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Love Is in the Air: Mastering the 5 Love Languages · The Diva Details

• 0:00
  Welcome to the Diva Details. Welcome to the Diva Details.
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  Where bold, confident women embrace life unapologetically.
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  From love and sex to wellness and reinvention. We keep it raw, real, and powerful.
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  Music.
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  No filters, no limits. Just fearless conversations to help you thrive.
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  Let's dive in with Diva Mia and Diva Kat.
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  Well, hello, Diva Kat. How are you today? I'm good. How about you?
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  Well, you know what? I feel like love is in the air. I always feel like love
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  is in the air. I think it's a summer thing.
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  I think summertime and love is in the air and people just, you know,
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  they're out there and they're finding really good matches.
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  Love is in the air. Just think about it.
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  If I could tell my husband, don't open his laptop for 10 days.
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  Love is in the air because people are out and about fighting each other.
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  Love, love, love. Well, talking about love, we've talked in the past about how
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  hard it is to find love because you have to go through, you have to make sure
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  that you're vibing right.
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  You have to make sure there's physical attraction, there's emotional attraction,
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  there's sexual chemistry, all that stuff.
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  But once you actually find your person and you're vibing, you've got connection,
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  And then there's the tricky thing of the love language, you know? Yeah.
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  Because people have different love languages. And love languages,
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  people are like, what's a love language?
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  It's kind of like the way that you show love and like to receive love.
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  Okay. Have you ever felt like you love someone the best you could and you tried everything, but,
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  you know, it just didn't land or it didn't feel like you were connecting because
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  you were giving, giving, giving, and they weren't receiving it.
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  They just weren't. It wasn't their thing.
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  It's not the naturally. I don't know. It just happened naturally.
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  But I have to say, we all have been through the bad relationship, right?
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  Yeah. If the love language is not the same one, it's not going to work.
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  It is not. You can. It's just trickier.
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  And it's important to know your love language and your partner's love language.
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  Well, there's five traditional love languages, okay? Yeah.
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  And let's start with the first one. Okay. So the first one is words of affirmation.
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  So that means that if you have a love language of words of affirmation,
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  you like to be told what a great job you did.
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  You like to be valued and appreciated and encouraged.
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  I was with a man that he put the dishes in the dishwasher and he wanted so much kudos for that.
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  It was kind of funny. But his love language was words of affirmation.
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  He needed to be buttered up all the time.
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  And a lot of people have words of affirmation. And so people that have words
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  of affirmations, they like to hear it.
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  They like to be told how amazing they are, how great they are.
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  They like a lot of gratitude towards them. Is that you? No.
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  No? No. But I have to say, though, my husband, for the past 25 years,
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  he still said thank you after dinner every day. So it makes you feel good.
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  Yeah, it does make you feel good. But I didn't expect that coming.
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  And I didn't expect it to continue.
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  But you don't think that's your love language? Because we're going to dive down
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  deep, and we're going to find your love language today, Diva Kat.
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  Well, let's see. All right. So Words of Affirmation is not my love language
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  either. I don't need to be told how great I am.
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  I don't need to be told. It's nice to hear, but it's not a love language.
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  It gets low after a while, isn't it? Yeah.
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  And if it comes across as fake, a lot of people say, you know what?
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  If it comes across as fake, don't do it.
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  But like some people's love languages, they like to hear how proud you are of
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  them. Or I love how you light up the room when you walk in.
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  Or you're just amazing. And the more they hear it, that's their love language.
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  I already know one of your love languages. It's coming up.
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  Okay. Yeah. So another love language is acts of service.
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  So some people like to give to other people and serve.
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  Now, it can be acts of service in a charitable organization,
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  and that's how they're loving on their community and the people they know.
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  It can also be acts of service like giving a massage.
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  Bringing someone coffee. Mine's a coffee. Yours is an act of service.
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  I think your husband's act of service is one of his love languages.
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  Taking out the trash is an act of service. Running errands for the spouse.
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  Cleaning the house. I don't clean. No, but he does.
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  So his love language to you is acts of service. So he likes to serve you.
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  Yeah, he clean the house, he does laundry. Yes, he does laundry.
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  And he even serves you in the bedroom.
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  No, but his acts of service, that's how he shows his love for you.
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  So it's usually good to know your top two.
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  Okay, so as we go through these, get your top two, because most people,
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  all of these fit almost everyone. Everybody likes to be appreciated.
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  Everybody likes to feel valued. However, when you have your top two,
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  if you can lean into those things, you'll know what their love language is.
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  So if you know his love language is active service, if you give him service
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  back, he's going to feel like you appreciate him more. If you tell him if words
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  of affirmation is not his love language, he's not really going to care.
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  But if you show him service back, if you give him love back in the same way
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  he gives you, people like the reciprocity of the love language as well.
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  So his love language to you is active service.
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  The next one is receiving gifts. That's your love language. Right, me.
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  That is so your love. You like to get gifts, even if you give gifts yourself, right?
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  Give yourself flowers every week. You get yourself flowers every week.
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  So you love on yourself by giving yourself flowers. You go shopping all the time too, girl. Yeah.
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  You do. So receiving gifts is a love language for you. I like to give gifts. It can be small gifts.
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  It can be big gifts. Surprise flowers. If he ever surprised you with flowers, we'd be happy.
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  See, that's your love language. Yeah. Or if he buys you a bag or shoes or something
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  like that, that's your love language.
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  So a lot of women have receiving gifts. I would say a lot of men,
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  I think, have words of affirmation and acts of service.
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  I think men like to do things for women. Not all men, but some men do.
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  And so acts of service is often, it's a very masculine love language.
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  I'll tell you a funny story. The best friend, she loves to clean. She's OCD.
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  She constantly clean and with her brush. She has a pool, right? Yeah.
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  She's been hours out in her pool and brush and clean. So her husband called
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  her on the way home and said, I got the perfect gift for you. Just a surprise.
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  He said, it's not surprising no more, you told me. She said,
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  no, you're not surprised. He came home.
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  He showed her the gift. It was a rubber glove. That way her hand doesn't get
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  ruined when she cleaned it.
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  She also had half of the flowers. Yeah. Maybe her love language is acts of service
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  to the family, but she wants to be appreciated for that act of service,
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  not to be told to do more of it.
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  You know what I mean? No, he's actually sincere.
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  He's thinking of her because he didn't want her hair. Wow. Because she's constantly
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  clean. That's not a good idea. He's worried about her hair.
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  Okay. Yes. How nice of him. I think that's funny.
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  How nice of him. Anyway, so receiving gifts is a love language.
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  So like surprise flowers, if even just dropping off some coffee or favorite
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  snack, that can be a gift as well. Anything memorable, a memento.
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  Some people are really good at giving gifts and receiving gifts.
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  Some people are really good at like giving like personalized gifts that really mean a lot. Yeah.
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  So that's a thing too. So gifts giving can be a thing. Yeah. My friends like that.
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  Quality time. Time I think is my best gift, especially now we're so busy.
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  Quality time is another love language. So it's about being focused and undistracted attentions.
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  A lot of people, I think quality time is one of my top. because I like to be
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  able to talk to someone, not have a phone distraction, I'm very big on eye contact,
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  and then do something that you enjoy together.
