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Transcript

Why Narcissists Break Up With You But Won't Leave You Alone · The Mental Healness Podcast

• 0:00
  What is going on, beautiful people?
• 0:02
  Today we're going to be answering the question, why do
• 0:04
  some narcissist break up with you but refuse to let you go if
• 0:10
  they got a begging plea? Just joking.
• 0:12
  If you're new here, my name is Lee Hammock.
• 0:13
  I'm a diagnosed narcissist and welcome to another episode of
• 0:16
  The Narcissist Code. Boom.
• 0:35
  Welcome back, folks. Welcome back.
• 0:36
  Welcome back. Yes, we're filming in the car
• 0:38
  today. Car filming Lee Hammock.
• 0:41
  That's what we're doing today. Y'all in the car?
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  Lee, Are you living in your car? Then she finally put you out.
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  Thank God she she wised up and kicked your ass out of there.
• 0:51
  Thank God for her. No, my kids are all around the
• 0:56
  house, school is out, so I'm filming in the vehicle today
• 0:59
  because I have no space in the house, don't feel like going to
• 1:02
  the office. So this is what you get.
• 1:04
  You want this narcissistic heat to warm you up, this is where
• 1:06
  you going to get it at. But seriously y'all, make sure
• 1:11
  you check out my website, mentalillness.net for all things
• 1:13
  mental illness. All things mental, All things,
• 1:15
  my courses, my coaching, everything is there.
• 1:18
  Y'all mental illness.net. But yeah, yeah, that's the
• 1:20
  question of the year, isn't it? I always say that now.
• 1:22
  I keep saying, I keep repeating myself, but I do get that
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  question a lot like Lee, why was I discarded?
• 1:30
  People typically use a an adjective right there and not
• 1:32
  just discarded. Why was I brutally discarded?
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  Why was I viciously discarded? It's very rarely just discarded,
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  right? I was viciously, I was thrown
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  away like garbage. Why did he shoot me in the why
• 1:44
  did he shoot me in the garbage and say Kobe when he broke up
• 1:47
  with me? Why did they do this?
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  Why did she just viciously get rid of me?
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  Right and go will refuse to let me go, refuse to leave me alone.
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  Why the hell do they do that? Because y'all, they want to have
• 1:59
  their cake and eat it too. They want multiple supplies.
• 2:04
  Yeah, when I say this, I do mean it that for me, and I've this is
• 2:09
  I see a lot of narcissistic people out here.
• 2:10
  Y'all, I just don't believe that one person is truly enough to
• 2:16
  make it for a narcissist. Well, I don't think that most
• 2:19
  narcissists have the ability to be truly happy.
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  So seeking that within for one person, I just don't see how
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  there's possible for them. So they always try to keep
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  around multiple supplies. Now, is this every single
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  narcissist? No, I said most, but I feel like
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  most narcissists operate on the same like continuum.
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  They operate on the same spectrum and whatnot.
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  So it's just like the like they want to find things or people
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  that are always going to consistently make them happy or
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  that they can consistently get some type of some form of
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  narcissistic supply from, right? And this makes sense to so many
• 2:52
  people. And this is like it connects to
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  a lot of people as well, right? Because everybody who's dealing
• 2:57
  with a narcissistic person that that has been broken up with,
• 3:01
  but they refuse to let them go. You like, wait, what?
• 3:03
  What? Like, like what the hell is
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  going on? Why do they tell me they don't
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  want me? Why do they tell?
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  Why do they say the most horrible things?
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  And why do they they spit this vitriol towards me, then they
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  break it with me, but they keep texting and calling me.
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  They keep, they're keeping me on the hook.
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  Why do they keep doing this? Like, why are they doing this,
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  Lee? Why don't they just let me go?
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  If they don't want me? Why don't they let me go?
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  Another reason is y'all, because they don't want to see you with
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  anybody else. Surprise, narcissistic people
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  think that you belong to them. So if you belong to me, I don't
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  want to see you with anybody else.
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  News flash, I own you. News flash, you belong to me.
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  You see what I'm saying? That's the, I know it ain't
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  funnier, but that's the mentality that narcissists have.
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  That absolutely is it right there.
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  This is the mentality that they have like you belong to me,
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  whether we, whether we're together or not, you belong to
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  me. And I don't care if I, if I look
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  happy in my new relationship, I don't want you to move on
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  because I, because if you move on, even after I've moved on, it
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  makes me think that you might move on and find somebody
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  better. So I don't want to, even though
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  I left you, even though I broke up with you, I don't want to
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  have to deal with the shame that you found somebody better, that
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  somebody's doing you better, that somebody's clapping them
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  cheeks better than I did. I don't want to deal with that,
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  right? I can't process that.
