Latest / Two Doting Dads with Matty J & Ash / #100 Lightning Crotch, Health Anxiety And Perinatal Depression: Tara Pavlovic

Transcript

#100 Lightning Crotch, Health Anxiety And Perinatal Depression: Tara Pavlovic · Two Doting Dads with Matty J & Ash

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: Matt Ashton. Our next guess is someone that you are familiar.
• 0:03
  Speaker 2: With, good friend of mine.
• 0:05
  Speaker 1: Do you recall the first time you met Tara?
• 0:07
  Speaker 2: Yes, it was a long time ago. Going back, I
• 0:11
  Speaker 2: can't remember if it was seven maybe it was eight years,
• 0:13
  Speaker 2: I think actually, I think it is eight years this
• 0:16
  Speaker 2: year that I was standing at the end of a
• 0:18
  Speaker 2: red carpet on a TV show called The Bachelor as
• 0:21
  Speaker 2: Tara Pavlovich walked towards me and I thought, I can't
• 0:26
  Speaker 2: wait to start a podcast and have her back on.
• 0:29
  Speaker 1: She did go home crying that day, but anyway, we
• 0:31
  Speaker 1: have her here and I do want to ask her
• 0:35
  Speaker 1: about this little thing called lightning crotch.
• 0:38
  Speaker 2: Lightning crotch. I mean, some people may know what it is.
• 0:42
  Speaker 2: We have no idea, but she has a very interesting
• 0:46
  Speaker 2: parenting journey that takes a lot of twists and turns,
• 0:49
  Speaker 2: including the lightning crotch.
• 0:51
  Speaker 1: Broncolitis.
• 0:51
  Speaker 2: Bron Coliitis sounds like a dinosaur. It sounds like we
• 0:54
  Speaker 2: made that up, but it's a lot more serious than that.
• 0:56
  Speaker 1: We also talk about a mental health, Matthew, because we
• 0:59
  Speaker 1: all know how heart of the to be a new parent.
• 1:01
  Speaker 2: Yeah, how she's overcome those struggles and what role drumming
• 1:04
  Speaker 2: has had and helping her through her struggles.
• 1:06
  Speaker 1: Yes, she tears up the drum kid.
• 1:24
  Speaker 2: Welcome back to two doting dads and one doting mum.
• 1:28
  Speaker 1: I'm Maddie Jay, I'm Ash and.
• 1:30
  Speaker 3: I am Tara Pavlovic Shepherdson. Oh. I don't know how
• 1:33
  Speaker 3: else he introduced myself except my name.
• 1:37
  Speaker 2: This is a podcast all about parenting. It is the good,
• 1:40
  Speaker 2: it is the bad and the relatable. And today all
• 1:43
  Speaker 2: the advice will be given from none other than Tara.
• 1:47
  Speaker 1: No pressure anything.
• 1:49
  Speaker 3: Oh God, good luck with my advice.
• 1:52
  Speaker 2: We'll take it.
• 1:53
  Speaker 1: We'll take it.
• 1:53
  Speaker 2: How was the morning scheduled today, Tars? How are the
• 1:56
  Speaker 2: kids heading off to daycare?
• 1:57
  Speaker 3: Daycare? Drop off was pretty crap today. Edie Ray cried
• 2:01
  Speaker 3: she's been off all last week and then taking her
• 2:03
  Speaker 3: back today was just so sad.
• 2:06
  Speaker 1: It breaks me when they do have a long stint
• 2:08
  Speaker 1: off there kind of like, this is my new life.
• 2:10
  Speaker 1: I don't go to Kindy anymore.
• 2:12
  Speaker 3: Yeah, And I'm like, no, this is not your new life.
• 2:14
  Speaker 3: You go to Kindy. I'm like, go, she has the
• 2:16
  Speaker 3: best time. I don't know why she'd want to be
• 2:18
  Speaker 3: here with me, like they do so much stuff there,
• 2:20
  Speaker 3: like just go and have a good time, don't cry please.
• 2:23
  Speaker 2: Normally, with our guess we like to go back to
• 2:27
  Speaker 2: the early days of your life and we can only
• 2:30
  Speaker 2: assume that a young Tara was someone who was very
• 2:34
  Speaker 2: well behaved, very disciplined, just a pleasant young lady to
• 2:39
  Speaker 2: be around. Would that be correct?
• 2:42
  Speaker 3: Yeah? Basically already, Yeah, absolutely correct. You know what? That
• 2:48
  Speaker 3: was correct up until maybe like maybe year nine, and
• 2:52
  Speaker 3: then it just turned and everything went south. From their teenage,
• 2:55
  Speaker 3: Tara was pretty loose, like pretty loose. Ended up moving
• 3:00
  Speaker 3: to Sydney with my dad, who had an apartment in Pimont,
• 3:03
  Speaker 3: So King's Cross became like my second home and it
• 3:06
  Speaker 3: was like every weekend it was just the best time ever.
• 3:10
  Speaker 3: Really loved a party, like really loved a party.
• 3:13
  Speaker 1: Do you know what.
• 3:13
  Speaker 2: I think it's a good thing when you get it
• 3:16
  Speaker 2: out of your system at an early age. I think
• 3:18
  Speaker 2: it's those people that never got to experience it. They
• 3:21
  Speaker 2: get to like their twenties after like school, and that's
• 3:24
  Speaker 2: where they go a little bit crazy. So the earlier,
• 3:28
  Speaker 2: I think, the better.
• 3:29
  Speaker 1: Unless you never come out of it.
• 3:33
  Speaker 3: We know some people who are stuck in it. I'm like, nah,
• 3:35
  Speaker 3: you got to get out of that. It's it's not
• 3:37
  Speaker 3: suiting you when you like forty plus. Yeah, I think
• 3:40
  Speaker 3: it was good to get it out of the system.
• 3:42
  Speaker 3: Definitely past the stage I was at prior to having kids,
• 3:47
  Speaker 3: Like how do you even survive? I would die?
• 3:49
  Speaker 1: Yeah, hungover with a couple of kids. It's not fun.
• 3:50
  Speaker 3: Oh shoot me in the face, honestly. Yeah.
• 3:55
  Speaker 2: So when do you reckon that phase of your life
• 3:58
  Speaker 2: when you're living in Pymont and King's Cross was your playground.
• 4:01
  Speaker 2: When did you start to come out of that? Do
• 4:03
  Speaker 2: you think?
• 4:03
  Speaker 3: I think when I went on Bachelor Actually, so when
• 4:06
  Speaker 3: was that twenty seventeen. I didn't even have a house
• 4:10
  Speaker 3: at that point, because I packed up my Sydney house
• 4:12
  Speaker 3: and moved here. And I feel like that started the
• 4:14
  Speaker 3: wildness again because it was like Gold Coast party fun.
• 4:18
  Speaker 3: You know, it was like pavilion, like bar holfing around Burley,
• 4:22
  Speaker 3: like just living the lives, eating out every weekend and
• 4:27
  Speaker 3: then you know that lunch would turn into a party.
• 4:30
  Speaker 3: And it wasn't until I had kids that I really
• 4:33
  Speaker 3: settled down. I reckon well obviously, pregnancy. Pregnancy made me
• 4:38
  Speaker 3: settle down, I hope. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, definitely.
• 4:43
  Speaker 2: Did you always want to have kids? Was that something
• 4:45
  Speaker 2: in the back of your mind then? Yeah.
• 4:46
  Speaker 3: I always worked in childcare and as a nanny, so
• 4:49
  Speaker 3: I was always with kids and always looking after kids,
• 4:52
  Speaker 3: and I always knew it was something that I really
• 4:54
  Speaker 3: wanted to do. I'm like, I nail this, Like how
• 4:57
  Speaker 3: good am I? I'd be the best mum. Then I
• 4:59
  Speaker 3: became and I was like, what the fuck, I'm not
• 5:02
  Speaker 3: that good.
