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The God Who Restores Broken Men · Intentional Guy

• Michael Chestnut: Hello everyone, welcome to Intentional Guy. I'm Michael Chestnut and we are here with Eli Brackenberry today. And I am honored to have you. He has written a book, Finding God at fifty. Am I right? Eli: That's correct. Michael Chestnut: And you know, it it's it amazes me. I one of the reasons why I really wanted to have you on the show is ever everything seems to be for the young guys, you know, and and God is just not the Eli: Mm-hmm. Michael Chestnut: God for the 20 year olds, the 30 year olds. And you know, I my midlife crisis was a Tacoma pickup truck. That's what I bought from my midlife crisis. but earlier in my life. I found myself far from God. And, you know, it was in my 40s, mid-40s, and and 50s that I would say that closer relationship with God and defining my identity in him actually took more root than where I was. And and you know, I don't know if that's Eli: Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Michael Chestnut: common or not. But you know, my listeners have heard my story. And I brought you on here. I would love to hear your story because if I'm correct, I believe your story started in the midst of a divorce, if I'm correct. Eli: Yeah, yeah. mean, my story started after the second divorce, right? So you Michael Chestnut: Mm-hmm. Eli: think I should do this and everything will be fine. I'm going to get married. I'm going to have, I'm going to buy a house. I'm going to get a great job. You do it in order. And the only person I know that ever did it in order was my father. And so when I went and I did everything in reverse, I didn't have any money to speak of. So I went out and I bought a house. I was 21 years old. when I got married and he says, you're too young. And I said, you don't know what you're talking about. And so out of spite and out of what I wanted, I went and got married and my first marriage lasted six years and had a beautiful child out of it. She's fantastic. And, she had my first grandbaby a year ago. And so, I mean, it's, great. And, and my second marriage lasted 19 years and, you would think I would have learned something from the first marriage and I did and I didn't. Both women are great. I have zero animosity with them as people because what they did ultimately is found happiness. And that's ultimately the goal. And I was happy for them. But I had failed twice in something that's supposed to be a lifelong endeavor. And so when I went through that, I thought I am unworthy. know, from a biblical perspective, I took a covenant that God gave people and I ruined it. And so if you go by the rules based and performance based life, which a lot of traditional religions will teach you, which I grew up Catholic, I wasn't worthy of progression of any kind. couldn't get remarried. couldn't do the things that are required to reach sanctification in the Catholic Church. And so, but I just sort of struggled. I wasn't happy with any career choice ever made. The job didn't provide for me satisfaction. And so I think what I was missing was satisfaction in myself because I was beaten down, religiously bruised, I guess you could say. And... You know from a human perspective we all face that your listeners probably face that too like I am unworthy of God's love So I'm just gonna say I did my best help the children and the thing that I decided was I've tried everything else from therapy to self-help books to counseling and Those were all somebody else's opinion of what I should do, but I never gave God the opportunity to come into my life and restructure my life, my heart, my foundation on the principles that he had for me. And so I simply said, I'm done. I'm done. Not I'm giving up on life in general. Let's just see how it plays out. I said, I'm done, God. I want you in my life and I want you to write my story. And what happened when I did that, and it almost happened immediately, but what happened when I did that were things that I would have never created for myself because I got out of my own way. You know, you may be sitting here listening to this and say, you know, I've, I've got addictions that I can't release. I've got some failures that I have to clean up before I come to God in a tuxedo. And what Jesus wants from you is your heart. That's it. That's all he wants is it, is is your, is your heart and a commitment to follow him. That was his command to all the disciples when he recruited them. Follow me. I'm not asking you to tithe. I'm not asking you to go to confession. I'm not asking you to be perfect. I want your imperfect self, your bruised, battered and broken self to come to me and I will give you rest. Right. So I said, let's give it a shot. I mean, I wasn't facing anything debilitating. I was just to the point where I don't know what else to do here. When you get to the end of your rope, you don't let go, you tie a knot. And God became that knot that I could hang onto and provided me so much peace that I can't even really explain it. And I've tried and I've failed miserably to try to explain exactly why I felt the way I did. But people began to notice, how are