Latest / Tone It Down / When Small Talk Won't Cut It: Karena, Stef, Chyna & Tori Dive Deep on Some of Life's Biggest Questions

Transcript

When Small Talk Won't Cut It: Karena, Stef, Chyna & Tori Dive Deep on Some of Life's Biggest Questions · Tone It Down

• 0:00
  Are you kidding me?
• 0:01
  No, I really have to answer this.
• 0:03
  This is a big question.
• 0:04
  I can't answer for sure what happens.
• 0:06
  But all I know in my deep belief is that you don't die.
• 0:11
  Like, that's what I feel.
• 0:12
  As soon as you have somebody that you love
• 0:14
  and you're so close with, and after that moment happens,
• 0:18
  where they might leave this earth,
• 0:21
  that's when you experience you're like, I know they're not gone.
• 0:24
  Like in the beginning, I felt really, really low at times.
• 0:28
  I pushed through and then I got pregnant again
• 0:30
  and then felt really low.
• 0:32
  I actually went up going on an antidepressant
• 0:33
  which was something I never thought I would ever do.
• 0:36
  But that's how, that's how low it got for me.
• 0:38
  We all cry, we've all been through so much.
• 0:40
  And that's even why we're back here together
• 0:42
  is actually being able to express
• 0:44
  like who we are today.
• 0:47
  And recognizing that not everything is this perfect,
• 0:51
  picturesque thing, but how bringing,
• 0:54
  finding joy and passion and life and saying, this is life.
• 1:01
  Hey ladies, it's Karina.
• 1:04
  How are we today?
• 1:06
  Welcome back to episode three of Tone It Down.
• 1:10
  Number one, thank you so much
• 1:12
  because the outpouring of love and reflection
• 1:18
  and gratitude about even having this podcast
• 1:21
  and everything going on at Tone It Up
• 1:23
  within the Tone It Up app with the new year, new TIEU
• 1:26
  challenge just you all are crushing it
• 1:30
  and really finding connection with each other again
• 1:35
  in the hashtag TIEU team.
• 1:38
  So my heart is so full.
• 1:40
  I hope yours is to just remember,
• 1:43
  you can always send me a message, a voicemail
• 1:45
  at speakpipe.com slash Karina Don.
• 1:48
  I'm currently sitting back here in Austin, Texas.
• 1:51
  Just got in last night for some other podcasts
• 1:54
  for the big silence and some friends flying in town.
• 1:59
  I hope you're staying warm
• 2:00
  because apparently Austin is going to have a freeze.
• 2:04
  So by the time you get this on Tuesday,
• 2:07
  I'm recording this on a Friday.
• 2:10
  Let's all hope everyone's staying warm out there
• 2:12
  because I know a lot of the storms
• 2:13
  are going through the Midwest as well.
• 2:15
  Okay, and one other thing before I get to this week's episode,
• 2:19
  I would love it if you can rate, comment,
• 2:23
  leave a review for the Tone It Down podcast.
• 2:27
  You all have seen the Tone It Up hats in apparel
• 2:30
  that we've been wearing that are not available yet,
• 2:33
  but we're going to choose five people
• 2:36
  to get a Tone It Up hat if you like,
• 2:40
  rate in review and leave your Instagram handle
• 2:43
  where on Apple or Spotify.
• 2:45
  All right, so this episode, let's dive into it.
• 2:50
  It's with Steph, China, and Tori.
• 2:52
  We were on set filming your new year new TIE challenge
• 2:58
  and this episode, even when I watched the trailer,
• 3:02
  still brings tears to my eyes.
• 3:04
  There's so much depth and growth and female connection
• 3:10
  in this, you're going to love the conversation.
• 3:13
  The things that we talked about are things
• 3:16
  that I never knew that your trainers were going through
• 3:20
  and I don't want to give anything away in the intro,
• 3:25
  but please like share this episode with those who need to hear it.
• 3:31
  So I love you and so glad we're home.
• 3:35
  I feel so happy.
• 3:47
  I am number one to so grateful, again, like I said earlier,
• 3:50
  that we're all here and I think I reached out to everyone.
• 3:53
  It's like, that's so interesting, the timing.
• 3:56
  The timing.
• 3:57
  Oh my gosh, yeah.
• 3:58
  Like for everyone, we all got on the phone
• 4:00
  and we're like, universe, that you?
• 4:04
  China had a dream, something happened with Tori's brain
• 4:07
  and I was driving along, feeling like, you know,
• 4:11
  this thing isn't really what my heart said on that thing.
• 4:15
  Let me find some purpose in this and it was like ring, ring.
