Latest / ok storytime / My mother SPENDS every dollar I earn... and I'm too scared to get a job now! -r/Advice | Reddit Stories | EP3095

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My mother SPENDS every dollar I earn... and I'm too scared to get a job now! -r/Advice | Reddit Stories | EP3095 · ok storytime

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: Hey, this is Angie.
• 0:01
  Speaker 2: And this is Carly, your favorite OK Storytime hosts.
• 0:04
  Speaker 1: And we've got some great stories coming up. But before that,
• 0:07
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• 0:09
  Speaker 1: that keep the show alive.
• 0:11
  Speaker 3: My mother spends every dollar I earn and I'm too
• 0:14
  Speaker 3: scared to get a job now.
• 0:16
  Speaker 1: That's your money.
• 0:17
  Speaker 3: This started around late 2023, early 24, when I, 15 female,
• 0:19
  Speaker 3: began selling a bunch of handmade crafts. Think keychains and
• 0:26
  Speaker 3: artwork in my town to buy a few expensive things
• 0:29
  Speaker 3: I wanted for the summer that amounted to about $ 925
• 0:33
  Speaker 3: or 810 euros.
• 0:34
  Speaker 1: Nice.
• 0:36
  Speaker 3: The problem is that when I sold something, my mom,
• 0:38
  Speaker 3: 55 female, would keep the money. And again, OP is
• 0:42
  Speaker 3: a minor, so.
• 0:43
  Speaker 1: And spend it.
• 0:44
  Speaker 3: And when I needed the money to buy said thing
• 0:46
  Speaker 3: I wanted, I would have to wait multiple weeks for
• 0:48
  Speaker 3: her to give me the money as she had spent
• 0:50
  Speaker 3: it rather than give it to me.
• 0:53
  Speaker 1: Oh.
• 0:53
  Speaker 3: This was especially annoying as one of the things I
• 0:56
  Speaker 3: wanted was retiring soon and I was worried I wouldn't
• 0:58
  Speaker 3: have the money in time despite earning it weeks prior.
• 1:01
  Speaker 3: This is so frustrating. I eventually earned well over enough
• 1:05
  Speaker 3: that summer from selling things and got the things I
• 1:07
  Speaker 3: wanted and decided to sell more stuff as a way
• 1:10
  Speaker 3: of earning money. However, the problem of her taking the
• 1:13
  Speaker 3: money and not giving back continued. And by early 2024,
• 1:16
  Speaker 3: she owed me.
• 1:17
  Speaker 4: About $ 765.
• 1:17
  Speaker 2: Damn.
• 1:22
  Speaker 3: That is a crazy amount for your parent to owe
• 1:25
  Speaker 3: you at 15.
• 1:26
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 1:27
  Speaker 3: Then in February of that year, I went on a
• 1:30
  Speaker 3: school trip to Paris and my dad gave me about $ 345.
• 1:33
  Speaker 3: And when I came back, I had about $ 275. By
• 1:37
  Speaker 3: the way, this comes from Common Coconut. And if you
• 1:40
  Speaker 3: want to submit your own stories, go to the r
• 1:41
  Speaker 3: slash showcase story time subreddit.
• 1:43
  Speaker 1: I'm Sophia. but we don't have all the answers. We
• 1:48
  Speaker 1: only know what we own. So if you know something else,
• 1:50
  Speaker 1: put it down below.
• 1:51
  Speaker 3: My mom opened a bank account for me and the
• 1:53
  Speaker 3: agreement was that she would start paying me back the
• 1:56
  Speaker 3: money she owes me and I would put the leftover
• 1:58
  Speaker 3: money my dad gave me into the account.
• 2:00
  Speaker 1: Instead, she went through.
• 2:02
  Speaker 3: My wallet when I wasn't home and took the card
• 2:04
  Speaker 3: with the money on it for just in case money,
• 2:07
  Speaker 3: which after that took her about six months to pay
• 2:10
  Speaker 3: back that $ 275 for which I constantly had to remind
• 2:14
  Speaker 3: her about.
• 2:15
  Speaker 1: Not cool.
• 2:16
  Speaker 3: After that, I managed to convince her to pay me
• 2:19
  Speaker 3: 20 a week to pay back the money she owed.
• 2:20
  Speaker 3: This kind of worked, but starting late 2024, she basically
• 2:24
  Speaker 3: started using my account as a checking account and started
• 2:28
  Speaker 3: putting in and taking out loads of money, and she
• 2:31
  Speaker 3: would be taking out my money as well. I asked
• 2:33
  Speaker 3: her not to do this multiple times, and it eventually
• 2:36
  Speaker 3: stopped late 2025, and she finally paid me back all
• 2:40
  Speaker 3: the money she owed. I was still selling stuff, so
• 2:43
  Speaker 3: the amount she owed me was easily well over $ 1, 700.
• 2:47
  Speaker 1: Can we talk to your dad? Yeah, does he know
• 2:50
  Speaker 1: that she's doing this? I don't know.
• 2:52
  Speaker 3: I thought everything was fine until she started asking to
• 2:55
  Speaker 3: borrow money. For example, she borrowed $ 340 in January, and
• 3:00
  Speaker 3: despite her telling me it was only for a couple days,
• 3:03
  Speaker 3: it was nearly four months. The latest one is that
• 3:06
  Speaker 3: in the beginning of May, she asked for $ 570 in
• 3:10
  Speaker 3: And I caved and.
• 3:11
  Speaker 1: Gave it to her.
• 3:11
  Speaker 2: No.
• 3:13
  Speaker 3: This is so tough.
• 3:14
  Speaker 1: Again, OP is 15.
• 3:15
  Speaker 3: Yeah. This is not a situation that should ever happen
• 3:19
  Speaker 3: where a parent is asking for that amount of money
• 3:22
  Speaker 3: from their minor child.
• 3:23
  Speaker 5: Yeah.
• 3:24
  Speaker 2: Honestly, hide the money. I don't know if there's any way.
• 3:27
  Speaker 3: You could just... Stop telling her about any money that
• 3:31
  Speaker 3: you get.
• 3:31
  Speaker 2: Yeah, honestly, it's easy. Just hide the money and stop
• 3:33
  Speaker 2: telling her.
• 3:34
  Speaker 3: She swore up and down that it would only be
• 3:36
  Speaker 3: for three days tops. However, it wasn't, and it grew
• 3:39
  Speaker 3: to about $ 640. She paid me back $ 170 of it
• 3:41
  Speaker 3: about three weeks ago. However, she still hasn't paid me
• 3:43
  Speaker 3: back the $ 470, and it's grown to about $ 525. She's
• 3:52
  Speaker 3: constantly misremembering or lying about how much she owes me,
• 3:56
  Speaker 3: and it's gotten to the point where I no longer
• 3:58
  Speaker 3: trust her with my money.
• 3:59
  Speaker 2: She's not misremembering or... She's lying.
• 4:02
  Speaker 1: Yeah, she's blatantly lying to your face.
• 4:05
  Speaker 3: I'm even scared to get a job because I'm worried
• 4:07
  Speaker 3: that she'll take all of my money and never give
• 4:09
  Speaker 3: it back. And whenever I ask her about paying me back,
• 4:12
  Speaker 3: she either yells, downplays it, makes up excuses that I
• 4:15
  Speaker 3: know are BS, or says she'll have it by next
• 4:18
  Speaker 3: week or something. She's asked me about how I need
• 4:20
  Speaker 3: to make more keychains and stuff because I'm running out
• 4:23
  Speaker 3: of ones to sell. But to be honest, I don't
• 4:25
  Speaker 3: want to because she's probably going to take my money.
• 4:27
  Speaker 3: I've talked to my dad about it, and he's agreed
• 4:29
  Speaker 3: that what she's doing isn't right. And he's pissed about it, too.
• 4:33
  Speaker 3: But I'm scared that if I confront her, that she'll
• 4:35
  Speaker 3: just yell or something. I would really appreciate some genuine
• 4:37
  Speaker 3: advice on how to handle the situation, how to talk
• 4:40
  Speaker 3: to her about it.
• 4:41
  Speaker 5: Advice?
• 4:41
  Speaker 3: Opie's dad is like, that's tough.
• 4:44
  Speaker 2: Good luck. Good luck on that.
• 4:46
  Speaker 1: I mean, you're 15. You live with your parents. I
• 4:50
  Speaker 1: would just say if you can get like.
• 4:52
  Speaker 2: I feel like there's two things.
• 4:54
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 4:55
  Speaker 5: Yeah, what?
• 4:56
  Speaker 1: Just get everything in cash? Yeah. So then you have that.
• 5:00
  Speaker 3: Start behaving like an old man and storing all of
• 5:03
  Speaker 3: your cash under your bed.
• 5:05
  Speaker 1: Put it in a mattress. Put it in the mattress.
• 5:07
  Speaker 2: Either don't tell your mom, like hide it or stop
• 5:11
  Speaker 2: doing this.
• 5:12
  Speaker 5: Yeah.
• 5:12
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 5:13
  Speaker 2: Just be like, mom, you keep taking my money.
• 5:16
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 5:16
  Speaker 2: This is my work, my little business.
• 5:19
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 5:20
  Speaker 1: I don't know, how old do you need to be
• 5:21
  Speaker 1: to open a checking account?
• 5:23
  Speaker 3: If you're a minor, you have to have a parent present.
• 5:26
  Speaker 1: Okay, yeah.
• 5:26
  Speaker 3: Or a parent sign-on for you.
• 5:28
  Speaker 1: What, 15? I mean, she has technically a checking account,
• 5:31
  Speaker 1: but her mom has access.
• 5:35
  Speaker 3: Update, five days later. So me and my dad went
• 5:38
  Speaker 3: down to the bank and were able to open a
• 5:39
  Speaker 3: second account.
• 5:40
  Speaker 5: Oh, good.
• 5:40
  Speaker 3: With his address, email, et cetera, and the card should
• 5:44
  Speaker 3: arrive soon. It seems like parents are separated.
• 5:46
  Speaker 1: Which I kind of suspected.
• 5:47
  Speaker 3: Yeah, that's what I thought.
• 5:49
  Speaker 1: Oh, I did not.
• 5:49
  Speaker 3: But, well, it seems, especially now, that has been confirmed.
• 5:53
  Speaker 3: I know people were saying to open an account on
• 5:55
  Speaker 3: another bank, and I've talked to my dad, and we'll
• 5:57
  Speaker 3: probably be doing that as well. We put all the
• 5:59
  Speaker 3: money I have at my dad's house into this new
• 6:01
  Speaker 3: account and made certain it won't show up if she
• 6:04
  Speaker 3: looks at the profile. All future money will be going
• 6:07
  Speaker 3: into the new account, and the plan is as soon
• 6:09
  Speaker 3: as she pays me back the $ 400, I'll take that
• 6:12
  Speaker 3: and the rest out of the account and put it
• 6:14
  Speaker 3: in the new one. My mom doesn't know about any
• 6:16
  Speaker 3: of this, and hopefully it all goes well. I hope so.
• 6:20
  Speaker 1: If it doesn't, that's on her.
• 6:21
  Speaker 3: If she's like, where's my money?
• 6:24
  Speaker 1: Why don't I have access to your money?
• 6:25
  Speaker 3: It's like, Mom, I'm 15 years old. It's embarrassing that
• 6:29
  Speaker 3: you're stealing my money.
• 6:30
  Speaker 1: I just want to get the new AirPods. All I
• 6:33
  Speaker 1: want is the AirPods.
• 6:34
  Speaker 2: I mean, I was going to say, there's like the...
• 6:36
  Speaker 2: long shot in the dark here where like mom is
• 6:38
  Speaker 2: just saving all your money.
• 6:39
  Speaker 1: Up but yeah this whole time i doubt it because she's.
• 6:42
  Speaker 4: Saved it she's spending it immediately if she gets it
• 6:46
  Speaker 4: um but that's the end of that story folks don't
• 6:49
  Speaker 4: let your parents steal your money My ex demanded my
• 6:52
  Speaker 4: personal account over our daughter's birthday gift. No.
• 6:56
  Speaker 3: My kid, 16, lives with her dad quite a few
• 6:59
  Speaker 3: states away in the U.S. For her birthday this year,
• 7:02
  Speaker 3: my brother gave her a switch.
• 7:03
  Speaker 1: Voice.
• 7:04
  Speaker 3: Before any of this happened, I reached out to her
• 7:06
  Speaker 3: father to make sure he would be okay with the
• 7:08
  Speaker 3: gift because he's pretty intense about internet surveillance. But that's
• 7:12
  Speaker 3: not the internet.
• 7:13
  Speaker 2: It has internet on it.
• 7:14
  Speaker 3: But you can't access, like, the internet. I mean, it
• 7:18
  Speaker 3: runs on Wi-Fi.
• 7:18
  Speaker 2: I think you can.
• 7:20
  Speaker 3: You can access, like.
• 7:21
  Speaker 1: What do you mean, you can access the internet? No, like,
• 7:22
  Speaker 1: you can't look things up on it. It uses Wi-Fi,
• 7:25
  Speaker 1: but you couldn't use it like a phone. I wonder
• 7:27
  Speaker 1: if they do have, like, a Google app or something
• 7:30
  Speaker 1: on it. Because you can get, like, Hulu, Netflix, whatever
• 7:33
  Speaker 1: on your phone.
• 7:33
  Speaker 2: Yeah, it doesn't have an official, like, web browser or
• 7:35
  Speaker 2: anything like that.
• 7:36
  Speaker 3: Okay, so it doesn't have a web browser.
• 7:37
  Speaker 2: However, you can use a hidden workaround by changing your
• 7:41
  Speaker 2: DNS settings to access a basic web portal.
