Latest / The Volume Shift / The Art of Listening
Transcript
- Deion: Welcome back to the volume shift, where we don't raise our voices, we just shift our understanding. Buc: You feel me, bro? Like, everybody don't know what everybody got going on. You feel me? You might think that in your head, like, that everybody post a note, but everybody ain't supposed to know. You feel me? So getting into like, you know what saying? Really connecting on a human level. You feel me? Where our conversations elevate. And I think through these conversations and listening and all that, like, we have eliminated lives. Jhalil: Yeah, and today we talking about something we all think we good at, but most of us struggle with it. Deion: Listen. Jhalil: Not hearing, not waiting for your turn, just actually listening. Deion: because most conversations, they don't fail due to disagreement. Jhalil: They fell because the person is not understood, Buc: like problems and shit, you know what saying? Jhalil: Yeah, and then like after you just explained that I finally do got my tip now this is my tip for the listeners, right? Deion: But doctors the doctor without the doctrine. Jhalil: And I'm Jahlil, urban activist, new school blacktivist. Yeah, man. Bust out your pen or your pencil or whatever and your notebook. We got a new word, a new term for you to practice. It's called active listening. You feel me? Where we take our feelings, our previous interactions and experiences and we leave them elsewhere while we listen to what's really going on. You feel me? So we can thoroughly understand the situation. So yeah, look up active listening because that's something that we lost as a, you know. Deion: this is the Roddy and Steve. You heard me? Jhalil: Bye, you shit. Back at it. Deion: up, though? How living? How you feeling? Jhalil: Oh man, I'm great man. It's been a beautiful week. Been a beautiful week man. I've been on my drone, know Ramadan is here so fastened it out. Thinking, planning, know, striving. How you? as a people and we got to get back to it so it's not all this miscommunication, disagreements and misunderstandings. You feel me? Deion: Oh man, I'm gravy, baby, you know. Tryin' to live, not just as if, you know what I'm sayin'? Buc: Hell yeah. Heck of a tip, man. And I'll just add to it, like, it take practice. You're gonna look it up, you're gonna get the definition, but you gotta really get into it and practice while you studying it. And it'll all come together for you, you know what mean? Heck of a tip, though, bro. Shit, let's close out. Jhalil: I definitely feel you on that, man. Deion: And just like wanting to be more in tune with me, you feel me? And really get into a point where I don't even want nothing. I don't want to be doing things that make me do it. You feel me? That type of power over me. You know what I'm saying? Jhalil: Yeah, man, so I'ma close off by saying like, we not here to win conversations. We here to understand people. Mm-hmm. Deion: You know, motherfuckers be having the shakes, not picking up they phone. You feel what I'm saying? Like, the whole shakes, like, just cause, you know what I'm saying? Like, you ever challenge a person, like, don't touch your phone for too long. And because you put the challenge out, it feel even more shaky, you know what I'm saying? Like, but it's so crazy, right? Jhalil: What's this? ⁓ So I guess we gon' see you next time when we shift the volume up again. Yeah, man? Buc: Hell no. But doctors, the doctor without the doctor. Jhalil: And I'm Jahlil Urban Activist, AKA The Blackshinist. Catch y'all next week. Hey, bruh. Deion: And I ain't gonna spend too much time on it, but like, you know. No, I'll get into it another time. yeah, you know, the beautiful topic that we got today, you know what saying? More educational, you feel what I'm saying? And like we said, listening, right? And you take that word and you like, man, that's just, it sounds simple, right? But like you said, like... Jhalil: Yeah Deion: It's a tough job. Everybody think they got it down. You know what saying? But we really about to break it down. You feel me? So people can really understand, ⁓ I ain't even been listening this whole time. You know what saying? Like, and something that simple can have a value shift. You feel what I'm saying? So I'm the conversations though, man, you know, that really just be two people, like, just waiting to talk. Jhalil: Yeah. Yeah, and most of the time, I don't know. What I see most of the time, people ain't there. They just like waiting for their response to what you just said, you feel me? And it's like, I had to practice with that too, because it's like, you know, we do a podcast, we do different things where we speak to the public and it's like, it's a certain skill that you gotta have, like to listen, retain that information. while actively listening until they're done and then give them that. But sometimes they get mixed up to where it's like, ⁓ I gotta hurry up and say it before I lose it. You feel me? And sometimes that can cause a