Latest / The Person behind the Position / I Need Me

Transcript

I Need Me · The Person behind the Position

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: For the past 14 years, I pastored in the AME Church,
• 0:06
  Speaker 1: getting calls in the middle of the night, text messages
• 0:10
  Speaker 1: asking me to pray for family members, going to the
• 0:14
  Speaker 1: hospital to provide support, teaching Bible study and preaching every Sunday.
• 0:22
  Speaker 1: As an HR director, I had to facilitate orientation, conduct
• 0:26
  Speaker 1: preliminary interviews, and constantly recruit. I can name other positions
• 0:32
  Speaker 1: where I constantly had to do something. Somebody needed me
• 0:37
  Speaker 1: to do something. Then transition happened. The call stopped. Text
• 0:45
  Speaker 1: messages slowed down. The calendar got a little freer. All
• 0:52
  Speaker 1: of the things that needed my attention had vanished. For
• 0:58
  Speaker 1: the first time, I had to deal with something I
• 1:00
  Speaker 1: wasn't used to.
• 1:03
  Speaker 2: I wasn't needed.
• 1:09
  Speaker 3: Welcome to the person behind the podcast.
• 1:31
  Speaker 1: Podcast that looks beyond what people do to discover who
• 1:35
  Speaker 1: they are. I'm your host, Michael Chesney. No one needed
• 1:54
  Speaker 1: me to preach every Sunday. No one needed me to
• 1:58
  Speaker 1: go to the hospital. No one needed me to get
• 2:02
  Speaker 1: ready for a meeting. No one needed me to fill
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  Speaker 1: a position. No one needed me to teach a class or.
• 2:11
  Speaker 2: Grade a paper. I've been here before, but not like this.
• 2:18
  Speaker 1: I've been in seasons when I didn't have employment, but
• 2:23
  Speaker 1: I had at least one thing going on. But this time,
• 2:27
  Speaker 1: I felt like that Whitney Houston song, I have nothing.
• 2:32
  Speaker 1: And at that moment, it was just me.
• 2:36
  Speaker 2: No position. Just me.
• 2:41
  Speaker 1: I can't remember if it's ever been just me. I
• 2:46
  Speaker 1: didn't feel lost or anything like that. But I wasn't
• 2:50
  Speaker 1: needed for anything. And I had to ask myself, what
• 2:55
  Speaker 1: am I supposed to do when.
• 2:58
  Speaker 2: I'm not needed? The first thing I had to do
• 3:02
  Speaker 2: was accept it.
• 3:05
  Speaker 1: That was, and still is, to some extent, one of
• 3:09
  Speaker 1: the hardest things I've ever had to do. I think
• 3:14
  Speaker 1: I put so much worth behind the need to be needed.
• 3:19
  Speaker 1: And I guess some of that could stem from the
• 3:20
  Speaker 1: idea that if I'm needed, I'm wanted. But that's another
• 3:25
  Speaker 1: story for another day. But I felt like if they
• 3:29
  Speaker 1: needed me, I meant something to them. And now I
• 3:33
  Speaker 1: wasn't needed. And on some level, that felt like I
• 3:39
  Speaker 1: wasn't wanted. But I had to accept and realize something.
• 3:47
  Speaker 1: If no one needs me, I need me.
• 3:53
  Speaker 2: I need me. That's one of the freest statements I
• 4:00
  Speaker 2: think I ever said about myself. I need me.
• 4:07
  Speaker 1: But that was only the first step. Because the next
• 4:10
  Speaker 1: question was just as hard. I needed me to do what?
• 4:14
  Speaker 1: I needed me to stop blaming myself for things that
• 4:19
  Speaker 1: were out of my control. I needed me to get
• 4:23
  Speaker 1: out of my own head. And if I'm being honest,
• 4:27
  Speaker 1: that's where I spent most of my time. I would
• 4:31
  Speaker 1: sit and think about all of the should've, could've, and
• 4:33
  Speaker 1: would've moments that led to this exact moment.
• 4:37
  Speaker 2: What if I stayed? What if I left?
• 4:42
  Speaker 1: What if I had done this differently? The what if
• 4:46
  Speaker 1: questions flooded my brain. Sometimes they still do. But I
• 4:52
  Speaker 1: needed to keep this idea in the forefront of my mind,
• 4:56
  Speaker 1: and that idea is I need me. There were days
• 5:01
  Speaker 1: when I had nowhere to be, so I got up
• 5:04
  Speaker 1: and went somewhere. I had writing to do for a project,
• 5:09
  Speaker 1: so I went to the library. And I went every
• 5:12
  Speaker 1: day until the project was completed. I just needed to
• 5:16
  Speaker 1: do something to get out of my own head. When
