Latest / Spacious Success / 014 | Your Story Is the Strategy — A Conversation with Tory Archbold

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014 | Your Story Is the Strategy — A Conversation with Tory Archbold · Spacious Success

• 0:00
  Hi, I'm Dr. Christi Goodwin, a neuroperformance scientist, speaker and executive coach who
• 0:10
  learned the hard way the chasing success can come at a cost.
• 0:16
  After burnout landed me in hospital, I made it my mission to help ambitious women who
• 0:22
  are done trading their health and happiness for high performance.
• 0:27
  On spacious success, I share science-backed strategies and real stories to help you flourish
• 0:35
  as a female at work and beyond so you can stop paying the success tax.
• 0:41
  So I first met today's guest, Tory Archbold, at one of the last in-person events that
• 0:46
  I ever got to go to before the pandemic sent us home and had us locked up behind closed
• 0:52
  doors in our pajamas for several years.
• 0:54
  I don't know if you remember, you spoke at Libby Alloys, let's connect women of it.
• 0:58
  I do remember.
• 1:00
  Was it...
• 1:01
  Was it...
• 1:02
  It was.
• 1:03
  Yes.
• 1:04
  The first time that I had the courage to share what was happening in my life behind closed
• 1:09
  doors.
• 1:10
  I was terrified.
• 1:11
  Well, you did such a spectacular job because you had me sitting there and I went from
• 1:15
  sobbing to, I think, with my mouth ajar and listening to the power and the conviction
• 1:20
  of your story.
• 1:21
  I did.
• 1:22
  I didn't know that was the first time you shared it.
• 1:24
  You shared an incredibly powerful and vulnerable story that I'm hoping we can unpack today.
• 1:29
  And it was one of those rare moments in a room full of women and I think there are a couple
• 1:33
  of men there, but everyone was completely still and completely present.
• 1:39
  You could feel almost the collective in the room hold their breath as you shared this powerful
• 1:44
  story, but you shared it with a combination that I haven't really seen many women do
• 1:48
  before and you shared it with power and grace.
• 1:52
  You may not remember it if you were so stressed about delivering it for me.
• 1:56
  Well, you did such an exemplary job and I have to say that moment stayed with me.
• 2:02
  It reminded me.
• 2:03
  In fact, it was a catalyst for me to realize that sharing your story with courage is one
• 2:08
  of the most generous and transformative things that we can do and yet so many of us shy away
• 2:13
  from sharing our stories and you model this in everything that you do.
• 2:18
  It's that moment after lockdown and we all recovered from that.
• 2:21
  In fact, we connected and worked together in lockdown, but I've had the privilege of
• 2:25
  working with you and witnessing firsthand the power of your community and how skillfully
• 2:31
  you facilitate meaningful connections, especially for women.
• 2:34
  Tori is the kind of woman who doesn't just have the ultimate black book and I can confirm
• 2:39
  she really does have the ultimate black book, but she opens it generously through her events
• 2:44
  and connections.
• 2:45
  I've met some incredible women and experienced the truth of what Tori teaches when women
• 2:50
  own this story and connect, they will take powerful steps.
• 2:54
  She truly embodies the power of story and connection and she's played a really pivotal
• 2:59
  role and actually uncomfortably encouraged me to share my story, my code red story.
• 3:05
  Tori was the person who encouraged me to share not just the polished parts of my life,
• 3:10
  which I had a tendency to do, but also the pivotal ones.
• 3:14
  And so she's the reason that I now share this story in my keynotes and I believe that
• 3:20
  we should share the shiny and the shabby.
• 3:22
  Tori has completely changed my business and I feel privileged to know her, so it is
• 3:27
  with a warm welcome that I say welcome to the show, Tori Archbold.
• 3:30
  Oh, that's such a beautiful introduction.
• 3:34
  Thank you so much.
• 3:35
  And I just want to point out you did the work to lift your soul and create your business.
• 3:40
  I remember during one of our coaching calls in the pandemic and it was after I'd had the
• 3:46
  health incident and you were the one that kept persisting with telling uncomfortable stories
• 3:50
  and I think I was very reluctant to do it.
• 3:52
  I thought it would be detrimental to my career because if you haven't listened to the
• 3:57
  episode and it will be out by the time we're sharing this one, but I had such a serious
• 4:02
  health incident that I was put on a ventilator in a code red emergency ward because I'd experienced
• 4:09
  use of chronic stress and ended up being burnt out.
• 4:11
  Now, I at the time was speaking about stress and burnout and I thought here I am as a failure
• 4:17
  having gone through this, but having shared since, you know, your gentle or not so due to
• 4:22
  encouragement to share that story, I have had countless women and men come to me and
• 4:27
  thank me for vulnerably sharing my story because in turn, it has spurred them to change
• 4:32
  their life or to look at some of the sobering aspects of their life too.
• 4:36
  So I really do deeply appreciate that push in the right direction.
• 4:41
  You know, it's our intuition in moments like that when life throws us curveball and we
• 4:49
  think to ourselves we're the only ones, but we're actually not the only ones, and it's
• 4:54
  in those uncomfortable moments and I've had so many of them in 2025 that have actually
• 5:00
  transformed into my greatest leadership gifts.
• 5:03
  I mean, I showed up on Instagram and it's sitting at 80,000 views now and it's all organic
• 5:09
  of me crying when I found out for and a half months later how my dad died.
• 5:15
  I mean, a world world story, but actually a lot of people are like, why would you put
• 5:21
  yourself crying up on socials?