disconnect between the conversation. Deion: I don't feel like that's the excuse people use, Like a lot of women that I talked to had that one, you know what I'm saying? No, I had to say it or I'll forget it. Jhalil: Mm-hmm. Deion: It's like you'll rather go with that than versus like you actually practice it to be able to remember shit. You know what saying? You interrupted me by wanting to state that. That means like you on a one way street. You feel me? Like you just trying to get your stuff off. Jhalil: Bye. Yeah. Deion: Meaning you not listening to me. Jhalil: Yeah, bro. Deion: and right from the rib. Once you cut that off, the rest of the conversation is a done bun. You feel me? Because now it's almost a beef now. Jhalil: Yeah. Deion: because fuck you never was listening to me. No, no, I had to get my shit off. Like, no, because I forget it. And the reason why it's continuation, right, because nobody stops it and be like, yo, no, the fact that you care so much about like, I don't even care about your response for real. I just care about you listening. Jhalil: BLEH Yeah. Deion: but you so into your shit that you thinking like to be inclusive in this conversation is your whole goal, like is your whole thing. And my whole thing for you is just for you to just be listening, like, cause when you listening, you can actually respond back off of what I'm saying. Jhalil: You Yuck. Deion: But if you try and jump the gun and get your shit off before you, whatever, if we using that excuse, right? Like that you'll forget or whatever. Jhalil: Mm-hmm. Deion: That means first two, that mean like you ain't even let me completely say everything and then you got a solution already. That mean it could be wrong by the end of what I'm saying. You feel what I'm saying? Jhalil: Yeah. Deion: And at that point, you should forget it. Because there's no value in it no more after you've heard the whole thing. You see what I'm saying? Jhalil: And that's exactly when the debating started, you feel me? Because it's like, I think personally, like some people, I don't even think they do it on purpose, you feel me? Because like even growing up and going to school and all that, yeah, they taught us the words, they taught us vocabulary, they told us like certain things, know, nouns and pronouns and all that, but it wasn't a lot on like how to conversate. how to active listen. You feel me? How to take mental notes while people was talking and let them get what they got out. So it's like, think it's just like more of a training that people gotta do within themselves. Cause even during the cast, bro, you see, didn't try, like we didn't did it a certain way. We didn't try the scripts, but we always get back to what's natural to us, bro. So it's like, that's just part of the training. Like, I don't take it. like that deep every time, but sometimes you do. Cause you know, when you getting in the thick of it, or if you having a real situation and you just need somebody to vent to, but they keep cutting you off, it's like, all right, bro, it's cool, dawg. Get on out of here, You feel me? And we gotta build that, like that connection the right way. So that start with being able to listen and really understand like what people were saying. So it can be a conversation. Deion: And connection to it, it really starts with like... on the other person too being accountable. You feel me? Now that we have in this dialogue on this episode, right? It's like we informing people about the whole thing. Now you got a full view of the elephant, right? Like, so if I don't tell you, then that's, I take a part in you not learning to listen to. You feel what I'm saying? Like, like. Like going off the example you just gave, like if I come to you, I can't just expect that you just going, listen, I don't know the space or rim that you went in at that time. I'm just calling you out the blue. I got the problem. You don't know of the problem yet. So you could just answer on your regular oldest buck calling. Jhalil: Yeah ⁓ Deion: You feel me? And you could be on friendship and be playing. But I could be serious. then, but because of that pre-notion shit, like, now I feel a type of way. But I ain't give you the full jawn to set it up for the win. You feel me? So it's like, yo, on this conversation, bruh, I just need you to listen. Jhalil: is a Deion: And then if a person don't listen, then you know, it's something, now that's something. You get what I'm saying? But that's more evidence. That's more evidence to say like, ⁓ you ain't listening. Cause now I didn't told you that I need you to listen and you still on that same, I need to get my shit off or. Jhalil: Thank Deion: I need to say my spiel or whatever the case may be, you feel what I'm saying? I think on both sides, you gotta have that accountability to be like. Let me inform this conversation first so that I can get the best results from it. It ain't always just about the person not listening. Jhalil: Yeah. Deion: You feel what I'm saying? Jhalil: Yeah. And once we get to that