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Overcoming Limiting Beliefs · Wellness In Every Season

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_00: I am.
• 0:01
  SPEAKER_00: This is episode 204.
• 0:04
  SPEAKER_00: Today we are talking about overcoming negative beliefs.
• 0:10
  SPEAKER_00: Welcome to Wellness in Every Season.
• 0:13
  SPEAKER_00: We talk all things wellness to help you align yourself, align with your goals, find balance in your life, and just recalibrate yourself.
• 0:24
  SPEAKER_00: If you are listening for the first time, welcome, welcome.
• 0:27
  SPEAKER_00: I'm so glad you're here.
• 0:29
  SPEAKER_00: And let's get started in the rest of the podcast.
• 0:33
  SPEAKER_00: I have with me Adele Hagan.
• 0:37
  SPEAKER_00: She has done a bunch of work in this field.
• 0:39
  SPEAKER_00: She is an award-winning author, thought leader, and internationally recognized expert in personal development, mindset and transformation, and neuroplasticity.
• 0:49
  SPEAKER_00: So she's my type of person right there.
• 0:52
  SPEAKER_00: With a deep understanding of behavioral change, she helps individuals break free from self-limiting patterns and rewire their brains for success.
• 1:00
  SPEAKER_00: Adele's innovative four-step approach, rooted in neuroscience, empowers people to shift their mindset and achieve lasting transformation.
• 1:09
  SPEAKER_00: She has received numerous accolades, including the Women of Inspiration Customer Experience Award and Top Behavioral Expert of the Year.
• 1:18
  SPEAKER_00: As a sought-after keynote speaker and trainer, she inspires audiences worldwide to embrace change and unlock their full potential.
• 1:27
  SPEAKER_00: Adele is the author of Shift Four Steps to Personal Empowerment, a best-selling guide to overcoming mental roadblocks and achieving personal breakthroughs.
• 1:36
  SPEAKER_00: Passionate about guiding people toward a more fulfilling life, she continues to make a profound impact through her coaching and thought leadership.
• 1:45
  SPEAKER_00: So apparently, you love the brain.
• 1:48
  SPEAKER_00: So do I.
• 1:49
  SPEAKER_00: There is so much in there, and there is so much that we can overcome with our lives and with our physical health just by working here.
• 2:01
  SPEAKER_00: So I'm so excited we're going to be talking about this.
• 2:03
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you for where do you want to start with this conversation?
• 2:07
  SPEAKER_01: Well, let's start with negative beliefs, right?
• 2:09
  SPEAKER_01: Because so many people face them.
• 2:10
  SPEAKER_01: Like we get so trapped in thinking we're not good enough or we need to change something before we can go forth.
• 2:18
  SPEAKER_01: And when we think about the brain, we don't often think about where it's located.
• 2:22
  SPEAKER_01: Okay?
• 2:23
  SPEAKER_01: So it's located inside a dark and silent room.
• 2:26
  SPEAKER_01: There's no touch in there, there's no taste, there's no sound, there's no, there's nothing in there but neural impulses that are traveling down these channels.
• 2:36
  SPEAKER_01: So that means that in order for you to have a belief, such as a negative one, you first need a brain pattern that is capable of having that belief.
• 2:46
  SPEAKER_01: And when we look at it that way, it changes our whole focus about how we are going to address these beliefs.
• 2:52
  SPEAKER_01: Because if we're addressing them out there in the world, right?
• 2:55
  SPEAKER_01: So we have a negative belief like I'm not fit enough.
• 2:59
  SPEAKER_01: So we run to the gym and we start exercising, right?
• 3:02
  SPEAKER_01: Or we have a negative belief such as I'm not a good enough parent.
• 3:06
  SPEAKER_01: So we run out and we do parenting classes.
• 3:08
  SPEAKER_01: And we try and change everything that we're doing in action.
• 3:12
  SPEAKER_01: And if we're successful there, then hopefully that negative belief goes away.
• 3:16
  SPEAKER_01: But for some people it doesn't.
• 3:17
  SPEAKER_01: That negative belief remains no matter what we do on the outside, correct?
• 3:22
  SPEAKER_01: So then the other way we might change is okay, I'll change myself.
• 3:26
  SPEAKER_01: I'll develop myself personally, and then I'll be able to feel better about myself.
• 3:31
  SPEAKER_01: So we'll do affirmations or we'll do positive thinking and all of that stuff, trying to change the way that we believe.
• 3:40
  SPEAKER_01: And that too can sometimes work, and for some people it doesn't.
• 3:44
  SPEAKER_01: So let's look at the brain.
• 3:46
  SPEAKER_01: In order for you to have a negative belief, you first need to have a pattern in your brain that is capable of that belief.
• 3:53
  SPEAKER_01: The only difference between somebody who believes they're good enough and somebody who believes they aren't is a different brain pattern.
• 3:59
  SPEAKER_01: That's it.
• 4:00
  SPEAKER_01: Nothing wrong with the individual.
• 4:02
  SPEAKER_01: It's just one thinks that way because they have a pattern that thinks that.
• 4:06
  SPEAKER_01: So that means that if we can start there, then we can address any problem.
• 4:11
  SPEAKER_01: So I like to say if anybody has a problem of any kind, it is because they have a pattern that is misaligned with the direction that they want to go in.
• 4:21
  SPEAKER_01: So as soon as they have a pattern that is taking an action that is not aligned with their goal, they are going to have a problem.
• 4:29
  SPEAKER_01: And that includes a belief, that includes anything that we set out to do in life.
• 4:34
  SPEAKER_01: So the first step is to turn inwards and go, what is my pattern?
• 4:38
  SPEAKER_01: What pattern is causing me to think like this?
• 4:41
  SPEAKER_01: Rather than why do I think like this or how do I change this thinking?
• 4:45
  SPEAKER_01: Let's turn inwards first and address the brain.
• 4:48
  SPEAKER_01: Does that make sense before I go any further?
• 4:51
  SPEAKER_00: It does.
• 4:52
  SPEAKER_00: There are so many areas.