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  You guys do quality time together when you walk. See, you're hitting all your
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  love languages in your marriage, which is kind of nice.
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  So even if you don't have the same ones, your love languages,
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  you're hitting them all, so you all are getting your cups filled up, if you will, right?
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  Because you're giving each other love in different ways. So even just walking
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  together and having personal conversations is a love language.
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  And so now we're up to the fifth one. This is definitely my love language.
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  This is probably my number one love language and it's physical touch.
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  So for me, if I'm with a man and he doesn't.
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  Touch my shoulder, touch my back, just touch me a lot.
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  I'm not feeling it, like hold hands or, you know, even kiss often.
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  I don't feel it. You know, I like somebody smack me on the butt a little bit.
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  You know, that's my love language is physical touch. You know,
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  it's a big thing for me. Is it for you?
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  No. So you don't need somebody to be handsy with you? No. Yeah.
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  Are you? See, it's an anti. What about your husband?
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  He does like it. Okay. Well, there you go. We found a love language you
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  guys don't like yeah yeah so like
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  hugs do you guys hug yeah okay so you have it a
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  little bit just not a lot do you hold hands but we don't constantly
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  like rub each other back give little kisses so you don't do back rubs do you
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  do well no you don't have to do it in public yeah your love languages don't
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  have to be in public they can be completely in private yeah in private yes do
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  you do playful touches like bumping together in that kitchen or So you still
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  have it Yeah, but we don't do that on public Yeah,
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  yeah I think physical touch is my biggest one Okay, so we know receiving gifts
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  is yours What's your second?
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  Receiving gift? No, that's your first What's your second? Take me on a nice
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  vacation It's a service, probably You like it when you get served I like it
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  when I get to go on a nice vacation So you're probably a tie between acts of
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  service and quality time Quality time is a big thing for me Yeah.
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  I love it. Okay. I like quality time. I can't stand when... So this vacation we have, which is great.
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  We engage all the kids. None of them on the phone. We limited screen time.
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  But I think you constantly... I think we get lazy because for us to do a game,
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  to do that, it takes a lot of effort.
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  But you just throw the kid the phone and then they leave you alone.
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  But for me, that time is very important. So the quality times is super important.
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  So, what are your husbands?
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  We know acts of service is one of his.
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  I think your top two are probably receiving gifts and quality time.
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  And just from knowing him, I think acts of service and quality time are his.
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  So, the two of you spending quality time together is your joint love language.
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  Because he doesn't care about getting gifts. No, that's our main priority. Yeah.
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  I think to the point that, because right now we start to think about our house
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  and say, why do I need another shoe?
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  Why do I need another bag? I'm getting to that point that I just want to focus
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  on a nice vacation, being able not to turn on the computer for 10 days.
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  This 10 days vacation is an eye-opener.
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  That's what I want. Yeah. Yeah. I think for me, giving gifts is more of a love
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  language than receiving. I like to see the joy in people's faces.
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  So I guess it's an act of service that I like to do. And then physical touch.
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  Yeah, why not? So those are our love language. So now that we've got our languages,
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  when there are differences, how do you handle it?
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  And it's not wrong to be different, but you do need to take that into consideration
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  now that you know his love languages, right?
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  You don't need to provide him gifts, but maybe do something special for him
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  once in a while and make sure you spend lots of quality time together.
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  You know, it has to be intentional with your love languages.
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  And it does deepen your relationship.
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  Do you remember any times when you guys spent quality time together that it
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  was just magical because of that?
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  We would just sit and look out on the moon.
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  Like the full moon, we just sat out there having our tea.
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  Nobody talked to each other. But we just sat out there and looked at the moon.
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  Wow. I mean, I think it's important to really connect with someone that way.
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  And it's a challenge, I think, when you're dating someone. because you don't
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  really know their love languages. I think now people, it's kind of in a conversation.
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  I've actually had somebody ask me, what's your love language?
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  And so now when you're dating people, they'll say it. Sometimes people even put it on dating apps.
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  So I know you're married and you guys spend quality time together.
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  You look out at the moon, you enjoy time, but it's a way to connect with new people as well.
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  Any action, big or small, is important.
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  So you could do a simple sticky note if somebody has a word of affirmation saying,
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  Thank you for doing the dishes.
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  If somebody likes a gift, even just like something like a cup of coffee,
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  that made you happy, right?
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  So those little acts of service and little gifts, those were good for you.
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  So it doesn't really matter what you do. It doesn't have to be super expensive,
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  but it just has to show that you care.
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  We had this conversation before that the whole world out there,
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  some people like to be communicated with daily, some people like to be communicated
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  with weekly, and conversation is an act of service.
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  Just talking to someone is an act of service because if act of service is somebody's
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  love language, they may like to be talked to more often than not.
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  Because it's servicing, it's giving them quality time as well as act of service.
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  So love language can cause conflict, though, too. Let's say your love language
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  is quality time and their love language is words of affirmation.
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  You want to spend some time together sitting on the couch. They just want to
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  be told how great they are so they can get back to work.
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  You see how it can like bump heads with somebody? For us, it just can't naturally.
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  Well, you've got quality time that's shared.
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  I think it is kind of important that you have at least one love language shared.
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  You may not have all of them, but it is important to have at least one love
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  language shared. Otherwise, I don't know if it works very well, you know? Yeah.
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  You know, because quality time for me, when I have quality time with someone,
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  if I don't give them the proper love language, let's say there's this word for
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  affirmation, and then they get upset.
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  That just blew the whole quality time out of the scenario.
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  Especially when you're first dating. I think it's important.
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  They need to know your love language. They do. Yeah.
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  Yeah. Especially when you're first dating. I don't think it was even labeled
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  back when you were looking dating before. But before, no.
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  I think it's all therapized. I mean, I think everybody's been going through therapy so much.
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  They're like, let's categorize everything and give everything a love language.
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  And these five love languages, a lot of people have leaned towards one or the
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  other, but a lot of people have all of them. It's all new to me.
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  Yeah, it's all new to you because you haven't been in the dating pool.
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  I only learned about it because I started in the dating pool.
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  I didn't know anything about this.
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  Yeah. It is. Now that you know about it, it can help deepen your relationship
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  bonds with your partner or with your spouse, you know? Yeah.
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  It helps as well if you know their love language to handle conflict.
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  So if you know that they value quality time and they're upset,
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  it won't make sense for you to just go and tell them how amazing they are.
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  But what might happen is for you to take their hand, to sit down,
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  and to look at the moon and talk it out.
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  That's quality time. If, you know, their love language is act of service,
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  maybe give them a back rub or physical touch, give them a back rub.
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  So that helps with conflict.
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  Yeah. So if you're ever fighting with your partner or your spouse,
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  it's kind of important that you learn their love language.
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  I just think everything that you, when you start categorize things and you start
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  looking at the loophole, and I think that's when the problem happened.
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  For us, we just have things just happen naturally. We never have to categorize it. Guys flow.
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  Yeah. But it could help, though, too. Let's say that you guys are having a rough time.