part, it's like, once the person know that once you corrective, once you use corrective criticism like that, that's when it turns into winning. You feel me? Because now we can actually, damn bro, my fault. I didn't even know you was having that type of day. Or men, especially us, we dads, bro. We company owners, so. We naturally like problem solvers. So when people call me with a problem or a dilemma, I could be on the roof. So if somebody called me with a problem and I'm on the roof, I'm gonna give you a solution. And that's not always the best thing, you feel me? So now it's like, I'ma hold off on that until I have time to, you feel me? I might just send out a text, listen, I'm a little tangled up right now. I'ma hit you back or whatever. It's just that little understanding, bro. And if it's something dire, I'ma pause what I'm doing. You the bro. You feel me? Like, it's certain people that get that pause. But it's like, you know, I just want to get into like, I want to start to get into like the corrective action. Like, and I want to know why I don't, like, why don't we listen well? Like. I don't know, did anybody ever teach you how to listen? Probably adult years. Deion: Well, you know, it's similar to like what I was saying on the last episode with how adults used to put kids in their place by making a statement of like, you know, kids don't need to be in adult business. You feel what I'm saying? So, like, so automagically, right? That put us as kids in a, a spy mode, right? Like, Jhalil: They and the child's police, all of that. Deion: Now we got to listen through the wall to hear shit. Now we been super nosy. You get what I'm saying? So that amplify the air. You feel me? And as humans, you know how it can get. Like if I tell you that you can't have something, you're probably gonna want it more. You get what I'm saying? So the fact that we couldn't be in those conversations, we was dying to just be the fly on the wall. Jhalil: Good. Okay. Deion: So listen to them, but can you like, you know what I'm saying? Like everybody really good at listening. Let's not get that fucked up. You get what I'm saying? But it's just the volume shift on what we talking about now to make it healthy conversations, right? Because everybody heard the gossip. You know what mean? Motherfuckers be in the hospital, nurses know what the doctors got going. Jhalil: Thank you very much. Thanks for watching. Deion: Everybody and everybody shit. You feel what I'm saying? And that's only due to what? Fucking listening. Like, you know what saying? And even a side note too is like, I had this thing for myself. was like, if I don't listen to it, if I don't heard it, then I'm not a part of it. You feel me? So I try to stay away from things I don't wanna be a part of, but just hearing it. Jhalil: ⁓ sorry. Deion: You get me? So that even include like friends calling you. Yeah bro, know such as that. I don't even wanna hear that. You feel me? Because you know it could become a thing of like now that person's, you know what I'm saying, becomes yours now. You see what I'm, and they only giving half. So they giving their viewpoint of the elephant. They giving their viewpoint of the elephant. So it's like. Jhalil: Mwaaah, duh. Deion: It's almost like a motherfucker telling you like, yeah bro I want you to see this how I see it. Or I want you to look at this person the way I'm looking at this person because they did such... I don't be trying to hear none of that. You feel me? Because that's gonna really affect me when I go around sad person like... That's gonna be in the back of my mind like... Damn. You know what I'm saying? Whatever it is. I ain't gonna make up now. Jhalil: Yeah. Yeah. Deion: I was going to make up something, but also too, bro, like you said, it ain't really a direct genre. They can somewhat teach you listening, but it be in different ways, right? Like when the teacher's talking, you get what I'm saying? Like everybody must pause and you know what saying? Even in the instance where, remember, we had to raise your hands to talk. That means that allows for one person in the room to be speaking and everybody else should be listening. Because it's the only opposite of if you're not talking. If you're not talking, you should automatically be listening. You get what I'm saying? And then on top of it, there's the last point I make. It's like... Jhalil: Yay. Thank you. Deion: The fact that as humans we got two of these puppies. You hear what saying? And only one of these. So, know, wise man one son, you know, you got two ears so you can listen twice as much as you talk. Jhalil: Alright bro, we are no uber talk Deion: But I know that I said that was gonna be the last point, but in the society, it got tweaked. know what mean? And what you listening for and all of that got screwed up. It go back into the conversation from earlier. You know I'm saying? With how people would jump the gun, try and be eager to say they part or, you know I'm saying? Jhalil: Okay. Deion: And some of that teaching is some of