• 4:54
  SPEAKER_00: I'll use myself as an example.
• 4:56
  SPEAKER_00: There are times where I feel like I am running full force, but there's also that part of me that's tripping myself along the way.
• 5:03
  SPEAKER_00: So I'm getting in my own way.
• 5:04
  SPEAKER_00: And I've seen that with people that I coach as well.
• 5:07
  SPEAKER_00: So totally makes sense.
• 5:09
  SPEAKER_01: So, yeah, those trips that we do, those obstacles we put in front of ourselves, they're the result of brain patterns.
• 5:16
  SPEAKER_01: So, how do we address these brain patterns?
• 5:18
  SPEAKER_01: Let's just take a common thing that probably everybody faces at some point.
• 5:22
  SPEAKER_01: I am not good enough at, and then listener, I want you to fill in the blank.
• 5:27
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, you know, I'm not good enough at parenting, I'm not good enough at fitness, I'm not good enough at just whatever you would say to yourself.
• 5:36
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, so let's do a little activity.
• 5:39
  SPEAKER_01: Instead of thinking that is true, because it may or it may not be, okay, I'd like you instead to turn inwards.
• 5:46
  SPEAKER_01: And I'm going to give you a definition of a brain pattern.
• 5:49
  SPEAKER_01: You know that your brain is running a pattern when three things come together: physical sensation, emotion, and thought.
• 5:59
  SPEAKER_01: So that's a sign of a brain pattern.
• 6:00
  SPEAKER_01: A brain pattern is an intertwined sensation mixed with an emotion, mixed with a thought.
• 6:08
  SPEAKER_01: So when you say to yourself, I'm not good enough at filling the blank, you'll notice that something occurs physically in the body.
• 6:16
  SPEAKER_01: Maybe your stomach contracts, maybe you get a tension in the throat, maybe you tear up.
• 6:22
  SPEAKER_01: You'll notice that there's an emotion that goes along with that.
• 6:25
  SPEAKER_01: Maybe sad, maybe anger at yourself, maybe anger at the situation, maybe shame.
• 6:32
  SPEAKER_01: Okay?
• 6:32
  SPEAKER_01: And then you'll notice that the brain comes in to support that belief.
• 6:36
  SPEAKER_01: So the thoughts will come in to support that belief.
• 6:39
  SPEAKER_01: So the thoughts will be things like, oh yeah, and there's all this evidence over here, and oh, and look what you did yesterday, and all of this stuff to support that brain pattern.
• 6:50
  SPEAKER_01: All right, so there I've defined a brain pattern for you.
• 6:54
  SPEAKER_01: And if we could tease apart that brain pattern, so the brain has plasticity.
• 6:59
  SPEAKER_01: I'm sure most of your listeners have heard that term.
• 7:02
  SPEAKER_01: It just means the brain we rewires itself.
• 7:05
  SPEAKER_01: If we could tease apart that brain pattern and rewire it, can you see how you would never have that thought again?
• 7:12
  SPEAKER_01: You wouldn't have that negative belief, right?
• 7:14
  SPEAKER_01: It would just disappear.
• 7:16
  SPEAKER_01: That's the foundation on which we want to start working.
• 7:21
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, now a lot of people at this point say, but Adele, if I get rid of that belief, that the belief is true, then how am I actually helping anything, right?
• 7:33
  SPEAKER_01: Like if I'm really not good at parenting and I need to address that, then how does me changing the belief that I'm not good at parenting address the parenting?
• 7:42
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, the brain is extremely, extremely creative.
• 7:46
  SPEAKER_01: Every single person on this planet is creative.
• 7:48
  SPEAKER_01: Our brain creates solutions.
• 7:52
  SPEAKER_01: So patterns, I like to say it's patterns all the way down.
• 7:55
  SPEAKER_01: And so patterns are responsible for, in this case, the parenting style, right?
• 8:01
  SPEAKER_01: Or responsible for the level of fitness activity.
• 8:05
  SPEAKER_01: So they've got you into the situation, and new patterns can take you out.
• 8:11
  SPEAKER_01: So if patterns brought a person to the positioning, then a new pattern can find a solution for them and take them out of that situation.
• 8:19
  SPEAKER_01: So we still need to address it as a brain pattern.
• 8:22
  SPEAKER_01: So yeah, it might be true that maybe you don't have enough learning in a particular area and you need more skill.
• 8:29
  SPEAKER_01: But still, starting with the brain and addressing the brain pattern and teasing it apart is the way to go.
• 8:34
  SPEAKER_01: Because as soon as you tease the part, the brain has to create a new one.
• 8:40
  SPEAKER_01: So it will never leave a vacuum, it will never leave a void.
• 8:44
  SPEAKER_01: Okay?
• 8:45
  SPEAKER_01: So as soon as you remove an underlying pattern, it immediately has to create a new one.
• 8:50
  SPEAKER_01: And the new one that it creates will bring you a creative solution.
• 8:54
  SPEAKER_01: Because the brain is always working in your favor.
• 8:57
  SPEAKER_01: It always actually wants to take you in the direction that you want to go in.
• 9:02
  SPEAKER_01: It wants you to thrive.
• 9:04
  SPEAKER_01: And so as soon as you work with it and give it the opportunity to rewire itself and you've set a goal, and it doesn't have to even be in writing, it can just be an internal goal.
• 9:14
  SPEAKER_01: I want to be fit this year.
• 9:16
  SPEAKER_01: Then as soon as you give it the opportunity to do that, it will immediately take you in that direction and create a brain pattern that will make that possible.
• 9:24
  SPEAKER_01: And that's why, again, I like to say that every problem we face is the result of a pattern in our brain.
• 9:31
  SPEAKER_00: Make sense?
• 9:32
  SPEAKER_00: It's interesting thinking of it with the stages of change idea.
• 9:37
  SPEAKER_00: But we go through these stages where we're not even contemplating the change, and then we're contemplating it, and then we're preparing for it.
