Latest / Topeka Bible Church Audio Archive / January 9, 2018 | Expresso - Judy Graber

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January 9, 2018 | Expresso - Judy Graber · Topeka Bible Church Audio Archive

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_00: Let me get prepared because I can be a bit of a prior.
• 0:09
  SPEAKER_00: So these are we have four sons.
• 0:15
  SPEAKER_00: And I'll just show you the pictures first.
• 0:18
  SPEAKER_00: And um so I don't have to focus on your sons?
• 0:22
  SPEAKER_00: These are.
• 0:24
  SPEAKER_00: Aren't they beautiful?
• 0:28
  SPEAKER_00: This is my wonderful husband of 30 years in September.
• 0:34
  SPEAKER_00: A wonderful granddaughter, our first grandchild, and her other favorite grandmother is here tonight.
• 0:41
  SPEAKER_00: And there is our family.
• 0:56
  SPEAKER_00: So that's the one I chose.
• 0:57
  SPEAKER_00: And now here we are.
• 1:00
  SPEAKER_00: January 9th.
• 1:03
  SPEAKER_00: First side note, um, starting with a side note, that's good.
• 1:08
  SPEAKER_00: Um I had the pleasure of working with the senior highs for two years and being a mother of four sons.
• 1:16
  SPEAKER_00: I didn't know what rabbit trails were, but I quickly learned, and I love those years with them, but um I I learned what a rabbit trail is, and that's what I probably will do tonight because I'll lose track of where I'm at.
• 1:32
  SPEAKER_00: But uh just bear with me.
• 1:35
  SPEAKER_00: A friend shared with me uh Revelations 12, 11, where John wrote, they overcame him, Satan, by the blood of the Lamb and by the word of their testimony.
• 1:50
  SPEAKER_00: Incredible power is released when we drop the chains of bitterness, fear, and shame to tell our stories.
• 2:04
  SPEAKER_00: So Connie said I had to have an outline, which freaked me out because that seemed like a little bit studious.
• 2:13
  SPEAKER_00: So I thought, okay, well, I'll share my struggles as a mother, oops, sorry, as a wife, and my self-worth.
• 2:26
  SPEAKER_00: Like I say, we have four sons, they're 18, 20, 22, and 24.
• 2:32
  SPEAKER_00: And a couple of them suffer from depression.
• 2:37
  SPEAKER_00: And the first one went off to college to Minneapolis, Minnesota, where he knew not a soul.
• 2:45
  SPEAKER_00: And he struggled there, and my husband would talk through him wanting to come home and just quit.
• 2:56
  SPEAKER_00: And uh we got through the first year, but it was after that summer after his first year of college, that uh he shared that he suffered from depression, was bullied in high school, in middle school, and high school, and had suicidal thoughts.
• 3:19
  SPEAKER_00: And we had guns in the house for hunting.
• 3:26
  SPEAKER_00: And thankfully, he had a relationship with Christ.
• 3:31
  SPEAKER_00: We didn't go to the same church because they wanted to find a church that had a good youth group and go where Connie Hall's kids went.
• 3:42
  SPEAKER_00: And so they got involved there, and my husband and I started attending TBC.
• 3:51
  SPEAKER_00: And uh we were going to different churches, which wasn't my ideal thought, but as long as they were going.
• 4:00
  SPEAKER_00: And they were involved in uh their praise and worship there.
• 4:05
  SPEAKER_00: And uh just one funny thing about Cole, our oldest, because he was so involved with the with the youth that one Wednesday he um was sick and he didn't go to school, and our policy at our house was you don't go to school, you don't do evening activities.
• 4:28
  SPEAKER_00: And uh he said, You can't keep me from going to church.
• 4:35
  SPEAKER_00: Isn't that what you always want your kids to say?
• 4:39
  SPEAKER_00: But I let him go, and I'm just glad he had a relationship with Christ at that time.
