Latest / Do You F*cking Mind? / 340. 5 things to accept in your life to become happier and more in control

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340. 5 things to accept in your life to become happier and more in control · Do You F*cking Mind?

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: Hello, my beautiful beans, and welcome to the episode of
• 0:03
  Speaker 1: today's So in today's episode, I'm going to be talking
• 0:06
  Speaker 1: about five things that you can accept or that you should,
• 0:10
  Speaker 1: in my opinion, accept into your life in order to
• 0:13
  Speaker 1: be a lot happier, a lot more carefree, and to
• 0:17
  Speaker 1: also feel like you are really living life on your
• 0:21
  Speaker 1: own terms. Sometimes we get so wrapped up in thoughts
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  Speaker 1: and concepts that we never analyze, we never question, and
• 0:27
  Speaker 1: it causes us so much suffering, not pain, but suffering
• 0:31
  Speaker 1: which is very much self inflicted. So we're going to
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  Speaker 1: break these things down. And when I mention these five things,
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  Speaker 1: just write them down or remember them. And it's really
• 0:41
  Speaker 1: good to just every so often, every couple of days,
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  Speaker 1: bring it back, circle back, and remind yourself of those
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  Speaker 1: five things and be like, yep, okay, that's top of mind.
• 0:48
  Speaker 1: I've got a you know, awareness is everything, and once
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  Speaker 1: you shed the lighter on it, once you become aware
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  Speaker 1: of this thing, then it becomes a lot easier to
• 0:55
  Speaker 1: be more in the moment, more present, more appreciative, and
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  Speaker 1: to make decisions that are framed in a way that
• 1:03
  Speaker 1: are actually going to help you, okay, because sometimes we're
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  Speaker 1: so caught up in all this shit, all this bullshit
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  Speaker 1: that our decisions are skewed towards doing things that we
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  Speaker 1: think will make other people happy, doing things that we
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  Speaker 1: think we should be doing, and all of that.
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  Speaker 2: So these five.
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  Speaker 1: Questions are definitely going to help you live a happier
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  Speaker 1: and more present life.
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  Speaker 2: Okay, well not even questions, they're things. Little life update.
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  Speaker 1: Then a brain fact which is not really a brain fact.
• 1:30
  Speaker 1: It's about MSG because I ate something with MSG and
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  Speaker 1: at the other day and it was fucking delicious, and
• 1:36
  Speaker 1: I was like, hey, let's talk about MSG on the podcast,
• 1:39
  Speaker 1: and then we're going to go into the topic of today.
• 1:42
  Speaker 2: So life update. I'm back.
• 1:45
  Speaker 1: I'm officially back in Australia after being four weeks in Europe.
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  Speaker 1: I did a week in London, three weeks in Paris,
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  Speaker 1: love loved both incredible. Now back in Australia and can
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  Speaker 1: I just say it is so fucking cold here right
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  Speaker 1: now and it's winter, Like, get over it, it's fucking winter, Alexis.
• 2:02
  Speaker 1: I know, but there's just this I don't know what
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  Speaker 1: it is about Australian buildings or architecture or whatever you
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  Speaker 1: want to call it, but there is no insulation at
• 2:14
  Speaker 1: least in Sydney and in Melbourne there's no fucking insulation.
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  Speaker 1: I've had friends from Sweden tell me that they've been
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  Speaker 1: colder indoors in Australian winter, that they have been in Sweden.
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  Speaker 1: And I've never been to Sweden, but I agree. Right,
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  Speaker 1: it's a joke.
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  Speaker 2: Okay.
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  Speaker 1: If you watch me on Instagram on like socials, you
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  Speaker 1: will see I'm rugged up in like a huge puffa.
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  Speaker 1: I've got the heater blaring. This is actually Tyrone's puffa jacket.
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  Speaker 1: It's bigger and warmer, so I've stolen it for the
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  Speaker 1: day and I've got the heater blaring. But it's one
• 2:46
  Speaker 1: of those like wall mounted air con things. And the office,
• 2:50
  Speaker 1: my office space is like a warehouse converted, so the
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  Speaker 1: ceilings is so high so it just heats up the
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  Speaker 1: roof area and never heats the bottom. Anyway, that's my
• 3:00
  Speaker 1: life update. Life is good, All is well in the world.
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  Speaker 1: We are thrilled to be back, very nice to be
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  Speaker 1: home with my family, with my friends, and with my
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  Speaker 1: beautiful baby Habib my dog.
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  Speaker 2: Ummm.
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  Speaker 1: So let's get straight into the brain fact of today.
• 3:13
  Speaker 1: If you're not interested in the brain fact, you can
• 3:14
  Speaker 1: fast forward I'm roughly ten minutes, I think. Otherwise, let's
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  Speaker 1: get straight into MSG. Okay, what is MSG, what does
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  Speaker 1: it do? And are their negative side effects? And what
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  Speaker 1: do these negative side effects even mean? So MSG stands
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  Speaker 1: for monosodium glue tide.
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  Speaker 2: Okay.
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  Speaker 1: It is a flavor enhandser and it's added to foods
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  Speaker 1: normally at restaurants and also canned goods, soups, delimeats.
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  Speaker 2: And it's known as an umami.
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  Speaker 1: Substance, which is like that meaty tasty flavor okay.
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  Speaker 2: And it comes from the amino acid l glued tic acid. Okay.
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  Speaker 1: Amino Acids are the building blocks of protein and glutamate,
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  Speaker 1: so it comes from the amino acid glutamate. It is
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  Speaker 1: not the same as glutamine, so there are two separate things.
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  Speaker 1: But glutamate is present within the brain and also within
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  Speaker 1: the body. And it is a non essential amino acid.
