Latest / Reflect Reclaim & Liberate - with Sallyanne Hartnell / Dating Yourself After Divorce

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Dating Yourself After Divorce · Reflect Reclaim & Liberate - with Sallyanne Hartnell

• 0:07
  SPEAKER_00: Welcome to Reflect, Reclaim and Liberate the podcast.
• 0:12
  SPEAKER_00: Finding the space for all of you in life and love.
• 0:15
  SPEAKER_00: I'm your host, Sally Ann Hartnell, and this podcast is for anyone wanting to reclaim and liberate themselves in their relationships and their life.
• 0:25
  SPEAKER_00: Wherever you are on your relationship journey, these conversations meet you right there in soulful, deeply supportive DNMs with me and interviews with other gorgeous humans.
• 0:36
  SPEAKER_00: Moving you from where you are to where you most want to be.
• 0:40
  SPEAKER_00: A life and love completely aligned with your deepest desires to have it all on your own terms.
• 0:47
  SPEAKER_00: If you're seeking a relationship and a life that lights up all of you, you're in the right place.
• 0:54
  SPEAKER_00: I'd also like to acknowledge that this podcast is recorded on the traditional lands of the Wurundri people and pay my respects to elders past, present, and emerging and acknowledge them as the original storytellers of this land.
• 1:09
  SPEAKER_00: Welcome back to another episode of Reflect, Reclaim and Liberate.
• 1:13
  SPEAKER_00: And today's topic is dating yourself after divorce.
• 1:17
  SPEAKER_00: Dating yourself after a divorce or a breakup.
• 1:20
  SPEAKER_00: Now I'm recording this at the very tail end of January, knowing that the Valentine's Day messaging is already pumping out at us, and that can be really activating or triggering if you've recently or even not so recently separated or gone through a divorce or a breakup.
• 1:40
  SPEAKER_00: So today, dating yourself after divorce, why it's important and why it can be freaking amazing if you are willing to fully embrace it.
• 1:51
  SPEAKER_00: Because I really believe that the time, this time after a breakup, a separation, a divorce, I really like to think of it as a season, a season of reconnection, a season of reclamation, a season of reset and renewal.
• 2:07
  SPEAKER_00: All the R's, yes, a season of pouring into you in every way, all the ways, big and small.
• 2:14
  SPEAKER_00: So we look at it as a season, and in that season, there's a real opportunity to date yourself.
• 2:22
  SPEAKER_00: There's also a really, really good reason the podcast is called what it's called, Reclaim and Liberate.
• 2:29
  SPEAKER_00: And that is because when we're in relationship with another human, we accommodate or compromise within the relationship, within that container, to appease and allow that relationship, not appease, but to allow that relationship to flourish.
• 2:45
  SPEAKER_00: We can't just stand, yes, we stand in our own power, but we also need to allow our partner, the other human in the relationship, time and space.
• 2:54
  SPEAKER_00: So we do accommodate and sometimes we lose parts of ourselves or we let parts of ourselves go, either actively, consciously, or subconsciously.
• 3:04
  SPEAKER_00: And we tend or we might forget things about ourselves.
• 3:08
  SPEAKER_00: We might let go of things that we once really cherished and loved, whether that's activities or experiences or ways of being and moving through the world.
• 3:19
  SPEAKER_00: So, as I said, there's a really good reason why the podcast is called what it is: Reclaim and Liberate.
• 3:27
  SPEAKER_00: I also believe, and if you've been here for a while, you already know this, or if you've worked with me in any capacity, you know this.
• 3:34
  SPEAKER_00: I also really deeply believe and know from my own lived experience that one of the gifts of divorce is that you don't need to do that anymore.
• 3:45
  SPEAKER_00: You don't need to accommodate someone else, and that is a gift.
• 3:50
  SPEAKER_00: You get to choose for you.
• 3:52
  SPEAKER_00: You get to reclaim parts of yourself or things that you want, you need, you desire, you love.
• 3:58
  SPEAKER_00: And in that choosing, in that reclamation is liberation.
• 4:02
  SPEAKER_00: You get to live a full, rich, amazing life on your own terms.
• 4:09
  SPEAKER_00: You get to choose.
