Latest / The Habit Lab / Episode 69: Triumphs and Total Flops- last summer's habits

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Episode 69: Triumphs and Total Flops- last summer's habits · The Habit Lab

• 1:08
  Speaker 1: We all have areas in our life we might feel stuck or overwhelmed.
• 1:12
  Speaker 1: So join me, jenna Zint, habit Coach, teacher and follower of Jesus, as we go after little bits of better by building offensively small habits that create big impact.
• 1:23
  Speaker 1: This is the Habit Lab Podcast.
• 1:25
  Speaker 1: Welcome to the Habit Lab.
• 1:40
  Speaker 1: This is Jenna Zint.
• 1:40
  Speaker 1: This episode is a recap from last summer.
• 1:41
  Speaker 1: So you guys know that I have my summer, setting up your summer course.
• 1:43
  Speaker 1: Well, in doing so, it's made me really reflect, obviously, on last summer.
• 1:47
  Speaker 1: That's the whole point is to like tweak it.
• 1:49
  Speaker 1: So I was like, oh, it'd be a good idea to do a whole episode on summer, the things I'm going to tweak from last year, my triumphs and my total flops from last year's habits.
• 2:00
  Speaker 1: But you know, what's been cool is now that I'm so many years into sorry, that was a really slow cool so many years into editing our habits, it does not feel like I'm reinventing the wheel, like it takes so much less effort every year, because it's like just small adjustments versus like what could fill that need?
• 2:19
  Speaker 1: What bridge could you know habit could fill that gaping hole in our lives.
• 2:26
  Speaker 1: It's like, oh no, what are some small edits?
• 2:27
  Speaker 1: Does this need to be, you know trimmed an inch, do I need to take in the waistline?
• 2:31
  Speaker 1: Sorry, I was a seamstress in a former life when I owned Turbans for Tots, so altering clothes analogies feels like the most suiting analogy.
• 2:41
  Speaker 1: Okay, so I hope this helps.
• 2:44
  Speaker 1: I also do want to say like the goal is never like I kind of joke, I feel like I might start rebranding my stuff as time management or habits for type B people, because the goal is not to actually have this really rigid schedule or do a huge bucket list.
• 3:02
  Speaker 1: We actually don't do bucket lists.
• 3:03
  Speaker 1: It's not to create like lofty expectations.
• 3:06
  Speaker 1: It's actually to like dial back your unspoken expectations and then actually put habits in place, like little bitty action steps like walk five minute walks with each kid once a week for a little, or 10 or 15 minute walks does not do you five minutes for date night connection versus like cake kids on dates and then it never happens or it's too big and ends up being, you know, two hours and a hundred dollars.
• 3:31
  Speaker 1: So the idea of like oh, a lot of us have these hopes and goals, but unless we make really offensively small habits, we're either going to fail or overshoot it.
• 3:41
  Speaker 1: So, anyways, that is the goal of my course, and even just like my mindset, it is not to get you to be a robot of a machine who's checking all these boxes and mechanically going through your summer.
• 3:54
  Speaker 1: It's more of like taking a pulse on where your family's at and then building like a little bit of infrastructure to support you.
• 4:01
  Speaker 1: It's so much more organic and like I always think of habits, like habits designed well are like a trellis with a flourishing plant, where you're aware of whether it's you know a trellis that's holding up a tomato plant and you see all the greenery, you see the tomatoes, you see the buds for you know ones that haven't grown yet, you see them ripening.
• 4:22
  Speaker 1: Like your awareness is not on the trellis, it's on the plant and the fruit and the life that's coming out of it.
• 4:28
  Speaker 1: Like that's where the focus is and I think that's the sweet part.
• 4:31
  Speaker 1: Most people don't realize is possible or what the goal is.
• 4:35
  Speaker 1: When they hear structure or time management or planning your summer, they think way more rigid control where the trellis is the main.
• 4:43
  Speaker 1: It's like structure is forward leaning instead of like the behind the scenes support system that supports thriving, connection and fun and a little bit of growth, but not unreasonable growth like 1% better growth.
• 4:59
  Speaker 1: Okay, so I'm going to start with my flops from last summer and the good news is like I don't think again.
• 5:07
  Speaker 1: There's just there are tweaks.
• 5:09
  Speaker 1: But I think the cool part is that I take I've taken the judgment out of it.
• 5:13
  Speaker 1: I get way more scientific and curious when a habit I designed is not working the way I thought or there's parts I don't like about it.
• 5:20
  Speaker 1: I actually get almost like um, I nerd out and be like what aspect of this isn't working?
• 5:24
  Speaker 1: Why do I keep experiencing this?
• 5:26
  Speaker 1: What could I shift Like?
• 5:27
  Speaker 1: What factors are involved that I didn't anticipate?
• 5:30
  Speaker 1: When I was like drawing the habit on my worksheet that's like kind of my mod two is brainstorming in my little summer setup course is brainstorming habits.
• 5:37
  Speaker 1: And when I was doing that and then when I went on to mod three and was planning it and plugging it in, what did I not anticipate?
• 5:43
  Speaker 1: But now when it was up and running, it was like, ah, that was funky.
• 5:46
  Speaker 1: But taking the judgment out of it makes me notice and adjust way more quickly.
• 5:51
  Speaker 1: And then I'm allowed to leave a habit that I like.
• 5:55
  Speaker 1: Oh, I thought that was going to work, but I don't think.
• 5:57
  Speaker 1: I think that's too young for our family, or I think Wesley's not there yet and it actually breaks connections so we'll pause that for future or that wasn't quite hitting the need with the God spot.