• 5:24
  But the amount of messages that I got from other people saying I've been through the
• 5:28
  same thing.
• 5:29
  Thank you so much for sharing what you went through has actually been a massive gift.
• 5:35
  And as you say, you know, all those speaking opportunities come through because people
• 5:40
  join expect Polish leaders to be real, but we are real.
• 5:45
  We experience new death experiences.
• 5:47
  We experience very different things that actually are common threads along the highway of life.
• 5:56
  And that is the gift as a leader if you're listening to this podcast today, don't be afraid
• 6:00
  to own the good, the bad and the ugly because they actually make you a better leader.
• 6:05
  They do.
• 6:06
  And way more magnetic than a polished edited version of yourself that you might try to
• 6:11
  depict.
• 6:12
  Correct.
• 6:13
  No more abruptly.
• 6:14
  No filter.
• 6:15
  So I'd like to start at the very beginning and rewind back in your days in PR.
• 6:21
  So Tori, but one of the most successful PR agencies here in Australia and internationally,
• 6:27
  you worked with the likes of Drew Barrymore, with Zara, with Lancom, just to name a few.
• 6:32
  Tell us a bit about business and that period of your life back in your thing, our power
• 6:37
  house days.
• 6:38
  In my early 20s, I returned from London and I know it would give me a job.
• 6:43
  And a job in the sense that I thought that I could do better than what they wanted to
• 6:49
  place me in.
• 6:50
  And I'm sure a lot of people find that when they're just starting out in their career.
• 6:53
  And so Tori actually was created on rejection and rejection over a coffee date where I
• 7:00
  said to an ex boyfriend of mine, look, I really want to start a PR and communications agency.
• 7:05
  I really want to attract the world's top performing brand celebrities and influencers.
• 7:10
  And he just looked at me.
• 7:11
  I'll never forget it in Crown Street.
• 7:13
  Abiles and he said, I really think you should go back to what your parents want you
• 7:16
  to do, which is marry a really wealthy man, have a white picket fence, join a whole lot
• 7:22
  of clubs, show up to all of those private school events.
• 7:25
  And you know, you're just going to be so happy, Tori.
• 7:28
  And I don't know whether you can swear on this podcast, but I remember thinking, well,
• 7:32
  you, I'm not happy.
• 7:35
  And I want to say like this, this pump that I was walking out of bills and I thought to
• 7:39
  myself, I am so done with people trying to box me.
• 7:42
  I know what I have the potential to step into.
• 7:46
  I'm going to back myself with a good dose of self belief and I'm going to start my own
• 7:50
  business.
• 7:51
  And that honestly is how Tori's star was born.
• 7:53
  It was born over rejection on coffee dates.
• 7:56
  And of course, in those days, you're 24 years old, you can barely pay the rent, you know,
• 8:01
  you're really scrambling for every last dollar.
• 8:03
  You're eating a lot of tin choon, let's face it.
• 8:07
  And I just thought to myself, I need to network and get out there.
• 8:11
  And no one in Australia would give me an opportunity or a go.
• 8:16
  So even though I'd come back from London and I worked with, you know, incredible entertainment
• 8:20
  companies like George Lucas Film, 20th Century Fox, Biocom, you know, MTV Nickelodeon, I
• 8:27
  was at the forefront of what was happening in global storytelling.
• 8:31
  Those skills didn't seem to translate in Australia at that point in time.
• 8:34
  So I called one of my clients in London and I said, look, I'm starting my own company.
• 8:39
  What do you think it shows?
• 8:40
  I think it's the best idea I've ever heard.
• 8:42
  And here's who I'm going to connect you with.
• 8:44
  Oh, wow.
• 8:45
  And that's why I got my first client, which was launching Megan Galas, the face of David
• 8:48
  Jones.
• 8:49
  Incredible.
• 8:50
  All through the power of connection and initial rejection.
• 8:55
  Rejection.
• 8:56
  But also identifying someone that believes in you.
• 8:59
  And I think, you know, in Australia and I now work all around the world.
• 9:03
  And I'm now based in ReAD.
• 9:05
  But we also, you know, we work in America as well in Australia as my hometown.
• 9:09
  It's a really common thread that people think they can't ask for help.
• 9:13
  But actually me calling that woman in London kickstarted my career and it ended up being
• 9:18
  for 20 years.
• 9:19
  I had 22 staff.
• 9:21
  It was an extraordinary journey.
• 9:23
  And every one of those clients I attracted.
• 9:28
  We only pitched for 10% of the business within that agency and we worked with every single
• 9:32
  major brand in the world.
• 9:34
  So many influencers, which opened up a world of connections and networking, which has
• 9:40
  actually helped me with powerful steps.
• 9:42
  It's just rewiring what I knew back then and teaching it to female leaders.
• 9:46
  Oh, I love your relentless pursuit of that success too, because that obviously had to
• 9:50
  accompany the connections that you did make.
• 9:53
  Yeah, all over the coffee.
• 9:54
  Yeah.
• 9:55
  Oh, we're going to get to that because that's a really interesting way that you have approach
• 9:59
  connections.
• 10:00
  So look, to be honest, it probably would have appeared from an optics perspective, at the
• 10:06
  time of running tour star, you were leading a really glamorous life.
• 10:09
  No doubt you're working incredibly hard, launching these brands, getting their PR done.
• 10:15
  But I know having heard you share this before, but up behind closed doors, at the same time
• 10:21
  you were being stalked and harassed for 12 years and at the same time having to hide
• 10:25
  this story.
• 10:27
  Was it like being a rock bottom and no one else really knowing?