• 4:11
  SPEAKER_00: You get to choose what lights you up, what brings you joy, what are you passionate about, what brings you intense pleasure, what tips you into or leads you into flow, whatever it is, you get to choose.
• 4:24
  SPEAKER_00: A breakup or divorce does also shift and change things within and about you.
• 4:30
  SPEAKER_00: You know, it could be that you were blindsided by your partner, you didn't see this coming, or maybe you chose this for yourself.
• 4:38
  SPEAKER_00: Either way, and all the ways in between those two poles, those two ends of the spectrum, you are really likely to have been changed by your separation, your divorce.
• 4:51
  SPEAKER_00: Your mindset, your self-talk, your self-esteem, your confidence, your capacity, all of those things can take a knock and need a reset.
• 5:01
  SPEAKER_00: Or for some of you, stepping out of your relationship already feels liberating and you're already growing into new versions of mindset, new self-talk, all of the things.
• 5:12
  SPEAKER_00: So wherever you're at on your divorce, separation, breakup journey, dating yourself, filling your own cup, learning to really live and love living independently, learning to really love yourself again is life-changing.
• 5:30
  SPEAKER_00: And it will change the way you show up in all of your relationships, including if or when you choose to start dating again.
• 5:37
  SPEAKER_00: Being really rock solid in your relationship with yourself, deeply loving, honoring, nurturing yourself, knowing who you are, what you love, what you don't love, what your values are, what's important to you, that changes the way you move through life and show up in the world.
• 5:53
  SPEAKER_00: And it is actually really magnetic.
• 5:56
  SPEAKER_00: And you will, if you're hanging out doing things that you love to do, where there are also others doing those same things, you'll meet new people, you'll make new connections, potentially make new friends.
• 6:07
  SPEAKER_00: You will also get to practice speaking your truth, holding healthy boundaries, um, showing up fully as yourself, holding on to holding your power or standing in your power while you meet those new people.
• 6:20
  SPEAKER_00: So you get to you get to practice and stretch your experience of being in relationship with other people without the pressure of having to do it in an intimate partner situation or having it mean anything more than just conversation and connection.
• 6:35
  SPEAKER_00: So there's lots of positives, lots and lots of positives to creating space to really get to know, love, and date yourself after separation, divorce.
• 6:45
  SPEAKER_00: I wanted to share a story here, and that is about one of my clients who recently ended a 10-year relationship, and she is actively, actively dating herself.
• 6:56
  SPEAKER_00: She's made a bucket list, which I'll talk about in in further into the episode.
• 7:01
  SPEAKER_00: But one thing she's realized through through this process of dating herself is that she wasted quite literally hours of her life.
• 7:09
  SPEAKER_00: And if you added them all up, she probably wasted months or or maybe years, I don't know, hours and hours of her, particularly weekend life, waiting every weekend, waiting for her partner to wake up, waiting for him to call or return her calls or messages, waiting for him to make plans, waiting for him to be available.
• 7:30
  SPEAKER_00: And that's not that it was um it wasn't fully dysfunctional, it was more that she is a morning person.
• 7:38
  SPEAKER_00: She would wake up at 6:30 or 7 in the morning, and she would have lived a half day before they connected because he was a night owl or is a night owl and preferred to sleep in on the weekend.
• 7:52
  SPEAKER_00: So reclaiming her mornings, taking herself on morning dates, long walks, ocean swims, coffee at the local coffee shop to farmers markets, all before 9 or 10am, before he her ex-partner would even have opened his eyes or surfaced.
• 8:10
  SPEAKER_00: She's relishing that time with herself.
• 8:12
  SPEAKER_00: And yes, mostly doing that solo, but sometimes with a friend.
• 8:16
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and she, as I said, she has reclaimed her mornings for herself, reclaiming something that she let go of while in that particular relationship.
• 8:27
  SPEAKER_00: And I want to speak to those of you who are parents because I know if you're the primary carer of children, or if you are the sole carer of a child or children, finding time and space to date yourself can seem impossible, daunting, a challenge.
• 8:45
  SPEAKER_00: And and I know that some of that is mindset, some of that is claiming this for yourself, some of it is being willing to prior prioritize you, your healing, your growth, your right and worthiness to connect and honor yourself.
• 9:06
  SPEAKER_00: So maybe it looks like taking some time when your kids are with their other parent.