• 6:06
  Speaker 1: It just becomes so much less personal or high stakes when you expect to edit and are like very aware and conscientious of the pain points Like I actually like pain points in my habits and like to notice them because I think like, oh, I could do something slightly different and get way better results versus I'm failing or being critical.
• 6:25
  Speaker 1: It actually is the opposite of a critical spirit.
• 6:26
  Speaker 1: It feels like an invitation to upgrade into edit versus continuing and getting the same pain points you know, like wearing uncomfortable shoes and just continuing to wear them because you bought them for $30.
• 6:36
  Speaker 1: And who cares if they give you a blister, I'm going to wear these shoes because I bought them.
• 6:40
  Speaker 1: Like, oh, that's such a terrible mindset.
• 6:42
  Speaker 1: Please don't do that with your habits.
• 6:44
  Speaker 1: Okay, so the flops from last summer One rush ruins connection and what I would say my takeaway was I didn't leave enough space between for us to transition as a family, so I would usually leave 30 to 45 minutes from because I work.
• 7:03
  Speaker 1: I do coaching calls.
• 7:04
  Speaker 1: If you're looking to work with me this summer I have a couple more spots.
• 7:07
  Speaker 1: I was kind of like calendaring out because I'm doing my course and setting up my summer.
• 7:10
  Speaker 1: I limit it to 12 hours in the week, so it's like three hour chunks, four days, and what I would do is I didn't plan enough.
• 7:20
  Speaker 1: I plan about 45 minutes to transition from work to our next activity or vice versa, from the activity into work, and that's because writing's super close, there's not a lot of driving, it's like 10 minutes or less, and then I would have things packed.
• 7:34
  Speaker 1: So, for instance, if I had a reoccurring pool party and I was coaching at my house and then everyone was coming to my house, so I thought 30 minutes would be fine, but my children and I don't think I'm alone in this needed more time to slowly transition and to ease into action and in a way that the 30 minutes broke connection because we were rushed and I thought, since we were prepared, you know, and had everything packed in the car ready, it would be simple, but it wasn't.
• 8:04
  Speaker 1: So the main difference, which is it's just beautiful to be like, oh, I don't have to throw it out, it doesn't mean these pool parties don't work for me to host on the days that I'm coaching.
• 8:13
  Speaker 1: That's how I would have maybe my flawed logic and editing before I got really into habits.
• 8:19
  Speaker 1: Now I'm like I just need a wider margin.
• 8:21
  Speaker 1: I think coaching from home still works and hosting things still work on days I coach.
• 8:27
  Speaker 1: But instead of 30 minutes I'm going to at least plan an hour.
• 8:29
  Speaker 1: So rushing ruins connection.
• 8:31
  Speaker 1: I'm going to plan more margin in between our activities.
• 8:35
  Speaker 1: Number two there is these kind of sound meta.
• 8:39
  Speaker 1: I'm intrigued.
• 8:40
  Speaker 1: I'm intrigued if people can relate as you're listening to this.
• 8:42
  Speaker 1: But there is an afternoon inertia that happens at our house that it was so hard to like, that it was so hard to like come out of.
• 8:52
  Speaker 1: I'm bored, cranky, they don't want to leave, I'd feel too tired to leave.
• 9:00
  Speaker 1: We'd have these grand plans of like okay, I'm going to coach from 11 to two, so then at 2.30, like I said, not enough time we're going to leave and head to the lake and it's going to be wonderful, but we were like so dead.
• 9:09
  Speaker 1: It was like trying to run in water.
• 9:12
  Speaker 1: You know, like when you run, you're like okay, it's hard enough, but then when running your water, you're like I don't want to leave the house or the couch.
• 9:20
  Speaker 1: And it wasn't just the kids.
• 9:22
  Speaker 1: It was me.
• 9:23
  Speaker 1: So my takeaway is that this year I'm actually going to alter.
• 9:26
  Speaker 1: Like last year I had my coaching hours set Monday through Thursday at the same time because I thought, oh, that will be helpful in consistency, but finding that afternoon inertia was so hard.
• 9:36
  Speaker 1: I'm going to alternate a bit so that some mornings we can leave by like I think the tension is like I don't want an early morning like a school morning, but there is something beneficial about like the sweet spot of for us is like 930, having a commitment out of the house because we have to get dressed in a reasonable time and eat breakfast in a reasonable time.
• 10:00
  Speaker 1: So it's like starting our day kind of all together versus when we have home time.
• 10:04
  Speaker 1: It's like everyone's kind of doing their own thing and it's a little disconnecting how out of sync we are with each other.
• 10:10
  Speaker 1: So like what's?
• 11:58
  Speaker 1: It almost feels like bumpers, like what is a bumper for?
• 12:01
  Speaker 1: Like when you're going bowling, versus like control, like someone else bowling for you or having no bumpers.
• 12:07
  Speaker 1: It's like, oh, if we have a couple mornings a week where we have to do something, I think that'll help us avoid the afternoon inertia.
• 12:14
  Speaker 1: And even just recognizing that pattern.
• 12:16
  Speaker 1: It'll make me actually choose what I schedule when differently.
• 12:20
  Speaker 1: So what I mean is, when I'm some of my time management habits is I follow my energy.
• 12:25
  Speaker 1: So I do harder things in the morning versus the afternoon, because I even have afternoon inertia.
• 12:29
  Speaker 1: So I think I'm going to use that mentality with the kids too.
• 12:33
  Speaker 1: So if we're doing reading out minutes or Audrey doesn't like going to the lake as much as the rest of us I'm going to do that in the morning because it's easier, because she has more energy and she's in a better mood than if it's in the afternoon.
