Latest / Funny Comedy | Laugh Out Loud / S3 Ep4: When She Pops the Question/ Hilarious Proposal Story 🤣
Transcript
- 0:00SPEAKER_01: I just got back from a Bachelorette party that was super messed up.
- 0:03SPEAKER_01: The pride did a big no-no.
- 0:05SPEAKER_01: She invited a straight man to the party.
- 0:09SPEAKER_01: Thank you.
- 0:10SPEAKER_01: I was I thank you.
- 0:11SPEAKER_01: I was furious, and I had to pretend I wasn't.
- 0:13SPEAKER_01: So the whole time I was like, why is he here?
- 0:17SPEAKER_01: Are we gonna hunt him?
- 0:20SPEAKER_01: I don't get it.
- 0:22SPEAKER_01: It makes sense.
- 0:23SPEAKER_01: They wouldn't let me.
- 0:24SPEAKER_01: It was bullshit.
- 0:27SPEAKER_01: I don't think you should bring real alive human penises to bachelorette parties.
- 0:32SPEAKER_01: I did not realize I felt so strongly about this, right?
- 0:34SPEAKER_01: Decorative dick only.
- 0:37SPEAKER_01: The real one, it threw the vibe off.
- 0:39SPEAKER_01: It was weird.
- 0:40SPEAKER_01: It was like like bringing like a gun to laser tag.
- 0:46SPEAKER_01: Like, what happened?
- 0:47SPEAKER_01: Like, why am I pregnant?
- 0:48SPEAKER_01: Like, what happened?
- 0:50SPEAKER_01: Unless it's gay or something, that's great.
- 0:53SPEAKER_01: That's a BB gun at laser tag, you know?
- 0:59SPEAKER_01: Are you into astrology?
- 1:02SPEAKER_01: Yes, oh yay.
- 1:03SPEAKER_01: I'm not.
- 1:05SPEAKER_01: I really want to be, but my girlfriends are terrible at pitching it to me.
- 1:10SPEAKER_01: They're awful.
- 1:11SPEAKER_01: One of my girlfriends comes up to me, she goes, Laura, a lot of very influential people were also Tauruses.
- 1:17SPEAKER_01: Mussolini.
- 1:20SPEAKER_01: Saddam Hussein.
- 1:22SPEAKER_01: Can you guess the third?
- 1:23SPEAKER_01: It is Hitler.
- 1:24SPEAKER_01: Oh no! I'm gonna skip astrology, I think.
- 1:29SPEAKER_01: No, I can't, I can't get into it because I am German.
- 1:33SPEAKER_01: And Germans have learned not to group people by the shapes of their star signs.
- 1:40SPEAKER_01: Half of you got that.
- 1:42SPEAKER_01: The rest are putting six points together still.
- 1:45SPEAKER_01: It's good, it's good.
- 1:46SPEAKER_01: You can laugh, it's fine.
- 1:47SPEAKER_01: My fiance is Jewish, alright?
- 1:50SPEAKER_01: He is at home in the attic, alright?
- 1:54SPEAKER_01: My little man Frank.
- 1:56SPEAKER_01: I love him.
- 2:01SPEAKER_01: I'm glad you liked that one.
- 2:04SPEAKER_01: I'm um I'm very tall for a woman.
- 2:07SPEAKER_01: I'm almost six feet tall, or as men call it, six two.
- 2:10SPEAKER_01: Alright?
- 2:13SPEAKER_01: I love being this height.
- 2:14SPEAKER_01: Because another woman who was the exact same height as me was me in the fifth grade.
- 2:21SPEAKER_01: Yeah, yeah.
- 2:23SPEAKER_01: I walked into middle school like a Somalian pirate.
- 2:25SPEAKER_01: I was like, I'm a teacher now! It's great.
- 2:28SPEAKER_01: It was a lot of fun.
- 2:30SPEAKER_01: I was um I was very good at sports because of that.
- 2:34SPEAKER_01: Women's sports, we care now, right?
- 2:36SPEAKER_01: You don't fucking watch.
- 2:38SPEAKER_01: Nah, you don't watch.
- 2:39SPEAKER_01: It's alright.
- 2:40SPEAKER_01: I was very good at sports though, because I was besides an Algerian boxer.
- 2:44SPEAKER_01: I was fucking helpful there.
- 2:48SPEAKER_01: I was a swimmer.
- 2:49SPEAKER_01: Um swimmers, swimmers have weird bodies.
- 2:52SPEAKER_01: To be a good swimmer, you need to have a really long torso and giant harambe arms.
- 2:58SPEAKER_01: I have a 6-3 wingspan.
- 3:01SPEAKER_01: I'm undefeated at catching the bouquet.
- 3:05SPEAKER_01: Very good, very talented.
- 3:07SPEAKER_01: But I was a good swimmer.
- 3:08SPEAKER_01: I got to compete at some big competitions.
