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Transcript

#HURDLEMOMENT: Trainer Taylor Rae Almonte On Having Conversations About Racism · Hurdle with Emily Abbate

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Speaker 1: Just having a way to hold yourself accountable, that you
0:03
Speaker 1: will hold space to have these thoughts and to have
0:07
Speaker 1: these conversations. That's the best thing that you can do.
0:25
Speaker 2: Hey, everyone, Emily Abati here bringing you another installment of
0:29
Speaker 2: Hurdle Moment from Hurdle. For today's episode, I am chatting
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Speaker 2: with Taylor ray Almonte. She is a trainer at Rumble Boxing,
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Speaker 2: a Rebox sponsored athlete, co founder of an anti racism
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Speaker 2: wellness program called Activism. We'll get into exactly what activism
0:50
Speaker 2: is in today's show, but this is a really special
0:54
Speaker 2: conversation that we are having today about racial justice, terminology,
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Speaker 2: and just the intersection of race and wellness.
1:03
Speaker 3: Le me b Taylor's type woman for just a second.
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Speaker 2: First and foremost, we connected for the first time when
1:10
Speaker 2: I was working on an article for self at some
1:12
Speaker 2: point last year, and ever since we first did so,
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Speaker 2: I have just been drawn to her passion, her electric personality.
1:22
Speaker 2: We have since become insta friends and have now irl
1:26
Speaker 2: plans like I'm just totally on her wavelength, and I
1:30
Speaker 2: think what I respect the most about her is her
1:34
Speaker 2: passion for just being authentically herself and showing up the
1:38
Speaker 2: best possible way that she can to serve for a community.
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Speaker 3: It's something that I can align with.
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Speaker 2: It's something that I feel like is definitely in my
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Speaker 2: values wheelhouse. And she's not taking on easy subject matter
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Speaker 2: for Taylor. She has made it her mission to be
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Speaker 2: a social justice activist, to be the person that helps
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Speaker 2: people have sometimes difficult conversations. And I am just so
2:04
Speaker 2: grateful that she is lending her expertise to the Hurdle
2:09
Speaker 2: community today in this episode. I say it toward the
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Speaker 2: beginning of our conversation, but my goal with Hurdle has
2:16
Speaker 2: always been to have important and sometimes tough conversations and
2:22
Speaker 2: to bring important topics to the forefront of what I
2:28
Speaker 2: offer on the feed. And so as we are in
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Speaker 2: the middle of Black History Month, and as I continue
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Speaker 2: on my personal journey of allyship, this felt right to
2:37
Speaker 2: offer at this point in time. I do want to
2:40
Speaker 2: bring you this discussion uninterrupted today, So before we get
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5:03
Speaker 2: All you've got to do is rate, interview the show
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Speaker 2: in the iTunes store, and send a screen grab of
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5:37
Speaker 3: And that's it for now. With that, let's get to
5:40
Speaker 3: hurdling today.
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Speaker 2: I am chatting with Taylor Ray Almonde. She is a
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Speaker 2: rebox sponsored athlete, a trainer at Rumble Boxing, co founder
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Speaker 2: of anti racism wellness program Activism.
6:01
Speaker 1: How you doing, girl, I am great. I'm super excited
6:05
Speaker 1: to be talking with you. Honestly, Oh, honestly.
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Speaker 3: We only want honesty here, un Hurdle.
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Speaker 2: I'm you know, I'm super excited to be talking with
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Speaker 2: you for a number of reasons. I want to tell
6:18
Speaker 2: you face to face that my focus with Hurdle, day in,
6:23
Speaker 2: day out, as time goes on, is to bring important
6:26
Speaker 2: conversations with thought leaders to my audience.
6:29
Speaker 3: And all of my.
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Speaker 2: Listeners are certainly active people, but as we all know,
6:37
Speaker 2: there is so much else that is going on in
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Speaker 2: our day to day life, especially over the last three
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Speaker 2: sixty five And I am having this particular conversation about
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Speaker 2: social justice and racial equality with you because you have
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Speaker 2: found this really amazing and beautiful way of marrying our
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Speaker 2: physical well being with anti racism education in a way
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Speaker 2: that I have never ever seen before.
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Speaker 1: Yeah. I love that. That makes me so happy. I
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Speaker 1: feel like, honestly, so many folks over the last few
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Speaker 1: months have asked me about why I started doing that
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Speaker 1: or how I started doing it, and realistically, I just
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Speaker 1: I'm a trainer, and this was something that was really
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Speaker 1: on my heart and that I felt super compelled to
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Speaker 1: start talking about. And I thought, well, here's where I am,
7:35
Speaker 1: so just going to put it together right where I am,
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Speaker 1: right now.
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Speaker 2: Right here, right now. So first things first, talk to
7:42
Speaker 2: me a little bit about where you hail from, because
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Speaker 2: I know right now you're in Brooklyn, But where did
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Speaker 2: you grow up? Give me a little bit of your backstory.
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Speaker 1: Yeah, absolutely, So I grew up in a town called
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Speaker 1: brick in New Jersey by the shore. Both of my
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Speaker 1: parents are amazing. They both immigrated when they were a kid.
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Speaker 1: So my mom's Puerto Rican came from Puerto Rico as
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Speaker 1: a kid, my dad is Dominican, came from Dominican Republic
8:05
Speaker 1: as a kid. And yeah, I live there with my
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Speaker 1: older sister, Danielle, and I feel like it definitely shaped
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Speaker 1: a lot of my identity or my confusion around my identity,
8:16
Speaker 1: growing around a predominantly white community and just feeling a
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Speaker 1: lot of confusion and a lot of conflict as I
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Speaker 1: grew up which I think definitely influences my work.
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Speaker 2: Now, tell me a little bit about your relationship with
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Speaker 2: health and wellness growing up.