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  Speaker 1: Now quickly, I'm going to break it down. I've spoken
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  Speaker 1: about essential amino acids and non essential amino acids and
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  Speaker 1: conditional amino acids, so let's very quickly break down what
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  Speaker 1: they mean. Non Essential amino acids means that it is
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  Speaker 1: made in the body. Your body produces it so it's
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  Speaker 1: not essential that you need to get it from anywhere
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  Speaker 1: else because your body already makes it. Essential amino acids,
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  Speaker 1: it's not made in the body, so it is essential
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  Speaker 1: that you get it from your diet. And conditional amino
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  Speaker 1: acids means that it becomes essential, as in you need
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  Speaker 1: to get it from your diet under certain conditions. So
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  Speaker 1: if you are fatigued, burnt out, ill, certain illnesses, there's
• 4:58
  Speaker 1: a whole bunch of conditions that you fall into the cuttery,
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  Speaker 1: then that amino acid can become conditional, meaning that you
• 5:03
  Speaker 1: then need to get more of it from your diet. Okay,
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  Speaker 1: So if you ever hear about essential amino acid's non essential,
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  Speaker 1: that kind of there's your little code to break it down.
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  Speaker 1: So this l glutamic acid or glutamine is naturally occurring
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  Speaker 1: in high protein foods such as meat, fish, also in seaweed, parmesan, cheese,
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  Speaker 1: vegetables such as mushrooms, tomatoes, broccoli, nuts, so it's naturally
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  Speaker 1: occurring already in your diet. And glutamate is glutamate, whether
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  Speaker 1: it is naturally occurring or whether it is synthetically produced
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  Speaker 1: or from an MSG additive.
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  Speaker 2: A molecule is a molecule.
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  Speaker 1: There's no difference on how it behaves within the body
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  Speaker 1: as far as a chemical. From a chemical standpoint, MSG
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  Speaker 1: is made by fermenting carbohydrate sauces such as sugar, cane
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  Speaker 1: or molasses, et cetera.
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  Speaker 2: Okay, Now, there is a debate whether MS.
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  Speaker 1: As far as the consumption of MSG in foods is
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  Speaker 1: safe or not. It is approved as safe for consumption
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  Speaker 1: in many many, many countries such as USA, Australia, New Zealand, Europe,
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  Speaker 1: many countries in Europe, I think most countries in Europe,
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  Speaker 1: i'd imagine. And in Australia and New Zealand, the labeling
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  Speaker 1: often comes in the form of a number.
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  Speaker 2: So for MSG, the number.
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  Speaker 1: Is either six two six two one six two, et cetera.
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  Speaker 1: There's about nine different labelings of that kind. However, so
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  Speaker 1: in Australia and New Zealand it is compulsory that if
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  Speaker 1: you have MSG added to the canned or packaged food,
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  Speaker 1: it has to be like it has to say it.
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  Speaker 1: But in restaurants and cafes you're not required to say
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  Speaker 1: if you've added it or not. Now people report that
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  Speaker 1: they do have side effects from consuming MSG, so it's
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  Speaker 1: this symptoms of MSG consumption also known as MSG symptom complex,
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  Speaker 1: and these symptoms that are reported anecdotally headaches, sweating, face
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  Speaker 1: tightness or pressure, numbing or tingling on the face, flushed face.
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  Speaker 2: Nausea, feeling weak, and chest paint.
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  Speaker 1: But there's been a lot of research done, and the
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  Speaker 1: research linking these directly keyword directly to MSG when consumed
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  Speaker 1: within the food is wavering at best. Okay, So there
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  Speaker 1: are a lot of studies that have returned really concerning
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  Speaker 1: results in association with MSG and neurotoxicity, which is basically
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  Speaker 1: something that's toxic to your neurons, your brain cells, cardiotoxicity, inflammation,
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  Speaker 1: behavioral changes, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera. However, a
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  Speaker 1: lot of these studies that are quoted when people talk
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  Speaker 1: about how dangerous quote unquote MSG is, there's a lot
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  Speaker 1: of flaws in the study and in how it is presented,
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  Speaker 1: and there's not much evidence.
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  Speaker 2: To show that the studies that show.
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  Speaker 1: That MSG is so dangerous can actually be translated into
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  Speaker 1: human trials based on dietary intake of MSG. So what
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  Speaker 1: I mean by this is you're going to see a
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  Speaker 1: lot of people on Instagram, on social media articles that
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  Speaker 1: talk about and I'm not just referring to MSGA here,
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  Speaker 1: studies in general. This study proved that this causes cancer
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  Speaker 1: in people, or this substance causes this causes that, or this.
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  Speaker 2: Can make you blind.
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  Speaker 1: And there's so many studies that have these really hectic claims,
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  Speaker 1: but when you actually look at the study that is
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  Speaker 1: being referenced, you'll realize that these claims that they're making
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  Speaker 1: cannot actually be translated to human trials. So when you
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  Speaker 1: look at trials, you've got something called pre clinical trials,
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  Speaker 1: and then you've got clinical trials. Clinical trials are trials
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  Speaker 1: of drugs of anything that are done on humans.
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  Speaker 2: That is clinical trials.
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  Speaker 1: A lot of the studies that people reference when something's oh,
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  Speaker 1: this is going to kill you, this is going to
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  Speaker 1: kill are done in pre clinical trials, and pre clinical
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  Speaker 1: trials are not done on humans. They are done on animals,
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  Speaker 1: they are done in petrie dishes, they are done on
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  Speaker 1: cell cultures. So it's very misleading when people quote a
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  Speaker 1: study without actually saying this is actually a pre clinical study,
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  Speaker 1: it's not been tested on humans, and then have like
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  Speaker 1: these really catastrophic claims. So a lot of these catastrophic
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  Speaker 1: things that you hear about MSG are in pre clinical studies, that.
