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Alligator and the Chipmunks · Very Fine Friends

• 0:00
  so we know this uh already because we were there but uh we were in bisbee this past weekend
• 0:23
  Bisbee, Arizona, which is like a small mining town in southeast Arizona.
• 0:30
  And it was charming.
• 0:34
  Had terrible food.
• 0:36
  Yeah.
• 0:36
  And everyone was of age.
• 0:38
  So weird.
• 0:40
  What?
• 0:42
  A mining town.
• 0:43
  My bad.
• 0:45
  Yes, I see.
• 0:47
  Francis.
• 0:48
  The food did suck.
• 0:49
  Yeah.
• 0:51
  So I could never live there.
• 0:53
  there's not a good restaurant i could never live there i know you're two hours away from grub
• 0:56
  yeah uh but in any event we went and we toured a copper mine and so this is like a a flaw in me
• 1:08
  i think uh and i recognize this we were in the mine and they were like explaining like you know
• 1:15
  this is like you know back in the 1850s or whatever this is what they would have to do to
• 1:19
  get copper out of these mines and just like the sheer amount of like work that went into it like
• 1:26
  if if i was alive at that time i'd be like no we just don't have copper then like we just don't get
• 1:31
  to have copper that's uh not like right but they didn't they like thought of all this they this is
• 1:40
  why it's they're better better people than me made history is basically what i'm trying to say i'm not
• 1:45
  a history maker i actually had almost the exact same thought when i was down there i was thinking
• 1:49
  to myself, if I was in society and they were like, oh, we figured out
• 1:52
  if we go down here and get this stuff, we'd be fine without it.
• 1:56
  I know, I was thinking, but my skin.
• 2:00
  My lungs.
• 2:03
  Also, I don't want to die in a dynamite accident, thank you very much.
• 2:08
  Why don't we spend eight hours shoveling rock?
• 2:11
  Didn't you enjoy that story about that guy who died in the shaft and it was
• 2:14
  essentially like he had artificially created a blender and that's how he died?
• 2:19
  Yeah.
• 2:19
  Enjoyed the story.
• 2:21
  Sure.
• 2:22
  Yeah, the story was great.
• 2:23
  And thank you, guy, for doing that.
• 2:25
  So we had a nice story while we were down in the mines.
• 2:27
  Yeah.
• 2:28
  But, yeah.
• 2:29
  I just, like...
• 2:31
  You know what?
• 2:32
  I wouldn't have...
• 2:33
  I was thinking this, too, because there was, like, a two-man toilet down there.
• 2:35
  Yeah.
• 2:36
  Which, for the listener, it was basically just, like, a...
• 2:41
  Like, think of, like, one of those, like...
• 2:43
  Coal bed things.
• 2:44
  Yeah, like a train car that you would expect to be, like, in a mine.
• 2:49
  but it just had a iron top on it that had two holes on the top.
• 2:54
  So keep going.
• 2:56
  I was just thinking I know myself,
• 2:58
  and I would have been like, I'm going up to the surface.
• 3:01
  I got to go.
• 3:03
  And I would probably get ridden up.
• 3:05
  Oh, like you wouldn't?
• 3:06
  Like I'm not pooping in the mine,
• 3:08
  but I still want someone to come with me.
• 3:10
  Where's my buddy?
• 3:11
  We still want to do this two person.
• 3:12
  I need someone to hold hands with.
• 3:15
  Just in the broad light of day.
• 3:17
  you know i was not scared but i was curious like if there's like seismic activity that happens over
• 3:25
  time could that erode the integrity of the oh sidebar i also thought we're just like ants
• 3:33
  i was like look what we did we you know then yeah like they tunneled all these like
• 3:39
  like deep deep into like they were saying like
• 3:43
  like yeah like we only went 150 feet down but they like they had like some of the deepest mines
• 3:52
  were like more than a mile deep i think it was like i thought he thought he said it was like
• 3:57
  6 000 feet and i was like that's more than a mile that's insane yeah we're just like ants
• 4:02
  yeah let's do that you think ants use copper uh probably for their watches and stuff yeah well
• 4:10
  obviously.
• 4:11
  I mean.
• 4:12
  In courts, courts movement.
• 4:14
  Yeah.
• 4:15
  But yeah, it was very much just like,
• 4:17
  oh, this is exhausting.
• 4:19
  Get me back to now.
• 4:21
  It's like, I always think that in horror movies,
• 4:23
  the extent that people will go to to stay alive,
• 4:26
  and then I'm thinking,
• 4:28
  if there was a killer that was chasing me,
• 4:30
  I'd be like, go ahead, just kill me.
• 4:34
  I'm not running around
• 4:35
  for the next hour and a half.
• 4:38
  I feel like I'd immediately want to know
• 4:42
  how close they were and I would turn and stop
• 4:44
  and they'd be right there
• 4:45
  you're scaring me
• 4:48
  oh I didn't see you there, sorry
• 4:49
  do you think if you just acted
• 4:52
  kind of cool, do you think
• 4:54
  a serial killer might leave you alone?
• 4:56
  like if you were just like
• 4:57
  who hurt you
• 4:59
  not even that, just be like, oh hey dude, what's up
• 5:02
  I'm just pretending like he was just
• 5:03
  you mean mid, like they're chasing you and you just start talking?
• 5:07
  maybe, or you pretend like
• 5:08
  you didn't know they were a serial killer at all just be like oh hey would you uh uh i'm going to
• 5:14
  the fridge to get a coke do you want anything like i don't know just pretend like you you don't know
• 5:21
  what do you think would just throw them off and just be like oh well maybe i'll leave this one
• 5:25
  alone and only get like because what if part of their serial killing is that they want the fear
• 5:31
  in you the fear in you yeah and it's just like it's not worth it to them um so like i'm picturing
• 5:38
  they like raise their like hook or knife or whatever like in there standing right in front
• 5:43
  of you and you're just like blinking nonchalantly and you're like hey hey what's up yeah i mean i
• 5:48
  would stop cool hook yeah yeah i wouldn't go through with it especially if you throw you off
• 5:53
  if you get stabbed the first time and then you don't react i wouldn't i wouldn't go for a second
• 5:57
  step yeah you just yeah like would you like if you got stabbed you like even like look at it or
• 6:03
  Or would you just pretend like nothing happened?
• 6:06
  No, I wouldn't even look.
• 6:07
  Yeah, you had to pretend like,
• 6:08
  and then just like,
• 6:11
  hey, have you seen the new season of Euphoria?
• 6:16
  That's crazy what's going on.
• 6:17
  Watch party once I get this thing sewn up.
• 6:19
  I know.
• 6:21
  And I don't blame you.
• 6:23
  Do you want popcorn?
• 6:24
  I'm kind of in the mood for popcorn.
• 6:25
  Is that weird?
• 6:27
  Maybe some soda?
• 6:28
  I recently lost a lot of fluid.
• 6:31
  You probably don't want to hear about that.
• 6:33
  I think it would work.
• 6:35
  I agree.
• 6:36
  No,
• 6:36
  I don't know.
• 6:36
  As far as I know,
• 6:37
  no one's tried it.
• 6:38
  No,
• 6:38
  people just scream and run and die.
• 6:40
  Yeah.
• 6:40
  And like giving them exactly what they want.
• 6:42
  Idiots.
• 6:43
  Yeah,
• 6:44
  exactly.
• 6:45
  But I'm afraid you're being a dumb bitch.
• 6:47
  Yep.
• 6:48
  That's what the serial killer is saying.
• 6:50
  It's like,
• 6:50
  I don't want to do this.
• 6:51
  You are being a dumb bitch.
• 6:52
  And he,
• 6:53
  he becomes like Jeb Bush.
• 6:54
  He's just like,
• 6:55
  please,
• 6:56
  please die.
• 6:56
  Please scream.
• 6:57
  Please scream.
• 6:57
  Yeah.
• 7:01
  Welcome to very fine friends.
• 7:02
  where friends are never going to get murdered
• 7:05
  because we're too smart for that.
• 7:08
  We might get stabbed.