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Speaker 1: So as a kid, I was the least athletic person
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Speaker 1: you've ever seen in your life. I was all about
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Speaker 1: that doctor's note that I would make last the whole
8:45
Speaker 1: school year so I could avoid doing gym class. And
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Speaker 1: I just never saw myself as an athlete. I always sang,
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Speaker 1: I always acted, I danced, but I never was running
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Speaker 1: the track, playing you know, varsity sports, none of that stuff.
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Speaker 1: Something I was thinking about lately is that growing up,
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Speaker 1: I never felt proud of my body. I felt like
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Speaker 1: it was something that I always wished to look different,
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Speaker 1: and whether that meant wishing I was white, which was
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Speaker 1: absolutely something I wished as a child, or wishing I
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Speaker 1: was thinner, wishing I was shorter, wishing I looked different.
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Speaker 1: And I feel like now being a trainer, the most
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Speaker 1: important thing to me is helping others feel proud of
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Speaker 1: their body, because this is our home, more than the
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Speaker 1: four walls that are around you every day, like this
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Speaker 1: is where you live. And I think that's something I
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Speaker 1: didn't find until much later.
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Speaker 2: That's so interesting to hear you say that there were
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Speaker 2: times that you wish that you were white. Did you
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Speaker 2: grow up in a predominantly white area.
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Speaker 1: Yeah, so all of my friends were white, and I
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Speaker 1: definitely felt so. Something I talk about all the time
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Speaker 1: is I've been wearing extensions in my hair since i
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Speaker 1: was fourteen, and I've never not warn them in public.
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Speaker 1: It took me until several months into dating my new fee,
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Speaker 1: my now fiance, to even show him what I looked
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Speaker 1: like without extensions, because I felt so different and othered
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Speaker 1: and ugly. Uh. And I always wanted to look like
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Speaker 1: my friends, which were all white, every single one of them,
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Speaker 1: and that was kind of the only example of beauty
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Speaker 1: that I saw around me, and I felt like that
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Speaker 1: was all, you know, that was all I wanted to be.
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Speaker 2: So then talk me through coming of age and getting
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Speaker 2: to a place where you felt more comfortable in your ethnicity.
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Speaker 1: Yeah, so I think it was definitely a learning experience.
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Speaker 1: I went to NYU for college, which was the greatest
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Speaker 1: decision ever. I had decided I wanted to go to
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Speaker 1: NYU when I was six years old, and that was
10:53
Speaker 1: the only school I applied to, and it was absolutely
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Speaker 1: all I hoped it would be. And so while I
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Speaker 1: was in college, I got to meet a lot of
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Speaker 1: different people that I'd never been exposed to before. And
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Speaker 1: it was really during that time that something that I
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Speaker 1: always was super conflicted about was my mom's Puerto Rican,
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Speaker 1: my dad's Dominican. At home, we're speaking Spanish, we're eating
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Speaker 1: Spanish food, we're listening to Spanish music. And so that
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Speaker 1: was the culture that I was immersed in. And I
11:22
Speaker 1: would go to family gatherings and look around and I
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Speaker 1: had cousins that were white presenting with blue eyes a
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Speaker 1: blonde hair. I had cousins that were five shades darker
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Speaker 1: than me with super curly hair, and that's kind of
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Speaker 1: what it's like to be a LATINX person. But I
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Speaker 1: was always really confused because people would see me and
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Speaker 1: they'd say, oh, you're black, and I would think, no,
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Speaker 1: I'm Puerto Rican and Dominican. And I didn't really ever
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Speaker 1: understand as a kid that you can be what I
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Speaker 1: identify now as Afro Latina, which I'm black and LATINX.
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Speaker 1: I'm both of those things, being Puerto Rican and Dominican,
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Speaker 1: both is being indigenous Spanish and African, and I was
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Speaker 1: not really clear on that or where I fit in
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Speaker 1: So once I went to college, was older, got to
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Speaker 1: meet tons of people and talk to them and say, Okay,
12:13
Speaker 1: what does this mean for me? Your Jamaican and you
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Speaker 1: identify as black, Your Haitian and you identify as black,
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Speaker 1: What is that experience for you? Because I didn't know
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Speaker 1: what it looked like to be black, and I felt
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Speaker 1: like it didn't look how my life looked. So as
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Speaker 1: I've gotten older, I've been able to really claim that
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Speaker 1: as part of my identity, that I can be all
12:33
Speaker 1: of those things.
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Speaker 2: Do you find that this connection and inquiry period, the
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Speaker 2: one that you went through in college, it's kind of
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Speaker 2: an ever evolving and continuing process for you.
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Speaker 1: Yeah? Absolutely, I think, even more recently, being more outspoken
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Speaker 1: since the kind of social and civic reckoning that's been
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Speaker 1: the twenty twenty Black Lives Matter movement, I definitely question
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Speaker 1: all the time should I be the person person on
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Speaker 1: this platform? Should I be the voice that's heard? Because
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Speaker 1: I think something that is also very apparent to me
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Speaker 1: is that I'm light skin, mixed race, attractive, thin, able bodied,
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Speaker 1: college educated, middle class, and all of these things do
13:15
Speaker 1: put me in a position in which my voice is
13:19
Speaker 1: often going to be the loudest when you look at
13:22
Speaker 1: a group of marginalized individuals. So I feel like I'm
13:25
Speaker 1: constantly always checking in with myself and with the people
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Speaker 1: that I trust to kind of better continue to shape
13:32
Speaker 1: my identity and how that moves in the world.
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Speaker 2: Like you, I am also trying to effectively communicate different
13:40
Speaker 2: topics to my audience. So I can relate to you
13:42
Speaker 2: in that you're just trying to do it in a
13:44
Speaker 2: way that you feel like will be effective and beneficial
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Speaker 2: to the people that you're trying to reach.
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Speaker 1: Yeah.
13:49
Speaker 2: Absolutely, So talk to me then about the conception and
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Speaker 2: development of activism and first and foremost, what is.