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  That doesn't that doesn't resonate with me.
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  That doesn't make sense to me. So this is the dilemma that
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  narcissists face. Like I'm going to go on because
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  I think I can get better or more narcissistic supply from this
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  new person for this new relationship partner from this
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  new supply. But I just just in case I'm,
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  hey, I don't want to have this thought in my back of my head
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  that you'd have moved on, found somebody that's better than me
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  in every single way. I can't deal with that.
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  I can't want to process that. So I'm going to stay in your
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  orbit. I'm going to stay in your orbit
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  or I'm going to keep you orbiting me, right?
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  I'm going to keep you around. I want to keep you around me.
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  That's what makes sense the most sense to me.
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  I want to keep you around me because I like to feel like I'm
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  the center of your universe. You know what I'm saying?
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  That's the crazy, that's the crazy mindset of narcissistic
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  people. It really, really is.
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  That's how narcissists operate. That's how they, this is the
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  type of stuff that they do like. They will absolutely, positively
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  choose themselves 100% of the time right now.
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  I'll say 99% of the time, 95, let's say 95.
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  Let's be, let's, let's be generous. 95% of the time they
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  will choose themselves, right? Put themselves above you and
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  they don't care about that. A lot of times they don't care
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  how they make you feel when they're picking themselves, when
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  they won't leave you alone. And you can beg them y'all.
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  You can beg them to leave you alone but they'll tell you how
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  much they love you or care about you.
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  Or the crazy thing is y'all, they will refuse to leave you
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  alone and just continuously beat you down with vitriol.
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  They keep sending you mean stuff like leave me the hell alone but
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  they keep feeding you full of BS.
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  They keep sending you messages, they keep texting and calling
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  you, sending you emails, sending you message on Instagram DM and
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  you like what the hell are you doing?
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  You DM and me to say mean stuff to me after you broke over me.
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  Leave me the fuck alone sometimes.
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  You got to tell them that y'all? They don't expect you to say
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  that. They don't expect you to be
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  strong. They don't expect you to stand
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  up for yourself. Sometimes you absolutely have to
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  look them in the eye sometimes if they pop up at your house.
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  Leave me the fuck alone. You broke over me.
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  You made your decision, now get the fuck out of my life.
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  Sometimes you got to be real with them just like that.
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  They won't understand it otherwise.
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  Then we guess what happened when you say that to him.
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  Guess what happened when you say that to him.
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  They'll look at you like you change.
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  I look who you are. That's why I want to be with
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  you. The more that's what we got to
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  get there right now. Look at that mouth you got on
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  you. That's why I'm doing better in
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  life. That's why I moved on.
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  Then I got new supply. That's why I'm getting married
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  here. I'm doing this, that's why I'm
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  doing that rap blah blah blah. BBB this on the land, y'all?
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  What sense does that make to pretend to be happy online with
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  somebody else? But be in your inbox or be in
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  your DMS or be in your messages. You see what I'm saying?
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  Pop it. Be at your house trying to sleep
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  with you. Maybe, maybe still sleeping with
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  you. Stop it.
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  Cut that off. You still sleeping with somebody
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  that left you? Yeah.
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  If you're still sleeping with somebody that left you with
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  somebody else, cut that shit out right now, bully.
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  I'm ton of bonding and y'all, you're rewarding bad behavior
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  and you don't get ASTD. But imagine that you get ASTD
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  for a person that left you. Come on now.
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  We got Yeah, we got to wake up. We finished this year with a
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  bang. Now, I don't know if y'all
• 7:57
  didn't watch my video earlier today.
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  I've been posting too many videos.
• 8:00
  I'm getting kind of burnt out. So I'm going be doing 2 longer
• 8:05
  videos a day instead of three and there'll be, there'll be two
• 8:08
  longer videos, but there'll be at least 13 to 15 minutes
• 8:10
  instead of like the normal like 9/10/11 minutes.
• 8:13
  So there'll be power packed. I'm only, I'm only going to be
• 8:15
  doing topics that I can talk about because I feel like those
• 8:17
  little 8 minute videos I do, I'm rambling, right?
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  I don't like rambling. I like keeping it.
• 8:21
  I, I like having a concise point.
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  So if I can't talk about it for 15 minutes, if I can't make
• 8:26
  notes on it to talk about, I just can't do it right.