• 12:46
  Speaker 1: She dreads it all day and then has a terrible attitude all day and then at the lake.
• 12:49
  Speaker 1: So I'm just going to plan accordingly and recognizing that tendency for us to have an afternoon inertia and kind of reframe some of it.
• 12:57
  Speaker 1: So I'm going to mix up some of my morning work hours so that we can build some momentum by alternating.
• 13:02
  Speaker 1: Number three too frequent of large play dates.
• 13:09
  Speaker 1: So last year I had a reoccurring baby pool party.
• 13:13
  Speaker 1: Some of you probably have seen me talk about it on my Instagram.
• 13:17
  Speaker 1: The point was I have friends who have younger kids and then my kids were getting a little entitled, like when we'd host, like that's core value of our home is hospitality and hosting like being generous, like we talked about and come some of the episodes past in our podcast.
• 13:31
  Speaker 1: But what I noticed is that the kids would then get really picky and be like, oh, they don't have any kids my age.
• 13:37
  Speaker 1: So then it became this thing where I was trying to accommodate everybody's need and create this perfect facility you know facilitated event where Audrey had a friend, rosie had a friend, Wesley had a friend, aaron had a friend, and then it was like six families deep and I was like, no, this doesn't actually work for me.
• 13:51
  Speaker 1: I want people like.
• 13:53
  Speaker 1: That's actually not kind of the service or mindset behind hospitality is that it's serving when they're my perfect people.
• 14:01
  Speaker 1: So I purposely invited over my friends who had toddlers because I wanted the kids to get better at hosting and enjoying company that wasn't perfectly tailored for their age and that was.
• 14:09
  Speaker 1: So it was wonderful, it totally worked, but it was too many people too often.
• 14:15
  Speaker 1: So this year my takeaway is that I'm alternating them.
• 14:19
  Speaker 1: So instead of having it every week, I'm going to have it every other.
• 14:21
  Speaker 1: And then I broke up the group a little bit so that it wasn't as a large of a group so it feels less overwhelming.
• 14:27
  Speaker 1: So I think it was cool, being like, okay, I didn't need to totally throw that.
• 14:30
  Speaker 1: That was a new habit from last year.
• 14:32
  Speaker 1: That reoccurring pool party was actually amazing and it's the same people.
• 14:35
  Speaker 1: We did last year Like we built expedited connection and it was so chill because it's just in the afternoon.
• 14:41
  Speaker 1: It was about an hour and a half but it was a little too big too often.
• 14:46
  Speaker 1: So this year I'm trying alternating and a little smaller groups.
• 14:50
  Speaker 1: My other flop from last summer was we have a local camp and the kids were on a wait list and the way it worked out.
• 15:00
  Speaker 1: They got in in July and then we chose two weeks.
• 15:05
  Speaker 1: Our family budget was they could choose two weeks for this little local city rec park.
• 15:10
  Speaker 1: It was like nine to three or something like that.
• 15:12
  Speaker 1: I'm sorry, not park day camp is what I'm trying to say.
• 15:17
  Speaker 1: Anyways, so because they were on the wait list, because the first time we did it, then we were kind of at the mercy of what they had available and we did two weeks back to back and it was too much.
• 15:24
  Speaker 1: The first week they loved it and then halfway through the second week they were over it and they felt annoyed and they were bored.
• 15:33
  Speaker 1: But then in August they're like, can we go back again?
• 15:36
  Speaker 1: And I was like, ah, so I just realized they actually really liked the camp again.
• 15:40
  Speaker 1: Getting scientific and curious and not throwing the baby out with the bathwater, like old me would have been like, see, they didn't like the camp, like it was a bust.
• 15:48
  Speaker 1: But when I get more nuanced I'm like it was actually the back-to-back camps that were a bust.
• 15:53
  Speaker 1: So this year, because we were on the list, we actually made the cutoff.
• 15:56
  Speaker 1: So I strategically chose a week in June and then a week in July and I spaced it out enough because what I found is back-to-back created burnout.
• 16:07
  Speaker 1: But if we just did the same thing all summer while I was working, they're a little bored.
• 16:11
  Speaker 1: So having four weeks in between will be enough to look forward to, without overtaking our schedule for our summer, to making it too scheduled, because I actually like a lot of flexibility, I like us to be able to plan it and I have anchor moments throughout the week.
• 16:26
  Speaker 1: But I purposely leave a lot of white space in my calendar, which there's an episode from December that I talked about.
• 16:32
  Speaker 1: How I leave white space, that's how I don't overschedule us, but anyways.
• 16:37
  Speaker 1: So in my awareness I was like, okay, double back-to-back camps is too much.
• 16:41
  Speaker 1: We'll try separate this month or this summer and maybe for 2026,.
• 16:46
  Speaker 1: My takeaway is that one week is enough, no problem, but I don't feel like I'm failing.
• 16:51
  Speaker 1: I don't feel flooded in shame if it doesn't work.
• 16:55
  Speaker 1: And then also last year, when they hit burnout, I was way more flexible, where by the third day, when it was really hard, I'd let kids stay home.
• 17:04
  Speaker 1: I was like, oh, I'm not actually dying on these mountains.
• 17:06
  Speaker 1: I'm not this bitter mom that is one either burned out or so desperate for you to go somewhere.
• 17:10
  Speaker 1: Nor do I need to hold up my plan, because I made a plan and I'm going to stick to it.
• 17:16
  Speaker 1: I'm going to actually tailor it to the needs as they arise.
• 17:20
  Speaker 1: So I probably will make edits again, but I was smart and took the feedback from last year, so I won't feel shame if I need to make edits for the next year.
