Latest / Mental Health Matters for Christians / Ep3 From Military Sexual Trauma to Healing | Angie Monroe

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Ep3 From Military Sexual Trauma to Healing | Angie Monroe · Mental Health Matters for Christians

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A few days later, I'm standing before one of the female
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officers. I've got my arm in a sling.
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My face is bruised, my body's bruised.
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I've still got blood that's trickling a couple of places,
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she says. You're not going to ruin a good
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Marines career over this, are you?
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During the time after that assault, I started treating
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myself like a trash receptacle and that was a a belief that I
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had about myself. That you're not.
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Worth that I wasn't worthy, That all I was was a place for people
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to dump on. People could treat me horrible
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and it was fine because I wasn't worth anything.
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Hey everyone, welcome to the next episode of the Mental
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Health Matters for Christians podcast.
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I'm your host, Christine Sneeringer, and I'll be bringing
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you interviews with people who've walked through hardship,
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loss, and trauma where they get to tell their transformation
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stories. And my goal is to inspire you,
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fill you with hope, and offer practical insights that will
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help you experience more of the freedom that Jesus promises his
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followers. I'm excited for you to meet my
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guest, Angie Monroe. She's an author, a speaker, a
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podcaster, and she also has a unique ministry helping women in
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the military who have been assaulted and victimized during
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their time as a soldier. And that's her journey, which
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she's going to unpack it for us. Now let's get into it.
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First, I just want to start with your story.
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Tell me who you are, what it was like for you growing up and
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things like that. Well, I am a native Texan who
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still lives in the town I grew up in, so that is a rarity in
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itself. But my parents, they met at the
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post office. My dad was a letter carrier.
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My mom stuffed the things for the letter carriers to take and
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they played post office, you know, and that's.
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Where it was a thing. Yeah, that was how.
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I came about and then my dad moved on to work for the Police
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Department. My mom became a stay at home
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mom. I was raised in church.
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Every time the doors were open, we were there.
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And I really thought early on in my life I was going to go to New
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York, be on a stage. I was really dramatic.
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Like we had a galley kitchen, you know, one of those long,
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narrow kitchens and swinging doors at the end.
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I mean, my brother and sister would make fun of me all the
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time because I'd walk through there and I'd wave to my adoring
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fans and it was just just the sewing machine and washing
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machines in the washing machine and pantry.
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Yes. So in your mind, though, there
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were people there? There was a dream that was
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planted there. I knew I was supposed to have a
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stage of some sort, right? That I'd gotten to high school.
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And if you can't tell, being a native Texan, you come with an
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accent. Right, yeah, I love I live a
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good Southern drawl, so I'm OK with that.
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It's not as bad as it used to be, but it was pretty rough when
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I was in high school and I had a drama instructor that was very
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tall, very lean, very ballerina type pose, stature.
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I mean he. Kind of strict good posture.
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Yeah, yes. And I come running into the
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drama room one day and I'm like Mr. B, Mr. B, because his name
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was Mr. Blankenship. And he turned on me, I would
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like to say, like a rabbit dog, but I know what now.
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What he tried to say to me in that moment was meant for me to
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grow. But after I'd felt stings of
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rejection off and on in my early life, he turned to me and said,
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young lady, as long as you sound like a Hick, you will never
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amount to anything. And the next day I dropped
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theater and stepped off the stage and joined the military.
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You just you completely shut down.
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It just completely shut me down because if I couldn't make it in
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my hometown, how was I going to make it in New York or anywhere
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else on a stage? And back then, I didn't have
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people to look up to as being on the stage.
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You know, Oprah was just starting to be a thing.
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And then, yeah, there really wasn't a lot for me to look at.
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And I'm not aging myself. I'm not telling my age.
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But yeah, yeah. You know, it, it was a, it was
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a, it was a struggle to really kind of put that dream on a
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shelf. He just sucked a life right out
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of you with that comment, huh? Sucked it right out.
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It was like a gut punch. I mean, it really was.
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It just stopped me dead in my tracks.
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He was kind of a hero mentor to me.
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Oh, you had him on a like a. Pedestal and I had him on a
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pedestal and boy, he came crumbling off that pedestal big
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time. Wow, I'm sorry, that's hard.
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Yes, And even at a youth rally one time we were at a Josh
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McDowell youth event, OK. And Al Denson was playing
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keyboards. And so now I'm really aging.
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I was going to say you. You say you're not giving away
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your age, but I'm pretty sure you're just about to, yeah.
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Well, Al Denson's playing keyboards and people were coming
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through giving words of encouragement to you as you're
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standing there worshipping. And I had no less than three
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people come up to me and tell me that I would have a voice that
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would reach the nation's. Come on.
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And about a year later, all this stuff happened with my drama
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instructor. So if you don't believe in those
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spiritual attacks, that's really what that was.
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Oh yeah, that's true. I didn't think about that.
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Like that was, yeah, just to shut to silence you.
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Right. It was just a thing to say.
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Are you committed to what my plan is for you?
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And apparently I wasn't because I just like, oh, hard, right?
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We're going to go somewhere else now because nobody, you know,
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this person doesn't think I'm qualified.
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OK. And you also had said to me
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before that you weren't necessarily a great student.
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And so that was the other reason that military for you seemed
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like the best option. Yeah, I was not a great student.
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I had a lot of my teachers loved me, but I just couldn't get my
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work done. I couldn't get, I couldn't
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focus. I couldn't couldn't get a lot of
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things. I was very tactile in learning.
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So sitting in a classroom just wasn't right for me.
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So I my godfather was in the Navy and I went and visited all
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the military branches and I talked to him.
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And Marine Corps wanted me to do administrative stuff.
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Army wanted me to be a cook. Air Force wanted me to be a
6:14
nurse. A faint at the sight of blood.
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OK, so that's never. Going to work.
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That was out, but the Navy said we're going to just let you take
6:20
your ASVAT test and we'll determine what you can be from
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there because they had a lot of open billets at that time.
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I go over to the maps and they bring out a box and there's a
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folder in the box that they take out and it's male only billets.
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And they tell me I could choose from any of the other jobs that
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were open at that time. And it was a long box, probably
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legal letter size box. And so, OK, I'm really going to
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age myself now. The best recruiting tool the
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Navy ever had. The movie Top Gun had recently
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come. Out.
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Yes, I remember that I was. And I thought I was going to go
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into computers because I really like the computer side of
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things. I love technology.
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I love gadgety things and I saw aviation electrician and I was
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like, I'm going aviation, you know.
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So that's what I drew, and I became an aviation electrician
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in the Navy. That is such a unique job.
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It is and. It wasn't it wasn't one of those
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male only jobs because that sounds like a masculine role.
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It was male dominating, sure, and I was the only female in my
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shop when I got to my station in Rhoda and.
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In Rhoda where? Rhoda, Spain.
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OK, so you went to Spain first? That was where my duty station
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was. I went to Orlando for boot camp,
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OK? You pointed to me because I'm
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from Florida. Yeah, I went to Orlando for boot
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camp, then I went to Millington, TN for my A school and then I
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was supposed to go to Jacksonville, FL OK, that's
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gonna have Jacksonville, FL where I do six months out of out
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of country, six months in and different rotations.
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And about 3 days before I supposed to leave, they came in,
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pulled my orders and they said there's we're sending you to
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Rhoda. I said where or what?
