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Never Tour More Than Two Communities in a Day (and Why a Matchmaker Knows Best) · A Place for Seniors

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_00: Welcome to a place for seniors, where we share the real truth about what seniors need.
• 0:05
  SPEAKER_00: This podcast features honest, heartfelt conversations, the ones we don't always have, but matter the most.
• 0:12
  SPEAKER_00: Here we share real stories and simple insights about aging with dignity, choice, and autonomy.
• 0:18
  SPEAKER_00: Together, we bring what we've learned from over 20,000 conversations with seniors and their families, guiding you through some of life's hardest decisions.
• 0:27
  SPEAKER_00: We invite you to listen, learn, and prepare with us because these conversations matter and the choices we make today shape our tomorrow.
• 0:36
  SPEAKER_00: Welcome to A Place for Seniors Podcast.
• 0:39
  SPEAKER_00: I'm Alison Carmen, and today I have a really special guest, and she is Sarah Kelly.
• 0:45
  SPEAKER_00: And Sarah and I have known each other for well over 11 years.
• 0:49
  SPEAKER_00: Would it be it's probably closer to 14?
• 0:52
  SPEAKER_00: 14 years.
• 0:53
  SPEAKER_00: 14, 14.
• 0:54
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, 14.
• 0:54
  SPEAKER_00: Well, yeah.
• 0:56
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, 14 years.
• 0:57
  SPEAKER_00: Um, so Sarah uh actually uh met me when I was a sales person at Brookdale.
• 1:06
  SPEAKER_00: That's right.
• 1:06
  SPEAKER_00: In Peoria.
• 1:08
  SPEAKER_00: And um she and her other colleagues from that big company, which I refuse to name anymore.
• 1:16
  SPEAKER_00: And uh she uh, you know, a lot of misnomer was or myth was that uh the referral agents that worked for that big company didn't go out to communities, didn't know communities, were just sitting, we're like a call center or something.
• 1:30
  SPEAKER_00: And then we were nothing like that, and you were nothing like that.
• 1:34
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and so you were one of my mentors as long, as well as, you know, five other ladies that were in that uh seat.
• 1:42
  SPEAKER_00: And then I got the pleasure of moving to that to that company.
• 1:45
  SPEAKER_00: You did.
• 1:46
  SPEAKER_00: And um, so we've you and I used to spend at least every month, you know.
• 1:51
  SPEAKER_00: I can still remember you coming over to my house.
• 1:54
  SPEAKER_00: And we would get together and we would drive to like six communities in a day, right?
• 1:59
  SPEAKER_00: And our heads were just spinning.
• 2:01
  SPEAKER_00: That's why we never say you can tour, you know, you we never tell a family you can tour more than two communities in one day.
• 2:08
  SPEAKER_00: No way.
• 2:08
  SPEAKER_00: It's too much, right?
• 2:09
  SPEAKER_00: It's too much information.
• 2:11
  SPEAKER_00: It's you know, it's an overload.
• 2:12
  SPEAKER_01: You don't even remember which by the end of the day, when you've seen three or more, you don't even remember which ones had the things or the aspects that you liked about it.
• 2:19
  SPEAKER_00: So you can't even remember because it's like so much information.
• 2:22
  SPEAKER_00: And then the terminology, right?
• 2:24
  SPEAKER_00: So they're throwing you're almost speaking a different language because it's like, you know, what are you saying?
• 2:29
  SPEAKER_00: And I didn't get that.
• 2:30
  SPEAKER_00: And so you're constantly in this state of confusion.
• 2:32
  SPEAKER_00: And, you know, what did I see over there?
• 2:34
  SPEAKER_00: And so it's really hard.
• 2:35
  SPEAKER_00: So one of the things we do, which we really, really work at doing is matchmaking, right?
• 2:41
  SPEAKER_00: So what do you think when you're talking to a customer, when you're talking to, let's say you're talking to a daughter and she is looking for something for her father and they want something in Sun City.
• 2:56
  SPEAKER_00: Let's just pick that.
• 2:58
  SPEAKER_00: Uh, that's in Arizona.
• 3:00
  SPEAKER_00: So if you pick uh it's a 55 plus community where uh you have to be at least 55 to even buy in there in that subdivision.
• 3:07
  SPEAKER_00: So, and that father is alone and and the daughter is calling you.
• 3:12
  SPEAKER_00: So, what do you look for?
• 3:13
  SPEAKER_00: What do you ask that daughter about?
• 3:16
  SPEAKER_01: I want to know all about dad.
• 3:17
  SPEAKER_01: I want to know what he likes to do, what he used to like to do in the past, what he did for work.
• 3:24
  SPEAKER_01: Uh is he does he like the newer, shinier communities or things, or is he um more traditional style?
• 3:32
  SPEAKER_01: So I want to know all about him so that I can pick really a a good two or three communities for him.
• 3:38
  SPEAKER_01: Right.
• 3:38
  SPEAKER_01: So the more information I know about dad and again what he likes to do, what he used to like to do, I think is key because you really want to incorporate that too in a community.
• 3:45
  SPEAKER_01: Absolutely.
• 3:45
  SPEAKER_01: Did he use to woodwork?
• 3:47
  SPEAKER_01: Because if so, I've got a perfect community that offers that.
• 3:50
  SPEAKER_01: Right.
• 3:50
  SPEAKER_01: So the more I know about dad, the better I can match the communities to him.
• 3:55
  SPEAKER_00: Also, um, and when you we're talking to them, um, they're they're probably nervous.