• 7:09
  Oh, sure, we'll be stabbed.
• 7:12
  That's a risk of life.
• 7:13
  But they're not going to finish the job,
• 7:15
  so it doesn't matter.
• 7:17
  Stabbing's fine.
• 7:19
  It builds character.
• 7:21
  Yeah, and scar tissue.
• 7:23
  But I'm just curious.
• 7:25
  Do you think there's a pain difference
• 7:26
  between being stabbed at two inches versus four inches?
• 7:30
  I think it makes a difference how deep the stabbing is.
• 7:32
  depends on if it hits an organ
• 7:35
  I think that's where the
• 7:37
  but like where are your nerves
• 7:39
  surface level
• 7:41
  yeah that's what I thought
• 7:41
  but Joe seems to have other opinions
• 7:43
  like if you're yeah sure organs
• 7:47
  but also if you're hitting a muscle
• 7:48
  there's like layers and layers of muscle tissue
• 7:50
  muscle tissue
• 7:52
  so there's more nerves than muscle
• 7:56
  what's that
• 7:57
  my muscles can feel pain
• 7:59
  I think so
• 8:01
  Oh, I guess because I've woken up screaming from cramps.
• 8:03
  Yeah, I'm definitely trying.
• 8:05
  Yes, Francis, it's called soreness.
• 8:07
  But I mean, do organs have?
• 8:09
  They do, right?
• 8:09
  Because your brain doesn't have any nerve endings.
• 8:11
  That's why you can be awake during brain surgery.
• 8:15
  Yeah, and maybe if your organs get stabbed,
• 8:17
  it's your other nerve receptors that are watching.
• 8:19
  They're like, oh my God, tell the brain.
• 8:21
  Kidney down.
• 8:23
  Yeah.
• 8:23
  It's not a whole thing.
• 8:25
  Officer, officer.
• 8:26
  I guess we'll have to do some experiments and see.
• 8:31
  Yeah, we'll do a fight club thing after the pod.
• 8:33
  Yeah, sounds good.
• 8:34
  We'll report back on the next episode.
• 8:36
  So tune back into next week's episode, listeners.
• 8:39
  Quick interruption.
• 8:41
  Every week on the podcast, we do something where our producer Joe gives Francis and I each our own secret word.
• 8:50
  Throughout the course of the podcast, we need to find a way to slip the secret word into our conversation without the other person noticing.
• 8:59
  If the other person can correctly guess the secret word, they get a point.
• 9:04
  And right before we die, we add up all the points.
• 9:09
  And then we get a prize, whoever has the most points, for guessing the most secret words.
• 9:14
  Here's Joe with today's secret words.
• 9:20
  Oh.
• 9:44
  And if it turns out that our organs don't have nerves,
• 9:52
  maybe we can invent some.
• 9:56
  Oh.
• 9:56
  It's time.
• 9:57
  Wow, how'd you do that?
• 9:58
  For the invention of the week.
• 10:04
  Inventions.
• 10:07
  Whoa.
• 10:08
  I know.
• 10:09
  So artful.
• 10:11
  Yeah.
• 10:11
  So seamless.
• 10:12
  Absolutely.
• 10:13
  God, I'm good.
• 10:14
  Yes, you are.
• 10:16
  Thank you.
• 10:17
  Thank God it's good.
• 10:18
  And you know what else is good?
• 10:19
  You.
• 10:20
  You're good at inventing.
• 10:21
  Yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 10:23
  You're good at inventing things that other people will like.
• 10:29
  Yeah.
• 10:29
  Not this week.
• 10:30
  No.
• 10:31
  Okay.
• 10:32
  You want to hear my invention?
• 10:33
  Because it's wacky.
• 10:35
  Yeah.
• 10:40
  It's pretty nuts.
• 10:43
  Okay.
• 10:43
  Wait.
• 10:44
  hang on I'm going to buckle my seatbelt
• 10:45
  put one of those race car seatbelts on
• 10:47
  over the shoulders
• 10:49
  I wish my car had those
• 10:50
  it'd be cute
• 10:52
  I'd feel more secure
• 10:54
  if you had to just like spend an extra 30 seconds
• 10:57
  buckling yourself into your car
• 10:59
  no no no no
• 11:00
  you know what I hate though is when the shoulder one comes over
• 11:03
  it always hits my nipple the wrong way
• 11:05
  makes me uncomfortable
• 11:06
  hits my nipple in just the right way
• 11:08
  that's why you're always driving
• 11:10
  but never in control
• 11:13
  who among us is okay all right you know how oh speaking of you know how uh we're a very
• 11:20
  transportation centric society i do you know how someone who invents near unlimited energy
• 11:28
  will be rich beyond measure and probably killed yes oh that might be me no i think i've done it
• 11:37
  y'all we just said that we weren't going to be murdered i'm not going to be scared that's all i
• 11:41
  can commit to okay all right yeah well i've done it great i did it on the way over here
• 11:48
  wow yeah you had a busy day this is
• 11:54
  i'm so i'm proud of myself i wish i was my own son right now
• 12:00
  so um here's what's going on with the invention it's so good so good
• 12:11
  You guys.
• 12:13
  I'm sorry.
• 12:14
  No, the buildup is killing me.
• 12:17
  Okay, so I got this idea.
• 12:20
  So I have this rowing machine at home that can hold a lot of laundry.
• 12:24
  But that's what I'm doing.
• 12:27
  It's on a track.
• 12:29
  You've seen a rowing machine, but maybe there's some fools out there who haven't.
• 12:33
  There's a track that the seat's on.
• 12:35
  And when you pull the arm things, the seat moves up and on the track.
• 12:39
  Don't worry.
• 12:40
  You do not have to exercise on this.
• 12:41
  transportation okay i want to paint the picture i've invented an infinite loop where basically
• 12:48
  you're sitting on a seat let's just say and all around you is a track with many wheels
• 12:58
  wheels independent of each other now no no no okay okay what happens is
• 13:07
  either there's a tiny, tiny reservoir of gas
• 13:12
  because we just need the instant, like...
• 13:14
  The spark.
• 13:15
  Yeah, we need the spark.
• 13:16
  And what happens is you start to go
• 13:20
  and the wheels basically go around you
• 13:23
  and all the wheels start to move.
• 13:25
  And it's kind of like if you were sliding on marbles
• 13:28
  in the kitchen, how you're like,
• 13:30
  whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
• 13:30
  But you're in control because the wheels are on track.
• 13:34
  And they basically just keep moving.
• 13:37
  This is a hoverboard, but it's a hamster ball.
• 13:44
  Wait.
• 13:46
  What happens when you have to stop at a stoplight?
• 13:52
  Like a bicycle, it has a handle that you can clamp.
• 13:58
  But then you've got to start back up again.
• 14:01
  You're talking about a perpetual motion machine.
• 14:04
  Those things where you just need to start at once
• 14:09
  and then the things people put on their desks
• 14:10
  that swing back and forth.
• 14:13
  But the problem is once they stop for any reason
• 14:16
  they have to start back up again.
• 14:19
  They have to be started back up again.
• 14:25
  This invention is for people who are always on the go.
• 14:29
  I also don't totally understand how this works.
• 14:34
  That's interesting.
• 14:36
  Let me clarify.
• 14:41
  Regarding your concern about stopping.
• 14:44
  Yeah.
• 14:46
  I don't know why you asked that.
• 14:50
  Literally no one has ever stopped in a car ever.
• 14:52
  There's a lever that turns the next set of wheels sideways.
• 14:58
  So it stops you, obviously.
• 15:00
  i i'm gonna be honest i'm having a hard time envisioning what this is
• 15:07
  are you picturing a seat i'm picturing a seat on a track and the track goes around you so you're in a
• 15:16
  hamster ball type thing you're in a loopy track it's a circle loopy track
• 15:23
  definitely more what I'm thinking
• 15:26
  okay yeah loopy track
• 15:28
  with wheels
• 15:30
  all around it like
• 15:31
  those toys we talked about
• 15:34
  this once with the chiropractor's office where you move the
• 15:36
  beads all around the track there's wheels
• 15:38
  everywhere and you
• 15:40
  have a little
• 15:40
  tiny little gas powered engine like
• 15:44
  for a lawnmower but it's only to get things going
• 15:46
  tiny tiny and it's under the
• 15:48
  seat so you don't have to look at it and you
• 15:50
  get started and then you
• 15:51
  You slap one of the wheels, and it gets things going,
• 15:58
  and there's a steering wheel.
