Latest / Love, Happiness and Success with Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby / Why You Snap at the People You Love Most (And How to Respond Differently) | Happiness | E543

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Why You Snap at the People You Love Most (And How to Respond Differently) | Happiness | E543 · Love, Happiness and Success with Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

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Speaker 1: Quinns dot com slash lhs. Now onto the show.
0:36
Speaker 2: How you take care of yourself is about how your
0:39
Speaker 2: unique nervous system works.
0:49
Speaker 1: Feeling out of sync with other people can take a
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Speaker 1: real toll on our relationships. For example, if you find
0:56
Speaker 1: yourself getting so overstimulated that by the end of the
1:01
Speaker 1: day you're barely able to focus on what your partner
1:04
Speaker 1: is saying, that's going to cause problems.
1:07
Speaker 2: Interceptive sensitive humans are often are like big feeling humans.
1:13
Speaker 2: They notice feelings in a really heightened way.
1:16
Speaker 1: Additionally, if you find yourself getting really really irritated by
1:22
Speaker 1: the noises that people make or the way they're talking,
1:25
Speaker 1: and it's hard to calm yourself down so that you
1:28
Speaker 1: can be present in those moments, also going to cause problems.
1:40
Speaker 1: But there's another side to this. What if you're getting
1:43
Speaker 1: feedback from people in your life that you're kind of oblivious,
1:47
Speaker 1: like not even noticing things that are super real for them.
1:51
Speaker 2: They're not just trying to annoy you by walking by
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Speaker 2: that pile of laundry that's on the stairs or the
1:57
Speaker 2: clutter on the counter. Their brain is not visually sensitive.
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Speaker 2: They don't notice that pile in the way that you do.
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Speaker 1: Well, If any of this is ringing true for you,
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Speaker 1: what I'm describing right now are related to nervous system regulation,
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Speaker 1: how sensitive you are to certain things, your ability to
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Speaker 1: soothe yourself if you get jangled, and the differences that
2:23
Speaker 1: exist between people around their sensitivity need for stimulation. This
2:29
Speaker 1: stuff is really real, and that's what we're talking about
2:33
Speaker 1: on today's episode. By the end of our show today,
2:35
Speaker 1: you're going to have a whole lot more visibility into
2:38
Speaker 1: this whole thing. I know I learned a lot during
2:41
Speaker 1: this conversation, but most importantly, you are going to get
2:45
Speaker 1: insight into yourself, your partner, your kids, as well as
2:49
Speaker 1: a lot of clear takeaways around things to do differently
2:54
Speaker 1: starting today in order to manage this. Today's mood music
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Speaker 1: is how I feel sometimes maybe you can relate. So
3:24
Speaker 1: I hope you enjoy that. And if this is your
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Speaker 1: first time listening, I'm so glad you're here. I'm doctor
3:29
Speaker 1: Lisa Marie Bobby. This is a love, happiness and success
3:32
Speaker 1: podcast where every week we are diving in all kinds
3:37
Speaker 1: of different things. It can help you have better relationships,
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Speaker 1: learn and grow, develop yourself, and even start getting some
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Speaker 1: traction in your big fat long term goals. So I'm
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Speaker 1: glad you found us. If you like the show, I
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Speaker 1: hope you should subscribe, share it, leave a review. We're
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Speaker 1: all in this together, Okay. So let's turn our attention
3:58
Speaker 1: out to the topic of which is this nervous system
4:03
Speaker 1: regulation and what this even means? And I am so
4:07
Speaker 1: thrilled to have a very special guest like the person
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Speaker 1: to talk about this with. Melissa Blask Campbell. You may
4:16
Speaker 1: already have heard of her. She has been on the
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Speaker 1: New York Times bestseller list more than once with her
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Speaker 1: books Tiny Humans, Big Emotions, and Big Kids. Bigger feelings
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Speaker 1: where she's exploring nervous system regulation and children, but you
4:32
Speaker 1: may not know that her work extends to adults as well.
4:37
Speaker 1: She's the CEO of SEED and so an educator and
4:41
Speaker 1: a leading voice in this emotional regulation space, and she's
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Speaker 1: here today to share all the insights as well as
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Speaker 1: recommendations for how to get a handle on all of this. Alissa,
4:55
Speaker 1: thank you so much for joining me today and I
4:58
Speaker 1: cannot wait to dig into this with you, because emotional
5:02
Speaker 1: regulation is where it's at, sure sure.
5:06
Speaker 2: As and it's real buzzworthy these days without a lot
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Speaker 2: of guidance and how one's individual nervous system works.
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Speaker 1: Okay, well, maybe we should just start right there. You
5:20
Speaker 1: have been studying this, supporting people in developing this for
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Speaker 1: so many years. Take us into just nervous system one
5:31
Speaker 1: oh one.
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Speaker 2: Yeah, let's do it. We all have one, and part
5:38
Speaker 2: of our nervous system includes our nine senses. When we're
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Speaker 2: growing up, we often hear those first five site, sound, taste, touch, smell,
5:46
Speaker 2: your five senses and those definitely come into play here.
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Speaker 2: And there are four others that are really critical. We
5:54
Speaker 2: have our interceptive sense. This is the one that lets
5:58
Speaker 2: us know how we're feeling inside. Do I have to
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Speaker 2: go to the bathroom? Am I hungry? Am I tired?
6:03
Speaker 2: Is my heart beating fast? Interceptive sensitive humans are often
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Speaker 2: are like big feeling humans. They notice feelings in a
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Speaker 2: really heightened way, and so when they feel something, they
6:18
Speaker 2: don't feel it a little bit, they really feel that
6:21
Speaker 2: feeling and it can be all consuming. We see this
6:24
Speaker 2: especially with things like shame guilt. It can lead to
6:32
Speaker 2: things like it being really hard to have accountability or
6:37
Speaker 2: for actions because the feeling of shame or guilt can
6:41
Speaker 2: feel so big that even acknowledging it or saying I'm
6:45
Speaker 2: sorry to somebody or repairing can feel really consuming. Yeah,
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Speaker 2: it can be really overwhelming.
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Speaker 1: And you're saying that it feels like a physical sensation,
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Speaker 1: and also maybe that people have different almost like volume
7:01
Speaker 1: levels when it comes to you know, thank you so
7:04
Speaker 1: much for saying because this is something I've been thinking
7:06
Speaker 1: about lately, and even does personal share Like in my
7:08
Speaker 1: own relationship, I think that my husband tends to physically
7:14
Speaker 1: feel things to a larger degree than I do. I
7:17
Speaker 1: tend to be more like a thinking person, And so
7:20
Speaker 1: thank you just for saying that out loud, because now
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Speaker 1: we have language for it. It's called interception.
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Speaker 2: It's interception, and it is so crucial when we can
7:31
Speaker 2: notice this because it can show up with oh, I
7:34
Speaker 2: start to get a little hungry, and I actually might
7:38
Speaker 2: need to eat more frequently because if my husband and
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Speaker 2: I have the same distance between eating, he's like angry
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Speaker 2: by the time we get there because he feels so
7:48
Speaker 2: much bigger exactly versus me. I like, we'll feel and
7:53
Speaker 2: then eventually I can actually I have to sometimes put
7:56
Speaker 2: it on my calendar to eat because you don't get
7:59
Speaker 2: to the point of oh, I'm hungry because I didn't
8:01
Speaker 2: notice it until I was angry. Yeah, but if we're
8:04
Speaker 2: just looking at time distance between meals, he's how in
8:07
Speaker 2: the world could you have to put that on your calendar,
8:10
Speaker 2: because there's not a world in which he doesn't notice that.
