Latest / MyMaine Birth / 99. Embracing an Unassisted Birth: Kiley returns to share her Third Birth Story

Transcript

99. Embracing an Unassisted Birth: Kiley returns to share her Third Birth Story · MyMaine Birth

• 0:00
  Kiley: Yeah, and you have full control.
• 0:02
  Kiley: There's nobody shining lights in your face and yelling at you.
• 0:06
  Kiley: So I think there's just something so special about that type of birth and it really changes you as a person.
• 0:16
  Kiley: When mothers truly are in their power and know how strong they are.
• 0:20
  Kiley: It's going to change you and it's going to change the people witnessing that they are.
• 0:25
  Kiley: It's going to change you and it's going to change the people witnessing that.
• 0:26
  Kiley: Like my husband, like every time I give birth, I feel like he steps up more.
• 0:29
  Kiley: You know he becomes a better daddy, becomes a better husband, and I really think it's from witnessing that you know what it's like to bring life into the world in a powerful way, right when you're in charge, charges them up, when you are able to listen to your body and trust your body.
• 0:51
  Angela: I'm Angela and you're listening to my Maine Birth, a space where we share the real life stories of families and their unique birth experiences in the beautiful state of Maine, from our state's biggest hospitals to birth center births and home births, every birth story deserves to be heard and celebrated.
• 1:12
  Angela: Whether you're a soon-to-be mom, a seasoned mother or simply interested in the world of birth, these episodes are for you.
• 1:20
  Angela: Welcome to episode 99.
• 1:25
  Angela: Today's birth story guest is Kylie, and she is a returning guest here on the podcast.
• 1:32
  Angela: She shared her first two birth stories in episode 28.
• 1:36
  Angela: So go check that out to hear the first part of her story.
• 1:40
  Angela: I have it linked over in the show notes, and today she's here to share about her third birth experience, which was a free birth.
• 1:48
  Angela: Hi, kylie, welcome back to my Main Birth, hi.
• 1:54
  Angela: So will you share a little bit about when you found out you were pregnant for the third time?
• 2:08
  Kiley: you found out you were pregnant for the third time.
• 2:10
  Kiley: Yeah, so I think so.
• 2:10
  Kiley: A month previous, last summer, I had a conversation with my husband and I was like you know, I really would love to think about trying for another one.
• 2:18
  Kiley: You know, I'd love another baby at some point.
• 2:20
  Kiley: And he goes Nope, I'm good, like we're, we're set, we're set at two.
• 2:25
  Kiley: And I remember that night just falling asleep and I cried so hard so I was like, oh, I just feel like I'm missing somebody, like I just I have a feeling our family isn't complete yet anyway.
• 2:38
  Kiley: So like a month later I think it was probably like three days after she was conceived I was like I'm pregnant, I know I am.
• 2:46
  Kiley: I just had such a deep knowing of that and obviously I'm not going to get a positive pregnancy test at that point.
• 2:53
  Kiley: So I waited till my birthday to take a test, because I already know, so I could find out my birthday and remember that as being a special moment of just, you know, being able to tell my husband officially.
• 3:04
  Kiley: And yeah, it was very exciting.
• 3:06
  Kiley: I definitely cried because I was, I was very excited to have another baby.
• 3:10
  Angela: So that is so special?
• 3:13
  Angela: Yeah, for sure.
• 3:15
  Angela: So now you shared your first two birth stories in episode 28 of the podcast, and your second was a free birth.
• 3:26
  Angela: So what was your thoughts as you were conceiving and when you found out you were pregnant?
• 3:31
  Angela: You know about how you were going to approach this pregnancy and birth.
• 3:37
  Kiley: Sure, yeah.
• 3:37
  Kiley: So my husband and I, you know he trusts in my ability to birth, he trusts in my body and how it can function and grow a human and he knows that birth is a normal aspect of life.
• 3:50
  Kiley: Like I've drilled that into him at this point, so we kind of, you know, talking about it, he had a cousin who had a heart defect and ended up needing medical treatment right out like right as he was born, and so I think for him, he kind of has that fear in the back of his head.
• 4:06
  Kiley: So you know, he just asks that I get, you know, a couple of scans just to make sure the baby's okay and to be seen by some sort of provider at some point in my pregnancy which I totally understand, you know.
• 4:20
  Kiley: And I want him to be involved in this as much as possible, and I want him to feel involved in this as much as possible and I want him to feel safe in this as well.
• 4:26
  Kiley: So I found a midwife out of Eastern Maine.
• 4:30
  Kiley: Her name is Taylor Harper.