• 4:01
  SPEAKER_00: They haven't ever talked to somebody that really understands these communities, right?
• 4:05
  SPEAKER_00: One of the key things we do, and the reason we went out to all those six communities every month, and we went to different ones all the time.
• 4:13
  SPEAKER_00: Why did we do that?
• 4:15
  SPEAKER_01: We had to know what they had to offer.
• 4:17
  SPEAKER_01: Right.
• 4:17
  SPEAKER_01: We had to know what they look like.
• 4:19
  SPEAKER_01: Or I should say, why do we do that?
• 4:21
  SPEAKER_01: Why do we do that?
• 4:22
  SPEAKER_01: We still do it all the time.
• 4:24
  SPEAKER_01: I I want to feel the community.
• 4:26
  SPEAKER_01: I wanna, you know, does it have what does that mean?
• 4:28
  SPEAKER_01: Feel the community.
• 4:29
  SPEAKER_01: So it it uh you know, does it have a heart?
• 4:32
  SPEAKER_01: Is it warm?
• 4:32
  SPEAKER_01: Is it welcoming?
• 4:33
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 4:34
  SPEAKER_01: Um, you know, I want to see the residents.
• 4:36
  SPEAKER_01: Are they out and about?
• 4:38
  SPEAKER_01: I wanna, you know, how are they how do they look?
• 4:40
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 4:40
  SPEAKER_01: Um how do they look?
• 4:41
  SPEAKER_00: How are they yeah, are they dressed well?
• 4:43
  SPEAKER_00: Are they are they taking care of themselves?
• 4:46
  SPEAKER_00: Other people taking care of them.
• 4:48
  SPEAKER_01: Exactly.
• 4:48
  SPEAKER_01: So I want to see a a nice vibrant community, you know.
• 4:52
  SPEAKER_01: Um so I'm I'm and again, so that feel is truly that feeling you get within the first m 30 seconds to a minute of being there.
• 5:02
  SPEAKER_01: You can tell if it's got that warmth that you're looking for for a family member.
• 5:06
  SPEAKER_01: Because I always say, I'm not gonna take you somewhere that I'm not gonna take my own parents.
• 5:11
  SPEAKER_00: Absolutely.
• 5:11
  SPEAKER_00: I always say that too.
• 5:12
  SPEAKER_00: I always uh and I think that way, right?
• 5:15
  SPEAKER_00: I do, genuinely.
• 5:15
  SPEAKER_00: I genuinely think that way.
• 5:17
  SPEAKER_00: I think because what keeps me up at night is um are they in the right place?
• 5:21
  SPEAKER_00: Yes.
• 5:21
  SPEAKER_00: Are they okay there?
• 5:22
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 5:23
  SPEAKER_00: Right?
• 5:23
  SPEAKER_00: Are they gonna thrive there?
• 5:24
  SPEAKER_01: Are they gonna thrive?
• 5:25
  SPEAKER_01: I think that's the biggest component.
• 5:26
  SPEAKER_01: We don't want to move uh someone into a community that is not a good fit for them because then they're just gonna sit in their apartment and withdraw.
• 5:34
  SPEAKER_01: So you really want to make that mat so that that doesn't happen.
• 5:38
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 5:38
  SPEAKER_01: Because the the the whole purpose, especially with independent living, is to move them into a community that they're gonna feel comfortable, safe, and wanna be engaged with the activities and all the other residents.
• 5:48
  SPEAKER_00: And and it's almost like matching the the the lifestyle.
• 5:52
  SPEAKER_00: That's one reason you're gonna ask what what dad, what did dad do to for a living, or what did mom like to do, or what was she, what was she about, what did when she was super active?
• 6:03
  SPEAKER_00: Because a lot of times what we're talking to people is now there's always a phase in life, uh in an aging process where you stop uh doing as much as you used to do.
• 6:15
  SPEAKER_00: But number one, your body starts to stop letting you, right?
• 6:18
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 6:19
  SPEAKER_00: Uh so your muscles are atrophying, your your aches and pains are getting more and more.
• 6:24
  SPEAKER_00: So you slowly but surely stay in your house more and more, right?
• 6:27
  SPEAKER_00: And by staying in your house, we see it all the time.
• 6:30
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know that the comp that this is common knowledge though, that when people, you know, want to stay in their homes, um, they start to decline.
• 6:41
  SPEAKER_00: And you just went through this with your dad.
• 6:43
  SPEAKER_00: Do you mind talking about this?
• 6:44
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, quite okay.
• 6:45
  SPEAKER_00: So with your dad, you've he's been a powerhouse, right?
• 6:50
  SPEAKER_00: He was a powerhouse in his life and his he was a uh construction manager.
• 6:54
  SPEAKER_00: What was he?
• 6:55
  SPEAKER_01: He was a yeah, I can't think of the the uh basically he oversaw the whole entire construction site.
• 7:01
  SPEAKER_00: So supervise superintendent or supervisor, right?
• 7:04
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I can't either.
• 7:05
  SPEAKER_01: But yeah, so I mean that and that was what he's done my whole life that I can remember.
• 7:09
  SPEAKER_01: So he was always in charge of a very large crew and and all these guys that were building subdivisions and houses, so it was an important position.
• 7:17
  SPEAKER_01: And he's always just been this very um strong factor in my life.
• 7:23
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 7:23
  SPEAKER_01: So yeah, to see that change was so how did you get change?
• 7:29
  SPEAKER_01: Um so he he stopped going out as much.
• 7:33
  SPEAKER_01: So he's retired.
• 7:34
  SPEAKER_01: So he's retired.
