Latest / find your cause / Why Do Women Need Seven Conversations to Run for Office with Sarah Jakle
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- speaker-0: would be diagnosed with a brutal autoimmune disease called psoriatic arthritis and told by a very nice derumatologist that I would never work again. That my social work career was over. In January of 2021, Democracy was born as a program that teaches the public policy skills to be engaged, informed citizens, activists, and leaders. But also The evidence-based social work skills to notice when you're counting yourself out and move toward your values, and also protect yourself if people are trying to dysregulate you. speaker-1: All right, so thanks everyone for tuning in to this episode of Find Your Cause. Today on this wonderful Friday we have Sarah Jacyl, who's the founder and executive director of Democracy. Sarah, thank you so much for your time today. speaker-0: Thank you so much for having me. speaker-1: Yes. So a mission of the organizations we interview, what is a mission of Democracy? speaker-0: Yeah, so democracy is a national nonpartisan nonprofit that empowers historically underserved high school girl to be our future leaders, voters, civically engaged citizens, and elected officials. speaker-1: Right. Why you? Why is this something that you founded and what's the origin story? ⁓ speaker-0: ⁓ my goodness, the story is right. So back in the day, Joseph, a thousand years ago, I was a social worker and I worked with our homeless community dealing with mental illness. I got a master's in public policy to fight for them. And I got a military master's in social work to serve them. And the reason I got a military master's in social work was to look at Trump. I wanted to study how brain dealt. With extreme adversity and came through it even to thrive. And at the time, the military were the people looking for that. Little did I know that a year later I would be diagnosed with a brutal autoimmune disease called psorianic arthritis and told by a very nice derumatologist that I would never work again, that my social work career was over, the pain and fatigue would be too much. And it was devastating. So as I sat on the couch, this is 2014 with my puppy dog, I was like, okay, the things I have studied academically, I am now living. And I may not be able to control the pain and I may not be able to control the fatigue, but I can try to control who I am in this moment and how I show up. So I threw myself into studying the neuroscience of the brain and all the different types of modalities. deal with adversity and how people come through them to thrive. And I was studying this right up until the election of 2016. And at that election, I said, I am not going to sit on the couch anymore. But it's one thing to say that, right? And it's another thing entirely to overcome things like pain and fatigue and being told you'll never work again. So I turned all of these different localities that I had studied into brain act to Get out of my comfort zone to try things that were difficult and to regulate my nervous system when I got pushback in the form of pain and fatigue or whatever it was. And I started with just get in the car. Just get in the car. And I did that so many times, Joseph, that I became a national outreach director for a voter registration organization where we registered 485,000 voters. And I was recruited as the get out the vote director for the California National Organization for Women. And it was in that role that I saw what women face. And there's big T trauma and there's little T trauma, but different types of things that women face that make them count themselves out, right? The statistic was it takes seven to nine conversations to get a woman to run for office. Her male counterpart, a mere one. And when she did run for office, the angry backlas she got was very disproportionate to what got. And I realized as I looked into this and started talking to these women about the skills that I had developed and that I'd studied, they kept saying, Joseph, I wish I knew this in high school. What would my life have been like if I had these tools? And when I studied it, High school is the last time boys and girls think they can run for office equally. So in January of 2021, Democracy was born as a program that teaches the public policy skills to be engaged, informed citizens, activists, and leaders, but also the evidence-based social work skills to notice when you're counting yourself out and move toward your values. And also protect yourself if people are trying to dysregulate you. speaker-1: Okay, that's amazing. A first question of many. Say I am a girl or a girl in high school or a woman, maybe that's just graduated. What are some signs that are showing that this is impacting me that I should recognize and maybe be a cute to look for resources like y'all provide? speaker-0: Great question. So one of the main ones, and there are so many women who talk about themselves as recovering perfection. So women are socialized to be perfect, to be small, not to try unless you know you're going to get it. And one of the main statistics that a lot of people know is that men tend to go for a promotion if they meet 50% of the requirements. And women tend to go for a promotion if they meet a hundred percent. The requirements. There's a lot of let me get one more credential before I try. Let me make sure I am a complete expert in this field, versus men who are socialized to try, fail, try again. There's a lot more latitude, and there's some brain science behind it as well. But it's the type of things that can make women stay smaller. And they don't even realize they're doing it, right? They're very ambitious. Women are amazing. They