Latest / Fake Doctors, Real Friends with Zach and Donald / Still Talkin' Bout Sex, Baby with Vanessa and Xander Marin

Transcript

Still Talkin' Bout Sex, Baby with Vanessa and Xander Marin · Fake Doctors, Real Friends with Zach and Donald

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: Have you been humming the song all day long that
• 0:02
  Speaker 1: I've been humming.
• 0:03
  Speaker 2: Let's talk about sex.
• 0:05
  Speaker 1: Baby, sex baby. Let's talk about you and me.
• 0:10
  Speaker 2: Let's talk about all the good things and.
• 0:13
  Speaker 1: The bad things that maybe, guys, we haven't talked in
• 0:17
  Speaker 1: so long. I don't even know where to begin. A man,
• 0:21
  Speaker 1: I don't even know where to begin. Do we talk
• 0:23
  Speaker 1: about Chapel Rond, whom I love.
• 0:28
  Speaker 3: The best?
• 0:30
  Speaker 1: Chapel is huge. She's a big the current kind of
• 0:38
  Speaker 1: big pop star of the summer, along with Charlie xx.
• 0:43
  Speaker 2: Charlie XCX is having to comeback.
• 0:45
  Speaker 1: Huh, she's having a huge, huge summer Charlie xyxes.
• 0:53
  Speaker 2: Yeah, it's only been It's only been on the radio
• 0:58
  Speaker 2: for like two weeks.
• 1:00
  Speaker 4: Though, and it's everywhere.
• 1:01
  Speaker 2: The new color.
• 1:03
  Speaker 1: She did a collab with Billie Eilish. I think it
• 1:06
  Speaker 1: was the fastest growing collab ever, the remix of Guess.
• 1:11
  Speaker 1: It was all about being able to see someone's underwear.
• 1:14
  Speaker 2: Do you know where you know where? Charlie x c
• 1:16
  Speaker 2: X Where I first heard her?
• 1:17
  Speaker 5: Where donald that little Iggy Azalea song fancy and then
• 1:26
  Speaker 5: she had boom solid My heart.
• 1:29
  Speaker 2: That beat goes on and on and on and on
• 1:32
  Speaker 2: and boom makes me feel good.
• 1:36
  Speaker 1: Yeah. Well, she has an enormous hit album that everyone
• 1:43
  Speaker 1: is listening to and.
• 1:44
  Speaker 2: It's my daughter put it on yesterday.
• 1:47
  Speaker 1: Yeah, and am I saying her right name? Right? Chapel Rowin, Yeah,
• 1:52
  Speaker 1: she Donald. This young lady had a concert at Lollapalooza
• 2:00
  Speaker 1: and Lolla Plus said, that's the biggest crowd we've ever had. Wow,
• 2:04
  Speaker 1: that's nuts for this one artist. She's Both of these
• 2:08
  Speaker 1: young ladies are blowing up albums. You're gonna like great albums. Yeah,
• 2:17
  Speaker 1: you'll like Chapel Roane Donald the song I recommend you
• 2:20
  Speaker 1: start with because I listened to it a lot, and
• 2:22
  Speaker 1: I know y'all think. Of course, Zach likes Chapel Roane
• 2:26
  Speaker 1: because he loves the girlypop red Wine super Nova you
• 2:30
  Speaker 1: know that one?
• 2:30
  Speaker 3: Oh yeah, right there out on the deck twitter K nine.
• 2:35
  Speaker 6: See in the side of my neck.
• 2:46
  Speaker 1: That sits fire real good. I've been driving around l
• 2:48
  Speaker 1: a with like bopping my head to that.
• 2:51
  Speaker 4: Yes, she's inspired by the drag queens. Feels incredible outfits.
• 2:55
  Speaker 1: What is that relationship? Is she? Is? She a queer person?
• 2:59
  Speaker 1: Is out?
• 3:01
  Speaker 3: So she's queer.
• 3:03
  Speaker 4: She's a bisexual, she's of my people, but she.
• 3:07
  Speaker 1: I love her. What's going on with that story? Why
• 3:10
  Speaker 1: she was.
• 3:11
  Speaker 4: Harming out a lot of gay clubs? And drag performer
• 3:15
  Speaker 4: was like, I think you are a sister ender drag queen,
• 3:18
  Speaker 4: which may about dragons, just like like overly heightened feminine energy.
• 3:22
  Speaker 4: So there are sisterender drag queens. And she was like,
• 3:26
  Speaker 4: I really embrace this idea. I love it. And so
• 3:28
  Speaker 4: she started doing like just extra big makeups and costumes
• 3:31
  Speaker 4: donald for her Lallapalooza set. She was in lucha door
• 3:33
  Speaker 4: outfit with bodybuilders behind her. Phenomenal, so good.
• 3:39
  Speaker 1: Good for her. I saw some video that was like,
• 3:42
  Speaker 1: I don't know how many years ago it was, but
• 3:44
  Speaker 1: not that many years ago, and it was like her
• 3:46
  Speaker 1: busking for like nobody, or maybe she wasn't busking. She
• 3:49
  Speaker 1: was on a stage with you know one of those
• 3:51
  Speaker 1: things where you see video and there's like twenty people
• 3:53
  Speaker 1: the park, oh right, and then you and then they
• 3:57
  Speaker 1: and then they in the video they cut to Lallapalooza
• 3:59
  Speaker 1: and like eighty thousand people. This is crazy, crazy, how
• 4:02
  Speaker 1: one's life can change.
• 4:04
  Speaker 2: Yes, we've seen it, we've seen it firsthand. And yeah,
• 4:10
  Speaker 2: We've seen it Josh Raids well yeah, well yeah, but
• 4:13
  Speaker 2: Josh Raiden's we've seen it, like in music with Josh Raiden. Yeah,
• 4:19
  Speaker 2: maybe not to this level where no, not at that.
• 4:21
  Speaker 1: Level, but of course at his own level. Yeah, we
• 4:23
  Speaker 1: saw his life change. He was sleeping on my couch.
• 4:25
  Speaker 2: Mm hmm. It's really interesting where music can take you
• 4:29
  Speaker 2: because it doesn't. It doesn't happen for everybody, but for
• 4:32
  Speaker 2: the selected few, you know what I mean. If you
• 4:35
  Speaker 2: can ride that way for a long time, you're even
• 4:37
  Speaker 2: so you're you're the one percent of the one percent.
• 4:40
  Speaker 2: But for the selected few that get that moment, that
• 4:43
  Speaker 2: fifteen minutes, yo, you know, enjoy that shit. I know.
• 4:49
  Speaker 2: I feel like that's why all of these artists are
• 4:51
  Speaker 2: so fucking out of their minds and stuff. They're like,
• 4:53
  Speaker 2: this shit could be gone tomorrow, Bro, they might not
• 4:56
  Speaker 2: buy the next song, So enjoy this right now, you
• 4:59
  Speaker 2: know what I mean?
• 4:59
  Speaker 1: Because you never Charlie XCX, I mean, I mean, I
• 5:02
  Speaker 1: haven't heard from her making music in a long time,
• 5:05
  Speaker 1: and all of a sudden, this has been like the
• 5:07
  Speaker 1: most viral album. It's everywhere.
• 5:10
  Speaker 2: Yeah, you never know her. You never know John, you know,
• 5:14
  Speaker 2: did John Cryer episode just here and stuff. Yeah, he
• 5:18
  Speaker 2: was talking about that. He was talking about how it
• 5:20
  Speaker 2: seemed like his career was over. He was looked at
• 5:23
  Speaker 2: as the guy who was given the chance, and you
• 5:25
  Speaker 2: know what, it didn't work, So yeah, we're gonna move on.
• 5:28
  Speaker 2: He found a way to get back in these people's
• 5:31
  Speaker 2: faces and show them.
• 5:33
  Speaker 1: That's what's crazy about this, this this career path, this
• 5:37
  Speaker 1: this industry, is that you absolutely have no idea what
• 5:41
  Speaker 1: could happen tomorrow, and that that's the that's the's the
• 5:44
  Speaker 1: high and the low of it is that you know
• 5:47
  Speaker 1: you can I was talking about this. I'm even doing
• 5:49
  Speaker 1: press for Bad Monkey, which I guess by the time
• 5:54
  Speaker 1: this areas will be out. It's on Apple TV, the
• 5:57
  Speaker 1: new show with Vince Vaughn and I have a I
• 5:59
  Speaker 1: have a role in it. But I was doing press
• 6:02
  Speaker 1: and they were like, you know, how do you when
• 6:06
  Speaker 1: did you know this show is good? And I was like,
• 6:08
  Speaker 1: you never know anything's good. I directed the second episode
• 6:10
  Speaker 1: of ted Lasso, and I remember thinking like, this is cute,
• 6:13
  Speaker 1: Like this will definitely find an audience, like yeah, people
• 6:15
  Speaker 1: who like sports and like, you know, Jason Steakas is
• 6:20
  Speaker 1: so funny. This will be cute. I had no idea
• 6:24
  Speaker 1: it was going to become like, you know, this global phenomenon,
• 6:28
  Speaker 1: and you just you, just like John Carr're saying, you
• 6:31
  Speaker 1: just have no idea. One day, you got absolutely nothing
• 6:34
  Speaker 1: going on. The next day you're in a fucking You're
• 6:37
  Speaker 1: you're playing eighty.
• 6:37
  Speaker 2: Things, number one show man an Emmy. Emmy's crazy talking
• 6:45
  Speaker 2: about how your life changes. You know, it's it's it's
• 6:49
  Speaker 2: that's what it is.
• 6:50
  Speaker 1: And also the ebbs and flows of the business that
• 6:52
  Speaker 1: like you can have a you know, just as Charlie
• 6:55
  Speaker 1: XX as an example, like I don't remember last time
• 6:58
  Speaker 1: hearing her put out music, and now she puts out
• 6:59
  Speaker 1: me and she's like, you know, the it girl of
• 7:03
  Speaker 1: the talk of the town, Talk of the town. What
• 7:06
  Speaker 1: else can we talk about?
• 7:07
  Speaker 2: What talk about dead Pool Wolverine? Please? Oh?
• 7:10
  Speaker 1: Did you love it? I haven't seen it, obviously, you
• 7:14
  Speaker 1: guys haven't seen Deadpool Wolverine? Did you love it? Donald?
• 7:17
  Speaker 1: Were you very pleased? Don't give it, don't give spoilers
• 7:19
  Speaker 1: for audience members.
• 7:20
  Speaker 2: You don't have to talk about it. It's all right.
• 7:22
  Speaker 2: I liked it. It was a good entertaining movie.
• 7:24
  Speaker 1: It did very well at the box office people seem
• 7:26
  Speaker 1: to really love it.
• 7:27
  Speaker 2: Well, we keep going back to.
• 7:30
  Speaker 4: Opening weekend? Do you think it saved Marvel Donald?
• 7:33
  Speaker 2: There was nobody in the MCU in it, But that's
• 7:36
  Speaker 2: not true.
• 7:37
  Speaker 4: The whole TVA is in there. That's all MCU stuff.
• 7:40
  Speaker 2: That's the only mon that's that's and that's the close.
• 7:46
  Speaker 2: But that's close as Deadpool got. Also Favreau in the
• 7:49
  Speaker 2: beginning spoilers.
• 7:51
  Speaker 1: What else can we talk about? Guys? What else is happening? Joelle?
• 7:53
  Speaker 1: How's your life?
• 7:54
  Speaker 4: Life is good?
• 7:55
  Speaker 2: Man?
• 7:55
  Speaker 4: Can't complain?
• 7:56
  Speaker 1: Are you dating?
• 7:57
  Speaker 7: Are you?
• 7:57
  Speaker 2: Are you?
• 7:57
  Speaker 1: Are you flirting? Any any fun summer flings going on?
• 8:02
  Speaker 4: I'm talking to somebody, okay, chatting, but she's cool tow
• 8:09
  Speaker 4: and I like her.
• 8:10
  Speaker 1: So it's nice to have a crush, right, Isn't it
• 8:13
  Speaker 1: nice to have a flirty banter going on?
