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My Wife Doesn't Trust Me on a Business Trip · Therapy Thursday with Ellen K

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: Self because I'm going to get drunk at one of
• 0:01
  Speaker 1: the cocktail parties and I'm going to end up bringing
• 0:05
  Speaker 1: wild girl back to my room and see this is
• 0:07
  Speaker 1: what she's imagining. And then God forbid you turn off
• 0:11
  Speaker 1: your phone and then she calls you all night and
• 0:14
  Speaker 1: camp you know, oh.
• 0:15
  Speaker 2: My gosh, can't look, here's the thing. Then where does
• 0:18
  Speaker 2: it end? Right? Then it doesn't?
• 0:28
  Speaker 1: So much therapy all around us and we love that.
• 0:30
  Speaker 1: It's it's normalized and it's part of our lives. And
• 0:34
  Speaker 1: thank you for being here with a Therapy Thursday podcast
• 0:38
  Speaker 1: in case you're just finding us. I'm Ellen Ka along
• 0:41
  Speaker 1: with Ryan Mano. Hello, and we do our radio show
• 0:43
  Speaker 1: together every morning. And then we discovered our friend Sarah
• 0:47
  Speaker 1: Dash who's a accomplished therapist, So then we started Therapy
• 0:52
  Speaker 1: Thursday and.
• 0:52
  Speaker 3: Now we're a podcast.
• 0:54
  Speaker 4: Yes we are.
• 0:55
  Speaker 3: How great is that? Sarah?
• 0:57
  Speaker 1: Have you ever like counted the hour of therapy you've
• 1:01
  Speaker 1: given people?
• 1:02
  Speaker 3: Oh? My god? Because Ryan loves numbers like that.
• 1:05
  Speaker 1: Like Ryan could take your days and oh how long
• 1:08
  Speaker 1: you've been practicing? How many days a week, how many
• 1:10
  Speaker 1: hours a day and then come up with like a
• 1:13
  Speaker 1: big fat number.
• 1:14
  Speaker 3: God, I'd have to think about that.
• 1:16
  Speaker 4: I know that before I became licensed, I had to
• 1:19
  Speaker 4: do three thousand because those are like.
• 1:22
  Speaker 3: Charted practice hours.
• 1:24
  Speaker 4: Yes.
• 1:24
  Speaker 3: Wait, so if I want to talk to.
• 1:26
  Speaker 1: You and you're a practicing practitioner, you say you're kind
• 1:29
  Speaker 1: of a guinea pig.
• 1:31
  Speaker 3: Yeah, kind okay, And it's like.
• 1:33
  Speaker 4: Most people they work at like a low calls clinic something,
• 1:36
  Speaker 4: and then you know the people when they go, they
• 1:37
  Speaker 4: know they're getting an intern or training. Yeah, but they're
• 1:40
  Speaker 4: also getting it at you know, fifteen thirty forty bucks
• 1:44
  Speaker 4: an hour.
• 1:44
  Speaker 3: Yeah that's great.
• 1:45
  Speaker 2: Yeah, that would be one hundred and twenty five sleepless
• 1:48
  Speaker 2: days and nights, just great therapy. That's three thousand.
• 1:52
  Speaker 3: Hours every thousand hours.
• 1:55
  Speaker 2: I also, Sarah had a question because I think of
• 1:58
  Speaker 2: these things during the week. You know, we communicate via
• 2:00
  Speaker 2: email and text, and I never get a chance to
• 2:02
  Speaker 2: ask you certain things at Ellen, and I think of
• 2:04
  Speaker 2: you ever run into your clients in public.
• 2:07
  Speaker 4: I have never run into a client in public. Surprisingly,
• 2:13
  Speaker 4: I have been in session with people and realized that
• 2:17
  Speaker 4: we had people in common.
• 2:18
  Speaker 3: Okay, oh boy.
• 2:20
  Speaker 4: That's happened before, just sort of like several degrees of separation.