that, right? Because, you know, when we come up in the hood, with some of the stuff that people say, it's real dismissive. I ain't trying to that shit. I ain't trying to hear that shit. You know, in the new, in the new John, they say, right, let me get it. Let me what the kids say. All right, too much. That's too much. Or I'll fuck it up. Jhalil: Thank Deion: They'd like, all right, all right, that's, you doing too, it's almost like how you used to say you know too much, but they got a little better, like a little fly away in saying it. Anyway, I fucked it up, but. But yeah, like, it's that type of stuff that create this type of stuff. You get what I'm saying? Like, like you said, the eagerness, the one that win. Jhalil: and Yeah. Deion: That means you're going to disregard listening and stuff. that ain't, in some people's mind, that ain't inclusive and winning. It's just that I need to get off my shit. You get what I'm saying? Like I said, don't let nobody talk to you any type of way. You get what I'm saying? Those type of things put it in your mind to not listen. Jhalil: Okay. Deion: You see what I'm saying? Like, soon as I hear that keyword that I associate with disrespect or something, I'm going to attack them. Jhalil: Peace out. Deion: You get what I'm saying? Like, my father, I know I was a little long-winded on him, but like, yeah. Jhalil: That's just how it is, man. That's why I'm like, so you right though. We really do listen, but it's like, I don't know. I just feel like us in totality, we need to do better with listening. feel me? Because talking with the bros is a little bit easier for those situations and be like, no, I ain't mean it like that or my fault. Like sometimes, bro, in relationships, bro, that's, it seems like that's where the most disconnect come in that, cause it's like with two separate thinkings, know, a man think one way, a woman thinks one way. So although we can see similarities, it's like the wiring is totally different. So it's like, we, we the ones that got to work on that and build that bridge so we can communicate better. So it's like, I ain't gonna lie, that's what the volume shift about, bro. It's not about all the flashiness, bro. It's about the internalness now. Cause we all trying to grow to the next level, bro. And with us not even knowing how to listen to each other, with us over talking to each other, cutting each other off and all that, that can close a lot of doors, You feel me? Cause we could be right, put something together. But if you can't even listen to the plan before you add it in, yo, matter of fact, you know what? I forgot what I was about to say. You feel me? It's cool, bro. And instead of us keep doing things like that, we gotta hold each other accountable. Hold up, before you even answer. You follow me? Deion: ⁓ also to understanding that You don't gotta be the one to voice whatever it is that you feeling or thinking You get what I'm saying? Like I was always taught like if you wait long enough like somebody might say what it is that you you thinking or that you want to present you feel what I'm saying and ⁓ like And that's taking the ego and the pride out. You get what I'm saying? be like, long as what it is that I wanted is out there, I ain't gotta be the one who presented. You get what I'm saying? So I see a lot ⁓ of that. So a lot of the arguments. Jhalil: Yeah. Deion: within the relationships don't even be about the topic. It's more about the not being heard part or the being misunderstood part or ⁓ the defense or the attack part. You get what I'm saying? Like that's what more people argue about. Whatever topic that they started with, they forgot that Joe, you heard me like. Jhalil: in Yeah. Deion: Like that's why most people you hear that shit in the movies and all, it be like, damn, what was we even arguing about? A lot of beefs in real life, real niggas get to jail and be like, damn, why we have a street beef? Jhalil: that end up being cool for the next 20 years. Deion: nigga, we ain't even have a real conversation. That's why we have real beef. You get what I'm saying? And in that case, I know you probably was listening to the wrong people. Jhalil: NNNN Deion: You get what I'm saying? So you can utilize listening when is what? When is in a damaging form? ⁓ Jhalil: NNNN Deion: or when it's something that can move something forward in a positive, healthy job, you don't know how to listen no more. Jhalil: Crazy bro. That's usually how it is man. All these emotions build up in this and from the last two times that happened and it'd be a whole different combination bro but it's rarely like the substance of the conversation that starts arguments or you feel me? It's that lack. So it's like now we get to that point and we understand like Deion: That's it. Jhalil: what we go through with the conversations and like listening and over talking. So now I think like it's time for us to get into some solutions, bro. How do we get ourselves like in a better space to communicate? You feel me? Without taking the fence, without