Latest / College Is Fine, Everything's Fine / #32 Microdose Episode Part 2: Five Worry Myths

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#32 Microdose Episode Part 2: Five Worry Myths · College Is Fine, Everything's Fine

Hi again. Welcome to our latest Microdose episode, in our last Microdose episode, we chatted about stress, anxiety, and worry, how they're technically different, but feel pretty similar. Today we wanted to talk about whether worry is helpful or not to you, and there's actually some pretty interesting beliefs that people can carry about worry. I know I was in this boat. So when I talk to my clients about worry, I always wanna make sure that I figure out what their relationship is to worry first.What I mean is sometimes people, without even realizing it, have some notion that worry is helpful in some way. And if you think that Worry's always helpful, then it's gonna be pretty hard to tell you to tone it down. On the worry front, there are a lot of common myths about worry that I hear, and I actually can fall into these categories, which I'll share with you a little bit as I go through them.One common belief about why worry can be helpful is people sometimes think it can aid or help with problem solving. So if I worry about my problems that come up at work, I'm gonna be able to find a solution to the issue. So I really need to think about this a lot so I can come up with the right answer.Another common one is, oh, well I'm worried and that helps me get motivated. If I wasn't worried about this test coming up and I wouldn't study for it. So worry is a motivator. There's the belief oftentimes that worry protects us against those emotions we don't wanna have. So if I worry about the fact that my boyfriend or my girlfriend or my partner is gonna break up with me, then you know, I'm sort of preparing for what the day when it actually comes, and I won't feel as upset about it.Then there's sort of that superstitious belief worry in and of itself can prevent negative outcomes. So when I worry about something, and I used to do this a lot, it's like, well, if I get, if I get on a plane and I get worried about it, I'm kind of doing my due diligence and you know, I'm just sort of checking that box.Cuz I wouldn't want, you know, God, or remember to think I wasn't worried. So I, I might as well just go ahead and worry. Yes, I've, I've done what I needed to do. Okay, great. Now we can get on the plane. It's all safe. All right. So it's a bit superstitious. And then we have worry as a positive personality trait, right?So if I worry about somebody, that means I care about them, it means I love them. If I worry about something, it means I'm empathic. It means I'm an activist. Alright? Okay, so let's go back through these one by one and see if we can challenge these beliefs a little bit. So number one, worry aids with problem solving. Okay. Do you feel like problem solving, which is, I'm looking at all the solutions, I'm going through pros and cons, and I'm gonna figure out which one I can do best and I'm gonna try it.Right. That's very action oriented. A lot of times when I'm talking to people about quote unquote problem solving, really what they're doing is they're coming up with a solution and throwing it out, coming in with another solution and throwing it out. They never really get to a solution that feels like the right one, and they just kind of constantly chew and chew and chew on the problem without really coming up with solution.So that's a little bit closer to worry. Or another time you actually are starting to solve a problem, but you get so anxious and decide that nothing's gonna work. So you delay your problem, sort of avoid them all together. I mean, procrastination is something that can certainly happen here from me. Um, okay. Worry is a motivating factor. So do you know anyone who is successful, um, whether, whatever definition of success you wanna have, who's also not a worrier, right?That they, they're able to do things and they're able to study hard, but they're not necessarily stressing about it or constantly talking about how worried they are. Are you confusing, worrying with caring? Can you want to succeed? Could you value something about your goal? As opposed to constantly worrying about it, there's other reasons that you might be motivated besides worry.A lot of times people are motivated because of love or because of some sort of. Bigger goal or value that they have around climate change. Right. It doesn't always have to be worry so much and worry doesn't improve your performance necessarily. Yeah, sure. Like a little bit of adrenaline might help you focus when you're taking a test, or it might help you sort of have some reserve when you're going into a social situation that's really appropriate.But a lot of times if you're overly worried, then you're not focused. You're sort of a deer in headlights or you're just shut down like a statue. Okay, so I, it's really nice to think about can we, can we shift away? Can we pull worry away from being the only way to be motivated in a situation?Alright, worry protects us against negative emotions. I mean, I don't know about you, but yes, in college I definitely worried about someone breaking up with me and felt like, okay, well I'll be sort of prepared when that time comes. And they broke up with me and I was devastated. So, Shit, I might as well just have enjoyed the relationship while I was in it.Right. I mean, have you ever had something bad happen to you that you didn't worry about before? Right. Um, or have you ever worried about something and then still felt upset by it? It's not necessarily the case that if I worry about it, that I'm kind of planning and prepping a lot of times by worrying about it.We're depleting our emotional resources, we're not living in the moment, and then we're even more upset. Right. And then you sort of say to yourself like, Gosh, I thought I was gonna be prepared for this. So all that worrying was for nothing, and you can be really frustrated so we can untangle worry as a protector.I mean the superstitious one, I think we probably all know in our wise mind that that's not necessarily true. So if you have a rule about worry based on evidence, sometimes we're only looking for the evidence that supports our superstition, and we're really ignoring the stuff that doesn't go away. And I know sometimes superstitions are fun.I mean, I look at baseball, I'm like, sure, fine. Like grow a beard. I don't think that's hurting anybody. Maybe except I don't know your hygiene. Um, but at the end of the day, it's not really hurting anyone. But a lot of times people get sort of ritualized around this. So it's just a matter of saying like, can I also, can I test this theory and maybe pull in other information that shows that if I worry I'm not in and of itself, Creating a good or a bad outcome, worrying about a test doesn't mean you're gonna do well in the test or not do well in the test.Studying for a test in an effective way will help you and you can study for a test without worrying about it necessarily. Those, those can become untangled from each other. All right. Worry is a positive personality trait. I have a story for this one because my high school boyfriend was this adorable, really kind person named Ben, and his mom had unfortunately passed away before we met.And he told me a lot about her and he just said, you know, she essentially let us be free. She let us be really independent. And I thought to myself, gosh, I mean, I guess she didn't love you. I know it's kinda my instinct of thought. Cause I tended to have family members or grownups that I felt like we're worried and would say, ob, I'm, I'm worried because I love you so much, but with Ben describing his mother, who clearly adored him and all of his brothers and sisters, I think you had, you know, four siblings, um, they adored her.They felt very loved by her, and they felt. Very supported by her to be independent. So worry does not necessarily mean that you're a good person, a caring person. Yes, you can worry and be caring, but you can also be caring without the worry, they don't have to come hand in hand. Okay, we're gonna stop there cause this is a microdose episode after all. But sometimes just to let you know that your attitude toward worry can be really eye-opening and a great first step in how to go forward. So make sure to subscribe if you feel like we're onto something hereand that way you'll get our next microdose episode. As soon as it comes out, we're gonna be talking about whether you are dealing with actual worry versus hypothetical worry, right? So now we've said, Hey, worry in and of itself isn't always super helpful. Now when you worry cuz you will worry anyway, how do you manage it? how you just decide if it's hypothetical or actual, and what skills you wanna do, depending on that answer. So stay tuned and we'll talk to you soon.