Latest / Masterminds Podcast / Cry a River, Build a Bridge, Get Over It: Hayet Rida || Masterminds Podcast EP102

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Cry a River, Build a Bridge, Get Over It: Hayet Rida || Masterminds Podcast EP102 · Masterminds Podcast

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_02: What was growing up in Ghana like for you?
• 0:01
  SPEAKER_02: How did that shape you into the person that you are now?
• 0:04
  SPEAKER_00: I would say I was a mix of a lot of things.
• 0:06
  SPEAKER_00: I'd say until I was about 10.
• 0:08
  SPEAKER_00: I was boisterous.
• 0:10
  SPEAKER_00: I was the young girl who you couldn't tell me anything.
• 0:13
  SPEAKER_02: What do you think switched?
• 0:14
  SPEAKER_02: What made you lose yourself from eight to ten?
• 0:17
  SPEAKER_00: Um, I think I became very aware of what I looked like.
• 0:20
  SPEAKER_00: So there's one scene which my therapist and I have figured out is what's shifted everything for me.
• 0:25
  SPEAKER_00: It was an auntie who probably will probably say right now, I was just joking.
• 0:30
  SPEAKER_00: She called me in front of um my family and she had me raise up my t-shirt and she said there was an article I wrote called Growing Up Fat in Ghana.
• 0:40
  SPEAKER_00: That's probably what started my vulnerability kind of thing.
• 0:43
  SPEAKER_00: Because I just wrote it one day.
• 0:44
  SPEAKER_00: I was like, listen, I'm just gonna talk about what it's like.
• 0:47
  SPEAKER_02: What was the switch in you that made you realize, okay, I've built a following, let me turn this into a real movement.
• 0:54
  SPEAKER_02: What's twitched?
• 0:55
  SPEAKER_00: Um, the first product I released was a Ghana, and then that failed.
• 0:59
  SPEAKER_00: That was lovely.
• 1:00
  SPEAKER_00: Um, because and I'll tell you why, it was a huge business problem.
• 1:04
  SPEAKER_00: The product was too nice.
• 1:05
  SPEAKER_02: So, what do you say to yourself on the days that you wake up and brief is sitting next to you on the bed?
• 1:10
  SPEAKER_00: I think.
• 1:13
  SPEAKER_02: Before we go into the conversation, I wanted to take time to thank you.
• 1:17
  SPEAKER_02: Thank you for all the support up until now, and thank you for choosing to watch this video.
• 1:23
  SPEAKER_02: And now I have a favor to ask you hit the subscribe button because joining the community, joining the group of masterminds enables us to be able to keep bringing you more information, quality interviews, and conversations that will help grow you into the mastermind that I know you are destined to be.
• 1:42
  SPEAKER_02: So hit the subscribe button, join the community, and let's grow together.
• 1:50
  SPEAKER_02: Welcome back to the Masterminds podcast.
• 1:52
  SPEAKER_02: My name is Richie Mensa, your cute and charming guide on this journey.
• 1:57
  SPEAKER_02: My guest is laughing now, I'm laughing too.
• 1:59
  SPEAKER_02: On this journey to sharpen your most powerful tool, your mind.
• 2:04
  SPEAKER_02: So, this conversation is going to be very relaxed and fun for me because she knows how to build brands.
• 2:10
  SPEAKER_02: In fact, I wish I had met her earlier so that she can sharpen my brand small.
• 2:16
  SPEAKER_02: Because from building her own personal brand and then doing what most people are not able to do, where she converted that into a business and scaled that immensely.
• 2:26
  SPEAKER_02: I am so honored to be seated with the lovely Hayatrida.
• 2:30
  SPEAKER_02: Hello.
• 2:31
  SPEAKER_02: How are you doing?
• 2:32
  SPEAKER_00: Listen, I'm blushing.
• 2:35
  SPEAKER_00: I hope everybody knows that is how I'd like to be introduced everywhere I go.
• 2:40
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you for having me.
• 2:41
  SPEAKER_02: Thank you for coming.
• 2:42
  SPEAKER_02: You know, I I've been studying your journey, I've watched what you've been doing, and I love it.
• 2:48
  SPEAKER_02: Thank you.
• 2:48
  SPEAKER_02: I love especially the intentionality.
• 2:52
  SPEAKER_02: You know, um, a lot of people can succeed, whereas it's like they just fell in it and then they figured out their way.
• 2:58
  SPEAKER_02: But right from day one, when I watch your journey, I see that you were deliberate about every decision.
• 3:04
  SPEAKER_02: Yes, you fail, then you fix it, then you move, and I love it.
• 3:08
  SPEAKER_00: The pivot queen, as they like to call me.
• 3:11
  SPEAKER_02: So today I just want to delve deep into your mind so that my audience can understand how to think to support.
• 3:18
  SPEAKER_00: I told you nothing is off bounds.
• 3:19
  SPEAKER_02: Nothing is off bounds.
• 3:20
  SPEAKER_00: Me, I'm here in my seat, I'm comfortable.
• 3:22
  SPEAKER_02: Okay, then let's start.
• 3:23
  SPEAKER_02: So, what's your self-care routine?
• 3:25
  SPEAKER_02: Joke, jokey.
• 3:27
  SPEAKER_00: Eat watching.
• 3:30
  SPEAKER_02: Let's start from growing up in Ghana.
• 3:32
  SPEAKER_02: What was growing up in Ghana like for you?
• 3:34
  SPEAKER_02: How did that shape you into the person that you are?
• 3:36
  SPEAKER_00: So I was born and raised in Ghana.
• 3:38
  SPEAKER_00: I'm the youngest of eight children.
• 3:40
  SPEAKER_00: Wow.
• 3:41
  SPEAKER_00: But on my mom's side, which I grew up with, my mom, youngest of five.
• 3:44
  SPEAKER_01: Okay.
• 3:45
  SPEAKER_00: I was funny enough, today I went to my high school and I went to GIS from nursery to upper six, and they found my file.
• 3:54
  SPEAKER_00: And they actually brought it to me.
• 3:55
  SPEAKER_00: Oh clap for them for keeping them.
• 3:57
  SPEAKER_02: I don't think my school has my.
• 3:58
  SPEAKER_00: They even had my admission letter to nursery.
• 4:00
  SPEAKER_00: And what was so lovely was I was reading what the teachers said about me.
• 4:04
  SPEAKER_02: Okay.
• 4:05
  SPEAKER_00: Some there was a lot of she was a pleasant girl.
• 4:08
  SPEAKER_00: And then there was one, that's the one I fixated on, where they said I had an attitude problem.
• 4:12
  SPEAKER_00: So I would say I was a mix of a lot of things.
• 4:15
  SPEAKER_00: I would say until I was about 10.
• 4:17
  SPEAKER_00: I was boisterous.
• 4:18
  SPEAKER_00: I was the young girl who you couldn't tell me anything.
• 4:22
  SPEAKER_00: I was cute, like I spoke to adults like they were my friends.
• 4:25
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, now in this day and age, you'd be like, oh, that's that's a I would challenge adults.
• 4:29
  SPEAKER_01: Okay.
• 4:30
  SPEAKER_00: And then I think somewhere between eight and ten, lost it absolutely.
• 4:33
  SPEAKER_00: I became very self-conscious.
• 4:35
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 4:35
  SPEAKER_00: I became very ashamed of what I looked like, of myself.
• 4:40
  SPEAKER_00: I would say I lost a lot of myself at that age.
• 4:42
  SPEAKER_00: There are lots of key things that happened at that age.
• 4:46
  SPEAKER_00: And I don't think I found the version of me until maybe two years ago.
• 4:53
  SPEAKER_00: Like finding that confidence again.
• 4:55
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 4:55
  SPEAKER_00: So I think as a child, I was just, I had big dreams.
• 4:58
  SPEAKER_00: I thought I was gonna own a hotel.
• 5:00
  SPEAKER_00: It was gonna I or I knew I was either going to own a hotel or I was going to work at the highest hotel just so I could introduce myself as highest at the highest hotel.
• 5:08
  SPEAKER_00: Listen, I I had it all figured out.
• 5:10
  SPEAKER_00: Had it all figured out.
• 5:11
  SPEAKER_02: So what do you think switched?
• 5:13
  SPEAKER_02: What made you lose yourself from eight to ten?
• 5:15
  SPEAKER_00: Um, I think I became very aware of what I look like.
• 5:18
  SPEAKER_00: So I um so in the kind of therapy I do, you go back to specific scenes in your childhood, and you know, they figure out things that come to your memory.
• 5:27
  SPEAKER_00: And there's one scene which my therapist and I have figured out is what's shifted everything for me.
• 5:32
  SPEAKER_00: It was an auntie who probably will probably say right now, I was just joking.
• 5:36
  SPEAKER_00: She called me in front of um my family, and she had me raise up my t-shirt to look at my stomach.
• 5:43
  SPEAKER_00: And she said, Your stomach is so big, you look pregnant.
• 5:47
  SPEAKER_00: And she said that to her eight-year-old.
• 5:49
  SPEAKER_00: And that was the first time I realized, oh my god, I look different than other people.
• 5:55
  SPEAKER_00: Then I became very aware of, you know, then the aunties and stuff start saying, You eat too much, you are this, you are this.
• 6:00
  SPEAKER_00: And you know, I have siblings, so they'll start comparing, look at your sister, look at your brother.
• 6:05
  SPEAKER_00: Why are they not there?
• 6:06
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, are you eating all their food?
• 6:07
  SPEAKER_00: And all these things are said in in jest, like, oh, we're just playing or we're kidding, or whatnot.
• 6:13
  SPEAKER_00: And that's when I just downhill.
• 6:15
  SPEAKER_01: The confidence went out.
• 6:16
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, confidence went out because I was the one who, no matter my size, I was gonna wear backless top because my friends were wearing backless top or they were wearing swimming costumes, but all of a sudden I was made very aware of what I look like, and then I started to see myself as less than, and that continued through most of my life, most of my adult life.
• 6:35
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, so I always tell the aunties it's it's a joke until it comes up in therapy 20 years later.
• 6:40
  SPEAKER_00: So, yeah.
• 6:41
  SPEAKER_00: So I'd say that that is where I lost it, but it's been a beautiful journey finding it again.
• 6:45
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, finding her again, finding her again.
• 6:47
  SPEAKER_00: I think I'm almost there.
• 6:49
  SPEAKER_02: I hope I hope most adults are listening to this because we sometimes underestimate the power of words.
• 6:54
  SPEAKER_02: Yes, we think, oh, I'm just joking, oh I'm just saying something, but you don't know how it affects.
• 7:00
  SPEAKER_00: And none of them will remember the jokes, but I remember all the jokes.
• 7:02
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I remember what I was wearing that day, I remember where I was, I can describe in vividness.
• 7:09
  SPEAKER_00: Because another scene that happened was right after they all left.
• 7:13
  SPEAKER_00: I stood in front of the mirror and looked at my stomach.
• 7:16
  SPEAKER_00: Almost like I was meeting myself for the first time because now I was seeing it through the lens of what I had just been told.
• 7:21
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 7:21
  SPEAKER_00: And so for years I hated mirrors.
• 7:23
  SPEAKER_00: And now my house probably has 14 mirrors as a way to take back that power.
• 7:29
  SPEAKER_00: But I think it's super important people are very aware of the words.
• 7:33
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm sure I've probably said some things to people along my lifetime that will also maybe have affected them.
• 7:39
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 7:39
  SPEAKER_00: But I think we have to be careful about the words we say.
• 7:42
  SPEAKER_00: If you say something and you quickly say, Oh, I'm only joking, that should tell you that.
• 7:48
  SPEAKER_00: You shouldn't have said that.
• 7:49
  SPEAKER_00: You shouldn't have said that.
• 7:50
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, you should not have said that, yeah.
• 7:53
  SPEAKER_01: Hmm.
• 7:54
  SPEAKER_00: And now and now you're you're replaying or all your.
• 7:57
  SPEAKER_02: I have so many, you know.
• 7:59
  SPEAKER_02: After this conversation, I have to send, I'm sorry, messages.
• 8:02
  SPEAKER_00: To a few people, yeah.
• 8:04
  SPEAKER_02: How did you overcome that feeling of looking down on yourself?
• 8:10
  SPEAKER_00: Um, I think when I started my social media, because I did it to, you know, I said at some point in time, my niece is my niece now 18.
• 8:21
  SPEAKER_00: I was like, gosh, she's gonna go through these teenage years.
• 8:23
  SPEAKER_00: So I thought I was writing a guide manual for her of how Auntie, you know, what's what's that movie, How Stella Goku grew back?
• 8:29
  SPEAKER_00: But I was I wanted to document how I found mine back again.
• 8:34
  SPEAKER_00: So I started writing, started writing.
• 8:35
  SPEAKER_00: But in writing, you have to talk about what happened.
• 8:38
  SPEAKER_00: And you know, in the Ghanaian household, imagine calling out people who my mom probably has seen at church on Sunday.
• 8:45
  SPEAKER_00: Um, but I had to be honest in the safest way possible.
• 8:48
  SPEAKER_00: And so I started writing about what it was like growing up in Ghana as a as a bigger girl and all that stuff.
• 8:56
  SPEAKER_00: Like I used to talk about sellers.
• 8:58
  SPEAKER_00: I used to be really paranoid about traffic.
• 9:00
  SPEAKER_00: I still am.
• 9:01
  SPEAKER_01: Really?
• 9:01
  SPEAKER_01: Why?
• 9:02
  SPEAKER_00: Because when a seller is walking by, have you ever just been caught in traffic with sellers?
• 9:06
  SPEAKER_00: They're going to hey Obalo.
• 9:07
  SPEAKER_00: Like they'll just stop at the window or like walk through Makola, yeah, or walk through anywhere.
• 9:12
  SPEAKER_00: Everybody will comment on what you look like.
• 9:14
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 9:14
  SPEAKER_00: Whether you are skinny, whether you're fat, whether you think about how many mechanics do we know called toller?
• 9:20
  SPEAKER_01: Mm-hmm.
• 9:21
  SPEAKER_00: Always the one place that they will describe then the the short person, then the this person, then like whether you are like how many people do we call um do we know called yellow?
• 9:33
  SPEAKER_00: And so it's sort of like that had so much.
• 9:42
  SPEAKER_02: I was called Atapuchi.
• 9:44
  SPEAKER_00: Why in the world does that mean?
• 9:45
  SPEAKER_02: I'm the short person.
• 9:46
  SPEAKER_00: Oh dear.
• 9:46
  SPEAKER_02: And then later I started calling somebody shorter than me atapuchi.
• 9:50
  SPEAKER_00: Because you're like, yes, finally, I'm the tallest person in this group.
• 9:54
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 9:54
  SPEAKER_02: I think we normalize these things.
• 9:56
  SPEAKER_00: There's a lot of things culturally we that are bullying that we say, oh, Sane, yeah, it's okay.
• 10:03
  SPEAKER_00: Like, you know, because I don't think I could run to an adult and say, You have hurt my feelings.
• 10:08
  SPEAKER_00: That's almost insulting to them.
• 10:10
  SPEAKER_00: Do you have any feelings?
• 10:11
  SPEAKER_00: What are feelings?
• 10:12
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 10:13
  SPEAKER_00: So I think a lot of my life has been recovering from the jokes that were told to me as a child.
• 10:19
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 10:21
  SPEAKER_02: Is there is there any way we can help somebody who's going through something like this currently?
• 10:28
  SPEAKER_00: I think to not ignore it.
• 10:29
  SPEAKER_00: I think in those moments, if I think back to that little child, there needed to be somebody who came to me immediately after and told me that I was beautiful how I was, or I was fine how I was, or gave me encouragement, or said, It's not about what you look like.
• 10:45
  SPEAKER_00: Are you a kind person?
• 10:46
  SPEAKER_00: Are you a this?
• 10:47
  SPEAKER_00: So I still have I have three nieces, three nieces and a nephew.
• 10:51
  SPEAKER_00: I am very careful that the compliments I give them have nothing to do with what they look like.
• 10:55
  SPEAKER_01: Okay.
• 10:56
  SPEAKER_00: I'd say, that's very kind of you.
• 10:58
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, that was very thoughtful.
• 11:00
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you for thinking of me.
• 11:01
  SPEAKER_00: It's not you look beautiful.
• 11:03
  SPEAKER_00: I will say, I love how you came alive in that outfit.
• 11:06
  SPEAKER_00: I love, you know, I'll say, Do you like your hair?