• 5:04
  Speaker 1: It's very different when they're yours.
• 5:05
  Speaker 3: Yeah, it's very different when you get like a full
• 5:07
  Speaker 3: night sleep and like a weekend to yourself and like
• 5:10
  Speaker 3: downtime and you don't have to like make your own decisions.
• 5:13
  Speaker 3: I always think about that with my kids. People like okay,
• 5:16
  Speaker 3: Like if I get a babysat, They're like, okay, well,
• 5:17
  Speaker 3: what about what do we do with her day nap?
• 5:20
  Speaker 3: And I'm like, I don't know. Can someone just tell
• 5:22
  Speaker 3: me please? Because someone used to tell me. Now I
• 5:25
  Speaker 3: have to make the decisions and I don't know what
• 5:27
  Speaker 3: to do.
• 5:28
  Speaker 2: Being a nanny or working in childcare, like it could
• 5:32
  Speaker 2: be a double edged sword. On the one hand, you
• 5:33
  Speaker 2: could be like, oh my god, kids are amazing, but
• 5:35
  Speaker 2: then at the same time, you can get a taste
• 5:38
  Speaker 2: of just how absolutely fucking awful children can be, cause
• 5:41
  Speaker 2: you don't have that, like that loving connection like you
• 5:44
  Speaker 2: do with your own kids.
• 5:45
  Speaker 3: Yeah. See, I found the parents a little bit harder
• 5:50
  Speaker 3: to deal with than the kids. The parents were usually
• 5:53
  Speaker 3: the issue. There were just some like absolute lunatics and
• 5:56
  Speaker 3: you're just like, oh my god, So you kind of
• 5:58
  Speaker 3: get why the kids are a little bit unhinged. But
• 6:00
  Speaker 3: the kids never scared me too much because I feel
• 6:04
  Speaker 3: like they still have such an innocence about them, and
• 6:06
  Speaker 3: like there are some naughty ones. Yeah, but you kind
• 6:09
  Speaker 3: of always put it back down to their parents because generally,
• 6:15
  Speaker 3: you know, something's just a little bit off in their
• 6:17
  Speaker 3: life and they're just playing up and you kind of
• 6:20
  Speaker 3: feel so for them a little bit. So you never
• 6:21
  Speaker 3: think you never think your kid's going to be that kid. Like,
• 6:25
  Speaker 3: before you have.
• 6:25
  Speaker 2: Kids, what makes a bad parent? Because sometimes we have
• 6:29
  Speaker 2: a nanny and I'm like the back of my mind,
• 6:31
  Speaker 2: I'm thinking I don't want to be one of those
• 6:32
  Speaker 2: nightmare parents. Like do you prefer parents who are like, Okay,
• 6:36
  Speaker 2: this is a schedule for every half an hour of
• 6:39
  Speaker 2: the evening to follow, or do you prefer when someone
• 6:43
  Speaker 2: just says, hey, look, there's the kids, there's the fridge.
• 6:45
  Speaker 1: Just throws you the keys of the car.
• 6:47
  Speaker 2: Yeah, and I'll see you in a couple hours.
• 6:49
  Speaker 3: I think there were like, yeah, definitely parents that were
• 6:51
  Speaker 3: so controlling. You put them in childcare and you expect
• 6:54
  Speaker 3: the childcare workers to do exactly what you do, or
• 6:56
  Speaker 3: you get a nanny in and you expect the nanny
• 6:58
  Speaker 3: to be exactly how you would be, and it's like,
• 7:00
  Speaker 3: that's not how it works, as we're not you, So like,
• 7:03
  Speaker 3: just look after them yourselves. If you're that controlling, that
• 7:06
  Speaker 3: was definitely definitely a thing. And then there were some
• 7:08
  Speaker 3: parents who would just like yell and scream, like yell
• 7:13
  Speaker 3: and scream, and then the minute you would, I don't know,
• 7:15
  Speaker 3: do something they didn't like. They they just have a
• 7:19
  Speaker 3: goal at you and be like, the kids don't like you.
• 7:22
  Speaker 3: The kids don't like you, but I'm like, you're yelling
• 7:25
  Speaker 3: and screaming, you know what I mean. They will kind
• 7:27
  Speaker 3: of just attack you because you're in their house, and
• 7:29
  Speaker 3: I think they feel like they feel I don't know,
• 7:34
  Speaker 3: I feel like some parents felt feel a bit threatened
• 7:37
  Speaker 3: almost when when there's someone there playing with their kids
• 7:40
  Speaker 3: and that their kids like and they're not there and
• 7:43
  Speaker 3: it can bring out the worst in them.
• 7:45
  Speaker 2: I've found a Tar's one bit of I don't know
• 7:48
  Speaker 2: if it's like the official medical term, but Ash and
• 7:51
  Speaker 2: I were doing some reading and we're a little bit
• 7:55
  Speaker 2: stumped by something that we read about you, God, And
• 7:58
  Speaker 2: it's not the fact that you have three nipples. Apparently
• 8:01
  Speaker 2: you had lightning crutch.
• 8:03
  Speaker 1: What is that?
• 8:04
  Speaker 3: Oh yeah, it's like when you're pregnant and you just
• 8:07
  Speaker 3: get this like jolt up your vagina, like I'm pretty
• 8:11
  Speaker 3: sure Laura had it. Hey, this jolt and it like
• 8:14
  Speaker 3: shoots this. It feels like lightning going up your vagina, like.
• 8:19
  Speaker 1: I've never heard of it. Really didn't that how you
• 8:21
  Speaker 1: get pregnant.
• 8:23
  Speaker 3: You guys are so lucky that you don't have to
• 8:25
  Speaker 3: go through pregnancy. I swear to God, those eighteen months
• 8:29
  Speaker 3: worst worst eighteen months ever. Like grateful, so grateful. But
• 8:33
  Speaker 3: the shit you go through is wild.
• 8:37
  Speaker 1: So what causes lightning crutch?
• 8:38
  Speaker 3: I don't know. I don't know. I actually don't know.
• 8:42
  Speaker 3: You have to get a doctor on to explain.
• 8:45
  Speaker 1: It now, because I'll give us like the boring version
• 8:48
  Speaker 1: I want, we want the Tara version.
• 8:50
  Speaker 3: It's something to do with maybe like your pelvis opening
• 8:54
  Speaker 3: squish nerve. I don't think it's a nerve thing. I
• 8:57
  Speaker 3: think it's to do with like the baby getting its
• 8:59
  Speaker 3: head right down ready to.
• 9:01
  Speaker 1: You know, Like, so there's lightning, crutch? Is there thundercruch?
• 9:09
  Speaker 3: Just thunder ass? No, no, thunder crutch.
• 9:18
  Speaker 2: Don't make a laugh.
• 9:20
  Speaker 3: Sorry about my cough. I've got whatever the kids have?
• 9:23
  Speaker 2: You just been smashing sicki's before the record.
• 9:25
  Speaker 3: Yeah, I had a whole pack of dorries.
• 9:28
  Speaker 1: Winny Reds.
• 9:30
  Speaker 3: Do you find people who smoke dorries now? So weird?
• 9:33
  Speaker 3: Like I'm like, who the fuck smokes dorries? Like is
• 9:36
  Speaker 3: that even still a thing?
• 9:38
  Speaker 1: It's so strange. Do you know what? They're not even
• 9:42
  Speaker 1: smoking sections anymore, they're just vake section.
• 9:44
  Speaker 3: Yeah, it's so weird. I saw someone like I pulled
• 9:47
  Speaker 3: up next to someone in this piece of a car
• 9:50
  Speaker 3: and they had a v and were smoking a dorry
• 9:52
  Speaker 3: and it was like eight in the morning, and I
• 9:53
  Speaker 3: was like.
• 9:54
  Speaker 1: That is rash.
• 9:57
  Speaker 3: That is It wasn't.