• 7:43
  Speaker 3: Okay, but that takes, like, work and knowledge. I don't
• 7:46
  Speaker 3: think she would do that.
• 7:47
  Speaker 1: That takes work and knowledge. This is a child.
• 7:48
  Speaker 3: She clearly is stupid. Oh, she's 16 and doesn't have
• 7:51
  Speaker 3: a browser on her phone or the ability to get
• 7:53
  Speaker 3: any apps. So how would she figure out how to.
• 7:56
  Speaker 1: Do that if she couldn't?
• 7:57
  Speaker 2: If there's a will, there's a way.
• 7:59
  Speaker 3: I don't agree with any of this, but alas, she
• 8:01
  Speaker 3: lives with him and continues to want to.
• 8:03
  Speaker 5: Okay.
• 8:04
  Speaker 1: Wait, wait.
• 8:05
  Speaker 4: Hold on.
• 8:05
  Speaker 2: She has zero, like... internet in a sense i.
• 8:09
  Speaker 3: Mean she that's interesting she seems to be very controlled
• 8:13
  Speaker 3: at his house but also continues to want to.
• 8:16
  Speaker 2: Live there 16 but also yeah whoa this is like
• 8:21
  Speaker 2: this is like recently because.
• 8:22
  Speaker 1: It's supposed to do like research for like school i
• 8:25
  Speaker 1: don't know that's the old way books.
• 8:29
  Speaker 3: Anyways we got the go-ahead that she could have the Switch.
• 8:32
  Speaker 3: So I set her up with my old Switch account
• 8:34
  Speaker 3: in order to not have to rebuy some of the
• 8:36
  Speaker 3: games I already owned. And then I purchased quite a
• 8:39
  Speaker 3: few more. Ideally, I was planning for us to share
• 8:42
  Speaker 3: the account by setting up her Switch as the primary
• 8:45
  Speaker 3: and then buying myself one somewhere down the line and
• 8:47
  Speaker 3: setting it up as the secondary. Now that she's home,
• 8:50
  Speaker 3: I'm being told that her father is demanding to have
• 8:53
  Speaker 3: ownership of the Switch account.
• 8:55
  Speaker 5: I'm fuming.
• 8:56
  Speaker 3: I was not told that this was a condition of
• 8:58
  Speaker 3: her having this device. If I had been, I would
• 9:01
  Speaker 3: not have given her my personal Switch account that has
• 9:03
  Speaker 3: my banking info, my personal email, my everything attached to it. Essentially,
• 9:08
  Speaker 3: to me, it seems he's looking to make this gift
• 9:10
  Speaker 3: my brother and I got for her into his new
• 9:13
  Speaker 3: family Switch rather than a gift that belongs to our
• 9:15
  Speaker 3: daughter alone. He has more children with his new wife.
• 9:18
  Speaker 2: Oh.
• 9:18
  Speaker 3: By the way, this comes from Mowgli1989.
• 9:19
  Speaker 5: Com.
• 9:21
  Speaker 3: And if you want to submit your own stories, go
• 9:22
  Speaker 3: to the r slash showcase story time subreddit.
• 9:25
  Speaker 1: I'm Sophia. I'm Savannah.
• 9:27
  Speaker 2: I'm Keon.
• 9:28
  Speaker 3: And we're here to give good advice goofily, but we
• 9:29
  Speaker 3: don't have all the answers. We only know what we'd do.
• 9:31
  Speaker 3: So let us know what you would do in the comments.
• 9:33
  Speaker 3: And OP says, the part that sucks is he apparently
• 9:36
  Speaker 3: is threatening to take it away from her without the
• 9:39
  Speaker 3: transfer to his email account. She's obviously panicking, and I
• 9:42
  Speaker 3: don't want this to result in her losing her favorite
• 9:45
  Speaker 3: birthday gift. But am I being unreasonable for saying F this?
• 9:48
  Speaker 3: It's so unreasonable from where I'm standing. That said, I
• 9:51
  Speaker 3: don't want to ruin her birthday gift. Please hit me
• 9:54
  Speaker 3: with perspective. We have an update, but what do you think?
• 9:57
  Speaker 3: Is OP being unreasonable for not wanting... her ex-husband to
• 10:01
  Speaker 3: have access to her.
• 10:03
  Speaker 1: Bank account yeah did they already send the switch and
• 10:07
  Speaker 1: stuff or she just like set.
• 10:08
  Speaker 3: It up so her daughter already has the switch and
• 10:12
  Speaker 3: op had given her account mm-hmm so the switch is
• 10:16
  Speaker 3: already there but the husband ex-husband is like oh well
• 10:19
  Speaker 3: i want control yeah i think i think.
• 10:21
  Speaker 1: I mean i guess he's like no i don't even
• 10:24
  Speaker 1: think he's entitled to it truthfully because he didn't buy
• 10:27
  Speaker 1: it for her he has nothing to do with it
• 10:29
  Speaker 1: just because he's staying at her house you know and
• 10:32
  Speaker 1: probably the other kids want to play on it and
• 10:33
  Speaker 1: she's like no it's a gift from my mom maybe
• 10:36
  Speaker 1: like now that's causing some riff in the family you.
• 10:39
  Speaker 2: Just you keep it at your house That's the easiest answer.
• 10:42
  Speaker 1: Yeah, you just say. She doesn't, she lives with the dad, though.
• 10:44
  Speaker 3: I know.
• 10:45
  Speaker 5: She doesn't.
• 10:45
  Speaker 1: She can play it when she's at mom's house.
• 10:47
  Speaker 2: But I don't think. I'll give her more reason to
• 10:48
  Speaker 2: go to mom's house.
• 10:48
  Speaker 1: Isn't it like across?
• 10:49
  Speaker 2: A couple states?
• 10:50
  Speaker 5: Yeah.
• 10:50
  Speaker 3: It's across the, I mean, next time she comes.
• 10:51
  Speaker 1: I don't think they really like, yeah, they really see
• 10:54
  Speaker 1: each other, though.
• 10:55
  Speaker 2: Oh, yeah.
• 10:57
  Speaker 1: It's not like they're like right down the street or like,
• 10:58
  Speaker 1: you know, next city over.
• 11:00
  Speaker 2: Okay, well, if she.
• 11:01
  Speaker 3: Can't just take it back to mom's house, then I
• 11:03
  Speaker 3: would tell them, hey, I'm not comfortable giving you my
• 11:05
  Speaker 3: bank information. We would have to give her, make her
• 11:08
  Speaker 3: a whole new account.
• 11:09
  Speaker 4: Yeah.
• 11:09
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 11:10
  Speaker 3: And I would have to take all of the, I mean,
• 11:11
  Speaker 3: she wouldn't get any.
• 11:12
  Speaker 5: Of the games.
• 11:12
  Speaker 1: Yeah. Also, I'm with Agal. He just wants control.
• 11:15
  Speaker 4: Yeah.
• 11:16
  Speaker 1: Which is true. I mean, that's all he wants.
• 11:17
  Speaker 2: Very, very weird.
• 11:19
  Speaker 3: It's so strange that she wants to live with him.
• 11:21
  Speaker 1: I mean, maybe she doesn't.
• 11:22
  Speaker 3: Well, I mean, at least Opie has said she wants
• 11:25
  Speaker 3: to live with him.
• 11:25
  Speaker 1: I'd rather live with him.
• 11:27
  Speaker 3: Update! I don't have a huge update, but since quite
• 11:29
  Speaker 3: a few people asked, her dad hasn't taken her switch way.
• 11:32
  Speaker 3: She called me frantically asking for me to just do
• 11:35
  Speaker 3: it so she could keep her switch, and I told
• 11:37
  Speaker 3: her that I wasn't saying no, but that her dad
• 11:39
  Speaker 3: would have to personally ask me himself. I couldn't imagine
• 11:41
  Speaker 3: a scenario in which he could reasonably justify asking for
• 11:44
  Speaker 3: such a thing. Turns out I was right! He has
• 11:47
  Speaker 3: not asked, because he knows it's insane. The worst part
• 11:49
  Speaker 3: about this, though, is that it means he was doing
• 11:51
  Speaker 3: it to get his preferred outcome. but never had any
• 11:54
  Speaker 3: intention of following through. In the end, though, she gets
• 11:56
  Speaker 3: to keep her switch, so I guess it's a win.
• 11:59
  Speaker 3: So confused about this living situation and why she prefers
• 12:03
  Speaker 3: to stay with this guy.
• 12:04
  Speaker 1: But I don't know. We don't know.
• 12:06
  Speaker 3: We do not know. Fred Skoll says, how the heck
• 12:09
  Speaker 3: did the dad manage to move several states away? Custody
• 12:11
  Speaker 3: agreements usually prohibit that. It seems like he has full custody.
• 12:15
  Speaker 5: Yeah.
• 12:15
  Speaker 1: Which I wonder what happened there.
• 12:18
  Speaker 3: Oh, could be that she wants to live with him
• 12:19
  Speaker 3: because it's close to all her friends.
• 12:21
  Speaker 1: Good point.
• 12:22
  Speaker 4: Yeah. Yeah.
• 12:23
  Speaker 1: She could have been the one to like move out.
• 12:25
  Speaker 1: And like maybe, you know.
• 12:27
  Speaker 3: She's 16.
• 12:28
  Speaker 4: Yeah.
• 12:28
  Speaker 1: She's like, well, I don't want to go, you know,
• 12:30
  Speaker 1: all the way across state lines and start my life
• 12:32
  Speaker 1: over as a teenager. Yeah, I wouldn't either. No. I'm good, actually.
• 12:36
  Speaker 3: I'm good.
• 12:37
  Speaker 1: I'll take your switch. I'll just, I'll take the bullying
• 12:40
  Speaker 1: here and the bullying across states.
• 12:43
  Speaker 2: Yep.
• 12:44
  Speaker 1: And that's the end of the story. We're going to
• 12:45
  Speaker 1: go on to the next one. My sister was seen
• 12:48
  Speaker 1: holding hands with a stranger and my father sided with her.
• 12:52
  Speaker 3: Well, maybe that stranger's hands were cold.
• 12:56
  Speaker 1: I could really use some outside perspective because the situation
• 12:59
  Speaker 1: has been weighing heavily on me and I'm struggling with
• 13:03
  Speaker 1: how to process everything. My sister has been married for
• 13:06
  Speaker 1: almost 20 years. Earlier this year, her husband, male, 47,
• 13:10
  Speaker 1: suffered a major stroke and was hospitalized.
• 13:12
  Speaker 4: Ayy.
• 13:13
  Speaker 1: He was discharged in March, 2026 and has been left
• 13:17
  Speaker 1: with significant disabilities and new limitations. God, that's horrible.
• 13:21
  Speaker 3: Yeah, that's really hard.
• 13:22
  Speaker 1: I couldn't imagine. It has been a life-changing event for him,
• 13:26
  Speaker 1: my sister and their family. Yeah. During the time he
• 13:30
  Speaker 1: was in the hospital, I tried very hard to support
• 13:32
  Speaker 1: my sister. I could see how scared and overwhelmed she
• 13:35
  Speaker 1: was and I repeatedly told her that she wasn't alone
• 13:37
  Speaker 1: and that we would be there for her. I offered
• 13:40
  Speaker 1: help however I could. When she was worried about how
• 13:43
  Speaker 1: she would manage things at home, I even offered to
• 13:45
  Speaker 1: help pay for a ramp for their house so he
• 13:48
  Speaker 1: could safely get around. There were nights when she was
• 13:51
  Speaker 1: at the hospital late and I gave her rides home
• 13:54
  Speaker 1: so she wouldn't have to walk alone at 3 a.m.
• 13:56
  Speaker 1: Before his stroke, her husband was always the primary provider
• 13:59
  Speaker 1: in their marriage. My sister has not worked outside the
• 14:01
  Speaker 1: home during their 20-year marriage, so after his stroke, the
• 14:05
  Speaker 1: expectation was that she would be the person helping care
• 14:08
  Speaker 1: for him while he adjusted to his new reality. By
• 14:11
  Speaker 1: the way, this comes from OkBaby6721, and if you want
• 14:15
  Speaker 1: to submit your own stories, go to the r slash
• 14:17
  Speaker 1: ok story time subreddit. I'm Savannah.
• 14:19
  Speaker 3: I'm Sophia.
• 14:20
  Speaker 2: I'm Savannah.
• 14:22
  Speaker 1: There can't be two of us. Someone's gonna have to change.
• 14:25
  Speaker 1: We're never gonna get anything done here. And we're here
• 14:30
  Speaker 1: to talk about some stuff, give some advice, but we
• 14:32
  Speaker 1: don't have all your little answers. We're only gonna tell
• 14:34
  Speaker 1: you what we would do, but let us know what
• 14:35
  Speaker 1: you would do down in the comments. As Opie says,
• 14:39
  Speaker 1: as time went on, I became increasingly concerned about whether
• 14:42
  Speaker 1: he was getting the support and care he needed. He
• 14:45
  Speaker 1: still has a nurse who comes by once a day.
• 14:47
  Speaker 1: And I was told the nurse had concerns that he
• 14:50
  Speaker 1: was sometimes being left sitting in his own urine for
• 14:54
  Speaker 1: hours before she arrived. Oh, no, no, no. Oh, my goodness.
• 14:58
  Speaker 5: Thanks.