• 4:18
  So crazy.
• 4:19
  Yeah.
• 4:20
  Funny how that happened to me.
• 4:22
  Yeah.
• 4:23
  Not to be blue, but totally, it was even me.
• 4:26
  It was like, I took weeks to be and I was talking to Bobby
• 4:30
  and I was like, I really want to reach out to all of you
• 4:34
  and going back to that confidence to reach out
• 4:36
  and was like, no, it's okay.
• 4:38
  And here we are.
• 4:41
  That's all amazing.
• 4:42
  You had no idea we're on the other side,
• 4:43
  like, I really want this.
• 4:45
  Also, you know.
• 4:47
  So we're going to have many more conversations
• 4:49
  and deep dive into all where everyone is right now
• 4:53
  and share all of our insight.
• 4:55
  But I do want to end this podcast
• 4:57
  because I want to pull cards just for fun
• 4:59
  and they're not scary cards.
• 5:01
  She warned me to like, they're not scary cards.
• 5:02
  I don't think it's that funny.
• 5:04
  I know.
• 5:04
  Well, it's my friend Jewel's portal card.
• 5:06
  So just like little questions for fun
• 5:09
  to get to know you a little better.
• 5:11
  Who wants to go first?
• 5:13
  Okay.
• 5:14
  Of course, you said it was like,
• 5:16
  of course, stuff's going for it.
• 5:17
  I'm just right in the middle of everyone.
• 5:18
  Stuff's like, I'll do 10 more work.
• 5:20
  Yeah.
• 5:21
  Yeah.
• 5:22
  I think I want green.
• 5:24
  Okay.
• 5:26
  How's my relationship?
• 5:28
  Wait, is it a question for me?
• 5:30
  Okay, great.
• 5:31
  How is my relationship with my family?
• 5:34
  Yeah.
• 5:35
  Cool.
• 5:36
  Well, as a newly engaged woman,
• 5:39
  I've actually gone to see lately the foil
• 5:43
  that my fiance plays in the closeness of my family.
• 5:48
  I think him becoming part of the family
• 5:51
  has been a really unique experience
• 5:53
  and watching him get closer with my dad
• 5:56
  has brought us all closer.
• 5:57
  And I guess fun story.
• 6:00
  When I was running Chicago marathon last year, so 2024,
• 6:05
  we were all out there as a family and marathoning
• 6:08
  and basketball was a big thing
• 6:11
  that drove us all together growing up.
• 6:12
  And now it's marathons.
• 6:14
  My parents are 75 years old jumping on planes
• 6:17
  to chase me all around the world.
• 6:19
  But Pat actually asked my dad's permission
• 6:22
  the morning when I was getting ready for the marathon.
• 6:25
  So I had no idea he'd asked.
• 6:28
  He knew that I would say no until he'd asked my dad
• 6:33
  because it's tradition and it's that important to me.
• 6:37
  I've always cared very much what my parents think.
• 6:40
  And I thought that was bad for a while,
• 6:43
  but I do think there is something to caring
• 6:46
  what the most important people in your life think
• 6:51
  and always using them as mentors and advisors.
• 6:54
  And they live eight blocks down for me.
• 6:56
  I love my parents.
• 6:57
  My brothers, a local Manhattan Beach firefighter
• 6:59
  with a beautiful family.
• 7:01
  I have two nieces and a goddaughter.
• 7:04
  So how is my relationship with my family?
• 7:07
  It's everything and I am trying not to cry.
• 7:09
  Goodbye.
• 7:10
  I know I was like,
• 7:11
  I love that.
• 7:12
  I love that.
• 7:13
  Well, my mom was such a great question.
• 7:15
  Family is it for you.
• 7:17
  That was awesome.
• 7:19
  Don't pick the green.
• 7:20
  The greens are emotional.
• 7:21
  I don't know what the pink and the colors mean
• 7:23
  with different levels.
• 7:24
  But China, you're China.
• 7:26
  Should I not do green?
• 7:27
  I'll do a different one.
• 7:28
  Sure.
• 7:30
  I don't want to cry.
• 7:33
  Are you kidding me?
• 7:34
  Wait, no.
• 7:35
  I really have to answer.
• 7:36
  This is a big question.
• 7:37
  Okay, go.
• 7:39
  What do you think happens when you die?
• 7:41
  Oh, yeah.
• 7:42
  Hey, what do you think?
• 7:43
  This isn't a question.
• 7:45
  Well, what do you think?
• 7:46
  What do you think?
• 7:47
  Don't pull the purples.
• 7:48
  Don't pull the purples.
• 7:49
  What do I think happens when you die?