• 16:00
  And then when you're ready to stop, you turn a little lever,
• 16:03
  and it turns the wheels and stops you.
• 16:05
  And you get 155 miles a gallon.
• 16:11
  That's better than a Prius, in case you didn't know.
• 16:13
  But I don understand how it keep How does it keep going So they just Because pneumatic pumpage
• 16:31
  You, there's like a little, so the wheel,
• 16:33
  all you gotta do is hit the pneumatic pump and maybe before.
• 16:37
  No, and maybe, and maybe before you go.
• 16:40
  I'm writing it down anyway.
• 16:41
  It's not, but maybe before you go, you could pump it up a bunch,
• 16:45
  you know, before your trip.
• 16:48
  And then like you're good on pneumatic pressure.
• 16:50
  and it keeps the wheels going.
• 16:51
  And then when you get to a red light,
• 16:52
  so it's just like going like,
• 16:54
  how does that factor into your opinion?
• 17:01
  But then you still have to like pump it up.
• 17:03
  Yeah, that sounds like exercise,
• 17:04
  which I was specifically promised
• 17:06
  at the beginning of this invention.
• 17:07
  We were told there would be no exercise.
• 17:11
  Yeah.
• 17:12
  There's a little bit.
• 17:15
  A tiny bit of exercise.
• 17:16
  And a tiny bit of gas.
• 17:20
  Listen, the MPG is too good to ignore this new invention.
• 17:24
  This would be great in places like where you drive.
• 17:29
  Yes.
• 17:32
  All right.
• 17:34
  I still, I'm really looking forward to seeing the drawing for this one
• 17:38
  because I still, I can't quite envision how this is.
• 17:40
  It just sounds like you're just saying.
• 17:44
  Oh, I've got it.
• 17:46
  Here we go.
• 17:47
  Okay.
• 17:48
  It's powered.
• 17:50
  by opposing magnets so strong that when you turn the lever,
• 17:57
  it removes a barrier that kept the magnet separated
• 17:59
  so that magnets are constantly chasing each other,
• 18:01
  which creates kinetic power, which keeps you going.
• 18:04
  And then when you want to stop, you turn the lever,
• 18:06
  which puts the barrier back between the two magnets.
• 18:08
  By God, I've done it.
• 18:11
  This is funny.
• 18:11
  I've seen someone actually say,
• 18:16
  why wouldn't this work?
• 18:17
  have a magnet and then a magnet in the front of the car
• 18:20
  so that it's pulling it.
• 18:24
  And I think someone did have an explanation
• 18:26
  for us to why that wouldn't work.
• 18:29
  Oh, well.
• 18:31
  That was yesterday's magnets.
• 18:32
  But it wasn't memorable enough, clearly,
• 18:34
  so it was probably wrong.
• 18:36
  Thank you.
• 18:41
  I think...
• 18:42
  Thank you, baby.
• 18:43
  okay because yeah your
• 18:48
  first idea
• 18:49
  would have to be a magnet like so unbelievably
• 18:55
  strong rare earth magnets
• 18:56
  but on everybody's car
• 18:58
  anyone who buys one of our cars
• 19:02
  so
• 19:05
  the fact that it has rare
• 19:08
  in the title it's just called that I don't think it's really rare
• 19:10
  okay I think it's because earth is rare
• 19:13
  Yeah.
• 19:15
  It's only one of it.
• 19:16
  Yeah, so far.
• 19:18
  You know, wood is like the most valuable thing in the whole universe.
• 19:22
  And yet we got so much of it.
• 19:25
  Oh, I got it.
• 19:27
  For this invention.
• 19:27
  You got it in spades.
• 19:28
  Yeah.
• 19:31
  So the first invention just sounds like you're just saying like,
• 19:35
  push a tire.
• 19:36
  And then that'll keep you going.
• 19:41
  That's what that sounds?
• 19:42
  Push a tire?
• 19:44
  Well, that's basically what you're saying.
• 19:48
  Let's imagine a little kid inside of a tire
• 19:50
  rolling down a hill, right?
• 19:52
  You just set it up, but you've got to push it down a hill, right?
• 19:54
  And then it doesn't lose momentum.
• 19:56
  It'll keep going as long as it's got that downward trajectory.
• 19:59
  So you're just saying we're going to use pneumatic puffs of air
• 20:02
  to power it.
• 20:07
  Yeah, but the magnet idea is really where things get great.
• 20:11
  Okay, so we just need two magnets per car that are so powerful.
• 20:18
  Four magnets per car?
• 20:20
  Because there's two sides.
• 20:21
  I want them going at the same time.
• 20:24
  Wait, what?
• 20:26
  There's two sides.
• 20:27
  There's tubes on each side.
• 20:31
  You forgot about the tubes.
• 20:32
  Oh, I was thinking like front and back.
• 20:35
  Like, wait, wouldn't the magnet have to be pulling it?
• 20:38
  Wouldn't it have to be in the front?
• 20:39
  You're picturing that other person's idea.
• 20:40
  My idea is there's magnets in tubes that are chasing each other
• 20:45
  because it's like a Tom and Jerry situation.
• 20:51
  Oh, so the magnets are going around the tires?
• 20:59
  No, no, no.
• 21:00
  No.
• 21:02
  Okay.
• 21:02
  No, the tires.
• 21:04
  Picture a regular car.
• 21:05
  I'm just going to make this real simple.
• 21:07
  Picture a regular car and picture on each.
• 21:09
  you know like a roof rack yeah imagine the roof rack goes all the way around the car and it's not
• 21:16
  a rack it's a fat tube and the tube contains magnets okay don't like each other okay and when
• 21:24
  you remove the barrier they chase each other and the tires do what tires do allow the car to move
• 21:30
  but how are the magnets that are chasing each other doing things i thought you meant you just
• 21:36
  put a well they're inside the tube which is already circular in shape so it's got a it's
• 21:41
  got either a forward or a backward circular momentum which is gonna no because he's talking
• 21:46
  about he said a roof rack so that means they're going the opposite direction of the tires tires
• 21:51
  go this way the roof rack goes this way no the magnets are chasing each other in the direction
• 21:56
  the car wants to go yeah i i think you're you're describing like yeah your little seat just imagine
• 22:03
  and you're sitting suspended in midair,
• 22:05
  but then there's two beams connected to these giant circles
• 22:09
  on either side of you.
• 22:11
  So they're like the tires?
• 22:14
  Yes, but they also have wheels connected to them
• 22:17
  because that's how it travels on ground for maximum tread.
• 22:21
  Joe gets it.
• 22:22
  But how are the magnets moving the tires?
• 22:26
  They're moving the car, and the car is using the tires.
• 22:28
  Centripetal force.
• 22:30
  Yeah.
• 22:32
  Thank you, Ally.
• 22:33
  okay
• 22:35
  this actually is making sense to me now
• 22:40
  all right yeah this is great
• 22:45
  so magnets we're using the power of magnets
• 22:50
  yeah yeah and dividers
• 22:54
  also known as magnet blocks could
• 23:00
  Magnet condoms.
• 23:02
  Magnet condoms.
• 23:05
  For a really big sneeze.
• 23:08
  Okay.
• 23:12
  She likes it.
• 23:14
  So couldn't you really mess with people?
• 23:20
  No, it's a closed loop system.
• 23:21
  Yeah, the big wheels are insulated.
• 23:27
  Yeah, and they have...
• 23:27
  So you can't mess the...
• 23:29
  Maybe using other magnets?
• 23:32
  Yeah.
• 23:33
  No, because, no.
• 23:35
  I mean, sure, while you're right there,
• 23:37
  but then you're going to walk back to your car
• 23:39
  and be like, hey, get away from my car.