• 9:44
  SPEAKER_00: Anyway, there's all these stages, but we can get stuck in the I am not fit or I'm not a good parent, but we get stuck there, and sometimes we don't even do something about it.
• 9:57
  SPEAKER_00: We're just stuck there because it's so negative, feels so black and so big and bleak, and it can be hard, or we just like you said, we keep throwing stuff at it, like we're gonna keep getting better at it, and then we end up having basically our own PhD and whatever thing this is, but we still don't feel adequate.
• 10:18
  SPEAKER_00: The stages of change just kept going through my mind with that.
• 10:21
  SPEAKER_00: And I like how you said that our brain wants to be there for our own good, but I know that our brain also wants to find the easiest path.
• 10:30
  SPEAKER_00: So when we take this path out, which actually isn't very easy, it naturally wants to form an easier path.
• 10:39
  SPEAKER_00: So there isn't that resistance.
• 10:40
  SPEAKER_01: Yes, and I love what you said because you're absolutely right.
• 10:43
  SPEAKER_01: The hardest thing that we have to do when we're faced with an unworkable pattern is get past that emotion that just overwhelms us.
• 10:53
  SPEAKER_01: I reached the point before I understood about my brain and brain patterning and how to change those patterns.
• 10:59
  SPEAKER_01: I reached a point where I was just having panic attacks everywhere, every single day.
• 11:04
  SPEAKER_01: I was just in this state of sheer panic.
• 11:06
  SPEAKER_01: I had this existential shame that I couldn't shake.
• 11:10
  SPEAKER_01: Because the more I kept pushing to solve my problems in the outside world, the more I kept bumping up against all these unworkable beliefs, all these limiting beliefs inside of me.
• 11:23
  SPEAKER_01: And they were overwhelming.
• 11:25
  SPEAKER_01: So the beautiful thing about understanding that it's a brain pattern is just that.
• 11:30
  SPEAKER_01: I always invite people to just close their eyes and just think, okay, I'm faced with all of these situations out there that I don't know how to solve, and all of these limited beliefs internally that I don't know what to do with.
• 11:42
  SPEAKER_01: But if every single one of those is just simply the result of a pattern in your brain, and that pattern can be changed, it can be altered.
• 11:52
  SPEAKER_01: Just think of the freedom in that.
• 11:55
  SPEAKER_01: You don't have to fix anything.
• 11:57
  SPEAKER_01: There's nothing wrong with you.
• 11:59
  SPEAKER_01: My logo is nothing to fix, everything to be.
• 12:02
  SPEAKER_01: My tagline, I should say.
• 12:04
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, it's a beautiful way to face life.
• 12:06
  SPEAKER_01: It's like there's nothing wrong with you.
• 12:08
  SPEAKER_01: Your brain is functioning as it's designed, as it's supposed to function.
• 12:13
  SPEAKER_01: It's just that nobody has taught you how to undo a pattern that doesn't work.
• 12:19
  SPEAKER_01: Nobody's given you that tool.
• 12:21
  SPEAKER_01: But as soon as you have that tool, it's like, oh, okay.
• 12:24
  SPEAKER_01: It's shame, yeah.
• 12:25
  SPEAKER_01: It's overwhelming panic, yes, get it.
• 12:28
  SPEAKER_01: But it's also given by a brain pattern, and that pattern can be altered.
• 12:33
  SPEAKER_00: And it makes sense because our brain, so think of it like we just bought a new car, and it is a blue Volkswagen bug.
• 12:44
  SPEAKER_00: But you buy this car, then you see them on the road all over the place.
• 12:47
  SPEAKER_00: You guys are listening to me, and all of a sudden you see a blue bug because I have not seen one in forever.
• 12:52
  SPEAKER_00: So maybe I'll manifest that for you to see it.
• 12:57
  SPEAKER_00: But once we are looking for that thing, it's going to show up in our lives.
• 13:02
  SPEAKER_00: And when we are doing that with negative beliefs, we are continuing to write over that wire and make it thicker and thicker because our brain is going to show us evidence that it is true.
• 13:15
  SPEAKER_01: I'm going to say this and then I'm going to back it up, okay?
• 13:18
  SPEAKER_01: The worst thing we can do is analyze it.
• 13:21
  SPEAKER_01: Because, like what I'm saying, every time you analyze it, you're actually running more information down that neural pathway.
• 13:29
  SPEAKER_01: Every time you try and talk yourself out of it, every time you try to find evidence why it's not true, every time you find evidence why it's right, every time you try to understand what to do about it and get out of it, you're actually reinforcing that neural pathway over and over again.
• 13:45
  SPEAKER_01: And so, you know, analysis is a trap.
• 13:48
  SPEAKER_01: It is a huge trap.
• 13:49
  SPEAKER_01: But look how rewarded we are in our left brain world when it comes to analyzing.
• 13:57
  SPEAKER_01: We're all taught, oh, you should analyze that.
• 13:59
  SPEAKER_01: You should understand why you do that.
• 14:01
  SPEAKER_01: In fact, you're asked that, well, why do you do that?
• 14:03
  SPEAKER_01: I said, Oh, I have an answer for you.
• 14:04
  SPEAKER_01: If anybody asks you that, the answer is because my brain made me.
• 14:08
  SPEAKER_01: That's it.
• 14:09
  unknown: Okay.
• 14:10
  SPEAKER_01: There's no other answer.
• 14:12
  SPEAKER_01: Because I have a brain pattern that did that.
• 14:14
  SPEAKER_01: That's it.
• 14:15
  unknown: Okay.
• 14:16
  SPEAKER_01: And then start identifying those patterns.
• 14:19
  SPEAKER_01: So what I teach is a four-step method.
• 14:22
  SPEAKER_01: And I'm just going to take your listeners through those four steps so they know what to do with a brain pattern that says I'm not good enough where it's got this limited belief.
• 14:30
  SPEAKER_01: So the first step we did, it's identify the pattern, physical sensation, emotion, thought.
• 14:36
  SPEAKER_01: Second step is you're going to flip the switch.
• 14:38
  SPEAKER_01: We are so used to thinking that pattern's belief is true.