• 14:59
  Speaker 1: That's not good. There were also situations where I was
• 15:02
  Speaker 1: told he was being left alone for extended periods of
• 15:04
  Speaker 1: time and struggling with basic needs. Knowing how vulnerable he
• 15:08
  Speaker 1: was after a major stroke was heartbreaking for me. Last week,
• 15:11
  Speaker 1: my husband saw my sister at the back of her
• 15:13
  Speaker 1: restaurant with another man. He said they were holding hands
• 15:16
  Speaker 1: and it looked like a date. I asked him a
• 15:19
  Speaker 1: ton of questions. He described the guy and it definitely
• 15:22
  Speaker 1: wasn't her husband or a family member. Yeah, this happens
• 15:25
  Speaker 1: a lot, unfortunately, where, you know, someone is made to
• 15:29
  Speaker 1: be a caretaker for someone who has fallen ill or,
• 15:33
  Speaker 1: you know, lost some sort of ability to take care
• 15:37
  Speaker 1: of themselves. And then in that time, The caretaker becomes
• 15:42
  Speaker 1: resentful and then kind of steps outside.
• 15:43
  Speaker 3: The marriage, which is never obviously okay. But it unfortunately
• 15:47
  Speaker 3: does happen a lot.
• 15:48
  Speaker 1: I want to be clear that I do not know
• 15:50
  Speaker 1: the full truth and I do not want to accuse
• 15:52
  Speaker 1: someone of something I cannot prove. I brought my concerns
• 15:55
  Speaker 1: to my sister because I felt it was important to
• 15:58
  Speaker 1: have an honest conversation. I explained what my husband had
• 16:01
  Speaker 1: seen and why it concerned me, especially given everything her
• 16:03
  Speaker 1: husband had just gone through. She confirmed that it was
• 16:06
  Speaker 1: her and she was there with another man.
• 16:10
  Speaker 3: OP is like, hey, I just.
• 16:11
  Speaker 1: Had to bring it up.
• 16:12
  Speaker 3: We might have seen you in another guy.
• 16:16
  Speaker 1: I don't want to accuse you of anything. And she's like, no,
• 16:18
  Speaker 1: that was me.
• 16:18
  Speaker 3: And I was with another man. I was having an affair.
• 16:20
  Speaker 1: Oh, that was easy.
• 16:22
  Speaker 5: Yeah, that was me.
• 16:23
  Speaker 1: Oh, OK, cool. Just want to make sure.
• 16:24
  Speaker 3: Oh, the woman with the affair?
• 16:25
  Speaker 2: Me.
• 16:27
  Speaker 1: Don't worry.
• 16:28
  Speaker 5: I'll confess.
• 16:28
  Speaker 1: Oh, the man I was holding hands with? Boyfriend. Boyfriend.
• 16:31
  Speaker 3: Oh, cheating on my husband?
• 16:32
  Speaker 4: Yes.
• 16:33
  Speaker 2: Okay.
• 16:34
  Speaker 5: Dang right.
• 16:35
  Speaker 1: Her response then was to avoid really addressing what I
• 16:38
  Speaker 1: was bringing up after that. She did not provide much
• 16:41
  Speaker 1: explanation or engage with it, which I found unusual and
• 16:44
  Speaker 1: left me with more questions. I was not looking for
• 16:47
  Speaker 1: a fight or trying to shame her. I wanted to
• 16:49
  Speaker 1: understand what was happening because I cared about both of them.
• 16:52
  Speaker 1: It obviously looked bad, and I didn't want to think
• 16:54
  Speaker 1: the worst, but why wouldn't she just tell me then?
• 16:57
  Speaker 1: After I spoke with my sister about what my husband
• 17:00
  Speaker 1: had seen, my brother-in-law called me that night.
• 17:02
  Speaker 5: Uh-oh.
• 17:03
  Speaker 1: He asked if my sister had been with me all day.
• 17:06
  Speaker 1: I told him that I actually had not seen her
• 17:09
  Speaker 1: in a few weeks. He got emotional and started crying.
• 17:12
  Speaker 1: He opened up to me about what he was going through.
• 17:15
  Speaker 1: He said he thinks she's been sleeping with someone and
• 17:18
  Speaker 1: I listened to him. Hearing him so upset was very
• 17:20
  Speaker 1: difficult because I knew how much he had already been
• 17:23
  Speaker 1: through after his stroke. and how vulnerable he was during
• 17:26
  Speaker 1: this time.
• 17:27
  Speaker 3: I felt uneasy, and I spoke with my dad about
• 17:30
  Speaker 3: my concerns. He seemed to understand why I was questioning
• 17:31
  Speaker 3: the situation, and said, actually, that would make a lot
• 17:34
  Speaker 3: of sense.
• 17:48
  Speaker 1: For context, my dad and I have always been close,
• 17:51
  Speaker 1: and I've actually saved his life a few times. He
• 17:53
  Speaker 1: was in tough medical situations and stayed by his bedside
• 17:57
  Speaker 1: for weeks.
• 17:57
  Speaker 5: Okay.
• 17:59
  Speaker 4: Whoa.
• 17:59
  Speaker 1: Okay, Opie.
• 18:01
  Speaker 3: Opie said, yeah, I've actually saved his life a couple times,
• 18:04
  Speaker 3: so he owes me. Listen, yeah, sure, you can save
• 18:08
  Speaker 3: a life, but can you save a marriage? Oh, probably not.
• 18:12
  Speaker 1: Are you a miracle worker or what? Because that's what
• 18:15
  Speaker 1: we're proving.
• 18:16
  Speaker 3: Yeah, we've seen easy mode. Now let's do hard mode.
• 18:19
  Speaker 1: Save this marriage.
• 18:20
  Speaker 5: Go.
• 18:21
  Speaker 1: I had an opportunity to move abroad. What's her name?
• 18:23
  Speaker 1: Got him.
• 18:24
  Speaker 2: Dang.
• 18:25
  Speaker 1: And decided to stay close to be near him after
• 18:27
  Speaker 1: my mom passed away. I bought a house a few
• 18:30
  Speaker 1: blocks away. I'm there whenever he needs anything. He explained
• 18:33
  Speaker 1: that my sister had told him She had been doing
• 18:36
  Speaker 1: certain activities alone that are not normally things people do
• 18:39
  Speaker 1: alone like going to the movies or going for hikes.
• 18:42
  Speaker 1: He said he could understand why I was questioning whether
• 18:45
  Speaker 1: she may have been spending time with someone and that
• 18:48
  Speaker 1: would fill in some gaps for him. He also said
• 18:51
  Speaker 1: that my brother accused her of cheating on him. I
• 18:53
  Speaker 1: said maybe it was something else and said maybe it
• 18:56
  Speaker 1: was a friend or family member. He said no, probably not.
• 18:59
  Speaker 1: The next day my dad called me and the conversation
• 19:02
  Speaker 1: was completely different. He told me that he was up
• 19:04
  Speaker 1: all night. And that he thought what I was saying
• 19:07
  Speaker 1: was bull crap.
• 19:09
  Speaker 2: Oh.
• 19:09
  Speaker 1: And that he would only believe it if it came
• 19:12
  Speaker 1: directly from my sister.
• 19:13
  Speaker 5: Wait, what?
• 19:13
  Speaker 1: What happened?
• 19:15
  Speaker 3: Literally yesterday you were like, yeah, she probably is cheating.
• 19:18
  Speaker 3: And then you came back the next day and you
• 19:19
  Speaker 3: were like, how dare you?
• 19:20
  Speaker 1: How dare you? I will only believe it if she
• 19:23
  Speaker 1: says it. I've reflected and journaled all this, and I'm
• 19:26
  Speaker 1: going to go with you're a liar.
• 19:28
  Speaker 2: You're a liar?
• 19:29
  Speaker 3: I've thought about it, and it hurts too much, so
• 19:31
  Speaker 3: you must be a liar.
• 19:32
  Speaker 1: I don't even care if you saved my life once
• 19:34
  Speaker 1: or twice.
• 19:34
  Speaker 5: Yeah, I don't.
• 19:35
  Speaker 1: You're a liar. You saved me so you could lie
• 19:37
  Speaker 1: to my face. I know your plans. I asked him
• 19:40
  Speaker 1: if he thought my sister would be honest with him
• 19:42
  Speaker 1: if something was going on. He said he was not
• 19:45
  Speaker 1: going to confront her, and that he didn't think she
• 19:47
  Speaker 1: would tell him the truth anyways, but that eventually the truth...
• 19:50
  Speaker 1: would come out because someone would see her Wait, I'm confused.
• 19:53
  Speaker 1: Someone did see her. What?
• 19:55
  Speaker 4: What?
• 19:56
  Speaker 3: This is such a confusing way to approach this whole situation.
• 20:00
  Speaker 3: He's like, no, I'm not going to ask her about it,
• 20:02
  Speaker 3: even though the only way I'm going to believe her
• 20:05
  Speaker 3: is if she tells me.
• 20:06
  Speaker 5: Yeah.
• 20:07
  Speaker 3: Because she won't tell me the truth about it.
• 20:09
  Speaker 1: Yeah. So you know that she's a liar? But I'm
• 20:12
  Speaker 1: not going to ask you to tell me to... I just,
• 20:17
  Speaker 1: it really is like backwards. And it also makes no
• 20:20
  Speaker 1: sense at all.
• 20:21
  Speaker 3: This is all backwards.
• 20:22
  Speaker 1: I'm scared. Marty, I'm scared. I told him that I
• 20:26
  Speaker 1: felt like this was exactly what's happening now because my
• 20:29
  Speaker 1: husband had seen her. That's what I'm saying. I asked
• 20:32
  Speaker 1: him if he thought my husband was lying. He said no,
• 20:35
  Speaker 1: that he believed my husband was telling the truth, but
• 20:38
  Speaker 1: that he did not want to hear about it anymore.
• 20:40
  Speaker 3: He's like, if I shut my eyes and close my ears,
• 20:43
  Speaker 3: then my daughter's not having an affair, right?
• 20:45
  Speaker 1: Sure thing, buddy.
• 20:47
  Speaker 3: That's how that works, right?
• 20:48
  Speaker 5: I think.
• 20:49
  Speaker 3: I think so.
• 20:50
  Speaker 1: Then he got really angry with me and told me
• 20:52
  Speaker 1: that he was not going to hear anything bad about
• 20:55
  Speaker 1: his daughter from anyone. And that included me. You make
• 20:59
  Speaker 1: up your mind, dude. I told him I'm your daughter, too.
• 21:02
  Speaker 1: He said, I know, but I'm not going to effing
• 21:04
  Speaker 1: tolerate this from you. He then told me to go
• 21:07
  Speaker 1: pound salt and said he never wanted to talk to
• 21:09
  Speaker 1: me ever again. Whoa, dude, I saved your life like
• 21:13
  Speaker 1: three times. What happened? literally what happened he said he
• 21:16
  Speaker 1: did not want to hear anything about this from me
• 21:19
  Speaker 1: ever again and then hung up on me a few
• 21:22
  Speaker 1: hours later i tried calling my dad back because i
• 21:26
  Speaker 1: did not want things to end that way and i
• 21:27
  Speaker 1: wanted to try to repair the conversation when he answered
• 21:30
  Speaker 1: he told me to f off hung up on me
• 21:32
  Speaker 1: again that's weird yeah that's a little freak got a
• 21:36
  Speaker 1: freaky dad since then i have been deeply hurt and
• 21:39
  Speaker 1: heartbroken by everything that has happened At this point, I
• 21:42
  Speaker 1: do not feel like I can keep reaching out and
• 21:44
  Speaker 1: putting myself in a position to be rejected. I have
• 21:46
  Speaker 1: decided that I am not going to contact my family
• 21:48
  Speaker 1: again unless they reach out to me and are willing
• 21:51
  Speaker 1: to apologize and have a respectful conversation. That's a good idea.
• 21:55
  Speaker 2: I agree. Save your peace.
• 21:56
  Speaker 1: My sister also reached out and said she would be
• 21:59
  Speaker 1: dropping off some of my belongings tomorrow. And then that's that.
• 22:03
  Speaker 1: which felt like she may not want to have a
• 22:05
  Speaker 1: relationship with me moving forward. That has been incredibly painful.
• 22:08
  Speaker 1: I'm trying to look at this objectively. Am I wrong
• 22:11
  Speaker 1: for feeling this way? If you believed a vulnerable family
• 22:14
  Speaker 1: member was possibly being neglected or betrayed after a life-changing
• 22:18
  Speaker 1: medical event, how would you handle it? Would you speak
• 22:21
  Speaker 1: up or stay out of it? I'm not looking for
• 22:23
  Speaker 1: people to attack my sister. I love her. I'm genuinely
• 22:26
  Speaker 1: trying to understand if I handled this wrong, if I
• 22:29
  Speaker 1: crossed a line, And how to move forward with compassion
• 22:32
  Speaker 1: while also being honest about the situation.
• 22:35
  Speaker 3: Unfortunately, I think everyone's just super defensive right now. And
• 22:38
  Speaker 3: you just kind of have to take a step back.
• 22:39
  Speaker 1: I mean, they can't, like, undo what's done. Yeah. And
• 22:43
  Speaker 1: what is actively still probably happening.
• 22:45
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 22:46
  Speaker 3: I think that your dad's going to realize what's going on.
• 22:49
  Speaker 5: Because.
• 22:50
  Speaker 1: He's just lashing out because he can't lash out at
• 22:53
  Speaker 1: the other sister. So, you know, you're the one who
• 22:55
  Speaker 1: called her out. But in turn, I think he's internalizing
• 22:58
  Speaker 1: it and you're calling him out. Yeah.
• 23:01
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 23:01
  Speaker 1: I don't know.
• 23:02
  Speaker 3: I think taking a step back is the way to go.
• 23:05
  Speaker 5: Yeah. For now.
• 23:06
  Speaker 1: I'd also agree with that statement, which is what she's doing.
• 23:09
  Speaker 1: So keep it up, OP.
• 23:10
  Speaker 5: Keep it up.
