Latest / A Capture Deep Vibs A Positive Space For Inspiration And Embracing Of Heart / Sexual Trauma & Love: Reclaiming Your Worth, Boundaries, and Safety
Transcript
- 0:00Speaker 1: Hey, Psych2Goers. Our videos that focus on taboo subjects like
- 0:04Speaker 1: sex are meant to highlight issues that people might struggle
- 0:07Speaker 1: to speak about with friends or a therapist. While we
- 0:10Speaker 1: always recommend that people discuss the things that are weighing
- 0:13Speaker 1: on them with a professional, we also understand that sometimes
- 0:17Speaker 1: before seeing a therapist, you need to realize that your
- 0:20Speaker 1: feelings and concerns are valid. Our videos are meant to
- 0:24Speaker 1: help people realize that they aren't alone in their struggles.
- 0:27Speaker 1: With that in mind, today's video is a little more serious.
- 0:31Speaker 1: The goal of this video is to hopefully provide some
- 0:34Speaker 1: answers as to why you or your partner may behave
- 0:37Speaker 1: a certain way with regards to sex. We will be
- 0:40Speaker 1: discussing different types of sexual trauma, so consider this a
- 0:44Speaker 1: content warning. Your value does not change. People who have
- 0:50Speaker 1: been sexually abused by their partners or family members may
- 0:53Speaker 1: have been taught through their abuse that their value is
- 0:56Speaker 1: tied to their sexuality. Often, abusive partners will be emotionally
- 1:01Speaker 1: manipulative to make you feel obliged to offer sex even
- 1:04Speaker 1: when it makes you uncomfortable. This can happen when there
- 1:08Speaker 1: is a power imbalance in the relationship where the victim
- 1:11Speaker 1: is dependent on the abuser or the victim is a
- 1:13Speaker 1: teen and the abuser is an adult. It's important to
- 1:17Speaker 1: know that despite what anyone tells you, your value towards society,
- 1:21Speaker 1: the people in your life, and most importantly yourself, is
- 1:25Speaker 1: not tied to your sexuality. Whether you have lots of
- 1:29Speaker 1: sex or none at all, that is up to you.
- 1:32Speaker 1: This is an important idea for abuse survivors to internalize
- 1:36Speaker 1: because researchers have found that abuse victims, especially those abused
- 1:40Speaker 1: in childhood, tend to be abused again later in life.
- 1:44Speaker 1: Sexual abuse can cause victims to have lower self-esteem and
- 1:47Speaker 1: poorer sexual adjustment, which leads them to more high-risk sexual scenarios.
- 1:53Speaker 1: When control becomes craving. Hypersexuality. If a person went through
- 1:59Speaker 1: childhood sexual abuse, otherwise known as CSA, the traumatic feelings
- 2:05Speaker 1: that can linger into adulthood are those of helplessness and
- 2:08Speaker 1: a lack of control. To gain some of that control back,
- 2:12Speaker 1: some survivors of childhood sexual abuse try to reclaim their
- 2:16Speaker 1: sexuality by becoming overly focused on sex. Childhood consists of
- 2:21Speaker 1: many phases, so the age of a person at the
- 2:24Speaker 1: time of their abuse plays a big role in how
- 2:26Speaker 1: they develop into adulthood and how they handle their trauma.
- 2:30Speaker 1: We mentioned that abuse victims often engage in high-risk sexual behavior,
- 2:34Speaker 1: which can include casual sex and hookups with strangers. A
- 2:38Speaker 1: 2021 study confirms the link between nymphomania or sex addiction.
- 2:43Speaker 1: Other factors that can influence victims are their gender and
- 2:46Speaker 1: their relationship to the perpetrator. Depending on your experience and
- 2:50Speaker 1: the way you process trauma, the opposite can happen. When
- 2:54Speaker 1: sex feels unsafe. Sexual aversion. For CSA victims who were
- 3:00Speaker 1: abused by blood relatives, particularly the biological father, sex understandably
- 3:06Speaker 1: loses its appeal. But sexual aversion doesn't just occur in
- 3:11Speaker 1: CSA victims. It's an under-observed phenomenon that sexual abuse can
- 3:15Speaker 1: be perpetrated by lovers or partners rather than just strangers
- 3:20Speaker 1: or vague acquaintances. No means no. And that goes for everyone.