• 2:24
  Speaker 4: But I've been sitting there and I'll be listening and
• 2:26
  Speaker 4: I think, I think I know who they're talking about,
• 2:30
  Speaker 4: and then as it comes out and be like, yeah,
• 2:32
  Speaker 4: I do know this. It's interesting. So that's happened, but
• 2:35
  Speaker 4: never in public, which actually surprises me.
• 2:37
  Speaker 1: My gynecologist was at our favorite restaurant with his wife,
• 2:41
  Speaker 1: really lovely, yes, and I saw him and I love him, and.
• 2:46
  Speaker 3: My husband helped me back from saying hello at dinner.
• 2:49
  Speaker 1: Okay, he's at dinner with his wife. You're a patient,
• 2:54
  Speaker 1: he's a gynecologist. Don't say hi. Okay, so we didn't.
• 2:59
  Speaker 1: And then when I saw him, I'm at one of
• 3:00
  Speaker 1: my points. I said, look, you know, I saw you
• 3:03
  Speaker 1: over to Evaldi. But my husband would let me say hi,
• 3:05
  Speaker 1: and he goes, thank you.
• 3:06
  Speaker 3: I appreciate he thanks you. He says, I didn't want
• 3:10
  Speaker 3: me to say hi.
• 3:10
  Speaker 2: Hey.
• 3:11
  Speaker 3: Yeah, he doesn't want to have to think about work.
• 3:14
  Speaker 2: Well, some professions you just work at work.
• 3:17
  Speaker 3: Okay, with the same hands. Fair enough, boy. Should we
• 3:22
  Speaker 3: get to Enrica, Enrico, how are you?
• 3:27
  Speaker 5: Hey? How's it going guys?
• 3:29
  Speaker 3: I'll let Sarah answer first. It's going great with me.
• 3:33
  Speaker 3: How's it going with you?
• 3:33
  Speaker 4: Ryan?
• 3:34
  Speaker 3: Oh?
• 3:34
  Speaker 2: Yeah, no, I'm.
• 3:35
  Speaker 3: Sorry I'm solid. How about you, Enrico.
• 3:40
  Speaker 5: I got a little quandary here and I need your
• 3:42
  Speaker 5: help with this one.
• 3:43
  Speaker 3: Okay, you can come to the right place, I hope.
• 3:49
  Speaker 4: So. Uh.
• 3:51
  Speaker 5: I work in commercial real estate and every year does
• 3:54
  Speaker 5: a big industry convention in Vegas. So everyone stays at
• 3:57
  Speaker 5: the host hotel. You know, that's where all the session
• 4:00
  Speaker 5: are and the network events are. And here's the thing.
• 4:05
  Speaker 5: My ex girlfriend works in the same industry, you know,
• 4:08
  Speaker 5: like we've been We dated years ago, long before I
• 4:11
  Speaker 5: met my current wife, and you know, we say hello
• 4:14
  Speaker 5: at these things, maybe end up in the same group conversation.
• 4:17
  Speaker 5: That's about it. My wife found out about my ex
• 4:23
  Speaker 5: and that she's also staying at the same hotel, and
• 4:25
  Speaker 5: now she wants me to book somewhere else down the strip.
• 4:29
  Speaker 5: And when I asked why, she was honest she said,
• 4:33
  Speaker 5: we're in the same hotel. She can't tell anything from
• 4:36
  Speaker 5: tracking my phone, same building, sing little dot in the
• 4:39
  Speaker 5: map from at a different hotel. At least she knows
• 4:42
  Speaker 5: where I am at night. I mean, I love my wife, Ellen,
• 4:47
  Speaker 5: but this feels less like trusted, more like surveillance, you
• 4:51
  Speaker 5: know what I mean. And where is the convention in Vegas.
• 4:57
  Speaker 3: Oh, I think that adds adds to worry.
• 5:00
  Speaker 4: It could, I mean, but I hear it as anxiety
• 5:04
  Speaker 4: management via control.