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A Yeah. Yeah, I know.
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I don't actually know where that is.
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Yeah. And they said Rd. of Spain.
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I said I don't speak Spanish. I failed it twice.
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And they said I guess you'll learn.
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Well, prove them wrong. I still don't know Spain.
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Oh my gosh. But I hauled off and moved to
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Rd. of Spain. It is on the Mediterranean.
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So on one side of our base is literally Club Med.
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That's where all the officers and the rich people lived.
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And the other side of town was where I lived with all the
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enlisted people. But sure it it was a beautiful,
8:39
beautiful place to be at. I could see the rocket Gibraltar
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on a clear day from where we were at.
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And you served in the military for how many years just. 4.
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OK. I wasn't sure.
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All right. And that's where you met
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somebody really special. I met my husband in Spain.
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I like to say we met in Spain just after the war.
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Doesn't that sound romantic? Well, really, it was not the
9:04
best meet up. When we met, my roommate
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actually tried picking him up and stuff, but she was
9:11
preoccupied with something else and I was babysitting her.
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She would. She'd had a rough day.
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You know, I'd kind of stepped away from church and everything
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at that time. And we're in a bar out in town
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and this guy that she's ignored all night decides he's gonna
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start start talking to me and goes to put his foot up on the
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wall and literally falls to the ground.
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He's trying to impress you. And I wasn't very impressive.
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I'm like, OK, that's it, both of y'all, it's time to go.
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We're done, you know. So we left and I got a new
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roommate. About a month later, after I
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moved in with that new roommate, she says I've got a date with
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this guy. I need you to go with me to be
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the wing girl because he's got to have his battle buddy with
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him. OK?
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You know the things we do for our roommates, right?
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Yeah. And we show up and it's Mike the
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guy. Who fell over with the guy?
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Sammy May. OK.
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All right. So I tell everybody he fell for
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me. He did.
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That's that's literally that's my interpretation.
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Literally, right? Yeah.
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And so. And the rest is pretty much
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history. We found out a month or two
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later that I was pregnant. Oh wow.
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OK. Rock on, man.
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Two months. Later I arrive in West Virginia
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to meet his mom and she said you going to marry my son?
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I said we're talking about it. She says, well I've got the
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church reserved for Friday at 3:00.
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Oh my. Goodness, so we got married
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Friday at 3:00 is. That like a.
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What do you call that A. Shotgun wedding.
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Shotgun wedding. Except it wasn't on him, it was
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on me. So it was an interesting,
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interesting time. At that time, we knew each other
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well enough to, you know, have some fun together, but we didn't
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know each other well enough to talk to each other.
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And neither one of us really wanted to get married at that
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time. But it was.
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But we were kind of still being told by our parents what to do,
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you know, because you were young.
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How how was you? 20?
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I just turned 21. OK.
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My husband turned 21 two days after our our wedding.
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Oh, wow. So.
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You guys are kids. Yeah, we're kids.
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And then two days after our wedding, I got on a plane and
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went back to Spain and he got on a plane and went back to
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California because he was a CB that had just been in Spain for
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a six month period. And so you guys are both still
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in the military? And we were both still in the
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military and we didn't see each other until our daughter was
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three days old. Oh wow.
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Thanksgiving night of 90. 2. OK, now I really have aged.
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Myself, well, you were trying to avoid it, but but also I know
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something else happened in the military and this is the part
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that of your story that led to advocacy, right, Your advocacy.
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And can you unpack that story for us?
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I know that's not nearly as fun as exciting.
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It's talking about meeting your husband.
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Yeah, it's not nearly exciting, but before I met my husband, I
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had met a couple of other guys on base.
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And I I'm not going to say that I was the bee's knees back then,
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but I I look good back then. All right, let me just say, all
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right. And being on a military base,
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the margin is low. You don't have to look that good
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because there's there's. Not a lot of women then, right?
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Yes. But as we're there, I had a guy
12:25
that I had been seeing. I'd been out of town.
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I'd come back to my apartment. By this time I'm living alone.
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I came back to my apartment and I've been gone for a few days
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and he wanted to go out on the town and I just didn't want to
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go out on the town. I was exhausted.
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I wanted to rest. So before you met your husband,
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this is. Before I met my husband.
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And he was he not it? Was he in a different branch of
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the military? This guy was in a different
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branch. He was a Marine, OK.
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And I told him, I said, how about I fix you some dinner and
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then I'm going to go get some rest, if you'll just let
13:01
yourself out, you know? So I fixed him.
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You know those Big Blue cans of chicken chow Mein stuff?
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I was gourmet cooked right then, right?
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Yeah, you could open a can. I opened a can, warmed it up and
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served it to me OK. And I did not realize in my
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tiredness, in my exhaustion from where I'd been working, that he
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was not happy. And he had rage that was just
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boiling in him as he sat there and ate.
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And I went to my bathroom. I get in the shower and I'm in
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the shower and next thing I know the door comes open and I don't
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really remember much from there until I wake up in the doorway
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of my apartment and my landlord standing over me.
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You woke up in the Oh my goodness, half, half in and half
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out. You know, wrapped in the shower
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curtain. And he called the military base.
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They came and got me. They took me on base to the
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hospital. Who called?
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The military base, The landlord? I was thinking the guy did.
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The guy was long gone by this time and I'm in the hospital.
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I'd lost consciousness several times.
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And I wake up and there's a Marine standing outside my door
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and I can't really make, I can't make out the figure.
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I can't make out what he looks like.
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So I automatically freak out thinking it's the Marine that
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did this to me. Right.
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OK, OK. And as I'm sitting there with
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him out there, the nurses come in.
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They keep me overnight for observations.
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I had broken glass that was in me.
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I had bruises. OK, Glass, yes, 'cause the IT
14:48
was a tile bathroom, so there was tile shards and mirror and
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all of that. Stuff.
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So he came in and. Shattered the shower door, the
14:55
shower curtain, the rod that was hanging up was a was a lead
14:59
pipe. So he basically ripped that down
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and just started swinging. And a few days later, I'm
15:07
standing before one of the female officers.
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I've got my arm in a sling, my face is bruised, my body's
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bruised. I've still got blood that's
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trickling a couple of places. And she says you're not going to
15:20
ruin a good Marines career over this, are you?
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Where are you standing? Are you in a courtroom or
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something? I'm standing in front of her in
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her office. Oh, OK.
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And she's trying to tell you don't press charges, don't press
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charges, don't do anything. I called my mom and dad and you
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know, of course they were very judicious.
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They wanted the judicious side. But I knew that I had no support
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over there in Spain, in Spain and you know, 4000 miles away
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from home, you just don't have the support you need.
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And I was afraid of retaliation. Literally when I got out of the
15:56
hospital, I was put on protective restriction.
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Really. So they brought me onto the base
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and put me in a restrictive protection in a barracks that
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was right next door to the barracks he lived in.
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Because somebody's not thinking, Yeah.
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And this was all right before the tail hook scandal.
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Oh, OK, So just a few months before that happened.
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OK, so that tells you a little bit of the the culture of the
16:23
culture of the military at that time, especially the Navy.
16:27
And it was it was just defeating.
16:31
It was really just gut wrenching to think that I even ever cared
16:38
about this guy and he's roaming free and I'm on restriction.