• 23:11
  Speaker 1: OP in the comments. It's already been reported by his
• 23:15
  Speaker 1: care team, so they're already aware. Sorry if that was
• 23:18
  Speaker 1: not clear in my post. Also, his family is now
• 23:21
  Speaker 1: aware of the situation. Brother-in-law has a big family. He's
• 23:24
  Speaker 1: the oldest of four siblings who are all married and
• 23:26
  Speaker 1: have kids, spouses, etc. I'm not sure how much they
• 23:29
  Speaker 1: can support him. His parents are in a retirement home,
• 23:32
  Speaker 1: but they're aware and all went out for breakfast this
• 23:35
  Speaker 1: morning to talk about it with him. I mean... I
• 23:38
  Speaker 1: don't know. This is hard. Like, obviously, brother-in-law, it's not
• 23:42
  Speaker 1: his fault that all of this happened. No, that he's
• 23:44
  Speaker 1: getting cheated on while he's ill. Yeah, that he's getting
• 23:46
  Speaker 1: cheated on. Yeah.
• 23:47
  Speaker 3: And I think focus on helping him.
• 23:49
  Speaker 5: Yes.
• 23:50
  Speaker 1: If you're going to do anything. Yeah, I agree. Because
• 23:53
  Speaker 1: everyone's just going to come at you and be like, why?
• 23:56
  Speaker 1: You want to ruin this family or something? They're just
• 23:58
  Speaker 1: shooting the messenger.
• 23:59
  Speaker 5: Exactly.
• 24:00
  Speaker 3: And you don't deserve that.
• 24:01
  Speaker 1: It's like, I didn't have the affair, guys. I don't
• 24:03
  Speaker 1: know if you're... I don't know if you're mixed up,
• 24:05
  Speaker 1: but I'm not. I'm the good sister. Yeah. She's the
• 24:08
  Speaker 1: evil sister. There are some comments. Objective pound 2185 says,
• 24:13
  Speaker 1: why would you tell your dad? Your sister is an adult.
• 24:15
  Speaker 1: Your dad doesn't control her, isn't able to punish her, etc.
• 24:19
  Speaker 1: Unless your plan is to isolate her from her family
• 24:21
  Speaker 1: and all support. Keep your mouth shut.
• 24:23
  Speaker 5: Oh my God.
• 24:24
  Speaker 1: What? Whoa.
• 24:26
  Speaker 3: That's crazy to be like, why did you tell anyone
• 24:29
  Speaker 3: about our affair? Maybe because I wanted advice.
• 24:32
  Speaker 1: Yeah. And you're a monster. It's not like she was
• 24:36
  Speaker 1: telling on her so that he would like punish her
• 24:39
  Speaker 1: and be like, what are you doing? It's more like,
• 24:41
  Speaker 1: I think this is happening. Like, do you want to
• 24:44
  Speaker 1: try to get it out of her? Because she hasn't
• 24:45
  Speaker 1: really talked to me about it and kind of avoided it.
• 24:48
  Speaker 3: Maybe she would open.
• 24:49
  Speaker 1: More up to you.
• 24:50
  Speaker 3: Yeah, this is so weird to be.
• 24:51
  Speaker 1: That is a weird response. It's a weird take.
• 24:53
  Speaker 2: It's an aggressive response.
• 24:55
  Speaker 1: If I could put someone through a screen, I would.
• 24:57
  Speaker 1: OP responds, I wanted his perspective. I didn't want to
• 25:00
  Speaker 1: assume the worst about her and I was hoping he
• 25:03
  Speaker 1: knew something I didn't. And well, I guess to your
• 25:05
  Speaker 1: other point, he could leave her out of his will
• 25:08
  Speaker 1: or scold her or something if he wanted to punish her.
• 25:10
  Speaker 1: He obviously didn't have a problem doing that to me.
• 25:13
  Speaker 1: But yeah, I would never want to isolate her from anyone.
• 25:16
  Speaker 1: His medical team is already aware. Silken Doggy says, I'm
• 25:20
  Speaker 1: going to assume your dad is a boomer. Opie responds, yep,
• 25:23
  Speaker 1: just turned 68 this year.
• 25:25
  Speaker 3: I can tell.
• 25:26
  Speaker 2: One year off from the funny number.
• 25:28
  Speaker 1: That's true.
• 25:29
  Speaker 3: And he won't even appreciate it.
• 25:30
  Speaker 2: And that depends on who you are and how old
• 25:33
  Speaker 2: you are.
• 25:33
  Speaker 1: Dang. Ill Hall 3304 says, does this sister work at
• 25:37
  Speaker 1: Quick Trip? Because I had a similar scenario where this
• 25:40
  Speaker 1: woman tried taking me out on a date after telling
• 25:43
  Speaker 1: me her husband had a stroke. And is she a
• 25:46
  Speaker 1: little white chick? If so... What? They're just trying to
• 25:50
  Speaker 1: find out who she is.
• 25:51
  Speaker 3: Yeah, they're like, wait, I think I know her actually.
• 25:54
  Speaker 1: So wait, can you tell me, am I the affair partner?
• 25:58
  Speaker 1: Opie responds, my sister doesn't have a job and hasn't
• 26:01
  Speaker 1: worked for years now. Well, look at her.
• 26:03
  Speaker 3: Isn't she just the best wife ever? Not providing any
• 26:06
  Speaker 3: support and cheating on her partner.
• 26:08
  Speaker 1: There is an update. Four days later, just wanted to
• 26:10
  Speaker 1: give an update for those who requested it. I read
• 26:13
  Speaker 1: all of your comments and I appreciate the wide variety
• 26:15
  Speaker 1: of takes, information, and support. First of all, I wanted
• 26:18
  Speaker 1: to assure everyone who was worried that brother-in-law is okay.
• 26:22
  Speaker 1: The night after this all happened, I saw that brother-in-law
• 26:25
  Speaker 1: removed me from social media and I couldn't get a
• 26:27
  Speaker 1: hold of him. Turns out my sister took his phone
• 26:30
  Speaker 1: and blocked me on it and she didn't tell him.
• 26:32
  Speaker 1: So he thought I was the one who blocked him.
• 26:35
  Speaker 1: I still had him on Instagram and reached out there
• 26:38
  Speaker 1: and we figured out what had happened. Long story short,
• 26:41
  Speaker 1: I reached out to his sister. He is being taken
• 26:43
  Speaker 1: care of by his family now who are all stepping
• 26:46
  Speaker 1: in to help. Turns out they never liked my sister
• 26:49
  Speaker 1: and over the years have slowly drifted apart and were
• 26:51
  Speaker 1: even estranged at one point because of her. They didn't
• 26:54
  Speaker 1: like the way she treated him or the rest of
• 26:56
  Speaker 1: the family and he'd always defend her so it caused
• 26:59
  Speaker 1: a riff. At first, I wasn't sure how this was
• 27:01
  Speaker 1: going to go, but they are all coming together for
• 27:04
  Speaker 1: him after some emotional moments and apologies. Family wins.
• 27:08
  Speaker 3: Yeah, at least he's got his side.
• 27:09
  Speaker 5: Yeah.
• 27:10
  Speaker 1: He has two sisters and a brother who are all married,
• 27:13
  Speaker 1: and they've all been checking on him regularly between his
• 27:15
  Speaker 1: siblings and their spouses. They've also upped the nurses and
• 27:19
  Speaker 1: PSWs coming over. Plus, his rehab appointments for physio and
• 27:24
  Speaker 1: brother-in-law has also joined a few support groups that have
• 27:27
  Speaker 1: been coming to his place to pick him up to
• 27:30
  Speaker 1: take him to the community center for their group meetings.
• 27:32
  Speaker 1: Volunteers check on him during the pickups. He's also going
• 27:35
  Speaker 1: to therapy to help him deal with his new normal. Okay,
• 27:39
  Speaker 1: so that's amazing. Yeah. That there are so many people.
• 27:42
  Speaker 1: There are support groups, families coming in, spouses coming in.
• 27:46
  Speaker 1: Family's coming in.
• 27:47
  Speaker 3: This is what he's needed the whole time. And just,
• 27:49
  Speaker 3: you know, nobody on OP's side of the family wanted
• 27:52
  Speaker 3: to do any of that.
• 27:54
  Speaker 4: Exactly.
• 27:54
  Speaker 5: Except for OP.
• 27:55
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 27:56
  Speaker 3: So I'm glad he has all this.
• 27:57
  Speaker 5: Yeah. It's just, it's great.
• 28:00
  Speaker 1: I'm glad he has people to count on besides his sister.
• 28:03
  Speaker 1: And it sucks that he literally was estranged from his
• 28:05
  Speaker 1: family because of this girl.
• 28:07
  Speaker 3: Yeah, because he had to defend this terrible, you know,
• 28:11
  Speaker 3: wife to his family. And then she had an affair.
• 28:14
  Speaker 3: She cheated on him.
• 28:15
  Speaker 1: Yeah, that sucks. I think he is good for now
• 28:17
  Speaker 1: despite everything else being emotionally taxing. However, my sister did
• 28:21
  Speaker 1: confirm that she is going to divorce him and they're
• 28:23
  Speaker 1: looking into housing and care options for him because they'd
• 28:26
  Speaker 1: have to sell their current home. The plan is for
• 28:28
  Speaker 1: her to move in with my father. One and the same.
• 28:31
  Speaker 3: He loves her.
• 28:32
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 28:33
  Speaker 1: I already know that's not going to go well. Their
• 28:35
  Speaker 1: lifestyles definitely clash. They lived together before and it was
• 28:39
  Speaker 1: nothing but arguments. My sister is lazy, very messy in
• 28:42
  Speaker 1: the kitchen, and a bad cook who gets upset over
• 28:45
  Speaker 1: any even perceived criticisms. My dad is particular about the
• 28:49
  Speaker 1: kitchen and his food and tells it how he sees it.
• 28:52
  Speaker 1: So that is a recipe for disaster.
• 28:55
  Speaker 5: Well, they deserve each other.
• 28:57
  Speaker 1: So I can't see that working out. My sister seems
• 28:59
  Speaker 1: to cause havoc wherever she goes, and this will likely
• 29:02
  Speaker 1: not be the exception. So I thought about what I
• 29:05
  Speaker 1: would do if my daughter came to me to tell
• 29:08
  Speaker 1: me something like this about her sister. If I put
• 29:10
  Speaker 1: myself in the father's position, I'd probably have several emotions
• 29:13
  Speaker 1: at once. My first reaction would likely be concern.
• 29:16
  Speaker 2: If my daughter is.
• 29:17
  Speaker 1: Married and another daughter tells me she saw her holding
• 29:20
  Speaker 1: hands with someone else, I'd realize that's a serious claim,
• 29:23
  Speaker 1: but I'd want to avoid jumping to conclusions and I
• 29:25
  Speaker 1: wouldn't want to think that way about my daughter. I
• 29:28
  Speaker 1: get that he has some hard emotions here, but also,
• 29:31
  Speaker 1: I'd also appreciate that my youngest daughter trusted me enough
• 29:35
  Speaker 1: to tell me. She's bringing me something she believes is
• 29:38
  Speaker 1: important and looking for advice. I wouldn't want to dismiss
• 29:41
  Speaker 1: her or make her feel like she'd done something wrong
• 29:44
  Speaker 1: simply by telling me. That's absolutely bad parenting. Especially to
• 29:48
  Speaker 1: react the way he did and to treat me so brutally.
• 29:50
  Speaker 5: Exactly.
• 29:51
  Speaker 1: At least you're getting it, OP. I'd probably feel conflicted
• 29:55
  Speaker 1: about how to deal with it. As a parent, I
• 29:57
  Speaker 1: wouldn't want to get in the middle of my adult
• 29:59
  Speaker 1: children's marriage. I'd have to think carefully about whether this
• 30:02
  Speaker 1: is something I should act on or whether it's primarily
• 30:05
  Speaker 1: between the married couple. Parents sometimes get involved where they shouldn't,
• 30:09
  Speaker 1: and I get that, but they should also be able
• 30:11
  Speaker 1: to bring up their concerns as well. So my response
• 30:14
  Speaker 1: would probably be something like, Thank you for telling me.
• 30:17
  Speaker 1: I know this couldn't have been easy. I don't know
• 30:19
  Speaker 1: exactly what happened, so I'm not going to make assumptions,
• 30:22
  Speaker 1: but I appreciate that you came to me. Boom. Perfect response.
• 30:26
  Speaker 5: I agree. Crazy.
• 30:27
  Speaker 3: OP's just writing a fanfic about, you know, if she
• 30:30
  Speaker 3: had a good dad.
• 30:32
  Speaker 1: Dang.
• 30:32
  Speaker 3: This is what I would do.
• 30:34
  Speaker 1: Maybe that's hoping for too much, but I think you
• 30:36
  Speaker 1: get my point. I'd want my kids to know they
• 30:38
  Speaker 1: can come to me about anything, and they shouldn't be
• 30:40
  Speaker 1: afraid of that or made to feel bad about it,
• 30:44
  Speaker 1: especially when it's a hard or difficult topic. I would
• 30:47
  Speaker 1: not be angry at the daughter who told me, unless
• 30:49
  Speaker 1: maybe she had a pattern of deliberately spreading false rumors
• 30:53
  Speaker 1: or trying to cause harm. If that were the case,
• 30:55
  Speaker 1: it would be annoying for sure, but also expected, and
• 30:58
  Speaker 1: I would know not to take it too seriously. But
• 31:00
  Speaker 1: that isn't the case here, and simply telling me what
• 31:03
  Speaker 1: she or her husband witnessed wouldn't, by itself, make me
• 31:07
  Speaker 1: think she had done anything wrong. Especially when it was
• 31:10
  Speaker 1: done the way I brought it up. I didn't make assumptions.