• 8:15
  Speaker 4: It's delightful. We exchange I'm a big fan of voice notes.
• 8:20
  Speaker 4: We just exchange waste notes all day and like I'll go.
• 8:23
  Speaker 3: Like, oh, just tell me a voice notes.
• 8:24
  Speaker 2: So cute.
• 8:26
  Speaker 4: So yeah, it's it's fun to be flirty and talking
• 8:29
  Speaker 4: and learning about like loging to know somebody. So I'm
• 8:32
  Speaker 4: having fun.
• 8:33
  Speaker 1: It's cute when you're in those early stages when they
• 8:35
  Speaker 1: can where you don't even know the person barely, but
• 8:37
  Speaker 1: it's just like flirting and getting knowing. That's so fun.
• 8:41
  Speaker 1: Oh god, yes, And all of a sudden something happens
• 8:43
  Speaker 1: and you're like, something happens. You're like, oh no, it's
• 8:47
  Speaker 1: not over here, continue.
• 8:49
  Speaker 2: To be great. Yeah, I've been married for a bit.
• 8:55
  Speaker 2: I'm all right, man. I survived the subvive that red
• 9:00
  Speaker 2: flag station. Yeah, you did, the moments of Is that
• 9:05
  Speaker 2: a deal breaker?
• 9:06
  Speaker 1: Right?
• 9:08
  Speaker 2: Are you going through anything that you want to talk about?
• 9:10
  Speaker 1: Se No, I'm not going to talk about my personal ship,
• 9:14
  Speaker 1: but I do. I will. I will go so far
• 9:16
  Speaker 1: as to say that it's fun to have the flirty
• 9:19
  Speaker 1: banter and and be excited, be all geeked out like
• 9:22
  Speaker 1: a like a kid when you get a cute picture text.
• 9:26
  Speaker 2: You know, I miss those days, those days, don't She
• 9:33
  Speaker 2: doesn't send you a cute picture, No, she'll send me
• 9:36
  Speaker 2: funny memes. That's our little banter nowadays. You know what
• 9:38
  Speaker 2: I mean, I'll get a I'll get a little gift
• 9:41
  Speaker 2: or a or a freaking you know, a meme, a
• 9:46
  Speaker 2: meme or a what are those things where it's like
• 9:48
  Speaker 2: a TikTok.
• 9:50
  Speaker 1: Yeah, so do you. But Casey never sends you like
• 9:54
  Speaker 1: a scandalous picture.
• 9:57
  Speaker 2: No, I send her to scandalous ship. Never, guys, Okay,
• 10:02
  Speaker 2: I guess you know what to deal. Yeah, I'll be
• 10:05
  Speaker 2: sending my wife on solicited dick picts all of that shit,
• 10:07
  Speaker 2: you know. And is she ever like whoa Yeah, she
• 10:12
  Speaker 2: always puts the rolling her eyes that's.
• 10:15
  Speaker 1: Not whoa rolling eyes emojis, that's funny.
• 10:18
  Speaker 2: Or she'll put or she'll be like the kids have
• 10:21
  Speaker 2: the phone and then.
• 10:26
  Speaker 1: I'm just fucking with you, and it'll be I send
• 10:28
  Speaker 1: her this meme that was like, I sent her this
• 10:30
  Speaker 1: meme that was like of like from a woman's point
• 10:34
  Speaker 1: of view. She's like, I always know when my husband's
• 10:36
  Speaker 1: on the toilet because I'll get like, you know, fifty
• 10:40
  Speaker 1: memes in a row. And I sent that to Casey
• 10:43
  Speaker 1: and she goes and she wrote back, you know our
• 10:46
  Speaker 1: husband will that's funny, that's funny. How about Bill Lawrence
• 10:55
  Speaker 1: in the press, like saying all this stuff about Scrubs reboot.
• 10:58
  Speaker 1: I don't know if you've seen I haven't hear.
• 11:01
  Speaker 3: Well.
• 11:01
  Speaker 1: Bill can't help himself when he's in front of a
• 11:03
  Speaker 1: microphone and he's doing all the bad monkey press and
• 11:06
  Speaker 1: he gets all geeked out in front of the journalists
• 11:08
  Speaker 1: and you know, they ask him, without fail, what's the
• 11:11
  Speaker 1: Scrubs reboot going to be? And the latest thing he
• 11:14
  Speaker 1: said was like, I'll probably have an announcement for you
• 11:16
  Speaker 1: in the next six months. Okay, that's what That's what
• 11:20
  Speaker 1: he said this week. And I was actually doing press
• 11:23
  Speaker 1: next to him and they're like, well, Zach, what do
• 11:25
  Speaker 1: you think? And I'm like, I only find out this
• 11:27
  Speaker 1: ship when when he talks to journalists, because he gets
• 11:29
  Speaker 1: all geeked out and wants to like, you know, titillate y'all. Well, anyway,
• 11:36
  Speaker 1: I think shit's getting real. What I'm saying fans out
• 11:39
  Speaker 1: there that are interested, I think ship's getting real.
• 11:43
  Speaker 2: Let's talk about Simone Biles.
• 11:44
  Speaker 1: Okay, very finally, I was going to say, you were like,
• 11:46
  Speaker 1: what else is going on? I'm like the Olympics. Oh, sorry, Olympics. Everybody, Olympics,
• 11:51
  Speaker 1: Simone Biles. Wow, she rules? Did you watch a lot
• 11:55
  Speaker 1: of it?
• 11:58
  Speaker 2: I've been watching the Olympics. I've been watching a lot
• 11:59
  Speaker 2: of the highlights of the Olympics because they come on
• 12:02
  Speaker 2: at such weird hours and stuff like that live and
• 12:06
  Speaker 2: then once you know the score, it's like or who won.
• 12:08
  Speaker 2: It's like, I don't really care to see any of
• 12:11
  Speaker 2: the you know what I mean, that's the that's the
• 12:13
  Speaker 2: ship that really sucks about, you know, the timing and
• 12:16
  Speaker 2: all of that stuff.
• 12:17
  Speaker 1: It's like, I keep thinking about, what the hell is
• 12:19
  Speaker 1: this gonna happen in l A.
• 12:20
  Speaker 8: Like, I'm not gonna be dude, we got to get
• 12:24
  Speaker 8: But like I bro, if you if you're listening and
• 12:28
  Speaker 8: you don't live in la which is most of you,
• 12:30
  Speaker 8: I imagine.
• 12:31
  Speaker 2: Don't you in the words of Kamala Harris, don't come.
• 12:34
  Speaker 1: Don't come, don't do not does it, do not come,
• 12:38
  Speaker 1: do not, do not come. Have you guys seen that video? Yes,
• 12:43
  Speaker 1: Trump's they come together, they cut together, Trump going I'm
• 12:46
  Speaker 1: gonna come, and she goes, do not come, do not come,
• 12:56
  Speaker 1: do not come. I have to say that you and
• 13:00
  Speaker 1: if you don't live in l A. You know the
• 13:01
  Speaker 1: rumors that we have a serious traffic congestion problem and
• 13:04
  Speaker 1: the idea of the Olympics being here. Where are these
• 13:06
  Speaker 1: people gonna park? Where where is anything where you public? Yeah, carmageddon.
• 13:18
  Speaker 1: La elid just doesn't have the doesn't have the bandwidth
• 13:22
  Speaker 1: to hold instructure for it.
• 13:24
  Speaker 2: Do you know how dude, the infrastructure is fucked already
• 13:27
  Speaker 2: and they're gonna build a bunch of ship to fucking
• 13:29
  Speaker 2: hold the Olympics there already.
• 13:32
  Speaker 1: Where are they gonna hold? Where are they gonna hold
• 13:33
  Speaker 1: these things?
• 13:34
  Speaker 6: Like pools?
• 13:36
  Speaker 2: We have so many different there's so many different spots
• 13:42
  Speaker 2: in Los Angeles where you can.
• 13:43
  Speaker 1: Hold I know, but I'm talking about people getting around
• 13:46
  Speaker 1: this city. And I know they're they're trying to build more,
• 13:50
  Speaker 1: you know, subway lines, but make so many two weeks,
• 13:53
  Speaker 1: two weeks, it's going to suck up the city for
• 13:55
  Speaker 1: like two months.
• 13:56
  Speaker 2: Well, house up board your house four years of l
• 14:02
  Speaker 2: A if you hear, because they come and y'all they coming.
• 14:07
  Speaker 1: You live, dude, you're gonna be.
• 14:08
  Speaker 2: You gonna be everywhere. It's gonna be everywhere you're gonna do.
• 14:12
  Speaker 2: You're gonna be a thousand oaks. You're all gonna be
• 14:14
  Speaker 2: a thousand oaks and freaking be Like, where the fuck
• 14:17
  Speaker 2: did all these people come from?
• 14:18
  Speaker 1: How funny Snoop By the way, he's fucking hilarious snooper amazing.
• 14:22
  Speaker 4: I hear he's getting paid five hundred thousand dollars a
• 14:25
  Speaker 4: day to like go around to me an ambassador for
• 14:27
  Speaker 4: the Olympics essentially and just show up.
• 14:29
  Speaker 1: God, what a deal. He's funny though when he said
• 14:34
  Speaker 1: he said, there was some quote from him like he
• 14:37
  Speaker 1: was going to dressage where the horses dancing, and he's like,
• 14:41
  Speaker 1: I'm excited to see these horses and feed them some
• 14:43
  Speaker 1: apples before they do their thing.
• 14:47
  Speaker 3: It's crazy.
• 14:48
  Speaker 4: I love it though.
• 14:51
  Speaker 1: He's just funny man. And you see that memea him
• 14:54
  Speaker 1: like with his glasses down looking at Yeah, that's what
• 14:57
  Speaker 1: that one's funny too. Right, let's talk about sex malays, gentlemen.
• 15:02
  Speaker 1: Obviously we're gonna get into sexual talk. If you happen
• 15:06
  Speaker 1: to have your kids listening, this is not the episode
• 15:08
  Speaker 1: because we're gonna ask good questions, talk about chefs, and
• 15:12
  Speaker 1: we're gonna talk about clitoris. Is the is the port cleatorus' clitoride?
• 15:19
  Speaker 2: Joell, that is a question.
• 15:22
  Speaker 4: You're professionalists. I don't know, okay, I never had first
• 15:25
  Speaker 4: question for Okay, I don't know where.
• 15:28
  Speaker 1: Well, I bet there's people born with multiple platories. All right,
• 15:31
  Speaker 1: let's sell.
• 15:33
  Speaker 9: Six seven stories about show we made about a bunch
• 15:39
  Speaker 9: of nurses.
• 15:42
  Speaker 1: Said he's the stories.
• 15:48
  Speaker 6: So YadA here, yeah here, Yes.
• 16:09
  Speaker 1: You're our favorite. I think you're my favorite guest. I'm
• 16:11
  Speaker 1: sorry to everybody else. I think you guys are.
• 16:14
  Speaker 2: You could talk about my good sex sex sex since
• 16:18
  Speaker 2: since you guys have been on all he said to Joe, Well,
• 16:21
  Speaker 2: is we really need to get them back on the show.
• 16:23
  Speaker 1: Well, because I thought, you know, people loved it. I
• 16:27
  Speaker 1: hope you got a lot of good feedback. You too,
• 16:29
  Speaker 1: because uh, people stop me on the street and they're like,
• 16:33
  Speaker 1: I bought the Anus Guide and I'm like, what are
• 16:35
  Speaker 1: you talking about? Oh, Vanessa and Xander, So you must
• 16:42
  Speaker 1: have sold a lot of guides.
• 16:46
  Speaker 3: We got a lot of great feedback. We really loved
• 16:48
  Speaker 3: being on here, and I'm so glad that now we
• 16:50
  Speaker 3: have like a custom little tone for ourselves, acustomed jingle
• 16:54
  Speaker 3: and to be the best guess. That's pretty exciting for
• 16:57
  Speaker 3: those of you that.
