Latest / Scam Goddess / That Heifer Nancy Reagan Loved D.A.R.E. with Ms. Pat

Transcript

That Heifer Nancy Reagan Loved D.A.R.E. with Ms. Pat · Scam Goddess

• 0:17
  Speaker 1: What's poppin', congregation? It's your girl Lacey Musley, a.k.a.
• 0:21
  Speaker 2: Scam Goddess, back with another installment of the comedy podcast
• 0:24
  Speaker 2: all about.
• 0:24
  Speaker 1: Robbery, fraud, and those who practice it. Sometimes we love them.
• 0:28
  Speaker 1: Sometimes we hate them.
• 0:29
  Speaker 2: One thing's for sure, we likely will laugh at them,
• 0:31
  Speaker 2: but never at the victims. Congregation, parasocial girlies, I'm very what? Yes,
• 0:35
  Speaker 2: I'm very excited. I'm very thrilled. I'm very elated. I
• 0:38
  Speaker 2: truly feel like I manifested this iconic guest today, threw
• 0:42
  Speaker 2: another crystal up on the octagon, and look at that.
• 0:44
  Speaker 1: The universe provides. She's looking at me like, what is this?
• 0:49
  Speaker 2: Patricia Williams-Lee, better known by her stage name Miss Pat,
• 0:52
  Speaker 2: is an American stand-up comedian, actress, best known as the
• 0:56
  Speaker 2: lead and namesake of The Miss Pat Show, which is hilarious.
• 0:59
  Speaker 1: She also hosts the podcast The Pat Down with Miss Pat. Welcome.
• 1:04
  Speaker 1: How are you, Miss Pat?
• 1:05
  Speaker 3: This ain't no confession, is it? No, no.
• 1:08
  Speaker 1: We're not trapping you. This is not a trap.
• 1:09
  Speaker 3: Well, yeah, I mean, that shit is old. I ain't
• 1:12
  Speaker 3: going to jail.
• 1:12
  Speaker 2: Well, see, I do want to know a little bit.
• 1:14
  Speaker 2: I was going to ask you, Ms. Pat, like, what's
• 1:15
  Speaker 2: your relationship with scams?
• 1:16
  Speaker 3: Do you love them? Do you hate them?
• 1:17
  Speaker 1: You got any that you ran into?
• 1:18
  Speaker 3: I say do what you got to do. Just don't
• 1:20
  Speaker 3: vote my money. Amen. Amen.
• 1:23
  Speaker 1: Have you ever had someone try to run a scam
• 1:24
  Speaker 1: on you?
• 1:26
  Speaker 3: Yeah. Yes. Like what? Them people who call all the time.
• 1:30
  Speaker 4: I just had somebody recently call me and say, um, um,
• 1:34
  Speaker 4: I'm calling from Truett Bank, Forger's department. And I need
• 1:39
  Speaker 4: to talk to you because somebody's trying to get in
• 1:40
  Speaker 4: your account. I said, look, I'm going to tell you
• 1:43
  Speaker 4: this because I love you. Go play in your pussy.
• 1:45
  Speaker 4: It's more exciting. I said, first of all, I don't
• 1:48
  Speaker 4: have a Truett account, you dumb fuck. Call me back
• 1:52
  Speaker 4: when you got Bank of America. And I ain't got
• 1:55
  Speaker 4: them either.
• 1:56
  Speaker 1: Not you giving tips.
• 1:58
  Speaker 3: He's like, fuck you, bitch. And he hung up.
• 2:00
  Speaker 4: So I love when they call me with these scams.
• 2:02
  Speaker 4: Because I'm like, and I told him, I said, I
• 2:04
  Speaker 4: understand you need money, but so do I. But I
• 2:06
  Speaker 4: just stopped doing what you're doing today.
• 2:08
  Speaker 3: So get the fuck off my phone. Period. Yeah.
• 2:11
  Speaker 1: I don't like how he was like, fuck you, bitch. Like,
• 2:13
  Speaker 1: what do you mean? You called to rob me. How
• 2:15
  Speaker 1: you getting mad?
• 2:16
  Speaker 3: Well, that's all right. Because I fucked up his robbery.
• 2:20
  Speaker 3: It was like calling the police.
• 2:21
  Speaker 1: Fair.
• 2:22
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 2:22
  Speaker 1: Fair enough.
• 2:23
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 2:23
  Speaker 2: You got in the way of his scheme by not
• 2:25
  Speaker 2: giving him money. I feel like scammers used to be
• 2:26
  Speaker 2: more gracious, though. But as we see the economy.
• 2:28
  Speaker 3: Well, they used to be classic.
• 2:29
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 2:30
  Speaker 3: They had class. They don't have no class these days. Yeah.
• 2:33
  Speaker 3: They don't.
• 2:33
  Speaker 4: They just, you know, back in the day when I
• 2:35
  Speaker 4: forged checks. I know it was covered by the FDA
• 2:38
  Speaker 4: or whoever the fuck covered the money.
• 2:39
  Speaker 3: FDIC. Yeah, that's the food people. Them too.
• 2:43
  Speaker 4: But, you know, I would write your check in good places.
• 2:47
  Speaker 4: I wouldn't write it for no bullshit. You know, I
• 2:49
  Speaker 4: would write it for big stream TVs. Because I didn't
• 2:51
  Speaker 4: want you to have a whole lot of checks that
• 2:53
  Speaker 4: you had to tell the bank bounce.
• 2:55
  Speaker 3: I just wanted you to have a few checks that bounce.
• 2:58
  Speaker 3: So I made big purchases.
• 3:01
  Speaker 2: I love the math of that. It's like, look, I
• 3:04
  Speaker 2: could have come in here and got three.
• 3:05
  Speaker 1: Chapsticks with a magic. But no, I got six flat screens.
• 3:09
  Speaker 3: And that's better for all of us. What no flat
• 3:10
  Speaker 3: screens back then, young lady? They was a big screen. Oh,
• 3:13
  Speaker 3: it was the TV with the booty.
• 3:13
  Speaker 1: In the back?
• 3:14
  Speaker 3: Yes. Yeah, I'm 54.
• 3:16
  Speaker 1: Okay, listen. I still remember the booty back TV.
• 3:20
  Speaker 2: And I only remember it because if I got on
• 3:21
  Speaker 2: punishment and I wasn't allowed to watch TV and I
• 3:23
  Speaker 2: tried to sneak and watch TV, my parents would come
• 3:25
  Speaker 2: home and they would like rub the back to see if.
• 3:27
  Speaker 4: It was hot.
• 3:28
  Speaker 3: Damn, what kind of TV y'all TV? A regular TV?
• 3:32
  Speaker 2: No, this was like the first big screen TV, but
• 3:36
  Speaker 2: it had a booty on the back.
• 3:37
  Speaker 3: Yes, it was big, yeah.
• 3:39
  Speaker 1: Yeah. No, we had fight night at our house. It
• 3:41
  Speaker 1: was a very classy, large television.
• 3:43
  Speaker 3: Those were called big screen TVs. Yeah, big screen.
• 3:45
  Speaker 1: Yeah, big screen. Yeah, it wasn't flat, but it was tall.
• 3:48
  Speaker 3: Yes, it was very tall.
• 3:49
  Speaker 1: That was like right when TiVo came out.
• 3:51
  Speaker 3: They was big.
• 3:52
  Speaker 4: They was like 50-something inches.
• 3:54
  Speaker 3: Yeah, no, it was like you could stand next to it. Yes, exactly.
• 3:57
  Speaker 1: It would be your height.
• 3:58
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 3:59
  Speaker 2: And I remember when TiVo came out because it was
• 4:01
  Speaker 2: like my parents got into TiVo like right as that
• 4:04
  Speaker 2: Janet Jackson, Justin Timberlake Super Bowl had happened. So they
• 4:07
  Speaker 2: kept rewinding it when the titty popped out.
• 4:10
  Speaker 3: Yes.
• 4:12
  Speaker 1: And that's how I remember. Janet did a lot for
• 4:14
  Speaker 1: the Internet that day.
• 4:15
  Speaker 3: Truly. Truly. She did. She needs y'all to leave her
• 4:19
  Speaker 3: brother the fuck alone.
• 4:20
  Speaker 2: They need to leave the whole Jackson family alone. They've
• 4:22
  Speaker 2: given us enough, okay? They done been scootin' and dippin'
• 4:25
  Speaker 2: and skippin' and dancin' since.
• 4:26
  Speaker 3: Well, they used to. Empathy They don't give a fuck.
• 4:29
  Speaker 3: They rich. That's true.
• 4:31
  Speaker 1: That's true. Now, so when you.
• 4:34
  Speaker 2: With, like, okay, so when you would allegedly write a
• 4:36
  Speaker 2: check or something, was it, like, was it you were targeting, like,
• 4:40
  Speaker 2: a certain store? Or was it, like, oh, I just
• 4:42
  Speaker 2: kind of need this today and I got to wait
• 4:43
  Speaker 2: for the money to come? Or, like, post-date it and put, like,
• 4:45
  Speaker 2: a little, like, y'all come back in two weeks to
• 4:46
  Speaker 2: get this?
• 4:47
  Speaker 4: Or.
• 4:47
  Speaker 3: Oh, young lady, I wasn't using my checks. I was
• 4:50
  Speaker 3: using other people's checks. Oh, kiting. That's beautiful. Excuse me? Oh,
• 4:54
  Speaker 3: it's called... What is it called?
• 4:56
  Speaker 1: It's called check kiting.
• 4:57
  Speaker 3: Kiting? Yeah. No, it's called check forgery.
• 5:00
  Speaker 1: It's also called forgery.
• 5:01
  Speaker 3: How old are you? Oh, my gosh.
• 5:03
  Speaker 1: You don't put me in a spot?
• 5:05
  Speaker 3: I'm in my 30s.
• 5:06
  Speaker 4: Yeah, because it's a big difference here. You're using different
• 5:09
  Speaker 4: words for the same crime.
• 5:13
  Speaker 3: Kiting. What the fuck is check kiting?
• 5:14
  Speaker 4: You're right.
• 5:15
  Speaker 3: Well, when I was young like you, it was called.
• 5:18
  Speaker 1: You were still very young.
• 5:19
  Speaker 3: Yeah, I'm not. I'm old as fuck.
• 5:21
  Speaker 4: It was just called check forgery. So my brother used
• 5:24
  Speaker 4: to break in people's houses, and a lot of times
• 5:27
  Speaker 4: he would steal a car from downtown.
• 5:29
  Speaker 3: And once he stole the car.
• 5:31
  Speaker 4: You know, people always leave their personal shit in their car,
• 5:34
  Speaker 4: like their checkbooks. So he would come by where I
• 5:36
  Speaker 4: sold drugs at and like, you want these checks books.
• 5:39
  Speaker 4: And so before I got into check forgery, I really
• 5:42
  Speaker 4: didn't know how to fucking write a check or anything.
• 5:45
  Speaker 3: So I would give them to this crackhead who wrote them.
• 5:47
  Speaker 3: And then I said, well, teach me how to do it.
• 5:49
  Speaker 3: And the crackhead taught me how to forge checks. Crackheads
• 5:51
  Speaker 3: have so many skills. Yes. And so that's how I
• 5:54
  Speaker 3: got into forging checks. I love that.
• 5:57
  Speaker 1: I love that the crackhead let you, like, put you
• 5:58
  Speaker 1: on game, too.
• 5:59
  Speaker 3: Yes. Like, how to make a license.
• 6:01
  Speaker 4: Back in those days, you would take your parking ticket,
• 6:07
  Speaker 4: and you would, somebody's old parking ticket, you would put
• 6:10
  Speaker 4: a fang and a positive remover over it to erase it.
• 6:14
  Speaker 4: And then you would put a carbon copy and put
• 6:15
  Speaker 4: two up under each other. And then you would fill
• 6:18
  Speaker 4: the information out, and it would look like it came
• 6:20
  Speaker 4: straight out of a police traffic ticket book.
• 6:22
  Speaker 3: Oh, my God.
• 6:23
  Speaker 1: This is beautiful.
• 6:24
  Speaker 4: And so we would make our own traffic tickets because
• 6:28
  Speaker 4: that's all you needed. Then we would go in Decatur
• 6:30
  Speaker 4: and get a piece of, like, work ID to go
• 6:33
  Speaker 4: along with it. Bam.
• 6:35
  Speaker 3: And you was able to go out and write that
• 6:36
  Speaker 3: whole book in a day. Oh, my God, that's so beautiful.
• 6:39
  Speaker 2: Like, I wish that scammers were still working that hard.
• 6:42
  Speaker 2: I feel like as technology has progressed, now they call
• 6:45
  Speaker 2: you on the phone, pretend to be a victim, and say,
• 6:46
  Speaker 2: fuck you, if you say no.
• 6:48
  Speaker 3: Like, what? Get out here and get some acetone.
• 6:50
  Speaker 4: And if you notice that sometimes you'll be like, somebody's
• 6:53
  Speaker 4: trying to log into your account. So all they do
• 6:55
  Speaker 4: is they buy the stuff on the black web, and
• 6:57
  Speaker 4: all they do is just constantly try to get into
• 7:00
  Speaker 4: your account.
• 7:00
  Speaker 3: I changed my passcode.
• 7:02
  Speaker 4: Like, now I'm down to, I'm trying to start, I'm
• 7:05
  Speaker 4: almost down to every month because it's ridiculous. Wow. I mean, Ms.
• 7:09
  Speaker 1: Patty, you got money, though, so, like, they're going to
• 7:11
  Speaker 1: keep trying to rob you, so.
• 7:12
  Speaker 4: Oh, you're not going to rob me because I'm the robber.
• 7:14
  Speaker 3: You know what?
• 7:15
  Speaker 1: And I love that. I love that.
• 7:16
  Speaker 3: Yes.
• 7:17
  Speaker 1: I love that for me.
• 7:17
  Speaker 3: I love that.
• 7:18
  Speaker 1: That's the mantra. I might have to put that on
• 7:19
  Speaker 1: a T-shirt.
• 7:19
  Speaker 3: Don't try to rob me because I'm the robber. I mean,
• 7:22
  Speaker 3: I tell them all the time when they come. I say, hey,
• 7:24
  Speaker 3: I do what you do. So you might want to
• 7:25
  Speaker 3: call somebody else. Right.
• 7:27
  Speaker 1: I'm the same way.
• 7:28
  Speaker 2: But unfortunately for me, I'm curious. So I try to
• 7:30
  Speaker 2: keep them on the phone. I want to see exactly
• 7:32
  Speaker 2: how they run the play and everything. And then I
• 7:34
  Speaker 2: seem too interested. And then they hang up on me.
• 7:36
  Speaker 2: And I'm like, how you going to ghost me? I
• 7:37
  Speaker 2: thought we was doing a robbery together.
• 7:38
  Speaker 3: And they're like, we're just not a group activity. Yes.
• 7:41
  Speaker 4: But I don't know who fall for those dumb ass
• 7:43
  Speaker 4: scam today. I mean, with the Internet and people talking
• 7:47
  Speaker 4: about them all the time. You know, how do you
• 7:49
  Speaker 4: call in some of this Bank of America?
