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Get Your Balls In Order with John Stamos · Dear Chelsea

• 0:01
  Speaker 1: Hi, Catherine, Hi Chelsea, Hi? What is going on?
• 0:06
  Speaker 2: Not too much, just loving the fall weather. You've been
• 0:09
  Speaker 2: traveling all over though. Where are you headed?
• 0:12
  Speaker 1: Well? I'm performing in Milwaukee on Friday night, and then
• 0:14
  Speaker 1: I have two shows in Chicago Saturday, Sunday, Milwaukee Sat.
• 0:19
  Speaker 1: And Friday night. And then where is that? What's the theater? Oh,
• 0:23
  Speaker 1: Bradley's Symphony Center, and then the Chicago Theater Saturday and
• 0:27
  Speaker 1: Sunday night. Oh shit, and then another show Sunday night.
• 0:30
  Speaker 1: But that's sold out. Chicago first show is sold out.
• 0:32
  Speaker 1: We have tickets available for Saturday night, October twenty eighth,
• 0:37
  Speaker 1: and tickets available for Milwaukee Thursday night, October twenty six
• 0:41
  Speaker 1: I am in New York City waiting for I just
• 0:46
  Speaker 1: had to get some more knee surgery. I had to
• 0:47
  Speaker 1: get my hat cleaned out, so I am off the pills.
• 0:50
  Speaker 1: I had a two day party, pill party, and then
• 0:52
  Speaker 1: I have to throw them. Well, I don't throw them
• 0:54
  Speaker 1: away because they're gone. They're gone after two days. And
• 0:57
  Speaker 1: that's how any excuse to be put under? Yeah, and
• 1:01
  Speaker 1: he excuse to be put under. But my doctor said,
• 1:04
  Speaker 1: this will allow me afford me the ability to ski
• 1:07
  Speaker 1: without pain because my knee has really been acting since
• 1:10
  Speaker 1: my worka so I'm going to either get my leg
• 1:13
  Speaker 1: removed and replaced. I'm waiting for them to come out
• 1:16
  Speaker 1: with some sort of knee enhancement replacement thing where you
• 1:19
  Speaker 1: don't even have to get surgery but be put under obviously. Yeah,
• 1:23
  Speaker 1: I just think it's a matter of months before they
• 1:25
  Speaker 1: have some new technology or AI comes up with a
• 1:28
  Speaker 1: new knee or something. Yeah, you know. So anyway, we
• 1:32
  Speaker 1: have one of my childhood crushes on today mine too.
• 1:35
  Speaker 1: His name is John Stamos. I'm very excited about today.
• 1:39
  Speaker 1: I know he has a new book out. What is
• 1:40
  Speaker 1: it called?
• 1:41
  Speaker 2: It is called if You would Have Told Me?
• 1:44
  Speaker 1: If you would Have Told Me? Okay, well, we're going
• 1:47
  Speaker 1: to see what he is going to tell us because
• 1:49
  Speaker 1: there's a lot of juicy stuff in that book. So
• 1:51
  Speaker 1: he did tell us a lot of things. A lot
• 1:52
  Speaker 1: of celebrity books coming out lately with a lot of
• 1:54
  Speaker 1: insight and inside scoop. He is a three time Emmy
• 1:58
  Speaker 1: Award No TV Film and Theater actor and his memoir
• 2:03
  Speaker 1: is called If You would Have Told Me, and it's
• 2:04
  Speaker 1: out this week. Please welcome John Stamos. How are you, honey?
• 2:08
  Speaker 3: Pretty good.
• 2:09
  Speaker 1: Yeah. John Stamos is in the house. Everybody, John my
• 2:12
  Speaker 1: childhood crush. I loved you so much when I was
• 2:14
  Speaker 1: talking about you. I mean not to say I don't
• 2:15
  Speaker 1: love you now, I mean you're very attractive.
• 2:17
  Speaker 3: So I'm getting old. Well we all are I love
• 2:20
  Speaker 3: I have a crush on you, oh, because you're smart
• 2:23
  Speaker 3: and you're beautiful and I love Remember when I was
• 2:25
  Speaker 3: on your other show.
• 2:26
  Speaker 1: Yeah, a bit, I've interviewed you before.
• 2:28
  Speaker 3: Are you doing good? You look great?
• 2:29
  Speaker 4: Oh?
• 2:30
  Speaker 3: Yeah, thank you. You talk about being happy now and
• 2:32
  Speaker 3: stuff that makes me happy.
• 2:33
  Speaker 1: Oh are you happy?
• 2:34
  Speaker 3: I am?
• 2:35
  Speaker 1: Yeah? You know what what? I was reading your book?
• 2:37
  Speaker 1: You guys, Yeah, yes, of course. The book is called
• 2:40
  Speaker 1: if you would have told me it's out this week,
• 2:42
  Speaker 1: it's John Stamos's it's your first.
• 2:44
  Speaker 3: Book, yes, right, yeah, I want to talk to you
• 2:46
  Speaker 3: about the process, because.
• 2:47
  Speaker 1: Well, what do you want to talk about? Let's get started.
• 2:49
  Speaker 3: How was it?
• 2:50
  Speaker 1: I like, I mean, listen, it's a very different medium
• 2:53
  Speaker 1: than everything that you're probably used to. So if this
• 2:55
  Speaker 1: is your first book, I can understand you probably feel
• 2:57
  Speaker 1: a little bit overwhelmed, right.
• 2:59
  Speaker 3: Yeah, I was. I feel good now that it's done.
• 3:02
  Speaker 3: But then no, no, we have to gotten. You don't
• 3:03
  Speaker 3: have to gotten sell it.
• 3:05
  Speaker 1: Sell it and promote it, and that is a different beast.
• 3:08
  Speaker 1: But you know what I find that is nice and
• 3:10
  Speaker 1: refreshing about books. And maybe you can think about this
• 3:12
  Speaker 1: while you're promoting it. It's like you're not promoting a
• 3:15
  Speaker 1: project that you're not completely responsible for. It's your story, right,
• 3:19
  Speaker 1: so they're your truths and then you get to just
• 3:21
  Speaker 1: talk about yourself in the most kind of I feel like,
• 3:25
  Speaker 1: most organic way, rather than promoting a show or a movie.
• 3:28
  Speaker 3: You're right, Yeah, it has been interesting that the interviews
• 3:31
  Speaker 3: I've done so far, especially the doing this long form,
• 3:33
  Speaker 3: because you can really get into because there's a lot
• 3:35
  Speaker 3: of you know, intricate stuff in the book and ups
• 3:38
  Speaker 3: and down and toffic. But to do it, you know,
• 3:40
  Speaker 3: do a quick pop on it.
• 3:41
  Speaker 1: It's difficult, right, yes, absolutely, but you want to get
• 3:45
  Speaker 1: people interested enough to buy it. Listen, there's a lot
• 3:47
  Speaker 1: of interesting stuff in this book.
• 3:49
  Speaker 3: And can I ask you a question, So therapies you've
• 3:52
  Speaker 3: been that's your Do you think.
• 3:53
  Speaker 1: You're interviewing me right now?
• 3:54
  Speaker 3: Is that what you're not trying to I just I'm
• 3:56
  Speaker 3: fascinated by you always, and I like to ask questions.
• 3:58
  Speaker 1: I went to therapy for about two years, intense therapy
• 4:02
  Speaker 1: with the sky Dan Siegel, and it changed my I
• 4:04
  Speaker 1: mean it took a while. Like if someone said, oh,
• 4:06
  Speaker 1: therapy was going to take two years and then probably
• 4:08
  Speaker 1: two years of absorbing what you learned in therapy, I
• 4:11
  Speaker 1: would have been like, that's too fucking long, like fuck it.
• 4:14
  Speaker 1: But I went in before I knew how long it
• 4:17
  Speaker 1: was going to take, and so it was like.
• 4:19
  Speaker 3: You think it was a couple a couple of a
• 4:21
  Speaker 3: couple of seconds.
• 4:21
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I think. I thought I'm pretty smart, like I'll
• 4:24
  Speaker 1: get this quickly. And then as soon as you get deeper,
• 4:27
  Speaker 1: have you are you in therapy?
• 4:28
  Speaker 3: Yeah? Yeah, I talk about in the book to this
• 4:29
  Speaker 3: guy Phil Stutz, who's sort of a famous Oh yeah.
• 4:32
  Speaker 1: Stuts, the one that they did the documentary.
• 4:34
  Speaker 3: Was right, Yeah, okay, I was going to way before.
• 4:38
  Speaker 3: I think it was like twelve years ago. I can't
• 4:40
  Speaker 3: remember who sent me there. Maybe I had saga go
• 4:43
  Speaker 3: I said, we can't be friends anymore until you go
• 4:44
  Speaker 3: to therapy. Oh yeah, he was. He was there till
• 4:47
  Speaker 3: he died. How he still owes film money? Phil told
• 4:49
  Speaker 3: me he said he didn't pay for his last session.
• 4:51
  Speaker 1: Well, he doesn't need the money.
• 4:53
  Speaker 3: So it helped you.
• 4:53
  Speaker 1: Then it helped me, Yes, it helped me immensely. It
• 4:56
  Speaker 1: helped me with my self awareness. It helped me understand
• 4:58
  Speaker 1: the way that I the vibes I'm giving off if
• 5:01
  Speaker 1: my personality was coming before any sort of thoughtfulness. So
• 5:05
  Speaker 1: now I'm a little bit more thoughtful and careful with
• 5:08
  Speaker 1: my personality rather than throwing it out there. It's not
• 5:11
  Speaker 1: necessary for me to insert myself all the time.
• 5:14
  Speaker 3: Mike, I said, you've already chimed the world. Stop. You
• 5:17
  Speaker 3: don't have to do anymore. Just sit back and you know, yes,
• 5:19
  Speaker 3: stuff trying is hard. Maybe that's you.
• 5:21
  Speaker 1: Well we get I think we get interesting conversation because
• 5:24
  Speaker 1: I think we get very wrapped up in who we.
• 5:27
  Speaker 3: Think we are and who we think they want us
• 5:30
  Speaker 3: to be. Yes, yeah, I had that a lot too,
• 5:32
  Speaker 3: you know, just coming under the scene, you know, being
• 5:35
  Speaker 3: a teen idol, and then you know some sort of
• 5:37
  Speaker 3: you know guy which wasn't me, like, you know, and
• 5:40
  Speaker 3: I'd go on Howard Stern or Jamie Kimmel or all
• 5:42
  Speaker 3: these shows, and I gas, oh, you're a playboy. Tell
• 5:44
  Speaker 3: me about all the girls you fucked I'm like, oh, yeah,
• 5:46
  Speaker 3: doesn't did that none of it? It was true, but
• 5:48
  Speaker 3: I felt I had to be that guy for that,
• 5:50
  Speaker 3: which is when I and they didn't. It wasn't their fault.
• 5:53
  Speaker 3: I played into it. But once I let that go,
• 5:56
  Speaker 3: and it's just hard to trust yourself that you're good
• 5:58
  Speaker 3: enough and you're interesting enough, and they're charming enough, right
• 6:01
  Speaker 3: just to sit and talk. And I didn't like I
• 6:03
  Speaker 3: went into growing up kicking and screaming. I just barely
• 6:06
  Speaker 3: made it too. I just didn't want to because it
• 6:08
  Speaker 3: just seemed boring to me and it really required sober
• 6:12
  Speaker 3: up to But it's you know, it's been the greatest.
• 6:15
  Speaker 3: I've just turned sixty.
• 6:17
  Speaker 1: Oh my god. Really, yeah, that's amazing.
• 6:20
  Speaker 3: Well look I'm tired of that.
• 6:21
  Speaker 1: But you know it's okay, I'm forty.
• 6:25
  Speaker 3: We're gonna have a big birthday.