• 4:32
  Kiley: I love her, she was amazing.
• 4:33
  Kiley: I came in pretty late in my pregnancy to her practice just because I wait as long as possible.
• 4:40
  Kiley: I did the 20 week scan just to you know, make sure she was good anatomically.
• 4:44
  Kiley: I did the blood work at 12 weeks as well, because I we have two girls and I wanted to see, but it's another girl, which is amazing.
• 4:50
  Kiley: But so I did a couple of scans with her and the baby looked fine.
• 4:54
  Kiley: I had maybe four total appointments in my second and last trimester with her.
• 5:00
  Kiley: She was very understanding.
• 5:02
  Kiley: You know, I told her right off the bat that I would be doing a birth at home and she was like OK, sounds good.
• 5:08
  Kiley: You know, how can I support you in that?
• 5:09
  Kiley: What can I do for you?
• 5:11
  Kiley: Do you need anything specific from me?
• 5:13
  Kiley: You know any tests you want to get.
• 5:15
  Kiley: So she just really worked with me well, was very understanding, which I was surprised by, you know, being out of the hospital like that.
• 5:25
  Angela: So, yeah, she was, she was great.
• 5:26
  Angela: Wow, that that is incredible.
• 5:27
  Angela: So did did she know that you were not going like you were just going to birth like at home, with no support from like a licensed midwife?
• 5:36
  Kiley: She did.
• 5:36
  Kiley: Yeah, I told her right off the bat.
• 5:38
  Kiley: I'll you know, I had my second one at home on on assisted as well, so she was like, okay, sounds good, sounds like you know what you're doing, and so yeah.
• 5:47
  Angela: Wow.
• 5:47
  Angela: So how was you know?
• 5:51
  Angela: How was the rest of your pregnancy then?
• 5:53
  Angela: Um, as far as like appointments, looked after that 20 week like anatomy scan.
• 5:58
  Kiley: Yeah, so I had, you know, not many appointments, but we just kind of chatted about you know what my plans were.
• 6:03
  Kiley: She just really wanted to make sure I was okay, right, she seemed to genuinely care, which was awesome.
• 6:09
  Kiley: I had one appointment with a different provider and I didn't have that same experience.
• 6:14
  Kiley: She was, you know, very standoffish and just kind of arrogant, but that was fine.
• 6:19
  Kiley: It was just one experience with her.
• 6:21
  Kiley: So, yeah, not many appointments.
• 6:24
  Kiley: After that she called me on my due date just to check in and see how I was doing and stuff.
• 6:28
  Kiley: And I was like nothing yet and she was like, please just call me when you go into labor, just so I can, you know, kind of be thinking about you and stuff.
• 6:36
  Kiley: And you know, she just like had her phone open to me, allowed me to call her with any questions.
• 6:44
  Angela: So yeah, open to me, allowed me to call her with any questions.
• 6:48
  Angela: So, yeah, amazing.
• 6:49
  Angela: So how are you feeling throughout your pregnancy?
• 6:50
  Angela: What's sort of your mindset kind of going through?
• 6:52
  Kiley: Yeah, I mean I definitely have the mindset of you know, birth and pregnancy that's all.
• 6:57
  Kiley: It's all a state of health, right?
• 6:59
  Kiley: If you're able to get pregnant, you are a healthy human being.
• 7:02
  Kiley: So I don't love the mindset of, oh, I'm pregnant, so I'm, you know, I'm sick.
• 7:07
  Kiley: I hate it when people say I'm sick in pregnancy all the time, over and over, because your mind will shape your reality, right.
• 7:12
  Kiley: So you know, having that mindset of I am healthy, you know you probably are going to be a little bit tired Me chasing two toddlers around and then being pregnant on top of that is exhausting.
• 7:23
  Kiley: But I knew I was healthy.
• 7:25
  Kiley: You know I had the blood work done and stuff to prove that I was, but I felt, I felt great.
• 7:30
  Kiley: You know, through most of my pregnancy it was harder, I felt like it was just harder on my body.
• 7:35
  Kiley: You know, being a mom of two and then being pregnant, but yeah, so I think that your mindset is really going to determine your outcome in pregnancy, for sure.
• 7:47
  Angela: Yeah, totally, mindset really is everything.
• 7:49
  Angela: So how about the final weeks and then days leading up to when your labor started, and about your birth?
• 8:00
  Kiley: Yeah, so, okay, my first one, my very first girl, I had her on the due date that the doctor thought.
• 8:05
  Kiley: So I was like, okay, that's awesome, you know, my first baby's on her due date.