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I have to have somebody walk me to and from work because they're
16:47
afraid he's going to come after me, you know?
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Do they know who he was by this point?
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I knew who he was. OK, so.
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He got in trouble, he got put on a mild restriction, but at that
16:57
time that meant he was in charge of the Marine Corps dog that
17:01
they had on at their barracks. You know, and if you know
17:04
anything about the Marine Corps, the bulldog is their, their
17:07
symbol. And the bulldog always outranks
17:11
everybody. So wherever that bulldog wanted
17:13
to go, he could go. So if I was standing outside my
17:18
barracks, he'd walk over to the barracks and kick the dog to
17:21
make the dog bite and snap at me.
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It was it was crazy. Some of the things he would do,
17:28
it was just crazy. He's so he's.
17:30
Just trying to antagonize. You right, he was just
17:34
antagonizing and trying to make sure I felt the intimidation so
17:39
that I would stay quiet. OK cuz he's concerned for his
17:42
military career. Concerned for himself, he
17:44
careless about me, right? OK, so.
17:48
Was there any, was there any kind of apologetic, you know,
17:51
did he OK? No, never an apology.
17:55
I was something that he had conquered basically.
17:59
That's, you know, basically how he saw things.
18:03
And there are several people that kind of shunned him and,
18:08
and ended their friendship with him that we're in our circle of
18:11
friends. But for the most part, they just
18:15
wouldn't hang out with him when I was around.
18:18
And so it got really uncomfortable.
18:20
It got really intense. And so I just went into a deep,
18:25
deep, deep depression. And I really didn't go out until
18:30
the time that I was babysitting my roommates.
18:32
I really didn't go out unless I was with my roommates because it
18:36
was too hard to go out. Sure, so so.
18:41
It was a lonely. Time it was.
18:42
A lonely time it was my second roommate was a corpsman in the
18:47
Navy, so she worked in the hospital so I could talk to her
18:51
about some things. But we both knew that there was
18:56
this going on and never being reported because there was peer
19:00
pressure there was pressure to not report it because it would
19:03
make the Navy look bad. OK.
19:05
And they just didn't have the programs that they have now.
19:10
And the The thing is, is it's still just as bad now as it was
19:15
back. Really.
19:16
OK, all right. I would have guessed that
19:18
through tail hook and maybe other things since then that
19:22
they would be more supportive of women.
19:27
You know, I would hope for that and I'm still hoping for that.
19:32
There's a couple of laws that have been passed in the recent
19:34
years that have started making way for that, but it's sad that
19:40
we have to have national headlines to get those bills.
19:43
Passed. I know, right?
19:43
That this is just not automatic, that they say no, we care about
19:47
women in the military and we want to protect them.
19:50
And, and I will say that it doesn't just happen to women,
19:54
OK? So I have people that I know
19:57
that are males who have experienced the same thing in
20:00
the military. OK.
20:04
So I mean, what would you call it?
20:06
I don't actually know. Is it sexual assault?
20:08
In the military it's termed military sexual trauma.
20:11
OK, it's not a rating you can get for a disability or anything
20:15
like that, but it does fall under the PTSD category.
20:19
So if you get rated in the military for disability or or
20:24
benefits or anything it would be rated PTSD brought on by
20:28
military sexual trauma. OK, all right, all right.
20:31
And so. So you're saying even men have
20:33
experienced that, like where they've been coerced or
20:38
something into some kind of sexual?
20:39
Or they've been drugged. Oh, wow.
20:42
Or they've been intimidated by an officer.
20:46
There's a lot of different things that has happened.
20:50
Or they've been a screw up and the officers just teaching them
20:54
a lesson. Wow.
20:56
Yeah. So it can get pretty, pretty
20:59
graphic on some of the stories that I hear now.
21:02
Yeah. Now how did you move from that
21:03
experience to eventually becoming an advocate and tell us
21:08
that you're you have an organization and everything?
21:10
I mean, this isn't just something you do like, you know,
21:13
whispering somewhere, but you have, you have a group that's
21:16
organized that you serve. Well, remember, I stepped off
21:19
the stage in high school, You know I didn't.
21:22
Even though God told me I had a voice through people, I let man
21:26
tell me I didn't have a voice. Right?
21:27
Yeah, and in 2015, I went to a friend's conference.
21:33
I was just attending, wasn't planning on being there.
21:36
So you're at the. By this point, you're out of the
21:38
military. I'm out of the military.
21:39
I've been married since 92 at this point.
21:42
Oh gosh, a long time. So I've been married.
21:44
My kids are. My oldest daughter had already
21:46
had a baby. Oh, so you're a grandma?
21:48
OK, so so grandma all this was behind you.
21:50
So. So you never really did?
21:52
Press charges then. I didn't press charges because.
21:55
Of the peer. Pressure and all that.
21:56
And I really didn't too much healing either, right?
22:01
It wasn't until my daughter had twins and we were all sleep
22:07
deprived. I mean, twins took every adult
22:09
in the house helping to get through their, their childhood.
22:12
And my daughter was having some mental health issues, postpartum
22:16
mental health issues, and I was feeling the weight of it all.
22:21
And I'm one of those, I call it stuff and suppress.
22:24
I was stuffing and suppressing, stuffing and suppressing.
22:26
And I had reached my Max. And I used to work for my church
22:31
and I emailed one of the secretaries there.
22:35
I said, I know I wrote the policy on how to get in to see a
22:39
pastor, but I need to see a pastor.
22:41
Who do I contact? And she goes, you know what, Jan
22:45
will see you today. And so I came up there.
22:48
I had the twins in a stroller with me.
22:51
And of course, they got passed around the office.
22:53
And I went into my friend Jan's office, and we're sitting in
22:55
chairs like this. And Jan's asking me what's going
22:58
on. And I'm just telling her I feel
23:00
like I'm losing it. And she said, I would give you
23:05
permission to fall apart in that chair right there.
23:09
And I had to have a real realization, not just for her
23:12
but for me, of where I was at that I didn't know if I fell
23:17
apart in that chair, if I was ever going to get back up.
23:19
So that would be the fear of like I've maybe I shouldn't let
23:22
myself fall apart because I may not ever recover.
23:24
I don't know that there is enough glue to put me back
23:28
together again. Wow.
23:30
What do you think? The twins?
23:31
Why do you think that? Is it just because you're so
23:33
busy with helping or is there something about her your
23:36
daughter having? Babies.
23:37
Watching my daughter go through her postpartum psychosis that
23:42
she was having and realizing that I hadn't done the work on
23:46
my own spiritual and mental health, right?
23:50
And maybe I could have been a better steward of that for her.
23:54
And not that it may, it may or may not have changed things for
23:58
her, but I hadn't been a good steward of my mental health at
24:04
that point. OK.
24:04
You realize that? And I realized that, and I
24:07
really needed to focus on, you know, getting some help and so.
24:12
Was there like sorry, so and you're talking about from the
24:17
trauma from the military and the incident with the Marine would
24:22
what were some of the symptoms like for example, was there like
24:25
an anger that was just pushed down or what do you?
24:28
Think there was There was always explosive anger right under the
24:31
surface. My favorite thing was to slam
24:34
doors or, you know, go outside and RIP out weeds or whatever.
24:41
I couldn't be in a room where a bulldog was.