• 7:34
  SPEAKER_01: Living in his house.
• 7:35
  SPEAKER_01: Yep, living in his house.
• 7:36
  SPEAKER_01: He always likes nice houses.
• 7:38
  SPEAKER_01: He likes likes a nice lifestyle.
• 7:41
  SPEAKER_01: Right.
• 7:41
  SPEAKER_01: And um so he was he's was living alone and um he stopped seeing his very slowly.
• 7:47
  SPEAKER_01: So this was just a transition.
• 7:49
  SPEAKER_01: Just slowly we noticed he stopped spending less time with his friends.
• 7:51
  SPEAKER_01: And the only time he was started recently really getting out was when his friends, his snowbird friends would come from Wisconsin.
• 7:59
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, snowbirds, too.
• 8:00
  SPEAKER_01: So that's just part of the year.
• 8:02
  SPEAKER_01: That they're here, maybe three or four months.
• 8:04
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 8:04
  SPEAKER_01: And he would go out to eat with them, and then the rest of the year he just basically kind of sat at home.
• 8:08
  SPEAKER_01: So it was once a week?
• 8:10
  SPEAKER_01: Once a week, yeah.
• 8:11
  SPEAKER_01: Once a week.
• 8:12
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 8:12
  SPEAKER_01: But probably every Friday.
• 8:13
  SPEAKER_01: Right.
• 8:14
  SPEAKER_01: He'd go out there.
• 8:14
  SPEAKER_01: And that was it.
• 8:15
  SPEAKER_01: And that was it.
• 8:16
  SPEAKER_01: And what was he doing in his house?
• 8:18
  SPEAKER_01: Um, nothing.
• 8:19
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, he would clean a little bit here and there, but truly what he was doing was just watching TV.
• 8:23
  SPEAKER_01: Oh.
• 8:24
  SPEAKER_01: He was watching YouTube, yeah, travel channels.
• 8:27
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 8:27
  SPEAKER_01: You know, I mean, so and longing to travel.
• 8:30
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, you know, but that's basically all he was doing.
• 8:33
  SPEAKER_01: You know, my our our kids are old, so my brother and I are kids are older now.
• 8:36
  SPEAKER_01: Uh-huh.
• 8:37
  SPEAKER_01: So we don't go over as much.
• 8:38
  SPEAKER_01: Right.
• 8:38
  SPEAKER_01: He used to go over and swim in the pool and he would cook out.
• 8:42
  SPEAKER_01: And so as slowly as we aged, it that became less and less if we were going over there.
• 8:47
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 8:48
  SPEAKER_00: So uh and I talk a lot about the sandwich generation, which is exactly who you are.
• 8:52
  SPEAKER_00: You know, what you're 49, right?
• 8:54
  SPEAKER_00: 48.
• 8:55
  SPEAKER_00: 48.
• 8:55
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 8:56
  SPEAKER_00: Sorry.
• 8:56
  SPEAKER_00: Didn't mean to age.
• 8:57
  SPEAKER_00: That's okay.
• 8:58
  SPEAKER_00: Um, but um so you are the sandwich generation.
• 9:02
  SPEAKER_00: So you have uh a a 14-year-old, 16-year-old, and a 14-year-old.
• 9:08
  SPEAKER_00: And they're active, you're doing stuff all the time with them.
• 9:12
  SPEAKER_00: You've got a husband, yeah, you've got a job, and you've got a dad that you're worried about.
• 9:17
  SPEAKER_00: And I know we talked probably for a good two years that you've been worried about him.
• 9:21
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 9:22
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 9:23
  SPEAKER_01: So what happened?
• 9:25
  SPEAKER_01: So um he came to me one day and said, Um, so I think I'd like to see one of those places that you came to my seminar too, didn't he?
• 9:37
  SPEAKER_01: I don't know if he did or not.
• 9:38
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, he came to the seminar.
• 9:39
  SPEAKER_01: Yes, he did it at the YMC.
• 9:41
  SPEAKER_01: He did it.
• 9:41
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 9:41
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 9:42
  SPEAKER_01: And he said, I I think I'm gonna see one of those places that you go to.
• 9:45
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 9:45
  SPEAKER_01: And I said, Those places.
• 9:46
  SPEAKER_01: And he said, Yeah, you know, one of those senior places.
• 9:48
  SPEAKER_01: And I said, Okay, so you want to look at in the How old is your dad?
• 9:51
  SPEAKER_01: My dad's 80.
• 9:52
  SPEAKER_01: So perfect age, right?
• 9:54
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, perfect age.
• 9:55
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 9:55
  SPEAKER_01: And I said, Okay, why?
• 9:57
  SPEAKER_01: And he said, I'm tired of cleaning, uh, I'm tired of cooking.
• 10:01
  SPEAKER_01: And that was another concern of mine because he really wasn't eating and he was eating the pre-made barbecue, pre-made mash, you know, just the pre-made stuff, which is exactly what his mother did.
• 10:12
  SPEAKER_01: Uh you know, so his his mom, who again lived in Wisconsin alone, yeah, was just eating all the pre-made meals.
• 10:17
  SPEAKER_01: And I had told him tons of salt.
• 10:18
  SPEAKER_01: Tons of salt years ago, definitely healthy for her.
• 10:21
  SPEAKER_01: So he got meals on wheels.
• 10:22
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 10:23
  SPEAKER_01: Um, so he was just eating the easy stuff.
• 10:26
  SPEAKER_01: And then he was started skipping meals because he was just too tired to do anything.
• 10:30
  SPEAKER_01: Probably didn't taste good either.