• 8:09
  Kiley: And then my second one was on the due date that I thought it was going to be, which was probably a week and a half after the doctor.
• 8:14
  Kiley: You know what they had set.
• 8:16
  Kiley: And then for Audrey, she was due, I believe it was the 16th of May, and so I was like, you know, my third baby, I'm going to have her early, it'll be fine.
• 8:27
  Kiley: You know, I'm I'm so ready to be done.
• 8:30
  Kiley: You know, your last trimester, you're exhausted, and then, you know, the 16th comes around, and then the 18th comes around, and then it's the 21st and I'm like, what is going on?
• 8:40
  Kiley: I'm so tired, I'm so done.
• 8:42
  Kiley: And she ended up being born on the 27th, which was, you know, a few days after her due date.
• 8:47
  Kiley: But yeah, it was definitely very impatient.
• 8:49
  Kiley: I didn't do anything like take casserole or anything, so that's disgusting, but, you know, just trusting that she knew when she needed to come, she would come when she was ready.
• 8:58
  Kiley: So like just having that knowing of like I know this is frustrating to be waiting for so long, but your baby comes when she needs to, when they need to.
• 9:08
  Kiley: I think that's so important to remember.
• 9:11
  Angela: Yeah, those last few weeks of pregnancy it's so hard to stay patient.
• 9:16
  Angela: But having that patience and trust in the physiologic process of birth can make the biggest difference in your birth experience.
• 9:26
  Kiley: Definitely yeah, yeah, for sure.
• 9:29
  Angela: So how did things?
• 9:32
  Kiley: get going.
• 9:33
  Kiley: So I, with all my births so far, I've woken up in the morning around 7 am and I'm like I think I'm going to have this baby today.
• 9:40
  Kiley: I had quite a few prodromal labor moments in the weeks leading up to my birth, which is very normal.
• 9:50
  Kiley: But yeah, I woke up that morning and I told Jeremy.
• 9:53
  Kiley: I said I think you need to stay home from work Cause I'm pretty sure today's the day.
• 9:56
  Kiley: He was like all right, sounds good.
• 9:59
  Kiley: He called out.
• 9:59
  Kiley: My girls were still sleeping and I rested as long as possible and then around 11 o'clock I got up to use the bathroom and my water broke while I was sitting on the toilet.
• 10:09
  Kiley: I was like what?
• 10:11
  Kiley: But it was very meconium stained and which?
• 10:15
  Kiley: She was very late term, which is normal for that Right.
• 10:19
  Kiley: But I just had like a moment of panic.
• 10:21
  Kiley: I was like oh no, like what if she's in distress?
• 10:23
  Kiley: I was like when's the last time I felt her move?
• 10:26
  Kiley: So I just talked through through it a little bit with Jeremy and I was like I don't know what to do right now.
• 10:30
  Kiley: I called my mom and she goes.
• 10:40
  Kiley: You know what?
• 10:40
  Kiley: The hospital's there for you to utilize what they have If you want to go just to make sure the baby's okay and then come home Like that will be fine, right, like they're there for situations like that or they're there to just hey, can you check on my baby?
• 10:47
  Kiley: You know, most of the time they're willing to just do that for you, just like, okay, I'll just go get her checked out and then I'll come home, you know, just to make sure, cause I would I would feel so guilty if, like, she wasn't doing okay, and then, you know, something bad ended up happening.
• 11:01
  Kiley: But I just had that moment of panic and I was like I think I need to go have this settled so I can have peace in order to give birth there.
• 11:08
  Kiley: So we went.
• 11:09
  Kiley: We went to Eastern Maine and my friend had a great experience there.
• 11:12
  Kiley: She.
• 11:15
  Kiley: We went to Eastern Maine and my friend had a great experience there.
• 11:16
  Kiley: She told her birth story here too.
• 11:17
  Kiley: Her name's Natalie.
• 11:17
  Kiley: She had an awesome experience doing her natural birth.
• 11:18
  Kiley: So I was like, okay, maybe I'll get lucky too, like she did, and have somebody who's just super understanding and kind.
• 11:23
  Kiley: So we got there.
• 11:25
  Kiley: It was Memorial day, so it was dead in the hospital.
• 11:29
  Kiley: I got checked in, they took me up to the room and you know right away they're like all right, take all your clothes off, put our gown on.
• 11:35
  Kiley: We need a pee sample, all this kind of stuff.
• 11:38
  Kiley: And I was like I'll just stay in my clothes for now, cause I'm pretty sure I'm going to go home.
• 11:41
  Kiley: And they, I got in the room, sat down and the nurse hooked me up and then she goes okay, I'm going to have to check your cervix.