• 23:42
  Also, this invention is going to be so popular
• 23:44
  that we're going to work with local law enforcement
• 23:46
  to ensure that there's actually a civil penalty
• 23:48
  for messing with someone's magnets.
• 23:51
  Yeah, and there's a new slur that is about people
• 23:54
  who touch the magnets, and no one wants to be called it.
• 23:57
  Maggots.
• 23:58
  Oh, that's not bad.
• 23:59
  Magnets. Oh, that's the word.
• 24:02
  Magnets.
• 24:03
  Magnets. Natty mags.
• 24:07
  Natty mags?
• 24:08
  Yeah. No one wants to be a natty mag.
• 24:11
  Okay. All right.
• 24:14
  Sure.
• 24:16
  What do you want to call this?
• 24:20
  I want to call it Nugo.
• 24:23
  Nugo?
• 24:23
  Yeah.
• 24:26
  You like it? Nugo.
• 24:27
  I like it as much as the invention.
• 24:37
  I see.
• 24:37
  I think people take magnets as like, yeah, I'm a magnet.
• 24:40
  I've got a magnet car.
• 24:41
  I'm a magnet.
• 24:42
  Oh, I see that too.
• 24:43
  Yeah.
• 24:43
  We need a better slur.
• 24:45
  I agree.
• 24:46
  We'll go back to the drawing board on the slurs.
• 24:49
  Yeah.
• 24:50
  Hey, audience, what's the best slur you can come up with for this?
• 24:54
  Big Maddy Natties?
• 24:55
  Or for anything.
• 24:57
  Yeah, you have big maddy-natties.
• 24:59
  Actually, audience, even if you want to just send us a slur that already exists, go for it.
• 25:03
  Sure.
• 25:04
  Veryfinefriends.com.
• 25:05
  Yeah.
• 25:07
  Veryfinefriends.com.
• 25:08
  Send us all your slurs.
• 25:10
  Or social media at Very Fine Friends.
• 25:12
  Slur it up.
• 25:13
  You'd be a sizzler.
• 25:15
  Nice.
• 25:16
  Woo-woo-woo-woo-woo.
• 25:18
  That was my voice.
• 25:27
  centripetal
• 25:29
  but there's no pedal
• 25:30
  well there has no pedal
• 25:32
  for the little gas yeah okay so yeah
• 25:34
  centripetal oh I get it I like that
• 25:36
  I like that a lot
• 25:38
  let's roll and then maybe we could have like
• 25:46
  a discount if you were
• 25:48
  alive when 9-11 happened
• 25:50
  yeah
• 25:54
  yeah I like that write it down
• 25:55
  Joe doesn't get a discount
• 25:58
  we get them for free
• 26:00
  okay I was
• 26:02
  I had been conceived
• 26:04
  that's gross
• 26:05
  I like that that word
• 26:09
  has an E before an I
• 26:12
  that's nice
• 26:16
  except after C
• 26:17
  I before E
• 26:18
  except after C
• 26:19
  or when it says A
• 26:20
  is a neighboring way
• 26:21
  ooh I like that
• 26:22
  I think we're being fact checked on this
• 26:25
  It is correct.
• 26:27
  The E before the I.
• 26:28
  No, it is not.
• 26:30
  What?
• 26:33
  Read it and weep.
• 26:36
  Yeah.
• 26:38
  E before the I.
• 26:41
  Wow.
• 26:42
  Oh, I just wasn't paying attention.
• 26:44
  You were looking at the ED for past tense conceived.
• 26:49
  There is an I before that E.
• 26:52
  Hmm.
• 26:54
  Well, I feel good.
• 26:55
  Yeah.
• 26:57
  Okay, well, sure.
• 26:59
  Congratulations on solving the world's energy problems.
• 27:02
  I did it for us.
• 27:04
  So that we can make money.
• 27:06
  Great.
• 27:06
  That's the only reason to do anything, quite frankly.
• 27:10
  Yeah.
• 27:11
  Except for excavate a copper mine.
• 27:15
  Nothing's worth that.
• 27:16
  100%.
• 27:17
  I hope that this doesn't get you murdered.
• 27:23
  If it does.
• 27:25
  I won't be afraid.
• 27:27
  I will smile.
• 27:30
  Oh, okay.
• 27:30
  Well, that's good.
• 27:31
  It's like worth it?
• 27:32
  No, like we talked about earlier.
• 27:34
  Oh, okay.
• 27:35
  I thought, yeah.
• 27:36
  Maybe it'll stop.
• 27:37
  Sorry.
• 27:37
  I misunderstood what you're saying.
• 27:41
  Because I said murdered, like as if you already are dead.
• 27:44
  I would say you have to die to be murdered.
• 27:47
  So I hope it doesn't get you murdered.
• 27:48
  You're right.
• 27:49
  That's a valid point.
• 27:51
  I also hope it doesn't get you stabbed.
• 27:52
  But if you do get stabbed, we know what you're going to do.
• 27:55
  If a kid have a cool scar, it could show off.
• 27:59
  Yeah.
• 28:01
  Well, thank you for considering.
• 28:03
  I know you were hesitant at first, but you came around.
• 28:05
  I am now 100% on board, and I'm sure the science is correct
• 28:08
  and will absolutely work.
• 28:10
  Yeah, this science is so good.
• 28:12
  It's a new field of science that other scientists don't even understand yet.
• 28:16
  Nice.
• 28:17
  Yeah.
• 28:17
  You're the only brain smart enough to do this.
• 28:21
  Well, I watched a physics video on YouTube.
• 28:23
  Oh.
• 28:25
  And you're the only one that's watched it.
• 28:27
  And whoever uploaded it didn't watch it before they uploaded it.
• 28:31
  They just knew it would be important to society one day,
• 28:33
  and they uploaded it, but they never watched it.
• 28:35
  It's like a dream we don't understand.
• 28:36
  Yes.
• 28:37
  Yeah.
• 28:37
  Yeah.
• 28:38
  But I do.
• 28:39
  Right.
• 28:40
  Well, congratulations.
• 28:41
  Thanks.
• 28:42
  That wraps up the invention of the week.
• 28:46
  All right.
• 28:48
  Well, it's time for our next segment.
• 28:53
  Anchor babies.
• 28:55
  Yeah.
• 29:00
  This segment,
• 29:02
  Francis and I are news anchors bringing you the news.
• 29:09
  In all its various forms.
• 29:12
  Yep.
• 29:13
  That's it really.
• 29:14
  That's it.
• 29:15
  welcome back to channel 61 news i'm lex tamani and this is my co-host spatula density
• 29:35
  today's top story local squirrels have banded together and taken over the park
• 29:48
  they're built a blockade and they're not allowing anyone in or out they have several hostages
• 29:56
  and they are they're holding them hostage and they have some demands we go now live
• 30:04
  to our reporter on the scene, Lance Chapman.
• 30:12
  I'm here at the scene of a horrific squirrel invasion
• 30:16
  where locals are cowering in fear and hiding their nuts.
• 30:20
  All around town, shopkeepers are boarding up their stores
• 30:24
  while the squirrel's demands keep getting more ridiculous.
• 30:27
  I myself am in fear for my life.
• 30:31
  Oh, Lance, Lance, can you tell us,
• 30:33
  have what are some of the demands of the squirrels?
• 30:39
  Yes, the demands of the squirrels are as so far as such,
• 30:43
  the demand number one, more squirrel movies.
• 30:50
  Have they, Lance, have you been able to clarify with the squirrels
• 30:53
  or whoever's talking to the squirrels?
• 30:56
  Will they accept more chipmunk movies?
• 30:59
  Like Alvin and the chipmunk movies,
• 31:01
  or does that not count as a squirrel movie?