you so peaceful right now in chaos? And my response was, because I got Jesus in the boat with me. And it started multiple conversations of, what does that mean? And in my infancy, in my walk, I struggled through that conversation, but all I could do was relate, this is what he's done for me. And you may not be able to see him, you may not be able to touch him, but he is present with you always, because that's one of 7,000 plus promises in the Bible that he promises you. I will never leave you. will never forsake you. And his timing is always perfect. And what I found when I surrendered that to that principle, he's true. It's real. And it gave me hope in ways that I can't put into words. Michael Chestnut: Yeah, you know, and I I I find a lot of us we get stuck, right? Because we let the failures, we get to those points where we've tried to do everything that we can ourselves. And as men, that's kind of in instilled in us a little bit because we want to be fixers. We want to be we wanna be able to handle all these things that come our way. And I think as I got older, I realized, you know. I was just I was floundering. It was like I don't even have a clue to what the next step is. I'm faking it all the all the way. And kind of felt like a fraud, you know. but it it's amazing Eli: Yeah. Yep. Michael Chestnut: once you take that initiative and say, Okay, God, I'm gonna trust you. I don't know what that looks like. I don't I I Eli: All right. Yep. Michael Chestnut: I I I When I that happened with me, I remember the only prayer I could get out was Holy Spirit, please. For the longest time, that's all I could do. Because I had put I had done it s I had done such a poor job with managing my life. And I was so broken in that stage of my life that for six months to a year, almost all I could pray was Holy Spirit, please. But the Eli: Mm-hmm. Michael Chestnut: the great thing was. He heard that and he honored that. And you know, I love that he meets us where we're at and not where we should be. Eli: Yeah, and that's difficult. I mean, not only is it difficult for everyone, everybody with a heartbeat has a problem surrendering control of the outcome. Specifically to men, though, every man has a fracture in their life. Where it came from, who knows? Could be abandonment, could be father issues, could be trust issues, could be something, could be anything. And we learned that from childhood. And this isn't a psychological lecture. This is just a fact. My dad was fantastic. And so he gave me a foundation and God, just didn't understand that he could fill a nail hole, you know, just for an example, with spackle that is from him. Plug that up, move on. You don't need to look back at that. And so I think a lot of times men are so worried about being able to provide, to perform, to, they have to be perfect. And if they're not, they're gonna be judged either by society or their family or friends or whatever. And it doesn't have to be that way. Going back to what you talked about, I was that way, I'm a man. I thought if I'm not performing, if I'm not making six figures a year, I'm a failure. And that came from always listening to the outside world. And when I decided that's, that's not working for me, obviously, because I don't have that six figure job. I don't have peace in my life and the surrender comes and he didn't find me in a brick and mortar building. found me where I was. Brews battered, broken. doubtful, crying. And that's not what any father wants for his kids. And so I said, okay, let's let's do that. But I had to face a lot of things that I think I would not have if I didn't have that support of something. And you have to uncover that lie that you've told yourself, whatever that may be. You know, and it may not be a lie that you've told yourself, but it might be a lie that the world has told you. And then you have to name it. You have to name it. You have to encounter it. You have to face it head on. The best way to face your demons is to turn around because they're going to chase you until they know that they're being looked at. And so you turn around, you face those demons and say, more. You know, and you stop swimming upstream and you surrender and float. downstream the direction which God wants you to go. And then you recover from that. You recover from the things that you thought were true and God restores your identity in a way that he wants for you, which is again, all of these things are not easy processes, but they're necessary for you to come into contact with the one who has a plan for you. And the plan is different for everyone, but it's very specific to you. He knitted you in your mother's womb. There's a reason that you were knitted and created. And sometimes, especially as men, we think, well, that's not something I'm comfortable with. Well, too bad. And it wasn't anything that I just was like, yeah, let's do that. I didn't have that feeling. I was very uncomfortable and I resisted. And I had to remind myself to be still, to really be still and listen and live intentionally. to go through these steps of uncovering, encountering this thing that is hurting you and let God spackle and close the wound. If you've got a fracture