24:44
My whole body would stop, shake, start.
24:46
Shake, because of the bulldog, was the mascot for the Marines.
24:48
Right, because he had traumatized me with the oh,
24:51
that's. Right, because he had one and he
24:52
was always there. So I married Mike's family.
24:57
His mom's main name is Mack. His uncle lives in Georgia and
25:02
is a Georgia Bulldog fan. Oh, no, let me just tell you,
25:05
being afraid of Bulldogs married to my husband was a hard thing
25:08
because they all love Bulldogs. And like, even statues of them
25:13
made me crazy, right? And so I always felt this
25:17
intense, you know, Oh my gosh, this tightness.
25:22
I couldn't have my back to a door.
25:24
I always had to sit facing the door.
25:26
So hyper vigilance, right? It was all hyper vigilance.
25:29
My startle reaction was up. I started developing in 2003.
25:35
I started, I put on 80 lbs in like 3 months really.
25:40
And I kept telling my doctor something's wrong, something
25:43
wrong. He's like, no, I think it's my
25:45
thyroid. He's like, no, he goes, you
25:47
don't have, you don't have a family history of thyroid
25:50
problems. You don't have any of that.
25:52
And I didn't know about testing antibodies at that time, thyroid
25:56
antibodies at that time. So 20.
25:58
Fast forward 20 years later, I finally get diagnosed with
26:02
Hashimoto's hypothyroidism. And it was brought on by trauma
26:06
and the stress from holding all that in.
26:09
You know, are you familiar with the work of as it Basil Vander
26:11
Kerk? The body keeps the score.
26:13
Body keeps the score. Yes, our body remembers that.
26:16
It's like it, it goes to a cellular level and and it's like
26:21
we got to get that out. Right.
26:23
And it was one of those things for me that was just a struggle.
26:29
It was just a struggle to get up.
26:31
I felt like I was walking through what wet concrete every
26:34
day. And by the time I was diagnosed
26:37
with Hashimoto's, literally from October to March, I really could
26:41
not get off the sofa. I would get up in the morning,
26:45
go from my bed to the sofa and my sofa back to my bed and it
26:50
was everything it took in me to just function during the day.
26:55
So it was, it was a godsend when I found out that I had something
27:02
that could be treatable. And then I got on a strict
27:05
regimen with medicine, but also supplements that helped me treat
27:11
it to get to her. I could start feeling myself
27:15
again. OK, well, take me back though,
27:17
to the to the sitting on a chairs and she's saying I give
27:20
you permission to fall apart in that chair.
27:21
And you're like, I don't know if you're thinking, yeah, if I do,
27:24
I may never recover. Right.
27:26
And I had a reputation at this church, right?
27:28
I was this. Is the church you were on staff?
27:30
This is the church I was on staff at.
27:31
I was in administ. I was in the administration
27:34
office at that church. I was the big bad girl that put
27:38
all the policies in. I was tough.
27:41
I was strong, right? I always put on this Bates, this
27:44
imposter syndrome of I'm this. And I didn't cry, you know, for
27:50
a long time. I just didn't cry.
27:53
And I remember going to my friend's desk one day and she
27:56
had somebody standing at her desk and she goes, oh, you got
27:59
to go. Somebody broke, Angie, because I
28:01
was in tears, right? Wow.
28:02
Well, sitting in Jan's office that day, she said, she said,
28:10
OK, I know you're in a bad place because I can see the tears
28:15
welling up. She goes, I'm going to recommend
28:17
a class for you to go to, but I'm also going to recommend a
28:20
counselor for you to go to. And we're going to pay for some
28:24
of your counseling. Nice.
28:26
So they sent me to a counselor and they paid for lots of
28:30
counseling with him. And so I'd go to him in the
28:33
afternoon on Tuesdays. But on Tuesday mornings I went
28:36
to a group that was led by a beautiful woman and it was only
28:40
six of us in the group, but it was called Mending the Soul.
28:43
Wow, is that a book? It's a book.
28:46
It's a book and a workbook. OK.
28:49
And literally we would take go in like when we first got there,
28:53
we would hold our books close to our chest, right?
28:55
Like we're and they told us it's, it's tough.
28:58
They said the first few weeks is going to be like going through
29:01
cancer treatments. But by the end of it, once you
29:04
get through week 5 or 6, you'll feel different.
29:08
First week. I'm like, you know, second week,
29:13
3rd week, I'm like, I didn't bring my book today and we had
29:18
to have a rule at our house from Monday night until Wednesday
29:22
morning. Nobody could talk to me about
29:25
anything other than the sky is blue because I was just raw from
29:28
being at the counselor and being in this class and doing my
29:31
homework and and really doing the soul searching, gut
29:36
wrenching work to be better. And was is that for survivors of
29:41
sexual abuse? It it.
29:43
It can be for that any type of trauma, but.
29:45
Like it wasn't specific it. Wasn't just specific for that,
29:48
but it, it was for several different types of trauma and we
29:51
had different women that had different traumas in our group.
29:53
Right and. So it really took you through a
29:57
process. It took me through a process.
29:59
There was one time my husband's downstairs at our house and he
30:03
hears and he comes upstairs into the room and I'm on my bed and
30:09
I'm sitting there with my arms crossed.
30:11
And he goes, you good? I'm like, yes, get out.
30:14
You know, I just scream at him. I'd thrown my book and my Bible
30:18
all the way across the. Room because you're doing.
30:20
What I had written was actually admitting something to myself
30:24
that I've never admitted before. And I was, during the time after
30:30
that assault, I started treating myself like a trash receptacle.
30:34
And that was a a belief that I had about.
30:36
Myself that you're not worth. That I wasn't worthy, that all I
30:39
was was a place for people to dump on and that people could
30:45
treat me horrible and it was fine because I wasn't worth
30:49
anything. No.
30:51
SO once I realized that truth, then I started going, oh,
30:57
there's blue skies ahead. And so I started, I'd been on
31:03
sabbatical for that time. I stopped volunteering at the
31:05
church. I left the staff at the church
31:07
years before that, but I didn't even volunteer at the church.
31:12
I just really sat on my healing, putting myself 1st.
31:17
And I've spent years in therapy because there's always layers.
31:23
Yes, there's always layers. And you never know what's going
31:28
to prick that layer and pull that layer back and you go, oh,
31:31
that's a tender. Spot.
31:32
Yeah, yeah. So, but yeah, that's the
31:38
catalyst to me starting my healing.
31:41
And then in 2020, right is all the COVID stuff was shutting
31:45
down in Texas, there was a girl named Vanessa Gain.
31:50
OK. Who was murdered at Fort Hood?
31:54
No. And I sat there and I was trauma
32:00
scrolling, doom scrolling over. I like refreshing my phone over
32:04
everything that happened to her. This is all coming out in the
32:07
news it. Was coming out in the news
32:08
nationwide. All this stuff this is she was
32:11
murdered by other soldiers, soldier on one of her in her
32:16
command. It was it was rough.
32:19
And her going through that opened my eyes that I've been
32:29
through a lot of the ceiling. It triggered me.
32:33
Of course. It was one of those layers that
32:35
was pulled back that was raw. Yeah.
32:37
But it also made me just want to apologize to her for not being
32:44
strong enough before to have a voice.