• 31:03
  up until this very moment i thought that was a squirrel movie and they are pissed
• 31:11
  so did they so they're demanding more as in the first squirrel movie and they also want to be
• 31:22
  distanced from sid from ice age which they consider a quote offensive stereotype unquote
• 31:30
  uh lance um can you tell us how many hostages are there inside the encampment in the park
• 31:37
  there is currently one hostage a gentleman who appears to be asleep and doesn't know what's going
• 31:45
  on are authorities optimistic about being able to get that gentleman out of the encampment
• 31:54
  interestingly the authorities never showed up when they got the details of the news story they
• 32:00
  hung up the phone but i'm here and i will be covering this until the bitter end great thank
• 32:06
  you uh thank you lance appreciate it thank you spatula we'll come back to you with more
• 32:10
  with more updates when we have them thank you so much
• 32:14
  lance spatula sorry to interrupt your story but we cut now to a live feed
• 32:21
  of one of the squirrel attackers.
• 32:24
  Oh my god.
• 32:26
  He appears to be wearing a Muslim head covering
• 32:28
  and is disguising his voice with a voice box.
• 32:32
  We cut now to the live feed.
• 32:34
  Are we sure about this?
• 32:36
  We are sure.
• 32:36
  Okay.
• 32:41
  My demands are as follows.
• 32:47
  I want more squirrel movies I want Sid from Ice Age eradicated from everyone memories
• 33:01
  I want all nuts to be acorns.
• 33:10
  I want people to stop using the term nuts as something derogatory.
• 33:15
  Nuts are amazing.
• 33:20
  Nuts are my favorite thing.
• 33:24
  I would also like a housekeeper to come into my tree once a week and help me keep it clean.
• 33:34
  It's full of mold, mildew at the moment.
• 33:36
  And also, I want pizza for all the hungry squirrels and hostages.
• 33:50
  And finally, my last demand is a helicopter fully gassed and no police following me.
• 34:06
  that is my demands well you heard it here first ladies and gentlemen the squirrel
• 34:14
  has made its demands only time will tell if they will be met wow i really hope i really hope this
• 34:21
  situation gets resolved peacefully oh well i know that i myself will will immediately
• 34:29
  stop saying nuts in a bad way yes i will too i'm doing my part for peace
• 34:36
  this brings us to our next segment um temperatures for the first time in recorded history um the
• 34:46
  weather forecast is 2 000 degrees scientists are wondering a what the hell and b what we gonna do
• 34:57
  uh let's let's talk to serena mogli out in the field
• 35:03
  i'm standing here today in front of the world's largest thermometer as you can see
• 35:16
  it has the top of it has completely broken off due to extreme heat we've uh been able to track
• 35:26
  down Professor Jonathan Labuzio, science professor of climate here at the university,
• 35:38
  who has an explanation for us. Professor Jonathan Labuzio, thank you for taking the time.
• 35:47
  Yes. Professor, what can you tell us about this extreme heat? Well, I know exactly what's happening.
• 35:56
  You see, the Earth moved a little bit too much to the sun,
• 36:03
  which caused excessive heat to permeate the ozone.
• 36:08
  And that's what you're feeling now.
• 36:11
  And also, the moon got out the way a bit,
• 36:16
  which is why there ain't no moon.
• 36:22
  Professor, you sound like you're from the bi.
• 36:26
  I know that the bayou can get quite warm
• 36:31
  Has this prepared you at all
• 36:33
  For being a science climate professor?
• 36:38
  Yes
• 36:39
  And the alligators
• 36:40
  Can be worn as thermal conducting suits
• 36:45
  So we will live
• 36:48
  While the rest of y'all go on there
• 36:50
  Well, so in order to live
• 36:53
  Everyone needs to start wearing an alligator
• 36:55
  Is that correct?
• 36:56
  Unfortunately for the pedofolk
• 36:58
  Yes
• 37:00
  I'm sorry, for the what folk?
• 37:03
  The pedofolk
• 37:04
  Oh, pita
• 37:06
  Yes
• 37:07
  I thought you were saying the pedofolk
• 37:09
  And I was very confused
• 37:10
  I needed to clear that up
• 37:11
  Oh, thank you
• 37:13
  Hopefully the pedofolk don't wear these alligators
• 37:15
  And then they get burned up
• 37:17
  Yes
• 37:18
  Alright, well you heard it here first
• 37:20
  Back to you in the studio
• 37:22
  Wow
• 37:23
  That was, ugh
• 37:24
  Well, at least there's a solution
• 37:26
  And, you know, finally, my alligator skin boots come out of the closet.
• 37:33
  Yeah, you know, people always say that the news is full of bad stuff, but I don't find that to be the case.
• 37:39
  Yeah. And speaking of which, let's move on to a little lighter side of the news.
• 37:44
  local boy makes good by a local teen.
• 37:52
  Dempsey LaRue has invented,
• 37:57
  has invented something a little sweet.
• 38:02
  Oh, it's a nonstop candy machine for the kids in the neighborhood.
• 38:09
  our very own Fontana Jones is on the scene interviewing Dempsey. Fontana?
• 38:20
  Yes, thank you so much. Dempsey, we're all so excited about your candy machine. Can you tell
• 38:26
  us about the inspiration, where it came from? I sure can, Fontana. Well, my biggest dream was to
• 38:33
  get on the news, and my parents told me the best way you can do that is by making good in a local
• 38:38
  town. So I quit my fast-paced life being an intern at a big movie studio in Hollywood,
• 38:44
  moved back home to Tulsa suburbs, Oklahoma, and I made a nonstop candy machine for the kids.
• 38:54
  Wow, this is so inspirational. Now, I understand not everyone's happy about this candy machine.
• 39:00
  Can you talk about some of the backlash you've received? I sure can. Well, it mainly started with
• 39:05
  the candy companies. They didn't like that I was making nonstop candy and they were losing all
• 39:11
  their profits from kids. I've received a few death threats from the CEOs of these candy companies.
• 39:18
  I remember when some of them used to babysit me when I was a child, so I have really mixed
• 39:22
  feelings about this whole situation. But I'm going to keep doing it. I'm going to keep doing
• 39:27
  it for them kids, because them kids need free candy. Thank you. As I always say, if you're not
• 39:34
  getting death threats from CEOs.
• 39:35
  You're just not doing it right.
• 39:39
  Dempsey,
• 39:40
  one parting thought for our audience.
• 39:43
  What can you say that might encourage
• 39:45
  the next generation of free candy machine enthusiasts?
• 39:50
  Be prepared to die for the kids.
• 39:53
  And not just your kids.
• 39:55
  Other people's kids.
• 39:58
  You heard it here first.
• 40:01
  I'm...
• 40:02
  me.
• 40:04
  And that was candy hour.
• 40:06
  Pew, pew.
• 40:08
  Wow.
• 40:09
  What a great story.
• 40:11
  So heartwarming.
• 40:12
  And you know what?
• 40:12
  It's a good reminder, too.
• 40:14
  I always forget that every candy CEO used to be a babysitter in Tulsa.
• 40:19
  It's a good reminder of that, that humble beginnings of all candy CEOs.
• 40:25
  Couldn't agree more.
• 40:28
  Oh, it looks like we're getting a breaking story.
• 40:31
  Oh.
• 40:32
  Sorry to interrupt again.
• 40:36
  Spatula and male counterpart to Spatula.
• 40:39
  There's been an even further development
• 40:43
  on two of our previously discussed stories.
• 40:46
  It turns out that the alligator lobby has decided to team up
• 40:49
  with the squirrel lobby after learning that we would need
• 40:53
  to make alligator skins to protect from the coming heat.
• 40:57
  We go back now to Lance on the scene
• 41:00
  who has been taken hostage by both the squirrels and the alligators
• 41:03
  and is being allowed to speak.
• 41:04
  Oh my God, Lance, yes.
• 41:06
  Oh my God, this is incredible.
• 41:09
  I'm in an incredible amount of pain,
• 41:10
  but also I'm so honored to bring you this story.
• 41:13
  Part of my body has been ripped away
• 41:15
  to make a human coat that an alligator nearby is wearing
• 41:19
  as a demonstration.
• 41:21
  He wanted you to know how it felt.
• 41:26
  And now I have empathy.
• 41:27
  and the squirrels are laughing.
