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What These 4 Inspirational Humans Know About Turning Pain into Purpose · Harder Than Life

• 0:00
  Anybody can decide they're special, because when you decide you're special, you take special actions. You do special things. My greatest successes are coming back from failures. I don't think there's a single person on earth that stumbles into greatness. It's a process. You believe you're capable of accomplishing something, and then you accomplish it.
• 0:20
  Even if you feel wildly uncomfortable doing it, do it anyway. Control is an illusion. Thinking that you have it all mapped out is an illusion. Everything we think to be true is an illusion. Just look at yourself in the mirror and liken who you are. I want people to know their transformation is possible. Disability is difficult, yes, but is it the defining quality of 50 million Americans that live with a physical disability? Absolutely not.
• 0:47
  I breathe, I hold myself, and I say, all is well. All is well in my world. I am safe. I am loved. I am protected. Before you can go out and be in a relationship or be in business or work crazy hours, it's for you to look in the mirror and tell yourself that you're in love. Life's a grind, man. Life's a grind. Let's have some fun with it. Every single one of us have been through something that could have broken us.
• 1:14
  This episode is about people who decided to rise instead. These stories prove that pain doesn't define you. It refines you. Healing is work, but it's the most important work you'll ever do. Remember, the comeback is always harder than the fall. What point did you know?
• 1:36
  You had the, I wouldn't even say grit, the it, the magic and resilience in you. You look at me now and people do, and I love being looked at now because I'm a role model that I wish I had 30 years ago. I became the woman I've always dreamed of. And I dreamed of a romantic comedy. I dreamed of Julia Roberts getting kissed by a romantic, wealthy guy. I dreamed of...
• 2:01
  Cindy Crawford and Randy Gerber walking red carpets. And I said to myself that I wanted that. And to be honest with you guys, I am living that dream. I have a wonderful husband. I have two beautiful 22-year-old children that I'm in business with. Knock on wood at 65. I'm healthy. I'm fit. I just crushed a bikini fitness competition after surviving a near-death car accident. I'm going, wait a second, Forbes, you are living this movie. And if you backtrack to when I'm 20 years old...
• 2:28
  And I said to my rather agoraphobic mom, who was Ukrainian immigrant, I said, Mom, I just graduated college with two degrees in three years. I get that I'm smart. I'm kind of weird. I'm kind of lonely. I grew up. In fact, I was going to show you a picture of this because I like to preface the journey. There is no destination, by the way. People always ask me, Forbes, what do you want? What do you want now? You know what I want?
• 2:49
  I just want to wake up every single day and enjoy this life I created. And that's what I want because I worked so hard to get here. I went to college and I realized at that moment, as young as I was that you've got to take your life and your destiny into your own hands. And I created my version of what Forbes Riley did.
• 3:06
  was going to look like and be in this world. And it's completely life changing. And I live and breathe this concept every day because I went through it. There's so many lessons to be learned there. I got Europe on $20 a day, a book, and I said, I'm going to go see Europe because I'm going to be so famous, mom, that paparazzi are going to be everywhere. I have to go now. I went by myself for six months with a Walkman and a camera, my dad's giant camera I was so afraid of losing,
• 3:31
  and explored. I just discovered who I am. You know, six months by yourself traveling, you get to really understand you. I'm going to say that this time being with me set the groundwork for something kind of extraordinary because I said to my mother,
• 3:48
  She said, why are you going? And I said, mom, I have this vision when I'm 83, I'm gonna be talking to my kids and grandkids and all of these kids and telling them the most wonderful story of my life. And I right now I have nothing to talk about. So let's go write this fantastic story. And it has now been 45 years and it's unbelievable. I've always felt inside of me, and I think everybody does, but not everyone believes it. I've always felt that I was special. Now, what does that mean?
• 4:18
  It doesn't mean anything. Anybody can decide they're special. Because when you decide you're special, you take special actions. You do special things. You, when people say, Forbes, you're such an out of the box thinker, my response is, what box? What do you, why do you do that to yourselves? When you're in the middle of something tragic, your brain just separates. You just go, what is possibly going on here? Kind of like you've been in a car accident and the world slows down and every perception becomes very unique.
• 4:43
  We're hearing that there's terrorists in New York, New York, because people were bleeding everywhere. I mean, it was a terrible nightmare. And the thing that for me, though, that happened, and by the way, everyone that you'll ever meet, because I've interviewed a lot of the survivors, has their survivor perspective story.
• 5:00
  And it's very challenging because those stories are very personal and they're, you can't even believe some of the things that you hear. You took me real high for the meeting, Josh, and then now, and then we went down to the tragedy. I remember waking up that morning and just saying, what is wrong with people? Like, who could do that? For anyone listening, life is a roller coaster. And I'm going to share with you, it wasn't a roller coaster for my mother. My mother was.