• 5:21
  Speaker 1: the project was done, my brother asked me a question
• 5:23
  Speaker 1: that I'm still answering today. He asked me, who are
• 5:28
  Speaker 1: you without your positions? That question has never left my
• 5:35
  Speaker 1: mind because I'm still figuring it out. But I know
• 5:40
  Speaker 1: I need me to do that. I need me to
• 5:45
  Speaker 1: figure it out. I had to ask myself, if I
• 5:49
  Speaker 1: never pastored a church again, who would I be? If
• 5:53
  Speaker 1: I never found another job, who would I be?
• 5:57
  Speaker 2: I had to come to.
• 5:58
  Speaker 1: Terms with the fact that positions don't hold my worth.
• 6:03
  Speaker 1: still me without the position. But I needed to not
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  Speaker 1: just say that, I needed to believe it. And it
• 6:11
  Speaker 1: took my brother asking me that question to help me
• 6:14
  Speaker 1: realize the things I had accomplished and to stop minimizing them.
• 6:22
  Speaker 1: Although the positions were gone, I still had the skills.
• 6:26
  Speaker 1: I still had the know-how. I still had the experience.
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  Speaker 1: And I could use those things to do something for me.
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  Speaker 1: I didn't lose my worth because I thought those things
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  Speaker 1: or because I lost those things. I believe I found
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  Speaker 1: more worth in myself because I didn't have to have
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  Speaker 1: those positions to define me.
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  Speaker 2: And I'm still defining and refining.
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  Speaker 1: I still believe those three words, I need me. It
• 6:57
  Speaker 1: was framed because deep down I knew I needed me.
• 7:02
  Speaker 1: Saying it out loud was something different. heard someone say
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  Speaker 1: once your ears hear what you say and it wasn't
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  Speaker 1: until I said those words that something began to click
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  Speaker 1: that if no one else needs me I need me
• 7:21
  Speaker 1: and I can't totally finish that phrase I need me
• 7:24
  Speaker 1: dot dot dot because there's so much I could fill
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  Speaker 1: in the blank with.
• 7:31
  Speaker 2: I need to believe me more I need me to
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  Speaker 2: value me more.
• 7:41
  Speaker 1: I need me to be okay if things around me
• 7:43
  Speaker 1: are not okay.
• 7:46
  Speaker 2: And although I'm still working through the fact that.
• 7:48
  Speaker 1: I need me, I don't live in the idea that
• 7:52
  Speaker 1: I don't matter if no one else needs me. If
• 7:57
  Speaker 1: they don't need me, I still need me. I need
• 8:02
  Speaker 1: me to keep showing up. I need me to dig
• 8:04
  Speaker 1: a little deeper. I need me to Be okay.
• 8:07
  Speaker 2: In this season.
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  Speaker 1: Because the reality is the seasons change. So if you
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  Speaker 1: found yourself in a space where you're no longer needed,
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  Speaker 1: you need you. What do you need to do? That's
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  Speaker 1: something you can find out on your journey. But the
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  Speaker 1: first step is accepting the fact that before anyone else
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  Speaker 1: needs you, you need you. And maybe that's something worth
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  Speaker 1: sitting with. I'm Michael Chisholm, and I leave you with
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  Speaker 1: the question.
• 8:42
  Speaker 2: I always ask. Who are you behind the position? If
• 9:05
  Speaker 2: you've enjoyed this episode, share it with your friends.