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Why Narcissists Hate When People Joke About Them · The Mental Healness Podcast

• 0:00
  What is going on, beautiful folks?
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  Today we're talking about why narcissists hate hate, hate to
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  be the butt of the joke. They hate when people are
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  laughing at them, not with them. Oh, oh y'all.
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  I'm getting in my in my head just thinking about it.
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  I'm mad thinking about it. If you're new here, my name is
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  Lee Hammock. I'm a diagnosed narcissist.
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  Welcome to another episode of The Narcissist Code.
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  Yes, y'all hate hate it hate it. Narcissistic people hate to be
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  the butt of the joke. Now they did it.
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  Now y'all know? I already know what you're going
• 1:00
  to say. What you're going to say, Lee.
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  They love telling jokes on people.
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  They love picking on people. They love hurting people's
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  feelings. They love making other people
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  get laughed at. Why can't they take it?
• 1:13
  Exactly. They can't.
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  Like, if you don't know by now, yeah, double standards exists
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  with narcissists, right? It's just with the truth.
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  Double standards exist in toxic narcissistic relationships.
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  You can't, this is something like you really cannot get
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  around when you're dealing with a with an abusive manipulative
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  narcissist. You just can't get around that,
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  right? Because they absolutely do
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  exist. Narcissistic people, like cannot
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  stand when people like I, and this is just me speaking from
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  personal experience as well. Like I hate it when I think
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  people are laughing at me, right, right.
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  I literally hate it like I'm I have you know, I have I spiked
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  high on a paranoia on my my last psych eval anyway, so I hate I
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  always I'm always thinking people are laughing at me and
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  looking at me kind of sideways regardless.
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  So I hate when people are actually laughing at me.
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  Like my feelings really do get hurt.
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  Like you ever had a narcissistic person in your life, right?
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  You ever been dealing with a narcissist and you've been like
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  making jokes about them, right? I mean, they, they've been
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  making jokes about you. Yeah.
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  Let's just say y'all at a party in a party setting or you're
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  around friends or family members or whoever, right?
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  You around these people and they are making like and also out of
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  nowhere, the narcissistic person, the narcissist right
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  starts ragging on you. They just start cracking jokes
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  on you. Everybody's laughing at you,
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  everybody's pointing and laughing at you.
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  Everybody's like high fiving the narcissist, everybody's like
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  clapping for them They're like you're the funniest person ever.
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  I can't believe you said that. What are you thinking this
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  stuff? Oh my goodness, like they're
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  just tearing you apart or they're turning somebody else
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  apart. You don't have to be the subject
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  right, you don't have to be the target all the time.
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  They're just ripping into somebody just picking on them
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  damn near like pretty much I'd say the the operative word would
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  be bully. They're bullying them right,
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  they're bullying the the person and then all of a sudden the
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  person that's being bullied stands up for themselves and
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  makes a joke back at the narcissist and an and everybody
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  starts laughing and pointing at the narcissist and that a
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  narcissist gets angry and takes it to the next level and tries
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  to fight right. This happens all the damn time,
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  y'all and this is me being real. This happens so much when you're
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  dealing with narcissists. They they like now they want to
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  fight now they want to fuss now they want to get angry,
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  especially if it's their partner right now, now, now, you know,
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  as you might know, you do a narcissist, they might not get
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  angry in front of everybody, right?
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  You might not see the actual anger, right?
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  They might you have a covert narcissist.
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  They might they, they'll, they'll get angry behind the
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  scenes right? They'll get angry behind the
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  scenes so you might not even see it.
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  Y'all see they change colors. You might not even see them get
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  angry. But now they are right.
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  Oh that's a good idea. I'll put that up.
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  You might not even see the anger.
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  They just like are you going to joke on me?
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  I got something for you. They just look at you like this
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  snarling like I am like a like you just messed with that cub
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  Michael up micro expressions like you OK, Lee, It was pretty
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  funny, wasn't it? That joke they made about you
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  was pretty funny. Was it like, yeah, it was, it
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  was hilarious. I'm OK.
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  I'm not, I'm not angry. I'm not angry.
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  You see what I'm saying? They'll do behind the scenes.
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  The cobra nurses do behind the scenes.
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  They make it, they make everybody seem it make it seem
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  like everything's OK. And then behind the scenes it's
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  not OK. Behind the scenes they're being
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  abusive. Behind the scenes, they're being
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  manipulative behind the scenes. They're yelling and screaming
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  and stuff like that. Behind the scenes behind when
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  you get when you get home or in the car ride home, get a yell
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  and scream that punching the steering wheel.
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  I can't believe you embarrass me in front of everybody.
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  I can't believe you said that about me.
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  Get everybody picking on me. Why you can't keep your damn
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  mouth shut, why you can't do this, why you can't do that?
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  Or they don't have to yell and scream.
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  They get a silent treatment, right?
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  The silent treatment is also punishment.