• 5:21
  just wanted life to be a flat road. She'd had enough trauma in her life that when I met her when I was born, she just wanted it, and she was a very boring kind of straight line. The problem with a boring straight line is it's safe, but there's no highs because you don't want any low lows.
• 5:37
  I promise you roller coasters go up and down and to be a functioning success story, to be a functioning success story, you have to have the capacity to go really high and celebrate it and really low and still stay here because you will experience all of those. If you're living a life like I am.
• 5:56
  When did you know like, oh, I'm special? I had that moment where I was always torn, Kelly, between believing I was special and being told that I wasn't. That's a crazy dichotomy to grow up with. I'm in college and my senior year, I auditioned for, I auditioned all the time. So even though you win the award, you're being prejudiced, it doesn't matter. It never mattered. I always had this issue of rejection.
• 6:16
  And I looked to see who got the lead. The lead in this play is on stage for two and a half hours. She plays a man, she manipulates everybody. She's just this crazy character. Her name is Rosalind and there next to her name, that was my name. What?
• 6:31
  I went to the college professor and I said, I'm sorry, I don't understand. You just put me as the lead in your, no one's ever, you sure? Because he sat me down and he proceeded to tell me, Kelly, all the things that he saw in me. And he said, character, he said, you're my ideal, Rosalind, for all the things that you do, the way you speak, the who you are, the light you have inside of you. And you want to know the crazy thing about the name I do remember, Professor David Richmond? Yeah.
• 6:56
  He was 100% legally blind. Wow. The first guy to see me couldn't see me. Did you believe him? Oh, fuck yeah. Oh my God. So much. Sorry, my French. But not only did I believe him, I'd start in the play. We got rave reviews throughout the entire town. And I called my parents. Now, this is a huge investment we all made to get me to college. And I said, guys, I love you very much. I'm not going to law school. I'm going to New York to be an actor.
• 7:24
  And there was a little bit of silence. I was expecting to get yelled at. And they were like, we love you, want you to follow your dream, but we can't financially help you. And I said, it's okay. Kelly, I got the very first lead in a feature film was my very first audition called Splatter University. And turns out I was right. Because I went from there to other movies, to television. So you do it by creating value.
• 7:49
  And being confident. Yes. And confident when you're nervous because I'm definitely an introvert and I do it anyway because that little voice says if you're special, this is what you have to do next. Even if you feel wildly uncomfortable doing it, do it anyway. I'm teaching this right now. A thing called Pitch Like a Pro. You have a solution. Your product or service, whatever you sell or market, is a solution to somebody else's problems. So Kelly, what is it you really do for a living?
• 8:17
  I teach cybersecurity and AI. Okay, I teach cybersecurity and AI. Who needs that most? Everybody. You know what, Kelly? I'm known as the queen of pitch because as someone who sold over $2.5 billion worth of product, I now focus on entrepreneurs just like you to get you to communicate better, to get your ideas out there.
• 8:37
  And now you're like, oh, she's talking to me. Okay, nobody does this. Because the question itself doesn't set you up properly. What do you do? Yeah, I don't really care what you do. I care what you do in relation to what it does for me. And when you begin to isolate that whatever your chosen job profession is today, there's a reason that you do it. Not you wanna help people. That's so altruistic bullshit. Everybody wants to help people, everybody. If you could do your why in half a sentence,
• 9:06
  You win. This is why you need this. Oh, okay. So next lesson from Forbes Riley, we never use that word, bad four letter word. Need. Yeah, and I'll tell you why. Because nobody needs anything. When we get excited about a product, we're like, oh my God, you need this. You really, you know, you need this new car. You need this insurance. You need this protection. Better yet, get people to want it. And you have an effortless sale.
• 9:31
  I can't help but think at six, you said 65, but you seem more energized than ever before. So what's your secret? I'm in the National Fitness Hall of Fame. Did you know that? I got inducted in 2010. Well, I got inducted because I've sold more on television. I've sold $2.5 billion worth of health and wellness and fitness products. That put me in a class all by myself, but I was never that fit. And I used to joke about not being that fit. Okay. We get on the plane.
• 9:58
  And Joshua says to me, in 99 days, in three months, there's a fitness competition in our hometown. And I said, good for you. This is me at the hospital going, get an MRI. I can't move my arm. Why are you telling me this? I'm in pain. He says, well, I have to enter this competition to qualify for the Arnold. Or I'm like, good for you.
• 10:16
  He said, well, there's a category for women over 60. Good for them. What does that have to do with me? Now, Kelly God is my witness. I heard something say, go for it. And I'm like, go for what? I haven't worn a bikini since I was 15 years old. I was sexually molested. I'm not wearing it. What? I wouldn't even fit in one if you tried. I then take this picture, this before picture. And I said, you know what? I told my entire audience I was going to do it. In 66 days, I shrunk down to this.