and it doesn't get set right, you compensate for that wound and you don't walk right, you limp, your gate is off. But if you let God fix the things inside of you, you begin to understand that the restoration process of a man... starts with letting go of the thing you think you know best. You know, we're kind of spiritually bankrupt when we get to this point where I cannot accomplish these things without him. I can't. And that takes vulnerability. And who's the least vulnerable species on the planet? A man, a human male. We don't like vulnerability. It signals weakness. But what I found in my own walk, is that that vulnerability and willingness to accept the fact I can't control things on my own provided me strength that I cannot explain in words. Transcendence, human understanding, peace and strength were given to me by my Lord and Savior. And if I didn't have those, I would have a problem in progressing forward. I let him fix my wounds. I let him cover me with his grace. I was very undeserving. so undeserving. didn't think I deserved it. But the thing about Jesus is, is that his sacrifice counted for you. Yes, you, the way you are right now, whether you're facing trials, tribulations, addiction to whatever it is, his love and his grace will cover you. He'll take you as you are, kind of like you said. I'm just going to come as I am and close my eyes and cross my fingers. And he'll accept you into his kingdom and his family if you are just willing to say I can't do this anymore Michael Chestnut: So so let me ask you, Eli, so in the brokenness of all this and in your Eli: Mm-hmm. Michael Chestnut: most broken moment, because I do know that some sometimes some of the guys that who will reach out are it it's trying to survive in the brokenness. what were some of the tools in this reckoning that you had coming to God at 50? What were some of the tools that God used in your past? to help you get to that. Eli: Well, I think when he came to me and I felt it only because of the way I felt after this experience was January 13th, 2024. It was a day after my ex-wife had moved out of the house and I had spent that afternoon on the 12th, cleaning and preparing. in retrospect, I look back and I think I was preparing God for my home. And so, So I did all these things, manual labor, I cleaned the bathrooms, washed the sheets, did all the things. And I went to TikTok and I looked at TikTok and my algorithm was not on a Christian basis whatsoever. It was meant to give me some escape point, which I think we all sort of go to TikTok or any other social media to escape the reality of life. And so I got Psalm 46 10, which is be still and know that I'm the Lord your God. And I thought, why are you talking to me this way? This is very strange. This isn't funny. This is tearing me up a little bit on inside. And what I did is like the video, you know, because I appreciated what God was trying to do to me. And you know, God will come to you in every avenue that you're open and the devil comes in the same way. the devil will come into your Michael Chestnut: Mm-hmm. Eli: life and try to fill that fracture, okay, try to fill that space in your life and God sits at the opening of that fracture and is waiting for you to come in to restore you. And so then the following morning in the cover of the book, Finding God at 50 is a cup of coffee on a windowsill and a man walking into the unknown, but it's towards the light. And it really encapsulates exactly what my story was. My story was, don't know where I'm going, but I trust the fact that you're taking me where I need to be. And that daily surrender that I had to go through was something that I couldn't have made this up on my own. I wouldn't have done that. I had to just get out of my own way. I had to say, it is time. you if you think about the Lion King and the movie, The Lion King, it is time. And it was time for me to say no more. And it is a struggle. The human side of us says, no, I can't relinquish this to something I cannot see or touch or feel or talk to. So I'm only going to relinquish a part of my life to you and the rest of it I'm going to control. And what I found was when I relinquished 100 % of it, he rewarded me in ways I can't really explain. So for people out there listening and wondering, what is this freak show talking about? I'm simply saying that as a man, I decided I don't care what the world thinks about my vulnerability. I don't care what the world thinks about my weakness because God went on a Christ. as an innocent individual to absolve me of the things I think I am wrong about. And you don't have to look backwards. You don't have to look over your shoulder and wonder who's chasing you because God has paid the price for you. Even if you don't think you're worthy, he's paid the price for you when you believe in him and you accept him into your heart. He's paid that price and he will give you the strength you need to proceed forward. because it happened to me. These aren't theories that I wrote about. These are things that I went through and how I relied on God to restore me. And the restoration is what's important to be a leader in anything that you do, whether it's work, family, volunteer