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  It can help when you have a rough time or a conflict in a marriage to kind of
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  know that, like, I was in a marriage where my partner needed constant words
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  of affirmation. And I didn't understand that.
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  It was beyond what I was understanding. And had I known that,
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  it might have helped. Not really, probably, but it might have helped a little.
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  And some people need constant words of affirmation to tell them how great they
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  are. If you know that's their need, if you provide that, that might help ease some of the conflict.
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  So it also helps that if you know your love languages and what your needs are,
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  the relationship can be less draining.
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  And you should communicate that with the partner. Like.
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  I don't need someone to butter me up. I don't need someone to tell me how great
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  I am. I don't need someone to talk to me all the time and give me kudos, if you will.
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  Communication is a big thing. But I do need someone to give me personal touch, right?
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  And I do need someone to give me quality time and a little bit of acts of service.
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  I mean, some acts of service are nice. I don't need gifts. Yeah.
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  But I do need a few things. And it makes the love better for me.
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  You know what I mean? Mm-hmm.
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  Mm-hmm. One of the things you can ask is, what do I need to do in this relationship
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  to make you feel more loved or feel loved in general? If you can ask your partner,
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  what makes you feel loved?
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  Because sometimes they don't know what a love language is.
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  So if you ask them, what makes you feel loved? And they may say,
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  when you pat me on the shoulder or when you rub my back or when you go out and
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  sit and watch, stare at the moon and just snuggle.
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  I mean, that might be a love thing. So love languages are good categories.
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  But from those categories, I think we really need to dive down into what in
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  those categories, because some people may say like personal touch is a love language for me.
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  But if someone was groping me in front of my children, which is what I had in
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  a previous relationship, it would be insulting to me. Right.
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  I don't and I don't like it. And I don't like public displays of infection. Keep it at home.
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  But like personal touch is a big love language for me. I just want it in private.
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  Right. And so you've got to find out from your love language what the rules,
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  boundaries, and limitations are for those specific things.
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  So if somebody asks you, what one thing can I do this week to make you feel loved?
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  What is that for you? Well, I would like a massage if there's anybody out there
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  volunteering. But if not, I'll go pay for one.
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  But no, I mean, honestly, I don't have a partner right now, so I don't have that to say to anyone.
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  But let's say that I'm going to play your husband. What thing could he do this
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  week for you to make you feel loved?
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  Clean the house and clean my house. Okay.
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  So cleaning the house. So that's an act of service and that you feel loved when he does that.
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  I love it when he's cleaning the house. Okay. Well, wonderful.
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  If you're out there and you're listening, ask your partner. If you have a partner
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  or a boyfriend, it doesn't have to be a spouse.
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  Ask your partner what one thing could they do this week or could you do this
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  week for them to make them feel more loved? I think we need to spread the love around.
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  Yeah. I know we started off the podcast talking about love is in the air,
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  but I think we as women need to spread the love around and give more love out there.
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  It's important to give love And it's important to receive love,
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  ladies, too I know a lot of women have difficulty receiving But you need to
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  give both The best feeling, I'll tell you Wake up on Saturday,
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  Sunday morning The coffee's ready Yeah,
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  because he does that for you That's nice That's nice That's a nice partner Yeah
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  And the nice thing is Is your partner hasn't changed since the beginning You
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  guys are the same Yeah It's not like We all have up and down, right?
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  But most of the time, yeah Yeah They stay the same.
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  Yeah. Yeah. We were actually talking about this kind of to digress in the gym
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  today, but a lot of people after their second and third marriages,
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  they don't really want relationships.
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  They're just kind of out there to play around, and they don't really care what
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  your love languages are because they're just out there doing their thing.
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  If the women at this age, granted, right, by this age, like you,
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  for example, you're really independent. You don't really need anyone,
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  but you just need someone to, like, Go out to the movie with it,
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  have a date every once in a while, that's it.
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  I like the companionship. I like the personal touch or, you know, physical touch.
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  I like communication. But, you know, it's funny. I went on a date,
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  and it was a beautiful date. I don't think I'm going to date the guy anymore, but we did go on a date.
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  And after the date, I felt complete peace.
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  See? And it felt like home, you know? I haven't felt like that before.
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  Now that I know what it's like, I think for me, I need a guy that's also going
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  to bring me peace, not just give me physical touch.
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  I think if you can, and ladies, it's out there.
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  If you find somebody that completely calms your nervous system and gives you
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  peace, maybe think twice about dating him again.
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  I mean, you might want to go on two, three, four dates and they might be a good
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  connection for you. I don't know.
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  Yeah, if you can date somebody that gives you complete peace, it's a wonderful thing.
• 20:14
  I don't date a guy anymore. Oh, we're not talking about, we're talking about
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  love languages of my future boyfriends.
• 20:20
  So anyway, but you need to, you know, you need to make sure that your needs
• 20:25
  are met and that you're not drained in the relationship because love languages are important.
• 20:30
  It's not just about romance, you know. Friends and families and co-workers give love languages too.
• 20:35
  One of my love languages is I give
• 20:37
  my friends gifts too. It's not just my boyfriends. I give friends gifts.
• 20:41
  I give, I like to take care of people. I guess that's, it's like an act of service,
• 20:45
  me giving gifts, but I like to, that's one thing I like to do about my gift giving.
• 20:51
  It is more of an act of service because when I give gifts, it's because someone
• 20:54
  tells me a problem and I find a solution and then I give them something to fix
• 20:58
  their problem. I am a constant problem solver, which is kind of annoying to some people, I think.
• 21:02
  I think people think I'm trying to fix them when I problem solve.
• 21:05
  But honestly, all I'm doing is I can't turn my brain off.
• 21:08
  So I just constantly problem solve everything.
• 21:11
  So if you want something solved, give it to me and I'll figure it out.
• 21:14
  If you don't want it problem solved, don't tell me anything that's wrong.
• 21:17
  It's kind of, it's just who I am. I just solve problems. I'm a great problem
• 21:23
  solver. So your co-workers, your friends, your family, all those people,
• 21:26
  you know, you communicate the same love languages with them.
• 21:29
  I mean, here's the thing.
• 21:31
  I have a friend who physical touch she's not into. And so when someone comes
• 21:36
  up and gives her a hug that's not requested.
• 21:39
  Yeah. She takes offense and backs away.
• 21:42
  Now, she thinks she may have, you know, physical touch, but only physical touch
• 21:46
  by a specific person. But I just don't think physical touch is her thing.
• 21:49
  And a lot of people don't want to be touched.
• 21:52
  Yeah. So be careful if physical touch is not someone's love language and you
• 21:56
  go up and hug them, you are a hugger.
• 21:59
  And with some people, you know, our friend, she doesn't want to be touched.
• 22:04
  So if you don't know someone's love language and you go up and hug someone,
• 22:09
  they may back off and say, what the hell are you doing? Or get really offended.
• 22:13
  I see. You got to be careful, even with family. I mean, there's family members
• 22:17
  or coworkers that you shouldn't be hugging or touching. And then there's other
• 22:20
  people that, you know, you tell them words of affirmation, you did a great job like me.
• 22:24
  And I'm like, I didn't really need to hear that, but OK.