- 3:26Speaker 1: Being in a relationship doesn't guarantee sex whenever or wherever.
- 3:30Speaker 1: Sometimes a relationship can leave you feeling really weird and
- 3:33Speaker 1: uncomfortable about sex. Perhaps your boundaries weren't respected or your
- 3:38Speaker 1: feelings on the matter weren't always considered. Maybe when you
- 3:41Speaker 1: said no, your partner made you feel guilty or as
- 3:45Speaker 1: though you owed it to them. And so you went
- 3:48Speaker 1: along because it's easier than the alternative, which could be
- 3:51Speaker 1: them leaving or worse, violence. It's understandable that moving forward,
- 3:57Speaker 1: you feel a lot more reserved and a lot less
- 3:59Speaker 1: enthusiastic about sex. Aside from aversion, sexual abuse, whether in
- 4:04Speaker 1: childhood or adulthood, can lead to other conditions that can
- 4:07Speaker 1: negatively affect your sexual satisfaction, like vaginismus and sexual non-communication.
- 4:14Speaker 1: They don't see what you've been through. Sexual trauma is
- 4:17Speaker 1: a difficult thing to deal with. It doesn't change the
- 4:20Speaker 1: fact that you still need love, you still need to
- 4:23Speaker 1: be looked after, and you still need intimacy. So when
- 4:26Speaker 1: you enter new relationships, it may be difficult to communicate
- 4:30Speaker 1: all of these complicated feelings around sex. It's a lot
- 4:34Speaker 1: for anyone to handle. When your partner reaches out for
- 4:37Speaker 1: you and you nervously turn away, they may worry that
- 4:40Speaker 1: you aren't interested in them. They may not understand all
- 4:43Speaker 1: of the nuanced ways your previous relationships or your childhood
- 4:46Speaker 1: have affected you. Unfortunately, victims of sexual abuse are likely
- 4:51Speaker 1: to end up with people who share characteristics of their abusers,
- 4:54Speaker 1: like aggression or alcoholism. In general, long-term intimate relationships can
- 5:00Speaker 1: be difficult for victims to help with trauma, improve your self-esteem,
- 5:04Speaker 1: and gain a better understanding of your sexual self, seeing
- 5:08Speaker 1: a mental health professional could be vital. And this can
- 5:11Speaker 1: be challenging, not just because therapy can be expensive, but
- 5:15Speaker 1: talking about this kind of trauma can feel impossibly difficult.
- 5:20Speaker 1: Social sexologist Willie Van Burlo and psychologist Bernadine Ensink suggest
- 5:26Speaker 1: one more thing that could help. A loving and understanding partner.
- 5:32Speaker 1: In a world full of so much hurt, it may
- 5:34Speaker 1: feel like a far-fetched solution, but everyone is worthy of love,
- 5:39Speaker 1: including you. And there are still wonderful people out there.
- 5:43Speaker 1: We hope this video is the start towards an understanding
- 5:46Speaker 1: that it's okay to want better for yourself, and it's
- 5:49Speaker 1: okay to expect better from the people you love. Sex
- 5:53Speaker 1: is a type of communication. Just like we use our
- 5:56Speaker 1: words to express love and tenderness, we can do the
- 5:59Speaker 1: same with sex. But sadly, Sex can also be used
- 6:03Speaker 1: to express selfishness and hate, the effects of which can
- 6:07Speaker 1: hurt for a long time. But there is always hope.
- 6:12Speaker 1: Thank you so much for engaging with our videos and
- 6:15Speaker 1: for your bravery to show up and sharing your thoughts
- 6:18Speaker 1: and feelings with us in the comments. It's because of
- 6:21Speaker 1: you that we're able to approach these more sensitive topics.
- 6:25Speaker 1: And if you have any wisdom to share with the
- 6:27Speaker 1: rest of the community, please join the conversation in the comments.
- 6:31Speaker 1: If you enjoyed this video, don't forget to leave a
- 6:33Speaker 1: like and subscribe for more videos like this. See you
- 6:35Speaker 1: next time.