• 7:51
  Speaker 3: Well, hold on, Bank of America. I'm going to call
• 7:52
  Speaker 3: you back. Right. At the number on the back of
• 7:54
  Speaker 3: my credit card, bitch. Exactly. Yes.
• 7:57
  Speaker 4: So you got to, I just think people have to be,
• 8:01
  Speaker 4: you have to really slow down these days. Because back
• 8:03
  Speaker 4: when I was doing it, it was just credit cards
• 8:05
  Speaker 4: and check for all.
• 8:06
  Speaker 3: It's like all the shirt. Yeah. It wasn't all this
• 8:09
  Speaker 3: other stuff. You know, I didn't know.
• 8:11
  Speaker 4: I don't know nothing about it. this song, this girl,
• 8:14
  Speaker 4: you scamming ass niggas and making crap.
• 8:15
  Speaker 3: I didn't know nothing about all that bullshit. Where are
• 8:17
  Speaker 3: my scamming ass niggas? You don't know about that?
• 8:19
  Speaker 4: Yeah.
• 8:20
  Speaker 3: No, I don't know about that. Spending that money fast.
• 8:22
  Speaker 1: You don't spend that shit, Pat? Spend that shit.
• 8:23
  Speaker 3: I spend my own money now. I spend my own shit.
• 8:27
  Speaker 1: I love that. You spend your own shit.
• 8:29
  Speaker 2: Yes.
• 8:29
  Speaker 3: Okay, yes.
• 8:29
  Speaker 1: Spend that shit.
• 8:30
  Speaker 2: I mean, for me, I appreciate the ingenuity, like, back
• 8:35
  Speaker 2: in the day because now it is a lot of, like,
• 8:36
  Speaker 2: clicking on links.
• 8:37
  Speaker 1: There's a lot of AI.
• 8:38
  Speaker 2: I think to answer your question of, like, who's filing
• 8:40
  Speaker 2: for this, like, Not everybody's, like, as tapped in and
• 8:43
  Speaker 2: in tune, you know, like, as a prolific stand-up comedian,
• 8:45
  Speaker 2: you know a lot about the world. And so not
• 8:48
  Speaker 2: everybody is, like, tapped in on what's going on all
• 8:50
  Speaker 2: the time or online all the time or, you know,
• 8:52
  Speaker 2: they're in rural towns. Or they're old people who are
• 8:54
  Speaker 2: lonely and then the scammer calls and they're like, finally, like,
• 8:56
  Speaker 2: it's Tuesdays and more.
• 8:58
  Speaker 4: I mean, just think about the credit card thing now
• 9:00
  Speaker 4: that you can literally walk by somebody with a scanning
• 9:02
  Speaker 4: machine and you can fucking, they can scan your whole card.
• 9:06
  Speaker 3: I think that happened to me one time, didn't it?
• 9:08
  Speaker 1: That happens at gas stations, too.
• 9:10
  Speaker 3: Oh, let me tell you.
• 9:10
  Speaker 4: I was at a gas station one time, and it
• 9:13
  Speaker 4: was one that I was getting gas at. And I
• 9:16
  Speaker 4: left there, and it wouldn't take my card, but it said,
• 9:19
  Speaker 4: your card has just been charged. And so I got
• 9:23
  Speaker 4: a kickback, and Sears called me and said, is this
• 9:25
  Speaker 4: you trying to make these purchases?
• 9:26
  Speaker 3: I said, the fucking gas station declined my card.
• 9:29
  Speaker 1: You was buying gas with a Sears card?
• 9:31
  Speaker 3: Yeah, a MasterCard. Oh, okay.
• 9:34
  Speaker 1: Sears had a MasterCard?
• 9:35
  Speaker 3: Sears still has a master. I've had that card my
• 9:37
  Speaker 3: whole marriage. Yes.
• 9:38
  Speaker 1: Are Sears still in business?
• 9:40
  Speaker 3: I don't think so. I just didn't got the credit card.
• 9:42
  Speaker 1: I went to somebody to close out Sears' is. So
• 9:43
  Speaker 1: I didn't know if they were still going.
• 9:45
  Speaker 3: It's just a card that I have. Okay. I don't
• 9:47
  Speaker 3: think they raised my limit in 30 years, but it's
• 9:49
  Speaker 3: just a- Wait, does it still work? Because I thought- Yes.
• 9:52
  Speaker 4: And it's a card that I will not get rid
• 9:54
  Speaker 4: of because it's me and my husband's first credit card together.
• 9:56
  Speaker 3: So it's just a card.
• 9:57
  Speaker 1: That's very romantic, me and my husband's first credit card together.
• 10:00
  Speaker 1: That's cute.
• 10:01
  Speaker 4: Well, that's the first time he allowed me to be
• 10:03
  Speaker 4: on his credit because he already had a card.
• 10:05
  Speaker 1: That makes it even cuter.
• 10:06
  Speaker 3: Okay, yes.
• 10:07
  Speaker 1: You pay that bill.
• 10:08
  Speaker 3: I love you. Yes.
• 10:09
  Speaker 4: Well, we paid a bill now, but it was a struggle.
• 10:13
  Speaker 4: We ate out that card for fucking years.
• 10:15
  Speaker 3: I love that.
• 10:16
  Speaker 2: I love that when Sears went up yonder to be with,
• 10:18
  Speaker 2: you know, Spirit Airlines and who else went up yonder?
• 10:21
  Speaker 3: But Sears is still around, isn't it?
• 10:23
  Speaker 1: It's some Sears.
• 10:26
  Speaker 2: I don't know if they went fully up yonder if
• 10:27
  Speaker 2: they low sick or like if they might be on.
• 10:30
  Speaker 3: What the fuck are you talking about? Like Sears. I'm
• 10:32
  Speaker 3: saying I don't know. What do you mean go up yonder?
• 10:34
  Speaker 2: Like if they died or if they on life support.
• 10:37
  Speaker 2: I don't know if Sears is dead or if it's
• 10:38
  Speaker 2: on life support.
• 10:38
  Speaker 3: They might be on life support, but I don't think
• 10:40
  Speaker 3: they dead yet.
• 10:40
  Speaker 4: They might be dead because I saw the Tuesday, the
• 10:43
  Speaker 4: brand Tuesday in another store.
• 10:45
  Speaker 3: So I don't fucking know.
• 10:46
  Speaker 2: Listen, corporations like to act like they people online now.
• 10:49
  Speaker 2: So I'll be talking about them like people. I'm like, oh, yeah,
• 10:51
  Speaker 2: they went to the king. They're not with us no more.
• 10:54
  Speaker 3: Well, people don't really go in the stores anymore.
• 10:57
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 10:58
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 10:59
  Speaker 2: Which is depressing because, like, I really enjoyed the shopping
• 11:02
  Speaker 2: experience of going into a store.
• 11:04
  Speaker 1: I missed customer service.
• 11:06
  Speaker 2: Like, I almost low-key missed when they used to follow
• 11:08
  Speaker 2: me around because I was Black. Because then at least
• 11:10
  Speaker 2: I get some service.
• 11:11
  Speaker 1: Like, you know, like.
• 11:14
  Speaker 3: Take your ass to Neiman Marcus. You'll get all the
• 11:15
  Speaker 3: attention you want. Right.
• 11:17
  Speaker 2: And I start treating him like a personal shopper.
• 11:18
  Speaker 1: You follow me around, be like, hold this. Hold that.
• 11:21
  Speaker 1: Thank you so much. Keep going with me. Walk with me.
• 11:24
  Speaker 1: You want to profile me? Let's profile together. Let's have
• 11:27
  Speaker 1: a group project.
• 11:27
  Speaker 3: You're nice. I don't do that.
• 11:29
  Speaker 1: Oh, you just don't know?
• 11:30
  Speaker 3: I tell him, I say, what the fuck are you doing? Oh, period. Yeah,
• 11:34
  Speaker 3: why are you fucking following me? I just, I don't know.
• 11:37
  Speaker 1: I like to fuck with him. I'm just like, okay.
• 11:39
  Speaker 3: I do too.
• 11:39
  Speaker 4: I like to put him to get the fuck away
• 11:40
  Speaker 4: from behind me. Okay, that's two different, and I love that.
• 11:43
  Speaker 4: But I'm an old black woman, too, so you have
• 11:45
  Speaker 4: that type of time. And you probably pop out your
• 11:47
  Speaker 4: phone and record them. All right, get the fuck, what
• 11:49
  Speaker 4: are you doing? And I always tell them, I say,
• 11:52
  Speaker 4: when I was stealing for you, you never caught me.
• 11:55
  Speaker 3: So it's too late now. I'm saved. Right. So I
• 11:58
  Speaker 3: don't steal anymore.
• 11:59
  Speaker 2: I also just never understood why employees would be so
• 12:02
  Speaker 2: dedicated to following people around stores.
• 12:04
  Speaker 1: Because you're not making anything from that. And also, there's shrink.
• 12:08
  Speaker 1: There's loss prevention. The stuff is insured. Like, what are
• 12:10
  Speaker 1: you going to chase? I remember I worked at a
• 12:12
  Speaker 1: retail store and our manager used to work. She was
• 12:14
  Speaker 1: like this scraggly, like kind of like scrappy white girl.
• 12:17
  Speaker 3: You just said the right word, white girl.
• 12:20
  Speaker 2: Yeah, but she looked like she'd be like fighting people.
• 12:22
  Speaker 2: Like she might be on baddies or something. Like she
• 12:23
  Speaker 2: just looked like she was living a life. And she
• 12:25
  Speaker 2: said she used to work at Rainbow. And when she
• 12:27
  Speaker 2: was a manager there, if people tried to steal, she
• 12:29
  Speaker 2: would like run out into the parking lot after them.
• 12:31
  Speaker 1: I was like, girl, over Rainbow? It's not even your Rainbow.
• 12:35
  Speaker 1: Try it for me.
• 12:35
  Speaker 3: I don't give a fuck what you steal from them.
• 12:38
  Speaker 3: This ain't my shit. Right, exactly. They got insurance. Exactly.
• 12:42
  Speaker 2: And people get nosy in stores. Like, did you ring
• 12:44
  Speaker 2: that up? I'm like, okay, but do you work here? Like,
• 12:47
  Speaker 2: why are you so pressed for Daddy Corporation? This is
• 12:49
  Speaker 2: none of your business. When you go home, do you
• 12:51
  Speaker 2: feel good about that? Like, do you get into bed
• 12:52
  Speaker 2: with your spouse?
• 12:52
  Speaker 3: Like, oh, my God. Anybody never ask me, what you mean,
• 12:55
  Speaker 3: did you ring up?
• 12:56
  Speaker 2: You know, like, they'll be like, self-checkout. Like, other people
• 12:58
  Speaker 2: be trying to, like, watch other people self-check out.
• 13:00
  Speaker 3: Really? Yeah. I don't know. People are miserable.
• 13:03
  Speaker 4: You shouldn't use self-checkout. When you use self-checkout, you eliminate
• 13:06
  Speaker 4: people's jobs. So I don't use them.
• 13:09
  Speaker 2: I don't use them, but for a different reason. I
• 13:11
  Speaker 2: don't use them because, like, I don't work here. So
• 13:13
  Speaker 2: if I use it, I should be able to steal
• 13:15
  Speaker 2: because these are my wages because now I'm employed.
• 13:18
  Speaker 3: You are?
• 13:18
  Speaker 2: I'm saying if I have to do self-checkout, I technically
• 13:21
  Speaker 2: work for this establishment now, which means I need to
• 13:23
  Speaker 2: get paid, which means I'm not ringing everything up because
• 13:25
  Speaker 2: these are my wages now.
• 13:27
  Speaker 3: Oh, yeah, you do want to go to jail.
• 13:28
  Speaker 4: You see that camera Walmart got over your head, up
• 13:30
  Speaker 4: your ass, and in your face?
• 13:32
  Speaker 3: Yeah, go ahead on and get your wages. Okay, well, listen,
• 13:35
  Speaker 3: you got to stop. You're going to get a wedgie, too.
• 13:37
  Speaker 2: You got to stop under $ 2, 500 because they'll let you
• 13:39
  Speaker 2: make it for a little bit, and then they'll arrest you.
• 13:40
  Speaker 1: Don't let them book you on a Friday. That's when
• 13:43
  Speaker 1: they like to book people. Don't ask me. I just
• 13:45
  Speaker 1: be knowing things like this.
• 13:47
  Speaker 3: I know.
• 13:48
  Speaker 4: You one of them chicks that be running out of
• 13:50
  Speaker 4: altar with that makeup and shit, ain't you?
• 13:52
  Speaker 1: No, I pay for my makeup.
• 13:55
  Speaker 3: You used to before you got this podcast.
• 13:58
  Speaker 1: No, I would still pay.
• 14:00
  Speaker 3: No. I would. What kind of scams you did?
• 14:03
  Speaker 1: What kind of scams did I do?
• 14:05
  Speaker 4: You did something with that motherfucking Run DMC hat on
• 14:08
  Speaker 4: your head.
• 14:09
  Speaker 1: I picked the wrong day to wear this hat. Scams!
• 14:20
  Speaker 2: Cool cons.
• 14:22
  Speaker 3: LL Cool J. What kind of.
• 14:26
  Speaker 1: Ladies love cool cons.
• 14:27
  Speaker 3: What kind of stealing you used to do? I mean,
• 14:31
  Speaker 3: was I stealing or was I just. Or was you
• 14:33
  Speaker 3: a scammer?
• 14:34
  Speaker 1: I worked at a lot of drug fronts. That was
• 14:37
  Speaker 1: my thing.
• 14:38
  Speaker 3: What the fuck is drug fronts?
• 14:39
  Speaker 2: So it's like a business where the whole business is
• 14:42
  Speaker 2: not making enough money to sustain on its own. It's
• 14:45
  Speaker 2: just actually used to launder illegal money to make it
• 14:48
  Speaker 2: look legit.
• 14:49
  Speaker 3: So how did you find those jobs? They had fake
• 14:52
  Speaker 3: jobs in.
• 14:54
  Speaker 2: I mean, you just start to realize you're working at
• 14:56
  Speaker 2: a drug front.
• 14:57
  Speaker 1: Maybe I have a calling for scams.
• 14:59
  Speaker 2: I worked at one in Pittsburgh and I remember like
• 15:02
  Speaker 2: when the guy hired me, it was to be a
• 15:04
  Speaker 2: like bottle girl.
• 15:06
  Speaker 3: Right.
• 15:06
  Speaker 1: And so or not a bottle girl, but we're supposed
• 15:07
  Speaker 1: to go out and promote this summer jam. So I
• 15:09
  Speaker 1: was just young.
• 15:10
  Speaker 2: I bought some Jessica Simpson heels and some tiny shorts
• 15:12
  Speaker 2: and they gave me a T-shirt.
• 15:13
  Speaker 1: We just walked around the club. Cut to first night
• 15:15
  Speaker 1: I did that. Club got shot up.