• 41:32
  Lance, Lance, can you tell us,
• 41:34
  or what I'm assuming is Lance,
• 41:35
  it just looks like muscles and bones from here
• 41:39
  because you have no more skin on.
• 41:42
  Lance, can you tell us,
• 41:44
  have the alligators considered possibly
• 41:48
  some kind of a truce with human beings
• 41:51
  where we don't kill the alligators,
• 41:54
  we just kind of wear them like backpacks still alive?
• 41:57
  so far the alligators are saying no to any demands no to any truces and interestingly
• 42:04
  they're allowed to use nuts as a derogatory term and it's not upsetting the squirrels
• 42:10
  whoa they got oh the squirrels gave them a pass huh there must be some primordial
• 42:17
  connection between squirrels and alligators that we know not wow lance you mentioned that
• 42:23
  the alligators have taken part of your skin to make a coat what have have the squirrels taken
• 42:28
  anything from you also i noticed that your voice is a much higher pitch than it usually is
• 42:32
  that's due to fear and have they taken anything else yes my nuts
• 42:41
  but it's okay because i'm going to die anyway
• 42:47
  they're in a little jar and they're shaking them like dice
• 42:52
  oh snake eyes
• 42:55
  uh lance uh with your final breaths on this earth do you have any uh any further thoughts about uh
• 43:06
  whether or not any of this will be resolved anytime soon that i don't but all i can say is
• 43:13
  thank you for tuning in to channel 61 news the family channel where you heard it here first
• 43:21
  well that's our news for the evening i'm spatula and i'm not good evening you heard it here first
• 43:32
  wow crazy world out there
• 43:40
  you know i'm hopeful i have hope you know people say that the news is uh you know is a downer but i
• 43:48
  I thought there were some really positive things in that newscast.
• 43:52
  100%.
• 43:52
  Hmm.
• 43:55
  I mean,
• 43:55
  animals can work together.
• 43:57
  That's great.
• 43:59
  That's good.
• 44:00
  It's good news.
• 44:01
  Yeah.
• 44:02
  And you can live without your nuts for a few minutes.
• 44:03
  I didn't know that.
• 44:05
  And sometimes anchor people are fine with admitting they have small nuts.
• 44:12
  He did say that his small nuts were his nuts were in a small jar.
• 44:18
  Ergo, the nuts must be small.
• 44:20
  Ergo, yeah.
• 44:21
  Yeah.
• 44:23
  Ergo, my nuts.
• 44:25
  That sounds like it could be something.
• 44:27
  Like Lego, my Eggo.
• 44:29
  Ergo, my nuts.
• 44:31
  That ancient Greek tale, Jason and the Ergo Nuts.
• 44:36
  That sounds like air, like...
• 44:38
  Ergo Nuts.
• 44:41
  Nice, nice.
• 44:43
  Ergo Nuts.
• 44:45
  Well, good segment.
• 44:48
  know uh it's time for one last segment the big question the question is very big
• 45:03
  frances i know the other day i said i was trying to think of a big question
• 45:08
  fun fact i failed
• 45:11
  do you have a big question yeah i got a big one all right nice yes
• 45:17
  Here it is.
• 45:19
  If I told you that you needed to come up with the crime of the century,
• 45:31
  what would it be?
• 45:35
  We've done something.
• 45:37
  We've done this.
• 45:38
  No, we stole art from the Louvre.
• 45:40
  That's true.
• 45:42
  That's not the crime of the century.
• 45:43
  That's weekend shit.
• 45:44
  No, don't you?
• 45:45
  you were
• 45:49
  you had something about
• 45:51
  a group on vacation
• 45:54
  for your elementary
• 45:56
  school class.
• 45:56
  That was from the Louvre, I think.
• 45:59
  No, because I remember saying
• 46:01
  your crime of the century is just to improve
• 46:03
  America's education system.
• 46:05
  That's the one where you had Six Flags
• 46:07
  closed so the people could go
• 46:09
  run the ship so that they could be
• 46:11
  off the ship.
• 46:12
  I also used elementary school students
• 46:14
  in the Louvre.
• 46:15
  In the Louvre.
• 46:16
  In the gift shop.
• 46:17
  Okay.
• 46:18
  Sure love exploiting children.
• 46:20
  Yeah.
• 46:21
  It's fun.
• 46:22
  I'm sorry.
• 46:22
  Great.
• 46:24
  Children, if you're listening,
• 46:25
  and we know you are,
• 46:27
  you're going to get exploited.
• 46:28
  If you're being exploited,
• 46:29
  and we know you are.
• 46:30
  Okay.
• 46:31
  Well, that was the crime
• 46:32
  of the 20th century.
• 46:33
  Maybe I can come up with
• 46:34
  the crime of the 21st century.
• 46:36
  I could pivot to a new question
• 46:38
  if you'd like that sort of thing.
• 46:42
  Sure.
• 46:42
  Okay.
• 46:43
  So you know how we talked about
• 46:44
  sure that's a very like uncertain sure um
• 46:47
  what so okay you know how we've talked about like oh if you could like
• 46:54
  change the titanic to make it funny that was a question we had once yeah what movie
• 47:00
  and scene specifically would you put an like your biggest enemy in
• 47:09
  like if you could like zoom them into it like mic tv
• 47:13
  how would you punish them oh okay
• 47:19
  my first thought is indiana jones in the temple of doom when they're like doing that
• 47:32
  like they're like ripping the heart out of the person while they're still alive
• 47:35
  oh and then lowering them into the fire oh that's rough
• 47:38
  yeah wow that's your first thought huh oh yeah that's we don't cross me baby
• 47:45
  my first thought was how many rape scenes have i encountered
• 47:49
  not probably not that many guys laugh again sorry i was lost in thought laugh at what i said or else
• 47:58
  it sounds really terrible no because you didn't know you were like how many i don't know
• 48:04
  it could be a fun one yeah and i'm like 92
• 48:07
  most of them are repeats
• 48:11
  um okay any other thoughts
• 48:17
  um you put them in a groundhog day situation i would like i would like that too
• 48:25
  really i think so i feel like you go crazy pretty fast no because once you realize what it is like
• 48:31
  you can have fun. Yeah, which is what
• 48:33
  eventually happened, by the way.
• 48:35
  He went crazy at first trying to get out, and then
• 48:37
  he was just like, you know what, I'm just going to lean into this
• 48:39
  a little bit. And he had fun.
• 48:42
  Wasn't there a pachyderm in that movie?
• 48:49
  An elephant?
• 48:51
  Yeah.
• 48:51
  Yeah.
• 48:57
  I don't think so.
• 49:01
  It's been a while since I've seen it.
• 49:05
  Isn't it called Elephant Day?
• 49:06
  Yeah, it's called Trunks.
• 49:12
  I guess I haven seen it in a few years so it unsubstantiated whether or not there is an elephant in that movie
• 49:24
  A what?
• 49:28
  Okay, so I'm thinking more like,
• 49:38
  uh have you seen like the insidious movies no you know about them no i mean i know they exist i
• 49:46
  don't know what they're about so there's these magnets no um so it's like the house isn't haunted
• 49:53
  the people the person's haunted and like the person ends up like going into a like other
• 49:59
  dimension where like they can't escape it's like they kind of like astral travel but they get stuck
• 50:05
  and then there's this demonic presence around them
• 50:08
  that keeps them trapped.
• 50:10
  And people have to go brave the other dimension
• 50:13
  to get their kid back.
• 50:15
  And I just feel like that would be scary as hell
• 50:18
  to be like,
• 50:20
  I hear it.
• 50:24
  I was not thinking that.
• 50:26
  To be trapped in that sort of thing.
• 50:32
  Because there were always pop-ups.