• 11:08
  SPEAKER_00: Tell me what you like about it.
• 11:09
  SPEAKER_00: Because I want them to understand that they have a life beyond what they look like, that who they are as a person.
• 11:14
  SPEAKER_00: But I think when we see somebody being called out, I think one of the key things, and in therapy last Sunday, we were talking about what I wanted to happen in that situation.
• 11:24
  SPEAKER_00: And in that moment, I looked to the adults who were in the room and they were all laughing.
• 11:29
  SPEAKER_00: But I was like, I was looking for somebody to stand up for me and say, leave her alone.
• 11:34
  SPEAKER_00: She's she's too young for this.
• 11:35
  SPEAKER_00: Like, this is not a conversation you should be having with a child about what they look like.
• 11:41
  SPEAKER_00: And I think we, if you see somebody doing that, stand up for them.
• 11:45
  SPEAKER_00: One thing I don't tolerate is people commenting on anybody's size.
• 11:48
  SPEAKER_00: I don't care who you are, I will stop you in your tracks in this day and age because they'll say, Oh, you know, it's just fun.
• 11:55
  SPEAKER_00: And I will tell you, no, no, no, no, no.
• 11:57
  SPEAKER_00: You are planting a seed that's going to flourish and grow weeds and weeds and weeds for years to come.
• 12:02
  SPEAKER_00: So I'm very big on defending people actively right now.
• 12:07
  SPEAKER_00: So people should defend as much as they can because when when you're in that situation, you're probably powerless.
• 12:13
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, you're too young to fight for yourself, especially in a culture that we value so much respect.
• 12:18
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 12:18
  SPEAKER_00: Speaking your mind is considered disrespectful.
• 12:21
  SPEAKER_00: So that's yeah, that's that's been hard.
• 12:25
  SPEAKER_02: So we should admit that yes, there are some bad parts of culture, there are some things that maybe it will take a while for us to do away with them.
• 12:34
  SPEAKER_02: So those of us who understand should stand up for those who can't stand up.
• 12:38
  SPEAKER_00: And we have to realize that there's a generation, a couple generations before us that cannot be changed.
• 12:43
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 12:44
  SPEAKER_00: But we can change for ourselves and going forward.
• 12:47
  SPEAKER_00: If you see an adult making a comment about a child, stop it.
• 12:52
  SPEAKER_00: You know, it the adult, we can't educate the adult about feelings and stuff.
• 12:56
  SPEAKER_00: Like, no, they've they've lived a very long life.
• 12:59
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, it's it's too late to re-rewire the programming.
• 13:02
  SPEAKER_00: But the people coming, we we have power.
• 13:05
  SPEAKER_02: The truth is, and everybody's gone through this, like because we actually mock everybody.
• 13:11
  SPEAKER_02: Yes, we mock you for being too big, we mock you for being too slim, we mock you for being too big.
• 13:15
  SPEAKER_00: If you're wearing white, hey, I'm mocked for wearing black all the time.
• 13:21
  SPEAKER_00: Like you're wearing red, hey.
• 13:22
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know if you know about Madame High Heel.
• 13:24
  SPEAKER_00: It was like, oh, yeah, hey, Madame High Heel.
• 13:26
  SPEAKER_00: And I was just like, Can I wear my red out?
• 13:29
  SPEAKER_00: And I think it's sometimes it is our way of complimenting somebody.
• 13:33
  SPEAKER_00: Like you want to say, I've seen it.
• 13:34
  SPEAKER_02: It's an endearing.
• 13:35
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, like but like we can't just say you look lovely, we have to turn it into hey, red lipstick.
• 13:42
  SPEAKER_00: Like, okay, just tell me you want the shade, I'll tell you what shade it is.
• 13:46
  SPEAKER_02: But when somebody's dressed nice, hey, why are your chapelles?
• 13:50
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, it's like just just tell me I'm jealous of your outfit and let me let me show you the tag so you buy one and we don't have to make this uh yeah uh a whole thing.
• 14:00
  SPEAKER_02: Okay, so now let's talk about how you went from that to building your personal brand first of all.
• 14:06
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, my personal brand has gotten me in a lot of trouble because to build my personal brand, like think about the last five minutes.
• 14:13
  SPEAKER_00: I told you a lot of things.
• 14:14
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, that's how I built my brand.
• 14:15
  SPEAKER_00: I was just like, listen, I've been suffering with some of these things, and all the people who cause that uh suffering are chilling in life, and I realized that there were several people who were going through what I was like, if this is what I went through, I imagine lots of people are going through it, but they think it's only them.
• 14:32
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, so one of the first things there was an article I wrote called Growing Up Fat in Ghana.
• 14:36
  SPEAKER_00: That's probably what started my vulnerability kind of thing.
• 14:39
  SPEAKER_00: Because I just wrote it one day.
• 14:40
  SPEAKER_00: I was like, listen, I'm just gonna talk about what it's like.
• 14:42
  SPEAKER_00: I was in America, Ghana was far away, it was a computer, I typed.
• 14:47
  SPEAKER_02: No one comes in.
• 14:48
  SPEAKER_00: I literally just pressed send and like I published and I shut the computer and I went and took a shower.
• 14:53
  SPEAKER_00: And this is before things went viral.
• 14:55
  SPEAKER_00: And I came out of the shower and it had in that time face Facebook was pretty big, it had been shared 200 times.
• 15:02
  SPEAKER_00: Think about this is 2000 and maybe 13, I believe.
• 15:07
  SPEAKER_00: We didn't have like virality, so I'm just like 200 people, and then it was published in the daily guide two different times.
• 15:15
  SPEAKER_00: And then I would start getting letters from people that said, I thought it was only me, I felt this way, and I was like, Oh my gosh, so just imagine how much stuff I've gone through that so many people are going through, but I'm just not afraid to say it.
• 15:29
  SPEAKER_00: Now, did I get in trouble in real life?
• 15:31
  SPEAKER_00: Absolutely, absolutely, and not in trouble like in trouble, but like you're gonna get a phone call from a family member that said, hmm.
• 15:38
  SPEAKER_00: So so-so-and-so came to me, and I just had to be like, listen, I'm here struggling with the effect of what so-so-and-so said when I was a child.
• 15:46
  SPEAKER_00: I don't care how they feel now.
• 15:47
  SPEAKER_00: I have to fix this, and I realize there's so many other people I could help.
• 15:50
  SPEAKER_00: So that's how I just started writing.
• 15:52
  SPEAKER_00: This is before vulnerability was a thing.
• 15:55
  SPEAKER_00: So even through till now, I still get phone calls.
• 15:59
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, you probably shared a bit too much.
• 16:01
  SPEAKER_00: Are you sure you should have shared that?
• 16:02
  SPEAKER_00: Don't you think it's enough?
• 16:04
  SPEAKER_00: Don't you think it's too much?
• 16:05
  SPEAKER_00: So that is how I built my personal brand of whether I'm building a business.
• 16:08
  SPEAKER_00: Like before I started um Choi, I took a screenshot of my bank account and I put it on the internet and it had 82 cents in it.
• 16:17
  SPEAKER_00: And I said, I believe in this brand so much, this is actually how much is in my bank account right now.
• 16:23
  SPEAKER_00: And so many people were calling my mom, like, your daughter is embarrassing you, she's saying she's poor.
• 16:29
  SPEAKER_00: And I said, I am.
• 16:30
  SPEAKER_00: I your parents' money is not your money, that's not how I was brought up.
• 16:34
  SPEAKER_00: But it's sort of, I am not afraid to like bear everything.
• 16:37
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, because when you see me successful, you're not gonna say, I wonder how she did it.
• 16:42
  SPEAKER_00: It's all there.
• 16:43
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, it's all there, the proof is all there.
• 16:44
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, so that means you actually started the whole trend of vulnerability and putting yourself out there before it became a trend.
• 16:52
  SPEAKER_00: I think I took the beating ahead of people, then it became normal.
• 16:56
  SPEAKER_02: Now thank you very much.
• 16:57
  SPEAKER_00: You are welcome, and now I love it.
• 16:59
  SPEAKER_00: I see so many content creators or or anybody just saying, This is what I'm going through, building a business, emotionally this.
• 17:06
  SPEAKER_00: But I think for me, the difference now is I always say I share from the scar, not the wound.
• 17:11
  SPEAKER_00: When I'm in it, I don't always tell you.
• 17:13
  SPEAKER_00: It's when I'm like, okay, I solved this.
• 17:15
  SPEAKER_00: Here's all I did to get there.
• 17:17
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 17:18
  SPEAKER_00: But I think sometimes right now, people are doing what I call crying on the internet.
• 17:21
  SPEAKER_00: No, no, no, no.
• 17:22
  SPEAKER_00: Wipe your tears, figure out the lesson, and come and tell us.
• 17:25
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 17:25
  SPEAKER_00: This and this.
• 17:28
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, I mean, I've cried on the internet before, but it's also like when you are going through the thing and you you can't solve the problem in real time.
• 17:36
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 17:36
  SPEAKER_00: I want you to process it, even if it's 24 hours later, and say, this was really hard, that happened to me yesterday, and this is what I took from it.
• 17:44
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 17:44
  SPEAKER_00: Because if not, then it to me it's drama.
• 17:46
  SPEAKER_00: It's a kind drama because I'm just watching your misery whilst I'm laying in my bed scrolling.
• 17:51
  SPEAKER_00: But I want to always see a lesson from it and not just I'm calling out this person and come with me.
• 17:58
  SPEAKER_00: Um, as I tell you how this vendor stole my no, I need the lesson, not the drama.
• 18:03
  SPEAKER_00: So I think that's where I want vulnerability to come back to.
• 18:06
  SPEAKER_02: So that people are drawn to the growth they're getting from it.
• 18:09
  SPEAKER_00: Absolutely.
• 18:10
  SPEAKER_00: Because you will be sharing your suffering, your suffering is just entertainment for me.
• 18:13
  SPEAKER_00: Think about the viewer is just watching it as entertainment.
• 18:16
  SPEAKER_00: I want you to give the lesson to the people.
• 18:19
  SPEAKER_02: Because I'm going through it too, is not as powerful as you've helped me go through what I'm going through.
• 18:26
  SPEAKER_00: Or sometimes you show proof as oh, you can go through this and still come out strong.
• 18:32
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 18:32
  SPEAKER_00: So that's an inspiration.
• 18:34
  SPEAKER_00: Yes.
• 18:34
  SPEAKER_02: In our journey to build wealth, one of the most important things is how to invest your money.
• 18:39
  SPEAKER_02: Now I struggled with this for a long time because trying to invest small amounts of money over a long period of time is quite difficult in the terrain.
• 18:48
  SPEAKER_02: But when I found Achieve by Petra, it changed everything for me.
• 18:52
  SPEAKER_02: The ability to invest any type of money in their different investment vehicles makes it so easy to grow your wealth.
• 18:59
  SPEAKER_02: So download the Achieve by Petra app now and join me and the other people who are on our way to building wealth.
• 19:06
  SPEAKER_02: So I was watching you talk about.
• 19:07
  SPEAKER_03: Oh boy.
• 19:09
  SPEAKER_02: Don't worry, it's all safe.
• 19:11
  SPEAKER_02: I was watching you talk about turning from the personal brand to adding a product to it.
• 19:18
  SPEAKER_02: You know, what's which one?
• 19:20
  SPEAKER_02: The first.
• 19:21
  SPEAKER_02: Let's start with the first.
• 19:22
  SPEAKER_02: What was the switch in you that made you realize, okay, I've built a following, let me turn this into a real movement.
• 19:29
  SPEAKER_02: What switched?
• 19:30
  SPEAKER_00: Um, the first thing, the first product I released was a candle.
• 19:35
  SPEAKER_00: And I cannot even tell you why.
• 19:37
  SPEAKER_00: I just my mom always had candles, and I just couldn't find a candle that smelled nice.
• 19:42
  SPEAKER_00: So I said, I'm going to design my own.
• 19:44
  SPEAKER_00: And first I was like, oh, I'm going to make it for myself.
• 19:46
  SPEAKER_00: And I was like, oh, people have followed a lot of what I do and they like what I do.
• 19:50
  SPEAKER_00: So I assume that they would want their house to smell like mine.
• 19:54
  SPEAKER_00: So I'm also very big on, I mean, if it works, it works.
• 19:56
  SPEAKER_00: And if it doesn't, I will move right on.
• 19:58
  SPEAKER_00: So I was like, okay, I'm going to build this candle brand and launched it, sold out a couple of times.
• 20:04
  SPEAKER_00: Because I'm also the kind, like, if you tell me I should market this coaster, my production budget will be huge.
• 20:10
  SPEAKER_00: Because I'm like, no, I need to tell you a story about like I'm not just gonna be like, hi, here's a coaster.
• 20:14
  SPEAKER_00: I want to bring you into the building of it.
• 20:17
  SPEAKER_00: I want to be intentional about the packaging, about all those things.
• 20:20
  SPEAKER_00: Because I think when you take money from someone, you should care about every single dollar.
• 20:24
  SPEAKER_00: If somebody is buying a$20 product from you, or even like let's just say 200 Ghana CD product, you have to understand that that could be their last money that they believe in you.
• 20:34
  SPEAKER_00: Or it could also be nothing to them, but you have to respect every single amount.
• 20:38
  SPEAKER_00: So I want that experience from the website to the social to the packaging to be just kind of like you have to feel like, yeah, she respects every single piece of my money.
• 20:48
  SPEAKER_00: So that's why they started with candles.
• 20:50
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 20:50
  SPEAKER_00: And then that failed.
• 20:52
  SPEAKER_00: That was lovely.
• 20:53
  SPEAKER_00: Um, because and I'll tell you why, it was a huge business problem.
• 20:57
  SPEAKER_00: The product was too nice.
• 20:58
  SPEAKER_02: It was too nice.
• 21:00
  SPEAKER_00: The packaging was also too nice.
• 21:01
  SPEAKER_02: Explain that to me.
• 21:02
  SPEAKER_02: Why is that?
• 21:03
  SPEAKER_00: I have a friend, I will not say her name, but who still has two candles.
• 21:08
  SPEAKER_00: Note that I closed down that brand maybe four years ago.
• 21:14
  SPEAKER_00: She has two candles that she bought on launch day two years ago.
• 21:18
  SPEAKER_00: She has not bought it because it's too nice.
• 21:20
  SPEAKER_02: She's preserving it.
• 21:21
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you.
• 21:21
  SPEAKER_00: And that was that was the business problem.
• 21:24
  SPEAKER_02: Because business, you need people to keep coming out.
• 21:26
  SPEAKER_00: I need you to finish it and let's burn it.
• 21:29
  SPEAKER_00: And people are like, no, I'm saving it for a really nice occasion.
• 21:32
  SPEAKER_00: You know, I'm saving like so they'll burn it like every birthday, then they'll burn and a candle has maybe about 90 hours.
• 21:38
  SPEAKER_00: If you're burning one hour a year, my dear.
• 21:42
  SPEAKER_00: So it just it was such a huge problem.
• 21:44
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 21:45
  SPEAKER_00: Almost to the point where I was like, I should have made a cheap candle because you know, but it also cemented what I was known for.
• 21:51
  SPEAKER_01: Okay.
• 21:52
  SPEAKER_00: People are like, when Hayat does something, she does it well.
• 21:55
  SPEAKER_00: And that became the foundation of every single brand that I've ever built since.
• 22:00
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, so that was the first one.
• 22:01
  SPEAKER_02: And what was the next one?
• 22:03
  SPEAKER_00: Take me to the jungle.
• 22:04
  SPEAKER_00: Oh gosh, Koi was the next one.
• 22:06
  SPEAKER_02: The 82 cents brand.
• 22:08
  SPEAKER_00: Yes.
• 22:08
  SPEAKER_00: And that one was um somebody was also like, oh, we love Hayat, love her style.
• 22:14
  SPEAKER_00: And it was a jewel, fine jewelry brand.
• 22:16
  SPEAKER_00: They were just like, we want Hayat to do a small collection with us.
• 22:18
  SPEAKER_00: At that time, I used to do clothing collections, like you know, just capsule collections.
• 22:22
  SPEAKER_00: And I said, I don't like your packaging, so I won't do it.
• 22:24
  SPEAKER_00: So I said I won't take the deal because I don't like your packaging.
• 22:27
  SPEAKER_00: And I suppose they wanted me so bad that they said you can redesign the packaging.
• 22:30
  SPEAKER_00: And I said, I will pay for it.