• 4:44
  SPEAKER_00: Now he does it right now.
• 4:47
  SPEAKER_00: But I believe it kept him alive, and having his youth group, his community there, I know he knows the truth, and it's my prayer that he will come back to Christ at Thanksgiving, and I haven't told a lot of people, so if you know my family, please don't share.
• 5:21
  SPEAKER_00: But our son shared that he was bisexual, and we're still processing that.
• 5:35
  SPEAKER_00: We embraced him and we told him that we loved him.
• 5:42
  SPEAKER_00: I'd love to say that our sons have a great relationship with each other, but that would be my lot a lie, and my prayer is that they do want to hang out with each other sometime a little bit, more than just when mom says to.
• 6:03
  SPEAKER_00: One Sunday, a dear friend of mine, Lori Myers, where are you, Lori?
• 6:10
  SPEAKER_00: She asked me how it was doing, and through tears, I said, Fine, with a smile on my face because I don't want to make anyone uncomfortable.
• 6:24
  SPEAKER_00: She was sweet to drop everything and sit with me at the Burger King parking lot and let me pour out my heart.
• 6:34
  SPEAKER_00: She had known most of my struggles, but didn't know.
• 6:38
  SPEAKER_00: I was such a at such a raw place.
• 6:41
  SPEAKER_00: When your oldest son goes off to college and you're a stay-at-home mom, you realize your job is coming to an end.
• 6:48
  SPEAKER_00: And side note, then Laura Hurla asked me to watch her little two-month-old baby.
• 6:54
  SPEAKER_00: So of course I said yes.
• 6:58
  SPEAKER_00: And he brought me through a lot of tough times because he's just such a sweet baby.
• 7:06
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 7:10
  SPEAKER_00: So back to Lori.
• 7:11
  SPEAKER_00: So she took me back to the church.
• 7:13
  SPEAKER_00: We talked to Patty, and I started attending a support group.
• 7:19
  SPEAKER_00: Um, it's a support group that starts that meets on Sunday nights here at the church.
• 7:26
  SPEAKER_00: And after telling my story, the leader asked me how all this has affected our children.
• 7:33
  SPEAKER_00: Jane, do you remember that?
• 7:36
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe.
• 7:37
  SPEAKER_00: I didn't know what she was talking about, but now I do.
• 7:43
  SPEAKER_00: Because the struggles that we face in our marriage have come across in our son's relationship.
• 8:00
  SPEAKER_00: And how bitter I was.
• 8:05
  SPEAKER_00: Not to you all, but to my husband.
• 8:08
  SPEAKER_00: I had become very bitter.
• 8:12
  SPEAKER_00: That group was called Betrayal and Beyond or Healing Hearts.
• 8:17
  SPEAKER_00: And it was the hardest thing to start going to that group because that meant my life wasn't perfect.
• 8:28
  SPEAKER_00: And I had to put down that mask and be transparent.
• 8:35
  SPEAKER_00: We had gone through counseling, and we were both willing to work on it.
• 8:42
  SPEAKER_00: And I thought, um, like Daniel had come through the fire and he came out without smelling like smoke, I thought I didn't smell like smoke.
• 8:55
  SPEAKER_00: But fact was, I stunk.
• 8:59
  SPEAKER_00: You know, when a youth group goes and they have campfire and then they come to church the next morning and they really stink because they haven't taken a chair.
• 9:08
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, that was my visual about me.
• 9:11
  SPEAKER_00: But uh while I went to group because of the choices my husband made, I stayed because God was revealing things that I didn't understand about me.
• 9:27
  SPEAKER_00: Through my high school days, I always felt like I needed to have a boyfriend, and I didn't have maybe high enough self-esteem to think I could stand on my own, but I would break up with a guy as soon as I had one on the side, and I didn't understand what that meant.
• 9:56
  SPEAKER_00: Um but while going to group, I was um really examining me, and I heard on the Christian radio about a book called Um Starved for Affection, Visual Aid, by Randy Carlson.