• 17:28
  Speaker 1: You get this mentality.
• 17:29
  Speaker 1: I'm just trying to narrate my thought process, because when I'm working with people designing their summers, this is some of the things that come up again.
• 17:37
  Speaker 1: So I'm like, oh, I'm just going to narrate what I'm thinking and how I got there and hopes that it helps.
• 17:41
  Speaker 1: Oh gosh, you guys, number five, the flop from last year.
• 17:45
  Speaker 1: So I scaled back.
• 17:47
  Speaker 1: I'm an outdoor adventure girl and I would go on one and I think that's what a good mom would do All these subconscious beliefs that I had stewing and I went on a lot more by myself when the kids were younger because I didn't think they could.
• 18:03
  Speaker 1: So last summer, when I was planning my summer, I wanted, maybe in my heart, to do four day adventures.
• 18:10
  Speaker 1: Maybe one was paddleboarding the river.
• 18:12
  Speaker 1: The other one was there was a creek, like an hour away, that was super chill and cute and sweet.
• 18:17
  Speaker 1: We hadn't been there.
• 18:18
  Speaker 1: And then there was a waterfall hike I wanted to go to.
• 18:20
  Speaker 1: That was like three quarters.
• 18:22
  Speaker 1: You guys, reasonable Like I, thought this through and scaled it back and minimized my what's the word?
• 18:29
  Speaker 1: Expectations and had friends that they liked coming with us to each of them, so they weren't even by themselves and packed fun snacks.
• 18:36
  Speaker 1: And you guys, my children hated them.
• 18:40
  Speaker 1: They lost their mind.
• 18:42
  Speaker 1: Oh my gosh, the paddle, not the paddle board, the creek float was terrible.
• 18:49
  Speaker 1: They ruined.
• 18:50
  Speaker 1: There was like it was so picturesque and it was so pretty and they so whined the whole time.
• 18:57
  Speaker 1: My other friends' kids did not, and they're good family friends.
• 18:59
  Speaker 1: I had to get over feeling embarrassed and feeling shame.
• 19:04
  Speaker 1: I did parent it later but oh, I was angry by the end.
• 19:08
  Speaker 1: I was like you've ruined us.
• 19:10
  Speaker 1: So once I processed my anger and my emotion, I did not parent in that moment out of it because I knew I couldn't trust myself to not make a mess.
• 19:18
  Speaker 1: That is one of my edits this year.
• 19:19
  Speaker 1: Is that okay?
• 19:20
  Speaker 1: I will actually do more, like last year.
• 19:23
  Speaker 1: I planned them because I was trying to incorporate the kids and I didn't want to feel like I was doing too many like selfish adventures, I guess you would say.
• 19:29
  Speaker 1: But kind of the feedback is that my kids don't like them as much as me, specifically Audrey that's self-professed Wesley and Rosieie.
• 19:38
  Speaker 1: Some of my edits for this year is maybe aaron and audrey will do a day date.
• 19:41
  Speaker 1: All wesley and I do some of the more adventure, outdoor fun that we.
• 19:44
  Speaker 1: We like wesley or audrey's a little more wired like aaron, so being okay with that.
• 19:49
  Speaker 1: But then the other thing I'm gonna do, my edit I will not do any creek floats, since that one's so terrible, but there is this cool little subway cave, that that Audrey learned about in one of her class field trips and I'm going to arrange to bring her best friend from school so that I get like her buy-in.
• 20:07
  Speaker 1: And then I'm not inviting a bunch of other friends with families to meet us there because I don't want the public humiliation if it goes south and we'll see.
• 20:14
  Speaker 1: So editing it back to it's okay to have more mom-only adventures, nature adventures, because my kids don't like it as much and I'm still going to make them do something, though I will take water out of the equation because that is the common denominator of it going terrible.
• 20:30
  Speaker 1: Number six the flop from last year, we've done our library, which I encourage you guys to look into.
• 20:36
  Speaker 1: Your local library often does cute little summer reading programs and what I found is again, like our habits, the reason we go to gyms or do boot camps is a little bit of external accountability.
• 20:48
  Speaker 1: Motivation or prize helps kind of.
• 20:52
  Speaker 1: The habits stick in a different way, outside of just our own desire and wish.
• 20:56
  Speaker 1: There's like we're adding ourselves to a system.
• 20:57
  Speaker 1: So we've really enjoyed doing the summer reading programs in the past and one time I mean like they, if they read certain amount, number of hours, they get a free book, like it's low stakes.
• 21:08
  Speaker 1: But last year what you have to do to log or you've had to do this forever.
• 21:13
  Speaker 1: But the flop from last year was that you log your hours virtually.
• 21:16
  Speaker 1: And the reason it was different last year is it was the first year that Rosie was participating as well.
• 21:21
  Speaker 1: Up until then it had just been Audrey and I bookmarked the page and she knew how to log the hours on her own.
• 21:27
  Speaker 1: But then last year it kind of opened up to all three of the kids and virtually logging their hours was a fail.
• 21:34
  Speaker 1: It was too big of a barrier to entry.
• 21:37
  Speaker 1: Again, being scientific about why it didn't work they still like reading, I had good books, we went to the library enough, but the logging the hours created too much of a headache and then even like the fight to them be on screens afterwards that I was like, okay, this year what am I gonna do differently?
• 21:54
  Speaker 1: Even being like why did it not work this year or last year, 2024, when it had for so many years and recognizing the multiple kids now and the virtual was too much of a barrier entry.
• 22:04
  Speaker 1: So my basic edit for the summer is I'm printing a physical copy and then we'll just edit or we'll log it there which each kid can do by themselves, and then eventually, like maybe once a week or once every two weeks, I'll log it on my own, almost like batch log it, virtually.