• 22:27
  You know, to me, it's and if it comes across as disingenuous or not authentic,
• 22:31
  I look at it and I say, really, are they just trying to butter me up?
• 22:35
  You know, are they just trying to get on my good side? To me,
• 22:37
  it's a little dishonest unless I feel it as well. You know what I mean?
• 22:41
  Unless they say something that I think is true. But I've had people try to butter
• 22:44
  me up with words of affirmation before.
• 22:46
  It doesn't work for me. Honestly, don't take this the wrong way if words of
• 22:49
  affirmation is your love language.
• 22:51
  But I think people that need constant words of affirmation are just very insecure people.
• 22:55
  They need to constantly feel like someone's telling them how great they are.
• 23:00
  It's way too needy for me. It's very needy. And it is somebody that's extremely
• 23:05
  insecure. And you can tell because they get really excited when you tell them.
• 23:09
  And they will change their whole plans based off of how great you tell them they are.
• 23:13
  For instance, if, and I will say sometimes like, let's say you tell somebody,
• 23:17
  oh, you did a great job cleaning out the garage.
• 23:19
  Well, you know what they're going to do? They're going to go clean out the other
• 23:21
  garage. So be careful with that because you can't get manipulated if one of
• 23:25
  your love languages is words of affirmation because people that know how to
• 23:28
  use it will manipulate the heck out of you to change your behavior.
• 23:32
  I mean, that happens all the time. I actually talk to a person.
• 23:35
  So a lot of women don't understand that a lot of men have words of affirmation
• 23:42
  for their love language, right?
• 23:44
  And they're married to them for 10, 20, 30 years. And then a little mistress
• 23:48
  comes along who tells their spouse, their husband, or their wife,
• 23:53
  it can go either way, how amazing they are and how great they are.
• 23:57
  Everything they do is amazing. Everything they do is great. You're so smart. You're so intelligent.
• 24:02
  You're so strong. You're so gorgeous. You're hot. Blah, blah,
• 24:05
  blah. Oh, you're so great in bed. Whatever.
• 24:07
  And they tell their... And then it leads to affairs. It leads to divorce.
• 24:12
  It leads to all kinds of things. So love languages in the wrong hands can be
• 24:17
  manipulated by people outside your marriage as well. So you got to be careful with that.
• 24:21
  Keep it in the back of your mind that it's not over again. And the guys needed
• 24:26
  to hear that because they were insecure in their marriage.
• 24:29
  Because maybe the wife wasn't telling them how amazing they were all the time.
• 24:33
  And when that happens, it can destroy marriages.
• 24:36
  I see, yeah. Yeah. So now the question becomes, how do you love someone that
• 24:42
  has words of affirmation?
• 24:44
  Let's cover that. So one of the ways to love someone that has words of affirmation
• 24:49
  is to send them flirty, sweet text messages. I can't stop thinking about you. Oh, you're so sexy.
• 24:55
  I can't wait. That's what they like. I'm just letting you know.
• 24:58
  I know my text messages may come across a little dry. I mean,
• 25:01
  sometimes I'm fun. And mine are probably more dry.
• 25:03
  You can leave surprise notes in their car or in their wallet or in the bathroom
• 25:07
  mirror because they like to see words of affirmation, right?
• 25:11
  So they want to hear it all the time.
• 25:14
  He did that back in like grade school, like middle school, the note flying around.
• 25:19
  Yeah, well, some people still like that. Some people still like that.
• 25:23
  They also like public comments. So people that like words of information,
• 25:28
  they like to get gratitude and be in front of other people and out in the open.
• 25:33
  Like they like it when you tell friends how amazing they are.
• 25:36
  They like it when they tell family members, oh, he's just so amazing. I love him so much.
• 25:41
  They like the constant kudos and the constant telling them how great they are. Wow.
• 25:47
  Yeah. So, yes, I'm so proud of him. He did so well at his job today.
• 25:52
  And like you just brag and gush on them verbally when you go to a party.
• 25:56
  I did that for my teenagers, and he hated it. He hated it?
• 26:00
  Words of affirmation is not his love language. So there you go.
• 26:03
  And it's probably because he's your son, right?
• 26:06
  And he probably wants acts of service or gifts or quality time.
• 26:11
  Yeah, he's very quiet. He's very private.
• 26:14
  Yeah, yeah. So gushing on people that don't like words of affirmation probably
• 26:18
  turns them off, kind of like hugging someone that doesn't like physical touch.
• 26:21
  Here's kind of something spicier, right? If someone's into words of affirmation,
• 26:26
  you can whisper in their ear like a really sexy comment to turn them on because
• 26:30
  they want to be told and talked to.
• 26:32
  One of the other things you can do is send them a voice note describing affirmation.
• 26:37
  What you want to do with them later and do it in a sexy voice.
• 26:40
  I can get away with that. I do have quite a sexy voice sometimes.
• 26:44
  So I would say send them a sexy voice message.
• 26:48
  And that's how you can handle somebody that's got words of affirmation.
• 26:52
  Or just kind of play the compliment game like in bed. Say, you're so amazing at that.
• 26:58
  People that like words of affirmation during sex, you're
• 27:01
  going to have to talk to them a lot more because they're really going
• 27:04
  to get into it if you talk to them and tell them how amazing and great
• 27:07
  they are and what they're doing is great now don't lie something they're
• 27:09
  doing you don't like but be careful because people that
• 27:12
  have words of affirmation are very sensitive and offended easily
• 27:15
  if you say something you don't like they're going to take it personally and
• 27:20
  take it into their core and they're going to be insulted and it could have just
• 27:24
  been something that you were trying to be nice say you know i don't like that
• 27:27
  and then they're gonna they're gonna dwell on the thing you don't like and not
• 27:31
  think about the things that you do.
• 27:33
  I see that. Yeah. I was married to one of those. If you say one little thing,
• 27:37
  they dwell on that. Even if you said like five things that were great,
• 27:40
  one thing was like terrible.
• 27:41
  It's stuck in there. It's stuck in their head and they could only dwell on the
• 27:44
  negatives. Be careful with people with words of affirmation.
• 27:47
  When you tell them you don't like something, don't say, I don't like that.
• 27:52
  Say, could you do it this way instead?
• 27:54
  Or I would prefer that. Don't say you don't like something because it does stick in their head.
• 27:59
  Then there's the people, acts of service acts of service
• 28:02
  people you gotta know how to love them too making their coffee
• 28:05
  or breakfast without asking is a great thing that's why
• 28:09
  acts of service is so big for you taking their car and
• 28:12
  filling up their gas tank now i know men that won't allow their women to fill
• 28:17
  up their gas tank they they're like honey how's your gas and they always make
• 28:21
  sure that their wives wives or their girlfriend's gas tank is filled isn't that
• 28:24
  sweet too my friend does really yeah so every Sunday night,
• 28:30
  he takes both, he takes not just his car, not just him, his wife,
• 28:33
  he takes that five cars. Okay.
• 28:35
  On a Sunday, he takes all five cars, one by one, he fills up all the gas.
• 28:41
  That's nice. Yeah, he's, well, he retires, but the kid and the wife's still
• 28:44
  working, you know. So they have five cars in the house.