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Speaker 2: Feeling inside okay, And then we have our vestibular sense.
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Speaker 2: This is located in our inner ear. It's responsible for
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Speaker 2: our movement and our balance. It keeps us upright. And
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Speaker 2: for folks who are vestibular sensitive, you might get motion sickness,
8:28
Speaker 2: you could get car sickness. You might be someone who's like, yeah,
8:31
Speaker 2: I don't want to be on something that spins or swings.
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Speaker 2: I am vestibular sensitive, and so for me, if we
8:38
Speaker 2: walk into the living room and there's a swivel chair
8:41
Speaker 2: or a rocking chair or a couch, I'm on the
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Speaker 2: couch one hundred percent of the time.
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Speaker 1: Oh wow.
8:45
Speaker 2: And my husband is vestibular seeking and he plops right
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Speaker 2: in that swivel chair and he's like, oh, this feels good.
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Speaker 2: He sits in an office chair that rotates and moves,
8:54
Speaker 2: and I sit in a stationary chair.
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Speaker 1: That's so interesting.
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Speaker 2: Okay.
8:57
Speaker 1: Now my husband also has that a sell boat. He
9:00
Speaker 1: cannot set foot on a boat. He's like, I'm dying.
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Speaker 1: He can't go on a roll in the coaster. He's okay,
9:05
Speaker 1: So that's a different thing too. Never knew that, okay.
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Speaker 2: Yeah. And so for folks who are vestibular sensitive when
9:15
Speaker 2: you're doing something, when he steps on that boat and
9:17
Speaker 2: it's rock, it is draining his nervous system. Yeah, and
9:22
Speaker 2: it is exhausting him. Really, it's it's lowering his capacity
9:26
Speaker 2: for regulation, for communication, for problem solving, for conflict resolution.
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Speaker 2: His access to all of that is decreasing as he's
9:34
Speaker 2: experiencing that vestibular activity. Versus somebody who's vestibular seeking like
9:38
Speaker 2: my husband, that's actually increasing his ability to access problem
9:44
Speaker 2: solving in conflict resolution because it's recharging his battery. Gosh, yes.
9:49
Speaker 2: And then we have our properceptive sense. This lets us
9:53
Speaker 2: know where our body ends as something else begins. Folks
9:56
Speaker 2: who have low properceptive awareness are high perperceptive seeking. So
10:01
Speaker 2: this is me. We need a lot of movement and
10:06
Speaker 2: input to let us know where things are around us.
10:10
Speaker 2: I my bed has not moved in years, but I
10:13
Speaker 2: bump into that sucker all the time. I always have
10:16
Speaker 2: bruises on my legs and bumps because it's hard for
10:20
Speaker 2: my brain to gauge where do I end. And that begins.
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Speaker 2: When we see this in the kids, it can show
10:26
Speaker 2: up as like a bull in a china shop. It's
10:28
Speaker 2: like they just plow through things. And it's not that
10:31
Speaker 2: they don't care about the things. It's that their brain
10:33
Speaker 2: has a hard time knowing, like what's the right distance
10:36
Speaker 2: to be from something so that I don't bump into it.
10:40
Speaker 2: And humans like this, like myself, we need movement. Before
10:45
Speaker 2: I sat down to podcasts today, I walked on my
10:49
Speaker 2: walking pad while doing work because that movement is going
10:53
Speaker 2: to increase my body awareness. It's going to increase my
10:56
Speaker 2: ability to sit still in podcast. And if I hadn't
10:59
Speaker 2: done that at my like, fidgetiness is gonna happen sooner.
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Speaker 2: I'm gonna get irritable sooner. I need that input of
11:07
Speaker 2: walking or I could have a massage for four days,
11:09
Speaker 2: and I'm like, I want more like that deep pressure
11:12
Speaker 2: when I'm upset, I want a hug. I want closeness
11:15
Speaker 2: and proximity. And for my husband, he has hyper perceptive awareness.
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Speaker 2: He's never bumping into the bed. That is bonkers to
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Speaker 2: him that I cannot clock where the end of the
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Speaker 2: bed is and where my body begins. Wrong with you exactly.
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Speaker 2: But he has a lower tolerance and capacity for perperceptive input.
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Speaker 2: So for him, if we have two kids, and I
11:39
Speaker 2: love to wear our kids when they were babies in
11:42
Speaker 2: like a carrier for going on a hike, like I
11:44
Speaker 2: want them on my body, and for him that drains
11:47
Speaker 2: his body. He only needs a little bit of that
11:49
Speaker 2: perperceptive input and then he's I'm good. And if you
11:52
Speaker 2: do too much of it, it's draining for him. And
11:56
Speaker 2: so when we understand where we're falling insensitive to seeking it,
11:59
Speaker 2: lets us know what type of movement that vestibular or
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Speaker 2: perperceptive is going to be regulating for us, and then
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Speaker 2: how much of it, how often are we gonna need that?
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Speaker 2: And then we have one more sense that's really key here.
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Speaker 2: That's called our neuroceptive sense, neuroception I call our spidey sense.
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Speaker 2: And this is the one that you know if you
12:19
Speaker 2: walk into the room and people have been in conflict
12:21
Speaker 2: or arguing and they're not anymore, but you can feel it, yeah,
12:24
Speaker 2: And it's that energy and that tension in the space.
12:27
Speaker 2: That is your neuroceptive sense at work. It's like, Ooh,
12:30
Speaker 2: something's off here. Or if you say, hey, Lissa, how
12:33
Speaker 2: you doing today, and I'm like, oh, I'm fine, how
12:35
Speaker 2: are you? Or if I'm like I'm fine, how are you?
12:38
Speaker 2: I said the same words, but my tone, my body language,
12:41
Speaker 2: my phage, little expression all communicate to your neuroceptive sense. Ooh,
12:46
Speaker 2: something's off with her. Even though she said she's fine,
12:48
Speaker 2: she's not really fine. That's your neuroceptive sense and our
12:52
Speaker 2: neuroceptive sensitive humans are so aware of how other people feel,
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Speaker 2: they can fall into patterns of codependency because they need
13:03
Speaker 2: the other person to be regulated in order for them
13:06
Speaker 2: to get regulated. Because they're so hyper aware of the
13:10
Speaker 2: energy of the space. They're often very empathetic humans. They
13:16
Speaker 2: are the contagious energy of a space is so contagious
13:21
Speaker 2: for them, and they have to do a lot of work,
13:24
Speaker 2: usually to regulate when somebody else is disregulated. Folks who
13:29
Speaker 2: aren't as sensitive to this might notice it where they're like, oh, yeah,
13:33
Speaker 2: I heard that tone of voice. I can tell she's
13:35
Speaker 2: not fine, but they're not then sitting with it of okay,
13:38
Speaker 2: but do I what can I do? How do I
13:40
Speaker 2: fix it? How do I make it feel better? Can
13:42
Speaker 2: I be calm when they are not calm around me? Yeah?
13:46
Speaker 2: And sense really changes with trauma. Oh so this is
13:51
Speaker 2: one that most of our senses, for the most part,
13:54
Speaker 2: they say the same from when we're born through our life.