• 7:52
  Okay, you know what?
• 7:52
  Actually, I can answer this.
• 7:54
  I can't answer the question.
• 7:55
  Yeah.
• 7:56
  But I was talking to you this the last few years.
• 7:59
  We've dealt with a lot of hard stuff.
• 8:02
  And my mother-in-law battle cancer,
• 8:07
  and she passed away a year ago.
• 8:10
  And my dad came really wildly close this year.
• 8:14
  I didn't know where.
• 8:15
  And so this topic is actually really relevant.
• 8:20
  I can't answer for sure what happens.
• 8:22
  But all I know in my deep belief is that you don't die.
• 8:26
  Like, that's what I feel.
• 8:28
  As soon as you have somebody that you love
• 8:30
  and you're so close with,
• 8:32
  and after that moment happens
• 8:33
  where they might leave this earth,
• 8:36
  that's when you experience you're like,
• 8:38
  I know they're not gone.
• 8:40
  That's what I feel.
• 8:41
  I know this person's still alive somewhere
• 8:43
  and I feel actually sometimes more connected
• 8:46
  than ever with them after.
• 8:49
  And Amar's experienced that a lot with his mom too
• 8:52
  because she lived such a beautiful, authentic life,
• 8:56
  just loving every human in front of her.
• 8:59
  No agenda, just full of love.
• 9:01
  And after she passed what I've been able to see
• 9:04
  in that family and how much her love
• 9:06
  almost just like exploded within the family.
• 9:10
  It was just a really surreal experience
• 9:12
  of how love doesn't die.
• 9:15
  That's how I can answer it.
• 9:18
  Wow, it's so beautiful.
• 9:20
  And I'm going to cry.
• 9:21
  I'm sorry, guys.
• 9:23
  So you all know Bobby's not here.
• 9:25
  Yeah, yeah, it's actually a real question
• 9:28
  for life right now.
• 9:29
  Yeah.
• 9:31
  Bobby's okay.
• 9:32
  Yeah, Bobby's okay.
• 9:34
  The other thing talking about,
• 9:36
  Dive, a quote came to me,
• 9:38
  Dr. Wayne Dyer, don't die with the music still in you.
• 9:45
  I swear we're going to end this on a good note.
• 9:48
  I'm going to play a card game.
• 9:49
  Do you want, what have you done with these cards?
• 9:52
  I think so.
• 9:54
  Yeah.
• 9:55
  Yeah, do the pink pink.
• 9:56
  Let's try pink.
• 9:58
  Hope that, that was okay.
• 10:01
  Ooh, okay.
• 10:02
  These are really deep, but these are great.
• 10:04
  Gosh, but even that, that was a cool question.
• 10:07
  Because you were like, how am I going to answer this?
• 10:08
  And then look at the answer that came out.
• 10:09
  That's really, really cool.
• 10:10
  Should we help?
• 10:11
  Right down.
• 10:12
  Yeah.
• 10:13
  Yeah.
• 10:14
  Next time.
• 10:15
  Bring out the wine.
• 10:16
  Well, wait, I can't turn you on.
• 10:17
  Right now, but bring out the wine for everyone.
• 10:19
  Okay, okay.
• 10:21
  Describe the time you felt lowest in your life.
• 10:25
  What helped you through it?
• 10:27
  Wow, I think it's really weird
• 10:32
  that I have felt the lowest and the highest in my life
• 10:36
  after having kids, especially so close together.
• 10:39
  It has been such like a death of the ego
• 10:43
  and an identity crisis.
• 10:46
  And all of the things have been stripped away
• 10:50
  that I thought were important and weren't.
• 10:52
  And I'm somebody who I think I grew up.
• 10:56
  My parents would always make fun of me
• 10:57
  that I was like, everybody's doing this
• 10:59
  or nobody's doing that.
• 11:00
  Like I had to do what everybody was doing
• 11:02
  or nobody was doing.
• 11:04
  And that part of me has totally been stripped away,
• 11:06
  which is such a freeing thing.
• 11:09
  But during all of that change,
• 11:11
  it's really, really hard
• 11:14
  because you're losing parts of yourself
• 11:15
  and having a big change with your partner during this time.
• 11:20
  Like having three babies in three and a half years
• 11:22
  is a lot on a relationship.
• 11:24
  It's not always just fairy tales.
• 11:27
  Like everybody wants to say it is and it can be.
• 11:30
  That's not to say everyone has a hard time,
• 11:32
  but it can be really hard and challenging.
• 11:34
  And I have always kind of said,
• 11:36
  I've been pretty lucky.
• 11:37
  I don't know what's been the hardest things in my life.