• 31:13
  Speaker 1: I didn't accuse her of anything or label my sister
• 31:15
  Speaker 1: as anything. I simply told my dad that happened. I
• 31:19
  Speaker 1: was worried about them not having enough support in a
• 31:21
  Speaker 1: challenging time. Literally. OP, it's okay. You don't have to
• 31:24
  Speaker 1: convince us. I know, yeah. He's like, and also another thing. No, it's, yeah.
• 31:28
  Speaker 3: And another thing I don't appreciate. OP, I'm on your side.
• 31:32
  Speaker 4: Yeah.
• 31:32
  Speaker 1: OP, I was never not on your side. I think
• 31:35
  Speaker 1: now you're just trying to convince yourself.
• 31:36
  Speaker 5: Yeah.
• 31:37
  Speaker 1: Which I get it.
• 31:37
  Speaker 2: And you don't have to.
• 31:39
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 31:39
  Speaker 5: You don't gotta.
• 31:40
  Speaker 3: I mean, I guess you do have to because you're
• 31:42
  Speaker 3: doing it right now, but you shouldn't feel the need
• 31:44
  Speaker 3: to because you're in the right.
• 31:46
  Speaker 4: True.
• 31:46
  Speaker 1: I also thought about how I would react if I
• 31:48
  Speaker 1: were in my sister's shoes. Like if someone thought I
• 31:51
  Speaker 1: was cheating on my husband and saw something, my response
• 31:54
  Speaker 1: would have been to clear up the situation and explain
• 31:56
  Speaker 1: it or maybe even laugh about it. Rather than lash
• 31:59
  Speaker 1: out in anger, I think her reaction actually just confirmed
• 32:02
  Speaker 1: that she is definitely a lying cheater.
• 32:05
  Speaker 2: That's usually the case.
• 32:07
  Speaker 3: Yep. I think she was a cheater.
• 32:09
  Speaker 1: She already said yes. As for my dad, he called
• 32:13
  Speaker 1: me yesterday. So about a week and a half of
• 32:15
  Speaker 1: us not talking, which isn't like us, he called me.
• 32:18
  Speaker 1: I was in the middle of something but thought if
• 32:20
  Speaker 1: I didn't answer it could get worse. He was very
• 32:23
  Speaker 1: curt with me on the phone.
• 32:24
  Speaker 2: What's up?
• 32:25
  Speaker 1: Is what he first said when I showed up. So curt.
• 32:29
  Speaker 1: So curt.
• 32:30
  Speaker 3: So curt.
• 32:30
  Speaker 5: Oh my.
• 32:32
  Speaker 1: Short and abrupt, not the usual, hey, how are you?
• 32:35
  Speaker 1: I ignored his what's up and asked him how he
• 32:37
  Speaker 1: was doing. He said he's sick and getting over a
• 32:40
  Speaker 1: cold and has felt off and like something was wrong
• 32:43
  Speaker 1: all week.
• 32:44
  Speaker 3: And that's what you get, honestly. That's what you get.
• 32:47
  Speaker 1: A thousand year plague on your father.
• 32:49
  Speaker 3: You got cursed.
• 32:51
  Speaker 1: Then he said he just wanted to make sure me
• 32:53
  Speaker 1: and the family were okay. He asked me how my
• 32:56
  Speaker 1: daughter's birthday party went. He was invited before all of
• 32:59
  Speaker 1: this happened and he didn't attend.
• 33:01
  Speaker 2: Wow.
• 33:02
  Speaker 5: Whatever.
• 33:02
  Speaker 1: Normally I'd send him photos or a video of her
• 33:05
  Speaker 1: blowing out the candles, but I didn't bother this time.
• 33:07
  Speaker 1: He said he didn't come because he didn't feel well
• 33:09
  Speaker 1: and didn't want to get her sick on her birthday,
• 33:12
  Speaker 1: but he has a gift for her. very well but
• 33:16
  Speaker 1: he has a gift for her and then he got
• 33:18
  Speaker 1: off the phone it was short and quick i didn't
• 33:20
  Speaker 1: want to get into it but i do want an
• 33:22
  Speaker 1: apology he shouldn't have talked to me like that and
• 33:25
  Speaker 1: whenever i have the time or chance i'm going to
• 33:27
  Speaker 1: tell him that it really hurt me the way he
• 33:29
  Speaker 1: spoke to me regardless this has changed the view i
• 33:32
  Speaker 1: have on my sister and my dad it hurt me
• 33:34
  Speaker 1: so deeply that my dad could talk to me like
• 33:36
  Speaker 1: that so easily it also made me think about a
• 33:42
  Speaker 1: How my dad acted in those moments says a lot.
• 33:45
  Speaker 1: And as for my sister, it also feels like a
• 33:47
  Speaker 1: huge letdown. I've always given her the benefit of the
• 33:50
  Speaker 1: doubt and clearly that's been grossly misplaced.
• 33:52
  Speaker 3: Stop benefiting her doubt.
• 33:54
  Speaker 1: Stop it.
• 33:55
  Speaker 5: Stop.
• 33:56
  Speaker 1: She doesn't deserve that.
• 33:57
  Speaker 3: Dadding her benefit.
• 33:58
  Speaker 1: She's a liar and a cheater.
• 33:59
  Speaker 2: Take her away.
• 34:00
  Speaker 1: Take her away. I really believed. That she was a
• 34:03
  Speaker 1: better person than this. Like, yeah, I've had my doubt,
• 34:06
  Speaker 1: but I knew when push comes to shove, she'd always
• 34:09
  Speaker 1: do the right thing. But that's just not true. The
• 34:12
  Speaker 1: disappointment hurts and it's hard to accept, but I'm trying
• 34:15
  Speaker 1: to see it for what it is. I know that
• 34:17
  Speaker 1: people are all on a spectrum, not all bad or
• 34:20
  Speaker 1: all good, but this feels too far gone. I don't
• 34:23
  Speaker 1: want someone like that in my life or around my kids.
• 34:26
  Speaker 1: I've always been the one who steps in for them.
• 34:28
  Speaker 1: I'm not going to do that anymore. Her and my
• 34:30
  Speaker 1: dad can rely on each other from now on, whatever
• 34:32
  Speaker 1: mess that looks like. I'm just going to concentrate on
• 34:34
  Speaker 1: my own family. At my daughter's birthday party, I realized
• 34:37
  Speaker 1: how much support we have around us and my best
• 34:40
  Speaker 1: friend's that I've known since I was a baby are
• 34:42
  Speaker 1: both more like sisters to me than my real sister
• 34:45
  Speaker 1: ever has been. I love them so much and we
• 34:48
  Speaker 1: all have kids around the same age. It really does
• 34:50
  Speaker 1: feel like our own family. I'm going to concentrate on
• 34:53
  Speaker 1: that and put more effort into the good relationships and
• 34:56
  Speaker 1: slowly drop the bad ones, even if they're family. I
• 34:59
  Speaker 1: could use the same excuse for them in reverse. If
• 35:01
  Speaker 1: they're supposed to be there for family, then why weren't
• 35:04
  Speaker 1: they there for me? So I'm slowly going to just
• 35:07
  Speaker 1: step back and let them have each other. I don't
• 35:09
  Speaker 1: want or need that in my life. Thanks for all
• 35:11
  Speaker 1: of your support.
• 35:12
  Speaker 5: And you're welcome.
• 35:13
  Speaker 3: Good luck.
• 35:14
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 35:14
  Speaker 3: You've got other people that are nice.
• 35:16
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 35:17
  Speaker 3: Focus on them.
• 35:18
  Speaker 1: You got a support group. It doesn't have to be
• 35:19
  Speaker 1: your family, you know, and it seems like you have
• 35:23
  Speaker 1: You have people there for you. So just, you know.
• 35:26
  Speaker 3: And now your dad and your sister get to have
• 35:28
  Speaker 3: each other.
• 35:29
  Speaker 5: Isn't that fun?
• 35:30
  Speaker 1: I'm sure they'll have a great time. And that's what
• 35:33
  Speaker 1: they deserve anyway. So go be miserable and cheat and
• 35:37
  Speaker 1: whatever you want. Away from me. Don't need that in
• 35:40
  Speaker 1: my life.
• 35:41
  Speaker 4: Oh, yeah.
• 35:41
  Speaker 1: And that's the end of the story. We're going to
• 35:43
  Speaker 1: go on to the next one.
• 35:44
  Speaker 5: Hey, this is Riley, your favorite Southern Belle. We're going
• 35:47
  Speaker 5: to get back to these stories. But here's three minutes
• 35:50
  Speaker 5: worth of ads from our sponsors. My partner said he
• 35:53
  Speaker 5: sees millions of things wrong with me, and I mistakenly
• 35:56
  Speaker 5: believed him.
• 35:57
  Speaker 2: Now why would you believe that?
• 35:59
  Speaker 5: My partner, 36 male, and I, 34 female, are closing
• 36:02
  Speaker 5: in on two years together. I'd say we spend 80%
• 36:06
  Speaker 5: of our free time together. He still pays rent at
• 36:09
  Speaker 5: his place, but pretty much lives here. As time goes on,
• 36:12
  Speaker 5: I have noticed an increasing sense of uneasiness when I'm
• 36:15
  Speaker 5: doing practically anything in his presence. Many times he will
• 36:19
  Speaker 5: flat out correct something I'm doing that he sees as wrong.
• 36:22
  Speaker 5: Sometimes it feels like he makes patronizing comments. A lot
• 36:26
  Speaker 5: of it feels like I'm being constantly observed and he
• 36:28
  Speaker 5: is barely able to keep himself from saying something about
• 36:31
  Speaker 5: how I'm doing something or why I'm doing something this
• 36:34
  Speaker 5: way versus that way. For a while, I saw a
• 36:36
  Speaker 5: lot of this as him just trying to be helpful.
• 36:39
  Speaker 5: This general attitude isn't directed solely at me. I see
• 36:42
  Speaker 5: him treat his family and friends similarly. He is someone
• 36:46
  Speaker 5: who likes routine and seems to struggle with uncertainty. Everything
• 36:49
  Speaker 5: has a right and a wrong way to be done
• 36:51
  Speaker 5: in his eyes. I'm more of a if-it-doesn't-affect-me-I-don't-care person. The
• 36:56
  Speaker 5: problem I'm having is twofold. My self-esteem is taking a
• 36:59
  Speaker 5: real hit being constantly corrected, or feeling like I'm always
• 37:02
  Speaker 5: doing everything wrong. I find myself judging myself about things
• 37:06
  Speaker 5: that have never mattered to me. And, by the way,
• 37:08
  Speaker 5: this comes from throwaway52120. If you want to submit your
• 37:12
  Speaker 5: own stories, go to the r slash ok story time subreddit.
• 37:14
  Speaker 5: I'm Dakota.
• 37:15
  Speaker 2: I'm Keon.
• 37:16
  Speaker 3: I'm Sophia.
• 37:16
  Speaker 5: And we are here to read this story and give
• 37:18
  Speaker 5: our good advice goofily, but we don't have the answers
• 37:20
  Speaker 5: to all of life's problems. Keep that in mind and
• 37:24
  Speaker 5: comment what you would do.
• 37:26
  Speaker 2: I would get him a nice new pair of glasses,
• 37:29
  Speaker 2: because apparently he's seeing things the wrong way.
• 37:32
  Speaker 5: Yeah, you gotta get that vision corrected. N.O.P. says, The
• 37:35
  Speaker 5: several arguments or conversations about this have been extremely unsuccessful.
• 37:41
  Speaker 5: When I try to point out specifically what is making
• 37:44
  Speaker 5: me feel judged, he will argue that I'm trying to
• 37:46
  Speaker 5: twist everything into something negative, or he was just trying
• 37:50
  Speaker 5: to help. He sees me telling him I don't like
• 37:53
  Speaker 5: the way he's treating me as me telling him he's wrong,
• 37:57
  Speaker 5: and we can never seem to get past this part.
• 38:00
  Speaker 5: I continue trying to explain exactly why I'm feeling judged,
• 38:03
  Speaker 5: almost trying to ruve it to him and he will
• 38:05
  Speaker 5: say almost anything to defend himself it's so stupid bro
• 38:09
  Speaker 5: and it's that's time to leave automatically time to go.
• 38:12
  Speaker 2: I think and i think duchess cassandra said it and
• 38:16
  Speaker 2: she went autistic question mark it could.
• 38:19
  Speaker 5: Be yeah i don't care what it is though if
• 38:22
  Speaker 5: you bring this up directly to your partner and their
• 38:25
  Speaker 5: reaction is an absolute refusal to hear you.
• 38:29
  Speaker 2: But it's like, if it's not my way, it's wrong. Like,
• 38:32
  Speaker 2: I know you're doing it, but it's wrong in my eyes. So,
• 38:35
  Speaker 2: does not compute. Like, it doesn't make, like, yeah. And
• 38:38
  Speaker 2: he brings it up every time. Mmm. I'm exhausted.
• 38:43
  Speaker 5: Oh, we have a recent example here.
• 38:46
  Speaker 2: Fun.
• 38:47
  Speaker 5: We were going to be passing his brother's house on
• 38:49
  Speaker 5: our way to run an errand. I decided to throw
• 38:51
  Speaker 5: some roses that were ready to be cut in a
• 38:54
  Speaker 5: vase and leave them on the porch for his sister-in-law.
• 38:57
  Speaker 5: Just a little spontaneous friendly gesture. Nothing fancy. When I
• 39:00
  Speaker 5: put them by the door as we were preparing to leave,
• 39:03
  Speaker 5: he said, Wow, that one looks crazy. I barely acknowledged this,
• 39:08
  Speaker 5: just kind of shrugged. Are you going to put a
• 39:11
  Speaker 5: twine bow on this one? I recently put an amateur
• 39:13
  Speaker 5: arrangement together for his mom where I did. And I said, nah.