• 22:32
  SPEAKER_01: Okay.
• 22:32
  SPEAKER_00: Like that's how much I won't do it.
• 22:34
  SPEAKER_00: And I think they respected, like, wow, this girl is saying she's willing to put her own money in.
• 22:39
  SPEAKER_00: Because how these deals are structured is you come in, you curate a selection, and you just take your commission and you walk away.
• 22:45
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 22:46
  SPEAKER_00: You don't spend a cent of your own money.
• 22:48
  SPEAKER_00: But I said, No, if I'm gonna do this, I'm gonna redesign the packaging, I redesigned the logo.
• 22:54
  SPEAKER_00: We named the collection the Choi Studio.
• 22:56
  SPEAKER_00: And I said, This is all I'm doing.
• 22:57
  SPEAKER_00: And the company went bankrupt before the collection came out.
• 23:00
  SPEAKER_00: So I had all the packaging with my name on it.
• 23:03
  SPEAKER_01: Interesting.
• 23:03
  SPEAKER_00: And I said, Oh, I'll I'll just start a jewelry brand until the packaging is finished.
• 23:07
  SPEAKER_00: Because I was like, this is too much packaging.
• 23:09
  SPEAKER_00: What am I gonna do with it?
• 23:10
  SPEAKER_00: And it's well, it's four years this year.
• 23:13
  SPEAKER_00: The packaging has been done, and I was like, okay, I guess, I guess I design jewelry now.
• 23:18
  SPEAKER_00: Um every every day I ask myself, like allegedly, I design jewelry.
• 23:22
  SPEAKER_00: But yeah, that was like you just throw me a problem, pivot.
• 23:27
  SPEAKER_00: Throw me a problem, pivot.
• 23:28
  SPEAKER_02: Is that why you say you love failure?
• 23:30
  SPEAKER_00: Absolutely.
• 23:31
  SPEAKER_00: I love like when I don't fail, I've I worry.
• 23:34
  SPEAKER_00: Because I'm like, I'm starving myself of lessons.
• 23:37
  SPEAKER_00: There's so many lessons, like you can't be good at something you haven't failed at.
• 23:41
  SPEAKER_00: Like if I fail at this and I'm like, okay, what's the lesson from it?
• 23:45
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, next thing, next thing, next thing.
• 23:47
  SPEAKER_00: When something is going too good, I'm absolutely bored.
• 23:49
  SPEAKER_00: Because I'm like, I mean, what are you learning?
• 23:51
  SPEAKER_00: What am I learning?
• 23:52
  SPEAKER_00: I'm just rinsing and repeating.
• 23:54
  SPEAKER_00: Something has to go wrong, yeah.
• 23:55
  SPEAKER_00: So I can say, okay, this is how we become better.
• 23:57
  SPEAKER_00: This is how we become better.
• 23:58
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 23:59
  SPEAKER_02: Because that's where growth comes from.
• 24:00
  SPEAKER_00: Absolutely.
• 24:01
  SPEAKER_00: And I think a lot of people, if they redefine, you don't need a business plan, you just need to redefine your relationship with failure.
• 24:07
  SPEAKER_00: You have to redefine your relationship with embarrassment, with taking a chance, with being laughed at, all of those kinds of things.
• 24:14
  SPEAKER_00: And even if we go back to the childhood thing, I also cannot look back and not be grateful for being laughed at or being ridiculed because it taught me how to still exist, even if people are laughing at you.
• 24:29
  SPEAKER_00: Because think about, yeah, I mean, you're gonna laugh at me for being fat.
• 24:32
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, on that for most of my life, I still was.
• 24:35
  SPEAKER_00: So you have to learn to just keep going.
• 24:38
  SPEAKER_00: And so, in business, when I first started posting online, it wasn't something people did.
• 24:42
  SPEAKER_00: I used to like see group chats of people like laughing, like, Hayat is posting too much.
• 24:47
  SPEAKER_00: Like, what does she think she's doing?
• 24:49
  SPEAKER_00: Because at that time, influenza was not a thing.
• 24:52
  SPEAKER_00: And you know, I just had to be like, Well, it's not the first time anybody's poked fun at me.
• 24:57
  SPEAKER_00: So I just kept going.
• 24:58
  SPEAKER_00: And that's that is I have to be grateful for that.
• 25:01
  SPEAKER_00: It would be wrong of me to not be grateful for that part of my life because on the internet, if you poke fun at me or something, I just carry on.
• 25:09
  SPEAKER_00: It's like I've done this my whole life, it's fine.
• 25:12
  SPEAKER_02: You build resilience in you.
• 25:13
  SPEAKER_00: It's quite unfortunate, but I have to be grateful for it.
• 25:16
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, but I think that's powerful.
• 25:17
  SPEAKER_02: I think that's one thing that is not happening in most people's lives because everybody's going through it.
• 25:22
  SPEAKER_02: You know, I don't know a single person out there who doesn't have so many problems.
• 25:27
  SPEAKER_02: But a lot of people don't learn from the problems.
• 25:31
  SPEAKER_00: Because I don't think they pause to ask the problem, what are you here for?
• 25:35
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 25:35
  SPEAKER_00: For me, every time something goes wrong, I mean, I'll huff and puff.
• 25:39
  SPEAKER_00: And I have my quiet moments where I say, okay, well, what gift has this given me?
• 25:45
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 25:45
  SPEAKER_00: It has always given me a gift.
• 25:47
  SPEAKER_00: Every I do not regret a single thing in my life.
• 25:49
  SPEAKER_00: Any bad thing that has happened to me, I'm always like, it gave me a gift.
• 25:54
  SPEAKER_00: But you have to be quiet enough to have a conversation with the thing and say, What are you here for?
• 26:01
  SPEAKER_00: And that is just yeah, we're not supposed to come out of life without scars.
• 26:06
  SPEAKER_00: That's that's a bit boring.
• 26:07
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 26:08
  SPEAKER_02: I think the scars are the most beautiful part of the story.
• 26:11
  SPEAKER_02: Absolutely.
• 26:11
  SPEAKER_00: Because I'll be like, imagine a whole full life, and I end up at the end of my life untouched.
• 26:18
  SPEAKER_00: What a waste of time.
• 26:20
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 26:20
  SPEAKER_00: What a waste.
• 26:22
  SPEAKER_00: Um, so for me, bring everything.
• 26:24
  SPEAKER_00: I'll take it.
• 26:25
  SPEAKER_00: There's nothing that I can't go through.
• 26:27
  SPEAKER_02: So, what are you what are you afraid of right now?
• 26:30
  SPEAKER_00: Um I think I'm afraid of losing people.
• 26:35
  SPEAKER_00: I'm not afraid of life or me dying or anything.
• 26:39
  SPEAKER_00: I'm not afraid of that at all.
• 26:40
  SPEAKER_00: I think I'm afraid of anybody in my life dying.
• 26:43
  SPEAKER_00: That's like a constant fear.
• 26:45
  SPEAKER_00: Every time I say goodbye to someone, and I'll like even when I'm leaving here, it's like a it's like a trauma response where I look at everybody one last time.
• 26:56
  SPEAKER_00: Because I have to prepare myself.
• 26:57
  SPEAKER_00: Like I have to I ask myself, if this was the last time I saw this person, would I be okay with that?
• 27:04
  SPEAKER_00: And I do that every time.
• 27:05
  SPEAKER_00: It's really a paranoia, but it's just it's it's what I'm learning to live with.
• 27:10
  SPEAKER_02: Does it come from your experience?
• 27:12
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, absolutely.
• 27:13
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 27:14
  SPEAKER_00: I wish I did that a lot more.
• 27:16
  SPEAKER_00: I wish, you know.
• 27:18
  SPEAKER_00: Because the actually I've never said it out loud.
• 27:21
  SPEAKER_00: The night before my husband passed, it was the first time in four years of being together, I didn't say goodnight.
• 27:27
  SPEAKER_01: Wow.
• 27:28
  SPEAKER_00: First ever time.
• 27:29
  SPEAKER_00: And I remember actively, I was so tired.
• 27:31
  SPEAKER_00: I just came off a day shoot and I had dinner with the team, and I really was like, I'm so tired.
• 27:37
  SPEAKER_00: And he was watching TV, and I was just like, I'm not gonna say goodnight because I was that tired.
• 27:42
  SPEAKER_00: And so I never said goodnight.
• 27:44
  SPEAKER_00: And that has like haunted me.
• 27:47
  SPEAKER_00: Because it was the first time in four years together where I never said goodnight.
• 27:50
  SPEAKER_00: Even when I was in America, I would say goodnight.
• 27:52
  SPEAKER_00: You know, I could not go to bed, and the one day I didn't say goodnight was he I never saw him in the morning.
• 27:58
  SPEAKER_00: So that has been something that has tormented me.
• 28:02
  SPEAKER_02: I think that's a very powerful lesson because we mostly find it difficult.
• 28:07
  SPEAKER_02: At least you've done well that you are saying goodnight every night.
• 28:09
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 28:10
  SPEAKER_02: Because we mostly find it difficult to appreciate the people who are so important in our lives.
• 28:16
  SPEAKER_00: When somebody dies, then we we go on our campaign of life is short, life is short.
• 28:20
  SPEAKER_00: I'm just like, okay, I'll give you a week.
• 28:22
  SPEAKER_00: And then you'll forget life is short.
• 28:24
  SPEAKER_00: But I think for me, I remember that every day.
• 28:26
  SPEAKER_00: Every day, every single day, every single day.
• 28:29
  SPEAKER_00: Um, so that's yeah, that's that's been a hard one for me.
• 28:33
  SPEAKER_00: Still cope with it.
• 28:34
  SPEAKER_02: As painful as the ordeal was for you, what strength did it build in you?
• 28:40
  SPEAKER_00: I am in awe of myself.
• 28:43
  SPEAKER_00: In awe.
• 28:44
  SPEAKER_00: Absolutely, because you you could not tell me that in a year and a few months, I would literally be sitting here across from you.
• 28:55
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, there were months I did not leave the house.
• 28:57
  SPEAKER_00: I did not want to see people, all of those kind of things.
• 29:01
  SPEAKER_00: So I think a lot of times people talk about exterior things they're proud of.
• 29:05
  SPEAKER_00: I am in awe of myself.
• 29:07
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 29:08
  SPEAKER_00: And every day I'm just like, man, if I could even go back to the day, you know, she found out and say, You're gonna be fine.
• 29:17
  SPEAKER_01: You'll be fine.
• 29:18
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, but I think I also knew I was gonna be okay.
• 29:21
  SPEAKER_00: I think I started moving, I was, you know, believe it or not, I was back to work two weeks after.
• 29:25
  SPEAKER_01: Okay.
• 29:26
  SPEAKER_00: Two weeks after I went right back to work.
• 29:28
  SPEAKER_00: Um, because I said, I have so much life in me.
• 29:32
  SPEAKER_00: When somebody dies, it's supposed to remind you that you're alive.
• 29:34
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, your life can't stop.
• 29:36
  SPEAKER_00: It's supposed to remind you that wow.
• 29:38
  SPEAKER_00: And I think the most haunting thing that I pray every single day that nobody ever experiences that is I saw life leave.
• 29:49
  SPEAKER_00: That is like I can still wake up in the night screaming about it.
• 29:54
  SPEAKER_00: It is when you've seen eyes that are alive and then they just go still, it's so haunting, and that is a reminder that you are still living.
• 30:03
  SPEAKER_00: And once you know that and you understand that, you will say, Okay, I had a choice to sit at home and be sad.
• 30:11
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, and one day I said, But I'm actually going to be sad forever.
• 30:16
  SPEAKER_00: And it was it was an acceptance, like we're gonna be sad forever, so we might as well do something while we're sad.
• 30:24
  SPEAKER_00: Like, I'm sad every day.
• 30:25
  SPEAKER_00: This morning I was sad, you know.
• 30:27
  SPEAKER_00: Yesterday I was sad, I was miserable yesterday.
• 30:29
  SPEAKER_00: But like today I got back up and I was like, okay, hair, makeup, we have a we have a podcast interview.
• 30:35
  SPEAKER_00: You have to then just just say, My sadness is not a companion.
• 30:39
  SPEAKER_00: She comes with me, she's probably sitting right there.
• 30:41
  SPEAKER_00: I put her aside because I was like, This is a beautiful set.
• 30:43
  SPEAKER_00: Let's not bring the sadness onto the set.
• 30:45
  SPEAKER_00: But the ladies, hey, love that.
• 30:48
  SPEAKER_00: Um, but yeah, you just learn to take it with you.
• 30:51
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, it's not it's not gonna go away.
• 30:52
  SPEAKER_00: But I'm I'm in awe of myself every single day.
• 30:55
  SPEAKER_00: Every single day.
• 30:55
  SPEAKER_02: For those who know me out of masterminds, you know that I've spent two decades building an empire based on sound.
• 31:02
  SPEAKER_02: And now I've taken what I've been able to achieve in music to creating a way for you to experience music and sound.
• 31:11
  SPEAKER_02: We introduced the Lynx Reverb headphones, and now we've introduced the Lynx Octave Bluetooth portable speaker.
• 31:18
  SPEAKER_02: So, support a small businessman and patronize the quality goods that we have provided for you.
• 31:25
  SPEAKER_02: You can either find us at CompuGhana or on our website, Lynxelectronics.com.
• 31:32
  SPEAKER_02: Alice, I think I just heard a part of your your process to overcome the grief because I'm I'm now getting that you came to a realization the feeling is never going to leave.
• 31:42
  SPEAKER_02: So you just learned how to live with that feeling.
• 31:45
  SPEAKER_02: But what was your grief process like?
• 31:47
  SPEAKER_02: You know, I I hear different people say, you know, the five stages of grief.
• 31:51
  SPEAKER_02: What was it like for you?
• 31:52
  SPEAKER_00: I think I I had like 27 stages, honestly.
• 31:56
  SPEAKER_00: Like I went through periods where I was fine.
• 32:01
  SPEAKER_00: It was so scary.
• 32:02
  SPEAKER_00: I'll go through like a month period where because before I used to measure it by how often I was crying.
• 32:07
  SPEAKER_00: So I have like a little app in my phone, and I would write how many times a day I was crying.
• 32:13
  SPEAKER_00: Then I would keep track.
• 32:14
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, we cried 12 times.
• 32:16
  SPEAKER_00: We're crying every hour.
• 32:17
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, it's gone down to 11, it's gone down to 10.
• 32:20
  SPEAKER_00: And then I stopped crying at some point, but then my grief started showing up as anger.
• 32:26
  SPEAKER_00: So things would just irritate me.
• 32:28
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 32:28
  SPEAKER_00: And I was very short, and I'm like, my body would get hot.
• 32:30
  SPEAKER_00: Then I would be like, What where did I develop a temper from?
• 32:33
  SPEAKER_00: And a therapist said, No, no, that's just your grief.
• 32:36
  SPEAKER_00: Then it went through stages where I couldn't look at photos, so now I cannot look at videos because I can't see him moving because our my brain will remember that you'll never see that in real life again.
• 32:47
  SPEAKER_00: Photos are photos.
• 32:48
  SPEAKER_00: Then I couldn't say his name.
• 32:50
  SPEAKER_00: I didn't say his name for maybe a year and a few months.
• 32:53
  SPEAKER_00: I only started saying his name in July of this year.
• 32:58
  SPEAKER_00: I would not, I would just say my husband.
• 33:01
  SPEAKER_00: And then very recently I started saying his name.
• 33:03
  SPEAKER_00: So it's gone through like sometimes I don't want people to acknowledge it, sometimes I'll acknowledge it.
• 33:08
  SPEAKER_00: So it's it's just like every day I wake up and the grief shows up.
• 33:13
  SPEAKER_00: And I I think on Sunday I sent my oldest sister a text message, and I said, I woke up and grief was sitting on my chest with her legs crossed.
• 33:23
  SPEAKER_00: Because you I'll wake up and I'll be like, ugh, what it the day is off, you know.
• 33:27
  SPEAKER_00: So it's it's very different.
• 33:28
  SPEAKER_00: And some days I wake up and I'm dancing and you know, I'm fine.
• 33:32
  SPEAKER_00: You'll think nothing has happened to me.
• 33:34
  SPEAKER_00: So I think it's been its own thing.
• 33:36
  SPEAKER_00: But I think the hardest thing is for the people around me.
• 33:39
  SPEAKER_00: Because they're just like, so which version do we have today?