• 10:31
  Yeah, well, I left the father of my child when my daughter was nine months old.
• 10:37
  And it was, you know, I talk about that terrifying moment when you saw me on stage with Libby.
• 10:43
  But, you know, when you have a child that's nine months old and I was really in the infancy
• 10:47
  of my business, we tour star at that stage and we had 12 fashion clients actually at
• 10:52
  Australian Fashion Week.
• 10:53
  And I remember showing up every day and we were working very closely with Vogue who had
• 10:57
  just launched their digital platform at the time.
• 11:00
  And everything was very glamorous and fabulous and, you know, you know, everyone and you're
• 11:05
  making it happen for everyone else.
• 11:07
  But then you're going home and you've got a nine month old child, you have to put food
• 11:11
  on the table, you know, what am I going to do?
• 11:14
  Like this is just, it's like chalk and cheese.
• 11:17
  And so navigating out of that relationship should have been really simple, but it wasn't.
• 11:23
  I was taken to court up to eight to ten times a year.
• 11:26
  I spent half a million dollars on legal fees and I really should have owned a home a lot
• 11:32
  earlier in life, but I didn't until later on in life simply because I was navigating
• 11:38
  a battle that no one knew about.
• 11:40
  And it started by simple harassment, but up to 100 touch points a day.
• 11:44
  And I spoke about it with Murray Claire magazine in 2019.
• 11:49
  And along the highway of life when all of that was happening, I didn't want to talk about
• 11:53
  it because I was worried about what it would do in my career, what it would do to what
• 11:58
  people would think about me, would they want to work with me?
• 12:01
  Would I lose my clients?
• 12:02
  Would I still be able to provide for my daughter?
• 12:05
  And my daughter, Bella and I were navigating a lot of things that people didn't know about.
• 12:11
  People didn't speak about it in those days, like, you know, financial abuse, emotional
• 12:15
  abuse, domestic abuse.
• 12:17
  And it wasn't until I got out of my own way when my best friend said to me, Tori, you
• 12:22
  have launched so many incredible brands into Australia, look at what you did with Zara.
• 12:26
  There were 22,000 people there on the day launched a million dollars in sales, like, look
• 12:30
  at what you're doing for other people.
• 12:32
  Why can't you do that for yourself?
• 12:35
  Yeah.
• 12:36
  The good point.
• 12:38
  And so I really thought about that and I thought, what if I self represent?
• 12:43
  So I fired the lawyer, got rid of him.
• 12:46
  He used to call me the sushi eating publicist.
• 12:49
  I come into his office and he'd be like, oh my gosh, he is a sushi eating publicist
• 12:54
  again.
• 12:55
  He would charge me $8,000 for a new my daughter's passport because my ex partner would
• 13:01
  not renew it.
• 13:02
  Now, I think it's like a couple of hundred dollars.
• 13:03
  I didn't know.
• 13:04
  I was just trusting all of these people trying to keep my life together.
• 13:07
  But that was the best decision of my life.
• 13:10
  I stripped back my business.
• 13:12
  I used to sit in court rooms.
• 13:13
  I'd realized that it was really Russian roulette.
• 13:16
  It was you really at the whim of the judge.
• 13:19
  And I thought there's got to be a better angle.
• 13:22
  And so I started really investing in my self care.
• 13:25
  I stripped back on everything.
• 13:26
  I really went underground and it took me two years to find the angle to navigate the
• 13:32
  system.
• 13:33
  And I know you're not supposed to email the judge in family law court cases, but I used
• 13:37
  to directly email the judge.
• 13:39
  I'm sorry.
• 13:40
  I don't know himself representing.
• 13:41
  This is just the way it is.
• 13:43
  And I ended up being one of, I think it's like three percent of women in Australia that
• 13:47
  we in the federal circuit court, I won full custody and I won a non-contact order.
• 13:54
  And literally we were given the keys to freedom and it transformed our life overnight.
• 13:59
  Wow.
• 14:00
  What a potent reminder for all of us that we never know what's simmering below the surface
• 14:06
  in someone's life.
• 14:07
  I often talk about the female facade, that fierce female facade that I see a lot of women
• 14:12
  put on, that very brave face.
• 14:15
  But below the surface, just as you shared, people can be crumbling, they can be cracking.
• 14:21
  So a really, I think, potent reminder that kindness goes a long way and remembering that
• 14:26
  everybody has a story.
• 14:28
  I don't know.
• 14:29
  It does have a story, but also digging deep and understanding the power that's within you
• 14:33
  to actually change your story.
• 14:35
  Yes.
• 14:36
  You know, I could have kept you down here and my life would have been the same, but I was
• 14:40
  like, no, no more, there's got to be a solution and that solution was re-engaging with myself
• 14:48
  and understanding that the fire within us and trusting ourselves and backing us is definitely
• 14:53
  the way forward.
• 14:55
  It sounds like my friend Emilia Phillips calls them temporal landmarks.
• 14:58
  So those definitive moments in your life that are like, there's a clear line of demarcation
• 15:04
  between what life looks like on one point and then after that particular landmark moment.
• 15:08
  So it sounds like, you know, repositioning what you were doing and taking on a different
• 15:13
  perspective with that law enabled you to have that landmark experience.
• 15:19
  Brilliant.
• 15:20
  Thank you.
• 15:21
  And thank you for sharing so openly there.
• 15:23
  And now I often talk about people, especially very accomplished people paying a success tax.