• 14:44
  SPEAKER_01: We don't actually stop to think, oh, wait, that might just be a pattern in my brain.
• 14:51
  SPEAKER_01: I can't actually know if that's true, because all the evidence that I have is given by my own brain's analysis.
• 14:58
  SPEAKER_01: So the brain inside itself is seeing blue car everywhere, even though right before you never saw a blue car.
• 15:06
  SPEAKER_01: So your brain is analyzing the very thing that it believes, and of course it's finding evidence to support it.
• 15:12
  SPEAKER_01: That's its nature, that's its design.
• 15:15
  SPEAKER_01: So step two is just to flip the switch.
• 15:17
  SPEAKER_01: It's like, okay, a pattern created that belief.
• 15:21
  SPEAKER_01: Like not me, not the identity, not autumn, not Adele.
• 15:26
  SPEAKER_01: A pattern created the belief, I'm not getting a okay, or I'm limited in some way.
• 15:33
  SPEAKER_01: And step three is you're gonna tease that apart.
• 15:36
  SPEAKER_01: You're gonna, it's a step, it's a state of surrender.
• 15:40
  SPEAKER_01: It sounds harder than it is, okay?
• 15:42
  SPEAKER_01: You're just gonna be a neutral witness observer of that experience.
• 15:47
  SPEAKER_01: That's gonna tease that pattern apart, and then the brain will create a brand new pattern for you.
• 15:53
  SPEAKER_01: And you will be moving and rocking and rolling in the direction of your choosing in no time.
• 15:59
  SPEAKER_01: Now it takes time to learn the technique, and you're gonna be taking the step one step at a time, right?
• 16:05
  SPEAKER_01: But when you do, it'll surprise you.
• 16:08
  SPEAKER_01: You'll do something and you'll go, oh my gosh, I didn't know I was even capable of that.
• 16:13
  SPEAKER_01: Or, oh my gosh, I haven't had that thought, I'm not good enough, and I can't remember when.
• 16:18
  SPEAKER_01: And it'll just disappear from within you.
• 16:21
  SPEAKER_01: I remember when I first learned every pattern, and I was talking to you about that existential shame that I felt.
• 16:28
  SPEAKER_01: So I was using one particular trigger point for me.
• 16:31
  SPEAKER_01: So we all have triggers, right?
• 16:33
  SPEAKER_01: Memories, beliefs, things like that.
• 16:35
  SPEAKER_01: And those are the patterns trigger.
• 16:37
  SPEAKER_01: So I was using one of these trigger points for me, and it was a memory.
• 16:41
  SPEAKER_01: And I was actually walking down the street doing it, because you can do these four steps anywhere.
• 16:45
  SPEAKER_01: And I was walking down the street and just applying the four steps, and suddenly it was like my whole brain just rearranged itself.
• 16:55
  SPEAKER_01: It's like something in there just went in there and just threw everything up in the air, and then it just came down differently.
• 17:02
  SPEAKER_01: And I just went, oh my gosh.
• 17:04
  SPEAKER_01: And I'm looking for that feeling of shame, and it was just gone.
• 17:08
  SPEAKER_01: And I just burst out laughing.
• 17:10
  SPEAKER_01: I it was such a feeling of freedom and liberation.
• 17:14
  SPEAKER_01: I just couldn't stop laughing.
• 17:16
  SPEAKER_01: And I thought, oh, you know what?
• 17:18
  SPEAKER_01: If I can give this to one other person on the planet, I'm gonna give it to them.
• 17:23
  SPEAKER_01: And so that's when I started teaching this technique.
• 17:26
  SPEAKER_01: But then I went on and I did it towards my panic attacks, and those disappeared.
• 17:32
  SPEAKER_01: And then as I'm teaching it, it's not just limited beliefs and things like that.
• 17:36
  SPEAKER_01: But if you have, like, say money issues, patterns create your relationship to money, right?
• 17:44
  SPEAKER_01: If you have relationship issues, patterns create your relationship to the other person.
• 17:51
  SPEAKER_01: So we can use repatterning to really get a grasp on anything that's not working in our lives because it's just simply a misaligned pattern.
• 18:01
  SPEAKER_01: You've got a goal that's over here.
• 18:03
  SPEAKER_01: So you've got a goal at step B, and your patterns are at step A, and they can't make that bridge.
• 18:10
  SPEAKER_01: So all we got to do is change the pattern, and you're immediately crossing the bridge.
• 18:16
  SPEAKER_00: It makes me think of visualization, how that part can help us get there so we can see, okay, this is what it will feel like, this is where we want to be, because that gives us that, okay, this is the path that I need to be on.
• 18:29
  SPEAKER_00: And getting rid of that belief just helps get you like zoomed in to there.
• 18:35
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, now I'm there.
• 18:37
  SPEAKER_00: It just, I don't know, that that came up for me.
• 18:40
  SPEAKER_00: Like I can see for my own life and with my own stuff, because as a coach, you know this too, we need to work on our own stuff first.
• 18:48
  SPEAKER_00: We are the first guinea pig to any coaching thing, any tool, anything that we use, because we can only take our clients as far as we've gone and we're willing to go.
• 19:00
  SPEAKER_00: And if we don't want our stuff to show up while we're coaching other people, we need to be really working on ourselves in a very deep level.
• 19:07
  SPEAKER_00: So it made me think of myself and how I apply this.
• 19:12
  SPEAKER_00: And it makes sense because I've been stuck in therapy before.
• 19:16
  SPEAKER_00: And my therapist has said, Wow, you are very aware.
• 19:20
  SPEAKER_00: You're very self-aware.
• 19:21
  SPEAKER_00: And it's like, cool, but I don't want to be.
• 19:24
  SPEAKER_00: I want to get to the next part of this.
• 19:26
  SPEAKER_00: And it took a while to get there.
• 19:28
  SPEAKER_00: And then once I was finally able to get there and figure out how to rewire those things, it made a huge difference.
• 19:34
  SPEAKER_00: And it was as if my brain and my body was just like, here's everything else.