• 6:26
  Speaker 1: Well in two years. I mean, yeah, I gotta start
• 6:29
  Speaker 1: planning it now if I'm going to have the right
• 6:30
  Speaker 1: kind of birthday party. I just want everyone to know
• 6:32
  Speaker 1: that I offered John an edible before this interview started,
• 6:35
  Speaker 1: because I forgot he was sober, and this is a
• 6:37
  Speaker 1: big problem with me as well. Back to the therapy thing,
• 6:40
  Speaker 1: real quick. One of the things I learned, which is
• 6:42
  Speaker 1: interesting what you're saying, is, you know, I always thought
• 6:45
  Speaker 1: I had to be the center, like the excitement of
• 6:47
  Speaker 1: a dinner party or like the entertainment for everybody. Like
• 6:51
  Speaker 1: I thought that's what people expected of me, that I
• 6:53
  Speaker 1: had to go to every dinner party and just be
• 6:55
  Speaker 1: the funniest person there. And if there was another funny
• 6:58
  Speaker 1: person there, I was so relieved. I was like, let
• 7:00
  Speaker 1: them do it. But everyone is so insecure about their
• 7:03
  Speaker 1: own funny that people would look to me and be like, no,
• 7:06
  Speaker 1: you go, you do it, and I'll you know. So
• 7:08
  Speaker 1: it became this weird cycle of like you impress upon
• 7:12
  Speaker 1: yourself what you assume people are expecting of you, when
• 7:16
  Speaker 1: really maybe not everybody's expecting any of that.
• 7:19
  Speaker 3: No, And then they go to Chelsea's she got to
• 7:21
  Speaker 3: calm down, calm down, you know, say with me, I
• 7:24
  Speaker 3: thought I was had to be that, and I, you know,
• 7:26
  Speaker 3: drinking too, I thought I gotta be, you know, so
• 7:28
  Speaker 3: I can be funny and sharp. People see, you know,
• 7:31
  Speaker 3: it's fuzzy, is what they saw. Yeah. I bet you
• 7:34
  Speaker 3: feel that too, because you know you're you are people
• 7:36
  Speaker 3: see you on TV and you're funny, and you're sharp
• 7:38
  Speaker 3: and you're very smart too. I think that's what impresses
• 7:42
  Speaker 3: me most about you.
• 7:43
  Speaker 1: Well, thank you. I appreciate you lost you.
• 7:45
  Speaker 3: I know you lost your brother when you're young and
• 7:48
  Speaker 3: abandonment issues. But then there was another really sweet brother
• 7:50
  Speaker 3: who I met on your show.
• 7:52
  Speaker 1: Is he still yeah, Roy is the best, He's the sweetest.
• 7:56
  Speaker 1: I will he'll love that he still y passed?
• 8:00
  Speaker 3: Did he really?
• 8:00
  Speaker 5: Yeah?
• 8:01
  Speaker 3: Yeah, but I mean I'll see you're doing great. By
• 8:03
  Speaker 3: the way, I'll see.
• 8:04
  Speaker 1: Him in the afterlife anyway. You know how when did
• 8:06
  Speaker 1: he die a couple of years ago? Yeah? He was sweet, right, Yeah,
• 8:10
  Speaker 1: he was a sweetheart. One of the things that I
• 8:12
  Speaker 1: was reading about in your book that I took issue
• 8:14
  Speaker 1: with is your love of Disneyland and disney World.
• 8:17
  Speaker 3: Well I find that annoying, right, Yeah, to be honest
• 8:21
  Speaker 3: with you, I was, I was over it. I was done.
• 8:24
  Speaker 3: And then I met my wife and he's like me
• 8:26
  Speaker 3: back in you know last night.
• 8:28
  Speaker 1: Your wife loves disney World? Yea, and she and so
• 8:32
  Speaker 1: what was the period of time you were able to
• 8:33
  Speaker 1: stay away from disney World or Disneyland a couple weeks?
• 8:38
  Speaker 3: It was a couple It was a while, I was
• 8:40
  Speaker 3: just it was enough already, I thought, you know, honestly,
• 8:43
  Speaker 3: but last night this.
• 8:44
  Speaker 1: Why were you spending so much time there?
• 8:45
  Speaker 3: In the first it was have you been?
• 8:49
  Speaker 1: Yeah? I was.
• 8:50
  Speaker 3: I was there honestly, like towards like before I sobered
• 8:53
  Speaker 3: up for ten years. It was kind of fun to
• 8:54
  Speaker 3: go and get drunk there, you know, And there was a.
• 8:56
  Speaker 1: It was dry. It was dry for a long time
• 8:59
  Speaker 1: time in the world. They didn't have any alcohol there at.
• 9:01
  Speaker 3: The at the Magic Kingdom, Catherine Magic Kingdom they don't,
• 9:04
  Speaker 3: but but Epcot they have. You'd have beers across the world.
• 9:09
  Speaker 3: But no. I did get over because it's when you
• 9:11
  Speaker 3: walk to those gates the rest of the world goes
• 9:13
  Speaker 3: away and it's just a it's you have. It's a
• 9:16
  Speaker 3: happy place to be.
• 9:17
  Speaker 1: That's how I feel about the Playboy. Man.
• 9:18
  Speaker 3: You it used to be the last night. So I'm
• 9:21
  Speaker 3: leaving town. I'm so busy with all this book stuff.
• 9:23
  Speaker 3: And my wife says, and we do this once in
• 9:25
  Speaker 3: a while. I was like, I got a surprise. We're
• 9:26
  Speaker 3: going on date night tonight. This is the last night.
• 9:28
  Speaker 3: I said, great, where is it? I can't tell you,
• 9:30
  Speaker 3: you know, I said, O, yeah, I don't have a
• 9:32
  Speaker 3: lot of time, but I want to at least spend
• 9:34
  Speaker 3: one good night with you before we go. And so
• 9:37
  Speaker 3: I said, what do I wear? Said? Boots? Boots are good.
• 9:39
  Speaker 3: What else? Well, that's good what you have on? I said,
• 9:42
  Speaker 3: is it a hike? Is it outdoors? It might be
• 9:44
  Speaker 3: my not you know. So we get so we're driving
• 9:47
  Speaker 3: a by Pasadena. We're going up to this neighborhood house
• 9:50
  Speaker 3: and there's no parking. I said, what's the date night?
• 9:52
  Speaker 3: You and need to what's a Disney party? And there's
• 9:56
  Speaker 3: a couple of Disney legends that are going to be
• 9:58
  Speaker 3: there and a hundred other Disney any geek fans that
• 10:01
  Speaker 3: you're gonna take pictures? I said, this is date night?
• 10:05
  Speaker 3: And it was that nice people. But you know, I said,
• 10:08
  Speaker 3: every selfie I take you give me a hand job?
• 10:11
  Speaker 1: And did she did?
• 10:12
  Speaker 5: She?
• 10:12
  Speaker 3: Yeah? It was about eight hundred.
• 10:13
  Speaker 1: Yeah, when is she going to start giving you the
• 10:16
  Speaker 1: hand job?
• 10:16
  Speaker 3: I should have Scott something better? Huh probably, So, I
• 10:20
  Speaker 3: don't know, but she loves it. I'm you know, I'm.
• 10:23
  Speaker 1: Just happy you're in a happy relationship. You know what
• 10:25
  Speaker 1: I mean? If you have to give a bunch of
• 10:27
  Speaker 1: hand jobs and go to a bunch of Disney events.
• 10:28
  Speaker 3: I don't have to give that hand Oh no.
• 10:30
  Speaker 1: I mean if you have to get sorry to get
• 10:32
  Speaker 1: a bunch of hand jobs and go to a bunch
• 10:33
  Speaker 1: of Disney events, then that's the bed you made, and
• 10:35
  Speaker 1: now you're to lie in it.
• 10:36
  Speaker 3: You're right now. You can I ask you about this,
• 10:38
  Speaker 3: Joe Koy, because I.
• 10:40
  Speaker 1: Love that you think you're fucking interviewing.
• 10:43
  Speaker 3: I'm just I'm interested.
• 10:44
  Speaker 1: I have a series of questions I want to ask
• 10:46
  Speaker 1: you already.
• 10:47
  Speaker 3: I thought it was going to be the greatest thing
• 10:49
  Speaker 3: ever to you. I was so happy for for you.
• 10:51
  Speaker 3: I didn't know him much. But and then, but do
• 10:53
  Speaker 3: you feel like if you fall in love again, you
• 10:55
  Speaker 3: kind of keep it quiet for a couple of years.
• 10:57
  Speaker 1: Probably you know. I don't need to learn that lesson twice.
• 11:00
  Speaker 1: Although I didn't even listen. To be very honest, I
• 11:03
  Speaker 1: don't feel regret or a rootful towards the way that
• 11:06
  Speaker 1: I behaved publicly with him. I think that was a
• 11:08
  Speaker 1: very good exercise for me, and it was nice for
• 11:10
  Speaker 1: other people to see that side of me, because I've.
• 11:13
  Speaker 2: Never been soft.
• 11:14
  Speaker 3: It was a softer show, very.
• 11:15
  Speaker 1: Like publicly in love before, so I don't really regret that,
• 11:18
  Speaker 1: even though I probably wouldn't choose to operate like that again,
• 11:21
  Speaker 1: you know what I mean, because it's like, you know,
• 11:23
  Speaker 1: who needs to It's almost very like teenager ish. But
• 11:27
  Speaker 1: that's how it was cute. It was a thing.
• 11:30
  Speaker 3: It just felt so bad.
• 11:32
  Speaker 1: But it's okay. I mean, just a relationships end, you know,
• 11:34
  Speaker 1: and you learn from them, and and I think that
• 11:37
  Speaker 1: the most important thing to do as we get older
• 11:39
  Speaker 1: is to remember not to villainize or demonize the people
• 11:43
  Speaker 1: who've left our lives and actually look at them and say,
• 11:46
  Speaker 1: you know what, what did that person bring out in me?
• 11:47
  Speaker 1: That someone that I hadn't been brought out in me before?
• 11:51
  Speaker 1: So I think that's okay.
• 11:52
  Speaker 3: I have like I think before taking top.
• 11:54
  Speaker 1: Off, because John's turning me on.
• 11:57
  Speaker 3: Okay, I think before I wrote this book, I would say, oh,
• 12:00
  Speaker 3: I have regrets. Yeah, this I didn't. I got dumped,
• 12:02
  Speaker 3: I got cheated on a man, And after writing I
• 12:05
  Speaker 3: were like, no, that's like what you said, Like, if
• 12:07
  Speaker 3: I didn't have those heartbreaks that happened, I wouldn't have
• 12:11
  Speaker 3: known how to be right for my marriage.
• 12:13
  Speaker 1: Now, well you're yeah, because especially because you were married
• 12:15
  Speaker 1: to Rebecca Romaine first before your current wife, and you
• 12:19
  Speaker 1: talk about that in the book, and you talk about
• 12:21
  Speaker 1: your therapist and that marriage ending right and your therapist
• 12:26
  Speaker 1: basically telling you that you weren't ready to be with
• 12:29
  Speaker 1: the one and that you had a lot of work
• 12:31
  Speaker 1: to do, right, So what were those conversations like.
• 12:33
  Speaker 3: Well, it was more it was more about it was
• 12:35
  Speaker 3: heartbreaking and I didn't want it to end. And you know,
• 12:38
  Speaker 3: I always thought have kids and a thing and you know,
• 12:41
  Speaker 3: fairy tale ending. And when it did, it ripped me apart.
• 12:44
  Speaker 3: And I was angry for many years, too angry, and.
• 12:47
  Speaker 1: It wasn't her or angry at the situation.
• 12:49
  Speaker 3: Well her, you know, as I learned. So I had
• 12:52
  Speaker 3: the first chapter I wrote was I thought I'd take
• 12:55
  Speaker 3: the hardest ones and I wrote about this terrible the
• 12:57
  Speaker 3: low point in my life. I had this dui and
• 13:00
  Speaker 3: I was driving drunkers drive around Beverly Hills, and I
• 13:03
  Speaker 3: went to rehab and I think it was there where
• 13:05
  Speaker 3: I discovered, like, so the steps you probably know something.
• 13:08
  Speaker 3: The fourth step is your resentments. So I was like,
• 13:12
  Speaker 3: she did this to me, she did that, And I'm
• 13:14
  Speaker 3: making this long list and the sponsors. Have you done
• 13:17
  Speaker 3: I said, noff, and then he goes, so, what part
• 13:21
  Speaker 3: did you play in that? I said, what do you mean?
• 13:23
  Speaker 3: What none? It might have played, even if it's one percent.
• 13:26
  Speaker 3: And I started writing and say, oh, yeah, yeah. And
• 13:29
  Speaker 3: it was the first time I really was honest about it.