• 28:47
  He makes sure Monday morning when you wake up. Every car is gassed and ready to go.
• 28:52
  Acts of service is big for him. Oh, yeah. Yeah. He loves to cook big dinner.
• 28:57
  Every Sunday we go there. I do think acts of service is big for a lot of men.
• 29:01
  And I say men. I kind of feel like words of affirmation are for the boys that
• 29:05
  haven't grown out of having to constantly be appreciated.
• 29:08
  But when they grow in a manhood, acts of service are huge for men because if
• 29:14
  they can do acts of service with their girlfriend or their wife,
• 29:17
  I think that goes a long way. And it doesn't have to cost money.
• 29:21
  It can just be giving them a massage. It can be taking them on a trip.
• 29:25
  It can be getting them gas.
• 29:27
  You know, it doesn't have to be super expensive, you know, and maybe it's taking
• 29:31
  out the trash and, you know, taking over some chores.
• 29:34
  Maybe you do the dishes and the laundry.
• 29:37
  That's what the wife usually does. Maybe the wife does that for the man or the
• 29:40
  man does it for the wife. Whoever doesn't usually do it.
• 29:42
  So all those things are acts of service. Some people like to give,
• 29:46
  but they're not so great at receiving.
• 29:47
  For instance, like I like to give gifts, but I'm okay if I don't receive them.
• 29:51
  I like to feel appreciated when I give them, but I don't have to receive them back.
• 29:56
  I see. You know, I don't give gifts as a reason to get a gift back.
• 30:01
  Whereas some people, they only
• 30:02
  want to give gifts if they're getting gifts back. And that's just not me.
• 30:05
  No. Yeah. Sometimes setting up a person's office or getting it ready for the
• 30:10
  work week is a nice act of service as well.
• 30:13
  Friends and co-workers can do this too. But it's good to surprise them.
• 30:16
  Sometimes they have a long day at work, right? Or maybe you do.
• 30:20
  And running them a bath could be an act of service.
• 30:24
  Cozying up on a movie night and setting everything up for them so all they've
• 30:27
  got to do is sit down and relax is an act of service.
• 30:30
  There's so many things you can do that don't cost money with these love languages.
• 30:34
  That show you really, truly appreciate your partner and that you're a giving
• 30:38
  person. Now, I'm one that's a huge giver and I have had issues in the past receiving,
• 30:44
  but I'm getting better at it.
• 30:45
  And now I've noticed that if I give, give, give in a relationship and I get
• 30:50
  nothing back, I just walk away.
• 30:52
  I don't want it. There's gotta be a give and take. Remember when you're giving
• 30:56
  acts of service, if your love language is to get acts of service back,
• 31:01
  then you need to let them know.
• 31:02
  And if you don't get what you need back, then it may not be a good fit.
• 31:06
  I see. You got to remember that. One of the spicy ideas, because,
• 31:10
  you know, I like the sexy, spicy ideas.
• 31:12
  We always got to talk about that, too, is to cook dinner in lingerie.
• 31:16
  I could see you doing this, Kat. I love lingerie. I could totally see you cooking
• 31:20
  dinner in lingerie when the kids aren't home, when they're off,
• 31:24
  and even just a silk robe with nothing on underneath.
• 31:27
  I love lingerie. Oh, that's an act of service that has the playtime afterwards, right? Yeah.
• 31:33
  Bunch. Yeah. Well, there's a good idea for you. Yeah.
• 31:38
  It works every time. And then now every time I do that, then he'll go,
• 31:43
  what do you do this time? What do you want?
• 31:46
  Oh. So now he knows, oh, I want a new purse. I'm making you dinner naked. So now I want a new purse.
• 31:52
  No, I just want a nice vacation. Nice vacation. Well, there you go.
• 31:56
  And then you can also do like naughty snacks if you pack their lunch.
• 32:00
  Or, you know, you can have a nice weekend getaway with chocolate massage oil
• 32:04
  and get a nice massage and an act of service.
• 32:07
  I mean, there's so many different things. These are just like some ideas I'm
• 32:10
  throwing out there, but there's so many different things you can do.
• 32:13
  And I think central massages are wonderful.
• 32:16
  You can give them central massages after a long day. You can let it turn into sex if you want to.
• 32:22
  I mean, honestly, sex with an act of service, I think those two go hand in hand,
• 32:26
  kind of like personal touch. Those things are really ripe for acts of service, I will say.
• 32:31
  So then receiving gifts. So if somebody likes to receive gifts, how do you love them?
• 32:35
  They just have to buy them a gift. Yeah, but what kind of gifts?
• 32:38
  They kind of need to be thoughtful gifts, right?
• 32:40
  Yeah, be thoughtful gifts. So people that like to receive gifts,
• 32:43
  they don't just want gifts. No.
• 32:45
  They want thoughtful gifts, okay? Right. They want you to bring home something
• 32:50
  that you've thought about.
• 32:51
  So, for instance, someone's favorite coffee.
• 32:54
  Mm-hmm. Or a favorite snack. A chocolate, yeah. Diva Kat, I hate donuts.
• 32:59
  I bought you donuts anyway. And you brought me a heart donut for Valentine's
• 33:03
  Day. And I still loved it because it was thoughtful.
• 33:06
  And I don't like donuts, but it was so well thought out because I was alone
• 33:10
  on Valentine's Day that it was so sweet for you to give me a thought out gift like that.
• 33:16
  Things like that. Even though they're maybe not their favorite thing,
• 33:20
  it's kind of nice to give a gift like that.
• 33:23
  Even some people, they would say, you know, I don't like flowers,
• 33:26
  I don't like the bee plant.
• 33:27
  But if you get them flowers for like unnoticeable, just because,
• 33:31
  not any reason, they still like it. Yeah.
• 33:34
  One single rose, they still like it. Even a single rose. And you know,
• 33:37
  it is kind of nice, gentlemen out there.
• 33:39
  If you're going on a date with someone, if you show up with just one rose,
• 33:43
  and it's what, two bucks, maybe $1.50, depending on where you go,
• 33:47
  two bucks for a rose. Yeah.
• 33:49
  Get a $2 rose and the whole date will change. If you really like someone,
• 33:53
  if you like this girl, show up with a rose.
• 33:56
  And it doesn't have to be red. It could be pink or it can be white.
• 34:00
  It can be yellow. Well, yellow usually symbolizes friendship.
• 34:04
  So pink means I like you. White means we're just getting started. And red is I love you.
• 34:09
  Right? But, you know, red doesn't have to mean I love you. But it's nice to give someone a flower.
• 34:14
  And if you know their favorite flower, give them their favorite flower.
• 34:17
  And, you know, every Friday I did my grocery every Friday. I always go to the flower shop.
• 34:22
  And they always marked out flowers. I just thought they were marked out.
• 34:25
  Oh, yeah. Do you know what the best part is?
• 34:28
  My neighbor across the street, he just lost his mom.
• 34:32
  I had thought of him, and then I just make him an arrangement and bring it over
• 34:35
  in the beer can. Really? And he loved it. Yeah.
• 34:38
  I didn't even realize it. I don't have anything to put on the flower.
• 34:41
  Well, receiving gifts are his love language.