- 3:10SPEAKER_01: In 2008, I got to go to the US Olympic Trials where I got eighth place.
- 3:14SPEAKER_01: It's not bad, thank you.
- 3:16SPEAKER_01: Hard to impress.
- 3:16SPEAKER_01: How about this?
- 3:17SPEAKER_01: 2012, I went back again and I got fourth place.
- 3:21SPEAKER_01: Still not impressed.
- 3:22SPEAKER_01: 2016, I went back one more time and I got 15th place! Thank you.
- 3:29SPEAKER_01: No, thank you so much.
- 3:31SPEAKER_01: It's good because a lot of people always have to wonder when they peaked.
- 3:36SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I have a chart.
- 3:38SPEAKER_01: 2012, that's when it was.
- 3:43SPEAKER_01: It's fine.
- 3:44SPEAKER_01: She's like, oh, sad.
- 3:45SPEAKER_01: It is crazy.
- 3:46SPEAKER_01: Had I gone that much faster, like that much faster, I would have made an Olympic team.
- 3:52SPEAKER_01: And you guys still wouldn't know who the fuck I am.
- 3:57SPEAKER_01: Very popular.
- 3:58SPEAKER_01: It's alright.
- 3:59SPEAKER_01: I'm in therapy now.
- 4:02SPEAKER_01: I'm doing, yeah, someone's clapping.
- 4:03SPEAKER_01: They're like, more.
- 4:05SPEAKER_01: You're not done, lady.
- 4:07SPEAKER_01: Here's my problem.
- 4:08SPEAKER_01: I was doing uh one of those big online therapy programs.
- 4:12SPEAKER_01: I'm trying not to say the name anymore.
- 4:13SPEAKER_01: Weather help, let's call it.
- 4:16SPEAKER_01: I don't think it's run by therapists.
- 4:18SPEAKER_01: I'm pretty sure it's run by like truckers on break.
- 4:22SPEAKER_01: The reality is they're having it's a lot of like entry-level jobs for therapists, right?
- 4:26SPEAKER_01: It's their first gig out of therapy school, and I'm not an entry-level patient.
- 4:31SPEAKER_01: I'm an advanced case.
- 4:34SPEAKER_01: So I log in and I get this lovely Chen Z girl who is doing her best.
- 4:40SPEAKER_01: And I'm hitting her with my shit, and she is getting so stressed out.
- 4:43SPEAKER_01: She's vaping, she's like, oh no! What do we do?
- 4:48SPEAKER_01: She just tried to pitch me on religion.
- 4:52SPEAKER_01: I was like, how shitty is my health insurance?
- 4:56SPEAKER_01: That God is the only one in network.
- 5:00SPEAKER_01: That's tough.
- 5:01SPEAKER_01: My copay is a miracle.
- 5:03SPEAKER_01: Oh.
- 5:05SPEAKER_01: Can't afford any more of those.
- 5:07SPEAKER_01: That's rough.
- 5:09SPEAKER_01: I have so many issues, this girl.
- 5:12SPEAKER_01: I was, uh, I don't, I really struggle with like body issues, like body positivity.
- 5:17SPEAKER_01: Oh, I want to be on board, but I don't trust the body positivity movement.
- 5:21SPEAKER_01: Because I feel like the groups pushing it the hardest are like women's soap companies.
- 5:26SPEAKER_01: You notice this?
- 5:27SPEAKER_01: Of course, Dove wants me to embrace my curves.
- 5:30SPEAKER_01: There'll be more surface area to wash.
- 5:34SPEAKER_01: That's why they're selling the chocolate on the side.
- 5:37SPEAKER_01: God.
- 5:38SPEAKER_01: Let them get ya.
- 5:42SPEAKER_01: Oh, that's a silly one.
- 5:44SPEAKER_01: I'm um I'm 33 now.
- 5:45SPEAKER_01: I'm trying to stay fuckable.
- 5:47SPEAKER_01: Um that is a full-time job.
- 5:50SPEAKER_01: And it is um, it is kicking my ass, I'll tell you that.
- 5:54SPEAKER_01: I didn't realize how big of a role serums and creams were gonna play in my life.
- 5:58SPEAKER_01: It's the fucking worst.
- 6:00SPEAKER_01: I wake up every morning with like a thick layer of serum on my face.
- 6:03SPEAKER_01: I'm like Neo emerging from the matrix.
- 6:05SPEAKER_01: I'm like, I'm like, whoa, wake! Awful.
- 6:11SPEAKER_01: I got um this procedure done to say buggable, uh, microblading.
- 6:15SPEAKER_01: If you're familiar, do we know what this is?
- 6:17SPEAKER_01: Do you know what this is, sir?
- 6:18SPEAKER_01: He's no fucking idea.
- 6:19SPEAKER_01: Good for you! Good for you.
- 6:21SPEAKER_01: It's when you get tattoos underneath your eyebrows of more eyebrows.