• 22:20
  Speaker 1: So I think that'll be helpful.
• 22:22
  Speaker 1: But again, just remembering to think curiously, versus like we failed last year, that would be not a true and way too broad of sweeping of a statement.
• 22:31
  Speaker 1: To then be like we shouldn't do reading logs because I don't want to fail like we did last year or it's impossible.
• 22:36
  Speaker 1: Like actually, just the virtually logging was the component that really skewed us.
• 22:42
  Speaker 1: The next one was my coaching blocks were too long.
• 22:43
  Speaker 1: I did three to four straight hours because I was trying to combine them and make it a little more.
• 22:48
  Speaker 1: I thought it'd be sustainable, but I actually think I'm going to break them up because my kids, the inertia when I re-engage or they'd have to feed themselves or a fight would inevitably break out.
• 22:59
  Speaker 1: So this year, and then it ended up with a good chunk of like me feeling some mom guilt about working during the summer, even though I had planned other things.
• 23:06
  Speaker 1: So I'm trying to I think I'm actually going to do two hours less a week than I did last year, and then I'm going to break it up so that I don't have as long of a chunk.
• 23:16
  Speaker 1: And again, mom guilt would have been if I was not curious and scientific, if I just heard.
• 23:21
  Speaker 1: Contempt would have been like it's because you're working too much and or you don't value your kids and you shouldn't have to work, or whatever Pity could spiral into some muddy thought pattern, but the idea of like, oh, actually it was just a little too long, let's try breaking it up and having a little less hours.
• 23:37
  Speaker 1: Okay, so the wins.
• 23:39
  Speaker 1: Those are my flops from last summer.
• 23:41
  Speaker 1: I bet you guys can relate.
• 23:43
  Speaker 1: My goal would be, though, as I'm telling my specific examples, I'm doubting anyone out there listening would have the exact ones on theirs, but I hope that you get, as I like, narrated, how curious and how purposeful.
• 23:57
  Speaker 1: It almost feels like zooming in on one piece of clothes and be like oh, the buttons.
• 24:02
  Speaker 1: Why do I avoid this shirt?
• 24:03
  Speaker 1: The arm sleeves are a little tight.
• 24:05
  Speaker 1: I'm currently wearing a sweater.
• 24:08
  Speaker 1: The button on the top is like too tight, like it feels too formal, but when I unbutton the second button it looks a little too promiscuous.
• 24:15
  Speaker 1: So I don't quite know what to do.
• 24:16
  Speaker 1: This is honest.
• 24:17
  Speaker 1: And then maybe it's a little thicker than even though it's a sleeveless blouse.
• 24:23
  Speaker 1: It gets a little too thick for the summer 110 degree weather we have.
• 24:26
  Speaker 1: So being that purposeful of why maybe I avoid this shirt enables me to edit or think about how I could use it or work with it more, versus just keeping subconscious my aversion to it, like, oh, now I know, now I can be a little more strategic how I wear it and utilize it in my outfit rotation, and that's the whole point with your habits, like when you're editing them.
• 24:48
  Speaker 1: Okay, so these are my wins from last summer.
• 24:52
  Speaker 1: I did 30 minute time blocks, which what I mean is so I have a schedule in our house.
• 24:59
  Speaker 1: It's like a calendar on the wall and in one of my modules in my summer class there's some daily rhythms and I go into like what that would look like.
• 25:09
  Speaker 1: But what I found is I'll do these like I loosely divide our days into 30 minute time blocks and then I write them on there.
• 25:16
  Speaker 1: So it'll say craft time or reading time or outside play, or there's going to be one that's like connection time this summer and it's going to either be that they can call a grandparent, text a grandparent or draw something for a pen pal, like some level of connection they can handle.
• 25:34
  Speaker 1: Then there's outside time, yeah.
• 25:37
  Speaker 1: So the point, though, what was such a win in these 30 minutes is not that I'm, like this type, a controlling mom, but it almost reminded my kids what their options were.
• 25:45
  Speaker 1: I don't know about you, but like um a lot of times.
• 25:48
  Speaker 1: Um, they would get decision paralysis If we had hours of open time.
• 25:53
  Speaker 1: None of their toys would feel like I'd suggest things.
• 25:55
  Speaker 1: None of their toys were interesting, and they were so bored and there was nothing to do.
• 25:58
  Speaker 1: So instead, I consider these little 30 minute like totally, um, it's craft Do you want to do?
• 26:04
  Speaker 1: I have a bunch of.
• 26:06
  Speaker 1: I have a bunch of crafts at the beginning of the summer that I just kind of prepped to make sure.
• 26:10
  Speaker 1: So, like it's actually in my summer course, I have a whole module about, like, some of my habits that I do.
• 26:16
  Speaker 1: So I'm not going to give it away, it's in that, but I'll have that prepped and ready to go in a basket and they can choose.
• 26:22
  Speaker 1: So it's not this controlling intense thing, but it is a reminder.
• 26:26
  Speaker 1: What I noticed.
• 26:27
  Speaker 1: If it's all or nothing like either I have no structure or I'm all controlling.
• 26:31
  Speaker 1: They would feel overwhelmed from the free space if they could do anything.
• 26:35
  Speaker 1: So it just so helped with the decision paralysis to give, like our day, a steady rhythm of like, okay it's craft time, okay it's game time, do you want to do?
• 26:44
  Speaker 1: And then we change who get to pick the game.
• 26:46
  Speaker 1: But the 30 minutes was so bite size.