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  Speaker 2: Is, in petri dishes and in rats or mice.
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  Speaker 1: And additionally to that, you're looking you've got to look
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  Speaker 1: at how it is administered, So you're looking at injecting
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  Speaker 1: really high doses of MSG, injecting into a rat versus
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  Speaker 1: a human, ingesting a very very small dosage within food
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  Speaker 1: or like as far as eating it where it has
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  Speaker 1: to be digested through the gut and then it's got
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  Speaker 1: all these processes your body goes through.
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  Speaker 2: So it's very, very, very different.
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  Speaker 1: So if you go on Google MSG dangerous, you're gonna
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  Speaker 1: come across a lot of shit that says it's really
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  Speaker 1: fucking bad for you. But like with most things, the
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  Speaker 1: poison is in the dose and MSG, as far as
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  Speaker 1: the studies and the data show, it's not that fucking
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  Speaker 1: bad for you at all. Okay, Now, if you're someone
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  Speaker 1: that sweats a lot when you have MSG and it's
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  Speaker 1: just you know, it doesn't feel good, just don't have it.
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  Speaker 2: You know, it's just like milk.
• 10:28
  Speaker 1: Some people cannot handle milk, but it doesn't mean that
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  Speaker 1: milk is just going to be harmful for every single
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  Speaker 1: person in the world, same as nuts.
• 10:35
  Speaker 2: I can't eat walnuts.
• 10:36
  Speaker 1: But it's not to say that because I can't have
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  Speaker 1: walnuts because they cause this huge reaction in the roof
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  Speaker 1: of my mouth and asthma attack doesn't mean that it's
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  Speaker 1: bad for everybody.
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  Speaker 2: Okay. So there's going to be certain things that are
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  Speaker 2: not going.
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  Speaker 1: To agree with certain individuals, but in small doses, it's
• 10:52
  Speaker 1: not really going to be that bad. Now, there's also
• 10:55
  Speaker 1: articles online that report that MSG causes cellular inflammation or
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  Speaker 1: that it in just brain cells.
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  Speaker 2: However, there are no.
• 11:04
  Speaker 1: Properly formatted studies that prove this, okay, only like I said,
• 11:08
  Speaker 1: preclinical studies that show this. So again it's not people
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  Speaker 1: eating the MSG. It's more like this has been injected
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  Speaker 1: into a rat's like one certain part of the rat's body,
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  Speaker 1: and it's not gone through its gut. Controlled intervention studies
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  Speaker 1: show no association with MSG consumption and its effect on
• 11:27
  Speaker 1: body weight as well. So there's this all these things
• 11:31
  Speaker 1: that have come out that say that consuming MSG causes
• 11:34
  Speaker 1: weight gain, But the studies that did show this were
• 11:38
  Speaker 1: around injecting rodents with MSG and looking at its actions
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  Speaker 1: on the brain and how it then influences energy intake
• 11:45
  Speaker 1: and metabolism. So they did these studies, they injected these rats,
• 11:48
  Speaker 1: and they're like, oh, this is influencing energy intake and
• 11:50
  Speaker 1: metabolism in the brain, and then it's influencing how the
• 11:53
  Speaker 1: rat eats and how much it consumes, and therefore the
• 11:56
  Speaker 1: rat then gains weight. Okay, But note that in jecting
• 12:00
  Speaker 1: a rodent is going to be very different to eating
• 12:02
  Speaker 1: MSG as human. And this also comes down to something
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  Speaker 1: called pharmacokinetics and pharmacodynamics, and that is how the drug
• 12:09
  Speaker 1: interacts with the body and how the body interacts with
• 12:12
  Speaker 1: the drug. Okay, So when you eat something, when you
• 12:16
  Speaker 1: ingest glutamate, it is metabolically compartmentalized, and it does not
• 12:22
  Speaker 1: passively cross biological membranes. It primarily almost all of it
• 12:26
  Speaker 1: stays within the gut, okay. And so you're not really
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  Speaker 1: seeing much of this MSG when eaten, not injected when eaten,
• 12:34
  Speaker 1: which we're not going around to restaurants injecting our eyeballs
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  Speaker 1: with MSG.
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  Speaker 2: So when eaten, you're not really.
• 12:39
  Speaker 1: Seeing any MSG kind of penetrate into the bloodstream. And
• 12:44
  Speaker 1: you're also not seeing MSG penetrate the blood brain barrier.
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  Speaker 1: So therefore it's not gaining access to the brain. It
• 12:51
  Speaker 1: does not raise brain glutamate concentration, and therefore it does
• 12:56
  Speaker 1: not disrupt brain functions. So there's no study on humans
• 13:01
  Speaker 1: that shows that MSG causes weight gain, no clinical trials.
• 13:07
  Speaker 2: That show that.
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  Speaker 1: So other research suggests that MSG is completely metabolized within
• 13:14
  Speaker 1: your gut and from there it either serves as an
• 13:16
  Speaker 1: energy source or is converted to other amino acids, or
• 13:19
  Speaker 1: is used in the production of like bioactive compounds and
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  Speaker 1: things like that. So overall, there's no compelling evidence suggesting
• 13:25
  Speaker 1: that MSG alters brain chemistry when consumed in normal amounts.
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  Speaker 1: So yeah, basically, to wrap it up, if you don't
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  Speaker 1: feel well after consuming MSG, you are intolerant to it,
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  Speaker 1: you shouldn't have it, just like any kind of food
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  Speaker 1: where you're feeling like this just doesn't feel good, I
• 13:42
  Speaker 1: don't want to have it. But when it comes to
• 13:44
  Speaker 1: the science that is available and the studies that have
• 13:47
  Speaker 1: been done, it is not that bad for you because
• 13:51
  Speaker 1: it is kind of like a It is mimicking something
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  Speaker 1: that is already naturally occurring within many, many, many foods
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  Speaker 1: that we already consume, and it also mimi something that
• 14:00
  Speaker 1: is already occurring within your own body.