• 13:31
  Speaker 3: And I had just as much to do with the
• 13:34
  Speaker 3: end of our marriage as she did, so you know, you.
• 13:37
  Speaker 1: Learn, yeah, yeah, what was that last thing that broke
• 13:40
  Speaker 1: the like the last straw that broke the camel's back
• 13:42
  Speaker 1: in the marriage?
• 13:43
  Speaker 3: I started to get emasculated, and I don't know how
• 13:45
  Speaker 3: much of it was her fault or how much was mine,
• 13:48
  Speaker 3: but I felt the relationship just was like she was
• 13:50
  Speaker 3: here and I was down here and I was, oh,
• 13:51
  Speaker 3: you're on TV. I'm and it just was not good.
• 13:54
  Speaker 3: And we split up for a while and we got
• 13:57
  Speaker 3: back together and it was there was a lot of
• 13:59
  Speaker 3: rules just didn't work, and I just said, this is
• 14:01
  Speaker 3: not working, you know, and we walked away. But I
• 14:04
  Speaker 3: have never seen her since.
• 14:06
  Speaker 1: But have you never spoken to her since?
• 14:09
  Speaker 3: The last time I talked to her was in this
• 14:11
  Speaker 3: But thank god, because I did more about myself, like
• 14:14
  Speaker 3: I'm not gonna go I would never go into a
• 14:16
  Speaker 3: relationship the same way, and thank god I didn't when
• 14:19
  Speaker 3: Caitlyn came around.
• 14:20
  Speaker 1: Right, And so how did you what tools did you
• 14:23
  Speaker 1: have or like that you developed over the years that
• 14:25
  Speaker 1: made you be able to like start in a healthy
• 14:29
  Speaker 1: way this relationship or healthier.
• 14:31
  Speaker 3: Yeah, for sure. I mean I knew that I wanted to.
• 14:34
  Speaker 3: I could get by for so many years with fifty
• 14:36
  Speaker 3: percent more than most people sixty percent maybe in anything work.
• 14:41
  Speaker 3: And I was just always afraid to give a hundred
• 14:43
  Speaker 3: because if you failed, then you're then Wow, you gave
• 14:45
  Speaker 3: it as all and you failed. So with the relationships,
• 14:48
  Speaker 3: I'm gonna give it my all. I'm gonna throw everything
• 14:50
  Speaker 3: I'm gonna be and if it doesn't work, at least
• 14:52
  Speaker 3: I know how to do that right. Sober and loyal
• 14:57
  Speaker 3: and honest and all the stuff it and it it worked.
• 15:00
  Speaker 3: Does that make sense?
• 15:02
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean it makes sense. How many years have
• 15:04
  Speaker 1: you been sober?
• 15:06
  Speaker 3: Close to eight?
• 15:07
  Speaker 1: Eight years? Okay, So would you consider that newly sober? No?
• 15:11
  Speaker 3: I was, you know, I was drinking into my fifties
• 15:14
  Speaker 3: and it just it was just time.
• 15:15
  Speaker 1: Well, you talk. You have a lot of examples in
• 15:17
  Speaker 1: the Book of Times where you I mean you don't
• 15:19
  Speaker 1: make yourself look good in this book and a lot
• 15:21
  Speaker 1: of areas, and I actually appreciate that because I also
• 15:24
  Speaker 1: like to be honest. You it's very important to be
• 15:26
  Speaker 1: honest and not to gloss over like and pretend like
• 15:28
  Speaker 1: you've got your crushing it all the time.
• 15:29
  Speaker 3: I started out that way. I was like, I'm going
• 15:31
  Speaker 3: to write a hero book. And I started writing like
• 15:33
  Speaker 3: this is sex pullshit, and it turned into a phuman
• 15:35
  Speaker 3: you know, it was a human story because again, like
• 15:38
  Speaker 3: I never wanted. I never thought i'd write a book.
• 15:40
  Speaker 3: It wasn't in my thing. I didn't think I was
• 15:42
  Speaker 3: sharp enough. And friends of mine that were writing, but
• 15:44
  Speaker 3: how do you do it? Why do you even start it?
• 15:46
  Speaker 3: I just didn't get it, didn't get it. And then
• 15:48
  Speaker 3: when Bob died, I wrote a beautiful obituary kind of
• 15:51
  Speaker 3: thing in La Times. I remember, and so people say, oh,
• 15:54
  Speaker 3: you're a good writer. And I had a kid too,
• 15:55
  Speaker 3: and I said, okay, so now I'm a father. What
• 15:57
  Speaker 3: was that like? And I just kept saying no, And
• 15:59
  Speaker 3: then I really thought about leaving something behind for him,
• 16:02
  Speaker 3: A love letter to all the beautiful people that have
• 16:04
  Speaker 3: come in and out of my life, to my wife,
• 16:06
  Speaker 3: and I've had a lot of mentors over the years
• 16:07
  Speaker 3: that I wanted to talk about. But then the clutch
• 16:10
  Speaker 3: was that I found I knew I had them, but
• 16:12
  Speaker 3: I dug up all these letters that my mom left me,
• 16:14
  Speaker 3: these little notes that she would leave me and my sisters.
• 16:16
  Speaker 3: I said, Okay, that's a good place to start. Yeah,
• 16:20
  Speaker 3: did your mom pass away?
• 16:21
  Speaker 1: Yeah, my mom and my dad are both Dad I'm
• 16:22
  Speaker 1: an orphan. I just have my brothers and sisters.
• 16:25
  Speaker 3: It's a lot five or so.
• 16:26
  Speaker 1: Yeah, there's enough of us to go around. Plus we
• 16:28
  Speaker 1: have eight nieces and nephews, so there's like, you know,
• 16:31
  Speaker 1: we have a big family and all of them are
• 16:33
  Speaker 1: married or have girlfriends. And then we have like ten
• 16:35
  Speaker 1: cousins that live in LA so we just well not ten,
• 16:38
  Speaker 1: but I say ten as a round number, but there's
• 16:40
  Speaker 1: eight anyway.
• 16:41
  Speaker 3: Who lives at your house?
• 16:42
  Speaker 6: Now?
• 16:42
  Speaker 3: Do you have any I'm.
• 16:43
  Speaker 1: Actually living with No, I'm waiting for my house to
• 16:45
  Speaker 1: be built, and I am living with my neighbor. So
• 16:49
  Speaker 1: talk to me about being like a father.
• 16:51
  Speaker 3: This is something I always wanted, and through the book,
• 16:53
  Speaker 3: I was trying to find, like you do, like try
• 16:55
  Speaker 3: to find as many relatable issues you know, it's like,
• 16:57
  Speaker 3: how many people can relate tonight and play with the
• 16:59
  Speaker 3: beach boys people?
• 17:00
  Speaker 1: But well, you bring up another topic beach boys. You
• 17:03
  Speaker 1: learn transcendental meditation with beach boys, right, because you drum
• 17:06
  Speaker 1: for the beach boys. I don't do TM. I do
• 17:08
  Speaker 1: regular meditation, but I know a lot of people who
• 17:10
  Speaker 1: do TM. What Yeah, Howard does it for sure? How
• 17:13
  Speaker 1: do you? How would you.
• 17:14
  Speaker 3: Describe it TM?
• 17:16
  Speaker 1: Yeah?
• 17:16
  Speaker 3: You know it's meditate twice twenty minutes. I'm not very
• 17:19
  Speaker 3: good at it any more. I mean, I don't keep
• 17:20
  Speaker 3: up with it as much as they should. But even
• 17:22
  Speaker 3: just to sit for twenty minutes, and you say this
• 17:24
  Speaker 3: mantra over over again, one own mind.
• 17:26
  Speaker 1: Yeah, well you're not supposed to tell your mantra so
• 17:28
  Speaker 1: that much. I know.
• 17:30
  Speaker 3: I got it, Catherine, You're doing great, brother way.
• 17:32
  Speaker 2: Oh think I'm just enjoying the conversation.
• 17:34
  Speaker 3: Well, so, wait, so I wanted to come up with
• 17:36
  Speaker 3: relatable things. Oh this is the point was that it
• 17:39
  Speaker 3: had something to do with sex. Gosh darn it.
• 17:41
  Speaker 1: What was it that you want to have sex with me?
• 17:44
  Speaker 3: I want it? I want it. Well, hey, honey, we're
• 17:47
  Speaker 3: going date night? Where is it going to be we'll
• 17:49
  Speaker 3: be at your house. Yeah, okay, And she was so
• 17:51
  Speaker 3: mad because I wouldn't take a tour of the house.
• 17:53
  Speaker 3: Is about this. It was Disney's house, lived there for
• 17:55
  Speaker 3: a little while, but it wasn't very big. And she's like,
• 17:57
  Speaker 3: come on, let's go on this tour.
• 17:58
  Speaker 1: But I want to know what you do for four
• 18:01
  Speaker 1: hours when you go to Walt Disney's house before the tour.
• 18:04
  Speaker 3: What's selfies with everybody there?
• 18:06
  Speaker 6: Oh?
• 18:06
  Speaker 2: Really?
• 18:07
  Speaker 1: Do you hate taking selfies? No?
• 18:08
  Speaker 3: I don't mind.
• 18:09
  Speaker 1: No, no, no, I don't mind it either.
• 18:10
  Speaker 3: I want it's easier than signing autographs. And I heard
• 18:13
  Speaker 3: you talking about like, you know, you spell a certain
• 18:15
  Speaker 3: name and that's not how I spelled it. That's not
• 18:18
  Speaker 3: my my mom mom spelled it wrong.
• 18:20
  Speaker 1: Yeah yeah yeah. I once had a girl name like
• 18:22
  Speaker 1: it was Lafourtia, but she spelled it Lafourtia out of
• 18:26
  Speaker 1: book signing. This happened. She said her name was Lafortia,
• 18:29
  Speaker 1: but with the number four, so la apostrophe four and
• 18:33
  Speaker 1: then s H A E. And I was like, that
• 18:35
  Speaker 1: can't be on your license like a regular spelling. So
• 18:40
  Speaker 1: that's what I was like, Oh, fuck, I better be.
• 18:42
  Speaker 1: You have to ask when you're doing. You always go
• 18:45
  Speaker 1: like if it's if it's you know, Kate the normal way,
• 18:48
  Speaker 1: is it? Kate ka y t?
• 18:50
  Speaker 3: Yeah? Yeah, I hate that.
• 18:51
  Speaker 1: You're also going to get carpal tunnel syndrome.
• 18:53
  Speaker 3: I writing because I've been signing. But wait, we were
• 18:56
  Speaker 3: talking about sex. I was trying to find relatable stuff.
• 18:59
  Speaker 3: I was talking about having a kid, right.
• 19:00
  Speaker 1: Okay, that you have to have sex to have a kid. Yeah,
• 19:03
  Speaker 1: you do. Yeah.
• 19:05
  Speaker 3: I was trying to find where's the last time he
• 19:07
  Speaker 3: had six?
• 19:08
  Speaker 1: It's been a few months for me.
• 19:11
  Speaker 3: Yeah, we know.
• 19:13
  Speaker 1: Somebody in London?
• 19:16
  Speaker 6: Yeah, I was.
• 19:16
  Speaker 1: I was on vacation, so I usually get most of
• 19:18
  Speaker 1: my action overseas.
• 19:19
  Speaker 3: Was it somebody who's met.
• 19:21
  Speaker 6: At a bar?
• 19:22
  Speaker 1: Yeah?
• 19:23
  Speaker 3: Wow.
• 19:24
  Speaker 1: I like that kind of interaction.
• 19:26
  Speaker 3: When I was single, And if I saw you at
• 19:27
  Speaker 3: a bar in London. First of all, be these guys
• 19:29
  Speaker 3: are not intimidated by you.
• 19:30
  Speaker 1: Men are intimidated by me, and a lot of them
• 19:32
  Speaker 1: cannot perform.
• 19:33
  Speaker 3: Is it the glasses do you think?
• 19:34
  Speaker 1: No, I don't wear my glasses when I'm out. Those
• 19:35
  Speaker 1: are only for today. Because I was reading, men are
• 19:38
  Speaker 1: intimidated that how do you mean? And and it see
• 19:40
  Speaker 1: and it plays out like they have trouble performing sexually.