• 26:48
  Speaker 1: And then on the flip side which I didn't tell them, but I would know if that craft time really took off this time and it was like they're going long I found this picture this morning of Wesley's from last year with wings, cardboard wings, duct tape to his arms and I was like, oh yeah, I remember that that was a craft time that went longer.
• 27:08
  Speaker 1: I will let it go longer.
• 27:10
  Speaker 1: The point isn't to like constantly be doing things, it's just to like make it more manageable so that they don't feel decision paralysis and then if we miss something, like no problem, we'll either pause it or do it next, tomorrow or not.
• 27:22
  Speaker 1: It's just trying to get them to remember their options and engage.
• 27:26
  Speaker 1: And a lot of times I have to tell you it's not like they're on autopilot.
• 27:29
  Speaker 1: Where they go, they see the schedule and they go do it on their own.
• 27:32
  Speaker 1: I'll sit down and start with them or I'll get out the crafts and I'll be like, oh yeah, I'm watercoloring trees Almost like inviting them into something.
• 27:42
  Speaker 1: And then I can usually leave once I almost think of it like I feel sneaky sometimes.
• 27:47
  Speaker 1: Once the momentum picks up and they get over the I don't want twos or no, that's not fun, or whatever, mom, then they buy in, then I can.
• 27:56
  Speaker 1: If I need to go start lunch or move the laundry along, I can remove myself.
• 28:00
  Speaker 1: But I've created a momentum where I was there initially.
• 28:05
  Speaker 1: There aren't a ton of things that my kids will do self-sufficiently on their own, specifically where I do time blocking.
• 28:08
  Speaker 1: But if I start and help, I can then remove myself once the momentum is going.
• 28:14
  Speaker 1: Another hit from last year is that, instead of doing like a Bible devotional, we found some Christian books that were like biographies or like memoirs of cool, like radical revivalists or some.
• 28:27
  Speaker 1: I think there were two missionaries too that we read and that was such a hit because they were so story-based and driven versus lesson driven.
• 28:36
  Speaker 1: But the kids were really engaged and it was easy.
• 28:40
  Speaker 1: It was like hitting the God spot without having to fight a Sunday school resistance from them.
• 28:47
  Speaker 1: So we tried the Bible formatted reading more in the morning with summer and it felt forced and it felt forced and it was like too hard of a fight and I was like I actually really want to love them, to love it.
• 28:56
  Speaker 1: So we pivoted to, you know, faith-based biographies that were more story-driven and they loved it and I loved it.
• 29:02
  Speaker 1: So I just got a few recommendations.
• 29:06
  Speaker 1: I asked on Instagram for some new ones because I was having a hard time seeing it, and I'll put the list of like biographies or memoirs that I had gotten from other moms.
• 29:16
  Speaker 1: I'll make a little link to my Amazon shop because I added them.
• 29:19
  Speaker 1: We're not going to buy them all at once, but we bought two that we're going to start on reading this summer and if you're interested in those, the link to my Amazon will be in the show notes, let's see.
• 29:29
  Speaker 1: So that was the second edit was kind of shifting what our little faith moment, instead of a devotional strictly around the Bible, we shifted to like a missionary memoir.
• 29:39
  Speaker 1: I don't know how to say it.
• 29:41
  Speaker 1: Is it memoir or memoir?
• 29:43
  Speaker 1: It almost sounds like I'm putting on airs or a redneck.
• 29:47
  Speaker 1: It's like I can't win.
• 29:48
  Speaker 1: So maybe I'll just say autobiography or biography.
• 29:50
  Speaker 1: Just say autobiography or biography.
• 29:59
  Speaker 1: Okay, the next win for us was I kind of.
• 30:00
  Speaker 1: I finally have, last summer, upgraded my kids' morning jobs.
• 30:04
  Speaker 1: We call them morning jobs instead of chores, and then our rhythm at home is that they then do three chores a day, which we nailed.
• 30:11
  Speaker 1: I feel like I have a plenty of ideas of what they're capable of, of their skillset, what takes five minutes or less, and three.
• 30:16
  Speaker 1: This year, though, the upgrade is that I'm actually going to do themes per day, so that we're going to rotate through like Mondays will be bathrooms and Tuesdays will be floors.
• 30:27
  Speaker 1: I tried three years ago and that was too big of an upgrade from no chores figuring out, it was like I was trying to figure out too many things at once.
• 30:36
  Speaker 1: Again, that's the whole point of Little Bits of Better about being honest, where you are going to start.
• 30:40
  Speaker 1: So the first year we just had to regulate chores, and the second year was like what are you actually capable of on a normal basis?
• 30:46
  Speaker 1: And then this year is like okay, we've regulated.
• 30:49
  Speaker 1: It's a normal part of our family culture.
• 30:51
  Speaker 1: We know what you're capable of.
• 30:53
  Speaker 1: Okay, now I'm going to design a regular system that I have the energy.
• 30:56
  Speaker 1: It's not like training and then monitoring.
• 30:59
  Speaker 1: Now it's just upholding a pattern of chores that it would have been too much if I tried to do that all in the first year.
• 31:07
  Speaker 1: So I feel excited about that.
• 31:09
  Speaker 1: I think chores finally clicked and we've narrowed it down and we're going to do themes.
• 31:12
  Speaker 1: Yeah, so I'm really excited.
• 31:12
  Speaker 1: I think chores finally clicked and we've narrowed it down and we're going to do themes.
• 31:14
  Speaker 1: Yeah, so I'm really excited.
• 31:16
  Speaker 1: Number four what really worked for us was last year, like I said, the.
• 31:20
  Speaker 1: The reoccurring play dates and thinking ahead was actually awesome.