• 15:28
  I describe a success tax is where people hit their KPIs, they meet their goals, they,
• 15:34
  you know, smash through all their deadlines, but they often along the way sacrifice their
• 15:38
  physical health, their mental wellbeing or their relationships or sometimes the trafficker
• 15:43
  and they sacrifice all three in their pursuit of success.
• 15:47
  I've heard you speak about your health crisis when your appendix burst back in 2013.
• 15:53
  You had to have emergency support and am I correct that you spent about five days on
• 15:57
  life support and then contracted septicemia?
• 16:02
  I did.
• 16:03
  Carry on.
• 16:04
  Yeah.
• 16:05
  Tell us a little bit about this experience.
• 16:07
  Haven't it forced you to meet yourself?
• 16:09
  Had, you know, my new almost paid the ultimate success tax too.
• 16:13
  Can you take us back to that moment and tell us what did it teach you?
• 16:17
  So 2013, it was February.
• 16:19
  I remember it was the week before Valentine's Day.
• 16:22
  Remember that because I don't know whether or not you've had emergency surgery, but they
• 16:27
  actually make you fart before you leave the hospital, so I just need to get out of here.
• 16:35
  So yeah, basically I was doing London.
• 16:39
  I was doing a lot of high profile global events with some of the UK's top retailers.
• 16:45
  I had media flying in from all around the world and I knew I was dying before it happened
• 16:50
  if I'm really honest with you because my body was just slowing down it normally.
• 16:55
  You know, it's two blocks to get a coffee up the road and it would take me an hour to
• 16:58
  walk up there.
• 16:59
  And I remember my partner at the time just going, what have you been doing?
• 17:03
  And I said, I don't know what's going on, but I just feel really, really slow.
• 17:07
  Anyway, I kept pushing myself.
• 17:08
  I went out that night to my next door neighbor's house who was celebrating a birthday.
• 17:13
  Obviously eight canopies.
• 17:15
  I taste cannabis for a living.
• 17:18
  Everyone's like, you've got food poisoning when I started throwing up the next day.
• 17:21
  I was like, no, no, no, no, there's something seriously wrong here.
• 17:25
  So I felt my appendix snap in my house.
• 17:29
  I felt all the blood rush, everything.
• 17:31
  I was actually locked in my house at the time because my dear friend, Dr. Katrina Warren,
• 17:36
  had picked up my daughter because I was like, I don't have cat-of-hair poisoning.
• 17:40
  Of course.
• 17:41
  What it is.
• 17:43
  And my daughter had actually changed because she was so young.
• 17:46
  I think she was eight or nine at the time, had changed the code on my phone so I couldn't
• 17:50
  call the hospital.
• 17:51
  My brain was like, you've got to call the hospital, you've got to call the hospital anyway.
• 17:55
  Thankfully my partner at the time, and he's dead, he was a surgeon, came into the house,
• 18:01
  got me out, got me to hospital.
• 18:03
  They had to revive me a couple of times on my way there and I was actually operated on
• 18:08
  at 2 a.m. in the morning and lost eight kilos in five days.
• 18:11
  Again, I'm going to use the word a terrifying experience because it's very confronting when
• 18:16
  a surgeon comes in and says to you, who's your next-of-kin?
• 18:21
  Do you have children?
• 18:22
  Do you want to have children again?
• 18:24
  All of these different things that you just, because you're running on an empty, trying
• 18:28
  to do everything for everyone else, you don't stop to think about yourself.
• 18:33
  And that experience, it made me think a lot about life and I wrote about this just recently,
• 18:39
  actually, it's had over 40,000 impressions on LinkedIn.
• 18:44
  I finally had the courage to post the photo of me before I got rolled in for surgery and
• 18:49
  I never wanted to post it because I had a double chin because it was like a vanity piece,
• 18:54
  right?
• 18:55
  And I wrote about it, and I actually spoke about it as well when I was speaking to the
• 18:59
  senior leadership team for a keynote this week with Salesforce, I said that double chin
• 19:05
  was the least in my worries.
• 19:07
  It's your life that matters, get out of your own way.
• 19:11
  So I posted it on your reflection because it's now been 12 years since that happened
• 19:16
  to me and I wrote about the key learnings and what I discovered about myself because
• 19:22
  I didn't hit the pause button.
• 19:24
  But I also wrote about what I discovered about the people that I was surrounding myself
• 19:29
  with, who had probably contributed to that people pleasing.
• 19:33
  And I gave three really good examples of the men that were in my life and why it was
• 19:38
  time for me to actually stand up and into my power.
• 19:41
  So the first thing was that my dad accessed all of my accounts without my knowledge, with
• 19:48
  my bank account, all my bank accounts, everything without my knowledge.
• 19:53
  The second thing was the guy that saved my life asked me to pay off his credit card in
• 19:58
  return for saving my life.
• 20:00
  And the third thing was that my father of my child sent me a horrific text saying, I thought
• 20:07
  I was going to read about your death, the obituary section of the Sydney Morning Herald.
• 20:13
  And I wrote this post and I think it's had over 300 comments and people were like, wow,
• 20:20
  this happened.
• 20:21
  And it's like, you know what, those three men were all in my life for a reason to teach
• 20:28
  me more about myself, to teach me about the power of what I wanted to step into, which
• 20:34
  is becoming my legacy piece.
• 20:37
  But also I look at it and I say to myself, Tori, you just didn't see what was in front
• 20:44
  of you because you were so busy on the highway of life, you didn't hit pause.
• 20:50
  Now those three men, obviously my father's dead.
• 20:55
  My ex is no longer allowed into Australia for various reasons and the other one who knows
• 21:00
  where he is, hopefully paid off his credit card.