• 11:48
  Kiley: And I said, well, since my water's broken, I prefer you not to, just because that can increase the risk of infection.
• 11:55
  Kiley: Right, like logical things here.
• 11:57
  Kiley: And I'm pretty early in my labor right now, like I'm not having crazy strong contractions or anything yet, like I know my body and labor and know how it feels when I'm about to have a baby.
• 12:08
  Kiley: And she was immediately just nasty, like belittled me, told me that you know she has to, she's going to.
• 12:17
  Kiley: And I was like you're not, you're not going to, I don't know what you um.
• 12:21
  Kiley: So it was just like probably five to 10 minutes of just arguing with her.
• 12:26
  Kiley: It was like just straight up arguing, like we were in middle school or something.
• 12:29
  Kiley: I was like no, you're not going to put your hand inside my body If I'm telling you no, that's called rape, right.
• 12:36
  Kiley: Like that's, that's what it is, even though we're in the hospital, it's still.
• 12:39
  Kiley: It's still that Right.
• 12:41
  Kiley: And so my husband piped up and was like no, you're not leave the room, please.
• 12:46
  Kiley: So she was awful.
• 12:48
  Kiley: So she's like well, I'm going to go talk to the doctor.
• 12:52
  Kiley: So she's like, well, I'm going to go talk to the doctor.
• 12:53
  Kiley: So she walks out, probably makes a phone call to the doctor telling her that I'm a non-compliant patient, whatever, whatever.
• 13:00
  Kiley: And so she came back in a little bit with the doctor and the strip was looking fine, like the baby was doing great.
• 13:08
  Kiley: My contractions were consistent, like she was having acceleration.
• 13:12
  Kiley: She was, she was doing fine.
• 13:13
  Kiley: And I even told her.
• 13:14
  Kiley: I said I'm a nurse, so I kind of like, I kind of know what I'm talking about, you know, just to kind of have that in with her.
• 13:20
  Kiley: But no, that didn't matter, she, she goes.
• 13:22
  Kiley: Oh, since you know everything.
• 13:24
  Kiley: So I was like, oh, man, you are not very nice.
• 13:29
  Kiley: But when she came in with a doctor, the doctor was like so, your water's broken, we're going to check your cervix, we're going to start you on Pitocin, and if you don't have the baby by, I think it was like eight in the morning, it was probably four, 30 at night.
• 13:40
  Kiley: At this point then we're going to have to do a C-section.
• 13:43
  Kiley: I was like whoa, whoa, back it up.
• 13:46
  Kiley: I came in here to get monitored for a minute and then just leave, right.
• 13:49
  Kiley: So I said, well, you can go ahead and bring in the AMA papers and I'll sign them.
• 13:54
  Kiley: So they brought them in, I signed them and we left and I feel like that was just such a confirming thing for me, like, wow, I do not belong in a hospital.
• 14:06
  Kiley: You know, I'm not going to argue my way through birth.
• 14:07
  Kiley: That's not what a peaceful, undisturbed birth should look like.
• 14:09
  Kiley: You know, a lot of these hospitals will say they're natural birth friendly or mother baby friendly and whatever that means, but they still have their policies that are not evidence based that they're going to adhere to.
• 14:21
  Kiley: You know, like even checking my cervix after my water had broken, you know, and on the papers that said risk of infection and maternal death that's what it said on the AMA papers that they were worried about infection but they wanted to check my cervix.
• 14:35
  Kiley: So it just they.
• 14:37
  Kiley: I don't know where the logical anything is in that situation.
• 14:41
  Kiley: But yeah, it definitely confirmed for me that I was supposed to be having her at home, and I think for my husband too.
• 14:46
  Kiley: You know I talked to him about how rough the hospital can be for mothers.
• 14:52
  Kiley: I don't think he really understood until we had that confrontation there.
• 14:56
  Kiley: So, yeah, I got in contact with the head nurse of labor and delivery and we had a long conversation about that afterwards.
• 15:03
  Kiley: But I think just the obstetrical model of care has such a misunderstanding and mistrust of mothers' bodies and their abilities to birth and I think it's more dangerous for a healthy mom to be giving birth in that model of care than it is to be at home in your power and have a physiological birth.
• 15:23
  Angela: So, yeah, yeah, birth is pathologized all the time in the hospital and, unfortunately, even in a lot of births that are attended by licensed medical midwives, and homes too.
• 15:36
  Angela: And it's just, you know, and that can be almost even worse because you don't even realize that's coming and it's like sort of the obstetrical model like imported into the home and it's like, well, I thought I was going to have a peaceful home birth with a midwife and that's not exactly what you always get.