• 34:44
  And he just walked over with his flower in the beer can, and he was like, what? Oh.
• 34:49
  Well, now that we're talking about flowers, Why don't we go right into flowers?
• 34:53
  Roses can mean pleasure and pain. So you can give it to somebody that's going
• 34:56
  through a heartbreak as well. Like multiple colors.
• 34:59
  Yellow is someone that's kind of friend zone or I'm thinking of you,
• 35:06
  but, you know, you're not really super in love yet. You know what I mean?
• 35:10
  And then red, of course, is I love. Poppies. If you give somebody poppies,
• 35:14
  it's like I'm not free to be with you yet.
• 35:17
  How about hydrangeas? That's my favorite.
• 35:19
  Hydrangeas are but a paradise. You know, honeysuckle means devoted affection. Is it?
• 35:25
  It is because he's attacked the bees. So hydrangeas, they actually came from
• 35:29
  Japan. Did you know that?
• 35:31
  Is it really? It means heartfelt emotion and apology.
• 35:34
  Now, in Europe, it means you're arrogant and vain. But in Asia,
• 35:37
  it means a heartfelt emotion and apology. So if you're saying sorry to someone, hydrangeas are good.
• 35:42
  You can go out there and look up different types of flowers.
• 35:45
  I mean, this isn't a flower podcast, but different types of flowers and different
• 35:50
  colors for flowers mean different things.
• 35:52
  When you give different colors, it means different things. But roses tend to
• 35:56
  be pretty common. They're easy to find, huh?
• 35:59
  Yeah, they're easy to find. You don't have to overthink it. Now,
• 36:02
  if you know someone's favorite color, you can give their favorite color.
• 36:05
  Like I had a guy that his favorite color was purple, and he liked to give everything purple.
• 36:11
  But yeah, red will be love. you know pink is grace
• 36:14
  and gratitude or like and then again the
• 36:17
  yellow we're just friends that's what it means so you got to be
• 36:20
  careful when you give yellow roses guys unless you
• 36:24
  know their favorite color is yellow because what's going to happen is when you
• 36:27
  give yellow yellow roses they're going to think you just want to be friends
• 36:31
  right and you got to be careful with that and then it's different orange means
• 36:35
  that you're fascinated or enthusiastic about them white again it's like purity.
• 36:40
  It's the beginning of a relationship.
• 36:41
  It's a nice thing to give on a first date. I think a white rose is a beautiful gift on a first date.
• 36:47
  I just, I love that. That's awesome. And then purple, I didn't know this.
• 36:51
  There's a purple rose. Purple, yeah, there's a purple rose. Purple and lavender
• 36:55
  means love at first sight or enchantment with someone.
• 36:59
  I don't think the guy knew that when he sent them to me, though.
• 37:02
  So, but that's what that means.
• 37:05
  So looking at different colors, love at first sight is hilarious.
• 37:09
  And then there's even green roses, which symbolizes being rich and abundant.
• 37:15
  Like maybe if somebody gets a promotion at work, you could give green roses.
• 37:19
  And black roses is for mourning or symbolizing a new beginning after a divorce.
• 37:23
  So you could give somebody black roses after a divorce. At the end of a relationship,
• 37:27
  black roses are, it's a sin of some morning and you just, you know, they're separated.
• 37:31
  I'd be like giving white roses saying, woohoo, you're starting over again. Here you go.
• 37:36
  But yeah, no, if somebody got through a divorce, I'd probably give white roses.
• 37:40
  Yeah. It's a new beginning as well. And people have them at weddings,
• 37:43
  too. You see a lot of white roses at weddings.
• 37:45
  But the orange roses means I desire you, I'm enthusiastic for you,
• 37:49
  and I'm passionate about you.
• 37:51
  So maybe you could give orange roses to somebody that you're in friends with
• 37:54
  benefits with. Now, this is, again, a fair love language is gift giving or gift receiving gifts.
• 37:59
  So some guys like to receive flowers, too, ladies.
• 38:02
  I've had guys that enjoy receiving flowers or receiving a house plant or receiving,
• 38:07
  you know, depending on the person, they like to receive things, too.
• 38:10
  Anybody that dates me is going to have to get used to receiving gifts because
• 38:14
  I like to give gifts. And I give very thoughtful gifts, right?
• 38:18
  Anybody that I date is just going to have to get used to that.
• 38:21
  And I try to make them as thoughtful as possible. But I do like to give gifts.
• 38:24
  I know. After the cruise, seven bags.
• 38:28
  I did. I brought back seven bags of stuff to give to everybody.
• 38:31
  I mean, I gave gifts to everybody.
• 38:33
  In two hours, how could possibly five, seven bags of stuff?
• 38:38
  Two hours. You realize that? It was only two hours. I'm a good shopper.
• 38:42
  Oh, my God. I'm a good shopper. And it was not too bad. I did pretty well for
• 38:46
  that much stuff. You can also surprise them to a ticket.
• 38:49
  So I think receiving gifts can also be receiving an experience.
• 38:53
  Like it could be going to a band, a concert or something like that.
• 38:57
  Or, you know, it can be sentimental.
• 38:59
  You know, it can even be a playlist. Like you send your playlist to someone you're dating.
• 39:05
  That's a gift-giving idea, right? So it doesn't have to be something physical.
• 39:10
  It can be something, well, it can be something electronic, right?
• 39:13
  Maybe the love language, we work out together. I tell you why.
• 39:16
  At the gym we go to, that's a husband and wife, right? And they have this,
• 39:20
  like, the baby got to be like three minutes old. Baby's baby.
• 39:23
  She will stay with the baby while he does his set, after he finish his set.
• 39:28
  They switch? They switch. That's great.
• 39:30
  That is such a love, healthy language, I think. Yeah. So they're doing acts
• 39:35
  of service with each other. Yeah.
• 39:37
  The baby is baby. They switched the kid. Yeah. They didn't put the kid in the
• 39:41
  kid room, no? Well, that's the three-month-old.
• 39:43
  I don't blame them because, you know, at three months, they're so fragile.
• 39:48
  Until they get to about a year, it's so hard to put them in daycare.
• 39:51
  Anyway, so you can also do a scavenger hunt. You could do, like,
• 39:56
  for clues in the bedroom. Yeah.
• 39:59
  Now, this is my sexy thing, too, right? So I like to do spicy things.
• 40:02
  You could have a mystery box, right?
• 40:04
  So this is gift-giving. I mean, like they can pick a box and it's a different
• 40:08
  kind of lingerie or maybe it's handcuffs or chocolate body paint or something
• 40:11
  like that. And you get to play.
• 40:13
  Not that I could do chocolate, but I'm allergic. But you could do different
• 40:16
  things like that. Give like a coupon book of somebody that likes to receive gifts.
• 40:20
  Give them a coupon book of the things that you'll do for them.
• 40:24
  And then they give you the coupon. Now, it doesn't have to just be sex.
• 40:27
  Yeah. It can be like, I'm going to take out the trash three times or go wash
• 40:33
  my car or clean out the cat litter box. I mean, it can be stuff like that.
• 40:36
  Or get a massage, you know? Oh, shoe rack.