• 19:39
  SPEAKER_00: And then at that point, I started a plateau and then I added on a somatics coach.
• 19:43
  SPEAKER_00: And that adds to what you were saying.
• 19:45
  SPEAKER_00: Where am I feeling it, my body?
• 19:47
  SPEAKER_00: Anytime I talked to her about anything, she's like, Hold on, where are you feeling that your body?
• 19:52
  SPEAKER_00: I'm like, oh, okay, let me think about it.
• 19:55
  SPEAKER_00: Because I had a disconnect from childhood abuse.
• 19:58
  SPEAKER_00: So it was one of those, okay, let me reconnect with my body.
• 20:01
  SPEAKER_00: What's going on here?
• 20:03
  SPEAKER_00: And if we have ever been in any type of situation where it's overly traumatic, and if there's a physical anything in there, our body naturally disassociates.
• 20:14
  SPEAKER_00: So we need to have that like, let's get back into our body.
• 20:18
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, now we're back in charge.
• 20:20
  SPEAKER_00: We're in the driver's seat again.
• 20:22
  SPEAKER_00: We're not a passenger, we're not stuck in the trunk or whatever.
• 20:26
  SPEAKER_00: All right, now what?
• 20:28
  SPEAKER_00: Go through the four steps.
• 20:30
  SPEAKER_01: It makes sense.
• 20:31
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 20:32
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, so yeah, that's brilliant because we're used to thinking that thought leads to feeling, leads to action, right?
• 20:39
  SPEAKER_01: That's the sequence that would talk.
• 20:41
  SPEAKER_01: Not true.
• 20:42
  SPEAKER_01: Okay.
• 20:43
  SPEAKER_01: Feeling leads to action, leads to thought.
• 20:46
  SPEAKER_01: We've got to get that feeling in there first because that's the origins of a pattern.
• 20:51
  SPEAKER_01: So, like I said, when I was triggered, when I was using those triggers, those memories, it was activating my body first.
• 20:59
  SPEAKER_01: Your body will physically be reacting first, then the mind comes in.
• 21:03
  SPEAKER_01: Now I know it feels like to most people that they're thinking and then feeling.
• 21:08
  SPEAKER_01: And that's because thought moves at lightning speed.
• 21:12
  SPEAKER_01: Okay.
• 21:13
  SPEAKER_01: Body moves a little bit slower, like the emotion, the sensation, you will feel it slower just simply because it's moving at a slower pace and thought is right there.
• 21:23
  SPEAKER_01: Okay.
• 21:24
  SPEAKER_01: But the body is actually reacting first, and then the mind is along for the ride.
• 21:29
  SPEAKER_01: It's coming in second.
• 21:30
  SPEAKER_01: I'm gonna let you question that before I go on.
• 21:34
  SPEAKER_00: Totally makes sense because there's so many times I was like, where did that even come from?
• 21:38
  SPEAKER_00: But through the work that I've done somatically, absolutely.
• 21:43
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, that remembered response.
• 21:46
  SPEAKER_00: That's right, exactly this negative thought is coming back in because it triggered the response within my body.
• 21:56
  SPEAKER_01: So patterns in your brain originate in your past, okay?
• 21:59
  SPEAKER_01: So you Talked about childhood traumas, which many people face.
• 22:03
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, so back when you faced that traumatic experience, your brain took that experience and stored it away in a pattern.
• 22:10
  SPEAKER_01: Okay.
• 22:11
  SPEAKER_01: And it went, okay, we got to protect against this for the rest of our lives.
• 22:15
  SPEAKER_01: Even though today you're no longer facing that same trauma.
• 22:20
  SPEAKER_01: But it's going to be protecting you from that trauma anyway.
• 22:23
  SPEAKER_00: So if somebody's an adult, we have the boundaries, we have the capabilities, but our body remembers this, and it goes back to the body keeps the score.
• 22:33
  unknown: Yeah.
• 22:34
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 22:34
  SPEAKER_01: That's right.
• 22:35
  SPEAKER_01: So somebody reminds you of that situation, right?
• 22:39
  SPEAKER_01: It might even just be blue eyes.
• 22:41
  SPEAKER_01: Okay.
• 22:42
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, it can be something so minor, but you're reacting.
• 22:45
  SPEAKER_01: And the body's reacting first, and then the mind's coming in justifying the body's reaction, because that's the mind's job.
• 22:53
  SPEAKER_01: Okay.
• 22:53
  SPEAKER_01: It has to make sense.
• 22:55
  SPEAKER_01: So it'll justify and it'll say you're not safe, even though you might potentially be totally safe today.
• 23:01
  SPEAKER_01: Might be nothing wrong.
• 23:03
  SPEAKER_01: Or if you're not safe, you might be totally capable of handling it.
• 23:07
  SPEAKER_01: But the mind isn't going to let you know that.
• 23:09
  SPEAKER_01: It's just going to react the way it reacted when that pattern first got created.
• 23:14
  SPEAKER_01: Because that's the action that gets taken.
• 23:17
  SPEAKER_01: Okay.
• 23:18
  SPEAKER_01: And that's why we have these voices inside of us that say we're not good enough.
• 23:23
  SPEAKER_01: All right.
• 23:24
  SPEAKER_01: Back then we couldn't handle it.
• 23:26
  SPEAKER_01: Today we continue thinking, oh, I can't handle that.
• 23:29
  SPEAKER_01: I can't handle that.
• 23:30
  SPEAKER_01: I can't handle that.
• 23:31
  SPEAKER_01: And it's simply because that old pattern is still beating that same drum.
• 23:37
  SPEAKER_01: Even though you're a totally different person today with so many more skills and capacities, like you said, capable of setting boundaries, capable of knowing when you're in danger, capable of saying no, all of that stuff, right?
• 23:49
  SPEAKER_00: I am thinking of several people I'm going to send this to off the top of my head.
• 23:55
  SPEAKER_00: So how about the rest of you that are listening to us?
• 23:58
  SPEAKER_00: Can you think of somebody that you can send it to?