• 5:07
  Speaker 1: Oh, she's looking at you and Rico on the map,
• 5:11
  Speaker 1: and you're at the hotel that's not the same as
• 5:13
  Speaker 1: the convention hotel. Who's to say she doesn't have a
• 5:16
  Speaker 1: room there too, or that she's not in your room
• 5:18
  Speaker 1: like there's still no way of tracking, or.
• 5:20
  Speaker 4: That his phone is in his room and he's back
• 5:23
  Speaker 4: at the other hotel.
• 5:24
  Speaker 3: Exactly, yes, yeah, And.
• 5:26
  Speaker 4: I mean the question with this kind of thing is
• 5:29
  Speaker 4: where does this end. You agree to stay in the hotel,
• 5:33
  Speaker 4: then does it move into facetiming, Then does it move
• 5:36
  Speaker 4: into I mean, hell can move into a body camp.
• 5:39
  Speaker 4: I mean, because it's not it's not going to give
• 5:41
  Speaker 4: her the reassurance that she needs. And I'm curious as
• 5:46
  Speaker 4: to why she does not feel safe in the marriage.
• 5:50
  Speaker 2: Have you ever, Enrico, given her I don't know any
• 5:54
  Speaker 2: reason whatsoever to kind of have this concern. No way,
• 5:59
  Speaker 2: There's been no cheating, no flirting, no anything, absolutely not
• 6:05
  Speaker 2: no secret absolutely not okay.
• 6:07
  Speaker 5: No, absolutely not. I mean she knows about my ex
• 6:11
  Speaker 5: two and like I mean, I told her yes by
• 6:16
  Speaker 5: the way she's like gonna be in the same hotel,
• 6:19
  Speaker 5: and just I wasn't even thinking about it, like because
• 6:21
  Speaker 5: you know, we're we're always up front. I'm just a
• 6:23
  Speaker 5: little offended that she thought that she can't trust me.
• 6:28
  Speaker 5: But it's it's it's a little bit it hurts the ego,
• 6:32
  Speaker 5: you know what I'm saying.
• 6:34
  Speaker 4: Does she try to sort of manage her anxiety in
• 6:38
  Speaker 4: similar ways when you're not traveling on business?
• 6:42
  Speaker 5: Oh no, this is the first uh happened?
• 6:47
  Speaker 1: I think what we're not addressing here is did she
• 6:49
  Speaker 1: do something so she doesn't trust herself, therefore she doesn't
• 6:53
  Speaker 1: trust you? Did she ever cheat on you, have a
• 6:56
  Speaker 1: flirtation with someone, or sneak off to someone's hotel hell room, and.
• 7:00
  Speaker 3: Now through her guilt?
• 7:02
  Speaker 1: Interesting is trying to control her marriage through And sure.
• 7:08
  Speaker 5: I don't think so. I'm being you know, I mean,
• 7:12
  Speaker 5: she's happy with me, I know that. I mean, we
• 7:14
  Speaker 5: love each other. But it's just it just seems like
• 7:17
  Speaker 5: something that came out the blue.
• 7:19
  Speaker 4: And that actually surprises me because these types of accommodations
• 7:23
  Speaker 4: that are requested in a relationship usually show up repeatedly.
• 7:27
  Speaker 2: This is it doesn't just come up it's usually.
• 7:30
  Speaker 4: Not a one time deal.
• 7:31
  Speaker 1: Could it be that one of her friends got cheated
• 7:33
  Speaker 1: on at a convention or with an X and maybe
• 7:36
  Speaker 1: she's dad what happened.
• 7:38
  Speaker 2: Or maybe it's just the idea of Vegas. Maybe if
• 7:40
  Speaker 2: this were in Saint Louis, Oh right, yeah, who cares?
• 7:43
  Speaker 3: Yeah?
• 7:43
  Speaker 4: Or is it this particular X ah?
• 7:46
  Speaker 2: Yes? Yeah? What's her deal in Rico? Is this is
• 7:49
  Speaker 2: your ex kind of known for being a little uh slutty.