• 10:01
  Speaker 1: That's a very that's a very gold coasting an energy
• 10:05
  Speaker 1: drink and a CIGGI. That's a classic.
• 10:09
  Speaker 3: Yeah it is. It's actually very it's very Central Coast
• 10:12
  Speaker 3: where I went to school too. I feel like Gold
• 10:14
  Speaker 3: Coasts and Central Coasts are very intowined.
• 10:17
  Speaker 1: It's very similar.
• 10:18
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 10:18
  Speaker 2: Well, we have the opening ceremony in Brisbane for the Olympics.
• 10:21
  Speaker 2: There needs to be a part in the parade where
• 10:24
  Speaker 2: people just come out with speed with this cigy.
• 10:29
  Speaker 3: Yes. Oh my god. I was in the opening ceremony
• 10:32
  Speaker 3: when I was ten at the Sydney Olympics, doing a
• 10:34
  Speaker 3: dance yeah, with Nicky web So. I don't know how
• 10:37
  Speaker 3: I got in because I was the worst dancer, but
• 10:39
  Speaker 3: they must have just been short on kids, so I
• 10:41
  Speaker 3: got the part. She like dropped in and flew around.
• 10:44
  Speaker 3: I'm like, I wonder if Patty will make it into
• 10:45
  Speaker 3: the Brisbane ones and we can carry on the tradition
• 10:48
  Speaker 3: in the family, then maybe his kid'll be the whatever one.
• 10:53
  Speaker 2: Gold Coast is. Paddy. He's the golfer, isn't.
• 10:56
  Speaker 3: He He's the golfer. Yeah, he's kind of. He's got
• 11:00
  Speaker 3: as interested in that career. Now he's three and a half.
• 11:03
  Speaker 2: Well, hang on a second, hang on a seconds.
• 11:06
  Speaker 1: Three and a half.
• 11:06
  Speaker 2: I don't know. You should have seen it was like
• 11:09
  Speaker 2: Tari did a video and it went pretty viral, didn't it.
• 11:12
  Speaker 2: He was just playing with his little plastic kind of
• 11:15
  Speaker 2: golf set in the backyard, and he was amazing.
• 11:18
  Speaker 1: I have to see this video because I was like,
• 11:20
  Speaker 1: you're just saying he's a golfriend. Is he like three?
• 11:22
  Speaker 3: He's three? He was just so like every day he
• 11:26
  Speaker 3: would just go out and try and hit his balls
• 11:28
  Speaker 3: in the yard and I'm like, oh my god, he
• 11:29
  Speaker 3: can actually do it so well. He can still do
• 11:32
  Speaker 3: it so well, but now he's got like a bit
• 11:34
  Speaker 3: more testosterone, so he might he almost is too strong
• 11:38
  Speaker 3: for it and tries to swing so hard that the
• 11:41
  Speaker 3: club just goes it's smashed the window, And I was like, nah,
• 11:44
  Speaker 3: from then, nah, nah, no more of that.
• 11:47
  Speaker 2: But also, Tara golfers, what's that's a cash cow?
• 11:51
  Speaker 3: I know, I know it's my only chance at ever
• 11:54
  Speaker 3: like making it in his life, but please just keep it? Yeah,
• 12:00
  Speaker 3: do it? Please, Paddy? Imagine just traveling. I just want
• 12:03
  Speaker 3: to like sip on my wine while I watch him,
• 12:06
  Speaker 3: Like in the America Tours, you know on the sideline,
• 12:10
  Speaker 3: my son.
• 12:11
  Speaker 2: Are you're going to say? Sip on my v boy?
• 12:18
  Speaker 3: There was some loose golfer that would smoke singers John Daily.
• 12:25
  Speaker 2: That could be Patty Daily for anyone, because we get
• 12:29
  Speaker 2: a lot of a lot of people who were just
• 12:32
  Speaker 2: about to have kids. They're embarking on their pregnancy journey.
• 12:35
  Speaker 2: If they're thinking, holy ship, if I get lightning crotch,
• 12:39
  Speaker 2: what do I do? How did you deal with your
• 12:41
  Speaker 2: lightning crotch?
• 12:42
  Speaker 3: It goes away instantly, It just goes and you just
• 12:45
  Speaker 3: kind of hold your vagina and you're like ah, and
• 12:49
  Speaker 3: then it just goes There's there's nothing you can do
• 12:52
  Speaker 3: about it. Just let it out screen.
• 12:54
  Speaker 1: That's the treatment. Just hold your vagina again, just hold you.
• 13:00
  Speaker 3: Tell your husband, go, I've got lighting I need to
• 13:03
  Speaker 3: sit down. I just need to sit down for a minute.
• 13:05
  Speaker 1: So, Patty is your eldest. Did you have lightning crutch
• 13:08
  Speaker 1: during that pregnancy or both pregnancy?
• 13:10
  Speaker 3: I feel like it was worse with Edie Ray. I
• 13:12
  Speaker 3: had so many more physical issues with Edie Ray, who
• 13:17
  Speaker 3: was my second child and my final. But yeah, so
• 13:21
  Speaker 3: it was both pregnancies were pretty shit, But I think Patty's.
• 13:24
  Speaker 3: Edie Ray's physically was worse. My mental health with her
• 13:28
  Speaker 3: was like worse too. Everything. I think, like the fact
• 13:32
  Speaker 3: that I already had a toddler Patty was only sixteen
• 13:35
  Speaker 3: months when Edie was born, so it was like very
• 13:39
  Speaker 3: close gap and there was just no downtime at all,
• 13:43
  Speaker 3: obviously dealing with a toddler and being pregnant. So also
• 13:46
  Speaker 3: you're stripped from like all your nutrients. So I reckon
• 13:48
  Speaker 3: I was lacking in so many like vitamins and stuff
• 13:51
  Speaker 3: that I needed when I fell pregnant with Edie Ray,
• 13:53
  Speaker 3: So I was just completely depleted and my whole world
• 13:56
  Speaker 3: turned to absolute shit. Pretty much during that pregnancy.
• 14:00
  Speaker 2: We often joke about the fact that like parenting's so
• 14:04
  Speaker 2: fucking hard and it's an absolute nightmare and it's a
• 14:06
  Speaker 2: rollercoaster that is like being stuck upside down and you
• 14:09
  Speaker 2: can't get off. But yeah, even though we joke about it,
• 14:14
  Speaker 2: but for you, when did you go, Hey, this isn't
• 14:17
  Speaker 2: something I can just laugh off, and this is something
• 14:20
  Speaker 2: that like I really need some help with.
• 14:22
  Speaker 3: Yeah, there was a point I had. I was really
• 14:27
  Speaker 3: bad for a while. Then Nick and I were like
• 14:29
  Speaker 3: so close to like splitting up because we just weren't
• 14:32
  Speaker 3: getting along and I was blaming him for like everything
• 14:36
  Speaker 3: like everything that I was feeling. Pretty much, there was
• 14:39
  Speaker 3: a point I was driving along and like I couldn't
• 14:42
  Speaker 3: escape my mind. I was there was so many voices.
• 14:45
  Speaker 3: I didn't know what was my reality anymore. I didn't
• 14:47
  Speaker 3: know what was real anymore. And the anxiety was like
• 14:51
  Speaker 3: it was it's like it was like all of like
• 14:54
  Speaker 3: imagine like books of information being thrown at you and
• 14:57
  Speaker 3: just your thoughts, your thoughts, your thoughts, and I just
• 15:00
  Speaker 3: couldn't escape my head. And there was this one time
• 15:03
  Speaker 3: I was like driving along and I saw this truck
• 15:05
  Speaker 3: and I was like, Oh, how good would it be
• 15:07
  Speaker 3: if that truck could just knock me off the road
• 15:10
  Speaker 3: get me into a coma. I could go in a
• 15:12
  Speaker 3: hospital and like just be in a coma for like
• 15:14
  Speaker 3: weeks and just not think about anything. And I was like, rest, yeah,
• 15:19
  Speaker 3: and just like not die, but like come awake and
• 15:21
  Speaker 3: everything will be okay, you know, like everything will be fine.