work, that surrender builds you to be that part of the process to help others. Michael Chestnut: Mm. I I agree. That that journey of restoration is part of the the it's not the greatest thing dear in the middle of it. I I I equate it to working out. It it it Eli: Yeah. Michael Chestnut: sucks during during the midst of it, but it and the other side of it, the joy that I have from the cause I went through a fifteen year restoration period. It took fifteen years because I'm just that stubborn. But now sitting on the side of it to see where God was in each of those moments, you know, and my audience, you have to be a man of faith to really fully accept and understand what me and you are actually speaking of right now, to to fully appreciate that. But I think the the brokenness, what I love about your story. Is this happened at an age where the a lot of people would be defined as toward the the later part of life, right? 50 Eli: Mm-hmm. Michael Chestnut: and older. We're in we're in those stages where we start to get retirement and this and that, looking at death all these different things. And that is actually in my story where the most I have been able to do for a God and practice my faith has been now. And it's been great for me because now I get to see where God took all the the stuff that disqualifies me, all the the horrible choices Eli: Mm-hmm Michael Chestnut: I made. And now has just Eli: Yeah. Michael Chestnut: because I finally said, here it's yours, God, because I don't know what to do with this mess. I because Eli: Yeah. Michael Chestnut: honestly, everything here disqualifies me from being able to say do or speak anything. And then God's like, Eli: Yeah. Michael Chestnut: no, Mike, because of this now, I'm gonna have you have coffee with guys every week. And you're gonna be sharing your the worst moments of your life with them so that they can find me. Wow. Eli: Yeah. And, and, Michael Chestnut: I I it's amazing. Eli: you know, men are, men are kind of living half a life, you know, and, and, and I say that because I was that guy and to understand what being fully alive is requires some discomfort and you have to be uncomfortable to be comfortable, you know, but, men today, you know, they're functioning, but they're not flourishing. And so because of that failure, that simple failure, like so-and-so is doing way better than me and I don't know why. And so you compare yourself to somebody that is living a life that maybe you want, but they're not whole. And what happens is comparison becomes a thief of joy. What do they have that I don't have? And I think a lot of men do that. I think humans do that, but I think the tendency is that men do that all the time. You know, from the time we're children, we're taught to harden, to be hard, to be tough, to rub some dirt on it. But eventually, Michael Chestnut: Mm-hmm. Eli: the hardening cracks and what you fill that crack with could be a coping mechanism, whatever that may be. And because you don't know anything else, you don't have anything else to fall back on. And that's where the fracture is that I think everyone will have a moment where they realize something's missing here. And that's what happened in my kitchen. I just said, I, yeah, something's not right in my life. I need some direction. And that rudder came that I couldn't have possibly steered my own ship, which sounds nuts. And growing up, that was something that you gotta steer your own ship. You write your own story. You can create your own life. Well, yeah, I can. It doesn't necessarily mean that it's the right life and it's not the life that was created for me. And so I did something completely outlandish and I surrendered my life to Jesus Christ. And from a societal point of view, you're bizarre. You're a Bible-beaten freak show. you're going around knocking on doors trying to save people. No, that's not it at all. I wanted myself saved and through my life and the way that I live, I wanted others to say, not why are you doing this, but how are you doing this? Help me get there. So then my transformation causes them to question and compare. And I tell them the same thing. Don't compare yourself to me, because I was you. And being you is not a bad thing. You're a child of God. So if you want what I have, let's get you there. It's you men iron sharpens iron. I know you've heard that before, but it's iron sharpens iron and we help other men become the spiritual leaders of their community, their family, their children, because you're shaping the way that people will view the world. The world will not help them. become the whole people that God wants them to be. mean, culture says man up, God tells men heal first and then we'll get through that. And upon that healing, you find this ability to accept other gifts from God. go, okay, now what? I mean, now I've got some traction, what else are you gonna give me? And you get these little pieces that God has for you that you now have the ability to hold onto. Michael Chestnut: Yeah. You know, I there's something I wish I would have learned in my twenties that I didn't learn until my fifties. And that is Eli: Mm-hmm. Michael Chestnut: we are the sum of the five people