• 10:44
  using his program. In 99 days, I went from being a chunky older lady to looking like that in a dress. The accident happened in March. The bodybuilding competition was in June. I eventually got down to this. And then I got as a reward for all my hard work, I got to get a medal, get on stage, and look like that in my 60s because I flipped a switch and said, you know what?
• 11:08
  I can do this. And so I did all the things he told me. I lost 35 pounds, 13% body fat, got a medal, then went and competed two more times. And in the Arnold just recently, I got my third medal. At 65? It's such a crazy, amazing, overcoming adversity love story, which is just amazing to me. What is the number one thing that you want the listeners to take away from this?
• 11:35
  Okay, so we talk about it being a love story. It's a love story of me falling in love with myself. Before you can go out and be in a relationship or be in business or work crazy hours, it's for you to look in the mirror and tell yourself that you're enough. You're never going to be perfect, and don't let the perfect ruin the good. But I got to tell you, I've overcome so much rejection and negativity in my life,
• 11:57
  And I start each day and I look in the mirror and I'm like, congratulations. Not only are you still here, but you're thriving and you're wonderful. And if you don't tell yourself you're enough, don't expect anyone else to. I believe everybody's built with magic and resilience. You were born...
• 12:12
  Yeah. So I was born with, I had one finger on my left hand and I had a lower left leg that was pretty much just curved up towards my waist. It would be unfunctional. I would, I would be completely immobile. And so pretty early on, my parents knew that the thing to do was to amputate. And so, uh, at about three years old, I had a 15 hour procedure where the doctors amputated my leg right at the knee. And then they took the big toe that was formerly from that left foot and they put it on my left hand.
• 12:42
  So it was an amputation and a toe to hand transplant. Living with a disability is not easy. Everywhere you go in public, people staring, pointing fingers, whispering. You feel like an outsider a lot of the time. And having that be the case during quite formative years of your life, your childhood, your upbringing, that's where you develop your self-confidence. That can be tough. Yeah.
• 13:02
  My mom would tell me as a young kid, you walk into every room with your chin up, your chest out. You walk in like you own the place. Don't retreat to those insecurities. I was basically not allowed to hide my disability. It was something that I just learned to embrace as a part of who I am. And then eventually those insecurities just dissipate and fade over time. But really because of my parents. Since it was the left...
• 13:28
  hand and left leg, is there some kind of medical reason why it affected your left side? I think there is. If I remember correctly, it's called femur fibula ulna syndrome. I could be mistaken. Funny that I don't even really know my own diagnosis. I was just going to say that. It's interesting, right? When you grow up with a disability,
• 13:49
  and you sort of overcome those early years of not feeling like you belong and whatnot, I mean, I never think about my disability. It's just there. It's just what I do. I just live life, and I don't know anything different. And so that's totally the antithesis of someone who acquires their disability, right? If you –
• 14:06
  live 20 years of your life. And then God forbid someone gets into a car accident and then all of a sudden lose a leg or have to be in a wheelchair or whatever it might be totally different. And it's a totally different journey for myself. I just grew up this way. So I don't know anything different. And so this is just, you know, the fact that I don't even really know my own diagnosis here is funny. It's just the proof that I really kind of don't care. I've just lived my life. Disability is a part of that.
• 14:30
  But at the end of the day, if you're born with an obstacle and you're forced to overcome it pretty early on, then everything else beyond that point is just sort of water under the bridge, if that makes sense. Did I read this right that you started talking, giving speeches about this at four years old? Yeah. If you live with a disability, everywhere you go in public, there's people who are always going to come up and say, what's wrong? What's wrong? How did you lose your leg? So you get pretty used to sharing your story. You get pretty used to speaking about it.
• 14:56
  And because I grew up that way, I just I knew my story like the back of my hand. I was able to speak, you know, pretty well in front of crowds and people because I had just done it my whole life. That sort of progressed into me actually giving motivational speeches and public speeches because there is so much to learn and take away. And I feel like anything I can do to make disability a little bit more normalized and sort of share my story, if that helps somebody else, then I'm all for it.
• 15:24
  How do you stay grounded when the world wants to put you on this pedestal? There's a story that I love about Marcus Aurelius, actually, where at the peak of his success, he had somebody who he hired to literally just whisper in his ear every now and then, you're just a man.
• 15:42
  And I love that. And so regardless of the things I hope to accomplish or have accomplished, the documentary, social media success, sponsors, this, all that, I like to almost tell myself, you're just a man. You can be...