• 33:41
  SPEAKER_00: Are we allowed to say are we are we not allowed to?
• 33:44
  SPEAKER_00: So I think that's that's been hard for them.
• 33:46
  SPEAKER_00: Poor poor support system.
• 33:48
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, yeah.
• 33:49
  SPEAKER_02: So what do you say to yourself on the days that you wake up and grief is sitting next to you on the bed?
• 33:55
  SPEAKER_00: I say hello to her and I say, You can be here, but I need you to be quiet.
• 33:59
  SPEAKER_01: Okay.
• 34:00
  SPEAKER_00: So she can she can come.
• 34:01
  SPEAKER_00: She can, you know, on this Saturday is what would have been our two-year wedding anniversary.
• 34:06
  SPEAKER_00: Oh wow.
• 34:06
  SPEAKER_00: So I've given everybody a heads up.
• 34:08
  SPEAKER_00: Like Saturday, I'm seated with grief.
• 34:11
  SPEAKER_00: Listen, no, let me tell you, I told I was like, my husband is not here to celebrate.
• 34:14
  SPEAKER_00: So I in the drive on the way here, I was like, I accept Momo, I accept malt, I accept and like you know, if you're new to it.
• 34:21
  SPEAKER_00: Listen, um, my friends know everybody's coming over, and I was like, Wear your boo-boo, come over and let's sit because I've told them I don't know what version we'll meet on that day.
• 34:31
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, so everybody just come prepared.
• 34:33
  SPEAKER_00: Um, but I think I'm doing better at telling people what I need, what I don't need.
• 34:37
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, but I told the grief, like, if you want to come over on Saturday, you can come.
• 34:41
  SPEAKER_00: And if you don't want to, that's fine as well.
• 34:43
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, grief becomes your friend.
• 34:45
  SPEAKER_00: She's just she's gonna be with me.
• 34:47
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, yeah.
• 34:48
  SPEAKER_02: That's a very powerful lesson for people to learn.
• 34:50
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 34:51
  SPEAKER_02: Because most people are going through grief right now and they are waiting for the day grief.
• 34:56
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, sweetheart, it's not going anywhere.
• 34:58
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, it's not going anywhere.
• 34:59
  SPEAKER_00: You rent rent a chamber and hope.
• 35:01
  SPEAKER_00: She's she's staying.
• 35:03
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and I think also for people, it's super important that they know that grief doesn't look the same.
• 35:08
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, so a lot of people see me and God bless their hearts, and they're like, You look so well, you look so much better.
• 35:14
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm just like, I'm actually worse.
• 35:17
  SPEAKER_00: I just I'm back living, yeah, and grief becomes very personal.
• 35:21
  SPEAKER_00: So, like now, it's not a lot of people I'll tell, like, I'm having a sad day, I'll just disappear.
• 35:25
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, I just won't pick up my phone because you also don't want to burden people.
• 35:29
  SPEAKER_00: Um, so I have the friends who will who know the signs of oh, she's not picked up her phone.
• 35:34
  SPEAKER_00: Then they'll show up and say, I dropped off food, I'll see you later.
• 35:37
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, that's showing up for someone, you know.
• 35:39
  SPEAKER_00: So people look to me to be like, is she crying?
• 35:41
  SPEAKER_00: Does she look sad?
• 35:42
  SPEAKER_00: No, sweetheart.
• 35:43
  SPEAKER_00: This is a um, what do you call it?
• 35:45
  SPEAKER_00: This is beautiful, expensive makeup.
• 35:48
  SPEAKER_00: You will not see me crying this.
• 35:49
  SPEAKER_00: I will show up and I'll come to every event, but it's when I leave and I go and I sit home by myself, that's when it shows up.
• 35:58
  SPEAKER_00: So I think there's people who love to put a calendar or a timeline on grief like ah one month, six months.
• 36:04
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, it's been a year.
• 36:05
  SPEAKER_00: And I was like, I met a widow who lost her husband 15 years ago, and she says she still cries.
• 36:10
  SPEAKER_00: I said, Boy, it's about to it's about to be a long, you know, it's about to be a long road.
• 36:16
  SPEAKER_00: And I think seeing people who were years ahead, it made me be like, okay, this is about to be a long trip, but I still have a purpose in this life, I still have work to do, I still have things to do.
• 36:27
  SPEAKER_00: I was heavily criticized at how quickly I went back to work.
• 36:31
  SPEAKER_00: Okay and I said, Well, what did you want me to be doing?
• 36:34
  SPEAKER_00: Because unfortunately, I have a company.
• 36:36
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, I have a company that I have to run.
• 36:40
  SPEAKER_00: You know, like I wish I had the luxury of saying, like, someone take care of me.
• 36:45
  SPEAKER_00: I'm gonna take two years off.
• 36:47
  SPEAKER_00: I would have gone crazy.
• 36:49
  SPEAKER_00: And I think nobody should criticize anybody if you're not in their shoes.
• 36:53
  SPEAKER_02: 100%.
• 36:54
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 36:54
  SPEAKER_00: In in some of those moments, I needed work.
• 36:57
  SPEAKER_00: I needed to work, I needed to design, I needed to create, I needed to do something else that was not grief, you know, ridden.
• 37:05
  SPEAKER_00: So I always challenge people that when when you see someone who's lost someone in India, like, ah, it's only been a month, and I saw her at a birthday party.
• 37:14
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, do you know how much courage it took her to come to that birthday party?
• 37:17
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 37:17
  SPEAKER_00: Um, so I always like I'm never one to judge something anybody does, yeah, at all.
• 37:22
  SPEAKER_02: And I personally feel that we actually owe it to the loved one that we lost.
• 37:29
  SPEAKER_02: To live.
• 37:29
  SPEAKER_02: To live.
• 37:30
  SPEAKER_00: To live.
• 37:31
  SPEAKER_00: Like, I mean, my mum always tells me this saying um is that every year you are at the departure lounge at the airport.
• 37:38
  SPEAKER_00: Life is the airport, yeah.
• 37:39
  SPEAKER_00: The departure lounge, every birthday is a notification that you missed your flight.
• 37:45
  SPEAKER_00: So if you missed your flight, then you sure as hell better do something.
• 37:49
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 37:49
  SPEAKER_00: And you know, so when people are like, oh, they're trying hide their age, and they're like, Oh, I'm old, I'm just like, that is such a blessing.
• 37:57
  SPEAKER_00: I saw a lady today and she was like, Oh, I'm 54, I'm old.
• 38:00
  SPEAKER_00: And I responded, What a blessing.
• 38:02
  SPEAKER_00: And she was so taken aback, and she was like, Why?
• 38:04
  SPEAKER_00: And I said, That's a lot of time, and I'm and I'm great, I want you to be grateful that you are still here.
• 38:10
  SPEAKER_00: I hope I live till 90 something.
• 38:12
  SPEAKER_00: So every year that I get closer to that, I'm excited.
• 38:15
  SPEAKER_00: Forget wrinkles, forget like, forget all the things that life has taught us we should hate.
• 38:20
  SPEAKER_00: Every year, I'm just like, wow, whatever job I'm doing here, you know, I I got promoted, you know, I've I got another year.
• 38:28
  SPEAKER_00: Let me do something, let me do something with it.
• 38:30
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, absolutely.
• 38:32
  SPEAKER_02: I think when we're growing up, you know, youth makes you feel life is yeah, endless.
• 38:39
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, like I mean, I really thought people who were 50 were old.
• 38:42
  SPEAKER_00: I was like, Yeah, you are 50, because I was like, those two numbers, five, zero, and now I have friends who are turning 50.
• 38:49
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, and it's it's crazy.
• 38:51
  SPEAKER_00: You make you think you have your whole life ahead.
• 38:54
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, and we hope we do.
• 38:55
  SPEAKER_02: And you know, this year and last year, for me and a few people I know has been quite tough because I guess we are getting to the age where we're starting to lose people, people that we all thought were going to be around forever.
• 39:08
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, and it's a constant reminder.
• 39:10
  SPEAKER_02: Like, I love what she said that now your goodbyes are deliberate.
• 39:15
  SPEAKER_02: Yes.
• 39:15
  SPEAKER_02: Because it really could be.
• 39:17
  SPEAKER_00: You have to be comfortable with you know, if this was the last time, would I be okay with that?
• 39:22
  SPEAKER_00: Cool, then yeah.
• 39:23
  SPEAKER_02: You know, um, when Baba and I just found out about Sway passing away, like she reminded me that just a few months ago, he was right here at Tigon.
• 39:33
  SPEAKER_02: Wow, we saw each other, we chat and everything, we discussed doing a project together, we said we'll call each other, and he left.
• 39:39
  SPEAKER_02: And that was a good one.
• 39:40
  SPEAKER_00: Do you know what's so interesting?
• 39:41
  SPEAKER_00: So we always think about us living, being like, Wow, did you know I saw him when?
• 39:48
  SPEAKER_00: But we've never asked, like, do they themselves know that, like, think about the person who wakes up and does not know that they're dying, and then they they like they woke up with plans or you know, how I'm going here, I'm going to go.
• 39:59
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I'm gonna go and do this, and that fear alone is what should make you live.
• 40:04
  SPEAKER_00: Live, live, live, forget what anybody is saying, live because I think the the most foolish human traits is the thought that we have time.
• 40:12
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, it's it's one of the dumbest human traits.
• 40:15
  SPEAKER_00: We're just like, Yeah, I have time.
• 40:16
  SPEAKER_00: The one thing we have no control over is literally, um, there's I I think I said this some some time back where there's two things happening in life.
• 40:25
  SPEAKER_00: We're gonna be born and we're gonna die.
• 40:27
  SPEAKER_00: We've already done one.
• 40:28
  SPEAKER_02: Yes.
• 40:29
  SPEAKER_00: The other one we're just every day.
• 40:30
  SPEAKER_02: That's the only other guarantee of life.
• 40:33
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, we know we're going to die.
• 40:34
  SPEAKER_00: Absolutely know we're going to die.
• 40:36
  SPEAKER_00: And it's just like the fact that it's we don't know when is what should just make you like live, live, live, live, live, live, live.
• 40:43
  SPEAKER_02: So, how do you live now?
• 40:46
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, you can't tell me nothing.
• 40:48
  SPEAKER_00: Oh my I I have been saying this thing a lot.
• 40:51
  SPEAKER_00: My life belongs to me.
• 40:53
  SPEAKER_01: Okay.
• 40:54
  SPEAKER_00: Which means, you know, you have people who want to give you opinions, and I say, hey, my life is mine.
• 40:59
  SPEAKER_00: It's mine.
• 41:00
  SPEAKER_00: Every decision I make, I'm comfortable with it.
• 41:02
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 41:03
  SPEAKER_00: Every, you know, there's a part of WhatsApp.
• 41:05
  SPEAKER_00: I'm gonna give you a trick.
• 41:06
  SPEAKER_00: There's a part of WhatsApp called locked chats.
• 41:09
  SPEAKER_00: Some people use it for other things.
• 41:11
  SPEAKER_00: Let me tell you what I do there.
• 41:12
  SPEAKER_00: If you annoy me, your conversation goes into lock chat, which means what is locked chats?
• 41:16
  SPEAKER_00: It doesn't notify you if somebody messages you.
• 41:19
  SPEAKER_00: Really?
• 41:20
  SPEAKER_00: And it's you can only access it with like a passcode.
• 41:23
  SPEAKER_00: So I can just like drop put people away so they can't bother me.
• 41:28
  SPEAKER_00: Like if the phone rings, you won't see it.
• 41:30
  SPEAKER_00: If they send you a message, you won't see it.
• 41:32
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, if you're messaging me and I'm not responding, you're in my lock chat, okay?
• 41:37
  SPEAKER_00: Like that is, I went and put maybe I think I put maybe 45 chats into lock, and that was just like a thing of life.
• 41:45
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, you you are I like any interaction with somebody, and I'll be like, Are you causing me stress?
• 41:51
  SPEAKER_00: Hmm.
• 41:52
  SPEAKER_00: I have a short life.
• 41:54
  SPEAKER_00: Do I want to no lock chats?
• 41:56
  SPEAKER_00: And that that became a first thing I did, and then it became a life thing.
• 41:59
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 42:00
  SPEAKER_00: Of places I don't want to be.
• 42:02
  unknown: No.
• 42:03
  SPEAKER_00: Do you want to go?
• 42:03
  SPEAKER_00: No.
• 42:04
  SPEAKER_00: Do you want to be here?
• 42:05
  SPEAKER_00: No.
• 42:06
  SPEAKER_00: If somebody's like, oh, let's hang out.
• 42:08
  SPEAKER_00: I will ask myself, how will I feel about this?
• 42:11
  SPEAKER_00: How do I actually feel about this?
• 42:12
  SPEAKER_00: Is it uncomfortable?
• 42:13
  SPEAKER_00: No.
• 42:14
  SPEAKER_00: Do you want to do something?
• 42:15
  SPEAKER_00: No.
• 42:16
  SPEAKER_00: Hiya, you should no.
• 42:17
  SPEAKER_00: Why?
• 42:18
  SPEAKER_00: Because my life is mine.
• 42:19
  SPEAKER_00: It is absolutely mine.
• 42:21
  SPEAKER_00: Because I've had to pick myself out of hell.
• 42:24
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 42:25
  SPEAKER_00: And now we're on our way to heaven.
• 42:27
  SPEAKER_00: You will not drag me back.
• 42:29
  SPEAKER_00: And I think that's that's that's the when I was picking myself up, I had to build some muscle to carry and drag myself through.
• 42:36
  SPEAKER_00: So my life belongs to me.
• 42:38
  SPEAKER_00: It is absolutely mine.
• 42:39
  SPEAKER_00: And I think that's my new mantra of life.
• 42:40
  SPEAKER_00: Like it's mine.
• 42:41
  SPEAKER_00: My life is mine.
• 42:42
  SPEAKER_02: The decisions that people make for us, they don't face the consequences.
• 42:47
  SPEAKER_02: At all.
• 42:47
  SPEAKER_00: At all.
• 42:48
  SPEAKER_00: Because imagine somebody tells you that shoe is nice and you wear it because they told you it's nice, and then your foot is hurting.
• 42:53
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 42:54
  SPEAKER_00: Think about that.
• 42:54
  SPEAKER_00: Just think about that as a metaphor for life.
• 42:56
  SPEAKER_00: So because somebody told you the shoe is nice, like a fool, you wore it, and now your feet are bleeding, but you keep it on because the person told you to wear the shoe.
• 43:05
  SPEAKER_00: No.
• 43:06
  SPEAKER_00: Take it off and be barefoot.
• 43:08
  SPEAKER_00: Well, why?
• 43:08
  SPEAKER_00: Because your life is yours.
• 43:10
  SPEAKER_00: You are people don't realize how much control.
• 43:12
  SPEAKER_00: Now, also, a 10-year-old should not be saying their life is this because they have school fees to pay and you know you can't really take care of yourself.
• 43:18
  SPEAKER_00: But I think um I want more women, especially women, men, like at whatever age you can take.
• 43:25
  SPEAKER_00: Your parents' job is to guide you through life.
• 43:28
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 43:28
  SPEAKER_00: And there becomes a point, it's yours.
• 43:29
  SPEAKER_00: You take over from there.
• 43:30
  SPEAKER_00: They've done their part, take over and make your life yours.
• 43:33
  SPEAKER_02: You know, but I'll even double down and say even the 10-year-old, because the most beautiful thing in life is actions and consequences.
• 43:40
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 43:41
  SPEAKER_02: So as a 10-year-old, the action of not minding your parents has the consequence of your school fees not being paid.
• 43:48
  SPEAKER_02: You're right.
• 43:48
  SPEAKER_02: So your life is yours.
• 43:50
  SPEAKER_02: So make the right choice.
• 43:52
  SPEAKER_00: I think your life is yours, but you might also be homeless.
• 43:55
  SPEAKER_00: But yeah.
• 43:55
  SPEAKER_02: Yes, exactly.
• 43:57
  SPEAKER_02: Don't take this advice to me.
• 43:58
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, your right, your life is yours.
• 44:00
  SPEAKER_00: When I was in university, my mom did not know I was an art major until the day I graduated.
• 44:06
  SPEAKER_00: But you know, my life was mine, but I didn't maybe I didn't brand it as such back then.
• 44:11
  SPEAKER_00: I was really like, okay, my mom wanted me to do law.
• 44:13
  SPEAKER_00: Let me tell you, I love my mom to death, but she wanted me to do law.
