Latest / New Manager Conversations with Fexingo: First 90 Days, Managing Former Peers, and Leadership Basics / How New Managers Can Avoid Micromanaging Their Old Team
Transcript
- Lucas: So you get promoted to manager, and suddenly you're supposed to oversee the people who used to be your peers. And the most common failure mode I see, it's not that people become lazy or checked out. It's the opposite. They become helicopters. Luna: Helicopter managers. Hovering over every task, checking in too often, redoing work themselves. I've seen it happen to a friend who got promoted at a retail chain. She was a great store associate, then she became a district manager, and suddenly she's in every store's group chat. Lucas: Exactly. And the instinct is understandable. You know the work intimately, you know what good looks like, and you're now accountable for results that others produce. So part of you thinks, if I just keep a tight grip, nothing will slip. But the cost is massive. Luna: What's the cost exactly? I mean, besides everyone feeling annoyed. Lucas: Well, you erode trust, you kill initiative, and you become a bottleneck. Your former peers start to feel like they're being treated like children, and they stop bringing you problems early because they don't want to be micromanaged. So you actually get less information, not more. Luna: That's a vicious cycle. The more you check, the less they share, so you check even more. Lucas: Right. And the thing is, there's a real line between monitoring and supporting. Monitoring is about you feeling in control. Supporting is about them being able to do their best work. And the shift, it's not just behavioral, it's psychological. You have to redefine your own identity. You're no longer the person who does the work. You're the person who sets the conditions for others to do the work. Luna: I like that framing. But how do you actually operationalize it? Like, what does a supportive manager do differently on a Tuesday morning? Lucas: Let me give you a concrete example. There's a district manager I read about, she took over a region with five stores. And in her first month, she was visiting every store three times a week, checking inventory, even helping with merchandising. She was exhausted, and her store managers felt like they were being audited. So she stepped back. She set up a weekly 30-minute call with each store manager, and she asked them to come with one win, one challenge, and one ask for her help. And she committed to not giving unsolicited advice on the call. Luna: That's a simple rhythm. And the 'one ask' is smart, it forces them to think about what they actually need from her, instead of her guessing. Lucas: And it works because it's structured. She gets visibility without hovering. She's monitoring the metrics that matter, but she's supporting them by being available for the things they identify. And she told me that after three weeks, the store managers started calling her with problems earlier, because they knew she wouldn't jump in and take over. Luna: That's the trust dividend. They knew she'd listen, not react. So they were willing to be vulnerable. Lucas: Exactly. And I think there's a deeper point here. When you're managing former peers, the power dynamic is already awkward. They remember when you were equals. So every time you step in and do their job, you're reinforcing that you don't trust them. And that's the message you don't want to send. Luna: So what do you do instead when you see a mistake happening in real time? Like, you're in a meeting and someone is about to give wrong information to a client. You just let it happen? Lucas: No, of course not. You have to step in. But the way you step in matters. You can say, 'Hey, before we commit to that number, let's double-check the source.' That's coaching. Or you can say, 'No, the number is X,' and then explain. That's taking over. The first preserves their ownership, the second takes it away. Luna: So it's about the wording. And also about whether you let them correct it themselves. Lucas: Right. And there's a great question to ask yourself in that moment: 'Is this a pattern or an isolated incident?' If it's a one-off, let it go or address it gently. If it's a pattern, then it's a coaching moment, not a correction moment. You want to build their capability, not just fix the current mistake. Luna: That makes sense. But I imagine it's hard to resist the urge to just do it yourself, especially when you're under pressure to hit your own targets. Lucas: It is incredibly hard. And that's why you need a system. You need to define what 'done' looks like for each of your direct reports. What are the key results? What are the quality standards? And then you need to agree on a reporting rhythm that gives you confidence without constant check-ins. For some teams, it's a weekly written update. For others, it's a shared dashboard. The point is, it's transparent and agreed upon, not imposed. Luna: So you're setting up a feedback loop that's about outcomes, not activities. That's a whole different mindset. Lucas: Yes. And it takes practice. I remember a friend who became a software engineering manager, and he told me he used