• 9:12
  SPEAKER_00: Prioritize dating yourself in those moments in big and small ways.
• 9:17
  SPEAKER_00: And if you are a sole parent with no real, actual tangible times where your child or children are with another parent or another carer, maybe you can come up with creative ways to make this time, to create this time and carve it out for yourself because it's really, really important.
• 9:35
  SPEAKER_00: It could be as simple as a long bath with candles and music after they're in bed.
• 9:41
  SPEAKER_00: It could be taking yourself outside while they're watching a movie, take yourself outside, sitting outside with a cup of tea, a book.
• 9:49
  SPEAKER_00: It might be carving out a little bit of time if it's possible for you while they're at school, if you're able to work flexibly or from home.
• 9:59
  SPEAKER_00: It might be something like swapping time with someone else.
• 10:03
  SPEAKER_00: Another client of mine is a newly single mum, still navigating her separation and divorce, and she has sole care at the moment of three children, primary and pre-primary age children.
• 10:16
  SPEAKER_00: She's also working in her own business, and so has needed to call in, as we all do as single parents, needed to call in lots of caring favors from friends and family members, as well as hired a nanny part-time to enable her to keep working, as well as know her kids are really well cared for and supported while she does this.
• 10:36
  SPEAKER_00: Now, this same client has an awesome, freaking awesome home gym setup, like I'm talking state-of-the-art amazingness, and an older neighbour in her 50s who also had been a single mum.
• 10:52
  SPEAKER_00: Her kids are now grown and gone, but this older woman in her 50s neighbor offered my client a time swap, access to the home gym in exchange for some childcare time so that my client could take herself on a date, take herself on a run.
• 11:10
  SPEAKER_00: And I mean when I say date, not with another human, a self-loving date, go for a run, meet a friend for a coffee, just get out without it having to, without her having to call in another favor from her mother or another favor from her best friend or her sister to look after her kids.
• 11:29
  SPEAKER_00: So it's a guilt-free way, and it's a free way, in terms of no finance exchanged, to create that space for yourself.
• 11:38
  SPEAKER_00: It's win-win.
• 11:39
  SPEAKER_00: So if time and money are barriers to you being able to date yourself, this is just one small example of how you might be able to think creatively outside the box to create that time and space for you without a financial impact.
• 11:55
  SPEAKER_00: One other aspect that comes up with my clients who are recently single, even sometimes actually not so recently single, and either having shared care of your kids where they're moving back and forth between two homes, or having an emptier kind of nest if you've got older kids who are more actively out and about, maybe they're driving, maybe they're more involved and more independent with friends than being at home and they are more independent.
• 12:27
  SPEAKER_00: So it's waking up on a weekend or sitting down of an evening, and there's space, empty space and time to fill.
• 12:37
  SPEAKER_00: Quite suddenly, it seems you have all this time and space and to fill, and you don't quite know what to do with it or how to fill it, or even if you want to fill it.
• 12:47
  SPEAKER_00: So creating a list of things, people, experiences, places, creating a list so that when you are faced with that emptiness, it doesn't overwhelm and swamp you and it doesn't tip you into a fawn type response of, oh my god, I don't know what to do with all this time.
• 13:06
  SPEAKER_00: Have a list at the ready, even if it's five things stuck up on your fridge.
• 13:10
  SPEAKER_00: Five ways that you want to fill that time and and hold that space for yourself and love on yourself when the space around you is empty.
• 13:23
  SPEAKER_00: Five things, your go-to list that you you don't really have to think about it.
• 13:28
  SPEAKER_00: You don't, you just like, oh, what am I gonna do today?
• 13:30
  SPEAKER_00: Scan the list, boom, I'm gonna do that.
• 13:32
  SPEAKER_00: Now, to the how, the how of dating yourself.
• 13:37
  SPEAKER_00: I do suggest, I really strongly suggest, you create something like your post-divorce, post-breakup bucket list, a really big list of all the things, not just the five go-tos on your fridge.
• 13:48
  SPEAKER_00: Here I'm talking about a list of things, experiences you want to have, places you want to visit, even people that you um that you might want to connect with, a list that you can choose from.
• 14:00
  SPEAKER_00: As I said, when you do feel overwhelmed by the space, but also a really consciously created list.