• 8:30
  And what now? I'm still going to be doing
• 8:32
  lives and stuff like that as well, y'all, on YouTube, make
• 8:34
  sure to follow my YouTube to get my to join one of their lives
• 8:36
  and whatnot. But this is the mentality,
• 8:39
  y'all. And yeah, sometimes they will
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  refuse to leave you alone because they want to keep you as
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  a backup supplier. They want to have, they want to
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  have, be able to come back into your life and wreak havoc,
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  create chaos, stay to feel some type of relevancy in your life
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  and in your space. Some of them will absolutely do
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  that. Y'all, How can I get them leave
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  me alone? Yeah, sometimes you have to
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  force them to leave you alone. You got to force the issue.
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  If they break it with you, they don't want to be with you
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  anymore. Let them live with their
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  decision. Don't let them come back into
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  your life. I know that.
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  Yeah, I know. Rant bubble.
• 9:12
  I know the trauma bond is strong.
• 9:14
  I know it feels like you can't breathe.
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  I know it feels like you can't eat, you can't sleep.
• 9:18
  You don't know how you'll make it through the day.
• 9:19
  I understand. I felt it before.
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  I understand. I've been through it before, but
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  you, you, the healing is on you. You have to have discipline.
• 9:27
  You have to fight through that pain that that that struggle
• 9:31
  that you're feeling right now. I want to reach out.
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  I want to contact them, fight it.
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  On the other side of that pain is peace.
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  On the other side of the pain is peace.
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  Y'all on at the at the top of pain mountain is peace is peace
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  summit. You will get there.
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  You have to keep climbing. Believe I'm tired, keep climbing
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  me. I get to get those straight.
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  Keep climbing. That's why you like I said,
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  that's why I have my support group.
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  The support group is for people to support each other.
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  We've all like you feel like I'm about to lose grip.
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  Post something to support group. People help you out.
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  Hey, don't do that, don't do that.
• 10:05
  That's what it's for y'all. Sometimes you need a little
• 10:07
  hand, sometimes it's OK to need help.
• 10:08
  Sometimes you can't do it by yourself, you can't do it by
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  yourself. Sometimes it is OK.
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  Some of y'all, some of y'all independent, you're strong,
• 10:15
  you're independent, whatever, right?
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  But sometimes you need help and it's OK.
• 10:20
  It's OK to watch these videos and get the help that you need.
• 10:22
  It's OK to go to therapy. It's OK to join the support
• 10:24
  group. It's OK to talk to a therapist.
• 10:26
  It's OK to do a one-on-one a coaching session with somebody.
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  It's OK. It's not OK going back.
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  It's not OK allowing a person access to you.
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  It's not OK to allow this person to keep hurting you over and
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  over and over again. That's not OK.
• 10:39
  Hell no. We not doing that no more.
• 10:44
  Hell no. I know it's tough at the top of
• 10:47
  Pain Mountain is peak summer. Y'all got to repeat that.
• 10:49
  If you're mad at this far, you got to drop a mountain emoji in
• 10:52
  the comments section. I was just.
• 10:53
  Yeah, I was. The rent bubble has popped.
• 10:55
  Y'all. Sorry.
• 10:56
  Sorry. I went out.
• 10:57
  If you can't tell how passionate I am that I really want y'all to
• 11:00
  win, I don't know what to tell you.
• 11:02
  People like Lee, you're you're fake and you're doing this.
• 11:03
  Y'all. This has been four years.
• 11:06
  Yeah, I talked to, I did a one-on-one today with a lady
• 11:08
  that I talked to 3 1/2 years ago.
• 11:10
  We forgot we talked to each other unless I, I looked at my
• 11:12
  notes. I'm like, wait, we talked before
• 11:13
  and she's like, no, we didn't. I'm like, yeah, we did.
• 11:15
  And I told her she's like that haven't been a long time ago.
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  June 2021, we talked. December 2024, three and a half
• 11:23
  years. Y'all I've been doing.
• 11:26
  Sorry y'all. I've been doing this so long.
• 11:28
  I didn't help so many people. That's how I know that it does
• 11:33
  get better. If you fight through, if you
• 11:34
  push through, it does get better and you can win.
• 11:37
  You can't break the trauma bind, so it doesn't matter why they
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  keep that, why they won't let you go.
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  You got to let them go. Once they let you go, they don't
• 11:44
  get the chance to come back. Fuck a Hoover.
• 11:47
  Hell no. We are anti Hoover, anti Hoover.
• 11:51
  You see what I'm saying? We're not let no, no Hoovers
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  this year. Hell no.
• 11:55
  No more Hoovers, no more accepting Hoover.
