Latest / The Difficult Boss Podcast with Fexingo: Managing Up, Toxic Managers, and Workplace Survival / How to Manage a Boss Who Delegates Then Ghosts You
Transcript
- Lucas: You know that moment when your boss drops a big project on your desk, says 'you've got this, I trust you,' and then you never hear from them again until the deadline? Luna: Oh, that feeling. It's like being handed the keys to a car with no steering wheel. Are you supposed to just drive straight? Lucas: Exactly. And the worst part is, you can't tell if it's genuine trust or strategic avoidance. I've seen this pattern a lot — especially in mid-size tech companies where VPs are stretched thin. There was a case at a company I'll call 'Nextera Software' — about 800 employees — where the VP of Product, let's call her Sarah, was notorious for this. She'd assign a feature launch, say 'run with it,' and then go radio silent for three weeks. Luna: And then what? Did her team just make all the decisions themselves? Lucas: Some did, and that worked fine — until it didn't. One product manager made a pricing call that Sarah hated when she finally reappeared. So the team learned that 'run with it' really meant 'make no irreversible decisions until I say so.' But they also couldn't get ahold of her to clarify. So they were stuck. That's the ghosting delegation trap. Luna: Right — because the boss feels like they're empowering you, but actually they're just abdicating responsibility. There's a difference between delegating authority and just disappearing. Lucas: Exactly. And studies back this up — a Gallup survey from 2023 found that managers who delegate effectively check in at least weekly. But the ghosting manager is often avoiding the discomfort of giving real-time feedback, or they're overwhelmed themselves. So the team ends up in a kind of decision paralysis. Luna: So what do you do if you're on the receiving end? You can't just sit around waiting. Lucas: Right. So I want to share three tactics that actually work, based on what that Nextera team eventually did. First: anchor every decision in writing with a default. When Sarah assigned a project, the PM started sending a one-paragraph summary: 'Here's what I'm planning. Unless I hear otherwise by Friday, I'll proceed with Option A.' That gave Sarah an easy out — she could just stay silent and the decision moved forward. Luna: So you're forcing a decision by inaction. That's smart — it flips the ghosting into consent. Lucas: Exactly. Tactic two: schedule short, mandatory check-ins — but frame them as something the boss needs. Instead of saying 'I need your approval,' say 'I want to keep you in the loop for fifteen minutes on Tuesday so you can catch any issues early.' Most ghosting bosses will agree to that because it's framed as protecting them from surprises. Luna: Right — you're selling it as risk management for them. And then you get the face time you need. Lucas: Exactly. And the third tactic is what I call 'escalation as completion.' If you hit a decision that truly requires the boss's input and they're not responding, send a brief email that says: 'I'm pausing on X until I hear from you. As soon as you're able, please let me know your preference. In the meantime, the timeline will shift by Y days.' That puts the ball in their court with a clear consequence. It's not threatening — it's factual. Luna: And that usually gets a response because nobody wants to be the reason a deadline slips. Especially if you've cc'd the right people. Lucas: Exactly. And the weird irony is that once you implement these tactics, some ghosting bosses actually become better delegators. Because they realize they can trust you to make good calls — and that you'll protect them from surprises. Sarah actually improved after a few cycles. She started checking in proactively. Luna: But what about the bosses who never improve? The ones who genuinely just don't care and are using delegation as a way to offload work entirely? Lucas: That's the line you have to watch for. If you try the three tactics and the boss still ghosts — and then blames you for a decision they never approved — that's not delegation, that's a setup. At that point, you need to document everything and have a conversation about boundaries. Or, in extreme cases, start looking for a new manager. Luna: Yeah, because at some point you're just being set up to fail. And that's different from a busy boss who simply needs a little structure. Lucas: Right. The key is to test the difference. Give them the structure first. Most managers respond well to the anchored-default email. If they don't, then you know it's a deeper problem. Luna: And speaking of things that are useful — if today's episode helps you handle a tricky boss, that's exactly why we do this show. We keep it ad-free because of listeners who chip in at buy me a coffee dot com slash fexingo. It's a small way to keep these conversations going. Lucas: Yeah, honestly, if you've gotten one practical tip from this episode, that's what matters. And listener support is what lets us keep making them without sponsors. No pressure, but if it's helped, that link is there. Luna: Alright, back to the ghosting boss. Let's talk about one more scenario: what if the boss ghosts you during the project but then reappears at the finish line and wants to rewrite everything? Lucas: Oh, that's the worst version. I call it the 'surprise review.' You've been working for weeks, making all the calls, and then the day before the deadline, the boss suddenly has strong opinions. It's a power move — a way to reassert control without having done the work. Luna: So how do you prevent that? Because once they've seen the final product, it's hard to push back. Lucas: The key is to give them a preview before the finish line. Send a draft or a summary a few days early with a note: 'Here's where we are. I'm planning to finalize on Thursday. If you have any feedback, I'd love it by Wednesday end of day.' That way, if they don't respond, you have grounds to say 'I gave you the opportunity.' Luna: And if they still come back with changes at the last minute? After you gave them that window? Lucas: Then you have a conversation about process. You say something like: 'I want to make sure we're aligned on timing for next time. I'll send drafts earlier, and I need feedback within two business days so we can hit the deadline.' You're training them, in a respectful way, to engage earlier. Luna: It's almost like you're managing their workflow as much as your own. Which, honestly, is the essence of managing up. Lucas: Exactly. And the best part is, once you get good at it, the ghosting becomes less of a problem. You've built a system that works even when the boss is MIA. And that's a skill you can take anywhere. Luna: So to sum up: anchor decisions with a written default, schedule short check-ins framed as protection for the boss, and use the escalation as completion email. And always send a preview before the final deadline. Lucas: That's the playbook. And if you've got a boss who you think is worth saving, try it. You might be surprised how many of them just needed a little structure themselves. Luna: Alright, thanks for joining us. We'll be back next time with another tough boss situation.