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Transcript

Your Brain Wants You Small. Here's Why That's Dangerous · Harder Than Life

• 0:01
  Now at Lowe's, faster quotes start at the Lowe's Pro Desk. Got a material list handwritten on a sticky note or saved us a photo? Perfect. Bring it to us and get a quote in minutes. And if you don't see what you need on the shelf, we'll help you get it. You can access thousands of products beyond what's available in-store or on lowes.com right from the Lowe's Pro Desk. Build quotes faster and source the materials you need to keep your jobs moving. Just like that at Lowe's.
• 0:30
  Your brain is a genius at imagining what could go wrong. Your work stays locked inside your head and becomes obsolete. The people you could have helped never heard from you and perhaps didn't get better. So your impact did not land. That's the real risk here. If you keep moving that goalpost, there's a tell.
• 0:53
  You're hiding. Think of how many times we grab our phone when we have to do something, and we start scrolling. That's because you don't wanna do it, man. Playing small is canceled. I was sick and tired of being sick and tired. Me playing small, being quiet, is keeping me small, keeping me quiet. I'm gonna take the leap and keep going. Your breakthrough isn't on the other side of more preparation. It's on the other side of visibility and action
• 1:26
  Those of you that are watching and you tune in every single week, please smash that subscribe button. We are focused on growing that for you to get bigger and better guests. I appreciate it. It means the world to me and our team breathing into you. If you're watching this on YouTube, Apple Podcasts, or Spotify, subscribe on that platform.
• 1:52
  friends welcome back to the heart of the life show and the new people welcome to the heart of life show if this is your first time we're going to get real deep because this this episode i am going through right now it is hard for me to share this because it is my heart is beating a thousand miles an hour and i'm going to go right into the three reasons that actually hiding the
• 2:20
  in plain sight is costing you more than you think. I term this playing small. And even though I knew I was doing it, subconsciously, which 95% of our decisions are made subconsciously, I couldn't change it. So that stops right here, right now. And as I've said many, many times, playing small is canceled. So the three reasons why.
• 2:47
  hiding actually costs you. The three reasons that hiding in plain sight is costing you more than you think, the first one is what hiding actually costs you, the price you pay.
• 3:01
  The second reason is why not being ready yet is a story, not a fact. And if you've been listening to me for any longer time, you know that I say thoughts are magical lies. And the third and most important one is the move that makes visibility, that move forward feel possible and actually necessary. Right here, right now, as I sit here and record this, I am in depth working with
• 3:31
  my coach, my counselor, my producer, my girlfriend and everyone to make the eight year old version of me feel safe enough to share my truth with all of you. That little boy needed somebody to protect him, to be there for him and
• 3:59
  I find in my content, in my stories, in everything that I do, I am protecting all of you. And that's gonna stop today. What I mean specifically is, if you've listened to any of my shows, you've read my Heart of the Life book, when I was eight and nine, my mother and my stepfather abused me to no end. There were stories of
• 4:24
  my mother punching me in the face and almost killing me my stepfather almost drowning me i had it not been for luck and me flailing and grabbing the drain plug yes i'm that old drain plug to let the water out he probably would have killed me both of them both times they were drinking
• 4:48
  They did the best they could. I have forgiven them. I have moved on and I'm trying to share it forward, but I've been blocked. My friends, I've been blocked. And it's because of me, me looking in the mirror and trying to protect that boy who nobody protected. I'm trying to protect all of you. And that's not inviting you in and going first, being the leader and being safe.
• 5:14
  I'm going to go in and break this down for you and what that means. There's a thing called the contrarian truth. Most people think hiding is a safe option. And that little eight-year-old boy did. It was safe. At least it felt safe. But it's absolutely not my alignment. It's not my calling. He said to me this morning...
• 5:45
  I did not go through all of this for you to play small. I went through this. Oh, eight-year-old Kelly Siegel said, I went through this so you can pay it forward and be harder than life. But hiding is the riskiest thing you can do because you're playing small. No more. When I hid,
• 6:12
  Nothing bad happens. Heck, the podcast has grown. Our availability has grown. But it's capped. So you don't realize your full potential. So nothing extraordinary happens. And that nothing is what quietly kills ambition because you're just good enough to be good. That should happen.
• 6:41
  It hits you right in the gut. So visibility isn't vanity. I'm going to say that again. Being visible isn't vanity. And I thought right up until right now, my heart's still beating, that if I say too much, I'm going to, I'm bragging. I water those stories down. But as I say them, and as I say this,
• 7:09
  That visibility is oxygen. It's healing. It's medicine. And I know at least one of you this is landing with right now, and that gives me the fuel. And as you keep watching these, I promise you, I will get better because that oxygen, the medicine,
• 7:31
  is going to calm that eight-year-old boy and he's going to feel good. This is going to get very personal. Hiding doesn't always look like fear. I would have fought you if you said I was scared because I thought I used up all my fear making it from ages 88 to 14. And I did. It literally was my mother at a stalker.
• 7:59
  He stalked our house from, I never knew when he was going to attack me. I never felt safe. So I thought that I used up my fear. And actually, I had fear and I had doubt. And I projected it on all you and that people. I'm sorry. Sometimes it looks like preparation.
• 8:24
  Hiding looks like I'm preparing. If I can just get to here or I need to read more or I need to prepare more or I need to study more. I need to research, chat, GBT, AI. It needs to be perfect. Remember, progress over perfection. There is no such thing as perfect. So keep going. It also can look like helping everyone else. Right?
• 8:53
  I'm the man behind the man. I do this. If you, in my circle, and those who are my friends that are listening to this, how many times have I reached out to you and said, how can I support you? Because as long as I'm supporting you, we're not focused on me. It's a preparation trap. And I'm not saying to not do it, saying to just notice it. Later on, I'm going to give you the step one on how to fix this. And it's going to come right into that.