we hang out with, right? And I didn't realize Eli: Yeah. Michael Chestnut: how important those men are who I align myself with. And so in my younger age, I really didn't align myself with the right five. Then what I found out Eli: Yeah. Michael Chestnut: in my older years is I wasn't aligning with anybody. I didn't I I didn't have men in my life because I was really just maybe my work associates. And at that time I worked at the prison. So that wasn't that great. and my family. And even at church, you know, we we had that season where we were out of church for a little bit. And now I realize how important it is that I have The right men in my life. And so I have aligned myself with men who have the same desires, who treat their family the way that they that I want to treat my family, who have great marriages, who love God, who has some of the same things that I want. And what I found in then, in that using that verse that you said, iron sharpens iron, How God has you how God has spoken through these other men into my life, and how I have been able to see God because of those people I have allowed God to place into my life. And I remember I had to say, God, show me who you want because it was so foreign to me. And one thing me and you have in common is I was divorced twice too. And I allowed that to be my identity. I allowed that that Eli: Yeah. Michael Chestnut: was part of who I was saying I was. That was part of my failure. And I was letting my failures create who I am because I found myself in my mid Eli: Mm-hmm. Michael Chestnut: my late forties here, going through a divorce, going losing everything in life. And, you know, the worst enemy is that self-negative talk that we we start Eli: Yeah. Michael Chestnut: having with ourselves and we start believing those lies and then we we just fall and we fall away from everything that we do because we start believing a lie. And God brought me a word. That's why it's called the intentional guy. And God Eli: Mm-hmm. Michael Chestnut: finally gave me a word one year that said, you know, you're not living with intentional intentionality. And I need Eli: Mm-hmm. Michael Chestnut: you to intentionally follow me. you're just getting up and hoping for the best and and doing nothing to get to the best. And he's like, if you just get up and follow me, we'll get there. And so that is where the show came from, and and it's been amazing that those little choices of a simple choice of saying, okay, I'm gonna align myself with the right men. Eli: Yeah. You said Michael Chestnut: 'Cause I didn't feel worthy to be around those men. Eli: no, no. Down in Jacksonville, Florida is Jobi Martin, Church of 1122. He puts it in such a way where do you have, you know, there was a point where Jesus was preaching, I think it was in Capernaum, I'm not sure. And they wanted this paralyzed man to get healed. And so his friends picked up four of them, picked up the corners of the mat and lured him through the roof to be healed. And so the question is, who are your map carriers in your Michael Chestnut: Mm. Eli: life? Who are the people you can go to that when you're not behaving properly or you're having some issues, you can go to them and say, I don't feel right. And that's hard for a man to admit. I'm vulnerable here. I'm broken. How can you help me? Who are the map carriers in your life? So you are, like you said, the five people you hang around the most are those are right people. You know, the path to destruction is wide and it's, full of people. The path to righteousness is very narrow and sometimes you have to walk alone. And so your circle will shrink. But remember, the goal is to find peace and tranquility and stability in your own life so that it affects those around you and maybe they change a different path. But that's not the goal. I mean, the line to get into heaven is a single file line. Doesn't matter what your name is. You know, my family name is this. We go in as a group. Nope. doesn't work, you're known by your first name, not your last. So you have to be willing to sacrifice yourself on a daily basis to what God has for you. And that sounds very square and very strange. And two years ago, wouldn't have happened to me. But because of the things he's done in my life, I know who my mat carriers are. And I know I can go to them and lean on them because iron does sharpen iron. And when you surround yourself with community, It reinforces what you did on your own. Okay, so you cannot do this on your own. You couldn't do it on your own, which is why you surrendered. And once you surrender, then you have to kind of establish yourself in Christ as an individual and then come to others that will carry you when you need to be carried. Because you can't always rely on the world to carry you where you need to go. You need those people that are going to honor what you're trying to do because they believe in it in the same way. Michael Chestnut: man, I can't I love that. Who's your Mac carriers? Because I I mean, I just I had coffee with one of mine this morning because you know, I pour into a lot of guys. and and the thing is, if you just continue to pour out and you don't get poured into, you get empty. And