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Speaker 1: Activism is an anti racism wellness program. And essentially I
14:05
Speaker 1: was looking back at the first class that I taught.
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Speaker 1: George Floyd was murdered in late May and in early June,
14:14
Speaker 1: I had tons of classes scheduled. This is like mid pandemic.
14:19
Speaker 1: Everyone's loving like Instagram live classes, virtual classes. So I
14:23
Speaker 1: had tons of virtual classes scheduled on Instagram Live. And
14:27
Speaker 1: I just reached out to all of the people I
14:30
Speaker 1: was supposed to be on their platform and was like,
14:32
Speaker 1: I must speak about this in some capacity. I just
14:36
Speaker 1: feel called to do this. At this moment. And I
14:39
Speaker 1: think when people talk to me about what led me
14:42
Speaker 1: to this moment, like being an actor, I have a
14:45
Speaker 1: double major in English, being a trainer, being a marginalized
14:49
Speaker 1: person moving in the world. I feel like all of
14:51
Speaker 1: these things were kind of preparing me for this moment,
14:54
Speaker 1: being able to use this platform for this purpose. And
14:58
Speaker 1: so I went into my first class and I was like, Okay, well,
15:02
Speaker 1: we're going to talk about racism a little bit before
15:05
Speaker 1: we box, and I was super nervous, and I was like,
15:08
Speaker 1: these things don't flow together as seamlessly as I wish,
15:11
Speaker 1: But there's nothing else to do but for me to
15:14
Speaker 1: bring my whole self. And I think that's something that
15:16
Speaker 1: was often missing for me in many different spaces, not
15:19
Speaker 1: coming in as my whole self. There's a term called
15:22
Speaker 1: code switching, and what code switching means is that essentially,
15:26
Speaker 1: I'm bringing different facets of my personality to different groups
15:29
Speaker 1: in order to be more widely accepted in those spaces.
15:33
Speaker 1: And I felt like, Okay, well, I'm going to bring
15:35
Speaker 1: the whole thing today. And I found that so many
15:38
Speaker 1: people were receptive, and I found that there was no
15:41
Speaker 1: way that I could use this platform not for this
15:44
Speaker 1: purpose any longer. So Kira West, who's my co founder
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Speaker 1: of Activism, is one of my really good friends. And
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Speaker 1: it's so funny because we had only met once in
15:54
Speaker 1: real life before we started this program together. Everything else
15:57
Speaker 1: was on social media and zoom and face and all that.
16:01
Speaker 1: And she reached out to me and she was like,
16:02
Speaker 1: we're both being super outspoken on social media. Is there
16:05
Speaker 1: something that we can do together. She's a wellness blogger,
16:08
Speaker 1: I'm a trainer, and how could we kind of make
16:11
Speaker 1: something out of this? So within two weeks, three weeks,
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Speaker 1: we launched our first program in October of last year
16:18
Speaker 1: and had about fifty people. And essentially the whole point
16:24
Speaker 1: of the program is that racial justice can be incorporated
16:26
Speaker 1: into your daily life. So we have five action steps
16:29
Speaker 1: a week, something to read, watch, listen, to support and share.
16:34
Speaker 1: And then we have five wellness steps a week. And
16:36
Speaker 1: that could be something like drink water as soon as
16:38
Speaker 1: you wake up, make a meal with whole foods only,
16:42
Speaker 1: go for this job or this walk while you listen
16:45
Speaker 1: to your podcast this week. It could be a workout,
16:48
Speaker 1: it could be a live Zoom class that I teach
16:50
Speaker 1: to the group. And essentially it's to realize that one
16:54
Speaker 1: movement really helps you process your trauma as a person
16:58
Speaker 1: of color or a marginalized person, and movement also really
17:01
Speaker 1: helps you to kind of free yourself up from being
17:05
Speaker 1: so in your head, and then to see that these
17:08
Speaker 1: action steps only take ten minutes fifteen minutes a day,
17:11
Speaker 1: and you could do this every day. You don't just
17:14
Speaker 1: have to do these long tasks like read this massive
17:18
Speaker 1: novel and that be your only education.
17:22
Speaker 2: I think some of the criticism over the popularity, so
17:26
Speaker 2: to speak, that came hand in hand with the Black
17:27
Speaker 2: Lives Matter movement last summer was that everyone was saying,
17:31
Speaker 2: buy this book, do this thing, and White Fragility was
17:36
Speaker 2: the number one best seller, and so many individuals were
17:39
Speaker 2: speaking up and saying how many people actually read White
17:41
Speaker 2: Fragility after they ordered it on Amazon? And So I
17:46
Speaker 2: love what you're saying for two reasons. One because you're
17:49
Speaker 2: articulating how it can be a daily practice that you
17:53
Speaker 2: can integrate and it doesn't have to feel maybe overwhelming
17:57
Speaker 2: or potentially intimidating. And also this point that you made
18:01
Speaker 2: about movement being something that helps us deal with our
18:05
Speaker 2: feelings and then also process information regardless of what you're
18:11
Speaker 2: going through regardless of what you're trying to process. I
18:13
Speaker 2: don't think there's a single person listening to this right
18:16
Speaker 2: now that would not co sign that statement.
18:19
Speaker 1: No, absolutely, I absolutely agree with that.
18:21
Speaker 2: Another reason that I wanted to have you on here today,
18:24
Speaker 2: aside from the fact that I was excited for you
18:26
Speaker 2: to expand upon activism and give us the lowdown, is
18:30
Speaker 2: because you did something leading up to Black History Month
18:33
Speaker 2: that I really admired over on social when you started
18:38
Speaker 2: to dive into a lot of different racial justice terminology.