13:57
Speaker 2: They'll shift unless there's injury that you know, causes of
14:01
Speaker 2: change in vision or mobility, things like that. Largely they
14:05
Speaker 2: stay the same. With the acception of your pistibular sense,
14:07
Speaker 2: which shifts with age. You start to lose your balance
14:10
Speaker 2: and it starts to go a bit. And then our
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Speaker 2: neuroceptive sense changes with social experience and trauma.
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Speaker 1: Listen, this is fascinating. I mean, just and thank you
14:21
Speaker 1: so much for walking through all of these. And I
14:24
Speaker 1: had never really thought of these before as being dimensions
14:29
Speaker 1: of perception and dimensions of understanding, and that people have
14:35
Speaker 1: differences in these, and that it's important and guessing to
14:40
Speaker 1: know what yours are, but also those of other people,
14:42
Speaker 1: because without that, let's just turn that into a question
14:47
Speaker 1: if you aren't fully aware of your own I love
14:51
Speaker 1: it sensitivity or tendency to seek for yourself much less
14:56
Speaker 1: that if your partner, your kid, your mom, your bos whatever.
15:01
Speaker 1: Take us into what happens with that.
15:03
Speaker 2: Yeah, we'll start with ourselves. That I found myself being like,
15:08
Speaker 2: oh my gosh, I'm just like a bad mom. I
15:11
Speaker 2: watched these other humans who are like a kid's climbing
15:13
Speaker 2: on them and talking to them while they're having a conversation,
15:16
Speaker 2: and they're still kind to the kid climbing on them
15:18
Speaker 2: and talking to them, and I'm like, I, in that
15:20
Speaker 2: moment want to throw up. I'm like screaming inside and
15:24
Speaker 2: I don't want my kid climbing on me and in
15:26
Speaker 2: my face talking to me when I'm having another conversation.
15:30
Speaker 2: And when you pull back and I understand that I
15:33
Speaker 2: am a sound sensitive human and so for me hearing mom, Mom, Mom,
15:39
Speaker 2: come watch us, Mom. I'm like, I'm gonna murder somebody.
15:44
Speaker 2: It's truly just inflicting sounds at one time make my
15:50
Speaker 2: skip crawl. And I can't fathom a world in which
15:55
Speaker 2: that isn't annoying to somebody, that somebody hears that and
15:59
Speaker 2: isn't said over the edge. And then I watch my
16:02
Speaker 2: sister in law and I have very different nervous systems,
16:04
Speaker 2: and I watch her parent and I'm like, it truly
16:07
Speaker 2: doesn't bother her. She is not overwhelmed by that. In fact,
16:10
Speaker 2: she's like, yeah, buddy, what's up, And then continues this
16:13
Speaker 2: conversation and then can still hear this sound happening, and
16:15
Speaker 2: as music playing in the background, and she's chilling, and
16:18
Speaker 2: I'm like, turn the music off. Only one person can
16:20
Speaker 2: talk to me a one time can. When I am
16:23
Speaker 2: not in control of sound, I can get really dysregulated.
16:27
Speaker 2: It trains my battery pretty quickly. I am also tactically sensitive,
16:31
Speaker 2: so if I'm wearing clothes that have I'm a little
16:34
Speaker 2: itchy by that, Like I can't wear wool things. The
16:38
Speaker 2: idea that somebody could put on a wool sock or
16:40
Speaker 2: a wolf sweater even with other layers under it and
16:43
Speaker 2: feel okay, makes no sense to me. I believe that
16:47
Speaker 2: that's true for you. It's so far from the truth
16:49
Speaker 2: for me. And or that I could have a sock
16:54
Speaker 2: with the idea of one sock on, one sock off.
16:56
Speaker 2: My son does this all the time, and I'm like,
16:58
Speaker 2: how are you functioning? He's walking around and only one
17:01
Speaker 2: sock is on, and I could not do anything else
17:04
Speaker 2: until I either put another sock on or took that
17:07
Speaker 2: sock off. And So when you understand what drains you,
17:12
Speaker 2: what recharges you a it gives you compassion, be it
17:15
Speaker 2: gives you a toolbox to work with to know how
17:17
Speaker 2: do I set myself up for success throughout the day?
17:20
Speaker 2: For regulation, I know that there are gonna be parts
17:24
Speaker 2: of the day where I'm gonna hear conflicting sounds, and
17:26
Speaker 2: there are gonna be sounds that are out of my control.
17:28
Speaker 2: I'm going to a conference at work, or I'm going
17:31
Speaker 2: out to dinner and I'm gonna be at a restaurant
17:32
Speaker 2: where there's gonna be a bunch of noise happening around
17:34
Speaker 2: me that's gonna drain my battery. What am I doing
17:37
Speaker 2: to recharge before I walk into that restaurant or throughout
17:41
Speaker 2: the day at the conference, and what you do to
17:43
Speaker 2: recharge depends on what you are seeking or how you
17:48
Speaker 2: tune out those sensitivities. So it might be, you know what,
17:52
Speaker 2: on our lunch break at this conference, I'm not gonna
17:56
Speaker 2: go sit in a room or sit in a space
17:57
Speaker 2: where I'm talking to other people and engage and whatever.
18:01
Speaker 2: I'm going to grab my lunch and I'm going to
18:03
Speaker 2: find a quiet spot to be that is away from
18:06
Speaker 2: everybody because that's what I need to recharge. Or I'm
18:09
Speaker 2: going to go for a walk because that's what i
18:11
Speaker 2: need to recharge, Or I'm going to call a friend
18:14
Speaker 2: because I'm in control of that sound then and I
18:17
Speaker 2: feel maybe really connected through conversation and talking and sharing,
18:23
Speaker 2: But doing that in a room of a bunch of
18:25
Speaker 2: people who are also doing that is going to drain me.
18:27
Speaker 2: So it gives us tools for really realizing that self
18:31
Speaker 2: care is so unique to the individual, because how you
18:35
Speaker 2: take care of yourself is about how your unique nervous
18:39
Speaker 2: system works. And when you can learn how your system
18:44
Speaker 2: works and how to take care of you, then you
18:46
Speaker 2: can start to see another's around you. Oh they're not
18:49
Speaker 2: just trying to annoy you by walking by that pile
18:52
Speaker 2: of laundry that's on the stairs or the clutter on
18:55
Speaker 2: the counter. Their brain is not visually sensitive. They don't
18:59
Speaker 2: notice that pile in the way that you do. Yeah,
19:03
Speaker 2: oh my gosh.
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Speaker 2: it's specific to different age groups. So there's an adult
21:42
Speaker 2: category where you can take it for yourself. Partners can
21:44
Speaker 2: take it. We work with organizations where the companies will
21:47
Speaker 2: work with us and they'll take these for their employees
21:51
Speaker 2: and we help look at what does it mean, how
21:52
Speaker 2: does the match happen or mismatches happen, how does that
21:55
Speaker 2: show up in relationship? And then you can take it
21:58
Speaker 2: with kids as well, understand how theirs works and how
22:02
Speaker 2: that all kind of communicates. And right now seed quiz
22:05
Speaker 2: dot com, it's totally free. There's a version two of
22:08
Speaker 2: it coming out in the summer that also will be free,
22:12
Speaker 2: but we'll enhance your results and what you can see.