• 44:16
  SPEAKER_00: When I like later on, when I went to advertise, she said, Oh, you can do entertainment law.
• 44:21
  SPEAKER_00: When I went into coi, she said, Oh, design everything I do, she will find a law in it because like when I tell you she wants me to be a lawyer.
• 44:30
  SPEAKER_00: Like, I even went to my lawyer's office and I said, Like, can you give me your cup and gown so I can take a picture and like give it to my mother, please?
• 44:38
  SPEAKER_00: But um, I think that rebelliousness, I started taking my life back in in little ways of saying like I declared photography as a major, studio art, and then I did communications so that I could tell my mom I was doing something.
• 44:53
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, and then on graduation day, when you opened the book, it said I was a double major in photography and communications.
• 44:58
  SPEAKER_00: What are you going to do with that?
• 45:00
  SPEAKER_00: I I got two majors.
• 45:01
  SPEAKER_00: I still have the one you want, and I have the one for me.
• 45:03
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 45:03
  SPEAKER_00: And what I'm doing as a career now, I remember I got laid off from my job at Meta.
• 45:08
  SPEAKER_00: So I was at Meta for four years, and I got laid off, and you know, the day I got laid off, I was like, you know what?
• 45:14
  SPEAKER_00: I'm never gonna work for someone again.
• 45:15
  SPEAKER_00: Like I literally just told myself, I'm never gonna work for somebody ever again.
• 45:19
  SPEAKER_00: And a year in, you know, uh luckily I have lots of siblings, so I can't, I don't I won't put anybody out there.
• 45:27
  SPEAKER_00: Just know there was a conversation with family where they sat me down and they said, you know, you should probably think about going back to work.
• 45:33
  SPEAKER_00: And I was like, why?
• 45:35
  SPEAKER_00: Said, you know, you need insurance, you know, retire, like a 401k, you know, there's expenses that come with a job.
• 45:43
  SPEAKER_00: And I, oh, I let them talk.
• 45:44
  SPEAKER_00: I said, I provide insurance to 30-something employees.
• 45:49
  SPEAKER_00: I now provide a 401k, so I'm providing it for myself.
• 45:52
  SPEAKER_00: And that was just like when I promised myself I would never go back to work, all these things that are training our minds, like, oh, we should be, we should go to the corporate person to be able to get this.
• 46:03
  SPEAKER_00: I was like, I'm giving this to myself and to others now.
• 46:06
  SPEAKER_00: And you know, it was maybe the moment where it was my nice way of saying, I'm an adult, leave me alone.
• 46:12
  SPEAKER_00: Because I decided I was never going to work for somebody again.
• 46:15
  SPEAKER_00: And it was my way of saying to my parents and stuff, you have no say in my life anymore.
• 46:22
  SPEAKER_00: Like, you know, when I was in Ghana, um, my poor mom does not really fully understand what I do.
• 46:28
  SPEAKER_00: Um, I was in Ghana for six months, and then I'll go back to America for like two, three months, and then I'll come back.
• 46:33
  SPEAKER_00: And she was like, Hey, you have to go back to America or you have to focus on work.
• 46:37
  SPEAKER_00: And I was just like, Mommy, I don't have a boss.
• 46:41
  SPEAKER_00: I'm the boss, and the boss wants to be here today.
• 46:44
  SPEAKER_00: And I think she couldn't understand that I actually had a life where I could do whatever.
• 46:49
  SPEAKER_00: If you ask me where I live, I say nowhere.
• 46:51
  SPEAKER_00: Wherever I want to be is where I live.
• 46:53
  SPEAKER_00: You know, today I live here.
• 46:54
  SPEAKER_00: This is you know, I think it's been me taking my entire life back.
• 47:00
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 47:01
  SPEAKER_02: Yes, your story is actually very inspiring.
• 47:04
  SPEAKER_02: Oh my goodness, thank you.
• 47:05
  SPEAKER_02: No, it really is a lot of people are going through depression, yeah, midlife crisis, yes, you know, so much sadness because they listened to the to listen to other people's opinions on how they should live their lives, you know.
• 47:21
  SPEAKER_02: They followed advice of somebody, and don't get it wrong, I'm not saying anybody meant ill.
• 47:26
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, like your mom meant the best for you and she said you should be a lawyer.
• 47:29
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, but she wanted security for me.
• 47:31
  SPEAKER_00: That's you have to look underlying what they're actually saying.
• 47:35
  SPEAKER_00: When our parents tell us to be doctors, lawyers, and what's that, like engineers and whatnot, all they're saying is, I don't want to worry about how you'll take care of yourself.
• 47:44
  SPEAKER_02: Exactly.
• 47:45
  SPEAKER_00: Once you're able to give yourself that, then don't worry about you know what your parents want.
• 47:50
  SPEAKER_00: But always go to the core of what they were actually trying to say.
• 47:53
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, but what most people don't see is one of the first steps to succeed in is taking responsibility for yourself.
• 48:01
  SPEAKER_00: And taking risks and knowing that, because people also project their fear onto you.
• 48:07
  SPEAKER_00: I'm sure, like when I every business I've done, if I told somebody, that's me, I don't tell you, I have an idea, I'll just do it and you'll find out somehow.
• 48:16
  SPEAKER_00: Because if you tell somebody, hey, I kind of want to start, you see how like you even shrug yourself, like and you make it small.
• 48:23
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, I have this small.
• 48:23
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, I have this small idea.
• 48:25
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I want to open maybe a bakery.
• 48:28
  SPEAKER_00: And like how you are even saying it, you are just flooding it with weakness.
• 48:32
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 48:32
  SPEAKER_00: And then let me tell you naturally what's gonna happen.
• 48:35
  SPEAKER_00: If you told me you want to start a bakery, I don't hear that you want to start a bakery.
• 48:40
  SPEAKER_00: I hear, hiat, would you start a bakery?
• 48:43
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 48:44
  SPEAKER_00: And then I'm going to be like, no, it's too much work, there's too many bakeries, it's, you know, I'm not even a good baker.
• 48:50
  SPEAKER_00: So then what I'm going to do is say that to you.
• 48:52
  SPEAKER_00: So what I've done is I've projected what I would do in your situation, but I'm not you.
• 48:58
  SPEAKER_00: So that is why you can't go to people for validation.
• 49:00
  SPEAKER_00: So there's a thing now where when I'm going to ask somebody's opinion, before I do it, I allow the thought to come like, let me call and ask them.
• 49:09
  SPEAKER_00: And then I'll ask myself, okay, let's name this emotion.
• 49:11
  SPEAKER_00: What is it I'm seeking?
• 49:13
  SPEAKER_00: Am I seeking connection?
• 49:15
  SPEAKER_00: Am I seeking validation?
• 49:17
  SPEAKER_00: Am I seeking reassurance?
• 49:19
  SPEAKER_00: Once I name the emotion, then I'll realize that actually I'm very sure about this idea, but I want validation.
• 49:27
  SPEAKER_00: So technically, I don't want your opinion.
• 49:30
  SPEAKER_00: But my nervous system wants validation.
• 49:34
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, kayat.
• 49:35
  SPEAKER_00: Now talk to yourself.
• 49:37
  SPEAKER_00: Validate yourself.
• 49:38
  SPEAKER_00: Tell myself how many things have I done that even if I failed, they came back.
• 49:43
  SPEAKER_00: So once I've named the emotion and I've given it to myself, then I realize actually, you know what?
• 49:48
  SPEAKER_00: I didn't need to call anybody and ask them.
• 49:50
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 49:50
  SPEAKER_00: Because I understood that in that moment I was feeling uneasy.
• 49:54
  SPEAKER_00: And what I just needed was reassurance.
• 49:56
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 49:56
  SPEAKER_00: It's like when you ask your friend, do you like my outfit?
• 49:58
  SPEAKER_00: You don't actually care if they like it.
• 50:00
  SPEAKER_00: The core of it is let's say if if you have a crush on a guy, what you want is validation.
• 50:06
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 50:06
  SPEAKER_00: You don't care if he likes it or not.
• 50:08
  SPEAKER_00: You just want to feel validation.
• 50:09
  SPEAKER_00: That should tell you that there's a weakness in you guys' connection.
• 50:13
  SPEAKER_00: If it's friends and you're a people pleaser, all you want is acceptance.
• 50:17
  SPEAKER_00: So you might be like, oh, so so you see my snake skin shoe, because maybe you know that that person also likes snake skin, all you want is acceptance.
• 50:26
  SPEAKER_00: You want to feel a part of stuff.
• 50:28
  SPEAKER_00: So half the time, when people ask others' opinions, it's something they're seeking.
• 50:31
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 50:31
  SPEAKER_00: Once you realize that whatever problem comes with that business, you are the one who's going to solve it.
• 50:36
  SPEAKER_00: You don't need to ask anybody because they can only give you what they will do in that situation.
• 50:40
  SPEAKER_00: And that's human nature.
• 50:42
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 50:42
  SPEAKER_00: So when people say people were hating on me, people were not hating on you.
• 50:46
  SPEAKER_00: But they just didn't have the vision you had.
• 50:49
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 50:49
  SPEAKER_00: So they told you their opinion based off of if it was them.
• 50:54
  SPEAKER_00: And yeah, I could go on and on about haters, but yeah, I don't think haters exist.
• 50:58
  SPEAKER_00: But that that's a different conversation.
• 51:00
  SPEAKER_02: Everybody's just filtering things through their own lens.
• 51:03
  SPEAKER_02: Through their experience, yeah.
• 51:04
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 51:04
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 51:05
  SPEAKER_02: That's why they even say that if you really do want advice on something you're doing, talk to somebody who's done more than you.
• 51:12
  SPEAKER_02: So let's say if you want to open a bakery, talk to someone who owns 10 bakeries.
• 51:17
  SPEAKER_00: No, you you talk to somebody who's failed at a bakery.
• 51:20
  SPEAKER_02: Well, basically somebody has opened 10 bakeries, they've they failed.
• 51:23
  SPEAKER_00: But the person who's opened 10 bakeries will tell you don't do it.
• 51:26
  SPEAKER_00: Because they they will be like, think about running a marathon.
• 51:29
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, you're at mile 26, and somebody tells you they're about to start.
• 51:33
  SPEAKER_00: You're gonna be like, that's gonna be a hell of 25 miles.
• 51:35
  SPEAKER_01: Sure.
• 51:36
  SPEAKER_00: But the person who gives up will tell you at mile 10, I got a muscle pull.
• 51:41
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, make sure you're hydrated.
• 51:43
  SPEAKER_00: I want to talk to the person who failed so that I can gather your lessons and go further than you.
• 51:49
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, the person who's gone far probably suffered so much that they will feel that as a human, because if you shouldn't suffer that much.
• 51:56
  SPEAKER_00: Starting a business, like even Choi, I will tell somebody don't do it.
• 52:01
  SPEAKER_02: If you ask me if you should go into music management, you will probably tell the person I'll say if you don't want to have any peace in your life.
• 52:08
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, you don't want to have a life, you don't want to have balance.
• 52:11
  SPEAKER_00: I want to know the person who gave up so I can understand how I can make sure that when I get to that point, I'll say, Oh, this is mile 10.
• 52:18
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, this is what he said, this is where he gave up.
• 52:21
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, I'm prepared to go two miles further.
• 52:23
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, then you find the person who quit at that time and keep going further, keep going further.
• 52:28
  SPEAKER_00: I don't want to talk to the person who succeeded.
• 52:32
  SPEAKER_02: I've never actually looked at it that way.
• 52:33
  SPEAKER_00: That's very now you gotta think about who you get advice from.
• 52:36
  SPEAKER_00: Yep.
• 52:37
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I want to know my failures, where you at?
• 52:39
  SPEAKER_00: I'll be coming to you again.
• 52:41
  SPEAKER_00: Call us.
• 52:42
  SPEAKER_00: Listen.
• 52:43
  SPEAKER_02: Because failure is beautiful.
• 52:45
  SPEAKER_02: But how do you get the discipline to keep going through failure?
• 52:51
  SPEAKER_00: I've failed enough that I have proof.
• 52:53
  SPEAKER_02: Okay.
• 52:54
  SPEAKER_00: I think there's a few of my failures that I just had to keep going.
• 52:57
  SPEAKER_00: Like I didn't have a choice to stop, I didn't have the luxury of quitting.
• 53:00
  SPEAKER_00: And then when you map it out, you're like, huh?
• 53:04
  SPEAKER_00: It's worked out well.
• 53:05
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 53:05
  SPEAKER_00: So then it now becomes proof.
• 53:08
  SPEAKER_00: Or I became obsessed with this podcast called Founders.
• 53:11
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 53:11
  SPEAKER_00: You should listen to it.
• 53:12
  SPEAKER_01: I'm gonna look for it.
• 53:13
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, you you write it down, and it's this guy.
• 53:16
  SPEAKER_00: He I think he set out to record a thousand episodes.
• 53:20
  SPEAKER_00: Because after every episode, he'll tell you this is number 300 out of a thousand.
• 53:24
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 53:24
  SPEAKER_00: And he just he'll read the biography of let's say Steve Jobs, he'll read the whole biography, and in a one-hour podcast, tell you everything you need to know.
• 53:31
  SPEAKER_00: So you don't have to go and read it.
• 53:32
  SPEAKER_01: Okay.
• 53:33
  SPEAKER_00: And at some point in time, you're gonna listen to 10 episodes and be like, they all failed, came back, failed, came back.
• 53:39
  SPEAKER_00: When you hear the most successful people in this world went through so many things, when you're going through yours, you're gonna be like, ooh, okay.
• 53:46
  SPEAKER_00: So sometimes when I'm going through a failure, I'm like, well, in my book, this will be chapter two.
• 53:51
  SPEAKER_00: Or I'm like, oh, when they're doing a documentary about me, this will be the opening.
• 53:54
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes that's how I psych myself up.
• 53:56
  SPEAKER_00: I'm just like, when the failure is happening, I'm just like, yes, that means I'm gonna make it because this person fails five times.
• 54:02
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, I failed two, okay, I have three more failures.
• 54:05
  SPEAKER_00: And once you start studying the grades, you'll realize that none of you've never had somebody who was born successful and then they were just successful.
• 54:13
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 54:13
  SPEAKER_00: So when you're failing, then you should feel like you're part of a cool kids' club.
• 54:17
  SPEAKER_00: Like when I fail, I'm just like, yes, okay, okay, okay.
• 54:21
  SPEAKER_00: Let's let's gather around.
• 54:22
  SPEAKER_00: Let's gather around.
• 54:23
  SPEAKER_00: It excites me.
• 54:24
  SPEAKER_02: Well, I have to listen to this podcast because ironically, when I was starting, I watched the podcast ahead of me.
• 54:31
  SPEAKER_02: I watched the Diary of a CEO.
• 54:33
  SPEAKER_02: I used to watch the love.
• 54:36
  SPEAKER_02: I love Mel Robbins.
• 54:37
  SPEAKER_00: So we listen to the same things.
• 54:39
  SPEAKER_00: I want to be a genius like you.
• 54:40
  SPEAKER_00: That's amazing.
• 54:42
  SPEAKER_02: Then I set a goal for myself.
• 54:43
  SPEAKER_02: I said, you know, when I'm doing something, normally I don't target numbers, but this one I'm targeting numbers, and the number I'm targeting is the number of episodes.
• 54:51
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 54:52
  SPEAKER_02: So I said, how fast can I get to 500 episodes?
• 54:55
  SPEAKER_02: I love that.
• 54:56
  SPEAKER_02: Because when I pass 500 episodes, then I know I'm not stopping.
• 54:59
  unknown: Yeah, I love that.
• 55:00
  SPEAKER_02: So I just keep wanting to use that.
• 55:04
  SPEAKER_00: I may not quote you, but I guess the podcast is proof.
• 55:09
  SPEAKER_00: But that's amazing.
• 55:10
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 55:10
  SPEAKER_00: Congratulations.
• 55:11
  SPEAKER_02: I'm on a race to 500.
• 55:13
  SPEAKER_00: What number are you on?
• 55:13
  SPEAKER_02: Well, as of today, what is airing today is hundred.
• 55:17
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, oh, so we have well, we have some 400 more to go.
• 55:19
  SPEAKER_00: That's that's it's been a year, so that's easy.
• 55:22
  SPEAKER_00: I think you can get that in like two and a half years.
• 55:24
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you.
• 55:24
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you.
• 55:25
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, you see how calmly I said that to you?
• 55:27
  SPEAKER_00: That's how people should speak to each other.