• 15:24
  Speaker 3: And I was like in my head, I'm like that's
• 15:26
  Speaker 3: not okay. Like I've got my kid in the car,
• 15:28
  Speaker 3: like I can't think like this. And then Nick and
• 15:31
  Speaker 3: I had this really big fight. The family heard about it,
• 15:35
  Speaker 3: and then the next day I had like pretty much
• 15:38
  Speaker 3: like an intervention, and everyone came in to see me
• 15:41
  Speaker 3: at the house and they were like, you need help,
• 15:43
  Speaker 3: You need help, And I was like, yeah, I need help.
• 15:45
  Speaker 3: And I went to the doctor and I explained what
• 15:48
  Speaker 3: was going on. She's like, you've got like perinatal anxiety
• 15:51
  Speaker 3: and depression.
• 15:52
  Speaker 2: Did you even know what that was?
• 15:53
  Speaker 3: You only really hear about postnatal, post natal post natal.
• 15:56
  Speaker 3: So I'm like, I was adamant that it wasn't that
• 16:00
  Speaker 3: I was an issue here and that it was life
• 16:03
  Speaker 3: around me that was causing me all of this, like
• 16:05
  Speaker 3: that it wasn't me. I ended up getting on any depressants,
• 16:08
  Speaker 3: which I reckon absolutely saved like saved me, because they
• 16:14
  Speaker 3: gave me the opposite. They absolutely numbed me to the
• 16:17
  Speaker 3: point where like nothing bothered me. And that's exactly what
• 16:20
  Speaker 3: I needed, because I was feeling like everything was like
• 16:24
  Speaker 3: ten times worse than what it should be, like every
• 16:27
  Speaker 3: like imagine like me seeing a cup not putting the
• 16:30
  Speaker 3: dish washer. I was like, fuck you, Like, are you
• 16:33
  Speaker 3: fucking serious, I'm pregnant. The one thing you can do
• 16:37
  Speaker 3: so the fucking come in the dishwasher, you know, I'm like,
• 16:39
  Speaker 3: you're a dickhead. And then in hindsight, I'm like, nothing
• 16:42
  Speaker 3: was actually that bad. He definitely could have been better.
• 16:45
  Speaker 3: There was definitely like, there was definitely sometimes there where
• 16:50
  Speaker 3: I was like, because he is not one to know
• 16:55
  Speaker 3: his own emotions, so me being emotional scared him off,
• 16:58
  Speaker 3: so he didn't know how to deal with me with
• 17:01
  Speaker 3: how I was like, it wasn't something that he For
• 17:05
  Speaker 3: someone who doesn't even deal with his own emotions, how
• 17:07
  Speaker 3: is he going to deal with his wife's do you
• 17:09
  Speaker 3: know what I mean? So I scared him off, and
• 17:10
  Speaker 3: my emotions also like pissed him off. Like he's an
• 17:15
  Speaker 3: avoidant attachment. I'm an insecure attachment. So it was just
• 17:20
  Speaker 3: like clashing. But once I didn't feel as much, we
• 17:25
  Speaker 3: started sorting our stuff out. We went to couples counseling
• 17:28
  Speaker 3: and we really worked through it, and he learned a
• 17:31
  Speaker 3: little bit more about where we were going wrong and
• 17:35
  Speaker 3: how and ways that we could support each other because
• 17:38
  Speaker 3: we couldn't support each other at all. And I was
• 17:41
  Speaker 3: actually able to do that with the psychologists and I
• 17:45
  Speaker 3: was able to have those conversations while on the antidepressants.
• 17:48
  Speaker 3: Then after Edie Ray was born, I thought I was
• 17:52
  Speaker 3: okay enough to come off, and I came off and
• 17:54
  Speaker 3: I did all of this work, like insane work with
• 17:57
  Speaker 3: my psychologists like weekly appointment, and from there I did
• 18:01
  Speaker 3: a lot of trauma therapy, like childhood trauma therapy, where
• 18:05
  Speaker 3: it's called timeline therapy. It's where I where you go
• 18:08
  Speaker 3: through your timeline and pretty much every trigger you have
• 18:11
  Speaker 3: is something that you've learned from like when you're a
• 18:14
  Speaker 3: child or through life. So there were things that I
• 18:18
  Speaker 3: kind of had learned that were making my life really hard.
• 18:22
  Speaker 2: So was it things that happened when you were a
• 18:23
  Speaker 2: child that trauma that wasn't dealt with, that was bubbling
• 18:28
  Speaker 2: back up to the service whilst you were pregnant? Was
• 18:30
  Speaker 2: that a scenario?
• 18:31
  Speaker 3: Yeah, yeap, yep, yep. Definitely. Definitely. It was just a
• 18:36
  Speaker 3: lot of unhealthy attachment issues that I had. That rejection,
• 18:41
  Speaker 3: that fear of rejection, and that fear of abandonment was
• 18:44
  Speaker 3: a huge one, and that's definitely stemmed from my childhood.
• 18:49
  Speaker 2: You mentioned before you and your husband were able to
• 18:51
  Speaker 2: support each other and work on supporting each other. What
• 18:55
  Speaker 2: does that look like? I think there's like, you know,
• 18:57
  Speaker 2: some men listen in and they're like, well, I don't
• 19:00
  Speaker 2: know what to do, Like what you know, how can
• 19:02
  Speaker 2: I help for you and your relationship?
• 19:04
  Speaker 3: What were those things we needed our third party to
• 19:08
  Speaker 3: be able to have these conversations to start with. I
• 19:12
  Speaker 3: think a lot of men are that do love to
• 19:14
  Speaker 3: avoid things, and a lot of men get angered when
• 19:17
  Speaker 3: it comes to hard emotions too. So Nick is zero
• 19:20
  Speaker 3: to one hundred when you're talking about any kind of emotion,
• 19:24
  Speaker 3: and he also feels threatened if there is something that
• 19:27
  Speaker 3: I'm not happy with because it's like he takes it personally.
• 19:31
  Speaker 3: And so having that third person helped us both to
• 19:35
  Speaker 3: have these conversations and really understand each other a little
• 19:40
  Speaker 3: bit more, but without feeling personally attacked. It was more
• 19:43
  Speaker 3: so explaining what's going on, like psychologically in both of
• 19:48
  Speaker 3: our heads. So I would suggest if you are having
• 19:52
  Speaker 3: any trouble and you're unable to have conversations with your partner,
• 19:56
  Speaker 3: to go and get couples counseling. Because that third party
• 20:00
  Speaker 3: was so helpful, and there were light bulb moments where
• 20:03
  Speaker 3: we were like, oh my god, okay, okay, wow, that
• 20:08
  Speaker 3: makes so much sense.
• 20:09
  Speaker 2: Do you remember what they were so not trying to.
• 20:11
  Speaker 3: Fix thing, So he would always try and fix my
• 20:13
  Speaker 3: problems and then I would be left feeling unheard. So
• 20:17
  Speaker 3: men are fixers, that's what they do just hearing and
• 20:20
  Speaker 3: listening and asking how they can support That's a big one.
• 20:26
  Speaker 3: That's a big one. The other one is giving time.