that was where I was this morning. I was like, man, I need man, I left that that coffee with him today on fire and and full because I had this guy that iron sharpening iron moment with him. And I left Eli: Mm-hmm. Michael Chestnut: there, saying, God, thank you so much for these men you have placed in my life. And but Eli: Mm-hmm. Michael Chestnut: I also want to say this, Eli, before we go, I first thank you so much for being on here today. But I want to ask you if you will tell Eli: Thank you for having me. I appreciate it. Yeah. Michael Chestnut: us. If you tell us a little bit about your book for my audience who's listening, the guy who maybe is going through the divorce, maybe the guy struggling, you know, honestly everyone's going through something in life here. When they pick up this book, what is some of the key things that they're gonna find from this? Eli: Well, I think the tone of the book is a lot like this conversation. I mean, it's very authentic. I don't really hold anything back. I use scripture in there where it fits so that you can go back and read the scripture on your own. You know, the thing that happened with me that made me write this book was, you know, God confronted the version of me that was killing me. And I didn't realize it until he healed me from it. And so there may be things in your life that are running you down the wrong direction and you're trying to swim upstream to recover. And the book talks about relationship over religion because I was kind of spiritually bruised. There was nothing wrong necessarily with organized religion other than that's not what God wanted all along. His ministry was follow me. It didn't require performance and I think as men we try to perform in such a way that we want instant gratification because I did something and God doesn't want your performance he wants your presence and when you realize the simplicity of that and it is a it's a simple thing to do it's a hard thing to sustain and that's why when God wakes you up every morning It's an opportunity for you to surrender again that day and say, whatever your will is, I'm gonna do it. And so, you know, the book is really sorted down to earth, talks about a lot of the struggles I went through with parenting, divorce, loss, grief, things that probably a lot of your listeners are going through. And it's not admonishing you for those things. It's letting you know that I'm just this guy. I'm not a celebrity. I'm a guy that works 40 hours a week, just like some of your listeners do, I'm sure. And I require payment for those services so I can pay my bills. I have bills too. So I go through those struggles that your listeners probably have. And what I know is that that surrender has given me an opportunity to weather some of these storms in a better way, which is a great coping skill to have saying, God, I don't know what you want from me right now, and I don't know what you're doing in my life right now, but I trust you and I have faith and patience that you're gonna do the right thing. And it's a very down to earth story. Very down to earth story. Michael Chestnut: Well, while I look forward to reading it. In fact, I may reach back out to you afterwards, after I read it and Eli: Mm-hmm. Michael Chestnut: have a discussion with you again on here because Eli: Definitely. Michael Chestnut: I I have I I did not used to be a reader. I was not a reader. And one of the best things when that intentionality that I told you about earlier starting to be intentional in what I was doing, that was one of the things I did. I said, you know what, I'm I'm going to learn to read. Because I found that it Eli: Mm-hmm. Michael Chestnut: makes me better with it. So is it the book is available now? Where would they find that at? Eli: You can find all versions of the book soft hard copy Ebook and audiobook on Barnes and noble comm if you don't care That's where the only audio version is and it's about a three and a half hour audio And it's a writ. It's it's read in my voice If it put you to sleep, don't be driving. Okay Barnes and noble comm you can get it amazon.com if you just want a hard copy you know, the message is great. My ask would be that if it impacts your life, share it. Don't share the link where you bought it, but share the book. Become that disciple that God wants you to be, and you get closer to him when you share what he's done in your life. So share the book. It's been more, it's more about the message in the marketplace for me, because I think the message is too important. I think, I mean, if he can save a wretch like me, he can save anybody. It doesn't matter. There is no sin greater than God's grace. And if you're willing to accept that, you're willing to be willing to have that opportunity for him to come in your life, your life will be forever changed in a very positive way. Michael Chestnut: Wow. Well Eli, thank you so much. Again, thank you for being on here today. And to Eli: Definitely. Thanks, Mike. Michael Chestnut: my listeners, hopefully this is inspired. If you d if it has, I want you just send a message in the comment letting us know. And until next time, just keep being intentional. We'll talk to you later.