• 39:17
  Speaker 5: He says, I think you wrapped the last one too
• 39:19
  Speaker 5: many times. I think if you wrapped it twice, it
• 39:21
  Speaker 5: would look better.
• 39:23
  Speaker 2: I think you should keep it to yourself.
• 39:24
  Speaker 5: His comment got in my head. and I ended up
• 39:27
  Speaker 5: taking them back to the kitchen to rearrange them. He
• 39:30
  Speaker 5: came into the kitchen and pointed out that one of
• 39:32
  Speaker 5: the flowers was falling out. My eyes almost got stuck
• 39:35
  Speaker 5: rolling to the back of my head. A couple hours later,
• 39:38
  Speaker 5: when it was affecting my mood, I tried to talk
• 39:40
  Speaker 5: to him about how that kind of interference when I'm
• 39:43
  Speaker 5: doing something is what makes me feel like everything I'm
• 39:45
  Speaker 5: doing is being scrutinized. I learned that he meant crazy
• 39:49
  Speaker 5: as in good. He thought that I didn't like the
• 39:52
  Speaker 5: bow on the last one, so he was just trying
• 39:54
  Speaker 5: to help. Hey, buddy, you gotta add crazy good. That looks...
• 39:59
  Speaker 5: Why don't you just say great?
• 40:00
  Speaker 2: Well, I need to hear his tone, too. Like, his
• 40:03
  Speaker 2: tone delivery.
• 40:05
  Speaker 4: Yeah.
• 40:06
  Speaker 2: Especially when this guy's always trying to correct things. Even
• 40:08
  Speaker 2: if he said, like, a compliment, it'd probably sound like
• 40:11
  Speaker 2: it's backhanded or like, oh.
• 40:13
  Speaker 5: That looks crazy.
• 40:14
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 40:14
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 40:15
  Speaker 5: I'm just trying to fight him and twist everything into
• 40:17
  Speaker 5: being negative. What is sticking with me is the revelation
• 40:21
  Speaker 5: that he sees issues with millions of things about me,
• 40:24
  Speaker 5: but doesn't say anything. I worried about being with someone
• 40:27
  Speaker 5: who sees millions of things I do is wrong. Am
• 40:31
  Speaker 5: I viewing someone else's opinion as judgment? Am I seeing
• 40:34
  Speaker 5: this clearly? Am I being too sensitive? A few other examples.
• 40:37
  Speaker 5: Did you get a lot done today versus how was
• 40:40
  Speaker 5: your day or did you have a good day? These
• 40:42
  Speaker 5: are the pants you wear when you want to look homeless,
• 40:44
  Speaker 5: referring to a pair of pants that had a few
• 40:46
  Speaker 5: stains I was wearing around the house. Hey.
• 40:49
  Speaker 2: I think we need to have a serious conversation, Opie,
• 40:51
  Speaker 2: because if this was going on for two, they've been
• 40:53
  Speaker 2: dating for two years. Two years, nonstop of this? Ooh,
• 40:57
  Speaker 2: my cup has been overflowing.
• 41:00
  Speaker 5: Yeah, a little bit. I'd just be like, hey, why'd
• 41:03
  Speaker 5: you say that? Do you think I like it when
• 41:04
  Speaker 5: you say that?
• 41:05
  Speaker 2: Do you want me to nitpick you? I'll nitpick you.
• 41:07
  Speaker 5: Yeah, maybe it's time to give back the same energy.
• 41:10
  Speaker 5: I like your hair best when you do big curls
• 41:13
  Speaker 5: with the curling iron, and then I like it straight.
• 41:15
  Speaker 5: And this, while pointing to my naturally wavy or curly hair,
• 41:19
  Speaker 5: is when my baby does nothing. Okay?
• 41:22
  Speaker 2: Yeah. Me no likey this, as Jar Jar Pinks would say.
• 41:26
  Speaker 5: I put shorts on out of the dryer that were
• 41:28
  Speaker 5: a little damp around the waistband. Oh no, these shorts
• 41:31
  Speaker 5: are still wet. I don't want you to get sick
• 41:33
  Speaker 5: or mess up your pH balance. Not sure what this
• 41:37
  Speaker 5: even means.
• 41:37
  Speaker 2: That's... That's crazy, dude. That's effing crazy. That is wild.
• 41:44
  Speaker 5: That's wild. And I will say, I'm kind of concerned
• 41:47
  Speaker 5: if you don't understand what he meant by that. I understand.
• 41:50
  Speaker 5: You should probably understand. And he's out of pocket for
• 41:53
  Speaker 5: saying that.
• 41:54
  Speaker 2: He's been out of pocket. Yeah.
• 41:56
  Speaker 5: I realize I might sound paranoid, and at this point
• 41:58
  Speaker 5: I probably am. And there's an update nine months later. Girl,
• 42:01
  Speaker 5: you don't sound paranoid at all. That sounds annoying.
• 42:03
  Speaker 2: You need to tell him, hey, don't like when you
• 42:06
  Speaker 2: do that. Genuinely don't. There are times to say things
• 42:09
  Speaker 2: and there are times not to say things. And you
• 42:12
  Speaker 2: do it a lot of the time.
• 42:14
  Speaker 5: Yeah. This is like almost giving the same energy of like, oh,
• 42:18
  Speaker 5: your makeup looks so good. Why do you take it
• 42:19
  Speaker 5: off at the end of the day? Why don't you
• 42:21
  Speaker 5: just sleep with it? Yeah. I don't want you to
• 42:25
  Speaker 5: jump scare me if I wake up in the middle
• 42:26
  Speaker 5: of the night, you know? I'm like, oh, who's this
• 42:29
  Speaker 5: woman next to me? Oh, that's right.
• 42:30
  Speaker 2: Oh, album cover. Long time no see. We haven't got
• 42:34
  Speaker 2: confirmation yet if he is on the spectrum, but... We
• 42:39
  Speaker 2: kind of think, I mean, we assumed it at the beginning,
• 42:42
  Speaker 2: but it's not right to assume.
• 42:44
  Speaker 5: I don't know. I'll put him on it.
• 42:46
  Speaker 2: There he is.
• 42:47
  Speaker 5: Put it. It's on the spectrum. Update nine months later. First,
• 42:52
  Speaker 5: thank you to everyone who responded to my original post.
• 42:54
  Speaker 5: I remember exactly how confused and mentally exhausted I was
• 42:57
  Speaker 5: at that point. Reading the responses and having my feelings
• 43:00
  Speaker 5: validated by a bunch of internet strangers gave me the
• 43:02
  Speaker 5: confidence to know I wasn't being too sensitive. F that.
• 43:06
  Speaker 5: It also got me out of a constant state of
• 43:09
  Speaker 5: rumination about what was happening to me and why I
• 43:11
  Speaker 5: felt so off and not myself. And it led me
• 43:14
  Speaker 5: to act. I told him I wanted space and that
• 43:17
  Speaker 5: if we were both trying our best and our relationship
• 43:20
  Speaker 5: felt like this, we had a huge problem. I also
• 43:23
  Speaker 5: told him that at some point he had stopped treating
• 43:25
  Speaker 5: me like his girlfriend and started treating me like a
• 43:28
  Speaker 5: defective human being. And I was over it and wouldn't
• 43:31
  Speaker 5: continue to invest my time and energy into someone who
• 43:33
  Speaker 5: treated me this way. Those first few days I spent
• 43:36
  Speaker 5: alone were like an effing vacation. I couldn't believe how
• 43:40
  Speaker 5: amazing it felt to do simple everyday things without his
• 43:42
  Speaker 5: constant interference and judgment.
• 43:44
  Speaker 2: It's the poking with like, just like a million tiny
• 43:49
  Speaker 2: little pokes. Eventually you're going to pop. Yeah. It's just
• 43:52
  Speaker 2: like little paper cuts.
• 43:54
  Speaker 5: Expiration by one million pokes. Yeah. At some point, I
• 43:58
  Speaker 5: don't know. I'm just like, oh, can you not talk
• 44:02
  Speaker 5: to me when you're like that?
• 44:04
  Speaker 1: You know?
• 44:05
  Speaker 5: I'm just like, I'm like, close your eyes. Close your eyes.
• 44:09
  Speaker 5: Don't be around me when I do stuff. Close your eyes.
• 44:11
  Speaker 2: I would, yeah, I would just play his games of like,
• 44:15
  Speaker 2: if you first have the conversation and he keeps doing it,
• 44:17
  Speaker 2: I'm just like, all right, cool. Every time you say something,
• 44:20
  Speaker 2: I'm going to say something back. It's not fun, is it?
• 44:22
  Speaker 5: At the same time, I did start to notice some
• 44:26
  Speaker 5: of the things I was blaming him for being critical
• 44:28
  Speaker 5: of me were really areas I was insecure in being
• 44:31
  Speaker 5: critical of myself. I spent more time over the next
• 44:34
  Speaker 5: few months investing in myself and improving certain areas of
• 44:38
  Speaker 5: my life. Our relationship seemed to improve slightly over these
• 44:41
  Speaker 5: next few months. The micromanaging and criticism really improved, or
• 44:45
  Speaker 5: I had thought they improved. He might have just changed tactics.
• 44:49
  Speaker 5: I think he started triangulating and upping the ante with
• 44:52
  Speaker 5: the innocent insults. I think I had also gotten better
• 44:56
  Speaker 5: at dealing with it and probably lowered the bar. In
• 45:00
  Speaker 5: the fall, I had my first ever sciatica flare-up. Oof.
• 45:03
  Speaker 5: It was agonizing pain almost constantly.
• 45:06
  Speaker 4: Oof.
• 45:07
  Speaker 5: Ouch.
• 45:08
  Speaker 2: Let me guess. He said, you should probably fix that.
• 45:10
  Speaker 5: He was like, have you tried, I don't know, sitting differently?
• 45:12
  Speaker 3: Have you tried drinking water?
• 45:14
  Speaker 1: I usually drink some water.
• 45:17
  Speaker 5: Not even bad advice, though, you know?
• 45:19
  Speaker 1: Not bad advice.
• 45:20
  Speaker 5: It lasted eight weeks.
• 45:22
  Speaker 2: Oh, my gosh.
• 45:24
  Speaker 5: And I was trying everything. Physical therapy, anti-inflammatories, bio-freeze, ice,
• 45:28
  Speaker 5: not moving. Powering through the pain, I noticed you didn't
• 45:31
  Speaker 5: say drinking water.
• 45:32
  Speaker 2: None of that was water. Stretching?
• 45:35
  Speaker 5: He was over it all after a few weeks and
• 45:37
  Speaker 5: started treating me like I was a lazy slob. I
• 45:41
  Speaker 5: felt so scared and helpless about how much pain I
• 45:43
  Speaker 5: was in and if it was ever going to get
• 45:44
  Speaker 5: better or I would need surgery. The added stress of
• 45:47
  Speaker 5: still trying to be a good partner was horrible. I'm
• 45:50
  Speaker 5: not sure why this instance of his selfishness had more impact.
• 45:53
  Speaker 5: Because you were in excruciating pain.
• 45:56
  Speaker 2: Yeah, it was the a thousand pokes moment. Plus excruciating pain.
• 46:00
  Speaker 5: Fun. But I felt something change inside of me in
• 46:03
  Speaker 5: a profound way. Of course, when I tried to talk
• 46:06
  Speaker 5: to him about it, it went very poorly. The argument
• 46:10
  Speaker 5: ended when he mocked me for crying and asked me
• 46:12
  Speaker 5: why I couldn't talk to him like a normal person. Hey, buddy. Newsflash.
• 46:16
  Speaker 5: You're not a normal person. You were built in a
• 46:19
  Speaker 5: laboratory somewhere. You're the criticized bot. That's what you are.
• 46:24
  Speaker 5: You're an android.
• 46:25
  Speaker 2: Which one? Sixteen.
• 46:27
  Speaker 5: Whichever one's not the hot one.
• 46:29
  Speaker 2: That is all opinion. Probably Android 13. Which one did
• 46:33
  Speaker 2: Krillin marry? 18.
• 46:33
  Speaker 5: Yeah, not that one.
• 46:36
  Speaker 2: 17s, they're just twins. So it's 16. That's the big
• 46:39
  Speaker 2: green one with the red hair. Shout out to my
• 46:41
  Speaker 2: Dragon Ball fans.
• 46:42
  Speaker 5: I can't remember when it started, but I began to
• 46:46
  Speaker 5: have physical responses during any kind of conflict with him.
• 46:49
  Speaker 5: Sort of like a fight or flight response, maybe. My
• 46:51
  Speaker 5: hands would start shaking. I start feeling overwhelmed and confused.
• 46:54
  Speaker 5: My stomach is flipping. And eventually, the tears, they do
• 46:59
  Speaker 5: start a-flowing.
• 47:00
  Speaker 2: Oh my god, she's turning into Super Saiyan 2. That's
• 47:04
  Speaker 2: exactly what Gohan did. During the Cell games.
• 47:07
  Speaker 5: Power up and cry. This comment from my original post
• 47:10
  Speaker 5: rings true. It seriously sounds like a low-key gateway to
• 47:13
  Speaker 5: emotional mistreatment. I can't imagine his BS only starts and
• 47:18
  Speaker 5: stops at just hacking away at OP's self-worth and then
• 47:20
  Speaker 5: gaslighting her about what's happening. Those people get worse as
• 47:23
  Speaker 5: the relationship goes on, not better. The BS certainly did
• 47:26
  Speaker 5: not stop there. There were so many instances during our
• 47:29
  Speaker 5: relationship where I felt he had lied to me. There
• 47:32
  Speaker 5: were constant interactions where my instincts told me he was
• 47:35
  Speaker 5: being inauthentic or he was hiding something or not giving
• 47:38
  Speaker 5: me all the details. The addictions, the attention he gave
• 47:42
  Speaker 5: women on social media, always needing someone to blame.