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  Speaker 2: Cool. Does that make sense I find that really interesting.
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  Speaker 1: Let's get straight into the episode topic of today, which
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  Speaker 1: is five things to accept so you can be happier
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  Speaker 1: and more carefree. Number one, and you can write this
• 14:19
  Speaker 1: down by the way. Number one, Freedom comes from only
• 14:24
  Speaker 1: ever controlling your actions and not the actions of others.
• 14:29
  Speaker 1: In other words, trying to change somebody is never going
• 14:33
  Speaker 1: to work. You are never going to get your sense
• 14:35
  Speaker 1: of freedom from controlling or changing those around you. The
• 14:38
  Speaker 1: most you can hope for is to influence somebody, but
• 14:41
  Speaker 1: not change them. The earlier you stop trying to change somebody,
• 14:47
  Speaker 1: the sooner you are going to find inner peace and happiness.
• 14:51
  Speaker 1: And that goes with your partner as well with your parents,
• 14:55
  Speaker 1: with your siblings.
• 14:57
  Speaker 2: So often we.
• 14:58
  Speaker 1: Feel so you've torn and upset and disappointed. Disappointment is
• 15:06
  Speaker 1: a huge one because we've tried to change the people
• 15:10
  Speaker 1: around us. We've tried to quote unquote help them, whether
• 15:13
  Speaker 1: you genuinely are trying to help them or whether you
• 15:16
  Speaker 1: think you're trying to help them, and to no avail.
• 15:20
  Speaker 1: So it causes us a lot of distress, okay, And
• 15:23
  Speaker 1: that distress then impacts our mental health. It impacts our
• 15:26
  Speaker 1: level of happiness because we've tried and tried and tried
• 15:28
  Speaker 1: to change them when you have to realize that no
• 15:30
  Speaker 1: matter what, whether it's good for them or whether it's
• 15:33
  Speaker 1: not good for them, you ultimately have no power to
• 15:39
  Speaker 1: really change somebody. You can force someone to do something,
• 15:43
  Speaker 1: You can manipulate someone to do something. You can try
• 15:47
  Speaker 1: and control somebody through certain tactics to force them into
• 15:53
  Speaker 1: doing something, but you can't change that person because the
• 15:58
  Speaker 1: only way someone can change is innately is through themselves,
• 16:03
  Speaker 1: through wanting that change, or through themselves finding them in
• 16:07
  Speaker 1: a situation where it's forced to change. But that's at
• 16:11
  Speaker 1: an individual level. You can never change somebody truly. Okay,
• 16:17
  Speaker 1: the best you could do, and by best, I don't
• 16:19
  Speaker 1: mean it's it's good. But the most you could do
• 16:21
  Speaker 1: is manipulate somebody against their will, because if they wanted
• 16:24
  Speaker 1: to do it, then they've created.
• 16:26
  Speaker 2: The change, not you. You've inspired them. At best.
• 16:29
  Speaker 1: The most you, if I could do, is inspire. But
• 16:31
  Speaker 1: we lose so much sleep over the fact.
• 16:33
  Speaker 2: That we're trying to change someone.
• 16:35
  Speaker 1: The amount of messages that I get from people saying, oh,
• 16:37
  Speaker 1: but you know my relationship with my parents, you know
• 16:39
  Speaker 1: it's you know, I'm trying to rescue it, but it
• 16:41
  Speaker 1: causes me so much grieful What can I do to
• 16:43
  Speaker 1: make my parents it?
• 16:44
  Speaker 2: Nothing? Nothing.
• 16:47
  Speaker 1: You have to come to terms with the fact that
• 16:48
  Speaker 1: you are not them, they are not you. You see
• 16:51
  Speaker 1: things differently, you experience things differently. What you think is
• 16:54
  Speaker 1: fair is different to what they think is fair. You're
• 16:56
  Speaker 1: looking at a situation from a different.
• 16:57
  Speaker 2: Angle to how they are.
• 16:59
  Speaker 1: The best you could do is try to be understood
• 17:02
  Speaker 1: and try to understand, but even then be able to
• 17:07
  Speaker 1: just let go of the fact that you will never
• 17:09
  Speaker 1: and can never change somebody. It is liberating knowing that,
• 17:13
  Speaker 1: because then you realize, wait a minute, the power was
• 17:15
  Speaker 1: never in my hand.
• 17:16
  Speaker 2: It was never up to me to help this person.
• 17:18
  Speaker 1: It was never my responsibility to motivate them to get
• 17:21
  Speaker 1: them to change.
• 17:22
  Speaker 2: It was never on me.
• 17:24
  Speaker 1: The fact that they never changed, or that they never
• 17:27
  Speaker 1: grew at the rate that I grew, or whatever the
• 17:30
  Speaker 1: whole bunch of reasons that could make you upset, it's
• 17:34
  Speaker 1: not on you.
• 17:36
  Speaker 2: And if there's all this conflict, and if you're trying.
• 17:38
  Speaker 1: You like I want this person to develop at the
• 17:41
  Speaker 1: rate that I'm developing, It's okay to want it, but
• 17:44
  Speaker 1: don't put the pressure on yourself thinking that you should
• 17:46
  Speaker 1: have been able to achieve that in somebody else because
• 17:49
  Speaker 1: you can't accept it as soon as possible, and you
• 17:52
  Speaker 1: will feel so much more at ease and at peace
• 17:57
  Speaker 1: with your life.
• 17:58
  Speaker 2: Okay.