• 16:01
  driven by a lot of different things and you can accomplish a lot of success and you can feel proud of that success, which I am, you know, I for sure have an ego. I think ego drives us in a lot of ways, but at the end of the day,
• 16:13
  I'm just a man. You're just a man. And that is sort of the ultimate equalizer, which is regardless of what you've done, you're still just a man. You have flaws. You get up the same way as everyone else. You oftentimes deal with the same struggles as most people. You just happen to have accomplished a lot of success that most people, whatever, think is cool or looked up to or aspire to do. I like to think I have people around me.
• 16:37
  who remind me that I'm just a man. And that's more than I could ask for. At the end of the day, we're just men. That's it, simple as that. I think that most people fail in life because they set goals that are too easy to accomplish. They accomplish those goals, but then in turn, you leave tons of potential on the table because you didn't think you were capable of more. I don't think there's a single person on earth that stumbles into greatness.
• 17:04
  It's a process. You believe you're capable of accomplishing something and then you accomplish it. And so for me, I've always been the most vocal about my goals. I've put it out there. I've put it into the abyss. Then you hunt it down afterwards. People always talk about, like you said, they don't want to jinx it. They don't want to say it. That's total BS. I don't believe in any of that. I think the way you enact the law of attraction is by vocalizing something.
• 17:31
  right? Believing you're capable of it and then hunting that down with everything you have. Before I won my first world title, they'd say, hey, you know, are you sure you want to say that you're going to win the world title? Are you sure you want to publicize it? What happens if you don't win it? And my response to them is I will never not vocalize my goals out of fear of not accomplishing them because that's me even admitting that there's an ounce of insecurity and there isn't. And so I'll always speak it. I'll always put it out there and then hunt it down.
• 18:01
  When I was in the village, when I was competing, I didn't feel any pressure. I just felt free. I felt like this was my destiny. I feel like if you're hunting your purpose, you're not going to be worried about these external expectations. And that's what it was for me. I was so confident that I was going to win.
• 18:19
  that nothing anyone else said or did would matter at all, even if they believed I was going to win. They didn't knew that was going to happen. So when I believe in something so holistically, I don't feel like I feel pressure. And so now in this case, leading into LA, I feel the exact same way. And once again, I'll say it in every single interview, I'm just as confident, if not more confident than I was going into Paris, that I'm going to win golds. I think that pressure is also a little bit of
• 18:47
  figment of our imagination. It is what pressure is, what we make ourselves think it is. And so in the sense that if you are always associating pressure with something really negative, you're going to be constantly overwhelmed by it. I don't see pressure as a negative thing. I see it as actually something that is just a part of success and a positive thing. And if you see it
• 19:12
  Feel those expectations. It doesn't bother you. It's like, yeah, let's go. Believe that I can do it because I believe it as well, if that makes sense. Let's go back when you were 16 and you were competing in the Paralympics in Tokyo. What were you telling yourself at the starting line? Tokyo was an interesting game. I missed the bronze medal bar with the clip of my prosthetic. So my whole body gets over the bar and then the prosthetic clips it at the last second.
• 19:37
  And so just it was a devastating moment overall. It's hard to fail, period. Then again, hard to fail on the world stage in front of millions of people when you've said very publicly, you're going to meddle, you're going to meddle, you're going to meddle. It was definitely a difficult process to work through that. I was young. I was really heartbroken. But I just turned that into motivation. It just lit a fire under my belly. I...
• 20:00
  you know, trained unbelievably hard. I grinded, you know, 10 times more. I sacrificed 10 times more. I set the lock screen on my phone as a photo of the medalist that beat me in Tokyo. So I would every day I'd wake up and look at that photo and be like, never with the words, never again. So never again was I going to let that happen. So I basically learned from the loss in Tokyo. We changed a bunch of things and I moved through it. But yeah, I look back on that
• 20:26
  that memory really positively, despite how negative it was, because I actually don't think I am where I am today without that moment. And so as crappy as it feels in the moment, we need that sometimes. What's one lie people believe about disabilities that you're working to dismantle? Oh, that's a good question. I think the lie would be that living with a disability is
• 20:49
  is the worst thing ever. And that people with disabilities can't be elite athletes or aren't elite athletes, that people with disabilities can't participate in sport. And I think I'm an example that all of that is false. Disability is difficult, yes. But is it the defining quality of 50 million Americans that live with a physical disability? Absolutely not. The Paralympics is a
• 21:15
  the best athletes on the planet who just happen to have a physical disability, right? The disability is just one small part of who they are as people, who they are as athletes. The same way we would never characterize a human being in any other minority group by one part of who they are, whether it be their sexual orientation or their race or X, Y, and Z. Yet we characterize people by disability. And so it's because it's seen in such a negative light that,
• 21:44
  I feel like that's what we're working to disprove. That's what we're working to change. That's what we're working to rewire the way society thinks of it. Watching the Paralympics is a great way for you to think of disability differently. Even my own social media content. I talk about the disability. I share. I'm open. I make jokes. Also, that the average person who's watching the content can go, oh, yeah.