• 16:58
  Speaker 1: Didn't catch the first episode of An and Xander. Vanessa,
• 17:02
  Speaker 1: you are a licensed sex therapist.
• 17:05
  Speaker 2: Correct, Yes, Xander you are not.
• 17:08
  Speaker 1: Xander you are not, but you know a lot.
• 17:11
  Speaker 2: But you get to experience all the learn yes, through college.
• 17:19
  Speaker 3: It's just like a cool dude.
• 17:21
  Speaker 7: Yeah, cool dude. I got a lot of cool dude credentials.
• 17:24
  Speaker 1: I feel like, Xander, You're like you're.
• 17:26
  Speaker 2: A fucking cool dude dude.
• 17:29
  Speaker 1: I feel like you're sort of the test subject. I
• 17:31
  Speaker 1: feel like Vanessa goes out and she learns some new
• 17:34
  Speaker 1: technique and she's like, honey, put this in your butt,
• 17:36
  Speaker 1: and then you guys like try stuff out.
• 17:40
  Speaker 3: Literally yesterday we were wrapping our full bodies in plastic
• 17:44
  Speaker 3: wrap to try out a weird tip that I'd read
• 17:46
  Speaker 3: on the internet. Exactly what I really an accurate description.
• 17:50
  Speaker 1: That's my point. I want to remind everybody that Vanessa
• 17:55
  Speaker 1: has written these guides. Well, tell us, tell us about
• 17:59
  Speaker 1: the book and the guide again, because you know, I
• 18:00
  Speaker 1: want to. I want to let everyone know you know
• 18:04
  Speaker 1: what you have to offer them.
• 18:06
  Speaker 3: Yeah, thank you so much. So we wrote the book together.
• 18:09
  Speaker 3: It's called Sex Talks The Five Conversations that Will Transform
• 18:13
  Speaker 3: Your Love Life, and you can get that anywhere you
• 18:16
  Speaker 3: get books. You can also go to sextalksbook dot com
• 18:18
  Speaker 3: and we have all the links there. We give you
• 18:20
  Speaker 3: a free workbook with it as well, and then we
• 18:23
  Speaker 3: in our own business like really specialize in creating how
• 18:27
  Speaker 3: to guides like yes.
• 18:29
  Speaker 1: Which is very helpful for people yeah.
• 18:31
  Speaker 3: Like we all feel like we're supposed to be great
• 18:33
  Speaker 3: at sex. But I think we talked about this last time,
• 18:35
  Speaker 3: Like where do we learn whoever sits you down and says, okay,
• 18:38
  Speaker 3: here's step by step exactly how to go down on
• 18:41
  Speaker 3: a woman, or how to give a guy the best
• 18:43
  Speaker 3: blowdup he's ever gotten in his entire life.
• 18:45
  Speaker 2: Where where can said guides be found? Again?
• 18:49
  Speaker 1: Yeah? Yeah, Donald wants to be reminded where said guides
• 18:52
  Speaker 1: can be found.
• 18:53
  Speaker 3: Those can be found at vmtherapy dot com. Yeh VM
• 18:59
  Speaker 3: therapy dot com. They cost guides, intercourse guides, all sorts
• 19:05
  Speaker 3: of stuff.
• 19:06
  Speaker 1: Well, and there's specifics because I remember last time, there's
• 19:08
  Speaker 1: specifics for like everything he needs to know about the
• 19:12
  Speaker 1: vagint of the penis and the anus.
• 19:14
  Speaker 3: Right, we cover everything. Yeah, we can talk about initiation.
• 19:18
  Speaker 3: We have sex challenges, connection challenges. We actually our newest
• 19:22
  Speaker 3: thing is something called Best Week Ever. A lot of
• 19:25
  Speaker 3: people have come to us and they're like, everything looks
• 19:28
  Speaker 3: so good, I don't know where to start, and so
• 19:30
  Speaker 3: we wanted to create a really concrete starting point for people.
• 19:32
  Speaker 3: It's seven days, ten minutes a day or less, but
• 19:35
  Speaker 3: really gives you like the best introduction to everything that
• 19:38
  Speaker 3: we do. So you can go straight to vmtherapy dot
• 19:40
  Speaker 3: com slash best if you want to check that.
• 19:42
  Speaker 1: Rob, you should get that for you and Casey. I'm
• 19:44
  Speaker 1: sure she'd be down for seven week intensive sex course.
• 19:48
  Speaker 2: Listen.
• 19:49
  Speaker 3: It covers a lot of the things that we talked
• 19:51
  Speaker 3: about with you guys last time, like kind.
• 19:53
  Speaker 2: Of the emotional let's have a check in, let's have
• 19:56
  Speaker 2: a check today.
• 19:58
  Speaker 1: Yeah, did you do any of that? Short?
• 20:00
  Speaker 10: Me?
• 20:00
  Speaker 2: Is what happened? All right? That's gonna happen all right?
• 20:02
  Speaker 2: You fucked me?
• 20:03
  Speaker 7: Wait?
• 20:04
  Speaker 2: No, no, that's that's it. What do you mean? Wait? Wait,
• 20:08
  Speaker 2: wait for what? I'm good right to it?
• 20:10
  Speaker 1: No, no, wait, I have a question. I want to
• 20:12
  Speaker 1: remind the audience that Vanessa suggested that there was something
• 20:16
  Speaker 1: called chore play.
• 20:17
  Speaker 2: I don't like short play anymore.
• 20:18
  Speaker 1: No, did chore play not work for you?
• 20:22
  Speaker 2: Short play doesn't work for me. I've opted on less sex.
• 20:25
  Speaker 2: There we go, all right, interesting tell me that ship.
• 20:29
  Speaker 2: I don't like short play. I don't like doing that ship.
• 20:32
  Speaker 2: I don't like my kids. I don't I mean, I
• 20:34
  Speaker 2: love my kids, but I don't like hanging out with
• 20:35
  Speaker 2: my kids. So chort play.
• 20:37
  Speaker 1: See you lea, But what about what about chor play
• 20:40
  Speaker 1: in the form of like doing the dishes and cleaning
• 20:43
  Speaker 1: up a little and saying, honey, don't worry, I got
• 20:45
  Speaker 1: I took care of X, Y or Z for you.
• 20:47
  Speaker 6: Yeah.
• 20:47
  Speaker 2: I do that every now and then. But I don't
• 20:49
  Speaker 2: need sex to do that. That's cool, it's all right.
• 20:51
  Speaker 2: I've opted out of the whole scheduling chores for me.
• 20:56
  Speaker 2: Ship noah, fuck that, No, no, no.
• 20:58
  Speaker 1: No, so so. And it hasn't improved any your your
• 21:02
  Speaker 1: ability to get more intercourse than you were getting. You
• 21:06
  Speaker 1: felt like you wanted, you had an appetite for more.
• 21:09
  Speaker 2: No, they you guys gave my wife a power that
• 21:12
  Speaker 2: I am. No, I don't. I don't. It's it's it's
• 21:15
  Speaker 2: too strong, I am. It's my kryptonite. She's like chores,
• 21:20
  Speaker 2: and I'm like, now, I'm good, never mind.
• 21:22
  Speaker 1: I got to do my work. You gotta do the work.
• 21:25
  Speaker 1: I can hear my therapy.
• 21:26
  Speaker 2: I don't, but I don't want to do I don't
• 21:28
  Speaker 2: want to do the I don't want to do the work.
• 21:30
  Speaker 2: I feel like this is what it felt like to me.
• 21:32
  Speaker 2: It felt like I was doing the work to have sex,
• 21:36
  Speaker 2: and I was like, ah, it's all right when you want.
• 21:39
  Speaker 3: To have that distinction. Yeah, So the idea here is
• 21:44
  Speaker 3: not that you earn sex by doing chores like, oh,
• 21:47
  Speaker 3: you washed like twenty dishes and you get one blow job. Like,
• 21:50
  Speaker 3: it's not a it's not a reciprocal exchange here.
• 21:54
  Speaker 2: That would be that would mean unless you wash so
• 21:59
  Speaker 2: many dishes, I would be twenty dishes is a blow chop.
• 22:02
  Speaker 3: So it's not an exchange. It's not an exchange. But
• 22:05
  Speaker 3: the idea here is that what we're really looking for,
• 22:08
  Speaker 3: what a lot of us women are really looking for,
• 22:10
  Speaker 3: and people hold genders like we want a real partner
• 22:12
  Speaker 3: in life, like we want somebody who's there with us
• 22:15
  Speaker 3: through the thick and the thin, and who's participating in
• 22:18
  Speaker 3: those everyday activities with us so that we feel connected
• 22:21
  Speaker 3: to them in those ways. And so it does. Again
• 22:24
  Speaker 3: it's not about like doing the decision in exchange for things.
• 22:26
  Speaker 3: And there are plenty of couples like we have a
• 22:28
  Speaker 3: ton of chores that we don't like doing, so we've
• 22:30
  Speaker 3: hired them out. You know, we have a housekeeper that comes,
• 22:32
  Speaker 3: but we find ways to be partnerships in other ways
• 22:35
  Speaker 3: so that we both feel supported by each other and
• 22:37
  Speaker 3: we want to be intimate with each other even after
• 22:39
  Speaker 3: like a long, hard.
• 22:40
  Speaker 1: Day, Vanessa, is this one of the most common things
• 22:43
  Speaker 1: that you get faced with. I wanted to ask you
• 22:46
  Speaker 1: that right off the bat. For those of you who
• 22:49
  Speaker 1: didn't hear the first episode of Donald and Casey talked
• 22:51
  Speaker 1: about a difference in their libidos and how much sex
• 22:53
  Speaker 1: they want, And I wondered, is that is this a
• 22:55
  Speaker 1: very common thing with couples?
• 22:57
  Speaker 3: For you and your practice, it's extremely common. I mean,
• 23:01
  Speaker 3: I would even go so far to say that every
• 23:03
  Speaker 3: couple has mismatched libidos simply because you're two different people.
• 23:07
  Speaker 3: Like it would be really weird if every single time
• 23:11
  Speaker 3: you wanted sex, your partner also wanted sex and they
• 23:14
  Speaker 3: wanted the exact same kind of sex in that moment
• 23:16
  Speaker 3: like that, that's just too strange. So we all have
• 23:19
  Speaker 3: these natural differences. I think the big problem is that
• 23:23
  Speaker 3: we are so afraid of that term, like, ooh, mismatch libidos. Ooh,
• 23:26
  Speaker 3: that's so scary. Oh it's a problem. Ooh are we incompatible?
• 23:29
  Speaker 3: And we get freaked out about it instead of just recognizing, like, yeah,
• 23:32
  Speaker 3: we're different people. We want like some nights I want
• 23:35
  Speaker 3: Chinese for dinner and Xander wants Italian for dinner. Like,
• 23:38
  Speaker 3: we don't freak out about that, We just figure out, Okay,
• 23:40
  Speaker 3: how do we negotiate these differences. It's the same thing
• 23:43
  Speaker 3: with sex.
• 23:44
  Speaker 1: The mastery comes in the communication, right because I think
• 23:48
  Speaker 1: people are so afraid to talk about this stuff in
• 23:51
  Speaker 1: all aspects. I mean we can talk about you know,
• 23:55
  Speaker 1: you know, trying new things which we'll go into, but
• 23:58
  Speaker 1: I mean I think even people have such insecurities around
• 24:04
  Speaker 1: sex because it's we were told our whole lives. It's
• 24:06
  Speaker 1: so taboo that that we're afraid to talk about it, right, Yeah.
• 24:11
  Speaker 3: And I mean imagine anything else in your life trying
• 24:15
  Speaker 3: to do it well with zero communication. Like you guys
• 24:18
  Speaker 3: have a business together. Could you run this business never
• 24:22
  Speaker 3: talking about it? Like the idea is preposterous, Like of
• 24:24
  Speaker 3: course not.
• 24:25
  Speaker 7: Right, Yeah, I mean it would be like, oh, well,
• 24:27
  Speaker 7: we are so in sync and our business, like our
• 24:30
  Speaker 7: concept is so good that we should never have to
• 24:33
  Speaker 7: talk about it, Like it just it just goes over well,
• 24:36
  Speaker 7: you know.