• 10:32
  SPEAKER_01: Didn't taste good.
• 10:32
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 10:33
  SPEAKER_01: So um so we did.
• 10:35
  SPEAKER_01: We went and saw a couple different communities, and he said the exact same thing that we hear from everybody.
• 10:41
  SPEAKER_01: I had no clue they looked like this.
• 10:44
  SPEAKER_01: This is fantastic.
• 10:45
  SPEAKER_01: I never knew they were this.
• 10:46
  SPEAKER_01: I didn't know this.
• 10:47
  SPEAKER_01: So um so yeah, we saw really a couple different places, and he found one that he liked, which surprised me.
• 10:54
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 10:55
  SPEAKER_01: I gotta keep in mind what I like, he might not like, and vice versa.
• 10:59
  SPEAKER_00: So we I Oh, so the place that he found was surprising that he would pick that one.
• 11:04
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, so it was because he likes the flashy, the new, the yeah.
• 11:07
  SPEAKER_01: So we went and saw a place, but he fell in love with it because it's on a lake.
• 11:13
  SPEAKER_01: Okay.
• 11:13
  SPEAKER_01: Again, us being from Wisconsin.
• 11:15
  SPEAKER_01: Right.
• 11:15
  SPEAKER_01: He said I liked the the landscape.
• 11:17
  SPEAKER_01: I love that I can wake up every morning and look out and see a lake.
• 11:20
  SPEAKER_01: Uh-huh.
• 11:21
  SPEAKER_01: And so he chose that community, and we were waiting um for a specific apartment.
• 11:27
  SPEAKER_01: And I said, Dad, don't worry about it, it always works out.
• 11:29
  SPEAKER_01: I don't know how or why, but it always works out.
• 11:31
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, it does.
• 11:31
  SPEAKER_00: It always falls together.
• 11:33
  SPEAKER_00: Always, always falls together.
• 11:34
  SPEAKER_00: I I always say that that there is, you know, sometimes when we we take somebody to the one or two or three that we've picked, and they we take them to the first one, which we think is gonna fit the best, right?
• 11:45
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 11:45
  SPEAKER_01: Yes.
• 11:46
  SPEAKER_00: And so what happens is they think, no way, this can't be possible.
• 11:49
  SPEAKER_00: First of all, we know what we're doing.
• 11:51
  SPEAKER_00: Yep.
• 11:52
  SPEAKER_00: We have years and years of experience, right?
• 11:54
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 11:54
  SPEAKER_00: So when we have the experience includes knowing and being in and out of all of these communities all the time and seeing the people like that feel, yeah, right.
• 12:04
  SPEAKER_00: So we know who they are, but they lots of times they don't believe us that that can happen.
• 12:10
  SPEAKER_00: And sometimes like things will happen like that, that specific apartment will come up at a specific price with a great incentive, and they'll be like, Well, no, I'm not ready yet.
• 12:20
  SPEAKER_00: Well, the universe is telling you, or right, if you're, you know, if you're a God-fearing person, the God is telling you this is happening, you know, this is here.
• 12:30
  SPEAKER_00: Here you go.
• 12:30
  SPEAKER_01: Perfect their situation, but everything you're looking at for us.
• 12:33
  SPEAKER_00: It happens all the time.
• 12:34
  SPEAKER_01: It does is so freaky that it happens all the time.
• 12:37
  SPEAKER_01: It does.
• 12:37
  SPEAKER_01: And I that's what I told my dad.
• 12:38
  SPEAKER_01: I said, just wait, it'll it'll all work out.
• 12:41
  SPEAKER_01: Um, and it did.
• 12:42
  SPEAKER_01: We have the perfect apartment on the first floor, and we had a patio and facing the lake.
• 12:46
  SPEAKER_01: And oh, how cool.
• 12:47
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 12:47
  SPEAKER_01: So he moved in.
• 12:48
  SPEAKER_01: He's he's been there about a month now, a little over a month.
• 12:51
  SPEAKER_01: Um, and he loves it.
• 12:52
  SPEAKER_01: He does.
• 12:53
  SPEAKER_01: He does, he, you know, again, it's the Did he find people to talk to?
• 12:57
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 12:57
  SPEAKER_01: He's got a girlfriend already.
• 12:59
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, no way.
• 13:00
  SPEAKER_01: Some lady's been following around.
• 13:01
  SPEAKER_01: He's met his neighbors that he's supposed to need some lunch with.
• 13:04
  SPEAKER_01: And yeah, so um yeah.
• 13:06
  SPEAKER_01: Well, he's 80.
• 13:07
  SPEAKER_00: You know, he's 80 younger.
• 13:09
  SPEAKER_01: He's yeah.
• 13:12
  SPEAKER_01: So no, but I so I asked him the other day, I said, so I, you know, be honest, how do you feel about this?
• 13:17
  SPEAKER_01: He said, I'm comfortable.
• 13:20
  SPEAKER_01: And my dad is a very hard man to please.
• 13:23
  SPEAKER_01: He's very particular.
• 13:24
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 13:25
  SPEAKER_01: He likes his things his way, and that's the only way they go.
• 13:28
  SPEAKER_01: Uh he's of that generation.
• 13:30
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 13:31
  SPEAKER_01: Um, but he said, Yeah, I'm comfortable.
• 13:33
  SPEAKER_01: We got all new furniture for him.
• 13:35
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, and so he's bought this ridiculously expensive chair that he's wanted for years.
• 13:41
  SPEAKER_01: And I'll admit it's probably the most comfortable thing I've ever sat in, but um, he loves it.