over talking, without all the unnecessary stuff. I think that's the area we need to climb to. Deion: Yeah, I mean well based on your question like what would you say like? Will be like Some solutions so like let me give you a scenario right? Like a couple been together for ten years You know I'm saying and You know building together every day Jhalil: Mm-hmm. Deion: Do they even have a business? No, they work separately. But one is losing finances and you know what mean? So the other had to carry for a while. But before that, it was, you know, a team jump, right? And the topic could be like, maybe because they wanted to buy a new house or something, right? Jhalil: Mm-mm. Mm-hmm. Deion: And so they get that they are in any day like, I mean, it's getting bad. it's, you know what It's getting super bad. What would you offer as a solution or suggestion or like? immediate to that. Jhalil: And first I would suggest they listen to understand, not just to reply. And stop listening for points that you can combat. You feel me? Instead of understanding each other like, all right, damn, husband, he lost his job for a while. I'm a nurse right now, so I'm getting $80 an hour. I can afford the da-da-da-da-da. But. is a certain point, like y'all been together for 10 years, so y'all gotta be able to communicate. Listen, babe, like I do wanna buy the house, but you see that my income slowed down. So if you do wanna buy this house, these next probably three, three to five months that I'ma had to take to build myself up, you feel me? You gonna have to take the heavier load. And that's just partnership. It's gonna be like that sometimes. Like, you feel me? Sometimes the... She's gonna win more and be up. Sometimes he's gonna be up more and you know, it is what it is. But we all go up and come down at some point. So it's like, before to go up or come down, there gotta be an even ground to even start on, bro. That would be mine. That would be mine, cause I ain't gonna lie, being married for 10 years, bro. Like at first our communication was trash, bro. Always arguing, always this, but. As we got a little older and wiser, we really started listening to each other more. I started to identify, before she even expressed what was going on or what she was, I started to feel it. So it's like, but that comes with time and that comes with effort. There's a lot of times where we disagree, we argue, and then five minutes later I'm like, yo, babe, look at this video. You feel me? We back the communication. So it's like, no matter like what goes on, like if you get cut off, if you don't, whatever, and y'all start to argue, man, it's like one of y'all gotta be like, all right, let me stop this hair. You right, I'm sorry. Let's start over. You feel me? I don't want no problems. So that's my advice. That's what I would do. Deion: Yeah. Jhalil: Cause like trying to pound in the right answer, what you think is right, in the argument, bro, that don't matter. Cause it's like y'all both defending y'all argument. So you not gonna stop your belief to disagree with their argument. So it's non-stop, bro. And it's irrelevant for real, for real. Cause we still gonna be together. Deion: But shit, that might be the biggest of the problems, right? me, know, looking at real life, and like I said, I'm so much of an observer, right? If I'm looking at that couple, it's like, it's deeper than that. ⁓ we gotta learn to listen for what people not saying. You get what I'm saying? Like, if we together 10 years and suddenly like, what I do is that much annoying to you or like, it's just like make you, your skin crawl or something. Like you don't wanna be here. I'd rather you just say you don't wanna be here and we can eliminate all of this going back and forth and then continuing to make it 20 years. Jhalil: brrrr Deion: You get what I'm saying? And so that's why I phrased the question, because I figured the way you was going to answer was going to answer your question too. You get what I'm saying? And the way you responded gave somewhat of the beginning of some solutions. So if people are going through those things, those were some great points that you gave. You feel me? Jhalil: Man, I'm open for more if y'all got some too. For sure. Deion: content. But the more of it is though that... You gotta be honest about that part first, whether you even want to be here still. And then we can move into that proper conversation protocol. You know what mean? Jhalil: you Deion: But, I would say man, like learning and understanding yourself, Like who is all your teachers? Who's the authors of all your thoughts, your morals, your practices, like your habits? Like who? You get what I'm saying? Start there because most times if you're not listening, it's because one of those thoughts is clout in your shit. Jhalil: Yeah. Deion: You get what I'm saying? Like I said, motherfuckers grew up, like, not having to battle like that. So you don't have to battle, it's like, man, I ain't trying to that shit. like, you know mean? or even, cause most