• 31:25
  Speaker 1: Yes, like I said, I did them a little too frequently.
• 31:28
  Speaker 1: I didn't leave enough time to transition.
• 31:31
  Speaker 1: That was one of the flops in my margin.
• 31:32
  Speaker 1: And then they were.
• 31:33
  Speaker 1: They got a little too big, so I made those edits.
• 31:35
  Speaker 1: But really that was one of our highlights from last year and it was like it cost me nothing.
• 31:42
  Speaker 1: I don't think we went to the movies or trampoline park or paid for a museum or paid for a water park.
• 31:49
  Speaker 1: We did go twice for free, for their school and then also for our church.
• 31:54
  Speaker 1: But the main point of what carried most of the fun was the connection and thinking ahead.
• 32:00
  Speaker 1: So we did a bowl, like there's a free national bowling program.
• 32:04
  Speaker 1: I'll put that link in the show notes too.
• 32:06
  Speaker 1: It's awesome.
• 32:07
  Speaker 1: You do have to pay for the shoe rental per kid, so it ended up being like in our lanes $2.
• 32:12
  Speaker 1: So it was like $6 every time we went bowling.
• 32:15
  Speaker 1: But I picked one family and we picked four times throughout the summer.
• 32:20
  Speaker 1: It does not have to be weekly, I think again, don't think all or nothing figuring out what rhythms work for you, but it was so fun to be like, okay, these are the people we bowl with and this is what we do this year.
• 32:29
  Speaker 1: Because that was so fun and because the nature adventures were such a flop, we scaled it back to a creek and the lake instead of trying to go explore.
• 32:40
  Speaker 1: It was like I think that's too much for Audrey.
• 32:41
  Speaker 1: And then I found a family that Audrey really likes their kids.
• 32:44
  Speaker 1: So we're going to do adventure dates twice a month with this family.
• 32:49
  Speaker 1: So those reoccurring play dates man, they take so much of the mental load out of hoping our schedules align and we're going here.
• 32:56
  Speaker 1: And then disappointment for the kids because I told them what you're going to do with these people and then they couldn't because they had that random thing looking ahead and actually getting on my friend's calendars through August and it sounds dramatic.
• 33:07
  Speaker 1: I usually if you haven't done this before or you don't have as much history with people, it probably would be overwhelming to do that.
• 33:19
  Speaker 1: But even just starting with like two or three dates like hey can we find two afternoons in June?
• 33:21
  Speaker 1: That was one of my friends.
• 33:22
  Speaker 1: I have these other group of friends who I would like to connect with, but they're so much busier than I am too that unless we put it on the calendar it won't organically, casually happen.
• 33:31
  Speaker 1: I think to me that was like probably one of the biggest wins of this reoccurring play date is I wanted connection but I didn't realize how much energy and how much I wouldn't do it because it felt overwhelming to try to go to like crazy calendar mode because their schedules were impossible in mine and it was like on the in for Tuesdays at 615 in the morning I can meet you in your wee babe.
• 33:54
  Speaker 1: Oh my gosh, that was a hard accent Y'all.
• 33:58
  Speaker 1: You saw the real Jenna.
• 33:59
  Speaker 1: That doesn't usually come out in fullness on the podcast.
• 34:02
  Speaker 1: You get a bit, but that was full Monty.
• 34:04
  Speaker 1: Anyways, I didn't realize how much energy or how much I avoided it, so it was so much easier to get the connection on a regular basis without spending a ton of money or doing crazy dramatic things, by just setting up reoccurring stuff.
• 34:17
  Speaker 1: And then we confirm them and then if someone's schedule or like, hey, we're leaving early for that campy trip, no problem, we'll either edit it like move it, or just cancel it, cause we know we have three other ones.
• 34:27
  Speaker 1: It actually ironically made it lower stakes than higher stakes for me.
• 34:32
  Speaker 1: Um, another one from last year was so that's the second year we did the triathlon training.
• 34:36
  Speaker 1: We'll do it again this year, but last year we just did a bigger invite and we formally had a text thread with everybody who was doing it, where the first year is kind of more casual, like none of us knew what to expect, but after the second year I was like, oh, I have enough confidence that I could invite someone into something.
• 34:51
  Speaker 1: It's sometimes harder.
• 34:52
  Speaker 1: The first time I do it I don't even know what it's going to look like.
• 34:55
  Speaker 1: So leading a group feels a little too much.
• 34:57
  Speaker 1: Last summer, because it was the second year that we did the triathlon, we just sent out a group thread to who did it last year and then a few people we thought we would like.
• 35:05
  Speaker 1: And then the formalizing-ness of it was simply that I started a group thread with everyone who said that we were interested and then we held a real chill, like 45 minute meeting in early summer for anyone who was interested, just so we could explain it.
• 35:18
  Speaker 1: Because I realized how often something new or out of someone's comfort zone people want to say yes, but there's almost got to be this personal connection where you know, like when you're shopping for a new school or like an info night, where you're like what does this mean?
• 35:31
  Speaker 1: Do you really think I could do it?
• 35:32
  Speaker 1: But I love getting friends who haven't done it or didn't think they could.
• 35:36
  Speaker 1: I always think of it like lending your courage to them, because the first half marathon I did was because a friend invited me and she told me I could do it and I really didn't, like I leaned on her confidence because I didn't think I could do it.
• 35:47
  Speaker 1: And then the triathlon same thing.
• 35:49
  Speaker 1: So then to be able to do that for someone else, it's like someone did it for you and you get to turn around and be like no, you can do this, it's going to be hard, but I totally know you could do this.
• 35:57
  Speaker 1: And then how you feel as you work through it together, and I don't think I actually trained in person more than five or six times with people.
