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64: How to Advocate For Yourself as a People Pleaser · The Oreaganic Podcast

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_00: Hello my friends and welcome back to the Organic Podcast.
• 0:02
  SPEAKER_00: I'm your host, Reagan, and today's episode we are getting into how to advocate for yourself as a people pleaser.
• 0:09
  SPEAKER_00: So if you identify as a people pleaser, this episode is for you.
• 0:14
  SPEAKER_00: Let's get into it.
• 0:15
  SPEAKER_00: Welcome to the Organic Podcast.
• 0:17
  SPEAKER_00: I'm your host, Reagan, mechanical engineer, lifelong athlete, and recovered overachiever, here to empower you to pursue your highest potential and live freely as your happiest, most organic self.
• 0:27
  SPEAKER_00: Every week we'll dive into topics ranging from personal growth, mindset hacks, psychology, and a blend of science and spirituality to give you all the tools you need to stop living on autopilot and start creating a life of freedom, meaning, and fulfillment as your most organic self.
• 0:41
  SPEAKER_00: If you're ready to become the best version of yourself, the most mental things and grow.
• 1:06
  SPEAKER_00: Whoever is listening to this episode right now, whoever's ears that I am in, this message is for you.
• 1:11
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm gonna guess that you're a people pleaser if you clicked on this episode, or at least are in some ways a little bit too nice sometimes, and you notice that it comes at the cost of yourself, your sanity, your capacity, your energy, your ability to feel sane, and you tend to maybe take on too many things, or just keep saying yes to people because you don't want to be an inconvenience to them and you want to make their life easy and you want to be helpful and blah da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da.
• 1:43
  SPEAKER_00: Well, guys, let me tell you something.
• 1:46
  SPEAKER_00: I have learned a lesson, this lesson in particular, in the past couple weeks, couple months uh of my life.
• 1:53
  SPEAKER_00: This could apply to any area of life, but I've had it apply in one particular area, and it really correlates with just saying yes to things when you just really don't want to fucking say yes.
• 2:07
  SPEAKER_00: Again, for the sake of not wanting to be an inconvenience.
• 2:11
  SPEAKER_00: And, you know, in terms of saying no to things and no being a full sentence, that's really easy to say if you're someone who's always been comfortable with like, I don't know, anything that even resembles confrontation.
• 2:27
  SPEAKER_00: But if you're someone like me who has had a lot of experience and a lot of years of my life, where I was just used to operating from this sense of like, I how can I make life as easy as possible for the people around me so that I can be liked, so that I can show them that I'm like a good person, that I'm caring, that I'm like cognizant of their needs, and like blah blah blah blah blah.
• 2:50
  SPEAKER_00: And it's just not always the easiest to say no to things, especially when you're like, well, if I say no to something, then it's gonna be a big inconvenience for this other person.
• 3:01
  SPEAKER_00: Or well, if I don't do it, then who else is gonna do it?
• 3:04
  SPEAKER_00: So I just have to do it.
• 3:06
  SPEAKER_00: These are thoughts that come to mind when I think of things that I have said yes to when deep down I am like, I have absolutely no capacity for that.
• 3:17
  SPEAKER_00: I am so overwhelmed, I am feeling like so this would not make me feel good to say yes to this thing, and then still saying yes to it, because again, I'm like, oh, I feel bad if I say no.
• 3:29
  SPEAKER_00: And this is where we are going to reflect in today's episode, and I just want to pose to you guys, if you relate to this, when we say yes to things when we really don't have the capacity for them, and when we really want to say no, it feels like we're doing a favor for the person who is asking us for this thing when in reality we are not doing ourselves or the other person any favors by ignoring the truth of your capacity, and only you can know how much you can handle, only you get to decide how much you can take on your plate.
• 4:08
  SPEAKER_00: And fully transparent, some people can take a lot more on their plate than others, and some people just naturally have a big capacity.
• 4:17
  SPEAKER_00: You can also 100% expand your capacity to handle a lot of stressful situations, a lot of work, whatever it may be, you can expand your capacity to hold more in your life so that you can take on more things if that's what you want to do.