• 15:17
  Speaker 2: I was in a shooting. And I was like, oh,
• 15:19
  Speaker 2: my God, this is terrible. And you can read about
• 15:22
  Speaker 2: it in my book. But I was like, I was
• 15:24
  Speaker 2: literally in a shooting. And I remember when we came
• 15:26
  Speaker 2: back to the establishment, the restaurant that he owned, all
• 15:30
  Speaker 2: the other girls, and they had this strong Pittsburgh accent.
• 15:31
  Speaker 1: They're like, oh, my God, I can't believe I shot
• 15:33
  Speaker 1: up the club again. Like, this is so annoying.
• 15:36
  Speaker 3: And I was like, annoying?
• 15:38
  Speaker 1: This happens regularly? Like, no one seemed fake.
• 15:41
  Speaker 3: So I was like.
• 15:42
  Speaker 1: Okay, I can't do this. So I folded up my
• 15:43
  Speaker 1: little shirt. I gave it back to the owner. He
• 15:45
  Speaker 1: was like, you know what?
• 15:45
  Speaker 2: I got a different job for you. And he put
• 15:47
  Speaker 2: me behind the bar. And I would get paid out
• 15:48
  Speaker 2: of the register. No one kept tabs of anything that
• 15:51
  Speaker 2: was coming in or out. His kids would come in
• 15:53
  Speaker 2: and be like, tell them I said Boo need $ 100.
• 15:56
  Speaker 1: And I'd be like, okay. I started trying to do
• 15:58
  Speaker 1: some accounting for them.
• 15:59
  Speaker 3: I was like, you know what?
• 15:59
  Speaker 1: Boo took $ 100 on Tuesday the 19th.
• 16:05
  Speaker 3: Dang.
• 16:06
  Speaker 1: And then slowly I realized, I was like, there's no
• 16:07
  Speaker 1: way any of this is legal. I never filled out
• 16:09
  Speaker 1: any paperwork. I always took my money straight out of
• 16:11
  Speaker 1: the register. That was my wages.
• 16:13
  Speaker 2: I never stole because I was scared. I was like,
• 16:15
  Speaker 2: you don't steal from people like this. Everybody too trusting
• 16:17
  Speaker 2: in here. I don't want to know what's going on.
• 16:19
  Speaker 2: And then I also worked for some Russians in New York.
• 16:21
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 16:22
  Speaker 2: Also another bar gig. But I'd make really good money there.
• 16:25
  Speaker 2: And they'd come in and they'd be like, oh, here's your...
• 16:27
  Speaker 2: And I'd be like, stradulce.
• 16:28
  Speaker 1: And I would just leave. I didn't need to know
• 16:30
  Speaker 1: what was going on up in there. It wasn't none
• 16:31
  Speaker 1: of my business.
• 16:32
  Speaker 3: Oh.
• 16:34
  Speaker 1: So I'm like scam adjacent.
• 16:36
  Speaker 3: Probably so. Okay.
• 16:37
  Speaker 1: Just a little bit.
• 16:38
  Speaker 2: But let's move into our main topic here. This is
• 16:42
  Speaker 2: Historic Hoodwinks. This is where I will regale Miss Pat
• 16:44
  Speaker 2: with the famous con caper group of criminals.
• 16:46
  Speaker 1: Maybe we love them. Maybe we hate them. Today we're
• 16:47
  Speaker 1: going to be talking about Dare. You remember Dare?
• 16:50
  Speaker 3: Fuck yeah. I love Dare. You loved Dare? Yeah. It's
• 16:56
  Speaker 3: supposed to keep the kids all correct.
• 16:58
  Speaker 1: Yeah. Did they come to your school?
• 17:00
  Speaker 3: I'm old as fuck. We had Smokey the Bear.
• 17:04
  Speaker 4: What the fuck are you talking about? Y'all only— Smokey
• 17:08
  Speaker 4: the Bear. No fucking dare when I.
• 17:11
  Speaker 2: Smokey didn't say anything about crack.
• 17:13
  Speaker 1: He just said only you can prevent forest fires.
• 17:16
  Speaker 3: That's right.
• 17:16
  Speaker 4: He said don't light forest fires, don't smoke, and don't
• 17:19
  Speaker 4: do drugs.
• 17:20
  Speaker 3: Then years later, the dare program came along. I'm 54.
• 17:22
  Speaker 3: Why no fucking dare in my school?
• 17:26
  Speaker 1: So at the time when y'all had Smokey, Smokey was
• 17:28
  Speaker 1: just saying, don't smoke anything. Don't smoke up the woods.
• 17:30
  Speaker 1: Don't smoke the grass.
• 17:30
  Speaker 4: Well, he talked about don't do drugs and don't, you know,
• 17:33
  Speaker 4: don't play with fire and stuff like that.
• 17:35
  Speaker 1: So he was more broad. He was more broad. So
• 17:36
  Speaker 1: then they brought the lion in to be more specific,
• 17:38
  Speaker 1: the dare lion. Okay.
• 17:40
  Speaker 3: Yeah, so dare came along later. Dare was for my kids.
• 17:43
  Speaker 4: Now, dare should have been me, too, because when dare
• 17:46
  Speaker 4: came in the 80s, right?
• 17:48
  Speaker 2: Mm-hmm.
• 17:49
  Speaker 4: I had a baby in 86, but I dropped out
• 17:51
  Speaker 4: of school, so there was a part of my daughter's life.
• 17:55
  Speaker 4: But I thought it was a good program. It replaced
• 17:58
  Speaker 4: Smokey the Bear.
• 17:59
  Speaker 1: Did it replace Smokey, or.
• 18:00
  Speaker 2: Did it add an additional animal to Smokey's, like, zoo?
• 18:04
  Speaker 2: I feel like Smokey's still out here. I don't think
• 18:07
  Speaker 2: nobody listens to Smokey.
• 18:08
  Speaker 3: The Bear anymore, ma'am. He outdated? Yes, I think he's gone.
• 18:12
  Speaker 1: They call Smokey a boomer?
• 18:13
  Speaker 3: It's there now. It's there now. I think they retired Smokey.
• 18:17
  Speaker 1: Well, so the D.A.R.E.
• 18:18
  Speaker 2: Program didn't keep kids off drugs, but it did get
• 18:21
  Speaker 2: cops into schools, which is what they wanted all along.
• 18:25
  Speaker 2: And even though it didn't work, D.A.R.E. was so hard
• 18:28
  Speaker 2: to kill that millennials who lived through it in the
• 18:31
  Speaker 2: 90s now have kids who are also living through it, too.
• 18:33
  Speaker 1: So, like you said, like, your kids had D.A.R.E., these
• 18:36
  Speaker 1: children had D.A.R.E. I love this photo with all the
• 18:39
  Speaker 1: white children because, you know, the LAPD was the one
• 18:42
  Speaker 1: getting into these schools. So... Drug abuse resistance education. That's
• 18:47
  Speaker 1: what D.A.R.E. stands for.
• 18:48
  Speaker 3: Oh, really? I never knew it. I never knew that.
• 18:50
  Speaker 3: I thought it was like D.A.R.E. to use drugs. I D.A.R.E.
• 18:54
  Speaker 3: you not to use drugs. I D.A.R.E. to use drugs.
• 18:56
  Speaker 3: I don't fucking know.
• 18:57
  Speaker 1: I double D.A.R.E.
• 18:58
  Speaker 3: You. So you think D.A.R.E. was created to get cops
• 19:00
  Speaker 3: into schools? Yeah.
• 19:02
  Speaker 1: Well, that's what they wanted.
• 19:04
  Speaker 3: Why did they want it?
• 19:05
  Speaker 1: I'm going to get to that.
• 19:06
  Speaker 3: Well, get to it, then I'm interested.
• 19:07
  Speaker 1: Sorry.
• 19:09
  Speaker 2: So if you went to elementary school anytime in like
• 19:11
  Speaker 2: the 80s or 90s, you remember the D.A.R.E. drug abuse
• 19:13
  Speaker 2: resistance education for kids. It was an excuse to get
• 19:16
  Speaker 2: out of class.
• 19:16
  Speaker 3: Right.
• 19:17
  Speaker 1: We love the D.A.R.E.
• 19:17
  Speaker 2: Program because we could sit around an auditorium and not
• 19:20
  Speaker 2: listen and yap or do whatever we wanted. So and
• 19:24
  Speaker 2: then you probably listen to some like bald, like definitely
• 19:26
  Speaker 2: uncool police officer from the local precinct who would tell
• 19:29
  Speaker 2: you about how scary various street drugs were and how
• 19:33
  Speaker 2: you should never try them. And if you have follow-up
• 19:36
  Speaker 2: questions about these super bad drugs and like how they
• 19:39
  Speaker 2: were used or what the effects were, your D.A.R.E. officer
• 19:41
  Speaker 2: would jump in and answer in vivid detail. So if
• 19:46
  Speaker 2: you were like, they were like, crack is bad, it's whack.
• 19:49
  Speaker 2: And then the kids were like, how do you do crack?
• 19:51
  Speaker 2: He's like, let me tell you, son. First you need
• 19:53
  Speaker 2: to get one of these pipes. You can get them
• 19:54
  Speaker 2: at a gas station.
• 19:55
  Speaker 3: Who the fuck told you this shit?
• 19:58
  Speaker 1: This is what happens. This is the research.
• 20:00
  Speaker 2: They would answer in-depth questions if you had questions about
• 20:03
  Speaker 2: specific drugs and.
• 20:05
  Speaker 3: How you use them. They went to black school and
• 20:07
  Speaker 3: told them how to smoke crack. Reagan of it all.
• 20:12
  Speaker 1: Does it surprise you?
• 20:13
  Speaker 2: So at its height, police officers taught.
• 20:15
  Speaker 4: I don't believe that shit. Because my children didn't smoke
• 20:18
  Speaker 4: no dope. And they was on there. We had the
• 20:20
  Speaker 4: book bag and everything.
• 20:21
  Speaker 1: It doesn't mean that they're recruiting you to do the drugs.
• 20:24
  Speaker 3: But my children didn't know.
• 20:25
  Speaker 4: Well, my children already knew how to smoke crack because
• 20:27
  Speaker 4: we lived in a crack neighborhood.
• 20:29
  Speaker 3: But I'm just saying, come keep going with these lies.
• 20:32
  Speaker 3: You lying on these white folks. This is research. This
• 20:34
  Speaker 3: is not.
• 20:35
  Speaker 1: Look, we put the footnotes in every episode, okay?
• 20:37
  Speaker 3: Keep going on with the scam goddess.
• 20:38
  Speaker 4: I'm listening to you because you trying to scam a
• 20:40
  Speaker 4: bitch right now. You not going to tell me no dare.
• 20:43
  Speaker 4: was to bring the officer in school and tell these
• 20:45
  Speaker 4: kids how to do drugs. So what they tell the
• 20:47
  Speaker 4: white kids, beware the pedophiles?
• 20:50
  Speaker 2: I'm saying that what they... If you ask how... People
• 20:54
  Speaker 2: use these drugs. They would have these very vivid, scary
• 20:57
  Speaker 2: stories for these kids, which are also kind of educating
• 20:59
  Speaker 2: you on how to do drugs.
• 21:00
  Speaker 1: It depends on how you think about it.
• 21:01
  Speaker 3: Was it to scare the kids from doing drugs? What
• 21:04
  Speaker 3: was it?
• 21:05
  Speaker 2: I mean, the pathway to hell is paid with good intentions.
• 21:07
  Speaker 2: You can listen to my podcast and think like, oh,
• 21:08
  Speaker 2: I'm learning how to prevent scams. I'm learning how to
• 21:10
  Speaker 2: help people stop doing scams. Or you could be listening
• 21:12
  Speaker 2: to these stories getting inspired.
• 21:14
  Speaker 3: Allegedly.
• 21:15
  Speaker 1: Not something I'm doing for legal reasons.
• 21:18
  Speaker 3: Okay, well, keep going. Because I'm interested.
• 21:21
  Speaker 1: So at its height, police officers taught D.A.R.E.
• 21:23
  Speaker 2: To 5th and 6th grade students in more than 75%
• 21:26
  Speaker 2: of American school districts and dozens of countries around the world.
• 21:30
  Speaker 2: Many went through the full 17-week course, and millions more
• 21:34
  Speaker 2: students ranging from kindergarten to high school age received various, like,
• 21:38
  Speaker 2: variations of the D.A.R.E.
• 21:39
  Speaker 1: Program.
• 21:40
  Speaker 2: More than 40 years after the program started, the nonprofit
• 21:43
  Speaker 2: organization that oversees the program still reports millions of dollars
• 21:47
  Speaker 2: in revenue and expenses. And they say they still say
• 21:50
  Speaker 2: that the police are credible experts and reliable instructors in
• 21:54
  Speaker 2: school classrooms.
• 21:55
  Speaker 3: The police. Great educators. Not only that shit. Keep going. Right.
• 22:00
  Speaker 1: But it doesn't work.
• 22:00
  Speaker 3: Right.
• 22:01
  Speaker 2: At least a dozen independent studies found that kids who
• 22:03
  Speaker 2: go through the 17 week program are just as likely
• 22:06
  Speaker 2: to use drugs as those who don't. So they're like,
• 22:08
  Speaker 2: this isn't really working, but it is making coin for
• 22:10
  Speaker 2: the police department.
• 22:11
  Speaker 1: So they're like, well, we dare you to stop us.
• 22:14
  Speaker 3: Oh, that might be all right. I believe you on
• 22:17
  Speaker 3: that one.
• 22:18
  Speaker 1: So the L.A.
• 22:18
  Speaker 3: Origins of this.
• 22:19
  Speaker 4: D.A.R.E.
• 22:19
  Speaker 2: Was actually invented by the LAPD in the 80s. A
• 22:23
  Speaker 2: famously normal and trustworthy police force in a famously normal
• 22:27
  Speaker 2: and trustworthy time. And look there, our trap queen herself,
• 22:30
  Speaker 2: Nancy Reagan.
• 22:32
  Speaker 1: She's sitting right there.
• 22:33
  Speaker 3: Oh, D.A.R.E. is some bullshit.
• 22:37
  Speaker 4: Oh, you showed me that white bitch. There is some bullshit.
• 22:42
  Speaker 4: They need to dare to get out of them class.
• 22:44
  Speaker 4: And they're putting them black kids on crack. That lying
• 22:47
  Speaker 4: white bitch right there. Talking about some welfare queen. And
• 22:50
  Speaker 4: they the one was stealing all the money.
• 22:52
  Speaker 3: Oh, fuck them.
• 22:54
  Speaker 1: Not the minute I showed you the trap queen. You
• 22:56
  Speaker 1: was like, nope, never mind.
• 22:57
  Speaker 3: The trap queen herself. Oh, ugly bitch.
• 23:00
  Speaker 1: With the band though. Nessie Reagan. I'll be in the
• 23:04
  Speaker 1: kitchen cooking crack. Nessie Reagan. We need the remix.
• 23:07
  Speaker 2: So, yeah, so it was invented in the 80s and
• 23:10
  Speaker 2: obviously with this very untrustworthy first lady. So they had
• 23:14
  Speaker 2: tried placing undercover officers in schools as early as 1974
• 23:18
  Speaker 2: in L.A. to identify drug.
• 23:20
  Speaker 1: Dealers in their war on drugs.