• 24:36
  Speaker 3: And like, yeah, you guys have been friends for a
• 24:38
  Speaker 3: long time, you've been working together for a long time.
• 24:40
  Speaker 3: Why do you need to communicate shouldn't you be so
• 24:42
  Speaker 3: in single to each other?
• 24:43
  Speaker 2: Right?
• 24:44
  Speaker 3: Like it sounds ridiculous, but that's what we do with sex,
• 24:47
  Speaker 3: is you know, oh, it should just be perfect and amazing,
• 24:49
  Speaker 3: but nobody should ever have to talk about it. It's crazy.
• 24:51
  Speaker 2: And that's the one thing I hate. I hate that.
• 24:54
  Speaker 2: I hate that any type of conversation of sex has
• 24:58
  Speaker 2: to first of all, all right, is everybody comfortable with
• 25:01
  Speaker 2: talking about sex?
• 25:02
  Speaker 3: Like?
• 25:02
  Speaker 2: Are we all good with this? I don't, you know,
• 25:06
  Speaker 2: you know, like sometimes I like to talk about sex
• 25:09
  Speaker 2: with my wife and she doesn't necessarily like to talk
• 25:13
  Speaker 2: about it as much as I do, And I don't
• 25:16
  Speaker 2: like that. I don't like that it's something that's so taboo.
• 25:19
  Speaker 2: But yet you look at other couples like yourselves, where
• 25:21
  Speaker 2: you guys can have the conversation all the time and
• 25:25
  Speaker 2: it's not an issue. And I have.
• 25:27
  Speaker 1: But there are experts, I mean, you know, but well, yeah, I.
• 25:31
  Speaker 2: Mean, nobody's an expert. Only God's next way.
• 25:34
  Speaker 3: Yeah, we've had our Yeah, we've had our own challenges
• 25:37
  Speaker 3: with this. Like we I started this business by myself.
• 25:39
  Speaker 3: Xander and I did not work together for many years,
• 25:42
  Speaker 3: and we went through the exact same pattern that the
• 25:45
  Speaker 3: vast majority of couples go through where you know, the
• 25:47
  Speaker 3: beginning of the relationship, it was super hot and heavy.
• 25:50
  Speaker 3: It felt like the chemistry was amazing, Like we were like, Okay,
• 25:53
  Speaker 3: this is it, this is my person. And then we
• 25:55
  Speaker 3: get a year, two years into the relationship, we've moved
• 25:58
  Speaker 3: in together, and all of a sudden, we're looking around
• 26:01
  Speaker 3: thinking like, oh my god, what happened to us? Like
• 26:04
  Speaker 3: I don't remember the last time we had sex. The
• 26:06
  Speaker 3: sex that we are having is pretty boring. It's not
• 26:09
  Speaker 3: very exciting or like fulfilling and pleasurable. And we ourselves,
• 26:13
  Speaker 3: even though I was already in this field, like we
• 26:15
  Speaker 3: struggled to talk about it. The only conversations that we
• 26:19
  Speaker 3: ended up having, like the very few were really negative,
• 26:23
  Speaker 3: Like it was just complaining and criticizing. We didn't get
• 26:26
  Speaker 3: anywhere with it, like we didn't solve any problems. So
• 26:28
  Speaker 3: we've been there ourselves, and it was us going through
• 26:32
  Speaker 3: that experience and learning, oh, maybe the first conversations that
• 26:35
  Speaker 3: we have about sex should not be the bad things
• 26:38
  Speaker 3: and the complaints and the criticisms, Like maybe we need
• 26:40
  Speaker 3: to find a different way to creating a foundation.
• 26:43
  Speaker 1: That's a great segue Vanessa, Because imagine there's a lot
• 26:46
  Speaker 1: of people listening who are like, who can relate to
• 26:48
  Speaker 1: everything you just said. I love my partner, we have
• 26:51
  Speaker 1: had amazing sex. We've been together a while, it's gotten
• 26:54
  Speaker 1: a little routine. How do you how do you begin
• 27:00
  Speaker 1: to have a conversation with that person that isn't that
• 27:04
  Speaker 1: isn't going to make them feel bad? You know, what
• 27:07
  Speaker 1: do you recommend for people as a first step, because
• 27:10
  Speaker 1: I'm sure a lot of people who can relate. You know,
• 27:13
  Speaker 1: it's not that the sex is bad, but it's a
• 27:15
  Speaker 1: little like, oh, this is how we've always done it.
• 27:17
  Speaker 1: It's almost like it's almost like an Errand now how
• 27:19
  Speaker 1: do you how do you how does how does someone
• 27:22
  Speaker 1: who's listening to this approach this with this partner in
• 27:24
  Speaker 1: their partner in a way that won't upset the partner.
• 27:27
  Speaker 3: So do the exact opposite of what Xander and I did, Like,
• 27:30
  Speaker 3: instead of launching straight into all the criticisms and complaints,
• 27:34
  Speaker 3: you've got to build a foundation of talking about sex
• 27:37
  Speaker 3: in a positive or even just a neutral way, Like
• 27:40
  Speaker 3: you've got to get to the point where you feel
• 27:42
  Speaker 3: comfortable with it, like comfortable talking about sex the same
• 27:45
  Speaker 3: way we talk about like, oh, what do we want
• 27:46
  Speaker 3: to have for dinner? What's the weather going to be
• 27:48
  Speaker 3: like tomorrow? So what we recommend is like that, Yeah,
• 27:53
  Speaker 3: so we want to start talking about positive experiences. So
• 27:57
  Speaker 3: one of the best things you can do is talk
• 27:59
  Speaker 3: about some of your favorite sexual experiences together. So this
• 28:02
  Speaker 3: is not a conversation to like achieve any sort of
• 28:06
  Speaker 3: goal to like eventually try to solve any prompts. It's
• 28:08
  Speaker 3: literally just like, hey, you know what memory popped into
• 28:11
  Speaker 3: my head just really randomly the other day, or like,
• 28:14
  Speaker 3: you know what I had a dream about the other
• 28:15
  Speaker 3: night that anniversary trip that we took when we were
• 28:18
  Speaker 3: in Mexico. We stayed at that hotel, you know what
• 28:21
  Speaker 3: we did in the bathtub, Like you just want to
• 28:24
  Speaker 3: talk about sex in a positive way. You can also
• 28:27
  Speaker 3: use this podcast as a great way to open up
• 28:29
  Speaker 3: a conversation. So it's like, hey, you know my favorite podcast.
• 28:33
  Speaker 3: I listen to it every week. They had this sex
• 28:35
  Speaker 3: therapist and her husband on today. Do you want to
• 28:36
  Speaker 3: listen to it with me? It was a really interesting conversation.
• 28:39
  Speaker 7: And then you can just like keep hitting pause and
• 28:41
  Speaker 7: be like, oh, hey, like what do you think about this?
• 28:43
  Speaker 7: Or like, oh, does this ever happen in our relationship?
• 28:46
  Speaker 7: Like little things like that where it feels you feel
• 28:48
  Speaker 7: a little more detached from it because it's like we're
• 28:50
  Speaker 7: talking about it. It's not you know, you guys having
• 28:53
  Speaker 7: to talk about it yourselves. But yeah, just like seeing
• 28:58
  Speaker 7: you know, how we talk about it and just feeling
• 29:01
  Speaker 7: more comfortable.
• 29:01
  Speaker 3: And that's actually what we design. Like our whole Instagram
• 29:03
  Speaker 3: account where at Vanessa and Xander to do is like
• 29:07
  Speaker 3: we talk about other people's stories, We share statistics about
• 29:10
  Speaker 3: our audience, so it gives you this neutral way of like, oh, look,
• 29:13
  Speaker 3: I was just looking at their story. They say ninety
• 29:16
  Speaker 3: one percent of women say that intercourse isn't their favorite
• 29:18
  Speaker 3: sexual activity, Like isn't that crazy? You know, so when
• 29:21
  Speaker 3: you're talking about it in this more objective way rather
• 29:24
  Speaker 3: than why do you never initiate? You never seem to
• 29:26
  Speaker 3: want me anymore? You couldn't stay hard the last time
• 29:29
  Speaker 3: we had sex, Like that's totally different.
• 29:31
  Speaker 1: The people get defensive and there they get defensive and
• 29:34
  Speaker 1: then they're not listening. It's like any It's like it's
• 29:36
  Speaker 1: like it's like having a conversation about any topic. If
• 29:39
  Speaker 1: you if you if you put someone on the defensive,
• 29:41
  Speaker 1: they're not going to be listening in the same way.
• 29:43
  Speaker 3: Exactly.
• 29:44
  Speaker 2: Let's take a break.
• 29:45
  Speaker 1: We'll be right back after these fine words. No, just
• 29:55
  Speaker 1: because you went there for a second, talk about that
• 29:57
  Speaker 1: for a second. I remember last time you say it.
• 30:01
  Speaker 1: This is a bit of a non sequitor. But you
• 30:03
  Speaker 1: said some surprising figure to be about the percentage of
• 30:07
  Speaker 1: women that can have an orgasm from penetration. Pen what
• 30:13
  Speaker 1: do you do, Yeah, yeah.
• 30:14
  Speaker 3: It's only ten to fifteen percent. This is one of
• 30:16
  Speaker 3: the big misunderstanding.
• 30:18
  Speaker 1: You know, there's people that listen to this that came
• 30:20
  Speaker 1: up to me and they said that was one of
• 30:21
  Speaker 1: the most shocking things they heard.
• 30:24
  Speaker 2: So they're lying. So they're lying.
• 30:27
  Speaker 3: Yeah, a lot of a lot of women are lying
• 30:30
  Speaker 3: because that's how.
• 30:31
  Speaker 1: Wait wait, wait, wait, Vanessa, ten to fifteen percent.
• 30:36
  Speaker 7: From penetration alone, penetration alone, not including like using your
• 30:42
  Speaker 7: hands for assistance.
• 30:43
  Speaker 1: Because right now, no, no, no, I know, I know, I
• 30:45
  Speaker 1: want to get I want to I want to get
• 30:46
  Speaker 1: to that. But my first is like just penetration. You're
• 30:51
  Speaker 1: saying that the stats showed ten to fifteen percent of
• 30:54
  Speaker 1: women can have an orgasm that way.
• 30:56
  Speaker 3: Yeah, did we talk about the Anatomy last time. Wait,
• 30:59
  Speaker 3: I got to find my gonna find my little model
• 31:01
  Speaker 3: over here. Did we talk about anatomy last time?
• 31:04
  Speaker 1: Yeah, a little bit, but but but not everyone will
• 31:06
  Speaker 1: have heard the episode, so go ahead.
• 31:08
  Speaker 7: Yeah, we're on video now, and.
• 31:09
  Speaker 3: We're on video, so I can show you my quote.
• 31:11
  Speaker 1: Oh yeah, you can show that looks like it looks
• 31:14
  Speaker 1: like an avocados.
• 31:15
  Speaker 9: That.
• 31:17
  Speaker 3: Oh I feel sad for case if you think that's
• 31:19
  Speaker 3: an avocado.
• 31:20
  Speaker 1: No, it looks I thought it was an avocado too. Audience,
• 31:22
  Speaker 1: if you're just listening, it is green, and the vulvas
• 31:25
  Speaker 1: I've seen are not green.
• 31:26
  Speaker 3: But go ahead, our windows right in front of a
• 31:28
  Speaker 3: bunch of trees that it's casting a green light on it.
• 31:31
  Speaker 3: But it's gold. It's meant to be real.
• 31:32
  Speaker 1: F Oh, it's a gold Okay, go ahead. When we're
• 31:38
  Speaker 1: watch you're gonna want to watch this on video, audience,
• 31:40
  Speaker 1: on YouTube because now we have now we have visual aids.
• 31:43
  Speaker 1: All right, go.
• 31:43
  Speaker 3: Ahead, okay, So the clitterist is this little white nub.