times people like try to put shit on the hood, but even growing up in the burbs, you get what I'm saying? Like. If they so successful as a blue collar family or what have you, then they moving. Most times they busy. You get what I'm saying? So then it becomes busy now. So I ain't got time for you because I'm too busy. Now what you get, you feel me? The Oklahoma bombings and school shootings and all that because it's like, I'm not being heard and you get what I'm saying? Jhalil: . Cheers. Deion: It don't matter the environment. It's all of that stuff that creates that type of genre where a natural thing should be natural to me, which is listening. Why wouldn't listening be a natural thing to me that I should be able to do without somebody teaching me and all of that? You feel me? It's because of those other bugs in the game. Jhalil: Next. Deion: When motherfuckers tell you like, you ain't gotta listen to anybody, you know, what parents used to tell kids, You ain't gotta listen to nobody but me. You tell a kid, I ain't gotta listen to nobody but you. I might curse the teacher out. Like, I might curse the, but I ain't gotta listen to you. My mom said. Jhalil: Thank you. You be like, ohhhh Right, throw her right under the bus. Deion: You feel me? But it's these type of things that put the program in them people's heads and then as they grow into adults, know, when you really become an adult, it's really like, ⁓ I'm an adult, bitch, I ain't gotta listen to nobody. You get what I'm saying? And it's funny, because your parents will still be like, I don't care how old you get, you better listen to Like, you get what I'm saying? So it's crazy how that cycle go. Like you taught me to just listen to you and I start listening to others and then you revert back to like, no, I'm still your parents. You still gonna listen. Like you get what I'm saying? So it's like all of those type of things. First you gotta even understand that that's even a thing in your world. Damn, that's the reason why I ain't been listening for real. Like why is it that I got an argumentative type of Jhalil: Good. Deion: of conversation. Like your conversation is argumentive. It's not even like a give and take join, you feel me? ⁓ Jhalil: you or a debate, like you know a debate is clean. You feel me? Like you express your point, I return my contribution and then we do that back and forth. It ain't no over talking, it ain't no getting loud and none of that. But it's like, now as we get older, bro, it's like, man, a lot of the stuff that we learn, bro, is gutted, bro. Like I ain't gonna lie, you really gotta unlearn and relearn a lot of stuff, bro. Because like you said, it's like growing up hearing, yo, stay in the child's place. Don't do this. Don't do that. Don't do that. Like, bro, that probably do something to your confidence. You feel me? That'll have you scared to debate the wrong shit. You feel me? If it's something going on, you so used to hearing like, no, don't do that. Don't say that because this person is a little bit older or da-da-da. And it's like, no, it can't be like that, bro. It can't, it gotta be a mutual respect, a mutual agreement. It's not no, all right, I've been in business for 10 years. You just started, Jajun, so I don't wanna hear what you gotta say about business. Not at all. You feel me? Because when you just starting your business, like, all right, you got a new hunger. You feel me? You about to jump on it. You about to... Deion: Thank You Jhalil: Put all your business paperwork together, you about to learn all the terms, you about to go to networking events, you about to do all that. And after 10 years, it's like, I get the call now, I send the team out. Me and wife might do it, we might send the team out. But that don't mean that what you have to say isn't valuable to me. You feel me? An adult can learn something from a child. Real rap, dog. Deion: What happens now? Jhalil: Homeless people all that. I see people all the time, bro. They'll walk past homeless people. They'll talk crazy to them and do this and do Bro, I ain't one of them, man. I ain't gonna lie. I busted up with people, bro, because who am I, bro? I'm a human. That's what we do. I'm not better than nobody here, bro. You feel me? Just because you down on your luck, that don't mean that I'm about to pop it on you or I'm about to act crazy, bro. It don't matter what my status is in the world, It's humankind, my G. You know me, I roll with nature, bro. And if you don't do those type of things, I feel like your life gonna be crazy. Deion: Yeah. Jhalil: It's a certain thing that we all bring to this job, bro. And it's like, a lot of us, man, we spend too much time just talking and not trying to find out what that thing is and not trying to examine ourselves, you feel me, to see where we go wrong in conversations and understanding and et cetera. You feel me? Deion: Yeah. But we also, you know, need to include like that it is a lot of active listening out here. is. It is a lot of emotional intelligence within that to be able