• 47:45
  Speaker 2: Wow. That's some extra frosting that we didn't get.
• 47:51
  Speaker 5: Maybe let's take a look in the mirror, buddy.
• 47:53
  Speaker 2: Not very yummy.
• 47:54
  Speaker 5: Let's look at the things that we're doing, okay?
• 47:57
  Speaker 2: No, he's definitely the type of guy who's like, he
• 47:59
  Speaker 2: can criticize you every little thing, but you criticize one
• 48:02
  Speaker 2: thing about him. Like, no, no, no, no, no. You
• 48:04
  Speaker 2: don't see it as how I see it, you know?
• 48:06
  Speaker 5: I can't believe you would say something like that to me.
• 48:08
  Speaker 5: Why would you do that? It's an almost embarrassing inability
• 48:13
  Speaker 5: to take accountability. I still feel pretty conflicted about what
• 48:18
  Speaker 5: I did, though. I went through his phone. I started
• 48:21
  Speaker 5: by looking for a couple specific times in the beginning
• 48:23
  Speaker 5: of our relationship where my mind had flagged something is
• 48:26
  Speaker 5: off or a lie, but I had no idea why.
• 48:29
  Speaker 5: Like when he insisted we go drop a bottle of
• 48:31
  Speaker 5: champagne off to a friend of his as a congratulations
• 48:34
  Speaker 5: for getting a new job. At that time, I couldn't
• 48:38
  Speaker 5: place what felt off about this. I looked at the
• 48:41
  Speaker 5: text from this specific date, and now I know that
• 48:44
  Speaker 5: we were really there to deliver some spicy flour. Mmm.
• 48:48
  Speaker 2: The booger.
• 48:49
  Speaker 3: What?
• 48:50
  Speaker 2: Some nose clams.
• 48:50
  Speaker 5: The booger sugar. Yes.
• 48:52
  Speaker 1: Oh, my God.
• 48:52
  Speaker 5: Champagne of the sinus. Don't do that, folks. When I
• 48:56
  Speaker 5: was able to confirm what my instincts told me were lies,
• 48:59
  Speaker 5: it was off to the races, and it was all
• 49:02
  Speaker 5: pretty bad. He was on Tinder for the first six
• 49:04
  Speaker 5: months we were together, Bumble for nine, and Plenty of
• 49:07
  Speaker 5: Fish for 11. Oh, my God. This guy's triple dipping
• 49:09
  Speaker 5: in the apps.
• 49:11
  Speaker 3: They're not going well for him.
• 49:12
  Speaker 2: So we can just- Yeah, because he probably hyper-criticizes everyone.
• 49:15
  Speaker 2: He's like, mm, that photo?
• 49:17
  Speaker 3: Pretty ugly photo you have there.
• 49:18
  Speaker 5: Yeah.
• 49:19
  Speaker 2: Yeah, it's like- been with a fish.
• 49:21
  Speaker 5: His hobby is just like taking pot shots at people
• 49:24
  Speaker 5: on the apps just to make them feel bad.
• 49:26
  Speaker 2: 100%.
• 49:26
  Speaker 5: Ugh. All texts with other women were deleted. There's been
• 49:33
  Speaker 5: secret use of illicit substances. It's hard to even remember everything,
• 49:36
  Speaker 5: but I tried to just confirm what I had felt
• 49:38
  Speaker 5: to be lies. There's definitely a ton of anger and sadness,
• 49:42
  Speaker 5: but more than anything else, I felt relief. Everything my
• 49:46
  Speaker 5: instincts have been telling me since the beginning have been
• 49:48
  Speaker 5: accurate and I have been fighting a losing battle against them.
• 49:51
  Speaker 5: It felt freeing. Why have I continued in this relationship
• 49:55
  Speaker 5: in spite of my instincts for two and a half
• 49:57
  Speaker 5: years and endless stress and chaos? This is a great
• 50:01
  Speaker 5: question you should unpack in therapy, big dog. I really,
• 50:05
  Speaker 5: that is.
• 50:06
  Speaker 2: That's the question.
• 50:07
  Speaker 5: That's the question. My hair. Has been thinning since the
• 50:10
  Speaker 5: three-month mark in our relationship. Dang. I have had brain
• 50:13
  Speaker 5: fog and memory problems, despite being known for my iron
• 50:16
  Speaker 5: trap memory. It's a steel trap, girl. I'm sorry. Yeah.
• 50:23
  Speaker 2: Wow.
• 50:23
  Speaker 5: You're just like her boyfriend.
• 50:26
  Speaker 2: You know who you sound like? Her soon-to-be ex-boyfriend.
• 50:28
  Speaker 1: That's tough.
• 50:29
  Speaker 3: This girl has been talking about how she hates when
• 50:31
  Speaker 3: people nitpick her, and you're like, actually.
• 50:35
  Speaker 2: Erm, actually. Erm, actually is a steel trap.
• 50:37
  Speaker 5: I mean, I, you know, couldn't keep it inside. I've
• 50:42
  Speaker 5: had sleeping issues, weight fluctuations. My body has been physically
• 50:45
  Speaker 5: rejecting this relationship. Somehow, I either couldn't admit that it
• 50:49
  Speaker 5: was him or I was really that out of it.
• 50:52
  Speaker 5: I'm starting to try and unwind it all in therapy.
• 50:55
  Speaker 5: I have had three sessions so far, and I'm scheduled
• 50:58
  Speaker 5: weekly for the foreseeable future. What I've learned so far
• 51:01
  Speaker 5: is I was taught to not trust my feelings as
• 51:03
  Speaker 5: a child by my dad. who is very likely a
• 51:06
  Speaker 5: self-absorbed individual. I'm really excited to work on my toxic
• 51:09
  Speaker 5: patterns and behaviors in therapy and make the relationship I
• 51:12
  Speaker 5: have with myself better and my priority. We've been living
• 51:16
  Speaker 5: in separate bedrooms for a couple weeks. The initial confrontation
• 51:19
  Speaker 5: was horrible and I hurled some really rough insults and
• 51:22
  Speaker 5: names at him. A few weeks ago, I was thinking
• 51:24
  Speaker 5: that I would have a final discussion about why we
• 51:27
  Speaker 5: were breaking up and the logistics of him moving out, blah, blah, blah.
• 51:31
  Speaker 5: It still almost felt like I was going to have
• 51:33
  Speaker 5: to convince him that this was a good enough reason
• 51:35
  Speaker 5: to break up. Holy moly, how is he still in
• 51:38
  Speaker 5: the house? Didn't you say he has his own apartment?
• 51:42
  Speaker 2: Why is he still in your life? I know we're
• 51:45
  Speaker 2: very close. You see the light. I guarantee you. You
• 51:49
  Speaker 2: said 12 days without him felt like a vacation?
• 51:53
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 51:53
  Speaker 2: Imagine your life without him forever.
• 51:56
  Speaker 4: Yes.
• 51:57
  Speaker 2: Oof, sounds nice.
• 51:58
  Speaker 5: You are fully, like... If he's not on the lease
• 52:01
  Speaker 5: of your place, you are fully within the right to
• 52:05
  Speaker 5: be like, you get out in 12 hours or I
• 52:10
  Speaker 5: call the police and they drag you out of here.
• 52:13
  Speaker 2: The weight off your shoulders. Once you get out of
• 52:16
  Speaker 2: this relationship, you're probably going to be floating to the moon.
• 52:19
  Speaker 2: It's going to feel like it. So dump him.
• 52:23
  Speaker 5: Well, let's finish this story. After a deadline for work
• 52:26
  Speaker 5: is over in the next couple of days, I'm going
• 52:28
  Speaker 5: to tell him the relationship is over because I want
• 52:31
  Speaker 5: it to be. And I do. I'm going to offer
• 52:34
  Speaker 5: to pay for movers so I have an exact date
• 52:36
  Speaker 5: he will be gone. I'm nervous about his reaction and
• 52:39
  Speaker 5: scared of what he might say to hurt me, but
• 52:41
  Speaker 5: I have never been more certain I'm making the right
• 52:43
  Speaker 5: decision so I know I'll be able to handle whatever happens. Oh,
• 52:47
  Speaker 5: and one more thing. In my original post, I played
• 52:50
  Speaker 5: dumb about what he was insinuating when commenting about the
• 52:53
  Speaker 5: shorts with the wet waistband. I was so paranoid at
• 52:56
  Speaker 5: the time. I wanted to see if other people came
• 52:58
  Speaker 5: to the same conclusion that I had. When I reread
• 53:01
  Speaker 5: my post, that stuck out to me as sad.
• 53:03
  Speaker 2: No, no, it's okay. It's okay. You're fine.
• 53:05
  Speaker 5: That was honestly, again, that was my biggest concern. I
• 53:08
  Speaker 5: was like, holy crap, girl, if you don't know about pH,
• 53:10
  Speaker 5: you might want to go, I don't know, read up
• 53:12
  Speaker 5: a little bit, but hey.
• 53:14
  Speaker 2: He's talking about water pH levels.
• 53:16
  Speaker 5: He's like, yeah, I think we need to call a
• 53:19
  Speaker 5: utility company.
• 53:19
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I know.
• 53:23
  Speaker 5: You're not going to drink that, right?
• 53:26
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 53:27
  Speaker 5: I think that's an insane decision. But, you know, again,
• 53:33
  Speaker 5: it's like if he's not on the lease, it's like
• 53:37
  Speaker 5: you've got X amount of time where you get out
• 53:40
  Speaker 5: of here. Maybe if you're afraid of your safety, definitely
• 53:45
  Speaker 5: have the others around. Or maybe just break your lease
• 53:51
  Speaker 5: and disappear.
• 53:53
  Speaker 2: I think Opie's got it. I think Opie's fine. That
• 53:55
  Speaker 2: is the end of that story, though.
• 53:57
  Speaker 1: Hey, it's Carly, your favorite Jersey girl here. We're going
• 54:00
  Speaker 1: to get back to the stories, but here's three minutes
• 54:02
  Speaker 1: of ads from our sponsors.
• 54:05
  Speaker 2: My boyfriend treated me like a maid in our home
• 54:07
  Speaker 2: and never saw a problem. Is he blind? I, female 29,
• 54:11
  Speaker 2: recently moved to a new state with my boyfriend, male 31,
• 54:13
  Speaker 2: because I started PhD school. He moved with me back
• 54:16
  Speaker 2: to the area he's from, actually, and we've been living
• 54:19
  Speaker 2: together since July. It's been rough. When we first moved
• 54:23
  Speaker 2: into our apartment... I did almost all of the unpacking
• 54:26
  Speaker 2: since he was working full-time, and I hadn't started school yet.
• 54:30
  Speaker 2: There are still a few boxes laying around containing some
• 54:32
  Speaker 2: of his odds and ends. I didn't unpack those because
• 54:35
  Speaker 2: I wasn't sure where he wanted them. He still has
• 54:37
  Speaker 2: not dealt with them, and they're currently stacked under his
• 54:40
  Speaker 2: computer desk.
• 54:41
  Speaker 5: Fun.
• 54:42
  Speaker 2: I unpacked and set up all his other stuff, including
• 54:44
  Speaker 2: his clothing, desk, etc. In October, my parents wanted to
• 54:49
  Speaker 2: come and visit over my fall break. Boyfriend was not
• 54:51
  Speaker 2: very happy that they wanted to stay in our guest
• 54:54
  Speaker 2: room slash computer room because he acquiesced after I asked
• 54:58
  Speaker 2: multiple times. I really needed a yes or a no
• 55:01
  Speaker 2: if they could stay with us so they could book
• 55:03
  Speaker 2: a hotel if they needed to. In preparation for their visit,
• 55:06
  Speaker 2: I did a lot of cleaning. And by the way,
• 55:11
  Speaker 2: this comes from user throwawayyeahyeah4. And if you want to
• 55:13
  Speaker 2: submit your own stories, go to the r slash OKStoryTime subreddit.
• 55:16
  Speaker 2: I'm Keon.
• 55:17
  Speaker 5: Yeah, yeah is the best Sandlot character. I'm Dakota.
• 55:20
  Speaker 1: I'm Sophia.
• 55:20
  Speaker 2: It's Benny the Jet Rodriguez, actually. But let us know
• 55:22
  Speaker 2: in the comments down below who your favorite Sandlot character is.
• 55:26
  Speaker 2: As Opie says, the apartment hadn't really been clean since
• 55:29
  Speaker 2: we moved in, and I did a first round deep cleaning.
• 55:31
  Speaker 2: It was kind of gross when we moved in. Boyfriend
• 55:33
  Speaker 2: did not help at all. Granted, I do have a
• 55:37
  Speaker 2: more flexible schedule, but for part of the time... He
• 55:40
  Speaker 2: sat in the living room playing video games while I cleaned.
• 55:45
  Speaker 2: Were you just, like, vacuuming? You're like, all right, lift
• 55:46
  Speaker 2: your legs. Oh, sorry. And he's like, get out of
• 55:49
  Speaker 2: the way. I'm trying to play Skyrim for the fifth time.
• 55:51
  Speaker 4: Hmm.
• 55:53
  Speaker 5: Ah, I fear we have a game goon on our
• 55:58
  Speaker 5: hands here.
• 55:59
  Speaker 2: I fear you're living with a 13-year-old boy.
• 56:02
  Speaker 1: Uh-oh.