• 24:01
  SPEAKER_00: There is somebody right now who I started ADHD medicine that is amazing.
• 24:06
  SPEAKER_00: It's non-stimulant.
• 24:07
  SPEAKER_00: It's been so good for me.
• 24:09
  SPEAKER_00: And along with this, and I started it just for my ADHD, it also has it helps with anxiety and OCD.
• 24:17
  SPEAKER_00: I have never been diagnosed with anxiety, but now my anxiety is gone and it's to the point where it's like, huh, I guess I do have anxiety.
• 24:26
  SPEAKER_00: I just never realized it.
• 24:27
  SPEAKER_00: But now that it's gone, like I feel the difference.
• 24:30
  SPEAKER_00: And it's somebody that I'm working with.
• 24:33
  SPEAKER_00: Her daughter needs to be on something.
• 24:35
  SPEAKER_00: It's fairly critical, but her anxiety, the mom's anxiety, is getting in the way.
• 24:42
  SPEAKER_00: And working with her has led to, I'm gonna try out this medication that was recommended to the daughter.
• 24:48
  SPEAKER_00: So it's been amazing.
• 24:48
  SPEAKER_00: Now two of my children are on it.
• 24:50
  SPEAKER_00: It's great.
• 24:51
  SPEAKER_00: But it's that the way that she's she's totally blocking the way all along the way.
• 24:59
  SPEAKER_00: And she's gotten to the point of getting the prescription.
• 25:02
  SPEAKER_00: She's picked it up, but now she's stuck all over again.
• 25:06
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm just like, oh, so she's not talking about just trying it for this month.
• 25:10
  SPEAKER_00: And she's looking at all this long-term.
• 25:13
  SPEAKER_00: She's analyzing.
• 25:14
  SPEAKER_00: It just came to me that this episode would be perfect for her.
• 25:17
  SPEAKER_00: And then when that happened, it was like, oh, and this person and this person, this person, and I know I'm not going to be the only one.
• 25:23
  SPEAKER_00: But she definitely comes to mind.
• 25:26
  SPEAKER_00: And that's part of the fun of coaching is when somebody else has something that they're working on.
• 25:31
  SPEAKER_00: It's one of those, oh, I could probably work on that too.
• 25:34
  SPEAKER_00: So it's greatly benefited me, but seeing how much has benefited me, it's just take the step, just try it.
• 25:41
  SPEAKER_00: But she's overanalyzed it.
• 25:43
  SPEAKER_00: Absolutely.
• 25:43
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 25:44
  SPEAKER_01: And you know, if somebody doesn't have a brain pattern to take the step, they can't take the step, right?
• 25:49
  SPEAKER_01: Right.
• 25:49
  SPEAKER_01: I think that's the other beautiful thing about knowing that it's your brain that is causing all the actions.
• 25:55
  SPEAKER_01: It takes all that sting of judgment away.
• 25:59
  SPEAKER_01: There's no judgment on yourself.
• 26:01
  SPEAKER_01: If you don't have a pattern to do something, that's not your fault.
• 26:05
  SPEAKER_01: Your brain doesn't yet have the pattern.
• 26:07
  SPEAKER_01: It doesn't mean it's not capable of having it.
• 26:09
  SPEAKER_01: It will.
• 26:10
  SPEAKER_01: Once you start repatterning it and rewiring it, it will certainly build that pattern so that you can take that step if you want to.
• 26:17
  SPEAKER_01: It's not like the you can judge your brain and go, well, what's wrong with you for not having that pattern?
• 26:23
  SPEAKER_01: You just never had the opportunity to create that pattern.
• 26:27
  SPEAKER_00: So I have a different way of wording it.
• 26:29
  SPEAKER_00: Because you see people listening to that and being like, it's a conversation that I've had with my oldest.
• 26:35
  SPEAKER_00: You know, he gets the joy of being the oldest, so he gets this version of mom.
• 26:39
  SPEAKER_00: And he's more analytical like my husband.
• 26:41
  SPEAKER_00: So I I approach things in that way with him, and it's so fun because it's not the way I grew up at all.
• 26:46
  SPEAKER_00: I grew up in a very emotional household, so it's it's fun to embrace that with him.
• 26:52
  SPEAKER_00: But we talk about Gabby's dollhouse, where she adds yet to the end of her sentences.
• 26:59
  SPEAKER_00: So I don't know it yet, makes a huge difference.
• 27:02
  SPEAKER_00: But if we think about children in general, that they can be so upset with themselves that they don't know this thing.
• 27:11
  SPEAKER_00: And it's like you just haven't learned it yet.
• 27:13
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 27:14
  SPEAKER_00: It's just this next step.
• 27:16
  SPEAKER_00: We give children the space for this, but we don't do it to ourselves as adults because we should know all the things and we should be this guru.
• 27:23
  SPEAKER_00: And what?
• 27:24
  SPEAKER_00: Says who?
• 27:25
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, we tell ourselves that's our own negative belief because it is negative.
• 27:29
  SPEAKER_00: So I just wanted to quickly put that in a different language to give you like just take this worldview and let's just spin it just a little bit.
• 27:39
  SPEAKER_00: So hopefully that helps for people who are getting a little bit stuck where she was because I've been there.
• 27:44
  SPEAKER_00: So that's why I wanted to quickly jump in.
• 27:47
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you.
• 27:47
  SPEAKER_01: That's great.
• 27:48
  SPEAKER_01: Yes, I love that.
• 27:49
  SPEAKER_01: Just haven't learned it yet, or you just didn't learn it throughout your lifetime yet.
• 27:53
  SPEAKER_01: So it doesn't mean that it's not available to you in the future.
• 27:57
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, for sure.
• 27:58
  SPEAKER_00: And we have so many areas of our lives where we feel like this is like stupid easy.
• 28:03
  SPEAKER_00: So everybody else should know this too, right?
• 28:05
  SPEAKER_00: And we're shocked when other people don't, and not in an egotistical way, in a weird humble way where we're like, that wasn't that smart, this thing that I knew.
• 28:15
  SPEAKER_00: So everybody else should know it too.