• 31:48
  Speaker 1: I've never seen it as a white nub, but that's interesting.
• 31:51
  Speaker 3: And have you seen it as this full shape? Oh
• 31:54
  Speaker 3: my goodness, yeah, so this is actually what the glitterist
• 31:58
  Speaker 3: looks like so this little tiny nub of skin that
• 32:00
  Speaker 3: most of us think of as the glitterist, there's just
• 32:03
  Speaker 3: one small part of the whole thing. It actually splits
• 32:06
  Speaker 3: off into these two legs. These are called krura and
• 32:10
  Speaker 3: it sits.
• 32:10
  Speaker 2: Is this available at your website?
• 32:13
  Speaker 1: I wish it was.
• 32:14
  Speaker 3: But I got this from another company. Okay, so when
• 32:17
  Speaker 3: we're having intercourse, so the glitter as will be back up.
• 32:21
  Speaker 3: The clitterist is the most sensitive part of the human body,
• 32:25
  Speaker 3: male or female, any gender.
• 32:27
  Speaker 1: Clitterizis.
• 32:29
  Speaker 3: Yeah, they're eight to eight to ten thousand nerve endings
• 32:32
  Speaker 3: in the clitterists. Compare that to two to three thousand
• 32:35
  Speaker 3: in the penis. So it's way more sensitive.
• 32:38
  Speaker 7: Yeah, so when you do it right, it's way better
• 32:41
  Speaker 7: for a woman. Yeah, I'm sorry, sorry guys, but.
• 32:45
  Speaker 1: Wait, can I pause you there? Now, those legs, those
• 32:49
  Speaker 1: legs that come down, they don't have all those endings.
• 32:52
  Speaker 1: It's the clittorus itself.
• 32:54
  Speaker 3: It's the entire structure.
• 32:55
  Speaker 7: But yeah, you'd of the matter, which.
• 32:58
  Speaker 1: Is which is great.
• 32:59
  Speaker 3: Yeah, they're all throughout the structure. But yeah, the little
• 33:02
  Speaker 3: nub is particularly sensitive.
• 33:05
  Speaker 1: Important.
• 33:06
  Speaker 2: Yeah, well, this is why is important. Those the legs
• 33:11
  Speaker 2: seem pretty far apart compared.
• 33:14
  Speaker 3: To so when we're having intercourse, we're actually getting the
• 33:19
  Speaker 3: vast majority of stimulation is happening in the vagina, and
• 33:23
  Speaker 3: the vagina compare it to those eight to nine thousand
• 33:25
  Speaker 3: nerve endings and the glitterists. The vagina does not have
• 33:28
  Speaker 3: very many nerve endings at all. I keep looking for
• 33:31
  Speaker 3: a proper scientific tally, and I still have yet to
• 33:34
  Speaker 3: find one. And if you think about it, it's like
• 33:36
  Speaker 3: childbirth is already excruciatingly painful. We don't want to have
• 33:40
  Speaker 3: that area of our body like even more sensitive and
• 33:44
  Speaker 3: even more filled with nerve endings. So we women during intercourse,
• 33:48
  Speaker 3: we're getting stimulation of a part of our body that
• 33:52
  Speaker 3: just biologically is not wired to feel a lot of pleasure.
• 33:55
  Speaker 3: So intercourse like it can feel good, it feels very intimate,
• 33:59
  Speaker 3: it's connect it's fun to try out different positions. But
• 34:02
  Speaker 3: from a nerve ending standpoint, I like to say, it's
• 34:05
  Speaker 3: like the equivalent of playing with a man's balls. So sure,
• 34:08
  Speaker 3: for you, that might feel fun, it might be enjoyable,
• 34:11
  Speaker 3: it might be pleasant, but for ninety nine point ninety
• 34:15
  Speaker 3: nine percent of men, like it's not going to be
• 34:17
  Speaker 3: nearly enough stimulation to lead to orgasm. So intercourse for
• 34:22
  Speaker 3: a woman is really like the equivalent of playing with
• 34:24
  Speaker 3: a man's balls.
• 34:25
  Speaker 1: It's just not anything on a T shirt. I need
• 34:28
  Speaker 1: that on a T shirt that in the merch shop
• 34:31
  Speaker 1: for us.
• 34:31
  Speaker 7: Yeah, so yeah, I mean the reality is that yeah
• 34:35
  Speaker 7: when okay, so yeah, when you when you penetrate inside
• 34:39
  Speaker 7: the vagina, the reality is the legs of the glitterists
• 34:42
  Speaker 7: do extend around that area, but every woman's anatomy is different.
• 34:47
  Speaker 7: Sometimes those legs are closer to the vaginal wall. Sometimes
• 34:50
  Speaker 7: they're further from the vaginal wall. So that's why you can,
• 34:54
  Speaker 7: you know, you can derive some pleasure from intercourse, but
• 34:58
  Speaker 7: that pleasure, the amount is really going to depend person
• 35:01
  Speaker 7: to person, and like you know, it's just an anatomical
• 35:04
  Speaker 7: reality of how your body, you know, how your body is.
• 35:09
  Speaker 2: So so with is with? Is not? It doesn't. I
• 35:14
  Speaker 2: mean it seems like we're yeah.
• 35:16
  Speaker 3: Girls can create a little bit more pressure or yeah,
• 35:19
  Speaker 3: a little more like stimulation, but it's also like think
• 35:21
  Speaker 3: about when you have a knot in your back, you
• 35:24
  Speaker 3: want your partner to like get their thumbs on skin
• 35:27
  Speaker 3: to skin, right versus think about like you wearing a
• 35:31
  Speaker 3: wool sweater and a down jacket and a parka and
• 35:34
  Speaker 3: asking to massage you.
• 35:37
  Speaker 10: It's like, it's just that much separation.
• 35:41
  Speaker 3: It's hard to like work through.
• 35:43
  Speaker 2: When I was a kid, I dry humped in my
• 35:45
  Speaker 2: jacket and I remember dry humping in my jacket and
• 35:48
  Speaker 2: my and my pants and my boots and and being
• 35:53
  Speaker 2: like this, there's nothing going, There's nothing there. You go.
• 35:58
  Speaker 3: Face is going, yeah, well we did.
• 36:01
  Speaker 2: We were kissing and then we were like, you know,
• 36:04
  Speaker 2: we would go and we were got to go outside,
• 36:06
  Speaker 2: but then we decided to kiss and everything and we
• 36:09
  Speaker 2: were like dry humping, but we would dry humping with
• 36:11
  Speaker 2: our jackets and boots and pants on. Yeah.
• 36:15
  Speaker 1: But when you were young and still felt fun them
• 36:17
  Speaker 1: being rolling around, try humping, well yeah.
• 36:19
  Speaker 3: Pretty fun.
• 36:20
  Speaker 2: Yeah, the excitement was there, but there was nothing like
• 36:23
  Speaker 2: it was literally like and now to find out that
• 36:26
  Speaker 2: I'm even further away.
• 36:28
  Speaker 1: Right, what you're saying, Vanessa, what you're saying, it seems
• 36:31
  Speaker 1: to me is it depends on each individual woman's biology
• 36:37
  Speaker 1: of how thick the wall is from the legs of
• 36:41
  Speaker 1: the clutorus.
• 36:42
  Speaker 3: So I got that right, Yeah, yeah, But again, it's like,
• 36:45
  Speaker 3: let's imagine there could be different anatomy for men, like
• 36:48
  Speaker 3: maybe oh, my balls are like closer to the shaft,
• 36:51
  Speaker 3: and so when you're playing with the balls, like you
• 36:52
  Speaker 3: sort of can get the shaft. But it's like, the
• 36:55
  Speaker 3: bottom line is, no, if we want to get a
• 36:57
  Speaker 3: guy to orgasm, we're going to focus on the penis
• 37:00
  Speaker 3: Like that just makes the most sense or not, Like, well,
• 37:02
  Speaker 3: maybe your balls are like kind of close enough that
• 37:04
  Speaker 3: I can get you know, so we need to do
• 37:06
  Speaker 3: the same with women. We need to give the clip
• 37:09
  Speaker 3: the same respect.
• 37:10
  Speaker 1: So last time you were on you said ABC.
• 37:15
  Speaker 3: Right, always be touching the clip.
• 37:17
  Speaker 1: Always be close touching the clip. There's a couple of
• 37:19
  Speaker 1: missing letters, but always be clary, always always be clip.
• 37:28
  Speaker 1: So what you mean is that that that you know
• 37:32
  Speaker 1: Obviously it goes without saying. This isn't for every person,
• 37:35
  Speaker 1: but a good a good direction to head is that
• 37:40
  Speaker 1: to find a way to be stimulating the clitoris even
• 37:44
  Speaker 1: whilst you're having intercourse.
• 37:47
  Speaker 2: That's great, stay away from it.
• 37:51
  Speaker 3: Yeah I can get more sensitive afterwards, right.
• 37:54
  Speaker 2: But happens don't touch the clitoris okay.
• 37:59
  Speaker 1: But wait, answer my first finess.
• 38:00
  Speaker 3: What I was saying, Yeah, yeah, that is a great
• 38:03
  Speaker 3: strategy to use, and also making sure you're using your
• 38:06
  Speaker 3: hands in your mouth like before intercourse as well. I
• 38:08
  Speaker 3: think we talked last time about like intercourse doesn't have
• 38:11
  Speaker 3: to be the main event or like the last event
• 38:13
  Speaker 3: or the last event, you know, we want to give
• 38:15
  Speaker 3: just as much attention to using hands and mouths to.
• 38:19
  Speaker 7: Right and then and and really this gets back to
• 38:22
  Speaker 7: even the like the conversations about sex is that every
• 38:26
  Speaker 7: you know, every woman has a different, you know, slightly
• 38:29
  Speaker 7: different anatomy. Every woman is going to have different preferences
• 38:32
  Speaker 7: in terms of what type of literal stimulation she likes,
• 38:35
  Speaker 7: you know, whether it's more direct stimulation, more interact stimulation,
• 38:39
  Speaker 7: you know, really light, you know, more vigorous and so
• 38:43
  Speaker 7: vigorous and so, you know, the reality is it's so
• 38:46
  Speaker 7: important to figure but yeah, it's so important to be
• 38:51
  Speaker 7: able to have those conversations, you know, when you're first
• 38:54
  Speaker 7: starting to have sex with someone of hey, what type
• 38:57
  Speaker 7: of stimulation do you like it? When you know, I
• 39:00
  Speaker 7: touch your clip while we're having sex, you know, do
• 39:04
  Speaker 7: you you know, would you prefer to be touching it
• 39:06
  Speaker 7: so that you're more in control? Like what type you know,
• 39:09
  Speaker 7: do you want me to be more vigorous. Do you
• 39:11
  Speaker 7: want me to be more gentle more?
• 39:13
  Speaker 1: I get rat I get that the sooner the better
• 39:16
  Speaker 1: for this in it, But also you don't want to
• 39:18
  Speaker 1: do it like the first time you're having sex. I
• 39:21
  Speaker 1: mean I wouldn't well, well, I mean I don't know.
• 39:23
  Speaker 1: You guys tell me, but it's like, maybe feel.
• 39:26
  Speaker 3: Like as many questions, but yeah, I just feel.
• 39:29
  Speaker 1: Like I just feel like you should maybe as a
• 39:31
  Speaker 1: plan in it. Why not because I'm.
• 39:34
  Speaker 2: Going to do it tonight. I'm just let me tell me.
• 39:36
  Speaker 1: No, that's not how it happens. In my experience. You
• 39:40
  Speaker 1: when you're the first time you have sex, it kind
• 39:44
  Speaker 1: of happens and it's exciting and it's new and you're
• 39:47
  Speaker 1: both like kind of obviously turned on by it. I'm
• 39:50
  Speaker 1: guessing that the first time through is in the most
• 39:53
  Speaker 1: ideal time to ask all these questions. Maybe maybe the
• 39:57
  Speaker 1: second time, or tell me I'm wrong. I don't know.
