hello, Clarice.
49:44
SPEAKER_01: She's Claire Bear.
49:45
SPEAKER_01: It's only clear.
49:46
SPEAKER_01: My mom was like, I can't yell at her as Clarice, it's creepy.
49:48
SPEAKER_01: And I'm like, that's only her name for when she's in trouble.
49:50
SPEAKER_01: That's her, that's her full legal name.
49:52
SPEAKER_01: Otherwise, it's it's my little Claire Bear.
49:54
SPEAKER_01: She's my little, she's my little source of comfort.
49:57
SPEAKER_01: Uh I don't even remember where I was going with that.
50:01
SPEAKER_01: I'm sorry.
50:02
SPEAKER_00: That's okay.
50:02
SPEAKER_00: That's not a big deal.
50:05
SPEAKER_00: Well, I've act I I've absolutely had such a pleasure just hanging out and talking about it.
50:11
SPEAKER_00: And how exciting.
50:12
SPEAKER_00: Thank you for thank you for your um transparency and sharing your testimony.
50:16
SPEAKER_00: It's not always easy to come on here and tell people some of the things you've conquered, some of the things you've done, some of the things you went through.
50:23
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
50:24
SPEAKER_00: You know, sometimes, you know, we get we we kind of put up that flag of shame sometimes when we feel like, oh man, you know, somebody's actually gonna listen to this.
50:32
SPEAKER_00: Um I think that when we're going through these struggles and crushing these strongholds, um, the person out there that's gonna listen to it is gonna be the person that needs it the most.
50:40
SPEAKER_00: And I pray for that.
50:41
SPEAKER_00: I pray that these messages hit the right, right, right place where they need to be.
50:45
SPEAKER_01: Exactly.
50:46
SPEAKER_00: That's what this podcast is all about.
50:48
SPEAKER_01: And um which is which is why I'm so happy that we ended up having to reschedule.
50:52
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, because it's like so many more positive things have happened in that like literally week and a half that we rescheduled.
50:57
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, that I'm like, oh, even better.
51:01
SPEAKER_00: Right?
51:02
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, it happens when it's supposed to happen, totally, and it's gonna hit who needs to listen, who who needs to hear it, and it's gonna be shared because they go they need to hear it, and yeah, yeah.
51:12
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I think everything's in God's timing.
51:14
SPEAKER_00: God has a way of um, you know, putting us in in place where we need to be, you know, and putting people in our lives where they need to be too.
51:21
SPEAKER_00: I think that's great.
51:22
SPEAKER_00: I think I'm really glad that we got a chance to meet and we're getting to chance to know each other.
51:26
SPEAKER_00: And I can't wait to order some of those glasses.
51:28
SPEAKER_00: You have to send me the link.
51:29
SPEAKER_00: I love the ones you're wearing.
51:32
SPEAKER_00: I love those ones.
51:33
SPEAKER_00: You have so many cute glasses.
51:34
SPEAKER_00: Oh my gosh.
51:35
SPEAKER_00: I see them every time you have a new pair on, I'm like, oh my gosh, another pair of glasses.
51:39
SPEAKER_00: I get all excited for you.
51:40
SPEAKER_00: They look so good on you.
51:42
SPEAKER_01: I definitely try to think when I post pictures, I'm like, when was the last time I wore this pair?
51:46
SPEAKER_01: Hold on.
51:46
SPEAKER_01: Okay.
51:47
SPEAKER_01: Try to switch them up.
51:48
SPEAKER_01: I'm like, we're gonna wear this pair today.
51:49
SPEAKER_01: We're gonna wear this pair today.
51:50
SPEAKER_01: I'm like, I switch up my outfit.
51:52
SPEAKER_01: I have a different jacket on or you know, shirt.
51:54
SPEAKER_01: I want to have different glasses.
51:56
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
51:56
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I have three pair of glasses, but um, and they're kind of outdated.
52:00
SPEAKER_00: I'm ready to to get some new ones.
52:02
SPEAKER_00: So I definitely need to get that link from you so I can do that.
52:04
SPEAKER_00: So we will.
52:06
SPEAKER_00: Um also, do you have any um you haven't written a book or anything yet, right?
52:10
SPEAKER_00: Are you in the work?
52:11
SPEAKER_00: Are you thinking about writing a book about your testimony?
52:14
SPEAKER_01: I mean, we talked about it in the publishing stages.
52:17
SPEAKER_01: Oh, nice, nice.
52:18
SPEAKER_01: So and recipes, yeah.
52:21
SPEAKER_01: I will absolutely, it's gonna be a digital copy.
52:23
SPEAKER_01: Um part recipe, part, uh, it's like part memoir, part cookbook, kind of same thing.
52:28
SPEAKER_01: I throw in the my background stories, and these are recipes that brought me home.
52:33
SPEAKER_00: Nice.
52:34
SPEAKER_00: That's really I love that.
52:35
SPEAKER_00: I love that.
52:36
SPEAKER_00: You know why?
52:37
SPEAKER_00: Because it it's just like it makes it more homey, I think.
52:40
SPEAKER_00: That's exactly it's not just your everyday cookbook you find every day, you know.
52:44
SPEAKER_00: There's there's a story behind it.
52:46
SPEAKER_00: I love recipes that have a story.
52:48
SPEAKER_00: All of my favorite recipes from my grandma and my mother all have stories behind them.
52:53
SPEAKER_00: And when we when we make them, we talk about them at the table every time we make them.
52:57
SPEAKER_00: You know, they're a conversation piece for sure.
53:00
SPEAKER_00: Oh, absolutely.
53:01
SPEAKER_00: So, yeah, when you get that information, just get that to me and I can add that to this podcast.