• 14:07
  SPEAKER_00: You're dating yourself after divorce list, all those things you want to reclaim, all those new experiences you want to have, all those things, those stretchy outside of the your comfort zone things that you would like to try.
• 14:21
  SPEAKER_00: List out a whole host of dates to take yourself in the days and weeks and months after your divorce.
• 14:27
  SPEAKER_00: And I also strongly encourage you to continue to do this, even if you are dating other humans or or when you're in another relationship.
• 14:36
  SPEAKER_00: Dating ourselves really helps us stay connected to ourselves, honor and love and nurture ourselves, and support a deep deeply connected relationship with ourselves.
• 14:48
  SPEAKER_00: So, to the list, I suggest you start one in your journal, on a whiteboard, on your phone.
• 14:54
  SPEAKER_00: I like to do it on my phone because let's face it, we mostly have our phone with us.
• 14:59
  SPEAKER_00: I have it with me almost all the time, and it's accessible.
• 15:03
  SPEAKER_00: So when I come up with a new idea or I come across a new cafe or I see something when I'm out and about, I can just add it into my list.
• 15:12
  SPEAKER_00: That's why I have it on my phone.
• 15:14
  SPEAKER_00: So I can easily add things to my bucket list of self-love dates.
• 15:20
  SPEAKER_00: However, you choose to create your list, I suggest having one place, not scattered all over the place, one go-to place.
• 15:28
  SPEAKER_00: So if it is an actual piece of paper stuck up on the fridge, keep it all stuck up on the fridge.
• 15:33
  SPEAKER_00: If it is in your phone, keep everything in your phone.
• 15:36
  SPEAKER_00: So it doesn't become a chore.
• 15:38
  SPEAKER_00: It's an easy lookup.
• 15:41
  SPEAKER_00: I also think it's really supportive to create themes or subheadings or lists within that list.
• 15:48
  SPEAKER_00: So when you're planning your dates, you can tap into each section depending on what you're feeling, how much time you're setting aside, whether it's a whole weekend event or whether it's uh 10 minutes, 15 minutes in your backyard.
• 16:00
  SPEAKER_00: You could have things like markets or farmers' markets you'd like to visit, movies you want to see, and that can be either in the cinema or at home.
• 16:10
  SPEAKER_00: You can have a list of museums, exhibitions that you want to attend, music events, theatre events, hikes, day trips, overnight stays, and as I said before, people that you want to connect with or reconnect with.
• 16:26
  SPEAKER_00: Also cafes and restaurants that you might like to visit.
• 16:30
  SPEAKER_00: Have a list of long dates, have a list of short dates.
• 16:33
  SPEAKER_00: There might be shopping strips or stores you want to explore, and that could be high-end retail, or it could be homewares, or it could be bookshops, secondhand bookshops, op shops, vintage stores, whatever it is.
• 16:48
  SPEAKER_00: So have a list of shopping strips or stores you'd like to explore.
• 16:52
  SPEAKER_00: You might have a list of dates you want to take yourself on where you learn something new, where you do a workshop or take a class, learn something online via a YouTube video tutorial, or it might be physical, in-person classes, dance classes, bike or bike maintenance workshop, painting, yoga, running, whatever it is.
• 17:17
  SPEAKER_00: Some learn something new.
• 17:18
  SPEAKER_00: Have a list within your bucket list, within your dates of things, new things that you want to experience, new things that you would like to learn.
• 17:27
  SPEAKER_00: You might have a subheading of places you want to visit, small towns in your in your state, um, different suburbs across town that you want to explore.
• 17:38
  SPEAKER_00: You might choose to be a tourist in your own city or in your own state.
• 17:41
  SPEAKER_00: Just this past weekend, I did a hike with my daughter one hour from home, and it's somewhere that I'd thought of exploring for a really long time, but I'd never been, and it was amazing.
• 17:52
  SPEAKER_00: It was actually like being a tourist in my own in my own city.
• 17:57
  SPEAKER_00: Another really lovely sub-heading or subsection of your dates for yourself, self-loving dates, is places in nature, outdoor spaces that you would like to take yourself, revisit, explore.
• 18:10
  SPEAKER_00: And they don't have to be new places, it doesn't always have to be something new.
• 18:14
  SPEAKER_00: You could go back and visit an old favorite, a park, a garden, a beach, a mountain, waterfall, whatever it is that you that you love.