• 13:46
  SPEAKER_01: I bet he doesn't sit in it much.
• 13:48
  SPEAKER_01: I don't know if he does or not.
• 13:49
  SPEAKER_01: I don't know.
• 13:50
  SPEAKER_01: I believe I've been over there.
• 13:52
  SPEAKER_00: I think, you know, if I could just have that one chair, you know, spectacular.
• 13:56
  SPEAKER_00: But now he's out of that chair, yeah, doing stuff, right?
• 13:59
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 13:59
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 13:59
  SPEAKER_01: So no, but he's happy.
• 14:00
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, I don't he's not doing activities quite yet.
• 14:03
  SPEAKER_01: I still think he's getting settled.
• 14:05
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 14:05
  SPEAKER_01: Um, I you know, you wouldn't know it, but he's kind of a shy guy.
• 14:09
  SPEAKER_01: Uh so it takes a little while for him to warm up.
• 14:12
  SPEAKER_01: But yeah, no, like I I'm surprised.
• 14:14
  SPEAKER_01: I'm su I was surprised when he came to me.
• 14:16
  SPEAKER_01: I was surprised when we actually started looking at places.
• 14:20
  SPEAKER_01: And then once we did, and he decided, and then again, this is how it happens.
• 14:23
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 14:24
  SPEAKER_01: I told him, I said, Dad, once you find a community and you like it, everything just kind of flows from there.
• 14:30
  SPEAKER_01: You'll sell the house.
• 14:31
  SPEAKER_01: And it did.
• 14:32
  SPEAKER_01: So he made the decision, got the house in the market, it sold within a month, and he moved.
• 14:37
  SPEAKER_01: And like I said, it just always all fell into place perfectly.
• 14:40
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 14:40
  SPEAKER_01: So yeah.
• 14:41
  SPEAKER_01: And I don't have to w worry about a imperfect example.
• 14:44
  SPEAKER_01: His phone was off for two days.
• 14:45
  SPEAKER_01: Oh.
• 14:46
  SPEAKER_01: So I had to call the front desk and say, please go check on my dad.
• 14:49
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 14:49
  SPEAKER_01: And he didn't realize his phone was on, do not disturb.
• 14:52
  SPEAKER_01: Oh.
• 14:52
  SPEAKER_01: So and I said, funny thing, because he's probably mad no one's calling him.
• 14:56
  SPEAKER_01: I was wondering why you didn't call me for a couple days.
• 14:59
  SPEAKER_00: So this is all um, you know, and I now I'm really, really talking to the sandwich generation a lot more.
• 15:06
  SPEAKER_00: Um so this has taken a load off of you now.
• 15:10
  SPEAKER_00: So you're not worried about him as much.
• 15:12
  SPEAKER_00: You know he's okay.
• 15:13
  SPEAKER_00: I know he's okay.
• 15:14
  SPEAKER_00: You know he's actually eating food, engaged in life again.
• 15:19
  SPEAKER_00: Are you s noticing any physical difference?
• 15:22
  SPEAKER_00: Um, not quite yet.
• 15:23
  SPEAKER_01: Okay.
• 15:23
  SPEAKER_01: Because he was mobile before.
• 15:25
  SPEAKER_01: So there was never really a challenge.
• 15:26
  SPEAKER_01: He's just he it's slowing down for sure.
• 15:29
  SPEAKER_01: There's more aches and pains.
• 15:30
  SPEAKER_01: But no, I don't I don't worry about him.
• 15:32
  SPEAKER_01: I know he's happy.
• 15:33
  SPEAKER_01: I know he's making friends.
• 15:34
  SPEAKER_01: I know, um, like I said, if something happens, I don't have to race over there right away.
• 15:39
  SPEAKER_01: I can call a friend.
• 15:40
  SPEAKER_01: It's just peace of mind.
• 15:40
  SPEAKER_01: It was absolute peace of mind knowing that he's somewhere.
• 15:43
  SPEAKER_01: Eventually he'll do activities.
• 15:45
  SPEAKER_01: I think they're outings, he'll do them.
• 15:46
  SPEAKER_01: He just has to warm up to it.
• 15:48
  SPEAKER_01: Warm up to it and figure out how the community works.
• 15:52
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 15:52
  SPEAKER_01: The activity list and and just kind of He doesn't want to show up and not know what he's doing.
• 15:56
  SPEAKER_00: No.
• 15:56
  SPEAKER_00: I bet he's that.
• 15:57
  SPEAKER_00: He's very he's very much that type of person.
• 15:59
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 16:00
  SPEAKER_00: So and that's perfectly fine.
• 16:02
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 16:02
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 16:03
  unknown: Yeah.
• 16:03
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 16:03
  SPEAKER_00: Cause that's yeah.
• 16:04
  SPEAKER_00: And those apartments are really nice there at uh Desert Harbor.
• 16:07
  SPEAKER_00: Yep, the format desert harbor.
• 16:09
  SPEAKER_01: They really are.
• 16:10
  SPEAKER_01: It's it's uh it's an older community, but they did a really good job updating it.
• 16:14
  SPEAKER_01: And that's where like my dad likes the shiny new penny.
• 16:18
  SPEAKER_01: That's why I was surprised he chose that community.
• 16:20
  SPEAKER_01: But it was the aesthetics of message.
• 16:22
  SPEAKER_01: It had been updated.
• 16:23
  SPEAKER_00: When they update them, they uh perk everything up.
• 16:27
  SPEAKER_00: New, new paint, new colors, new furniture, everything.