• 11:41
  I'm so lucky and this has been really hard
• 11:44
  while it's not.
• 11:45
  I have had people pass away growing up
• 11:47
  and all these things.
• 11:48
  But this has been really hard
• 11:49
  because like I said, it's a death of everything for me.
• 11:52
  I feel like I have literally been reborn
• 11:55
  in a new version of me during this chapter.
• 11:59
  And it can be a scary place too
• 12:00
  because you think you have all this control
• 12:02
  kind of on your life.
• 12:03
  I don't know, or at least I did before I had kids
• 12:06
  where I'm like, okay, well, if I just do this thing
• 12:08
  and that thing and I get this job,
• 12:10
  then everything's good and I'm on track
• 12:12
  and everything kind of got stripped away
• 12:13
  after having kids.
• 12:14
  I've been in a big pause
• 12:15
  and it's interesting seeing like little pieces come back
• 12:20
  where it's the most authentic and true to myself
• 12:24
  that it's been.
• 12:25
  But I think the second part of the question
• 12:26
  is what helped you through it is doing my best
• 12:29
  to sit in it and just know that there's better
• 12:35
  on the other side of feeling really, really down.
• 12:38
  Like in the beginning after Harper,
• 12:41
  I felt really, really low at times.
• 12:44
  I pushed through and then I pregnant again
• 12:46
  and then felt really low.
• 12:47
  And I actually, I don't know if we can chat about this more
• 12:51
  but I actually want to going on an antidepressant
• 12:53
  which was something I never thought I would ever do.
• 12:56
  But that's how low it got for me.
• 12:58
  So it was a really low time and hard wall also being
• 13:01
  in one of the best phases of life.
• 13:02
  So that almost was harder than just being for me mentally
• 13:07
  because I'm like, this is the greatest thing
• 13:08
  that's happening in my life.
• 13:09
  And also this is the hardest and lowest I've ever felt
• 13:12
  and the most I've ever cried and just felt like who am I
• 13:15
  and what do I do with my day?
• 13:17
  And where do I go from here and how do I do all these things
• 13:21
  that feel like I have on my heart to do in life?
• 13:26
  Like it feels like life kind of ends even though it's beginning.
• 13:28
  It's a very, very weird strange place to be
• 13:31
  and it's very confusing.
• 13:32
  So I think being in that is just knowing that
• 13:35
  now that I'm on my third baby,
• 13:37
  I can see I think a little clearer of like it is a phase
• 13:40
  and it is a pause and each time I feel so much more free
• 13:44
  and clear and like more ego deaths
• 13:46
  and just more true to who I am.
• 13:49
  But it's a lot of trust.
• 13:50
  It's a lot of like being honest with myself
• 13:52
  and a lot of trust and communication,
• 13:55
  like the partner part, a lot of communication like Mike
• 13:58
  and I don't keep anything from each other
• 14:00
  and like things can be hard
• 14:01
  and I know that they're going to get better.
• 14:03
  This is just a chapter where we are both evolving.
• 14:05
  Like if I'm having ego deaths and changing so much, so is he.
• 14:09
  And so we're having that grace with each other.
• 14:12
  And then yeah, and just like talking about it
• 14:14
  and asking for help like going on an antidepressant
• 14:16
  when I did, it helped me so much.
• 14:19
  And that was something I never would have wanted or thought I do,
• 14:22
  but it helped me and going to therapy
• 14:24
  and communicating and so all of these things,
• 14:26
  like using all of the tools and journaling and everything,
• 14:29
  meditating, moving my body again, like showing up to the mat,
• 14:32
  like we talked about before, even when I didn't want to
• 14:34
  and being honest with myself when it was like,
• 14:36
  why am I not showing up today?
• 14:38
  Is it just because I'm mailing it in
• 14:41
  or can I really not show up?
• 14:42
  No, okay, I can, okay, let me go show up
• 14:44
  and sit on my mat today and now I feel better.
• 14:48
  So it's a lot of that and it's been hard but good.
• 14:52
  And now I maybe hopefully I'm coming out on the other side of it
• 14:55
  but it's feeling better now.
• 14:58
  So and lighter.
• 15:00
  So yeah.
• 15:01
  Thank you for sharing that.
• 15:02
  I think we need to have the big silence podcast conversation too
• 15:06
  because that is such an important conversation with mothers
• 15:09
  and getting antidepressants and all that.
• 15:13
  And it's so important to be able to in that stigma of like,
• 15:16
  I need this and it helped you.
• 15:18
  Yeah, I really did.
• 15:20
  Yeah.
• 15:21
  Am I up?