• 17:58
  Speaker 1: Number two, Pain is your teacher, So do not avoid pain.
• 18:07
  Speaker 1: Without pain, you may never learn the deepest, most important
• 18:13
  Speaker 1: parts about yourself. You may never learn those lessons that
• 18:17
  Speaker 1: appivotal that force personal evolution, that force growth that you know.
• 18:23
  Speaker 2: You may never learn what.
• 18:25
  Speaker 1: Your real ability is to adapt and learn and grow.
• 18:30
  Speaker 1: Without pain, you do not develop at the rate that
• 18:34
  Speaker 1: you could. And I'm not saying go out there and
• 18:36
  Speaker 1: be a martyr and cause yourself all this pain, but
• 18:38
  Speaker 1: I'm saying that when a painful situation does arise, meet
• 18:41
  Speaker 1: it and don't avoid it, because the avoidance of pain
• 18:47
  Speaker 1: causes suffering. The acceptance of pain causes growth. And what
• 18:53
  Speaker 1: I mean by that is that pain is pain. Pain
• 18:57
  Speaker 1: is something that you cannot control that comes into your
• 18:59
  Speaker 1: life or whatever reason, whether you've caused it, whether someone's
• 19:02
  Speaker 1: caused it, whether something completely out of your control has occurred,
• 19:05
  Speaker 1: like lost grief, A whole bunch of things can cause pain.
• 19:09
  Speaker 2: That's pain.
• 19:10
  Speaker 1: Okay, avoiding pain causes suffering. Suffering is a choice. Suffering
• 19:17
  Speaker 1: is intentional and an example of this. What I mean
• 19:20
  Speaker 1: by that, someone who avoids pain and then it causes
• 19:24
  Speaker 1: suffering is someone who says, Okay, I've been heartbroken, right,
• 19:28
  Speaker 1: I'm never gonna let my wall down again. I'm never
• 19:31
  Speaker 1: gonna trust anybody again, I'm never gonna let someone get
• 19:34
  Speaker 1: that close to me again. So they have their walls up,
• 19:36
  Speaker 1: they never have intimacy again, and then they suffer.
• 19:39
  Speaker 2: Everyone's out to get me, no one's there for me.
• 19:41
  Speaker 1: I'm always alone, I'm this and that, And then you
• 19:43
  Speaker 1: feel it's you against the world, and it's a very
• 19:46
  Speaker 1: You know, you suffer, You really suffer because you.
• 19:49
  Speaker 2: Don't have true human connection. You've like, you.
• 19:51
  Speaker 1: Know nobody, there's nobody out there to date. There's no
• 19:54
  Speaker 1: good connections out there. You know, it's it's fucked, the
• 19:57
  Speaker 1: dating world's fucked. And then you're living this self fulfilling prophecy.
• 20:00
  Speaker 2: That's suffering.
• 20:01
  Speaker 1: That's suffering because you are avoiding dealing with the pain.
• 20:06
  Speaker 1: Dealing with the pain is going through a heartbreak, allowing
• 20:10
  Speaker 1: yourself to feel the feelings of the heartbreak, allowing yourself
• 20:13
  Speaker 1: to acknowledge that you've been either abandoned, you've been hurt,
• 20:17
  Speaker 1: that maybe you yourself did something wrong and there's something
• 20:20
  Speaker 1: that needs to be learned from here.
• 20:21
  Speaker 2: Maybe you fucked up in the situation.
• 20:23
  Speaker 1: And lost someone you loved and need to learn from it,
• 20:26
  Speaker 1: need to acknowledge it, need to see where the lessons are,
• 20:29
  Speaker 1: and then you grow from it because you're like, oh, okay,
• 20:32
  Speaker 1: you know you heal. You give yourself time and space
• 20:35
  Speaker 1: to heal. So that's the difference. Pain is inevitable, Suffering
• 20:41
  Speaker 1: is a choice. But if you avoid the pain, you suffer, okay.
• 20:45
  Speaker 1: And this can be in a whole bunch of other
• 20:47
  Speaker 1: situations as well. For example, if you avoid the pain
• 20:50
  Speaker 1: of putting yourself out there and trying to do hard
• 20:52
  Speaker 1: things in the fear of failing, like I don't want
• 20:56
  Speaker 1: to try out for that job, or I don't want
• 20:58
  Speaker 1: to try out for that PhD, or I don't want
• 21:00
  Speaker 1: to try out for that because if I fail, it
• 21:02
  Speaker 1: would be so you know, it'll be such a blow,
• 21:06
  Speaker 1: or it'll be embarrassing, or it would be humiliating. So
• 21:09
  Speaker 1: then you're avoiding that pain quote unquote pain, and then
• 21:12
  Speaker 1: what happens you suffer you suffer because you live a
• 21:15
  Speaker 1: life thinking what if?
• 21:16
  Speaker 2: What if? What if? What if? What if?
• 21:17
  Speaker 1: Okay, so pain, you should never run away from. It
• 21:22
  Speaker 1: is your teacher. It is the greatest teacher you're ever
• 21:25
  Speaker 1: going to have. So embrace it. Don't go seeking it,
• 21:29
  Speaker 1: but embrace it when it.
• 21:31
  Speaker 2: Comes your way. Sadness is a part of life.
• 21:35
  Speaker 1: Life is all about light and dark contrast constantly and
• 21:43
  Speaker 1: even like, for example, missing somebody. When I miss somebody,
• 21:49
  Speaker 1: I look at it as a huge like it's a
• 21:53
  Speaker 1: It's a good teacher for me because when I when
• 21:56
  Speaker 1: I'm away from somebody, when I miss you know, relatives
• 21:59
  Speaker 1: or friends or whatever, I think, Wow, if I didn't
• 22:02
  Speaker 1: have this contrast of missing, I wouldn't realize how much
• 22:05
  Speaker 1: I really love and appreciate this person in my life.