• 40:00
  Speaker 3: I think the couple should get used to communicating with
• 40:03
  Speaker 3: each other right from the beginning, and so I wouldn't
• 40:05
  Speaker 3: like Pepper somebody with questions of like, Okay, please write
• 40:07
  Speaker 3: me your manifesto of what you would like me to
• 40:09
  Speaker 3: do to you to like saying like you can't make it.
• 40:13
  Speaker 3: You can't on a scale of one to ten, how
• 40:14
  Speaker 3: vigorous do you want to You can't make it feel
• 40:17
  Speaker 3: sexy like I'm so excited to see you later tonight,
• 40:19
  Speaker 3: Like tell me what you want me to do to you,
• 40:21
  Speaker 3: and then in the moment, I'll give you a really simple,
• 40:25
  Speaker 3: easy way to do this, like you.
• 40:30
  Speaker 1: And white.
• 40:31
  Speaker 3: It's great for couples at any stage of a relationship.
• 40:33
  Speaker 3: But you can try two different techniques and say do
• 40:37
  Speaker 3: you like it better when I do this to you
• 40:39
  Speaker 3: or this to you? So you're not like putting them
• 40:42
  Speaker 3: on the spot, like tell me how to touch your clitterists.
• 40:44
  Speaker 3: You're you're doing it in the moment and you're incorporating
• 40:47
  Speaker 3: that communication into the actual activity. And that feels super
• 40:50
  Speaker 3: hot of.
• 40:51
  Speaker 1: Somebody, right, And that's that's the way to write. That's
• 40:54
  Speaker 1: the way to do it in sort of a sexy
• 40:56
  Speaker 1: way that is in clinical like you, it's kind of
• 40:58
  Speaker 1: like the optometrist.
• 40:59
  Speaker 3: That's exactly what I call it. Yeah, the I exam
• 41:03
  Speaker 3: technique easier when you're picking from like between one or
• 41:08
  Speaker 3: two options, that's a lot easier. I think one of
• 41:11
  Speaker 3: the big mistakes that men make in the bedroom. They
• 41:14
  Speaker 3: ask women, Yeah, take notes, Men ask women what do
• 41:19
  Speaker 3: you want? And a lot of us women totally freeze
• 41:22
  Speaker 3: up for so many reasons, like, first, it's a big question,
• 41:25
  Speaker 3: how do I even start to answer that? Like I
• 41:27
  Speaker 3: feel like I have to write you the twenty page
• 41:29
  Speaker 3: manifesto of exactly what I want. And then two, a
• 41:32
  Speaker 3: lot of us women have never explored our own bodies.
• 41:34
  Speaker 3: So many women have never had an orgasm, they've never masturbated,
• 41:38
  Speaker 3: and so it's like, well, what am I supposed to
• 41:40
  Speaker 3: tell you if I don't know? Like, oh no? And
• 41:43
  Speaker 3: then three, like we also have been so socialized to
• 41:47
  Speaker 3: be caretakers, caregivers, like put other people's needs and feelings
• 41:50
  Speaker 3: above our own, So like, I don't want to tell
• 41:52
  Speaker 3: you something different from what you're doing that maybe it'll
• 41:55
  Speaker 3: hurt your feelings. So we never recommend asking that question.
• 41:59
  Speaker 3: It's just too big. Instead like breaking it down into like, yeah,
• 42:03
  Speaker 3: do you like it this or do you like this better?
• 42:05
  Speaker 3: That's so much more useful.
• 42:06
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 42:06
  Speaker 7: And then on the on the far other extreme side,
• 42:08
  Speaker 7: the other mistake that men make is assuming, Okay, I've
• 42:12
  Speaker 7: had sex with a lot of people, and I think
• 42:14
  Speaker 7: I know the best way to like give for an orgasm,
• 42:17
  Speaker 7: Like I know the one way, And the reality is,
• 42:20
  Speaker 7: like we were talking about with anatomy, every anatomy is different.
• 42:24
  Speaker 7: There's so there's such a wide range probably a wider
• 42:27
  Speaker 7: range of preferences for women when it comes to how
• 42:30
  Speaker 7: they like their clerical stimulation. And so your way that
• 42:35
  Speaker 7: you think worked for like the last x number of
• 42:38
  Speaker 7: people that you had sex with, like that is most
• 42:42
  Speaker 7: likely not going to work for.
• 42:43
  Speaker 3: Especially given the seventy seven percent of women say that
• 42:46
  Speaker 3: they've faked an orgasm. So definitely your moves.
• 42:53
  Speaker 2: After this conversation, I say more than that, Zach, Zach, love.
• 42:57
  Speaker 1: You all right. Sorry, guys, brief break, someone's trying to
• 43:02
  Speaker 1: get into the conversation.
• 43:03
  Speaker 2: Yeah, bad, bad time.
• 43:05
  Speaker 1: I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Women seventy.
• 43:13
  Speaker 3: Actually, Donald, I think it's higher than that. I think, oh.
• 43:16
  Speaker 1: Yeah, and just want to think.
• 43:18
  Speaker 2: I want a lot of the statistics that women are
• 43:22
  Speaker 2: given are you guys are giving a nice pass and
• 43:27
  Speaker 2: and and you don't get the full statistic, you know
• 43:30
  Speaker 2: what I mean? Like that's that's what I'm learning. I
• 43:33
  Speaker 2: think it's way higher than that. I think the cheating
• 43:35
  Speaker 2: factor is way higher than then people think. I think
• 43:39
  Speaker 2: a lot of it. I think a lot of it
• 43:43
  Speaker 2: is because of you know, the lack of chore play
• 43:48
  Speaker 2: that goes on right and no, but I'm dead serious.
• 43:52
  Speaker 2: I think it turns that turns people into when the
• 43:57
  Speaker 2: conversation doesn't happen that you guys are talking about, and
• 44:00
  Speaker 2: when the and when the uh, and when actions aren't
• 44:03
  Speaker 2: taken after a conversation has had I think it leads
• 44:06
  Speaker 2: to you know, outer marital stuff and and and then
• 44:12
  Speaker 2: you're in a whole world win. So I think it's
• 44:14
  Speaker 2: really important to have these conversations, even if you've never
• 44:18
  Speaker 2: had them before. I think you should have them. Or
• 44:23
  Speaker 2: you know, your marriage this is for married people, or
• 44:26
  Speaker 2: your marriage isn't necessarily gonna thrive.
• 44:29
  Speaker 1: Is the faking an organism about like I don't want
• 44:33
  Speaker 1: you to a I want it to be over. I'm
• 44:35
  Speaker 1: over it, and I don't And you just said, yeah,
• 44:38
  Speaker 1: that's what it is.
• 44:39
  Speaker 3: Yeah, that's that's the most common reason given. But it's
• 44:42
  Speaker 3: also like I don't want to hurt my partner's feelings.
• 44:44
  Speaker 3: I know I'm not going to. Maybe I've never had one,
• 44:47
  Speaker 3: so it just feels like the easier thing to do. Yeah,
• 44:50
  Speaker 3: but definitely the most common one is just want it
• 44:52
  Speaker 3: to be over.
• 44:52
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I think there's all none of that.
• 44:55
  Speaker 7: Sorry, there's also just kind of like almost like faking
• 44:58
  Speaker 7: by omission as well. Out you know, I think Donald
• 45:01
  Speaker 7: was getting out. You know, it feels like that number
• 45:02
  Speaker 7: could even be higher. There's obviously, you know, there's sort
• 45:05
  Speaker 7: of the faking like putting on an act, like pretending
• 45:08
  Speaker 7: that it is happening. But then I think there's also
• 45:11
  Speaker 7: just the the kind of fake faking where like you're
• 45:15
  Speaker 7: not really you're not putting on an act, but you're
• 45:18
  Speaker 7: not really like showing that anything is happening one way
• 45:21
  Speaker 7: or the other. And then afterwards, you know there's the
• 45:23
  Speaker 7: classic like oh was it good for you? And she's
• 45:26
  Speaker 7: just like oh yeah, like yeah, that was great, And
• 45:29
  Speaker 7: you know, I know I've been guilty of that so often.
• 45:32
  Speaker 7: Like early on in my sex life, like I didn't
• 45:35
  Speaker 7: know how to ask the women that I was with
• 45:38
  Speaker 7: like what they liked, how things really were. I had
• 45:40
  Speaker 7: no idea if I was actually like giving them an
• 45:43
  Speaker 7: orgasm or not, and I would just kind of like
• 45:46
  Speaker 7: go for a while and was like, oh, it seems
• 45:48
  Speaker 7: like they're enjoying it.
• 45:50
  Speaker 1: Right, that must have been I think.
• 45:52
  Speaker 7: I did a good job.
• 45:53
  Speaker 1: I think the aptometrist thing is a really good idea
• 45:55
  Speaker 1: because it doesn't it takes the pressure off of and
• 46:00
  Speaker 1: and it feels sexy. It feels like a way to
• 46:04
  Speaker 1: be almost you know, playing a titillating game in a way.
• 46:08
  Speaker 3: Yeah, exactly. That's that's the exact kind of techniques that
• 46:11
  Speaker 3: we aim for, like things that feel fun and lighthearted.
• 46:14
  Speaker 3: They don't feel so serious, but they're still very very
• 46:17
  Speaker 3: effective in the moment.
• 46:18
  Speaker 2: Let's take a break.
• 46:19
  Speaker 1: We'll be right back after these fine words. Let's talk
• 46:29
  Speaker 1: about threesomes.
• 46:31
  Speaker 2: I've been waiting for this conversation.
• 46:35
  Speaker 1: Because I feel like it's a common fantasy. I could
• 46:39
  Speaker 1: be wrong of couples to have this, Like, oh, wouldn't
• 46:41
  Speaker 1: that be crazy if we did that one day? Not
• 46:43
  Speaker 1: all couples, of course, it goes.
• 46:45
  Speaker 3: Without saying, but one of the top three sexual fantasy
• 46:47
  Speaker 3: is it's very common.
• 46:49
  Speaker 1: Okay, so, but I feel like it's very hard for people,
• 46:52
  Speaker 1: even if it's a fantasy, to ever make it. No,
• 46:55
  Speaker 1: I was gonna say, admit to what I was going
• 46:56
  Speaker 1: to say to make it happen, because even if they
• 46:58
  Speaker 1: turn each other on by talking about it, or they
• 47:01
  Speaker 1: daydream about it, or it's a one day thing. People.
• 47:05
  Speaker 1: You know, it's kind of hard to execute, right because
• 47:07
  Speaker 1: how do you choose who that person's going to be?
• 47:11
  Speaker 1: Can you speak to that a bit? Like let's say
• 47:13
  Speaker 1: someone's listening to this, they're a couple, it's always been
• 47:16
  Speaker 1: on there, like fantasy bucket list, but they don't even
• 47:19
  Speaker 1: know what they probably shouldn't be a friend, it shouldn't
• 47:21
  Speaker 1: be maybe they don't want to. What do people do?
• 47:24
  Speaker 1: Who want? Who want to try that?
• 47:25
  Speaker 3: Yeah, it's it is really difficult. It's such a common fantasy,
• 47:29
  Speaker 3: but very difficult to execute because of having to find somebody.
• 47:33
  Speaker 3: So you have to find someone that not only both
• 47:35
  Speaker 3: of you are attracted to and feels like a safe
• 47:38
  Speaker 3: person to have it with, but also that person has
• 47:40
  Speaker 3: to be attracted to both of you as well, and
• 47:43
  Speaker 3: everybody has to be on board about wanting to do
• 47:45
  Speaker 3: the same activities and have you know, certain things beyond
• 47:48
  Speaker 3: the table or off the table. So it's a pretty
• 47:50
  Speaker 3: high barrier to entry. I think these days your best
• 47:54
  Speaker 3: option is like an app, trying to find somebody through
• 47:57
  Speaker 3: an app, just like really put it out there a
• 47:59
  Speaker 3: lot of people just hope for that, like that magical
• 48:02
  Speaker 3: night that things just all come together and it happens.