• 20:30
  Speaker 3: So if he was like I need moment, I'd be
• 20:33
  Speaker 3: like on the phone going no, come back, come back,
• 20:34
  Speaker 3: come back. I can't give you time, come back because
• 20:36
  Speaker 3: I was so panicked that he would leave me. But
• 20:39
  Speaker 3: assuring assuring me that everything was going to be okay
• 20:42
  Speaker 3: and he just needed half an hour by himself to
• 20:44
  Speaker 3: take a deep breath and come back, that was a
• 20:46
  Speaker 3: big one. It goes on both ends, Like there are
• 20:50
  Speaker 3: things on both ends that people can do to support
• 20:53
  Speaker 3: each other. So it's about learning what they are for
• 20:57
  Speaker 3: your partner. So I guess asking like how can I
• 21:00
  Speaker 3: support you? And I would ask him and he's like
• 21:03
  Speaker 3: I just need space. I just need space, And I'm like,
• 21:05
  Speaker 3: but are you going to divorce me?
• 21:07
  Speaker 1: I A lot of the time you don't really realize
• 21:13
  Speaker 1: the behavior that you're the behaviors that you're doing until yeah,
• 21:17
  Speaker 1: that third party or someone points it out. I mean,
• 21:20
  Speaker 1: for my wife and I a similar thing, like we
• 21:22
  Speaker 1: we went through a real similar phase a long time
• 21:25
  Speaker 1: ago when we had our first and just the little
• 21:27
  Speaker 1: things that you do in your day to day. When
• 21:31
  Speaker 1: they're pointed out by someone who actually doesn't even live
• 21:33
  Speaker 1: with you, you're like, holy shit. So I think it's
• 21:36
  Speaker 1: really strong advice from you to say, hey, look, get someone,
• 21:40
  Speaker 1: get you know, get a third party involved, just just
• 21:43
  Speaker 1: to help you just realize those little things that you
• 21:46
  Speaker 1: might be doing that might make a big impact if
• 21:48
  Speaker 1: you know that you're doing them.
• 21:50
  Speaker 3: Yeah, it's so important because it's so hard to pick
• 21:53
  Speaker 3: them up yourself when you're actually living it. It's so
• 21:56
  Speaker 3: much easier to point the blame at everyone else around
• 21:59
  Speaker 3: you rather then take that responsibility too.
• 22:02
  Speaker 1: It's so much easier to be like, I don't do that,
• 22:04
  Speaker 1: and someone says, yeah, bro, you do, And if it
• 22:08
  Speaker 1: triggers you and I don't even live with you and
• 22:10
  Speaker 1: I know you're doing that, then what does that say? Like,
• 22:12
  Speaker 1: there's other things, because I recall my wife saying to
• 22:15
  Speaker 1: me when she went through the same thing, and after
• 22:18
  Speaker 1: even her first session with a psychologist or a therapist,
• 22:21
  Speaker 1: she was like, it's crazy, just the little things they
• 22:25
  Speaker 1: say that they point out little behaviors that you might
• 22:27
  Speaker 1: do around the house, even or even your thought process.
• 22:32
  Speaker 1: For me, it was avoidance. For my wife was avoidance
• 22:35
  Speaker 1: as well. So for someone to be like, Okay, well
• 22:37
  Speaker 1: do you just avoid this tiny little thing in your
• 22:39
  Speaker 1: day that might actually be a significant impact in your relationship.
• 22:43
  Speaker 3: So even if you're getting along, it can be beneficial
• 22:45
  Speaker 3: because when you're living with something with someone every single
• 22:49
  Speaker 3: day and you're parenting with them, you're gonna have issues
• 22:51
  Speaker 3: come up all the time, all the time, Like what
• 22:55
  Speaker 3: we had an issue? God every day, we are not
• 22:58
  Speaker 3: every day, but like a lot of the time were
• 23:00
  Speaker 3: about little things. But now we're at a point where
• 23:02
  Speaker 3: we can where we can talk about it and like
• 23:04
  Speaker 3: discuss it like normal people, not like screaming people.
• 23:09
  Speaker 1: And I think a lot of expecting parents as well,
• 23:11
  Speaker 1: they just seem to think like, I'm meant to be
• 23:14
  Speaker 1: the best at this job parenting that is immediately when
• 23:18
  Speaker 1: it's so hard, and it is kind of like any
• 23:22
  Speaker 1: job that you go into. Okay, you've got zero experience
• 23:24
  Speaker 1: until you actually step foot in in that world. So
• 23:28
  Speaker 1: the pressure that you know, new moms and new dads
• 23:31
  Speaker 1: have immediately, I think a lot of people ignore the
• 23:36
  Speaker 1: fact that you've actually got to build your experience to
• 23:38
  Speaker 1: be good at this. You can't just be the best
• 23:42
  Speaker 1: at it and then people wonder why they have so
• 23:45
  Speaker 1: many mental problems is because they're continued telling themselves that
• 23:48
  Speaker 1: I'm meant to be so good at this. Yeah, give
• 23:51
  Speaker 1: yourself a break, you know, I think.
• 23:53
  Speaker 3: And also, like with things like Instagram always sees a
• 23:55
  Speaker 3: good side of parenting. We just see happy photos of
• 23:58
  Speaker 3: kids and they're fine, and you there going, what the
• 24:01
  Speaker 3: fuck's wrong with my family? Why my kids crying at
• 24:03
  Speaker 3: me all the time? Because we just like just we've
• 24:06
  Speaker 3: got people's like five percent of the best moments of
• 24:08
  Speaker 3: their life like in our face. So it kind of
• 24:10
  Speaker 3: sets you up to fail a little bit because you're like, well,
• 24:13
  Speaker 3: why doesn't my life look like that? Because I can
• 24:16
  Speaker 3: tell you right now, I've nannied in so many houses,
• 24:20
  Speaker 3: and I can tell you no, no family I've ever
• 24:24
  Speaker 3: nannied for has a picture perfect life with no up,
• 24:27
  Speaker 3: with no ups and downs, And I've worked for so
• 24:30
  Speaker 3: many families.
• 24:31
  Speaker 2: So how was it for you then having that experience
• 24:34
  Speaker 2: as a nanny, growing up, always knowing that you wanted
• 24:37
  Speaker 2: to be a mom, then finally being a mom, and
• 24:40
  Speaker 2: then realizing, shit, this is something that I really need
• 24:43
  Speaker 2: help with. How hard did that hit?
• 24:45
  Speaker 3: It took me a long time to really accept that
• 24:47
  Speaker 3: I had perinatal depression and anxiety because there was guilt
• 24:51
  Speaker 3: that came with it, because I was like, I'm not
• 24:53
  Speaker 3: supposed to feel like this. There are so many people
• 24:55
  Speaker 3: that can't fall pregnant, and I've just fallen pregnant so easily,
• 24:59
  Speaker 3: and I've got like my baby is healthy, and I'm
• 25:03
  Speaker 3: feeling like this, Like I felt really really bad about it,
• 25:10
  Speaker 3: and it took me ages to kind of get past
• 25:12
  Speaker 3: that and accept it because I was, yeah, you just
• 25:16
  Speaker 3: feel guilty.
• 25:18
  Speaker 2: The parent girl hits so hard when you're like the
• 25:21
  Speaker 2: narrative I guess partly from what gets put on social media,
• 25:24
  Speaker 2: but you're like, this is meant to be the most
• 25:26
  Speaker 2: beautiful part of my life raising my children, and this
• 25:29
  Speaker 2: is something that I've always wanted and it's fucking hell.
• 25:32
  Speaker 3: Oh it's so hard. It's so hard, and it's just
• 25:37
  Speaker 3: something that no one ever spoke about, Like our parents'
• 25:39
  Speaker 3: generation never would have spoken about about it, like publicly,
• 25:43
  Speaker 3: because they were all about pretending like everything's like perfect.
• 25:46
  Speaker 3: You know, we're living in this life where we have
• 25:48
  Speaker 3: to pretend everything's perfect and everyone's perfect. I feel like
• 25:51
  Speaker 3: there is this one thing that pisses me off in
• 25:53
  Speaker 3: this day and age, is that no one it's like
• 25:56
  Speaker 3: we're not allowed to make mistakes. I feel like the
• 25:58
  Speaker 3: moment you make a mistake, you're just crucified. And so
• 26:02
  Speaker 3: it's like mistakes aren't normalized. But we're people and we
• 26:05
  Speaker 3: make mistakes, Like sometimes we yell at our kids and
• 26:08
  Speaker 3: it's fucked but like we do, you know what I mean,
• 26:11
  Speaker 3: because we're humans.