• 21:03
  But those three men actually gifted me my power because after that experience in 2017 when
• 21:11
  I won full custody of my daughter, I also said goodbye to my dad.
• 21:16
  And I didn't speak to him until he asked for forgiveness when he passed recently.
• 21:21
  And I just think to myself, people come into your life for reason to teach you gifts.
• 21:27
  But the most important gift that I got out of that knee-jeth experience was the surgeon
• 21:32
  that handed me a piece of paper and said, Tori, after 12 rounds of antibiotics, he goes,
• 21:37
  I don't know what's going on in your life, but he is a piece of paper and he is a mantra.
• 21:42
  And it says, a happy heart is a magnet for miracles.
• 21:44
  And I thought to myself, I didn't even know how to be happy.
• 21:47
  What is happiness?
• 21:48
  What is joy?
• 21:49
  What is that?
• 21:51
  Because you have all the material, but you don't have the internal alignment.
• 21:56
  And that mantra changed my life, and it's now changed the lives of thousands of people
• 22:01
  that I mentor and speak about this, because if something doesn't make you happy, don't do
• 22:05
  it.
• 22:06
  And hitting the pause you talk about spacious right for your podcast, it's creating the
• 22:12
  space for yourself.
• 22:13
  You know, so 2013, yes, at knee-jeth experience changed my life, and yes, I was surrounded
• 22:21
  by a lot of takers, but 2017, when I won full casting, I could see what happened when
• 22:26
  I stood in my power, when I could see what happened when I walked away from my father
• 22:31
  because our values didn't matter.
• 22:34
  And when I actually was like, hello, I'm in alignment, I met my husband, a month later
• 22:41
  and ten months later, I engaged, we married just before COVID, and I walked into the happiest
• 22:48
  time of my life.
• 22:50
  I just had to get out of my own way, and I had to stop and actually just look at what
• 22:56
  I was surrounded by and say to myself, well, what did I actually want?
• 23:01
  And who did I want to share it with?
• 23:02
  And I often say to my daughter, we were given the greatest gift through that experience,
• 23:07
  even though it's highly traumatic, the greatest gift because we can rewrite our story on our
• 23:12
  own terms.
• 23:13
  I love that.
• 23:14
  I heard someone say the other day, and I wish I could credit them, but sometimes our
• 23:18
  greatest gifts don't come beautifully gift-rapped, and that's the beauty of hindsight and reflection
• 23:24
  isn't it, that you can now look back at what was a terrible event in your life, and all
• 23:29
  of those events collectively, but you can now see the gifts and the blessings, blessings
• 23:36
  and the lessons that have emanated from that.
• 23:38
  A hundred percent, and I think as well when you can see that healing comes from you
• 23:44
  standing in your power, and healing comes and you're able to share these stories because
• 23:51
  you forgive, you let go, but you're able to share as a leader with others so that other
• 23:59
  people can see that there's a way forward.
• 24:01
  Yes, and that's why I love circling back to what you're saying earlier about people don't
• 24:06
  want perfect leaders, like they want people to share their stories because what is most
• 24:10
  common is most general, and so there's struggles and the challenges that you face, chances
• 24:16
  are colleagues are experiencing it, friends have gone through it, and your version of your
• 24:21
  story almost gives them permission, and it can be the catalyst for them to talk about
• 24:26
  what they're going through.
• 24:27
  I really wanted to double-click on something else that you said that was so powerful when
• 24:34
  you're explaining the beginning stages of your health crisis, and you said you knew something
• 24:38
  was wrong.
• 24:39
  I think you said, I knew I was dying when it took you much longer to walk to the coffee
• 24:42
  shop, and I often say to people that our bodies keep score.
• 24:47
  Our bodies do not lie, and for many people burnout and exhaustion starts off as a whisper,
• 24:54
  and we hear those whispers, and we can ignore those whispers, and if we continue to ignore
• 24:59
  those whispers, our bodies often have no other option other than to shout at us and
• 25:03
  shut us down, and it sounds like you're appendicitis, for me it was ending up on a ventilator
• 25:09
  and a codered ward, and what I encourage people to do is, as you said, take the time,
• 25:15
  invest in your rest, have that spaciousness to listen to what your body is saying, so
• 25:22
  that it doesn't take a health crisis or a relationship breakdown for you to stop and
• 25:27
  examine your life.
• 25:28
  That's exactly right, and I think the little secret whispers of life that were all given
• 25:33
  are there for a reason, so after my panic spurs, I got census, which is obviously a life-threatening
• 25:40
  complication, and you know, the surgeon was like, it's going to take six months recovery,
• 25:47
  but actually in effect, it was between two to three, four years, right, on and off,
• 25:52
  but now I know my body's so well, such a gift, and I know when I need to stop,
• 26:00
  I know when I need to pump myself full of vitamin C, and I rarely get sick anymore,
• 26:05
  because I listen to my body, so it shouldn't take an experience like you and I to have,
• 26:13
  to actually listen, and listen to the heartbeat of what your body actually needs,
• 26:18
  and fuel it so that you can become a better leader, a wife, a mom, a daughter, all of those things.
• 26:24
  It's really important.
• 26:26
  Our most precious currencies as humans are our time, our energy, and our attention,
• 26:32
  and I completely agree, you know, don't wait until it's too late.
• 26:36
  You know, I've learnt this year when my fabulous operations manager Karen passed away unexpectedly.
• 26:42
  You know, none of us know what's around the corner, and we just have to relish those currencies,
• 26:48
  and so you obviously now live and work very differently.