are capable, brilliant, incredibly amazing ones who wonder why I am hesitating to raise my hand. And also see when they do raise their hand, sometimes they get dismissed, which has a very strong effect on keeping them small. So it's these types of things, right? It's not just raising your hand in the meeting, it's being able to protect your nervous system if you are met with dismissive condescension, as can. speaker-1: Yeah. Yeah. And I think you you maybe alluded to it, but it I I feel and let me know what the data says behind this. Is there evolutionary evidence as to why that might be the man's brain to be more open to more risk and denial and taking more risks? Is there like an evolutionary thing that we're trying to break in this case, right? speaker-0: So there's a ton of like evolutionary of hormonal element. The part that I want to bring out, especially if you're women listeners, and I think your male listeners would be interested as well, is there's a real ⁓ evolutionary reason for this for women. The front of our brain is our prefrontal cortex, where we have our conscious thoughts that we're aware of, and we often think of this as our whole brain. But toward the back of the brain is a part called the emails. And it connects to the limbic system. And it's the fight, flight, freeest part of your brain. It is faster and older, right? It is operating all the time, unconsciously, scanning the world around. The reason why this is important is back in King's person days, the amygdala evolved to see something that was new as potentially dangerous, which makes sense, right? If there's something you don't recognize, you're not going to run up and put your hands on it, you'll get bitten in. We don't get there, Gene. We get the genes of the cave person who sees something new and runs away. So thinking of this, spaces of power still track as new for women. The pictures on the wall, they don't look like us. The pictures in the history books, they don't look like us. Many of the boardrooms or Congress or science that we're walking into, we're the only women. And even though That woman's prefrontal cortex is ambitious and strong. Her amygdala is tracking the this does not look like her. This looks new, and that is potentially threatening. And a potentially threatening amygdala is cautious and avoidant. If your amygdala tracks safety, you go toward it, you are motivated to explore further, you are excited. So amygdala. Amygdala in a room that looks exactly like him, the pictures in the history book look like him, the pictures on the wall, that is motivated and excited to explore further. That ambitious woman who consciously absolutely wants to be there, absolutely wants to go forward, has an amygdala that off-screen and out of her consciousness is creating a dissonance that is cautious and abortive, which causes things like perfectionism, which causes things like imposter syndrome. And KPMG found that 75% of all women executives track with imposter syndrome. Yeah. So what this means is you can't fix the amygdala with prefrontal cortex skills. So saying be confident, go for it, stop worrying. None of that works for the amygdala. She has a completely different language. So in democracy, we're teaching amygdala skills right alongside the prefrontal cortex public policy skills. We're teaching the skills to talk to your amygdala, to calm your amygdala, to bring your amygdala in alliance with your prefrontal cortex. So your whole brain is your ally and you can step into your full potential. speaker-1: Yeah. Unfortunately, I feel like this whole topic in and of itself could be triggering to some men, but at the same time I think I'm a man. So I think about maybe industries or positions that historically are like eighty plus percent women dominated. And I would probably have similar fears. Well, there's not a lot of men in this space. Maybe I shouldn't, or that impacting my decision making or at least my brain. I could definitely relate with that. Maybe the triggering thing is people are realizing men and women could be in any position that they truly put their minds to wanting to be in. And just historically, politicians or CEOs or executives or tech founders, historically it has not been dominated by women. So I c I could make those connections. Yeah. speaker-0: I also think you're highlighting something really important because this amygdala is in everyone's brain. It is absolutely, when you think of men of color, men who have disabilities, men who haven't particularly been in the room, they're going to have exactly the same type of amygdala response. Right? This is not a woman's thing. It's a new space thing. If you are a man walking into a space that is entirely woman, you're going to have the exact same response. I think it's so important to understand. We want everyone's brain to thrive. I want men to have the same amygdala skills that women, right? So everybody thrives in new situations and gets to go for their ambition, even when the space doesn't look like you. That is a quality. speaker-1: Yeah. For that woman who wants to get into politics in this case or activism, but is encountering those sometimes involuntary reactions and emotions, wha what are some like activities or skills or things that they could do now to start combating that response or at least handling it in a way that's progressive towards what their goal is? speaker-0: Yeah, thank you for that question. And a a great one is to first realize how differently we talk to ourselves because we have this invigal on us versus we talk to our friends. So one of the things that Kristen Neff does, who is a self-compassion teacher, is walks people through something where she says, if your friend wanted to go for promotion, but