• 7:54
  Speaker 5: I mean, you know, I mean she has fun, you know,
• 7:58
  Speaker 5: I mean she's like one of the boys that type.
• 8:01
  Speaker 5: But I don't I mean, I don't think so, I
• 8:03
  Speaker 5: don't know, I don't know. I mean I'm not really
• 8:04
  Speaker 5: I don't judge, you know, but but me and her
• 8:08
  Speaker 5: are friends. It was a it was a you know,
• 8:11
  Speaker 5: it was just like a brief thing and we just thought, hey,
• 8:14
  Speaker 5: we're better off being friends. Honestly, she is kind of like,
• 8:18
  Speaker 5: you know, I say, one of the boys. She is
• 8:19
  Speaker 5: kind of like that. She talks a lot about like
• 8:22
  Speaker 5: her hook cups and stuff like that. Like that's in
• 8:24
  Speaker 5: the city. She's like a Samantha, but like inport Oh.
• 8:29
  Speaker 1: Yeah, okay, So if I thought it wouldn't be with her.
• 8:34
  Speaker 5: You get what I'm saying, It wouldn't be I'm kidding,
• 8:38
  Speaker 5: but I said if I was gonna cheat, it wouldn't
• 8:39
  Speaker 5: be with her because she's a big mouth. You get
• 8:41
  Speaker 5: what I'm saying.
• 8:41
  Speaker 2: Okay, Oh got it?
• 8:43
  Speaker 3: Got it? But she sounds like a lot of fun.
• 8:44
  Speaker 2: Yeah, especially for a weekend in Vegas? Yeah?
• 8:50
  Speaker 3: Is she single?
• 8:53
  Speaker 5: Always single?
• 8:54
  Speaker 3: Always single?
• 8:55
  Speaker 4: So it's this particular person that seems to be the threat.
• 8:59
  Speaker 4: This isn't an on going theme in your marriage. Normally
• 9:02
  Speaker 4: I would say to not accommodate, because, as I said before,
• 9:07
  Speaker 4: where does it end? But if it's isolated to a
• 9:10
  Speaker 4: particular situation, I don't think accommodation is the worst thing,
• 9:15
  Speaker 4: because flexibility and accommodation or part of any relationship.
• 9:19
  Speaker 2: Say you, Ryan, Uh, would you consider would this help
• 9:24
  Speaker 2: at all? And I know you said don't comp Is
• 9:26
  Speaker 2: that what you're saying? Don't accommodate?
• 9:27
  Speaker 4: Here?
• 9:28
  Speaker 3: This time?
• 9:28
  Speaker 4: I think I actually might because it's someone off.
• 9:33
  Speaker 2: I got you. Okay, would you consider inviting your wife
• 9:38
  Speaker 2: to Vegas?
• 9:40
  Speaker 5: Uh? I mean, I mean it's gonna come out of pocket, though,
• 9:45
  Speaker 5: you know, I mean, it just seems like I've done
• 9:47
  Speaker 5: these things before, like NonStop, like that's part of my job.
• 9:50
  Speaker 5: It just seems like an overreaction, and she has her
• 9:52
  Speaker 5: own job, she has her own and weak.
• 9:55
  Speaker 1: Would you just answer the question, would you consider? He said,
• 10:00
  Speaker 1: do you consider inviting her?
• 10:01
  Speaker 2: Like this thing's hotel room is free. We know that
• 10:05
  Speaker 2: it's your your work is paying for it. Southwest has
• 10:07
  Speaker 2: like eighty nine dollars deals one way, so I think
• 10:09
  Speaker 2: you know you don't worry about out of pocket. Would you
• 10:12
  Speaker 2: invite your wife.
• 10:14
  Speaker 5: If it comes down to it, Yeah.
• 10:16
  Speaker 3: Okay, okay, okay.
• 10:19
  Speaker 5: But I just feel like if I had to do
• 10:21
  Speaker 5: all that, what does that say? Like she doesn't trust me?