• 4:34
  SPEAKER_00: And I do believe that it's it's a complete fact that like everyone, no matter how much work you do, no matter how much you expand your capacity or calm your nervous system, in even our most aligned ways, there's always going to be a difference between how much different people can handle for so many reasons.
• 4:55
  SPEAKER_00: And I personally feel like I'm someone who lived for a long, long time being so busy who always had a lot on my plate.
• 5:04
  SPEAKER_00: And I can get used to that, and I have been like that before, where very much so just go, go, go.
• 5:10
  SPEAKER_00: I I can have a million things on my plate, I'll just say yes to things, I have to do things, and I can stay very on top of it and very structured and very regimented.
• 5:19
  SPEAKER_00: And I have realized that it it actually burns you out so bad.
• 5:26
  SPEAKER_00: And just being able to say, like, yes, I can do everything, or taking so much stuff on, it can make us feel the sense of satisfaction because we're like, oh my god, look, I'm doing so much, like I'm contributing, I'm being so productive, and those can be you know good traits to have.
• 5:42
  SPEAKER_00: It could there's genuine satisfaction behind like getting a lot of shit done for sure, but there's also a line that you need to figure out where your line is, where you have to draw it in the sand and be able to say and recognize that like you can only handle so much, and sometimes it takes us going past this limit for us to be able to realize what our capacity is, and that's what I have felt like I've experienced in the past couple weeks.
• 6:09
  SPEAKER_00: It's like I have gone beyond my limit.
• 6:12
  SPEAKER_00: I've said yes to things that I felt not as inclined to say yes to, and I have understood the consequences, which is that I was extremely overwhelmed.
• 6:25
  SPEAKER_00: Like this week in particular, guys.
• 6:27
  SPEAKER_00: Whoa, Monday was a rough day, but extremely overwhelmed.
• 6:31
  SPEAKER_00: Like I am just not, I was not I was things just don't go well for you or for other people when you just say yes to things when you really want to say no because you feel like they're gonna be upset if you say no.
• 6:47
  SPEAKER_00: And I feel like I'm kind of going in a circle here, so I'm sorry if I'm not explaining myself too well.
• 6:52
  SPEAKER_00: But the point that I'm trying to make is that we think that we're doing other people a favor when we say yes to things, and when we kind of ignore our own needs and our own capacity so that we can be easy and not an inconvenience and be helpful and whatever.
• 7:08
  SPEAKER_00: But when you say yes to something when you don't have the capacity for it, and you end up miserable, burnt out, not feeling your best, not doing your best and whatever it is that you're doing, like that's not helping anyone.
• 7:22
  SPEAKER_00: It's not helping you, it's not helping the person who asked you for something.
• 7:26
  SPEAKER_00: And the biggest lesson I've had to learn is that if you cannot recognize your own limits and also advocate for yourself, no one else is going to do that for you.
• 7:38
  SPEAKER_00: No one else is going to do that for you.
• 7:40
  SPEAKER_00: No one's going to step in for you and say, hey, you really seem like you're overwhelmed.
• 7:45
  SPEAKER_00: Like, I know you said yes, you can do this thing, but like it really seems like you're just like you you don't really want to say yes.
• 7:51
  SPEAKER_00: So, like, do you just not want to say yes?
• 7:53
  SPEAKER_00: Like, no one's ever gonna do that for you.
• 7:55
  SPEAKER_00: Very, very, very rarely would someone ever do that for you.
• 7:59
  SPEAKER_00: So, this is where it comes into play, where it's like we have to kind of reprogram this part of our brains that you know grew up wanting to be the easy student or the easy daughter or son or whatever, or the easy friend who will just always do everything for everyone who asks.
• 8:16
  SPEAKER_00: Like, we have to reprogram this part of ourselves that associates being more loved with saying yes to everything, even at the cost of yourself.
• 8:26
  SPEAKER_00: Because when you zoom out, it's so much better for you and everyone around you when you prioritize taking care of yourself first and looking out for yourself and advocating for yourself and being able to say, No, I can't take this on, rather than just saying, Oh, I guess it's fine, whatever, I can just do it, yeah, sure, and then you push yourself, and then continuously over time you get yourself to a point of burnout or feeling super maxed out and overwhelmed.