• 10:15
  SPEAKER_00: If this sounds similar to you, it's a good read because it does reveal a lot.
• 10:27
  SPEAKER_00: It's not a book you want to read out in public and see that uh you're starved for affection.
• 10:37
  SPEAKER_00: But anyway, um but at the age of 48, I realized that as Dr.
• 10:43
  SPEAKER_00: Phil says, you can't fix what you don't acknowledge.
• 10:47
  SPEAKER_00: And I knew when you didn't get affection from your father when you were young that you would seek it from the wrong places.
• 10:57
  SPEAKER_00: Um but that was the other girls that I was around, not me.
• 11:06
  SPEAKER_00: And there was a friend of mine that um her husband would always, you know, put his arm on the shoulder of his daughters, or you know, affectionately touch her leg.
• 11:18
  SPEAKER_00: And for some reason, that res I I was just like, why do I keep thinking about that?
• 11:24
  SPEAKER_00: But my father didn't ever do that with me.
• 11:27
  SPEAKER_00: They didn't show affection.
• 11:30
  SPEAKER_00: We didn't get hugged or um told, I love you.
• 11:37
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm not here to bash my dad because he did the best he knew how to do.
• 11:42
  SPEAKER_00: And that's what we do as parents.
• 11:44
  SPEAKER_00: We do the best we know how to do.
• 11:48
  SPEAKER_00: And I won't tell him, you know, all the things that I didn't get from him and needed.
• 11:59
  SPEAKER_00: Because right now, and now we tell each other we love each other and we get hugs, give hugs.
• 12:06
  SPEAKER_00: It's just you need to understand where you came from and maybe where your weaknesses are.
• 12:13
  SPEAKER_00: And I knew because I was starved for affection that I I sure didn't want to have a gentleman friend, you know, a friend that was a guy, because that was just asking for trouble.
• 12:30
  SPEAKER_00: And I was um, you've heard about the the uh void, the hole in your heart that only Christ can fill.
• 12:41
  SPEAKER_00: And um no boyfriend or husband, it's made me be filled by your creator who loves you so much.
• 12:50
  SPEAKER_00: You just need to accept him as your personal savior.
• 12:54
  SPEAKER_00: When I gave it to God and was done with guys, he brought me Kinty, my husband.
• 13:00
  SPEAKER_00: And I married Kenton, and we were broken as a broken person.
• 13:08
  SPEAKER_00: And when the affairs were revealed to me, I became a bitter person.
• 13:13
  SPEAKER_00: I said I forgave him, but I still had pieces of hurt.
• 13:17
  SPEAKER_00: That wall of bitterness built up slowly.
• 13:23
  SPEAKER_00: I was sweet to everyone else but my husband.
• 13:27
  SPEAKER_00: I started to read The Power of a Praying Wife, and I was gonna read an excerpt, a piece of it, but I I won't.
• 13:37
  SPEAKER_00: Um but highly recommended because um, and I read it to Kenton through tears, and that was quite a healing, healing time.
• 13:52
  SPEAKER_00: Um he traveled with his work, which was hard because um my mind wandered, of course.
• 14:00
  SPEAKER_00: He was um, but when he came home from a business trip one time, he talked to he had talked to a gentleman who was sexually abused as a child, and he told Kenton how he was just always angry with his wife.
• 14:14
  SPEAKER_00: And Kenton was thinking, well, that sounds like Judy.
• 14:17
  SPEAKER_00: She's just always angry with me.
• 14:19
  SPEAKER_00: He can't ever do enough.
• 14:22
  SPEAKER_00: And he was in tears, and my husband doesn't cry very much at all.
• 14:29
  SPEAKER_00: And I was not crying, which was the a complete reverse.
• 14:37
  SPEAKER_00: But I talked to my groupies and and um at the support group, and um I asked about that, and they said, well, you don't feel like you can um let your guard down with him.