32:47
OK that you didn't speak up when this happened to.
32:49
You when it happened to me, yeah.
32:51
So here we are 30 years later. Were you thinking?
32:55
Like if I had spoken up like somehow you could have helped
32:58
change the system if you would. Not just let the peer pressure
33:02
get to you. We had the voice back then.
33:05
What could we change for the women coming after?
33:08
Right, right, right. And it wasn't just me.
33:09
It was this was being echoed by thousands of women online in the
33:14
military that were military veterans.
33:16
We've got women that say it happened to them during the 70s.
33:20
You know, some of them talking about their grandmother talking
33:23
about it happening to them while they were at, you know, World
33:27
War 2. I mean, it was just it's
33:29
something that's been there for a long time and I I just started
33:35
doing some research. OK, I know I need to talk about
33:38
this. I know we need to do it, but I
33:40
want to do it from a, a thing of you're not hopeless, right?
33:45
You know, yes, because that's what you feel.
33:47
Yeah. And just not just to reinforce
33:50
maybe victim mentality. Right.
33:52
I really did not want to fan the flame of victimism.
33:56
So I have, like you said, I have an organization, it's called
33:59
Warriors and Divas Critical Response Team.
34:02
I love the name of that warriors and Divas.
34:04
Right. It used to be called Divas
34:05
Impact, but I had so many men that wanted to be a part of
34:09
contributing to it. So we added the warriors to it,
34:12
right. OK, so Divas was an acronym,
34:16
though it stands for Destined Inspired, Victorious,
34:20
Accountable Sisterhood. Come on.
34:22
Right. That's such a great you know
34:24
who? Yeah, it.
34:25
Reminds me that I had a desk. I have a destiny that God has
34:29
called me to, yes, and I need to stay on track with it.
34:33
I need to be an inspiration to others, but I also need to
34:36
recognize those that have inspired me.
34:39
And I don't live in my victimhood.
34:41
I I look at everything from a victorious mindset and I give
34:45
people the opportunity to hold me accountable to that.
34:50
And then sisterhood is just sisterhood.
34:53
At that point. I hadn't hung out with a lot of
34:55
women. I didn't have a lot of women
34:56
friends. I mean, the first few years of
34:59
my marriage were horrible. They were horrible.
35:01
My husband was raised in a bar. I was raised in a church.
35:04
Imagine the clash of Titans with.
35:06
Well, and also you were parent. We're parents as children.
35:10
I mean, you're like 2122 and having a baby.
35:12
And we had three kids. My oldest, my youngest, is 3
35:16
years and one month apart, and there's a baby each year in
35:19
between them. Yeah.
35:20
So wow, that does a lot with your hormones.
35:23
So by 24 triggered your. Trauma.
35:25
You're in a marriage that wasn't abusive, but it was not healthy.
35:33
He just had his way of doing things.
35:35
And I remember going to church one time, the lady that was
35:39
working with the playset with me, we're setting up a playset
35:43
because here I am. I'm not on this stage, but I'm
35:46
working around a stage. Right?
35:48
Yeah. So we're set designing.
35:51
We're doing all this stuff. And I knew that her husband had
35:55
not come to church with her. I'd never met her husband.
35:57
I grew up with her son. And I said, you know, how do you
36:02
handle that? I get really frustrated pulling
36:04
into the church parking lot, bringing 3 kids, little kids and
36:08
I see single mom parking but I can't park there because I'm not
36:11
a single mom. I said I'm doing this and then I
36:16
go home after church and he's just waking up from the Bender
36:21
he had the night before. And so now I'm mad.
36:25
And she goes, do you go home with this attitude you have?
36:30
And I'm like, sometimes, yeah, yeah, I do.
36:35
And she goes, well, what would make him want to go to a place
36:39
that makes you act like that? Oh, that's a great question.
36:43
And I was just like, I don't like you anymore.
36:46
Yeah. Yeah.
36:48
But that was probably the best thing anybody could have said to
36:51
me about how I could woo my heart, my husband to church, to
36:57
the Lord to end. And it really just made me start
37:02
changing the temperature in the home of how I talked to him, how
37:07
I acted with him, not putting him on a pedestal by any means,
37:12
not and still holding him accountable for things that he
37:15
promised, but also fighting kind of died down.
37:21
The battle started dying down. He started wanting to go to
37:25
church with us. You know, it was a lot.
37:29
It was a lot for us. So I would say that by the time
37:35
the twins came around, there was an organization called Embrace
37:39
Grace. OK, Have you ever heard of
37:41
Embrace Grace? No, it sounds like a church, but
37:44
well. It was founded at one of our
37:46
women's conference. The Two Friends had a vision for
37:49
this ministry and they make the church a safe place to land for
37:54
women with unplanned pregnancies.
37:56
Oh wow. So they have chapters all around
37:59
the world now. They are office right there in
38:02
the little town I live in. And they have this wonderful
38:08
program that they do so many amazing things for girls that
38:12
find themselves with unplanned pregnancies, unattached
38:15
unplanned pregnancies, right. And I was when my daughter
38:23
called to tell me she was pregnant.
38:25
You know, I was feeling all the dread.
38:29
I remember calling my parents and telling my parents that was
38:32
pregnant. I remember the feeling of the
38:35
shotgun wedding with my grandmother in law.
38:38
I was just reliving all of those emotions.
38:42
Yeah, because this is before you started in your recovery, right
38:44
and. So I told my husband as he's
38:47
sitting there, he's like, this does not change how much we love
38:50
you. It does not change the status of
38:54
where you are in our family. Oh, he's telling your daughter.
38:56
He's telling my daughter, he's just putting words over her.
38:58
She's away at college. She called us to tell us this.
39:01
And he goes, we love you and we're here for you to support
39:06
you any way you need us. And you know, I've talked a lot
39:10
today, so you can tell I like to talk, right?
39:13
So my daughter knows that I was quiet.
39:18
And she says, mom, what do you have to say?
39:22
I said, well, when a young girl finds out she's pregnant, one of
39:25
three words goes through her mind.
39:28
Adoption, abortion or acceptance.
39:30
I need to know which word you're parked on.
39:33
Wow. And she says, oh, I'm keeping
39:35
this baby. I said, OK, congratulations.
39:38
From this point forward, we are celebrating this child.
39:41
This child is a gift from God. There is no shame.
39:46
There is no guilt. You take all of that off of you
39:50
because you were bringing in one of God's chosen right.
39:55
And I said my friend Amy just started this group called
39:58
embrace Grace. Would you like me to see if she
40:00
has a chapter? And she goes, yeah.
40:04
So I message my friend Amy and the first words Amy message is
40:08
back is congratulations. Yeah, I sat there and bawled for
40:13
like 15 minutes because I realized in that moment I don't
40:16
remember being told congratulations for any of my
40:19
three children. Oh wow.
40:21
And we are making a generational turn now.
40:24
Yes. You know, we are making a shift
40:27
of something good is going to come out of this, right?
40:32
It was a few weeks later, I was sitting in the sonogram room
40:36
when we found out that it was twins.
40:37
Wow. That's a lot right there.
40:39
So we made the decision before we knew it was twins, you know,
40:42
but it was, it was such a blessing to go through that
40:47
because it pushed me to my limits to be fully dependent on
40:51
God to get us through to the next season.