• 10:25
  Speaker 5: It's it's it stays with it's it's always in the
• 10:29
  Speaker 5: back of your mind. That like, why you don't trust me?
• 10:32
  Speaker 4: You know? If your wife was on this call, what
• 10:34
  Speaker 4: do you think she would be saying?
• 10:39
  Speaker 5: I don't know. I don't know. I mean, I'd like
• 10:41
  Speaker 5: to talk to her about it, but I'm also kind
• 10:43
  Speaker 5: of like I don't want to go there, and I
• 10:45
  Speaker 5: just don't want to open up that can of beams.
• 10:46
  Speaker 4: You know, what are you afraid you might hear?
• 10:51
  Speaker 5: I don't know, I just I just I just don't
• 10:53
  Speaker 5: want to. I don't want to deal with like her
• 10:56
  Speaker 5: saying like well, I don't trust you or and I'm like, wait,
• 10:58
  Speaker 5: what do you mean? Like we've been together for so long,
• 11:00
  Speaker 5: why don't you trust me?
• 11:01
  Speaker 4: Right?
• 11:01
  Speaker 5: That's or insecurities that might come out, you know, like
• 11:05
  Speaker 5: there's no when situation with that bringing that up.
• 11:10
  Speaker 4: I mean, I think it's a no win situation to
• 11:12
  Speaker 4: not bring it up because I think there's some things
• 11:17
  Speaker 4: that are happening that you may not be completely aware of,
• 11:22
  Speaker 4: and once you're aware of them, once you get that clarity,
• 11:25
  Speaker 4: maybe this is, I don't know, an opportunity for growth.
• 11:28
  Speaker 4: A lot of potential conflict is an opportunity for growth.
• 11:32
  Speaker 5: Yeah, I mean, I mean I'm not the professional here,
• 11:35
  Speaker 5: so I don't know you.
• 11:36
  Speaker 2: Yeah, let me ask you this, Enrico. Are you are
• 11:38
  Speaker 2: you known to almost let loose a little bit because
• 11:43
  Speaker 2: you know there could be maybe she's just not saying
• 11:45
  Speaker 2: something is she doesn't want to hurt your feelings, Like
• 11:47
  Speaker 2: I know how you get when you get around these people,
• 11:50
  Speaker 2: like are you are you known to kind of maybe
• 11:53
  Speaker 2: I don't want to say blackout, but maybe lose yourself
• 11:55
  Speaker 2: a little bit.
• 11:57
  Speaker 5: No, But I mean, hey, I'm also like I'm a
• 12:00
  Speaker 5: I'm a salesman by nature. You know, I'm talking to people. Listen,
• 12:06
  Speaker 5: it's enough I have to close the deal. I might
• 12:07
  Speaker 5: have to flirt with people. I mean, you know how
• 12:09
  Speaker 5: it is. You know.
• 12:12
  Speaker 3: A good point.
• 12:13
  Speaker 2: I just and the reason I'm asking that is because
• 12:15
  Speaker 2: I do feel like there may we've already talked about
• 12:18
  Speaker 2: her and then she's a little wild child. But I
• 12:21
  Speaker 2: just feel like, I don't know about you, Sarah and Ellen,
• 12:23
  Speaker 2: but there's like maybe a little some of detail missing.
• 12:26
  Speaker 4: There's something missing, because this never shows up in isolation
• 12:31
  Speaker 4: unless there's a specific cause.
• 12:33
  Speaker 2: Uh, you guys track each other all the time, like
• 12:37
  Speaker 2: is there a guy in her life that you're jealous of?
• 12:41
  Speaker 5: No? Because I trust her?
• 12:43
  Speaker 4: Okay, okay, h I think Ryan makes a good point
• 12:49
  Speaker 4: is this may not be about trusting you. It may
• 12:51
  Speaker 4: be trusting not trusting the situation.