• 16:31
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, new five.
• 16:32
  SPEAKER_00: And it does look better.
• 16:33
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 16:33
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, I I know I went in there the other day, and they should.
• 16:36
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, you know, the price is and and it's not a it's not a super expensive place.
• 16:42
  SPEAKER_00: It's modestly priced, very affordable, like for your dad.
• 16:45
  SPEAKER_00: Very affordable, right?
• 16:46
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, yeah.
• 16:46
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 16:47
  SPEAKER_00: So that that is uh, I think one of the best things that we can do is educate people like yourself.
• 16:54
  SPEAKER_00: So um 48 to 60.
• 16:58
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, sometimes we have people that are in their 70s that still have parents.
• 17:02
  SPEAKER_00: Yes.
• 17:02
  SPEAKER_00: That you know, they may not be the sandwich generation where they're but they're want to retire.
• 17:06
  SPEAKER_00: They're ready to go travel, right?
• 17:08
  SPEAKER_00: They're ready to go do stuff and they've got the a parent to worry about, right?
• 17:12
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 17:12
  SPEAKER_00: And it's very different because your parents aren't children and they're not gonna let you operate like you're a parent to them.
• 17:19
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, right.
• 17:20
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, that's a very different kind of a dynamic that I think that um I think everybody experiencing it knows.
• 17:26
  SPEAKER_00: But um, a lot of people think going into it, I just heard from a a friend uh that's in the industry from California, and she's helping a family friend here, and the mother is 92.
• 17:39
  SPEAKER_00: And uh the family thought, well, well, you know, so what are they?
• 17:42
  SPEAKER_00: Probably in their late 60s, early 70s if she's 92, right?
• 17:46
  SPEAKER_00: So yeah.
• 17:47
  SPEAKER_00: So um they thought, oh, well, we'll bring her into our house and we'll take care of her.
• 17:52
  SPEAKER_00: And it's six months later, and they're oh my gosh, what the heck happened?
• 17:56
  SPEAKER_00: You know?
• 17:57
  SPEAKER_00: They have no clue.
• 17:58
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, they don't.
• 17:59
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 17:59
  SPEAKER_01: But I, you know, it's and we always see that happen with families, right?
• 18:03
  SPEAKER_01: Well, I'm just gonna take them in and take care of them.
• 18:05
  SPEAKER_00: Always that nerd need your we'll just well come live with me, mom.
• 18:08
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 18:09
  SPEAKER_00: And it's good intentions.
• 18:10
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 18:10
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 18:11
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, it's it's um, but there's nothing like anything I could have thought of doing.
• 18:17
  SPEAKER_00: It was totally different.
• 18:17
  SPEAKER_00: It was totally different.
• 18:18
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I and I think everyone goes in with good intentions, right?
• 18:21
  SPEAKER_01: Mom, my parent took care of me, I'm gonna take care of them.
• 18:23
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 18:24
  SPEAKER_01: And then we shortly realize afterwards, like, I love my father, he's my best friend.
• 18:27
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 18:28
  SPEAKER_01: Coach soccer.
• 18:29
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, we did a lot of things.
• 18:30
  SPEAKER_01: I've got amazing memories with my dad, but I can never have him live with me.
• 18:33
  SPEAKER_01: He's a very difficult person.
• 18:36
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, you know.
• 18:37
  SPEAKER_01: So um, that wasn't an option for us.
• 18:40
  SPEAKER_00: You knew right away that wasn't an option.
• 18:42
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, oh yeah.
• 18:42
  SPEAKER_00: But a lot of people, especially mom, mothers and daughters, oh yeah, they'll take in their mom.
• 18:48
  SPEAKER_00: Um now, if it's if it's because of price, a lot of people don't know about um different things like VA aid and attendance.
• 18:59
  SPEAKER_00: There's a spousal benefit.
• 19:00
  SPEAKER_00: A lot of people are told no, they don't qualify.
• 19:03
  SPEAKER_00: We know that when they come to us and they meet the certain criteria, they almost always get qualified.
• 19:08
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 19:09
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and it's just is knowledge, right?
• 19:12
  SPEAKER_00: It's just really understanding that that benefit.
• 19:14
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 19:15
  SPEAKER_00: A long-term care policy.
• 19:16
  SPEAKER_00: You know, I had a lady who came to me and said, I want to use my long-term care policy.
• 19:20
  SPEAKER_00: Now, is it my job to figure out whether she can use her long-term care policy?
• 19:25
  SPEAKER_00: No.
• 19:26
  SPEAKER_00: No.
• 19:26
  SPEAKER_00: No.
• 19:26
  SPEAKER_01: It's the community.
• 19:28
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 19:28
  SPEAKER_01: It's their job.
• 19:29
  SPEAKER_01: It's well, because there's first of all, you're not gonna, even if you call, they wouldn't give you any.
• 19:33
  SPEAKER_01: That's right.
• 19:34
  SPEAKER_01: But they have to do the digging.
• 19:35
  SPEAKER_01: But it's important that they do that so that they know what is covered, right?
• 19:38
  SPEAKER_01: So that they've got that explained to them.
• 19:39
  SPEAKER_00: So from the face sheet, you can pretty much see what they're gonna do.
• 19:43
  SPEAKER_00: Exactly.
• 19:43
  SPEAKER_00: It pretty much spells it out, the declarations page, right?
• 19:46
  SPEAKER_00: So that pretty much spells out what's gonna happen.
• 19:49
  SPEAKER_00: But the way that's gonna happen is with a nurse at a community who's gonna do a care plan, who's then gonna communicate to that insurance policy uh the the insurance.