• 23:23
  Speaker 2: But drug use among young Angelenos kept going up, which
• 23:26
  Speaker 2: made them look bad. The LAPD police chief, Daryl Gates,
• 23:29
  Speaker 2: came up with the idea for DARE in 1983. Yes,
• 23:33
  Speaker 2: Daryl was the chief of police from 1978 to 1992.
• 23:35
  Speaker 2: He says. And was charged during the Rodney King riots.
• 23:42
  Speaker 3: He was charged?
• 23:42
  Speaker 1: He was in charge during the Rodney King riots.
• 23:44
  Speaker 3: Oh, I bet you. Well, he looked like he beat niggas.
• 23:46
  Speaker 1: Oh, yeah. That face says all I'd love to do
• 23:49
  Speaker 1: is be black people. Like, it's a pastime.
• 23:51
  Speaker 3: It's a hobby. Is he still alive?
• 23:54
  Speaker 1: I mean, he resigned after Rodney King. I'm not sure
• 23:58
  Speaker 1: if he's still with us. But he also invented the
• 24:01
  Speaker 1: SWAT team. Man, this man, whoo!
• 24:04
  Speaker 3: From Atlanta, did he invent the Red Dogs, too?
• 24:08
  Speaker 2: I mean, he was cooking in L.A. He was doing
• 24:11
  Speaker 2: his atrocities in L.A. So I don't know if he
• 24:13
  Speaker 2: spread to Atlanta. However, the fact that he came up
• 24:16
  Speaker 2: with D.A.R.E. and SWAT is diabolical. Like, this was a
• 24:18
  Speaker 2: super evil genius right here.
• 24:20
  Speaker 3: Like, what?
• 24:21
  Speaker 1: How you gonna come up with all that? He was
• 24:22
  Speaker 1: just waking up in the middle of the night like,
• 24:24
  Speaker 1: how can I harm black people?
• 24:25
  Speaker 3: Well, do you think it was harm or do you
• 24:27
  Speaker 3: think it was make the streets safer?
• 24:30
  Speaker 1: You know it was an Omega Street Saver, not in
• 24:32
  Speaker 1: the 80s.
• 24:33
  Speaker 2: Especially because, like, why are y'all going to schools and
• 24:35
  Speaker 2: targeting children? This is definitely just giving me, like, school-to-prison pipeline,
• 24:39
  Speaker 2: but y'all trying to cover it up.
• 24:40
  Speaker 3: I agree.
• 24:42
  Speaker 2: Because, like, if you're trying to stop the drug sales, like,
• 24:44
  Speaker 2: let's get the salesman's, you know, on the corner. Let's
• 24:46
  Speaker 2: get the street pharmacist. Like, why are you going into people's, like,
• 24:48
  Speaker 2: fourth period history class?
• 24:50
  Speaker 4: I think because they probably think these kids live with
• 24:52
  Speaker 4: the drug dealers. Maybe.
• 24:54
  Speaker 3: And maybe they're going to tell something.
• 24:56
  Speaker 2: Which... So Darrow was losing the war on drugs at
• 25:00
  Speaker 2: the time, right, out in the streets. So he brought
• 25:02
  Speaker 2: the police officers into the schools to supposedly.
• 25:05
  Speaker 1: Reduce the demand for drugs.
• 25:07
  Speaker 2: In January of 1983, he approached the Los Angeles Unified
• 25:10
  Speaker 2: School District with his idea. Working with school officials, the
• 25:14
  Speaker 2: LAPD developed a proposal for the use of police officers
• 25:17
  Speaker 2: to teach a new form of substance abuse education. And
• 25:21
  Speaker 2: so he was like, look, I know our numbers are
• 25:24
  Speaker 2: really bad. We're not actually stopping the war on drugs.
• 25:27
  Speaker 2: What if y'all give us more money to go into
• 25:29
  Speaker 2: the schools with notoriously the most educated people out there, cops,
• 25:35
  Speaker 2: and teach the children?
• 25:37
  Speaker 3: Okay.
• 25:38
  Speaker 2: So the idea was to teach the children about the
• 25:40
  Speaker 2: dangers of the drugs, encouraging just say no.
• 25:43
  Speaker 1: I remember just say no.
• 25:45
  Speaker 4: I remember, I used just say no for prostitution, relationship, drugs, cooking, cleaning.
• 25:52
  Speaker 1: Just say no to relationships, cooking, and cleaning.
• 25:55
  Speaker 3: Just say no. You want to fuck, just say no.
• 25:59
  Speaker 2: No.
• 26:01
  Speaker 3: You about to write me. No. Oh, Lord Jesus. Yes.
• 26:05
  Speaker 2: So through role playing and refusal strategies and like like
• 26:08
  Speaker 2: it was all supposed to like promote decision making and
• 26:11
  Speaker 2: self-esteem skills. So when I say role playing and refusal strategies,
• 26:14
  Speaker 2: you're just say no refusal strategy.
• 26:16
  Speaker 1: Also, like they would role play and be like, hey, kid,
• 26:19
  Speaker 1: I'm Mr.
• 26:19
  Speaker 3: Drug Man.
• 26:20
  Speaker 1: You want some like, you know, like, hey, I'm on
• 26:22
  Speaker 1: the playground. You want to try this new drug?
• 26:24
  Speaker 3: It's called crack.
• 26:25
  Speaker 2: And then the kid goes, no, crack is whack. And
• 26:27
  Speaker 2: then they run away. These are like what the skits were. Well,
• 26:31
  Speaker 2: what's wrong with those skits?
• 26:32
  Speaker 4: I mean, because the average parents at home was telling
• 26:34
  Speaker 4: their kids to say no too, right?
• 26:35
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 26:36
  Speaker 1: I don't think there's anything wrong with that skit. Now,
• 26:38
  Speaker 1: is it effective?
• 26:40
  Speaker 3: Well, you have any kids? No. Well, I have kids.
• 26:43
  Speaker 4: So with kids, you have to constantly reiterate stuff from,
• 26:47
  Speaker 4: you know, don't.
• 26:48
  Speaker 3: Smoke, don't do drugs, don't do this, don't do that,
• 26:50
  Speaker 3: don't touch the stove, it's hot.
• 26:52
  Speaker 4: So, I mean, I don't really see nothing wrong with
• 26:56
  Speaker 4: if they was doing skits. And they say, hey, because
• 26:59
  Speaker 4: it's TV.
• 27:00
  Speaker 3: The world was talking about it at the time. Right. So,
• 27:03
  Speaker 3: I mean.
• 27:04
  Speaker 4: The program was probably a piece of shit to earn money.
• 27:08
  Speaker 1: But that specific part of it is not. I agree
• 27:10
  Speaker 1: with you. Like, there's nothing wrong with a little sketch
• 27:12
  Speaker 1: to sis.
• 27:12
  Speaker 4: Well, there's nothing wrong with trying to teach the kids
• 27:14
  Speaker 4: if they approach with this type of conversation to say no.
• 27:19
  Speaker 4: It's almost like telling your daughter when you go out
• 27:21
  Speaker 4: to college, look, you don't just walk up and help nobody.
• 27:23
  Speaker 4: You don't take rides from strangers. You don't take candy
• 27:26
  Speaker 4: from people. You don't let people invest in you because
• 27:29
  Speaker 4: they might want something back.
• 27:31
  Speaker 3: Right. So it's just.
• 27:33
  Speaker 4: It's really a learning technique. You know, you have to
• 27:36
  Speaker 4: teach them. When somebody offer you drugs, what are you
• 27:38
  Speaker 4: going to say?
• 27:39
  Speaker 3: No.
• 27:39
  Speaker 4: Like I tell my kids, don't open my fucking front door.
• 27:42
  Speaker 4: You don't know who outside that door. But you have
• 27:44
  Speaker 4: to keep constantly telling kids stuff because, you know, it
• 27:48
  Speaker 4: slips their mind. So some of the program probably was
• 27:52
  Speaker 4: some good. And the other part, they probably was just
• 27:54
  Speaker 4: raising money on some bullshit. And then, you know, go
• 27:57
  Speaker 4: out and target our community. Because let's be honest, was
• 28:01
  Speaker 4: there in every school, white and black?
• 28:04
  Speaker 3: Yes, it was.
• 28:05
  Speaker 1: It was.
• 28:06
  Speaker 2: But obviously, they had motivations when they were going to
• 28:08
  Speaker 2: schools with certain demographics, a.k.a. the black ones and the
• 28:12
  Speaker 2: brown ones. Like, I think they were still teaching the
• 28:14
  Speaker 2: same program, but it was, like, the same schools.
• 28:16
  Speaker 3: Let's say this.
• 28:17
  Speaker 4: White people have problems, too. And I'm not taking up
• 28:20
  Speaker 4: for the program. White people have problems, too.
• 28:22
  Speaker 3: I don't know.
• 28:22
  Speaker 1: It kind of sounds like you're taking up for the program, Ms.
• 28:24
  Speaker 3: Pat.
• 28:24
  Speaker 4: I'm just going to tell you. I live in an
• 28:26
  Speaker 4: all-white neighborhood, and them bitches did meth. So, and my
• 28:29
  Speaker 4: kids went to schools with these people, and Dara was
• 28:32
  Speaker 4: in that school.
• 28:33
  Speaker 3: Now, did they say, hey, little girl, don't you want
• 28:36
  Speaker 3: some milk?
• 28:37
  Speaker 4: I don't know if that skit was around, because it
• 28:40
  Speaker 4: was white people. You know what I'm saying? So, I'm
• 28:43
  Speaker 4: saying it was in every school. And I was a
• 28:45
  Speaker 4: parent at the time, and I still am. And, I mean,
• 28:48
  Speaker 4: I didn't know it was a piece of shit program, but.
• 28:51
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I'm not saying that. Obviously, they're not going in
• 28:53
  Speaker 2: and like, here, we're going to give you all a
• 28:55
  Speaker 2: little hit. And so, you know what to not do.
• 28:57
  Speaker 3: You know what I mean?
• 28:58
  Speaker 1: Like, it's not all sinister. I agree with you. It
• 29:00
  Speaker 1: was like, some of this, at least surface level, looks like.
• 29:03
  Speaker 3: Did they teach the same thing in every school system? Yeah.
• 29:06
  Speaker 1: Now, the programs varied in length.
• 29:08
  Speaker 2: And like depth, because sometimes you go to a 17
• 29:10
  Speaker 2: week program and there might be like homework, a workbook,
• 29:14
  Speaker 2: a graduation ceremony.
• 29:15
  Speaker 4: Well, how do they know that they didn't keep the
• 29:16
  Speaker 4: kids out the drawers? Did they monitor the kids all
• 29:18
  Speaker 4: the way to the first hit or crack or hit
• 29:21
  Speaker 4: or mouth?
• 29:22
  Speaker 2: I mean, I doubt that they was at the house
• 29:24
  Speaker 2: like this is the lion. Get up, get off the
• 29:27
  Speaker 2: crack like they don't know specifically. But statistic wise, they
• 29:29
  Speaker 2: didn't see a decrease in use in that age group
• 29:33
  Speaker 2: when they came out of school.
• 29:34
  Speaker 3: Well, it's cool to be high.
• 29:36
  Speaker 1: Depending on what.
• 29:37
  Speaker 3: I mean, weed. Yeah.
• 29:39
  Speaker 4: I don't know anybody who's just jumping on crack, but
• 29:41
  Speaker 4: it's cool to smoke weed.
• 29:42
  Speaker 3: Yeah, weed is fine. Among young kids.
• 29:43
  Speaker 4: But it's like nobody's... No, I'm not saying that weed
• 29:45
  Speaker 4: is fine. I'm just saying kids.
• 29:47
  Speaker 3: Oh, I am.
• 29:48
  Speaker 1: Not for the children. Not for the children. Not for
• 29:51
  Speaker 1: the children.
• 29:51
  Speaker 3: Okay. But like as.
• 29:53
  Speaker 1: An adult, I live in California.
• 29:55
  Speaker 3: Yeah, it's legal here. But you're going to get your
• 29:57
  Speaker 3: ass whooped somewhere else. So that's all I'm saying. Oh, yeah.
• 29:59
  Speaker 1: I'm not doing it in Texas, Georgia. This place is.
• 30:01
  Speaker 3: I think Georgia... I think Texas is legal.
• 30:04
  Speaker 2: No, we just rolled back our weed laws actually fairly recently. Yeah,
• 30:08
  Speaker 2: they're trying to put us back all in prison, so,
• 30:10
  Speaker 2: you know.
• 30:11
  Speaker 3: In prison? Yeah.
• 30:12
  Speaker 2: Like, weed is such an easy offense to put black
• 30:15
  Speaker 2: and brown people in prison for that that's why Georgia
• 30:17
  Speaker 2: ain't gonna give up, Texas ain't gonna give up, because.
• 30:19
  Speaker 1: They love that.
• 30:20
  Speaker 2: When we all know that it's statistically less harmful than alcohol,
• 30:24
  Speaker 2: and also, if it's taxed, they wouldn't care about it.
• 30:28
  Speaker 1: It's just ridiculous. Big Pharma... A lot more things are
• 30:31
  Speaker 1: killing people than weed. But also weed just sounds attractive.
• 30:34
  Speaker 1: Like I'm an adult. I'm not saying this for kids. Kids,
• 30:36
  Speaker 1: very bad. Don't do weed. Gateway drug. Actually could be.
• 30:39
  Speaker 1: But I remember gateway drug a lot.
• 30:41
  Speaker 2: Like that made me think like if I tried a
• 30:42
  Speaker 2: drug that it would open the door and the next
• 30:44
  Speaker 2: thing I know I'd be on crack.
• 30:45
  Speaker 3: No, it does. Because you went from smoking weed to
• 30:49
  Speaker 3: lacing your joint.
• 30:51
  Speaker 1: Oh no, not the laced joint.
• 30:53
  Speaker 4: Yes.
• 30:55
  Speaker 1: See, heard it here first.
• 30:56
  Speaker 3: Ms.
• 30:56
  Speaker 1: Pat, you should be doing D.A.R.E.
• 30:57
  Speaker 4: Now.
• 30:57
  Speaker 1: They need, like, an ethical D.A.R.E. person.
• 30:59
  Speaker 2: I know you're very busy, but you can just throw
• 31:01
  Speaker 2: this one on the schedule real quick, okay?
• 31:03
  Speaker 1: Scams!
• 31:08
  Speaker 3: Cards!
• 31:10
  Speaker 2: So, um, throughout the length of the chorus, the D.A.R.E.
• 31:14
  Speaker 2: box sits in the classroom. It's a shoebox where kids
• 31:16
  Speaker 2: can drop anonymous notes informing the police about drug users
• 31:20
  Speaker 2: they might know.
• 31:21
  Speaker 4: Now, wait a fucking minute. You want these kids to
• 31:26
  Speaker 4: tell on their mama and daddy, you sons of bitches?
• 31:30
  Speaker 4: I would have beat my church and mother. My mama said, crack,
• 31:32
  Speaker 4: you goddamn right I do in front of your school,
• 31:35
  Speaker 4: and you're going to get your ass whooped for snitching.