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  You know that we, we, we, we understand we, we are here,
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  right? The silent treatment is silent
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  rage, like narcissistic people that give you the silent
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  treatment are raging on you. They're originally, but they're
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  keeping it quiet. They're silent ragers.
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  So they're ragy, they're angry as hell, but they're just not.
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  They're keeping it quiet. They're keeping it close to the
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  cuff. They're being silent, right?
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  This is what happens to so many of them and this is what keeps
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  happening. And that's what I tell y'all.
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  If you're dealing with an abusive manipulator like this,
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  this is who you going to be dealing with.
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  And I just being real. I'm just keeping hot and ready
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  like they don't get better over time.
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  I know it. You want me to say that?
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  And I know and I don't want y'all watching my stuff thinking
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  like I don't watch. Y'all watching my stuff thinking
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  that the narcissist in your life is going to get better, right?
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  I don't think because don't watch my stuff thinking that the
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  person is going to change their behaviors based on me.
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  They themselves need to watch my stuff to try to make the
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  behavior alterations and try to go to therapy and make those
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  changes on their own. Don't take hope for me and
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  that's why I tell people you cannot take hope for me because
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  it will literally literally like you can't hope for me.
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  It can it can ruin your damn life.
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  Like don't watch my stuff and just like my well, Lee did it,
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  my partner's going to change. Like my wife just did a live a
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  little while ago did detailing the stuff that why should why?
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  You know, a lot of people. I didn't listen to the live, but
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  I'm pretty sure people ask the question like why you say why?
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  Who's what is he like? Why did he change his behavior?
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  She you mean go watch the live? It's on my channel.
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  It's like my wife's last live. She literally just went live and
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  this type of stuff right there. Y'all.
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  So they won't change their behaviors like you can't.
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  The reason they hate so much being the butt of the joke is
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  because he brings it makes them feel like a bad person.
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  It it like literally if I close my eyes and I somebody jokes on
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  me like not even right now. Maybe I was going to say not
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  right now, but yeah, even right now I'll react differently right
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  now because I would just joke back.
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  We can go back and forth right? But back in the day somebody
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  made me the butt of a joke. It is like it y'all know I close
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  my eyes when I'm trying to go deep into my psyche.
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  Like it would kind of act, it made me feel activated.
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  It would activate something in me, something damn near primal
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  and childlike. It would it would hurt my
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  feelings. I feel so much shame that it was
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  be damn near crippling. It would be, it would hurt so
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  bad. It would be damn near crippling.
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  And because I don't, I'm emotionally dysregulated
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  probably more like just like your narcissist, the narcissist
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  in your life, right? I'm so emotionally dysregulated
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  that the only reaction that I know how to give is either rage
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  or silence, You know, 'cause I'm, there's so much shame, I
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  don't know how to deal with the shame that I have in me.
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  So I react with rage and, or silence.
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  This is how I, this is how I move forward.
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  This is how I power myself up. This is how I empower myself.
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  And so I don't know how to react.
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  I don't know how to move forward.
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  I don't know how, I don't know what goes on or what to happen,
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  right. So this is the mentality.
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  It really is. So I just feel like so many
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  people that are dealing with ours is like, This is why they
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  respond that way. Like not everybody's going to
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  yell and scream at you, but a lot of narcissists are going to
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  react in a certain type of way. You know, the overt narcissists,
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  they might yell and scream at you and make A and try to hurt
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  your feelings in in in public, right?
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  They don't care. Some of them don't really care,
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  but the covert one will wait by wait till they get behind the
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  scenes to do it right. Narcissists don't want to be the
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  butt of the joke. They don't want to be, they feel
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  less that they feel less worthy when they're getting laughed at.
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  You know, in a lot of times, it's kind of like activates the
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  old trauma that they might have went through.
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  If you think about it, a lot of times it's like activating the
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  old trauma that I've experienced.
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  So now I'm angry as hell. Now I'm mad because I'm
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  activated. I'm angry because I'm activated,
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  right? I'm angry because now I'm
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  activated so much that it hurts my feelings that now I'm pissed
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  off. So because I have to get rid of
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  the shame. I don't like sitting with shame.
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  I don't like it, I don't like it.
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  Y'all know with narcissist is either all good or all bad When
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  you make a joke about me and other people are laughing at me.
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  Yeah, people don't even have to laugh at me.
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  People don't even have to laugh at the joke.
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  The fact that you laughed at a joke or you said something that
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  I perceived as being derogatory or I perceived as a personal
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  attack on me, I'm still going to try to get you back in some way
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  shape or form. Like these are perceived.
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  Like, it doesn't even matter what your intent was.
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  It's how it was received or perceived, right?
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  It doesn't matter what your intent was.
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  Your intent was just to to to jockey back to make jokes back.
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  Like, oh, you joking on me. Let me joke back on you.
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  That was your intent. Maybe.
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  Or sometimes you make maybe your intent was to hurt their
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  feelings. They've been hurting your
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  feelings and joking on you. Maybe you just like, hey, let me
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  get my link back. Hey, I'm, hey, I'm a yeah, I'm
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  telling you, I'm an equal opportunity person in that, in
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  that in the aspect of things right there, right?