18:44
Speaker 2: And the reason why I loved the way that you
18:48
Speaker 2: executed on this because I believe that there are so
18:51
Speaker 2: many resources available right now, and I do want to
18:55
Speaker 2: again thank you for taking your time to show up
18:58
Speaker 2: and be an educator, because I know it can be
19:00
Speaker 2: a time consuming thing. But what I loved about the
19:03
Speaker 2: way that you were going about it was that you
19:05
Speaker 2: were speaking in a way that I could totally relate
19:10
Speaker 2: to and breaking it down to me, it felt like
19:13
Speaker 2: one on one in a way that I was like, Wow,
19:15
Speaker 2: I actually understand what we're talking about here, and I
19:19
Speaker 2: think that's so important because for some and I won't
19:21
Speaker 2: lie like myself included, this can definitely feel intimidating because
19:26
Speaker 2: at times it's like I want to be so in
19:28
Speaker 2: the know. I want to show up in the correct way.
19:31
Speaker 2: I want to speak in the correct way. I want
19:34
Speaker 2: to inform others in a capacity that feels true to
19:37
Speaker 2: who I am in a correct way. So to have
19:39
Speaker 2: someone like you informing me in a way that made
19:42
Speaker 2: me feel like an equal and not like you were
19:45
Speaker 2: talking down to me, I thought that was so helpful.
19:49
Speaker 1: Yeah. Absolutely, I feel like when we have the language
19:53
Speaker 1: to talk about these complex topics, not only are we
19:57
Speaker 1: more likely to engage in the conversation, but we're more
20:00
Speaker 1: likely to actually reach someone else because we have the
20:04
Speaker 1: actual words to say what we mean and to not
20:09
Speaker 1: be overwhelmed by the by the mystery in our head
20:15
Speaker 1: of how to unravel what we actually want to say.
20:19
Speaker 2: So, what I would love to do here is dive
20:23
Speaker 2: into a few of these terms so that we can
20:27
Speaker 2: hopefully demystify some of the perhaps confusion that is lingering
20:33
Speaker 2: out there when it comes to some of these words.
20:36
Speaker 2: I'm going to pass these reins over to you. Where
20:38
Speaker 2: do you think we should start?
20:40
Speaker 1: Yeah? So I love this. Something I mentioned earlier was
20:42
Speaker 1: that I'm an English double major and I just love
20:46
Speaker 1: language so much. I feel like it has so much
20:49
Speaker 1: power to really just transform our experience. So I am
20:53
Speaker 1: very hype for this. The first place I want to
20:56
Speaker 1: start is just the difference between prejudice, discriminating, and racism.
21:01
Speaker 1: I feel like often these words get interchangeably used, and
21:06
Speaker 1: something that's super important is that when we talk about race,
21:09
Speaker 1: there is a sensitivity. Whether it's as a white person
21:13
Speaker 1: that doesn't want to say the wrong thing, a white
21:15
Speaker 1: person that feels defensive, a person of color that feels
21:18
Speaker 1: that they don't need to be educating someone else in
21:24
Speaker 1: a day to day conversation, there's a lot of sensitivity here.
21:28
Speaker 1: So I feel like a lot of time folks, specifically
21:31
Speaker 1: with the term racism, they feel really triggered when we say, oh,
21:36
Speaker 1: that experience in which a black person said something racially
21:40
Speaker 1: insulting to a white person that's actually not racism. They feel, yes,
21:46
Speaker 1: it is, like that was not an okay thing to say.
21:49
Speaker 1: That was upsetting, and no one is invalidating that it
21:51
Speaker 1: was upsetting or not acceptable, But we're saying it's a
21:54
Speaker 1: different word. And I think that's what's super important, that
21:57
Speaker 1: it's just a different term. Just like I said was turquoise,
22:00
Speaker 1: and he said it was blue, and someone said, no,
22:02
Speaker 1: it's actually turquoise because we have a word for that,
22:05
Speaker 1: and it's a different word, and that's okay. And so
22:10
Speaker 1: the kind of basis of those three terms is going
22:12
Speaker 1: to be prejudice. And the word prejudice is a baseless,
22:16
Speaker 1: negative preconception toward a member or toward a group. And
22:20
Speaker 1: so it's a thought, it's a feeling, and it's something
22:23
Speaker 1: that is not necessarily acted upon. It's something that you
22:26
Speaker 1: might believe deep down or something that might color your
22:31
Speaker 1: perception of the world. When that prejudice is then turned
22:34
Speaker 1: into an action, that's discrimination. Discrimination is a verb. Discrimination
22:39
Speaker 1: is something that is done unfair and unequal treatment to
22:43
Speaker 1: an individual or to a group. So that's prejudice. That's discrimination.
22:47
Speaker 1: And then racism is going to be prejudice plus power.
22:51
Speaker 1: So power dynamics are super important. And power here is
22:56
Speaker 1: defined as the authority granted through social structure. So we
23:00
Speaker 1: know that the social structure is upheld by white supremacy,
23:03
Speaker 1: and so the social structure at this present time, when
23:07
Speaker 1: social structure is constantly shifting, but at this present time,
23:11
Speaker 1: racism can only be enacted by the person that holds
23:15
Speaker 1: the power tied together with that prejudice. So I feel
23:19
Speaker 1: like that's a great place to kick it off.
23:22
Speaker 3: It's a good place to kick it off.
23:24
Speaker 2: I love the way that you articulated discrimination being a verb.
23:28
Speaker 2: I think that oftentimes, like that extra layer of explanation
23:33
Speaker 2: is what really made me relate into what you were
23:36
Speaker 2: putting into the world last month, and of course in
23:39
Speaker 2: the months leading up to that. So then for a
23:41
Speaker 2: shift here, I think it could be good for us
23:44
Speaker 2: to then talk a little bit about tone policing.