22:14
Speaker 2: We're just shifting platforms so we can build it out
22:16
Speaker 2: even further for folks.
22:18
Speaker 1: Amazing. Okay, so I just personally wrote this down seed
22:22
Speaker 1: quiz No, yeah, seed quiz dot com and to find
22:26
Speaker 1: out your sensitivities because I might actually start doing this
22:30
Speaker 1: with the couples that I work with so big part
22:32
Speaker 1: of my professionally. I'm a marriage family therapist, work a
22:35
Speaker 1: lot of couples. But even thinking, I hope this isn't
22:38
Speaker 1: too incredibly selfish, but even as we're talking, thinking about
22:41
Speaker 1: my own life, right and like, I think, as you're talking,
22:45
Speaker 1: I'm realizing that in me, I probably have the volume
22:49
Speaker 1: turned down with a lot of these compared to my husband,
22:51
Speaker 1: who is ultra sensitive, and he'll literally say things like
22:55
Speaker 1: don't you even notice this? Whereas the one thing that
22:59
Speaker 1: I have that I think is really turned up is
23:01
Speaker 1: that neuroceptive one. Yeah, no, I can see. But and
23:08
Speaker 1: and I think as I reflect, I have done a
23:12
Speaker 1: lot of work around this. I can say that when
23:14
Speaker 1: I was younger, I would feel the way that other
23:18
Speaker 1: people felt, and that made it even hard to be
23:21
Speaker 1: around people. Sometimes it's almost a tuning fork. You're just
23:25
Speaker 1: that super empathing. I think as I've gotten older, I
23:29
Speaker 1: think it's probably more recognition. But still, I mean, there
23:32
Speaker 1: are sometimes when things just feel off that I need
23:35
Speaker 1: to not be around.
23:37
Speaker 2: But well.
23:39
Speaker 1: Them are bad, yeah, not not good, bad, but different
23:43
Speaker 1: and different that I think that the superpower. But it
23:47
Speaker 1: could also lead, because this is where I'm going with this,
23:50
Speaker 1: leading to frustrations in relationships when people are don't even
23:58
Speaker 1: know that there are sensitivities and abilities not everybody has them,
24:03
Speaker 1: but then feels surprised or even frustrated with other people
24:07
Speaker 1: when there's this mismatch or conflict is that what you
24:11
Speaker 1: see in your work.
24:12
Speaker 2: One hundred percent that's right. And the sensory mismatches is
24:16
Speaker 2: tough and finding like where are those mismatches? Where like, yeah,
24:19
Speaker 2: how do you not see? This is so common because
24:23
Speaker 2: your brain only knows the way that it sees things.
24:26
Speaker 2: And my son the other day told me that sound
24:29
Speaker 2: is the worst sound in the world and it was
24:31
Speaker 2: velcrow and I was like, oh, you don't like the
24:34
Speaker 2: sound of velcrow And he said, nobody likes the sound
24:37
Speaker 2: of velcrow. And I was like, oh, this is one
24:39
Speaker 2: of those kind of swinging for you where you really
24:42
Speaker 2: like it and it feels good for your body and
24:45
Speaker 2: it makes my body feel sick. I don't mind the
24:48
Speaker 2: sound of velcrow and it makes your body feel uncomfortable.
24:52
Speaker 2: And so we can he's almost five. We talk about
24:55
Speaker 2: this all the time when we can believe somebody else
25:00
Speaker 2: is truth that they It's a huge part of this
25:03
Speaker 2: work is that my experience of this is different and
25:07
Speaker 2: their experience of this is different, and both of ours
25:10
Speaker 2: are true to us, and that is so crucial. And
25:14
Speaker 2: with the neurocept, I want to be clear that it's
25:17
Speaker 2: it's not always a codependency. It's that folks who are
25:23
Speaker 2: like we would say, we look at it on like
25:24
Speaker 2: a negative two to plus two scale, negative two being
25:27
Speaker 2: the most sensitive, plus two being the highest seeking. On
25:31
Speaker 2: a negative two for neuroception, you just have a higher
25:34
Speaker 2: tendency for codependency because you're hyper aware of how humans feel.
25:39
Speaker 2: When we see this in kids, the feeling of like
25:42
Speaker 2: being left out or does somebody make fun making fun
25:44
Speaker 2: of me or whatever really starts to come into play
25:47
Speaker 2: an elementary school, especially for our kids who are neuroceptive sensitive.
25:51
Speaker 2: And then if you pair it with intraceptive sensitivities and like,
25:53
Speaker 2: bless those humans because they're aware of how everyone else
25:57
Speaker 2: feels and they feel things.
26:00
Speaker 1: I totally get that, and I could also see how
26:03
Speaker 1: in kids or younger people, and I do also see
26:05
Speaker 1: this in a lot of my work. There can be
26:08
Speaker 1: these efforts to I need other people to feel or
26:14
Speaker 1: be a certain way so that I can feel okay.
26:19
Speaker 1: And I could see how, particularly if there isn't a
26:21
Speaker 1: lot of awareness or visibility or even individuation, you can
26:26
Speaker 1: have those codependent dynamics. So fascinating. Okay, so thank you
26:33
Speaker 1: so much for just talking us through these things and
26:36
Speaker 1: You've also started by sharing just some ideas around how
26:40
Speaker 1: we can get visibility into what ours are so your
26:43
Speaker 1: quizzedquiz dot com, but also then talking about not trying
26:47
Speaker 1: to change this but rather honor it and then be
26:52
Speaker 1: practicing self care strategies to minimize this jangly overstimulated, understimulated
27:01
Speaker 1: or yeah, okay, hold on, take us at the understimulated.
27:05
Speaker 1: What does that look?
27:06
Speaker 2: Yeah, I'll get example of someone on our seed team
27:09
Speaker 2: who is the highest seeking human that I know. She
27:14
Speaker 2: she was actually just at my desk before I recorded,
27:16
Speaker 2: and we swapped and I was like, hey, I got
27:18
Speaker 2: to pop in and it was so funny. Come in.
27:20
Speaker 2: She's got two different types of putty that were at
27:22
Speaker 2: the desk, and I was like, hilarious that you moved
27:23
Speaker 2: into my desk for an hour and a half and
27:25
Speaker 2: he brought two types of puddy because she needs to
27:27
Speaker 2: touch it case She's like correct, and she said, well,
27:30
Speaker 2: they feel slightly different. She's often chewing something or chewing com.
27:34
Speaker 2: She will have background music playing a lot. She we
27:39
Speaker 2: were both pregnant at the same time and we would
27:42
Speaker 2: be chatting at night and you know, our other kid
27:44
Speaker 2: would be in bed and I'm like on the couch
27:47
Speaker 2: ready to binge watch a show, and she's jumping on
27:50
Speaker 2: a peloton bike going for a ride. She got a
27:53
Speaker 2: lot of movement and input in order to feel calm
27:56
Speaker 2: and regulated, and this can be a superpower. She can
28:01
Speaker 2: take a lot of stimuli. It takes a lot before
28:04
Speaker 2: she's over stimulated. She is given all to me. Crying kids.
28:09
Speaker 2: I can handle it. We're shifting and going to this
28:11
Speaker 2: family party and then this birthday party and this thing.
28:14
Speaker 2: She's like, let's go. That energizes her. She loves it.