• 18:22
  SPEAKER_00: Getting back into nature is really, really self-loving and nurturing and healing.
• 18:29
  SPEAKER_00: So if you have your favorite places, have them on your date list, have them on your bucket list, and have a few new ones to explore as well.
• 18:36
  SPEAKER_00: You might also have you know day trips or overnight trips or longer, be they local, interstate, or even overseas, trips you want to take.
• 18:47
  SPEAKER_00: And then have a list or a subsection of your date list for the really simple stuff: 15 minutes, cup of tea, and a book in the sunshine.
• 18:59
  SPEAKER_00: A picnic in your backyard, in your own backyard with some yummy food, maybe a book, maybe music, maybe a cup of tea, maybe a glass of wine.
• 19:08
  SPEAKER_00: Turn your phone off just as you would if you were dating another human.
• 19:14
  SPEAKER_00: Treat yourself, gift yourself that time and space.
• 19:17
  SPEAKER_00: Get barefoot in the grass, gift yourself some time to just be, and to just be with you in your own company, in your own space.
• 19:27
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe as I said before, it's a movie night at home, but make it date-like, make it self-loving, make it self-supportive, make it self-honouring.
• 19:38
  SPEAKER_00: Make the popcorn, put on an old favorite movie or try something new, and have your list of movies so you don't mindlessly scroll through Netflix Netflix.
• 19:47
  SPEAKER_00: Be really conscious when you're creating these dates.
• 19:51
  SPEAKER_00: Block out the time, make it special.
• 19:54
  SPEAKER_00: Keeping it simple, you might also have a list of books you want to read.
• 20:00
  SPEAKER_00: You might have a book club that you want to join, or you might take yourself on a date to the local library and explore your local library if you're a reader.
• 20:09
  SPEAKER_00: You might have a list of new foods you want to try or meals you want to cook, recipes.
• 20:15
  SPEAKER_00: You can obviously take yourself on a date to a local cafe or a local restaurant.
• 20:21
  SPEAKER_00: But if that feels a bit too challenging or too big for you, bring it back to simple.
• 20:26
  SPEAKER_00: Cook yourself a really lovely meal.
• 20:29
  SPEAKER_00: Turn the television off, put your phone away, put some music on, light a candle, and really save up the time eating your any new meal that you've prepared for yourself.
• 20:41
  SPEAKER_00: Gift yourself that time and space.
• 20:43
  SPEAKER_00: And if you've been here for a while, you probably already know that I'm a water baby.
• 20:48
  SPEAKER_00: I think water is super sexy and super healing.
• 20:51
  SPEAKER_00: And I know that's the case for many of you too.
• 20:54
  SPEAKER_00: So maybe you take yourself on a date to one of the Turkish or Japanese bathhouses or thermal springs, or simply find your closest body of water and get wet.
• 21:05
  SPEAKER_00: Ocean swims, lake dips, even just a really long, beautiful shower or bath, get wet, get into water.
• 21:14
  SPEAKER_00: For others of you, volunteering might be part of taking yourself on a date.
• 21:21
  SPEAKER_00: Volunteering might be on your post-divorce bucket list as a way of gifting yourself.
• 21:26
  SPEAKER_00: Volunteering somewhere that has meaning for you, be that the local animal shelter or an aged care facility or a kind of soup kitchen, wherever it is, volunteering connects you with other volunteers, but also with those who need you.
• 21:43
  SPEAKER_00: It's really deeply fulfilling and can give a deep sense of purpose.
• 21:47
  SPEAKER_00: As humans, we are wired for connection and we all like to feel needed and as if what we do matters or makes a different difference to others.
• 21:56
  SPEAKER_00: It can also, volunteering, take you out of your comfort zone.
• 22:00
  SPEAKER_00: Stretch you, push you a little bit, but it also takes the focus off you.
• 22:05
  SPEAKER_00: So you're taking yourself on a date while also giving back and giving to others.
• 22:12
  SPEAKER_00: Another subheading I mentioned before, and I think is really really important in terms of dating ourselves after divorce or breakup, or just dating ourselves in general, is a list of other people that you want to connect with.
• 22:25
  SPEAKER_00: This can be super helpful in those times when, as I said, you might find that you do have time and space to fill all of a sudden.