was really nervous, right? She didn't think she was qualified enough, she didn't think she had it, what would you say to her? What would the tone of your voice be? And how would that play out? And now I want to think of you for yourself. You're looking at a job. You don't have all the qualifications. How do you talk to yourself? And what tone of voice do you use? Because once we become aware of the voice, that is our inner critic. The inner critic is tied to the survival brain, right? She thinks she's helping. But once we become aware of the survival of the inner critic, there's a skill called thank you brain, where you actually thank the inner critic for trying to have your because believe it or not, she thinks she's keeping you safe, right? But she's not as helpful as she thinks. She's running off of cave person script. So instead of the inner critic, we ask women, and men can do this too, to find their inner champion. Who is that figure in your life? Real, imagine, it can be an influencer, it can be a politician or an artist who you feel would have your back to support you, to be brave and speak to you in a compassionate, supportive way. So we notice the inner critic chiming in, say, thank you for chiming in, but I'm gonna check in with my inner champion. And your inner champion might say, Go for it. But you have to lose, right? So they reject you. You've lost nothing. You're amazing. You got that. So one of the skills that the girls learn is to notice the inner critic, thank her and let her go, and switch to an inner champion or an inner best friend. And I will say if you have a puppy dog, puppy dogs make great inner best friends. speaker-1: Yeah. And I would like to bet that activity you mentioned of thinking about a friend of yours in the similar situation, your response to them would likely be a lot closer to that inner champion that you're trying to model. So maybe modeling it for a friend and then having that model be your inner champion and knowing that you can do it and you have done it and you displayed it by being there for a friend. Is that a good inner champion to initially model? speaker-0: Exactly. Exactly. And we also realize that we do it all the time. We just don't do it for ourselves. And it can be easier to have an actual figure in mind that you can access. I think my inner champion is Megan Rapinau, who's a soccer star who's an incredible activist and leader. And she is always someone I turn to when I'm feeling nervous. Right. And I want to see an effort for my values, but it comes at a cost. And I channel her and she is supportive and brave. And so thinking of Megan very specifically and asking Megan what she would say to me is a way to have away from how we talk to ourselves because we're asking a different figure what they would say and we're being able to harness their voice. speaker-1: Amazing. Talking about programming then at Democracy, ⁓ do you translate these these practices into programs that women could sign up for? Or what's like the programming and structure of democracy to to enable this? speaker-0: Yeah. So Democracy is a national online program. So one of the things I wanted to do is have high school girls talking across state lines. Right. We are in a huge project called a democracy. And it's so important to get out of our bubbles, right? And hear from people all across the country and what women are going through all across the country, and that we fight for all women. We pay a stipend to participate because so many early political pipeline opportunities are unpaid internships, which just means only people who can afford that get to get involved in working on behalf of their dream. And so we pay a stipend, which is why we are 92% girls of color and 70% first generation American. And lastly, we are pure late. So once a democracy girl goes through the training. She can come back and lead the train. So girls are immediately seeing. There's that great phrase, you can't be what you can't see. And high school girls are immediately seeing girls that look like them, girls that resonate like them, taking these tools, stepping into leadership, encouraging the girls in the room. And we have 10 week programs, we have one day intensives, and we have a completely free, self directed program on our website that. anyone can go through at any age to get a sense of their curriculum. speaker-1: So girls and women that go through this before and after, what are some of the the changes that you see and you hope to fit and you hope to see? speaker-0: Yeah. So we tie in the program. Girls, for example, would make a campaign speech. They decide what office they're running for. They're gonna make a campaign speech. But before we do the speech, we say, can you put a heart on your screen if there are any nerves in the room? Because what is so isolating is we think we're the only one. We think everybody else has got it together and we're the only one with nerves. So the whole screen lights up with hearts. So we say this is totally normal. This is a new experience. And we have tools for this. So the girls do something called grounding, which is a very somatic thing to put you back in your body when you're anxious, where you ask yourself to notice yourself making contact with a solid surface. We ground with Mother Earth, our first feminist. And then we notice what the inner critic is saying, and the chat fills up with nobody wants to hear what I have to say. My voice doesn't. We thank the inner critic for trying. Ask for that inner best friend who says, My lived experience is important in her a lot, right? My voice belongs in this state. And then we make the speech. So we keep wiring over and over for everything they do, whether it's advocating for issues