• 19:43
  Speaker 1: So a lot of times I will be out with
• 19:45
  Speaker 1: a man and you know, we're at a bar or something,
• 19:49
  Speaker 1: or at a club. I mean not that I'm a clubber,
• 19:51
  Speaker 1: but like when I'm in London, I go out. When
• 19:52
  Speaker 1: I'm in Spain, I'm out and I'll be like, do
• 19:54
  Speaker 1: you want to come back to my house? And then
• 19:55
  Speaker 1: we get back to my house and they cannot perform sexually.
• 19:58
  Speaker 1: This is a constant in my life and it's obviously
• 20:01
  Speaker 1: my personality, and men are just either scared or turned
• 20:05
  Speaker 1: off or I don't know, But why would they come
• 20:07
  Speaker 1: back to my house if they weren't going to be
• 20:09
  Speaker 1: able to perform? I don't get that.
• 20:11
  Speaker 3: There're the wrong guys, these guys.
• 20:12
  Speaker 1: Yeah, So I just keep auditioning different people and seeing
• 20:15
  Speaker 1: who could appen.
• 20:15
  Speaker 3: What happens. So you're in London, you say come back
• 20:17
  Speaker 3: to my place and the guy goes.
• 20:18
  Speaker 1: Sometimes they'll so once a guy was like, I go,
• 20:21
  Speaker 1: do you want to come back to my place? And
• 20:23
  Speaker 1: he left, He goes, he goes, I'm going to the bathroom,
• 20:26
  Speaker 1: and he goes, I'll be right back, and he never
• 20:28
  Speaker 1: came back.
• 20:28
  Speaker 3: I can't imagine any fool would do that. But see
• 20:31
  Speaker 3: the thing about these fantasy like and I try to
• 20:33
  Speaker 3: talk about it in here too, where when I was
• 20:35
  Speaker 3: a kid, some penhouse girl came into my dressing room
• 20:37
  Speaker 3: at General Hospital and had sex with me, and I
• 20:40
  Speaker 3: was depressed afterward, you know, and I think, you know,
• 20:42
  Speaker 3: I think people maybe think that our lives, they probably
• 20:45
  Speaker 3: think our lives are fantastic, right they pulled the curtain
• 20:47
  Speaker 3: behind like, oh she's fucked up, Yeah, captain.
• 20:50
  Speaker 4: But yeah, yeah, I like that scene too, because you
• 20:54
  Speaker 4: talk about like the glaring overhead light and the vinyl
• 20:56
  Speaker 4: you know what I mean.
• 20:57
  Speaker 3: Like it.
• 20:57
  Speaker 2: You know, it wasn't the fantasy.
• 20:59
  Speaker 3: No. I tried to Yeah again, I tried to find
• 21:02
  Speaker 3: the relatable stuff. I started off with getting this dui,
• 21:05
  Speaker 3: and so I thought, okay, that's a good place to start,
• 21:07
  Speaker 3: the hardest thing I thought. It turns out it wasn't.
• 21:09
  Speaker 3: And the five stages of grief there were more booze
• 21:11
  Speaker 3: and taccon bullshit. And then then the second chapter I wrote,
• 21:15
  Speaker 3: which happened to be the end, was the day I
• 21:16
  Speaker 3: found out that Bob died. And by this point, you know,
• 21:19
  Speaker 3: my five stages of grief were therapy and family and prayer,
• 21:23
  Speaker 3: you know, getting my shit together, and it was so
• 21:25
  Speaker 3: then I had to figure out how a to b Yeah,
• 21:28
  Speaker 3: but I tried not to be honest. You know a
• 21:30
  Speaker 3: lot of the times. My mother kept every teen magazine,
• 21:33
  Speaker 3: every calendar, every journal, every picture. You took a lot
• 21:37
  Speaker 3: of pictures, so it was sort of easy to fact
• 21:40
  Speaker 3: check everything as well.
• 21:41
  Speaker 1: Yeah. Yeah, because you don't want to put out a
• 21:42
  Speaker 1: book like this and not be truthful. And I think
• 21:45
  Speaker 1: part of the catharsis of doing writing a book is
• 21:47
  Speaker 1: being able to be truthful because when you are in
• 21:50
  Speaker 1: the public eye, you have such little privacy that you
• 21:53
  Speaker 1: try to retain. I know this from being friends with
• 21:55
  Speaker 1: lots of celebrities, and I know you've been famous since
• 21:57
  Speaker 1: you were a little boy basically, so I've really never
• 22:00
  Speaker 1: had a private private life. You have to kind of
• 22:03
  Speaker 1: really protect what is private because so much of it
• 22:06
  Speaker 1: is public, and now with social media, everyone there's no privacy.
• 22:10
  Speaker 1: And I'm not a private person. I don't care, like
• 22:12
  Speaker 1: I'm not trying to be private. I don't care if
• 22:14
  Speaker 1: people know about my personal stuff. I'm not that kind
• 22:16
  Speaker 1: of celebrity. But I can respect the fact that celebrities
• 22:19
  Speaker 1: feel that way. You know, they want they want something
• 22:22
  Speaker 1: that they can keep for themselves. So I get that,
• 22:25
  Speaker 1: but I think the true like, you know, when you
• 22:28
  Speaker 1: write a book like this, you kind of have to
• 22:30
  Speaker 1: give people something that they don't know.
• 22:32
  Speaker 3: It was very hard at first, and then I really
• 22:34
  Speaker 3: got into it and it was doing all and then
• 22:36
  Speaker 3: the audiobook was a trip to you.
• 22:38
  Speaker 1: Know, Yeah, that's annoying. I don't like. I don't love
• 22:40
  Speaker 1: recording that that could.
• 22:41
  Speaker 3: Be like thirty five days. They say it takes four
• 22:43
  Speaker 3: or five days.
• 22:43
  Speaker 1: First of all, it should not take you thirty five days.
• 22:45
  Speaker 1: I mean that's like an elephant's gestation period. I don't
• 22:49
  Speaker 1: I don't understand that should never take you.
• 22:51
  Speaker 3: It was my fault was rewriting it as I had
• 22:54
  Speaker 3: time to rewrite it.
• 22:54
  Speaker 1: Yeah, you know what I don't like when they give
• 22:56
  Speaker 1: you direction when you're recording your audiobook, but they're like,
• 22:58
  Speaker 1: talk more slowly. I'm like, I don't talk slowly, so
• 23:00
  Speaker 1: what that doesn't sound like me?
• 23:02
  Speaker 3: I had a good dragon. I did this thing for
• 23:04
  Speaker 3: Amazon that that's that didn't come out or something, but
• 23:06
  Speaker 3: it was it was sleep. It was first to put
• 23:08
  Speaker 3: people to sleep, and I was like okay, and I
• 23:10
  Speaker 3: didn't really know what kind of voice I The Cowboy
• 23:12
  Speaker 3: and the Horse. Can you slow it down a little bit? People, okay,
• 23:16
  Speaker 3: the Cowboy and the Horse. Could you, sorry, Dan, can
• 23:19
  Speaker 3: you less inflection? We're trying to put people to sleep.
• 23:21
  Speaker 1: And the night up. All right, we're going to take
• 23:23
  Speaker 1: a break and we're going to be right back. And
• 23:29
  Speaker 1: we're right back. We're back, John Stamos. And guess what
• 23:32
  Speaker 1: we're doing now. We're going going to give advice to
• 23:34
  Speaker 1: the strangers. Okay, that's what we're doing.
• 23:36
  Speaker 3: And what's and okay, the show is about giving advice.
• 23:39
  Speaker 1: It's called Dear Chelsea.
• 23:40
  Speaker 3: I know I listened to it. Do you feel you're
• 23:43
  Speaker 3: qualified enough to give?
• 23:44
  Speaker 5: No?
• 23:44
  Speaker 1: Okay, but that doesn't matter. And by the way, yes,
• 23:46
  Speaker 1: actually I am because I'm right, I read, I listen,
• 23:51
  Speaker 1: and I care. So I think those are really.
• 23:53
  Speaker 3: Your super intelligent The last time you're on Howard Stern,
• 23:55
  Speaker 3: I was so impressed too with you. Do you remember that?
• 23:59
  Speaker 1: I don't know? Okay, So anyway, Catherine, what advice do
• 24:02
  Speaker 1: you need from me? Well we're going to see we
• 24:04
  Speaker 1: have letters and we have callers. What's the first one, Catherine?
• 24:07
  Speaker 2: So this first one comes from sober.
• 24:09
  Speaker 1: Oh okay, well that's you, and then I guess your
• 24:13
  Speaker 1: alter ego.
• 24:14
  Speaker 3: Yes, it keeps me out of trouble being.
• 24:16
  Speaker 1: So I can see that, and I can see that
• 24:19
  Speaker 1: that you get into trouble. I don't get into.
• 24:22
  Speaker 3: That much trouble. I would tell me this though, in
• 24:24
  Speaker 3: order to get into that, in order to be picked
• 24:26
  Speaker 3: up by some British guy with bad teeth in a bar,
• 24:30
  Speaker 3: you'd have to be a little fucked up, right.
• 24:32
  Speaker 1: I mean I'm drinking, yeah, and yeah, sometimes I smoke weed.
• 24:36
  Speaker 1: Sometimes I do mushrooms, LSD. I like all sorts of microdosing,
• 24:39
  Speaker 1: So I do that a lot. I know you're jealous
• 24:42
  Speaker 1: right now.
• 24:42
  Speaker 3: A little bit.
• 24:43
  Speaker 1: I know a.
• 24:45
  Speaker 3: Lot of it.
• 24:46
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I don't get into trouble. Trouble like, I have
• 24:49
  Speaker 1: a pretty good system going.
• 24:51
  Speaker 3: But I mean the inhibition's dropped down. Have you ever
• 24:53
  Speaker 3: been sober and just like met some guy in London
• 24:56
  Speaker 3: and ask them to come home. It takes a little
• 24:59
  Speaker 3: bit of right, Yeah, no, I haven't. Yeah, that was
• 25:01
  Speaker 3: a big part of it for me. It was. And
• 25:03
  Speaker 3: then you get yourself in it would be with the
• 25:05
  Speaker 3: wrong people and the wrong yeah type of right.
• 25:08
  Speaker 1: Well, I mean, yeah, wowkay good, it is trying to
• 25:11
  Speaker 1: get me sober.
• 25:12
  Speaker 3: And no, sounds like you are sounds to have a problem.
• 25:15
  Speaker 1: Sounds like you're jealous.
• 25:16
  Speaker 6: H No.
• 25:20
  Speaker 4: Yeah, well let's keep this guy's sober. He's says dear Chelsea.
• 25:24
  Speaker 4: I'm a forty four year old gay man who's newly sober.
• 25:27
  Speaker 4: I started using drugs and alcohol when I was fifteen
• 25:29
  Speaker 4: and took to them right away. I loved the feeling
• 25:31
  Speaker 4: of being drunk or high, and I felt like it
• 25:33
  Speaker 4: took away all my problems. At first, I used socially,
• 25:36
  Speaker 4: and for many years it wasn't a problem in my life.
• 25:39
  Speaker 4: But after about twenty years it cut up with me
• 25:41
  Speaker 4: and turned into abuse. I hit my low when I
• 25:43
  Speaker 4: lost a really big job. I've been sober for ten
• 25:46
  Speaker 4: months now and plan to stay that way. My drug
• 25:48
  Speaker 4: use became such a daily part of my life. I
• 25:50
  Speaker 4: had something come up and something to come down, and
• 25:52
  Speaker 4: something to go really up and something to go really down.
• 25:56
  Speaker 4: I'm not working right now, by the way. No, but
• 26:01
  Speaker 4: you do mention in your book. You were like, yeah,
• 26:02
  Speaker 4: it was my own pharmises. I don't have a boyfriend,
• 26:05
  Speaker 4: and I'm not working right now, and I'm really missing
• 26:07
  Speaker 4: drugs and alcohol a lot. I'm having trouble finding joy
• 26:10
  Speaker 4: without my vices and worried I'll never have fun again.
• 26:13
  Speaker 4: Daily life and socializing seems boring to me. I know
• 26:16
  Speaker 4: you enjoyed drugs socially and thought you could help shed
• 26:18
  Speaker 4: some light on my scenario. Best sober, Oh, this is
• 26:21
  Speaker 4: perfect time. Just this is for you to answer because you.