• 15:22
  You're up?
• 15:23
  Oh, I'm scared.
• 15:24
  Now that we know what the colors may be correspond to.
• 15:27
  I don't know.
• 15:28
  Why did you do this?
• 15:30
  I can't figure out a pattern.
• 15:31
  Can you?
• 15:32
  I know you're the pattern.
• 15:34
  Yeah.
• 15:35
  What is it?
• 15:36
  But also deep and due to green.
• 15:37
  Right hand green.
• 15:39
  She's going to.
• 15:40
  What did you like and dislike about your upbringing?
• 15:43
  Oh, come on.
• 15:46
  These cars were sent for.
• 15:48
  That is called the big silence.
• 15:50
  Well, go to the big silence memoir.
• 15:54
  It's also on on your book.
• 15:57
  I'm going to keep this one short because it's very, but what
• 16:01
  did I like?
• 16:02
  I loved growing up and I was raised in or born in Peru, Indiana.
• 16:08
  I know one's heard of it.
• 16:09
  Small town running through fields and playing and train
• 16:11
  tracks, which made me as a child have to be creative.
• 16:17
  And so there's no one in this town.
• 16:20
  And so I was always a very creative person.
• 16:24
  Imaginary friends made me like, after school,
• 16:29
  I would go in a basement and teach classes.
• 16:33
  I would have my own restaurants and have my parents come.
• 16:37
  I would serve them mud from the backyard.
• 16:41
  I would just, you know, I do lemonade stands.
• 16:44
  And so being in such a small town made me have to think,
• 16:48
  like, how am I creative?
• 16:49
  And then we all know the story, or we don't all know.
• 16:52
  But you can go to the big silence podcast or read the book.
• 16:56
  But there was a whirlwind.
• 16:59
  What did I dislike?
• 17:01
  Nothing.
• 17:02
  I always say I don't regret anything
• 17:06
  that happened in our family.
• 17:09
  But what I'm grateful for is that mental illness
• 17:12
  give to generation.
• 17:13
  So I'm able to be here and do this.
• 17:15
  Wow.
• 17:16
  I love that.
• 17:17
  Wow.
• 17:19
  We're grateful for the person you've become.
• 17:21
  Yeah.
• 17:22
  I made you report it.
• 17:23
  Yeah.
• 17:23
  Yeah.
• 17:25
  OK, how do we end this on a positive?
• 17:27
  I mean, this is all positive.
• 17:28
  I think it's so important, too, because we all cry.
• 17:31
  We've all been through so much.
• 17:32
  And that's even why we're back here together
• 17:34
  is actually being able to express
• 17:36
  like who we are today.
• 17:39
  And recognizing that not everything
• 17:41
  is this perfect, picturesque thing,
• 17:45
  but how bringing, finding joy and passion and life
• 17:50
  and saying, this is life.
• 17:52
  I love it.
• 17:54
  And I love being here and finding those moments of gratitude.
• 17:59
  Any last thoughts, ladies?
• 18:02
  Because you all got to get to the airport.
• 18:05
  This is us.
• 18:06
  This is just the real deal.
• 18:08
  This is what we talk, you know, this is how we talk off camera.
• 18:11
  Like, we are very deep talk.
• 18:13
  I can't see this mom talking so hard for me.
• 18:16
  Like, how do you, what happens when you die?
• 18:17
  Yeah.
• 18:18
  I've got a question for you.
• 18:19
  So lead us there, but these are the conversations
• 18:21
  we are already having with each other.
• 18:23
  So I think it's just so fun, even if it's deep and on the darker side
• 18:28
  sometimes, but it's fun to share it with others
• 18:29
  because you can feel so alone.
• 18:31
  You know, you know, and so it's just nice to, I know,
• 18:34
  I felt alone for a long time.
• 18:36
  Until I started having a voice, even in the beginning of tone
• 18:41
  or not, I felt alone, but not anymore.
• 18:45
  Yeah, I'm so grateful for you guys.
• 18:48
  Thanks for having us.
• 18:49
  Thanks for having us.
• 18:50
  Yeah, I think it's so nice to have us all back together
• 18:53
  because we've evolved individually.
• 18:56
  And there's more that we can give.
• 18:58
  And there's more that we can bring just with a couple more years
• 19:02
  life experience under our belt.
• 19:03
  It changes everything.
• 19:05
  And I just can't wait to continue to spread good messages
• 19:09
  with you guys.
• 19:10
  Yeah.
• 19:11
  So don't forget to tone it up and then tone it down.
• 19:14
  That's good.
• 19:16
  Bye.
• 19:17
  Bye.