28:18
Speaker 2: The idea of sitting still and being just a slow
28:21
Speaker 2: morning and we're gonna just be can be really hard
28:24
Speaker 2: for her. There's like a yeah, we can be at home.
28:28
Speaker 2: I'm going to organize the kitchen cabinets while we're doing this,
28:31
Speaker 2: and I'm going to you know what, I'm gonna get
28:34
Speaker 2: up and I'm gonna go for a run first. And
28:36
Speaker 2: when we launched Big Kids, a lot of our team
28:39
Speaker 2: came to New York City for the Preston book launch
28:41
Speaker 2: event and we're staying now hotel and we've got a
28:44
Speaker 2: few rooms and we'd get up and we're like, where
28:48
Speaker 2: is she? And she'd surface and she's got coffee for everyone,
28:51
Speaker 2: and she's like, oh, she's went for a run, and
28:54
Speaker 2: she's like, don't you just love the smells of New
28:56
Speaker 2: York City? And I was like, that's not a sentence
28:57
Speaker 2: anyone's ever said, and ever her ever. For her, It's
29:03
Speaker 2: just that she's always looking for stimuli and she needs
29:07
Speaker 2: quite a bit of it. Her capacity for it is high.
29:09
Speaker 2: And when we look at this and kids, it's the
29:11
Speaker 2: kid who can't sit still at school, or is bouncing
29:13
Speaker 2: off the walls, or can't stop talking to you or
29:15
Speaker 2: touching you, and they're climbing and they're doing it's non
29:18
Speaker 2: stop movement and stimuli, and it is that they are
29:23
Speaker 2: high seeking they have a high capacity for it, and
29:25
Speaker 2: so they can be understimulated and then they can't sit still,
29:29
Speaker 2: their fidgety, their brain can't focus. She does best with
29:32
Speaker 2: being able to sit stand desk where she can sit
29:34
Speaker 2: and focus and then she can play with her putty
29:37
Speaker 2: and then stand and be walking and chewing gum at
29:39
Speaker 2: the same time and having a conversation. And if I
29:43
Speaker 2: went through the day with the amount of stem that
29:45
Speaker 2: her body needs, I would be fried. Yeah, Sott looking
29:49
Speaker 2: at it as capacity and we have a battery, right,
29:51
Speaker 2: and so for me, what recharges my battery is going
29:55
Speaker 2: to be different than hers. And my husband sounds more
29:57
Speaker 2: like your husband. He's my husband would be considered sensory sensitive.
30:01
Speaker 2: He has more sensitivities than he does have things that
30:04
Speaker 2: he's seeking, and so for him, regulation really comes in
30:08
Speaker 2: the form of what are the couple things I'm seeking?
30:10
Speaker 2: Got to make sure I build those in. But really,
30:12
Speaker 2: how do I reduce stimuli? When he's at work, he's
30:15
Speaker 2: going to pop in air pods and listen to something
30:18
Speaker 2: so that he's in control of the sound and not
30:20
Speaker 2: hearing everything around him. That's going to drain him. Or
30:24
Speaker 2: when he is when we're at the dinner table and
30:30
Speaker 2: my kids want to climb into somebody's lap to eat,
30:32
Speaker 2: they know they're coming to my lap because he will
30:34
Speaker 2: get touched out and that's just going to decrease his
30:37
Speaker 2: capacity for parenting the rest of the evening.
30:41
Speaker 1: Can I just a couple of curiosity questions? And I
30:45
Speaker 1: don't know if your work has gone into any of this,
30:47
Speaker 1: which is like private curiosity. So one of the things
30:52
Speaker 1: that's coming up for me as we're talking that I've
30:55
Speaker 1: been reading about and exploring recently is the idea that different.
31:04
Speaker 1: It's almost there are different flavors of being neurotypical, and
31:09
Speaker 1: one that I think many people don't recognize. I think
31:15
Speaker 1: there's not as much conversation in our culture, certainly as
31:18
Speaker 1: things like autism spectrum disorders or ADHD. But it's actually
31:22
Speaker 1: psychopathy and how there is a genetically inherited tendency towards psychopathy.
31:30
Speaker 1: That does not necessarily mean that somebody is a bad person,
31:34
Speaker 1: but the traits is that a lot of these are
31:37
Speaker 1: turned down very low, so they tend to be very
31:40
Speaker 1: high in sensation seeking that can sometimes lead to risk
31:44
Speaker 1: your impulsive behaviors.
31:47
Speaker 2: Have you come across any of those ideas in your
31:50
Speaker 2: work that's so interesting? I haven't. I will say most
31:53
Speaker 2: of our work primarily is with occupational therapists and like
31:56
Speaker 2: the god in nervous system itself, and but that makes
32:01
Speaker 2: sense to me. I will say one thing that we
32:03
Speaker 2: see for some folks is that sometimes it can present
32:08
Speaker 2: as high seeking where this person is doing like risk
32:13
Speaker 2: your behaviors or can't stop moving whatever, and they're in
32:16
Speaker 2: actually a disregulated brain because they're over stimulated. So we
32:21
Speaker 2: see this with folks who are really sensory sensitive, so
32:26
Speaker 2: high on the that volumes turned up. They're high on
32:30
Speaker 2: the sensitivity scale, and they get so flooded and overwhelmed
32:33
Speaker 2: so fast. Their nervous system reaction is more along the
32:37
Speaker 2: kind of fight mode side of things, where then they
32:41
Speaker 2: turn to Okay, how can I regulate? And they're in
32:44
Speaker 2: a disregulated state in doing that, And that is a
32:48
Speaker 2: different profile and presentation than the person I was describing earlier,
32:52
Speaker 2: who just needs a lot of input and movement, is
32:55
Speaker 2: operating from a regulated state in that movement and seeking
32:59
Speaker 2: and high sensory seeking tendencies. That's regulating for her versus Oh,
33:07
Speaker 2: I'm sensory sensitive and I'm disregulated, and I'm just trying
33:09
Speaker 2: to figure out how to come back from that essentially,
33:13
Speaker 2: And so now my brain or body is spinning or
33:16
Speaker 2: climbing or jumping off things to try and feel regulated,
33:21
Speaker 2: when really what I need is a reduction and stimuli.
33:23
Speaker 2: Interesting Does that make sense?
33:25
Speaker 1: Yes, it does? Or something else to focus on almost?
33:28
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, when we also just a note, when we're
33:31
Speaker 2: looking at neuro divergence, I have an autistic child and
33:35
Speaker 2: a neurotypical child, and when we're looking at this one
33:40
Speaker 2: thing that's so key is that within these labels, we
33:44
Speaker 2: know it's also not one size fits all, and so
33:47
Speaker 2: so much of our work, I mean, we work in schools,
33:50
Speaker 2: that's primarily what we do, and we use this tool,
33:54
Speaker 2: the seed quiz tool. There's a paid version of it
33:57
Speaker 2: that we use with schools that we can look at
33:59
Speaker 2: the whole school system and it'll auto generate these are
34:02
Speaker 2: the types of seating that's the right for this child,
34:05
Speaker 2: or these are certain accommodations or supports that's right for
34:07
Speaker 2: this child, for everybody, not just somebody who has a diagnosis.