• 56:03
  Speaker 2: Up we get to you saying, this is actually how
• 56:05
  Speaker 2: those boxes of his ended up under his desk. I
• 56:07
  Speaker 2: needed a place to tuck away his clutter. Two or
• 56:10
  Speaker 2: three weeks later, our bathroom was getting pretty gross. Growing
• 56:14
  Speaker 2: mold in the shower, etc. I asked him if he'd
• 56:16
  Speaker 2: help me clean it over the weekend, and he told me, Uh, no,
• 56:20
  Speaker 2: you can do it. It's not like it takes very long.
• 56:22
  Speaker 2: You do the things you care about, and I'll do
• 56:24
  Speaker 2: the things I care about.
• 56:26
  Speaker 5: You don't care about anything, bro. You don't care about
• 56:30
  Speaker 5: mold in the shower. You don't care about nothing.
• 56:32
  Speaker 2: I go, okay, cool. What do you care about?
• 56:35
  Speaker 5: Yeah. Let's list off the stuff you care about. Fun
• 56:39
  Speaker 5: little thought experiment.
• 56:42
  Speaker 2: This sparked a fight where he said he did other
• 56:44
  Speaker 2: things around the apartment, like cooking. That is true. He
• 56:48
  Speaker 2: does cook, but he cooks meat. Meat is not a
• 56:51
  Speaker 2: balanced meal for me, so, you know, I still cook
• 56:54
  Speaker 2: veggies for myself. His division of labor, we only do
• 56:57
  Speaker 2: the things we care about, is very crappy. He did
• 57:01
  Speaker 2: end up wiping the mold in the shower with a
• 57:03
  Speaker 2: washcloth and leaving it on the side of the bathtub
• 57:05
  Speaker 2: for a week until I finally dealt with it.
• 57:08
  Speaker 1: O.P., Okay.
• 57:10
  Speaker 2: Opie even says, sigh.
• 57:12
  Speaker 5: Yeah, no, it's like immediate, like, ew, gross. How old
• 57:16
  Speaker 5: are we? Like, you know, are we 19? Maybe I'd
• 57:22
  Speaker 5: give that, okay, you're a brand new person and you
• 57:27
  Speaker 5: don't understand that that's not how you do things.
• 57:31
  Speaker 2: You should go, hey, I did you a huge favor.
• 57:33
  Speaker 2: There was dust in your gaming console. I'd wash it
• 57:36
  Speaker 2: out for you. I care about the cleanliness of this house,
• 57:39
  Speaker 2: so I just washed it out for you. I put
• 57:43
  Speaker 2: it in the dishwasher. Obi continued saying, sometime later, I
• 57:45
  Speaker 2: asked if he could start wiping his pee off the
• 57:48
  Speaker 2: toilet seat when it dripped.
• 57:50
  Speaker 5: Come on, dude.
• 57:52
  Speaker 2: He said, I care about that. I leave that for later.
• 57:56
  Speaker 5: I like to mark my territory. I'm leaving my pheromones out.
• 58:00
  Speaker 2: For you to smell. He sulked for a day and
• 58:02
  Speaker 2: didn't really talk to me. And then in a sort
• 58:04
  Speaker 2: of joking but it isn't funny way, kept saying, you
• 58:07
  Speaker 2: don't love me enough to wipe my pee? Dude, dude,
• 58:10
  Speaker 2: I'm wiping it in your face. Wiping it with a
• 58:13
  Speaker 2: wipe in your face. Here's a fastball. Here's a curveball.
• 58:17
  Speaker 2: I learned a splitter in your face.
• 58:19
  Speaker 5: And it's also like, yeah, no, I don't. I'm not
• 58:21
  Speaker 5: your mom. You're looking for a mama. I'm not your mom.
• 58:25
  Speaker 2: I tried to bring up the, we only do things
• 58:28
  Speaker 2: we care about issue a few weeks after all of this.
• 58:30
  Speaker 2: I told him I was having some doubts. He immediately
• 58:33
  Speaker 2: asked me if I was moving out. I wasn't prepared
• 58:36
  Speaker 2: for that escalation, so I tried to back up and
• 58:38
  Speaker 2: explain that by his logic, what if we have a
• 58:40
  Speaker 2: house next year? Because he wants to buy one, and
• 58:43
  Speaker 2: he doesn't care about yard maintenance. Would that mean that
• 58:46
  Speaker 2: I'm responsible for both all of the cleaning and all
• 58:49
  Speaker 2: of the yard maintenance? I wouldn't have time to do
• 58:51
  Speaker 2: all of that because of PhD school. His solution was
• 58:55
  Speaker 2: that we should just keep renting the apartment. Then I asked,
• 58:58
  Speaker 2: what if we have kids? And he doesn't care about
• 59:01
  Speaker 2: changing poopy diapers. When I brought up kids, he told me,
• 59:05
  Speaker 2: I'm not the one who bails on my responsibilities. He
• 59:08
  Speaker 2: was referencing a fight we had last year. For the
• 59:10
  Speaker 2: sake of brevity, I won't get into it here, but
• 59:13
  Speaker 2: I posted under a different throwaway about that. If you
• 59:16
  Speaker 2: search me, 28 female, with boyfriend, 30 male, and two kittens,
• 59:20
  Speaker 2: three months, you'll find it. It's probably somewhere. We probably
• 59:22
  Speaker 2: read it. And we probably told you what to do.
• 59:25
  Speaker 5: It's somewhere out there.
• 59:26
  Speaker 2: We probably said, hey, break up with this guy.
• 59:30
  Speaker 5: Yeah, this is, uh, we're in Breakup City, dude. This
• 59:35
  Speaker 5: is Breakupopolis.
• 59:37
  Speaker 2: I'll be, I should be Amber hurting the bed and
• 59:40
  Speaker 2: be like, you know what? I pooped in the bed.
• 59:42
  Speaker 5: There was.
• 59:42
  Speaker 2: You okay with that?
• 59:44
  Speaker 5: A load.
• 59:46
  Speaker 2: This guy's gross. This guy's very gross. So that shut
• 59:50
  Speaker 2: the whole thing down. And our division of labor is still,
• 59:53
  Speaker 2: we only do things we care about. It's not working
• 59:56
  Speaker 2: for me, and he was not receptive to the feedback
• 59:58
  Speaker 2: I tried to give him about my doubts. It's also
• 1:00:01
  Speaker 2: not really about the cleaning, per se. I know we
• 1:00:04
  Speaker 2: could hire a housekeeper, but I don't think that would
• 1:00:06
  Speaker 2: fix the root of my issue. I can't quite pinpoint
• 1:00:10
  Speaker 2: what my issue is, and I think you can, but
• 1:00:12
  Speaker 2: there's something here that's causing me to question the relationship.
• 1:00:15
  Speaker 5: Yeah, he doesn't care about it.
• 1:00:19
  Speaker 3: I just can't put my finger on it.
• 1:00:22
  Speaker 5: What?
• 1:00:23
  Speaker 1: What is it?
• 1:00:24
  Speaker 5: I can't put my finger on it. There's too much
• 1:00:26
  Speaker 5: mold between me.
• 1:00:28
  Speaker 3: I just don't know.
• 1:00:30
  Speaker 2: I'm dating someone that is a child and is lazy
• 1:00:34
  Speaker 2: and disgusting and doesn't respect me.
• 1:00:38
  Speaker 3: You put your finger on it.
• 1:00:39
  Speaker 5: Extrapolate this out. You're pregnant. He's like, I don't care
• 1:00:43
  Speaker 5: that I'm not pregnant. Why do I have to care
• 1:00:45
  Speaker 5: about that? You should take care of that. Yeah.
• 1:00:48
  Speaker 2: Opie, the fact that you brought up the future of like,
• 1:00:51
  Speaker 2: what if we had kids and that didn't bother you?
• 1:00:54
  Speaker 2: That if you did have kids with this guy, it'd
• 1:00:57
  Speaker 2: be chaos?
• 1:00:59
  Speaker 5: He would let mold grow on them?
• 1:01:01
  Speaker 2: That's the new rub dirt on it. Rub mold on it. Gross.
• 1:01:06
  Speaker 2: Opie continues saying, I found a new therapist in my area,
• 1:01:09
  Speaker 2: and I'm planning to work on this with her. I'd
• 1:01:11
  Speaker 2: like for him to come as well, but I don't
• 1:01:14
  Speaker 2: think he would be willing.
• 1:01:16
  Speaker 5: Okay, I think the fundamental problem with this is that
• 1:01:19
  Speaker 5: Like people just like, I think, perceive like, oh, well,
• 1:01:22
  Speaker 5: if if my relationship doesn't work out, it means that
• 1:01:26
  Speaker 5: I did something wrong or something like it. I failed
• 1:01:30
  Speaker 5: like I couldn't make it work. It's like you don't
• 1:01:32
  Speaker 5: want to don't make it work with this guy.
• 1:01:35
  Speaker 2: You should do you should find a new guy who
• 1:01:37
  Speaker 2: actually is very clean and actually respects you and be like,
• 1:01:40
  Speaker 2: I found something that works for me, you know, because
• 1:01:43
  Speaker 2: I care about myself. I'll do what I care about.
• 1:01:45
  Speaker 2: I found a guy who cares about me.
• 1:01:47
  Speaker 3: Oh, well.
• 1:01:48
  Speaker 2: Obi continues saying, I'm wondering what others think about this situation.
• 1:01:51
  Speaker 2: If anyone has been in a similar situation, what did
• 1:01:54
  Speaker 2: you do? Is there some example language I could incorporate
• 1:01:57
  Speaker 2: next time I bring this up? I'm also a little
• 1:02:00
  Speaker 2: scared to bring it up without having a solid contingency
• 1:02:02
  Speaker 2: plan in case it goes straight to moving out again.
• 1:02:05
  Speaker 2: I mean, at this point, if I moved out, at
• 1:02:08
  Speaker 2: least me and the cats could live in a clean
• 1:02:10
  Speaker 2: environment and I wouldn't feel like I'm his maid. As
• 1:02:13
  Speaker 2: a final note, I by no means need my home
• 1:02:15
  Speaker 2: to be an A plus on the cleaning scale. I
• 1:02:18
  Speaker 2: can handle some mess, but this has been downright gross.
• 1:02:22
  Speaker 2: And we have an update. Mmm, I like this. Opie says,
• 1:02:25
  Speaker 2: I ended things a little over a month ago.
• 1:02:27
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 1:02:28
  Speaker 5: Yeah.
• 1:02:28
  Speaker 2: F yeah.
• 1:02:29
  Speaker 5: Yeah. Yeah.
• 1:02:30
  Speaker 3: Woohoo!
• 1:02:31
  Speaker 2: And things have simultaneously been terrible and amazing. Let's find
• 1:02:36
  Speaker 2: out why things have been amazing and terrible at the
• 1:02:39
  Speaker 2: same time.
• 1:02:39
  Speaker 5: I want to know what this curveball is. What are
• 1:02:41
  Speaker 5: we talking about? It should just be great.
• 1:02:42
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 1:02:43
  Speaker 2: I asked him if he would be willing to go
• 1:02:45
  Speaker 2: to therapy with me, and guess what?
• 1:02:47
  Speaker 5: He refused. Thank goodness.
• 1:02:49
  Speaker 2: He told me when we first started dating that he
• 1:02:51
  Speaker 2: would never go to therapy, and I assumed he'd change
• 1:02:54
  Speaker 2: his mind, at some point because he would care enough
• 1:02:56
  Speaker 2: about me and our relationship to work through the hard
• 1:02:59
  Speaker 2: things in counseling. We see this all the time on
• 1:03:02
  Speaker 2: this sub, but really, when people tell you who they are,
• 1:03:05
  Speaker 2: believe them. Refusing to go to therapy really left me
• 1:03:08
  Speaker 2: with the two choices of staying and having nothing change
• 1:03:11
  Speaker 2: and being unhappy, or just leaving. I opted to leave
• 1:03:16
  Speaker 2: even though it was scary. And so, so hard.
• 1:03:20
  Speaker 5: Yeah, well, it's nowhere near as hard as spending the
• 1:03:23
  Speaker 5: rest of your life with that guy.
• 1:03:24
  Speaker 2: It's like ripping off the band-aid. You're like, oh, it
• 1:03:26
  Speaker 2: might hurt a little bit, but it's going to be like,
• 1:03:28
  Speaker 2: just rip it off. Don't do it slowly.
• 1:03:31
  Speaker 5: Rip it. You did. You chose wisely.
• 1:03:33
  Speaker 2: Beyblade it. Let it rip. So, the initial heartbreak is
• 1:03:36
  Speaker 2: starting to fade.
• 1:03:38
  Speaker 5: Good.
• 1:03:39
  Speaker 2: And I'm working on rediscovering myself. I know that I
• 1:03:41
  Speaker 2: did the right thing for myself, but it was also
• 1:03:44
  Speaker 2: the hard thing. And sometimes you have to do the
• 1:03:46
  Speaker 2: hard things. to get in the good places.
• 1:03:49
  Speaker 4: It's true.
• 1:03:50
  Speaker 5: Also, what is that? I always quote Joey Bass. The
• 1:03:54
  Speaker 5: best things in life are on the opposite side of fear.
• 1:03:56
  Speaker 5: It's true.
• 1:03:57
  Speaker 2: Opie, imagine this. If you stayed, you would have been
• 1:03:59
  Speaker 2: just up. You already were at your wit's end, but
• 1:04:02
  Speaker 2: you would have been cleaning up his pee stains and
• 1:04:04
  Speaker 2: mold and just making, probably wiping his butt too. That
• 1:04:10
  Speaker 2: sounds awful.
• 1:04:11
  Speaker 5: I mean, he literally is like the textbook, like, just
• 1:04:15
  Speaker 5: wants a mom. Doesn't want a girlfriend, wants a mom.
• 1:04:19
  Speaker 4: Yes.
• 1:04:19
  Speaker 2: That's the end of that story.