of their own lived experience, somebody else's, doing democracy Congress, calling the representative. We always tie it to Noticing the nerves that come up as the amygdala comes online and doing our toolbox, and there are other tools too, but doing the toolbox to put ourselves in our body and show up as our best self. So what we see is at the we ask the girls if democracy skills helped you do something you were too scared to do before the program. And ninety-two percent say yes. They did something. Before they learned these skills and also had a supportive sisterhood, right? And learned public speaking skills and all that. And it's everything from running for office at their school to running for leadership in a robotics club to speaking at a school board meeting to one girl who stood up for herself at Starbucks and said, before democracy, I would just take it in the wrong order and not said anything. But I grounded with Mother Earth and I reached for my inner best friend and mentioned, stood up and said I had the wrong dream. And I'm like, I'm as proud of you as I am of the girl who ran for local office and became the youngest elected official in Maryland using her inner best friend in public speaking, all that, because that woman will stand up for herself in relationship and in school and as she asks for what she needs. So we're really trying to give women a toolbox to get through these inflection moments where they count themselves out and not only get to yes, I'm gonna try, I'm gonna do my best, I'm gonna do that thing that is greater than zero, right? What is my greater than zero and can I ask myself to do it? But they also have the skills to protect themselves because there's always pushback when a woman uses her voice. And when a woman steps up, there is pushback. So training girls to be able to regulate their nervous system, the amygdala that gets sparked, right? So that they stay in control of their own agency, even as people are trying to push on. Yeah. speaker-1: It's amazing. It's amazing. And I I think a very similar I don't know, it's just like a math equation that I feel like from my experience has helped me a lot in my personal and professional career of just repetitions of things that you want to get better at. And it sounds like unfortunately our world does not provide girls and women enough opportunities or chances to get the repetitions of the things that could lead to these outcomes of like public speaking, of being in politics, but repetitions help with confidence, which helps with competence and it's just like a a revolving flywheel of the more times you get the chance to have public speaking opportunities or to be in political related events or being a leader for for groups that they're a part of, just the more reps you get of doing that, the just the more confidence you'll have. That's amazing. Wow. Wow. So future plans of democracy looking for the next five, ten years, what do you hope looking back to to see? speaker-0: Yeah. So we have a wonderful problem, Joseph, which is that word of mouth has spread. And so now for our fall 10-week program, we got 600 applications for 80 spots. Which means we had to say no to 520 girls who are like, you are a paid opportunity, which means I can access you. To step up in my democracy, to use my voice, to find my greater than zero, and also to learn this toolbox that manages anxiety that girls use before they take tests, before they decide to apply which college, like which college to apply to. They use it throughout their lives, right? And so my commitment as ED is to grow the program so every girl gets a yes. That is the dream. And so we just did our kind of ambitious. five year plan, which has us growing to serve 115,000 girls in 2030, which is our big dream, right? And I think the other thing I would like to do as we grow is reach adult women. So one of the models I think into this work is training adult women to access their inner champion or grounding or the other skills that we teach, right? To move to that inflection moment. And have the entry to the training be a donation to democracy. Right. So you are not only learning how to step up for yourself and support yourself, but you're supporting a historically underserved high school girl to learn the same thing. So I'd like to also grow that because I'm so passionate about women and our adult women too. I was talking to so many women in their 40s and 50s who just feel like they're burning out and they are exhausted. And so coming in with the kind of gentle, self-compassionate jewels because the amygdala hears tone before she hears words. And she responds to compassion, kindness, gentleness. Those are the types of things that make her your ally. So being able to imbibe that because women deserve not only to lead, but to be happy, as do men. We all humans deserve not only to lead, but to be happy. And so some of these skills are things I think would benefit adult women and then we can support the younger women and the sex and things. speaker-1: Yeah. I feel like the characteristics you mentioned of women like c leading with compassion and patience understanding, et cetera. I don't know w at what point I read it, but I feel like some of the s maybe it's the TikToks and the headlines out there try to push women to push those feelings down in order to get ahead in the workplace. But I feel like it's the exact opposite. I think those are the characteristics we need more so than ever in the workplace nowadays. speaker-0: Not only that, but I think oftentimes when people hear the word compassion and you're ambitious, it sounds very wishy-washy, right? It sounds touchy-be-ly, compassion, right? Actually, there are all these research studies that when you relate to