• 15:52
  Angela: So, yeah, there's real value in this unassisted birth thing and that's the thing that you didn't.
• 16:00
  Angela: You know we're able to find pieces of the system that did support you, but it is kind of like a crapshoot when you just randomly go into labor.
• 16:07
  Angela: It's like who is going to be at the hospital working today?
• 16:11
  Angela: Are they going to be friendly to the way that you're gonna be birthing and respect your choices?
• 16:16
  Angela: And and I feel like it can.
• 16:18
  Angela: So many times, like you said, it felt like middle school, like that's exactly my sentiment in some of these situations where I see like mothers arguing with the providers and it's like this is not middle school, like we are respectable adults.
• 16:32
  Angela: Um, we know our bodies and we trust in our ability to birth.
• 16:37
  Angela: So it would be really great if everyone would stop pathologizing that right.
• 16:42
  Kiley: Definitely yeah, and I feel for those first time moms who are going in and are like you know, they'll listen to me, they have that trust right and that they're going to really be cared for and really going to be listened to, and that's not always the case.
• 16:55
  Kiley: So my advice I know I'm a little bit jumping ahead, but definitely get a doula if you're going to the hospital.
• 17:01
  Kiley: You need that, you need somebody to fight for you when you're in that vulnerable position.
• 17:05
  Kiley: Yeah, that's my little side piece there.
• 17:08
  Angela: So you checked yourself out, signed those papers, walked out the door, self out, signed those papers, walked out the door and how was?
• 17:15
  Kiley: like the rest of your night, yeah, so we, we left and as soon as I walked out of the building my contractions just ramped right up, cause I was so I was so glad to be getting out of there.
• 17:26
  Kiley: You know, and my husband and I we were just kind of talking and, like you know, felt felt relief that she was doing great and also felt relief that we were leaving and going back home to our safe place.
• 17:36
  Kiley: Um, so I got home and it was probably a little bit after five, 30.
• 17:42
  Kiley: I don't really remember all the times, but you know, somewhere in the evening there and I went upstairs and I laid down in our room for a little while and then my contractions just were like definitely ramping up.
• 17:58
  Kiley: I knew I was getting closer and I was so excited.
• 18:01
  Kiley: But I went downstairs and I took a hot shower because that always helps me, I love heat when I'm in labor like just a hot shower to relax me and then filled up the tub and sat there for a while and then filled up the tub and sat there for a while and I hit transition.
• 18:15
  Kiley: Definitely, when I was in the tub, being so relaxed, I was very, very vocal, very loud, and my husband, he just like sat there with me and just having him there is so helpful even though he didn't like he would do things like give me water if I asked or whatever, but just his calm presence there in that is so peaceful and reassuring for me and I love that it was just him this time.
• 18:40
  Kiley: And so finally I was like, okay, I think I need to get out, and I I made this little nest in our office area so I got a blow up pool from Walmart last year on clearance, um, and I had that, and then I had a liner in there and then I just filled it with like pillows and blankets and towels and all that kind of stuff so I could rest in there and then it's easy to clean up after Um.
• 19:00
  Kiley: But I got in that and I was like so tired.
• 19:05
  Kiley: At that point I said I don't think I can do this anymore, which is always the key word, right, and like I'm done, I'm tired, I'm over this, I can't take any more.
• 19:16
  Kiley: And then I hit that like rest and reflect stage and I was like, oh my gosh, like she's coming right now and just being patient is so important in that stage.
• 19:26
  Kiley: Right, like you, you feel like you can't do it anymore, but you can, you have it and you know you're almost there.
• 19:32
  Kiley: If you're saying that, you need to know you're almost there.
• 19:35
  Kiley: So, as she, like I felt her coming down and I was like Jeremy, just so you know she's coming right now and I felt like so peaceful in that moment, just like breathing through um, letting her come in her time, and I felt her starting to crown, and the whole time I'm just talking to her, jeremy.
• 19:55
  Kiley: I don't really remember talking to her, but Jeremy said the whole time I was like you're okay, you can do this, like it's going to be fine, you're almost here.
• 20:03
  Kiley: And it makes me a little teary, but I think it's just so beautiful when you can have that undisturbed birth at home and you know like you were made to do this.
• 20:17
  Kiley: So, um, and then she was born and she had the cord around her neck and I remember her laying there and I just unwrapped it and I picked her up and just held her and I love how they feel when they first come out.
• 20:33
  Kiley: They're just like warm and snuggly and it's just so, so special when you get to be the first one to hold your baby.