34:11
Speaker 2: And one thing that we'll see within that is maybe
34:14
Speaker 2: we've got two kids in a class who have an
34:16
Speaker 2: ADHD diagnosis I think have very different nervous systems, and
34:20
Speaker 2: so what they need for accommodations and support is not
34:24
Speaker 2: just flexible seating or the same seating or the same things,
34:28
Speaker 2: but instead it's, oh, this kid is seeking this type
34:31
Speaker 2: of stuff but is sensitive to these other ones and
34:33
Speaker 2: this kid has the opposite. And they both on the
34:37
Speaker 2: outside have what looks like in ADHD presentation, but how
34:42
Speaker 2: their nervous system is getting there is different.
34:45
Speaker 1: If that makes sense, Yeah, it does, And I am
34:48
Speaker 1: just feeling so deeply appreciative for this whole conversation right now, Alisson,
34:52
Speaker 1: and this whole your work, honestly is because I think
34:55
Speaker 1: it just opens up this entirely other spectrum of assessment
35:01
Speaker 1: and nuance and understanding of kids but also adults, and
35:06
Speaker 1: then also the interaction between the two. This is really important.
35:26
Speaker 1: One thing that I'm curious about, And I don't know
35:28
Speaker 1: if your work has gone into this, because I know
35:31
Speaker 1: that you're oftentimes in school systems and it's maybe more
35:34
Speaker 1: localized towards kids. I don't know if this is a
35:36
Speaker 1: fair question, but maybe even your thoughts about this right now,
35:40
Speaker 1: I'm thinking of substance use disorders or even process addictions
35:46
Speaker 1: in adults, and how many of those behaviors or the
35:51
Speaker 1: things that people do are often designed to either soothe
35:56
Speaker 1: a nervous system like drinking alcohol, or change consciousness in
36:01
Speaker 1: such a way that it might block some things thinking
36:04
Speaker 1: about you know, cannabis use disorders, but even process addictions,
36:08
Speaker 1: habits that could be almost classified as numbing behaviors, so procrastination,
36:15
Speaker 1: watching too much TV. Curious to hear your thoughts if
36:18
Speaker 1: there's a relationship between what you're describing around sensitivities versus
36:23
Speaker 1: seeking and the patterns that adults can or even you
36:28
Speaker 1: know adolescents can fall into. Is there a relationship?
36:32
Speaker 2: Oh yeah. We talk a lot about this actually in
36:34
Speaker 2: both of my parenting books, and it was a part
36:36
Speaker 2: of our research. So I can created with a colleague,
36:39
Speaker 2: we co created the Collaborative Emotion Processing method, and this
36:44
Speaker 2: is we researched it across the US in partnership with
36:46
Speaker 2: the university in the Boston area. And when we're looking
36:51
Speaker 2: at this, one of the things that was a part
36:52
Speaker 2: of our research that we looked at was coping mechanisms
36:55
Speaker 2: versus coping strategies. Coming mechanisms are what you were just
36:58
Speaker 2: talking about. We consider that like hitting this snooze button
37:01
Speaker 2: on an alarm clock, we are just presence snooze on
37:05
Speaker 2: our experience or emotions. So this could look like, oh man,
37:10
Speaker 2: I've had a hard day, I'm feeling dysregulated, I've got
37:14
Speaker 2: a bunch of feelings, I'm feeling mad, I'm frustrated, I'm overwhelmed,
37:18
Speaker 2: whatever the actual feeling is, and then it results in
37:23
Speaker 2: dysregulation in the nervous system, which is adrenaline or cortisols
37:27
Speaker 2: being pumped from your adrenal glands, shuts down your prefrontal cortex,
37:32
Speaker 2: your rational thinking problem solving conflict RESI brain kicks on
37:36
Speaker 2: that amygdala are reactive primal brain. And when we want
37:41
Speaker 2: to stop feeling that that hard thing, we've got really
37:46
Speaker 2: two choices. We can either pump the brakes on the
37:50
Speaker 2: production of adrenaline and cortisol and start to produce serotonin,
37:55
Speaker 2: which regulates our nervous system, has a pretty long lasting
37:58
Speaker 2: effects effect, or sometimes in conjunction with serotonin, will produce oxytocin,
38:03
Speaker 2: that feel good love hormone. Or we can keep that
38:07
Speaker 2: adrenaline and cortisol going in the background and we can
38:09
Speaker 2: pop dopamine on top of it, and the dopamine masks
38:14
Speaker 2: the adrenaline cortisol. It feels good pretty immediately, and then
38:19
Speaker 2: once that dopamine starts to wear off, you're gonna feel
38:22
Speaker 2: the adrenaline and cortisol again. You're gonna need more dopamine
38:25
Speaker 2: to keep feeling good. And so when we look at
38:28
Speaker 2: this are coping mechanisms do the masking, drinking, scrolling, obsessively, cleaning, exercising, eating,
38:37
Speaker 2: There's like a bunch we list out and look at
38:39
Speaker 2: and researched that have the same effect. It's all a
38:44
Speaker 2: masking of that feeling. It's pretty immediate. My favorite coping
38:48
Speaker 2: mechanism is Facebook Marketplace. I'm just like, is it still available?
38:52
Speaker 2: I don't even need the thing. I just like I'm
38:55
Speaker 2: actually a very annoying person on Facebook Marketplace because everyone's like, yeah,
38:59
Speaker 2: this is available, Well do you want it? And I'm like, oh,
39:01
Speaker 2: I have no, I don't. I just needed to say
39:03
Speaker 2: is it still available? And can get that. So we
39:06
Speaker 2: all have these right right, We're all going to turn
39:09
Speaker 2: to them. Our goal isn't no coping mechanisms, yeah, because
39:12
Speaker 2: we don't always have the capacity to process. When I
39:16
Speaker 2: was a teacher, the first two weeks of school were
39:18
Speaker 2: always so exhausting. And I remember a time pre kids
39:22
Speaker 2: where my husband who was working full time and then
39:24
Speaker 2: doing his master's full time. So I had come home
39:27
Speaker 2: from school and dinner was made and I sat down
39:32
Speaker 2: and was eating and he was like, hey, Lis, I
39:34
Speaker 2: have some schoolork to do tonight. Can you just do
39:38
Speaker 2: the dishes and clean up after dinner? And I just
39:40
Speaker 2: started sobbing because my battery was empty. I had nothing
39:45
Speaker 2: left to give. But when I have nothing left to give.
39:48
Speaker 2: Every task feels harder and overwhelming, and what I really
39:52
Speaker 2: wanted to do was just coping mechanism my way through
39:55
Speaker 2: the rest of the night. I wanted to lay in
39:56
Speaker 2: bed and watch Gray's Anatomy and eat milk duds and
40:00
Speaker 2: ignore the fact that I'm feeling overwhelmed right now and
40:03
Speaker 2: then wake up and try again tomorrow. And we're going
40:07
Speaker 2: to do that. Sometimes the goal isn't that we have
40:09
Speaker 2: no coping mechanisms. The goals that we know that that's temporary,
40:14
Speaker 2: right that if we are only relying on coping mechanisms,
40:18
Speaker 2: we're a not processing emotions and B we're going to
40:22
Speaker 2: keep needing them for that to be sustainable. And what
40:26
Speaker 2: happens with dopamine is you need more and more to
40:29
Speaker 2: continue to feel the same level of good. Your tolerance increases.
40:34
Speaker 2: And so the flip side of that is then turning
40:37
Speaker 2: to exactly what we've been talking about leaning up to.