• 26:24
  Speaker 1: Know you have to speak to sobriety. I'm the one
• 26:26
  Speaker 1: who still uses and you don't, so.
• 26:28
  Speaker 3: You have to you do half of it. Then I'll
• 26:30
  Speaker 3: do this.
• 26:30
  Speaker 1: Well, okay, I would say that if you've been listen,
• 26:33
  Speaker 1: if drugs have caused you to lose a job, to
• 26:36
  Speaker 1: lose anything important in your life, you've made the right
• 26:39
  Speaker 1: decision by getting sober. For ten months you've been sober.
• 26:42
  Speaker 1: Do not throw that in the garbage. You need to
• 26:44
  Speaker 1: stay sober. And this is a test. These tests come
• 26:47
  Speaker 1: up all the time, right with sobriety, with life, with
• 26:50
  Speaker 1: ever you have to have. You can't do something for
• 26:52
  Speaker 1: ten months and expect your whole world to change and
• 26:54
  Speaker 1: for everything to be perfect for the rest of your life.
• 26:56
  Speaker 1: You're feeling down, and then this is a test for
• 26:58
  Speaker 1: you to get through to the other side, and I
• 27:01
  Speaker 1: promise there will be late at the end of this tunnel.
• 27:03
  Speaker 3: I've seen it.
• 27:04
  Speaker 1: Yes, speak to sobriety and that's it.
• 27:07
  Speaker 3: Exactly, And that was that same way you you were, sir, what's.
• 27:10
  Speaker 2: The same sold Just yeah, he just said sober.
• 27:12
  Speaker 3: Hang on, just hold on, hold on, holy because it
• 27:14
  Speaker 3: does get better. It's hard at first because all of
• 27:16
  Speaker 3: a sudden, when you're not doing drugs and drinking, all
• 27:18
  Speaker 3: you have is yourself and you're just like, oh, and
• 27:20
  Speaker 3: your life is probably pretty shitty from all that. And
• 27:22
  Speaker 3: then you go, well, what do I have? What am
• 27:24
  Speaker 3: my wife stay sober? What am I staying sober for?
• 27:25
  Speaker 3: I have nothing?
• 27:26
  Speaker 1: And also, don't define yourself like even you signing the
• 27:29
  Speaker 1: letter is sober, writing the letter is sober. It's like,
• 27:31
  Speaker 1: that's a very one dimensional way to look at yourself.
• 27:33
  Speaker 1: You're so much more than your sobriety. Even though the
• 27:36
  Speaker 1: sobriety is the most important thing for you to continue
• 27:39
  Speaker 1: doing right now, you're more than that. And once you
• 27:42
  Speaker 1: get through the like challenges of remaining sober, because the
• 27:45
  Speaker 1: first year is the most difficult, they say, and it's true.
• 27:48
  Speaker 1: I'm sure I can only imagine that you are tested
• 27:52
  Speaker 1: and tempted so many times. Once you get through this year,
• 27:55
  Speaker 1: I promise you you will feel differently about your sobriety
• 27:58
  Speaker 1: and it won't be such a teen isn't that right? John?
• 28:01
  Speaker 3: One percent? And when the good things come to you,
• 28:04
  Speaker 3: and they will, I promise you they will. You go
• 28:05
  Speaker 3: to say the course, then you go, oh, I don't,
• 28:08
  Speaker 3: and they start to outweigh the you know, the drinking
• 28:10
  Speaker 3: and the drinking like we just said, it just would
• 28:13
  Speaker 3: take me down the I would, It would low hanging
• 28:15
  Speaker 3: fruit good. I'll take three of those, not and just
• 28:18
  Speaker 3: the comfort it brings you at the moment. But then
• 28:20
  Speaker 3: the next day you wake up, oh shit, I got
• 28:21
  Speaker 3: nothing matter what am I doing here?
• 28:23
  Speaker 5: All?
• 28:23
  Speaker 3: I wanted my whole life? Man, I don't know, but
• 28:25
  Speaker 3: this gentleman. I just wanted a family. I wanted kids.
• 28:27
  Speaker 3: I wanted a wife. I wanted someone who I loved.
• 28:29
  Speaker 3: My parents were great, you know, they had a good relationship,
• 28:31
  Speaker 3: and that's what I wanted. And it finally came to me.
• 28:34
  Speaker 3: But it would not have come if I slipped after
• 28:36
  Speaker 3: ten months or a year and people could see it
• 28:39
  Speaker 3: on me, you know, And when I stopped and I
• 28:41
  Speaker 3: could be clear and like you do. And now you
• 28:43
  Speaker 3: have it where you could just look at someone and
• 28:45
  Speaker 3: just be honest and boom boom, then the good stuff comes.
• 28:48
  Speaker 3: My wife would have run for the hills if she
• 28:49
  Speaker 3: saw how you know how it was before. I thought
• 28:51
  Speaker 3: it was cool, man, it was funny.
• 28:53
  Speaker 1: I know, it's so funny. I had a friend that
• 28:54
  Speaker 1: was telling me the story. We were in my arca
• 28:56
  Speaker 1: this summer. A girlfriend of mine and I were and
• 28:58
  Speaker 1: she was saying she was taking some drug. I forget
• 29:01
  Speaker 1: what it was called. I didn't, I didn't, I wasn't
• 29:03
  Speaker 1: even familiar with it. But she was taking some street drug,
• 29:06
  Speaker 1: smoking something that's not very popular, but like in certain
• 29:09
  Speaker 1: areas of the country it is. Anyway, she was smoking,
• 29:11
  Speaker 1: and she thought she was crushing it, you know, she
• 29:13
  Speaker 1: thought she was going out being entertaining, having these nic
• 29:16
  Speaker 1: where she was so funny and so awesome and charming.
• 29:19
  Speaker 1: And she goes and then her friend took a video
• 29:21
  Speaker 1: and she was basically passed out, knotted out the entire
• 29:24
  Speaker 1: dinner like this, just sitting with her head down. And
• 29:26
  Speaker 1: she thought she had crushed that night. And she saw
• 29:28
  Speaker 1: that video and she never did that drug again, which
• 29:31
  Speaker 1: is a good way to keep people sober.
• 29:34
  Speaker 3: I know, I saw this shit like I was slumped
• 29:36
  Speaker 3: over in my car when the cops came and TMZ
• 29:39
  Speaker 3: has it. All I have to do is look at
• 29:40
  Speaker 3: that picture for one second. It makes me so second
• 29:43
  Speaker 3: kind of killed. I'm a fucking terrible man. And it
• 29:45
  Speaker 3: was on my way to go meet Sago by the
• 29:46
  Speaker 3: way with the palm, so I blame him. But I
• 29:49
  Speaker 3: want to say a little bit about my wife too,
• 29:51
  Speaker 3: because I'm making jokes and stuff about her. She is
• 29:53
  Speaker 3: the most wonderful. She's, first of all, the greatest mother sent,
• 29:57
  Speaker 3: maybe as good as my mom, and that says a lot.
• 30:00
  Speaker 3: And the conversation that we have in our house now
• 30:02
  Speaker 3: is so smart and so you know, sharp of politics,
• 30:05
  Speaker 3: about the world, about you know. My son's a flirt,
• 30:08
  Speaker 3: and he's more like her. I was not a flirt
• 30:10
  Speaker 3: at five five and a half. But he's terrible. He's
• 30:12
  Speaker 3: like her. He's always got. It was my birthday and
• 30:14
  Speaker 3: the other four or five girls bella stella, you know,
• 30:16
  Speaker 3: and he's looking at me like, Dad, help him. You
• 30:18
  Speaker 3: got yourself into this. But we were at Disney and
• 30:20
  Speaker 3: we were embarrassed in a couple.
• 30:22
  Speaker 1: Of in August and Disney World there too.
• 30:25
  Speaker 3: Yeah, have a great test so much? No, I mean anyway,
• 30:28
  Speaker 3: So we're there and one we're there for two days.
• 30:30
  Speaker 3: One day we have a guide. She was a nice woman,
• 30:33
  Speaker 3: maybe fifty to fifty five, got of just a normal
• 30:35
  Speaker 3: and he didn't really pay attention. Day two we have
• 30:38
  Speaker 3: this thirty year old hot French girl and he's like, well,
• 30:41
  Speaker 3: and his plays and I can't do this because I'm
• 30:43
  Speaker 3: married now, but it's pretty good. It's like sola, what's
• 30:46
  Speaker 3: my favorite color, what's my favorite food?
• 30:49
  Speaker 5: You know?
• 30:49
  Speaker 3: And I'm like, can't you do better than that? Son?
• 30:51
  Speaker 3: And so he then I over here him saying I
• 30:53
  Speaker 3: have his girlfriend and her name is Bella and she's
• 30:55
  Speaker 3: really cute and she lives down the street. And then
• 30:58
  Speaker 3: the guides at each the rest of me. She walks
• 31:01
  Speaker 3: away just as she gets out of earshot. I swear
• 31:04
  Speaker 3: to god, he goes, why did I tell her I
• 31:05
  Speaker 3: have a girlfriend. But my point to that was that
• 31:10
  Speaker 3: we have these great conversations and we are very clear
• 31:13
  Speaker 3: with him that no means no and respect women. And
• 31:16
  Speaker 3: we didn't have that conversation in my home, but my
• 31:18
  Speaker 3: dad was that. My dad was so respectful to my
• 31:21
  Speaker 3: sisters and to my mom, and never held she wanted
• 31:23
  Speaker 3: to be a housewife and it was beautiful, and he
• 31:24
  Speaker 3: never held that over her. He never thought money or
• 31:27
  Speaker 3: anything like. He always thought that she had the more
• 31:29
  Speaker 3: important job, which she did. Stay sober, buddy, because you
• 31:31
  Speaker 3: know it's the thing. It's it's not easy. You know,
• 31:33
  Speaker 3: it's not easy thing.
• 31:34
  Speaker 1: Well, we're going to go on to our next question. Yeah,
• 31:36
  Speaker 1: so let's let's move on to the next one.
• 31:38
  Speaker 4: Well, our next question comes from Chloe. She is joining
• 31:41
  Speaker 4: us here. She is Chloe with a kay.
• 31:43
  Speaker 1: Chloe, my neighbor, was supposed to come on this podcast.
• 31:46
  Speaker 1: Friends with Them Chloe, I mean yeah, I mean I
• 31:49
  Speaker 1: like Chloe. She's cute and sweet. She's the taller one,
• 31:52
  Speaker 1: the taller one, they're all very sweet. You can't say
• 31:54
  Speaker 1: that they're not nice and smart.
• 31:56
  Speaker 3: Whoever's making a dough for them.
• 31:58
  Speaker 4: Anyway, Well, Chloe says, I need your advice. I'm currently
• 32:03
  Speaker 4: in love with one of my best friends. I know
• 32:05
  Speaker 4: Taylor as old as time. And I actually did not
• 32:07
  Speaker 4: pick this one for the Disney reference. I just thought
• 32:09
  Speaker 4: it'd be a fun one.
• 32:10
  Speaker 2: I noticed my feelings for him about a year ago.
• 32:13
  Speaker 3: You're wearing a Mickey Mouse shirt looking she loves Disney World.
• 32:19
  Speaker 1: Because she knows how I feel about it, and Chelsea,
• 32:23
  Speaker 1: that's why n No, I don't want to bother you
• 32:26
  Speaker 1: with these fucking Disney Worlds. I mean, that was the
• 32:30
  Speaker 1: most upsetting part of your book to me, was the Disney.
• 32:33
  Speaker 4: No.
• 32:34
  Speaker 1: I just personally, I was like, really, this is what
• 32:37
  Speaker 1: you're doing in your spare time. I mean that was
• 32:39
  Speaker 1: I was. I was flabbergasted. Really, yeah, I didn't.
• 32:42
  Speaker 3: Know I used to go and take drugs there. You
• 32:43
  Speaker 3: would have liked that, Yeah.
• 32:44
  Speaker 1: I would have liked that version of you better.
• 32:45
  Speaker 3: Yeah, Key and the and the hair, Yes is focus.
• 32:51
  Speaker 3: That's the color of the tank top that I wore
• 32:54
  Speaker 3: in the Cocomo video.