23:48
Speaker 1: Yeah. So, tone policing, I think is so important and
23:52
Speaker 1: critical toward being an ally and toward continuing any sort
23:57
Speaker 1: of anti racism journey. Plice saying is a diversionary tactic,
24:02
Speaker 1: and it's used when a person purposely turns away from
24:05
Speaker 1: the message behind someone's argument to focus on the delivery
24:09
Speaker 1: of it. So an example of tone policing would be
24:12
Speaker 1: if someone says I'm so fed up with this shit
24:16
Speaker 1: and I don't want to deal with white people anymore,
24:19
Speaker 1: and a white person might think I feel attacked, I
24:24
Speaker 1: feel upset, I feel triggered. I feel that this is
24:29
Speaker 1: an unkind way to verbalize this sentiment. I feel that
24:34
Speaker 1: I'm being attacked in this moment when potentially maybe this
24:37
Speaker 1: is a friend let's say that you're having a conversation
24:39
Speaker 1: with and that becomes the focused And I think that
24:45
Speaker 1: what I mentioned before about the privileges that I have
24:49
Speaker 1: of being a college educated, middle class person is that
24:53
Speaker 1: maybe I have I have, for example, access to therapy.
24:56
Speaker 1: I've been going to therapy for five years and that
24:58
Speaker 1: has allowed me to be able to trauma in a
25:00
Speaker 1: different way that maybe someone that doesn't have access to therapy.
25:04
Speaker 1: I also put myself in a position as an educator,
25:07
Speaker 1: so the way in which that I'm going to express
25:09
Speaker 1: my feelings to someone might be different. But I think
25:12
Speaker 1: what's so important is to realize that marginalized people have
25:16
Speaker 1: a reason to be angry, they have a reason to
25:18
Speaker 1: be traumatized, they have a reason to be upset. And
25:22
Speaker 1: so if the words that someone uses make you less
25:25
Speaker 1: than comfortable, I think it is up to the person
25:29
Speaker 1: that is trying to learn to be able to say, Okay,
25:32
Speaker 1: from what you just said, I'm hearing that you're sad.
25:35
Speaker 1: I'm hearing that you're traumatized. I'm hearing that your heartbroken.
25:38
Speaker 1: I'm hearing that maybe I've let you down as a friend,
25:41
Speaker 1: And that is really the beauty of tone policing. It's
25:45
Speaker 1: turning it away from feeling offended at the delivery of
25:48
Speaker 1: something into really grasping the message that's behind that hurt.
25:54
Speaker 1: And it's definitely necessary because again, when someone is traumatized,
25:59
Speaker 1: wounded and oppressed, they can't be expected to be eloquent
26:04
Speaker 1: all the time.
26:06
Speaker 3: So that would go hand in hand with emotional labor.
26:09
Speaker 1: Yeah. Absolutely. Like I again, like I said, I'm putting
26:13
Speaker 1: myself in this position. I love. I was so hyped
26:16
Speaker 1: to talk about language because it's really something that is
26:19
Speaker 1: I have a passion for, and I'm putting myself in
26:22
Speaker 1: this position. So when folks ask me a question in
26:25
Speaker 1: relation to this, I've put myself out there in this way.
26:29
Speaker 1: Whereas just because you have a black coworker doesn't make
26:33
Speaker 1: it appropriate for you to go to them and ask
26:35
Speaker 1: them to teach you about something. Luckily, we are in
26:40
Speaker 1: an age where we have Google and we just have
26:42
Speaker 1: all the resources at our fingertips, and so there's not
26:46
Speaker 1: really a need to put that pressure on someone else.
26:50
Speaker 1: So emotional labor, when you really think about it, it's
26:53
Speaker 1: just when a person must constantly manage their emotion in
26:58
Speaker 1: order to make someone else feel comfortable. It goes definitely
27:00
Speaker 1: hand in hand with tone policing. It's about the work
27:04
Speaker 1: of think about like if you're in a fight with
27:06
Speaker 1: someone and there's something you really want to say, but
27:08
Speaker 1: you know you shouldn't say it, and so you're like
27:11
Speaker 1: talking yourself down in your head. It's that kind of
27:14
Speaker 1: feeling that you have to get yourself together in a
27:17
Speaker 1: way to make the other person feel comfortable when maybe
27:20
Speaker 1: your comfort should be put at the forefront.
27:24
Speaker 3: Wow.
27:25
Speaker 2: I'm just like sitting here absorbing a lot of this,
27:27
Speaker 2: and I think this is helpful, not just when it
27:30
Speaker 2: comes to conversations on activism and racial justice, but also
27:35
Speaker 2: just like in our everyday life and understanding like where
27:38
Speaker 2: you can sit in discussions with the people you care about,
27:41
Speaker 2: or just I mean, how you can sit in discussions
27:43
Speaker 2: in general.
27:44
Speaker 1: Yeah. Absolutely, I think about that all the time. I
27:46
Speaker 1: think about how I've tone policed someone that was telling
27:52
Speaker 1: me any number of things that was hurtful or traumatizing
27:56
Speaker 1: to them, and I'm like, ooh, I didn't really like
27:58
Speaker 1: how you said that to me, And I think absolutely
28:01
Speaker 1: exactly what you said. I feel like it can be
28:02
Speaker 1: used in a lot of different scenarios on.
28:06
Speaker 2: The tone policing note, can you have a constructive conversation
28:12
Speaker 2: about the way that the two of you were communicating,
28:16
Speaker 2: because that's what I would hope to do realistically.
28:19
Speaker 1: It's the I feel like. It definitely depends on the relationship,
28:24
Speaker 1: and it depends on the circumstances. Like my fiance, Richard,
28:28
Speaker 1: He's Chinese, Korean and Puerto Rican. He identifies primarily as
28:32
Speaker 1: Asian and lives in experience as an Asian American and
28:35
Speaker 1: is more tied to that culture. And so in the
28:38
Speaker 1: beginning of this kind of moment where I started really
28:42
Speaker 1: speaking out on racial justice, there were plenty of things
28:44
Speaker 1: that we didn't see eye to eye on and I
28:47
Speaker 1: would sometimes lash out because I was exhausted of speaking
28:54
Speaker 1: to people maybe in this way in my public life,
28:57
Speaker 1: and so in my private life, I was just did
29:00
Speaker 1: not have the energy to hold my emotions back. And
29:04
Speaker 1: I think it took time, because I think what you're
29:08
Speaker 1: looking for when you're lashing out, at least me. I
29:11
Speaker 1: can't speak to all black people obviously are all marginalized people.