• 20:00
  SPEAKER_00: So what I always tell them is just make your claim, we'll find the place, and then they'll talk to each other and they'll get it tur determined.
• 20:09
  SPEAKER_00: We're not gonna step in and do that.
• 20:11
  SPEAKER_00: No, right?
• 20:12
  SPEAKER_00: No.
• 20:12
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm not saying that because we won't.
• 20:14
  SPEAKER_00: I'm saying that because we're putting the right people together who can make it happen.
• 20:17
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 20:18
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 20:18
  SPEAKER_01: It's just another cog that you don't need in in the whole scheme of things.
• 20:21
  SPEAKER_00: They don't need to worry about and many times when they call the insurance company and say we want to use our insurance policy, they'll say no.
• 20:28
  SPEAKER_00: Right?
• 20:28
  SPEAKER_00: They tell you.
• 20:30
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, no.
• 20:31
  SPEAKER_01: They don't want to pay out on it.
• 20:32
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, exactly.
• 20:33
  SPEAKER_01: They don't want to pay out on it, which is unfortunate because they've been paying for years.
• 20:36
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, they're paying for years on that thing.
• 20:38
  SPEAKER_00: Right, right, exactly.
• 20:39
  SPEAKER_00: And then also uh we'll have the people that come to us and they have quite a bit in savings or um in their home or something.
• 20:47
  SPEAKER_00: And they're concerned about money running out.
• 20:49
  SPEAKER_00: Yes.
• 20:50
  SPEAKER_00: And the number one fear of seniors is running out of money.
• 20:52
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 20:52
  SPEAKER_00: So what do we do in that case?
• 20:53
  SPEAKER_00: We give them a financial planner.
• 20:55
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 20:55
  SPEAKER_00: We can sit them and sit them down and look at a budget.
• 20:59
  SPEAKER_00: And that financial planner is a free service.
• 21:02
  SPEAKER_00: And, you know, and they may have great suggestions.
• 21:04
  SPEAKER_00: And of course, the people that we work with are very ethical, and we're not we're not giving them people that would put them in a, you know, would demand them to use their services or put their money in a in a product that they don't need or won't be good.
• 21:18
  SPEAKER_00: Um, so that I think that knowledge and how we pull everybody together, I feel very confident that we're helping families make it over the line.
• 21:28
  SPEAKER_00: When I say that, I mean now your dad decided, right?
• 21:32
  SPEAKER_00: So you had a realtor, you had, you had a moving trans.
• 21:35
  SPEAKER_00: Oh no, you guys all did the move.
• 21:37
  SPEAKER_00: You did the move.
• 21:38
  SPEAKER_00: Well, he hired a moving company.
• 21:40
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 21:40
  SPEAKER_01: We we hired a company that did the heavy stuff.
• 21:42
  SPEAKER_01: But yeah, we I went over the day before and packed all the little stuff.
• 21:47
  SPEAKER_01: Would you do it again?
• 21:48
  SPEAKER_00: Um If it wasn't, yeah.
• 21:51
  SPEAKER_00: Would you recommend that to a daughter?
• 21:52
  SPEAKER_00: No.
• 21:53
  SPEAKER_01: Or or I would absolutely say use it, use a service.
• 21:56
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 21:56
  SPEAKER_01: Because it it comes down to um you know.
• 22:00
  SPEAKER_01: What should you take?
• 22:00
  SPEAKER_01: What should you not take?
• 22:01
  SPEAKER_01: You don't need those files from 50 years ago.
• 22:04
  SPEAKER_01: So I would definitely recommend a mover.
• 22:07
  SPEAKER_01: Because he would listen to somebody else.
• 22:09
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 22:09
  SPEAKER_01: More than a lot of people.
• 22:10
  SPEAKER_01: He looks at me like I'm a 12-year-old kid still.
• 22:12
  SPEAKER_01: So of course.
• 22:13
  SPEAKER_01: So any suggestion I have doesn't think no, Sarah.
• 22:18
  SPEAKER_01: No.
• 22:18
  SPEAKER_01: No.
• 22:18
  SPEAKER_01: Of course.
• 22:19
  SPEAKER_01: Exactly.
• 22:20
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 22:20
  SPEAKER_01: So no, I would, I would, I would tell him no, not again.
• 22:23
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 22:24
  SPEAKER_00: You're going to hire someone for this.
• 22:25
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, because it's worth every penny.
• 22:27
  SPEAKER_00: If you get the wrong person and we have the right people, we we know we've worked with them for years and years.
• 22:32
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 22:32
  SPEAKER_00: So um, and it's always been a pretty good solution.
• 22:35
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 22:36
  SPEAKER_00: Um always has its bumps and hurdles.
• 22:39
  SPEAKER_00: I'll always say that because a lot of times people are like, you know, um, I, you know, they have a complaint about something, right?
• 22:47
  SPEAKER_00: But usually if you can have somebody pack you and then actually put things in piles, right?
• 22:53
  SPEAKER_00: So for a donation, for a sales, what we're gonna sell, and that's always a big hurdle for people, right?
• 22:59
  SPEAKER_00: How am I gonna get rid of 40 years worth of stuff?
• 23:01
  SPEAKER_01: Exactly.
• 23:02
  SPEAKER_01: On all these files.
• 23:03
  SPEAKER_01: And and so the bonus about using the the absolute benefit about using a mover um transition transition specialist is I don't think they realize the families realize that person, once mom or dad has the apartment picked out, they go there, they measure everything, and they come back and they say, okay, what is it that you want to take?