• 22:08
  Speaker 2: That contrast is sometimes.
• 22:09
  Speaker 1: Really crucial to teach you the importance of certain things. Okay,
• 22:14
  Speaker 1: sometimes when you you know, have loss for you, a
• 22:18
  Speaker 1: breakup or whatever, you're able to be like, wow, I
• 22:20
  Speaker 1: was really capable of experiencing true love. That feeling is
• 22:23
  Speaker 1: available there for me. I might not have it right now,
• 22:27
  Speaker 1: but it just has taught me what's available in the
• 22:29
  Speaker 1: future for me. In other relationships that might blossom later
• 22:32
  Speaker 1: down the line, you know. So this contrast, I think
• 22:36
  Speaker 1: is really really important in life. I think, you know,
• 22:39
  Speaker 1: I wouldn't appreciate the things that I have in my
• 22:41
  Speaker 1: life now if it wasn't for the failures that I've
• 22:44
  Speaker 1: had in the past, because the failures have taught me.
• 22:48
  Speaker 1: I think personally too, it's helped me appreciate and really
• 22:52
  Speaker 1: relish when things.
• 22:53
  Speaker 2: Do go well for me.
• 22:55
  Speaker 1: So use the time of pain to be kind to yourself,
• 23:00
  Speaker 1: to be patient with yourself, and to learn as much
• 23:03
  Speaker 1: as you can about yourself.
• 23:04
  Speaker 2: Don't shy away from it.
• 23:05
  Speaker 1: The second last one, number four, you have to accept
• 23:11
  Speaker 1: being misunderstood. Trying to get people to understand you, understand
• 23:18
  Speaker 1: where you're coming from can be such a fucking cock
• 23:21
  Speaker 1: block to get to where you want to go. It
• 23:23
  Speaker 1: could be debilitating, it can restrict you. And I think
• 23:30
  Speaker 1: it's important to aim to be a good communicator and
• 23:33
  Speaker 1: to seek to understand. But not everyone else does that,
• 23:38
  Speaker 1: and not everyone agrees with that. So my aim always
• 23:41
  Speaker 1: is to try my best to communicate my point across
• 23:44
  Speaker 1: in the easiest way possible. But that doesn't mean that
• 23:49
  Speaker 1: I expect as a result of that to be understood.
• 23:53
  Speaker 1: I'm just going to do my part aiming to be
• 23:56
  Speaker 1: to be understood. But if I'm not understood, sure I've
• 24:00
  Speaker 1: done what I can. I'm at peace with that, Genuinely.
• 24:04
  Speaker 1: I used to not be, but I am now because
• 24:07
  Speaker 1: I understand that everyone perceives things differently. Everyone's gone through
• 24:10
  Speaker 1: a different fucking life journey to get to where they
• 24:13
  Speaker 1: are now. I can't presume that the person right next
• 24:16
  Speaker 1: to me, or even my partner, perceives things the way
• 24:19
  Speaker 1: I perceive them, because we've had a different upbringing with
• 24:21
  Speaker 1: different life experiences.
• 24:23
  Speaker 2: So you've got to look at it as you know.
• 24:26
  Speaker 1: The best I can do is to be as good
• 24:28
  Speaker 1: a communicator as possible, to be calm, to explain myself.
• 24:32
  Speaker 2: And not presume that people know where I'm coming from.
• 24:35
  Speaker 1: All these things help you become a good communicator, to
• 24:38
  Speaker 1: try and look at it from their perspective whenever possible,
• 24:40
  Speaker 1: if you have insight into their perspective, and also seek
• 24:44
  Speaker 1: to understand where the other person's coming from and ask
• 24:46
  Speaker 1: them questions, so that helps you communicate better. But once
• 24:50
  Speaker 1: you've done all of that, it is so normal and
• 24:53
  Speaker 1: so fine to be misunderstood. I'm not going to go
• 24:57
  Speaker 1: around and not explain myself and be a wanker and
• 25:00
  Speaker 1: we fuck everyone.
• 25:01
  Speaker 2: Everyone can get fucked. I'm gonna do whatever I want.
• 25:03
  Speaker 2: Fuck you all. That's not what I'm saying. So that's
• 25:07
  Speaker 2: what I why I said.
• 25:08
  Speaker 1: It's important to do your best to be a good communicator.
• 25:11
  Speaker 1: But once you've done what you can do, let go
• 25:15
  Speaker 1: of the need to be understood. If someone's not going
• 25:17
  Speaker 1: to seek to understand you, or if someone just doesn't
• 25:20
  Speaker 1: understand you, maybe they've tried but they still don't get it,
• 25:24
  Speaker 1: that is also okay.
• 25:25
  Speaker 2: That is okay.
• 25:27
  Speaker 1: They don't share the same brain and fucking brainstem and
• 25:33
  Speaker 1: all the above. And the problem with feeling that everyone
• 25:38
  Speaker 1: has to understand you is that a lot of the
• 25:40
  Speaker 1: time we use being understood as the certificate that we
• 25:46
  Speaker 1: need or the qualification that we need or the allowance
• 25:49
  Speaker 1: that we need in order to go ahead and do
• 25:51
  Speaker 1: that thing that we want to do. And if people
• 25:53
  Speaker 1: don't understand us, then we wait, then we hold back.
• 25:56
  Speaker 2: Oh but they don't really get it, don't I can't
• 25:58
  Speaker 2: really do this.
• 25:59
  Speaker 1: You know, I want to go and do this thing.