29:14
Speaker 1: But what I'm looking for is someone to reach their
29:17
Speaker 1: handout and say I believe you. Everything that you're saying
29:20
Speaker 1: is true, Everything that you're saying is verified and validated.
29:27
Speaker 1: And once I feel that, it definitely is easier to
29:30
Speaker 1: be able to have a more calm conversation in which
29:34
Speaker 1: I don't feel that I'm being attacked.
29:37
Speaker 2: Is there anything else I can say or do for
29:39
Speaker 2: public facing tailor to make public facing tailor feel more
29:44
Speaker 2: comfortable or accepted?
29:47
Speaker 1: I feel like I definitely feel a lot more comfortable now.
29:51
Speaker 1: I think it's just over time learning. You know where
29:55
Speaker 1: where I need rest and where I need you know,
29:58
Speaker 1: to take a moment.
30:00
Speaker 2: Yeah, fair, fair, Okay. I want to dive into two
30:03
Speaker 2: more terms before I let you go. The first term,
30:07
Speaker 2: I want to dive into microaggressions.
30:11
Speaker 1: Yes, microaggressions. Ooh, it is such a buzzword in these times,
30:16
Speaker 1: such a buzz I'll give you kind of a more
30:19
Speaker 1: dictionary definition of what a microaggression is and then kind
30:23
Speaker 1: of dive into a little bit more. I feel like
30:25
Speaker 1: as I learn more about these terms, I kind of
30:27
Speaker 1: have more thoughts to offer. So a microaggression is a
30:30
Speaker 1: commonplace verbal or behavioral example of racism is perpetuated often,
30:36
Speaker 1: and you will see this in literally every single definition
30:39
Speaker 1: of microaggressions, that it's often perpetuated by well meaning people
30:44
Speaker 1: or well intentioned people, And I think it's so interesting
30:49
Speaker 1: that that language has used so much in the dictionary
30:52
Speaker 1: definition of this word. When we talk about microaggressions, there
30:56
Speaker 1: is nothing micro about them. My entire life, my entire childhood.
31:03
Speaker 1: I would say I experience microaggressions every single day, whether
31:06
Speaker 1: it was someone throwing rocks in my hair to see
31:09
Speaker 1: if they would stay in It could be a behavior
31:11
Speaker 1: or or a verbal example, so throwing sticks in my
31:15
Speaker 1: hair to see if they would stick in my hair,
31:17
Speaker 1: or if it was someone telling me that my food
31:21
Speaker 1: was weird because it was you know, rice and beans
31:24
Speaker 1: are something that my parents had made me. Microaggressions are
31:29
Speaker 1: not micro. They are the tiny, tiny cuts that you
31:33
Speaker 1: experience every day that result in a massive wound as
31:36
Speaker 1: a marginalized person. And when I say marginalized person, that
31:41
Speaker 1: includes anyone that's at the fringes of society. Those are
31:44
Speaker 1: black people, Hispanic people, Latin X people, queer people, trans people,
31:49
Speaker 1: fat people, old people, people with disabilities, folks that are
31:53
Speaker 1: cast to the side and not seen as the ideal
31:56
Speaker 1: and microaggressions are hurtful and they are ongoing because we
32:01
Speaker 1: see them as something that's super disorienting for the person
32:05
Speaker 1: that's experiencing them. When someone says, can I touch your hair,
32:09
Speaker 1: and they reach out and touch my hair as a child,
32:12
Speaker 1: and for me to turn around and say that's racist,
32:16
Speaker 1: the uproar that I receive is I just liked your hair,
32:20
Speaker 1: and I was doing something nice. I was giving you
32:22
Speaker 1: a compliment. And I think we really need to strip
32:25
Speaker 1: away the layers of our society that say racism is
32:30
Speaker 1: too tough of a word. I think we need to
32:32
Speaker 1: call something racism when it's racist, When it is making
32:36
Speaker 1: me feel othered, it is not acceptable. And I think
32:40
Speaker 1: when we use words like microaggression sometimes it minimizes the
32:44
Speaker 1: damage that is done when someone experiences this kind of thing.
32:49
Speaker 1: So I would say, while microaggression is absolutely a term
32:53
Speaker 1: that's used and a valid term, I feel like I
32:58
Speaker 1: am much more of the mindset that when something is racist,
33:01
Speaker 1: we can call it racist. We don't have to shy
33:03
Speaker 1: away from saying it was a little racist, it was
33:06
Speaker 1: a microaggression. It was just not too nice. We don't
33:09
Speaker 1: have to sugarcoat it. Words are here for a reason.
33:12
Speaker 1: They're here for us to reach out and use them,
33:15
Speaker 1: and I think racist works just fine.
33:18
Speaker 2: Hot take, okay, And so then the last word that
33:21
Speaker 2: I want to discuss with you here today is allyship.
33:26
Speaker 2: It is something that I myself have been really striving
33:31
Speaker 2: to do better. It is something that I've been trying
33:34
Speaker 2: to educate myself on, and so I think that it's
33:37
Speaker 2: a great way to bring us home here.
33:40
Speaker 1: Absolutely so. My favorite definition of allyship is an active, consistent,
33:46
Speaker 1: and arduous practice of unlearning and reevaluating, and allyship is
33:51
Speaker 1: essentially to be right there at the forefront with those
33:55
Speaker 1: that are marginalized. Some of my favorite tips for an
34:00
Speaker 1: ally are believing people, which is something I referenced earlier.