- 6:26SPEAKER_01: Buckable, I don't know.
- 6:28SPEAKER_01: I didn't realize how seriously they took the tattoo element of this procedure.
- 6:33SPEAKER_01: I was laying down, this one's going after my brow, and I realized I, a 33-year-old white woman, had just gotten a face tattoo.
- 6:41SPEAKER_01: I am the closest in this room to post Malone right now.
- 6:46SPEAKER_01: I did have them do mine special.
- 6:48SPEAKER_01: This one says live, laugh, love.
- 6:51SPEAKER_01: And this one says it's wine o'clock somewhere.
- 6:58SPEAKER_01: Silly.
- 6:59SPEAKER_01: I um I'm I'm getting married.
- 7:02SPEAKER_00: Yay!
- 7:04SPEAKER_01: Thank you.
- 7:04SPEAKER_01: I'm engaged, very exciting.
- 7:07SPEAKER_01: I had been dating my fiance for um eight years, and he hadn't proposed a long time.
- 7:13SPEAKER_01: Very Brooklyn of him.
- 7:15SPEAKER_01: Not a big fan of that.
- 7:16SPEAKER_01: So I was getting pissed off, so I did yeah, right?
- 7:19SPEAKER_01: I know, I was I was angry, so I did what a girl has to do at that point, and um I proposed to him.
- 7:28SPEAKER_01: Strange energy! You're like, we don't know how to respond.
- 7:32SPEAKER_01: There's like six feminists in here who are like, yes, bitch! Women are coming for your jobs.
- 7:39SPEAKER_01: It's a good you guys had a decent reaction.
- 7:41SPEAKER_01: It's alright.
- 7:41SPEAKER_01: When I do that joke in the South, the women are furious with me.
- 7:45SPEAKER_01: Like I'm a union scab busting through the strike line.
- 7:49SPEAKER_01: Bitch, what the fuck?
- 7:51SPEAKER_01: The last thing we make men do, what the hell?
- 7:57SPEAKER_01: My uh my fiance was surprised too.
- 7:59SPEAKER_01: At first, I got down on my knees in front of him, and at first he was like, ah.
- 8:06SPEAKER_01: And I pull out a ring and he's like, ah! Do the other thing first.
- 8:12SPEAKER_01: We'll see.
- 8:18SPEAKER_01: Thank you so much.
- 8:19SPEAKER_01: Thank you.
- 8:23SPEAKER_01: Oh no, we're getting married this year.
- 8:25SPEAKER_01: I'm excited.
- 8:26SPEAKER_01: I um went to school in the south, so all my friends got married in the womb.
- 8:30SPEAKER_01: Um, look it up.
- 8:33SPEAKER_01: And they did those like really obnoxious engagement photo shoots.
- 8:36SPEAKER_01: I'm sure, I'm sure you've seen these, where it's like her, her fiance.
- 8:40SPEAKER_01: They're standing in a field somewhere.
- 8:42SPEAKER_01: Flowers everywhere.
- 8:44SPEAKER_01: Horse, no reason.
- 8:47SPEAKER_01: And they're great, they're so cute, they're like, mm, you know, but usually it's a couple where I'm like, didn't you two meet in a nightclub bathroom doing cocaine?
- 8:54SPEAKER_01: What does this have to do with your relationship?
- 8:57SPEAKER_01: You sell software as a service.
- 9:00SPEAKER_01: This is your first field.
- 9:05SPEAKER_01: But um I love attention, so I'm gonna do one of these when the time comes.
- 9:09SPEAKER_01: I'm not gonna miss the opportunity.
- 9:10SPEAKER_01: Uh mine's gonna represent my relationship, though.
- 9:12SPEAKER_01: It's gonna be me and my fiance on the couch at home on our phones with the horse.
- 9:19SPEAKER_01: The horse is doing a line, it's my home life.
- 9:24SPEAKER_01: So now uh big day's coming up, planning my dream wedding.
- 9:26SPEAKER_01: Don't give a shit what he wants.
- 9:28SPEAKER_01: Uh one thing has to happen, or I'm gonna lose my mind.
- 9:32SPEAKER_01: I'm gonna be soldist.
- 9:34SPEAKER_01: One thing.
- 9:34SPEAKER_01: What I want is to be standing at the altar and for the priest to say, Does anybody object to this union?
- 9:41SPEAKER_01: Two to three people in the back shoot their hands at the air, they go, I object! I've been in love with her the whole time.
- 9:46SPEAKER_01: And I go, Oh! You're ruining my wedding! Is everybody in love with me?
- 9:54SPEAKER_01: And they are, and that is my dream wedding.
- 9:56SPEAKER_01: So, budget friendly, steal it for yourself.
- 9:59SPEAKER_01: You guys been fucking awesome.
- 9:59SPEAKER_01: My name's Laura Silver.
- 10:00SPEAKER_01: Give me yourself.