• 55:29
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, because let me tell you what could have happened.
• 55:32
  SPEAKER_00: Hey, 400 to go.
• 55:34
  SPEAKER_00: Hey, you have time, oh this thing is expensive.
• 55:37
  SPEAKER_00: Like, I really could have said all of those things that you've put.
• 55:40
  SPEAKER_00: But we need enough people to be like 400?
• 55:43
  SPEAKER_00: That's easy.
• 55:44
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, and what that does is you don't need the validation, but I just helped you reframe it that two and a half years or oh, quicker, I can do it.
• 55:52
  SPEAKER_00: No baby.
• 55:53
  SPEAKER_00: If we all spoke to people like that, do you know how many successful people we would have?
• 55:57
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, we would we would have so many people.
• 55:59
  SPEAKER_00: And I think I encourage people to when your friend tells you, like, I started learning how to play tennis last week.
• 56:05
  SPEAKER_01: Okay.
• 56:06
  SPEAKER_00: Last week I got up.
• 56:07
  SPEAKER_00: I'm gonna play tennis.
• 56:08
  SPEAKER_00: I've had three lessons.
• 56:10
  SPEAKER_00: I messaged my brother and told him that I'm going to be at Wimbledon next year.
• 56:14
  SPEAKER_01: Thank you.
• 56:15
  SPEAKER_00: He told me, What drugs are you on?
• 56:16
  SPEAKER_00: And I said, Listen, listen, listen, listen.
• 56:19
  SPEAKER_00: I didn't say I'll be on the feet, I said I will be at Wimbledon.
• 56:23
  SPEAKER_00: It is not your job to tell me if that's realistic or not.
• 56:27
  SPEAKER_00: I even DM'd Serena Williams.
• 56:28
  SPEAKER_00: I said, Would love to play with you sometime.
• 56:31
  SPEAKER_00: I have a screenshot of that DM.
• 56:33
  SPEAKER_00: I will send it to you.
• 56:35
  SPEAKER_00: And that is how I said, Oh, I'm gonna start playing tennis, then I'm going all the way, and nobody can tell me.
• 56:40
  SPEAKER_00: Whether I get to Wimbledon and put one tool on that field, I said I was going to Wimbledon.
• 56:45
  SPEAKER_00: That that's all I said.
• 56:47
  SPEAKER_02: I love the audacity hundred percent.
• 56:49
  SPEAKER_00: Because you know how our parents used to say the person who got hundred and the person who got 90, did they have two heads?
• 56:55
  SPEAKER_00: The person at Wimbledon, they don't have two heads.
• 56:57
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I have one head, I have arms that work, I have feet that work.
• 57:00
  SPEAKER_00: Serena has the same.
• 57:02
  SPEAKER_02: Now you're going to make me share my own.
• 57:04
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, where are you going to do?
• 57:05
  SPEAKER_00: Olympics?
• 57:06
  SPEAKER_00: And I'll welcome.
• 57:08
  SPEAKER_02: So my whole life I've been horrible at drawing.
• 57:11
  SPEAKER_02: Okay.
• 57:12
  SPEAKER_02: You know, in my mind, I'm very creative.
• 57:14
  SPEAKER_02: So I can do graphic design and video editing, but when it comes using my hand, I'm horrible.
• 57:20
  SPEAKER_02: A few months ago, I started drawing.
• 57:22
  SPEAKER_02: Okay.
• 57:23
  SPEAKER_02: And I've told everyone around me that I'm going to become one of the greatest artists ever in the world.
• 57:29
  SPEAKER_02: Absolutely.
• 57:30
  SPEAKER_02: But I will never sell a painting.
• 57:32
  SPEAKER_01: Okay.
• 57:32
  SPEAKER_02: My art will be there.
• 57:33
  SPEAKER_02: And then when I when I die and I'm gone, I'll leave that as you know.
• 57:38
  SPEAKER_02: Okay.
• 57:39
  SPEAKER_00: Can I put my name on the list of people who can please?
• 57:42
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, yes, please.
• 57:43
  SPEAKER_00: The value of soul.
• 57:44
  SPEAKER_00: Let me tell you something about drawing.
• 57:46
  SPEAKER_00: So drawing is actually understanding light and dark.
• 57:49
  SPEAKER_00: That's all it is.
• 57:50
  SPEAKER_01: Okay.
• 57:50
  SPEAKER_00: They're all flat shapes.
• 57:52
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 57:52
  SPEAKER_00: You just understand light and dark.
• 57:53
  SPEAKER_00: When you are drawing somebody's head, we always think it's a circle.
• 57:56
  SPEAKER_00: It's actually made of an oval, a triangle, like it's all just shapes.
• 58:01
  SPEAKER_02: And I got a teacher.
• 58:02
  SPEAKER_00: Literally, that is how I learned.
• 58:04
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 58:04
  SPEAKER_00: So today, when we went to my high school, um, we went to the art room, and that's where I began my creative journey.
• 58:11
  SPEAKER_00: So how I started art, and this will be valid for you, is I was in form three going to form four, and you had to pick the subjects you were doing O-level.
• 58:19
  SPEAKER_01: Okay.
• 58:19
  SPEAKER_00: So we were you could shop around for classes.
• 58:22
  SPEAKER_00: So you go, you sit in different classes, and there was like a Thursday period where I had to fill it with a class.
• 58:28
  SPEAKER_00: The only options were art and chemistry.
• 58:30
  SPEAKER_01: Okay.
• 58:30
  SPEAKER_00: I'd gone to the chemistry class, and I was like, this sucks, but you know, my friends are in this class.
• 58:36
  SPEAKER_00: We'll can copy people's notes.
• 58:37
  SPEAKER_00: We'll be fine.
• 58:38
  SPEAKER_00: Then I went to the art class and they were drawing a basketball in a cone.
• 58:42
  SPEAKER_00: It was like these still life things.
• 58:44
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 58:44
  SPEAKER_00: And I was like, I hate art.
• 58:46
  SPEAKER_00: I'm not an artist.
• 58:47
  SPEAKER_00: I don't draw.
• 58:48
  SPEAKER_00: Like I walked in and I told myself those things.
• 58:51
  SPEAKER_00: And you, it was like a two-hour period.
• 58:53
  SPEAKER_00: You had to do something.
• 58:53
  SPEAKER_00: So I just drew something quickly.
• 58:55
  SPEAKER_00: And then when you're done, you're supposed to get the teacher to sign the form to say she's taking it, she doesn't want to do it.
• 59:02
  SPEAKER_00: And the teacher, his name is Mr.
• 59:03
  SPEAKER_00: Benyeke.
• 59:05
  SPEAKER_00: He would not sign my form.
• 59:07
  SPEAKER_00: He saw me draw.
• 59:08
  SPEAKER_00: I didn't even draw properly.
• 59:10
  SPEAKER_00: And he said, You have potential and I'm going to train you.
• 59:13
  SPEAKER_00: And he refused to let me drop the class and he would not sign.
• 59:18
  SPEAKER_00: I ended up doing art for O-level, A level, and I majored in drawing.
• 59:24
  SPEAKER_00: I can draw a human and shade a human.
• 59:27
  SPEAKER_00: And it was because he sat down and he told me, first of all, take it out of your mind that you can't draw.
• 59:32
  SPEAKER_00: And he said, Now break it down to the fundamentals.
• 59:35
  SPEAKER_00: And he taught me shapes, light, shading.
• 59:38
  SPEAKER_00: He said, drawing is just breaking down, like when you look at this, don't look at it as a mushroom.
• 59:44
  SPEAKER_00: Break it down into the simplest shapes.
• 59:47
  SPEAKER_00: Don't let it intimidate you.
• 59:48
  SPEAKER_00: You are the master of this.
• 59:50
  SPEAKER_00: Break it down and then replicate that on paper.
• 59:53
  SPEAKER_01: Okay.
• 59:54
  SPEAKER_00: And because of that, I could draw a human in person.
• 59:58
  SPEAKER_00: So if you tell me that your work is going to be in the Smithsonian, it's going to be there.
• 1:00:04
  SPEAKER_00: And I have already sewn my Kinte for the opening.
• 1:00:06
  SPEAKER_00: Whether or not you're there or not.
• 1:00:08
  SPEAKER_02: Right there.
• 1:00:08
  SPEAKER_00: I have designed the outfit and I even know what jewelry I will wear.
• 1:00:11
  SPEAKER_00: That is the audacity of which you have to go into life.
• 1:00:14
  SPEAKER_02: Audacity.
• 1:00:14
  SPEAKER_00: Because life is just individual shapes.
• 1:00:18
  SPEAKER_00: A billion-dollar business is what?
• 1:00:20
  SPEAKER_00: An idea, consistency, motivation, a good team.
• 1:00:25
  SPEAKER_00: We can all be Bezos.
• 1:00:26
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 1:00:26
  SPEAKER_00: Well, Bezos was not normal at some point.
• 1:00:29
  SPEAKER_00: Just a regular.
• 1:00:29
  SPEAKER_00: He was also on somebody's podcast at some point.
• 1:00:31
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 1:00:32
  SPEAKER_00: He doesn't have two heads.
• 1:00:33
  SPEAKER_00: He has a head.
• 1:00:34
  SPEAKER_00: I have a head.
• 1:00:35
  SPEAKER_00: He breathes oxygen.
• 1:00:37
  SPEAKER_00: In the morning, I hope he goes to do poo-poo.
• 1:00:40
  SPEAKER_00: Like when he sneaks, does he not snore?
• 1:00:43
  SPEAKER_00: Does he not bath every day?
• 1:00:44
  SPEAKER_00: He is no different.
• 1:00:46
  SPEAKER_00: Now somebody can argue like he has better opportunities, fine.
• 1:00:50
  SPEAKER_00: But he's still a person.
• 1:00:51
  SPEAKER_00: And if I see that I have the potential to be a billionaire, then who is there to stop me?
• 1:00:55
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 1:00:56
  SPEAKER_00: The only person in your way is yourself.
• 1:00:58
  SPEAKER_00: So just know that I've gathered my money for your piece of artwork.
• 1:01:02
  SPEAKER_00: Okay?
• 1:01:02
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you.
• 1:01:03
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you.
• 1:01:04
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, very good.
• 1:01:05
  SPEAKER_02: You already know the funny thing is right now, I'm starting to see in shapes.
• 1:01:09
  SPEAKER_00: See?
• 1:01:09
  SPEAKER_02: Like after you said this, I'm looking around everything.
• 1:01:12
  SPEAKER_00: I'm saying, oh, you're insulting somebody and then you look at look at the shape of his head.
• 1:01:17
  SPEAKER_00: Two trans, one coconut.
• 1:01:20
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 1:01:22
  SPEAKER_02: Wow.
• 1:01:23
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 1:01:24
  SPEAKER_02: I'm even lost.
• 1:01:25
  SPEAKER_00: I'm curious for like what you thought your questions were going to be.
• 1:01:28
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, I've thrown I've thrown my questions out the window a long time.
• 1:01:31
  SPEAKER_02: It's so cute.
• 1:01:32
  SPEAKER_02: But that's when I know a conversation is going good because then I know I'm actually intrigued in what you're saying.
• 1:01:37
  SPEAKER_02: It's not about what I prepared.
• 1:01:38
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I love it.
• 1:01:40
  SPEAKER_02: Tell me about what you want to build for yourself.
• 1:01:46
  SPEAKER_00: I think, like for myself, let me ask you a question about the question.
• 1:01:50
  SPEAKER_00: Break it down for me.
• 1:01:51
  SPEAKER_00: Let's break into simple shapes.
• 1:01:52
  SPEAKER_02: Okay, let's let's break it into three things.
• 1:01:54
  SPEAKER_02: Okay.
• 1:01:55
  SPEAKER_02: The first one is personally.
• 1:01:56
  SPEAKER_02: Okay.
• 1:01:57
  SPEAKER_02: What do you want to build for yourself, for your personal life to look like?
• 1:02:00
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 1:02:01
  SPEAKER_02: The second one is what do you want to build for your business or your brand?
• 1:02:06
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 1:02:06
  SPEAKER_02: And then the third one is what legacy do you want to build for yourself?
• 1:02:11
  SPEAKER_00: Um, for my personal brand, I want to see a lot more.
• 1:02:21
  SPEAKER_00: I want to speak a lot more.
• 1:02:23
  SPEAKER_00: I decided this year I was gonna go into speaking because I was just like, I think I'll be a great speaker.
• 1:02:28
  SPEAKER_00: And I have great stories that I want to now.
• 1:02:31
  SPEAKER_00: I shared my stuff on social.
• 1:02:33
  SPEAKER_00: Now I want to for myself be on bigger stages.
• 1:02:36
  SPEAKER_00: So that's like a personal dream that I've had.
• 1:02:38
  SPEAKER_00: For my business, I didn't say this last year because I didn't believe it.
• 1:02:45
  SPEAKER_00: I want to build a business that I walk away from, but my handprint is all over it.
• 1:02:52
  SPEAKER_00: Like for the first time, I was just like, Choi can be the way the the house is Chanel Dior.
• 1:02:58
  SPEAKER_00: Like, you know, I was like, that is going to be that.
• 1:03:01
  SPEAKER_00: What I want for my life is no plan.
• 1:03:06
  SPEAKER_00: You know, I'm a person my whole life.
• 1:03:08
  SPEAKER_00: I've been child-free by choice.
• 1:03:11
  SPEAKER_00: I don't want that for myself.
• 1:03:12
  SPEAKER_00: I just want to live a spontaneous life.
• 1:03:15
  SPEAKER_00: You know, I hope one day, one day I hope I I settle down again.
• 1:03:20
  SPEAKER_00: Um, I'm open to it.
• 1:03:21
  SPEAKER_00: If that if God blesses me with that, that'll be amazing.
• 1:03:24
  SPEAKER_00: But I just want to live a life with no plan.
• 1:03:27
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 1:03:27
  SPEAKER_00: Because I think every plan, I've seen what where plans have gotten me.
• 1:03:32
  SPEAKER_00: Like, you know, I when I got married, I had such a plan.
• 1:03:34
  SPEAKER_00: This is going to be my life.
• 1:03:36
  SPEAKER_00: And I think for as long as God allows me to be alive, I just want to be spontaneous and just take life as it comes.
• 1:03:44
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 1:03:44
  SPEAKER_00: That was a really good way to break down the questions.
• 1:03:46
  SPEAKER_00: I appreciate that.
• 1:03:47
  SPEAKER_00: That was very kind of you.
• 1:03:48
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 1:03:49
  SPEAKER_02: You talking about no plan reminds me of the year which my company, like when we had the record label, the year which everything was so spot on with our plans.
• 1:03:59
  SPEAKER_02: So when it was December, we planned at that time we had three artists.
• 1:04:05
  SPEAKER_02: Okay.
• 1:04:06
  SPEAKER_02: And we planned the release for each artist throughout the year to the exact date.
• 1:04:11
  SPEAKER_02: Wow.
• 1:04:12
  SPEAKER_02: Not just like January.
• 1:04:13
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, you had it mapped out.
• 1:04:14
  SPEAKER_02: Yes, mapped out.
• 1:04:15
  SPEAKER_02: So this person is releasing January 15.
• 1:04:17
  SPEAKER_02: This is March.
• 1:04:18
  SPEAKER_02: This we planned out for every artist.
• 1:04:20
  SPEAKER_02: Then we planned concerts for every artist throughout the year.
• 1:04:24
  SPEAKER_02: We planned when we're going to shoot the music videos, we planned the tours, we did everything, and we finished this plan December 2019.
• 1:04:35
  SPEAKER_02: Remember what happened the next year?
• 1:04:36
  SPEAKER_02: Ooh, COVID.
• 1:04:38
  SPEAKER_00: As as as I as my brain clicked, like I just went to my chair, like, ooh.
• 1:04:43
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 1:04:44
  SPEAKER_02: So 2020 started and we were ready.
• 1:04:47
  SPEAKER_02: We said this year we are showing people we're ready.
• 1:04:49
  SPEAKER_00: Around that violence.
• 1:04:51
  SPEAKER_02: You know, the the most interesting thing is that because we had planned the concerts early February, we were about to pay for the venues for some of the concerts that we were doing in August and September.
• 1:05:03
  SPEAKER_02: We're about to pay early February.
• 1:05:05
  SPEAKER_00: You thought you had like figured out.
• 1:05:07
  SPEAKER_02: And then there was a delay, and we said, okay, we'll pay in March.