• 9:23
  So preparation, I just talked about this, preparation becomes a trap for, it's a disguise for avoidance. Think of how many times we grab our phone when we have to do something and we start scrolling. That's because you don't wanna do it, man. There is a tell that is so simple in the definition of ready, you just keep moving forward. And I don't know how I got off that track.
• 9:49
  I literally just take one step at a time. So if you keep moving that goalpost, there's a tell you're hiding the moment. I almost missed a lot of them, but we're going to come back to that same story. I'm going to tell you about a moment I almost missed. I had something real to share. This happens almost every time I'm on stage.
• 10:21
  I sat on these moments for months. I told myself I needed more time, I needed more practice. I needed better framing. I needed more credibility. I would bounce it off my producer, I would bounce it off my girlfriend. I would keep looking for approval.
• 10:41
  Now at Lowe's, faster quotes start at the Lowe's Pro Desk. Got a material list handwritten on a sticky note or saved as a photo? Perfect. Bring it to us and get a quote in minutes. And if you don't see what you need on the shelf, we'll help you get it. You can access thousands of products beyond what's available in-store or on lowes.com right from the Lowe's Pro Desk. Build quotes faster and source the materials you need to keep your jobs moving. Just like that at Lowe's.
• 11:11
  But whose approval was I looking for? Mine, that eight-year-old boy. So I sat back, I played small, and someone else shared a very similar version of what I had to say. And everybody, they brought the house down. Everybody responded, it helped. And I realized, man, I hesitated, that was my story.
• 11:42
  I didn't just give it away. They ran with it and they had no fear. Or perhaps more than likely they had the same fear I did and still went forward, my friends.
• 11:58
  And the story I was telling myself wasn't protecting me, it was keeping me small. It was protecting me from my true authenticity, my true meaning, and what I meant to do on this earth. So hiding doesn't protect you from failure, it protects you from impact, from making that big, casting that big net for everybody.
• 12:28
  So I've gone through everything, I've talked about it, I've invited you guys in, and I'm gonna give you the three steps on how to stop it and how I'm doing it right now. And the first move, it's so simple, it sounds silly. Just name that you're hiding. You can't stop something you won't admit. Remember in the 12 steps, the first step is admitting that you have an issue.
• 12:57
  So admit it, name it. Where have you been preparing longer than makes sense? Preparing instead of action. Remember action builds confidence. So just take one small step, but first we've named it.
• 13:18
  Where have you been staying? Where have you been playing small? No judgment, just clarity. Step number two is to lower the minimum viable action. That's a fancy slang for just saying, how can you take one baby step? What do they say when we landed on the moon? One small step for humanity. And that's what I'm doing right now. And showing up doesn't mean going all in. It doesn't mean I have to just come on stage.
• 13:47
  and throw up on you guys. It means one step. This podcast today, not the full product launch, not the full email, not the post, just the draft. Doesn't have to be everyone, one person. Visibility is a skill and it must be practiced. Practice makes the master. Come with me people, and by the way,
• 14:15
  If this is hitting with one of you, that one person, send me an email. Kelly at harderthanlife.com. And I will help you. Move number three. This is the master part of it, guys. Reframing the cost. Remember the cost benefit. This is why I started the Harder Than Life podcast. Because I was sick and tired of being sick and tired.
• 14:43
  Your brain is a genius at imagining what could go wrong. They're gonna make fun of me. They're gonna laugh at me. So and so. I'm gonna sound like a fool. So everybody started like a fool. The mind is also very bad at calculating the cost of staying hidden. I just gave you a few of them. Every year you're gonna wait.
• 15:08
  The gap widens. People are passing you. You guys have heard me say, he who hesitates masturbates. I know it's stupid. It's barbaric, but it's true. Take the message, leave the mess. Your work stays locked inside your head and becomes obsolete. The people you could have helped never heard from you and perhaps didn't get better.
• 15:36
  So your impact did not land. That's the real risk here. So if I don't step out of my comfort zone, if I don't take that little boy and breathe into you, who will? This is my calling. I must do this and I will do this. This is my first one. I promise to bring you more. You wouldn't be watching this part if you weren't ready. I've been ready for months, guys.
• 16:05
  I just didn't know this was happening. That's why that step one is so important. Name it. Once you name it, everything else falls. And once I realized this, somebody told me this months ago, but I wasn't ready. And then once I did name it, I'm like, oh, you're right. I called them up and apologized. So that pull you feel isn't curiosity. It's your calling. You've recognized it.
• 16:33
  You are ready. Your breakthrough isn't on the other side of more preparation. It's on the other side of visibility and action. Visibility starts the moment hiding costs more than being seen. Remember how I started that? The cost benefit. I was sick and tired of being sick and tired. Hiding costs more than being seen. Me playing small, being quiet.
• 17:03
  is keeping me small, keeping me quiet. I'm gonna take the leap, trust in all of you, and keep going. So this week, I want you to name one thing you've been playing small or hiding in plain sight. What is it? Share it, send it, most importantly say it, or even journal it.
• 17:29
  And I gave you my email address, so send it to me and I will help you through it, friends. We are all in this together. So hopefully you enjoy this. Please rate it. Please share it with someone else who's hiding in plain sight. Until next time, be harder than life.
• 17:45
  Please rate and share this podcast. I'm active on all social platforms and love to hear from my Segal supporters. Each and every episode is sponsored by my company, National Technology Management, the easiest and best IT company to do business with, delivering peace of mind with technology every day, even simplifying cybersecurity. Visit TrustNTM.com for more info. Until next week, be harder than life.