• 50:35
  okay now it's just pissing me off
• 50:38
  reset
• 50:39
  because after it happened
• 50:42
  the whole like
• 50:44
  all the
• 50:45
  whatever spirits and stuff
• 50:48
  like
• 50:51
  I'm in hell
• 50:53
  I put my enemy
• 50:56
  into this moment right now
• 50:58
  is your secret
• 51:00
  word like oh my god that would be so funny
• 51:02
  I'd really be
• 51:04
  selling it wouldn't I
• 51:05
  there were apparitions
• 51:09
  in the house
• 51:11
  while they were trying to figure it out
• 51:13
  and that really scared
• 51:14
  when I first saw the movie it was like jump worthy
• 51:17
  you could put them in the tunnel
• 51:19
  boat scene from Willy Wonka
• 51:21
  that was over so fast
• 51:23
  yeah but it's terrifying
• 51:25
  you don't think you would have enjoyed it
• 51:27
  it's terrifying as a child
• 51:29
  terrifying as a child and also too
• 51:31
  this man was being so whimsical
• 51:33
  and candy like before and now he's just
• 51:35
  singing a weird song.
• 51:36
  Candy-like.
• 51:40
  And also you might have a seizure.
• 51:42
  Imagine you go missing and someone's like,
• 51:44
  please describe your friend.
• 51:45
  And they're like, you were so candy-like.
• 51:47
  Last scene with a candy-like person
• 51:49
  by the name of Wonka.
• 51:51
  Also Jurassic Park would be scary.
• 51:54
  Yeah.
• 51:56
  Maybe like the raptor scene.
• 51:58
  Yes.
• 51:58
  I do remember
• 52:00
  watching that
• 52:03
  as I saw that movie three times
• 52:05
  in theaters when it came out and as a child being like so tense so scared i was also worried that
• 52:15
  i this is actually a thought that i had as a child watching it um being worried like you know
• 52:22
  how she like gets inside the like cabinet and tries to close the door or whatever yeah yeah
• 52:26
  i remember thinking what if what if it was me and i tried to do that and then i was too big to fit in
• 52:33
  a cabinet.
• 52:35
  As a child, you thought this?
• 52:37
  Yeah, as a child, I thought that.
• 52:38
  I don't know why.
• 52:40
  Because of your big heart.
• 52:41
  Yeah, that's why.
• 52:43
  Well, most kitchen cabinets don't fit children.
• 52:47
  What about Air Force One?
• 52:50
  Was that where it was hijacked?
• 52:52
  Yeah.
• 52:53
  Because that's like, unlike Jurassic Park,
• 52:56
  that's like a real-life situation.
• 52:57
  And then also, too, on top of being threatened
• 52:59
  by men with guns from another country,
• 53:01
  you're thousands of feet in the air there's no like escape that's true i would be unless you're
• 53:12
  harrison ford right and he's there so he can rest easy do we get to pick which character there or
• 53:16
  are they it's just the movie they're just in it they're just added i was gonna make that i was
• 53:20
  gonna make them the stewardess i haven't seen that movie in a long time does something bad
• 53:24
  What happened to the stewardess gets it real hard.
• 53:26
  Yeah.
• 53:26
  Okay.
• 53:27
  Yeah.
• 53:29
  Um,
• 53:30
  what about anything underground?
• 53:34
  Like those cave movies where people are like,
• 53:36
  where people are stuck or like open water.
• 53:39
  Yeah.
• 53:39
  Or like a,
• 53:40
  like a shark tank.
• 53:41
  So you're not putting someone in an episode of the hit business reality show
• 53:45
  shark tank.
• 53:45
  That would be silly.
• 53:46
  That would be nerve wracking.
• 53:49
  I didn't prepare.
• 53:52
  Mr.
• 53:53
  Wonderful.
• 53:53
  Mark Cuban is so much scary.
• 53:55
  Yeah, Mark Cuban is...
• 53:58
  He's on that show.
• 54:00
  Is he Cuban?
• 54:01
  No, but he is Mark.
• 54:04
  But not a Mark,
• 54:05
  so don't try to pull one over on him
• 54:07
  like a con man.
• 54:09
  Woo!
• 54:10
  Woo!
• 54:10
  Woo!
• 54:10
  Woo!
• 54:12
  Do they...
• 54:15
  Does the enemy get to get out of...
• 54:18
  of does the enemy get to get out of the situation with the protagonist?
• 54:26
  Are they theoretically like,
• 54:28
  like for example in like kill bill when she's buried alive,
• 54:31
  right?
• 54:32
  And then she gets out,
• 54:35
  but what if like your,
• 54:36
  does your enemy also get to follow her out?
• 54:41
  Um,
• 54:42
  that's a good question.
• 54:44
  Well,
• 54:44
  so okay here's what i would say the point of this is you're is you're putting them in like a hell
• 54:51
  right yeah so there's no chance of them getting at your basically you would say i'm putting them
• 54:58
  in under the underground like coffin in that scene so all they would be in there and all they
• 55:04
  would have is a flashlight and they'd be stuck maybe they could get if they had umu thurman
• 55:07
  style skills no but you're saying i'm not we're not replacing you said that we're they're just
• 55:13
  there. Like the scene exists. They're just there. Yeah. Ooh.
• 55:18
  What about the waiting room for hell from Beetlejuice?
• 55:22
  That would be fun for me. I mean, maybe not really, but it looks so cool.
• 55:26
  I never saw Beetlejuice. Well, yeah, but I mean,
• 55:28
  but the whole point is that like, Oh, you're going to be here.
• 55:32
  Francis just gave me a look. Francis looks like he wants to kill Jenna
• 55:36
  for not having some Beetlejuice. I'm putting you in Beetlejuice so you can watch it.
• 55:39
  it's one of those movies I've just never seen it and now it's on my list to never see
• 55:44
  because I've never seen it same thing with Rocky Horror Picture Show
• 55:47
  okay yeah that's interesting I think any war movie would be horrible oh yeah 1917
• 55:57
  oh or unbreakable or not is that the one unbroken unbroken that's the one unbroken
• 56:03
  that's the one about the prisoner of war from World War One broke down palace
• 56:08
  they go to like Thailand or something
• 56:12
  or some other country and someone plants drugs on them
• 56:15
  and they go to like a prison and they can't get out
• 56:17
  or Hostel, the Eli Roth movies
• 56:21
  I try to purge that from my brain because it's so bad
• 56:24
  great choice
• 56:24
  I have not seen that
• 56:27
  you don't need to
• 56:29
  it's wild
• 56:32
  it's the kind of movie where you're like
• 56:33
  someone thought of this
• 56:34
  and then you are seriously worried about that
• 56:37
  yeah yeah um basically just like rich people terrorizing youths that stay at hostels
• 56:45
  capture them yeah not i mean yeah it's bad second one's kind of fun though
• 56:50
  you went back for more it's like fun it's not funny but well i'm not you're not gonna watch it
• 56:58
  yeah the uh one of the people that they're torturing ends up being like super rich and
• 57:04
  she like gets the upper hand on the guy who's torturing her and she like finagles her way
• 57:07
  in with the operators of this hostel.
• 57:10
  And basically she pays to get out,
• 57:12
  but she has to kill him as part of the deal.
• 57:14
  So she, speaking of nuts, cuts his off.
• 57:17
  Oh, okay.
• 57:19
  So it's good for her.
• 57:20
  Yeah.
• 57:21
  It's a real under the Tuscan sun moment.
• 57:26
  Real eat, pray, love situation.
• 57:28
  Really came into her own.
• 57:31
  Requiem for a Dream.
• 57:33
  As which character?
• 57:34
  I thought we were just dropping him
• 57:37
  we are I keep changing my mind about everything
• 57:39
  sorry
• 57:40
  it's Jennifer Connelly's character at the end
• 57:45
  I said hell
• 57:48
  oh you
• 57:53
  should have known
• 57:54
  anywhere in that movie is
• 57:56
  pretty terrible
• 57:59
  yeah or anywhere in
• 58:00
  Climax by Gaspar Gnome
• 58:02
  what about Species
• 58:04
  I don't know what that is
• 58:06
  I haven't seen that one I don't think
• 58:08
  Natasha Henstridge
• 58:11
  is that right?