yourself in a compassionate way, because you are calming your amygdala and getting out of your own way, you are much more likely to achieve your goal than when you speak to yourself harshly. So not only is it just a benefit in how we relate to other human beings, but it is actually much more likely to help you achieve your goals than that inner critic who thinks by bullying you she's out there. So it's really interesting to look at the research and realize this is not like a touchy-feely thing. This is a do you want to achieve your goals and be your best self? There is a way to do this that involves how we speak to ourselves and others that's really effective. speaker-1: Yeah. ⁓ early on in in the mission of of democracy you mentioned something important. I think you said you guys are nonpartisan. I think if Yeah. speaker-0: And that is heartbreaking to me because it's based off the word democracy. Not democrat, right? It's based off democracy and in which every voice matters. One of the things we talk about in democracy because we do have girls with different opinions, different backgrounds, is that every human being has worth and value. You can disagree with someone, and that person can still have value. speaker-1: Yes. speaker-0: Right. And if that's the way we relate to each other, that's the type of public policy we would like to see. Every human being has worth and value. So I think one of the reasons amygdala skills are so important is because when someone is disagreeing with you, one of the things that the first things that happen is your amygdala gets triggered, right? You go into fight flight raids. And so we t by teaching the girls amygdala skills to ground or best friend, or one of the things we Teach is shifting the word but to the word ant. So Joseph, if I said to you, that's a really interesting idea, Joseph, but I wonder if you thought about the minute your brain hears the word but, it triggers that we are in an argument. You stop listening to me and you are starting to come up with your comeback. If you say that's such an interesting idea, Joseph, I wonder if you thought about, I didn't lose. any of my meaning, but I lost the trigger word that cued us that we were fighting. And one of the things that's so powerful about shifting butt to am is that also is in the way we speak to ourselves. I'm excited but nervous. That butt cues your brain there's a problem. I'm excited and nervous. I can hold both, both can be true, and I can move forward. So I think we do a lot of work on helping girls regulate in the rooms so that they can very strongly advocate for their positions, right? Your values are your values, while keeping it from keeping it still a very supportive sisterhood where women are lifting women, where your sister has your back. We have girls say, I've been part of this program and now I can go anywhere in the country and have someone to stay with and have a sister, right? Because we went through this together. And building in that kind of space, incubating a space where we can disagree without fighting. And helping people's nervous systems regulate in those spaces. And so I take it I take nonpartisan very seriously. And it does break my heart because I ask for. ⁓ democracy, Democrat. And I'm like, but isn't it obviously based? speaker-1: Yeah. Yeah. I I know. It is. It is. It is. Well amazing. So people that are listening and want to get engaged with democracy, w what type of engagement do you look for and where could they go to get engaged? speaker-0: Yeah. So anyway. One is if you are ⁓ especially a woman who thinks being trained, bringing together a group of friends and being trained in some of these skills and the brain side to support some of the younger women is interesting to you. We have an infotdemocracy.org on our website and we'd love to hear from you. We have a mentor. Program where you can walk side by side with the girls through the 10-week program and encourage them and help them build up their launch pad plan where they think of the things they're doing next. Of course, I had to turn away 520 girls. So anyone who's like this sounds like an interesting idea to help young women in our democracy to donate any amount is a huge help and what lets us grow. And then I would also just say I'm on LinkedIn. And if you have ideas. thought anything you want to share with me, I think what I learned from working in politics is we build as a team. We're on a team of millions of people who are working toward a better world, everyone in their own way. Right. So like how do we harness all of our ideas together, especially to help this younger generation coming up so that they don't make the same mistakes we did. And also they have truly thriving lives where they step into their leadership. So that's what I would say. speaker-1: Amazing. We'll we'll also be sure to share all those links as well in the show notes. Is there anything you want to leave us with or maybe the young girl that's listening that you wanna leave her with? speaker-0: If there is a young girl that's listening, I will say your voice belongs. Your voice belongs in every room where decisions are being made. And whether or not you ever decide to put your name on the ballot, running for office is your birthright. It is your birthright. And I hope you know that to see your lived experience reflected in our laws. is the kind of America that has never yet been, but absolutely could be. And please, when you hit ninth grade, check out democracy. speaker-1: Sarah, thank you so much for your time. Very inspirational and we're gonna be cheering on the sidelines for everything Demokee stands for. Thank you so much for your time on this Friday and have a good rest of your weekend. speaker-0: Thank you.