• 20:42
  Angela: So Nobody else is touching you.
• 20:45
  Angela: Nobody else is rubbing your baby, Nobody is.
• 20:48
  Angela: Yeah, like it's just you in that space and your husband.
• 20:52
  Kiley: Yeah, and you have full control.
• 20:53
  Kiley: There's nobody shining lights in your face and you yeah, and you have.
• 20:54
  Kiley: You have full control.
• 20:55
  Kiley: There's nobody shining lights in your face and you know yelling at you.
• 20:59
  Kiley: So I think there's just something so special about that type of birth and it really changes you as a person.
• 21:07
  Kiley: You know when mothers truly are in their power and know how strong they are.
• 21:12
  Kiley: It's going to change you and it's going to change the people witnessing that.
• 21:16
  Kiley: Like my husband, like every time I give birth, I feel like he steps up more.
• 21:22
  Kiley: You know he becomes a better daddy, becomes a better husband, and I really think it's from witnessing that you know what it's like to bring life into the world in a powerful way, right when you're in charge as the mom, when you are able to listen to your body and trust your body.
• 21:41
  Kiley: So, yeah, it's definitely something I'm passionate about is encouraging moms on that journey.
• 21:47
  Angela: So it's so beautiful.
• 21:50
  Angela: How did the placenta come out?
• 21:54
  Kiley: And so when she was born, obviously I unwrapped her cord and stuff and with my second I had a little bit of a retained placenta, like retained, as in like a piece literally broke off inside me and then I ended up passing it later on.
• 22:06
  Kiley: So I was like a little bit worried about that.
• 22:08
  Kiley: Nothing, nothing happened with my second, like that was detrimental to my health or anything.
• 22:12
  Kiley: But so a couple minutes later I was just holding her and then my mom came in with some warm blankets and wrapped us all up after a little bit and then I started to feel the urge to push again.
• 22:26
  Kiley: So when I did, I pushed out most of it and then a little piece was still inside.
• 22:33
  Kiley: So I just kind of tugged on it a little and then the placenta was birthed.
• 22:37
  Kiley: But I also forgot like one big part.
• 22:39
  Kiley: When she was being born I told my husband I was like I think I need to stand up, and so he literally like picked me up, I'm shaking all over, and then I pushed her out and then she came out with my husband like holding me, and that was just so special.
• 22:56
  Kiley: So I felt like he was like a part of, like you know, helping me push her out, so that was really cool.
• 23:04
  Angela: Oh wow, I love that.
• 23:06
  Angela: Yeah, I love, yeah when you're like all together and it's happening.
• 23:17
  Kiley: Yeah, yeah.
• 23:17
  Kiley: So after the placenta came out, you know my mom and sisters came in, and my mother and father was there too.
• 23:20
  Kiley: They all came in and saw the baby and talked to me.
• 23:21
  Kiley: And you know, my mom and sisters came in and my mother-in-law that was there too.
• 23:24
  Kiley: They all came in and saw the baby and talked to me and, you know, got me what I needed and then I just got to sit with her.
• 23:28
  Kiley: I think it was probably for like two and a half hours.
• 23:30
  Kiley: I just sat with her there, you know, and she latched for the first time, and being able to just hold her and not be rushed to give her away to anybody is so special, yeah.
• 23:40
  Kiley: So I nursed her and snuggled her and talked to her for a long time and she opened her eyes.
• 23:46
  Kiley: She barely cried, she like whimpered maybe, but she was breathing great, her color was great, all of that.
• 23:52
  Kiley: So they don't always need to be screaming coming out either.
• 23:54
  Kiley: That's such a I don't know.
• 23:57
  Kiley: That doesn't need to always be the case when they're born.
• 24:01
  Kiley: You know it should be, it should be peaceful like that.
• 24:02
  Kiley: And this was 1115 that she was born at night, so it was probably 130 in the morning and my husband got some skin to skin with her also, and I got to get a nice long hot shower, which is the best after you just get birth, to just get a nice long shower and kind of reflect and think about things.
• 24:21
  Kiley: And then I got some cozy jammies on and went upstairs and snuggled in my bed and my mom had gotten me this giant sub and I ate the whole thing at like 2 30 in the morning.
• 24:33
  Kiley: Um, I'm always starving after birth, but uh, and then I yeah right, she really came in clutch there and then I got to hold her and fall asleep with her and she, you know, took that long, long nap after birth.
• 24:49
  Kiley: And yeah, it's just, it's so special when you get to climb into your own bed after that with your baby and you're next to your husband and all that.