• 23:22
  SPEAKER_01: And they want to make sure all the important stuff will fit.
• 23:24
  SPEAKER_01: And they'll be honest and they'll say, okay, that China Hutch, it's not gonna fit.
• 23:27
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 23:27
  SPEAKER_01: Do we really need that anymore?
• 23:29
  SPEAKER_01: Um and and but it's because you're going from, you know, maybe 2,000 square feet to six or seven hundred square feet.
• 23:36
  SPEAKER_01: Right.
• 23:36
  SPEAKER_01: So I always say it's the most important stuff, but just the stuff that you need.
• 23:40
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 23:40
  SPEAKER_01: So 4,000, 7,000 square feet to 20, 2,000 square feet sometimes.
• 23:45
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, so to have that person help downsize and then they go back and they put tape on the ground where everything's gonna go so that they know perfectly that it's gonna fit.
• 23:53
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 23:53
  SPEAKER_01: It's a fantastic service.
• 23:55
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, I I didn't I didn't realize how beneficial it was until I saw it in action and go, wow, this is great.
• 24:00
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 24:00
  SPEAKER_01: Now we know all these things that she wants to take will fit.
• 24:04
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 24:04
  SPEAKER_00: And also, um, you know, and I I I love the one gal that we work with, Tony.
• 24:10
  SPEAKER_00: And one of the things she does is she takes pictures of the whole place.
• 24:14
  SPEAKER_00: So she's taking pictures of where the uh where the pictures are, the artwork, um, where their silverware is, how their kitchen is laid out.
• 24:23
  SPEAKER_00: And when she unpacks, she recreates their house, which is kind of amazing, right?
• 24:30
  SPEAKER_00: And they're like, and she works magic.
• 24:32
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, really.
• 24:33
  SPEAKER_00: She's not a designer, she's just really good.
• 24:36
  SPEAKER_00: She's just observant.
• 24:37
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 24:37
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 24:38
  SPEAKER_01: Very thorough, very thorough, very any process.
• 24:40
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, ever used her, it will always tell me just how amazing that was, how lucky we were that we found her and how how amazing and what a great service, and didn't know that even existed.
• 24:51
  SPEAKER_01: And it just that way, mom or dad doesn't have to move a thing or worry about unpacking or where things are gonna go.
• 24:57
  SPEAKER_01: It is all done.
• 24:58
  SPEAKER_01: Right in a day.
• 24:59
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 24:59
  SPEAKER_00: It is that crazy.
• 25:00
  SPEAKER_00: And I always say that it's um, you know, they can go to lunch with somebody, right?
• 25:05
  SPEAKER_00: They can move in, they can come that day, they can watch it all being unpacked, and then they can just go to lunch in a couple hours or you know, maybe three hours.
• 25:14
  SPEAKER_00: They come back, their house is all put together, they get in their own bed in their own sheets that night.
• 25:21
  SPEAKER_00: It's all done.
• 25:22
  SPEAKER_00: They can start their acclimation, what I, you know, um being start adjusting to their new environment.
• 25:29
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 25:29
  SPEAKER_00: But now you don't have a ton of boxes all around, and you're not constant, you know.
• 25:33
  SPEAKER_00: I have people that have come to me where they've moved into a the, you know, a subdivision, a senior living subdivision, and they never unpacked.
• 25:40
  SPEAKER_00: They still have boxes all around them.
• 25:42
  SPEAKER_00: That's you know, that's not settling in.
• 25:44
  SPEAKER_01: No, that and they're never settled until those are all unpacked.
• 25:47
  SPEAKER_01: So, you know, it's a it's an amazing service.
• 25:50
  SPEAKER_01: I think it's just peace of mind.
• 25:51
  SPEAKER_01: Again, another, another just equation part of the equation, just peace of mind knowing that they don't have to worry about any of that.
• 25:56
  SPEAKER_01: Just like you said, go to lunch, we'll come back and everything's done.
• 25:59
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, it's it's yeah, it's worth every penny.
• 26:01
  SPEAKER_00: Every penny.
• 26:02
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 26:02
  SPEAKER_00: And and there, it's a whole industry.
• 26:04
  SPEAKER_00: There's several, there's lots of people out there doing it.
• 26:06
  SPEAKER_00: That but you gotta have the good ones that know what they're doing, right?
• 26:10
  SPEAKER_00: So um they're called downsizing specialists or transition specialists, or you know, they're not just movers.
• 26:16
  SPEAKER_00: No, right.
• 26:17
  SPEAKER_00: So uh they utilize movers, but they're that's it's a whole different thing.
• 26:20
  SPEAKER_00: There's a lot more to it.
• 26:21
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 26:22
  SPEAKER_00: Wow.
• 26:22
  SPEAKER_00: Well, this is so good that we're gonna come back and do it again.
• 26:26
  SPEAKER_00: So if you'll bear with us and uh I'm gonna wrap up this session and ask you to go to our website at aplaceforseniors.org.
• 26:34
  SPEAKER_00: You can sign up for my seminars.
• 26:36
  SPEAKER_00: We have them twice a month right now out on the West Valley.
• 26:39
  SPEAKER_00: We're adding to the Scottsdale area as well.
• 26:42
  SPEAKER_00: And we'll be doing them online.
• 26:44
  SPEAKER_00: You can always go to our events page and register for a seminar or watch a video, uh, live video of the seminar itself.
• 26:53
  SPEAKER_00: I look forward to talking to you next time.
• 26:55
  SPEAKER_00: Have a great day.