• 22:04
  It's not the end of the world. It sucks maybe for certain people who have to battle through hardships, but it's not the end of the world. This guy can still run. This guy can still do X, Y, and Z. He can still have a pretty girlfriend. He can still live a good life. These are all things that the average person doesn't realize someone can still have with a physical disability. And that's what we're working up against. It's always about impact over medals, 100%.
• 22:26
  I feel my purpose in life is to normalize disability, be an example of what's possible as an amputee, and I would trade all the medals in the world for the opportunity to accomplish my larger purpose. I just know that winning the medals is a stepping stone to then do all these other amazing things that I can hopefully, you know,
• 22:45
  accomplish throughout my career, which is growing Angel City Sports, which is, you know, making amazing films and documentaries about these stories, growing the social media following so I can touch more people and change the way they view disability. I know that the medals are only a stepping stone to accomplish that larger purpose type stuff, but I would trade all those medals and all the selfish accolades in order to enact real change. What does a world look like?
• 23:12
  that fully embraces adaptive athletes. A world where people with disabilities are properly included is a world where people with disabilities aren't bullied at higher rates and have equal job opportunities and aren't obese in higher rates and aren't depressed in higher rates and have full access to sports wherever and whenever they want and walk around day to day in public and feel included in society.
• 23:39
  I think we're a long ways away, but that's not to say that we're not making any progress. I feel like we're moving in the right direction. We have seen a lot about DE&I and diversity and inclusion and disability has been left out. Disability is the last frontier, right? Disability is the next, in my opinion, the next social movement. And so...
• 24:01
  I look forward to a day where a kid with a disability doesn't have to keep changing schools because they get bullied everywhere they go. And I look forward to a day where if someone loses their leg in a motorcycle accident, they know that they can still play sports and they can get a running blade and they'll be perfectly fine and live a totally active, healthy lifestyle. You know, I look forward to the day where a little kid who has a physical disability can turn on the TV screen and see somebody like themselves. Yeah.
• 24:29
  See representation in the mainstream, powerful, or walk down Hollywood Boulevard and see a billboard of someone with a disability. All of this matters. And that's the future that I'm working towards. And I think we're moving the right direction, but we still got some ways to go.
• 24:45
  It's not that people aren't interested in Paralympics or disability or Paralympic sport. It's that they're not aware. We have blind soccer. We have CP7 aside soccer. We have amputee soccer. Like, how is the average soccer fan not being exposed to blind soccer that we play at the Paralympic Games where every athlete can't even see? And the way they know where the ball is is because the ball has a bell.
• 25:10
  It's crazy. We got to expose it to them. And so this is what I'm talking about where I say we're moving the right direction, but we need allies to lean in. We need people who are willing to really amplify these sports. And then in turn, you're going to see a massive change. There is the opportunity to do that for a lot more sports that I think would provide a lot of value. But of course, hasn't happened yet.
• 25:34
  You were born worthy. It's your birthright. Energy always tells the truth. You can't bend or reshape energy. It is what it is. We'll never rise above our definition of our worthiness. The universal law of vibration is where everything is in movement all the time. Everything is moving all the time. Energy cannot be destroyed. It cannot be. It only can transfer. It can only move. So...
• 25:57
  We're always in movement. We're always in flow. We get to decide what that looks like. I want people to know their transformation is possible. What happened at 50 and then what were the patterns that were keeping you stuck?
• 26:11
  I think that when you come out of a dysfunctional family, chaos follows. So I could just say the first 50 years of my life were frigging chaos. I worked for the NFIB in the United States Chamber of Commerce as one of their top negotiators for over a decade. And I think what made me really well is I could take on anything and arguing was a way of life for me. It was a trauma response. So I was really good at it. But when I woke up,
• 26:37
  I was so dominant. There was so much masculine energy to win because what I really was was powerless. And that's how I got my power was winning, winning, winning. So that trauma bond was broken. And at 50, I'm like, where do I go now? What do I do? I can't ever go back to doing that. And that's when the real work was started. Our story is exactly the same. That was the only sense of control that I have.
• 27:00
  was my will to win will overpower your will to not win. And then I would leave a path of destruction. Unless we identify the core wound, our core fear is going to show up over and over again.
• 27:15
  inner child is just unhealed wounds. Whatever version of us that shows up that's unhealed is going to continue to lead the show. So whenever it shows up, I have to build this bond and trust. And this is what I teach. My biggest thing is, does it feel like love? And do you trust me? Because frankly, I didn't trust anything. It's not the grown woman. It's the child. Maybe the 15-year-old had trauma. The six-year-old shows up a lot. And I have to say, hey, do you trust me? I had to deconstruct and rebuild trauma.