• 26:01
  Speaker 1: Oh but my family doesn't understand it. I don't want
• 26:03
  Speaker 1: to be part of this group anymore. Oh, but these
• 26:05
  Speaker 1: people don't understand it, So I just stay because I
• 26:07
  Speaker 1: don't want to be misunderstood. Who suffers you, who's in
• 26:13
  Speaker 1: pain you? Because you're putting so much weight on being
• 26:17
  Speaker 1: understood that at the end of the day, it controls you.
• 26:21
  Speaker 1: You're allowing these external things to control you. But ultimately
• 26:25
  Speaker 1: it's in your control because you could go and do
• 26:29
  Speaker 1: that thing while being misunderstood and the people will either
• 26:32
  Speaker 1: then understand you once you've done it, or just accept
• 26:35
  Speaker 1: it and still not understand it. The amount of things
• 26:37
  Speaker 1: that people around me do that I don't really truly understand,
• 26:40
  Speaker 1: but I just accept because it's none of my fucking
• 26:42
  Speaker 1: business is astounding, and we're all alive, We're all good,
• 26:46
  Speaker 1: We're fine. I'm not losing sleep at night because I
• 26:49
  Speaker 1: don't understand the motivations behind what a lot of people
• 26:53
  Speaker 1: that I know do.
• 26:54
  Speaker 2: It's fine. Sometimes people do things that I absolutely do
• 26:58
  Speaker 2: not understand, but it works for them. Isn't that what?
• 27:01
  Speaker 1: Ultimately what the aim is to live a leader life
• 27:04
  Speaker 1: that works for you, whether people understand it or not.
• 27:07
  Speaker 1: So remind yourself often I have to accept that I
• 27:11
  Speaker 1: will be misunderstood, and I will take that in my
• 27:14
  Speaker 1: stride and proceed with caution, but proceed okay.
• 27:21
  Speaker 2: And the last one, which I've spoken about many.
• 27:23
  Speaker 1: Times in my life and end in the podcast, actually
• 27:28
  Speaker 1: more so than in my life, is that nothing lasts.
• 27:34
  Speaker 1: Nothing lasts, nothing last. And that's a that's an important
• 27:41
  Speaker 1: thing to note, not the good, not the bad, and
• 27:45
  Speaker 1: even And I'm not saying.
• 27:46
  Speaker 2: The good's gonna end. You're fucked now, You're all fucked.
• 27:49
  Speaker 1: I'm saying that these good moments are short lived. There
• 27:55
  Speaker 1: will be other good moments and more and more and
• 27:57
  Speaker 1: more good moments. Hopefully you have an infinite string of
• 27:59
  Speaker 1: good mons. But this moment here will end. This time
• 28:04
  Speaker 1: with your friends as it is right now will end.
• 28:08
  Speaker 2: Some of them are going to move away.
• 28:09
  Speaker 1: Some of them, you'll see way less if they have
• 28:11
  Speaker 1: children and a family, and you know, some of them
• 28:13
  Speaker 1: will get a different career. Some of them might get
• 28:16
  Speaker 1: into a relationship where they put all their you know,
• 28:20
  Speaker 1: time and energy into that and see you way less.
• 28:23
  Speaker 1: There's you know, people might grow out of this friendship,
• 28:26
  Speaker 1: but where you are right now, that's really special and unique.
• 28:29
  Speaker 1: Or sometimes it'll evolve for the better in a different way,
• 28:33
  Speaker 1: Like I look at the different evolutions that my friendship
• 28:35
  Speaker 1: has had with my Red Bull goals, and every single
• 28:39
  Speaker 1: one of them I've loved, but they've all been different.
• 28:42
  Speaker 1: And I look back at when we all worked at
• 28:43
  Speaker 1: Red Bull, very different to where we are now, and
• 28:46
  Speaker 1: it was so beautiful and it doesn't take away from
• 28:49
  Speaker 1: how beautiful.
• 28:49
  Speaker 2: The dynamic is now. But we'll never get what we
• 28:51
  Speaker 2: had back then.
• 28:52
  Speaker 1: Ever, again, that was this time in history that will
• 28:58
  Speaker 1: never be relived based on where we were, based on
• 29:00
  Speaker 1: who we were, based on the fact that.
• 29:01
  Speaker 2: We were all, you know, young at Uni, care free study.
• 29:04
  Speaker 1: You know, you've got to look at your life like that.
• 29:07
  Speaker 1: Nothing fucking lasts. Don't take things for granted. Don't think, oh,
• 29:12
  Speaker 1: this is just this is it, so it's all good.
• 29:14
  Speaker 1: I don't have to care about it. I look at
• 29:16
  Speaker 1: my relationship with Tyrone, and while I aim for us
• 29:20
  Speaker 1: to be together forever, which again you can't control, I
• 29:24
  Speaker 1: also am aware that our relationship will have many, many,
• 29:27
  Speaker 1: many evolutions. So how we are right now that's not
• 29:31
  Speaker 1: going to be the same forever. So I want to
• 29:33
  Speaker 1: really relish it where we live right now. I want
• 29:35
  Speaker 1: to relish it the time we have with our dog
• 29:37
  Speaker 1: while he's young. I want to relish it. You know,
• 29:40
  Speaker 1: always be aware that nothing lasts. And then when it's bad,
• 29:44
  Speaker 1: remind yourself that nothing lasts. It's sometimes it's it's so debilitating,
• 29:50
  Speaker 1: and it holds you back so much, and it shrinks
• 29:53
  Speaker 1: your awareness and your universe so much. When something bad
• 29:56
  Speaker 1: has happened to you and it takes over your whole life,
• 29:59
  Speaker 1: But always remind yourself every bad thing that has happened
• 30:02
  Speaker 1: to me, the intensity of that thing has not lasted.