• 14:55
  SPEAKER_00: And um and that's why I wasn't crying with him.
• 15:00
  SPEAKER_00: But he was realizing the effects of his actions on my emotions and the deep hurt it caused.
• 15:10
  SPEAKER_00: Um so you know, we were kind of looking at this affair as a PTSD because it it, I mean, there was just so many triggers.
• 15:25
  SPEAKER_00: And I also take antidepressants, and I can't remember when I started that, but I've seen how it has helped our son, and I know I'm at a better place too.
• 15:44
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, um, let's see.
• 15:52
  SPEAKER_00: Also, in the group I learned about um my people pleasing skills, because I'm a recovering people pleaser.
• 16:00
  SPEAKER_00: Anyone else?
• 16:04
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, and um I didn't know about setting boundaries.
• 16:10
  SPEAKER_00: Um your problems are my problems, and um I had to I had to learn that that I don't have to take on everyone else's problems.
• 16:25
  SPEAKER_00: Um also in a the best yes book, have you has anyone read that?
• 16:33
  SPEAKER_00: Um I learned how I was I like to bake, and so I was baking for people.
• 16:42
  SPEAKER_00: It made it look like I was giving things to you in love, but I was actually getting love from that.
• 16:48
  SPEAKER_00: And that's um that was a hard realization too.
• 16:54
  SPEAKER_00: So if I've baked for you, no.
• 17:01
  SPEAKER_00: Um so there's been ups and downs in our marriage, and when I didn't know if I was gonna be married anymore, I got a job as a lunch lady.
• 17:15
  SPEAKER_00: I took Kay Hines' job.
• 17:17
  SPEAKER_00: She's here.
• 17:20
  SPEAKER_00: And um, because it was on the boys' schedule, and um I'd have health insurance if I needed it.
• 17:28
  SPEAKER_00: I love that job.
• 17:29
  SPEAKER_00: I made fun aprons.
• 17:30
  SPEAKER_00: I loved, I loved to sew and wore weird outfits and on spirit wheat and Halloween or whenever they would let me.
• 17:39
  SPEAKER_00: But the thing I like to do most, as Connie said, is repurpose.
• 17:45
  SPEAKER_00: So here's the struggle with my purpose now, because I was a stay-at-home mom and now we're empty nesters.
• 17:52
  SPEAKER_00: I was a commercial artist before K BK, before Kenton and Kids.
• 18:00
  SPEAKER_00: And I like to use my creative side to make beautiful things from the broken.
• 18:06
  SPEAKER_00: And I've tried to um, I've had two different business adventures with this, and the door has abruptly been shut in my face.
• 18:22
  SPEAKER_00: So I know it wasn't in God's plan.
• 18:27
  SPEAKER_00: Um, but I got to know Tony.
• 18:31
  SPEAKER_00: So there she's my lemonade from the lemons.
• 18:38
  SPEAKER_00: Um I like to design it and think it up, and Kenton can make it happen.
• 18:43
  SPEAKER_00: Something that people will furn furniture that people will throw away.
• 18:48
  SPEAKER_00: Um, they give it to me and I breathe new life into it.
• 18:53
  SPEAKER_00: And I just enjoy doing that because that's what our creator can do with your life.
• 19:02
  SPEAKER_00: He doesn't see the the problems, he sees the potential in you.
• 19:12
  SPEAKER_00: Um I did a book study a while back on forgiveness, and I got a cross statue with the verse, Psalms 46, 10, be still and know that I am God.
• 19:27
  SPEAKER_00: And I adopted that as my uh purpose statement.
• 19:32
  SPEAKER_00: Um and I was asked to do the frugal house, um, be a designer for the frugal house, they do like a show house, but with repurposed items.
• 19:44
  SPEAKER_00: And it's a Tika Symphony and Youth Ensemble fundraiser.