• 12:55
  Speaker 1: Sometimes some people get carried away by the environment and
• 13:00
  Speaker 1: make bad decisions. They do, and you know, then it's
• 13:04
  Speaker 1: something you have to hide or explain or whatever.
• 13:07
  Speaker 2: But if it's not too I mean, what's wrong with
• 13:09
  Speaker 2: you saying listen, I don't want to say sit her
• 13:11
  Speaker 2: down like she's a child, But saying I love you,
• 13:14
  Speaker 2: I married you. Knock it off.
• 13:16
  Speaker 3: That doesn't that doesn't matter.
• 13:19
  Speaker 2: What do you mean?
• 13:19
  Speaker 3: It doesn't matter. You can say things all day long.
• 13:23
  Speaker 3: You know you can say that.
• 13:24
  Speaker 1: But I just feel like, you know, I have this friend,
• 13:28
  Speaker 1: he has a really beautiful wife and she he'd go
• 13:32
  Speaker 1: out or she'd go out. They have separate like showbiz lives,
• 13:35
  Speaker 1: and I would say, wow, don't you ever like think
• 13:37
  Speaker 1: someone hitting on her or whatever? It goes as long
• 13:39
  Speaker 1: as she comes back to sleep in my bed, I'm okay.
• 13:42
  Speaker 2: Mm hmm.
• 13:42
  Speaker 1: Well they ended up getting a divorce because of that attitude.
• 13:47
  Speaker 4: Like one day she didn't come home.
• 13:48
  Speaker 1: One day, she just didn't come home because he was
• 13:51
  Speaker 1: just like, she's mine forever. I don't care what she's doing.
• 13:53
  Speaker 1: As long as she's sleeping in my bed.
• 13:55
  Speaker 4: Well, that can start to feel like not being cherished,
• 13:59
  Speaker 4: not being appreciated, it valued, And that's not a place
• 14:02
  Speaker 4: that anybody wants to go in a relationship.
• 14:05
  Speaker 3: It's hurtful.
• 14:05
  Speaker 2: Ultimately, Yeah, do you want you want the person to
• 14:09
  Speaker 2: feel like they're standing up for you and to some degree, yeah,
• 14:12
  Speaker 2: like the.
• 14:12
  Speaker 4: Try valued right and they recognize that you would in
• 14:17
  Speaker 4: fact be valued by others. So it's important that they
• 14:23
  Speaker 4: know that they're cherished.
• 14:24
  Speaker 3: Yes, do are you sweet to her? Are you?
• 14:29
  Speaker 1: Is she missing something else in the relationship, like I
• 14:32
  Speaker 1: don't know, like some romance or like Sarah was saying,
• 14:37
  Speaker 1: some cherishing.
• 14:40
  Speaker 5: I mean we have a fantastic love life. That's that's okay, Okay,
• 14:44
  Speaker 5: So I mean I just don't feel it's just weird
• 14:48
  Speaker 5: that I have to It just makes me. It's almost
• 14:51
  Speaker 5: like I have to, uh, admit to something I haven't done.
• 14:57
  Speaker 5: Like just you know what I'm.
• 14:58
  Speaker 3: Saying, You feel like you're on trial for a crime
• 15:00
  Speaker 3: you didn't commit.
• 15:01
  Speaker 4: There go, and that happens with accommodations. They can start
• 15:04
  Speaker 4: to feel like confessions. I'm accommodating you because there is,
• 15:10
  Speaker 4: in fact something for you to worry.
• 15:11
  Speaker 1: I don't trust myself because I'm going to get drunk
• 15:13
  Speaker 1: at one of the cocktail parties and I'm going to
• 15:16
  Speaker 1: end up bringing wild girl back to my room and
• 15:19
  Speaker 1: see this is what she's imagining. Then God forbid you
• 15:23
  Speaker 1: turn off your phone and then she calls you all
• 15:26
  Speaker 1: night and camp you know.
• 15:27
  Speaker 2: Oh my gosh, can't look here's the thing. Then where
• 15:30
  Speaker 2: does it end?