• 32:58
  Speaker 1: That was a good song. So it's still okay, go
• 33:04
  Speaker 1: on solo, John, stay focused, focused, but just try and
• 33:08
  Speaker 1: listen to these are about the callers about to get
• 33:11
  Speaker 1: raising Bobby questions.
• 33:13
  Speaker 3: Where are they.
• 33:16
  Speaker 1: Come on?
• 33:16
  Speaker 4: You?
• 33:17
  Speaker 1: Just stay focused and watch what happens.
• 33:19
  Speaker 4: So I noticed my feelings for him about a year
• 33:22
  Speaker 4: ago and didn't want to act on them because he's
• 33:24
  Speaker 4: part of my core group of friends. We recently went
• 33:26
  Speaker 4: on a trip to celebrate a friend's thirtieth birthday, and
• 33:29
  Speaker 4: since we were the only single people in the group,
• 33:31
  Speaker 4: we were put in the singles room together and well,
• 33:33
  Speaker 4: after many cocktails, we ended up hooking up.
• 33:36
  Speaker 2: I need your advice on what to do next.
• 33:38
  Speaker 4: His best friend told me that I'm his dream girl,
• 33:41
  Speaker 4: but he's hesitant to make a move because he doesn't
• 33:43
  Speaker 4: want to lose our friendship. I initiated the hookup. Do
• 33:46
  Speaker 4: I need to also initiate the next move? And do
• 33:48
  Speaker 4: I tell him how I feel or risk losing our
• 33:50
  Speaker 4: friendship forever?
• 33:51
  Speaker 1: Chloe, this is the first time you've been one step
• 33:54
  Speaker 1: ahead of me the entire the entire episode. John just
• 33:57
  Speaker 1: put on his headphones before I did, and that was pretty.
• 34:01
  Speaker 3: Quick, or observen I've I've had him since I walked
• 34:03
  Speaker 3: in the room.
• 34:03
  Speaker 1: Chloe, Hi, Hi, Chloe, how are you?
• 34:06
  Speaker 6: I'm doing great?
• 34:07
  Speaker 2: How are you?
• 34:07
  Speaker 1: Guys? Chloe with a K.
• 34:09
  Speaker 6: Chloe with the K.
• 34:13
  Speaker 1: Is our special guest and he's going to start to
• 34:15
  Speaker 1: ask you a series of questions. I'm right to referred
• 34:18
  Speaker 1: to it as a barrage.
• 34:20
  Speaker 3: But so so how long have you been close? Like
• 34:22
  Speaker 3: how does that? Have you ever fall in love with
• 34:23
  Speaker 3: a friend?
• 34:24
  Speaker 5: Yeah?
• 34:24
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I've had sex with them and thought I was
• 34:26
  Speaker 1: in love with them, And then.
• 34:27
  Speaker 3: Are you in love with him? Do you love him?
• 34:29
  Speaker 6: I definitely do. He's the dream of man, He's the
• 34:32
  Speaker 6: total package.
• 34:33
  Speaker 1: Well, she's worried about his family, his reaction and if
• 34:36
  Speaker 1: he feels the same way because he's a little bit
• 34:38
  Speaker 1: more trepidacious than she is. Right, yes, exactly.
• 34:41
  Speaker 3: You guys hooked up, right, and so afterwards was it like, uh,
• 34:45
  Speaker 3: you know, like straight up you know, like like why
• 34:48
  Speaker 3: do we do that?
• 34:49
  Speaker 6: Or No, not at all. It was just very much
• 34:52
  Speaker 6: like I think we're both in the zone of, well
• 34:54
  Speaker 6: we did that. Now we either go back to just
• 34:57
  Speaker 6: being completely friends, or we naga maybe of friends with benefits,
• 35:02
  Speaker 6: a relationship, whatever that next step would be.
• 35:05
  Speaker 1: Would you be okay with friends with benefits?
• 35:08
  Speaker 6: I wouldn't be opposed.
• 35:10
  Speaker 3: Oh is he there? Can we talk to him?
• 35:13
  Speaker 1: No, he's not here, obviously not there about it?
• 35:17
  Speaker 3: Or is a teacher?
• 35:18
  Speaker 2: That's very cute.
• 35:19
  Speaker 3: Yeah, that's beautiful, that's cute.
• 35:21
  Speaker 1: I think you should just listen. I think there's only
• 35:23
  Speaker 1: one avenue forward, and you just need to make this happen.
• 35:25
  Speaker 1: I think you need to just go to him and
• 35:27
  Speaker 1: be very honest about how strong your feelings are. You
• 35:29
  Speaker 1: just said you love him, you feel like you're in
• 35:31
  Speaker 1: love with him? Yes, yeah, go for it. Go tell
• 35:35
  Speaker 1: him you know what's he gonna and if he says
• 35:37
  Speaker 1: no and he resists it, then be like listen, You've
• 35:39
  Speaker 1: told him your truth. Hopefully he will come to his senses.
• 35:43
  Speaker 1: But you can't move forward without honesty. You only get
• 35:47
  Speaker 1: to live once. You should just go take a leap
• 35:49
  Speaker 1: of faith and hope that it works out. And it
• 35:51
  Speaker 1: probably will.
• 35:52
  Speaker 6: Yeah, yeah, I just needed a little a little push
• 35:55
  Speaker 6: in that direction because all of my friends are very
• 35:58
  Speaker 6: wishy washy on maybe you should, maybe you shouldn't.
• 36:02
  Speaker 1: But what advantage would you have by not saying anything?
• 36:05
  Speaker 6: Nothing, No advantage. We would be stuck in the unknown.
• 36:08
  Speaker 3: Does he listen to this podcast?
• 36:10
  Speaker 1: No, he's a straight man. You're the only straight man
• 36:12
  Speaker 1: that listens to this. Listen. I think it's good to
• 36:15
  Speaker 1: take life by the balls and have balls, you know
• 36:17
  Speaker 1: what I mean? And I think by you calling in,
• 36:19
  Speaker 1: is you trying to just get your balls in the
• 36:22
  Speaker 1: right order. And I want to tell you they're in
• 36:24
  Speaker 1: the right order. Go for it. I don't think you're
• 36:27
  Speaker 1: ever gonna regret speaking your truth to somebody and saying
• 36:29
  Speaker 1: and proclaiming your love or adoration and saying, let's go
• 36:33
  Speaker 1: for it. There's nothing set in stone. We don't have
• 36:35
  Speaker 1: to commit to each other. We're not getting married, but
• 36:38
  Speaker 1: we're both gonna try and have a relationship and see
• 36:40
  Speaker 1: where we go and if it works out, fucking awesome,
• 36:43
  Speaker 1: and if it doesn't work out, we'll always try to
• 36:45
  Speaker 1: remain friends.
• 36:46
  Speaker 3: Yeah, that's great about tomorrow. Like you said, you gotta
• 36:50
  Speaker 3: fucking go for it.
• 36:51
  Speaker 1: How are you gonna do it? How are you gonna
• 36:52
  Speaker 1: tell him?
• 36:53
  Speaker 3: Do you want us to do it?
• 36:54
  Speaker 6: I have started a little text note in my phone
• 36:57
  Speaker 6: of things I was gonna say, and then I deleted
• 36:59
  Speaker 6: it and I restarted, and so far it's I think
• 37:04
  Speaker 6: you know that I like you something along those lines,
• 37:06
  Speaker 6: because it's very I'm not being hidden about it. I'm
• 37:09
  Speaker 6: not being coy about it. He knows that I find
• 37:11
  Speaker 6: him attractive, he knows that I like him. So I
• 37:14
  Speaker 6: think it's just again me taking the initiative and being like, hey,
• 37:18
  Speaker 6: what should we do?
• 37:19
  Speaker 5: Now?
• 37:20
  Speaker 6: What are we doing?
• 37:21
  Speaker 2: H But like, I don't think this is a text, right,
• 37:23
  Speaker 2: Like this is a like invite him out? Go to dinner.
• 37:25
  Speaker 1: No, no, no, no, this is a face to face And
• 37:27
  Speaker 1: don't be like this is coming from somebody who's a
• 37:30
  Speaker 1: very dominant personality. You don't have to make him agree
• 37:35
  Speaker 1: to anything. You just are inviting him to join you
• 37:39
  Speaker 1: in this relationship. It's not like this is how I feel,
• 37:42
  Speaker 1: this is what's going to happen. I don't think you're
• 37:43
  Speaker 1: going to say it that way, but I don't want
• 37:45
  Speaker 1: you to confuse what I'm saying with that you want
• 37:48
  Speaker 1: to go in and say this is how I feel.
• 37:50
  Speaker 1: I want to start something with you. I would like
• 37:52
  Speaker 1: to have us try a relationship and with the understanding
• 37:55
  Speaker 1: that if it doesn't work out, we will remain friends.
• 37:58
  Speaker 1: We can both be very mature about this. And let's
• 38:01
  Speaker 1: not go into this assuming it's all going to be
• 38:03
  Speaker 1: sunshine and roses, because that's a big mistake people make too.
• 38:07
  Speaker 1: And at the first sign of like a difficult time.
• 38:09
  Speaker 1: You know some people, you want to be able to
• 38:11
  Speaker 1: know that they can handle that in your relationship and
• 38:14
  Speaker 1: handle difficult conversations and blah blah blah. So it's not
• 38:17
  Speaker 1: like you're signing up to get married. Yeasant, love is blind,
• 38:22
  Speaker 1: Yeah right, we barely know you, but I think he's lucky.
• 38:25
  Speaker 3: You'd be lucky to have you. Oh you seem like
• 38:27
  Speaker 3: a really good person.
• 38:28
  Speaker 6: Thank you.
• 38:29
  Speaker 1: I agree.
• 38:30
  Speaker 3: What is that on? What can you figure? What's that
• 38:32
  Speaker 3: on the side? There is that? That's a screen or puppets?
• 38:36
  Speaker 6: It's a ball ross finger puppet.
• 38:40
  Speaker 1: That's cue and your finger blast and your finger puppet
• 38:43
  Speaker 1: right now, that's a finger blast. You know what that is, John,
• 38:46
  Speaker 1: A finger blast?
• 38:47
  Speaker 3: That's a Oh yeah, I'm doing it right now to myself.
• 38:51
  Speaker 1: Thank you for calling in, Thank you for calling in,
• 38:54
  Speaker 1: Thank you for showing us your puppet, thank you for
• 38:56
  Speaker 1: dealing with Thank you for dealing with John Ranks. And
• 38:59
  Speaker 1: keep posted let us know what happens. Okay, Yeah, totally,
• 39:02
  Speaker 1: thank you so much. Love you guys. Yeah, absolutely more.
• 39:07
  Speaker 1: Sorry John, but Chelsea, all right, cut off. So I
• 39:11
  Speaker 1: just want to finish.
• 39:13
  Speaker 3: I think she was gonna say me, how do you
• 39:14
  Speaker 3: keep your balls? Or what were you saying? Get your
• 39:17
  Speaker 3: I think you're all mixing.
• 39:19
  Speaker 1: It doesn't matter. I could do I could do whatever
• 39:21
  Speaker 1: I want. It's my podcast.
• 39:22
  Speaker 3: If you pray to your balls, is that sack relgious?
• 39:24
  Speaker 1: I think I think keeping your balls in order means flying, right,
• 39:28
  Speaker 1: flying straight, you know what I mean, I'm doing it
• 39:32
  Speaker 1: like you know, I'm always heading north.
• 39:36
  Speaker 4: I feel like that conversation would be easier if she's
• 39:39
  Speaker 4: just like hooked up with him again.
• 39:40
  Speaker 3: I don't know, I could never figure out like being
• 39:43
  Speaker 3: friends and all a sudden falling like one has to
• 39:45
  Speaker 3: like Kimmel and Molly, like they work together a song
• 39:47
  Speaker 3: and all a sudden one day they're in love with
• 39:49
  Speaker 3: each other. It's interesting. One has to She's looking at
• 39:51
  Speaker 3: me like I'm a fucking.
• 39:52
  Speaker 1: No, I'm not. I'm just thinking like it's I mean,
• 39:54
  Speaker 1: there are a million ways to fall in love. Sometimes
• 39:56
  Speaker 1: it's one person. Sometimes with well, Joe Coy and me,
• 39:59
  Speaker 1: I I knew he liked me a lot and had
• 40:03
  Speaker 1: a crush on me, so it had to be my idea.