• 28:19
  SPEAKER_00: But the thing is, we all have learned in our own school of hard knocks, we've all had our own different version of education.
• 28:28
  SPEAKER_00: So it makes sense that there are certain hangups that we have that other people don't have, and that we can simply rewire it.
• 28:38
  SPEAKER_00: And it can be simple.
• 28:40
  SPEAKER_00: We get in our own way, and then as you say, we keep thinking that way.
• 28:46
  SPEAKER_00: And my kids' piano teacher, she reminded me that I am literally rewiring my brain, and that I need to let my brain form a new pathway.
• 28:58
  SPEAKER_00: And then when I continue doing that, learning the different notes, that it's continuing down that same path and it's making it deeper and deeper in my brain, which is totally what you've been talking about.
• 29:08
  SPEAKER_00: When we keep going through that same negative belief, like this person struggling to get her daughter on the medication that she needs because everything else, all the other therapies, she's been working around this for a while.
• 29:23
  SPEAKER_00: So the only answer is this one, and it doesn't have to be a forever, it's just for right now.
• 29:28
  SPEAKER_00: And then let's get your daughter stabilized so we can then work on your anxiety.
• 29:33
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, that whole thing.
• 29:36
  SPEAKER_00: But we all have areas in our lives where we just keep going over that same path and making it deeper and deeper and wider.
• 29:44
  SPEAKER_00: And what if we could just pluck it up?
• 29:46
  SPEAKER_00: That makes sense.
• 29:47
  SPEAKER_00: Because we've all also had an experience like yours, but in a different realm where things just finally super clicked, and you're transformed, right?
• 29:58
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, you go from change, which is incremental, to transformation, which is just whoa, everything's just been prone up and come back down in a different order.
• 30:07
  SPEAKER_00: Because my oldest, he's super into robots, and I just looked past the computer and his connect kit.
• 30:14
  SPEAKER_00: It's like how you put all those pieces together, and then you finally put in the battery, and it just all works.
• 30:21
  SPEAKER_00: That circuit connects thing that he has over there.
• 30:24
  SPEAKER_00: It just all works, and there's little light bulbs on it.
• 30:26
  SPEAKER_00: That's what I envisioned when you were talking about that.
• 30:29
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 30:30
  SPEAKER_01: So the first what we need to do though is our typical learning approach is very much based on fixing something.
• 30:39
  SPEAKER_01: Okay.
• 30:40
  SPEAKER_01: So everybody starts in our world today.
• 30:43
  SPEAKER_01: We start from this position that something is broken, something is wrong.
• 30:47
  SPEAKER_01: Okay.
• 30:48
  SPEAKER_01: So I like to say your brain is functioning perfectly, just as it's supposed to function.
• 30:55
  SPEAKER_01: What we need to do is use a method of subtraction.
• 30:58
  SPEAKER_01: We need to subtract what you feel doesn't work, what isn't working for you, those unworkable patterns.
• 31:06
  SPEAKER_01: Not fix them.
• 31:07
  SPEAKER_01: They're not broken.
• 31:08
  SPEAKER_01: We just need to subtract them, and then your brain will add a new one and it will take you in that direction.
• 31:14
  SPEAKER_01: Okay?
• 31:15
  SPEAKER_01: And when you do that, there is something very liberating about it, but also very self-forgiving and very kind.
• 31:23
  SPEAKER_01: It is the most gentle thing we can do.
• 31:26
  SPEAKER_01: Because if we start with that position of something's broken, something's wrong, we are constantly self-critical.
• 31:32
  SPEAKER_01: And that's the biggest problem that I see when people first start working with me is there's a layer of self-criticism that they're not even aware of.
• 31:41
  SPEAKER_01: You said something earlier, Autumn, about when we swim in the circles, we don't even know we're swimming in it.
• 31:47
  SPEAKER_01: Like we're fish in water, we don't even know it.
• 31:50
  SPEAKER_01: And like your anxiety, it's like, oh my gosh, I didn't know I was anxious until I'm free of it.
• 31:56
  SPEAKER_01: Self-criticism is the same way.
• 31:59
  SPEAKER_01: We have been told we are wrong since we've been knee-high to our mom, right?
• 32:05
  SPEAKER_01: Like, and that is true of almost everybody on the planet, whether that comes from parents or that comes from teachers or that comes from bosses, it doesn't matter.
• 32:14
  SPEAKER_01: Somebody has been telling you that you have been incorrect at some point in your life.
• 32:19
  SPEAKER_01: And those voices are internalized.
• 32:21
  SPEAKER_01: And that's a lot of those limited beliefs as well.
• 32:25
  SPEAKER_01: So, yeah, we need to remove all of those patterns, and then you'll see it's like, oh my gosh, there's nothing wrong with me.
• 32:32
  SPEAKER_01: And there's where the liberation comes in.
• 32:35
  SPEAKER_00: Oh my goodness, every childhood version of ourselves needs to hear what you just said.
• 32:42
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, because the brain functions and honestly believe that if we could free everybody from that internal critic, this world will be a safe and happy place.
• 32:52
  SPEAKER_01: Right?
• 32:53
  SPEAKER_01: Because it's that that we keep projecting onto other people, as you know, as a coach, right?
• 32:59
  SPEAKER_01: Most of our anger and frustration with other people is just simply that internal anger expressed outward.
• 33:06
  SPEAKER_00: I actually just told somebody that today.
• 33:09
  SPEAKER_00: Oh.
• 33:10
  SPEAKER_00: And it's absolutely true.
• 33:13
  SPEAKER_00: And even my dad, when he'd be super upset with me and picking at me about something, when I was just being a kid, he would say it's because it I'm seeing something in you that I don't like about myself.
• 33:25
  SPEAKER_00: But of course I internalize that of like, great, you don't like something about me.
• 33:30
  SPEAKER_00: And that's why I think I can pick out when somebody is talking negatively about themselves or even thinking negatively, because I'm a recovering negative thinker.
• 33:39
  unknown: Yeah.