40:54
And so all of that has played into my healing, played into
41:00
helping others heal, helping my daughter heal.
41:05
I mean, I've even said it to my daughter, if I had done the work
41:08
to get healing when y'all were younger, I would have been a
41:10
better mother to y'all. Wow.
41:13
And so that's why she's so dedicated to her own mental
41:16
health. Because of your example.
41:18
Right. So it's something that I'm very
41:21
passionate about. Don't delay it.
41:23
I've got, I mean, when you've got women, they've been carrying
41:25
it for 30-40, seventy years. Just imagine the load that
41:30
they've carried over those years.
41:32
Yeah. So I really want to make sure
41:35
that we are helping them not have to carry that load.
41:41
That's beautiful. Did you struggle for a season at
41:44
all with, you know, like the what ifs?
41:46
You know, like, because I know I have also experienced sexual
41:50
abuse and it was when I was a child, though I'm at 12 years
41:54
old and, and just replaying that and like, wishing I had
42:00
responded differently. What did you do with those kind
42:03
of regrets if you felt that? Interesting thing because I was
42:07
telling one of my therapists, a new therapist that I have, that
42:12
I have to go through all these hoops for the VA for, and I said
42:16
I just don't get it. I said when this happened to me,
42:20
I was at the strongest point of my life.
42:23
I had physically strong, physically fit, mentally ready,
42:29
You know, war ready. Yeah, battle ready.
42:32
I battle ready. Battle tested.
42:34
OK. And I get taken out in the
42:37
shower. So you were, you were you were
42:40
upset with yourself that right this he.
42:42
Got the got the drop on me. Right, right.
42:45
Yeah. And she says, well, yeah, you
42:48
may have been battle ready, but you shouldn't have to be battle
42:50
ready in your home. And that was such a solid truth
42:56
that nobody had said to me. I mean, this was just said to me
42:59
in December of this year of last year, right?
43:01
OK. So I go to a counseling.
43:03
I mean, I go to a mastermind in January, OK.
43:07
And we're sitting there. We had a nervous system
43:09
regulation coach that was there with.
43:11
Us oh wow, OK and. She'd been working around the
43:13
room with people and I'd kind of been interjecting here and
43:17
there. And one of the girls across the
43:20
room said something. She goes, look at Angie.
43:21
She's got all these one liners. She's so creative with her words
43:24
and all this stuff. I said it's called my avoidance.
43:27
As soon as I said it, I was like, come back.
43:30
Words don't go out because I knew that girl.
43:32
She picked up the temperature of everything in the room like she
43:35
knew, you know, that something needed to come out.
43:40
Sure. And so Doctor Jen is what we
43:43
call her. She's standing at in the front.
43:46
Then she goes, well, Angie, you want to talk about it?
43:49
And I told her, I said, I want to talk about all the past
43:52
stuff, I said. But a truth came to me in
43:56
December. And I've been wrestling with it
43:58
because it's kind of been my, what if somebody had told me
44:01
this 10 years ago, 20 years ago, 30 years ago, what would have
44:05
happened? You know?
44:07
And she walked me through some visualization and she had me go
44:12
back to that shower. OK.
44:14
She had me standing in the room, not being the victim.
44:19
She had me get the girl out of the shower.
44:21
Wow. Had me walk her to a safe place
44:25
and then show her the stronger, bolder, more confident woman
44:30
that I am today, who she's becoming even in this moment.
44:34
And then she's asked me, you know, and I'm like, got my hand
44:38
on my chest. You know, she's got some tells
44:40
me to put my hand over my heart. I put my hand over my heart, but
44:42
it's like a claw on my chest, right?
44:45
And as she's telling me this stuff, I start feeling awake
44:50
coming off. And then she says, do you feel
44:53
like you're in your safest place yet?
44:56
I guess she knows that I was still a little tense.
44:59
I said no. And she goes, OK, walk to a
45:02
place where you feel safe. And I walked that girl out of
45:09
the apartment down to the street corner cuz right at the street
45:13
corner opened up to the beach. And she goes, where are you
45:17
standing? And by this time, my hand is
45:19
relaxed. I've got a smile on my face and
45:22
she says, where are you standing?
45:24
I said, I'm looking at the street sign.
45:26
And she goes, what does it say? I said, well again, I don't
45:29
speak Spanish, but if you translate it to English it says
45:33
the Sacred Heart of Christ. That was the name of the street.
45:36
That was the name of the street, I said.
45:39
So the interesting part that I haven't shared is I was
45:44
assaulted again after the first one by another military member
45:48
on the beach. So now I'm staying between the
45:51
beach and this apartment, these two places, these two places,
45:56
and there's a sign that's telling me that God was there
45:59
the whole time. The Sacred Heart of Christ the.
46:02
Sacred Heart of Christ, he still had a heart for me even in my
46:05
deepest broken, battered moments, you know, And it was
46:13
the most refreshing thing I've ever had happened to me.
46:17
I have had the best sleep of my life since that session.
46:20
Oh. Wow, really?
46:21
Since you went through that visualization.
46:23
That visualization has just taken so much off me, and that
46:27
just happened in January. I was going to say what that's
46:29
what I was noticing too, because your, your recovery started when
46:31
your daughter had the twins. But, and this is very recent.
46:35
So it kind of reminds me like, and you've already said this,
46:38
that recovery and our and our healing is a process.
46:40
And it's not linear. Right, it's sometimes.
46:43
It's like a ball of yarn. Or, you know, those old rubber
46:46
band balls. Yes, that's what it's a lot, lot
46:48
like. And it's just when you finally
46:52
start to realize that, yeah, I may have a good day today, I may
46:56
have a bad day tomorrow. You know, I yell at people in in
46:59
traffic just like everybody else does.
47:01
And, you know, I may every once in a while let something slip
47:05
that I shouldn't let slip because I still got a little bit
47:08
of military in me. But each day I'm trying to be a
47:13
little bit better than the day before.
47:15
And, and so once I get off track, I want to get back on
47:18
track again as soon as possible. And I have people that I message
47:23
that have got, you know, full on approval to speak deeply into my
47:28
life and tell me, OK, you're being a bonehead, get back on
47:30
track. And and they do it well, but
47:34
they also have noticed that I don't laugh at inappropriate
47:39
things anymore. I don't do the nervous laughing
47:42
anymore. There's a lot of other things I
47:44
didn't realize I was doing. The trauma laugh as they call
47:48
it. OK, I don't do that anymore
47:51
because I don't feel like I need to put on airs to, to present
47:58
differently. OK, so can I ask?
48:02
What role has grief played in your recovery?
48:05
Well, that's pretty much what led to this session in December
48:11
in in January, OK, Because one of the ladies in the room was
48:16
talking about grief from she'd worked at her church and it was
48:21
a season she loved, but they had had some things happen at their
48:24
church and she really hadn't grieved the loss of that
48:30
community, right. Now when you're when you're
48:32
saying like church, I mean there's been.
48:36
A lot of stuff going on in the church.
48:37
Yeah, like scandals like in terms of sexual abuse being
48:40
covered up and things like that, That's what we're talking.
48:42
About and so I mean in the summer of 2024, there were at
48:50
least 13 pastors in the DFW area that had to be brought down
48:54
because of moral failings and so.