• 19:50
  SPEAKER_00: And I was elated but also scared about doing this because I start questioning my ability.
• 19:59
  SPEAKER_00: But shortly after asked to do that, um, I went on a business trip with Kenton, and God kept revealing that verse to me three different times, and I forgot to wear the bracelet that had it on.
• 20:18
  SPEAKER_00: But um so when I got back to um town, I had to get a hold of this lady who had the this Bible study about forgiveness.
• 20:28
  SPEAKER_00: Did I say that already?
• 20:30
  SPEAKER_00: Sorry.
• 20:31
  unknown: Okay.
• 20:32
  SPEAKER_00: Um that was a book study here about forgiveness.
• 20:36
  SPEAKER_00: And um that's where I got the little statue that said on it.
• 20:43
  SPEAKER_00: So when I got back, I needed to get a hold of her, but I didn't know how.
• 20:49
  SPEAKER_00: Well, God orchestrated this meeting because I buy used things, and on Facebook Marketplace I found something that I wanted to buy, and I looked at the seller, because you can see their profile, I guess, their picture, and it was this lady, and it was Rosie Williams.
• 21:12
  SPEAKER_00: Is that how you pronounce her last name?
• 21:14
  SPEAKER_00: And uh so I got a hold of her on the phone and I was trying to tell her the story of how this cross has just, you know, God kept revealing this verse to me on this trip.
• 21:27
  SPEAKER_00: And uh she says, Well, come over, you know.
• 21:29
  SPEAKER_00: So I got the bought the thing that I was going to get from her.
• 21:33
  SPEAKER_00: And she said, um, and I had known that she was writing working on a book in the book in the book study, she had talked about it.
• 21:43
  SPEAKER_00: And uh so I get to her house and she gives me this a little gift.
• 21:50
  SPEAKER_00: And she said she had bought some mugs and she wanted a matching, but she this one didn't match, but she bought it anyway.
• 21:59
  SPEAKER_00: And then after I told her that story, she knew why she bought it, because on it it said, be still and know that I'm God.
• 22:14
  SPEAKER_00: And then when she told me the name of her book that she wrote, Repurposed Faith, I knew I had to um have these flyers at the Frugal House tour, but I wasn't sure how I you know I had to ask the lady in charge who organized this.
• 22:38
  SPEAKER_00: And uh so I did, and she said I could have them there, and she's a wonderful Christian woman, and I've shared my story with her, and she's become a great friend.
• 22:51
  SPEAKER_00: Um as I was getting my testimony ready, this song, um, because I learned how to use Pandora this last uh two weeks by Hillary Scott came on, and it's called Still.
• 23:12
  SPEAKER_00: I believe that you are God alone, but sometimes I still try to take control.
• 23:20
  SPEAKER_00: Because I get scared when I can't see the end.
• 23:25
  SPEAKER_00: And all you want from me is to let go.
• 23:37
  SPEAKER_00: You're parting waters making a way for me.
• 23:40
  SPEAKER_00: You're moving mountains that I don't even see.
• 23:45
  SPEAKER_00: You've answered the my prayer before I even speak.
• 23:49
  SPEAKER_00: All you need for me is to be still.
• 23:57
  SPEAKER_00: And Christ can take our broken pieces and make them beautiful.
• 24:02
  SPEAKER_00: I've seen him restore my marriage.
• 24:09
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know what the future holds in my wanting to repurpose.
• 24:18
  SPEAKER_00: But he calls me chosen, child of the king, and I know I am loved.
• 24:31
  SPEAKER_00: And there's this door I want to build, and on the door, it says, I'll praise him in the hallway while I wait for him to open the next door.
• 24:42
  SPEAKER_00: And so that's what I just keep doing, is repurposing.
• 24:47
  SPEAKER_00: But no matter where you are in your relationship with parents, siblings, spouse, children, remember that Jesus is in the business of restoring.
• 24:58
  SPEAKER_00: Thanks.