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  Like seriously, I'm an equal opportunity person.
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  So I feel like in these spaces, when you're dealing with
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  narcissistic people, you have to understand that that's what
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  they're going to do. Like realistically, this is the
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  type of stuff that they're going to do.
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  Like I, I just feel like you, Oh, it comes around.
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  I knew it was coming. I felt it.
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  I just needed to get out my system.
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  I just feel like you have to under, you have to start to
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  understand who you're dealing with, right?
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  You're not dealing with a person with a healthy minded, a healthy
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  functioning mind. You're not dealing with a person
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  who understands emotional intelligence or knows how to
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  regulate their emotions. So yeah, sometimes you have to
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  watch what you what you say about around them or to them
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  because you have to protect your safety.
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  And I'm not telling you, this is not me telling you.
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  This is not me telling you to cower or be cowardice.
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  And I think some people think that not responding or no
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  contact is cowardice. It's not, it's it's
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  preservation. It's not cowardice.
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  You say the wrong thing to this person, they can try to end your
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  life, you know, I mean, you say the wrong thing to them, they
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  can try to end you. They can try to take you up out
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  of here. They like, imagine saying
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  something to them that hurts their feelings and now you're in
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  a car ride on a car ride home, their speed and going 150 mph
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  because you hurt their feelings in front of people.
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  You see, I'm just telling you, you have to not get that.
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  You have to watch what you say to these crazy bastards.
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  Sometimes you have to, you know, now, I wouldn't consider all of
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  them crazy. I know crazy.
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  One of those words that kind of sets people off.
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  But you have to watch what you say to them sometimes in order
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  to preserve your safety. Your safety is important.
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  It's absolutely important. Absolutely.
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  You know, I just feel like this is what people have to
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  understand, You know, this is what people have to just you.
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  This is what you have to deal with when you're dealing with a
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  manipulative person that doesn't care about the end of the subtle
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  intricacies of a relationship. They don't care.
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  They care about how they care about making themselves feel
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  good. You know, if you don't joke back
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  on the ride home or you don't say something to them on the
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  ride home, you they'll be picking on you on the ride home.
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  Like, yeah, I was digging into your ass and they're in there.
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  Everybody was laughing at y'all. Look, everybody, everybody was
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  laughing at my jokes. Hope you didn't take it too
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  personally. I was just joking, and you could
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  have said the same thing to them.
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  Don't take it personal. I'm just joking.
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  They right, They got the steering wheel.
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  They they'll hold the steering wheel like this.
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  You, you like you, you like this.
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  You're like, babe, are you OK? I'm fine.
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  Why wouldn't I be OK? We both made jokes, right?
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  People were laughing at both of us.
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  I'm fine. I'm fine.
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  And they they hit the steering wheel.
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  They hit. They put the pedal to the floor
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  and lose their damn minds. This is, yeah, this is
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  absolutely what happens to so many people, right?
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  Narcissistic people talk to people.
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  Abusive people hate to be the butt of the jokes.
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  They hate when people are laughing at them.
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  You know, they hate when people because they always think people
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  are thinking negatively, negatively of them.
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  It activates the paranoia that a lot of narcissists already have.
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  It activates that paranoia. It just makes it more prevalent.
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  It makes you feel. It makes you understand it a
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  little bit more. You know what I mean?
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  This is what happens, y'all. I'm just being, I'm just the
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  messenger. I'm just carrying the message.
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  Yeah, I'm just carrying the message to you and whatnot,
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  y'all. So I appreciate y'all tuning
• 13:19
  into this episode. Yeah, the podcast, the mental
• 13:23
  illness podcast. I'm all to start recording.
• 13:25
  I got a bunch of people who who submitted forms to be on a
• 13:28
  podcast, whatever. Like I said, I would prefer to
• 13:30
  do some in person stuff. I'm working on get my in person
• 13:32
  stuff set up. But I'm still going to start my
• 13:34
  virtual interviews and things next week, probably Wednesday,
• 13:38
  Thursday, Friday, and I got some few people on Monday.
• 13:40
  I got an e-mail back and what not to, you know, the mental
• 13:44
  illness podcast is coming. Even my therapist yesterday said
• 13:47
  she's going to be on a, on a podcast.
• 13:48
  So I get to interview my therapist.
• 13:50
  I get to, I get to ask the questions.
• 13:52
  I'm asking the questions here. You know what I mean?
• 13:56
  Me and my y'all, thank you for tuning in, coaching courses,
• 13:58
  support groups, everything is at mentalillness.net.
• 14:00
  And as always, y'all, as always, mental illness is up.
• 14:04
  Thank you so much for making it to the end of my video.
• 14:06
  I am extremely grateful for you. Have no idea?
• 14:08
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• 14:10
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• 14:19
  you heal and understand what you've been through.
• 14:21
  Thank you so much again. I will see you in the next
• 14:23
  video.