40:39
Speaker 2: Here are our coping strategies, and these are our sensory
40:44
Speaker 2: rich activities, the ones that are either for the sensory
40:49
Speaker 2: seekers it's going to be that movement, or it's the putty,
40:53
Speaker 2: it's the talking to somebody to connect with them. Or
40:56
Speaker 2: for our sensory sensitive humans, it can be sometimes a
40:59
Speaker 2: quiet walk. It can be drawing, coloring, journaling, meditating to
41:04
Speaker 2: that decrease in stimuli that starts to slow down. And
41:09
Speaker 2: when you tap into those activities unique to your nervous system,
41:14
Speaker 2: it pumps the brakes on the adrenaline. Cortisol produces serotonin
41:18
Speaker 2: and or oxytocin and calms the body regulates the nervous
41:23
Speaker 2: system for a longer lasting effect. But it takes longer
41:27
Speaker 2: to feel the immediate effects because you're hitting stop on
41:32
Speaker 2: adrenaline and cortisol, but you've still got it flowing through
41:35
Speaker 2: your body, so you can feel that for a little bit.
41:37
Speaker 2: And it's almost like when you're upset and you ask
41:40
Speaker 2: for a hug right away, when somebody starts hugging you,
41:43
Speaker 2: you don't feel better yet when you stay in that
41:46
Speaker 2: hug and you have that cry or you get to
41:49
Speaker 2: that like feeling, that is where, okay, the adrenaline cortisol
41:53
Speaker 2: has really pumped its brakes. We've got the serotonin and
41:56
Speaker 2: oxytocin taking over. It takes longer to feel that than
42:01
Speaker 2: it does to pull out my phone, go on Facebook, marketplace.
42:04
Speaker 1: Wow, this is so important though, because this sort of
42:09
Speaker 1: new dimension of self awareness related to not just the
42:14
Speaker 1: fact that you are jangled or overstimulated or maybe understimulated
42:19
Speaker 1: and looking for something, because I think a lot of this,
42:22
Speaker 1: I mean, certainly for me, is but non conscious. We're
42:26
Speaker 1: just sort of doing this, but we're not really aware
42:28
Speaker 1: of it. And when you can bring it into awareness,
42:32
Speaker 1: you can then have not just more control over the
42:36
Speaker 1: sense of the ability to soothe yourself in healthy ways,
42:38
Speaker 1: but that also turns into the difference between having a
42:42
Speaker 1: glass of wine versus doing something it's more adaptive or
42:47
Speaker 1: I mean, what you're also saying is that it can escalate.
42:50
Speaker 1: So then we have, you know, sex addict on a
42:52
Speaker 1: motorcycle versus somebody who has more command over this in
42:57
Speaker 1: an intentional way, and that can prevent so many problems.
43:01
Speaker 2: So we actually have the latest research around ADHD and
43:05
Speaker 2: dopamine is showing that often folks who have ADHD have
43:08
Speaker 2: lower dopamine stores, which just means they have less dopamine
43:11
Speaker 2: in their body. And what we know is that then
43:15
Speaker 2: accessing a strategy, that coping strategy, if we pair what
43:19
Speaker 2: we call a dopaminergic activity, one of those coping mechanisms
43:23
Speaker 2: with a coping strategy, it can be hugely helpful. So
43:27
Speaker 2: I might be like having a glass of wine while
43:30
Speaker 2: I'm talking to a friend, or I am going to
43:34
Speaker 2: gamify something where I say, Okay, I don't think that
43:41
Speaker 2: I can complete this run in five seconds faster than
43:46
Speaker 2: my last run. And so now I'm tapping into the
43:49
Speaker 2: dopamine from the gamification. But then I'm getting that movement
43:53
Speaker 2: in that's going to regulate for the longer term. And
43:56
Speaker 2: so dopamine paired with serotonin can be really helpful. It
44:00
Speaker 2: doesn't have to be that we're just like, oh, I
44:02
Speaker 2: have to sit in this discomfort the whole time.
44:04
Speaker 1: In color in my coloring book, right exactly.
44:07
Speaker 2: Yeah, you compare that you can do two once. And
44:11
Speaker 2: we see this with kids a lot too, where I
44:13
Speaker 2: was just in a classroom where we've got a kiddo
44:16
Speaker 2: who they would say, all right, everybody their first grade kids.
44:20
Speaker 2: You can hop like a frog, you can slither like
44:22
Speaker 2: a snake over to your spot on the rug. We're
44:25
Speaker 2: getting ready for math, and this kid was just sitting
44:27
Speaker 2: at his desk. He's like, no, thank you, I'm a
44:29
Speaker 2: no for math, And so I bopped over to him
44:32
Speaker 2: and I was like, I don't think that you could
44:35
Speaker 2: hop over from your desk to your the spot on
44:37
Speaker 2: the rug six hops. No way, you can't do six.
44:40
Speaker 2: And he was like I can. And I was like
44:42
Speaker 2: I don't believe it, and he was like I'm not
44:44
Speaker 2: doing it and I was like, great, you don't have to.
44:45
Speaker 2: I don't think you can. And then he was like, no,
44:48
Speaker 2: I can. And so then he's hopping over. He's getting
44:51
Speaker 2: the movement in, but he's also getting that from the
44:54
Speaker 2: coping mechanism side of the gamification.
44:57
Speaker 1: Of described to my daughter by way, she's literally like
45:01
Speaker 1: I don't think I can do it?
45:02
Speaker 2: Can you?
45:02
Speaker 1: And I'm like, absolutely not. She's like I'll show you.
45:04
Speaker 1: But she love this, Oh my gosh.
45:07
Speaker 2: And it's how I work sometimes to work. If somebody
45:09
Speaker 2: says you can't do this, I'm like, over my dead body,
45:12
Speaker 2: oh yeah exactly. And I could have no interest in
45:17
Speaker 2: doing that thing. And then they're like there's no way
45:19
Speaker 2: you could do this, and I'm like, be okay, buckle up, friend.
45:23
Speaker 2: And so when we are looking at this for ourselves,
45:27
Speaker 2: it's okay to pair them. Sometimes what's really key is
45:31
Speaker 2: that you just know that if you're only tapping into
45:33
Speaker 2: coping mechanisms. Then you're going to keep coming back to
45:37
Speaker 2: this place where you're burying the feelings those that up
45:41
Speaker 2: and you're going that mechanism's gonna weigh off and you're
45:45
Speaker 2: gonna need something else to continue to fill that.
45:49
Speaker 1: Alyssa, I have, first of all, just so pleased that
45:53
Speaker 1: we connected today and even just this conversation, which I
45:58
Speaker 1: know is one tiny facet of the work that you do.
46:03
Speaker 1: This has been so rich, so interesting, and there is
46:07
Speaker 1: so much more. I mean, we haven't even talked about
46:11
Speaker 1: the intersection between parents and kids and all these things
46:14
Speaker 1: come into play. I bet we could have three more
46:17
Speaker 1: podcasts where we talk about the relational dynamics that can
46:21
Speaker 1: happen because of differences in these things and some of
46:24
Speaker 1: the issues could cause and some of the solutions there.