• 27:43
  And your world gets very small when that happens because all of a sudden friendships fall away. All the things that you've built into play that have supported this life no longer fit. And I always say when you're in transition, get ready to have things fall away to make space for the new version of you where there's just freedom.
• 28:05
  freedom to feel how many times I'm speaking for me. How many times was the universe, God, whatever you believe in showing you that you needed to change before you finally changed? I got smacked down so many times that I remember being in my bathtub once curled up and I'm like, Jesus, take the wheel. I can't do it. I mean, every decision I made was a train wreck.
• 28:29
  I've lost houses. I've bankrupt. I've had millions, billions go through these fingers because I didn't think I was worthy. I would hand things off and trust other people. Trust didn't live in here. Externally, I would say, I trust you. Will you take care of me? Because I needed to be taken care of. Now I take care of me. Did you let go and just let God 100%? Because that's what you hear everybody saying.
• 28:51
  When there's resistance now, I know to lean in, not lean out. I ask better questions. I say, oh, isn't that interesting? I don't take ownership of it because where our energy goes, we buy that experience. Now I observe. I am a master people watcher. I watch. I listen. And let's face it, as a lobbyist, I never listened to anything. I was ready to attack like a bulldog because I wanted to win in order to get power. I don't need to win anymore. I don't.
• 29:15
  I don't need to prove. I just listen and navigate and pivot and say, ah, there's resistance there. What do I need to know? What is that? So right now in your life, what is that resistance teaching you? What do you need to know? What is showing up? And what is it you're most frightened of? Because let's face it,
• 29:36
  We could say, I'm not, I'm fearless. I'm not frightened of anything. I'm scared to death of some things. I could lie and say, I'm afraid of nothing. Well, I trust everything, but there's things I lean into. We don't hang on. We let go and we rebuild. And you know, what's frightening is...
• 29:51
  I don't know what the future looks like, but the fact of the matter is, even if you think you know, you do not know. You do not know. Control is an illusion. Thinking that you have it all mapped out is an illusion. Everything we think to be true is an illusion. And so I just sit back and I have such a deep faith and trust. I don't care what my bank account says. I don't care what's going on in my life. I'm like, oh, this is working for me, not against me. And that sounds so simple. But I know.
• 30:16
  through 60 plus years of life, that everything has shown up to move me into where I need to go. Nothing is working against me. I'm so grateful for now because I learned so much. You know, there's times where we think, oh, I want to speak at that event. And they don't ask us. They ask someone else. I'm like, ouch. No, not ouch. I wasn't meant to be there. I love...
• 30:38
  working with the energy of what has been created. And if we think about it, Tesla said that three, six, nine was in every single equation that was high vibrational in the universe. So what he did was a three, six, nine theory, which three means body, mind, soul, past, present, future. Six means harmony and balance. Nine means God connection. We just declare what we want. And that's where people get stuck. Oh, let me think about it. Let me, let me overthink about it. Let me, let me.
• 31:08
  Let me dig up that treasure and think about it. Keep it simple. Keep it simple. Just claim something. Put a stake in it. And then three, six, nine. Three in the morning, six in the afternoon, nine in the evening, you repeat it. It opens up. It raises your vibration. And the universal law vibration is connected to every universal law out there.
• 31:27
  The one thing that I find impossible to do is to just trust the process, not continuously pound forward, be patient and allow everything to work. Because your story is I have to work really hard to get this.
• 31:43
  95% is stories. 5% is what we tend to take on. I clear the stories. And I mean, I clear the playing field. Those stories do not serve me. The money stories, my parents' stories, generational stories, mother stories, father stories, friends' stories, all their stories don't serve you. Keeping it simple and not overcomplicated, we can remember.
• 32:03
  The trauma keeps it complicated and it keeps you from, it separates you from what it is you want. And it's a loop that you create so you can work harder. I gotta work harder. No, you don't. You have to work smarter. We don't go to our stories and renegotiate them.
• 32:20
  We don't go back and say, I want a different outcome. We disconnect, say, what do I need to know? And we step into the newness of our life. And that means we don't know. And we have to surrender control and receive. And that would be your magic ticket right there. So someone betrays you, treats you wrong, and then you abandon yourself.
• 32:40
  That cycle is not going to end until you value yourself. The work starts there. The value lives in here. That external need to belong. We need to belong to us. We need to love us. And I know that sounds so simple, but that process every day, I check in with me.
• 33:00
  If something's rubbing up against or I'm feeling resistance or I feel like a little niggle of hurt feelings, I'm like, ah, it's rubbing up against something. What is that teaching you? Let's start back at A. And that means we have to be accountable that everything in our world, and this is universal loss, we call in. And we call it in to teach us. And people are like, how can that trauma teach me? How can that loss teach me? Mm-hmm.