• 40:38
  Yeah, redo the shoe racks. Personally, I would prefer the sexual stuff.
• 40:42
  But, well, you know, that's because your guy is good at cleaning and organizing.
• 40:46
  Because some women wouldn't like that. So it depends. But you can give,
• 40:50
  like, here's the things I'm going to do for you.
• 40:52
  So if your man likes to receive gifts, you can say, I'm going to organize your
• 40:56
  tools, which they probably would throw a fit about.
• 40:59
  Or I'm going to clean your car, get your car clean. Things like that.
• 41:02
  But men like giftsgiving as well.
• 41:05
  Yeah. The next thing we have, I know you love this one, is quality time. I love quality time.
• 41:10
  Quality time is your big one. I know you were just talking about this,
• 41:14
  but planning a no phone quality time. You did it with your son.
• 41:18
  We did it 10 days. That was amazing.
• 41:21
  Quality time with no phones.
• 41:23
  That's got to be amazing because when children get away from their phones,
• 41:27
  they become completely different people. It's exhausting, though. I don't want to lie.
• 41:31
  It was exhausting? You got to constantly come up with activity.
• 41:35
  That's, see, this is the problem. Okay. When we were children,
• 41:39
  because we're all Gen Xers or beyond here.
• 41:42
  When we were children, we were left. You go right to the studio also?
• 41:45
  We knew how to entertain ourselves. We would go outside. We'd entertain us.
• 41:49
  We never went up to our parents and said, what should I do next?
• 41:53
  What can I do next? It's almost like the phones have created children that can't
• 42:00
  task manage themselves. And
• 42:01
  they need a parent to task manage like we did as Gen Xers, right? Yeah.
• 42:07
  So be careful when you do quality time with no phones with a kid. I'm exhausted.
• 42:13
  Yeah. Well, I don't know, man. It's different because kids don't know how to
• 42:17
  enter. They don't know how to read a book.
• 42:19
  They only want to watch videos. Yep. So you got to be careful with that,
• 42:23
  with the no phone policy, because they're going to come up to you and want to know what to do next.
• 42:27
  So if you're a full-time mom, I think, honestly, the gift of phones and the
• 42:33
  terrible things about phones, but the gift of phones, when you're a single mom, it helps.
• 42:37
  It helps a lot. Because you're trying to juggle work and cleaning the house
• 42:40
  and taking care of the kids and running them everywhere.
• 42:42
  And when you're the primary caregiver, it's rough to entertain a full day.
• 42:48
  But at the same time, because women going back to work and we needed it.
• 42:53
  We needed something that it's like an online babysitter. But at the same time,
• 42:57
  I don't think the kids are learning as much.
• 42:59
  And I don't think that they're growing as much. And they're not self-reliant.
• 43:03
  I think that's why so many kids are moving back in home.
• 43:05
  Yeah, I think so, too. And this could be a whole podcast.
• 43:08
  Let's leave for the next one. The no phones could be a whole podcast.
• 43:13
  Anyway, but try something new together. Maybe go for a dance lesson,
• 43:17
  cooking class, hiking, gym. I like going to the gym.
• 43:21
  You can lift weights together as quality time. I think that's a good idea to do for dates.
• 43:26
  The gym is the best, I think. Don't you think it's nice to go on a hike?
• 43:30
  Now, make sure that the person's not a serial killer, ladies.
• 43:33
  Because there have been some people that have gone on hikes.
• 43:35
  Make sure you've been dating them for quite some time and you know who they are.
• 43:38
  Yeah. Or that guy that killed his wife out on a hike. I know.
• 43:42
  I'm sitting here going, okay, so be careful with the men that you go on hikes with.
• 43:46
  Hiking is something. You can take a dance lesson. Let's go dancing instead.
• 43:50
  You know, we took the dance lesson for our first dance for our wedding.
• 43:53
  See, that's quality time. We did that too.
• 43:56
  And then every time the song comes on, we would just get up dancing in our living room. Yeah.
• 44:00
  So that's all quality time. So quality time is so important to spend with someone.
• 44:04
  And then you get to enjoy each other's time and give back to their love language. Okay.
• 44:10
  Yeah. And weekend trips can be a quality time thing, too, where you're just
• 44:14
  driving and going camping, maybe.
• 44:16
  And, oh, God, I hate camping, but driving and spending time together.
• 44:21
  Yeah, I used to love camping when I was in my 20s, as long as there was an air mattress.
• 44:25
  And now I don't even like it if there's an air mattress. Now I want a five-star
• 44:28
  hotel. Yeah. It's just different. I don't. The hotel or glamping.
• 44:32
  Yeah, even glamping. I don't want the bugs. No, yeah, we've been no glamping.
• 44:36
  I saw the sign. We're actually thinking about it, too. If it's out in nature,
• 44:40
  there's going to be... I'm fine hiking. I just don't want to go sleep in a tent.
• 44:44
  No, this one is like a big band we actually look at.
• 44:47
  And it's a globe. You could stay. It's called globing.
• 44:50
  So the hall is like a dome. You have like... It's like... It's sweet.
• 44:54
  You have your own bathroom, hot tub, everything in there. Wow.
• 44:56
  And there's a little protection with your bed and little dining area.
• 45:00
  And then you eliminate the phones and you have great quality time.
• 45:02
  Because there's no reception out there. And then you look at the sky because
• 45:06
  there's a dome you could see. We can see through.
• 45:09
  Yeah? Yeah. That's nice. I don't know yet. Yeah. Well, you know,
• 45:13
  I think weekend trips are good. You get to explore the locations.
• 45:18
  The Hilton is better. Or the Hyatt. The Hilton or Merriott.
• 45:24
  Four Seasons, I'm thinking. Ritz-Carlton. Those are better.
• 45:28
  Yeah. So, you know, you can go on a weekend trip and explore things together.
• 45:33
  That is quality, quality times. If you can do that, that's a great thing. Here's the thing.
• 45:38
  Book a staycation in the hotel, not to get rid of the kids, but just to have
• 45:42
  private time and quality time with the two of you.
• 45:45
  Yeah. I think date nights. Done that. Date nights? No, we don't.
• 45:49
  We just go to downtown, you know.
• 45:52
  Staycation? Staycation. We go to the hotels, they're going around,
• 45:56
  shopping, having dinner, and don't have to worry until, like,
• 45:59
  it's too late to drive back home. Maybe just stay at the hotel.
• 46:03
  Okay, that's nice. And then you can actually spend good quality time together as well.
• 46:07
  And then, you know, role-playing is a good thing to do with quality time with
• 46:12
  toys. Remember, we had a whole podcast on toys.
• 46:15
  Having sex in different parts of the house. I think every part of your house
• 46:18
  should have had sex. It should have been blessed.
• 46:20
  It should have been blessed with sex. Every single part. It's good for the karma.
• 46:23
  It's good for the first moon. You know what they said. It's like staging it.
• 46:27
  New house. You got to bless every room. The stairs. You got to bless every room. Yeah.
• 46:32
  Although I don't want to bless my children's room, but those are off limits.
• 46:37
  But, you know, blessing every other room in the house, the guest room,
• 46:39
  you got to bless, you got to bless the family room, the kitchen counter.