48:57
That's in one city. That's in one metropolitan area
49:00
that wasn't everywhere else. And this lady wasn't from the
49:03
DFW area, but she was talking about the grief.
49:06
And that's what really got me going that day with when
49:10
Jennifer called me out on my avoidance was I had never
49:15
grieved for the time that I lost to my drama instructor calling
49:22
me a Hick. I'd never grieved the time I
49:24
lost from being, you know, just around the stage, but not on a
49:28
stage. I'd never grieved what had
49:31
happened to me. I had never grieved the
49:34
motherhood I could have had. If you had been like, I guess
49:38
more healed and. Hold and hold.
49:42
I never grieved the choices I made that made me a mom out of
49:48
wedlock. That because being raised in the
49:51
church, if you have sex out of wedlock, you know, then Oh my
49:55
gosh, that comes with a whole truckload full of shame.
49:59
Yeah, that's true. It's not just like right It it
50:02
does somehow diminish the experience of.
50:05
And so I, it robbed me and my husband of a lot of intimacy
50:09
because there was so much shame over it, OK.
50:12
And so it was guilt and shame. We're just so interchangeable.
50:16
Yeah, they are. And in 2015, I ended up getting
50:21
to step on a stage by accident, totally by accident at a
50:27
friend's conference. And they asked me to share my
50:30
testimony of my Embrace Grace story of being pregnant with
50:34
Allie out of wedlock and then Allie going through Embrace
50:37
Grace. And as I'm sharing it, there's a
50:41
pastor that works at the church that I'm at currently.
50:46
And the guy sitting next to him, he works at the church too.
50:48
But he was also at the church that I grew up in.
50:51
And he was one of the ones that led the charge on shunning and
50:55
shaming me from all of our friends.
50:57
I mean, we went to high school together and church together and
50:59
everything. And he was kind of like
51:01
self-righteous and, and really just instead of being a self
51:05
place for me to land, he was a hard place for me to show my
51:09
face and just opening up and sharing that story and being
51:15
that vulnerable in front of those two people.
51:18
Even though it was 350 women in the room, those two people.
51:23
It was like, you know, Elijah talking about the dead bones
51:26
coming to life. That's what it felt like to me.
51:28
It was like I felt like I stepped back into my skin for
51:31
the first time ever. And I was like, I can do this.
51:38
I can use my voice. I don't know what my talents are
51:42
going to be just yet, but I know I can use my voice.
51:46
So I just started saying yes to God.
51:49
And later on that night, by the way, the night before, Al Denson
51:54
had played worship music at that conference, and I didn't know
51:59
it. I'd been hanging with his wife
52:00
for a couple of weeks at that point, but I didn't know they
52:03
were married. I didn't know he was there, any
52:05
of that stuff. And he walks out into the hotel
52:09
lobby where this conference is AT, and he walks up to me and
52:13
goes, so where do you speak? And I just kind of did that
52:17
nervous trauma laugh. My friend Connie was sitting
52:19
with me. I said, I don't.
52:21
And he goes, no, seriously looks at Connie and she goes, she
52:24
doesn't. He goes seriously.
52:27
He goes, you know, he goes, you know, I'm a professor and he's,
52:31
he does, he did adjunct professing at Liberty
52:34
University, right? He's like, I teach classes on,
52:38
on public speaking and all that stuff.
52:40
He goes, people don't come with raw, natural talent like you
52:43
have. He goes.
52:45
So you need to steward that well.
52:47
Oh, that's beautiful. And so just as a man knocked me
52:51
off a pedestal, another man started putting me back on the
52:55
path again, right. And it was somebody that was
52:58
playing the the music when God spoke that word to me, you know,
53:02
So it was, it's kind of a like a full circle moment.
53:06
Gorgeous. So I started a talk radio show I
53:12
had for a while. I just started looking for
53:17
opportunities to share. Not in big stages.
53:20
I wasn't worried about big stages just and it wasn't
53:23
necessarily within the four walls of the church.
53:26
Sometimes it was written words, sometimes it was spoken word.
53:29
But it was at Rotary Club meetings, it was at JROTC
53:35
trainings, it was at recruiters would have me come in and talk
53:41
to some of the females about being having their guard up and
53:45
being aware of certain things. And you know, it was just a lot
53:48
of different small places that I would get to speak.
53:51
And so I've been working on my book about this and it's called
53:56
The Teal Heart Society. Teal heart.
53:59
Teal heart. OK, And that's your your jacket.
54:02
That's my. I have a jacket on that's teal.
54:04
The colors are teal, gold and silver.
54:07
And basically it's, you know, it's designed like a medal.
54:12
We basically took the look of a Medal of Honor and a Purple
54:16
Heart and made it into a logo. And it's for those, for those
54:23
battle scars. Yeah.
54:24
That nobody sees, you know, that women get, that nobody sees that
54:28
aren't recognized in the military, you know, because
54:31
being wounded in the field, you know, as I don't discount that
54:36
at all. I have friends that are Purple
54:37
Heart ward recipients, right? I don't discount them at all.
54:42
But they get a medal, they get ribbons, they get special
54:46
parking, they get all sorts of things for that.
54:49
They get recognition, right? If a woman's been assaulted
54:54
while in the military, especially by somebody in her
54:57
chain of command, she still has to show up the next day and work
55:01
right alongside that person. And she's carrying these scars,
55:06
these wounds, these, and she's being re traumatized over and
55:11
over and over again. And it just compounds and
55:13
compounds and compounds. And it's just getting ready to
55:18
be like Mount Vesuvius, you know, just blow because they
55:22
can't hold it all in any longer. So my biggest, my biggest thing
55:29
is to try and get women to share their story.
55:33
I watch the statistics on every year when they come out about
55:36
the rates in the military to see what's going on.
55:39
Some branches are better than other branches.
55:41
Of how they treat. Women in terms of how many
55:44
happen in their branch and how they handle the reporting.
55:48
Of I was going to say it's probably.
55:50
Yeah, yeah, the Vanessa Gain Act helped put in a lot of reporting
55:57
requirements. Oh, once this lady was murdered.
55:59
Yeah, yeah. But it didn't solve everything
56:02
because you still got people that are going to do what they
56:06
want to do, right? And they're going to buck the
56:09
system. And last summer, we lost another
56:15
girl in Virginia. Shoot, her name was Angelique.
56:21
She was girl from Texas. And I mean, a girl from Texas
56:26
named Angelique, that hits a little close to home, right?
56:30
Yeah. And so that's when I just said,
56:34
OK, now's the time to write the book.
56:36
You know, I I've been playing with it, but I was like, now's
56:40
the time because I can't sit back and wait till everything's
56:44
perfect. We've talked about perfection
56:46
problems before, right? Yeah.
56:48
I can't sit back and wait till everything's perfect.
56:50
I've never done a book about, you know, not not about the
56:55
trauma, but about the healing process and different modalities
56:59
and, and things like that to get through the healing.
57:01
The biggest thing for me is just letting those girls know that
57:06
they have some place they can reach out to.
57:08
Yes, especially if they were raised in a church and they have
57:12
a faith basis. You know, a lot of people that
57:15
will talk to them, will talk to them, but they won't talk to
57:18
their faith or their spirituality.
57:20
They will talk to him about all sorts of voodoo magic stuff, you
57:24
know, psychedelics and micro dosing and all these things.