• 11:57
  You can't control whether or not they try to Hoover you, right?
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  You can block and do all that other stuff, but sometimes they
• 12:01
  can. They can.
• 12:02
  They get through, but you control being hoovered.
• 12:05
  They can't control them trying to Hoover you, but you can't
• 12:08
  control being hoovered. They can't suck you back into a
• 12:10
  relationship. We're not doing it no more than
• 12:12
  you. Y'all.
• 12:12
  We powering up. We're taking our power back.
• 12:14
  We're taking that strength back. You are.
• 12:16
  I'm I'm going to consistently working on it y'all because
• 12:19
  they, who cares how they they are narcissistic people,
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  including myself. We are selfish bastards.
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  I've been a selfish bastard before.
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  I've left people and they didn't allow them to move on.
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  It's weird as hell. It's like this dumbass ownership
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  mindset, this childish as hell. It's absolutely childish.
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  It's Kitty, it's kid. Like I don't want anybody to
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  play with my toy. I'm still, it's still my toy.
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  I just don't want to play with it anymore.
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  I don't care if it was buried outside on the ground and my dog
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  took it and buried it. I haven't seen it in a year.
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  It's my toy. I want it.
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  Nobody else can play with it. Even though I haven't thought
• 12:51
  about it, even though I got rid of it, even though I found a
• 12:53
  better toy that I think I think a better toy.
• 12:55
  I don't want anybody to play with Woody.
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  I got Buzz even though I got Buzz like your I don't want
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  anybody to play with Woody. I'm going to put Woody in the
• 13:01
  toy chest. You're not going in the toy
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  chest. You're not Woody.
• 13:06
  Like your name is not on the bottom of their shoe.
• 13:10
  Their name is not on the bottom of your shoe.
• 13:12
  Y'all seen Toy Story? How I said Andy at the bottom of
• 13:14
  Woody shoe. They don't look.
• 13:16
  There's no name on here other than Crocs, right?
• 13:19
  There's no name on there. There's no name on the bottom of
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  your shoe. Nobody owns you.
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  You don't belong to anybody. So who get like they, they don't
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  control you, they don't have power over you.
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  They don't have dominion over you.
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  You have autonomy over yourself. You can take this victory.
• 13:33
  You can achieve this victory. You can win.
• 13:35
  Oh God, I feel like I'm back. Y'all already feel like I'm
• 13:37
  back. Already feel more energized just
• 13:39
  doing 2 videos. Y'all gotta watch the videos
• 13:41
  though, y'all, there's only way I can do 2 videos and y'all
• 13:42
  watch them or I'm gonna say we had to do 234.
• 13:46
  I thought about doing 4. I like I'm do 4 videos I'm crazy
• 13:50
  it's not my yeah I'm crazy. I work hard yeah, I do work
• 13:53
  hard. I I just I care about y'all.
• 13:54
  I I appreciate every single one of y'all.
• 13:56
  I really really truly do like y'all have changed my life and
• 14:00
  some help trying to help change y'alls right.
• 14:02
  I'm trying to help you help you have a a Merry Christmas.
• 14:04
  Like I did a Christmas video earlier today.
• 14:06
  My morning video was a Christmas video right that's for y'all
• 14:10
  enjoy it go watch it go watch that video you hear me hop on it
• 14:14
  right now Christmas with a narcissist surviving Christmas
• 14:17
  with narcissist. That's what the name of the
• 14:18
  video is go watch it today leave a like leave a Christmas tree on
• 14:21
  that video. If you went from came from this
• 14:23
  video went to the other one leave a Christmas tree on that
• 14:25
  video, y'all anyway y'all thank you for tuning in to this
• 14:27
  episode. Y'all know I appreciate every
• 14:28
  single one of y'all. I'm super thankful for y'all.
• 14:30
  I'm grateful for you. Hit the subscribe button mental
• 14:33
  illness.net for everything mental illness worth worth and
• 14:36
  I'm out. Peace what's going on beautiful
• 14:38
  folks. Thank you so much for making it
• 14:40
  to the end of my video I truly appreciate it.
• 14:42
  You have no idea. If you haven't already, hit that
• 14:45
  subscribe button. You made it this far, you might
• 14:47
  as well subscribe. It really does help the channel
• 14:50
  y'all y'all. It helps me reach more people as
• 14:52
  well. Also, I have coaching, my
• 14:54
  courses and my support group available at
• 14:56
  www.mentalillness.net. Thank you so much.
• 14:59
  Make sure you stick around, watch another video or two.
• 15:01
  I appreciate it, I'm out.