• 24:56
  Angela: So yeah, oh my gosh.
• 24:58
  Angela: So what did you do with the cord?
• 25:00
  Angela: When did you cut the cord or did you cut it?
• 25:03
  Kiley: Yeah, we cut it probably.
• 25:05
  Kiley: It's probably like an hour after, but obviously we wait until it's completely white so the baby can get all the good stuff in there.
• 25:11
  Kiley: You know lots of stem cells and all that, so we waited for a while.
• 25:15
  Kiley: I always buy my clamps off of a midwife site online.
• 25:19
  Kiley: You can get tons of medical supplies there.
• 25:21
  Kiley: But yeah, Cool, yeah.
• 25:24
  Angela: So you had everything ready ahead of time.
• 25:26
  Angela: So you just clamped the cord and cut it yourself and good to go, ready to come into bed with your baby.
• 25:32
  Angela: Yes, love it.
• 25:35
  Angela: So how was your postpartum?
• 25:51
  Kiley: How was those first few days and then weeks following your birth usually?
• 25:54
  Kiley: But I feel like they just kind of got a sense of just a calm, peacefulness about them.
• 26:00
  Kiley: You know, when there's a new baby it definitely shifts the dynamic of your house.
• 26:05
  Kiley: So they were able to just kind of it's almost like a weird reverence that they have, like wow, like there's a baby, right, but they were just great.
• 26:19
  Kiley: They loved her so much.
• 26:19
  Kiley: And my husband he got to stay home.
• 26:21
  Kiley: He had a few days off.
• 26:22
  Kiley: Didn't have much time off, but a few days that he was home.
• 26:26
  Kiley: You know, he just took care of everything.
• 26:29
  Kiley: Like I literally got to just lay in bed or sit on the couch the whole time, didn't have to lift a finger.
• 26:36
  Kiley: And you know, I think that comes from like witnessing wow, like versus really hard.
• 26:41
  Kiley: But yeah, no, he was amazing.
• 26:44
  Kiley: And you know, when he'd get home from work, when he had to go back, he would still do everything, you know make sure we had lunches for the next day, would make my girls breakfast in the morning, he'd make dinner every night when he got home, did all the chores, um, so that was amazing.
• 26:57
  Kiley: And I think with my first two I really struggled with postpartum depression, but this time I was definitely more prepared for that.
• 27:06
  Kiley: I saw a naturopath and she kind of got me on some things to support me and to, you know, remineralize my body.
• 27:13
  Kiley: So, yeah, that was very helpful to see her through that and, you know, getting my nutrition better than it was the last time, all that kind of stuff.
• 27:22
  Angela: So yeah, I feel like that can be a like commonly overlooked thing.
• 27:28
  Angela: A lot of moms be like you know what I do.
• 27:29
  Angela: Postpartum and really focusing on your nutrition can make all the difference sometimes like, are you really eating healthy foods, you know?
• 27:38
  Kiley: Definitely yeah, for sure.
• 27:42
  Angela: So now, as a final question, if you were to give advice to expecting parents, or even new parents, what would be some of the biggest things you'd want to share with them?
• 27:55
  Kiley: So I think you know your birth, your pregnancy and you as a mom, that shouldn't feel burdensome.
• 28:02
  Kiley: And if you have a provider that makes you feel like a burden or, you know, pits you against your baby or your body or is like they pull the dead baby card all the time, I hate it when they say that it's like no, give me the statistics.
• 28:14
  Kiley: Tell me why you're saying that it's like no, give me the statistics.
• 28:16
  Kiley: Tell me why you're saying that.
• 28:17
  Kiley: If that's kind of their vocabulary is kind of getting you to mistrust your body, you need to find somebody else.
• 28:26
  Kiley: They are not for you.
• 28:27
  Kiley: They are not going to support you in a healthy pregnancy and physiological birth.
• 28:32
  Kiley: I wouldn't recommend, if you have a healthy pregnancy, going to an OB.
• 28:35
  Kiley: They're for high risk pregnancies, that's what they're trained in.
• 28:38
  Kiley: They're trained.
• 28:38
  Kiley: They're for high risk pregnancies.
• 28:39
  Kiley: That's what they're trained in.
• 28:39
  Kiley: They're trained in surgical and high risk pregnancies.
• 28:41
  Kiley: They're not trained in physiological births.
• 28:43
  Kiley: They don't see physiological births often.
• 28:45
  Kiley: I think if you are healthy and you want somebody at your birth, then a sovereign midwife or a lay midwife is the way to go, A hundred percent.
• 28:54
  Kiley: They're not going to be all up in your business all the time.