• 26:53
  What does spacious success look like today for you?
• 26:57
  Oh, so many different things. I mean, look, I'm really lucky that I'm now living in re-art
• 27:01
  with my husband and we're in the desert.
• 27:04
  And so I get a lot of downtime, and I'm on a plane, like I'm always, I've had over 50 flights this year.
• 27:14
  Wow.
• 27:14
  No, in the last six weeks, I've been in like Abu Dhabi, Dubai, London, Singapore, the south of France.
• 27:22
  Wow.
• 27:22
  The treat in Thailand and Sydney, and then next week, you know, we head off to another four countries
• 27:28
  before Christmas that it's also my life, and I go that life's gift.
• 27:32
  Now, if I was not in good health or I didn't hit ponds, I wouldn't be able to be in flow.
• 27:39
  And so what it looks like for me is a lot of journaling, no, for Kamalae and the last couple of
• 27:45
  weeks, I 200 pages of journaling. Wow.
• 27:49
  Every single day, I put my phone in the surrender box every single day, and I just took a notebook,
• 27:57
  and I journaled, space to me also looks like what I do in the morning, which is my morning routine,
• 28:03
  which I think we've spoken about before, is I travel and I live with lavender oil in my shower,
• 28:09
  and I put three drops every morning on my deck of large, and I inhale, exhale three times,
• 28:13
  and I anchor my body to mother earth, and I listen to what I meant to be sharing or doing.
• 28:21
  And then by time I repeat it with gratitude, like what are the three things that you're grateful for
• 28:26
  today, because gratefulness actually shifts your body and your mindset into forward momentum.
• 28:33
  Journaling, lavender oil, really important, but also I think when times get tough exercise,
• 28:44
  exercise especially at our age is so good. Even if it's walking, I like often joke on my
• 28:50
  Instagram account with, you know, our community, our 10,000 steps, 25,000 steps to five in the
• 28:57
  city. It's my thinking time. If you don't give yourself the space to think and be grateful for what
• 29:05
  you have, you are not going to be magnetic. Yeah. Yeah. Walking is a brilliant one, and from a
• 29:13
  neuroscience perspective, when we walk or when we're in the shower or when we're in a plane,
• 29:18
  what we create is something called optic flow. So optic flow is when things are moving past our
• 29:22
  eyes. So in all those states, we're creating optic flow. Optic flow is when ideas often germinate.
• 29:29
  So I don't know about you, Tori, but I have great ideas in the shower or on a walk or on a plane,
• 29:33
  especially if there's no Wi-Fi on the plane. And what happens is that optic flow quietens down
• 29:39
  part of our brain called the amygdala. So the amygdala is our emotional center of the brain.
• 29:44
  And so this is why ideas come when we are unplugged. And so I often ask audiences,
• 29:49
  where were you? What were you doing when your last great idea germinated? And people say,
• 29:56
  shower, walk, surfing in the car, in the train on a plane. I have never, after asking thousands of
• 30:03
  people in audiences this question, never ever had one person say to me, it's in my Excel spreadsheet
• 30:09
  or in my inbox. It's never, it's never. So we often, we have to see recovery, obviously,
• 30:15
  as integral to our wellbeing, but we also have to see it. I call it a peak performance pit stop.
• 30:21
  And that if you want to perform at an optimal level, if you want to come up with creative campaigns,
• 30:25
  if you want to solve complex problems, you need unplugged time. Like you need time for your
• 30:30
  mind to me and us. So thank you for reminding us. It's the importance of recovery. It's not just
• 30:36
  a frivolous thing or a nice to have, like it's actually essential. Oh, it's essential. And you know,
• 30:41
  I just met last two weeks in Kamalao and Thailand with my life coach, she's actually a Buddhist monk.
• 30:48
  And I tried a few different treatments when I was there. One lady, she did this massage on my face
• 30:54
  and she's quite intuitive and she said to me, Tory, I don't want you to ground yourself on the
• 31:00
  sand because the sand is uneven. Yeah. I want you every day to take your shoes off and ground
• 31:07
  yourself in the grass. I've been doing that as well. And I'm sharing this with people because if
• 31:16
  if life is a bit rocky for you right now, you need to be standing on solid ground. And I find
• 31:23
  by walking on the grass in bare feet, oh my gosh, everything just flows. I come straight back
• 31:28
  into alignment. Yeah. There's some of the clients that I work with coaching clients. We're
• 31:33
  tracking their wearable device, their wearable data with a loop strap or an or a ring. And what we
• 31:40
  can actually see is and again, this is anecdotal evidence, but there is emerging scientific evidence
• 31:46
  to talk about grounding, which is exactly what you described literally having our feet on and in
• 31:51
  nature, whether that be grass or sand or water in the elements. But with these coaching clients,
• 31:58
  what we see time and time again is that if they do some grounding in the day and often if it's
• 32:03
  at the tail end of the day because they get some of the good afternoon light, what we find is that
• 32:08
  their sleep performance absolutely skyrockets and their HRV, which is their heart rate variability
• 32:14
  also increases exponentially. And they seem to be the only two variables that we're pulling. So
• 32:19
  really interesting that grounding, I mean, often say the basics work if you work the basics and
• 32:25
  things that we used to do as humans, basically stay on nature, really do have a profound impact on
• 32:32
  us. Yeah. Yeah, I love that. So I've heard you talk a lot about the power of story. I've heard you
• 32:39
  say your story is your strategy. Why do you think that is so important for people? Because as a leader,
• 32:47
  we're also our own brand. You know, if you want jaws to open for you, it's really important that
• 32:54
  you understand how to show up as your authentic self, how to anchor your story and your truth,
• 33:00
  your values, your intent and your purpose. Now, if you were just giving a polished version of who
• 33:07
  you are, you're just ticking boxes. People don't want that anymore. People want to see you as a brand
• 33:12
  that they can follow and go on a journey with. So the only way you can actually do that is to discover
• 33:19
  how you can become like a Zara or an adidas or whatever brand it is or an apple or, you know,
• 33:28
  some people say that they're a Ferrari as a brand. I always like to say, okay, well, I had such a
• 33:33
  wonderful experience partnering with Zara. What did I learn? It's a brand about the people. It's a
• 33:38
  brand that's not afraid to be agile. It's a brand that's always going to create forward momentum.