• 36:05
  Speaker 1: Most of it was done by myself.
• 36:06
  Speaker 1: But having this low key group thread felt like we were doing it together without the actual infrastructure of having to align our schedules.
• 36:14
  Speaker 1: It was like wonderful, so that was a big win and we're going to do that again.
• 36:17
  Speaker 1: We already started the group thread, added new people and we're going to schedule that info meeting, so that was a big win.
• 36:25
  Speaker 1: And then I would say the other thing that was a big win that's like this will be my fourth year is taking July off of social medias.
• 36:31
  Speaker 1: I do a couple weeks in December.
• 36:35
  Speaker 1: It's just this recalibration.
• 36:35
  Speaker 1: People ask me all the time when I'm doing coaching that's often one of the things they want to like figure out their habits, to better define their relationship with social media and their phone, and one of the easiest ways.
• 36:46
  Speaker 1: Then there's tension for those of us who make money with their social medias of like.
• 36:51
  Speaker 1: I don't know that I, unless the Lord called me to, I, don't really have the luxury to step off of it.
• 36:59
  Speaker 1: There's definitely things that I can do to manage and a lot of it has just been managing my time on it, and one of the easiest but beautiful resets for me is taking off during December and July.
• 37:07
  Speaker 1: Usually I don't do all of December, but when my kids are home for a specific season like that's the point of those two seasons is connection and refocusing and making them the main thing.
• 37:17
  Speaker 1: When I have the more margin is using that time well, and that was an easy time to take off social.
• 37:23
  Speaker 1: So this year I'm going to try to actually schedule some posts so that we took a hit in August from not posting on a regular basis.
• 37:35
  Speaker 1: It's almost like skipping planting and then when you come to the harvest, the harvest is smaller.
• 37:39
  Speaker 1: So I think I'll probably schedule posts, but I just want to invite you into it If that's something you're thinking about.
• 37:45
  Speaker 1: Taking a Sabbath from social media, july is awesome to do and my friends know and we just text.
• 37:51
  Speaker 1: But also because I have the things set up you guys, the pre-scheduled play dates I don't feel isolated and alone because I already set up an emotion, you know, and then I would say, oh, one other edit I didn't know, I didn't, I forgot to talk about in my flops was that my small group meets less during summer and that's not something we can edit Like I don't, it would be too challenging and people's schedules they're real busy women, so it's not going to happen.
• 38:17
  Speaker 1: So I had thought about I think last year I tried to do other friends at night during those spots, but then I realized that actually isn't what I need.
• 38:26
  Speaker 1: So this summer, because I have my morning walk still and I connect with people, I have connection enough, but I do actually need more alone time because I forgot how, when the kids get home, I don't sound silly, but how big of an impact that was.
• 38:40
  Speaker 1: So I'm going to keep even the Wednesdays that we don't have small group and instead of, like my initial thought was, adding people to it.
• 38:48
  Speaker 1: I think it's going to either be a me and Jenna date Jenna, me, myself and I, or Jenna and Jesus, but I'm actually going to schedule in the times that my small group doesn't meet to have alone time so that I have a little bit more regularity.
• 39:01
  Speaker 1: Like it sounds delicious to do a bike ride by myself as the sun's setting it's one of my favorite things or go to the lake and do a dinner by myself while the sun's setting.
• 39:14
  Speaker 1: Oh, you guys, there's a theme here, yeah, so that was just a noticing.
• 39:19
  Speaker 1: For me is that I didn't schedule in enough alone time to compensate.
• 39:22
  Speaker 1: So if this me going through my flops and what worked and what didn't work at all sparked anything in you which I hope it did in narrating my inner world, anything in you which I hope it did in narrating my inner world, if you're realizing what didn't work last summer or feeling like you want a better rhythm this time around, please consider getting my $27.
• 39:42
  Speaker 1: I literally tried to make it so that the price would not be a hesitation for anybody.
• 39:46
  Speaker 1: It's a super short, three-module e-course called Setting Up your Summer.
• 39:51
  Speaker 1: It walks you through what are your big goals.
• 39:53
  Speaker 1: It walks you through what are your big goals.
• 39:54
  Speaker 1: It walks you through your monthly planning, brainstorming, habits, then actually the prep steps to get there.
• 39:59
  Speaker 1: I actually got a text today from a friend who did it and was like oh my gosh, I'm so glad the prep step thing.
• 40:04
  Speaker 1: I realized that we needed a different outdoor space table for some of the projects that are too messy and experiments so that we can keep them up, and it couldn't be our dining room table.
• 40:13
  Speaker 1: And the course made me actually follow through and find a used table on Facebook for really cheap.
• 40:19
  Speaker 1: This is going to be a game changer with some of the crafts we're going to get to do as a family.
• 40:23
  Speaker 1: So I was like, ah, prep step worksheet for a win.
• 40:28
  Speaker 1: But it's just a super practical course to walk you through how to for us type B people, how to plan rhythms that fit your real life with your real kids in this real season.
• 40:37
  Speaker 1: The goal is not perfect.
• 40:39
  Speaker 1: It's just to invest a little bit of intentionality to some background structure so that you guys can all thrive and not just simply survive by the time August rolls around.
• 40:49
  Speaker 1: It's just $27 and the link is in the show notes.
• 40:52
  Speaker 1: I hope this episode gave you some me too moments and a few like, maybe helpful ideas for your own summer planning.
• 41:00
  Speaker 1: You don't have to have a summer perfect, just a little bit of intentionality goes a long way.
• 41:06
  Speaker 1: Okay, everybody, have a great day, thank you.