• 28:57
  Kiley: They're not going to be coercing their hand up your body, which is so unnecessary, but they trust a woman's innate ability to birth and I think that's so important.
• 29:09
  Angela: A physiological birth cannot really happen at a hospital because you're interrupting the physiological process by leaving your house.
• 29:19
  Kiley: Exactly.
• 29:19
  Kiley: Yeah, that's the first intervention is going to the hospital, right?
• 29:23
  Angela: Yeah, and even if you are going to the hospital and I think your story is a really great highlight to this point you can interact with it as you see fit.
• 29:33
  Angela: You don't have to do anything.
• 29:37
  Kiley: I mean, yeah, like you said, take it and do what you will with it, you don't have to do anything.
• 29:39
  Kiley: I mean, yeah, like you said, take it and do what you will with it.
• 29:40
  Kiley: You know you don't have to do the glucose test, you don't have to get five or six ultrasounds, like that is.
• 29:46
  Kiley: It's totally up to you.
• 29:47
  Kiley: You know you don't need to be vaccinated during pregnancy.
• 29:50
  Kiley: Please don't all of that stuff.
• 29:53
  Kiley: Right?
• 29:53
  Kiley: Like you, you are in charge.
• 29:55
  Kiley: This is your body, this is your baby.
• 29:57
  Kiley: This is your body, this is your baby.
• 30:01
  Kiley: This is your birth experience.
• 30:01
  Kiley: You know, and if you want it to be positive, it is up to you, to who you choose to be there, right?
• 30:06
  Kiley: Like, if you choose somebody who is going to intervene constantly, you're not going to have a peaceful birth.
• 30:12
  Kiley: But if you're choosing to have, you know the people around you that love you and truly care about you, like mom, your mom, your sisters, your husband.
• 30:17
  Kiley: Not that you know the people around you that love you and truly care about you, like mom, your mom, your sisters, your husband, and that's it.
• 30:22
  Kiley: You know.
• 30:22
  Kiley: They know you, they really care about you and they will support you and how you need to be supported, right.
• 30:28
  Kiley: So my first free birth, my husband was like Whoa, what is this, you know.
• 30:32
  Kiley: But I had him just, you know, I presented him with the numbers right.
• 30:36
  Kiley: Our maternal mortality rate is the highest in the US out of any developed country, and it's not due to the 1% of women who give birth at home, it's not.
• 30:45
  Kiley: It's due to obstetrical violence and obstetrical takeover and sabotages of birth.
• 30:51
  Kiley: That's what's happening.
• 30:53
  Kiley: We've medicalized birth to the point of it's becoming dangerous for women in the hospital.
• 30:58
  Kiley: Medicalized birth to the point of it's becoming dangerous for women in the hospital.
• 31:02
  Kiley: So I would just suggest you know, really, really think about who you want in your birthing space.
• 31:05
  Kiley: That is going to make all of the difference.
• 31:07
  Angela: So yeah, yeah, totally.
• 31:09
  Angela: It's really really personal preference and, yeah, knowing what you're getting into, if you do choose to go with the hospital care, you know for sure.
• 31:18
  Kiley: Yeah.
• 31:19
  Angela: Well, Kylie, it has been amazing chatting with you and hearing your birth story.
• 31:24
  Angela: It's such an honor to listen to you share it, and I thank you for joining me on the podcast today.
• 31:30
  Kiley: Yes thank you for having me.
• 31:34
  Angela: And that's the end of another episode of the my Main Birth podcast.
• 31:38
  Angela: Thank you for joining me and listening.
• 31:41
  Angela: If you're looking to document your birth story or if you're interested in doula support for your upcoming birth, head over to my website, mymainbirthcom and check out my packages.
• 31:54
  Angela: I'm a certified professional birth photographer and an experienced doula, and I offer in-person services to families throughout the state of maine, as well as virtual birth coaching worldwide.
• 32:07
  Angela: I want to invite you to grab my top free resource for newly pregnant moms.
• 32:12
  Angela: It's called 37 questions to ask yourider Whether you've already established care or if you're in the process of interviewing new providers.
• 32:22
  Angela: This is for you.
• 32:23
  Angela: Not only are you going to get the questions to ask, but I also share how to assess their answers and the major red flags that you should be looking for.
• 32:33
  Angela: So go grab that.
• 32:35
  Angela: It's at mymainbirthcom slash download.
• 32:39
  Angela: Thank you again for tuning in and I look forward to bringing you more amazing birth stories.
• 32:45
  Angela: Don't forget to subscribe and leave me a review, and I'll see you back here again next week.