• 58:12
  I think that sounds right
• 58:13
  she was hot
• 58:15
  yeah she probably still is
• 58:18
  she's an alien
• 58:19
  and she gets loose in society
• 58:21
  and they have to find her
• 58:22
  but she's killing people who
• 58:24
  I don't know
• 58:26
  are around
• 58:27
  and she's trying to procreate
• 58:30
  but she could smell disease
• 58:31
  and so this guy's going for her
• 58:33
  and then she smells his disease,
• 58:36
  and she doesn't want him to be the dad.
• 58:39
  What's his disease?
• 58:40
  I think it was diabetes.
• 58:42
  But I'm not sure.
• 58:48
  Real strict alien.
• 58:51
  I can smell your diabetes.
• 58:53
  Is your blood pressure high?
• 58:54
  Get the fuck away from me.
• 59:01
  I guess you would,
• 59:02
  do they ever get to get out of it
• 59:04
  or are they stuck in this
• 59:05
  or it's just a one time thing you're dropping them in
• 59:08
  and they're there
• 59:09
  but like a one time they're there but
• 59:12
  they leave it or they're stuck there forever
• 59:14
  no they're stuck there forever
• 59:15
  this is for enemy of enemy
• 59:17
  that is
• 59:18
  I mean anything on water would work for me
• 59:21
  if I was in the ocean
• 59:23
  even on a boat
• 59:24
  like the perfect storm would be a hell for me
• 59:27
  that movie made me so anxious
• 59:29
  watching like the boat roll around in the water
• 59:31
  Yeah.
• 59:33
  And didn't they all die?
• 59:34
  Yeah.
• 59:34
  Yeah.
• 59:35
  Really was the perfect storm.
• 59:37
  Scary.
• 59:38
  Did do its job.
• 59:40
  Well, I think we found a lot of ways to torture people.
• 59:43
  Yeah.
• 59:43
  Even maritime ways.
• 59:45
  Especially maritime ways.
• 59:48
  I guess that answers the big question.
• 59:52
  The big question.
• 59:53
  All right, Francis.
• 59:54
  i don't think i have it okay good great you want to guess sure okay okay i'm gonna guess pneumatic
• 1:00:13
  i think we have guessed pneumatic like 30 times yeah no ozone no
• 1:00:22
  temperature or temperatures no i hope it's not this alligator no okay or alligators
• 1:00:34
  no uh i doubt it's primordial since i had that one recently i thought that too no just wanted to
• 1:00:41
  say it insidious oh no i like what you did yeah apparitions no and then i
• 1:00:55
  i am going to guess this next word
• 1:01:00
  as your decoy word okay
• 1:01:05
  pachyderm
• 1:01:07
  that's my
• 1:01:09
  oh yay
• 1:01:11
  well done
• 1:01:13
  alright one point for me
• 1:01:14
  well done
• 1:01:15
  you were hoping I'd guess it as your
• 1:01:18
  I didn't know what to do with that
• 1:01:20
  where the fuck was I going to say that
• 1:01:23
  you could have added
• 1:01:25
  another animal to the
• 1:01:26
  to the
• 1:01:28
  I don't think there's a way I could have said that
• 1:01:31
  without you being like
• 1:01:32
  probably not
• 1:01:34
  Yeah.
• 1:01:35
  So I was just hoping you would take a gamble that it was my word.
• 1:01:40
  Yeah.
• 1:01:40
  Well, good job.
• 1:01:41
  Thank you.
• 1:01:42
  I'm not even mad.
• 1:01:43
  What was your actual word?
• 1:01:46
  Demonic.
• 1:01:47
  Which I did think you had, by the way.
• 1:01:49
  Ooh.
• 1:01:50
  Yeah.
• 1:01:51
  I saw you over there with your little pen.
• 1:01:54
  Was it during your talk about Insidious?
• 1:01:57
  Mm-hmm.
• 1:01:58
  Oh.
• 1:01:58
  Yeah, I was so distracted by you saying the word like all the time.
• 1:02:01
  Or you thinking you were saying like all the time.
• 1:02:02
  As soon as I called it out, I heard it 20 more times.
• 1:02:07
  Well, that was an appropriate use of the word like just then.
• 1:02:10
  Like 20 more times.
• 1:02:11
  Maybe 20, but about 20.
• 1:02:13
  My goal is to reduce that.
• 1:02:16
  My goal is to reduce the number of times I say um and I'm not succeeding.
• 1:02:22
  Oh, I don't even notice.
• 1:02:23
  That's good.
• 1:02:23
  See what happens when you just love someone.
• 1:02:25
  Right.
• 1:02:25
  So I was too distracted during that whole thing to really pick up.
• 1:02:30
  Got it.
• 1:02:31
  Got it.
• 1:02:31
  I didn't hear the word demonic.
• 1:02:32
  Oh, well.
• 1:02:33
  No, he got a point.
• 1:02:34
  And you've got to be pleased with that.
• 1:02:35
  Yeah.
• 1:02:36
  It's a good day.
• 1:02:37
  It's a good day.
• 1:02:37
  In order for me to get anywhere, half word decent, I'd have to say your word and guess
• 1:02:41
  your decoy word.
• 1:02:42
  Yeah.
• 1:02:42
  I don't think that's going to happen.
• 1:02:44
  All right.
• 1:02:47
  Ergo.
• 1:02:48
  No.
• 1:02:51
  Seamless.
• 1:02:51
  No.
• 1:02:53
  Artful.
• 1:02:54
  No.
• 1:02:57
  Trajectory.
• 1:02:58
  No.
• 1:03:00
  Excavate.
• 1:03:01
  No.
• 1:03:04
  Mold?
• 1:03:06
  No.
• 1:03:09
  It's the last thing I wrote down, but...
• 1:03:12
  Housekeeper?
• 1:03:14
  No.
• 1:03:17
  No?
• 1:03:18
  No.
• 1:03:20
  I got close?
• 1:03:22
  Are you finished guessing?
• 1:03:23
  No.
• 1:03:24
  Hold on.
• 1:03:25
  Chill out.
• 1:03:27
  Take a potty break.
• 1:03:27
  my last guess
• 1:03:29
  is
• 1:03:31
  um
• 1:03:35
  my last guess is
• 1:03:37
  acorns
• 1:03:39
  no
• 1:03:41
  wow if you can see the look
• 1:03:43
  of disappointment Joe just gave me
• 1:03:45
  you were so close
• 1:03:47
  you were so close and then you said
• 1:03:50
  acorns after I gave you that clue
• 1:03:52
  cleaner
• 1:03:53
  made
• 1:03:56
  no
• 1:03:56
  weekly no oh you're you're missing the one word right around no no it's right around that time
• 1:04:05
  all right i'm just gonna tell you okay mildew
• 1:04:10
  i said mold and mildew i don't even remember you saying mildew
• 1:04:17
  uh damn it what's your decoy unsubstantiated okay didn't even pop up for me i knew you didn't
• 1:04:26
  clock that at all man i'm slipping i'm slipping down oh uh i just pulled ahead by another point
• 1:04:33
  i think i'm now six points ahead this is i was i i realized i wished
• 1:04:41
  that I had used my word
• 1:04:45
  in one of the news stories.
• 1:04:46
  I wish the squirrels was my word,
• 1:04:48
  because you just said it a bunch of times.
• 1:04:49
  If I had used mildew as part of a news story,
• 1:04:54
  would that have forced you to say it a bunch?
• 1:04:56
  I probably would have bought right into it.
• 1:04:58
  Yeah, mildew, mildew, mildew.
• 1:05:02
  Oh, well.
• 1:05:04
  What you gonna do?
• 1:05:06
  What you gonna do?
• 1:05:07
  What you gonna do?
• 1:05:09
  What you gonna do about it?
• 1:05:11
  What are you going to do when they eat your shoes?
• 1:05:12
  Bad dogs.
• 1:05:16
  Bad dogs.
• 1:05:16
  Bad dogs.
• 1:05:18
  What are you going to do?
• 1:05:19
  What are you going to do when they eat your shoes?
• 1:05:21
  Bad dogs.
• 1:05:22
  Bad dogs.
• 1:05:25
  All right.
• 1:05:25
  Well, thanks, listeners.
• 1:05:27
  See you next week.
• 1:05:28
  Bye.
• 1:05:41
  you