• 48:05
  Speaker 3: But that's just super rare that I would say for
• 48:07
  Speaker 3: the vast majority of couples. It's important to recognize that
• 48:12
  Speaker 3: we can fantasize about something without necessarily needing or wanting
• 48:17
  Speaker 3: to do it in real life. So a lot of
• 48:18
  Speaker 3: couples can get a lot of enjoyment just talking dirty
• 48:22
  Speaker 3: about a threeeson like, ooh, what would it be like,
• 48:24
  Speaker 3: what would you want to do? What would it feel
• 48:26
  Speaker 3: like for you to watch me be with this person?
• 48:29
  Speaker 3: You know, you can talk dirty about it, roleplay with
• 48:31
  Speaker 3: it a little bit, and like that might be enough
• 48:33
  Speaker 3: for a lot of couples.
• 48:34
  Speaker 2: I got to say, yeah, sorry, Sander, go ahead.
• 48:37
  Speaker 7: I'll just say I think where it can start to
• 48:40
  Speaker 7: get tricky is when you're transitioning from that fantasizing about
• 48:43
  Speaker 7: the idea of it into the practicalities, because then you
• 48:46
  Speaker 7: start thinking about, okay, so like if we actually do this,
• 48:50
  Speaker 7: assuming we do find the right person, then all right,
• 48:53
  Speaker 7: like what activities are on and off the table for
• 48:56
  Speaker 7: each of us? What do we do in the moment
• 48:59
  Speaker 7: if one of us starts feeling uncomfortable or like that
• 49:02
  Speaker 7: inherent moment where you notice that the other two people
• 49:06
  Speaker 7: are more involved with each other and yeah, you're kind of.
• 49:09
  Speaker 2: Sitting this is supposed to be guys.
• 49:17
  Speaker 1: Checking your Instagram.
• 49:19
  Speaker 7: Yeah, so then you know, you start, once you start
• 49:23
  Speaker 7: getting through to a lot of those logistical things, it
• 49:26
  Speaker 7: can start to feel like, huh, all right, this doesn't
• 49:28
  Speaker 7: actually feel as exciting to me anymore now that I'm
• 49:31
  Speaker 7: getting into the realities of it. I'm not saying that's
• 49:33
  Speaker 7: a reason to not have it. Like many people are
• 49:36
  Speaker 7: gonna be like, Okay, cool, Yeah, let's let's talk about
• 49:38
  Speaker 7: those logistical things, like let's go like I'm good with that.
• 49:41
  Speaker 7: But I do think that that's where a lot of
• 49:43
  Speaker 7: people drop off from like being excited about the fantasy
• 49:47
  Speaker 7: to then actually doing it in real life, because for
• 49:49
  Speaker 7: a lot of people just starts feeling like more trouble
• 49:51
  Speaker 7: than it's worth.
• 49:52
  Speaker 1: Well, and also it can get you into trouble. I
• 49:54
  Speaker 1: mean you you may have, like all the things you
• 49:56
  Speaker 1: just said, you you both might be into it and
• 49:58
  Speaker 1: you're excited, and then when an actually happens, there's jealousy involved.
• 50:02
  Speaker 1: There's like you know, you know, I thought we I thought,
• 50:05
  Speaker 1: we agreed you weren't going to do that, but it
• 50:07
  Speaker 1: seemed like you were doing that. It could be very complicated.
• 50:10
  Speaker 2: It seems also also once the dopamine hits and is
• 50:15
  Speaker 2: gone and you don't necessarily feel the same way anymore.
• 50:20
  Speaker 2: I was like, I don't necessarily feel like that was
• 50:23
  Speaker 2: what I wanted to do. It was fun, but you know,
• 50:26
  Speaker 2: I mean, I think that's that's the most common thing.
• 50:29
  Speaker 2: It's like from from for me, I should say once once.
• 50:35
  Speaker 2: I think that's just for everybody. Once you nut, everybody's like,
• 50:39
  Speaker 2: all right, that was fun a sandwich?
• 50:45
  Speaker 1: Yeah, should we call you an uber? That's what you said.
• 50:51
  Speaker 1: That's one of the top three of fantasies, Vanessa. What
• 50:54
  Speaker 1: are some of the others that that couples are are
• 50:56
  Speaker 1: are excited about and maybe one that's more actionable than
• 51:00
  Speaker 1: inviting a third person into the room.
• 51:03
  Speaker 3: So the top three other ones there are group sex.
• 51:06
  Speaker 3: They kind of differentiate group sex from threesomes and also
• 51:10
  Speaker 3: like kinky kinky sex, a little bit of bondage. Bond
• 51:14
  Speaker 3: that's another highway, and.
• 51:15
  Speaker 2: Then is different from threesome.
• 51:18
  Speaker 3: And I've seen they categorize it differently orgy. But another
• 51:23
  Speaker 3: top one that I found so fascinating. Like one of
• 51:25
  Speaker 3: the most common fantasies for both men and women is
• 51:29
  Speaker 3: just romantic sex, and I thought that was actually really
• 51:32
  Speaker 3: sweet that a lot of people fantasize about just having
• 51:35
  Speaker 3: this like very passionate, emotional like romance with each other,
• 51:39
  Speaker 3: so that one is very actionable.
• 51:41
  Speaker 1: You can those are the married people just dressed up
• 51:45
  Speaker 1: like fabio and listen.
• 51:48
  Speaker 2: That sounds like a married couple with children, because sex
• 51:51
  Speaker 2: is you try to have sex. As when you do
• 51:53
  Speaker 2: try to have sex, it's like, all right, the kids
• 51:55
  Speaker 2: on a round, let's try to get this going right now.
• 51:58
  Speaker 2: But what you're really wanting is that, oh, I want
• 52:01
  Speaker 2: to make love to you, darling, I want to kiss.
• 52:03
  Speaker 1: You yeah, or have it be like it was back
• 52:06
  Speaker 1: in the beginning when you were really putting on your
• 52:10
  Speaker 1: best show.
• 52:11
  Speaker 3: M So I think that did show. I like reminding people, like,
• 52:16
  Speaker 3: you know, a fantasy doesn't need to be something wildly
• 52:19
  Speaker 3: elaborate or super kinky, Like it's totally okay to fantasize
• 52:23
  Speaker 3: about just having some passion and romance with your partner.
• 52:25
  Speaker 3: So if you want to bring back some of that energy,
• 52:28
  Speaker 3: maybe it's like recreating your first date or just like
• 52:30
  Speaker 3: having a nice date with each other where you get
• 52:33
  Speaker 3: dressed up, you like look really nice, put on something
• 52:35
  Speaker 3: you haven't orn for a while, and just have that
• 52:38
  Speaker 3: like quality time together.
• 52:40
  Speaker 1: Do you guys have your own podcast?
• 52:42
  Speaker 3: We do. It's called pillow Talks. It comes out every Thursday.
• 52:45
  Speaker 1: Pillow Talk. Everybody check out pillow Talk and remind people
• 52:48
  Speaker 1: where they can get the guides on all the things.
• 52:53
  Speaker 3: They're at vmtherapy dot com And if you want that
• 52:57
  Speaker 3: one the best starting point the seven week challenge seven days, sorry,
• 53:01
  Speaker 3: not seven weeks. It's vmtherapy dot com slash best okay, And.
• 53:06
  Speaker 1: I assume you also do one on one's private right,
• 53:09
  Speaker 1: I don't anymore.
• 53:10
  Speaker 3: Actually, once we start shielding out the online guides and courses,
• 53:13
  Speaker 3: they were so popular with people that we decided to,
• 53:17
  Speaker 3: like really go in that direction. Just makes it a
• 53:19
  Speaker 3: lot more accessible.
• 53:20
  Speaker 2: Now in your business, imagine you get a lot of
• 53:22
  Speaker 2: creepers too that reach out to you guys and stuff
• 53:25
  Speaker 2: like that, where I.
• 53:26
  Speaker 3: Used to when it was just me, But since Xander
• 53:28
  Speaker 3: joined the business like years ago, they're actually minimal creepers.
• 53:32
  Speaker 3: But I'm gonna knock on wood, please don't.
• 53:33
  Speaker 1: Creep us but I should say, but I should say
• 53:38
  Speaker 1: for couples that are intrigued by this and maybe having
• 53:41
  Speaker 1: a session, there are people that will get on zoom
• 53:43
  Speaker 1: with you and you can hire them to give you
• 53:44
  Speaker 1: and your partners and coaching.
• 53:46
  Speaker 3: Right, yeah, yeah, if you want to do that.
• 53:49
  Speaker 1: Okay, vibrators Wait what coaching?
• 53:53
  Speaker 2: Like you're watching them and you know Timmy lift the
• 53:57
  Speaker 2: as well. I don't know.
• 53:58
  Speaker 1: I'm sure that exists. But that wasn't what I meant.
• 54:02
  Speaker 3: It's not what I would recommend, Joel.
• 54:05
  Speaker 2: What did I say? That was so wrong?
• 54:09
  Speaker 4: The situation just gave me like horrifying anxiety.
• 54:12
  Speaker 1: Like what, I'm sure you can I'm sure, listen, you
• 54:17
  Speaker 1: can find anything. I'm sure you can find someone to
• 54:19
  Speaker 1: be like no arch her back, arch her back, but
• 54:31
  Speaker 1: I wouldn't want that. Vibrators, and I don't mean dildos,
• 54:38
  Speaker 1: but vibrators, even small ones, they can be of assistance
• 54:42
  Speaker 1: for patoral, for clatoral stimuli, right, and penis and penis
• 54:49
  Speaker 1: and balls and anus and all that. Right, we haven't
• 54:51
  Speaker 1: spoken about that because you you were talking about I
• 54:55
  Speaker 1: didn't mean to do that. Sorry. We were talking about
• 54:58
  Speaker 1: making sure to always be close, always be touching the
• 55:01
  Speaker 1: clit always be clit, Always be clit. What about what
• 55:05
  Speaker 1: are your thoughts on small vibrators to help with that.
• 55:09
  Speaker 3: Vibrators can be really great. I mean there are some
• 55:12
  Speaker 3: amazing toys these days. I always say with vibrators, like,
• 55:15
  Speaker 3: you really get what you pay for. So you want
• 55:17
  Speaker 3: to look for high quality materials, body safe materials like
• 55:22
  Speaker 3: medical grade silicone, that kind of stuff. So be careful
• 55:26
  Speaker 3: with the toys that you're buying. But in general, yeah,
• 55:28
  Speaker 3: they can be great. There are a lot of great
• 55:30
  Speaker 3: toys that couples can use together that can like flip
• 55:32
  Speaker 3: between your bodies, wonderful for like long distance couples. There
• 55:35
  Speaker 3: are some that have bluetooth that you can program and
• 55:39
  Speaker 3: like use, you know.
• 55:39
  Speaker 1: Cross distances.
• 55:41
  Speaker 3: Yeah. So the big question that always comes up with
• 55:43
  Speaker 3: vibrators is can you get addicted to them? And the
• 55:46
  Speaker 3: answer to that is no, you can get it addicted
• 55:49
  Speaker 3: to a vibrator. But I do encourage people to be
• 55:52
  Speaker 3: thoughtful about how they want to have their orgasms because
• 55:55
  Speaker 3: basically the way if the way that you masturbate can
• 55:59
  Speaker 3: start to create nerdal pathways in our brain that just
• 56:02
  Speaker 3: make it easier to like continue orgasming in the same
• 56:05
  Speaker 3: way versus being able to do it in a variety
• 56:07
  Speaker 3: of ways. So this is for any kind of masturbation.
• 56:10
  Speaker 3: If you're always using a toy, if you're always using
• 56:13
  Speaker 3: the same technique, if you're always watching porn, if you're
• 56:15
  Speaker 3: always thinking about the same fantasy in your mind, like
• 56:18
  Speaker 3: you just kind of carve these pathways in your brain.