• 31:40
  Speaker 1: Yeah, they had a little snitch box. And I'm like, also,
• 31:42
  Speaker 1: what do I get out of snitching?
• 31:44
  Speaker 3: What do I get out of snitching? Nothing.
• 31:46
  Speaker 4: They tried to program the kids and make them think
• 31:48
  Speaker 4: that they were happy. But I'm going to ask my daughter.
• 31:51
  Speaker 4: I'm going to ask her, I'm going to say, was
• 31:52
  Speaker 4: there a snitch box?
• 31:53
  Speaker 1: Mm-hmm.
• 31:54
  Speaker 3: You know what they probably got in that box? My
• 31:56
  Speaker 3: brother peed in the bed last night.
• 31:58
  Speaker 1: Right.
• 31:59
  Speaker 4: Yeah, my mama don't got no food. My daddy was yelling.
• 32:02
  Speaker 4: He probably got everything except what a dope was.
• 32:05
  Speaker 2: And I hope it was that legitimately, because kids do
• 32:08
  Speaker 2: love to yap when they're in school. I love to
• 32:09
  Speaker 2: see teachers like share on TikTok, like all the crazy
• 32:11
  Speaker 2: things y'all kids said this week at school.
• 32:13
  Speaker 1: And it'd be like, my mom slept with the fireman,
• 32:16
  Speaker 1: but that's not my dad.
• 32:17
  Speaker 2: Like, just volunteering this information.
• 32:19
  Speaker 4: That's all that was in that box. And they eventually
• 32:22
  Speaker 4: keep going. I want to hear this shit.
• 32:23
  Speaker 3: Keep going.
• 32:24
  Speaker 2: So LAPD used veteran police officers in their uniforms on purpose.
• 32:29
  Speaker 2: They believe that the youth drug crisis was so advanced
• 32:32
  Speaker 2: that students as young as the fifth grade were so
• 32:34
  Speaker 2: savvy about drugs and drug culture that teachers couldn't handle it.
• 32:38
  Speaker 2: Since cops had experience with the negative consequences of drug use,
• 32:41
  Speaker 2: they had more credibility for this generation of supposed young
• 32:46
  Speaker 2: drug geniuses. So they're saying like, oh, drugs, the kids
• 32:49
  Speaker 2: are innovating with the drugs. And they couldn't just give
• 32:51
  Speaker 2: the D.A.R.E. program to the teachers and let the teachers
• 32:54
  Speaker 2: teach it. They're like, no, we need to have our
• 32:56
  Speaker 2: veteran police officers come in in uniform.
• 32:59
  Speaker 3: To scare the kids.
• 32:59
  Speaker 1: Yeah, to scare the kids, you know, to make school
• 33:02
  Speaker 1: feel even more like jail.
• 33:04
  Speaker 3: Okay.
• 33:05
  Speaker 2: So within a decade of its founding, D.A.R.E. became the
• 33:07
  Speaker 2: largest and most visible drug prevention program in the United States.
• 33:10
  Speaker 2: Officers came to Los Angeles to be trained in the
• 33:12
  Speaker 2: delivery of D.A.R.E.
• 33:13
  Speaker 1: Curriculum.
• 33:14
  Speaker 2: So now we're becoming like the mecca for training for D.A.R.E.
• 33:17
  Speaker 2: Almost like how, you know, there's a certain police academy
• 33:20
  Speaker 2: training that happens in a certain country.
• 33:23
  Speaker 3: So, Israel.
• 33:26
  Speaker 4: Oh.
• 33:27
  Speaker 1: Yeah, they train our cops there. Our police officers? Yeah.
• 33:33
  Speaker 1: So D.A.R.E.
• 33:36
  Speaker 2: Leaders also created a D.A.R.E. parent program. So each parent
• 33:40
  Speaker 2: knew how they could check the signs to see if
• 33:43
  Speaker 2: there was youth drug use and the best approach to dealing.
• 33:46
  Speaker 1: With their kids who use drugs.
• 33:48
  Speaker 3: D.A.R.E.
• 33:48
  Speaker 2: Created a wide network that linked police, schools, parents, and
• 33:53
  Speaker 2: all of them united against the terror of drugs. and
• 33:56
  Speaker 2: alcohol and tobacco and graffiti and tattoos.
• 34:00
  Speaker 1: Okay, I think we're getting broad, y'all. We got a
• 34:02
  Speaker 1: little broad. I was wishing on drugs, alcohol, tobacco. Okay, graffiti.
• 34:07
  Speaker 3: Tattoos. The fuck we doing with graffiti? Did you get
• 34:10
  Speaker 3: high on graffiti? I did.
• 34:12
  Speaker 1: Well, technically, you can't huff paint.
• 34:15
  Speaker 3: I know you huff paint. My brother used to do
• 34:17
  Speaker 3: it in a bread bag back in the day. Your
• 34:19
  Speaker 3: brother was doing everything. Oh, I got three brothers. They
• 34:21
  Speaker 3: was doing everything. Now they don't want to do it,
• 34:24
  Speaker 3: it's drawn on the walls?
• 34:25
  Speaker 1: Yeah, they say you can't draw on the walls.
• 34:27
  Speaker 3: Well, I know you can't draw on the walls.
• 34:28
  Speaker 1: Not even artistically.
• 34:29
  Speaker 4: But they was sending dare out to lock up artists?
• 34:34
  Speaker 3: God damn. Don't get no tattoo.
• 34:36
  Speaker 2: Don't get you one of them little stars on your
• 34:37
  Speaker 2: neck or something. What the fuck the tattoo got to
• 34:39
  Speaker 2: do with it?
• 34:39
  Speaker 3: I don't know.
• 34:40
  Speaker 1: It got broad. It got broad.
• 34:42
  Speaker 3: Dare didn't have shit to do.
• 34:43
  Speaker 2: President Reagan started National Dare Day, a tradition that continued
• 34:48
  Speaker 2: every year through the Obama presidency. Bill Clinton gave dare
• 34:52
  Speaker 2: a shout out in his State.
• 34:53
  Speaker 3: Of the Union. Ain't nothing wrong with that.
• 34:54
  Speaker 1: Addressed in 96.
• 34:55
  Speaker 2: Saying, I challenge Congress not to cut our support for
• 34:58
  Speaker 2: drug-free schools.
• 35:00
  Speaker 1: People like the D.A.R.E.
• 35:01
  Speaker 2: Officers are making a real impression on grade school children
• 35:04
  Speaker 2: that will give them the strength to say no when
• 35:06
  Speaker 2: the time comes. Now, obviously, this is another way for
• 35:09
  Speaker 2: police officers to get money.
• 35:10
  Speaker 3: Smoking bad ain't never stop my sister from smoking crack.
• 35:12
  Speaker 3: She lights it up.
• 35:13
  Speaker 1: Did she smoke it in the forest, though?
• 35:16
  Speaker 3: We black. We ain't been no forest.
• 35:17
  Speaker 1: See, and that's all he wanted.
• 35:18
  Speaker 3: You mean the woods?
• 35:19
  Speaker 2: Yes. Yeah.
• 35:19
  Speaker 3: Is the woods the forest? Yeah.
• 35:22
  Speaker 1: Anywhere else is a lot of trees. Smokey was just like,
• 35:24
  Speaker 1: don't smoke here.
• 35:26
  Speaker 3: No. She smoked on the front porch.
• 35:28
  Speaker 2: Smokey said, don't flick it over here in the woods.
• 35:30
  Speaker 3: Okay.
• 35:30
  Speaker 1: She was all right then. I feel like Smokey would
• 35:32
  Speaker 1: look the other way.
• 35:33
  Speaker 3: Look at this bitch.
• 35:34
  Speaker 1: Smokey be like, this ain't none of my business.
• 35:36
  Speaker 3: As long as you.
• 35:37
  Speaker 1: Stay away from these forests, okay?
• 35:38
  Speaker 3: We don't need these fires.
• 35:41
  Speaker 2: And then also, like, obviously they're just trying to keep
• 35:43
  Speaker 2: this money because I remember going to Coachella and the
• 35:47
  Speaker 2: first time I saw, like, well, actually not the first
• 35:48
  Speaker 2: time it was Coachella, but it was, like, some music
• 35:50
  Speaker 2: festival that I was at where so many people, and
• 35:53
  Speaker 2: it was definitely a lot of millennials, had on D.A.R.E.
• 35:54
  Speaker 2: t-shirts and they were definitely, like, rolling or, like, high
• 35:57
  Speaker 2: as hell. And it became, like, an irony thing where, like,
• 36:00
  Speaker 2: people would wear D.A.R.E.
• 36:01
  Speaker 1: T-shirts to, like, festivals that were, like, notorious for drug use, like, rape.
• 36:04
  Speaker 3: Festivals and stuff.
• 36:06
  Speaker 2: So... I don't know if we should have been giving
• 36:08
  Speaker 2: the police all that money for this because I don't
• 36:09
  Speaker 2: know if it worked.
• 36:10
  Speaker 1: But I do love that shirt, though. The shirt ate.
• 36:12
  Speaker 1: You know, the black shirt with the red dare letters.
• 36:16
  Speaker 4: It's cute.
• 36:16
  Speaker 3: I might have one at the house.
• 36:17
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I may want it to a crop top.
• 36:19
  Speaker 3: It really.
• 36:19
  Speaker 1: I was going to wear it, but I was worried
• 36:21
  Speaker 1: we might get in trouble.
• 36:23
  Speaker 3: OK. All right. So keep telling us about dare. Shit,
• 36:28
  Speaker 3: I didn't know. I hear some lying to us, y'all.
• 36:32
  Speaker 3: How dare you?
• 36:33
  Speaker 1: I didn't know you were going to be this personally
• 36:34
  Speaker 1: invested in D.A.R.E.
• 36:35
  Speaker 3: I feel like I'm hurting you. My kids grew up.
• 36:38
  Speaker 3: And I thought it was a good program, but it's
• 36:40
  Speaker 3: always black people who.
• 36:41
  Speaker 4: Do their fucking research who ruins it for you.
• 36:45
  Speaker 3: But keep going. Black people who can read.
• 36:49
  Speaker 1: Are we talking about one black person in particular?
• 36:52
  Speaker 4: You. You know, they don't like you smart black folks.
• 36:57
  Speaker 4: But keep going, Susan, because I got to go tell
• 36:59
  Speaker 4: somebody else D.A.R.E.
• 37:00
  Speaker 3: Ain't shit. Oh, my gosh. So D.A.R.E.
• 37:03
  Speaker 1: Officers embedded themselves into the communities. One officer coached a D.A.R.E.
• 37:07
  Speaker 1: track club. Another coached a football team. Some even played
• 37:11
  Speaker 1: Santa Claus and Rudolph during the holidays.
• 37:14
  Speaker 3: Not in the hood.
• 37:15
  Speaker 4: We don't fuck with no white Santa Claus. So that
• 37:17
  Speaker 4: dare had to go to the mouth key. That dare
• 37:19
  Speaker 4: often went to the mouth key. Ain't no white Santa
• 37:21
  Speaker 4: Claus coming up.
• 37:22
  Speaker 3: Ho, ho, ho. Ain't no more hoes around here. Grandma
• 37:24
  Speaker 3: done retired. Fuck away from my dog. That's true.
• 37:27
  Speaker 2: I mean, my grandma didn't even let me believe in
• 37:30
  Speaker 2: Santa Claus. I remember I came home for Christmas one
• 37:32
  Speaker 2: year and I was like, oh, what did Santa Claus
• 37:34
  Speaker 2: give me?
• 37:34
  Speaker 1: And my grandma was like, Ain't no white man breaking
• 37:36
  Speaker 1: here and give you these gifts. Think I'm Santa Claus.
• 37:38
  Speaker 3: And I was like, okay. Well, I wasn't told that.
• 37:40
  Speaker 3: Thanks so much.
• 37:41
  Speaker 4: Because there wasn't no such thing as Santa Claus. We
• 37:43
  Speaker 4: didn't have a Christmas tree. One mom would take us
• 37:45
  Speaker 4: to the Salvation Army. We used to call it Infant
• 37:48
  Speaker 4: Soccer Fund. And we all got one toy. And she
• 37:51
  Speaker 4: kept it the Christmas morning, threw it back in the flow.
• 37:53
  Speaker 4: So that was Christmas for me.
• 37:55
  Speaker 3: Wow.
• 37:56
  Speaker 4: Yeah.
• 37:56
  Speaker 1: I'm glad you got y'all some gifts. That sounds like
• 37:58
  Speaker 1: those Christmases were lean.
• 38:00
  Speaker 4: And now?
• 38:01
  Speaker 3: You didn't follow the story.
• 38:03
  Speaker 1: Did I miss it?
• 38:04
  Speaker 4: Yeah.
• 38:05
  Speaker 3: The government gave us one toy.
• 38:07
  Speaker 4: And you're going to say it was lame?
• 38:12
  Speaker 1: I was trying to be appropriate. I was trying to
• 38:18
  Speaker 1: have an empathetic moment. I felt very touching.
• 38:21
  Speaker 3: I thought I was okay.
• 38:23
  Speaker 1: I missed it.
• 38:23
  Speaker 3: I wasn't lame, nigga. We didn't get shit. It was empty.
• 38:27
  Speaker 3: The fuck are you talking about? Oh, that was lame.
• 38:32
  Speaker 4: All this new swag. This swag you talking about. Keep
• 38:35
  Speaker 4: going about that.
• 38:36
  Speaker 3: That's the shit I can relate to. That was nice.
• 38:44
  Speaker 3: Your Christmas would lean.
• 38:46
  Speaker 1: Yeah, lean and empty.
• 38:49
  Speaker 3: Well, my bad, Chad. Okay, damn. My bad. I'm sorry.
• 38:53
  Speaker 4: I can't hear for her to read to me. That's
• 38:55
  Speaker 4: what she doing.
• 38:57
  Speaker 1: That's why I told you you can interrupt at any time.
• 38:59
  Speaker 1: We don't have to talk about this the whole time.
• 39:00
  Speaker 3: We can move. We can talk about anything. We're just
• 39:02
  Speaker 3: talking about your Christmas.
• 39:03
  Speaker 1: Okay? You acting like I'm torturing you.
• 39:06
  Speaker 2: I know you over there looking at the clock just
• 39:07
  Speaker 2: like I am.
• 39:08
  Speaker 3: You're like, yeah, keep reading the story. Hurry up. Read
• 39:10
  Speaker 3: it faster. How much more reading you got to do?
• 39:12
  Speaker 3: Feel the clock. right there.
• 39:13
  Speaker 2: And I done seen Miss Pat look at this damn
• 39:15
  Speaker 2: clock at least 11 times.
• 39:16
  Speaker 4: Oh, I haven't even noticed that clock. I'm looking at
• 39:19
  Speaker 4: the camera because I want to make sure you get
• 39:20
  Speaker 4: these facial expressions.
• 39:21
  Speaker 1: Oh, yeah, we definitely need these facial expressions, okay?
• 39:23
  Speaker 3: Because we know you are.
• 39:24
  Speaker 4: Okay, well, keep going because you got about 18 cars
• 39:26
  Speaker 4: and they ain't going to be there that goddamn long.