to read every line of code his team wrote before it went to review. He thought that was being thorough. But his team felt like they had no autonomy, and they started waiting for his approval on everything. He had to learn to trust the code review process and only step in when there was a pattern of issues. Luna: That's a classic example. And I bet his team's velocity actually improved when he stopped being the bottleneck. Lucas: It did. And his own job became more interesting because he could focus on strategy, hiring, and removing obstacles instead of line-editing code. That's the upside of letting go. It's not just about avoiding the negative costs of micromanaging. It's about freeing yourself to do the parts of the job that only you can do. Luna: That's a good reminder. And I think it connects to something we talk about a lot on this show, which is that being a manager is a different job, not just a promotion with more responsibility. Lucas: Exactly. And it's a job you have to learn. Which is why we do this show, and why we keep it ad-free. We think this kind of practical advice should be accessible to everyone, not just people who can afford a leadership course or a coach. So if this conversation has been useful to you, and you want to keep it that way, you can support the show at buy me a coffee dot com slash fexingo. That's buy me a coffee dot com slash fexingo. No pressure, but it does help us keep going. Luna: Yeah, it's a small way to say thanks, and it really does help. Okay, back to the topic. So we've talked about the structure and the mindset. But what about the emotional side? How do you deal with the guilt of not doing the work yourself, especially when you're new and you still feel like you're part of the team? Lucas: That's a real and often unspoken issue. You feel like you're not contributing, or that you're riding on their work. But you have to reframe it. Your contribution is the team's success. And if you spend all your time doing their work, you're not actually leading. You're just a very experienced team member with a fancy title. Luna: I've also seen managers try to overcompensate by being extra hands-on, thinking that's how they prove they're still useful. But it backfires. Lucas: It does. Because what your former peers need from you is not another pair of hands. They need an advocate, a coach, and a shield. They need you to fight for resources, to clear blockers, and to give them credit when things go well. That's how you earn their trust, not by showing up and doing their job better than they can. Luna: So it's really about shifting from being a player to being a coach. And a good coach doesn't run the plays themselves. Lucas: Right. And I think a good test is to ask yourself: 'Am I the one holding the pen, or am I the one setting the direction?' And if you're holding the pen most of the time, you're probably micromanaging or doing their work. The goal is to have them hold the pen, and you're the one who helps them draw the map. Luna: That's a helpful visual. And I think it's also important to give yourself permission to be uncomfortable at first. Like, you'll feel like you're not doing enough. That's normal. Lucas: Absolutely. And that discomfort is a signal that you're growing. But you also need to be patient with yourself. You're not going to unlearn years of being an individual contributor overnight. It's a transition, and it takes time. The key is to keep making small choices that lean toward trust and away from control. Luna: So if someone is listening and they recognize themselves in what we're describing, what's one small thing they can do today to start shifting? Lucas: I'd say pick one recurring task that you habitually check on, and delegate it completely. Tell your direct report, 'This is yours now. I'm here if you need me, but I'm going to trust you to own it.' And then really do it. Don't check the progress after an hour. Wait for them to come to you. It'll feel uncomfortable, but that's the first step. Luna: And maybe also have a conversation with your team about how they want to be managed. Ask them, 'How do you like to receive feedback? What level of autonomy do you want?' That builds trust from the start. Lucas: That's a great point. And it's a conversation that can feel awkward, but it's so important. It shows you respect them as individuals, and it gives you a blueprint for how to support each person. Some people want a lot of check-ins, others want to be left alone. You have to adapt. Luna: So the takeaway is: micromanaging is a trust killer, but it's also a habit you can break with intention and structure. Lucas: Exactly. And it's not about being hands-off. It's about being hands-on in the right ways. You're still deeply involved, but you're involved in the conversations, the strategy, the resource allocation, and the development of your people. That's where your energy should go. Luna: And if you can do that, you'll not only avoid being a helicopter, you'll become the kind of manager people actually want to work for. Lucas: Yeah, and that's the real goal, isn't it? Not just to avoid a failure mode, but to be someone who brings out the best in others. That's the job.