• 56:20
  Speaker 3: And so with a vibrator in particular, Like one of
• 56:23
  Speaker 3: the great things about vibrators is how easy they can
• 56:26
  Speaker 3: make it to orgasm. But also because of that, sometimes
• 56:30
  Speaker 3: some of us turn into lazy masturbators where it's like
• 56:33
  Speaker 3: we just like put the toy there, kind of wait
• 56:35
  Speaker 3: around for it to do its thing. And so you
• 56:37
  Speaker 3: can just get used to the reality that orgasms of
• 56:41
  Speaker 3: the vibrator are very quick and you don't have to
• 56:43
  Speaker 3: do much. There's not much effort involved. So if you
• 56:46
  Speaker 3: want to have orgasms in other ways, like if you
• 56:48
  Speaker 3: have your partner touching you, you might start to notice like, ooh,
• 56:52
  Speaker 3: it's just not feeling as good, it's not as fast.
• 56:55
  Speaker 3: So if you are happy having all your orgasms of vibrators,
• 56:58
  Speaker 3: go with it. If you want to have a variety
• 57:00
  Speaker 3: of orgasms, make sure you kind of mix it up.
• 57:02
  Speaker 3: Don't use a vibrate or more than like about half
• 57:04
  Speaker 3: the time.
• 57:05
  Speaker 2: Xander Like, and for men, like, what do you recommend
• 57:10
  Speaker 2: like when other than your hand? Is there something that
• 57:14
  Speaker 2: is there a toy that men can go out and
• 57:17
  Speaker 2: get that thera gun?
• 57:21
  Speaker 10: Yeah about vigor and you know if you like, if
• 57:29
  Speaker 10: you like vigorous stimulation, I would absolutely recommend their.
• 57:32
  Speaker 3: Gun get sponsored.
• 57:37
  Speaker 7: No, there there there are plenty of there are plenty
• 57:40
  Speaker 7: of options out there for men. I mean there's there
• 57:42
  Speaker 7: are more like male focused like couple type of toys
• 57:47
  Speaker 7: like there are you know there there are various cocker
• 57:49
  Speaker 7: rings that can vibrate or not vibrate.
• 57:52
  Speaker 1: Yeah, you know, I think it was in the UK
• 57:54
  Speaker 1: or somewhere overseas. You know, in the men's bathrooms, they
• 57:56
  Speaker 1: used to sell like you know, next.
• 57:59
  Speaker 3: Little tiny vibrating.
• 58:00
  Speaker 1: It would be a cocker like a cockering with a
• 58:03
  Speaker 1: little vibrating top on it. I couldn't believe there was
• 58:05
  Speaker 1: for sale in the bathroom. But I didn't buy one,
• 58:11
  Speaker 1: But I but I always was curious, you didn't, I didn't.
• 58:14
  Speaker 1: I mean I was curious to see what it would like.
• 58:16
  Speaker 1: But I can be honest and saying I've never done
• 58:18
  Speaker 1: the experiment.
• 58:19
  Speaker 7: What else is there, Xander, Yeah, I mean that there
• 58:22
  Speaker 7: are all kinds of there's all kinds of like male
• 58:24
  Speaker 7: masturbator devices like sleeves and work.
• 58:28
  Speaker 2: I feel like those things are like you know.
• 58:32
  Speaker 3: We've heard some yeah, some rave reviews.
• 58:34
  Speaker 1: Yeah, particularly Donald wants the right down with n't for
• 58:40
  Speaker 1: men alone. I'm talking about things that men can do
• 58:45
  Speaker 1: with their partner. I'm not talking about.
• 58:47
  Speaker 3: Like, yeah, it's mostly going to be cockerings that have
• 58:52
  Speaker 3: like a little vibration attachment for her.
• 58:53
  Speaker 7: Yeah, because you need to have the penis free for
• 58:57
  Speaker 7: actual use with the partner.
• 58:59
  Speaker 2: And there's no nothing you can do to make it bigger.
• 59:01
  Speaker 1: Right you asked this last time.
• 59:04
  Speaker 3: I mean not safely and not reliably. When you say
• 59:09
  Speaker 3: not safely, say so you can find a sketchy doctor
• 59:13
  Speaker 3: to do some injections, like.
• 59:16
  Speaker 1: You know, if you are.
• 59:20
  Speaker 3: I will say, like, women truly, like really and truly
• 59:25
  Speaker 3: do not care about penis size nearly as much as men.
• 59:28
  Speaker 1: No, Donald, you need to get over.
• 59:29
  Speaker 2: They care about penis girth, girth.
• 59:31
  Speaker 3: I will say girth is more important than length.
• 59:34
  Speaker 4: But we.
• 59:36
  Speaker 2: Women they don't really care, but girth is more important
• 59:40
  Speaker 2: than length, but.
• 59:41
  Speaker 3: Still they care about it a lot less. We actually
• 59:43
  Speaker 3: hear from far more women saying my partner's penis is
• 59:46
  Speaker 3: too long or too girthy and it causes me pain
• 59:49
  Speaker 3: and discomfort where and we hear from far fewer women saying, like,
• 59:54
  Speaker 3: my partner's penis is too small. I'm like not feeling
• 59:56
  Speaker 3: enough stimulations. Zacha loves. It's really not nearly as big
• 1:00:00
  Speaker 3: of an issue as most people think it is, all.
• 1:00:02
  Speaker 1: Right, Joelle's giving us that we have to wrap it
• 1:00:05
  Speaker 1: up with you guys. You're such great guess You're so informative.
• 1:00:08
  Speaker 2: I could talk to you guys all day.
• 1:00:10
  Speaker 1: I know I could talk to you.
• 1:00:12
  Speaker 2: I really could, man, I could honestly talk to you
• 1:00:15
  Speaker 2: all day.
• 1:00:15
  Speaker 1: We have so many questions, but and our audience loves
• 1:00:19
  Speaker 1: having you on. So thank you so much.
• 1:00:21
  Speaker 2: And my wife does appreciate the fact that I have
• 1:00:24
  Speaker 2: backed off quite a bit, and I kind of and
• 1:00:27
  Speaker 2: we have had conversations about quality being better than quantity,
• 1:00:33
  Speaker 2: and so I really do there's a lot to thank
• 1:00:36
  Speaker 2: you for. I was joking when I said, you guys
• 1:00:38
  Speaker 2: fucked me. The amount of sex has dropped off. But
• 1:00:41
  Speaker 2: also I've gotten a little bit more mature in my
• 1:00:44
  Speaker 2: thought pattern and where and how we're supposed.
• 1:00:47
  Speaker 1: To well, Listen, the most basic thing in all aspects
• 1:00:50
  Speaker 1: of relationships is communication. And it sounds like, even though
• 1:00:54
  Speaker 1: you might not be getting as much sex as you want,
• 1:00:56
  Speaker 1: it sounds like your communication improved at top level. There
• 1:01:00
  Speaker 1: you go, hear that.
• 1:01:01
  Speaker 3: Yeah, maybe we can come back and do another session
• 1:01:03
  Speaker 3: with you guys, because that was so fun when she
• 1:01:05
  Speaker 3: came in.
• 1:01:06
  Speaker 2: Yeah, that would be awesome.
• 1:01:07
  Speaker 1: Yeah, all right, thank you.
• 1:01:09
  Speaker 2: She's going to come back in again.
• 1:01:11
  Speaker 1: Especially especially if you're not doing chore play.
• 1:01:14
  Speaker 2: Yeah, if I'm not doing the chore play, it didn't.
• 1:01:17
  Speaker 1: Work, all right, thank you? What great guess. I could
• 1:01:29
  Speaker 1: have asked them so many more questions.
• 1:01:30
  Speaker 2: Don I could have gone on.
• 1:01:32
  Speaker 1: I had a lot of other topics and on and on,
• 1:01:36
  Speaker 1: and we could pretend that you're the expert, and I
• 1:01:39
  Speaker 1: just asked you my questions.
• 1:01:40
  Speaker 2: No, because Joel's not going to like my answer.
• 1:01:43
  Speaker 1: Joel won't like your answers at all. I can tell.
• 1:01:45
  Speaker 2: Joel was like every time I said something, Joel was like, Donald,
• 1:01:48
  Speaker 2: You're getting really close to that line, really close to
• 1:01:52
  Speaker 2: that line.
• 1:01:53
  Speaker 1: You cannot hit a line with those folks. They'll answer
• 1:01:56
  Speaker 1: anything you want. I feel like that's the point. Their
• 1:01:58
  Speaker 1: point is finding that line. I know, I think their
• 1:02:01
  Speaker 1: whole thing. If I get anything from them, it's like,
• 1:02:04
  Speaker 1: just don't just be uncensored with your partner. Obviously, of course,
• 1:02:08
  Speaker 1: be respectful and and be tactful and think of the
• 1:02:12
  Speaker 1: right time for the conversation. But over and over again,
• 1:02:15
  Speaker 1: what I seem to give from them is like, you
• 1:02:17
  Speaker 1: have to be brave and have these conversations.
• 1:02:20
  Speaker 2: Read the room too, Read the room. There's a way
• 1:02:24
  Speaker 2: to do it. And the way isn't listen and and
• 1:02:26
  Speaker 2: and and don't come from a negative side of things,
• 1:02:29
  Speaker 2: even though you might feel like you know that's the
• 1:02:33
  Speaker 2: way to go. The proper way is to be complementary
• 1:02:36
  Speaker 2: and find other ways. It's almost like it's almost a game,
• 1:02:40
  Speaker 2: but you know, sex is a game.
• 1:02:41
  Speaker 1: I'm gonna try that eye exam thing when I'm with you. Next,
• 1:02:44
  Speaker 1: I'm gonna like, what are you gonna do? I'm gonna
• 1:02:47
  Speaker 1: grab your left cheek. I'm gonna be like this, and
• 1:02:49
  Speaker 1: then I'm gonna grab your right cheek and I'm.
• 1:02:51
  Speaker 2: Like this, and what are you gonna do after that?
• 1:02:53
  Speaker 1: And then if you're like both I'm gonna check your temperature.
• 1:02:59
  Speaker 2: If we were If we were a couple, you and
• 1:03:01
  Speaker 2: I would have no problem communicating about sex.
• 1:03:04
  Speaker 1: Right, But I feel like your libido's way more than mine.
• 1:03:06
  Speaker 1: I would not want to bang as much as you do.
• 1:03:09
  Speaker 2: You'd be getting banged a lot.
• 1:03:10
  Speaker 1: I know I wouldn't want it.
• 1:03:12
  Speaker 2: We'd have to call some of our friends over.
• 1:03:14
  Speaker 1: No amount of chore play you could do.
• 1:03:15
  Speaker 2: You have to call over our friends and be like, listen,
• 1:03:19
  Speaker 2: we're having a white party.
• 1:03:20
  Speaker 1: There's no there's no amount of choor play you could
• 1:03:23
  Speaker 1: do that would make me want to bang as often
• 1:03:25
  Speaker 1: as you'd want to bang. Yeah, my anus would be like, nope,
• 1:03:30
  Speaker 1: pucker up. Jesus word, I.
• 1:03:35
  Speaker 2: Would make your aus pucker is what you're.
• 1:03:37
  Speaker 1: Saying, Like, I just like, like, imagine I just ate
• 1:03:39
  Speaker 1: a lemon like this? Yeah, my would we.
• 1:03:44
  Speaker 2: Are sounded like red Fox too, your big dummy.
• 1:03:59
  Speaker 1: This will be a that would be Then that'd be
• 1:04:01
  Speaker 1: the noise my anus was making. Five six, seven, eight,
• 1:04:09
  Speaker 1: Oh my gosh, my.
• 1:04:12
  Speaker 4: Worst, they're gonna eat that one up.
• 1:04:13
  Speaker 1: Oh my god.
• 1:04:20
  Speaker 2: I'm keeping this part of the show.
• 1:04:22
  Speaker 9: Here's some stories that show we made about a bunch
• 1:04:28
  Speaker 9: of talks and nurses in Canada.
• 1:04:31
  Speaker 6: I said, here's a STORYE.
• 1:04:33
  Speaker 2: Nettwill should know.
• 1:04:36
  Speaker 9: So gada round you here up, gather around you here ups.
• 1:04:41
  Speaker 2: But we want stories and no