• 39:27
  Speaker 1: <HAL> <HAL> <HAL> <HAL> <HAL> <HAL> <HAL> <HAL> <HAL> <HAL>
• 39:28
  Speaker 1: We've gone through most of this.
• 39:30
  Speaker 3: Okay. Where we at?
• 39:31
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 39:31
  Speaker 3: Oh, yeah.
• 39:32
  Speaker 1: That's all we got left. You good.
• 39:33
  Speaker 3: Praise the Lord. I hate to be read, too. Wow.
• 39:38
  Speaker 1: See, that's why I said we was not going to
• 39:39
  Speaker 1: do that the whole time.
• 39:40
  Speaker 3: But you know what? You know what? You the one
• 39:41
  Speaker 3: brought this motherfucking problem.
• 39:42
  Speaker 4: You know, when you said scams, I thought we were
• 39:45
  Speaker 4: going to be talking about folks running out of altar
• 39:47
  Speaker 4: with shit, Walmart shit. I didn't know you were going
• 39:49
  Speaker 4: to be talking about the white people scam. Who gives
• 39:51
  Speaker 4: a fuck how white people steal? They talk about some
• 39:53
  Speaker 4: nigga shit.
• 39:54
  Speaker 3: How do we steal? Fuck how they steal. They steal
• 39:57
  Speaker 3: big time.
• 39:58
  Speaker 4: I'm talking about the bitches who run out of the
• 40:00
  Speaker 4: altar with bunnies on their heads, with their kids jumping
• 40:04
  Speaker 4: in the car.
• 40:05
  Speaker 3: That's the good shit.
• 40:05
  Speaker 1: You ordered the boosters.
• 40:07
  Speaker 4: No, I want that kind of crime. You don't put
• 40:09
  Speaker 4: somebody in an educated fucking crime. This white man don't
• 40:12
  Speaker 4: create this fake-ass organization.
• 40:13
  Speaker 3: Who cares? Don't be doing skits with the kids. I'm
• 40:17
  Speaker 3: about to give a fuck about him. White people know
• 40:19
  Speaker 3: how to fucking steal, but you got to give it
• 40:21
  Speaker 3: to them. That's going to be even more fucking.
• 40:22
  Speaker 1: Do you want me to get you some more coke?
• 40:23
  Speaker 1: Because you're drinking nothing.
• 40:25
  Speaker 3: I know.
• 40:26
  Speaker 2: Do we have some more?
• 40:29
  Speaker 1: Can we get her some coke?
• 40:31
  Speaker 3: While you're talking shit, I got some stuck in the straw.
• 40:35
  Speaker 1: I don't see you take two sips of air. And
• 40:38
  Speaker 1: I was like, okay.
• 40:39
  Speaker 3: That is my fucking ass. That is Ashley.
• 40:42
  Speaker 1: You're going to be burping at this.
• 40:43
  Speaker 3: It's in the straw.
• 40:44
  Speaker 1: Why you trying to catch me? Why you trying to
• 40:46
  Speaker 1: make me look poor like we can't get you no more?
• 40:48
  Speaker 3: Like we can't get you some more? I'm sorry, baby.
• 40:52
  Speaker 3: How you doing? Working the shit out of this little
• 40:54
  Speaker 3: white man. What's your name? You her husband? You are?
• 40:58
  Speaker 3: That's your husband? No, he's a husband. Oh, I was like, damn,
• 41:03
  Speaker 3: you've been talking all this white shit. You fucking white man. Oh,
• 41:06
  Speaker 3: my God. I'm sorry, Josh.
• 41:09
  Speaker 4: But you've been talking all these white crimes and you
• 41:11
  Speaker 4: up there sucking clear dick.
• 41:13
  Speaker 1: Clear dick is crazy. Clear dick is crazy.
• 41:17
  Speaker 3: But no, I am not. Josh, we love y'all. Y'all
• 41:20
  Speaker 3: are good white people.
• 41:22
  Speaker 4: You know, I was on the Internet the other day
• 41:24
  Speaker 4: and I saw the funniest shit.
• 41:26
  Speaker 3: Now, you know, we y'all just got one word for us.
• 41:28
  Speaker 3: That's the N word. But this black girl came up
• 41:30
  Speaker 3: with the funniest fucking shit to call white people.
• 41:33
  Speaker 1: What'd she say?
• 41:34
  Speaker 3: She called them porcelain. Give me my phone. I want
• 41:39
  Speaker 3: to get it right. It's so fucking funny.
• 41:40
  Speaker 1: Wasn't like mayo sapiens?
• 41:42
  Speaker 3: No, I don't mayo. Porcelain. The shit she called these
• 41:46
  Speaker 3: white people had me hollering. I love this.
• 41:49
  Speaker 4: And I took a picture of it. That's how much it...
• 41:51
  Speaker 4: I mean, I had to show like 10 people. I said,
• 41:53
  Speaker 4: this bitch is racist.
• 41:55
  Speaker 3: Oh, no. But it was the good shit. It was
• 41:59
  Speaker 3: the good shit, though. Yeah, let me see.
• 42:00
  Speaker 4: I'm going to go down the list of what she
• 42:02
  Speaker 4: called them. Not y'all, because y'all are good white people, okay?
• 42:05
  Speaker 4: This is the bad white people. You know, when y'all
• 42:08
  Speaker 4: see them at Thanksgiving and shit.
• 42:10
  Speaker 1: Y'all do be seeing them at Thanksgiving.
• 42:11
  Speaker 3: That's true.
• 42:12
  Speaker 1: They do be at Thanksgiving.
• 42:13
  Speaker 3: Do you see them at Thanksgiving?
• 42:14
  Speaker 1: You don't have to answer that. We know the answer, though.
• 42:18
  Speaker 3: We do know the answer. Do they be seeing them at? Oh,
• 42:21
  Speaker 3: here you go. So here's the new words for white people.
• 42:24
  Speaker 3: Porcelain possums. Wow.
• 42:26
  Speaker 4: Wow. Ranch Raccoons, Lice Landlord, Clan Child of Crusaders, Milk Maggots,
• 42:36
  Speaker 4: Confederate Cousin Fuckers, Fucking Harlot.
• 42:40
  Speaker 2: It was so nice having a podcast on the iHeart Network.
• 42:44
  Speaker 3: Oh, I'm sorry, you iHeart.
• 42:45
  Speaker 1: I really want to thank Will Ferrell for this opportunity.
• 42:48
  Speaker 2: I want to thank all the porcelain possums.
• 42:54
  Speaker 3: Did they give you this podcast?
• 42:56
  Speaker 1: Please keep listening to the show. Well, cut this shit.
• 42:58
  Speaker 4: Out, bitch.
• 42:59
  Speaker 3: I don't want you to be unemployed. No, I fucking
• 43:01
  Speaker 3: love it. No, I'm joking. I say whatever I want.
• 43:03
  Speaker 1: That's the benefit. That's why they like me over here. No,
• 43:05
  Speaker 1: the white people who listen to this know. They know
• 43:07
  Speaker 1: the vibes.
• 43:07
  Speaker 3: Yeah, I don't want the porcelain possum to make you unemployed. Oh, no, no, no.
• 43:10
  Speaker 3: You be an unemployed coon.
• 43:11
  Speaker 1: They don't listen to this.
• 43:12
  Speaker 3: They don't listen to this.
• 43:13
  Speaker 1: They don't listen to this, okay?
• 43:14
  Speaker 3: I don't want you to be no unemployed coon.
• 43:16
  Speaker 1: No, the ones who listen, they know. They listening like, ooh.
• 43:20
  Speaker 3: She started talking. She didn't get it. I heard it.
• 43:22
  Speaker 3: I heard it.
• 43:23
  Speaker 1: I was trying to move past it.
• 43:24
  Speaker 3: And you know you like a little coon with that
• 43:27
  Speaker 3: little hat on.
• 43:30
  Speaker 4: Ms.
• 43:30
  Speaker 2: Patton just invited me to my own roast. She talking about,
• 43:33
  Speaker 2: I'm scabby. You scabby be.
• 43:34
  Speaker 1: You done hit me with a one, two, three combo.
• 43:37
  Speaker 1: I'm like, I'm out.
• 43:38
  Speaker 3: I'm out. No, you're not.
• 43:41
  Speaker 1: They done counted me down. I'm laying on the ground.
• 43:43
  Speaker 3: You're not out. You like people's elbows. Tell them, Jared and...
• 43:48
  Speaker 3: Leave it in butthead. Tell them. She got Beavis and
• 43:56
  Speaker 3: Butthead in this bitch. Oh, God. They so cute, Beavis
• 43:59
  Speaker 3: and Butthead. You know what?
• 44:02
  Speaker 1: And I'm going to get you where you want to
• 44:04
  Speaker 1: go on this one, okay? Because I'd rather just let
• 44:07
  Speaker 1: you go.
• 44:08
  Speaker 3: I enjoy y'all, Beavis and Butthead. Y'all so cute, guys.
• 44:10
  Speaker 4: Oh, Lord.
• 44:10
  Speaker 3: And welcome to the other side anytime. Anytime you want to.
• 44:13
  Speaker 4: Come over here and get you some black love and
• 44:15
  Speaker 4: not from me because my menopause got one side dry.
• 44:18
  Speaker 3: But I find somebody.
• 44:20
  Speaker 1: And I love this for you.
• 44:22
  Speaker 3: You do? Do you date white men?
• 44:25
  Speaker 1: Uh, I haven't in the past.
• 44:27
  Speaker 3: Maybe. You don't look like that type. Define date.
• 44:29
  Speaker 4: You know why you, well, it's hard today to educate
• 44:32
  Speaker 4: a black woman, especially when you, what's that crazy bitch
• 44:34
  Speaker 4: on Fox News?
• 44:35
  Speaker 1: It could be so many different women.
• 44:37
  Speaker 3: The black one. Yeah.
• 44:39
  Speaker 1: Oh, Candace Owens?
• 44:39
  Speaker 4: Yeah.
• 44:39
  Speaker 3: Do they let her on Fox? I think she just
• 44:41
  Speaker 3: on the internet. Well, she on the internet now. They
• 44:42
  Speaker 3: don't like her no more. They don't use her. They
• 44:45
  Speaker 3: don't cool down. Yeah, they don't use her. But, um,
• 44:47
  Speaker 3: I like an educated black woman.
• 44:48
  Speaker 1: But I know you're not comparing me to Candace Owens, right?
• 44:50
  Speaker 3: No, no. Fuck no. No, that ass.
• 44:53
  Speaker 1: You don't have to call me a coot to say
• 44:54
  Speaker 1: I'm in a cool-skinned hat now.
• 44:55
  Speaker 3: You got Willie in your house. She would never wear weave.
• 44:57
  Speaker 4: Candace Owens don't wear no fucking weave. That little short bob,
• 45:02
  Speaker 4: thin in the back.
• 45:03
  Speaker 3: No.
• 45:04
  Speaker 1: Oh, it is desperate.
• 45:05
  Speaker 3: She's beautiful, though. Let's be honest. Candace Owens be talking
• 45:09
  Speaker 3: that bullshit, but she is a beautiful black woman.
• 45:11
  Speaker 1: Oh, yeah, she's very pretty.
• 45:11
  Speaker 3: She's a very beautiful black woman.
• 45:13
  Speaker 2: And I think she got somebody to fix what's going
• 45:14
  Speaker 2: on with the box perm, because it's starting to get
• 45:16
  Speaker 2: a little fuller.
• 45:18
  Speaker 1: The hair.
• 45:18
  Speaker 3: I think a little bit. I just don't look at her,
• 45:20
  Speaker 3: but she is a beautiful black woman.
• 45:21
  Speaker 1: She's popped up on my timeline a couple, you know, TikToks.
• 45:23
  Speaker 3: Every time she popped up, I blocked her. But keep going.
• 45:25
  Speaker 1: I mean, you know, she used to be a liberal.
• 45:27
  Speaker 1: She used to be a Democrat.
• 45:28
  Speaker 3: Yes.
• 45:28
  Speaker 2: It wasn't making her no money because it's too many dedicated...
• 45:31
  Speaker 2: Evil place.
• 45:33
  Speaker 3: Evil. When you be evil, you make more money.
• 45:35
  Speaker 4: Have you noticed the black people come out and talk
• 45:37
  Speaker 4: that bullshit? They be on the internet with so many.
• 45:40
  Speaker 3: More lights than y'all be saying, go vote blue. You know,
• 45:44
  Speaker 3: y'all don't make no money. Mm-hmm. I mean, I'm a
• 45:47
  Speaker 3: diehard Democrat. I would vote no other fucking way. Sad. But,
• 45:50
  Speaker 3: you know, the thing is with that, who would want
• 45:52
  Speaker 3: to roll with just one type of people? I love
• 45:55
  Speaker 3: being black. Black people are beautiful.
• 45:57
  Speaker 4: And I'm not saying not to like who the fuck
• 46:00
  Speaker 4: you are. If you think you're racist and shit, that's
• 46:02
  Speaker 4: okay with me. But black is beautiful. You rub cocoa
• 46:06
  Speaker 4: butter on us, and we shine like a motherfucking coffee table.
• 46:10
  Speaker 4: No other race can shine the way we motherfucking shine.
• 46:14
  Speaker 4: We the only group of people in this world that
• 46:16
  Speaker 4: can wear anything and make it sell and make it
• 46:19
  Speaker 4: look good. We are the shit. And I'm not saying
• 46:23
  Speaker 4: if you white not to love yourself. Love your motherfucking self.
• 46:27
  Speaker 4: But I got to say this. If I were any
• 46:29
  Speaker 4: other race but white but black, I'd be mad at
• 46:32
  Speaker 4: black people too.
• 46:34
  Speaker 3: Period. Yeah.
• 46:35
  Speaker 4: Who the fuck would be mad at somebody who shine
• 46:37
  Speaker 4: like a coffee table?
• 46:39
  Speaker 1: Like a coffee table is crazy.
• 46:40
  Speaker 3: I don't give a fuck how much oil you put
• 46:42
  Speaker 3: on Beavis and Bullhead. You don't want to say like
• 46:44
  Speaker 3: the sun. Beavis and Bullhead, they're going to never shine.
• 46:46
  Speaker 3: They're going to never shine.
• 46:49
  Speaker 4: And then you know how much tan and lotion they
• 46:50
  Speaker 4: got on right now, and we in the darkness, motherfucker.
• 46:53
  Speaker 3: These are facts. Yes. But we love y'all, Beavis and Bullhead. But,
• 46:57
  Speaker 3: you know, they not yet. We're beautiful. We're beautiful.
• 47:02
  Speaker 1: This is why I love you.
• 47:03
  Speaker 4: Everybody else is beautiful too, but it's just something. I
• 47:07
  Speaker 4: love being black.
• 47:08
  Speaker 3: I do too. I do. It's a beautiful thing. I
• 47:10
  Speaker 3: rather enjoy it. We walk in the room and they be,
• 47:13
  Speaker 3: you know what I like saying, not knocking anybody else.
• 47:15
  Speaker 3: I love saying I'm 54 years old. They be like, how?
• 47:18
  Speaker 3: I said, I don't know, bitch. You got to take
• 47:20
  Speaker 3: that up with your Lord. You two look good. It
• 47:24
  Speaker 3: is a flex. It is a flex.