57:28
And I'm like, but there's someone that can heal it all,
57:32
you know. And I don't, even though I will
57:36
never say that I'm totally healed from what happened to me,
57:41
I think there's a beauty in that too, because every layer that I
57:47
peel back is a different form that I get to walk through.
57:51
And normally right after I walk through that, there's somebody
57:54
else that's getting ready to walk through it.
57:57
And so I can shine a light into their darkness and say, here's a
58:01
hand, let me show you the way out.
58:03
And so that's what I really am focusing on right now.
58:07
That is beautiful. So.
58:09
Why? Why the color teal?
58:10
I'm just curious. Teal stands for Sexual Assault
58:14
Awareness and yes, so April is Sexual Assault Awareness Month.
58:19
I did not know that. Yeah, so that's why I went with
58:21
Teal. And it wasn't necessarily my
58:25
favorite color, but if you've ever had your colors done by
58:27
like House of Color or anything, it's one of my power colors.
58:30
Oh, OK. So it works perfect.
58:32
So red and blue, which are part of the Warriors and Divas.
58:36
Yeah, those are my my other power colors.
58:38
So OK, it all worked out well for me.
58:42
And I already had these brand colors picked, and they were the
58:45
colors that make me stand out and pop the most, right?
58:49
And so you have been on stages? I have.
58:51
Been on stages. My friend Tracy, she's had
58:56
several conferences I've MC and put her conferences on I have
59:00
spoken at different conferences. I have been on podcasts, I have
59:06
been interviewed for a couple of small television shows.
59:09
So it's it's doors are starting to open more and more and I know
59:15
it's just prepping the way for what's to come.
59:19
Well, and it just reminded me of that word you were given, you
59:21
know, as a as a young girl. And so that was something that
59:26
has come to fruition is and it's still who knows, you know, where
59:30
else you're going to go and speak and and share.
59:32
But I love that you, I've taken your pain and allowed it to be a
59:37
blessing to other women and to give them an opportunity to know
59:41
they're seen and to step into their own healing.
59:45
And even if you mentioned something about talking to women
59:48
as they're going into the military, things to think about
59:50
that, I mean, if you would have that kind of talk, right, we'd
59:53
be having a very different conversation.
59:55
Just making them aware because the the recruiters are you're
59:59
going to tell them all the amazing things, but nobody's
1:00:01
going to tell them the hidden dangers, right?
1:00:04
And so they just need to be aware.
1:00:06
If I had even had an inkling of being aware, I might have chosen
1:00:10
different paths, you know, I might have been more alerted to
1:00:15
know what to watch for and, you know, and.
1:00:19
It may or may not have changed the situation that happened to
1:00:22
me, but if there's anything I can do to help one person not
1:00:28
have that happen to them, then I'm going to do it.
1:00:32
So love that. That's why I sure.
1:00:36
All right. So what I like to do at the end
1:00:37
of a show is to have a rapid fire question round, OK?
1:00:41
That's how I like to end the program.
1:00:44
All right, so you get ready. Yep.
1:00:45
OK. What's a Bible verse you return
1:00:48
to again and again? Micah 68 I've had it since 3rd
1:00:51
grade and you know, it says what does the Lord require of you
1:00:57
that to do justice, love kindness and walk humbly with
1:01:00
your God, right, yes. And so that is the motto of what
1:01:05
we're doing with my warriors and Davis and Till heart society.
1:01:09
You know, I am fighting for justice for for these women.
1:01:14
I am loving them with kindness to push out the hurt and the
1:01:18
pain. And I'm trying to do it walking
1:01:21
humbly with God, knowing that I'm not doing it in my strength.
1:01:24
I'm doing it with his his blessing.
1:01:27
So that's what I return to on a regular basis.
1:01:31
That's. Beautiful.
1:01:32
I love that verse. Yeah.
1:01:33
All right, here we go. What's 1 boundary you wish you
1:01:36
had learned earlier in life? That no is a complete sentence.
1:01:42
You don't have to explain to everybody why you're saying no
1:01:46
because you're giving them opportunities to work around
1:01:50
your no. And if I had learned that no was
1:01:53
a complete sentence, I would have gotten out of so many
1:01:56
things that I've all and told myself for.
1:02:00
I would have not put myself in situations where people could
1:02:03
use me and never add value back to me.
1:02:08
I I could just say no. I could add thank you to it, but
1:02:13
no and no thank you is a complete sentence.
1:02:16
You don't owe anybody an explanation, and it's a nice
1:02:20
boundary for your sanity. That's great.
1:02:23
OK, great. Thank you.
1:02:24
Here we go. Favorite comfort food after a
1:02:27
long. Emotional Week Texas Girl is a
1:02:31
steak and potatoes and salad. Fully loaded potato and medium
1:02:37
rare or no rare. Rare, almost rare, almost
1:02:42
Pittsburgh rare steak. Wow.
1:02:44
OK, so. Still breathing.
1:02:46
Almost. And my husband knows that, and
1:02:47
when I come home from trips, he normally has that prepared for
1:02:50
me. That's great you guys.
1:02:52
Your relationship has come a long way.
1:02:53
Hasn't it has come a very long way?
1:02:55
We actually like each other now, yes.
1:02:57
How many years have you been married?
1:02:58
30 we'll be 34 in May Wow. Yeah, good on you.
1:03:03
And I'm only 29, I know. Yeah, here we go.
1:03:07
What's 1 identity lie God has been dismantling in you?
1:03:12
That I don't have a voice, that I don't make an impact, that I
1:03:19
don't move the room when that's the number one thing that I get
1:03:25
commented on the most on sheets of where people have me come and
1:03:30
speak. On the on the feedback on.
1:03:33
The feedback forms, that's the number one comment, but the it's
1:03:37
just I still go back to that drama room.
1:03:41
For that guy. And a teacher, I feel like my
1:03:43
voice is going out into a void and all the feedback forms I
1:03:49
ever get are always you moved me, you challenged me you, you
1:03:54
know, you made an impact. I need to connect you with
1:03:57
somebody because you, you know, so it's still one I wrestle with
1:04:02
today, but I also know that God's got it more than I do.
1:04:08
That's great. All right, here we go.
1:04:10
Last one. You ready?
1:04:10
OK. What's a lesson you learned the
1:04:13
hard way? That my husband is not my enemy
1:04:20
and that if I want a husband to be the king of our home, I have
1:04:26
to act like the Queen. And a lot of us are pampered
1:04:30
princesses running around saying I want my king, I want my king,
1:04:34
but we haven't matured yet. And so if you want somebody
1:04:38
elevated and mature for you, you need to be elevated and mature
1:04:41
yourself. And so that was something that I
1:04:46
didn't learn until about 15 years into our marriage, but it
1:04:49
has been calling out the greatness in my husband and not
1:04:56
worrying about if he's doing what I'm telling him to do or
1:05:00
not, but worrying about what God's telling me to do.
1:05:03
Thank you so much for coming and sharing your story and just the
1:05:07
beauty of what got us done in your marriage with your
1:05:09
children, now your grandmother, and also all that the ways that
1:05:13
God has used you to help women. So I hope that people will who
1:05:17
who need the kind of help that you guys offer will contact you
1:05:21
as a result of this interview. So thank you.
1:05:23
Thank you, I really appreciate the time to share my message.