to have these conversations and be productive in them. You feel what I'm saying? So I don't ever want to like put one more shine on one thing than the other. You get what I'm saying? Jhalil: ⁓ yeah. Deion: just as many people that don't listen as as many people that do listen. You feel what I'm saying? And I just urge those that do listen to have patience with those who don't And ⁓ and and position yourself to like, you know, ⁓ you know, spread that energy. And I'm saying, like I said in the beginning, We can't fault people for what they don't really know. So if you're the person that know it, it's your job. You know what I'm saying? Not just to have it for yourself, but to spread that dream. You feel what I'm saying? So in the vein of accountability, like... Jhalil: Right. Deion: We got, got, you know, presented in a way too for it to be received correctly. So don't be so defensive and stuff like that. You get what I'm saying? You know, we can get into the segment of just giving, giving, giving valuable tips. You know I'm saying? So the one tip I lead people with is really like, Jhalil: Yes. Deion: Get into empathy. You know what saying? Empathy allows for you to put yourself in somebody else's shoes fully. You get what I'm saying? And then the listening part becomes a little easier. Jhalil: Yeah, way easier. Alright, bro. Deion: That's tip one. You know what I'm saying? You want to give them a tip? Jhalil: Hey man, we've been giving them tips all day, man. We just having an open discussion at this point, I feel like they can see where the trajectory is going. You feel me? They can understand. And if you don't, like you will by the end of this, John, because... I don't even know how to explain it bro. But I don't have a tit break this second though, I ain't gonna lie. Deion: Yeah So I'll give them some more tips, you know what saying? I would say like tip number two, right? is to really understand your partner. You know what mean? As men, I ain't gonna lie, it's kind of the secret of minds and shit, you know what I'm On a hush-hush, right? I deserve and listen so much that with my partner, I be foreseeing shit. know I mean? Motherfucker, I feel like I'm a ... a fortune teller or something like I'm a, you know what I'm saying? Like I'm a future reader or something like, you get what I'm saying? And the best way men, men, the best way that I be avoiding like arguments and stuff like that, your partner you got to know, you get what I'm saying? And I'll be telling Jiles and his wife this all the time, you feel me? Like being native to identify really what it is. So like I said earlier, listening to, I mean, listening to what people are not saying. Because like I said, a lot of our programming and teaching was for us to be a lot of secretive hush hush. So we don't be real or be vulnerable because of our traumas and all of that, right? So you gotta be able to, when you dealing with people that been through the stuff, you gotta like, Jhalil: Mm. Deion: be able to identify what the issue really is to avoid the problem. You get what I'm saying? Like, it'd be like, I know it ain't about these dishes. It can't be, like, no. You feel what I'm saying? Like, I know you was telling me about that position you wanted at work. You know what I'm saying? Did you ever get that? Jhalil: ⁓ best way to do it. Deion: You feel what I'm saying? Did you ever get that position? What happened with that? You cut off for that argument. And if it's really that, she gonna start feeling relieved. like he, you know what I'm saying? Like, and that's the Joan, that's the bait. Jhalil: Mm-hmm. Alright. Deion: A lot of times arguments be debate. Don't grab debate. You get what I'm saying? Like really tackle what it really is. But you gotta know what it could be. And only being a person partner you should know. You wake up with them every day, you know they pattern and so. You know I'm saying? So a motherfucker come home from work and you not just saying. self-how you would come home, I'm more dramatically knowing like something on the outside. You feel me? Because I'm not the thing, I'm not the problem. And that happens too, you know, that's a big thing when people, you know, in that partnership. Jhalil: NIT and we're... Mm-hmm. That's a huge part. Deion: You know what saying? A lot of people gonna crash about those type of things, like, especially like if y'all so separate too. You know what mean? Like, you off doing your job, I'm off doing my job, and we don't connect every day on a regular bill. Jhalil: Mm-hmm. We're growing in different directions. Deion: Yeah. And so when you call me with an urgency or something, I'm not going to be on it. I'm dealing with my own shit. But if it's a together problem. Like you didn't already informed me about it. You know what saying? So when you talking about it, it don't seem so foreign. You know what mean? Cause you know, a lot of people start conversations like that too. Like, if you post a no already. Like, I don't fucking know what you got going on. Jhalil: RRRR