34:04
Speaker 1: Believing people validating their humanity, validating their experience, and along
34:09
Speaker 1: with that goes learning consistently. If someone tells you something
34:13
Speaker 1: that maybe is completely out of your understanding, something you've
34:18
Speaker 1: never experienced before, that you couldn't even fathom happening to you,
34:22
Speaker 1: that doesn't mean it's not true. It means just you
34:25
Speaker 1: have been lucky enough to not experience that, and so
34:28
Speaker 1: it's your job to then go away and learn what
34:33
Speaker 1: that person was talking about. What that means, because going
34:36
Speaker 1: back to emotional labor, it's not their job to educate
34:40
Speaker 1: you on how our society functions as upholding white supremacist ideology.
34:47
Speaker 1: It's your job to say, wow, I've never heard anything
34:50
Speaker 1: like that. I'm going to go away and find more
34:53
Speaker 1: so believing people, learning consistently, absolutely being willing to make
34:58
Speaker 1: mistakes and to apologize for those mistakes because there's no
35:02
Speaker 1: way to be perfect and there's no but there's also
35:07
Speaker 1: no way to make positive change unless you really go
35:09
Speaker 1: out there and try to have these conversations and practice
35:13
Speaker 1: what you're learning. And the last thing is really just
35:17
Speaker 1: sharing that knowledge with others. So you being the person
35:21
Speaker 1: to call out your friend, you being the person that
35:25
Speaker 1: doesn't minimize there's so many memes that are like that
35:28
Speaker 1: racist uncle that you're going to see at Thanksgiving, Like,
35:31
Speaker 1: don't be the person that minimizes that. Be the person
35:34
Speaker 1: that says something. Share it with your family, share it
35:36
Speaker 1: with your coworker, share it with your children. It has
35:39
Speaker 1: to be something that's integrated into your life. Yeah, ala
35:42
Speaker 1: ship Again. It's that active and consistent part that is
35:46
Speaker 1: really the most important.
35:49
Speaker 2: What excites you about where this conversation is going right now.
35:56
Speaker 1: I feel like what definitely excites me, but also some
36:00
Speaker 1: and what puzzles me is that it is so at
36:04
Speaker 1: the forefront, and I think a lot of people are
36:08
Speaker 1: listening that might not have listened before, and I feel
36:12
Speaker 1: like that is super exciting. I feel like it has
36:14
Speaker 1: brought a lot of hope and it has brought a
36:16
Speaker 1: lot of possibility. I think that it's also sometimes a
36:21
Speaker 1: conflicting feeling for me because I see folks that were
36:25
Speaker 1: at the forefront of racial justice fifty years or one
36:28
Speaker 1: hundred years ago and how their lives were threatened or
36:31
Speaker 1: even taken for speaking out. And so it definitely makes
36:35
Speaker 1: me feel pretty honored to be in a position where
36:39
Speaker 1: I can speak freely about this and have people actually listen,
36:43
Speaker 1: when I know that so many people before me risk
36:45
Speaker 1: their lives by saying these very same things. So I
36:49
Speaker 1: do feel hopeful, and I do feel like a lot
36:51
Speaker 1: of people are paying attention.
36:53
Speaker 2: As your efforts have picked up and you have become
36:57
Speaker 2: someone who is more vocal on these issues, has your
37:01
Speaker 2: movement practice changed at all.
37:04
Speaker 1: My movement practice has changed a bit. Something that's always
37:09
Speaker 1: been really important to me is boxing, And for me,
37:14
Speaker 1: boxing is such an outlet. Not necessarily a lot of
37:17
Speaker 1: people think, oh, yeah, you're getting out like your aggression
37:20
Speaker 1: or your rage and you're hitting something. But that's not
37:22
Speaker 1: really what it is. To be honest, I don't really
37:25
Speaker 1: find myself a very rageful person. That's not really where
37:28
Speaker 1: I go first. And so it's not really that part.
37:32
Speaker 1: It's more like when I'm boxing, when it's me and
37:35
Speaker 1: my coach, like I can't be thinking, I must be
37:38
Speaker 1: present or I will get hit in the face. So
37:42
Speaker 1: I feel like that being present and also kind of
37:46
Speaker 1: being in community with my coach, who I absolutely adore,
37:50
Speaker 1: is something that's very meaningful to me. And I've definitely
37:55
Speaker 1: started having a lot more grace with myself on days
37:59
Speaker 1: that I just kind of want to roll around and
38:00
Speaker 1: do some stretching stuff and like not do a hard workout,
38:03
Speaker 1: I'm like, yeah, absolutely, you deserve that. And that's also
38:08
Speaker 1: something that's kind of new for me.
38:10
Speaker 2: How else have you been implementing self care for yourself
38:15
Speaker 2: over the past let's say, ten to twelve months. And
38:19
Speaker 2: on this note, something that Tune Day from Peloton said
38:23
Speaker 2: this week on Hurdle that I want to bring into
38:25
Speaker 2: the fold here is She asked what happens when you
38:30
Speaker 2: change the phrase from self care to soul care? So
38:36
Speaker 2: how have you been taking care of your soul over
38:40
Speaker 2: the past ten to twelve months.
38:42
Speaker 1: I did listen to that episode with Tundy, so I
38:44
Speaker 1: love that. For me, I think something that was really
38:48
Speaker 1: important to me was kind of segmenting my day between
38:54
Speaker 1: when am I being an activist? It cannot be all
38:59
Speaker 1: the time. I cannot be on and I cannot be
39:02
Speaker 1: engaging in these difficult conversations that I'm not just an
39:06
Speaker 1: outsider like looking in, like I am part of this community,
39:11
Speaker 1: still experiencing these hardships, and so it's really just this
39:16
Speaker 1: when I'm at my desk in this way, at this time,
39:19
Speaker 1: this is when I'm doing this work. And when I'm not,
39:21
Speaker 1: I'm just tailor. I'm not tailor with any expectations or
39:25
Speaker 1: any title. And I think the absolute best self care
39:29
Speaker 1: for me that I highly recommend is just sitting down existing.