53:05
SPEAKER_00: I can always add to the podcast later so people can um um see that that's out and I can help uh help you promote that, or even I can have you back on and we could talk about it.
53:17
SPEAKER_01: I was gonna say, I know I'm like, I'll send you a copy of it and then we can, yeah, we could discuss it later.
53:20
SPEAKER_00: See if you tried anything.
53:22
SPEAKER_00: Oh, I will.
53:23
SPEAKER_00: I definitely would.
53:24
SPEAKER_00: Me and my daughter love trying new recipes.
53:26
SPEAKER_00: So we thought about compiling my mom and my grandma's recipes together and um, you know, have a make it a um a recipe book for her and and putting those stories that I was just telling you about, putting some of the stories in with them, you know, how we how some of them came about.
53:40
SPEAKER_00: Some some of the recipes came about by accident.
53:43
SPEAKER_01: They kind of just fell in the pan.
53:46
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
53:47
SPEAKER_01: Our barbecue bacon wrapped meatloaf is the best meatloaf I've ever had.
53:51
SPEAKER_01: Yum.
53:52
SPEAKER_01: It caught on fire on the barbecue because the bacon fat dripping through and it caught on fire for I don't know how long until we noticed it.
54:01
SPEAKER_01: So crispy and perfect.
54:02
SPEAKER_01: Like it was it was messy.
54:07
SPEAKER_01: We didn't even like we didn't we fought over who got to eat the barbecued one and didn't even touch the two that were in the oven.
54:12
SPEAKER_00: That's great.
54:13
SPEAKER_00: We were just like, have fun.
54:18
SPEAKER_00: Well, I I do want to tell our listeners that um um before we wrap up here that um if there's any strongholds that you're struggling with, and or if you need any prayer for anything, you can always go to my website, it's crushiesstrongholds.com.
54:32
SPEAKER_00: And there's a place on there to get a free clarity call and prayer as well.
54:37
SPEAKER_00: There's also coaching on there.
54:39
SPEAKER_00: I do I do do life coaching, like I mentioned before, but um the purpose of this podcast is basically just to help people to overcome strongholds that um hold you back from your God-given purpose.
54:50
SPEAKER_00: And I think God has a perfect plan, like it says in Jeremiah 29, his plan for us is perfect, and it's to give us a future with hope.
54:59
SPEAKER_00: And why would he give us a plan if he didn't have one for us?
55:04
SPEAKER_00: You know, he's already got us got it all worked out for us.
55:06
SPEAKER_00: So uh we need not worry about it.
55:08
SPEAKER_00: We just need to have faith about it, and we need to put our hands in um in God's hands, and um, kind of like you said, let Jesus take the will.
55:16
SPEAKER_00: I love that you said that.
55:17
SPEAKER_00: Um that's it, that's a good motto to go by.
55:19
SPEAKER_00: So, but I thank you so much, Megan, for coming on today.
55:22
SPEAKER_00: I've enjoyed you so much, and I can't wait to get to know you some more.
55:25
SPEAKER_00: I'm glad we're becoming friends, and like I said, I hope we get to bump into each other.
55:29
SPEAKER_00: Um, in California, probably.
55:31
SPEAKER_00: I don't know that I'll ever get to Arkansas.
55:33
SPEAKER_00: I don't think I've ever been to Arkansas.
55:34
SPEAKER_00: I've been to North Carolina though.
55:36
SPEAKER_01: But I was gonna say, where you are in California is like we said, a hop, skip, and a jump for me is where I was.
55:42
SPEAKER_01: So I know exactly where you are.
55:44
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, yeah, and I think I even know where the church is that you said you went to.
55:47
SPEAKER_00: I am familiar a little bit with Woodland because um I've done some ministry work out there, but um, which is pretty exciting to to be out there.
55:55
SPEAKER_01: I miss that I have a big behind the library, huh?
55:58
SPEAKER_00: I said it's on 2nd Street behind the library.
56:01
SPEAKER_00: Oh my gosh.
56:03
SPEAKER_00: Is it in like a like a big parking lot or is it small?
56:10
SPEAKER_01: It's a medium-sized church.
56:12
SPEAKER_01: I was gonna say it's not a giant, um, it's definitely a medium-sized church, and there's uh like cobblestone bricks.
56:17
SPEAKER_01: It's like if I walk diagonal, I'm going, I'm gonna hit the opera house and a couple things right there in Woodland off of Court.
56:23
SPEAKER_01: Court in second.
56:24
SPEAKER_00: Anyway, yeah, okay, yeah, I'll have to look it up.
56:26
SPEAKER_00: Anyhow, but yeah, I I really enjoyed having you and thank you again so much for sharing your story with everyone.
56:32
SPEAKER_00: And um, I can't wait for um other people to hear it and listen to it and just know that they're not alone in it.
56:38
SPEAKER_00: Yes, yes, you are not alone.
56:40
SPEAKER_00: You are not alone.
56:42
SPEAKER_00: Absolutely.
56:43
SPEAKER_00: So I I thank you and for all of our listening listeners, I'm getting tongue-tied here.
56:48
SPEAKER_00: For all of our listeners, I thank you for um coming on board and listening to us.
56:52
SPEAKER_00: And I hope you've enjoyed this another amazing episode of Crushing Strongholds.
56:56
SPEAKER_00: And like I said, if you need prayer or if you need coaching or counseling, um, just get on Crushing Strongholds, fill out the welcome part and subscribe.
57:04
SPEAKER_00: And you can always just send me a message.
57:06
SPEAKER_00: There's a place in there just to put me a little note, and I will always get back to you because I just love um people that reach out.
57:12
SPEAKER_00: So we thank you and we hope that you have an amazing and blessed day, and y'all take care.
57:18
SPEAKER_00: Bye.