• 33:43
  It's a brand that's global. Well, who am I? What do I stand for? One of my values, passion,
• 33:48
  integrity, delivery, but what's my story? And so I have this five points story framework that I
• 33:54
  know you've done as well. And so have many other people around the world that I mentor. And by
• 34:00
  actually understanding all the different elements of your story and how they tap into when you do a
• 34:05
  podcast interview, when you give a presentation, you know, when you're elevating your team or
• 34:10
  creating and building your own business, those are actually the laneways forward that you can walk
• 34:17
  down really strategically and aligned to attract the right opportunities. So your story is your
• 34:24
  strategy because your story acts as a super attractor. So I'm going to give you one example that I
• 34:30
  remember so many examples, but I think for anyone listening here linked in it's got a billion
• 34:35
  impressions per month, right? It's got the biggest algorithm across everything if you want to be
• 34:40
  taken seriously in a world that we are in, right? Christy, like this is really important. So if you're
• 34:46
  showing up there and you're sharing your story or you're sharing your wisdom or how that integrates
• 34:52
  with other people, but you're also giving them a little bit like, you know, here I am with a double
• 34:58
  chin. And this is what three men did to me when I was having a new death experience. I'm showing the
• 35:03
  roaring real side of myself. They're like, oh, yeah, you're not only delivers, but she's got
• 35:11
  agility and resilience. So it gives your story great, but it also gives your story an edge because
• 35:19
  you're anchoring into the truth and people are like, well, what else has she been through? And so
• 35:25
  they're going to listen to your podcast and they're going to find out all these other parts of my
• 35:28
  story, which I've never shared before. And I love what you said about what, you know, what
• 35:34
  deeply resonates with people. So the very first time I shared my code red story in a keynote,
• 35:40
  I was, and it was, I will just say it was one of Australia's biggest banks. And I got in the
• 35:45
  lift afterwards and a lady came running into the lift and wedged her arm in between the doors to
• 35:50
  stop them shutting in. She said, do you mind if I go downstairs while you're leaving? And she got
• 35:55
  in the lift and she burst into tears. And she said, I see myself in your story. I'm worried that
• 36:02
  I'm on the precipice of this too. And I don't know what to do. And that was the moment in time where
• 36:08
  I realized, yes, as a scientist, people want statistics and they want science, but more than anything
• 36:15
  we resonate with story and we connect to story. You know, I've shared statistics and facts in key
• 36:20
  notes before. I've never had anyone come up and hug me or get in a lift with me afterwards.
• 36:25
  And time after time, I learned that stories are what bond us as humans, like neurobiologically,
• 36:31
  we are wired for stories. And they also, they show that you have a heart. Yes. You know, and I feel
• 36:39
  like the heart versus the ego is a big difference in my leaders out there. There's, there's female
• 36:47
  leaders that are so egotistical. I have to do this. And I must be seen as this. And I must
• 36:52
  tick these boxes. But then there are people like you and I who are unaffraid of showing the
• 36:57
  vulnerable side to who we are and the authenticity that operate from the heartbeat. And from all the
• 37:04
  women that I know, I'm lucky enough to mentor around the world. And you know, they're in the top
• 37:08
  one percent. They don't operate at the ego. They operate in the heart. That's what you need to
• 37:13
  drop into. And that's the storytelling comes from the heart. Yeah, it does. Yeah. And the road map
• 37:21
  of, well, what kind of a brand are you? So as I said at the very beginning today, you are really
• 37:25
  one of the most connected people I know, but so generous in facilitating other connections. And I
• 37:31
  say that with, with true authenticity, I, is this because of your signature coffee date framework?
• 37:38
  Can you tell me that? What is it? Why does it work? Please explain your coffee date theory.
• 37:44
  Yeah. So when I needed a marquee client and it happened to be David Jones and Megan Gowl,
• 37:50
  all those years ago, sure, I have the client and I have the supermodel. I have the brand. I've got
• 37:56
  the strategy. I know how to roll it out. But if I don't communicate what I'm doing, none of this
• 38:00
  is going to happen. And I couldn't afford to buy people lunch. But I put a foot back in those days.
• 38:06
  Coffees are only $2. None likes for the emotional situation with London and the $25 each.