• 15:31
  Speaker 5: Right? Then?
• 15:32
  Speaker 3: What it doesn't?
• 15:36
  Speaker 4: No?
• 15:36
  Speaker 3: I know where does it end? Sarah.
• 15:38
  Speaker 4: That's the thing is it doesn't End's completely completely right
• 15:42
  Speaker 4: about these accommodations. It is this, please FaceTime me before
• 15:46
  Speaker 4: you go to sleep. It's like, and there's there's no
• 15:50
  Speaker 4: end to the reassurances because that's not what the anxiety
• 15:55
  Speaker 4: is really about. There's something about this woman, this situation
• 16:00
  Speaker 4: and where your wife does not feel safe. And that's
• 16:02
  Speaker 4: what I think you want to get to the bottom
• 16:04
  Speaker 4: of where does the lack of safety come from, especially
• 16:08
  Speaker 4: because it's not showing up in other areas that is
• 16:10
  Speaker 4: majorly significant.
• 16:13
  Speaker 2: Is there any benefit ever in a relationship to just
• 16:15
  Speaker 2: almost going so far in the other direction? Sarah? Like
• 16:18
  Speaker 2: where he goes you know what, Fine, you want me
• 16:20
  Speaker 2: to do that, I'm just not going like that? Just
• 16:23
  Speaker 2: is that just tantrum baby crap.
• 16:26
  Speaker 4: I don't think it. I don't think it resolves anything, Okay.
• 16:30
  Speaker 1: And it was like it would feel bad, like oh okay,
• 16:33
  Speaker 1: now it's an ultimatum, like okay, fine, I'm not gonna
• 16:37
  Speaker 1: go when you know it's good for his business.
• 16:39
  Speaker 4: Yeah, I mean that's what I hear. This is a
• 16:41
  Speaker 4: professionally valuable experience.
• 16:44
  Speaker 2: But I think sometimes if you illustrate. It's almost like
• 16:46
  Speaker 2: putting the dog's nose in its puddle of piss, right
• 16:48
  Speaker 2: where you go like, oh you don't you don't trust me, Fine,
• 16:50
  Speaker 2: that's fine, I'm just not gonna go and then put
• 16:52
  Speaker 2: make it so big for her and her nonsense that
• 16:55
  Speaker 2: she's like then she starts to feel bad for being
• 16:57
  Speaker 2: such an insecure, jealous, contry rolling psycho.
• 17:01
  Speaker 4: I don't recommend that method, thank you.
• 17:03
  Speaker 2: I didn't think you would.
• 17:04
  Speaker 3: I didn't think would.
• 17:10
  Speaker 2: I just don't know. I can't figure out the way
• 17:12
  Speaker 2: out of this for Enrico.
• 17:13
  Speaker 4: The right the way out of it is for Enrico
• 17:15
  Speaker 4: to have an uncomfortable conversation, which he seems slightly unwilling
• 17:21
  Speaker 4: to do.
• 17:25
  Speaker 2: Is he still there? Are you still there? Did your
• 17:27
  Speaker 2: wife tappen in hacker fa?
• 17:29
  Speaker 5: Yeah? Yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 17:33
  Speaker 2: Okay, you're gonna talk. What are you gonna do?
• 17:35
  Speaker 3: What are you gonna do? You switch hotels? Where do
• 17:37
  Speaker 3: you you know? Like, what's the what's the.
• 17:39
  Speaker 5: Immediate I'm still thinking about it. I'm just I'm just processing. Yeah, yeah,
• 17:47
  Speaker 5: I mean.
• 17:47
  Speaker 4: I don't know.
• 17:47
  Speaker 5: I mean, do I bring this up to my wife that, like,
• 17:50
  Speaker 5: I'm not really comfortable with that that you bring.
• 17:54
  Speaker 4: It up with curiosity.
• 17:56
  Speaker 2: Mm hmmm, that's good.