39:36
Speaker 3: That's it.
39:37
Speaker 1: Like I get in my head when I have a
39:40
Speaker 1: self care day, I'm like, first I do this, then
39:42
Speaker 1: I do this. I need to buy this product, I
39:44
Speaker 1: need to do this thing. And I've realized just like
39:47
Speaker 1: sitting down doing nothing, being alive realizing I'm human and
39:53
Speaker 1: my feelings will come and go is the best thing
39:56
Speaker 1: I could do for myself.
39:58
Speaker 2: Finishing us all here. For someone that wants to continue
40:02
Speaker 2: to stay informed and continue to practice allyeship and do good,
40:09
Speaker 2: what would you say to them to help them progress
40:13
Speaker 2: on this journey?
40:14
Speaker 1: First and foremost, it's really the step of looking inside
40:20
Speaker 1: of yourself and thinking about what are those ugly things
40:23
Speaker 1: in there? When I see someone that is X, Y
40:26
Speaker 1: or Z fill in the blank this way, and I
40:29
Speaker 1: feel maybe a thought like, oh, I wouldn't be their friend,
40:34
Speaker 1: or I wouldn't want my child to be like this,
40:37
Speaker 1: or I wouldn't want to know that person. Those are
40:40
Speaker 1: really ugly things that are really tough to face. But
40:44
Speaker 1: I think really taking a moment and just acknowledging that
40:47
Speaker 1: is kind of the first step, and really thinking about
40:51
Speaker 1: what are those like crevices in there that we don't
40:53
Speaker 1: really let the light shine in And as soon as
40:56
Speaker 1: you acknowledge it, you let some light in there. Really
40:58
Speaker 1: just taking that time, and the second part is just
41:01
Speaker 1: finding something consistent, which is why we started activism to
41:05
Speaker 1: really show that you can do this every day. I
41:07
Speaker 1: have a weekly anti racism newsletter that I send out
41:10
Speaker 1: every week. There's tons of newsletters that you can get.
41:13
Speaker 1: There's one from Equal Justice Initiative that you get either
41:16
Speaker 1: every day or every month that I absolutely love and recommend.
41:20
Speaker 1: And just having a way to hold yourself accountable that
41:24
Speaker 1: you will hold space to have these thoughts and to
41:28
Speaker 1: have these conversations. That's the best thing that you can do.
41:32
Speaker 2: One piece of advice that you would have offered the
41:35
Speaker 2: tailor in July of last year.
41:39
Speaker 1: To not rush through the beauty and the accomplishments and
41:47
Speaker 1: the success that I've found in these moments, whether it's
41:52
Speaker 1: truly reaching someone in a part of our activism program
41:58
Speaker 1: or the messages that I've received after teaching these classes.
42:01
Speaker 1: Oftentimes I think about how do I reach more people,
42:04
Speaker 1: how do I do more? What constitutes success in this area?
42:10
Speaker 1: And a lot of times I feel guilty that I'm
42:13
Speaker 1: in this position of privilege in these sort of ways,
42:19
Speaker 1: and how can I do more? Because there are folks
42:22
Speaker 1: that are suffering so much more than me, And I
42:25
Speaker 1: feel like I would give myself the advice of don't
42:29
Speaker 1: be so hard on yourself, and you're doing a lot,
42:32
Speaker 1: and you should enjoy that you are are moving in
42:36
Speaker 1: this way.
42:37
Speaker 3: I love that.
42:38
Speaker 2: I know that every month Activism donates proceeds to a
42:42
Speaker 2: spotlight organization, and this month it.
42:44
Speaker 1: Is Avenues for Justice was our partner for our last program,
42:50
Speaker 1: and they are absolutely amazing. They're an alternative to incarceration program,
42:56
Speaker 1: so young folks in the city between the ages of
42:59
Speaker 1: thirteen to nineteen that would potentially be put in prison.
43:03
Speaker 1: They really take them under their wing and help them
43:06
Speaker 1: to kind of rehabilitate back into society. And ninety percent
43:11
Speaker 1: of the people that go through their program never commit
43:13
Speaker 1: a crime again. So absolutely love that organization.
43:18
Speaker 2: Well, I am excited because I'm grateful for your time,
43:22
Speaker 2: and I know that the hurdlers are grateful for it
43:25
Speaker 2: as well. So to thank you, I'll be making a
43:27
Speaker 2: donation to Avenues for Justice on your behalf. I am
43:33
Speaker 2: really really grateful just for your friendship, and I have
43:38
Speaker 2: a big feeling that a lot of the hurdlers are
43:40
Speaker 2: going to be reaching out to you to say thank
43:42
Speaker 2: you as well.
43:43
Speaker 1: Yay, thank you so much for having me. I feel
43:47
Speaker 1: so good when I can help folks feel a little
43:51
Speaker 1: bit more able to engage in these conversations, because that
43:56
Speaker 1: is the first step, and having the words to talk about.
43:59
Speaker 1: It is the first thing that you need. How do
44:02
Speaker 1: the hurdlers keep up with you? How do they follow
44:04
Speaker 1: along with you? How do they get involved with activism?
44:07
Speaker 1: Give me all of the details. You can find me
44:10
Speaker 1: on Instagram, my whole full government name Taylor Real Monte,
44:15
Speaker 1: my website tailor relmante dot com where you can subscribe
44:19
Speaker 1: to my anti racism newsletter. There's a little bar right
44:22
Speaker 1: on top of my website that says subscribe here because
44:25
Speaker 1: it ain't a trend, honey, Because it's not. You need
44:28
Speaker 1: that education every week. And I think that's it. Just
44:33
Speaker 1: Instagram and website.
44:34
Speaker 2: I am over at Emilia Body and at Hurdle Podcast
44:37
Speaker 2: Another Hurdle conquered.
44:39
Speaker 3: Catch you guys next time.