• 8:54
  SPEAKER_00: And no one is going to take care of you except yourself in those circumstances.
• 8:58
  SPEAKER_00: So, for people like us, for you if you relate, we need to become better at just saying, No, I actually can't handle this, or no, I'm not available to do this, and not feel bad about it.
• 9:12
  SPEAKER_00: Like, I feel like we should feel more bad if we continuously say yes to things and then feel overwhelmed and bitter as fuck when we actually have to do said things.
• 9:23
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe not to that extent, but you know what I'm saying.
• 9:25
  SPEAKER_00: Like, I feel worse thinking about it if I let myself get to a point of burnout and overwhelm and freaking out and just being like extremely exhausted after saying yes to something.
• 9:37
  SPEAKER_00: Like, I I feel worse doing that than I would if I just recognized my limits and said no, I actually can't do this, and like prevented myself from feeling so just like angry towards the situation.
• 9:53
  SPEAKER_00: You know what I mean?
• 9:54
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, think about other people.
• 9:55
  SPEAKER_00: I've said this before.
• 9:56
  SPEAKER_00: Think about when someone else says no.
• 9:59
  SPEAKER_00: If someone asks a question to another person, that person says, Oh, I'm not available to do this.
• 10:05
  SPEAKER_00: Do you look at them and say, Well, why aren't you available?
• 10:08
  SPEAKER_00: What do you mean you're not available?
• 10:09
  SPEAKER_00: Like, what do you have going on that you have you're not able to do this?
• 10:12
  SPEAKER_00: Like, how what's happening?
• 10:14
  SPEAKER_00: We don't question people when they say something with their chest and they're like, No, I can't do that.
• 10:21
  SPEAKER_00: We don't ask them for a thesis to explain it.
• 10:25
  SPEAKER_00: And honestly, I feel like it almost is a detriment when we try so hard to like over-explain ourselves and over-justify why we're not able to do something.
• 10:35
  SPEAKER_00: Like, I feel like we just need to have I was gonna say we need to have bigger balls, but I feel like that's very vulgar and out of nowhere.
• 10:41
  SPEAKER_00: But seriously, it's like you need to say stuff with your chest, like almost like channel the people in your life who you think of who just don't give a fuck about what other people think.
• 10:50
  SPEAKER_00: Like, they will just say no to something if they can't do it.
• 10:53
  SPEAKER_00: They're very aware of their own boundaries, like they're aware of what they can and cannot take.
• 10:57
  SPEAKER_00: Like, they don't care if someone else is like, Oh, it'll be really nice if you could stretch yourself to be able to do this.
• 11:02
  SPEAKER_00: Like, no.
• 11:03
  SPEAKER_00: No.
• 11:04
  SPEAKER_00: If you are not looking out for you first, then I can almost guarantee you that no one else is gonna be doing it for you.
• 11:11
  SPEAKER_00: Like, you number one, first and foremost, need to be your own advocate and not feel bad when you say no to something.
• 11:19
  SPEAKER_00: Because when you protect yourself and your energy and your capacity, you are doing everyone else around you and yourself a much bigger favor than what you do if you let yourself get so maxed out and then just suffer in silence and then all of a sudden explode one day, months down the line.
• 11:35
  SPEAKER_00: That is all I have for you guys today.
• 11:37
  SPEAKER_00: A short little mini sode per se.
• 11:39
  SPEAKER_00: So I hope everyone is doing well, and I maybe, guys, maybe one of these days I'll be recording from my actual home.
• 11:48
  SPEAKER_00: I have literally been a traveling nomad for the past two months of my life.
• 11:55
  SPEAKER_00: Like, oh my but if you're listening to this in live time, I hope you have a fantastic Halloween.
• 12:01
  SPEAKER_00: Happy October, happy spooky season.
• 12:04
  SPEAKER_00: Gob your most organic selves, and I will see you in the next one.