• 33:25
  It can, because I've worked with people through losses that are inconceivable, that are now doing platforms and foundations, and they could have never seen it in the beginning. And we don't say, oh, it's for the best. It's going to transform you. That's not what I'm talking about. God does not give us more than we can handle.
• 33:45
  He just doesn't. We have to give ourselves permission, but we think we have to be on. And if we, if we're not, it's kind of like famous people that are musicians or actors. I can't take any time off. They'll forget about me. Don't you forget about you? Home for me growing up was not safe. Oh yeah. No, I get that one. Yeah. It's like, no, not safe. I felt, I know your story. Frigging not safe. Home and safety live within me. What does that mean to you? What did it mean to you? What does it mean to you now?
• 34:13
  You know, I think that, you know, statistically, and like we talked about earlier, I'm like a nerd with finding out statistics and knowing information. I'm an information check. So from zero to seven, we look at our environment, our parents, our grandparents, whatever it is, and we learn differently.
• 34:30
  what it is we need to know. We learn how to show up, what it is to connect or not connect. And we repeat that for the rest of our life. I had an alcoholic father. I had a mom through, you know, by 22, she had five children, attachment issues because of her generational trauma. And there's no blame here. I come from a long line of really...
• 34:49
  successful entrepreneurs, but a lot of trauma. I can't look at them for safety. It wasn't safe. It was never safe. I went in the world and I would try to find people that were safe. And then I would say here, take my safety and make it okay. Make it better for me. And when they betrayed me, the devastation was, I mean, it was like landmines blowing up.
• 35:11
  You know, himashima, boom. So when we self-abandon, why do we find people that aren't safe to give our safety to? How does that happen? Yeah, to teach us. And you know what? Be grateful for them. Say thank you for teaching me that valuable lesson. I would have never figured out my core wound and my core fear in the world was nothing is safe. You are my safety. Everything was here. Whenever I start to feel lax,
• 35:39
  Scarcity. You look at your bank account or you start to get frightened about something in the world, politics, whatever it is.
• 35:46
  I breathe, I hold myself, and I say, all is well, all is well in my world. I am safe. I am loved. I am protected. It's just God keeps sending you the same thing over and over and over again. That was me until I finally looked and said no more. And the ego wants to make you wrong. There is no right or wrong. Overthinking is the number one thing people do to keep them, and I'm going to say it, stuck. People are never stuck.
• 36:10
  situations are, their thought process is, and their thought process is just a pattern. And your life is following the pattern. Just identify it. We want to quantum leap continually and just one step at a time. You know, I say we don't have a commitment problem. We have a consistency problem to the wrong commitment, you know, so stay consistent to the commitment that you want, but get very clear on that. Your life is going to follow whatever you're committed to. What's the biggest energetic lie women are told today?
• 36:40
  that they have to do it all. You say energy radiates 15 feet out. What kind of energy are you walking into a room today with? Peace, power, or don't test me? Oh, I never walk in with don't. I walk in with show me the money. Money will follow authority. I walk in in my authority and I call in what I need. Yes, you do. I'm building a legacy here. Money is not a dirty word.
• 37:04
  Money is something that it is our currency. It is an energy that will follow us if we believe we're worthy enough. And if we are not the authority in our life and we make someone else the authority, money is going to follow them.
• 37:16
  You've been open about your struggles with addiction. So what was the turning point that made you commit to the sobriety? November 11th, 2015, I was playing, leaving Las Vegas, like not trying, but literally, literally I was drinking myself to death. I was 80 pounds heavier. I had, why did I eventually quit? I had a, I would say probably a week to live.
• 37:43
  Did you ever figure out why you drank? When I had to, my, my organs were going to explode. My intestine, I was going to explode. The biggest misnomer was always, and it come from a generation where it's like, Oh, here, drink this. You can have, you know, drink anything you want. You hammered stuff like this, but don't ever smoke this. Don't smoke weed. You know, you're either stoner. You can't be a professional athlete, right? Which is such the dichotomy because of education. Anyways, I,
• 38:10
  to what saved my life like i mean it was and i i'm the one that has gone every time we won a cup i've been sober i gone 10 years i quit drinking the first time when my son was born um in the summer of 96 and i didn't touch a drink until it was in hawaii in the summer of 2006 wait a minute stop right there because i've never had anybody on the show that went back
• 38:33
  What made you go back to drinking? This ties up with everything that I believe. It's looking yourself in the mirror and liking who you are. So for me, I always live with the shame of, I knew who I was to everybody else. I knew who DMACC was when I was six years old. I didn't know who Darren was until I was 46 because I knew what I meant to everybody else. So self-awareness to what you're dealing with in yourself.