• 1:05:10
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 1:05:10
  SPEAKER_02: And then end of February, COVID hits.
• 1:05:14
  SPEAKER_02: So they say, Man plans and God loves.
• 1:05:21
  SPEAKER_00: How did you pivot?
• 1:05:22
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, we had to pivot.
• 1:05:23
  SPEAKER_02: So I remember one I sat the entire team down and I told them that this is going to be one of the toughest times in our industry because our industry is based on personal experiences.
• 1:05:37
  SPEAKER_02: So we either fade or become the strongest.
• 1:05:41
  SPEAKER_02: And then I told the artist something.
• 1:05:43
  SPEAKER_02: This is when Kitty released that EP blue EP that people loved so much.
• 1:05:48
  SPEAKER_02: I told Kitty something.
• 1:05:49
  SPEAKER_02: Kitty, at that, like he had always struggled with the fact that he liked doing music people will listen to.
• 1:05:54
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 1:05:55
  SPEAKER_02: But in music, you always need people to dance and everything.
• 1:05:58
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, yeah.
• 1:05:59
  SPEAKER_02: So I sat Him down and I said, Can you see that music that you want to do for people to do this is your moment?
• 1:06:03
  SPEAKER_02: This is your moment.
• 1:06:04
  SPEAKER_02: They are home, they have nowhere to go.
• 1:06:08
  SPEAKER_02: Give them music to listen to.
• 1:06:10
  SPEAKER_00: That's when he did say cheese, he did one girl, everything just isn't it crazy how even that period birthed all these like TikTok dances.
• 1:06:20
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, like really had nothing to do.
• 1:06:23
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, so pivot queen, you know?
• 1:06:27
  SPEAKER_00: And I think everybody has a pivot in them.
• 1:06:29
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 1:06:29
  SPEAKER_00: But they put complaining before.
• 1:06:32
  SPEAKER_00: Because you really could have been on air.
• 1:06:34
  SPEAKER_00: The industry is done.
• 1:06:36
  SPEAKER_00: But you pulled your team together and you said, These are the cards that have been dealt to us.
• 1:06:41
  SPEAKER_00: We used to call an advertise sink or swim.
• 1:06:43
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 1:06:44
  SPEAKER_00: And sink or swim is always a choice.
• 1:06:45
  SPEAKER_00: Are we sinking or are we swimming?
• 1:06:47
  SPEAKER_00: Let's all decide.
• 1:06:48
  SPEAKER_00: And I love that you did that.
• 1:06:49
  SPEAKER_02: When people say, Oh, we don't have opportunities, we don't have this.
• 1:06:53
  SPEAKER_02: I'm like, my guy, you know, even the person who was born with a silver spoon in their mouth needed to learn how to eat.
• 1:06:59
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 1:07:00
  SPEAKER_00: And also at some point in time, that silver spoon is gonna fade.
• 1:07:03
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, and you're gonna have to learn how to make your own.
• 1:07:05
  SPEAKER_02: Exactly.
• 1:07:06
  SPEAKER_00: So I think a lot of times people are quick to, let's say they saw me successful, and I talk about, oh, and I had to go through, they'll be like, Well, she went to GIS and she the fact that you've sat down and brainstormed all the reasons why, then tell me why every single person who's had every single thing I had didn't succeed.
• 1:07:24
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 1:07:25
  SPEAKER_00: And if you are always quick to be like, Well, they had that's that's your brain messing with you, it's playing tricks on you by telling you that I want to help you come up with reasons why you think that person was handed this and didn't work for it.
• 1:07:42
  SPEAKER_00: And so you always have to think that you'll find your way through.
• 1:07:45
  SPEAKER_00: You it's it's a mental thing.
• 1:07:47
  SPEAKER_00: Because think about there's rich people's kids who have endless amounts of money.
• 1:07:52
  SPEAKER_00: But why can't they build a successful business?
• 1:07:54
  SPEAKER_00: They're struggling because it's handed to them and they didn't have to work for it.
• 1:07:58
  SPEAKER_02: So true.
• 1:07:59
  SPEAKER_00: And if something is handed to you, you can't keep it because you didn't know how hard it was to get it.
• 1:08:05
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, and so you will you will squander it.
• 1:08:08
  SPEAKER_02: I always like the hard way.
• 1:08:10
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, you see, with masterminds, yeah.
• 1:08:12
  SPEAKER_02: When I was starting masterminds, I already had the Ling's YouTube channel, which has 1.1 million subscribers.
• 1:08:19
  SPEAKER_02: I could have started Masterminds there and had 1.1 million people watching me from day one, but I was like, no, I earned that 1.1 million from my work, I'll earn it again.
• 1:08:29
  SPEAKER_01: I'll do it again.
• 1:08:30
  SPEAKER_02: I wanted to go through that.
• 1:08:32
  SPEAKER_02: I didn't want to ever feel like I borrowed off the success to make this succeed as well.
• 1:08:40
  SPEAKER_00: Jay-Z has a line.
• 1:08:41
  SPEAKER_00: Um, if you said you made hope, then make another one.
• 1:08:44
  SPEAKER_02: Thank you.
• 1:08:45
  SPEAKER_00: Then make another one.
• 1:08:46
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 1:08:47
  SPEAKER_00: So you knew whatever strategy or what hard work or consistency that took you to make that one million, you can make it again.
• 1:08:54
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 1:08:54
  SPEAKER_00: Any business of mine that fails, I can build another one.
• 1:08:57
  SPEAKER_00: I can build another one.
• 1:08:57
  SPEAKER_00: Do I want to?
• 1:08:58
  SPEAKER_00: No.
• 1:08:59
  SPEAKER_00: Can I?
• 1:08:59
  SPEAKER_00: Yes.
• 1:08:59
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 1:09:00
  SPEAKER_00: You can build another one at any point in time.
• 1:09:02
  SPEAKER_00: Because I know how I got to this one that I've gathered enough to build another one.
• 1:09:07
  SPEAKER_00: Nobody can hand me any, like, you can't hand me a business that I didn't build.
• 1:09:12
  SPEAKER_00: I won't take it.
• 1:09:12
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 1:09:13
  SPEAKER_00: Because then I didn't earn it.
• 1:09:14
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know everything that went into it.
• 1:09:16
  SPEAKER_00: Exactly.
• 1:09:17
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 1:09:17
  SPEAKER_00: I'm proud of you.
• 1:09:18
  SPEAKER_00: I'm proud of you too.
• 1:09:19
  SPEAKER_00: That's so amazing.
• 1:09:21
  SPEAKER_00: You're very sucking us from this set.
• 1:09:24
  SPEAKER_00: I'm like, are they giving us subliminal?
• 1:09:26
  SPEAKER_00: Oh no, no.
• 1:09:27
  SPEAKER_00: Are you guys enjoying the conversation?
• 1:09:31
  SPEAKER_00: I'm drinking my malt.
• 1:09:32
  SPEAKER_02: Please drink your malt.
• 1:09:33
  SPEAKER_02: Drink your malt.
• 1:09:34
  SPEAKER_02: Let me drink my glucose.
• 1:09:36
  SPEAKER_00: Every interview I go to, when they realize I'm drinking malt, they're just like, oh, thought you were DB.
• 1:09:42
  SPEAKER_02: Um hey, malt is DB, hey.
• 1:09:44
  SPEAKER_02: Let me tell you.
• 1:09:45
  SPEAKER_02: All right, now let's give malt a free shout-out.
• 1:09:49
  SPEAKER_00: I think I deserve a malt deal at this point.
• 1:09:52
  SPEAKER_00: When I was young, I really wanted to be on a billboard.
• 1:09:55
  SPEAKER_00: So maybe this is my opportunity to bring them up.
• 1:09:57
  SPEAKER_02: I'm gonna call somebody at malt, please.
• 1:09:59
  SPEAKER_02: Hayat needs to be on your billboard.
• 1:10:00
  SPEAKER_00: On a malt billboard, you have to hold it.
• 1:10:02
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 1:10:06
  SPEAKER_02: Okay, focus.
• 1:10:08
  SPEAKER_02: Okay, let's talk about the other things that you've done.
• 1:10:10
  SPEAKER_02: Okay, because for instance, Baba loves your bookmarks.
• 1:10:14
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, there's a pivot story in the bookmarks, too.
• 1:10:16
  SPEAKER_02: Yes, please talk about that journey.
• 1:10:18
  SPEAKER_00: Um, oh, can I steal yours?
• 1:10:20
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, but is now you've lost your page.
• 1:10:23
  SPEAKER_00: You know a bookmark is made so you don't lose your page.
• 1:10:26
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, okay.
• 1:10:27
  SPEAKER_00: All right, this is my favorite bookmark.
• 1:10:29
  SPEAKER_00: This is the Onyx bookmark.
• 1:10:32
  SPEAKER_00: Um so when when Leslie passed, so I'll tell you one thing.
• 1:10:36
  SPEAKER_00: I hate flowers.
• 1:10:37
  SPEAKER_00: I hate flowers that don't have a good story, like, yeah, like get get me flowers because just because, or because we're happy.
• 1:10:44
  SPEAKER_00: So you can imagine how many flowers were attempting to be brought to the house.
• 1:10:48
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, yeah.
• 1:10:49
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, there was a rule, no flowers were allowed.
• 1:10:51
  SPEAKER_00: They would stop you at the gates with your delivery, take it back.
• 1:10:54
  SPEAKER_00: She doesn't accept condolence flowers.
• 1:10:56
  SPEAKER_00: So I told people, bring me books, because I love reading, I love reading physical books.
• 1:11:01
  SPEAKER_00: And every morning I would sit down and they would put my book and then a box of tissue.
• 1:11:07
  SPEAKER_00: Because they knew that's that's all I'm gonna do.
• 1:11:10
  SPEAKER_00: And so I would take the tissue and now line it as the bookmark so I remember because I'll be like, I mean, at some point I'm gonna cry again, so this tissue will be here.
• 1:11:17
  SPEAKER_00: And I was just like, Listen, I designed jewelry, I'm bored at home.
• 1:11:21
  SPEAKER_00: Let me design something so like I can see where I stopped my page.
• 1:11:27
  SPEAKER_00: And so I made this one bookmark, it just had a round ball, and then the bottom was like a metal thing, just so I could keep my page.
• 1:11:34
  SPEAKER_00: And one of my friends came over and she was like, What is this?
• 1:11:37
  SPEAKER_00: And I was like, Oh, it's a bookmark, but I made it just for myself, and she was like, this is amazing.
• 1:11:43
  SPEAKER_00: Like, I would buy this, I'm a book lover.
• 1:11:45
  SPEAKER_00: She's like, I would buy all different kinds and blah blah.
• 1:11:48
  SPEAKER_00: I was like, You think so?
• 1:11:50
  SPEAKER_00: And she was like, Yeah, but this was honestly something I was making for myself.
• 1:11:54
  SPEAKER_00: And then I decided to release bookmarks.
• 1:11:56
  SPEAKER_00: So first I released that one, okay, and we made a very small run because business statistics, you're gonna look at it and they're like, Well, we make earrings, nobody's going to buy a bookmark, and you know, the all the statistics show that that people were reading audiobooks.
• 1:12:11
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes data is like recruitment always says data is what happened back then, it's not what's going to happen.
• 1:12:16
  SPEAKER_00: You can't use you can use data to assume, but culture is gonna push what's forward.
• 1:12:21
  SPEAKER_00: And I was like, Yeah, I know the data says people don't read physical books, but I read physical books, and I I know a few friends who read physical books, and there's bookstores.
• 1:12:28
  SPEAKER_00: So that means somebody is still reading books.
• 1:12:31
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, so they're like, okay, conservatively, we'll probably start with like a hundred.
• 1:12:35
  SPEAKER_00: So I said, cool.
• 1:12:36
  SPEAKER_00: It's all like four minutes because I also told the story of why I made it.
• 1:12:41
  SPEAKER_00: Four minutes, we sold a hundred, and I was supposed to be grieving at that time.
• 1:12:46
  SPEAKER_00: I'm on calls, okay.
• 1:12:48
  SPEAKER_00: We're gonna go to pre-order.
• 1:12:49
  SPEAKER_00: So I think the pre-order, we are like, Well, we'll just pre-order 300.
• 1:12:54
  SPEAKER_00: And so you put 300 in stock of like as pre-orders, tell people it's gonna take eight weeks because we're like, okay, we'll have to make it.
• 1:13:02
  SPEAKER_00: We did that four times in one day.
• 1:13:04
  SPEAKER_00: Wow, sold then because people are like, How can you sell out of a pre-order?
• 1:13:08
  SPEAKER_00: Because we also had to be conservative.
• 1:13:10
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, we'll put pre-orders in batches of 300, then you go to the next one four, then four times in a day.
• 1:13:15
  SPEAKER_00: And at some point, I said, we're gonna overwhelm our manufacturers, cut it off.
• 1:13:19
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, and that was what a year or so ago, and just what last week I had a bookmark event where now we're actually having events with several bookmarks that people are coming to.
• 1:13:30
  SPEAKER_00: And imagine if I listen to the data that said people don't read, because now reading books is an is a new trend, it's amazing.
• 1:13:37
  SPEAKER_00: It's one of the trends I love because people should read physical books, but that is like one of my favorite things, absolute favorite things, because it came from a hard moment, yeah.
• 1:13:48
  SPEAKER_00: But you that's why some people are like, Oh, how do you come up with ideas?
• 1:13:53
  SPEAKER_00: Well, look at the situation that had to happen for me to come up with that idea.
• 1:13:56
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes life is gonna present the ideas to you not as an idea, it's just gonna give it to you as life, and you have to look at it, listen to your instincts, your intuition, and just make things.
• 1:14:10
  SPEAKER_00: And sometimes, even in business, you always have to have the crazy person and the sane person.
• 1:14:16
  SPEAKER_00: I'm the crazy person, you know.
• 1:14:18
  SPEAKER_00: I have a an amazing CFO who I describe it as I'm the helium balloon and she's the thing pulling it down.
• 1:14:25
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes I'm going a bit too far, and you know, you have to pull it down.
• 1:14:28
  SPEAKER_00: But I'm proud of that, you know.
• 1:14:30
  SPEAKER_00: So when I walked in and she's like, she had a bookmark, I'm just like, imagine if I never made bookmarks.
• 1:14:34
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 1:14:34
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 1:14:35
  SPEAKER_00: Do you do you watch Rick Rubin?
• 1:14:37
  SPEAKER_02: Rick oh, yeah, I do.
• 1:14:38
  SPEAKER_00: You have to listen to like I study Rick Rubin like gospel.
• 1:14:42
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, he always says, do not create for the audience, think of them last.
• 1:14:45
  SPEAKER_01: Really?
• 1:14:46
  SPEAKER_00: Think of yourself first.
• 1:14:47
  SPEAKER_00: What you want to create, what you want to put in the world.
• 1:14:50
  SPEAKER_00: Data is going to tell you this is not going to work.
• 1:14:52
  SPEAKER_00: Projections is going to tell you this is not going to work.
• 1:14:54
  SPEAKER_00: But I decided that it meant something to me and I was gonna share it with the world, and that's why it worked.
• 1:15:00
  SPEAKER_02: I guess if you look at it from that way, it's like business about solving problems.
• 1:15:04
  SPEAKER_02: Yes, the first person who you can solve a problem for is yourself, and then you find like-minded people who are or people who probably didn't even know that they had that problem, yeah.
• 1:15:13
  SPEAKER_00: Because now that everybody was looking at their bookmarks, like, yeah, I got this at a book fair, and it actually has like, or is probably somebody's funeral.
• 1:15:22
  SPEAKER_00: You know, it's like somebody's picture, and that's that's the bookmark.
• 1:15:25
  SPEAKER_00: True.
• 1:15:26
  SPEAKER_00: And now you're like, I accessorize myself, accessorize my clothes, I can accessorize my books.
• 1:15:31
  SPEAKER_02: Because as someone who loves reading too, finding bookmarks is quite difficult.
• 1:15:36
  SPEAKER_02: Like you're saying, most of the time, a bookmark is like a gift that has you know somebody's wedding picture on it.
• 1:15:42
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm just like, I love your wedding, but I don't want to see your face all the time.
• 1:15:45
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, like by the time you read the book, they're probably divorced, and then we're stuck with Kwame Wednesday.
• 1:15:52
  SPEAKER_00: Shout out to Kwame, but yeah, it's just like I want something that represents me.
• 1:15:58
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, and now that's one of like that's one of the things we make.