• 47:25
  Speaker 1: I'm not going to lie.
• 47:26
  Speaker 3: White women are beautiful, too. They are beautiful.
• 47:28
  Speaker 1: I know what you're saying. I think people know what
• 47:30
  Speaker 1: you're saying.
• 47:30
  Speaker 3: Yeah. Yes. And you know what?
• 47:32
  Speaker 1: I'm going to try to get you out of here
• 47:33
  Speaker 1: with this reading so you can just go off here.
• 47:35
  Speaker 3: I let you talk. I'm sick of your motherfucking reading.
• 47:37
  Speaker 4: I know.
• 47:37
  Speaker 3: That's why I'm about to wrap up the reading. I'm
• 47:39
  Speaker 3: about to go to sleep. I'm literally about to wrap
• 47:41
  Speaker 3: up the reading so we can get to our final thoughts.
• 47:43
  Speaker 3: Do you still have on period?
• 47:45
  Speaker 1: Huh?
• 47:46
  Speaker 3: Do you still have a period?
• 47:47
  Speaker 1: Yes, I'm quite young, Ms.
• 47:49
  Speaker 4: Pat.
• 47:49
  Speaker 3: Oh, okay. Well, I'm in menopause. Let's talk about some
• 47:52
  Speaker 3: other shit. I'm getting roasted. This is just... No, I.
• 47:54
  Speaker 4: Don't want to hear this motherfucking damn. You read to
• 47:57
  Speaker 4: a read make me sleepy. I'm going to fall asleep
• 47:59
  Speaker 4: four times over here. I told you that you could
• 48:01
  Speaker 4: interject at any time. I can't interject if I sleep, bitch.
• 48:05
  Speaker 3: Stop reading. I'm tired of this shit. I'm tired of it.
• 48:09
  Speaker 3: Take that motherfucking cuckoo hat off and let's just talk. Shit.
• 48:12
  Speaker 3: I need another coke. And some cane. Scams. Cards. I
• 48:25
  Speaker 3: ain't coming here to hear that motherfucking educate. I hate
• 48:28
  Speaker 3: educating black women. You take these bitches out.
• 48:29
  Speaker 4: Of the room, they'll never shut up.
• 48:34
  Speaker 3: The last time.
• 48:35
  Speaker 1: Is them lemons real behind you?
• 48:36
  Speaker 3: No.
• 48:37
  Speaker 1: Oh. The last time that I had an episode like this,
• 48:39
  Speaker 1: it was.
• 48:41
  Speaker 3: Oh, my gosh. They didn't want you to read to them,
• 48:43
  Speaker 3: did they?
• 48:43
  Speaker 1: No, it was, you know her, too, and it's not
• 48:46
  Speaker 1: coming to me. It'll come to me, and I'll tell
• 48:47
  Speaker 1: you who it is. Yes, it was Luenell.
• 48:49
  Speaker 3: Oh, it'd be great.
• 48:51
  Speaker 2: And Luenell was like, I don't want to hear about
• 48:53
  Speaker 2: no fucking boat. And I was like, the story's about
• 48:55
  Speaker 2: a boat, Luenell.
• 48:56
  Speaker 3: I don't know. I hate boats.
• 48:58
  Speaker 1: I'm like, okay.
• 48:59
  Speaker 3: We fucking old. We going through menopause. We got short-term memory.
• 49:02
  Speaker 3: I'm aching. I'm sleeping like a motherfucker. Then you up
• 49:05
  Speaker 3: here reading me this bullshit. You don't know how many times.
• 49:07
  Speaker 4: I was like, this bitch talk too much. That's what
• 49:09
  Speaker 4: I was saying to myself. I can't be reading a
• 49:11
  Speaker 4: bedtime story.
• 49:12
  Speaker 3: I could sense it.
• 49:13
  Speaker 4: I ain't my mama couldn't read. So you definitely, I
• 49:15
  Speaker 4: don't want to hear no bedtime story. Shit, my girl
• 49:19
  Speaker 4: is too big.
• 49:20
  Speaker 3: I'm tired.
• 49:22
  Speaker 4: It's all the shit I dealt. That could be happening.
• 49:24
  Speaker 4: And you want to read to a nigga about a
• 49:26
  Speaker 4: program that went out of bed?
• 49:27
  Speaker 3: Fuck that. And the nigga named Darryl created it too.
• 49:31
  Speaker 1: Well, I'm going to wrap up what they said so
• 49:33
  Speaker 1: you ain't going to be no more reading. So in 88...
• 49:35
  Speaker 1: But do we.
• 49:35
  Speaker 3: Have to hear this bullshit at night? Yes, my fans
• 49:37
  Speaker 3: want to hear it. Let me read the shit. Okay.
• 49:39
  Speaker 3: You better read all of it. Now read from the top.
• 49:43
  Speaker 4: In 1988, Department of Justice down, manual said in addition
• 49:47
  Speaker 4: to their former classroom teacher, their officer spent.
• 49:50
  Speaker 3: Time on the playground... In.
• 49:52
  Speaker 4: The cafeteria and at the student assembly and intake with
• 49:56
  Speaker 4: student and fucking the teachers.
• 49:58
  Speaker 3: Fucking the teachers.
• 50:00
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 50:01
  Speaker 3: They be fucking the teachers. You didn't say that on there.
• 50:04
  Speaker 4: Well, I'm saying that. I saw him in the bathroom.
• 50:07
  Speaker 4: It's so much better when I read it. Are you
• 50:09
  Speaker 4: so fucking bored? Their officer were both good cops and
• 50:13
  Speaker 4: bad cops all in one. Cause all them niggas did
• 50:16
  Speaker 4: was eat donuts and told the children lies about drugs
• 50:19
  Speaker 4: and put that shitty ass box out there to try
• 50:22
  Speaker 4: to make them kids tell on they kingpin daddies. And
• 50:25
  Speaker 4: it did not happen.
• 50:26
  Speaker 3: It didn't work.
• 50:27
  Speaker 4: In 1990, LAPD Chief Darrell testified to Congress that the
• 50:34
  Speaker 4: casual drug user ought to be taken out and shot.
• 50:38
  Speaker 3: And shot.
• 50:38
  Speaker 4: But he didn't say nothing about the white pedophiles running
• 50:41
  Speaker 4: around this motherfucker sticking their.
• 50:43
  Speaker 1: Thumbs in these white kids' ass. That's not on the card.
• 50:48
  Speaker 3: That's there. Now, wasn't that better? Well, guys. Didn't that
• 50:53
  Speaker 3: bullshit she about to tell her?
• 50:55
  Speaker 2: $ 600 million a year to the American taxpayer.
• 50:58
  Speaker 1: How much?
• 51:00
  Speaker 3: $ 600 million. $ 600 million. They know how to steal.
• 51:03
  Speaker 2: They do know how to steal. And they were doing
• 51:04
  Speaker 2: it in a way that Ms. Pat doesn't care about. Uh,
• 51:07
  Speaker 2: you know, they said just say no.
• 51:08
  Speaker 3: Yeah, that shit do me.
• 51:08
  Speaker 4: I don't pay no tax. I was on Section 8
• 51:10
  Speaker 4: when that program was around. My shit was free.
• 51:13
  Speaker 3: Give a fuck about no tax. I ain't pay no
• 51:14
  Speaker 3: motherfucking tax. I got a tax refund, bitch. I got
• 51:18
  Speaker 3: earned income credit when Dara was out. I didn't give
• 51:21
  Speaker 3: a fuck. I ain't pay shit into Dara. Dara pay me.
• 51:24
  Speaker 1: Oh, my goodness.
• 51:26
  Speaker 3: Excuse me for burping. Oh, Lord. I don't got to
• 51:29
  Speaker 3: pay again and burp at the same time. Well, I
• 51:32
  Speaker 3: will tell you this.
• 51:34
  Speaker 1: It was called the biggest fraud.
• 51:35
  Speaker 2: The thing was called the biggest fraud in America.
• 51:37
  Speaker 3: And the shit I was doing too was, my section 8,
• 51:39
  Speaker 3: I had a husband and everything, child. My room was
• 51:41
  Speaker 3: still free.
• 51:42
  Speaker 1: And listen, that's none of anybody's business but yours and
• 51:44
  Speaker 1: your home.
• 51:45
  Speaker 4: And that was their business until you told this goddamn podcast.
• 51:49
  Speaker 1: Well, we don't need to be giving D.A.R.E. money, period, okay?
• 51:51
  Speaker 3: I ain't giving nobody money.
• 51:52
  Speaker 4: D.A.R.E.
• 51:52
  Speaker 3: Needs to do something real. D.A.R.E. What?
• 51:54
  Speaker 1: No, that's what I'm saying. The D.A.R.E. program needs to
• 51:56
  Speaker 1: do something real. They playing.
• 51:58
  Speaker 3: What?
• 51:58
  Speaker 1: And they were also, like, making kids narcs.
• 52:00
  Speaker 2: A 91- and 11-year-old girl named Crystal confessed that her
• 52:03
  Speaker 2: parents liked to smoke weed from time to time.
• 52:05
  Speaker 1: The office oppressed her.
• 52:07
  Speaker 2: And found the schedules of her parents, the layout of
• 52:10
  Speaker 2: her house, and then the police raided her home, arrested
• 52:12
  Speaker 2: her parents, and took Crystal and her younger sisters to
• 52:14
  Speaker 2: a distant relative house without making sure for any care beforehand.
• 52:18
  Speaker 2: They just, like, Crystal was pressured by the police.
• 52:21
  Speaker 4: And Crystal got that ass whooped for telling her mama
• 52:23
  Speaker 4: business when she got back. I guarantee you, Crystal got
• 52:26
  Speaker 4: that ass tapped.
• 52:27
  Speaker 3: Next time you.
• 52:28
  Speaker 4: Tell a motherfucker what I'm getting high, you little black motherfucker,
• 52:31
  Speaker 4: Crystal ain't never told nobody else.
• 52:33
  Speaker 3: I guarantee you that. Where you at, Crystal?
• 52:37
  Speaker 4: Crystal's down bad. There ain't no Crystal down bad. Crystal
• 52:40
  Speaker 4: got that ass beat after that mama got her back.
• 52:42
  Speaker 3: She beat that ass. She beat that ass.
• 52:44
  Speaker 4: And I'd have beat Crystal's ass, too. And I'd have
• 52:46
  Speaker 4: beat her sister's ass, even though she didn't tell.
• 52:47
  Speaker 1: I just feel like, Crystal, you're 11 years old.
• 52:50
  Speaker 2: You're kind of big enough to know that you should
• 52:51
  Speaker 2: never give anybody the layout of your home and your parents' schedules.
• 52:56
  Speaker 1: Like, what did you think? How did you think that
• 52:57
  Speaker 1: was going to help you?
• 52:58
  Speaker 4: That girl did not give nobody no layout of the home.
• 53:00
  Speaker 4: Don't believe that white folk shit. You ever heard of
• 53:02
  Speaker 4: something called the county? The county has the layout of
• 53:04
  Speaker 4: every home that ever been built in this country. Them
• 53:07
  Speaker 4: motherfucking white people went down there to the county and
• 53:10
  Speaker 4: put in their address, and it gave them the layout
• 53:12
  Speaker 4: of the home.
• 53:14
  Speaker 3: At the tax assessor office. That baby don't know no
• 53:17
  Speaker 3: layout of no motherfucking home.
• 53:19
  Speaker 4: They went and pulled that shit, and busted in there
• 53:21
  Speaker 4: that Krista might have said, it's in my mama's room,
• 53:24
  Speaker 4: that room right there on the right.
• 53:25
  Speaker 3: That's all Krista said.
• 53:26
  Speaker 1: Like, maybe it was on the left or on the right.
• 53:28
  Speaker 3: I'm not saying she pulled.
• 53:29
  Speaker 1: Out a floor map like she was in Ocean's Eleven,
• 53:31
  Speaker 1: and she was like, now we go on the perimeter,
• 53:33
  Speaker 1: and then we move through the back door.
• 53:36
  Speaker 4: Did Krista get paid? Because had Krista got paid, I
• 53:37
  Speaker 4: would have told her my mama, too.
• 53:39
  Speaker 3: It was the 80s. Shit was rough. It was hard
• 53:41
  Speaker 3: for a nigga to get some candy. Yeah, so shit.
• 53:45
  Speaker 2: Okay, you can't rat your mama out for the candy
• 53:47
  Speaker 2: lady now.
• 53:47
  Speaker 3: That's not enough. Shit.
• 53:50
  Speaker 4: You don't know what Krista was going through, but I
• 53:52
  Speaker 4: can guarantee you when Krista got back, Krista got the
• 53:54
  Speaker 4: fuck beat out of her, and she ain't telling to
• 53:56
  Speaker 4: this day.
• 53:56
  Speaker 3: Where you at, Krista?
• 53:57
  Speaker 4: Call into this podcast and tell her how your ass
• 53:59
  Speaker 4: felt in 1988.
• 54:00
  Speaker 3: When you ran your fucking mouth too much. Lord Jesus.
• 54:03
  Speaker 3: I bet that black mama beat the shit out of Krista.
• 54:06
  Speaker 3: Her name was just Rusta. She beat the C off
• 54:08
  Speaker 3: that motherfucker when he got in the.
• 54:11
  Speaker 1: World.
• 54:12
  Speaker 4: Because the way I ought to be a motherfucker, they
• 54:14
  Speaker 4: have to tell my motherfucking bitch. You know black mamas
• 54:16
  Speaker 4: will tell you, bitch, what goes on in this house
• 54:18
  Speaker 4: stays in this house. You say something outside that door,
• 54:20
  Speaker 4: I'll beat the fuck out of you. I will beat
• 54:22
  Speaker 4: them motherfucking hairballs out your head. I tell moms all
• 54:25
  Speaker 4: the time, don't play with me, playing your pussy is
• 54:27
  Speaker 4: more interesting.
• 54:29
  Speaker 1: Well, and that's a proverb. That is a.
• 54:31
  Speaker 3: What the fuck is a proverb? It should go with
• 54:35
  Speaker 3: the education shit. Proverbs. Oh, my gosh.
• 54:37
  Speaker 1: Miss Pat.
• 54:38
  Speaker 3: Is that like a noun, a pronoun?
• 54:41
  Speaker 1: No, so a proverb is like a phrase, like a saying,
• 54:43
  Speaker 1: like a wisdom phrase.
• 54:44
  Speaker 4: Oh.
• 54:45
  Speaker 3: There ain't no noun, verb.
• 54:46
  Speaker 1: No, like proverbs, like African proverbs, or like, you know, like.
• 54:50
  Speaker 3: I'm African-American.
• 54:51
  Speaker 1: I'm African-American, too. I'm just black.
• 54:53
  Speaker 3: Mm-hmm.
• 54:53
  Speaker 1: It's just phrases that people say. I'm trying to think
• 54:55
  Speaker 1: of one, like a bird in one hand is worth
• 54:58
  Speaker 1: two in the bush. That's a proverb.
• 55:00
  Speaker 3: That's a saying.