• 26:12
  Speaker 1: And the reality is like with early on parenting, majority
• 26:16
  Speaker 1: of the day is you making mistakes. One hundred majority
• 26:20
  Speaker 1: of the early days is you are making nothing but mistakes.
• 26:24
  Speaker 1: You've got to hide it. You get told that you,
• 26:26
  Speaker 1: oh you shouldn't suppress this stuff.
• 26:28
  Speaker 3: Yeah you don't.
• 26:28
  Speaker 1: That's a mistake as well.
• 26:30
  Speaker 3: It's so hard, Like I recently did therapy with my
• 26:34
  Speaker 3: psychologist about it because I think because I had all
• 26:37
  Speaker 3: the therapy of my childhood trauma, Like when I had kids,
• 26:40
  Speaker 3: I stressed so much about like fucking them up, and
• 26:44
  Speaker 3: I was like, am I going to like mess them up?
• 26:45
  Speaker 3: By like and so I'm like I better do everything
• 26:48
  Speaker 3: like perfect, and then I would just overthink everything and
• 26:51
  Speaker 3: I'm like, can't do this, can't do that because that's
• 26:54
  Speaker 3: recommended and then that's recommended. There's just literally so much
• 26:56
  Speaker 3: stuff that's recommended that you do, and you can't do
• 26:59
  Speaker 3: it all. You can't be a perfect parent. You just
• 27:02
  Speaker 3: have to do the best you can.
• 27:03
  Speaker 1: Yeah, solid advice to just do the best you can,
• 27:06
  Speaker 1: because there's no perfect there's no one size fits all.
• 27:09
  Speaker 1: Do you see with your eldest and your youngest the
• 27:12
  Speaker 1: difference in personality?
• 27:13
  Speaker 3: Oh, they are so different, like so different. My eldest
• 27:17
  Speaker 3: is so much like my husband. He's just such a
• 27:20
  Speaker 3: different kind of kid. Like he's so like he's more
• 27:24
  Speaker 3: timid and like shy and like quiet. He's got like
• 27:27
  Speaker 3: a really like kind, gentle soul. Whereas my second is
• 27:31
  Speaker 3: just like a little firecracker and she's just so outrageous
• 27:34
  Speaker 3: and like you know, just like real out there and
• 27:37
  Speaker 3: you star of the show type thing. So she's real, Yeah,
• 27:41
  Speaker 3: just different and like not as gentle. She's not like
• 27:44
  Speaker 3: a gentle soul. She's a nice kid, but she doesn't
• 27:46
  Speaker 3: have that that gentleness that my son has. Yes, they're
• 27:50
  Speaker 3: completely different. Also, she's she sleeps, she sleeps, she's wild.
• 27:58
  Speaker 1: Makes a big difference, makes a big differen doesn't it.
• 28:01
  Speaker 3: I thought I took her to the pediatrician when she
• 28:03
  Speaker 3: was a baby, because I was like, she's just sitting
• 28:05
  Speaker 3: there and not crying. She's there's something wrong with her.
• 28:07
  Speaker 3: I think she's having seizures. And they were like, oh God, okay,
• 28:11
  Speaker 3: and then they're like, she seems she seems normal to me.
• 28:14
  Speaker 3: But I've just gone from like a kid that cries
• 28:16
  Speaker 3: all the time, like every second, my son who needs
• 28:20
  Speaker 3: so much, to someone who's like she was like self
• 28:22
  Speaker 3: sufficient from birth. She didn't even need me, really, she
• 28:25
  Speaker 3: just needed a bottle in her mouth and she was
• 28:27
  Speaker 3: all good.
• 28:28
  Speaker 1: And it's funny that we talk about a lot here
• 28:30
  Speaker 1: that you get you get one or the other, and
• 28:33
  Speaker 1: then when you have two, you get one of each
• 28:35
  Speaker 1: most of the time. Like same with me. My first
• 28:38
  Speaker 1: one didn't sleep and he's very similar like to your eldest,
• 28:42
  Speaker 1: where he's really timid. He is really like kind heart.
• 28:46
  Speaker 1: And then I've got Macie who's just like a bit
• 28:49
  Speaker 1: like doesn't really give a shit.
• 28:51
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 28:51
  Speaker 2: I saw recently you posted a video of your drumming,
• 28:56
  Speaker 2: which is exceptional.
• 28:57
  Speaker 3: By the way, Thank you, thank you, You're very welcome.
• 29:01
  Speaker 2: Was the drumming at all something to help with your
• 29:03
  Speaker 2: mental health?
• 29:03
  Speaker 3: One hundred percent? It's that is the only hour of
• 29:06
  Speaker 3: my week I completely zone out from the mental load
• 29:09
  Speaker 3: of parenting. Even when I'm training or walking, I'm still
• 29:13
  Speaker 3: thinking about what I have to do next. I'm so
• 29:15
  Speaker 3: focused on what I'm doing there and concentrating on trying
• 29:18
  Speaker 3: to fucking learn whatever the crazy thing is I'm learning
• 29:22
  Speaker 3: that day, which is so hard to do for me.
• 29:25
  Speaker 3: So it's like a break. It's it's that rest from
• 29:29
  Speaker 3: thinking about being a parent and you get.
• 29:31
  Speaker 1: To like bash the shit out of some drums. It
• 29:33
  Speaker 1: must be real helpful, one hundred percent.
• 29:36
  Speaker 3: It's so good. It feels so good. I love it.
• 29:39
  Speaker 3: And then working towards something like I'm playing in the
• 29:42
  Speaker 3: end of year school concert, Like it's a drum school.
• 29:44
  Speaker 3: I'm playing in that.
• 29:45
  Speaker 1: Oh, that's awesome.
• 29:48
  Speaker 2: Can we ask what song you've got to perform?
• 29:50
  Speaker 3: I think I'm going to do the begging begging again.
• 29:54
  Speaker 3: I've started to learn a new song, but I definitely
• 29:56
  Speaker 3: won't be finished that one before the end of year,
• 29:59
  Speaker 3: so oh to do the maint like come to my concert, kids.
• 30:04
  Speaker 2: Is there any plans maybe to join a band? Could
• 30:06
  Speaker 2: that be on the cards?
• 30:08
  Speaker 3: Well, we've got a local pub up here called the
• 30:11
  Speaker 3: Wallaby and they are fully about the live music. It's
• 30:15
  Speaker 3: the best part. And I'm like, I'm wondering if I
• 30:17
  Speaker 3: could get like a mudgery bar band together. I'm not
• 30:20
  Speaker 3: good enough yet.
• 30:21
  Speaker 1: What would your band name be? Do you think off
• 30:22
  Speaker 1: the top of your head?
• 30:23
  Speaker 3: Oh god, it'd be like mums, I reckon, like.
• 30:28
  Speaker 1: Heavy metal mums.
• 30:29
  Speaker 3: Yeah, I don't know. Lighting crotch, Yes, Lightning crotch so good.
• 30:35
  Speaker 2: Did you ever imagine that when you're going to have kids,
• 30:38
  Speaker 2: that you're outlet would be playing the drums?
• 30:41
  Speaker 3: You know what? I wanted to do this way before kids.
• 30:44
  Speaker 3: It's always something that's yeah, it's always something that's been
• 30:46
  Speaker 3: on my list, and I just never did. And I
• 30:50
  Speaker 3: think the fact that I just didn't have an outlet
• 30:52
  Speaker 3: anymore and I was just trying to find, you know,
• 30:55
  Speaker 3: get to my roots a little bit forced me into it,
• 30:58
  Speaker 3: like after having kids, so I'm not surprised and.