• 40:06
  Speaker 1: But every dynamic is different, and it's kind of the
• 40:09
  Speaker 1: most respectful thing to do to another person is also
• 40:12
  Speaker 1: is be honest, you know, like in a relationship, like
• 40:15
  Speaker 1: these are my feelings, so that they know this is
• 40:17
  Speaker 1: how I feel. And if you don't feel the same way,
• 40:19
  Speaker 1: like okay, we're coming from two different places, and that
• 40:21
  Speaker 1: gives them an opportunity to act in kindness and you know,
• 40:24
  Speaker 1: respect as well.
• 40:25
  Speaker 4: Yeah, and she's gonna hate herself if she doesn't say anything,
• 40:27
  Speaker 4: and then he winds up with somebody else, you know,
• 40:29
  Speaker 4: and she like didn't get in there when she had
• 40:31
  Speaker 4: a chance. Well, our next color. It's a little bit
• 40:34
  Speaker 4: of a turn emotionally.
• 40:36
  Speaker 1: But I think John's ready for anything.
• 40:38
  Speaker 2: I think so.
• 40:39
  Speaker 1: I think what you've demonstrated thus far is that you're
• 40:41
  Speaker 1: ready for.
• 40:43
  Speaker 4: Okay, right, I have to go, Beth says. I'm hoping
• 40:48
  Speaker 4: to get your advice on something I think you can
• 40:49
  Speaker 4: relate to. It will make sense in the end, I promise.
• 40:52
  Speaker 4: When I was seven, my mom got cancer. At ten,
• 40:55
  Speaker 4: my dad got cancer, and at fourteen, my mom got
• 40:58
  Speaker 4: a different cancer too. I learned that my dad was
• 41:01
  Speaker 4: diagnosed with his second cancer. When I was twenty five.
• 41:05
  Speaker 4: My mom had to move into assisted living, and the
• 41:07
  Speaker 4: next year, my dad's body lost its battle with the disease,
• 41:10
  Speaker 4: and my sister and I helped him pass peacefully via hospice.
• 41:13
  Speaker 4: Within the last eighteen months, I hit a triple whammy.
• 41:16
  Speaker 4: My mom's body lost its battle. I turned thirty and
• 41:19
  Speaker 4: ended a seven year relationship with Many people ask how
• 41:21
  Speaker 4: I'm so strong, quote unquote, Well, my coping mechanism is humor.
• 41:26
  Speaker 4: I often joke about using the dead parent card to
• 41:28
  Speaker 4: get what I want, and I turned things into jokes
• 41:30
  Speaker 4: in an attempt to help avoid making my friends uncomfortable
• 41:34
  Speaker 4: with my grief. I use self deprecation to give people
• 41:37
  Speaker 4: an out if my feelings are too real or heavy. Lately,
• 41:40
  Speaker 4: I've realized that now nobody takes my emotion seriously anymore.
• 41:44
  Speaker 4: The people who love me assume I can handle everything
• 41:46
  Speaker 4: that's happened because I'm used to the trauma. This is
• 41:49
  Speaker 4: where I'm hoping Chelsea can help. As a fellow strong
• 41:51
  Speaker 4: woman who's been through a lot of shit, who has
• 41:53
  Speaker 4: a sarcastic sense of humor and uses dead pan tones,
• 41:56
  Speaker 4: how do you convey your needs when necessary? Is it
• 41:59
  Speaker 4: your time on a voice? Do you do this only
• 42:01
  Speaker 4: in therapy and not with your friends? I could really
• 42:03
  Speaker 4: use some help to figure out how to re establish
• 42:05
  Speaker 4: connections with those that I know want to support me
• 42:07
  Speaker 4: without taking my own jokes on the chin.
• 42:10
  Speaker 3: Hi, what's her name?
• 42:12
  Speaker 1: Beth?
• 42:12
  Speaker 3: Beth? Hi? Bet?
• 42:13
  Speaker 1: Hi Bet? This is John Hi?
• 42:15
  Speaker 3: Bet? You know Saya was the king of that and
• 42:17
  Speaker 3: he would make jokes out of you know when you
• 42:19
  Speaker 3: know he had a lot of tragedy in his life,
• 42:20
  Speaker 3: and yeah, that was his way of getting through grief.
• 42:23
  Speaker 3: And it was probably as Beth was dealing with a
• 42:26
  Speaker 3: little bit. He was like that. He would use jokes
• 42:28
  Speaker 3: when tragedy is strict, and he had a lot in
• 42:30
  Speaker 3: his life. We didn't get along in the beginning at all.
• 42:33
  Speaker 3: We had different styles and we you know, we were
• 42:35
  Speaker 3: like this, but we finally when his sister, you know,
• 42:38
  Speaker 3: got slurroderma and she passed away, and Dave's sister had cancer,
• 42:41
  Speaker 3: and my sister.
• 42:42
  Speaker 1: The chances that all three of your sisters were so sick.
• 42:45
  Speaker 3: My sister made it, thank god, but theirs didn't. And
• 42:48
  Speaker 3: so he would make jokes about it. And it was
• 42:50
  Speaker 3: fun at first, but then it would be come on, Bob,
• 42:52
  Speaker 3: you know, but that was his way. It was it
• 42:55
  Speaker 3: was his only way out. But he was always there
• 42:57
  Speaker 3: for someone like he would do the jokes jokes, but
• 43:00
  Speaker 3: probably you are and then he was there. Then he
• 43:02
  Speaker 3: became Bob and he was the most reliable guy on
• 43:04
  Speaker 3: the planet. I asked him to host my father's funeral
• 43:07
  Speaker 3: and he got up and started with tonight specials or
• 43:09
  Speaker 3: cake and cock, and we're out of cake and I
• 43:11
  Speaker 3: was like okay, and my Mom's like, oh, but we
• 43:14
  Speaker 3: needed but that was a time when everybody we just
• 43:17
  Speaker 3: needed to laugh and that was great. And then he
• 43:18
  Speaker 3: got very serious and then after that he was right
• 43:21
  Speaker 3: by my side through all of it. So maybe you
• 43:23
  Speaker 3: do that, Yeah, definitely.
• 43:25
  Speaker 5: And I feel like a lot of my friends that
• 43:27
  Speaker 5: have tragedy in their lives too, you know, they come
• 43:29
  Speaker 5: to me because they know that I've experienced it and
• 43:32
  Speaker 5: I've made it through it, and I do have copying
• 43:34
  Speaker 5: mechanisms that I've used. It's just this particular loss of
• 43:38
  Speaker 5: the loss of my mom, you know, just six months ago,
• 43:40
  Speaker 5: has hit me harder than everything else. And I think
• 43:43
  Speaker 5: that they're just kind of assuming, you know, I'm going
• 43:45
  Speaker 5: to stay on the same track that I have always had,
• 43:47
  Speaker 5: and it's kind of like this one's different, though, and
• 43:50
  Speaker 5: I really need somebody else to be there for me
• 43:53
  Speaker 5: the way that I've been there for a lot.
• 43:54
  Speaker 1: That you just said it perfectly, and listen, I want
• 43:57
  Speaker 1: you to think you're in therapy. You said yes, yes, yes, okay,
• 44:00
  Speaker 1: So I want you to think this is a whole
• 44:02
  Speaker 1: new chapter in your life. You've lost your mother and
• 44:04
  Speaker 1: that's been the biggest blow. But you've had a million blows.
• 44:07
  Speaker 1: But that doesn't make that make this blow any less painful.
• 44:11
  Speaker 1: Your reaction and deflection with humor. I have used humor
• 44:15
  Speaker 1: my entire life for difficult situations. When anybody used to
• 44:18
  Speaker 1: say I'm sorry about your brother dying, I would be like, well,
• 44:20
  Speaker 1: you didn't kill him, Like what did you do push
• 44:22
  Speaker 1: him off a cliff? Like it is so uncomfortable?
• 44:24
  Speaker 3: But was that hard because you didn't take it? You
• 44:26
  Speaker 3: would try and then when you were lone it did
• 44:27
  Speaker 3: it hit you?
• 44:28
  Speaker 1: Or well, it hit me many years later. I had
• 44:29
  Speaker 1: kind of delayed grief because I wasn't allowed to grieve
• 44:31
  Speaker 1: in my in my mind at that time, I didn't
• 44:33
  Speaker 1: want to let myself grieve because everyone around me was
• 44:36
  Speaker 1: grieving and I didn't like the looks of that. So
• 44:38
  Speaker 1: it hit me a lot later in life, like what
• 44:41
  Speaker 1: I lost in the impact that that had on me.
• 44:43
  Speaker 1: But I think, listen, you have so much experience in
• 44:46
  Speaker 1: this that you need to take this like new chapter
• 44:49
  Speaker 1: of your life. You're thirty, this is the first time
• 44:52
  Speaker 1: you're going into life without your mother. This can be
• 44:55
  Speaker 1: a new experience for your grief, and you can easily
• 44:58
  Speaker 1: explain in the most art, you know, eloquent way that
• 45:00
  Speaker 1: you just did that you have been using humor to
• 45:03
  Speaker 1: deflect to the friends that you need. And this is
• 45:06
  Speaker 1: a time in my life where I need to be
• 45:07
  Speaker 1: honest with you. I actually need to lean on you,
• 45:10
  Speaker 1: I actually need help from you. Just because I've had
• 45:12
  Speaker 1: a lot of tragedy doesn't mean that I've become anewer
• 45:15
  Speaker 1: to it. You know, you can say all of these
• 45:17
  Speaker 1: things to people that you trust and know that love you,
• 45:20
  Speaker 1: and I guarantee you are going to get responses that
• 45:22
  Speaker 1: are going to help you through this time. And you
• 45:25
  Speaker 1: can also look at this new chapter in your life
• 45:27
  Speaker 1: as the period of time where you're not going to
• 45:30
  Speaker 1: deflect your pain anymore. You're not going to use humor
• 45:33
  Speaker 1: every chance you get. And to know, the way that
• 45:36
  Speaker 1: John just retold the story of Bob, it does make
• 45:39
  Speaker 1: people uncomfortable and it makes them unable to understand how
• 45:43
  Speaker 1: to communicate with you or how to help you grieve
• 45:45
  Speaker 1: when you're constantly making jokes. So it's not even really
• 45:48
  Speaker 1: benefiting you in any way anymore. So you know how
• 45:51
  Speaker 1: Oprah always says, things work until they don't. Like humor
• 45:55
  Speaker 1: has worked for you now and now it doesn't.
• 45:57
  Speaker 5: Yeah, And I hadn't even thought about it from their
• 45:59
  Speaker 5: perspective that like, if they are really trying to connect,
• 46:02
  Speaker 5: because they'll I have wonderful friends and they'll ask me,
• 46:05
  Speaker 5: you know, how things are going, or they'll try to
• 46:08
  Speaker 5: bring up both of my parents. And I hadn't even
• 46:11
  Speaker 5: considered that, you know, that's selfish of me, that you know,
• 46:14
  Speaker 5: they might have been genuine in that. I guess I
• 46:16
  Speaker 5: had just always assumed, you know, that they were just
• 46:19
  Speaker 5: trying to be nice, or that they just wanted to
• 46:21
  Speaker 5: acknowledge the giant elephant in the room, that is, you.
• 46:24
  Speaker 3: Know, you're denying their friendship to you. They want to help,
• 46:28
  Speaker 3: They want to pour their heart out, and when you
• 46:29
  Speaker 3: put this wallup of jokes and things, then they go, oh, man,
• 46:33
  Speaker 3: that felt bad because they didn't get to help you.
• 46:35
  Speaker 6: Right.
• 46:36
  Speaker 5: Yeah, I appreciate that I hadn't thought of it that way.
• 46:38
  Speaker 5: And I would be frustrated if somebody did that to me.
• 46:41
  Speaker 5: And I'm you know, am the friend that would sit
• 46:43
  Speaker 5: down and you know, grab their shoulders and say, you know,
• 46:46
  Speaker 5: I'm here, talk to me.