• 1:16:01
  SPEAKER_00: Bookmarks.
• 1:16:02
  SPEAKER_02: Interesting.
• 1:16:02
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, let's talk about the book loving community too.
• 1:16:05
  SPEAKER_02: I think we don't give enough love to the book lovers.
• 1:16:08
  SPEAKER_00: Shout out to the book lovers, those who that's the way you put the phone away.
• 1:16:13
  SPEAKER_00: I just this weekend I read um Baba Seggi, The Secret Life of Baba Seggi's Wives.
• 1:16:20
  SPEAKER_01: Okay.
• 1:16:20
  SPEAKER_00: Let me tell you that I woke up on Sunday and I started reading that book.
• 1:16:24
  SPEAKER_00: There was a moment I looked up and it was dark outside.
• 1:16:29
  SPEAKER_00: And the light was going out, and I was still reading that book because I was not done.
• 1:16:32
  SPEAKER_00: And I was like, this is what I love about reading books.
• 1:16:34
  SPEAKER_00: Like I was so in the story that I forgot I was I had a life.
• 1:16:38
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 1:16:38
  SPEAKER_00: And I think that's that's the beauty of reading books.
• 1:16:40
  SPEAKER_00: I don't read self-help books, none of that.
• 1:16:42
  SPEAKER_00: I want the book where I'm in somebody's life.
• 1:16:44
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, yes.
• 1:16:45
  SPEAKER_00: I want to be in there and let me escape from my world for a second and go into this.
• 1:16:49
  SPEAKER_00: Amazing.
• 1:16:50
  SPEAKER_02: You know, I find it very difficult to read to listen to audiobooks or read a book on my phone.
• 1:16:56
  SPEAKER_00: I don't like listening to people.
• 1:16:57
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 1:16:58
  SPEAKER_00: Parents, friends.
• 1:16:59
  SPEAKER_00: Why would I listen to an author?
• 1:17:01
  SPEAKER_00: But yeah, I think to me, I'll listen to a podcast.
• 1:17:03
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 1:17:04
  SPEAKER_00: But I will not listen to an audiobook.
• 1:17:06
  SPEAKER_00: An audiobook is so difficult for me.
• 1:17:07
  SPEAKER_00: I need to touch the paper and to read the words because I also read at different speeds.
• 1:17:12
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 1:17:13
  SPEAKER_00: If I'm in the tense part of the book, I read faster.
• 1:17:16
  SPEAKER_00: Then the slow part, I read slower.
• 1:17:17
  SPEAKER_00: Like, I need to have that one-on-one relationship with that book.
• 1:17:20
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, no audiobooks.
• 1:17:22
  SPEAKER_02: And when I'm reading on the phone, I feel there are too many distractions.
• 1:17:25
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 1:17:26
  SPEAKER_00: So so and so has liked your picture.
• 1:17:28
  SPEAKER_00: Well, there goes my book.
• 1:17:30
  SPEAKER_00: And also, when the book has annoyed you, you need to slam it down.
• 1:17:34
  SPEAKER_00: Or, like, you know, you know when the clip hanger comes, like, oh, and then you hold the book to your chest.
• 1:17:39
  SPEAKER_00: You can't do that on the phone.
• 1:17:40
  SPEAKER_00: I'm about to smack my phone.
• 1:17:43
  SPEAKER_00: Like, you want to have a and then you shake the book.
• 1:17:46
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, you can't do that with the phone.
• 1:17:48
  SPEAKER_02: We need to grow the book community.
• 1:17:49
  SPEAKER_02: Yes.
• 1:17:50
  SPEAKER_02: We need to have book.
• 1:17:50
  SPEAKER_00: No, the thing is that you could here's the thing about the book community: you can't force people in it.
• 1:17:55
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 1:17:56
  SPEAKER_00: You have to have it, it has to be nurtured, like you have to love books.
• 1:18:00
  SPEAKER_00: Because to tell somebody that there's a 600-page book that you are going to fall in love with and you're going to read and it's going to change your life.
• 1:18:08
  SPEAKER_00: Not anybody can stomach that.
• 1:18:09
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 1:18:10
  SPEAKER_00: They'll be like, I'm too busy.
• 1:18:11
  SPEAKER_00: Once somebody tells me why they don't read, I don't even try and convince you.
• 1:18:14
  SPEAKER_00: Because I'm just like, you just you don't have it.
• 1:18:17
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 1:18:18
  SPEAKER_02: Are you going to start writing?
• 1:18:20
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 1:18:21
  SPEAKER_00: I think very recently I decided that I would write a book about my life.
• 1:18:26
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know when.
• 1:18:27
  SPEAKER_02: You have to.
• 1:18:27
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 1:18:28
  SPEAKER_00: Because part of me feels like, well, have I told everybody everything?
• 1:18:31
  SPEAKER_00: I've done how many interviews?
• 1:18:33
  SPEAKER_00: I'm like, everybody knows the whole story.
• 1:18:34
  SPEAKER_00: What's there left to write about?
• 1:18:36
  SPEAKER_02: I would love to read it, you know.
• 1:18:37
  SPEAKER_02: When you take your and like you want to slam the book.
• 1:18:40
  SPEAKER_02: Yes.
• 1:18:40
  SPEAKER_02: Like, no, did that just happen?
• 1:18:43
  SPEAKER_00: Like, man.
• 1:18:44
  SPEAKER_02: Because when you take your time and you're writing it, there's some tiny details you realize you've never actually shared.
• 1:18:50
  SPEAKER_00: I think I've shared a lot of the stories.
• 1:18:52
  SPEAKER_00: I've never shared about what was going through my head as the things were happening.
• 1:18:56
  SPEAKER_00: Exactly.
• 1:18:57
  SPEAKER_00: I think that's what will be fun to be like how the room felt, how my blood was boiled.
• 1:19:04
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, I think that's I'll buy the first copy of your book.
• 1:19:06
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, I'll make sure.
• 1:19:08
  SPEAKER_00: Write it down.
• 1:19:09
  SPEAKER_02: Yes.
• 1:19:10
  SPEAKER_02: Hey two sold already.
• 1:19:13
  SPEAKER_00: And we only made three copies.
• 1:19:15
  SPEAKER_00: Sold out.
• 1:19:17
  SPEAKER_00: Daily graphic bestseller.
• 1:19:18
  SPEAKER_00: What is New York Times?
• 1:19:20
  SPEAKER_00: Daily graphic bestseller.
• 1:19:22
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 1:19:22
  SPEAKER_00: That's I love that encouragement.
• 1:19:24
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you.
• 1:19:24
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you.
• 1:19:24
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 1:19:25
  SPEAKER_00: I think I'll write a book.
• 1:19:27
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 1:19:28
  SPEAKER_02: You have to.
• 1:19:29
  unknown: Yeah.
• 1:19:29
  SPEAKER_00: And I'll say I said it here first.
• 1:19:31
  SPEAKER_02: Thank you.
• 1:19:32
  SPEAKER_02: Thank you.
• 1:19:32
  SPEAKER_02: See?
• 1:19:33
  SPEAKER_02: Don't go say this anywhere else again.
• 1:19:35
  SPEAKER_02: Here I told you this.
• 1:19:36
  SPEAKER_00: This is my last interview.
• 1:19:37
  SPEAKER_00: True, Mastermind.
• 1:19:39
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, but honestly, your story is so inspiring.
• 1:19:42
  SPEAKER_02: Thank you.
• 1:19:43
  SPEAKER_02: I I like how you've been able to overcome every challenge that has been thrown your way.
• 1:19:48
  unknown: Yeah.
• 1:19:49
  SPEAKER_02: I I want you to remember this.
• 1:19:50
  SPEAKER_02: I want you to remember the fact that anything that happens in your life, because the challenges are gonna keep coming.
• 1:19:56
  SPEAKER_02: I've been through things where I thought this is the worst moment in my life, only to meet something worse a week after.
• 1:20:02
  SPEAKER_00: And then life said, Oh, hold holding.
• 1:20:04
  SPEAKER_00: Hold my beard.
• 1:20:06
  SPEAKER_00: I said, Oh, you thought, yeah.
• 1:20:08
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 1:20:08
  SPEAKER_02: So I really want you to keep that momentum.
• 1:20:11
  SPEAKER_00: I'm not afraid.
• 1:20:12
  SPEAKER_00: Great.
• 1:20:12
  SPEAKER_00: I'm not afraid of life.
• 1:20:13
  SPEAKER_00: I'm just like, I think I look at it like went through that, survived that, survived that.
• 1:20:18
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 1:20:18
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 1:20:19
  SPEAKER_00: Let's go.
• 1:20:20
  SPEAKER_02: And I want you to know that you're inspiring everybody who's listening to you.
• 1:20:24
  SPEAKER_02: So what you are doing is not just impacting you and your life.
• 1:20:28
  SPEAKER_02: I know you're making decisions for you, but you're actually impacting millions.
• 1:20:32
  SPEAKER_00: What has inspired you?
• 1:20:34
  SPEAKER_02: You know, your your audacity, first of all, has inspired me so much.
• 1:20:38
  SPEAKER_02: The way you are able to reflect on what has happened to you and use that to build something greater really inspires me.
• 1:20:46
  SPEAKER_02: And most people who've been through difficult times end up either becoming bitter or aggressive in the wrong way and stuff.
• 1:20:56
  SPEAKER_02: But you are still like I still feel a good energy coming from you.
• 1:21:01
  SPEAKER_02: You know, your creativity, you know, like to keep going, to keep being creative in the darkest moments can be quite tough sometimes.
• 1:21:11
  SPEAKER_02: So you in general, you really do enjoy it.
• 1:21:17
  SPEAKER_00: Hey, I like these ones.
• 1:21:20
  SPEAKER_00: So can I do I get a speaker?
• 1:21:22
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, because I want to like do two-known in my house.
• 1:21:25
  SPEAKER_00: I say, Oh, yeah, I know the founder of this, yeah.
• 1:21:27
  SPEAKER_02: Right there.
• 1:21:28
  SPEAKER_02: So the same way I have your bookmark, then you have my speaker, then we'll all be rushing, you know.
• 1:21:34
  SPEAKER_00: If anybody says anything, I say, Oh, he's he's my friend.
• 1:21:36
  SPEAKER_00: I even have pictures of him.
• 1:21:38
  SPEAKER_03: Okay, yeah, I'm gonna use that.
• 1:21:40
  SPEAKER_02: But thank you, thank you.
• 1:21:41
  SPEAKER_02: You really do inspire me.
• 1:21:42
  SPEAKER_02: I I admired you from far, yeah, but meeting you, hearing you speak, and everything, I'm very, very impressed.
• 1:21:50
  SPEAKER_02: Thank you.
• 1:21:50
  SPEAKER_02: Thank you so much.
• 1:21:51
  SPEAKER_00: I think what you're doing is cool.
• 1:21:53
  SPEAKER_02: Thank you, thank you.
• 1:21:54
  SPEAKER_02: Hopefully, everybody watching this will become a good idea.
• 1:21:56
  SPEAKER_00: I think what's gonna be cool is there's gonna be people who say, I had courage or I started the same way I told you about founders podcast.
• 1:22:03
  SPEAKER_00: Somebody's also gonna say that about yourself.
• 1:22:04
  SPEAKER_00: Nice.
• 1:22:05
  SPEAKER_00: And you have what 400 more?
• 1:22:08
  SPEAKER_00: I think you know, at your 1000th um podcast episode, it'll be like a live, like it'll be a conference center kind of place.
• 1:22:15
  SPEAKER_00: I love it.
• 1:22:15
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know if conference center is still there, it's still there, it's still, yeah.
• 1:22:19
  SPEAKER_00: They wanna be doing really like big live.
• 1:22:21
  SPEAKER_00: We'll do like independent square.
• 1:22:22
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, yeah.
• 1:22:23
  SPEAKER_00: If somebody did their birthday party there, then you can do your podcast.
• 1:22:27
  SPEAKER_00: Independent square is a bit small, actually.
• 1:22:28
  SPEAKER_02: It's a bit small, yeah.
• 1:22:30
  SPEAKER_00: But I will be on stage at your 1000 as well.
• 1:22:33
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you.
• 1:22:34
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I'll also do a book signing there.
• 1:22:36
  SPEAKER_02: Thank you.
• 1:22:36
  SPEAKER_02: See, now we've got a joint event.
• 1:22:38
  SPEAKER_00: After coming, I'll see how my Wimbledon schedule is.
• 1:22:43
  SPEAKER_02: I love this audacity.
• 1:22:45
  SPEAKER_02: 100% look as you're watching this, don't just hear us, say the same thing about your life as well.
• 1:22:50
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, but like don't tell other people the thing.
• 1:22:53
  SPEAKER_00: It's like once you're comfortable saying it to yourself, then go in the mirror and be like, I am going to be then complete that sentence.
• 1:23:00
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, and once you hear hesitation, say uh uh and finish that sentence.
• 1:23:05
  SPEAKER_00: See how easy I was just like, yeah, I will be at Wimble then.
• 1:23:08
  SPEAKER_00: And when I go, I will send you a photo.
• 1:23:10
  SPEAKER_02: Thank you.
• 1:23:10
  SPEAKER_02: I will send you a photo with my racket.
• 1:23:12
  SPEAKER_02: You'll be sending me a photo and I'll be standing there like, hey, I see you.
• 1:23:16
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe I'll get you a ticket.
• 1:23:17
  SPEAKER_00: I'll see if they do like a family and friend.
• 1:23:19
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you.
• 1:23:21
  SPEAKER_02: Do one thing for me.
• 1:23:22
  SPEAKER_02: I want you to imagine you can stretch your hand through the camera and drop one mindset shift that will help the person watching become a mastermind.
• 1:23:30
  SPEAKER_02: What would it be?
• 1:23:31
  SPEAKER_00: It's the one I use for myself all the time.
• 1:23:34
  SPEAKER_02: Okay.
• 1:23:35
  SPEAKER_00: And it goes prior river build a bridge to get over it.
• 1:23:41
  SPEAKER_00: And I adapted this.
• 1:23:43
  SPEAKER_00: Actually, the first time I used it was in a convocation speech at university.
• 1:23:48
  SPEAKER_00: And I was speaking to the seniors.
• 1:23:50
  SPEAKER_00: Imagine the person on academic information they selected to give the senior speech.
• 1:23:55
  SPEAKER_00: And I just said that's how life is going to be.
• 1:24:06
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, it's happened.
• 1:24:07
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 1:24:09
  SPEAKER_00: Then build the bridge and get over it.
• 1:24:12
  SPEAKER_00: However, you interpret that, it's up to you.
• 1:24:14
  SPEAKER_02: That's powerful.
• 1:24:15
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I want you to remember that too.
• 1:24:18
  SPEAKER_02: Thank you.
• 1:24:19
  SPEAKER_02: I promise.
• 1:24:21
  SPEAKER_02: Hmm.
• 1:24:22
  SPEAKER_02: This conversation has been more for me than for you guys.
• 1:24:24
  SPEAKER_02: I'm sorry.
• 1:24:26
  SPEAKER_02: But thank you.
• 1:24:27
  SPEAKER_02: Thank you once again.
• 1:24:28
  SPEAKER_02: Thanks for honoring and thanks for having such an amazing conversation.
• 1:24:32
  SPEAKER_02: And to you watching, thanks for staying tuned all the way to the end.
• 1:24:37
  SPEAKER_02: It shows you're disciplined, it shows you're determined, and I hope that this conversation has brought you another step closer to being the mastermind that I know you are destined to be.
• 1:24:51
  SPEAKER_02: Thanks for watching throughout this video.
• 1:24:53
  SPEAKER_02: The fact that you're still here tells me you're somebody who is dedicated to learning and you see things through to the end.
• 1:25:00
  SPEAKER_02: Now, let me ask this favor of you.
• 1:25:02
  SPEAKER_02: Don't just watch, don't just listen and don't just take in what we said.
• 1:25:07
  SPEAKER_02: You need to practice everything that I'm trying to teach you into your real life because the journey of becoming a mastermind is not just about knowledge, but it's also about putting it into practice.
• 1:25:19
  SPEAKER_02: And let's build a community.
• 1:25:21
  SPEAKER_02: Let's build a community of masterminds who are ready to shape the world into what we know it should be.
• 1:25:27
  SPEAKER_02: Of course, share this, like it, and let me know in the comments if there's anything that you want me to talk about, if there's any guests that you want me to have a conversation with so we grow together.