• 31:02
  Speaker 1: Be uncontactable for an hour is the best.
• 31:04
  Speaker 3: Yeah, they're at daycare when I do it. But the
• 31:06
  Speaker 3: other night we ran out of milk and I had
• 31:08
  Speaker 3: to go to the servo like in like it was
• 31:11
  Speaker 3: like after dinner and bathtime. I'd like got in the
• 31:14
  Speaker 3: car by myself, and it felt so good to have
• 31:16
  Speaker 3: five minutes to go to the servo, like just escape
• 31:19
  Speaker 3: it for a second. You really appreciate that quietness, don't you.
• 31:23
  Speaker 1: Yeah, those five minute trips turns like thirty minute trips.
• 31:27
  Speaker 3: Yeah, in my car with my durries and.
• 31:29
  Speaker 1: V Yeah, you're just out of the front and going.
• 31:34
  Speaker 2: One of the scariest things I think is a parent
• 31:37
  Speaker 2: is knowing the right time to go to hospital. You know,
• 31:40
  Speaker 2: you don't want to be one of those parents who's
• 31:41
  Speaker 2: just getting worked up over something small.
• 31:43
  Speaker 3: Eatie Ray. So at eight weeks old, so Patty went
• 31:48
  Speaker 3: into hospital and got grommets in so we had this surgery,
• 31:51
  Speaker 3: and he came back and he was really sick. So
• 31:53
  Speaker 3: I think he picked up RSV from the hospital, but
• 31:55
  Speaker 3: he must have had other viruses from KINDI before that,
• 31:58
  Speaker 3: and so he came back and then he must have
• 32:01
  Speaker 3: given given them to Edie Ray. But she was such
• 32:03
  Speaker 3: a silent little girl, and she she didn't really cry
• 32:07
  Speaker 3: a lot or anything, so it was so hard to
• 32:09
  Speaker 3: tell that she was sick. But I noticed her breathing
• 32:13
  Speaker 3: one day and I took her to the hospital and
• 32:15
  Speaker 3: they were like, okay, let's swab her and just see
• 32:19
  Speaker 3: and they were like, look, I think she's okay to
• 32:20
  Speaker 3: go home, but she could decline. And so then the
• 32:23
  Speaker 3: next day it got worse and I was like, I
• 32:27
  Speaker 3: have to go to hospital again. Took her to hospital
• 32:29
  Speaker 3: and they got her swabs back and they were like, yeah, okay,
• 32:32
  Speaker 3: so they're like, you're not going to be going home
• 32:35
  Speaker 3: for like quite a while. You're going to be here
• 32:38
  Speaker 3: for quite a while. So just let everyone know it's
• 32:41
  Speaker 3: come back that she's positive for RSV, rhinovirus and I don'tovirus.
• 32:47
  Speaker 3: So three viruses. This is she was eight weeks old,
• 32:49
  Speaker 3: so still newborn.
• 32:50
  Speaker 1: Oh my god.
• 32:51
  Speaker 2: Is rhinovirus just like a it's your common cold.
• 32:56
  Speaker 3: Rhinovirus is your common cold. Atn't novirus is like another
• 32:59
  Speaker 3: common cold, like you know, you typical KINDI cold. Irs
• 33:02
  Speaker 3: V is a scary one, which is really scary for babies,
• 33:05
  Speaker 3: rest for trees. Yeah yeah, yeah. Her breathing, you could
• 33:09
  Speaker 3: just see her stomach pumping in and out, and she
• 33:13
  Speaker 3: she couldn't drink, drink anymore because she couldn't like suck
• 33:16
  Speaker 3: or anything because she couldn't breathe. I sent a video
• 33:20
  Speaker 3: to my friend who's a nurse and I was like,
• 33:22
  Speaker 3: is this okay. She's like take her to the hospital now.
• 33:24
  Speaker 3: Her head was bobbing up and down. That's like a
• 33:26
  Speaker 3: massive thing.
• 33:27
  Speaker 2: Eight weeks as well.
• 33:28
  Speaker 3: We went there. They're like this, she's going to get
• 33:30
  Speaker 3: a lot worse before she gets better. And the decline
• 33:33
  Speaker 3: of her because it leads to something called bronchiolitis. So
• 33:37
  Speaker 3: she it leaded to bronchiolitis and then a partial collapsed
• 33:43
  Speaker 3: left lung. She was on oxygen and then she needed
• 33:48
  Speaker 3: like the high flow and then they were like, we're
• 33:50
  Speaker 3: going to move her to ICU because she needs like
• 33:52
  Speaker 3: full to be watched. But I remember, like I remember
• 33:57
  Speaker 3: being so worried, and I remember, you know, you can
• 34:01
  Speaker 3: vibe off like people like I'm pretty good at sensing
• 34:03
  Speaker 3: what people are feeling. And I could just see the
• 34:06
  Speaker 3: nurses before we got moved into ICU. They were stressed
• 34:10
  Speaker 3: like they were they were yeah, and I was like,
• 34:14
  Speaker 3: is she going to be okay? And I was like,
• 34:17
  Speaker 3: tell me she's going to be okay because they're like
• 34:19
  Speaker 3: we rarely see the three viruses, like maybe one or two,
• 34:23
  Speaker 3: but three is like yeah, it's not good. And I
• 34:26
  Speaker 3: was like, like, she's going to be fine, though, isn't
• 34:28
  Speaker 3: she And one of them was just like, look, she's
• 34:30
  Speaker 3: in the best place, and I was like, fucking what,
• 34:33
  Speaker 3: don't say that she's in the best place. I tell
• 34:35
  Speaker 3: me she's going to be okay, she's in the best place.
• 34:38
  Speaker 3: You're kidding me. So that was horrific seeing the nursing
• 34:44
  Speaker 3: staff so stressed because they're not mentioned. Oh my god.
• 34:50
  Speaker 3: That's another thing I had to do therapy for, like recently,
• 34:53
  Speaker 3: because I got the full health anxiety after that. It's
• 34:56
  Speaker 3: not the fact that she got sick, it's the fact
• 34:58
  Speaker 3: that I didn't know that if she was going to
• 35:01
  Speaker 3: survive for a minute there, like.
• 35:04
  Speaker 2: What does that feel like? Then after you're leaving hospital,
• 35:07
  Speaker 2: when you get to take her back.
• 35:08
  Speaker 3: Home, I was so heightened. I remember just being like this,
• 35:14
  Speaker 3: like like so heightened it. Once I got home, I
• 35:18
  Speaker 3: felt like I could breathe again. And it's just like
• 35:23
  Speaker 3: you don't even like fathom what you went through. You
• 35:26
  Speaker 3: just you don't even you don't even like it's like
• 35:28
  Speaker 3: a blur a whirlwind and you get home and you're like,
• 35:31
  Speaker 3: holy crap, that was hectic. But I think it hit
• 35:35
  Speaker 3: me a lot further down, like a lot further down,
• 35:39
  Speaker 3: and I didn't realize the impact it had or me
• 35:41
  Speaker 3: until yeah, until later on when it started when I
• 35:47
  Speaker 3: started getting the anxiety whenever she would get sick and
• 35:50
  Speaker 3: everything like that.
• 35:52
  Speaker 2: Well, yeah, even recently, like last week. Then how is that.
• 35:56
  Speaker 3: I did my therapy? Did? I did truck come, did
• 35:59
  Speaker 3: like my childhood trauma therapy again, but I did it
• 36:02
  Speaker 3: with the sicknesses again. And so I've been really good
• 36:07
  Speaker 3: lately because I said goodbye to all of that stuff
• 36:11
  Speaker 3: that was in my unconscious mind. So you know, I
• 36:14
  Speaker 3: was getting triggered if they would have injuries or if
• 36:16
  Speaker 3: they would because she started getting viral in usee asthma
• 36:20
  Speaker 3: after that, So it was in our last hospital visit.