• 33:40
  SPEAKER_00: I love what you talked about, how nothing is wrong with our brain.
• 33:45
  SPEAKER_00: And we can back that up for a minute by nothing's wrong with your brain because you are functioning right now.
• 33:52
  SPEAKER_00: That's right.
• 33:53
  SPEAKER_00: Your heart's beating.
• 33:54
  SPEAKER_00: Well, you can't look, but feel your heart's beating, your lungs are working, you're not having to think about those things.
• 34:01
  SPEAKER_00: You're everything's firing within your body, you are functioning properly.
• 34:06
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, yes, this part and you can easily and you've survived, right?
• 34:11
  SPEAKER_01: Like every brain pattern is thrown away because you survived that moment and it got you to the next moment.
• 34:18
  SPEAKER_01: And so the brain said, okay, let's keep that one because that's a good one.
• 34:22
  SPEAKER_01: I survived that.
• 34:24
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 34:25
  SPEAKER_01: And then, but now if you don't know, if you're not, I mean, I shouldn't say, let me just need this belief.
• 34:35
  SPEAKER_01: No, it's I I was gonna say now you're in a in a life of survival, but that's not actually true, right?
• 34:42
  SPEAKER_01: There's some areas of of a person's life that thrive because they have workable patterns, sometimes even optimal patterns in those areas.
• 34:51
  SPEAKER_01: And then there's other areas where they're just in survival.
• 34:54
  SPEAKER_01: Okay.
• 34:55
  SPEAKER_01: And for everybody, that's different.
• 34:57
  SPEAKER_01: Like for some people, they excel with money.
• 34:59
  SPEAKER_01: So they've got workable patterns in that area, but in relationships, they're maybe just surviving.
• 35:06
  SPEAKER_01: You know, sometimes it's that internal voice, but external, they're doing great.
• 35:10
  SPEAKER_01: Nobody would know, right?
• 35:11
  SPEAKER_01: They've taken it all the way.
• 35:13
  SPEAKER_01: But those internal voices, those where they feel they're just surviving.
• 35:18
  SPEAKER_01: So it's not that we just survive everywhere, but patterns are based inside of survival, and your brain is working because you're surviving.
• 35:26
  SPEAKER_01: That's how you know.
• 35:28
  SPEAKER_01: Okay.
• 35:28
  SPEAKER_01: And you can thrive in every single area.
• 35:31
  SPEAKER_01: You don't have to get stuck anywhere.
• 35:34
  SPEAKER_00: So to keep track of your timing, where can we find this book that you mentioned?
• 35:41
  SPEAKER_00: That is on your website where we can do this work within ourselves.
• 35:44
  SPEAKER_00: And then if we want to take it deeper with you, where we're like, I want to work with you, tell us both those places to find you.
• 35:51
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, so just go to the website shiftforsteps.com.
• 35:56
  SPEAKER_01: So that's s-h-i-f t the number four steps with an s dot com.
• 36:03
  SPEAKER_01: You can get my free book, you can download it for free there.
• 36:06
  SPEAKER_01: You can book a call with me for free if you want.
• 36:09
  SPEAKER_01: There's some free training on there.
• 36:11
  SPEAKER_01: So yeah, just go there, it'll get you all started.
• 36:14
  SPEAKER_01: If you want to know more about my thought leadership, then you can go to adelsfraggan.com.
• 36:19
  SPEAKER_01: So my name.com.
• 36:20
  unknown: Perfect.
• 36:21
  SPEAKER_01: But shift more steps is the place to start.
• 36:23
  SPEAKER_00: And it sounds like adellspragon.com is also where we go if we want to have you come and give a talk.
• 36:32
  SPEAKER_00: Yes.
• 36:33
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, you can book me in to talk on there too.
• 36:36
  unknown: Yeah.
• 36:36
  SPEAKER_00: Public speaking.
• 36:37
  SPEAKER_00: That was I couldn't think of the word.
• 36:39
  SPEAKER_00: Brain fog.
• 36:40
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you so much for this conversation.
• 36:42
  SPEAKER_00: This was so good.
• 36:44
  SPEAKER_00: I might actually have my oldest listen to this too.
• 36:47
  SPEAKER_00: At least towards the end, when we talked about that part for the inner child, like we all need that.
• 36:53
  SPEAKER_00: And the way to make parenting easy is that we're constantly correcting our children instead of catching them doing the right thing and pointing that out.
• 37:05
  SPEAKER_00: We're constantly over-correcting them.
• 37:07
  SPEAKER_00: And that does absolutely lead to the negative voice.
• 37:11
  SPEAKER_00: Mine was my parents, it wasn't even my voice.
• 37:14
  SPEAKER_00: So once I was able to get rid of that, then I found my own voice in there that was negative speaking.
• 37:20
  SPEAKER_00: And it was so different, and it was so much quieter and totally different tone of voice.
• 37:24
  SPEAKER_00: The harsh ones were my parents.
• 37:26
  SPEAKER_00: I don't want that for my children.
• 37:28
  SPEAKER_00: So I will definitely be listening to this again.
• 37:32
  SPEAKER_00: And I know so many others need this.
• 37:34
  SPEAKER_00: So I am grateful for your time.
• 37:36
  SPEAKER_00: And this was an amazing conversation.
• 37:39
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, you are so welcome.
• 37:40
  SPEAKER_01: Yes.
• 37:41
  SPEAKER_01: And I wish every listener out there peace and happiness and joy and thriving.
• 37:50
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you so much for listening to this episode.
• 37:53
  SPEAKER_00: I hope that you found the answers that you needed and you had some amazing aha moments.
• 38:00
  SPEAKER_00: Please share this episode with others because it helps us align ourselves and then better align the world so that we can seek the healing that we really are looking for.
• 38:11
  SPEAKER_00: As part of the legal language, I am a certified life coach with a bachelor's in applied health.
• 38:17
  SPEAKER_00: That is what I am leaning on for this.
• 38:20
  SPEAKER_00: This is general advice taken as that.
• 38:23
  SPEAKER_00: See you in the next episode.