• 55:01
  Speaker 1: Yeah, same shit.
• 55:02
  Speaker 3: Now I tell you something, you need to educate shit
• 55:04
  Speaker 3: on me. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. You know what?
• 55:09
  Speaker 3: Don't fuck you in a proper way. They be saying
• 55:10
  Speaker 3: that shit in church.
• 55:11
  Speaker 1: I've been bested, and I had a feeling that I
• 55:13
  Speaker 1: would be.
• 55:14
  Speaker 3: What is bested?
• 55:15
  Speaker 1: I said bested.
• 55:16
  Speaker 3: Bested.
• 55:17
  Speaker 1: Like, you have bested me. I knew I was going
• 55:19
  Speaker 1: to come in here and get my ass whooped.
• 55:20
  Speaker 3: See, this is what I'm going to tell the young people,
• 55:21
  Speaker 3: because they talk French.
• 55:22
  Speaker 1: That's a regular word.
• 55:23
  Speaker 3: That ain't no... I never heard no... Bested. Your best friend? Bested.
• 55:26
  Speaker 1: Like, B-S-T-E-D.
• 55:28
  Speaker 3: That is a regular word. I ain't never in my
• 55:29
  Speaker 3: life heard that word. That wasn't on my GED test. Okay, B, stone.
• 55:34
  Speaker 3: Beavis and Bullhead, y'all over here are bested. Beavis and
• 55:39
  Speaker 3: Butthead said.
• 55:40
  Speaker 4: You talking that nigga shit.
• 55:42
  Speaker 1: They're never going to work with me again.
• 55:44
  Speaker 3: We love y'all.
• 55:45
  Speaker 4: Beavis and Butthead said, they never heard that nigga shit.
• 55:47
  Speaker 4: You talking that bullshit right now. Don't be scared to
• 55:50
  Speaker 4: speak up, Beavis and Butthead.
• 55:51
  Speaker 3: She going to pay y'all. Oh, my God.
• 55:53
  Speaker 1: One of the final thoughts that I have on this
• 55:55
  Speaker 1: is like, this program doesn't work.
• 55:56
  Speaker 4: Next week, do not let them call y'all Beavis and
• 55:58
  Speaker 4: Butthead because that's my name for y'all.
• 56:00
  Speaker 1: Nobody's never going to do that, Ms.
• 56:01
  Speaker 3: Pat. Nobody's ever going to do that.
• 56:03
  Speaker 4: Okay, that's my name for them when I come back.
• 56:05
  Speaker 4: And y'all invited to the barbecue. Okay, and if you
• 56:08
  Speaker 4: ever looking for some black coochie, not for sale, hit
• 56:10
  Speaker 4: me up.
• 56:11
  Speaker 3: Not for sale. Not me personally, but I know somebody.
• 56:15
  Speaker 1: But not for sale.
• 56:17
  Speaker 3: They got no money. Dude, they look like they got sponsors.
• 56:22
  Speaker 3: They got no new balances. They got no money. They
• 56:24
  Speaker 3: got no money. Ain't nobody says no white man don't
• 56:28
  Speaker 3: put no New Balance on. You never know.
• 56:30
  Speaker 1: They be wearing some New Balances sometimes to be, you know, like.
• 56:33
  Speaker 3: A tech bros being. They don't wear a fly New Balance.
• 56:36
  Speaker 3: You know what I don't like.
• 56:37
  Speaker 1: About white men. You don't have to get off my team, Ms.
• 56:39
  Speaker 3: Payne.
• 56:39
  Speaker 4: You know what I hate about white men? Y'all tie
• 56:41
  Speaker 4: y'all shoes too tight. That shit hurts the shit out
• 56:43
  Speaker 4: of me. They tie their shoes like they about to
• 56:48
  Speaker 4: take off running. I'd be like, why the fuck your shoe?
• 56:52
  Speaker 4: Why you do that to the tongue on your shoe?
• 56:54
  Speaker 4: Your tongue can't breathe.
• 56:56
  Speaker 1: Miss Pat.
• 56:58
  Speaker 3: Oh, I'm sorry.
• 57:00
  Speaker 1: What are your final thoughts on the D.A.R.E.
• 57:02
  Speaker 3: Program?
• 57:03
  Speaker 1: I will say mine are that it's ineffective. It costs
• 57:06
  Speaker 1: way too much money.
• 57:06
  Speaker 3: We ain't talking about that shit no more.
• 57:08
  Speaker 2: We're just wrapping it up.
• 57:09
  Speaker 1: I'm not going to read nothing else. I'm not reading
• 57:13
  Speaker 1: anything else.
• 57:13
  Speaker 3: I have fucked the D.A.R.E.
• 57:14
  Speaker 1: Program.
• 57:15
  Speaker 3: All right. Are we talking about the other shit? You
• 57:18
  Speaker 3: don't went back there and bullshit.
• 57:19
  Speaker 1: You're talking about my engineers.
• 57:21
  Speaker 3: My poor engineers. I love y'all Beavis and Bullhead. They laughing.
• 57:26
  Speaker 1: You just thought they was in there kicking it?
• 57:27
  Speaker 2: No, I brought us a white beer for some flavor.
• 57:30
  Speaker 3: No, there ain't no flavor.
• 57:32
  Speaker 1: I set myself up for that.
• 57:33
  Speaker 3: I set myself up for that. No, I know they
• 57:36
  Speaker 3: work for you. Oh, my goodness. Who you thought I thought?
• 57:39
  Speaker 3: What you thought I thought? No, I didn't think that.
• 57:42
  Speaker 3: Excuse me. I didn't think that. I'm a fan. This
• 57:46
  Speaker 3: shit come out slow.
• 57:47
  Speaker 2: No, you've been sucking up air in an empty straw
• 57:49
  Speaker 2: when that Coke was gone.
• 57:50
  Speaker 3: Yeah, and I'm silently farting like your president.
• 57:52
  Speaker 4: You just can't hear it.
• 57:58
  Speaker 3: Well, Ms.
• 57:59
  Speaker 1: Pat, thank you for coming on this show.
• 58:01
  Speaker 3: No, thank you for having me. I had a good time.
• 58:03
  Speaker 1: Wait, I don't know if you did.
• 58:04
  Speaker 3: For the first 20 minutes, I was sick of you.
• 58:06
  Speaker 3: I ain't going to lie. Okay. I said, this bitch
• 58:07
  Speaker 3: is going to read all these cards. Oh, my God.
• 58:10
  Speaker 3: She's going to kill me and read all these goddamn cards.
• 58:12
  Speaker 3: I told you, interrupt. Interrupt. Ain't no interrupt.
• 58:15
  Speaker 4: You shouldn't even bring nobody and read all them goddamn cards,
• 58:18
  Speaker 4: but you like to read.
• 58:19
  Speaker 3: But next time, just have a conversation. Next time, we
• 58:22
  Speaker 3: just get some food. Ain't that right, babies?
• 58:25
  Speaker 4: Hey.
• 58:25
  Speaker 3: Hey.
• 58:27
  Speaker 1: Next time I will change.
• 58:28
  Speaker 3: We're going to get some food, and we're going to
• 58:29
  Speaker 3: sit down and eat. We're going to be listening to
• 58:31
  Speaker 3: all that bullshit. Next time I have.
• 58:33
  Speaker 1: You on the podcast, I will completely change the whole format.
• 58:35
  Speaker 3: Fuck six years.
• 58:36
  Speaker 1: I will change the whole format.
• 58:37
  Speaker 3: Six years? What's six years?
• 58:38
  Speaker 1: I'm doing this podcast.
• 58:40
  Speaker 3: Oh, okay.
• 58:41
  Speaker 2: I will change the whole format, okay? Because I don't
• 58:43
  Speaker 2: want you to be bored that you are an icon, okay?
• 58:46
  Speaker 2: I don't want to bore my icons, okay? I said
• 58:48
  Speaker 2: I got to do something.
• 58:49
  Speaker 1: I know you're going to get out here and talk
• 58:51
  Speaker 1: cash shit about me.
• 58:52
  Speaker 3: You and Lou Neal. I got to work on my.
• 58:54
  Speaker 2: my women of that age group stand-up comic.
• 58:58
  Speaker 3: Yeah, because you can't be boring her.
• 58:59
  Speaker 4: We got short tempers. I mean, it spans, whatever the
• 59:02
  Speaker 4: fuck it called. We can't stay asleep that long. I mean,
• 59:05
  Speaker 4: awake that long.
• 59:06
  Speaker 1: Your Freudian slips are just like, I got short temper.
• 59:09
  Speaker 3: I can't sleep.
• 59:10
  Speaker 1: Asleep that long.
• 59:10
  Speaker 3: I can't stay awake or sleep. Shit, I'm tired of
• 59:13
  Speaker 3: the motherfucker. My panty line need to be changed right now. Oh, well,
• 59:17
  Speaker 3: you know what?
• 59:18
  Speaker 2: We're going to get you right on to changing that.
• 59:19
  Speaker 2: But first, where would you like to be found? Anything
• 59:21
  Speaker 2: you want to promote? Socials, whatever that be.
• 59:23
  Speaker 4: If you're not buying dope, I'm on Instagram and all
• 59:26
  Speaker 4: the social media at Miss Pat Comedy.
• 59:29
  Speaker 3: I'm sorry. I mean, Comedian Ms.
• 59:31
  Speaker 1: Pat.
• 59:31
  Speaker 3: I'm about to give you my motherfucking email. I mean,
• 59:33
  Speaker 3: my website.
• 59:34
  Speaker 4: It's MsPatCompany.com to go and get my book. That's my
• 59:38
  Speaker 4: book right there.
• 59:38
  Speaker 1: Yes.
• 59:39
  Speaker 3: Come out. It's out now. When does it come out?
• 59:43
  Speaker 4: It's out now. Also, you go to Comedian Ms. Pat
• 59:48
  Speaker 4: and it's spelled like a girl. C-O-M-E-D-I-E-N-N-E. Something like that.
• 59:52
  Speaker 3: M-S-P-A-T. Go to Ms.
• 59:53
  Speaker 4: Pat and get everything you need. Don't come to my
• 59:56
  Speaker 4: page talking shit to me because I talk bad. I
• 59:57
  Speaker 4: will cuss you the fuck out and your mama. And
• 59:59
  Speaker 4: I'm going to look up your tree and they got ADHD.
• 1:00:01
  Speaker 4: And I'm going to call it so screwed off and
• 1:00:03
  Speaker 4: tell them that your child don't need that chick. So
• 1:00:05
  Speaker 4: don't fuck with me playing your vagina.
• 1:00:07
  Speaker 3: I'm one of the kids with ADHD. You got, you got, huh?
• 1:00:10
  Speaker 3: You got ADHD?
• 1:00:11
  Speaker 2: Yes. You said that like it was a terminal illness.
• 1:00:15
  Speaker 3: It is. What kind of ADHD you got? Like AUADHD, yeah.
• 1:00:24
  Speaker 3: How do you know you got ADHD?
• 1:00:25
  Speaker 1: I was diagnosed by a psychiatrist.
• 1:00:27
  Speaker 3: Well, why did they diagnose you?
• 1:00:29
  Speaker 1: Because of the symptoms.
• 1:00:31
  Speaker 3: What was your symptom? All of them.
• 1:00:33
  Speaker 4: Dare? What?
• 1:00:34
  Speaker 3: Dare.
• 1:00:35
  Speaker 2: I didn't do a drug and then get ADHD.
• 1:00:39
  Speaker 3: Okay, RFK, listen. What was your symptom? No, there's tons
• 1:00:44
  Speaker 3: of symptoms of.
• 1:00:44
  Speaker 1: ADHD, like easily distracted, loss of executive function. You really
• 1:00:49
  Speaker 1: want me to list all of them?
• 1:00:50
  Speaker 3: Wait a minute, what's this loss of what?
• 1:00:52
  Speaker 1: Loss of executive function.
• 1:00:54
  Speaker 3: What is loss of executive function? You went paralyzed?
• 1:00:56
  Speaker 2: No, executive function is like the part of your brain
• 1:00:58
  Speaker 2: that makes you do tasks. And so when you have ADHD,
• 1:01:01
  Speaker 2: tasks seem harder. You don't want to do them or
• 1:01:03
  Speaker 2: you start them and you don't finish them. Or, you
• 1:01:05
  Speaker 2: know what I mean?
• 1:01:06
  Speaker 3: Or in that case, the motherfucking world got ADHD.
• 1:01:09
  Speaker 2: There's a lot more things, but I don't have to
• 1:01:11
  Speaker 2: list them off here. That's not what we're here for.
• 1:01:14
  Speaker 2: You've done an amazing job, Ms.
• 1:01:15
  Speaker 4: Pat.
• 1:01:16
  Speaker 1: And now people know that, fuck their.
• 1:01:17
  Speaker 3: You know, back in the day, if your executive, what
• 1:01:21
  Speaker 3: you call it?
• 1:01:21
  Speaker 1: Executive function?
• 1:01:22
  Speaker 4: If you had executive function at work, they called you retarded.
• 1:01:25
  Speaker 4: But thank God he got a different diagnosis.
• 1:01:27
  Speaker 2: Oh, my God, you sound like that Baltimore mayor guy.
• 1:01:31
  Speaker 2: Neighborhood produce.
• 1:01:32
  Speaker 3: Oh, Lord, Ms.
• 1:01:34
  Speaker 4: Pat.
• 1:01:34
  Speaker 1: Thank you so much for being here.
• 1:01:36
  Speaker 3: Thank you for having me, Scam God.
• 1:01:37
  Speaker 4: Yes.
• 1:01:38
  Speaker 3: Oh, my gosh.
• 1:01:39
  Speaker 4: I thought she was going to be talking about some
• 1:01:40
  Speaker 4: black scams. She be telling on the white people. She
• 1:01:42
  Speaker 4: be telling on the white people. And the next episode,
• 1:01:45
  Speaker 4: I don't know who going to be up, but I'm
• 1:01:46
  Speaker 4: going to be it.
• 1:01:50
  Speaker 2: Well, as always, you can find me at D-I-V-A-L-A-C-I-D Valencia
• 1:01:54
  Speaker 2: on all platforms.
• 1:01:55
  Speaker 1: If you want to follow the show and look at
• 1:01:56
  Speaker 1: all of our great D.A.R.E. graphics. If you care about D.A.R.E.
• 1:01:59
  Speaker 2: More than Miss Pat, you can go on Scam Goddess
• 1:02:01
  Speaker 2: Pod on any profile and you'll see clips, videos.
• 1:02:05
  Speaker 1: And all of this.
• 1:02:06
  Speaker 2: You can get my book, Scam Goddess, wherever books are sold,
• 1:02:08
  Speaker 2: and you can stream the first season of Scam Goddess
• 1:02:10
  Speaker 2: on Hulu right now, along with Going Dutch and, oh, God,
• 1:02:14
  Speaker 2: iCarly and so many shows. Watch the TV shows, guys.
• 1:02:18
  Speaker 2: Thank you so much. And give us five stars on Apple, okay?
• 1:02:20
  Speaker 2: Dare to give us.
• 1:02:21
  Speaker 1: Five stars, okay? And congregation, stay daring.