• 36:22
  Speaker 3: It happened again a few times after that where she
• 36:27
  Speaker 3: just can't breathe and she needs the oxygen help. So
• 36:30
  Speaker 3: once I did that trauma work, it's been a lot easier.
• 36:33
  Speaker 3: But before that, before I did the work, I was
• 36:36
  Speaker 3: feeling physically ill. If they would fall over or anything,
• 36:39
  Speaker 3: either of them, I was in complete tears. I'd have
• 36:43
  Speaker 3: to give them to Nick. I'm like, I can't, I
• 36:45
  Speaker 3: can't help them. I can't help them, and I'd have
• 36:47
  Speaker 3: to just bore my eyes out and cry. I'm talking
• 36:49
  Speaker 3: if they've knocked their head on the wall, if they're
• 36:53
  Speaker 3: crying a lot, and you know, yeah, something's happened to them.
• 36:56
  Speaker 3: If her breathing was scary or if they were like
• 37:00
  Speaker 3: coughing and stuff, I'd feel physically ill. So that's when
• 37:03
  Speaker 3: I knew I had to do something about it, because
• 37:05
  Speaker 3: I was like, I'm not in it. I couldn't even
• 37:07
  Speaker 3: support them. I had to get Nick to do everything.
• 37:09
  Speaker 3: I was like, I can't, I can't, I'm not strong
• 37:11
  Speaker 3: enough to do this.
• 37:12
  Speaker 1: Yeah, because as new parents, there's like a lot of
• 37:15
  Speaker 1: anxiety around whether you should be taking a kid directly
• 37:18
  Speaker 1: to hospital or whether you shouldn't, or whether you feel
• 37:21
  Speaker 1: bad that you do. Do you think that now you're like,
• 37:25
  Speaker 1: just just do it, Just just go and do it,
• 37:27
  Speaker 1: because yeah, do it.
• 37:29
  Speaker 3: Because I was unsure. I was unsure, and I still
• 37:34
  Speaker 3: was unsure because she she wasn't like crying like you
• 37:38
  Speaker 3: imagine your kid to be like fully broken, but like
• 37:41
  Speaker 3: there's stuff that can happen, Like she could have passed
• 37:44
  Speaker 3: out in the car if I was any later, Like
• 37:45
  Speaker 3: you just got to go. If there's anything you're worried about,
• 37:49
  Speaker 3: you just go, don't worry if there's nothing wrong. I've
• 37:52
  Speaker 3: been there so many times when there's been nothing wrong
• 37:55
  Speaker 3: and they're like, not all good, that's all good. Just
• 37:57
  Speaker 3: go like there's no they don't care. You just take
• 38:00
  Speaker 3: them in. I tell you when they would care if
• 38:03
  Speaker 3: you didn't take them in, why didn't you bring.
• 38:05
  Speaker 1: You exactly right?
• 38:06
  Speaker 2: Tar, have you ever had to bring the kids in
• 38:08
  Speaker 2: for a sunburnt balma?
• 38:10
  Speaker 3: Never? Never, because they wear sunscreen and a hat. Because
• 38:15
  Speaker 3: of the book I wrote.
• 38:18
  Speaker 2: I got to say, my kids absolutely love it. They
• 38:23
  Speaker 2: are obsessed with Willy. If you haven't read the book,
• 38:26
  Speaker 2: Will in the sunburn Bum, It's a cracker.
• 38:28
  Speaker 1: It's such a great name, Willy in the sunburn Bum.
• 38:31
  Speaker 3: Hah. Yeah, my kids love it too. Edie Ray loves it.
• 38:35
  Speaker 3: You know. My kids actually loving your book at the moment.
• 38:38
  Speaker 3: They love the little pictures and yeah, we have to
• 38:42
  Speaker 3: put cover up the one where the keys are going
• 38:45
  Speaker 3: in the toilet because they're so intrigued to see what's
• 38:47
  Speaker 3: going on. No, I'm like, that's nothing, that's nothing.
• 38:51
  Speaker 1: Don't do it.
• 38:52
  Speaker 3: Look at that.
• 38:52
  Speaker 2: Are you going to write a follow up?
• 38:54
  Speaker 3: I want to do it one. I do want to
• 38:55
  Speaker 3: do another one. It's on my list of I've got
• 38:58
  Speaker 3: like a board of like goal for twenty twenty four
• 39:01
  Speaker 3: and writing my second books on there. But you know,
• 39:03
  Speaker 3: you know, you know what it's like.
• 39:05
  Speaker 2: What's really going to get up to next? My kids
• 39:07
  Speaker 2: are chomping for it.
• 39:08
  Speaker 3: Willie's going to brush his teeth without being a dickhead.
• 39:11
  Speaker 2: When you have the kids who were grown up and
• 39:12
  Speaker 2: they've left the nest, they're no longer living with you, guys,
• 39:16
  Speaker 2: what is the one thing that you would want them
• 39:17
  Speaker 2: to remember about the house I grew up in.
• 39:19
  Speaker 3: I just want them to remember the fun times and
• 39:22
  Speaker 3: those moments where we were all together laughing, and just
• 39:27
  Speaker 3: those moments of connection. Really, I don't care if they
• 39:30
  Speaker 3: think I'm a pig in the house is a mess
• 39:33
  Speaker 3: or whatever. Like, I want them to remember the family
• 39:36
  Speaker 3: dinners and the wrestles, and the movie nights and the cuddles.
• 39:39
  Speaker 2: I love that. I think it's been an absolute rollercoaster
• 39:42
  Speaker 2: hearing your story. But I think you're doing such an
• 39:44
  Speaker 2: amazing job of say well done it.
• 39:47
  Speaker 1: Thank you so much for spending some time with us.
• 39:48
  Speaker 2: Thanks for having me your bloody legend.
• 39:50
  Speaker 1: Thanks so much.
• 39:51
  Speaker 2: Thanks Tars.
• 39:51
  Speaker 1: Bye I can't wait for Lightning Crush to tour.
• 39:58
  Speaker 2: Well, I don't know, I've Tara has seen the recent
• 39:59
  Speaker 2: video of you singing poop playing.
• 40:02
  Speaker 1: I'm going to be the lead singer of Lightning Crutch.
• 40:04
  Speaker 2: What can I play?
• 40:05
  Speaker 1: Confusing because April already calls me Lightning.
• 40:07
  Speaker 2: Crutch, shet Chlamydia.
• 40:12
  Speaker 1: She calls me Chlamydia Crutch. If you've enjoyed this episode
• 40:17
  Speaker 1: as much as I have, please like and subscribe, Tara
• 40:21
  Speaker 1: did say, she did. I want everyone to like and subscribe.
• 40:24
  Speaker 1: Lee fasts the little review.
• 40:26
  Speaker 2: It would be great, she said. If they don't leave reviews,
• 40:28
  Speaker 2: she will find them, hunt them down, drum them down. Also,
• 40:34
  Speaker 2: the Facebook group is a great place where you can
• 40:36
  Speaker 2: hang out with other parents who are just as tired
• 40:38
  Speaker 2: as you are.
• 40:39
  Speaker 1: Search Two Doting Dads on the Facebook or you can
• 40:42
  Speaker 1: join us on Instagram.
• 40:43
  Speaker 2: And if there's any other guests that you would like
• 40:44
  Speaker 2: us to interview, please throw your suggestions away Ash Let's
• 40:48
  Speaker 2: get out of here BA. Two Doting Dads podcast acknowledges
• 40:55
  Speaker 2: the traditional custodians of country throughout Australia and the connections
• 40:59
  Speaker 2: to land, to see and community.
• 41:01
  Speaker 1: We pay our respects to their elders past and present,
• 41:04
  Speaker 1: and extend that respect to all Aboriginal and Torrestrate Islander
• 41:07
  Speaker 1: peoples today. This episode was recorded on Gadagal Land.