• 30:06
  Speaker 1: It's either gone away completely or I've grown and learnt
• 30:10
  Speaker 1: to live with it in a way that no longer
• 30:12
  Speaker 1: consumes my every living thought.
• 30:14
  Speaker 2: Okay, so you.
• 30:16
  Speaker 1: Always remind yourself of that, with the good and with
• 30:20
  Speaker 1: the bad. And the more you can accept that nothing last,
• 30:23
  Speaker 1: it makes you be much better at appreciating the good
• 30:26
  Speaker 1: moments in your life, at milking the good moments in
• 30:28
  Speaker 1: your life, and it makes you be a lot more
• 30:31
  Speaker 1: accepting and patient with the bad.
• 30:34
  Speaker 2: Moments in your life.
• 30:36
  Speaker 1: You know, when those bad moments happen, oh, sometimes it's
• 30:40
  Speaker 1: all consuming and then you can't appreciate or enjoy anything
• 30:44
  Speaker 1: good that's going on in your life.
• 30:46
  Speaker 2: So remind yourself. This will end. I don't know when.
• 30:49
  Speaker 1: I don't need to know when, but I have to
• 30:51
  Speaker 1: remind myself that in every example of pain in my life,
• 30:56
  Speaker 1: it's come to an end as far as how intense
• 30:58
  Speaker 1: that pain was, or it's completely gone away and I've
• 31:01
  Speaker 1: gotten something better. Okay, so let's go over those five
• 31:05
  Speaker 1: things again. Five things to accept, really accept, not begrudgingly,
• 31:11
  Speaker 1: just fucking take on and be like this is fucking bullshit,
• 31:13
  Speaker 1: but Alexis has made me do it. No, genuinely accept
• 31:17
  Speaker 1: Welcome into your life.
• 31:18
  Speaker 2: Number one.
• 31:19
  Speaker 1: Freedom comes from only ever controlling your actions, not trying
• 31:24
  Speaker 1: to control others. Trying to change someone will never work.
• 31:28
  Speaker 1: Number two, pain is your teacher, and without it, you
• 31:33
  Speaker 1: may never learn the most important parts about yourself, and
• 31:36
  Speaker 1: you may never learn the lessons that will you know,
• 31:40
  Speaker 1: bring on your personal evolution. Number three, you are mortal,
• 31:45
  Speaker 1: so don't sweat the small things and pay attention to
• 31:49
  Speaker 1: what can be appreciated and enjoyed today. Number four, accept
• 31:54
  Speaker 1: being misunderstood, you know, because that can cock block you
• 31:59
  Speaker 1: from doing the.
• 31:59
  Speaker 2: Thing that you want to do in your life.
• 32:01
  Speaker 1: And number five, remind yourself that with the good and
• 32:05
  Speaker 1: with the bad, nothing lasts. Okay, So use this as
• 32:10
  Speaker 1: a driver, as a driving force in your life.
• 32:16
  Speaker 2: That is it.
• 32:17
  Speaker 1: Those are the five points for the podcast for you
• 32:22
  Speaker 1: this week. And I want you to write this down.
• 32:26
  Speaker 1: I want you to remind yourself of this, maybe for
• 32:28
  Speaker 1: the next seven days. Make this the first thing you
• 32:32
  Speaker 1: remind yourself of every day for the next seven days.
• 32:34
  Speaker 1: Put it down on a piece of paper and put
• 32:36
  Speaker 1: it on your bedside table when you start the day.
• 32:40
  Speaker 1: When you wake up, the slate is clean. You've just
• 32:43
  Speaker 1: woken up, your awareness is clean. Read these five things
• 32:47
  Speaker 1: out to yourself and see if you can carry those
• 32:50
  Speaker 1: lessons with you for the day. And see if it
• 32:53
  Speaker 1: influences your behavior, See if it influences how you make decisions,
• 32:57
  Speaker 1: and see if it influences how you interact with the
• 33:00
  Speaker 1: who you love and also those people that you can't
• 33:02
  Speaker 1: fucking tolerate either. Because I think that when we prime
• 33:08
  Speaker 1: ourselves and we prep our awareness with certain questions, with
• 33:11
  Speaker 1: certain statements, it genuinely can positively influence how you then
• 33:15
  Speaker 1: behave and you will behave according to the primary thoughts
• 33:19
  Speaker 1: that are in your awareness and in your subconscious. So
• 33:22
  Speaker 1: it's important to go over these things or things that
• 33:25
  Speaker 1: resonate with you.
• 33:26
  Speaker 2: Maybe it's just two of them that really stood out
• 33:29
  Speaker 2: to you.
• 33:30
  Speaker 1: Go over it often and off and often all the time,
• 33:32
  Speaker 1: so then it becomes this, you know, like a constant
• 33:37
  Speaker 1: within your subconscious mind and in your conscious awareness as well. Guys,
• 33:42
  Speaker 1: thank you so much for listening to today's podcast episode.
• 33:45
  Speaker 1: Love you guys so much, Love all my global beans
• 33:48
  Speaker 1: around the world.
• 33:50
  Speaker 2: Please, if you have time.
• 33:53
  Speaker 1: Give a five star rating review it. Every time you
• 33:58
  Speaker 1: guys rate and review and share the podcast, it helps
• 34:02
  Speaker 1: reach more audiences, which is the overall aim of what
• 34:06
  Speaker 1: I do, to reach as many people as possible and
• 34:08
  Speaker 1: to help people change their relationship with themselves and with
• 34:11
  Speaker 1: their brains.
• 34:12
  Speaker 2: Guys, thank you so much.
• 34:13
  Speaker 1: As always, remember be kind to yourself, be kind to
• 34:15
  Speaker 1: your brain, don't take shit from anyone, and especially don't
• 34:18
  Speaker 1: take shit from yourself. Duncan