• 38:15
  So, but it's a mutual exchange of energy. So I developed this strategy where I was going to
• 38:20
  consistently and I still do it to this day. So 25 years later, I have a coffee date with someone
• 38:25
  I know, someone I want to partner with and someone completely outside my comfort zone. And I'm
• 38:31
  really committed to that because someone you know, and you know, you, I mean, Yanzel and Jen caught
• 38:35
  up last time. We had like a little freezer, coffee date. And it was so good because someone you
• 38:41
  know is like staying connected, popping in your life. What's happening in my life? How can we do
• 38:46
  things together? And we were all able to show up vulnerabilities, but also switch ideas and say,
• 38:52
  hey, I've got some advice here. I know someone else that I can connect you and do. That's really
• 38:57
  important as an anchor coffee date. The second one is someone you want to partner with. It could be
• 39:02
  a brand. It could be a person. You know, it could be somewhere that you want to speak and share
• 39:06
  your story. Whatever that journey is, someone you want to partner with is really important. Because
• 39:12
  that person is going to Google your name. What do they say? Why should they say yes? Because you're
• 39:17
  showing up and sharing a story, right? Third one is someone completely outside your comfort zone. And
• 39:22
  I always share this story about how Drew Barrymore became my client. It was because her best friend,
• 39:28
  Unbeknownst to me, was an agency I wanted to partner with in L.A. So when Drew was going to launch her
• 39:34
  beauty band into Australia a couple of years later, my friend didn't tell me the name. Just said,
• 39:40
  my friend is launching a beauty brand. Would you like to help her? I'll introduce you. And I was like,
• 39:45
  of course, because we'd already had the coffee dating person. We'd already connected. Who is it?
• 39:51
  No idea. Drew Barrymore. Wow. So out of the comfort zone into the partnership.
• 39:57
  And then into maintenance. And you can't coffee date with everyone. Like when I started
• 40:04
  powerful sets, I used to open my diary up for thousands of virtual coffee dates. I remember one
• 40:09
  week I did like 22 virtual coffee dates. And there was a common theme. There were 80% of women
• 40:15
  that understood the power of a mutual exchange of energy. And then there'd be 20% of women who
• 40:19
  just wanted to take from me. Well, but not given anything you ever to learn, right? Not like,
• 40:25
  oh, I had a coffee date retorian. This is what I learned. And so I actually shut off my virtual
• 40:31
  coffee dates about a year ago, because there were so many takers. And I thought they're not
• 40:37
  people. So going back to how do you create space? I created space for myself by saying no more
• 40:43
  takers. I'm only going to attract the people that it's a mutual exchange of energy. So now it's
• 40:49
  a 99% yes to coffee dates, because I'm getting the people in my life that are at that high
• 40:56
  vibrational level, because that's how I show up. So for anyone least in going, well,
• 41:01
  getting is it just a waste of time? It's not a waste of time. You've just got to work out what level
• 41:07
  you want to play at. And just as a funny reminder, you said when you invite somebody for a coffee
• 41:13
  date and they're not sure, you know, one of the unfamiliar people that's on outside of your circle,
• 41:18
  a good practice. And I know you made me do this when we work together is to Google yourself.
• 41:23
  Years ago, I don't know if I told you this story, Tori, but years and years ago when I very first
• 41:27
  started working and I was predominantly speaking in schools about children's digital wellbeing and
• 41:33
  online safety, a friend rang me one day and she said, Christie, you need to Google yourself. And
• 41:38
  I said, oh, okay. And I said, why is that? She said, you've got to get somebody working on your
• 41:43
  SEO, just Google yourself. And I did. And I was absolutely mortified that when you searched for
• 41:47
  Christie Goodwin, a well-known US porn star came up. So please make sure you frequently Google
• 41:54
  yourself. And if you've got some funky SEO, make sure you pay somebody to sort that out for you.
• 42:00
  100%, but you can actually sort it out yourself. Yeah.
• 42:03
  Yeah. Literally just using the algorithm with LinkedIn every single day. Boom, boom.
• 42:09
  You know, between 7.30 a.m. 11 a.m. 2 p.m. Just show up. And don't worry, like some days,
• 42:17
  you're going to have a double chin, of course. Other days, you're going to look really glamorous.
• 42:20
  I show up without makeup on. I show it all. I show the real, the raw, and the in the moment
• 42:28
  faces that I've been. And people relate to that. And that's also what shifts catch in Google.
• 42:34
  Yeah. I like that. Tory, in closing out, what besides doing the lavender in the shower,
• 42:41
  besides making time for rest and recovery, what do you do to experience spacious success?
• 42:49
  Create space for the people that are so close in my heart and the people that fill me up.
• 42:56
  And I always say if you walk forward with small acts of kindness,
• 43:03
  you can create the space at your own pace.
• 43:07
  Space at your own pace. Yeah. Oh, that's beautiful. Tory, I am so grateful for you sharing
• 43:13
  today. I'm grateful that our lives intersected, even though it was the middle of a pandemic.
• 43:18
  Where can people find out more about the work that you do connect with you,
• 43:22
  tea up a coffee date with you in person and be a giver, not just a taker?
• 43:28
  Powerfuljashsteps.com. And in the new year, I am actually going to be launching my own website,
• 43:35
  because I recognise that I am my own brand now. So we'll be ToryArgeball.com. And I'm currently in talks
• 43:43
  to sell off the rights to my story. So you will see it in film, you'll see it in audible. You're
• 43:50
  going to see a lot of what it takes to stand in your power and have the courage to become
• 43:55
  fearless as a global leader. And yeah, daily insights with that on ToryArgeball
• 44:01
  official on Instagram. And every day I am on LinkedIn. I love it.
• 44:08
  So beat me there. Awesome. Well, thank you once again. I have really enjoyed this conversation.
• 44:13
  And really privileged that we have crossed paths. So thank you.
• 44:17
  Leachie, thank you so much. And thank you, Covid, for the gift of you.
• 44:21
  It wasn't it. One of those. Not so nicely wrapped blessings.
• 44:27
  Thank you. Pleasure. Thank you.