• 46:48
  Speaker 1: Yeah, And sometimes all you just need is you like
• 46:51
  Speaker 1: as soon as you break that damn and just let
• 46:53
  Speaker 1: them know that you're aware of this cover that you've
• 46:56
  Speaker 1: been using. All you need is a good cry, and
• 46:59
  Speaker 1: your friends show it's not even that we need so much,
• 47:02
  Speaker 1: it's that you've put up this kind of wall around
• 47:04
  Speaker 1: yourself and you just need to like let that wall
• 47:07
  Speaker 1: crumble down.
• 47:08
  Speaker 3: Did you get to spend great time with her at
• 47:10
  Speaker 3: the end there, and were you guys close and oh yeah.
• 47:12
  Speaker 5: I was her primary caregiver for about six years.
• 47:15
  Speaker 1: Oh wow.
• 47:16
  Speaker 3: She must have been so proud of you and the
• 47:18
  Speaker 3: way you took care of her. That means so much
• 47:20
  Speaker 3: to a parent, you know. And she died knowing that
• 47:23
  Speaker 3: that you are the great daughter and you took care
• 47:25
  Speaker 3: of her and you put other your needs aside for
• 47:28
  Speaker 3: hers at least you have. That's that's really sweet, right.
• 47:32
  Speaker 1: Yeah, that's very valuable. Six years. I mean, oh my god,
• 47:35
  Speaker 1: I felt that a lot of people, or that every
• 47:38
  Speaker 1: person would do something like that, give of themselves in
• 47:40
  Speaker 1: that way. So you can also take comfort in knowing
• 47:43
  Speaker 1: that you know, you were such a support system to
• 47:45
  Speaker 1: your mother. But I think more importantly moving forward, you
• 47:48
  Speaker 1: want to create this kind of new way of life,
• 47:51
  Speaker 1: right like you're thirty. Now you're a grown up. You
• 47:54
  Speaker 1: don't have to deflect anymore. You're allowed to be in pain,
• 47:57
  Speaker 1: and the minute you let a little out, it's like
• 47:59
  Speaker 1: you're blowing up entire gasket. You don't have to look
• 48:02
  Speaker 1: at this as like, oh, you're going to be crying
• 48:03
  Speaker 1: on your friend's shoulder every single day, Like it's not
• 48:06
  Speaker 1: like that. You know how grief is. It comes in
• 48:08
  Speaker 1: spurts and it's not constant. And the minute you get
• 48:12
  Speaker 1: those walls down, you're just gonna feel so much more
• 48:14
  Speaker 1: support coming at you and so much loving energy coming
• 48:17
  Speaker 1: towards you that you've been kind of holding at bay.
• 48:20
  Speaker 4: I would encourage you next time that you're feeling down
• 48:23
  Speaker 4: or you're feeling really emotional, send a text to a
• 48:26
  Speaker 4: friend and say to them, you know what I'm really
• 48:30
  Speaker 4: going through it right now? Would you be able to
• 48:32
  Speaker 4: come over and talk with me or be with me tonight, tomorrow, whenever.
• 48:38
  Speaker 2: Let that be sort of your.
• 48:39
  Speaker 4: Entree into opening up to a friend that way. You know,
• 48:43
  Speaker 4: you know and they know this isn't like funny, funny
• 48:46
  Speaker 4: fun times. This is I'm really dealing with it and
• 48:49
  Speaker 4: I really need somebody to like, come be with me
• 48:51
  Speaker 4: while I process this grief tonight and your friends are
• 48:54
  Speaker 4: going to be thrilled.
• 48:55
  Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, I hope.
• 48:56
  Speaker 5: So I kind of you know, I had written in
• 48:59
  Speaker 5: because I was just of saving it for therapy. And
• 49:01
  Speaker 5: you know, I have a great therapist and I have
• 49:03
  Speaker 5: a great psychiatrist that helps me with my meds, and
• 49:05
  Speaker 5: I trust both of them and I'm really thankful for that.
• 49:08
  Speaker 5: But I know that that's not healthy to just you know,
• 49:11
  Speaker 5: keep it between myself and the person that I'm paying.
• 49:13
  Speaker 3: That's free. We're free.
• 49:15
  Speaker 2: Yeah, And friendship is free.
• 49:18
  Speaker 3: Friendship is free. I bet you've helped so many of
• 49:20
  Speaker 3: your friends right in the past, You've been that, You've
• 49:22
  Speaker 3: been that person to them, Let them be that to you.
• 49:25
  Speaker 5: Yeah. We have a dead parents club group text.
• 49:28
  Speaker 1: Oh I love that.
• 49:32
  Speaker 5: From like different friend groups that have lost parents or
• 49:35
  Speaker 5: siblings in some cases. So yeah, I've brought a few
• 49:38
  Speaker 5: people together in that way. But it just struggled when
• 49:40
  Speaker 5: it comes to myself and not deflecting.
• 49:43
  Speaker 3: What's one of the great things that your mom bestowed
• 49:46
  Speaker 3: on you?
• 49:47
  Speaker 5: Oh gosh, everything. I know that that's a cliche answer,
• 49:50
  Speaker 5: but she was just spicy and sassy and never apologized
• 49:54
  Speaker 5: for being herself. She was super materialistic and like, not
• 49:59
  Speaker 5: in a annoying way, but in like, yeah, I'm gonna
• 50:01
  Speaker 5: buy nice things I like and deserve nice things. I mean,
• 50:05
  Speaker 5: like she demanded that she'd be buried with a full
• 50:07
  Speaker 5: manicure and jewelry on and I pick up your outfit
• 50:12
  Speaker 5: for her to wear.
• 50:13
  Speaker 3: And that's that's beautiful, just even to talk about her,
• 50:15
  Speaker 3: because did just that movie Coco. Have you ever seen
• 50:17
  Speaker 3: that movie Coco? It's a Disney movie.
• 50:18
  Speaker 1: I'm sorry talking about it. You and me, No, Vanessa
• 50:21
  Speaker 1: and me.
• 50:22
  Speaker 3: She it was you know, when the somebody dies, they
• 50:25
  Speaker 3: go up to a certain part of have and then
• 50:26
  Speaker 3: if you don't keep their name alive, you don't talk
• 50:28
  Speaker 3: about them all the good things they did, like you
• 50:30
  Speaker 3: just talked about in the Wonder the qualities of your mother.
• 50:32
  Speaker 3: Then they die again up there. So it's important to
• 50:34
  Speaker 3: talk tell stories about her, laugh about her and make jokes,
• 50:36
  Speaker 3: put pictures of her everywhere, and call into podcasts and
• 50:39
  Speaker 3: talk about her if you can.
• 50:40
  Speaker 1: Okay up, yeah, wrap that up, honey, Okay, keep us
• 50:45
  Speaker 1: You're You're gonna be fine, okay. And this is I
• 50:47
  Speaker 1: just want you to when you get off this like
• 50:49
  Speaker 1: you're thirty. Now you're going into a new part of
• 50:51
  Speaker 1: your life. Those old things are going to become something
• 50:54
  Speaker 1: of the past, and now you're going to enter adulthood
• 50:56
  Speaker 1: and womanhood and you're going to be the woman that
• 50:58
  Speaker 1: your mother knew that you were and that you know
• 51:01
  Speaker 1: you are. I appreciate that.
• 51:02
  Speaker 5: Thank you.
• 51:03
  Speaker 1: Yeah, okay, love you, love you, thank you, thank you.
• 51:11
  Speaker 3: I am woman. Can you be my friend? Because I
• 51:14
  Speaker 3: betually all the friends call you and go, hey, this
• 51:16
  Speaker 3: and that you're really good at it. Now I know
• 51:18
  Speaker 3: why you have this show.
• 51:19
  Speaker 2: She's good at advice.
• 51:20
  Speaker 1: Thank you.
• 51:20
  Speaker 3: Thank you, guys, because you've lived so much asot it.
• 51:23
  Speaker 1: I don't know. I like people and I'm interested in
• 51:25
  Speaker 1: everyone's story, so I pick up a lot of information.
• 51:27
  Speaker 1: I think maybe that's why. But sometimes I feel like
• 51:30
  Speaker 1: I don't know what I'm talking about it, and sometimes I
• 51:31
  Speaker 1: feel like I do. So that's just like everybody in life, right.
• 51:34
  Speaker 1: Sometimes you think you're like crushing it, and sometimes you're
• 51:36
  Speaker 1: like what the fuck am I doing to giving advice out?
• 51:39
  Speaker 1: So you know, I just don't take myself too seriously,
• 51:41
  Speaker 1: so it doesn't ever really become a problem.
• 51:43
  Speaker 3: Or you're a good friend. I bet. Well, you talk
• 51:45
  Speaker 3: about your friends luck, you take them on vacations.
• 51:48
  Speaker 1: Yeah, well I like friends, John Stamos. Yes, the book
• 51:52
  Speaker 1: is if you would have told me you guys can
• 51:54
  Speaker 1: order it. You can go to your local bookstores, which
• 51:56
  Speaker 1: I would say to support your local bookstores so that
• 51:58
  Speaker 1: we have bookstores in fifty years. And I thank you
• 52:02
  Speaker 1: for being here.
• 52:02
  Speaker 3: My pleasure. I'm glad.
• 52:03
  Speaker 1: It's a pleasure, John Stamos, always a pleasure.
• 52:06
  Speaker 3: So it's not enough. We need to get together more
• 52:08
  Speaker 3: often and talk and stuff.
• 52:10
  Speaker 1: Well, we can just meet up at Disney World. I'm
• 52:11
  Speaker 1: there usually two three times a week. I usually go
• 52:14
  Speaker 1: from twelve to four Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays. I love
• 52:16
  Speaker 1: to hit the La traffic.
• 52:17
  Speaker 3: You're the one who Mickey Mouse out.
• 52:20
  Speaker 1: No, no, no, that's not me. That's not me. But
• 52:22
  Speaker 1: I do have a joke in my stand up about
• 52:24
  Speaker 1: going to Disney World for the first time at seven,
• 52:27
  Speaker 1: and even then I knew it was horseshit. Why because
• 52:30
  Speaker 1: I just thought, what is this? This is a nightmare,
• 52:32
  Speaker 1: this place, A bunch of grown mice running around trying
• 52:34
  Speaker 1: to take photos with me.
• 52:36
  Speaker 3: And people say she's bitter. Now you're not. You've changed,
• 52:39
  Speaker 3: You've gotten soft, that's bitter. Yeah, except for that Disney rand.
• 52:44
  Speaker 3: I'm a huge fan and I think you're smart and
• 52:46
  Speaker 3: beautiful and great, and I'm glad to reconnect with you
• 52:48
  Speaker 3: because i haven't seen you a few years. And Catherine's fantastic.
• 52:51
  Speaker 3: She's like, you need her because I've heard you on
• 52:54
  Speaker 3: your own And thanks for having me. I love you.
• 52:57
  Speaker 1: Thank you, John about Shalloe. Okay, second shows have been
• 53:02
  Speaker 1: added for those of you coming to see my new
• 53:04
  Speaker 1: stand up tour, which you have to come because I'm
• 53:06
  Speaker 1: having the best time. We added a second show in
• 53:08
  Speaker 1: Cincinnati in the daytime at five o'clock PM. I'm doing
• 53:12
  Speaker 1: my first show because I don't have a night where
• 53:14
  Speaker 1: I can go back, so we added a second show
• 53:16
  Speaker 1: at five pm, and the original show is at eight pm.
• 53:19
  Speaker 1: Original show is sold out. Second show tickets are available Cincinnati.
• 53:23
  Speaker 1: I'm also coming suit Chicago, the Chicago Theater, Portland, Oregon,
• 53:27
  Speaker 1: San Francisco. They're both almost completely sold out. And you
• 53:30
  Speaker 1: can go to Chelsea Hamler dot com for other tickets
• 53:33
  Speaker 1: and other information and if you want to buy some
• 53:35
  Speaker 1: of our merch that's all available on Chelseahandler dot com.
• 53:38
  Speaker 1: And yeah, guys, I'll see you on the road.
• 53:43
  Speaker 4: If you'd like advice from Chelsea, shoot us an email
• 53:45
  Speaker 4: at Dear Chelsea podcast at gmail dot com and be
• 53:49
  Speaker 4: sure to include your phone number. Dear Chelsea is edited
• 53:52
  Speaker 4: and engineered by Brad Dickert executive producer Catherine Law and
• 53:55
  Speaker 4: be sure to check out our merch at Chelseahandler dot
• 53:58
  Speaker 4: com