• 22:33
  SPEAKER_00: You know, you've been so busy caring for young children, and now you've got every second weekend or every second week completely to yourself.
• 22:41
  SPEAKER_00: So you've got time and space to fill.
• 22:43
  SPEAKER_00: Have your go-to list of people that you can pick up the phone and connect with.
• 22:47
  SPEAKER_00: You can actually make a date with them to pick up the phone.
• 22:51
  SPEAKER_00: It might be a Zoom call, it might be a phone call, you can have a glass of wine or a cup of tea together, or it might be a physical in-person in real life hot date with your best friend or your cousin that you haven't seen for months.
• 23:06
  SPEAKER_00: So list out those people that you want to connect with.
• 23:10
  SPEAKER_00: They might be old friends you've not seen or spoken to for a while, or it could be new people that you're actively seeking to call into your life.
• 23:17
  SPEAKER_00: So not a person as such, but someone who enjoys, not a person that you can name as such, but you know, someone who enjoys what you enjoy.
• 23:26
  SPEAKER_00: Especially if you know that's there's this thing that you're reclaiming or newly claiming for yourself, something that you want to explore as a newly single person.
• 23:36
  SPEAKER_00: Be open to consciously calling in somebody else who also enjoys that.
• 23:41
  SPEAKER_00: So add new people onto your list of people to connect with.
• 24:18
  SPEAKER_00: So make sure that some of the activities that you choose are group activities or activities where there are other humans involved.
• 24:29
  SPEAKER_00: Think about too what it what it's like when you are dating or connecting with someone new.
• 24:35
  SPEAKER_00: What do you do?
• 24:36
  SPEAKER_00: How do you behave?
• 24:38
  SPEAKER_00: How do you communicate with this person?
• 24:40
  SPEAKER_00: How do you show up for the new connection, the new relationship?
• 24:43
  SPEAKER_00: How do you show up for the other person?
• 24:45
  SPEAKER_00: How do you show up as yourself?
• 24:46
  SPEAKER_00: And bring all of that, all of that kind attention, all of that curiosity, all of that um desire to learn and grow and know the other person, all of that love and affection, bring all of that to yourself on your self-love dates.
• 25:02
  SPEAKER_00: I also really, really encourage you to have an extra list within your list of self-love dates that you're committing to, called something like stretchy stuff or scary stuff.
• 25:14
  SPEAKER_00: Those things that you might have thought about but dismissed as too far out of your comfort zone or just beyond your capacity, those things that just niggle at you every now and again.
• 25:24
  SPEAKER_00: I wonder what that would be like.
• 25:25
  SPEAKER_00: Oh no, I can't do that.
• 25:26
  SPEAKER_00: Put those down on your list.
• 25:28
  SPEAKER_00: Put them down as possibilities.
• 25:30
  SPEAKER_00: You don't have to do them.
• 25:32
  SPEAKER_00: You don't have to go scuba diving or ab sailing or skydiving.
• 25:36
  SPEAKER_00: But maybe, just maybe, you might.
• 25:41
  SPEAKER_00: And for some of you, and I know for me, I found this really challenging, going to a fancy or even not so fancy restaurant alone for dinner.
• 25:50
  SPEAKER_00: I found that really scary and stretchy at first.
• 25:53
  SPEAKER_00: I bloody loved it when I did it, and I'm planning to do a few more, do it a few more times this year, but it was originally on my stretchy, stretchy stuff list.
• 26:04
  SPEAKER_00: And so, whatever it is for you, maybe it's going to the movies or the theatre or a comedy show or a music event, maybe it's going to the football completely alone, solo, by yourself.
• 26:16
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe it's traveling solo.
• 26:18
  SPEAKER_00: And again, I did this in 2019.
• 26:22
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and I've planned another trip later this year, and while neither of those were completely by myself, a small section of each trip, or it was, and this will be solo.
• 26:36
  SPEAKER_00: It I find it really, it's it's both challenging and exhilarating and really, really liberating.
• 26:42
  SPEAKER_00: I've also mapped out a really simple long weekend alone, all alone at the beach next month, and that is an extended date for myself.
• 26:52
  SPEAKER_00: I will be dating myself, reconnecting with myself, being with just myself, and really pleasing, choosing for myself, really pleasuring myself, reclaiming myself, and I really encourage you to do the same.