46:29
Speaker 1: So I would love for everybody listening to this to
46:32
Speaker 1: just know this is a little sampler. You just got
46:36
Speaker 1: an individual snack size pack of Alyssa Campbell tell us
46:41
Speaker 1: where people can go to learn more about your work,
46:44
Speaker 1: and we certainly have sequiz dot com. You also mentioned
46:48
Speaker 1: the collaborative and emotional processing mechanisms. I mean, let's talk
46:53
Speaker 1: about your tools and the next step for everybody listening, totally.
46:57
Speaker 2: Yeah. People often say for our work they at home
46:59
Speaker 2: for the kids say for themselves, Yeah, because there's no
47:02
Speaker 2: doing this work about ourselves, talk about me out. We
47:05
Speaker 2: have nervous systems too. When yes, if you are a parent.
47:10
Speaker 2: First of all, I are my first books in New
47:13
Speaker 2: York Times bestseller, Tiny Humans, Big Emotions is Birth to
47:16
Speaker 2: Age sixty seven six seven for all my parents, the
47:20
Speaker 2: oh my god, we did it, we did it. We've
47:24
Speaker 2: reached them with this one. And then Big Kids, Bigger
47:27
Speaker 2: Feelings was the national bestseller, just published last year, and
47:31
Speaker 2: it is for the elementary age range five to twelve
47:34
Speaker 2: year old. Seed quiz dot COM's for anyone who's got
47:37
Speaker 2: a brain and a body, and we the best place
47:42
Speaker 2: to find us. I speak at organizations, I speak at conferences.
47:46
Speaker 2: Speaking is largely what I do for a living. See
47:49
Speaker 2: if you're in s space where you are interested in
47:53
Speaker 2: me coming and presenting or speaking or working with your
47:56
Speaker 2: organization in some capacity. You can find all of that
47:59
Speaker 2: in for me on our website at seed and sow
48:02
Speaker 2: dot org so sew and we have a podcast, Voices
48:07
Speaker 2: of your Village podcast and Instagram Seed dot and dot
48:10
Speaker 2: so sew where we hang out a bunch so but
48:13
Speaker 2: the Mothership seednso dot org is where if you're ever
48:16
Speaker 2: looking for something, you let us know and we'll help
48:19
Speaker 2: you find.
48:20
Speaker 1: Amazing climb aboard the Mothership.
48:22
Speaker 2: I love it, Okay, seed issow dot org.
48:25
Speaker 1: Well, oh, Lissa, it has been such a joy to
48:29
Speaker 1: connect with you today. This is such a fascinating conversation.
48:32
Speaker 1: And stay in touch with me as you have new
48:35
Speaker 1: things coming down the pipeline. I would be delighted to reconnect.
48:39
Speaker 2: Thank you, You're the bomb. This is so lovely.
48:51
Speaker 1: Wasn't that a fascinating conversation. I learned so much today
48:56
Speaker 1: talking with Alyssa. I hope you did too, And I
49:00
Speaker 1: know I'm going to be thinking about this for a
49:02
Speaker 1: while practicing some of those emotional regulation skills, and I
49:06
Speaker 1: hope you do too. Certainly check out her offerings, her books,
49:09
Speaker 1: her quiz, and I will also add that sometimes it
49:15
Speaker 1: can be really helpful to have someone to talk to
49:20
Speaker 1: about these changes that you would like to make and
49:24
Speaker 1: also support in getting insight into where the stuff is
49:29
Speaker 1: popping up, as well as customized recommendations and accountability for
49:37
Speaker 1: making changes. And that comes through one on one coaching,
49:43
Speaker 1: ideally with a licensed mental health professional who understands the
49:48
Speaker 1: things Alissa and I were talking about today, but who
49:51
Speaker 1: also isn't going to pathologize you and turn these natural
49:56
Speaker 1: wiring differences into anything to be ashamed of or feel
50:02
Speaker 1: bad about yourself. These are just differences, and the things
50:06
Speaker 1: that we do day to day can either help us
50:10
Speaker 1: manage this in a positive and effective way or can
50:13
Speaker 1: actually create problems for us and ourselves in our lives
50:17
Speaker 1: and our relationships, some of our habits even And so
50:21
Speaker 1: if you've been wanting to talk to somebody, you are
50:24
Speaker 1: invited to come over to growing self dot com. That's
50:28
Speaker 1: my practice, growing self Counseling and coaching, and you can
50:32
Speaker 1: talk about this with one of the clinicians on my team,
50:36
Speaker 1: licensed therapists who specialize in coaching psychology. So we're not
50:41
Speaker 1: just going to dig in deep with you to help
50:43
Speaker 1: you get insight. It always turns into so what do
50:47
Speaker 1: we do about this? And it turns into action because honestly,
50:52
Speaker 1: talking about things, that's just the first step. Nothing changes
50:57
Speaker 1: until you start changing, and that's what here to support.
51:01
Speaker 1: I also want to tell you about an amazing opportunity.
51:05
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51:07
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51:10
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51:14
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51:16
Speaker 1: addition to this, I am actually an educator of other
51:19
Speaker 1: therapists who are interested in learning and practicing evidence based
51:24
Speaker 1: coaching psychology and becoming board certified coaches through the National
51:28
Speaker 1: Board for Certified Counselors believe it or not. And as
51:31
Speaker 1: part of my training program for these therapists, we actually
51:35
Speaker 1: have an eight week long practicum experience like an internship,
51:39
Speaker 1: but very short focused so that they can get some
51:42
Speaker 1: hands on practice with the things that we've been talking about,
51:45
Speaker 1: coaching modalities and techniques that are quite different from therapy
51:49
Speaker 1: by the way, but this also creates amazing opportunities for people,
51:55
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51:59
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52:02
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52:10
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52:13
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52:16
Speaker 1: in and work with them for a little while. That's
52:18
Speaker 1: why we're only covering our costs forty nine dollars a session.
52:22
Speaker 1: I know it's crazy. At some point I'm probably going
52:25
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52:28
Speaker 1: with hot dogs. No, we're not doing it, not yet,
52:31
Speaker 1: so this is sounding interesting for you. We do this
52:34
Speaker 1: five times a year. This isn't the kind of thing
52:37
Speaker 1: where you can necessarily start any time. We have practicum
52:40
Speaker 1: cohorts that start five times a year. We're leading therapist
52:44
Speaker 1: groups through this whole learning process. But at the time
52:48
Speaker 1: of this recording, we have one coming up soon. And
52:52
Speaker 1: if you want to learn more, come to my website
52:54
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52:59
Speaker 1: all the details about this practicum coaching experience. What it
53:04
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53:07
Speaker 1: so just know that. And it's also not really specialized.
53:13
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53:18
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53:22
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53:26
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53:48
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53:56
Speaker 1: I have for us today, But thank you again so
53:58
Speaker 1: much as for spending this time with you me for
54:00
Speaker 1: tuning in for learning. I found this fascinating. I hope
54:04
Speaker 1: you did too, and think about who else in your
54:07
Speaker 1: life might need to hear some of the ideas that
54:11
Speaker 1: we're discussed today, some of the recommendations, so forwarded to
54:14
Speaker 1: them right now, and subscribe to the show right now.
54:20
Speaker 1: Bonus points if you leave a review, but you subscribe,
54:24
Speaker 1: you and I will be connected and we will have
54:28
Speaker 1: opportunities to do this again sometime soon. All right, thanks
54:31
Speaker 1: again for tuning in, and I'll talk to you next time.