• 46:42
  So those are all spicy things for the quality time people.
• 46:46
  And candlelit dinner, too, I think is important. Every once in a while,
• 46:49
  just have a nice candlelit dinner.
• 46:50
  And like I had that one time where you have, it's kind of like an act of service
• 46:53
  as well as a gift giving and quality time all rolled in one when you like pay for a shop.
• 46:57
  And the chef comes to your house and takes care of it all. Well,
• 47:00
  actually, now people are leaning to that a lot.
• 47:04
  My friend, actually, she's a chef. She's a private chef.
• 47:07
  And she hosts it every weekend. She booked. People will hire her to their house
• 47:11
  and make the dinner. And it's not cheap. No, she's not.
• 47:15
  No, you're spending $500 or $600 for someone who can make you dinner.
• 47:18
  It's probably more expensive than if you went to a restaurant.
• 47:21
  Yeah, just think about it in Minnesota. People fly them to Southampton.
• 47:25
  Yeah. They vacation home to cook for them.
• 47:28
  Yeah, yeah. They're not cheap. I'm sure the price tag will be a lot.
• 47:31
  Yeah, no, what you do is because they're going to cook. They're going to spend
• 47:34
  the whole day, though, cooking.
• 47:35
  They show up around, like, 1 o'clock in the afternoon, sometimes earlier.
• 47:38
  And they're chopping, they're prepping for the whole weekend. Well, yeah.
• 47:44
  And if you have a big group of people, you hire them in for the whole weekend.
• 47:47
  And they're cooking. And they might bring assistants as well.
• 47:49
  That's what they did, yeah.
• 47:50
  And it's usually really healthy food. Yeah. A nice thing to do for quality time
• 47:55
  as well as, I mean, it's a gift as well. Yeah.
• 47:58
  Funny, we will just talk about this to like three of us.
• 48:02
  We got this vacation. We rented the house, the beach house.
• 48:05
  We were like, we didn't think of like to hire somebody to come do the thing, you know? Yeah.
• 48:10
  It probably cheaper because there was 12 of us. Yes. It probably cheaper.
• 48:14
  When do you break it down? When you have big groups. Now, I did it with just
• 48:17
  me and a partner. But when you have big groups, a lot of times it is cheaper
• 48:20
  to hire someone in. Yeah, I think.
• 48:22
  Yeah, we didn't think. But now we know the next vacation, that's what we're looking at. Yeah.
• 48:27
  Yeah. So let's move on to physical touch. My favorite.
• 48:31
  Okay. My favorite. So holding hands in public, I'm all good with. Yeah.
• 48:36
  And even cuddling on a couch, I'm good with in front of people.
• 48:39
  And I have had guys like get a little handsy with me. And it depends on the
• 48:42
  guy and how obnoxious they are, I think, with physical touch in public.
• 48:46
  Giving a kiss on the cheek, even a pet kiss is fine. I don't like it when people
• 48:50
  try to make out in public. I think it's a little much. I think it's too much.
• 48:53
  I don't need to see a porn in live action. Yeah, make you look cheap.
• 48:57
  It does. But giving a kiss or a kiss on the neck or in the cheek or something
• 49:01
  like that. A little brush. Yeah. Those are nice in public.
• 49:05
  Now, in private, getting a foot rub.
• 49:08
  If I can get a foot rub by somebody or a massage, because my shoulders are always
• 49:12
  tight. So if I could get a foot rub, that's amazing.
• 49:16
  Especially if they don't expect anything in return.
• 49:18
  I like to receive physical touch, but I was in a relationship where it was expected
• 49:24
  that as soon as I get a massage, there was going to be sex.
• 49:26
  As soon as I get a massage. So like every day of the week, I'm like,
• 49:28
  you know what? I just want the massage today.
• 49:30
  I don't have to have sex every day of the week. You know what I mean?
• 49:33
  So it was a little bit much.
• 49:35
  So for me, physical touch is great and it can lead to sex, but not in a rote
• 49:40
  routine exactly the same way every time.
• 49:45
  You got to spice things up. There's got to be some variety there.
• 49:47
  Otherwise, it gets really boring really quick.
• 49:50
  So physical touch, but spicy physical touch, right?
• 49:53
  It's got to be different things. Like, I don't want somebody every time I'm
• 49:56
  in the kitchen smacking my ass because that's going to get old.
• 49:59
  But if it's playful here and there, it works.
• 50:02
  Yeah. A shoulder squeeze or, you know, brushing someone's hair back,
• 50:06
  touching someone's leg while you're driving, doing other things while you're
• 50:09
  driving. I guess I'm kind of dangerous in the car.
• 50:11
  Definitely not the car. Not while driving. Unless you have auto drive on. Right.
• 50:16
  Even that. But, you know, it's nice because it can be initiated slowly.
• 50:21
  It can be kind of a teasing thing. And, you know, it can be like lead up to
• 50:25
  other things as well there.
• 50:27
  Since I'm not a big talker, I'd be like, no words, just touch me.
• 50:32
  And then I can. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, it's like a no words game and who can go
• 50:35
  15 minutes without talking. And I will say there's certain men you just don't
• 50:38
  want them to talk anyway.
• 50:40
  It's like you're beautiful. Just don't speak. Just don't talk.
• 50:44
  I'm sure guys say that about women, too. But it's a, yeah, no words,
• 50:48
  just touching only, no words. One of the things you can do is you can snuggle.
• 50:52
  That's a nice physical touch. You can sit on their lap.
• 50:56
  There's just different things you can do. But all of these things together,
• 50:59
  I think, help deepen a relationship.
• 51:02
  I think it makes people get closer to other people.
• 51:05
  And sometimes it's good to switch roles once in a while. Like,
• 51:08
  since we know acts of service are your spouse's favorite thing,
• 51:13
  maybe you do something for him that's an act of service.
• 51:16
  You know, because a lot of times when people have an act of service they like
• 51:20
  to receive, but not always.
• 51:21
  But don't force it, you know, and be creative. I think empathy and listening
• 51:25
  to your spouse and being sympathetic to their wants and needs is more important than anything else.
• 51:31
  There's just, there's so many places out there you can get ideas to.
• 51:34
  You can ask ChatGPT if you know their love language. But I think the first step
• 51:38
  is to determine what their love language is. And you can most some people know what it is.
• 51:43
  Some people don't. But you can tell by just saying what makes you happy and
• 51:47
  what could I do for you this week to make you feel loved.
• 51:49
  And if you do that enough times and every time it's an act of service,
• 51:52
  you're going to realize they like to receive acts of service.
• 51:55
  I see. Or they like to give acts of service. So I think that's about it.
• 51:59
  I think we covered everything today.
• 52:01
  Yeah, I think so. I love love. And so I think that now that we've got love is
• 52:05
  in the air again, I think that we should talk more about it.
• 52:08
  But I think this was a great podcast to just give everybody an idea about love languages.
• 52:13
  Yeah. Get to know your partner love language is important. Get to know your partners.
• 52:17
  This is Diva Mia signing off. Hope you have a wonderful week.
• 52:20
  We'll talk to you soon. Take care. Ciao, ciao.
• 52:25
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• 52:31
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