• 27:06
  SPEAKER_00: Another client who is dating herself post-divorce recently bought her first ever vibrator and and is contemplating doing her own good luck to you, Leo Grand, and employing a sex worker.
• 27:20
  SPEAKER_00: So, whatever it is that's really stretchy and a little bit scary for you, at least have it on the list as an option, as a possibility, as a stretchy maybe.
• 27:35
  SPEAKER_00: You can always start with the gentle dates and build up to the bigger, more adventurous ones.
• 27:40
  SPEAKER_00: A gentle date in your backyard with a cup of tea and the sunshine.
• 27:45
  SPEAKER_00: On a really practical level, having the actual list rather than just ideas floating around in your head, having the actual list helps you offset that, hmm, I have all this time in front of me today and I don't know what to do with it.
• 27:57
  SPEAKER_00: Helps offset that as well as encourages you to consciously carve out and create time for these dates that you've chosen for yourself.
• 28:07
  SPEAKER_00: It can also help sort of expand your thinking around what is a date, how what you really want to give yourself in terms of a dating experience, what you like, what you didn't enjoy so much, because you can reflect back and go, hmm, yeah, I went there, wasn't it wasn't for me.
• 28:22
  SPEAKER_00: Um, what you want more of and how you really, as I said, want to consciously spend your time, particularly if you're limited in time, if you're a primary carer and you've got limited time to date yourself, having the actual list is really, really, really supportive.
• 28:39
  SPEAKER_00: Taking yourself on dates, dating yourself after divorce is really all about getting to know yourself again, getting to know yourself again after a breakup or divorce, pleasing yourself first, rediscovering what you love, who you are, reclaiming yourself for you.
• 29:01
  SPEAKER_00: And it is life-changing and liberating.
• 29:05
  SPEAKER_00: And as I said earlier, by hanging out where your people are, hanging out, doing things you enjoy, where there are other people doing the things you love and enjoy, you just never know who you'll meet, the new friends you might make.
• 29:19
  SPEAKER_00: There really are, there really are good things coming for you.
• 29:23
  SPEAKER_00: So get busy, get busy self-loving, and dating yourself.
• 29:28
  SPEAKER_00: Make a commitment to yourself, make a deal with yourself, honour yourself, and give yourself the gift of dating yourself after divorce.
• 29:39
  SPEAKER_00: And if this sounds like you and where you are right now, I want you to know that for the month of February, because of Valentine's Day, you know, for the month of Feb, I have a special self-love bundle offer running.
• 29:52
  SPEAKER_00: It includes a 90-minute one-on-one self-love session with me, a week of messaging support afterwards, so that you can implement your self-love dating strategy, uh a recorded self-love meditation for you to download and keep, a bonus choose you guidebook, and a bonus consciously call-in bundle, an extra bundle, how to consciously call in the life and love you want for yourself.
• 30:22
  SPEAKER_00: Only available in February.
• 30:25
  SPEAKER_00: Link in the show notes to book.
• 30:27
  SPEAKER_00: You can book purchase in February, I'm sorry, and book right through until the end of March.
• 30:32
  SPEAKER_00: Buy it for yourself, gift it to someone you love for Valentine's Day.
• 30:36
  SPEAKER_00: It's all there for you for$3.95, and I would love to help you create your bucket list of divine dates for your post-divorce reclamation and liberation.
• 30:51
  SPEAKER_00: As always, thank you for being here.
• 30:54
  SPEAKER_00: I so appreciate you, and I hope that you share some of your date ideas with me in DMs.
• 31:02
  SPEAKER_00: Bye for now.
• 31:05
  SPEAKER_00: I'm Stanley Anna Humanall Relationship Coach, and you've been listening to Reflect, Reclaim and Liberate.
• 31:11
  SPEAKER_00: You can follow me on Instagram at Reflect Coaching.
• 31:14
  SPEAKER_00: And if you can link it for anyone who would love this episode, please, please share it with them.
• 31:19
  SPEAKER_00: I'd also be so grateful if you'd follow the podcast in the previous episode so we can give it in the case of all events just like you already reclaim and liberty themselves in the past.
• 31:31
  SPEAKER_00: I hope you'll join me next time for another episode of this flight.