• 17:58
  Speaker 3: I want to understand you and how do you feel?
• 18:00
  Speaker 2: Yeah, that's great.
• 18:02
  Speaker 4: Not accusation, not shaming, not guilty. I want to know
• 18:07
  Speaker 4: what's going on. I'm curious. I see that you're upset
• 18:10
  Speaker 4: about something. That's the conversation. How can I make you
• 18:15
  Speaker 4: feel better? Because I don't think it's about you tracking
• 18:17
  Speaker 4: my phone? I think we have something else going on.
• 18:19
  Speaker 3: Oh yeah, I love that.
• 18:21
  Speaker 4: Yeah, all right, Henrico, have that conversation.
• 18:26
  Speaker 5: Yeah, there's a lot of process. Yeah, but you know,
• 18:28
  Speaker 5: thanks again, guys, I really appreciate it.
• 18:32
  Speaker 3: Thank you.
• 18:32
  Speaker 1: Have fun at the convention. Don't lose yourself.
• 18:34
  Speaker 2: And hey, how ironic that he's going to real estate
• 18:36
  Speaker 2: convention and his wife is the one demanding location location
• 18:40
  Speaker 2: like it? Good luck, buddy, Thank you, Bye bye. What
• 18:48
  Speaker 2: do we think?
• 18:49
  Speaker 1: Well, I think he's got a big problem, and I
• 18:53
  Speaker 1: think that possibly she's stepped out or he has stepped
• 18:58
  Speaker 1: out and he's not telling us.
• 18:59
  Speaker 2: I like, and that was your instinct, Ellen, that it
• 19:01
  Speaker 2: was almost her guilt speaking through this action.
• 19:03
  Speaker 4: I mean there's something going on because there's been a change.
• 19:06
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean.
• 19:07
  Speaker 4: He tells me this has been happening for the last
• 19:09
  Speaker 4: five years. We're talking about an anxious attachment. This happens
• 19:13
  Speaker 4: once something going on.
• 19:15
  Speaker 1: My sister's married to like a traveling salesman, if you
• 19:17
  Speaker 1: want to call it that. He goes to a lot
• 19:18
  Speaker 1: of conventions, right, and she.
• 19:22
  Speaker 3: Trusts him so much.
• 19:23
  Speaker 1: Sometimes she doesn't even ask him where he's staying, what
• 19:26
  Speaker 1: city are you in? Because they're connected. They they have
• 19:30
  Speaker 1: each other on there Find my Friends location services. She'll
• 19:35
  Speaker 1: eventually know where he's staying. He always checks in and
• 19:38
  Speaker 1: he works hard, and so she's just like, i'll see
• 19:40
  Speaker 1: you next. Sometimes they'll go two three days and she's like,
• 19:45
  Speaker 1: he's fine, he's working Okay. Then he comes home and
• 19:48
  Speaker 1: she does his laundry and you know, and then he
• 19:50
  Speaker 1: goes back out again eventually, but they it took work
• 19:54
  Speaker 1: to get there, but they're there and they're happy.
• 19:57
  Speaker 4: You're describing a very secure attachment sometimes too.
• 20:01
  Speaker 2: I wonder if these sort of I don't know, these
• 20:04
  Speaker 2: like thumb thumb prints on a relationship almost pushed Enrico
• 20:08
  Speaker 2: further away, like now now I want to do something.
• 20:11
  Speaker 1: Oh oh right, like like I got pushed into it,
• 20:13
  Speaker 1: Like she's pushing me away.
• 20:15
  Speaker 4: Yes, if he feels the need to assert his autonomy.
• 20:19
  Speaker 4: It doesn't. People don't like being controlled.
• 20:22
  Speaker 3: That's right, that's right.
• 20:25
  Speaker 1: I think we have one of them on our show
• 20:27
  Speaker 1: right here, looking at me.
• 20:30
  Speaker 4: Yeah, we're both looking at you.
• 20:32
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 20:32
  Speaker 1: Right,