• 39:00
  Number one rule in my world. Don't lie to the person in the mirror. No matter how, because I used to, I couldn't stop and look at him. I was so ashamed. I knew I was to everybody else till one day I stopped and I said, I, I'm not dealing with you like this. And he looked at me and he said, hope you're alive when you come back. And I was like,
• 39:20
  army. I like that. Now it's sort of the balance. Now you get the best of both. I mean, DMACC is in there, but Darren runs the show. And that was never the case. And I went back and you know what? A million percent when they tell you, no matter where you started,
• 39:36
  Where you ended off and how much time you put in, you go back. You're right where you were. But I believe alcoholism is a disease. I believe, but there's also two is there's ways to do it. The one thing that always held me back because I've done 25,000 hours in AA. I live by the principles of Alcoholics Anonymous, except my program has a garden in it.
• 40:03
  That's it. Now, the greatest thing, too, is we're in 2025, and I have all the education. And so I relapsed in 2006, went back to rehab in 2007, um...
• 40:18
  Came back for my fourth cup. Came back. Played the IHL. Played the AHL. Found my way onto the roster. Played 17 games. Won the cup in 08. Played the 08-09 season. And after that, again, it was, didn't know who I was. And slowly think you got to figure it out. And from 2009 to 11-11, November 11th, I had a, and I would say probably a
• 40:43
  A week to live When I had to My organs were going to explode My intestine I was going to explode Everything was shutting down You know it got so bad that That if I would And the thing with alcohol is because You can't quit cold turkey And the fact is that because it'll kill you But the fact is that I'd even go And just try to limit myself To a beer or two a day I'd drink one beer and I'd be fucked
• 41:12
  For me, it made me feel lovable. I didn't like who I was. And not that I didn't feel loved or not that I had a bad chance. No, I always that. But it was just I didn't know. Like, I knew who I was to everybody else, but I didn't know who I was to myself. You know? So the bottom line when I'm talking about this Rick Simpson and all this RSO, it's the plant taking...
• 41:34
  Taken all the cannabinoids and everything down, crushed. And it's actually the way that it's made. It's through pure alcohol. So it's in this tar form. And they use it medically. It's big for skin cancer, stuff like this. So that's how I got the physical addiction. When I got up, when I came out of my slumber or whatever, I was on my knees because I didn't have that physical addiction.
• 41:57
  burden on me. I was already spiritually, mentally ready. I remember the moment because I got on my knees and I cried and I fucking was so grateful. And then Kelly, I got mad. I got mad because how many people had died? Because I know the stigma that had kept me behind from finding people
• 42:16
  The therapeutical uses are really getting into it that it could change my life. And then that's when I said, well, I'm going to dedicate my life to this plant because it saved my life. That's the reason I'm here. And then so that was just over nine years ago. And that's why I created the brand.
• 42:33
  putting myself into a position that it's not about me anymore, what I represent. And, and so that gives me the power to like every day is to be better and to help more people. And whether it's the veterans, the recovery, whether it's cannabis field, whether no matter what it is, it's just to be that positive influence to tell everybody is that, no, I don't care. Right. Because you can't tell me. Cause I, cause I did do it.
• 42:58
  Difference between me today and the hockey player, whatever like that I was is Darren leads the way, not DMACC. I'm proud of you, man. What is the thing that you're most proud of in your life today? I always say I'm Detroit's favorite stepson, you know, this being from across the border and stuff like this, but I resemble the resilience of what the city is. And, and if anybody represents Detroit more than me, let me know.
• 43:25
  Right. As far as like, no matter how many times you get knocked down, you got to get back up. No matter what times you punch in the face, being part of the grind line, being part of that. And I can relate to know so many different things. I got the, and I take the most, what I take the most pride in, right? Because here's the thing is that when the shit had to be done, right? No matter what, who got it done. I wanted that. Just like, I want to be in front of this kid cannabis thing or whatever to save my life. Is that that Lemieux shit? That was mine.
• 43:54
  Right? You know, and lucky we took care of it the way that it did so that I'm not in Jackson State and you're sending me commissary because I did something stupid. Because that was, don't trust me, the guys that you built like me, that's on the table. So thank goodness that it played out the way that it did. You get all fired up and I just want to stand up and go out and freaking wreck some people. I love it. Life's a grind, man. Life's a grind. That's great.
• 44:21
  Enjoy my truth. Let's have some fun with it. When I realize that no matter how much I love somebody, how much I want somebody to get, whatever, if they're not going to do the work and I'm focused on that, I'm missing the hand that's waving behind me because I don't care how much I have love for you or not. If you're not willing to do the work, then I can't help you. Do the work, people. Work works.
• 44:44
  Please rate and share this podcast. I'm active on all social platforms and love to hear from my Segal supporters. Each and every episode is sponsored by my company, National Technology Management, the easiest and best IT company to do business with, delivering peace of mind with technology every day, even simplifying cybersecurity. Visit TrustNTM.com for more info. Until next week, be harder than life.